WILL BE THERE FOR YOU by Lina McIvor, Multiplex

WHENEVER YOU THINK NO ONE IS THERE FOR YOU, LAUNDRY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU

by Lina McIvor

Design Manager, Multiplex, & 2018 Hickory Group Outstanding Achievement in Design Award Winner (VIC)

When my husband had the opportunity to take 14 weeks parental leave with our baby Ella while I returned to work, he daydreamed about woodworking in the shed and taking the pram around the golf course. For Ella’s first birthday I wanted a ‘Pikler’ set, a wooden climbing set consisting of a triangle, cube and slide. My husband said excitedly, “Don’t buy one, I will make her one!” Although I was doubtful, I gave him a deadline - her birthday, right before he returned to work. And so, as he eagerly finished up work for the year, he told his boss that he was looking forward to his time off. “You mean your time on?” his boss said. So after nearly 10 months of me timing ‘feed, sleep, play’ and nappy changes, while doing all of the laundry, cooking, food shopping and most of the dishes and cleaning, while my husband worked and did bath time with the baby, we pretty much did a straight swap. This wasn’t easy for me as I was used to carrying the mental load of running the house. It took me a while to let go and walk past the dirty washing in the laundry and the food shopping left sitting on the bench. We had a couple of weeks over Christmas when we were both off work, so by the time I went back I was confident my husband mostly had the hang of things. One day I overheard my husband on the phone to his sister saying that he now understands our ‘on demand’ schedule of nap times, constant meals and snacks and frequent cloth nappy changes to prevent nappy rash, but that he doesn’t need a schedule for laundry because there is always laundry. In fact, he said, he now couldn’t fully enjoy sitting on the couch because it just reminded him that he probably should be doing laundry. At the same time, he also developed a fantastic bond with Ella, excitedly showing me how he taught her to ‘share’ when I got home from work, and beaming proudly as she learnt to walk on her walker. Weekend outings became easier too as looking after her was now second nature to him even when we were all together. What I didn’t expect though was how much easier it felt going to work when I didn’t have to prepare anything in the morning and could come home from work to play with her while my husband cooked dinner. Weekends were easier too because if there was a growing pile of laundry that accumulated, I knew someone else would do it during the week. It really made me reflect on a book I had recently read, “The Wife Draught” by Annabel Krabb, realising that men often have it so much easier working without worrying about running the house, while women often have to juggle both. Now that my husband is back at work we are juggling daycare pickups and drop-offs, part-time work, housework and general daily life. However, I feel my husband has gained an understanding of the work required to raise a small child while running the household, which I hope will encourage him not only to strive for a better work-life balance but also a better balance of responsibilities between us. Many of my girlfriends have observed that our experience would have benefitted their families, but unfortunately not everyone has this opportunity and it is not easy to create a shift towards an equal share in both parents raising their children and sharing the workload of the house. I believe that this is the next step required in creating equality and freedom from stereotypes for both women and men. Also, if anyone is selling a Pikler please let me know, we are currently in the market to buy one.