MTV Shuga: Down South - Peer Education Guide

PEER2PEER FACILITATOR GUIDE HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS

CONTENTS PEER2PEER FACILITATOR GUIDE

7. INITIAL REACTION AND CHOOSING A CHARACTER 8. HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS 37 9. YOUR CHARACTER’S HEART 37 10. YOUR HEART 39 11. REFLECTION TOPICS 40 12. CLOSING 41

INTRODUCTION 1 HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE 4 GUIDE TO MTV SHUGA : 8 DOWN SOUTH CHARACTERS 8 PEER2PEER FACILITATOR COMMITMENTS 15 SESSION 1 : MY PERSONAL BRAND 1. EPISODE 1 KEY MOMENTS 22 2. SESSION GOALS 24 3. WELCOMING YOUR GROUP 25 4. WARM UP AND GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER 5. INTRODUCE MTV SHUGA: DOWN SOUTH 26 6. GROUP RULES AND COMMITMENTS 26 7. WATCH EPISODE 1 26 8. INITIAL REACTIONS 26 9. FIRST IMPRESSIONS 27 10. EXPLAINING PERSONAL BRANDS 28 11. CONSTRUCTING PERSONAL BRANDS 28 12. SHARING PERSONAL BRANDS 29 13. JOURNALS 30 14. JOURNAL QUESTIONS 30 15. CLOSING 31 SESSION 2 : MY HEART, MY DREAMS, MY FIRE 1. EPISODE 2 KEY MOMENTS 34 2. SESSION GOALS 34 3. WELCOME AND WARM UP 36 4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 36 5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION 36 6. WATCH EPISODE 2 36

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SESSION 3 : HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS 43 1. EPISODE 3 KEY MOMENTS 44 2. SESSION GOALS 46 3. WELCOME AND ICE BREAKER 46 4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT AND JOURNALS FROM THE LAST SESSION 46 5. WATCH EPISODE 3 47 6. INITIAL REACTIONS 47 7. WHO HAS THE CHARACTERS’ BACKS? 48 8. HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS 48 9. WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE SOMEONE’S BACK IN THE HARD TIMES? 10. HIV TESTING AND HAVING PEOPLE’S BACKS 50 11. CHECK-OUT 51 12. JOURNAL QUESTIONS 51 SESSION 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH 1. EPISODE 4 KEY MOMENTS 54 2. SESSION GOALS 56 3. WELCOME AND WARM UP 57 4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 57 5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION 57 6. WATCH EPISODE 4 57 7. INITIAL REACTION AND FOLLOWING THEIR CHARACTER 57 8. SOME HIV NUMBERS 58 9. PROTECTING YOURSELF AND OTHERS FROM HIV 59

10. HOW TO THINK ABOUT PREVENTING HIV 11. LIVING WITH HIV: OUR GREATEST FEARS 12. LIVING WITH HIV: THE END OF FEAR 13. CONTRACEPTION 65 14. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS 15. CLOSING 67

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SESSION 5 : CONSENT 69 1. EPISODE 5 KEY MOMENTS 70 2. EPISODE 5 SCENES FOR PEER FACILITATOR REFLECTION 72 3. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILITATORS 74 4. SESSION GOALS 74 5. WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE 74 6. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 75 7. REVIEW 75 8. RESOURCES 75 9. WATCH 5 75 10. RESPONSE 75 11. CONSENT 76 12. UNDERSTANDING CONSENT FOR SEX 76 13. GENDER 78 14. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO 79 16. JOURNAL 79 17. CLOSURE 79 SESSION 6 : RAPE 81 1. EPISODE 6 KEY MOMENTS 82 2. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILITATORS 3.SESSION GOALS 84 4.WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE 85 5. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 85 6. REVIEW 85 7. RESOURCES 85

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8. WATCH EPISODE 6 85 9. INITIAL RESPONSE 86 10. SHARING 86 11. RAPE MYTHS AND RAPE FACTS 12. NEXT ACTIVITY: 89 13. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO 89 14. RESOURCES 89 15. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS 16. CLOSURE 91

6. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION 114 7. INTRODUCE SESSION TOPIC 114 8. WATCH EPISODE 8 114 9. INITIAL REACTION 114 10. YOUNG PEOPLE SEARCHING FOR SOLUTIONS 116 11. COMPARING BLESSER AND HEALTHY LOVE RELATIONSHIPS 12. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS 122 13. CLOSING 123

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SESSION 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY 93 1. EPISODE 7 KEY MOMENTS 96 2. SESSION GOALS 97 3. WELCOME AND WARM UP 97 4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 98 5. CHECK-IN FORM LAST SESSION 98 6. WATCH EPISODE 7 98 7. INITIAL RESPONSE 99 8. KNOWLEDGE, LANGUAGE AND RESPECT 100 9. FROM KNOWING THE FEELING : WALK IN MY SHOES 10. FEELING FROM ACTION 103 11. REFLECTION 106 12. REFLECTION JOURNAL QUESTIONS 106 13. CLOSURE 107 SESSION 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP 1. EPISODE 8 MOMENTS 110 2. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILATORS 3. SESSION GOALS 113 4. WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE 113 5. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 114

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SESSION 9 : ABORTION 125 1. EPISODE 9 KEY MOMENTS 126 2. SESSION GOALS 128 3. WELCOME AND WARM UP 129 4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 129 5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION 129 6. WATCH EPISODE 9 129 7. INITIAL REACTION 130 8. INTRODUCE THE SUBJECT OF ABORTION 130 9. KEEPING PARTICIPANTS SAFE 130 10. MYTHS AND FACTS – INTRODUCING THE ABORTION CARD GAME 11. REVIEW THE ABORTION MYTH/FACT CARD GAME 132 13. KHENSANI AND TSHOLO AND HAVING OUR FRIENDS’ BACKS 14. BOYS AND MEN 134 15. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO 135 16. OTHER RESOURCES 136 17. JOURNAL QUESTIONS 136 18. CLOSURE 137

112 SESSION 10 : BLAMING THE VICTIM 139 1. EPISODE 9 & 10 KEY MOMENTS 140 2. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILITATORS

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3. SESSION GOALS 142 4. WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE 5. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 6. REVIEW 143 7. RESOURCES 143 8. WATCH 10 143 9. TSHOLO’S DEATH 144 10. BLAMING THE VICTIM ACTIVITY 1 11. BLAMING THE VICTIM ACTIVITY 2 12. QUICK DRAMA ON BLAMING THE VICTIM 13. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO 150 14. SHOUT OUT 150 15. RESOURCES 151 16. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS 17. CLOSURE 151

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SESSION 11 : OUR POWER OUR VOICE 153 1. EPISODE 11 KEY MOMENTS 154 2. SESSION GOALS 156 3. WELCOME AND WARM UP 156 4. RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 156 5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION 156 6. WATCH EPISODE 11 156 7. INITIAL REACTION AND TSHOLO’S DEATH 158 8. TURNING POINTS AND LEADERS 158 9. OF SILENCES AND SHOUT-OUTS 159 10. WHAT DO WE NEED TO SAY? PREPARING FOR PROTEST! 160 11. BOLD BUTTONS 162 12. REFLECTION TOPICS 163 13. CLOSING 163

142 SESSION 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS 165 1. EPISODE 12 KEY MOMENTS 2. SESSION GOALS 170

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP 170 4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT 171 5: CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION 171 6. WATCH EPISODE 12 171 7. INITIAL REACTION AND CHARACTERS 172 8. MTV SHUGA CHARACTERS RELOAD AND MAKING AMENDS 9. PARTICIPANT RELOAD AND MAKING AMENDS 174 10. REGGIE 176 11. REFLECTION TOPICS 178 13. CLOSING 179 SESSION 13 : COMMITMENTS & PAYING IT FORWARD 1.SESSION CONTENT 182 2. GROWING HEARTS 184 2. FROM INDIVIDUAL TO GROUP: SHARING COMMITMENTS 3. PAYING IT FORWARD 186 4. PLANNING FOR CERTIFICATE CEREMONY 186 5. CLOSING CELEBRATION 187 APPENDIX FOR SESSION 13 : 190 ORGANISING A CERTIFICATE CEREMONY 190 REQUIREMENTS TO RECEIVE A CERTIFICATE 191 CREATING A CERTIFICATE 191 HOW TO ORGANISE A CERTIFICATE CEREMONY WHO YOU COULD INVITE 193 APPENDIX FOR SESSION 4 : 194 SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH INFORMATIONS APPENDIX FOR SESSION 4 : 198 MARIE STOPES CONTRACEPTIVE FACT SHEET 198 APPENDIX FOR SESSION 6 : 200

RAPE MYTHS & FACTS TABLE 200 RAPE MYTHS & RAPE FACTS 202 WHY SEPARATING RAPE MYTHS FROM RAPE FACTS IS IMPORTANT IN ORDER TO HELP A FRIEND. 209 172

APPENDIX FOR SESSION 7 : 210 KNOWLEDGE, LANGUAGE & RESPECT APPENDIX FOR SESSION 7 : 214 LGBTIQ YOUTH CHARTER 214

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APPENDIX FOR SESSION 8 : 216 LOVE & BLESSER RELATIONSHIP TABLE

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APPENDIX FOR SESSION 8 : 218 ABORTION FACT OR MYTH GAME CARDS

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APPENDIX FOR SESSION 10 : 222 AFTER RAPE : HOW TO HELP A FRIEND 222 ABOUT RAPE 222 THE IMPACT OF RAPE 223 AS A FRIEND, WHAT SHOULD I SAY AND DO? WHAT SHOULD I NOT SAY AND DO? 223 OTHER CONSIDERATIONS 225 A FEW FINAL WORDS: 225 PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY 227 HOW WE LEARN 228

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PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: 233 HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONS : 233 TIPS FOR PEER FACILITATORS 233 EMOTIONS ARE NORMAL 233 DEALING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS AS A PEER FACILITATORS 233 PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: 241 PERSONAL REFLECTION & KEEPING A JOURNAL TO REFLECT IS TO THINK DEEPLY 241 JOURNALING 243 PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: GLOSSARY 247

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Sexuality education is often just about the body. But sexuality education should be about our hearts. Ending sexual violence in any nation and creating the possibility of caring relationships between friends and strangers is about taking the education and development of people’s hearts seriously.  

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Introduction

1. INTRODUCTION

Creating this guide for MTV Shuga: Down South has been a remarkable journey. Much of the credit must go to the many young people we engaged with on the subjects of each episode. Two dynamics stand out from our discussions with young people. First, that too many adults fail young people every day. Parents, teachers, pastors and adults known and unknown to young people. They fail by objectifying girls and boys as opportunities for sex. They fail by not talking about sex-related matters to their children in ways that will help them; by not giving young people a clear message that should trouble come, they must not remain silent about it; by blaming young people for the problems and traumas that do come their way; and, by not giving the message to young people that they, the adults, have their backs no matter what.

Girls told us of preferring to stay home rather than face the barrage of sexual words, suggestions and touches by men they do not know each time they board a train, a taxi or simply walk in public. Some of those same girls and boys told us of betrayals by men who were meant to keep them safe. And many of them spoke about the pain around sexual assault and abuse they carry silently within. They remain silent because they fear being blamed by their friends, parents and teachers for what happened. The very people who are meant to love and protect them the most.

Any nation suffering epidemics of both HIV and sexual violence needs to find ways to speak with young people about many things, not just about sex. Adults who are allowing their own children or learners to go out into the world without the necessary tools to protect themselves from HIV and sexual risk must ask themselves why. And those same adults must find their voices to confront other adults who objectify young people and take advantage of them sexually. But here is the bottom line: young people cannot wait for adults to do what they should have been doing all along. “Our silence is their tragedy,” says one of the adult characters, a teacher, in MTV Shuga: Down South.

This Peer2Peer guide for using MTV Shuga: Down South is much more than a collection of information or commands to young people not to have sex. Rather, it supports a journey young people are already on: the journey to adulthood. It tries to plant seeds and give suggestions that will help young people develop good relationships to their own sexuality, and respectful relationships to everyone else’s bodies throughout their lives. Most of all, it tries to help young people find the voices that too many adults lack; voices that individually and together say ‘no’ to the sexual exploitation of all people, young and old included.

It has been an honour for us to work with young people and the MTV Staying Alive Foundation to create this guide. We hope all that use it will find meaning and worth in it, and find deeper meaning and worth within themselves. Most of all, we hope young people will discover ways to create new kinds of societies where all people really do have each other’s backs, and young people are free to build caring and loving relationships without the risk of HIV or the threat of harm.

Joachim Jacobs, Gillian Greensite, Edna Rooth and Jim Lees.

September 2017, Cape Town

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2. HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE

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How to Use this Guide

This Peer2Peer facilitation guide should be used in collaboration with the website www.mtvshuga.com, and is designed for the use of MTV Shuga: Down South over 13 sessions. Sessions 1 through 12 follow the season’s episodes, while Session 13 gives young people the chance to identify the commitments they will make to themselves and each other after the journey of the previous 12 sessions. You will find suggestions for a celebration and certificate ceremony to be held after participants make it through the entire 13-session journey. A ceremony that allows participants to invite guests to witness what they have accomplished can be an important way for young people to share what they have learned and how they have grown with their friends, teachers and families. And it can spread the work of MTV Shuga: Down South. The best group size for the sessions is 20 young people.

While each of the 13 sessions in this guide can be used on their own to address particular topics, the greatest impact for young people lies in following the sessions one after the next. The sessions build upon each other just as the story line of MTV Shuga: Down South develops and deepens. The sessions can be organised once per week, several times per week, or into intensive holiday and weekend programmes. When

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used as a 13-step programme, the 13 sessions support an important developmental journey for young people. Being facilitated by young people allows participants to work together to discover realistic ways to navigate the many challenges and dangers in their lives. And the sessions are not just about avoiding the negatives in life. They are about young people learning to build themselves into the kind of people they want to become.

On the next page, you will find a roadmap of the 13 sessions. It helps to build a picture of the journey into your mind. As a facilitator, you are encouraged to give copies of the map to all participants.

At the back of the guide, you will find an appendix with several things, including tips on being a Peer2Peer facilitator. The most important part of getting these 13 sessions right is you, the peer facilitator.

The more prepared you are, the greater the benefit to young people.

With this comes a caution: some of the subjects in this guide will be difficult to facilitate. Some are sure to make participants emotionally uncomfortable. Some might even make you upset. This is why it is of great importance that you spend time going through this entire guide and each of the MTV Shuga: Down South episodes before you begin with your first group of young people. As a peer facilitator, you are responsible for the physical and emotional wellbeing of every young person in your sessions. The best way for you to be there for them, if and when they might need you, is for you to work through your own experiences related to the subjects in this guide and the episodes first.

This guide does not preach to young people about the dangers of having sex. Nor does it try to keep young people from having sex. Rather, it acknowledges that as human beings, we are all sexual beings. We all have a right to sexual wholeness. In case you might worry that talking about sexual matters will cause young people to have sex, you can relax. Study after study has shown that when young people are given the support to have the conversations they need around sex, they make better decisions about what they will and will not do with their own bodies. They wait longer to find a partner worthy of their trust. The other important part of sexual wholeness is that silence about sex does not protect young people from sexual abuse. It only protects the sexual abusers. This guide, and MTV Shuga: Down South, is definitely about breaking the many silences around sex that are harmful to young people and helping them find their own paths to wholeness.

The theme of homosexuality is represented in the character Reggie. You will need to figure out your own feelings about homosexuality before you lead this session. You don’t have to feel that being homosexual is right for you. But in your role as a peer facilitator, you need to be able to support everyone’s right to be who they feel they are: gay, straight, bisexual, trans-sexual or asexual. The South African constitution defends the equal rights of people regardless of sexual orientation. As a peer facilitator, so must you. No matter their sexualities and choices, your task is to be: • • • •

Finally, some of the subjects in this guide might require you to challenge your own attitudes and beliefs, or to even put them aside.

There is a session on abortion. Whether you agree with the practice or not, abortion is allowed by South African law. And the stark reality is that many young girls are subjecting themselves to dangerous illegal abortions every day. This is partly because of stigmatising attitudes, which fill them with so much fear and shame that they do not take the risk of anyone spotting them at a safe public health clinic. As a peer facilitator, it is not your job to take a stand either way on abortion. It is to make sure that young people are safe no matter what their decisions are about a pregnancy.

Fully present with all the young people in your sessions; Be non-judgemental about who they are; Support them in every way possible to heal and build their own inner worth, value and strength; find ways to be safe; and, Help them work together to find ways to contribute to building a better world for all young people.

On a practical note, each session is designed to last two hours, including showing the particular MTV Shuga episode. Watch your timings as each session is full of important activities and discussions to be had.

Good luck to you in the sessions ahead. Enjoy the time with your peers and recognise that with each session and with each new group of peers, you will also be learning and growing as a human being. It is the honour and gift of your role.

3. GUIDE TO MTV SHUGA : DOWN SOUTH CHARACTERS

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Guide to MTV Shuga : Down South Characters

DJ Coalstove (also referred to as just

Q, 17, is the most popular guy in school.

At 17 years old, Zamo has a 2-year-old

Coalstove), 21, is the resident DJ in

He tries to live up to this status by playing

child named Spoonkie. Despite being a

Zenzele. A musically gifted person, as

up to what he thinks a real man should

mother, Zamo spends the majority of her

well as a caring human being, Coalstove

be: sporty, aggressive, masculine and

time partying and socialising with friends.

knows how to respect each individual and

a ‘player’. He is constantly pressuring

She is a confident, headstrong and driven

their boundaries. He and Bongi strike up a

his friend, Reggie, into having sex as a

young woman. However, balancing a busy

budding romance early on. Yet, even when

rite of passage for any man, but doesn’t

social life with the challenges of being

people’s intentions are good, a lack of care

realise the affect his words are having

a mom is proving to be tough. Whilst

can have serious consequences.

on his friend. With Zenzele changing

Zamo’s mom helps out with Spoonkie

before his very eyes, and friends seeing

from time-to-time, Zamo’s priorities will

things differently, Q is finding it difficult

be checked as she comes to terms with

to reconcile his view on things with the

her duties as a mother.

reality he is faced with.

Reggie, 17, is a high school learner with

As a peer facilitator, it is important that you know the characters of the series. Use the following brief descriptions and photos to learn about them before you begin with the Peer2Peer sessions.

a distinct talent for artistic expression.

Focusing on graffiti art rather than ‘traditional’ subjects, such as science, has forced several clashes between him and

Ipeleng, 17, is not the average teenager.

