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October 2, 2013 • Community News • www.mycnews.com
Joe Morice
Over the Fence
Fords, Chevys, Dodges and Turtles An acquaintance pointed at a car parked nearby and said, “How do you like my new car?” I had long since realized I could no longer recognize car brands. This one was shaped like all the rest of today’s sedans. Come to that, all the SUV’s seem to look alike, too. I could tell whether a car was a Ford, Chevy, Plymouth or Studebaker from two blocks away when I was a kid and foreign cars weren’t around yet in our small town. Now there seems to be more of them than American brands. The designs the Japanese once copied from us are now designs we apparently copy from them. I finally answered, “Your car looks like a turtle. All it needs is
a head and tail and feet where the wheels are.” They have tiny economy cars with tiny engines. They He growled, “It’s rounded off to make it aerodynami- soup them up at great expense until they become fast cally sound.” enough to outrun a cruise missile. When one of them “Humph,” I snorted. “Sound or round, it still looks passes me on the highway, it’s only a blur that sounds like a turtle.” like a runaway chain saw. I thought ‘57 Fords and ‘57 I can’t recognize the brands of The only car from my Chevys were the most beautiful those little projectiles. I assume cars I had ever seen when I was a teenage era that went that it’s one of those delivered by forkid. They were probably the most eign freighters plying the seven fast had a State Trooper seas. Instead of fins, many of them popular cars of that era. One certainly couldn’t compare the design have after-market air spoilers sitdriving it. of a ‘57 Plymouth that had fins ting over the rear. They look like sticking up as high as the roof. clothes racks. I’m told they hold This was my first car, in fact. I had insisted on buy- the rear end in down when they’re going 150 mph. ing an Austin Healy 3000, which was a fast, sleek BritThe only car from my teenage era that went that fast ish sports car. My father insisted on mak- had a State Trooper driving it. ing me buy a cheaper American car, and Once I was in my buddy’s hot Ford with three other we compromised on that used Plymouth guys. The four of us were going 127 mph on an empty convertible he found. This didn’t seem fair highway. He had the fastest car in the county. Sudsince I was paying for it. denly, a horn honked beside us. It was a State trooper I ended up overhauling everything in in a ‘59 swept-wing Dodge. I have no idea how fast he that car. Then the body started rusting out. had to be going to catch us. Where was Lee Iacocca when we really They advertised Swept-wing Dodges on the Lawneeded him? rence Welk Show on TV. After that incident, I watched My friends bought Fords and Chev- it religiously. I longed to own one of those finned ies that would go fast. My Father bought speedsters like the police car that showed up out of nocheap economy Studebakers that didn’t. I where. bought a slow Plymouth that lost pieces of It never happened. However, I learned to appreciate itself when it hit a bump. Life wasn’t fair. the Lennon Sisters on Lawrence Welk. I called them I feel sorry for the present generation the Lemon Sisters in honor of my rusty Plymouth. of gear-heads. They don’t have big sleek Joe Morice is Community News’s blue-collar philosopher. distinctive gas hogs to race around in. He was born and raised in Missouri and spent most of his childhood on a farm and adulthood operating big machines. He has no formal training as a writer, unless 60 years of writing about any and everything counts.
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