MusclesinNewYork
ByThomCalandra thom@thomcalandra.com *InNewYorkCity,thereisarestaurant:Brooklyn’sgreatestmusselsjoint.
ItiscalledMusselsInNewYork.Thislittleplaceservesthebiggestmussels anyonehadeverseen,plusothertypesoffish,suchasconchandclamsand calamari,octopusandsquid.Withmoundsandmoundsoffettuccinepasta.
Tasty? Sans doute, withoutadoubt!
TheowneroftherestaurantisGérald,onlywithanaccent: GER-ald.Don’t forgettheaccent;itislikesecret-recipehotsauceontheplate
GéraldmovedtoBrooklyn,whichisasectionofNewYorkCity,from Africawhenhewasateen-ager.
GéraldisthechefofMusselsInNewYork.Heisthedishwasher.The deliveryguy Theclean-upguy Musselsscrubber,waiter Thebouncereven whencustomers,maybedrinkingonetoomanyPabstBlueRibbonbeers, overstaytheirdinners.
Geráldiseventhemechanicwhofixestheovenandthedishwasher.Ortune upthecashregistersoit brrings whencustomerspayonthewayout.
ChefGéralddrivesinhisrat-a-tatlittletrucktoTheBronx,anothersection ofNewYorkCity,almosteverymorning–early,early--togethismussels andtheotherseafoodheneedsfromthebusyFultonFishMarket.
OfalltheshellfishGéraldservesatMusselsInNewYork,thechefloves musselsmostofall Theywerehislifeandhislivelihood Theyarehislife
WhenhewasgrowingupinCongoinAfrica,Géraldspenteveningswithhis father,washingfreshwatermusselsforadishcalled Moules Congolaise.
Now,yearslater,inNewYorkCity,heusesmusselsfromtheAtlantic Ocean,andfromLongIslandSound Thesalt-watermusselsareasdelicious nowastherivermusselswereinAfrica.
[YoucanseeGeráld’s Moules recipe–easyas1-2-3–attheendofthis story.* Next to the asterisk.]
ThefishmongersattheFultonFishMarketinTheBronxreallyearlyinthe day,everyday,scooptheshinymusselsfromthelargestvatsoficywater. “Hey,”theyshout,“get yer shinyblackmusselsrighthere!”
ChefGéraldcanliftontohisshoulders250poundsofmusselsinoneburlap sack.Ourchef,heisstrong.Liketheaccentonthefirstsyllableofhisname. Hehasthemuscles
Onemorning,whenGéraldwasdrivinghiscrustyoldtruckfromthefish market,hesawalittleguyandabigguybeneaththeparkwayheusedtoget backtoBrooklyn.Thetwoofthemwerewavingtheirarmsateachother.
Theircarwaslyingonitsside,awoundedautomobilewithaflattire
TheylookedlikeAbbottandCostello,LaurelandHardy,Schwarzenegger andDeVito.Dr.Frankensteinandhismonstermaybe.Theysuredidlook familiartoourchef.
ThewoundedcarwasaCorvette,arealmusclecar
GéraldlovedCorvettesbecausetheywerelean,allmuscle.Heloved everythingaboutcarsandabouthisadoptedNewYorkandthewholeUSA, really.
GéraldiswhatyoucallatransplantedNewYorker Heisfrom
French-speakingDemocraticRepublicOfCongo,whichhasitsroots(andits famoussea-water moules), inBelgium.FarawayinEurope.
GéraldwasgladtobeaNewYorkerinNewYork,evenifitwas1. expensive;2.loud;and3.Sometimes,scary.
HemissedhisMamá,andhemissedhisyoungsister.Thetwoofthem movedtoEuropewhenGeráldwenttostarthisNewYorkmussels adventure.HisMomandsisterliveinBelgium.
HisPapáisstillinAfrica.Ourmusselschefhadnotheardfromhisfather sincejustbeforeGéraldleftforNewYorkCityfourorfiveyearsago.
Géraldthoughtheidentifiedwithcarsbecausethatwasthelasttimehesaw hispapá,his père. HisfatherwasheadingtoaCongoroadsidefishshack wherehecooked,andhewasdrivinghiscrustyoldconvertibleVW KarmannGhiathathadlostitstopandwasmissingoneofitsheadlights.
ThecarlookedlikeitwaswinkingatGéraldwhenPapáheadedtoworkthat eveningtocookmussels,waitontablesandcleandishesatthefishshack JustlikeGerálddidatMusselsInNewYork.