15-year-old Khensani prefers life’s simple

his teacher (who is also his father). As a

After the passing of her mother, Ipeleng

pleasures: getting on with school, kicking

popular member of the local school and

has now assumed the responsibility of

it back with her friends and searching for

a prominent player in the soccer team,

being a single-head of house and taking

love. In her pursuit of romance, Khensani

Reggie’s life seems pretty good. Yet, he is

care of her 10-year-old brother, Lemo.

comes to realise that life isn’t always

After five years of living in Lagos, 17-year-

on a journey of self-discovery as he battles

Balancing school work, paying the bills,

straightforward. Being in a relationship

old Bongi has had to reluctantly come

with his internal conflict when it comes

a part time job, and looking after Lemo

with her teacher can have some serious

back to the small township of Zenzele,

to his identity. Having his best-friend Q by

is a lot to ask of anyone, let alone a

consequences for the high school learner.

where she lives with her Aunt Nomalanga

his side is proving to be more destructive

young individual. Ipeleng is caught in

How Khensani will be able to balance her

while her parents settle in Rwanda.

than comforting, with the constant

a balancing act of survival. In order to

challenging relationship, with her deeply

Bongi struggles with her newfound

pressure he places on Reggie to have sex.

provide food and a home for her and

religious family background, remains to

surroundings, and despite the love and

Reggie is trying to be the truest version of

her brother, she spends her spare time

be seen. Will Khensani be able to navigate

support of her auntie and friends, is trying

himself, and will have to deal with a lot of

working at Club Surge. As she battles

these troubled waters alone, without

to figure out the best way forward.

challenges along the way.

with her ever-increasing lift of challenges,

seeking help from the adults in her life?

her resolve will be tested by those around her who offer supposed ‘quick-fixes’.

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For Tsholo, aged 15, her personal

Femi, 30, has just moved to Jo’burg from

Leo, 27, has escaped to South Africa after

dreams consist of life’s finer things.

Lagos in order to further his career as

things turned sour in Nigeria. Following

Trying to keep up with the latest trends

a music promoter. He has been named

his inappropriate, aggressive and sexually

requires a little imagination and some

the new manager of Club Surge, one

abusive behaviour toward his then

serious money. With Tsholo’s dad Robert

of Braamfontein’s hottest spots, and

girlfriend Sophie, in season 4, he comes

constantly on the road, she is usually left

is responsible for bringing the biggest

to Jo’burg in order to get away from his

alone to fend for herself. With her desire

acts to town. Living positively with HIV

troubles. Eventually, his past will catch

for the hottest brands and newest phones

is something that Femi is beginning

up with him and he will have to face up to

leading her to some tough decisions,

to get the hang of. At the same time,

what he has done.

she’ll have to rely on her best friend

Femi is doing his best to sustain his

Khensani for some sisterly advice. Yet,

relationship with his girlfriend Sheila, who

nothing in life is free, and Tsholo is in for

remains back in Lagos. The pressures of

a rude awakening.

maintaining a long-distance relationship, having to deal with a demanding boss like Rakeem (see below), and resisting advances from interested parties will take its toll.

Sol, 25, is a well-known figure around

Club Surge’s ruthless owner, Rakeem, 35, thinks he has life figured out. He’s rude, arrogant and driven by power, lust and money. He sees his wife Storm as nothing more than an accessory, and is constantly

Zenzele, but not always for the right

on the prowl for other women.

reasons. As the local taxi driver, Sol has the best quantum in town thanks to his father’s riches. With all this money to

Sheila, 28, stays in Lagos whilst her

spend, Sol is constantly on the lookout

boyfriend Femi moves to Jo’burg. Yet,

for new girls to ‘bless’. These blessings,

the magnetic couple/discordant couple

however, are never as they seem and

(Sheila is HIV negative and Femi is HIV

when Sol fails to get his way, his sweet

The apple of everyone’s eye, ex-beauty

positive) are doing their best to keep

and charming side quickly fades away.

queen Storm, 29, captures everyone’s

their relationship going. Sheila eventually

attention. Being married to Rakeem,

comes to pay Femi a visit, but whether she

however, is proving to be difficult.

likes what she finds remains to be seen.

Rakeem’s lack of love and attention leaves Storm looking for inspiration elsewhere. Femi’s arrival comes at the perfect time for Storm to cause a bit of trouble, as she tries to figure out her own journey in life.

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3 CHARACTERS Mr Masangu, 30, is a teacher in the local school. He uses his charm and position of authority to manipulate learners into sexual relationships. His relationship is built on exploitation and abuse, but Khensani believes that it is actually based on love. Whether he is invested in the relationship for similar reasons may be unclear at first, but when she needs it most, will he be there to help Khensani?

Auntie Nomalanga, 42, is an important

Mr Vilikazi doubles up as Reggie’s father

figure in MTV Shuga: Down South. She

and local school teacher. He has a traditional

serves as a nurse in the local clinic and

perspective on life, academia and gender

offers support and advice for any young

norms. His disdain for Reggie’s artistic craft

people who need it. As Bongi’s auntie,

is palpable, and he is determined to shape

she is particularly protective of her best

Reggie into the kind of man that he wants

interests, and does her utmost to provide

him to be, rather than the kind of person

her with the information she needs to

that Reggie wants to become.

protect her sexual and reproductive health.

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Peer2Peer Facilitator Commitments

You agree to: • • •

4. PEER2PEER FACILITATOR COMMITMENTS

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As a peer facilitator, you are able to guide your peers and participants by the example you set, as much as you can by your own words. To be a peer facilitator is very special. It means being committed to your own growth and to other young people’s growth.

When you prepare to facilitate these Peer2Peer MTV Shuga: Down South sessions, it means that you need to make these commitments:

• • • • • •

• •

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Make each session a safe place for every participant; Promote an understanding that everyone, including you, is on a different part of their own journey; Don’t judge others. Rather, know that that we are all capable of making mistakes and of learning and changing; Not be afraid of talking about difficult subjects; Practice respect for every participant and respect their sexual boundaries; Practice what you speak; Provide knowledge and information that is fair, accurate and unbiased; Serve young people; Lead from a position of knowledge, not from a position of authority; Listen carefully to young people and what they need to remain safe from HIV, sexual harassment, abuse and rape; Help young people to become adults who are able to experience full, happy, respectful, mutual and healthy love and sexual relationships with one another; Know when to ask for help; Keep what happens in the group confidential by not gossiping about any group member.

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5. SESSION ROADMAP

SESSION 1 My Personal Brand

SESSION 6 Rape

SESSION 10 Blaming the Victim

SESSION 2 My Heart, My Dreams, My Fire

SESSION 7 Sexual Diversity

SESSION 11 Our Power, Our voices

SESSION 3 Having Each Other’s Backs

SESSION 8 Love & Blesser Relationship

SESSION 12 Reload & Making Amends

SESSION 4 Sexual & Reproductive Health

SESSION 9 Abortion

SESSION 13 Commitments

SESSION 5 Consent

6. SESSIONS

SESSION 1 : MY PERSONAL BRAND

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Session 1

My Personal Brand 1. EPISODE 1 KEY MOMENTS

Note: Please do not share these key moments with the participants before starting the session.

Episode one opens with Bongi #homecomingprincess returning to her hometown, Zenzele, after a five-year absence. At the airport she meets old friend and music promoter, Femi, from Lagos. Both have been in MTV Shuga Nigeria.

This first episode introduces the characters and the story that will unfold over the course of the season. What first impressions do each of the characters make? What kind of first impression do we make when we meet people? How much of ourselves do we reveal?

Very soon, viewers meet Sol, #smoothoperator, who drives Bongi to her aunt Nomalanga’s house. What do we think of Sol when he tells Bongi that Zenzele is “full of sexy girls everywhere” and “pure temptation?”

And when he tells Bongi, “What’s a man to do?”

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Ipeleng, #bornfighter, lives with and cares for her young brother, Lemo.

Q, #goldenboy, is her boyfriend and jealous of Ipeleng’s time. Ipeleng is strong and steps up at her place of work, Club Surge, when one of the hostesses does not show up to work.

Bongi immediately has a conflict with her aunt, telling her that she is not happy being ‘stuck’ in Zenzele. Her old friend Reggie, #tagartist, saves the day. Is Bongi judging Zenzele before she really knows what the town is like?

Speaking of conflicts, the first time we see Femi’s new boss at Club Surge, Rakeem, #theboss, he is in an argument with his wife, Storm, #glamqueen. Sometimes when we meet people, we see sides of them that they would rather not have us see.

Tsholo, #materialgirl, has a father who loves her but as a truck driver he leaves her at home alone for days on end. There is Zamo who we meet through Reggie. She appears comfortable and confident in her sexuality.

How do people see her? And #lovesick Khensani, sees love as a two-way street, while her friend Tsholo seems to see relationships as a way to get material things.

The way Reggie’s father, a school teacher, sees his son and the way Reggie sees himself and his dreams are another point of conflict. His father tells his mother that, “I am going to make a man out of that boy if it kills me.”.

Session 1: MY PERSONAL BRAND

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only)

As the first session, you are doing several things at once. Watch your time carefully as each is designed for 120 minutes including the 22-minute MTV Shuga episode. In this session, you will: Introduce MTV Shuga: Down South and the journey of 13 Peer2Peer sessions; • Build trust between participants and set the tone of the sessions to come; • Communicate the sessions’ structure and tools including the journal; • Explore first impressions of MTV Shuga: Down South characters; and, • Help participants explore how they portray themselves to others and develop their own personal brands.

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PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: Be familiar with each session and what you will need before you begin.

Watch the time and be ready to make changes if important discussions come up or if anyone in the group begins to feel unsafe or upset. Your first responsibility is the safety and wellbeing of each participant. Be sure you have reviewed the section How to Handle Emotions at the end of this guide before you begin with any sessions. You should also be prepared to reach out to an adult if there is any emergency.

Ideally, you will hold 12 sessions, once or twice per week, for two hours each time. The space between sessions is important for participants to reflect on the many emotions and thoughts the sessions may bring up.

It is also important to set a pace that participants can handle without being overwhelmed. It is you who will have to judge the pace and what works best for each group of participants.

3. WELCOMING YOUR GROUP (2 minutes)

4. WARM UP AND GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER (15 minutes)

Your first interaction with every group of young people will set the tone for everything that will follow. When you welcome them, really welcome them. Look at each of them. Learn their names. Use name tags if it helps. Using people’s names is a sign of respect. Smile. Most importantly, you must really want to be there. If you do, they will feel it. If you don’t, they will also feel it. Working with MTV Shuga is exciting and meaningful. It can definitely help young people avoid a lot of things that can hurt them. It can also help them find ways to deal with the things that have already hurt them. Always remember, the time you spend facilitating peer sessions may change the lives of young participants in important and wonderful ways.

In this first welcoming, let everyone know that you are happy they have come today and that introductions will be done through an exercise that follows.

Peer Facilitator Support: Always let the participants know and feel through your words and actions that whenever the group is together and working through a session, they are the most important people in the world.

Every session will begin with an exercise that helps participants be present in the room and with each other, not distracted or thinking about things outside the room. This goes for you too, as the facilitator. Being present is powerful.

In this warm up, ask participants to pair up. Individuals in each pair should interview each other to find out their partner’s name and the one person their partner can count on to support them when times are hard.

Allow 4 minutes total for participants to interview each other.

When participants have interviewed each other, have everyone turn their attention back to the full group. Ask each individual to introduce their partner by saying their name and the person they can count on.

When you have completed these introductions, summarise the exercise by pointing out that the world is too complicated a place to get through on our own. There are too many people who want something from us or want us to do things that are not in our best self-interest. Though many of us try to appear strong, independent and needing no one, the reality is that we all do better when we know there is someone there who has our back.

Session 1: MY PERSONAL BRAND

5. INTRODUCE MTV SHUGA: DOWN SOUTH (3 minutes)

Let participants know that the MTV Staying Alive Foundation has created this 5th season of MTV Shuga, this time in South Africa, which focuses a lot on high school learners. Tell them that the MTV Staying Alive Foundation is guided by one very important value: keeping it real.

What they will see in the 12 episodes are very real situations in young people’s lives. They allow young people to see parts of themselves in the stories, and open the door to talk about the things affecting them that many young people do not have the support to deal with.

You might ask participants if they have seen any season or episode of MTV Shuga, if they liked it and why. Caution those who have seen episodes from Down South not to spoil the story for others.

6. GROUP RULES AND COMMITMENTS (5 minutes)

Let participants know that they will be watching episode 1 in just a moment. But first, ask participants if they want to create a few rules for the group to follow in the coming sessions. Let these come from participants. Write them on a board or chart paper as they are identified and agreed to. Ask if cell phones should be allowed. If they say yes, ask

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them if they will feel safe to speak about difficult, personal subjects if someone is recording them. For the success of the sessions, cell phones must be turned off and put away. But see if you can get the participants to create this rule rather than you imposing it on them.

Be sure to develop a guideline around confidentiality: that while it is good to talk to others about the topics spoken about in the session, participants’ names must be left out of any conversation outside the group.

questions of ‘Why?’ and ‘Why not?’

Peer Facilitator Support: In this first session, you are building the young people into a safe and supportive group. If you show them that you can create the sessions as safe places that really are about them and their lives, the sessions will be successful and you will not struggle getting participants to talk and share. Never be bossy or command any of the participants to speak. You must only invite them. Accept it if they are not ready.

7. WATCH EPISODE 1 (22 minutes)

9. FIRST IMPRESSIONS (15 minutes)

Let the participants get comfortable and watch Episode 1. MTV Shuga episodes are about 22 minutes each. Do your best to show the episode through a projector or on a television that is clear. The better the quality of the image and sound, the more engaged the young people will be in each episode and the more respect they will feel from you.

Go to the board or chart paper and ask participants to name each of the characters they have seen so far in Episode 1. As they say a name, ask them to talk about the first impressions each of the characters make.

What was it about the characters that made the impressions they did?

What they said? What they did? The way they looked? Ask if anything stands out about any characters or a particular scene? Are they worried about any particular character?

8. INITIAL REACTIONS (5 minutes)

Ask participants for their brief initial reactions to what they have seen.

What struck them? Did they like it? Was it ‘real’? Be sure to use follow-up

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: Don’t give participants your own ideas about the characters or tell them about the characters and what will happen in future episodes.

Let the characters unfold as the episodes progress. It is important that participants are able to be surprised, happy, confused and disappointed by what each character does.

Session 1: MY PERSONAL BRAND

10. EXPLAINING PERSONAL BRANDS (5 minutes)

Begin this section by asking what a corporate brand is. Participants should be able to identify familiar brands like Nike, Adidas, Coke, Nando’s and others. Explain that a brand identifies ownership and stands out because of its uniqueness. When you see the Adidas logo representing a brand, you know what you will get. The same with Coke, Vodacom, and others.

Your task is now to explore the idea of “personal brands”. Begin by asking participants if anyone knows what a personal brand is. Explain to the participants that they may be surprised that the idea of personal branding has been around since 1937. With the internet, the importance of developing and managing personal brands has become increasingly important. Eventually, everyone will have an online presence that will follow them for the rest of their lives. Managing that online presence – the impressions you make on others, what they say about you as a result, and the permanent record that is left behind – can support or destroy the dreams you have for your life.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Most of us know that what we do today can impact our lives 10, 20 and 30 years from now. What we post on social media can follow us for the rest of our lives. As peer facilitator, you have a chance to talk about sexting and help young people understand the importance of thinking though whatever they put online before they do it. Social media is one way we present ourselves to the world. Used wisely, it can help anyone reach their dreams and goals. But the internet is unforgiving. Using it recklessly can negatively impact people’s lives. Support the young people in your group to understand that everything they post online tells a story about who they are, positive or negative, and to be clear about the story they want to tell before posting anything.

Your best chance of engaging participants in this activity is for you to go through the entire process yourself first and to show participants the end result. Explain how you thought about what your logo should look like and what your tag line should say about you. The more open and personal you can be about your experience, the easier it will be for participants to understand the activity and identify their own personal brand. This is an exciting task for participants to engage in with real benefits of helping them create the life they want. Most people never think about or develop their personal brands, so this is a real chance to do something unusual and powerful.

So what is a personal brand? It is the impression you make on others.

How they think of you and remember you. It is about telling the world what you stand for.

Explain that a logo is a simple visual image that communicates who you are and what you want to the world to know that you stand for. It is also a summary of what you want to bring to the world.

A tag line is a single, short and powerful expression of your brand and what you stand for. Adidas’ tag line is, Impossible is Nothing. Again, it is also about what you want to bring to the world.

11. CONSTRUCTING PERSONAL BRANDS (25 minutes)

Provide crayons, colour marker pens, colour paper, A4 white paper, scissors and glue sticks for this activity. Explain that everyone will work individually for the next half an hour to create their own personal brand.

This means creating a visual logo and tag line that capture who they are and what they stand for.

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Invite participants to think about themselves for a few minutes before they begin to create their logo and tag lines. Let them reflect about what is important to them; what they want to do with their lives; their personal qualities, values and goals; exactly what they value and what they stand for. Let them also think about their qualities that come from their families and the lives they want to create.

Let participants work individually at tables to create their own logos and tag lines on paper. Remind them that there is no right or wrong, just a chance to explore who they are. Walk among the participants as they create. Give encouragement. Answer questions. Let them look more closely at your own logo and tag line as an example.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Sexual identity and HIV are themes that will be discussed later in this guide. Participants should not feel that sexual identity or HIV must be a part of their personal brands. The main focus of creating personal brands should be on what young people stand for and what they want to bring to the world. One need not be gay or HIV+ to stand for the rights of both. If participants do include HIV status of sexual identity as part of their personal brand, that is ok. But please be sure that you discuss acceptance and non-judgementalism within the group before people being sharing their personal brands.

12. SHARING PERSONAL BRANDS (15 minutes)

Allow those who wish to explain their personal brand logos and tag lines with the group. As they do this, let them comment on how the experience has been for them.

Session 1: MY PERSONAL BRAND

13. JOURNALS (2 minute)

Hand out some form of blank journals for each participant. Let participants know that journaling will be an important part of your time together. Suggest that they might want to use their personal logo and tag line as their journal cover.

14. JOURNAL QUESTIONS (5 minutes)

Explain to participants that at the end of every session, you will be posing a set of questions for them to think about and write about before the next session. Let them know that while these are personal journals, they will have the opportunity to share what they have thought or written at the start of each session if they choose. Let them write the following questions in their journals (it is best if you write them on chart paper first, before the session).

• What does your brand say about you?

• How do you feel about your brand?

• How did you feel about today’s session?

• What have you learned about yourself from today’s session?

• What will you do to manage and promote your brand?

• What are your commitments to yourself?

• What are your commitments to your friends?

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15. CLOSING

Thank participants for today’s session and let them know you are looking forward to seeing them for the next session. And remind them to make good use of the website: www.mtvshuga.com

SESSION 2 : MY HEART, MY DREAMS, MY FIRE

Session 2

My Heart, My Dreams, My Fire 1. EPISODE 2 KEY MOMENTS

Zamo is a strong young woman caught between her responsibilities to her child and her need to be young, free and happy. She gives her son alcohol so she can go to the party at night.

