How to Effectively Communicate Your Mental Health with your Fiancé
ARTICLE BY MISHA WYNN, OWNER OF L AVISHLY LUX STUDIO
During this time of the Coronavirus outbreak, many of our worlds have turned upside down. With the lack of physical interaction with others and being cooped up inside all day, mental health has become a concern for many people. So, how do we fight this battle? We do it together through open, honest and vulnerable communication. It’s important to feel heard and safe with your fiancé in order to achieve effective communication. “Communication” is a buzzword for so many people but who can truly say they are effective communicators? It’s harder said than done, (literally). Sometimes, we like to think that communicating with our fiancé is the same as communicating with our friends, coworkers and family members, but those relationship types just aren’t the same. If you are having trouble communicating your struggles with mental health to your fiancé, these tips may help improve not only your relationship with your fiancé but also how you communicate:
SCHEDULE OUT TIME TO TALK
RESPECT THEIR SPACE
Setting aside a specific time to talk to your fiancé may not be the most romantic thing ever, but it’s necessary to take your communication to the next level. This time to talk doesn’t have to be hours and hours long, even just a few minutes of conversation can do the trick. Also, scheduling out this time doesn’t have to be a one-on-one interrogation with your fiancé, in fact, it shouldn’t be! Think outside the box. Maybe cook a home-cooked meal on a Thursday night, talk comfortably in bed or go on a walk together. No matter how you decide to communicate, there shouldn’t be any distractions in the way of communicating your truth- no phones, no gossip, no work drama, etc. Focus on your needs, plan out what you would like to say, how you would like to say it and use your time effectively.
Have you ever been so drained from your day that all you want to do is go home, not talk to anyone, gouge the fridge and go to bed early? Yeah, me too. Many of us get stressed out almost every day and all that pent-up stress negatively affects mental health. Remember, before you bombard your fiancé with the difficult conversation that is mental health, make sure he or she is in the right headspace first. This not only prevents animosity between you too, but it ensures that when the time is right to talk, your feelings are heard, you are validated and the conversation runs more smoothly. Don’t forget to ask your partner if now a good time is to have a hard conversation. If they say no, respect that. The time will be right soon and when it is, it will be sweeter to wait and have an honest, calm communication than have a volatile one.
LEARN BY ASKING QUESTIONS
YOUR FIANCÉ ISN’T A MIND READER
What better way to learn about someone than by asking questions? This communication method allows your relationships to reach new depths and provides a strong base to build on your communication. Now, you may be asking yourself, how do I know what questions to ask? Great question! There are loads of information stored on the internet that can help you educate yourself on how to ask questions and successfully learn more about your fiancé. Open-ended questions are a good place to start when beginning to ask questions because they allow the conversation to flow more smoothly and it avoids forced communication (which is how yes/no questions may come across as). When you first open up and talk about mental health with your partner, there may be some pushback and that’s okay. The secret is repetition and making it a habit.
COMMUNICATION MEANS CONVERSATION Some of us are good listeners, some of us are good communicators and some of us struggle in both areas. That’s okay! In order to have a successful conversation with someone, it’s important to listen, stay focused and be in the conversation 100%. Especially when conversing with your fiancé about mental health struggles, it’s vital to have open ears, an open heart and an open mind. Take note of how many times you say “I” or “we” to ensure that the conversation stays on the right path and doesn’t turn into something unintentional. For example, if you say “you” too often, you may seem accusatory when your intention was far from that. It’s also a hint that you are doing all of the talking- remember, listening is important too! Take some time to pause and allow your fiancé to respond to what you said, if you do so, they are more likely to do that same to you.
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I’m not sure if reading minds would be helpful or horrible... regardless, it’s impossible. How can you expect your partner to be there for you if they don’t know the issue? You need to communicate, especially concerning mental health. Many of us keep in unattractive feelings afraid of burdening our partners. But the truth is our partners, more than likely, want to be there for us in our darkest times. They want to be the person you can lean on, the shoulder you can cry on and the one to comfort you. Also, if your partner asks you if you are okay, don’t lie about your feelings. They are asking for a reasonthey care. Holding your emotions back will not only hinder your relationship but you are doing yourself a disservice. On the contrary, if your partner is the one who isn’t communicating with you, don’t push them if they aren’t ready. Comfort them and assure them that when they are ready to talk, you are here for them, you won’t judge them and you will listen to them. Because in the end, isn’t that what you would want from your partner in return? Communication isn’t an easy trait to learn. It takes patience, dedication and nurturing. Instead of getting overwhelmed about the above tips, do what works for you and take your time. These tips are meant to provide you with a framework to help propel your communication forward. Take your time, let your guard down and speak your truth. You can do this.