HowgreatwoulditbetohaveasmoothcarinNewYork,waitingoutside therestaurantattheendofaverylongday?HowsuperwoulditbeifPapá andMamáandLaSœurwereinit?
Reallygreat,that’show super.
Still,everytimeGéraldwasthisclosetosavingenoughmoneytobuyevena usedChevroletCamarooraVW,forgetabouthisadoredCorvette, somethingwentwrongattherestaurantinBrooklyn.Theheatersstopped heating,ortheovenstartedleakinggas,ortheplumbingstoppedplumbing, andGéraldhadtospendhishoursandhisprofitstofixthesethings.
Thismorning,underthefreeway,thatbigguy,whomGeráldautomatically namedMonsieurMeanie,wasyellingathisminiatureMeaniepartner.They bothwerehuffingandpuffingasthetwotriedtolifttheCorvetteoffthe ground
BigMeaniewasdoingtheshouting,atLittleMeanie,andthesmallguywas doingtheheavingandhuffing.
Géraldpulledover.ItsurewasaCorvette,afterall!Shiny,andblackasa moule! Arealmussel Alittlescuffedfrombeingonitsside,butstilla Corvette.
Géraldknewhewasstrongenoughtohelpgetthesportscarbackonitsfeet Corvetteswereconvertiblesmadeoffiberglassandtheywereverylightcars.
BigMeaniewasredintheface,andsteamwasalmostcomingoutofhisfat ears.ThetwoMeanieshadasparetire,buttheydidn’thaveajacktoliftup thecar.Sotheycouldn’tchangetheflattire!BigMeanielookedlikehewas goingtoblowagasket,hewassoangry!
Itwassoearlyinthemorning.Géraldpulledinhisoldtruckbehindthe Corvette.
Hestuckhisheadoutthewindowandaskedifhecouldhelp.
Thetwoofthemwerearguingaboutsomething.Theydidn’tgiveGéraldthe timeofdayeven.Howrude.
LittleMeanie,hehadsomethingthatlookedlikeajaggedpieceofsharp blackmetal,maybeitwasablade,inhisbackpocket,Géraldwasthinking.
Adieu wasbest,ourchefthought. Adios. Ciao. Byenow.Géraldcoasted throughtheparkwayunderpassandgotbackontheroad.
WhenhereturnedtohisMusselsInNewYorkkitchen,Géraldsettoworkto washandscrubtheshellfishevencleanerthantheyalreadywerefromthe fishmarket
Thenhemoppedthefloors.Hecleanedthewindowwiththelargeand brightlylitblack-and-white-and-bluesign,“NewYork’sGreatestMussels.”
Géraldwashedthepotsandpans.Sweptthefloor.
“Ouf, c’était peu dure,”Géraldwouldsayeachmorningafterhewas finished.“Thatwasn’tsohard.”Orsomethinglikethat.
Géraldhadawaitressattherestaurant.HernamewasSally.
SallyisNewYork’sgreatestmussels’waitress Sallyistheonlywaitressin theplace.Sheistinyandablack-hairedbeauty.ShegrewupinBrooklyn,in
thissameneighborhood:Gravesend.RightnexttoSheepsheadBaywhere old-timers,andnew-timerssuchasGeráld,takecharterboatsforahalf-day tofishformackerel,seabass,cod,thebottom-feedingsheepsheadfishand porgies.
Geráldjustlovedtosaythatone:porgies.They’rebottom-feeders,too,and porgiessnapupotherfishontheoceanfloor,andyourbaitsometimes. Maybethatiswhytheyareknownassnappers?
Sallyhadlovely,tendermusclesfromcarryingallthoseplatesofmussels. Sallywasalwayssmiling.
Shealsowasalwayssmackingtogetherherthumbandindexfingerofher lefthand Smack Smack Itwascute Forsomereason,that’swhatsome folksdidinBrooklyn;likesnappingtheirfingers.
SallywasalwaysfindingwaystogetGéraldtoputmoremussels,andmore fettuccineandmorehotsauce,onhercustomers’plates.
Sometimes,shewouldevenkissGéraldonthecheekforpilingmusselsand fettuccineandhotsauceonherplates. “Ou la la,” Géraldwouldsay,and blush.