There is a clear relationship between Khensani and her teacher, Mr. Masangu. In church, she sends him a provocative photo. By the end of the episode we see them kissing in Mr. Masangu’s car. What is driving each of them? Love? Sex? Power? Do they have the same goal? Later at the turn up, Khensani disappears with Mr. Masangu, telling Tsholo she has “love to chase”. Tsholo advises her friend to remember that there is a difference between love and sex.

Reggie and his father, the school teacher Mr. Vilakazi, have tensions of their own. When called on by his father to explain why magnets exhibit non-contact force, Reggie’s answer shows that his own dream of being an artist is not what his father has in mind. “Non-contact force,” says Reggie, “is like when you don’t have direct contact with the people but yet your art still has some impact, you know, like some force in their lives.”.

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Q and Reggie are best friends, but pay attention to their different ideas about relationships and what it is to be a man. Q keeps trying to get Reggie to have sex with Zamo. Reggie is not really interested. When Reggie tells Q that sex is a want, not a need, Q replies, “For you, maybe, but for me, a boy needs to release some tension now and then. If Ipeleng (his girlfriend) cannot give that to me, someone else has to.” Reggie then says to Q, “Sometimes you act like you don’t love Ipeleng.”

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only)

This session moves forward from the personal brands participants developed in session 1 and introduces the idea of having each other’s backs. Participants will be guided to consider a vision for their own lives – not of their material or career goals, but of their emotional goals. They will explore their emotional networks, who has their backs and whose backs they have. Building a network of people one can count on also means being a person who can be counted on. There is mutuality in the relationship along with acceptance and acknowledgment.

Session 2: MY HEART, MY DREAMS, MY FIRE

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP (6 minutes)

5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION (10 minutes)

Have participants get into groups of 4. Give each group a sheet of paper and tell them that there will be a competition between groups.

Announce that they will only have 3 minutes to write down all the things the members of each group have in common. When they are ready, start the clock and say STOP at 3 minutes. Have each group say how many things they have identified. Ask for the funniest, most serious, most surprising and sweetest things they have in common.

With the full group, ask if there are any participants who want to share how they feel about the last session and the personal brands they created. Ask if they shared their brands with anyone and what the reaction was. Invite them to share anything they might have written in their journals about the questions from Session 1.

4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

As there may be new participants in this session, review the rules established by the group and make sure cell phones are put away and turned off.

6. WATCH EPISODE 2 (22 minutes)

7. INITIAL REACTION AND CHOOSING A CHARACTER (15 minutes)

Ask participants to choose one character that they may identify with or be interested in. You want them to follow their character throughout the episodes and sessions to come, to walk in their shoes and get into their hearts and minds. Facilitate a go-around where participants say which character they have chosen and briefly say why.

8. HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS (20 minutes)

Explain to the participants that Session 2 will begin to explore the idea of having each other’s backs and that this theme will run through all the sessions to follow. Let the relationships in Episode 2 help participants understand the term by asking them about the following situations. (Let the group remain together and allow 4 minutes for each question.)

•

Ask participants for their initial reactions to Episode 2. What struck them? Did they recognise any situations? Are they worried about any characters?

• • • •

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In what ways does Reggie’s father have and not have his son’s back?

Do Q and Reggie have each other’s backs? Why or why not?

Who has Zamo’s back?

Bongi’s aunt clearly has her back, but why does Bongi resist her aunt?

Does Mr. Masangu have Khensani’s back? Why or why not?

9. YOUR CHARACTER’S HEART (20 minutes)

Suggest to participants that perhaps the most important ways that people can have each other’s backs is when they accept and support people to be who they really are and to protect them from harm. One way to think about someone having your back is to figure out how safe you feel showing them what is in your heart. Will they stand by you or judge you? Will they help you fly or knock you to the ground? Will they help you or harm you?

Instruct participants to form groups of 4. Give each person a piece of paper, or let them draw in their journal. Give each group at least one set of colour crayons. Ask participants to think about the character they have chosen to follow and what might be in that person’s heart. After 2 episodes, they should already have a sense of what is underneath their character’s skin. Let each participant draw the heart of their character and what is in it.

Session 2: MY HEART, MY DREAMS, MY FIRE

When the participants have completed their drawings, have participants return to the full group to explain and discuss their drawings. Facilitate the sharing character-by-character rather than participant-by-participant.

When a participant explains what is in their character’s heart, ask if there is anyone who chose the same character who wants to add something or sees that character differently. Let them know they do not need to repeat what has already been said.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: Invite participants to open up their creative and artistic sides for this activity. Have them remember how much they may have loved drawing when they were young, not worrying about anyone judging what they drew. In that same way, there are no right or wrong answers or ways to express on paper what is in their characters’ hearts. They should relax and have fun!

Colour is a great way to express feelings. Their drawings do not need to look like anything in particular. They just need to capture what it feels like inside their characters’ hearts. Playing music, if possible, will help facilitate the activity.

After the participants present the characters they have chosen, ask them to comment on what they think might be in the hearts of characters that might not have been chosen.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Every character is important in MTV Shuga. This exercise begins to build awareness and empathy among participants – the real ability to feel what someone else feels. All the characters, including Mr. Masangu, Reggie’s father, Bongi’s aunt, Zamo, Rakeem and Storm are important to discuss.

10. YOUR HEART (20 minutes)

You will need more paper, crayons, a letter-size envelope for each participant and some glue sticks. Explain to participants that schools try to help young people develop good minds; sport helps young people develop strong bodies; and that part of the goal of MTV Shuga is to help young people develop awareness of their emotions and build good and strong hearts. People with good hearts reach out to protect and help people even when they do not know them. People with strong hearts know how to take care of themselves through difficult times without closing their hearts down or taking their anger out on others.

Explain to participants that this final exercise is a very private and individual one. No one will be asked to share their drawing. They should work alone and respect the privacy of others by not looking at anyone’s drawings if they are not invited to do so. Explain all of the following steps before beginning the drawing: 1.

2.

3.

4.

Invite participants to pretend that they are now 80 years old.

In this task, as their 80-year-old selves, they are to look back across their entire lives, from the moment they were born until they turned 80, and tell the story of the emotional journey of their hearts.

To help them understand the activity, explain that this is about defining the kinds of things they want to feel in their lifetimes (do they want to feel happy, proud of how they live their lives, loved), the kind of people they want to be (honest, people who are always there for their friends, people who make the world a better place) and the experiences they want to remember when they are 80. This activity is not about material goals, fancy cars or big houses. It is about the kinds of things young people want to feel in their hearts on the way to 80.

Remind them that the drawing is only for them. Let them know that when they are done with their drawing, they are to fold it carefully and place it inside an envelope you will give them. They are to seal their envelopes and put their names on them.

Proceed with the activity. Play gentle music if you can. When everyone’s heart has been drawn, make sure they place them into their envelopes, seal them and write their names on the envelope.

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Session 2: MY HEART, MY DREAMS, MY FIRE

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Having goals in life helps young people avoid being drawn into situations and behaviours that might harm them. Young people often think about the jobs they might want to have or the things they want to own. What receives little attention, but is as important as these material things, is to spend time thinking about what we want to experience in our hearts throughout our lifetimes. What feelings and emotions are important to each one of us? We can have goals for this as well. In fact, creating a vision for our hearts can be a powerful and practical exercise that helps young people create what they really want and avoid what will not take them toward their vision. An example of what someone might identify as important to their heart is true friendship. Really knowing there is someone who can be counted on who will not be judgemental. A participant might draw a part of their heart that is about friendship and place colours and shapes in a way that expresses what that feels like.

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When all participants’ heart drawings have been sealed into envelopes and placed in their journals, check in with participants as to how they felt about this activity. Suggest to them that they are invited to open their heart envelopes in any of the sessions that follow, but only when they are ready to share them. Tell them that we all carry many things in our hearts, our dreams and our hurts, and that before something so personal can be shared with others, people need to feel safe. Therefore, they will be asked in the journal questions that follow to think about what they will need from the group and from others before they can open up and share their own hearts.

11. REFLECTION TOPICS

Invite participants to reflect on the following questions in their journals before the next session.

1. What are the 3 most important things I want my heart to feel and experience in my lifetime?

2. Who do I have in my life who I can really share what is in my heart with without fear of judgement or betrayal?

3. What are the practical things I need from people around me, including my friends, my family and the group, before I am willing to share what is in my heart?

4. What are my commitments to myself and my friends?

12. CLOSING (5 minutes)

Congratulate participants on their work in the session. Ask participants what the session meant for them. Remind them of when the next session will be and to bring their journals with them. And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com  

SESSION 3 : HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS

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Session 3

Having Each Other’s Back

1. EPISODE 3 KEY MOMENTS

This session builds on participants’ visions for their own hearts in Session 2 and moves further into the overall theme of Having Each Other’s Backs. Episode 3 gives us plenty to think about. Which characters have someone in their lives who really have their backs? It is Reggie whose friend Q wants him to be his ‘wing man’ at the turn up so that they are not the only ones there without a girl. Zamo left her baby at home alone during the turn up after giving him alcohol. Is that having your child’s back? And what about Reggie’s father who is disappointed that his son has been out spray painting graffiti again, saying it is nonsense? Reggie defends his art but his father shouts that it is rubbish and vandalism. Reggie raises his voice and asks if he has ever seen his work. His father becomes angrier and warns his son about his tone.

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One might think that a marriage partner’s would have their partner’s back. But does Rakeem have Storm’s back? What must she be feeling when she and Femi see Rakeem flirting with Ipeleng? And though Rakeem allowed Ipeleng to take Mandy’s place as a hostess for the evening, what are his intentions? Does he have her back or does he want something in return?

Does Tsholo really have Khensani’s back when she helps Khensani follow through on her crush with her school teacher? Khensani goes off with her teacher during the turn up and Tsholo eventually goes home. Does she know if her friend is OK? Coalstove looks like he has Bongi’s back. He seems to be in control of his own sexual desire. At Coalstove’s house after the turn up, Bongi and Coalstove begin to kiss. When Coalstove gets more passionate, Bongi pulls away and asks him to stop. He says ‘sorry’ and she explains that it is too soon and that she has ‘not really done this before’. He offers to take her home but she decides to stay and they agree to talk more and listen to music.

The episode shows Tsholo flirting with the taxi driver, Sol. When he appears at her door and gives her a cell phone, does this mean he is having her back?

Session 3 : HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACK

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitators only)

take three large breaths together, in sync with each other.

This is a brief exercise. Let them sit back-to-back and breathe together for 3 minutes.

In this session you will take participants through several activities that reveal the value of having someone who really has your back. As a continuation of Session 2, you will be unpacking the participants’ journal exercise about what they need before they can show what is in their hearts to others. It is here where the connection between revealing who we really are and having each other’s backs is made. Part of the session explores what it means that young people can be so hard on each other, and what it really means to have someone’s back.

Then ask participants to share with their partners:

3. WELCOME AND ICE BREAKER (10 minutes)

Introduce the session theme, “Having each other’s backs.” To start out, guide them through the following warm up activity: Ask participants to work in pairs. Ask them to sit on the floor with their back against their partner’s back. They should remain silent once seated. They need to listen to and feel the breathing of their backpartner. Then they should adjust their own breathing rate to suit the rhythm and rate of their partner. Before ending the exercise, ask them to

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• • • •

What was difficult about this exercise? What was easy?

How did it feel to become aware of another person’s breathing rhythm?

How did it feel to change your own breathing rhythm?

Would it have been possible to do this exercise without listening to the other person with more than just your ears?

End by asking for general comments. Sum up by pointing out that this is a symbolic exercise of much that we will address in this session.

4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT AND JOURNALS FROM THE LAST SESSION (10 minutes)

Remind participants of the rules they made for the group and be sure that everyone has switched their phones off. Also, remind them that they were invited to think and even write in their journals about the practical

things they need from people around them, including the group, before they are able and willing to share what is in their hearts. Take some time to debrief this now and any other things they might want to talk about from the last session. You should write their ideas about what they need before they can share their hearts on chart paper for everyone to see.

5. WATCH EPISODE 3 (22 minutes)

6. INITIAL REACTIONS (10 minutes)

Ask participants to share any thoughts they have about the episode. What struck them? Did they recognise any situations as similar to what they know from their own lives? Are they worried about any character in particular?

Remind participants that they chose a character during the last session that they were interested in. Ask participants to comment on how they are feeling about their character now.

Session 3 : HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACK

7. WHO HAS THE CHARACTERS’ BACKS? (10 minutes)

8. HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACKS (30 minutes)

• •

Let the above section move easily into a conversation about who has each character’s back. Use any of the following questions to prompt discussion: •

• • • •

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Q wants Reggie to be his ‘wing man’ and always seems to be pressuring him to have sex with Zamo. Does Q have Reggie’s back?

What would Q be saying to Reggie if he did have his back?

Reggie’s father has not seen his art, yet dislikes and disapproves of it. Does he have his son’s back? What would it look like if he did?

Why didn’t Zamo have her son’s back?

What’s up with Sol and Tsholo? Does giving her a phone mean that Sol has Tsholo’s back?

In what ways are you sure that Coalstove has Bongi’s back?

Introduce this activity by stating that who people are is often defined by their networks around them. I am a brother, sister, boyfriend, friend, etc.

We live in a world where we do need each other, but we are sometimes not so good at having other’s backs, even those already in our networks.

Let the participants know that you will be guiding them through an exercise that explores what it looks like when people do and do not have each other’s backs.

Divide the participants into 4 groups. Give each group a piece of chart paper and a marker for taking notes. Tell them they will be working in groups and each group will be answering a different question. Each group should work together to write their answers to the first part of their question. Together, they should draw a heart to represent the answer to the second part of their question.

• •

Question for group 1: Describe what it looks like when adults (parents, teachers, strangers) have young people’s backs. (Give real examples) Then draw what a young person’s heart looks like in this situation.

Question for group 2: Describe what it looks like when adults do not have young people’s backs. (Give real examples.) Then draw what a young person’s heart looks like in this situation.

Question for group 3: Describe what it looks like when young people have each other’s backs. (Give real examples) Then draw what a young person’s heart looks like in this situation.

Question for group 4: Describe what it looks like when young people do not have each other’s backs. (Give real examples) Then draw what a young person’s heart looks like in this situation.

When the 4 groups have completed their work, let each group report their findings to the full group and take questions from other groups. Step back and let the participants run this section if possible. When the participants are done, ask if there is anyone who would like to summarise what has been learned in this exercise and what it was like doing the exercise.

Session 3 : HAVING EACH OTHER’S BACK

9. WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE SOMEONE’S BACK IN THE HARD TIMES? (10 minutes)

10. HIV TESTING AND HAVING PEOPLE’S BACKS (15 minutes)

Explain to participants that it is one thing to talk about having someone’s back and another thing to actually do it. Invite the participants to remember their personal brand tag lines and logos from Session 1. Now let them know that you will be asking some tough questions to see if they really do have each other’s backs!

Ask the following questions to facilitate a deeper discussion on what it means to have someone’s back: What will you do if…

Suggest to participants that having each other’s backs means supporting one another to get tested for HIV and looking after your sexual health in other ways, too. The real test is not of someone’s blood but of their strength, courage and character. Propose to participants that everyone has to ask themselves: Am I the kind of person who watches out for the lives and well-being of others? Is caring part of who I am? Do I only care about myself? Am I willing to compromise the health and life of someone else so that I can have sex? Will I lie to others? Will I lie to myself and insist that I don’t have HIV when I really don’t know because I have never been tested? Do I care enough about myself to get tested? Am I strong enough to be honest with myself and others? While there are reasons people do not get tested, not knowing one’s HIV status means that safe sex should always be the rule.

• • • • • • • • •

Your friend gets pregnant?

You are the one who got her pregnant?

Your friend has an abortion?

Your friend gets HIV? Your friend is treated unfairly and disrespectfully by teachers?

Other friends will think less of you for having your friend’s back?

Your friend is raped?

Your friend figures out that he or she is gay?

Your friend seems to be taking advantage of someone who it drunk at a party?

Ask participants to share how they felt during this exercise. Summarise by saying that everyone’s answers can help them reflect on what kind of friend they want to be.

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After presenting the above ideas to participants, keep them in the full group and ask the following questions, one at a time, charting the answers.

1.

2.

3.

What keeps some people from being tested for HIV? Why should people be tested for HIV? What does it mean to take care of your sexual health?

After completing that discussion, divide participants into groups of 5.

Give each group a piece of (chart) paper. Ask the groups to create their own set of guidelines or rules for themselves about sex and testing for HIV. As the groups are working, suggest to them that they might want to think about some of these things: Will they test themselves before being sexually active with someone? Will they insist that their partners get tested before having sex with them? What will their rules be about condom use? What if an older man gives them lots of things and insists on not using condoms? Will they test alone or together with a partner?

How will they be sure their partner has tested? How will they be sure their partner is not seeing other people? When will they use condoms and when will they not use condoms? Do they know about and have water-based lubricants? What about the possibility of pregnancy? Will they use another form of contraception for dual protection?

When the groups are finished, have each group present their guidelines to the full group. Ask each group to share what they felt during the activity.

11. CHECK-OUT (3 minutes)

Before closing the session, stand in a circle with the participants and ask how they are by asking them to identify one word that describes how they feel and have them speak that word into the circle. Ask if anyone wants to say anything about today’s session. And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com

12. JOURNAL QUESTIONS

It is best if you have already written these questions for journal reflection on chart paper before the session begins. Let participants copy them into their journals.

• • • •

Who in my life really has my back, my best interest at heart?

Whose back do I really have?

Do I really have my own back?

Does having my own back mean that I will always make sure I know my HIV status?

SESSION 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

Session 4

Sexual & Reproductive Health 1. EPISODE 4 KEY MOMENTS

Tension continues to build between Femi, Rakeem and Storm in Episode 4, spilling over into Femi’s relationship with Sheila. Sheila’s phone call ends Femi and Storm’s kiss. Femi feels bad. Storm turns against Femi and Rakeem threatens him if he does not leave his wife alone.

Sol and Tsholo spend more time together. The phone he gave her makes her more available. They have sex for the first time, which Sol refers to as ‘giving me some of what I want’. Tsholo provided the condoms. Khensani finds out she is pregnant. Tsholo says she must consider having an abortion but Khensani thinks it is a sign from God and that she will somehow be with her teacher and the baby.

Aunt Nomalanga speaks to Bongi and Coalstove as a nurse to make sure they are both safe from pregnancy, HIV and other STIs. Bongi is uncomfortable, but Coalstove urges her to listen. “The problem is that

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people don’t talk about these things enough”, says Nomalanga. She wants to make sure they use condoms and gives them good advice: “Sexual health is both your responsibility. Issues of condoms are not just his responsibility. Contraception is not just her responsibility.”

Nomalanga assures Bongi that as long as she is above 12 years old, she can get birth control at public clinics without her parents having to know.

