TML, Thul Qidah 1430 | Oct 23 - Nov 19, 2009
20 | ISLAM
The Blessed Home: Where Kindness Lives Islam is a beautiful religion, full of wisdom and harmony. If this wonderful religion is followed properly then a typical Muslim would only be a great example to follow. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The most perfect believer in faith is the one who is best in moral character...” [At-Tirmithi] Spreading kindness at home: ‘Aa’ishah (Allah be pleased with her) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said: ‘”When Allaah, The Almighty,Wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.’” [Ahmad] According to another report: “When Allaah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.” [Ibn Abu Ad-Dunyaa] In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of attaining happiness at home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and it brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Allaah loves kindness and rewards for it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else.” [Muslim] Helping the wife with the housework: Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think
JUSTICE >> continued from pg 19
1. Children have different emotional constitutions. Some children have a greater need for affection, while others have a greater need for praise or reassurance. There are children who must be taught things with more care and thoroughness and others who want to be included in decisions. True justice entails giving each child what he or she is in need of. If a parent gives the same exact gift or treatment to each, some children will be favored by it while others will be disfavored. The parent may believe he or
that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work. The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) however, used to “sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.” [Ahmad] This is how ‘Aa’ishah (Allah be pleased with her) responded when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) used to do in his house; she described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she said: “He was like any other human being; he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself.” [Ahmad] She was also asked about what the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) used to do in his house, and she said, “He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray.” [Al-Bukhaari] If we Muslim men were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things: 1.We would be following the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him); 2. We would be helping our wives ; 3. We would feel more humble and down to earth. These narrations should act as a reminder to those men, who demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food.
she is being just through such dogmatic equality, but he or she is really favoring the child who actually wants the gift or actually benefits by the particular kind of attention being given. The other children lose out. The unwitting parent might be bewildered to see that most of the children are resentful and spiteful, in spite of the parent’s best efforts to be equal and fair. 2. Since each child is a unique individual, each will behave differently towards his or her parents. It is unavoidable for parents to feel differently about their children on account of how their children treat them. Sometimes, a child’s behavior warrants special treatment. A child who shows extra respect and good behavior to his parents will be
Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family: Showing affection towards one’s wife and children is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) advised Jaabir to marry a virgin, saying, “Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?” [AlBukhaari and Muslim] The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said: “Everything in which Allaah’s name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife...” [An-Nasaa’ee] The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to treat his wife ‘Aa’ishah (Allah be pleased with her) affectionately when performing Ghusl (ritual bath) with her, as she said: “The Messenger of Allaah and I used to perform Ghusl together from one vessel, and he would playfully pretend to take all the water so that I would say, ‘Leave some for me, leave some for me.’” [Muslim] The ways in which the Prophet (peace be upon him) showed affection towards young children are too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his
acknowledged and rewarded for doing so in the way that child’s parents respond to the good behavior. This may actually be an unwitting response of the part of the parents, but it is a natural one. 3. Sometimes, a child’s circumstances demand some form of special treatment. Obviously, a small child needs more direct care and attention than an older one. Also, a child who excels in his or her studies needs to be shown special regard for doing so. A child who is religious and morally upright should be shown respect for it. A child who has a disability should be shown the extra care, affection, ad support that dealing with the disability requires. With grown children, one who is poor or facing unfortunate circumstances can be given
affection towards his grandchildren Hasan and Husayn. This is probably one of the reasons why the children used to rejoice when he came back from traveling; they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the following authentic narration: “Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be taken out to meet him.” He used to hug them close to him, as ‘Abdullaah Ibn Ja’far said: “Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him (to the boundaries of Al-Madeenah). One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him (on his animal), and another on his back, until we entered Al-Madeenah.” [Muslim] Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there is no joking or playing, affection or mercy among its members. Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read the following narration reported from Abu Hurayrah who said: “The Messenger of Allaah kissed AlHasan Ibn ‘Ali, and Al-Aqra’ Ibn Haabis At-Tameemi was sitting with him. AlAqra’ said: ‘I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.’ The Messenger of Allaah looked at him and said: ‘The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] Source: islamweb.net
the help that he or she needs. In all cases, however, the essence of justice must always be upheld. Though our hearts have a tendency to love one child more than another and to favor some of our children at times over others, we should do what is in our power to be just between them. Though this is certainly complicated by the fact that just treatment is not always the same as equal treatment, we must to the best of our abilities and knowledge strive to be fair and to show equal love. And May Allah forgive us for whatever unwitting mistakes we might make. [Source: islamtoday.net]