Géraldwasn’talwayshappytoseebigheapingpilesofmusselsonhis customers’plates. “Trop de moules,” thebigchefwouldsay.“Toomany mussels”
HetoldSallyinthekitchen,wherethesteamfromtheboilingwateralways madehimsweat,eveninthewinter,“Sally,ohSally,howamIgoingto makeanymoneyifwegive everyone extramussels?”
Sallyknewhow Shegavehercustomerslotsoffettuccine,lotsof zee hot sauce,andplentyofbaguettes,freshandhotfromtheoven.“Thisway,you alwaysknowthey’regoingtocomeback,”shesaidtoGérald.
Géraldwouldsmilesoftlyandsay,“Zis way,maybewegobroke,but everyonehappy,”hesaid.“Sally,ohSally!”
ThisiswheretheMeaniescomebackintoourlittlestoryaboutMussels,and Muscles,inNewYork Ortechnically,inBrooklyn,NewYork
Oneday,somecrazyguy–everyoneintheneighborhoodcalledhimLittle Meanie–robbedtherestaurant.Yes, mais oui!ThatsameMeaniefromthe underpass.Hesneakedinatnightandtookallthemussels,andafewother things,too.Like zee hotsauce.
Oh,andthreecasesofRheingoldbeer.TwocasesofPabstBlueRibbon.A half-caseofjumbooliveoilcans.Theentiresilverycashregisterandthe$85 ofbillsandcoinsinit. Brring!
LittleMeaniewasbad,mean,small,uglyandevil. Brring itallback,you meanie!
Hismaster’snamewasBigMeanie,whowasbad,mean,big,uglyandevil. Yes,thesameonefromtheparkwaymess.
BigMeaniewaswaitingoutsidetherestaurantwithtwobigsacksforthe mussels ThesecretCongohotsauce,too Awheelbarrowforalltherest
ThetwoMeanies,wouldn’tyouknow,livedrightaroundthecornerfromthe restaurant,inadarkalleywithatinyshackattheendofit.
Boththeirheartswereblack.Whatothercolorcouldtheybe?
Backattherestaurant,Géraldwasopeningfortheday. “Ou la la!” hesaid.
“Zee muzzels! Zey areallgone.”Géraldcalledthepolice.
“Zee hotsauce,too,”theownerofNewYork’sgreatestmusselsjointsaid intothetelephone.
Thepolicedidn’tseemtocarethatmuch.Theyhadtoomuchwork.The policemantoldGéraldonthephone,“Buddy,justaroundthecornerfrom you,twosewersareblockedup.Thealleywayisflooding.”
Thenthepolicemansaid,‘’HeyareyoutheMusselsInNewYorkguy?The sewersarepackedwithmusselshells Whatamess!”Hehungup
Belgian-FrenchCongo zee ’swhenhewasfeelingtheheat Otherwise,his pronunciationofEnglishwasprettydarngood.
Géraldlefttherestaurantwithathickironfryingpantohuntdownhis missingmussels.Oh,andtofind zee hotsauce,whichwasasecretrecipe fromhispapá’sdaysatfast-foodshacksinDRCCongo,Africa.
Aroundthecorner,therewerebroken,blackmusselshellseverywhere.They wereatrailtothedarkalley.
Géraldenteredthealley.HecalledoutfortheMeaniestogiveuptheir “muzzels.”Bythistime,thetwomusselthieveswerestuffedfullofmussels andhotsauce Fettuccine,too,ofcourse Thetwocrookscouldn’tmovean inchtheyweresobloated.
ThepolicedroverightintothealleybehindGérald.Theyhadtheir nightsticks,actually,theirmorning-sticks,drawnout,readyforbattle.
“Comeoutwithyourforksandknivesup,”thepoliceshoutedintoa cardboard shackattheendofthealley.
ThetwoMeaniestriedtohidebeneathstainedandyuckysheetsof cardboardinthealley,buttheyweretoostuffedtofit,evenLittleMeanie. Sotheydecidedtomakearunforit.Orarollforit.
Thosetwoblackheartsrolledthemselvesrightdownthealleylikestuffed bowlingballs.Withlotsof zee hotsaucegreasingtheway.ThetwoMeanies wereheadedstraighttowardGéraldandthepolice.
Géraldwounduphisfryingpanandtookaswing.“Boom-zee-boom!”
Ourchef,whenhefelthismusselsthreatened,couldworkhismusclestoa top-powerrating.Likearoaringsportscar.
