FROM PARENTAL LEAVE by Rachael de Zylva, Laing O’Rourke

THE SEVEN THINGS I WISH I KNEW WHEN RETURNING TO WORK FROM PARENTAL LEAVE

by Rachael de Zylva

Community and Stakeholder Engagement Lead, Laing O’Rourke & NAWIC Member

Back in September 2019 when I started my year of parental leave before the arrival of my daughter, I honestly thought the 12 months away from work would stretch out forever! I imagined warm sunny days strolling in the park, sleeping when she slept and being uber organised and ready to return to the office – fresh, renewed, a different but better version of myself. I now laugh out loud how completely crazy those ideas were. Returning to work was not what I expected. I had changed, things at work had changed and everything was now different. So, with that in mind, I thought it was worth sharing what I wish I knew in case you are considering having children, adopting, fostering, trying, or about to have a baby.

1. DAYCARE IS A CESSPIT OF GERMS

There I said it. No matter what you do, your baby will get sick and you will have to take time off to deal with it. This is particularly during the first 12 months of daycare when it feels like your whole house is experiencing the black plague. Baby gets a cold, you get a cold, your partner gets the cold, everyone is sick. Baby gets conjunctivitis and suddenly you all have the dreaded pink eye. Naturally the timing is terrible as you put them into daycare just as you return to work. So, if you can afford it, get your child into daycare a few weeks before you return to work so they are adjusted and settled. That way, you’ve already dealt with a few daycare bugs upfront. Ultimately, there is no way of getting around this one – you just have to live through it as best you can. Slowly but surely, your baby will build some resilience. If you can work flexibly, this helps a lot at managing the endless illnesses that will come.

2. BABIES DON’T ALWAYS FIT IN WITH YOUR PLANS

Some days, no matter how hard you try, things will not go to plan. And you know what? That’s ok. Some days you have to squeeze in work where you can and maybe log in after dinner to catch up after you’ve dealt with the vomit and poo explosions. It can be particularly hard trying to fit everything into the day. My best advice is to know what your work priorities are and stick to them. Don’t do any other work that does not help you to meet those core priorities. An honest conversation with your manager also helps if you are struggling and his may take away some of the stress.

3. GUILT

Ah the guilt. When you are at work you will feel guilty for not being with your baby. When you are with the baby you will feel guilty about not being at work. It is a losing battle. I feel guilty for finishing work at 5pm, I feel guilty for feeling sleep deprived, I even feel guilty sometimes for returning to work and being a working parent. There is nothing else you can do except actively try to get rid of the guilt. Ask any other working parent, everyone has it. Accept that you are doing your best at managing your family, your work, your boss and yourself. Sometimes each of these areas just have to give a little. If you are doing your best, no one can expect more.

In addition to her role as a senior community and stakeholder engagement lead at Laing O’Rourke, Rachael de Zylva is mum to Josephine, a rambunctious toddler. Rachael is passionate about making the workforce more diverse and empowering women in construction.

Rachael de Zylva onsite at Central Station, Sydney

4. THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Even on the toughest days when your bub has a stream of snot running from her nose and you are trying to do MS Teams meetings at the same time (yes, I’ve been there), things will get better and easier. It’s even harder if you have older children hanging off you. This too shall pass. Everything is merely a moment in time.

5. ACCEPT YOU WILL BE WORKING AT A SLIGHTLY

DIFFERENT PACE

Any notion that you have that you will be returning to work and powering through your day like you used to, needs to be left behind. Everything is now different especially if you are tired due to a baby who will not sleep at night, has reflux, is teething or a combination of all three. Try to let go of your assumptions and expectations. Your priorities have changed and work is just one priority that now needs to fit in with everything else. On the plus side though, going to work means you can go get a coffee whenever you want to and participate in adult conversations all day long.

6. HAVE CLEAR BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR

WORK AND YOUR HOME

Boundaries are all about finding the flexibility that works for you, your job and your team or manager. This is one area that you may have to learn upon your return to work. What level of flexibility are you willing to give? What is appropriate for your role and what you do? For example, if there is something really big and important coming up at work, are you willing and can you put in some extra hours? Perhaps you can take some time in lieu afterwards? If you return part-time, will you take work calls on the days you are parenting? What are your boundaries and how will you communicate them to your manager and your colleagues? The quicker you can set clear boundaries and let others know what they are, the easier it will be. For me, I now have a personal mobile phone and a work phone which helps establish very clear parameters.

7. YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORK A MILLION HOURS

TO BE EFFECTIVE

Maybe before you had children you would work long hours and were able to take ages to draft the perfect presentation. Post children, you are suddenly a multitasking wizard able to drink half cold tea, while wiping a bottom and sending a text message. After returning to work from parental leave, I realised I could no longer work long hours as there is a little person at home who also needs my attention. So, I focused on being efficient and working more effectively and delivering what I needed to in the time I had. Change is difficult at the best of times. Good luck on your parenthood journey and please be kind to yourself as you go through this transition. Finally, before I go, if you are thinking about who to work for during this journey, Laing O’Rourke’s paid parental leave is industry-leading. Come and join us!