Boundless (Immeasurable) Equanimity

You might wonder why I’m starting with the last Boundless Quality. As I’ve said, without this one, the others won’t be Boundless, so we need to cultivate this one first—and in practicing the others—so that as we practice them over time, we’ll feel increasingly connected to all and everyone. This is the correcting of the habit of mind that David Bohm was referring to. It has its own direct reward as well. As the Zen saying goes, “Enlightenment is easy...for those who have no preferences.” How do we cultivate this open-minded, open-hearted perspective?

In this particular application of equanimity, we aren’t referring to preference of one flavor of ice cream over another. While in Buddhist thought, equanimity in that more general sense is seen as a key capacity, here we’re focusing on one particular application of it. In Boundless Equanimity, we’re specifically referring to feeling as strongly and lovingly connected to all beings as we are to our favorite ones.

If you accept the phenomenon of reincarnation, then you can imagine that, in the countless lifetimes since beginningless time, you, and the others around you right now, have played every imaginable role with each other. Today’s friend was our enemy in some other life. Our child was our murderer. And before that, we murdered them. If you do the math, you could figure that, in an infinite number of lives, every single being in all of Samsara was our parent, caring for us like those baby birds (which is why, as I’ve mentioned before, Buddhists often refer to other beings as our “mothers.”)

And because everyone has been our parent at some point, everyone we know now has been that caring to us in some lifetime–maybe more than one. And of course we care a LOT about those who have nurtured us—we care whether they live or die, are su ering or happy, or are in turmoil or at peace. So even though some of you may not feel that way about your (current) parents—it might be love mixed with resentment, annoyance, and other conflicting feelings—there’s surely somebody you do feel that way about. Who might that be? In a class I was teaching, one woman said she couldn’t think of anyone she felt such a ection for. I don’t know why but I said, “Do you have a cat?” She did! Of course she melted as she thought of her cat. After billions of lifetimes, odds are you’ve felt that way about every being, human or otherwise.

Many of you may not be so sure about reincarnation. (Understood. I’m sure that in some of my previous lives I was skeptical about reincarnation, too!) But you don’t have to factor in reincarnation in order to cultivate Boundless Equanimity. Just look at this lifetime.

In Boundless Equanimity, we’re specifically referring to feeling as strongly and lovingly connected to all beings as we are to our favorite ones.

Strangers have become friends; friends have become estranged; allies have become enemies and vice versa. We care deeply for friends and family, but they can also be a distraction that keeps us from practice, not to mention other beneficial opportunities. Or they can turn on us, inflicting our greatest pain and su ering. On the other hand, our enemies can be the most help to us. The Buddha was thankful toward Devadatta, his lifetime nemesis, because the challenge of working with Devadatta’s attacks spurred the Buddha on in his practice.

If we think in this broader way, hopefully it helps us to expand the usual bounds we have around who we care about and how much we care.

My friends from other countries have noticed that the news in the US is very American-centric. In an international disaster we often only hear about the number of Americans killed. I assume this is because American media know that Americans care much more about fellow Americans. And the more the news reports in this American-centric way, the more Americans become American-centric. Eventually we might even want to make it o cial and build a wall. Whoops, we did.

Fall at the Namchak Retreat Ranch

Looking south across the hills on the west side of the valley of Namchak Retreat Ranch

This idea of “my” country, “my” people is a natural consequence to the idea of “I,” or ego. Yes, there’s that old troublemaker again. If we only care (feel connected with) “my people,” then our hearts are already smaller and, well, more disconnected. This isn’t going to help our poverty of heart. These Four Boundless Qualities practices gradually erode that habit and replace it with something both real and deeply satisfying.

What about the checkout lady at the grocery store? She means nothing to you now. If you accept reincarnation, then in some lifetime she was probably your parent or your child. Even in this lifetime she could possibly marry your brother or sister. And in this lifetime, for sure, she feels just as much su ering as you do when bad things happen to her, and just as much happiness at the good things. She’s a sentient being, just like you and me.

If you work in concentric circles, you can train in Equanimity, eventually making it truly Boundless by including all your fellow sentient beings in your circle of caring, loving connection. I think you’ll find that in spending that caring, love, and compassion on the checkout lady, you haven’t lost a thing. You’ll actually feel a deep, rich sense of expanded love/expanded heart.

Doing the Practice of Boundless Equanimity

I’m giving you a more involved description here, but for your everyday sessions, you can use the practice card for this, folded (the practice, not the card!) into the Round Robin practice, in the back pocket of the book. Those practice cards, as with the last book, are meant to live on your practice table and go with you when you travel. I’ve also included a card of this practice folded into the Round Robin practice at the end of this section too.

Because we want to feel as strongly connected to all beings as to our favorite pet, we want to prime the pump by feeling those warm feelings that come easily for our pet, our child, our lover. Then we can expand that out, rung by rung of concentric circles, to feel those same feelings just as strongly for all beings. You might not feel those feelings so strongly for yourself, but you’re a sentient being too. And if you don’t love yourself, what basis will you have for loving anybody else really well?

Some people find that because they don’t love themselves very much, or were programmed that it’s prideful to love and care for yourself in

any way, they respond better when they start with another for whom they can easily rouse those warm, caring feelings. Find which hits the spot for you. Once you’re feeling strongly and positively toward your favorite person or critter, you can keep those feelings going, and bring them in to yourself. And then another deep breath, relaxing into it. It might take a few tries, but that’s why they call it practice!

What could be more true and natural than the love from the source of us all, coming through to one of its creations—a wave on and of the ocean? I seriously believe that if everyone did this practice there would be more peace between people.

Once you’re feeling that warm connection—getting past our usual distraction from the way things truly are—you then allow those feelings to roll out to more people. So the next rung out is still people and critters you easily feel warmth and a ection for: you give them each a hug, or just smile warmly back and forth.

Continue to the next rung—the guy at the checkout counter at the grocery store, or someone at work whom you hardly know. Both, why not?! The tide of warm, a ectionate caring continues rolling out to all of the people in the category you’d normally call “indi erent” until you actually feel anything but. They are now beloveds, fellow waves on the ocean, wanting happiness and not wanting su ering, just like you. You can feel the truth of your connection.

Now the tide of warm connection rolls out to include all beings. Pick a few particular kinds to make it more real. All people in whatever building you’re in; all people in your town; all the mice, squirrels, birds, and other animals who live near you; everyone (as in all sentient beings) in the county; the state; your whole country; your whole hemisphere; Earth; other worlds.

Rest for a moment, in this delicious, warm feeling. Write something down in your journal about how you feel, in that particular session, that particular moment.

Dedicate the merit. The positive karma you generated, from that work on yourself and the good thoughts you put into the atmosphere, to all beings reaching ultimate happiness, forever.

By now you’re no doubt ready to spend around fifteen to twenty-five minutes per session. Please give yourself that gift. It will benefit you and many others, if you do. Besides, it feels good!