ThetwoMeanieswentrollingthroughmusselshellsandblisteringhot sauce,allthewaytoNewYork’sgreatestmusselsrestaurantaroundthe corner
“Mais oui,” thoughtGérald.“Zey mustbemy muzzels.”Géraldslidintohis
Whatatripthatwas!Talkaboutjusticewithsauce.
Thosetwothievesrolledslidingandsluicingstraightintothekitchen,atthe footofthebigbrickoven.
Shortstoryfirst:Géraldmissedhisfathernoend.HethoughtPapáwasin theCongoworkingasamechanicandasashort-ordercook.Atleast,that wasthelastGéraldhadheardfromhispapa Fouryearsagonow,orfive?
Gérald’sfather,andGérald’sgrandfatherinhislong-gonedays,workedat thesametypesofjobsinDRCCongo.(Thatiswhatthemapscallit,DRC Congo.)Theywereequipmentmechanicsinthedayandfast-foodchefsat night.
In Grand-Papá’sday,theequipmenttheyfixedwasforextractingrubbersap fromrubbertreesandrefiningitinfactories.
Thatwasmaybe50or60yearsago,inwhatwasthencalledBelgianCongo –inaprovincecalledKatanga.
Evenbeforehisgrandfather’stime,inthelate1800sandearly1900s, Belgium’sKingLeopoldIIforcedmanyCongolesetoworktotheirbare bones,andtheirdeaths,amassingrubber,fromforests,ivoryfromelephants andmineralsfromtheground.
Gerald’sgrand-papá,his grand-père, waslonggone,ofcourse
Gérald’sPapá,Dad,workedinthebusycopper,zincandcobaltminesofthe newCongoduringthedaytime.Then,intheevening,hecookedfor fast-foodjointsthatrailroadworkersandminersintheKatangaprovince couldjustaboutaffordaftertheirworkshifts.
Papámaybe10timesormoretoldGéraldthatthemostimportantthingany humanbeingcoulddoforanotherpersonwastoforgivethem–evenifthey weredeadandburied.Liketheslave-driverKingLeopoldII.
We’lllearnmoreaboutGérald’sfather,butnotnow.
BackinBrooklyn,whenthepolicesirensflashedredintotheMusselsIn NewYorkkitchen,Géraldsawgreen
Shortstoryevenshorter:we’llskipthecoptalk.
ThoseMeaniesmadeaprobationpactwithaBrooklynjudge.Guesswho vouchedforthemandhiredthem? Thatisaneasyanswer.
ThetwoMeaniesshowalmosteverydaybutforTuesdays,thechef’sdayoff usually.Theyarerightnowwashingdishes,moppingthetiledrestaurant’s floors,scrubbingmusselsforGérald HelpingSallywithbussing,cleaning offthetables.
Theybothseemreally,reallygladforthework,andforthemussels.
Whowouldn’tbeglad?
Arealtransformation.Thosetworakesaremuchnicerthantheywere, mostlybecausetheygettoeatNewYork’sgreatest– muzzels –aftertheyput intheirhours. Moules with zee hotsauceandplentyoffettuccine,ofcourse.
Theyneverturnitdown.Theygethonestshellfishinreturnforrestaurant work Manger
Somepeopleevensaytheirblackheartsbecame– comment dit-on inFrench –scrubbedtoalightershadeofgray,alittlelessblackwithalltheirmussels scrubbing.
Abusynight’srestaurantworkatMusselsInNewYorkdoeswondersfor character,andthesetwocharactersneededsomeofthat.
GéraldtookchargeoftheMeanies’ChevyCorvette,buffedoutthescratches andtookturnswithSallyandwithMr.BigandMr.Littledrivingit.
Gérald’sfatherwouldbeproudtoseethat,ourchefknew
Mostofall,ChefGéraldtoldSallyoneeveningwhentheplacewasclosing, “I zink zee hot zos helpedthemost”Hesaidthatwithawink
Stay tuned for more Muscles (And Mussels) In New York as we search for Gérald’s family in Africa and Belgium.
* Easy Steamed Mussels
Mussels (always clean and scrub them)
Red onion
A lot of garlic
Coconut milk
Fresh tomatoes
A little lemon juice
Cilantro or parsley leaves, or both
Pepper
Olive Oil
A tiny bit of curry powder
Toasted cumin seeds
Olive oil
A pinch of salt
A splash of beer
Zee hot sauce
TheEnd
* I am looking for illustrations to dramatize this ongoing tale of our immigrant chef. Artist’s creative instincts get free reign here.
Thank you! -- Thom (1 415 971-5656)