My Stories Matter - Sample Book

LIFE MEMORIES of Arnie Papp

LIFE MEMORIES of Arnie Papp

To my Dad

I wanted to surprise you with a book of some of your most cherished and remarkable memories. Hope you enjoy!

Daniel

Very similar to the actual train and tunnel

Picture from Google

Playing with Trains

Wellington St, West Perth WA, Australia

One of my earliest memories is playing with trains when I was about 5 years old. Specifically, the Perth to Fremantle steam train. It’s hard to believe that there were steam trains when I was a kid; it sounds like I lived in the age of gas lamps. Not quite. I like to believe that it just took a long time for the latest technology to make it all the way to Perth, Australia. We didn’t even get colour TV until 1975!

In the early sixties, we lived near the top end of Wellington Street. Although inner city properties are now trendy - and expensive, back then this was not a desirable part of town. I attended Thomas Street Primary school, which was a short walk to the end of the street and on the other side of Thomas Street.

The school grounds went almost down to the railway line. Before the freeway overpass was built there used to be a railway tunnel under Thomas Street. I enjoyed standing on the bridge above the tunnel and getting enveloped in billowing clouds of white steam as trains passed underneath.

Kids were feral then. Even at the tender age of 5, we were allowed to play outside with minimal (read, no) supervision. Parents usually had no idea where their kids were. However, contrary to what one might expect from modern parenting theory, we all

survived. Somehow, even though we didn’t have watches or cell phones, we also always knew when it was time to go home for dinner.

Sometimes my brothers and I would scramble down the 20-foot embankment onto the tracks to look for fool’s gold. Once, when we were walking through the tunnel, a train came barreling toward us.

I presume we hadn’t noticed it in time to run away. However, I suspect we may have purposely waited for a train - our idea of ‘fun’!

We flattened our backs against the wall as the train hurtled past us, perilously close. The driver stuck his head out of the engine car, glaring at us and shaking his fist. In hindsight, it must have been frightening for him to see little kids in such a dangerous place.

The train barreled through the still air creating a whirlwind that roiled over us as it reclaimed the space the train had punched through.

The blast of air was stronger than I had expected, but fortunately not enough to knock all 35 pounds (16 kgs) of me down. I was too young to be scared, but I don’t remember ever doing that again. Perhaps this is where I got my first taste of an adrenaline rush, Or. perhaps this was just the first manifestation of my over-active thrill-seeking gene.

The photos (from the internet) are very similar to the train I remember. The bridge, in particular the distance between the train and the wall, is also pretty much how I remember this escapade.

This could never happen today because no 5-year-old would be allowed to play outside by themself like that. But if it did, the scene might go something like this.

Mum calls her son on his iPhone.

Mum: Where are you?

Kid: Playing with trains with my friend.

Mum: That’s nice. Does he have a big train set?

Kid: I dunno. We’re playing with real trains.

Mum: I don’t understand.

Kid: We’re in the train tunnel.

Mum: You mean you’re at the train station, don’t you?

Kid: (Thinking his Mum is a bit thick) . No, I just told you. The tunnel.

Mum: What’s that noise?

Kid: The train’s coming.

Mum: Are you IN the tunnel?

Kid: I guess it’s a bad signal in here. I just told you that.

[Chooga-chooga. Chooga-chooga - the sound of the train gets louder ].

Mum [screaming]: RUN! GET OUT OF THE TUNNEL!

Kid: [garbled] I can’t hear you, the train’s too loud.

[CHOOGA-CHOOGA. CHOOGA-CHOOGA, WOO-WOOOOOO ].

[Clunk ] - the phone hits the table.

[Thud ] - Mum hits the floor.

Kid: I wonder why she hung up on me?

Former house, railway track and tunnel

Only photo I have of my father

Fatherly Advice

Double Bay NSW, Australia

I only met my Dad once, so I never got any life advice from him. However, he did teach me something.

When I was fifteen I flew over to Sydney from Perth to meet him for the first time. He and his second wife put me up in a hotel in Kings Cross. That evening I went over to their apartment in Double Bay, Sydney. He announced that he would cook dinner as his food was better than anything I could eat at a restaurant.

Admittedly, he was a good cook, but his comment struck me as cynical.

It’s not because I had a lot of experience eating in restaurants that made me think his comment was fatuous. We rarely had the money to eat out in those days. And, frankly, my Mum really was an excellent cook. However, his negativity struck a sour note.

Now that I’ve eaten at thousands of restaurants, I would also add that he missed the point. Sure, the quality of a meal is the most essential part of dining out. However, going to a restaurant is also about the ambiance and social experience.

I made a mental note to myself not to become jaded and cynical when I got older.

At my age, I’ve certainly seen a lot of negative stuff in life. Horrible people, terrible

situations, unfairness, injustice, you name it. It’s easy to see the bad in people and life.

However, now that I’m his age, I pat myself on the back for not becoming a cynic like him. I’ve had my share of ups and downs over the years, but I’m a glass three-quarters full person.

I’m not sure whether I was always like that. I don’t recollect ever being a glass halfempty type. Though I do remember a friend giving me a birthday card once that had a picture of a person with the words “think”, “think”, “think”, “think”, “think”. “think” above his head. I’m still not sure why they thought that particular card was “me”. Perhaps I overthought things when I was younger.

The data is very clear that people get happier as they age (the “Happiness Curve”). There are powerful cognitive science reasons why we are hard-wired for that. However, I also made a conscious decision over the years to have a more positive outlook on life.

If I was going to pass on any single piece of advice to my sons, it might be about a technique that has served me well in coping with the vicissitudes of life.

I look at life from both absolute and relative perspectives.

Whenever I have a setback, challenge, or problem in my life, I don’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity. Sure, in absolute terms the situation could be terrible. However, fixating on the negative doesn’t get me anywhere. Instead, I remind myself that, relatively speaking, my situation is nowhere near as bad as someone who went through the Holocaust, or was born in North Korea, or was born with a profound disability.

So much of today’s social media is designed to make people experience FOMO and envy. No wonder the rate of anxiety and depression amongst young people has increased in parallel with the rise of social media.

I suspect that many young people compare their lives to an influencer’s “perfect, beautiful” (aka “curated, fake”) life on Instagram, and feel down that their life doesn’t “measure up”. Perhaps, the opposite approach might serve them better. Appreciate how incomparably better, relatively speaking, their life is to so many other people in the world.

There is a lot to be thankful for in life.

Sharing

Bareback riding in India

L’Angle Saint Laurent Restaurant

JUL 2014

Best meal ever?

2 Rue des Bouchers, Bayeux, France

I’ve been to many Michelin star restaurants, but perhaps the best meal I’ve ever had was at a small restaurant in Bayeux, Normandy -L’Angle Saint Laurent.

This was definitely the best meal I’ve ever had. (Daniel Papp)

We stumbled upon it while wandering around town after seeing the Bayeux tapestry. (It’s roughly a 6 minute walk from the Bayeux Tapestry Museum). The restaurant is rather unassuming from the outside, but cozy and contemporary on the inside. We didn’t have a reservation, but we were able to get an outdoor table where we could enjoy the warm afternoon sun.

The food was creative, but not In a pretentious way. We always share our dishes and this was one meal where we all agreed that every single dish and every single drink was delicious. I don’t know if we just got lucky that day, but there was not one misstep throughout the meal. Usually, even at far more famous places like the French Laundry, there is always a dish or two that you could take or leave. Not at this place.

Not only was it an awesome meal, but it was very reasonably priced for the quality of food and service.

I hate eggplants, but every dish they served was so good that when they served an eggplant puree

shooter, I downed it. (Daniel Papp)

On one hand, I’d like to go back there again. However, on the other hand, I wonder if lightning would strike twice. Perhaps it is best to leave that memory of a perfect meal intact.

[I was scratching my head trying to remember the name of this restaurant. Fat chance. I asked Michael and damned if he didn’t remember “... it had something like ‘angel’ in the name ...”. We went there just one time - 4 1/2 years ago! I don’t know whether I should be impressed with his excellent memory or depressed about my poor memory. Both, I suppose.]

Good thing Michael was there with us, I did not remember the name of the restaurant at all. (Daniel Papp)

Funny, I remember this place because of how good it was. Like mentioned above, one of the best meals I’ve had, hands down. The calvados drink caught my eye, and every time I drink calvados, it will never live up to how they prepared it, but I recall this place. (Michael Papp)

Our memories of Bayeaux will always be associated with this wonderful meal. However, there are plenty of other reasons to visit the town. Viewing the Bayeaux tapestry is, of course, a must. As is the_Memorial Museum of the Battle of Normandy_. The purpose of this trip was actually to visit the D-Day sites. Something I highly recommend to everyone.

I’ve never been one for a lot of rules or structure in life. I backpacked around the world by myself for 2 1/2 years in the 1970s. On one hand, it was more challenging not to be able to pull out a mobile phone and quickly tap into the internet to guide me where to stay, where to eat and what to see. It’s certainly easier nowadays to let Yelp or Tripadvisor dictate one’s travel plans. However, there is also something to be said for sponteneity and serendipity. Sometimes, it’s those unscripted experiences of unexpected delight that linger longer in our memories.

L’Angle Saint Laurent was one of those.

L’Angle Saint Laurent Restaurant

Traditional New Year Day meal

Osechi Ryori

Family Traditions

Palo Alto, CA, USA

One of our few family traditions is the celebration of the New Year with a traditional Japanese lunch, o_sechi ryori_ (お節料理), on New Year’s Day.

My wife spends several days preparing the dishes which are replete with symbolism and meaning. Many of the dishes are included because of a play of words.

For example, the first dish of the New Year in Japan is ozōni (おぞうに, お雑煮), a soup containing mochi rice cakes. Mochi is pronounced the same way as the Japanese word “to have” or “to hold”. So, it’s eaten to be able to ‘grab hold’ of good luck in the new year.

This is a dish that I approach with trepidation as it could also be the last dish I eat. What other dish comes with a choking hazard warning?

On New Year’s Day 2022, 4 people choked to death eating mochi, and 12 others were hospitalized. This is such a common problem that the Tokyo Police Department has a website offering tips on how to help someone choking on a mochi lodged in their throat.

Imagine if Thanksgiving was like that.

News Flash: “Health authorities are concerned about the rising number of deaths

from eating turkey on Thanksgiving Day. Despite annual warnings, a record number of people overindulged and fell into a food coma after lunch. Sadly, 16 people passed away on their couches”.

A steady diet of that type of news, year after year, would have farmers jeering and turkeys cheering.

Here are the meanings behind some other Osechi Ryori dishes.

Tai(鯛）

Tai (Snapper) is part of the Japanese word medetai, meaning ‘celebrate’ or ‘joyous’.

Kombu(昆布）

Kombu is a type of seaweed. This word is connected to the word yorokobu, or ‘happiness’, which is what this food is meant to bring in the new year.

Kuri Kinton (栗きんとん ）

Kuri Kinton is a sweet potato mash mixed with candied chestnuts which gives the appearance of gold coins. Japanese people believe it will bring prosperity and good luck for the year to come.

Gobo(ごぼう）

One of the characteristics of burdock root is that it’s hard to cut down, and it stays firmly planted in the soil. It symbolizes strength and stability.

Kuromame (黒豆 ）

Black soybeans symbolize the wish for health in the new year, as mame also means ‘health’.

New Year is probably the most important holiday on the Japanese calendar. There are other traditions associated with Japanese New Year, including several that we partake in on New Year’s Eve - if we manage to stay awake!

I don’t have any particular traditions passed down from my side of the family so I’m glad Kaoru does a much better job than me in this area.

Mochitsuki (mochi making)

Also who I couldn’t live without...

Benji

My kids. That was easy.

Some of my friends seem to be perfectly happy without having had children in their life. However, mine have made my life immeasurably happier.

Having kids definitely has its ‘moments’. And, having children does mean you sign up for a life of ever-present, low-grade worry. Every misfortune or disappointment that befalls them casts a cold shadow on your own life.

That being said, the happiest days of my life were the days my two sons were born. And, the best period of my life was when we got to travel around the world living out of suitcases. The boys were 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 years old, a period of life where you can visibly see their development on a daily basis.

I was with them 24x7 for a full year, changing their nappies, feeding them, bathing them, and cleaning up after their mess.

I’ve never had a job, even the ones I’ve really enjoyed, that does not have some negative aspects to it. I can’t imagine any enjoying changing nappies. However, that was a negligible price to pay for the joy of being able to spend that much time with my sons. Compared to some of the crazy bosses and stressful work environments I’ve experienced

I couldn’t live without...

Palo Alto, CA, USA

D asleep mid-meal

Florence, Italy in 1997

Me at age 4 or 5??

In front of the old Perth G.P.O.

What I would tell my younger self

Palo Alto, CA, USA

(i) Don’t sweat the small stuff

Most issues are not as important as you think.

The overwhelming majority of problems, disappointments, and aggrievements you experience will turn out to be so inconsequential that you will forget them completely. Or, you will have a vague memory of feeling angry at someone or being depressed about something. However, you won’t remember the exact details of why or what made you feel that way.

Eventually, you will learn who and what is important in life. The rest is just noise you learn to tune out.

(ii) Perspective

You will gain perspective.

Having perspective will help you see things in relative terms, not just in absolute terms. This will help you to handle life with equanimity.

Most people look at life in absolute terms. That’s a mistake. It’s easy to find reasons to

bemoan one’s circumstances or wish that something was different.

Recast your ‘problems’ in relative terms and you will realize that your life isn’t so bad after all. There is always someone in the world who has it far worse off than you. Be thankful you are not them.

This mindset will be your best tool to overcome innumerable problems and setbacks in life.

(iii) Quality over quantity

Distinguish between acquaintances and friends.

True friends are very few and far between. Don’t delude yourself; that number is far fewer than you think.

Mum used to say “You will see who your real friends are if you become paralyzed.” True friends are people you can count on when times are times are tough, not just when life is going well.

While you value education, you also know that it has no correlation with the worth of a person. You have friends from all walks of life.

(iv) Exercise your mind

Be a lifelong learner.

You have always loved reading and are curious by nature. You figured out that you are your best investment. You read, travel, take classes for fun and try to continually expand your mind.

You appreciate street smarts as well as book smarts. You will one day fire a Stanford Ph.D. because, while intelligent, he had no common sense for business (and terrible ethics).

(v) Exercise your body

Move and drink more water.

You start to go to the gym in your fifties and are shocked to (eventually) find that you enjoy exercising.

You lack the ‘sporty’ gene. At school, when teams were chosen, you were typically

bemoan one’s circumstances or wish that something was different.

Recast your ‘problems’ in relative terms and you will realize that your life isn’t so bad after all. There is always someone in the world who has it far worse off than you. Be thankful you are not them.

This mindset will be your best tool to overcome innumerable problems and setbacks in life.

(iii) Quality over quantity

Distinguish between acquaintances and friends.

True friends are very few and far between. Don’t delude yourself; that number is far fewer than you think.

Mum used to say “You will see who your real friends are if you become paralyzed.” True friends are people you can count on when times are times are tough, not just when life is going well.

While you value education, you also know that it has no correlation with the worth of a person. You have friends from all walks of life.

(iv) Exercise your mind

Be a lifelong learner.

You have always loved reading and are curious by nature. You figured out that you are your best investment. You read, travel, take classes for fun and try to continually expand your mind.

You appreciate street smarts as well as book smarts. You will one day fire a Stanford Ph.D. because, while intelligent, he had no common sense for business (and terrible ethics).

(v) Exercise your body

Move and drink more water.

You start to go to the gym in your fifties and are shocked to (eventually) find that you enjoy exercising.

You lack the ‘sporty’ gene. At school, when teams were chosen, you were typically

selected to play the ‘left, right, out’ position.

Some of your more sporty friends will have had knee or hip replacements by now. So, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all that you passed on the 1980s jogging craze.

For most of your life, it will never bother you to not drink water the entire day. However, you have finally developed the habit of drinking a few glasses of water when you wake up and during the day.

(vi) Preventative care

If something doesn’t feel right, get it checked.

You have been blessed with good health which you took for granted. Now you realize it’s best to nip any medical issues in the bud. Or, better yet, try and prevent them from happening in the first place.

Men are notorious for not going to the doctor. It took decades to train yourself to get checked as soon as you sensed something was not right with your body. You also do thorough annual checkups at the Mayo Clinic. This new approach has paid off.

Spending money on health is an investment, not a cost.

(vii) Everything in moderation

Enjoy life, but in moderation.

Smoking never appealed to you so that’s one mistake you never made. Drinking, on the other hand, took a while to figure out.

Australia has a strong drinking culture so you overindulged more than a few times and dodged a near-fatal figurative bullet once. You will learn your limit so that you can enjoy drinking without the negative consequences.

Stay away from hard drugs. Compared to the 70s, there is too much adulteration of drugs with lethal substances nowadays.

(viii) You aren’t bullet-proof

Don’t confuse luck with smarts.

Being adventurous is a good trait. However, your ability to accurately assess risk will not fully form until you are in your late twenties. Fortunately, you will be very lucky and

dodge real bullets on several occasions while others around you are killed.

You have used up twelve of your nine lives.

(ix) Do the right thing

You will feel better about yourself.

You will be annoyed when you see people lie, cheat or backstab their way to the top. You will be offered a very large sum of money to “turn a blind eye” which, of course, you turn down.

Taking shortcuts, or adopting an attitude of “the end justifies the means” may be tempting for some people. But you will prioritize being able to look yourself in the mirror with a clear conscious.

The journey to reach your goal will take longer, but you sleep better at night

(x) Learn how to be a critical thinker

Be well informed.

You will inadvertently get caught up in the Iranian Revolution. This will teach you many valuable lessons. One of which is that there is no single source of truth.

You learned to avoid the echo chamber because you make the effort to get your news from multiple, diverse sources.

(xi) Establish your priorities

You can make money, but you can’t make time.

Focus your time and energy on the things you enjoy and the people who give you joy.

This book is created by My Stories Matter as a sample book.