Compassion: Near and Far Enemies

Important warning for practicing this method: I’d mentioned before that we Westerners might need to start with Loving Kindness for ourselves. This too, has a Near Enemy: self-centeredness. We’ve already got that one down. (As I once heard someone remark wryly, “I’m not much. But I’m all I ever think about.”) But it’s not the same as the universal, spacious, powerful Loving Kindness that we’ve been talking about. Instead of “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” it becomes, “Love thyself at the expense of thy neighbor,” or “Love thyself, who cares about thy neighbor?” Oops. It seems to me that some people practicing and promoting pop psychology or “life coaching” fall into this. Not exactly what the Buddha was encouraging.

The acid test for any of the Near Enemies is to see if it causes us to be more, or less, empathetic with fellow sentient beings; does it join us or part us? And self-centeredness, of course, is exactly what the whole of Buddhism is trying to help us out of.

Let’s next turn our attention to Compassion. The obvious opposite feeling, the Far Enemy of Compassion, would be Cruelty. I don’t think I have to explain to you how Hitler and his friends were practicing something as far away from Compassion as possible. (It’s worth noting, by the way, that a lot of the less zealous “everyday” Nazis were practicing the Near Enemy of Equanimity, Indi erence; they didn’t care what was happening around them, in their name.)

The Near Enemy of Compassion is Pity. As with the other Near Enemies, we can absolutely feel the di erence on the receiving end. No one likes to be pitied, but we all appreciate Compassion. Why is that? Pity puts the recipient in a one-down position—by definition breaching the goal of Equanimity. It disrespects them. If I’ve had a terrible accident and am in a wheelchair, I’m not comforted by someone saying, “There there, you poor thing.” I’d be inspired to heal just enough to stand up and smack them!

Someone coming from genuine Compassion would be sensitive to what would feel good to me. They might ask me what I’d like, o er to get me something, or even just talk to me about something other than my condition. When I broke my foot, I could feel such people’s warmth, caring, and respect, without even a word said.