Later, Bongi has an IUD (Intra-Uterine Device) inserted. The nurse calls it the ‘perfect birth control for teenagers’ because it is so effective. Bongi still needs to use condoms to protect herself from HIV and STIs. Despite the talks and warnings, Bongi and Coalstove have sex without a condom.

Coalstove thinks he is HIV negative because he had a test when he was with his former girlfriend.

Q is still trying to get Reggie to have sex with Zamo. Bongi says to Q, “It is peer pressure what you are doing, you know that.”. Q replies, “I’m trying to get my boy laid. It’s called being a good friend.”.

Session 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only)

Sexual and reproductive health is a very big topic. It covers issues about STI screening, pap smears, abortion and focus on empowering young people to know and exercise their rights. For this session, you will be considering only two topics: (i) HIV – how it’s transmitted and how we can prevent getting the virus and; (ii) pregnancy prevention through contraception. It is important that young people understand the facts about safe sex and keeping each other free from disease and unsupportable pregnancy. This session will equip you with this information, as well as methods and techniques to help participants learn what they need to know.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: As a peer educator you need to be updating your knowledge and skills continuously. The more information you have about issues related to HIV and AIDS and contraception, the more valuable you are to your peers.

Consult a variety of sources to get information - www.mtvshuga.com is an excellent resource. Click on the Knowledge link at the top of the page.

Remember, the stigma and discrimination many people feel because of HIV are typically, but not solely the result of people not understanding HIV and AIDS as is the judgement people, especially girls, feel about accessing contraception services.

Before you begin this session, carefully consider the way you share information with your peers. Bombarding them with lots of facts is the last thing you want to do. Focus on creative ways that allow for learning to be fun.

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP (6 minutes)

5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION (10 minutes)

Welcome participants and ask a general “How are you today?”. Then proceed with the following activity to help people remember each other’s names and the personal brands from Session 1.

With the full group, ask if there are any participants who want to share how they feel now about Session 3. Review the reflective journal questions about the people who have their backs. Remind them that they are welcome to share anything they might have written.

Ask participants to stand in a circle and remember their personal brands. One by one, go around the circle and let them introduce themselves to the group by making alliterations with their names – alliteration is an adjective used to describe who they are that begins with the same letter as their name. For example, “Hi, I am Strong Sizwe, Brave Bonile or Clever Clive.” Let this be a fun activity and allow for much laughter.

4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

Ask anyone if they have any new rules they would like to add. Make sure that everyone has switched off their cell phones and put them away.

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6. WATCH EPISODE 4 (22 minutes)

7. INITIAL REACTION AND FOLLOWING THEIR CHARACTER (10 minutes)

Ask participants if anything stood out for them in this episode. Check in with them as to how the characters they are following are doing. Is anyone worried about their character?

Session 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

8. SOME HIV NUMBERS (3 minutes)

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Do not assume that no one in your session has HIV. And do not assume they have not lost someone very dear to them to AIDS. When you speak about HIV, you must do so respectfully and from a place of knowledge, not opinion. HIV should not be feared. It is prejudice against people living with HIV and the lack of HIV knowledge that should be feared.

Behaviours that come from ignorance, including stigmatizing people living with HIV, are the behaviours that should worry us. Likewise, don’t assume people in your session aren’t or haven’t used contraception.

Remember that contraception is surrounded by a lot of misinformation and myths about how different methods work and the effects they have on the body. Avoid discussing clinical details if you feel that you don’t have enough information, but speak generally about the need for those who are sexually active to get informed about the options available by talking to a nurse or doctor.

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Open this activity by writing the following facts on the board or flip chart paper for all to see: According to UNAIDS, as of 2016,

9. PROTECTING YOURSELF AND OTHERS FROM HIV (20 minutes)

• • •

Let participants know that this activity will focus on HIV transmission and prevention and show them a different way to know if an activity could lead to HIV transmission or if it is probably safe. Ask participants, “How is HIV transmitted from one person to the next?”. Let them offer and discuss their answers.

•

•

7 million people in South Africa are living with HIV. There were over 700 new HIV infections in South Africa every day.

Nearly 300 people in South Africa died every day of AIDS in 2016.

This is down from a peak of over 1,000 people dying of AIDS every day only a few years ago.

Young people (15–24 years old) make up 24% of the population and 10% of all people living with HIV, but account for 41% of new HIV infections, of which more than 70% were among adolescent girls and young women.

AIDS-related illnesses are the leading cause of death for adolescents in Africa. However, it does not have to be this way – when people are aware of their HIV status and stick to their treatment, they are very likely to live a long and healthy life.

Next, explain to participants that we need to simplify the way HIV is transmitted to make it easier to understand. The most important fact about HIV is that people’s behaviour affects their individual level of risk for HIV. Keep in mind the focus for this activity is on behaviour and not the person. It is not about who gets HIV, it is about what kind of behaviour puts a person at risk of getting HIV. We also need to be mindful of the fact that women and girls are biologically more vulnerable than men and boys.

Now explain the basics of HIV transmission. HIV is a virus, a very clever virus in that it goes into our body cells and gets these cells to manufacture more viruses.

How does the virus enter the body? A very simple answer would be that the virus enters the body through an opening. For our purposes we will call this opening a door through which the virus enters. It is important to understand that it also needs something to take it through the door. It cannot move through the door by itself, it needs a carrier to get it through. In the case of HIV, the carrier are specific body fluids. Lastly, we need an action for transmission to take place For the next step, you should have written the following tables on a piece of chart paper before the session. Post it now on the wall after you have explained the basic facts of HIV transmission to the group. Only write the first line for each of the tables (words in blue). Ask participants to complete the tables (the parts in yellow is for your use only and are not to be shared with them).

Session 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

THE DOOR

THE CARRIER

NON-CARRIER

Cut your skin

Blood

Urine

ACTION WITH RISK

ACTION WITH NO RISK

Sex (oral, anal, vaginal or

Hugging an

any other form)

infected person

Sharing a needle when

Sharing food or drinks

THE FOLLOWING The walls of the vagina

BODILY PLACES

Semen

THROUGH

BODY FLUIDS

WHICH THE An open sore anywhere on the body

Saliva

BODY.

AS A CARRIER BECAUSE IT CAN

Sweat

NON-CARRIERS BECAUSE THEY Breastfeeding

Using a toilet or bath

DO NOT CONTAIN THE VIRUS OF THE VIRUS.

THE VIRUS.

DO NOT CONTAIN THE VIRUS Bug Bites (mosquito)

Breast Milk

equipment Process of birth

anus Sharing a bed

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OR VERY LOW QUANTITIES OF THE VIRUS.

Tattoos Sharing exercise

Inner part of the

THE FOLLOWING BODILY FLUIDS ARE CONSIDERED NON-CARRIERS BECAUSE THEY

OR VERY LOW QUANTITIES

QUANTITIES OF

FLUIDS. Tears

Head of the penis

THE VIRUS OR VERY LOW

THE FOLLOWING BODILY FLUIDS ARE CONSIDERED

DO NOT CONTAIN

HIDE IN THESE Pre-cum

using drugs

BECAUSE THEY

VIRUS CAN USE Vaginal Fluid

CONSIDERED NON-CARRIERS

WHICH THE

VIRUS CAN ENTER THE

FLUIDS ARE

Session 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

CLOSING THE DOOR 10. HOW TO THINK ABOUT PREVENTING HIV (5 minutes)

It is important to emphasize the following: For effective sexual prevention you should close the opening or the door through which the virus can enter the body. Ask participants to complete the following table by identifying ways the door can be closed and make it impossible for the virus to enter the body, reducing the risk of getting HIV.

11. LIVING WITH HIV: OUR GREATEST FEARS (10 min)

Using female condom

We have already emphasized that one of the most important aspects related to HIV is improving our knowledge levels. This goes handin-hand with developing empathy and addressing stigma. A lack of knowledge and an inability to express empathy are the foundations for stigma and discrimination. The next exercise will focus on creating a better understanding of what it feels like to live with HIV. Hand out a sheet of paper to each of your group members. Read the following scenario to them:

Using a dental dam

Using a male condom

Not having sex

BODY FLUIDS WHICH THE Only having sex with one partner whose HIV status has been confirmed with an HIV test

Reducing the number of viruses in the carrier (blood) by means of treatment (ARV’s)

Reducing your chances, as an HIV negative person to become infected with the virus by means of PrEP

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VIRUS CAN USE AS A CARRIER BECAUSE IT CAN HIDE IN THESE FLUIDS.

You have always been fearful about going for an HIV test. After watching MTV Shuga: Down South and attending the peer-led group, you finally have enough courage to go for an HIV test at the local clinic.

The nurses are very helpful and you feel at ease. This makes you less anxious as you go in for your test results. The nurse opens the page with your test results and shares the news with you that you are HIV positive…

Now ask participants to write down what their greatest fear would be in this situation. What is the one thing that they would want to ask the nurse? The box below has some questions that we have encountered during previous training sessions. Use this as a guide for you.

• • • • • • • • •

Will I die soon?

Will I not be able to have children of my own?

I fear that people will reject me if they find out that I am HIV+.

I don’t want to tell my parents that I have HIV – you are not going to tell my parents, are you?

My fear that people will know that I am HIV+.

Can I have a sexual partner?

Does this mean my sexual partner is HIV+ too?

How do I protect my sexual partner now that I am HIV+?

My life is over!!!

Get everyone to put their pages up on the wall in the room. Allow your group members to do a silent gallery walk reading the statements from the rest of the group. Ask them not to discuss the statements. Now ask them to select a statement from the wall that struck them. Ask them to prepare a response for the statement showing that they have understood the emotional experience that the person is going through. Get a few of your group members to share these responses with the rest of the group.

Session 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

12. LIVING WITH HIV: THE END OF FEAR (10 minutes)

Now that you have reviewed this knowledge with participants, ask the following question: Is there any reason to fear people because they have HIV?

Begin this activity by asking participants to raise their hands if they think HIV is a death sentence. Hopefully, no one will raise their hand. Whether anyone does or not, review the fact that while HIV resulted in the deaths of several million people, many of whom the participants may have known, been related to and loved, medical treatment has reached the point where, with proper care, people with HIV can live their full lifetimes.

Again, hopefully everyone will agree that fearing people living with HIV makes no sense. If anyone disagrees, you must respectfully try to understand their reasoning.

Fear fed into a lot of the stigma and hatred people living with HIV faced in the past. People were afraid of getting HIV, getting sick and dying. But with current treatments combined with the proper use of condoms, fear makes even less sense than it did 30 years ago.

Ask participants to identify all the things that prevent the spread of HIV during sexual activity. These should include the following: • •

•

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Condom Use: condoms used properly are 98% to 99% effective in preventing the transmission of HIV. Treatment as Prevention: this means that when ARV medications are taken properly by people living with HIV, the actual presence of HIV in their blood, semen and breast milk reduces to undetectable levels, making the transmission of HIV nearly impossible.

PrEP: this is Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. This means that people who have an HIV+ partner or engage in high risk sexual activity can take ARV medications daily to prevent them getting HIV in the first place.

For this next step, have participants break into groups. When they are in their groups, ask them to discuss and prepare to present their answers to the following 3 questions: 1.

2.

3.

Now that we understand that there is no reason to fear people living with HIV, how will we relate to people living with HIV? Now that we understand that there is no reason to fear people living with HIV, is there any reason not to support and accept people living with HIV? Now that we understand that there is no reason to fear people living with HIV, are we willing to fall in love with someone who is HIV+?

Give the groups 5 minutes to discuss these questions before returning

to the main group and sharing their answers. The question about willingness to fall in love with someone who has HIV is a powerful question and can reveal deep-seated feelings and attitudes. Remember to treat participants’ ideas with care and respect, even if you disagree.

Stigmatising and discriminating attitudes are learned, and many of us have been taught to be afraid of HIV and people living with it for three decades. Letting go of that fear will take time and effort.

ACTIVITY: CONTRACEPTION (20 minutes)

• • •

13. CONTRACEPTION

Not everybody your age is having sex. Your partner might try to force you into having sex, or your friends might let you know that they are having sex. Don’t let yourself be pressurized to have sex if you are not ready. Only you can tell when you are ready. When you feel that you are ready for sex you need to give serious consideration to preventing a pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection. Being ready means that you are ready to talk about contraception. Contraception refers to any method that will prevent a person from getting pregnant. A contraceptive is designed to be used by either a male or a female. Some contraceptives only prevent against pregnancy and some also prevent the transmission of STIs, HIV and other infections.

•

Inform your group that this part of the session will focus on contraception.

Arrange participants in small single sex groups of 3 to 5 people (small groups with only boys in a group and only girls in a group).

Get your small groups to brainstorm the following question. What would you consider to be the characteristics of a really cool contraceptive? Make a list of the characteristics. The following can be used as guidelines for thinking about your really cool contraceptive: 1. How does it work?

2. How regular must it be taken? Daily, monthly, etc.

3. Who is it for - males or females?

4. What makes it cool – list the characteristics.

Provide each of the groups with the Marie Stopes contraception fact sheet in the appendix for this session.

Session 4 : SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: You can obtain brochures from organisations like Marie Stopes or your local clinic. These are free of charge at these facilities. It could prove to be a great experience for you or members of your group to visit the local clinic to obtain some information.

• •

•

Get the groups to compare their idea of a cool contraceptive with existing contraceptive methods.

How does their method differ from existing methods? How is it the same? Which existing method is closest to their idea of a cool contraceptive method?

Closure: Close the activity by getting participants to reflect on the exercise. What was the experience like? If any of them have accompanied you to the local clinic, provide time for them to tell others in the group about the experience.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO SHARE ABOUT EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION:

14. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS (2 minutes)

15. CLOSING (2 minutes)

Emergency contraception is a birth control method that is used after sexual intercourse to prevent pregnancy. Emergency contraception does not terminate or end a pregnancy. Instead, it prevents conception (pregnancy) in the first place. Two methods of emergency contraception are the insertion of an IUD (Intra-Uterine Device) and emergency contraceptive tablets. Both should be used only with the support of a doctor or clinic nurse. Tablets should never be bought from the street or a private person. Emergency contraception tablets are effective if taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sexual intercourse. An IUD is effective if inserted within 5 days of unprotected sexual intercourse. Neither of these methods protects you from HIV or other STIs.

Ask participants to focus on the two regular journal questions this week:

Thank the participants for their good work today and wish them well.

And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com

What does emergency contraception mean to young people, particularly young girls? People sometimes make mistakes when it comes to having sex. Some will find themselves having had unprotected sexual intercourse and worry about becoming pregnant. Sadly, some will be manipulated or forced into sexual intercourse without condoms or other forms of protection and contraception. At that moment, girls and women are faced with a decision that must be made immediately: to go to a clinic and begin emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy; or, to hope that they will not become pregnant because of the incident and wait until they know. For those who know they are not ready to have a child, seeking emergency contraception immediately means they will not be faced with the decision about abortion at a later date.

1.

2.

What are my commitments to myself?

What are my commitments to others?

SESSION 5 : CONSENT

Session 5

Consent 1. EPISODE 5 KEY MOMENTS

Episode 5 has Bongi and Coalstove moving forward in their relationship.

Ipeleng is still trying to balance school, taking care of Lemo and working. She wonders how her co-worker Mandy allows men in the club to treat her as they do. For Mandy, it is about paying bills. Khensani is still carrying the teacher’s baby and has not yet figured out what to do.

We see more evidence of the love that Tsholo’s dad has for her but her relationship with Sol is becoming more tense. Khensani warns her about Sol and Tsholo replies, “He is getting what he wants and I am getting what I want.”. But what Sol wants is increasing control of Tsholo, phoning her constantly and expecting her to be available for him at every moment. The episode ends with a menacing and angry Sol coming into Tsholo’s home at night, striking her across the face and then raping her.

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Leo arrives from Lagos to stay with Femi until Sheila arrives. Leo is trying to get away from his reputation in Lagos as having raped Sophie. He is upset that everyone in Lagos thinks he is ‘that guy’. “I stopped when she started screaming,” protests Leo to Femi. “I would never rape a woman.”

Femi replies that righteous men sometimes hurt people.

Zamo finally hooks up with Reggie but feels that he is not really into it and backs off.

Session 5 : CONSENT

2. EPISODE 5 SCENES FOR PEER FACILITATOR REFLECTION (For Peer Facilitator only)

SCENE 3:

Episode 5 contains powerful scenes that peer facilitators should reflect upon and talk about with each other. Each scene summary is accompanied by questions to help you think about the situations the characters find themselves in and why.

Zamo is sexually interested in Reggie. She takes the initiative and starts kissing him. When she feels that he is not into it, she backs off which is the right thing to do. Think about consent in this context. Who has the responsibility to draw the line if it’s not mutual? The person who initiates sex? The other person? Both? Why?

SCENE 1:

SCENE 4:

Tsholo can’t confide in her father that Sol is stalking her with his constant calling and following her movements. When her father says he is worried about her, she says she is fine. She rejects Khensani’s warnings about Sol and changes the subject to Khensani’s pregnancy.

Think about why Tsholo is unable to ask for help to handle Sol. How might events have been different if she had a support network? Avoid blaming her for Sol’s aggression.

At the Club, Mandy and Ipeleng disagree over how to operate in “a man’s world”. Contrast Ipeleng’s comment that “You are an independent woman and you are not his property” with Mandy’s comment that “she is just trying to make a man’s world work for me.” Who do you admire more and why? Think about women’s economic status and how that affects women’s and men’s sexual behavior. How would a higher economic status give women more options?

SCENE 2:

SCENE 5:

Leo visits Femi. They talk about what Leo did to Sophie. Femi is critical of Leo who claims he didn’t rape Sophie. He admits she said no to sex but he stopped when she screamed. Femi says he believes him. What does consent mean for sex? Leo did stop but he ignored a “no” and it took a scream to stop him. Does this make it consensual? Think about what else Femi might have said to Leo besides “believing him”.

The last scene is Sol’s physical and sexual violence against Tsholo.

Think about why she ignored the warning signs. Does this make her irresponsible? How can we avoid blaming women and girls for male aggression? Why do we blame the victims of rape? How does blaming the victim make it difficult for girls and women to get help after being raped? How can we all create a culture of support for those who are raped, including boys raped by men? How can non-violent men help change a world where male sexual aggression flourishes?

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Session 5 : CONSENT

3. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILITATORS

Episode 5 may be hard to watch for some people and for you. There is a rape scene at the end of the episode. As the peer facilitator, if you have ever been raped, talk with an understanding friend or supportive person before leading this session, and have someone to talk with afterwards if needed. If you are not sure you want to facilitate this session, find another peer facilitator who can take over for you or do the session with another peer facilitator.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: It is important that participants understand that talking about sexual relationships is not the same as promoting sexual relationships. The ultimate goal of sex education is for young people to make better decisions around sex. Many studies confirm that when young people are exposed to quality sex education programmes, they are much more careful about their sexual activity and will wait longer before having sex.

6. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

Remind participants to put cell phones off and away; that we may disagree with another person’s point of view but we will do so respectfully; that we will not interrupt another person; that we will not talk about anyone outside the session.

7. REVIEW (10 minutes)

5. WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE (2 minutes) 4. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only) In this session, you will help participants to: •

• •

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Gain a clear understanding of what consent means in a sexual relationship. All people have the right to make their own decisions about if, when and with whom to be sexual.

Understand how gender norms – the roles and behaviours expected of us as males and females - impact sexual behavior.

Question what parts of these gender norms need to change.

The list is by province and includes addresses and emergency contact numbers.)

It’s also important to let participants know that if they share a personal incident of rape or child sexual abuse with you, that for their safety, you are required to share that information with the teacher or NGO person supporting the MTV Shuga Peer2Peer sessions. Before moving on, ask if anyone has any questions and if you are being clear. Ask for nods of agreement that they understand what you have shared. Silence is never consent.

9. WATCH 5 (22 minutes)

Ask participants to share a one-word feeling about the last session and if anyone wants to share an experience or something from their journal.

As you welcome the participants, let them know again that they are engaging in figuring out important issues, that you appreciate their willingness to participate and that you are thankful that you are learning so much from them and the sessions.

As a warm up, have participants pair up, tell each other their name and then mime (no words) to their partner how they are feeling about being in the session today.

8. RESOURCES (4 minutes)

Know local rape-response resources and make these available for all participants, not just for those who ask – e.g., write it on chart paper and tape it to the wall. (For South Africa, a list of Thuthuzela Care Centres that provide emergency support and care for people who have been raped is available at http://www.justice.gov.za/vg/TCCs-list.pdf.

10. RESPONSE (10 minutes)

The scene at the end of Episode 5 where Sol rapes Tsholo may dominate participants’ reactions. Ask for a show of hands for how many found that scene difficult to watch. Ask how they felt. What about other characters?

What relationships seem the most honest? Why? Ask those who are following particular characters to comment on their character now.

Session 5 : CONSENT

11. CONSENT (5 minutes)

Acknowledge that there is much confusion about consent for sex. When sex education includes only disease and pregnancy prevention, with no discussion of relationships and consent, then young people are left with their peers and/or pornography as guides. Neither is usually helpful in promoting good sexual relations.

Let participants know they are pioneers in this exciting journey to take sex back from the exploiters and profiteers! Remind them that talking about sex is not intended to pressurise people into being sexual, but it is to help them make wise choices which will be their own, not someone else’s. Unless you are short on time, ask if anyone has received good sex education from school or family that included an honest discussion about consent and communication. Expect no hands but if someone does raise a hand invite them to share.

12. UNDERSTANDING CONSENT FOR SEX (25 minutes)

Break the group into same-gender pairs. Give pairs 15 minutes to talk with each other about what they think consent for sex means. Ask them to share the time equally. Guide the discussion by having them answer the following questions, which you will have written up beforehand and labeled 1 to 6. Have them write their answers on a sheet of chart paper.

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THE QUESTIONS: • 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

How do you know if you have consent for sex?

How can you be sure?

What if you are not sure?

If a person enjoys kissing, does that mean they want sexual intercourse?

What is clearly not consent?

What would you like the other gender to know about consent for sex? For example, males might like females to know that it is difficult to always be the one expected to take the lead. Females might like males to know that they fear losing their respect if they consent to sex.

When the pairs have completed the questions, have them share their answers with the larger group. As a facilitator, if you note an answer that would not be considered consent, such as, “If she flirts with me that means she wants sex,” rather than saying “That’s wrong!”, turn to the full group and say “That’s a common belief, but do you all think flirting is a green light for further sexual activity unless that has been checked out and agreed upon?”.

At the end, review the following rules about consent by asking for volunteers to read each statement aloud. After each statement is read, ask participants if they agree, if anything is unclear and if they have any questions.

• •

• •

The only way to know you have consent for sex is to ask and respect the answer, whether it’s yes or no.

Rejection is rejecting the activity, not the person.

In order to give consent for sexual activity, a sexual partner must be: • Old enough • Sober • Awake Sex is a relationship, not a thing to be bargained with, exchanged for favors, status or possessions.

If you are in doubt about having sex with someone, don’t!

You can write out these statements and post them on the wall. It will be great if you can copy them for participants to add to their journals.

When you have completed the statements, ask if this is a helpful guide for consent. There is a fine YouTube 2 minute video on sex and consent at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laMtr-rUEmY Watch it if you can.

Participants will be referred to it again in Session 6 for their reflective journal writing.

As a final point, refer to the scene where Zamo initiates kissing Reggie.

When she feels he isn’t into it, she backs off. Ask them to think or write in their journals about who has the responsibility to “back off” if sex is not mutual? The person who initiates sex or the other person? Why?

Session 5 : CONSENT

13. GENDER (25 minutes)

Once you have a quick list for males and females, ask, “How are boys and men expected to act sexually?” and “How are girls and women expected to act sexually?”. Add their answers to the lists.

14. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO (2 minutes)

16. JOURNAL (4 minutes)

Introduce by sharing that we are all individuals but we are all influenced by how we are expected to act, dress and behave as males and females.

These expectations are called gender norms or gender expectations.

Ask for 1 example from each gender to make sure they understand the concept. To do this: have a large piece of chart paper on the wall with the heading: Gender Expectations on top. Divide the sheet down the middle with the word Males on one side and Females on the other. Ask participants to call out words or phrases that fit under the Male side (how males are expected to act), then the Female side (how females are expected to act). Encourage them to use words and phrases that are familiar to them. You should have a list of words for males such as: being in control; assertive; strong; aggressive; the provider; the one that makes the first move. For females: emotional; passive; dependent; followers. Share that we can all think of males and females who don’t fit into these norms, but that everyone is under pressure to conform to them. Those who don’t conform are judged against these gender norms.

When the final list of male and female gender norms and sexual expectations is finished, circle some of the main words and phrases.

Then ask the question: Do you think these gender expectations make it easier or harder to know if you have consent for sex? Ask why and for examples.

Ask everyone to make a commitment in their journals that they will always make sure they have consent for sex and to help others do the same. It is important that boys talk with each other in ways that encourage consent.

•

15. RESOURCES (2 minutes)

• •

Draw everyone’s attention to the resources for help after rape. Share that it’s never too late to seek support. We need not go it alone or in silence.

• •

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The next step in understanding gender norms and expectations is to ask participants to pair up with someone of a different gender and share what each of them would get rid of in the gender expectations to make sexual consent clearer and easier to navigate. Share some responses with the whole group.

Peer Facilitator Support: You are welcome to facilitate a role-play with participants as part of this activity. Role-plays are powerful ways to learn. It is up to you to determine if the participants are able to act out the gender expectations in thoughtful and appropriate ways. If so, have one couple role play a partnership where the male is dominant and the female is passive and indirect. They can make up their own story line.

When the first couple is done, ask for a second couple to role -play a male who is asking, listening and a female who is direct and clear.

•

What would you say to Leo to help him better understand why his sexual behavior towards Sophie was non-consensual and was in fact attempted rape?

Leo said he would never rape his girlfriend but what if Sophie hadn’t screamed?

What would you say to Sol? Write down and say out loud 3 examples of communicating sexual consent with a partner both as the initiator (the person wanting sex) and as the person who responds.

What are your commitments to yourself?

What are your commitments to your friends?

17. CLOSURE (5 minutes)

Thank all participants for their excellent work. Ask each to share one word on how they are feeling after these challenging activities and ideas.

Ask if they feel they have a better understanding of what consent means in a sexual relationship. And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com

SESSION 6 : RAPE

Session 6

Rape school to go to the studio to record her song.

1. EPISODE 6 KEY MOMENTS

The episode opens with tension between Bongi and Coalstove. When Femi invites Bongi to record a song at Club Surge, Coalstove is visibly angry and tells her that he must not be good enough for her. Khensani still holds onto the illusion that her pregnancy will be good news and visits Mr. Masangu at his home to tell him she’s pregnant. He gives her money, tells her to get an abortion and to never set foot in his house again. Later, at school, he dismisses her, telling her to “grow up” as he welcomes another student for “an extra lesson.”.

Leo moves out of Femi’s apartment and into a room he rents from Zamo’s mother. He rebuffs Zamo’s advances and takes a caring interest in Spoonkie. He seems to be starting a new life. Reggie continues to be conflicted as his father confronts him about his lack of a science project and squandering the project money on spray paint. Meanwhile, Ipeleng is late with her science project since she had to take her sick brother to the clinic and Mr. Vilakazi can’t accept a late project. Bongi cuts out of

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At school, Tsholo, with visible signs on her face of being hit by Sol, is helping Khensani who tells Tsholo she must stop seeing Sol. Tsholo says “I know. It’s not that easy. I just need to do what he tells me to do.”.

Bongi’s recording at Club Surge does not go smoothly. When she returns home her auntie confronts her with her absence from school. They argue. Bongi packs her things and leaves. She goes to Coalstove’s home, apologizes for taking him for granted and he lets her in ”for one night only”.

At home, Tsholo, wearing the dress her father bought her rather than the clothes Sol has provided, answers a knock on the door. Sol enters and immediately starts his sexual advances, asking why she is wearing that “ugly” dress. She tries to divert his attention, suggesting they listen to music, that she get him some tea. When this does not stop him she says, “Let me get the condoms”. Sol says “We don’t need the condoms”.

Despite her pleas for him to stop, he grabs her by the throat and yanks down her panties in order to rape her.

Session 6: RAPE

2. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILITATORS

Rape scenes in the media are difficult to watch. Be attentive to group dynamics. Review the section on ‘How to Handle Emotions’. After watching the episode, suggest everyone take a deep breath and remind the group that the work they are doing will help prevent rape. Sometimes that means viewing difficult scenes.

3.SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only)

In this session, you will work to help participants: • Understand the false myths about rape.

• Understand how gender norms encourage rape.

• Change their attitudes towards rape.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: If anyone challenges you and says that women rape men, you can say that research shows this to be uncommon, especially the way Sol raped Tsholo. However, men do rape other men and boys and they are not usually homosexual nor are their victims. If the argument persists, refer back to gender norms in the last session to understand why those who rape are usually male and those who are raped, usually female. You can have a chart on the wall that says: Rape is obtaining sex without consent, with the use of force or fear, sexually abusing someone underage or who is unaware of what is happening or who is under the influence of alcohol.

4.WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE (4 minutes)

6. REVIEW (10 minutes)

As you welcome the participants, let them know again that they are engaging in figuring out important issues, that you appreciate their willingness to participate and that you are thankful that you are learning so much from them and the sessions.

Ask participants how they now feel about the last session on consent.

Did they share what they learned with anyone? How did that go? Invite participants to share whatever they like from their journals.

As a warm up, have the participants form a circle in any order. This is a quick “consent” exercise. Each person will have a turn asking the person next to them (who should be facing them) a question. “May I hold your hand?” or “May I see your smile?”. The other person can say “yes” or “no” and have that answer respected. Then the second person turns to the person next to them and repeats one of the questions and so on until everyone has had a chance to ask a question and answer one.

Keep it moving.

5. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

Remind participants to put cell phones off and away; that we may disagree with another person’s point of view but we will do so respectfully; that we will not interrupt another person; that we will not talk about anyone outside the session.

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7. RESOURCES (4 minutes)

As in the previous session, make sure you know local rape-response resources. It’s also important to let participants know that if they share an actual incident of rape or child sexual abuse with you, that for their safety, you are required to share that information with the teacher or organization person supporting the MTV Shuga Peer2Peer sessions.

Before moving on, ask if anyone has any questions and if you are being clear. Ask for nods of agreement that they understand what you have shared. Silence is never consent.

8. WATCH EPISODE 6 (22 minutes)

Session 6: RAPE

9. INITIAL RESPONSE (10 minutes)

While this session is focused on rape, there are many other stories in this episode, so allow for comments on any of them. If no-one comments on the rape scene, ask what they think about what Sol did to Tsholo without you labeling it as rape. Ask those who are following particular characters to comment on their character now.

10. SHARING (20 minutes)

Setting the stage: You’ll need sufficient wall space to accommodate the size of the group who will be standing around the wall by the end of the activity.

Write the statement, “Women Are Never Responsible for Being Raped” on chart paper in large enough letters so the statement can be seen by everyone during the exercise. Make sure you make no changes to the statement. This exercise focuses on women because most rape victims are female and women are the ones blamed for rape. 90% of those

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who are raped are female. Men and boys are also raped and although the numbers are smaller, this is an equally important issue. The vast majority of those who rape either females or males, or both, are men and boys; although most men and boys don’t rape Underneath the heading “Women Are Never Responsible for Being Raped”, write the following statements in large enough letters so that they will be easily seen by everyone in the room. Hang this chart on the wall.

1. Women are never responsible for being raped.

2. Women are sometimes responsible for being raped.

3. Women are often responsible for being raped.

4. Women are mostly responsible for being raped.

5. Women are always responsible for being raped.

Take 5 smaller pieces of paper, A4 size, and number them 1 through 5.

That means you will have one paper with a large number 1, one with the number 2, and so on. Then post each number on the wall and in order but leave plenty of space between them.

Let the participants know that this is a time to hear from each other! It will be important not to judge one another. Explain that we all come from different experiences and can have different opinions and that it is a chance to listen to one another and comment with respect.

Now read the statement aloud to the participants. Suggest that there are 5 possible responses and read the 5 to them aloud. When you are done, show participants that each possible response has a number and that the numbers on the wall represent those responses. Now ask participants to get up from their chairs and stand under the number they most identify with. Ask them not to discuss where they stand and not to be influenced by others, but to look inside themselves and just be honest with what they think. Give time to get arranged.

Now it is time to let participants share what they think, but not yet time for anyone else, including you, to ask questions or comment about what anyone says. With participants remaining by their numbers, ask someone to share why they chose that particular spot. Move on to others until everyone who wants to speak has spoken. After each person has spoken, thank them for sharing. Do not comment or allow comments from others during this step. Allow enough time for participants to share.

Now open it up for discussion and comments from participants on what was shared. Have them remain in their chosen positions. Discourage anyone who lectures others. Or at least, don’t call on them twice! This requires skillful facilitation. Encourage them to ask questions of each other, such as, “Why do you think women are often responsible for being raped?” (#3).

When the discussion has ended, thank participants for their courage and honesty. For the moment, you will all move on to the next activity about false myths and facts about rape.

Peer Facilitator Support: It is important that you know (and only you know) that this session with the statement “Women Are Never Responsible for Being Raped” will be returned to after an exploration of rape facts and false myths. Do not state your opinion here even if asked what number you would choose. You must facilitate this session so that participants have a chance to reflect for themselves on what they understand and believe. Allow the process of the workshop to unfold.

You may have to manage inappropriate comments during the session. If someone is making negative and bullying comments about women, you must have them stop. In this exercise, young women must find their own voices. You must be careful that boys don’t gang up to keep them silent through bullying words and body language.

The most enlightened response to the statement is that women are never responsible for rape. Period. A woman who gets drunk, flirts or wears sexy clothing is not doing so for men to rape her. Women and girls are never responsible for the sexual violence committed against them.

Consent must always be present and it is the responsibility of the sexual initiator to ensure they have consent.

Session 6: RAPE

11. RAPE MYTHS AND RAPE FACTS (25 minutes)

You will need to prepare the rape myths and facts cards before the session. You can find the template in the appendix for Session 6. It is easiest if you can photocopy that template and cut out each square. You can also spend time before the session to create a more permanent set of cards on strong paper that you can use with many groups.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Much of what we believe to be true about rape is false and is based on a history of patriarchy. That is, male-dominated societies which kept women as men’s property and controlled women’s sexuality to ensure a male heir. Rape myths serve to keep females under male control. Myths are still believed today. Such myths do a lot of damage.

They: • • • •

Shame women for being raped.

Allow men to rape without consequences.

Keep women and girls silent.

Make women and girls blame themselves for the sexual violence committed against them.

It is important that you challenge yourself about these myths before introducing this exercise to participants. Don’t expect them to change their opinions all at once. Exposing them to other ways of thinking about rape is a good start. You can read more details about rape myths in the Support for Survivors appendix for Session 6.

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Have the students sit in a circle in any order. Pass out your prepared 20 cards with one Rape Myth or one Rape Fact written on each card. The task is to match the fact card to the myth card.

Facilitate the activity in this manner: • • • •

Start by asking a participant to read their card out loud, without revealing if it is a fact or a myth.

Then ask the rest of the group if it is a fact or a myth and why.

Next ask the participant who read the card to reveal if it is a Rape Myth or a Rape Fact.

Then ask the participant with the corresponding myth or fact card to read their card out loud.

Make sure the participants read loudly and clearly and that each myth or fact is clearly heard. Ask for any questions before going on to the next set of cards. When you are done, check in with participants before going on to the final activity.

12. NEXT ACTIVITY: (10 minutes)

13. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO (2 minutes)

In this activity, you will return to the statement “Women Are Never Responsible for Being Raped”, that should still be posted on the wall, along with the 5 possible responses and the numbers 1 through 5 on the wall.

Suggest to participants that what they can do about rape is to break the silence, by responding with facts when they hear anyone speaking myths about rape. And they can share what they learned today with their friends. Ask everyone to make a commitment to respond with a fact if they ever hear a myth about rape.

Bring participants’ attention to the statement and possible responses.

Read them aloud again. Acknowledge that some of them may have changed their opinions. Ask everyone to line up under the number that now best matches their opinion now.

You will see that some participants will be standing under different numbers than they did before. Ask these people to talk about why they shifted. Continue this for as long as you have time. You can allow participants to challenge each other with questions like, “Why do you think that?” but only if they do so respectfully. This kind of question opens more minds than saying “that’s wrong!”.

14. RESOURCES (2 minutes)

Draw everyone’s attention to the local resources for help after rape. If you are in South Africa, share the phone number and address of the closest Thuthuzela Centre or Rape Crisis.

Share that it’s never too late to seek support if you have been raped. We do not need to be stuck alone and in silence. A local rape crisis center can advise about options for reporting to the police. Share the resource in the appendix for Session 6 titled, ‘Support for Survivors’.

Session 6: RAPE

15. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS (4 minutes)

16. CLOSURE (5 minutes)

This week, ask everyone to watch a very good video from YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laMtr-rUEmY They can search it by the title, 2 Minutes will Change The Way You Think About Consent

Thank all participants for their excellent contributions:

Ask them to consider these questions in their journals: 1.

2.

3.

4.

Did Sol have consent for sex with Tsholo? How do you know?

Did the fact that she got favors from Sol make any difference? Why or why not?

What are your commitments to yourself?

What are your commitments to your friends?

• • •

And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com

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Do they feel that they have a better understanding about rape?

Will they be more caring and less judgmental towards anyone who has been raped?

Would they say something to Sol if they saw him pressuring Tsholo?

SESSION 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY

Session 7

03.

Sexual Diversity

COLOUR & TREATMENT

SPECIAL NOTE TO PEER FACILITATORS :

a. PALETTE This session focuses on Reggie’s journey toward coming out as gay. The South African constitution guarantees the rights of all people no matter what their sexual orientation is. Sexual diversity can be an emotionally charged topic for many people. It can bring up negative feelings toward gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. As a facilitator, you will need at the very least to find a neutral place inside yourself, where you are able to keep participants safe and respectful toward one another. Your personal opinions about sexual diversity are not what matters. You should leave them outside the door. Your job is to support people’s right to be who they really are, no matter their sexual orientation, and to contribute towards building a world where everyone is safe 24 hours a day. Remember, gay and lesbian people suffer stigma and are targets of violence. Too many young people harm themselves and commit suicide when they are made to feel bad and wrong about who they are. If you feel that you cannot facilitate this session in a supportive way, your responsibility is to find someone who can. But please do not skip this section. Someone’s life may depend upon it. And you must honour your commitment to the young people participating in this journey.

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There are five primary colours that are used throughout the Shuga brand. Although slight variations might occur in some instances, especially when treating images, it is important to not deviate from these colours primarily.

Session 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY

1. EPISODE 7 KEY MOMENTS Like all the episodes, Episode 7 follows several characters’ stories.

Khensani has purchased pills on the street to terminate her pregnancy.

Tsholo is in too deep with Sol who has forced her to have sex without a condom and already raped and hit her. Khensani says that Sol is a devil and that she must get away from him, that he will not stop. Tsholo tries, but Sol is not about to let her off his hook.

Zamo’s sexual partner removes the condom during sex without telling her, causing her to be very angry. He responds by saying “I just wanted to taste you without this thing.”. When she worries about pregnancy and STIs, he says, “I trust you.”. She snaps back, “Who said I trust you? I don’t know who you have been with.”.

2. SESSION GOALS

The secretive removal of the condom is itself a terrible sexual violation of Zamo by her partner. While she does the right thing and goes to the clinic for morning after pills, the clinic is out of stock and the nursing sister is rude and dismissive. Nomalanga calls the sister on her behaviour, saying that “Young people are scared to come here because of nurses like you,” and, “We are here to serve, not to judge.”. At another clinic, Zamo learns about the IUD and has one inserted for contraception.

This session focuses on Reggie and his journey to be who he is. The session is in three parts:

Read the statements :

•

• •

Episode 7 captures important moments on Reggie’s journey of figuring out who he is. The episode opens with Diliza acknowledging Reggie for his artistic talent and his spray-painted eagle. Reggie notes that the eagle is being itself. “When you take that away,” he says, “what do you really have?”.

•

Reggie suffers a homophobic comment from his father about a television star in silence. Q sees that Diliza is a friend on Reggie’s social media account and all his soccer buddies pressure Reggie into deleting Diliza while calling him a hateful name. Later, Reggie turns his back on Diliza to go with his soccer buddies. Later still, Reggie tries to explain and apologise to Diliza, saying he is sometimes a coward and how he feels so much pressure from the group. Diliza responds, “You’re going to have to make up your own mind about who you want to be.”. The episode closes with a voice over from Reggie saying, “Ultimately, you are the only person who can make the choice to be yourself. To be free.”.

(For Peer Facilitators only)

•

uestions that help participants better understand homosexuality Q and become more aware of the words they use around it.

Helping participants ‘walk in the shoes’ of people who might be gay or lesbian and feel what it is like to live in a world that stigmatises people for who they love.

Becoming agents of change.

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP (10 Minutes)

Once again welcome participants and ask how they are. Before telling them what this session will be about, do the following activity called the Stand Up/Sit Down Game1 as a warm up:

1

Ask participants to stand. When a statement is read that refers to them, ask them to sit and remain seated for the rest of the activity. Ask them to be honest. All items do not have to be read or read in this order. You can pick and choose statements to read based on the type of audience you are speaking to.

• • • • • • • • •

You are a girl and you play sports aggressively.

You are a boy and you wear jewellery (rings, bracelets, necklaces, anklets...)

You are a girl and you do not wear makeup every day.

You are a boy and you do not play sports.

You have not dated anyone of the opposite sex in the past six months.

You are friends with someone who is gay or lesbian.

You are a boy and you have been told that you are sensitive.

The majority of your friends are the same gender as you.

You are a boy and you polish your toenails or fingernails.

You are a girl and you stand up for yourself.

You are a man and you show affection to other men.

When you are done with the list, inform participants that everyone who is now sitting down could be a target for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender hate crimes. All these that have been read off are actual things people used to target LGBT people. This exercise shows that hate crimes or discrimination do not have clear thinking behind them. Before moving on, ask if there are

ADAPTED FROM JOSEPH SANTIAGO AT THE UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND.

http://digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1119&context=glbtc

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Session 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY

any participants who want to share how they feel about this activity.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

It is important that you always model the correct behaviour for your group members.

4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 Minutes)

Let the participants know that today’s session will be about sexual diversity (be sure to use this term and not ‘homosexuality’) and that, like with all the sessions, the rules of engagement are very important. Ask participants what rules they will need everyone to agree upon so that there can be a good discussion about sexual diversity.

• •

• •

5. CHECK-IN FORM LAST SESSION (10 Minutes)

You will need to take time and check in with how participants have been after the last session on rape. Acknowledge that it was an intense session and that it would be natural if people had reactions to it. Invite anyone who wants to talk about last week’s session, share something from their journals or the reflective questions to do so now. Don’t exclude men from the conversation. Remind them of what was discussed last week, that rape is not only a women’s issue.

6. WATCH EPISODE 7 (22 Minutes)

NEVER make ‘gay jokes’ of any kind not only during this session, but ever.

Make sure you have created a safe environment where everyone feels respected and able to share without negative consequences later or being judged.

Respect any participant’s decision not to share personal information, especially when it comes to sexual and gender identity.

Emphasize the issue of confidentiality. Information of a private and intimate nature should remain in the group and should not be shared with non-group members.

7. INITIAL RESPONSE (12 Minutes)

In this section, and before moving to the sexual diversity subject, ask participants what they thought about the scene where Zamo discovers that Kitso (the man she just had sex with) secretly removed the condom.

This is an important discussion as it reflects the manner in which some men see women as objects for their pleasure to the point that they will put their lives at risk of pregnancy, STIs and HIV. You can use the following questions to facilitate the discussion : • • • • •

What kind of man secretly removes a condom during sex?

What does it say about what Kitso thinks of his partner and women in general?

Is this abusive behaviour?

Will Kitso stick around if the woman becomes pregnant?

Will he stick around if she gets HIV because of him?

Session 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY

8. KNOWLEDGE, LANGUAGE AND RESPECT

Activity instructions:

(20 Minutes)

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

The activities in this session are designed to develop empathy in participants and inspire them toward respect and action.

Introduce participants to this part of today’s session.

(20 Minutes)

• Explain to participants that there are some who harm people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) on purpose. And there are others, many of us, who without knowing it or meaning harm, cause harm by the words we choose and the way we express ourselves when we talk about sexual diversity. Discrimination is expressed through behaviour and biased words. It is easy to forget that language is very powerful. It can unite people and it can divide people. It can build people up and it can break people down. In the context of sexual diversity, our lack of knowledge forms the basis of why we discriminate and break others down emotionally. This often leaves people isolated and excluded from the world around them. The first step toward countering discrimination on the grounds of gender, is to understand the words used to capture sexual diversity. And to understand the words that show a lack of understanding and those that cause harm.

9. FROM KNOWING THE FEELING : WALK IN MY SHOES

• •

•

•

•

•

Prior to the session, make a photocopy of the 2-page activity sheet titled Knowledge, Language and Respect found in the appendix. Cut each box before the session so that you have 52 individual slips of paper with statements on them.

Ask participants to gather in one large circle.

Have the participants hand out all 52 paper slips to each other. It does not matter who gets what slips or if some people get more than one slip.

Instruct participants that those people whose slips begin with numbers will, one by one, state the word or words on the slip out loud for all participants to hear. For example, someone might say, “Gender”.

After the word or term is spoken to the group, people in the group must try to explain what that word or term means. Do not be surprised if there is disagreement!

When participants think they have explained the term, ask the person who has the answer on a paper slip in their own hands to read the correct answer. Please note: Participants holding the ‘answer’ slip in their hands should be quiet while others try to define the term.

Continue until all 26 terms and words have been explained.

When participants have explained all 26 terms, ask them to reflect on the activity. What have they learned that they did not know before?

Were any myths corrected? Do they feel more prepared to discuss sexual diversity now? Thank participants and close the activity.

• • Explain to participants that having someone’s back is more than just telling the person you know what they are talking about. Having someone’s back has a lot more to do with empathy. Empathy is a feelings thing.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

The activities in this session are designed to develop empathy in participants and inspire them toward respect and action.

Before this activity : • •

•

• • •

•

Allow participants to stay in the group circle.

Distribute a pair of footprints to each participant. Each participant should have 1 pair of footprints with the same name on each foot.

Ask participants to place the footprints on the floor in front of them (name facing up) and to take a seat on the floor with the footprints in front of them.

While seated, ask them first to remember the name on their footprints by repeating the name softly several times.

Ask them to close their eyes.

Explain that you will be telling a true story about each person whose footprints are in front of them. Ask them to imagine they are the person whose name is on their pair of footprints.

Read the different stories with full emotion. Practice your storytelling skills before the session. You want your participants to experience the true feelings of the person they have asked to identify with.

Cut-out of footprints, one pair (two footprints) for each participant.

On each pair of the footprints (on two feet) write one names from the list below. Every pair of footprints should have one of the names written.

Pearl

Duduzile Zozo

Galip Asvat

Leonie Spalding

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STORY 1 Duduzile Zozo was 26 years old. She lived in Thokoza, east of Johannesburg. A soft spoken person who never got into trouble with other people, she loved playing soccer in the streets with the boys. She was open about the fact that she was a lesbian. On 30 June 2013, Dudu went missing. Her body was found the next morning in her neighbour’s yard. Her pants were pulled down to her ankles and a toilet brush was forced into her vagina. She was beaten with a concrete brick and suffered greatly as she died. At the funeral ceremony of Dudu, her 55-year-old mother, Thoziwe Zozo, had just one comment: “I’m very hurt because I was not aware that her sexuality affected other people, while the family didn’t have a problem with her choices. She loved herself the way she was. I don’t know what it is that disgusted them when they looked at her.”.

STORY 3 Galip Asvat was born in Klerksdorp, North West, and lived most of his life in conservative Indian neighbourhoods. In the early 2000s, he moved to Hillbrow, which had become a haven for the gay and lesbian community during the 1990s. In the early hours one morning in 2007, a gang of three men ambushed him in the foyer of his apartment building. “They thought I was a woman,” he said, “and when they found out I was a man, that’s when they became even more violent. They kept saying ‘sitabane … sitabane’ [Sesotho for ‘you’re gay, you’re gay’]. They beat me so badly that my eyes were swollen shut. They hit my teeth out. There was blood everywhere. They even wanted to cut my privates off, but I was lucky someone disturbed them.”

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STORY 2 Pearl was 12 years old when her life changed forever. Her mother suspected Pearl might be a lesbian as she was a “tomboy” and so one day her mother returned home from church with an “old man”. Pearl doesn’t know what conversation had taken place, only that “there was money involved”. Her mother told her to go to her room. The man entered her room and locked the door behind him. He said he was going to sleep there with her to fix her, and started slapping Pearl, who screamed, bringing her mother to the door. She said, “Pearl, you are making noise, shut up.” “He told me to take off my clothes,” Pearl said, “and I refused. He beat me – I was fighting him but he overpowered me and raped me.”

STORY 4 Leonie Spalding is aged 37. After being married to her husband for a few years, she told him that she had strong feelings for other women and was not in love with him anymore. When she came out to her husband he grabbed her and had violent sex with her against her will. She cried and ran away from home. The same day she went to the police to report a case of rape against her husband, but the police officer on duty was a friend of her husband who took her home, asked the husband what happened, to which he replied he was “just doing what any man should do and show me my place as a woman.” The police did not lay any charge against the husband.

After you have completed the storytelling, ask participants to keep their eyes closed. With their eyes closed ask them to focus on their feelings at that moment. Keep them focused on feelings, not on what they are thinking.

10. FEELING FROM ACTION

Ask participants to open their eyes and facilitate a feelings sharing circle.

Ask them to share their feeling words and write them on flipchart paper.

Let the participants know that now that they have explored some of the important issues around sexual diversity and begun to develop empathy toward people’s right to be who they are; it is time to move to ACTION! Explain to participants that during this activity, they will use their new understandings about sexual diversity and increased empathy to think about how we can change the thoughts, beliefs and actions of other young people at our school and in our community. Caution them that when it comes to taking action, many things need to be thought about first.

You can close the activity by saying that these stories represent the extreme form of stigma shown toward gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Suggest to participants that people who use discriminatory words toward lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are all part of the same circle of hate as the people who attacked Pearl, Galip and Leonie and killed Duduzile. And suggest that the only question around sexual diversity that anyone must ask themselves is if they will be part of that circle of hate or stand against it.

It will be useful to do some small de-stressing physical movement after this exercise before beginning on the next. Allow participants to keep their pairs of feet if they want.

(20 Minutes)

• • •

Where do we want to take action? At our school, church or broader community?

Why do we want to take action? What do we want to change?

How do we go about taking action? What are the steps that we should follow?

Session 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY

Continue be suggesting that one way to take action in schools is to develop and get people to sign a charter against homophobia. An antihomophobia charter is a way that we show lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people that we have their back and are willing to stand up in support of their rights. Section 9 of the South African Constitution is a kind of charter that protects the rights of people no matter their sexual orientation. Under the heading Equality, section 9 states: 9.3. The state may not unfairly discriminate directly or indirectly against anyone on one or more grounds, including race, gender, sex, pregnancy, marital status, ethnic or social origin, colour, sexual orientation, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, language and birth.

9.4. No person may unfairly discriminate directly or indirectly against anyone on one or more grounds in terms of subsection (3).

National legislation must be enacted to prevent or prohibit unfair discrwvimination.

Point out to participants that section 9.4 directs legislation to be developed that prevents unfair discrimination. What that means is that it can be argued that developing a school anti-homophobia charter is young people’s constitutional right and responsibility.

For this activity, divide participants into groups of between 4 and 6 people depending on the total number of participants.

• • •

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Hand out newsprint paper and markers to each group.

Ask each group to brainstorm ideas for an LGBTI Youth Charter of Rights for their school.

Suggest the following outline as the headings for the charters:

THINGS LEARNERS

THINGS PARENTS

THINGS TEACHERS

SHOULD DO

SHOULD DO

SHOULD DO

Get your group to

Get your group to

Get your group to

brainstorms things

brainstorms things

brainstorms things

learners should do to

parents should do to

teachers should do to

show they are an ally.

show they are an ally.

show they are an ally.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

A typical charter is brief and to the point. An example of an LGBTI Youth Charter of Rights that you could use as a template is included in the appendix for Session 7.

Session 7 : SEXUAL DIVERSITY

When groups have created their charters, bring participants together and ask a presenter from each group to report back on the process and read their charters.

12. REFLECTION JOURNAL QUESTIONS

Finally, ask participants to think about ways they can take their charter to school and develop it more.

• •

Possible suggestions include: • • • •

Get help from a trusted teacher to summarise the charter versions into a final LGBTI Youth Charter of Rights.

At the next session, participants could have a formal signing ceremony where all members of the group will sign the charter.

Get your school to adopt the charter. For this you could ask to speak to the teachers, the principal and at a meeting of the school governing body which is made up of parents and teachers.

11. REFLECTION (5 Minutes)

Ask participants if anyone wants to talk about how they are feeling after today’s session. Ask if anyone feels they have learned something that has made them think differently about sexual diversity.

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13. CLOSURE

(1 Minutes)

• •

How will I share what I have learned today with my friends, family and people in my neighbourhood?

How will I approach my peers to request that they sign the LGBTI Youth Charter of Rights?

How will I support a friend who is going through the same experience that Reggie has gone through?

What are your commitments to yourself?

What are your commitments to your friends?

Thank your group for their participating in the session. Remind them about confidentiality and the other rules of the sessions.

SESSION 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

Session 8

Love and Blesser Relationships

1. EPISODE 8 MOMENTS

Episode 8 opens with two love relationships going well. Coalstove is supportive of Bongi who is worried about her aunt being angry that she has not been home. When Bongi says she is old enough to be independent, Coalstove says, “This whole I do what I like attitude is not a good look for you!”. He tells her he is on her side, wants her to do what is right, says he loves her and takes her home.

Sheila is back with Femi. They are both happy. He worries he will infect her with HIV. She remains very supportive. He returns later with condoms and information on Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. Things get tense at the end of the episode when Sheila finds Storm’s photo on Femi’s phone.

Nomalanga is angry when Bongi finally comes home. “Now you think you’re a grown woman,” she says to Bongi. Bongi says she was safe.

“Safe?!” says Nomalanga. “You are safe at home.” Nomalanga tells Bongi, “You think I do these things because I don’t want you to have a life. But I do them because I care about you.” A moment later, she says, “You forget I was a teenager once. I know these things. But I also know how cruel the world can be.”

Reggie comes out as gay to Bongi. She is very supportive. When he comes out to Q, it does not go well. Q had already said bad things about Diliza and Reggie stood up for Diliza. Reggie makes an important point to Q that many men do not understand: “Just because a guy is gay does not mean he wants to get it with every guy who is out there.”.

Tsholo cannot get Sol out of her house. He forces her to drink and films her when she is nearly unconscious. Khensani’s abortion tablets don’t work. She is 21 weeks pregnant, making a termination or abortion illegal.

Khensani is upset and says her parents can never know. Nomalanga says that had she come earlier, there could have been more options. She also points out that taking tablets not prescribed by a medical practitioner can be dangerous.

Bongi sees Coalstove’s ex-girlfriend and wonders if she was faithful to him. When she talks with him about it, you can see that he never thought

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about the possibility that his ex was stepping out. Bongi says that because they did not use condoms, all his ex-girlfriends are now part of their relationship. Zamo tells Bongi that she must be tested for HIV right away and reveals that when her own boyfriend took the condom off without telling her, she went to the clinic right away. Zamo and Reggie really have Bongi’s back. The next day, Zamo takes Bongi to the clinic.

When a radio DJ calls Bongi for a live interview, she leaves without being tested for HIV. Bongi’s voice over closes the episode: “Inside us all there is a little voice. A quiet voice who knows the truth of who we are. And we ignore that voice at our peril.”.

Session 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

2. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILATORS PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: Blessers have become more and more present in young girls’ lives today. In some schools, they drop girls off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. Like older girls who have sugar daddies, teenage girls with blessers receive things and sometimes status with their friends by having a blesser. There is a difference between a 21-yearold woman who enters a transactional relationship with a sugar daddy and a teenage girl who finds or is found by a sugar daddy. The first is that a blesser relationship with an underage girl is legally considered statutory rape. Age of sexual consent laws are not there to control girls.

They exist to protect them. Second, many young girls, like Khensani and Tsholo, learn the hard way that older men have far more power in the relationship and are not interested in treating younger girls with respect and as equals. And like Khensani and Tsholo, most teenage girls do not have support networks they can turn to when crises like those that are happening to both Khensani and Tsholo hit.

Making it through life as a teenage girl in the best of circumstances is tough, even when there are people who have your back. What many teenage girls who enter relationships with blessers fail to see is that nothing is for free. There will always be costs. Tsholo paid with her life.

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Though this session focuses on girls in blesser relationships, there are boys who have sugar mamas and boys who have sugar daddies or blessers. Though this is not as public as it is for girls who have blessers, those relationships do exist for some boys and should be taken seriously.

Always remember, no matter if it is girls with older men, boys with older women or boys with older men, young people in blesser relationships have higher risk for harm. Never allow anyone in your sessions to feel shamed or blamed for having a blesser. Judgement, shame and blame cannot ever be a part of your sessions.

3. SESSION GOALS

4. WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE

(For Peer Facilitator only, not to be shared with participants)

(10 minutes)

This session tries to find a non-judgemental way to compare blesser relationships with love relationships. In this way, it hopes to make teenagers more aware of what it means to enter into a blesser relationship and make a decision about the kind of relationships they really want in their lives.

The session builds on the episode’s love relationships between Bongi and Coalstove, and Femi and Sheila and the relationships between Khensani and Mr. Masangu, and Tsholo and Sol. There is no selfishness in Bongi’s & Coalstove’s and Femi’s & Sheila’s love relationships. No one person’s needs or desires come before the others. The couples have each other’s backs. Not so with Khensani and Tsholo’s partners.

While Khensani thought she was in love with Mr. Masangu, he left her pregnant and warned her not to come close to his home ever again. Sol raped and beat Tsholo and put what he wanted first and at the expense of Tsholo.

Have participants get into groups of 5. Tell everyone that they are stranded on a deserted island. Ask each group to identify what 5 things they would want to have with them. It can only be 5 things per group, not per person.

Ask each group to write their 5 items on paper. When everyone is done, have the groups share with each other. This activity can help participants learn about each other’s values and problem solving styles. It also promotes teamwork.

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Session 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

5. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

7. INTRODUCE SESSION TOPIC (2 Minutes)

Thank everyone for being respectful towards each other (assuming they were!). Remind them to put cell phones off and away. Remind them that this session, like all the sessions, works only if people respect each other’s opinions and do not judge their experiences. Judgment kills any chance to learn or grow.

Let participants know that today’s session will look at love relationships and blesser relationships.

8. WATCH EPISODE 8 6. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION

(22 Minutes)

(10 minutes)

9. INITIAL REACTION Acknowledge that the sessions have been pretty intense so far. They have challenged everyone to think and feel in ways that they might not be used to. The last 3 sessions on consent, rape and sexual diversity have been particularly charged emotionally. The journey of the MTV Shuga: Down South episodes has been hard work so far. Acknowledge participants’ courage and determination. Check in with how they are doing on this journey? How do they feel about the sessions so far? Do they feel they are learning? Are they happy they have been a part of the sessions?

Invite participants to share their reflections from the last session on sexual diversity. Invite them to share from their journals if they wish; to share any conversations they may have had between the last sessions and now, or how their attitudes may be changing.

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(10 Minutes)

Given that the last session was on sexual diversity and Reggie comes out to both Bongi and Q in this episode, a good place to begin is to ask what participants are feeling about Reggie. Be sure that you model good behavior and attitudes when it comes to diversity and deal with any negative feedback that might evolve in this regard. Also focus on other aspects from Episode 8.

Session 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

Let participants gather into groups of 5. Give each group a piece of chart paper and marker pens. Let them know that you are going to tell them a story for a few minutes and they should sit back, relax and become part of the story.

10. YOUNG PEOPLE SEARCHING FOR SOLUTIONS

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

(25 minutes)

This is another reminder that you do not allow this session to become one of blaming and shaming girls for having blessers. Blesser relationships and the reasons for them are very complicated and can never be reduced to ‘girls’ immorality’ or their ‘loss of values’. Your first priority is that girls who do have blessers or are thinking about finding one know how to protect themselves. Second, you can guide participants in this session to discover just how difficult it is for young girls to protect themselves and watch out for their best interest when they are involved with an adult, mostly male blesser.

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READ THE FOLLOWING STORY ALOUD AND WITH EMOTION: It is a cold winter’s morning. From where she is standing tending the fire, the traditional healer sees a thick layer of mist hanging over the village. She is about to pour herself a cup of strong black coffee from the big kettle on the fire, when she hears the knock on the door – loud and urgent. She opens the door and there, in front of her, stands a group of mothers and fathers from the village. She invites the five of them in and immediately starts to share the strong coffee with them.

She can sense this is going to be a long conversation. Before the healer can even place a hot cup into her hand, one of the women starts to speak.

“We have come to share the worry about our daughters and sons with you. There is this new thing called blessers in our village.”

The traditional healer holds up her hand, as if she is showing her to stop and asks, ”This blesser thing, I have heard about it, it is new. Tell me what it is about, what does it do?”

A father replies, “A blesser is a rich person from outside the village. They come into the village and buy our young daughters and sons very expensive gifts in exchange for sex. They say that they are blessing them with gifts and money.

They call themselves blessees.”

The traditional healer looks very sad and says to herself, “This is not a blessing, it destroys our children. What is happening?”.

A mother looks down and says, “We spoke to the teachers about this, seeking their help. They told us that this is called transactional sex. All these big words do not help us.”.

The traditional healer can see the worry and anger reflecting from the mother’s and father’s eyes, feelings fuelled by frustration.

“We need your wisdom for this,” says one of the mothers.

“Yes, what can we do?” echoes one of the fathers.

“Where does this thing come from? Why do our kids give in to these blessers?”. In her life, the healer has solved many problems, cured many diseases, but this she knows, this is a brokenness that will be very difficult to heal.

Session 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

After you have read the story, divide participants into four small, mixed gender groups. Provide each group with a piece of chart paper and marker pens. Write the following questions on the board or flip chart.

Remind participants that these questions are based on the story.

Assign a different question to each group. Ask them to only answer the question they are given.

•

• •

Before participants begin, challenge them to do some role playing. For this activity, ask all the boys to take on the role of being young girls who have blessers. The boys pretend they are the blessees. Ask all the girls to take on the role of being older male blessers! Participants are sure to laugh at the idea and think it will be fun. If they take it seriously, the activity will build empathy and understanding on both their parts.

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•

Question 1 for group 1: In the story, the traditional healer asked: What is it about? Answer this question by discussing the characteristics of a typical blesser relationship. Remember: boys play the role of blessee, girls play the role of blesser in the discussions.

Question 2 for group 2: Why do young girls enter into a blesser relationship (also called a blesser contract)?

Question 3 for group 3: What is the role and view of parents when it comes to the issue of blessers and blessees?

Question 4 for group 4: What advice would you give to one of your female peers who is caught up in a blesser relationship and wants to get out?

Let the discussions proceed for 10 minutes. Be sure each group is putting notes of their discussion on chart paper. Ask that all 4 papers be posted on the wall in different corners of the room. As a full group, do a gallery walk and visit each of the corners with everybody standing around the poster. Ask one of the group members to present their poster notes to the rest of the bigger group.

Conclude the activity by bringing participants back to the full group circle. Ask for participants to share what they have learned by playing a character of the opposite sex.

QUESTION

Session 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

BLESSER RELATIONSHIPS

HEALTHY LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

Many girls who enter into blesser relationships have WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR SELF-WORTH, SELF-

11. COMPARING BLESSER AND HEALTHY LOVE RELATIONSHIPS (25 minutes)

ESTEEM? TO HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF AND SEE YOURSELF?

never had support to develop a positive sense of themselves and their worthiness. Though a blesser might make them feel important for a moment, it is not a relationship based on her worth or that builds a girl’s

Good love relationships depend on each partner having good self-worth and supporting each other’s self-worth to grow over the years

sense of her own worthiness.

What you will need for this activity: You will find an empty template of the following table in the appendix for this session. Make enough photocopies so that each participant receives one. The participants will be filling in their table as a group activity. But you want them to each have their own filled-in table to add to their journal and reflect on later. The table below is for your reference during discussions and not to be shared with participants until they have filled in their own tables.

Ask participants to gather in groups of 5. Ask them to work together to fill out the tables you give them. They are to each keep a record of the groups’ answers on their own paper. Note that all the questions focus on the experience and situation of girls. Remind participants that there are boys who have sugar mamas or male blessers.

QUESTION

BLESSER RELATIONSHIPS

WHO OWNS A GIRL’S BODY AND MAKES THE DECISIONS ABOUT WHEN AND WHERE SEX WILL HAPPEN?

WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?

To feel like a big man, a powerful man and to feel good about himself for having you as a possession or object.

He or she wants you because they love you.

There is no future in a blesser relationship. And your own

If you both work at it, a love relationship can last

future may be ruined because of him.

many years, perhaps for the rest of your life.

He will leave you the moment he finds out you are

You will have options and you will make decisions

pregnant. He will order you to never contact him again.

with your partner’s support. He will support

Or he may force you to have an abortion. He may even

whatever decision you make, whether to continue

organise an illegal and unsafe backstreet abortion for

with the pregnancy, have a safe abortion or take up

you.

foster or adoption services.

Again, you are kidding!

You have each other’s best interest at heart.

A girl owns her own body and decisions about being The blesser is paying. He gets what he wants.

The blesser might get angry and hurt you, you might not WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY ‘NO’ TO SEX?

HEALTHY LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

WHY DOES HE WANT YOU?

get paid or he might get a new girl who will say ‘yes’, or he may rape you.

sexual are mutual – but she has the right to say ‘no’.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET PREGNANT?

Your partner respects your wishes and has your back. Your partner does not force you to have sex.

WHO BELIEVES IN YOU AND HAS YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART?

The blesser is paying and so the blesser’s needs, wants and desires come first. In fact, your job as a blesser’s WHOSE NEEDS AND INTERESTS COME FIRST?

partner is to serve his needs and not have any of your

Couples in a love relationship make sure that both

own. If you have needs, you might drive him away. If you

partners’ needs and interests are being met.

have a dream of becoming something, don’t expect the blesser to support that if it gets in the way of his desires.

Maybe. In fact, he might be the father and WILL YOU EVER TELL YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP?

Never.

grandfather of your children and grandchildren owwne day when the time is right for you to have a family.

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Session 8 : LOVE AND BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

12. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS (5 minutes)

When the groups have completed filling in their tables, ask one person from each group to talk about the experience to the full group.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Do not tell girls that they should not have blessers or try to frighten them about the possible consequences. Filling in this table is enough to get them to think deeply. Let them think. Do not try to control their thinking.

Suggest to participants that the relationships we enter into are to a large degree about choice. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we choose a love partner we just don’t fit with. Ask participants to think about what they have done in today’s session, and use their journals to draw the hearts of 5 young women in MTV Shuga: Down South as they know them up to this point. Bongi, Sheila, Khensani, Tsholo and Ipeleng.

How do those women’s hearts feel? What is in those hearts?

13. CLOSING

Close the session by thanking participants for their participation. And remind them to make good use of the website www. mtvshuga.com

When they have completed drawing the female characters’ hearts, they must decide which heart they most want their own heart to look like.

Finally, they can write about how they will protect their own hearts.

Remind them to also write about their commitments to themselves and their commitments to others.

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SESSION 9 : ABORTION

Session 9

03.

Abortion

COLOUR & TREATMENT a. PALETTE

1. EPISODE 9 KEY MOMENTS In Episode 9, many of the characters are caught up in events where it seems no one has control over what happens to them. Everybody experiences difficult times. Khensani goes for an illegal abortion. Bongi and Coalstove discover they are HIV positive. Reggie is beaten up by Q. Ipeleng is faced with giving sexual favours to Rakeem if she wants to keep her job and her house. Tsholo is in deep trouble with Sol.

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Who are the steady forces bringing strength to those who have been knocked down and do not know how to stand up again? Bongi’s aunt has her back. Reggie’s mom has his. Once he understands why she did not show up for the shoot, Femi has Bongi’s back. Khensani never went to her parents, but they show up when she is hospitalised. Tsholo is alone.

And Diliza says to Reggie, “There is no blueprint for how to be yourself, Reggie. We all just make it up as we go along.”.

At the end of this disturbing episode, we feel worried. How do we find the peace we need to figure out how to deal with the moment and stand up again? The key is contained in Khensani’s voice over, “The consequences of our choices are not clear up front. You have to imagine how things will turn out. Who are the people who will be there for you when you feel the strength slipping away?”.

There are five primary colours that are used throughout the Shuga brand. Although slight variations might occur in some instances, especially when treating images, it is important to not deviate from these colours primarily.

Session 9: ABORTION

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only)

The goals of this session are to: •

This session is about abortion. It addresses the facts and myths about abortion so that participants can start to break the silence and stigma in their lives around abortion. This session also helps participants to be informed about safe choices. Why does this matter? If Khensani was better informed about pregnancy options, including safe abortion, and had people she trusted to turn to for support, she could have avoided going for an unsafe backstreet abortion that nearly killed her and left her unable to have children.

In South Africa, abortion is a healthcare service that can be provided up to 20 weeks of pregnancy according to a law called the Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act. Choosing to have an abortion is one of the options a woman of any age in South Africa has when facing an unwanted pregnancy, along with continuing the pregnancy and parenting or continuing the pregnancy and making use of foster care or adoptions services 2. The challenge for many young women who decide they are not able to continue with their pregnancies is the stigma, shame and silence that surround unplanned pregnancy and abortion.

Instead of being able to discuss their concerns openly with trusted family members or friends, stigma forces women - especially younger women - to feel like ending a pregnancy is something they should do in secret. This leads to unsafe backstreet abortions. These type of abortions, provided by untrained and unqualified people, threaten women’s physical and emotional health. Women are entitled to a safe abortion in a clean, safe and supportive facility such as a hospital or clinic where the nurses and doctors are qualified to provide the service.

2

http://www.mariestopes.org.za/illegal-abortion-facts-will-shock-south-africans/

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

• •

In South Africa, one third of girls under 19 become pregnant each year.

Half of those did not plan or want their pregnancy. 8,000 abortions are provided each month in South Africa, half of them not in clinics. The majority of abortions performed outside clinics involve women under age 19. People have different opinions about abortion. However, the reality is that whether you agree with abortion or not, teenage girls are seeking them out and often end up in dangerous, unsupported situations like Khensani. As a Peer Facilitator, your job is to put aside any personal bias you might have and facilitate discussions that will reduce silence and stigma around abortion. This will help young people, no matter their decisions or situations, to remain safe. If you are unable to put aside any personal judgements you may have, then you will need to find someone else to facilitate this session. Be aware that you may have somebody in your session who has had an abortion or has a very close experience of it.

A website to download the Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act:

•

https://www.gov.za/sites/default/files/Act92of1996.pdf

Reduce the stigma participants might have or feel when talking about abortion; Learn the facts about pregnancy options including abortion; Invite male participants to question their own role in unwanted or unsupportable pregnancies; Provide practical steps for supporting friends and family members who might be thinking about or seeking abortions.

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP (5 minutes)

Welcome the participants and ask them to participate in this warm up exercise: Ask participants to stand in a circle. Tell them that we may all feel a bit stressed and worried once we have watched this episode, because of the difficulties the characters experienced. Explain that we will all take turns to show one action, movement or activity we do when we are feeling tense that helps relieve our stress. For example, some of us may take a few deep-breaths, some may scream, while others may stretch, dance or yawn.

Let each participant demonstrate briefly what they do to reduce tension.

Once they have demonstrated their action, the entire group must copy and do this action. Then the next person shares an action and so on until everybody who wants to, has had a chance. This should be a quick and fun activity, with participants yawning, yelling, jumping up and

down, dancing and singing! If individual participants can’t think of what to add, just skip them without making a fuss.

4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (1 minutes)

Remind participants of the rules established by the group. Make sure cell phones are put away and turned off. Emphasise the confidentiality of the group and remind them to talk to others about what we learnt and felt in the group, but not about what particular individuals say and do. Remind participants that this is their free and safe space to talk about any issue, and that nobody will be judged or gossiped about.

5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION (5 minutes)

Ask the whole group if there are any participants who want to share how they feel now about the last session and the issues of blessers and blessees. Remind them that they are welcome to share anything they might have written in their journals.

6. WATCH EPISODE 9 (22 minutes)

Remind participants that this is an emotionally charged episode and might be difficult to watch.

Session 9: ABORTION

7. INITIAL REACTION (10 minutes)

Start by asking participants how they feel after watching this episode.

They have to identify only one emotion, not give a long talk! Then ask their reactions to Episode 9. What did they notice? What made an impact on them? Did they recognise any situations? Are they worried about any characters? Ask those who are following characters to comment on their character now.

Guide your discussion toward characters in the episode, the challenges they face and what the characters might be feeling. You can ask participants to call out the characters, challenges and feelings, or ask questions in the following: What has happened to (Khensani, Bongi, Coalstove, Q, Reggie, Ipeleng, Tsholo) and how do they feel?”

8. INTRODUCE THE SUBJECT OF ABORTION (3 minutes)

Explain to participants that in this session, you will all be focusing on Khensani and trying to get a better understanding of abortion. Let them know that the facts about abortion will be provided. Be very clear that the session is not a place where moral arguments about abortion or whether it is right or wrong will be discussed. Let them know the reality facing young women and their partners in South Africa and that the job of the session is to figure out how to keep all women safe, no matter their decisions or situation.

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Tell participants that the inability to emotionally, psychologically or financially be a parent when they find out they are pregnant is a reality that many South Africa young women face every day. While some people judge those who have an abortion, they often aren’t considering the difficult reality of each person who has an abortion. Tell them this session will focus on providing some accurate information about abortion and how to help the women and girls in our lives stay safe.

Explain to the participants that this session will begin to explore the facts and myths about abortion. Tell the participants that they will play a card game in small groups to help them investigate and talk among themselves about the facts and myths about abortion.

Divide participants into groups of 4 to 6 persons each. When they are in their groups, review the rules of the game. If you are able to, make a copy of the rules of the game for each group.

Rules of the game :

9. KEEPING PARTICIPANTS SAFE (2 minutes)

Explain to participants that abortion can be a difficult subject for some people in the room to talk about. Point out that no matter what our personal beliefs are, we need to be respectful of others. Safe or unsafe abortion may be something participants in the room have dealt with either directly or indirectly. This means we need to avoid passing judgement on other people’s choices in their situations. Alert them to have each other’s backs.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Place the pack of cards in the middle of the group.

Only take a card when it is your turn. Take the top card.

Do not turn it over to see the answer.

Read the fact or myth out loud. Then give your answer. Say if it is a fact or myth, and give a reason for your answer. Then discuss as a group. Do group members agree or disagree with your answer?

Listen to all their ideas and experiences.

Only then, after each group member has shared her/his ideas, turn the card around and read the answer aloud to the group. Compare that answer with your answers. Then discuss again. Talk until you all have a common understanding of what the answer means, and agree on the answer.

Place your card at the bottom of the pack.

Then the next person picks the top card and you repeat the process.

The game is only complete when you have discussed all 14 cards.

10. MYTHS AND FACTS – INTRODUCING THE ABORTION CARD GAME (35 minutes)

6.

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Prepare one set of cards for each group of participants well before the session. You will find the template in the appendix. Keep the card sets together with paper clips or rubber bands. Each fact or myth should be on one side of the cards, and the corresponding answer on the opposite side.

Let the groups begin playing the game. Advise them not to spend too much time on any one card as there are 14 in total!

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Go round to each group to see that they follow the rules of the game.

Check in with how they are feeling. Ensure that group members are sitting in a close circle, are listening to each other and are all joining in the discussions. Advise them of the time available if they are stuck arguing on one card for too long.

Session 9: ABORTION

11. REVIEW THE ABORTION MYTH/FACT CARD GAME (15 minutes)

When participants have made their way through all the cards, call them back into the full group.

Use the following questions to guide a discussion: • • • • • • • • • • •

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How do they feel after playing the game?

Have they changed any ideas they had about abortion?

Did they learn anything they did not know about abortion?

Why are some people judgemental toward women and girls who have abortions?

How can we counter the way people judge us and our friends who are pregnant and decide on an abortion?

How do you think Khensani felt, as she was made pregnant by her teacher and had only Tsholo to talk with?

Why didn’t Khensani talk with her parents?

If Khensani had been your friend, could she have spoken to you about her pregnancy?

If no, why not? If yes, what would you have said?

Why didn’t Khensani go to the clinic earlier?

How does one know if an abortion service provider is safe?

When you close this discussion, emphasise that abortion needs to be a woman’s informed and own choice, and should never be decided by others. Parents’ consent is not required if you are thirteen or older. Wrap up by emphasising that in South Africa it is legal to have an abortion up to the 20th week of pregnancy, (although the earlier you go to the clinic the easier and safer it is to have an abortion). Emphasise that clinics and hospitals are legally bound to give you an abortion or to refer you to the nearest hospital or clinic that is equipped to do so.

Point out that we must build support networks now of who will have our backs in crisis. We should know how to activate our support networks before we are in too deep trouble and reach a place of no hope, where we make desperate choices. Khensani did not have such a support network; and she almost died.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO SHARE ABOUT EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION :

Emergency contraception is a birth control method that is used after sexual intercourse to prevent pregnancy.

Emergency contraception does not terminate or end a pregnancy. Instead, it prevents conception (pregnancy) in the first place. Two methods of emergency contraception are the insertion of an IUD (Intra-Uterine Device) and emergency contraceptive tablets. Both should be used only with the support of a doctor or clinic nurse. Tablets should never be bought from the street or a private person. Emergency contraception tablets are effective if taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sexual intercourse. An IUD is effective if inserted within 5 days of unprotected sexual intercourse. Neither of these methods protects you from HIV or other STIs. What does emergency contraception mean to young people, particularly young girls? People sometimes make mistakes when it comes to having sex. Some will find themselves having had unprotected sexual intercourse and worry about becoming pregnant. Sadly, some will be manipulated or forced into sexual intercourse without condoms or other forms of protection and contraception. At that moment, girls and women are faced with a decision that must be made immediately: to go to a clinic and begin emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy; or, to hope that they will not become pregnant because of the incident and wait until they know. For those who know they are not ready to have a child, seeking emergency contraception immediately means they will not be faced with the decision about abortion at a later date.

Session 9: ABORTION

13. KHENSANI AND TSHOLO AND HAVING OUR FRIENDS’ BACKS (1 minute)

14. BOYS AND MEN (15 minutes)

Divide the participants into 2 groups depending on gender; boys in one group, girls in another. Ask the groups to discuss the following 3 questions:

Suggest to participants that Khensani should have been able to go to her parents much earlier, but the support and safety system had not been created. Her parents wrongly assumed she was safe and ok. In the episode she says, “My life is not what I wanted it to be. I don’t know how to change direction.”. Tsholo supported her and should have been able to call her dad to help with Khensani’s situation. She should have been able to call her dad for help with her own problems. Khensani’s parents could have intervened and had her move into their house until her dad came home. Or perhaps all of her friends could have worked together and chased Sol away. But again, they did not have a system developed for her to get support from those who loved her. Sadly, everyone who knew both the girls would have shown up for them immediately. It is hard for young people to build support networks with each other and with their families, but everyone needs a support network that they can count on. They must know how to activate that network before they get caught up in something so deeply that they reach a point of no return.

Begin this final discussion by asking participants why advertisements and campaigns about teen pregnancy and unsafe abortions are aimed at women and girls. Ask them to think about the discussions in this session so far; has it included guys? Where are the men in the story?

Here is a fact: teenage pregnancy and abortion, safe or unsafe, affect girls’ lives far more than they do the lives of the men and boys who made them pregnant. This is part of male privilege: the ability to walk away from a pregnancy. In some cultures, the boy’s family will pay ‘damages’ for the pregnancy to the girl’s family. But that is only when the pregnancy is taken to full term and a baby is born. And it is only when the pregnancy is talked about. With more than 100,000 abortions a year in South Africa, there are a lot of unwanted pregnancies that are not being talked about.

Many South African women will have an abortion in their lifetime, many while they are young. It is very common and almost everyone knows someone and loves someone who has had an abortion.

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What is the responsibility of boys and men in preventing unwanted and unplanned pregnancies?

What is the responsibility of boys and men when their sexual partner becomes pregnant in an unwanted or unplanned way?

What is the responsibility of boys and men when the girl or woman made pregnant decides she will have an abortion?

When the two groups have finished their discussions, have the boys report their findings to the girls first, and then the girls report their findings to the boys. Ensure that the groups listen to each other’s feedback without interrupting. Allow time for questions, discussion and clarification. Remind participants to respect each other.

We can all show our support for girls and women in our communities by helping to get rid of the stigma surrounding abortion. We should give non-judgmental support not just when we know someone is pregnant, but whenever the topic is being talked about.

TO SHOW SUPPORT WE CAN: • • • • •

15. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO (2 minutes)

• •

As discussed over the course of the session, abortion should be a safe healthcare service that women and girls are able to access when they need it. It is the pregnant person’s personal choice, a right protected by law in South Africa.

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Talk about abortion openly and without shame.

Avoid judging women and girls who choose to have abortions, and encourage others to also not pass judgement.

Support a woman’s right to make her own reproductive and sexual health choices.

Offer your personal support to a woman you know who is considering abortion.

Remind the friend who wants an abortion that it is best to have it sooner e.g. up to 13 weeks of pregnancy, and that it is not allowed after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

Share your own abortion story where you feel safe and comfortable doing so.

Recognise that abortion stigma is a form of discrimination. Refuse to discriminate against women.

Session 9: ABORTION

16. OTHER RESOURCES (1 minute)

17. JOURNAL QUESTIONS (2 minutes)

18. CLOSURE (2 minutes)

Explain to participants that it is everyone’s responsibility to learn more about how to support friends and family members who might have chosen to have an abortion. We all need to help those who are considering an abortion to know how to do it safely, including going to a government clinic or hospital that provides abortion, a qualified private doctor or a clinic like Marie Stopes. Warn that because this is a topic that has some communities who feel very strongly about it, some resources they may find online or may be given at events, can be biased.

Advise them to look for information that is neutral and factual and not insisting on a particular point of view.

Share the following reflective questions that can guide participants in their journaling:

Close this session by doing a quick go-round and asking each participant to say one word about how they are feeling after this session. Congratulate them for their hard work on a very important topic. And remind them to make good use of the website www. mtvshuga.com

Let them know about the useful resources available online that discuss how to support someone who has had an abortion, the things to say and the things to not say, for example see: http://everywomanshealthcentre.ca/for-support-persons/abortion/

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• • • • • •

How can I create and strengthen a trusted support group who has my back?

How will I communicate with my support group and those who have my back before my problems become a crisis?

How will I show support for a friend who may need an abortion?

How can my family become part of my support group?

What are my commitments to myself?

What are my commitments to my friends?

SESSION 10 : BLAMING THE VICTIM

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Session 10

Blaming the Victim 1. EPISODE 9 & 10 KEY MOMENTS

The episode opens with Leo working as a barber, with Spoonkie helping and Ipeleng working at a new job in a restaurant following her refusal to give sexual favours to her boss Rakeem at Club Surge in exchange for money, which she needs for rent. Khensani is in hospital, recovering after life-threatening complications from the back-street abortion.

Tsholo and Khensani come closer in caring for each other, with Khensani promising to tell her parents about Mr. Masungu and Tsholo promising to leave Sol. When Khensani’s parents ask her why she didn’t come to them she replies that she was embarrassed.

A key scene in this episode is when Zamo’s boyfriend of 2 weeks tries to force sex on her insisting “I’m tired of waiting!” Leo, hearing her cries, responds and throws the guy out of the house. After asking her if she’s ok Leo says, “You do realize that you brought this on yourself, right?”.

Zamo protests with “How can you say that?”; Leo replies, “You brought him here. You are always flaunting yourself, leading guys on. This was bound to happen. You need to grow up!”.

Bongi, who now knows that she and Coalstove are both HIV positive, shares her sorrow with Reggie. Listening to her song on a passing car radio, Bongi says it doesn’t even sound like her and the song reminds her of all the mistakes she’s made. Reggie has her back and says “I’m not going to let you give up on yourself.”.

Knowing that he has been in a fight, Reggie’s Dad asks him if he just stood there or if he defended himself? “You must man up!” says his Dad. Reggie replies that “there’s more than one way to be a man.”. This is an important statement when considering masculine gender norms. His father puts him down by saying, “You sound like your mother.”.

Zamo confronts Leo over his victim blaming accusations. She angrily tells him, “You’ve got no right to say the things you said to me!”. Leo protests that it was he who saved her. Zamo responds, “I don’t know who’s worse, you or that animal Sizwe! Or maybe you two are the same since you both think women ask to be raped! That if he kept forcing me I’d actually start enjoying it, right? Just because you saved me does not mean you can stand and judge me. I’m so disappointed in you. You’re not who I thought you were.”.

Meanwhile, the pornographic video that Sol made of Tsholo, after forcing her to drink massive amounts of whiskey, is making the rounds.

Wherever she turns people are laughing at her and texting her obscene messages. She hurries home and to her horror sees that her Dad is home and is watching the video. She dashes into the street where Sol is lurking in his red combi; she stands in the middle of the street in shock as a car bears down on her. Her Dad, making an effort to call her back and tell her it’s ok, watches in horror as she is hit and killed by the car.

Sol does not get out to help. He drives off.

In the final scene, Leo makes a critical call to Sophie. He says, “I thought about what happened the last time between us. I was wrong.”.

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Session 10: BLAMING THE VICTIM

2. KEY CONSIDERATIONS FOR PEER FACILITATORS

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Blaming the victim for rape is so common that it is rarely questioned.

The effect is to keep those who are raped silent, locked in a nightmare of guilt and self-blame. Many consider suicide. Too few get the help they need and the support they deserve. For this session you will need to examine your own attitudes and beliefs in order to help young people challenge their own attitudes. It helps to read the longer version of myths and facts in the appendix of Episode 6 and After Rape: How to Help a Friend. When you can honestly say, “Women and girls are never responsible for being raped. Men who commit rape are the only ones responsible for their sexual aggression,” you will be an ally to those women, girls, men and boys who want to create a world where male sexual violence towards females and other males is unthinkable.

Write the following definition on chart paper on a wall. Rape is taking sex without consent, with the use of force or fear. Rape is also having sex with a child or with someone severely impacted from alcohol or other drugs or who is unaware of what is happening to them.

3. SESSION GOALS For Peer Facilitator only, not to be shared with participants)

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To understand the meaning of the term “blaming the victim.”

To understand the effects of blaming the victim.

To gain a better understanding of who is responsible for rape.

4. WELCOMING AND WARM UP EXERCISE 4 minutes)

Have the participants turn to the person next to them and for one minute each share whether they have ever been blamed for something that wasn’t their fault. What was it? How did that make them feel? Let them know when one minute is up and time to switch. Bring them back to the large group and ask if anyone would like to share.

5. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (1 minutes)

Thank everyone for being respectful towards each other (assuming they were!). Remind them to put cell phones off and away.

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6. REVIEW (10 minutes)

Ask participants how they feel about the last session. Invite them to share any anxiety they have about any character from the last episode on abortion. Invite them to share from their journals.

7. RESOURCES (1 minute)

Make sure you know local rape-response resources and make these available for all the participants, not just for those who ask – e.g., write it on chart paper and tape it to the wall. (For South Africa, a list of Thuthuzela Care Centres that provide emergency support and care for people who have been raped is available at http://www.justice.gov. za/vg/TCCs-list.pdf .The list is by province and includes addresses and emergency contact numbers.)

8. WATCH 10 (22 minutes)

Session 10: BLAMING THE VICTIM

9. TSHOLO’S DEATH (15 minutes)

Tsholo’s death is tragic. It is sure to touch participants’ hearts. It is necessary to mark Tsholo’s death before moving on. Let them know that Tsholo is the first person to die in MTV Shuga. That it was South African youth who said that someone must die to make the season real. Let them also know that Tsholo represents so many girls and boys around the world who have lost their lives because of rape, sexual abuse and the shaming and blaming that accompany it. To mark the death of Tsholo and so many others, invite participants to stand in a circle. Go around the circle and ask participants to say what is on their minds and hearts. Ask if there is anyone who wants to speak about Tsholo’s father and what he must be feeling.

Suggest to participants that singing and dance are very ancient African ways of healing the pain of losing someone they love. Ask if there is someone who will start a song to mark Tsholo’s death and the tragic deaths of girls and boys around the world because of sexual violence. Give them time to sing, to feel and to cry if they want to. Let the room be silent for a moment and then check in to make sure participants are ready to move on.

10. BLAMING THE VICTIM ACTIVITY 1 (14 minutes)

Peer Facilitator Support: In these sections, you will be introducing the topic of blaming the victim. Blaming women and girls for being raped keeps them silent and makes recovery difficult. Remember you are planting a seed, not expecting a complete change of hearts and minds.

Expect some disagreements. Better to ask, “what do others think?” than getting into an argument with a participant.

Divide the group into smaller groups of about 4 or 5 and by gender: small groups of all girls and small groups of all boys. Give each group some chart paper that will be posted on the wall for discussion after the activity. Ask each group of girls to write at the top of their sheet of paper: What women and girls do to avoid being raped. Ask each group of boys to write at the top of their sheet: What men and boys do to avoid being raped. Ask the groups now to write down in 5 minutes all they do to avoid being raped. Say it’s fine to write nothing down if they don’t do anything. Since the boys will predictably have little or nothing to write down, say, “if and when you are finished, just sit quietly until we all are finished and come back together.”.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

This is an awareness and consciousness building activity. It is about men and women recognizing that women spend a lot of time working on avoiding rape, while men spend little if any. Remember that your task is to direct the conversation into the next section and not allow it to go off into an area where the session loses its way. There can be men in sessions like this who try to divert attention away from this important and difficult subject by making inappropriate comments. If this happens, ask them to please hold off on what they want to say until everyone has completed the activities to follow.

When time is up, post the papers on the wall with a female chart next to a male chart. Ask for volunteers to read each statement aloud, noting whether it’s a female or male response. When this part is completed ask the boys if anything surprised them? Then ask the girls the same question.

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Session 10: BLAMING THE VICTIM

11. BLAMING THE VICTIM ACTIVITY 2 (25 minutes)

Introduce this topic by asking participants if they remember, in the first episode, when Bongi was attacked walking alone at night on her way to Club Surge? She blamed herself and questioned her choices rather than asking why the man attacked her. Say to participants that this is called “blaming the victim” and that rape victims do it to themselves, as well as others doing it to them. Ask them what effect this might have on women and girls? Hint: It keeps women and girls from exercising their freedom and keeps them dependent on the men in their lives for safety from other men.

When participants have finished their message writing, have the group stand around the paper in order to have a conversation. Ask for volunteers to read the statements aloud, first the blaming the victim chart and then the blaming the rapist chart. Use the following questions to guide the discussion: • • • • •

Have two blank chart papers on the wall with enough distance between them for participants to come up and write on them. Write the topic Blaming the victim for rape: messages for women and girls at the top.

On top of the other write Blaming the rapist for rape: messages for men and boys. Have plenty of different coloured markers ready. Ask participants to come up and write examples for each. Let them know that everyone can write on both papers. You can give them a hint by saying “Don’t wear sexy clothes” as an example. Allow 5-7 minutes for writing.

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Why are there so few messages to the men who rape? Why are most of the messages to the women and girls?

Do these messages help prevent rape? Why or why not?

What impact might each of these messages have on someone who is raped?

Are these messages good or bad examples of having someone’s back?

What would they now include under the messages for men and boys chart?

Are Leo’s comments to Zamo an example of blaming the victim?

Why or why not? (You may need to read aloud his statements which are included in the Key Episode.)

How do you feel about Zamo’s confrontation of Leo over his statements to her?

How do you feel about Leo calling Sophie and apologising, and saying he was wrong? If you were Sophie, would you accept his apology? Why or why not?

What is one thing you could say if a friend shared that she or he has been raped?

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Remember this support tip from Episode 6. If anyone challenges you and says that women rape men, you can remind them of the discussion in Episode 6 about research showing this to be uncommon, especially the way Sol raped Tsholo. However, men do rape other men and they are not usually homosexual nor are their victims. If the argument persists, refer back to gender norms to understand why those who rape are usually male and those who are raped, usually female. Statistics are different for child sexual abuse, but here we are dealing with rape rather than the age of childhood.

Session 10: BLAMING THE VICTIM

12. QUICK DRAMA ON BLAMING THE VICTIM (10 minutes)

To prepare for this activity, write the following skit on 2 sheets of paper before the session. There are 2 characters, a lawyer in court and the victim of a holdup and robbery, Mr. Masangu (you can select another name if you wish, but there is value in using the name of the man who raped Khensani). Write each character’s lines separately in a different colour marker.

Introduce this section by sharing that sometimes it helps to understand victim blaming for rape if we see a similar response in a different setting. Here we are seeing what it is like for a robbery victim to be cross-examined like many rape victims are cross-examined by friends and in the courtroom.

Ask for 2 volunteers who like to act. This goes quickly.

The Rape of Mr. