The "Where was I?" Poetry bundle By Nadiya A.A.M. Mohado (Sheikh Nur) 30-11-1995 NL

The: ¨Where Was I?¨ Poetry and Writings, June 2021 Nadiya A .A .M . Mohado 30-11-1995 The Netherlands #REVOLUTION #PLEASE #FREEDOM #CENSORSHIPPED #SAYNOTOWAR

The Photographer (For Ruben Terlou 1985) Dutch photographer and scientist #NicknameHorseorCatLikeMe #Capitalist

How many emptiness have you seen?

Where have you been?

Stuck in one of his sin?

From self-hatred, to low self-esteem Where have you been?

As it gets to you A reflection being exposed Eyes and appearances, and you The photographer When it gets to you It captures you So he captures Left broken treasures Scales can not measure His soul, captures the worlds it´s treasure Forever Did the world let you down, Did the people you loved made you frown, Did you left For honesty and the best?

What is ´the best´ If the loving soul never gets rest Caring too much Can not barely share anything too much Did the world let you down?

Tell us your story The photographer also counts Anonymously As a hero should do Where have you been?

Step out of his sin Love will always win Share, care and dare

To The Photographer From another lonely Planet Earth Lover Nadiya A.A.M. Mohado 30-11-1995 Covid-Corona-Cold-Times June, 13th, 2021 <3 (For Ruben Terlou 17-05-1985) Dutch photographer and scientist

CENSORSHIPPED

By Nadiya Mohado June 5th, 2021 COVID-19 CORONA, cold times I left right there He came into my eyes and took me Floats in, floats out I left right there I blinked again I blinked him out of my sight Endless fight ´Are you doing alright?´ Well, I just got censorshipped last night It only took him one sight capturing me Floats in, floats out

When he took me He took me Censored, locked, censorshipped

The nights were long Pushing him out of my dreams The innocent attracts the not innocent it seems Lightbeams Blink faster As if faster than the light I pushed him out of my sight Endless night Endless fight Caught him stuck in my mind Washing my brain with his dirt Does he call this a flirt?

The nights were long When he took me He took me Censored, locked, censorshipped

Breathing in, breathing out Everything invisible these days is about to doubt I hear you But do I see what I hear?

I breathe in But do I see what I breathe in?

Invisible army humanity is secretly in?

Floats in, floats out When he took me He took me Censored, locked, censorshipped He took me He took me He just, took me

Look into my eyes Truth itself will speak before it dies Will truth die?

Do eyes ever tell a lie?

Look into my eyes I will look into yours Maybe you can take me Take me Take me And wake me After he took me He took me Censored, locked, censorshipped

His ship landed in the unknown Somewhere between insanity and fantasy Combinations what should never become reality Forever to be seen in my memory Endless night Endless fight Floats in, floats out His scream is hearable for centuries out loud And he took me He took me Censored, locked, censorshipped

He took me He took me Floating on time Floating on my rhyme Floating in skies The air is filled with his lies I breathe in, breathe out Floats in, floats out The truth I have found Blink faster Think faster Love faster

Live faster than the light And so humanity unites Question the invisible From infrared ´till sound Imaginable means questionable So he took me He took me Censored, locked, censorshipped

The ´No One´s Writing

By Nadiya A.A.M. Mohado June, 11, 2021

No one is being no one until someone makes you feel like, no one And so he tried to make me Into no one But am I no one?

As I can feel?

Realize for real?

That I dont belong to someones harmful deals?

I am no ones no one I belong to someone I love

The futures treasures I love Patience its silence So I write This I write With a wish to someday unite No one in being no one until someone makes you feel like, no one I wish someday to unite So, can we unite?

Words I breathe out in the atmosphere Keep seeing days passing by even far from here Messed up like my messed up room like my messed up fear Cold, silent, who does he ever call his dear?

Words, I breathe out in the atmosphere One year of not seeing flickerings in someones eyes Kept stuck forced into an illusion and lies For someone who never can truly say goodbye: Why? Reversed way of being shy You just seem to appear and steal and leave us: Why? It has been one year of not seeing someone else´s flickering in someone´s eyes Because he doesnt want to say goodbye Why? No one is being no one until someone makes you feel like, no one And so he tried to make me Into no one But am I no one?

As I can feel?

Realize for real?

That I dont belong to someones harmful deals?

I am no ones no one I belong to someone I love The futures treasures I love Patience its silence So I write

This I write

Kept Hidden, Kept Silent Nadiya Mohado 30-11-1995 June,11,2021 Hidden away Can I for once say?

Who truly does knows What should be known Until I will be kept forever stuck in the unknown?

Hidden, away I make love with incredible minds today In thoughts, as I am not able to be only with my, thoughts With words like these love makes its way For all that I can not feell or say:

Be free, just be, and go on with the rhythm love offers in order to, be I still keep making love to incredible minds today in my minds its way

Why I have seen heroes but

Why

Hidden away Forever I want to say did it all went this way? slowly dying, while he kept telling lies said goodbyes with smiles Hidden away Forever I want to say did it all went this way?

Stories not being heard Does the truth really wants to be heard?

Can life be just bought away?

Silent way?

While he steals our name?

Dynasties swallowed away because of his shame?

Here i stay and lay Refused to be forever victimized and for now again I say: Hidden away Can I for once say?

Who truly does knows What should be known Until I will be kept forever stuck in the unknown?

Hidden, away…

Lost On Love

By Nadiya Mohado June, 2021 COVID-19 CORONA cold times When did I found myself lost?

Love, what is going on?

I question a feeling I barely get to experience Kept locked away from human rights I rather fantasize Love,

When did I found myself lost?

Refusing fast love Waiting for love that touches me before I feel it touching me (falling in love) When did I found myself lost?

People barely look me in the eye Here around me emptiness I mostly find Love, what is going on?

What does it mean to feel without feel?

Seconds of imagined pleasure I rather wait for forever soulmate treasure Love, When did I found myself lost?

How can I ever fall in love when no one looks me in the eye?

Or when no one´s eyes here around me seems truly alive?

Being 25, being no one´s wife, fighting to stay alive, as I choose the equal and lovable side, Will I ever fall in love again?

I wait for love that finds me unites Everything valuable takes time So I wait

That Sexy Dutch Art Historian

By Nadiya Mohado COVID-19 CORONA cold times June, 2021 As he appeared on my television Talking about History of art Very pretty, not only smart I kept watching I kept watching Look what the unexpected has brought Appearing on my television I kept watching I kept watching Very pretty, not only smart He himself is History of Art Nineteen I was back then

Can we go back to when We could just find someone attractive We could find someone beautiful, impressive, Without something behind it?

I wish I could just rewind: As he appeared on my television Talking about History of art Very pretty, not only smart I kept watching I kept watching Look what the unexpected has brought Appearing on my television I kept watching I kept watching Very pretty, not only smart He himself is History of Art When does finding someone attractive has to mean or lead to something? What is going on in this area? Have we forgotten about the meaning of attraction or so? Attraction and love, being in love, are different worlds almost. Attraction I see as a flicker, easy to ignore. Being in love is something different! It means also caring about someone and feeling love in many ways as this person makes you happy and you wish to give that feel of happiness and so on back. Being in love with each other is like a circle that always powerfully driven in the same orbit by beautiful souls and feelings combined together after a long search.

But my stalkers go after everyone I would only even compliment. So here I stand up for the most sexy historian this country has known and knows. I hope he will keep his beautiful mind as i was lucky to see on the television in 2015. I see things changing now..

Secret Light

By Nadiya A.A.M.Mohado 30-11-1995 June-11-2021 For here I try to feel, try to say Not trying to breathe in communism its hurt and way To keep me shut and stuck Here, having only freedom in the mind while humanity is in the hands of the other side´s luck Eventually i will disappear My voice and everything taken by him so no one will hear Freedom

Their light beam Science, my dreams and everything is taken away along on their Light beam As fast as he had stolen the beautiful

He translated it into the destroyful, hurtful Lightbeam As if he wants history to scream silently out his lightbeam Their lightbeam I rather go on and dream Away From insanity and his ways To travel on A light beam to suffer from For here I try to feel, try to say Not trying to breathe in communism its hurt and way To keep me shut and stuck Here, having only freedom in the mind while humanity is in the hands of the other side´s luck Eventually i will disappear My voice and everything taken by him so no one will hear Freedom

Stuck in the middle Survived, history could be kept safe and survive But who looks after the truth?

I am here stuck in all of that truth But all they do is judge me, my face and ignore, The truth Stuck in the middle The truth

Here, having only freedom in the mind while humanity is in the hands of the other side´s luck Eventually i will disappear My voice and everything taken by him so no one will hear Freedom

Freestyle spoken word: Can I talk?

By Nadiya A.A.M. Mohado 30-11-1995 June, 11th, 2021

.

Can I talk?

Allowed to walk?

Into the silent, kept silent Where did we stopped for us being us?

Named after what all has been disappeared in no one´s trust I say Do not say Before you know So, do you knoW? Can I talk and say How it all should not go?

Being a child of the known and unknown Made into a version Screaming: dont become one his version Combined in fluids Combined in the air´s units Injected as he forever wants to be known to had projected Humanity Made into a version A version of Him

Can I talk?

What does it takes to talk?

Write?

My life?

My family?

My name?

My son?

My name?

Can I talk?

Am I soon still able to walk?

Can I, talk?

Or should be that blinded, still alive witness been blinded, so it never could be rewinded, for the truth to, Talk?

Humanity Stand up Humanity Say no

And let go Breathe it out Say it out loud:

I AM HUMAN, I AM PART OF THIS PLANET EARTH SO I COUNT

During a crazy month, many bottles of wine at night diary fragment:

Writers curse Nadiya Mohado June, 2021 Honesty, I am here right now standing as sitting can actually kill me. Laying down too. I am not going to die because of untreated most treatable cancer in the world. But from a stitch of the surgery from two years ago. Almost opening up my belly it sounds so disgusting I know. And it is. Psychopaths love to read along with this. Where do you have pain? they ask. What do you want in life? they ask too. Where does it hurt? Well, it hurts right there where your soul left and got to my realization that I are being watched by hollow emptiness that fills themselves with people who are filled with joy, love and happiness. I feel better than ever, as I can sleep. Reflect. And take a look on being 25, and being in the middle of some serious times in the world where we need the truth, harsh truth like these to be seen. Manipulation, humiliation, harshness behaviour of racism and xenophobia. What is love making to these people? I mean, literally ´de drooglegging´ one of my favorite dutch writers would say. I would love to talk to him one day and have a chat as writers would do, but ha, so it is never going to happen isnt. Well, i have read his book illegally one time Grunberg Fantoompijn. My brother downloaded it for me EPUB. I was a bit shocked, but then again I applied for VWO DUTCH coarse on LOI and had to read dutch books putted on my list

by them. I chose Grunberg and I still remember, even though not the original version, how spot on he writes. Dares to say what he wants to say. And the drooglegging he talks about he just dares to say, oh we ladies understand. We, ladies being kept locked up in their houses with no love around. No warmth. And some lost human ´God´ is looking down upon us how we going to behave. Literally, this writer turns me on right now. As fearless writers are, open, not choosing a side, and dare to speak. But then again, he knows too much. And something made him angry or so. He could do so much too. In for a glass of wine? I would almost say while i am actually not allowed from that man or whatever to look someone else in the eye since november 2020. Spirits, beautiful minds turn me on in a certain way only some 25 year old ladies know. May I? Write? Share? Care? Dare? Oh i could go on with this rhyme thing.

While spasm in my legs appear to (for the psychos, and no Grunberg you are not psycho as you said on a interview once, you questioning it, hell no you are no!) i can not sit down. I actually can but what shall i do? Run around in fear. Scream for help. Scream out in pain. Screaming for my parents. Run away and fall down and not able to walk anymore? Why do they leave me this way in such poor medical state anyway then? For the videos. For the humiliation. For the : OH FINALLY NOW WE CAN START. Am i, a start? Am i not worth more? Am I not worth more than just that one time? In many ways? Can I actually last while i breathe? Talk?

Think? Have my mind? Why should I be remembered of something I would never ever hope for? Or humanity itself? Who is fooling him or herself? Who sees himself as God but is human? Can I see love as God right now? Where is my God? Many times I have tried to survive. Metaphorically and now for real. My mission and goal now is, is to just be. Magnetized, humiliated, isolated, not able to leave the country for shitty reasons such as not wearing a facemask or so. What to do? What would someone else do standing in my many times used by others shoes? People steal and use my stuff. Second hand they are themselves I want to giggle. No, here i go a bit too much on my hormones what makes me look like a female today and a bit what they put in the air here. Actually, i am not allowed to have something for myself. Nothing is mine today. I only had, myself but then they builded things inside of me in 2019. Eventually I should belong to only that God I have no idea about. Meanwhile i should stop writing for a while because some ´God´ thinks that i am having a karma moment right now. Truly, buddhism is a religion what needs a lot of discipline and patience. Karma, is about something else. I hate it when philosophy and religion is being used in a wrong way, where eventually someones thoughts and mindset in being used in a wrong way. A bit of respect is okay.

Okay? EVen ´ Gods´ should show respect. My God knows respect. As my God seems to be love and is hard to find.

Respect too these days. So it goes.

I think this is going to be censorshipped like hell. Me writing from the heart and the truth. What is on my mind ind ind ind nd nd nddnd dd. No, i am cheering myself up a bit. Got no one to make jokes with. It looks funny in letters how I should look like tripping. Forced isolation. Where others should say if my behaviour is for a 25 year old girl good, normal or not. While noting in the world is normal these days and the normal are being seen are abnormal as they are being studied, humiliated and bullied. Used. Re-used. And so it goes, again. Where is my God named Love? I would love to make love to this God. He seems hard to find. Like true love should be. While being alive, able to sense, see, hear and feel to have a good time on this beautiful planet Earth. Never take the creative mind too seriously. Poetry is meant for people who understand abstract and emotions.

Where was I? .