OurThoughts MOORE ON LIFE BY CINDY MOORE
Sheltered in place What a year we’ve had so far and we’re only into May. Spring is supposed to be the time of rebirth and hope. I look like I’ve been rebirthed by a blue whale and there’s little hope for my diet. I’m going to have to get out of my pajamas and put on my swimsuit. That will make me think twice about eating. It’s all because of the corona – that dreaded lung bug otherwise known as COVID-15 (the 15 pounds gained during the shutdown). Thanks to the quarantine, I’ve had a month-long affair. What else was there to do after being cooped up feeling bored and not able to go anywhere? I found myself continually going to and from the welcoming door of my love – Kenmore; my big, burly…refrigerator. I would race to his welcoming door at all hours seeking relief and comfort. From there, I’d guiltily sneak back and join my husband on the couch. We found ways to pass the long arduous hours by doing various algebraic problems…Nah! I’ve never used algebra since tenth grade and I doubted it was going to come in handy during this zombie apocalypse. Instead we did what 99 percent of the population was doing….binge-watched NetFlix. We started with a movie to take the edge off of the crisis. We chose a light and fluffy flick called “Contagion.” After all, it was the most watched show trending at the time. It detailed the world collapse after a deadly virus struck. It left us terri-
12 | OUR TOWN | MAY 2020
fied with the urge to stock up on more essentials. After a few calculations, we determined from our house to the store was about two miles and would take approximately 18 minutes; enough time to panic-shop and get back just in time for our next program. Hey, we just calculated the distance between two points--who would have thought algebra would come in handy during the apocalypse. We arrived back with the vital necessities: TP and ice cream. It should keep us in check for at least another week. To settle our nerves, we hunkered down with our own individual carton of rocky road and watched “Tiger King.” Afterwards, we realized our life was pretty normal compared to the King’s. We felt so much better that we celebrated with a recommitment to eat less. We got another container of cookies ‘n’ cream – to split, of course. I said we decided to cut back.
Cindy Moore is the mother of three superlative kids, servant of two self-indulgent felines and wife to one nifty husband. Her ficticious occupation? Archeological Humorist: someone who unearths absurdity and hilarity in strange and unusual places including public restrooms, the lint filter, and church meetings. Most recently, she excavated a find in her neighbor’s bird feeder.
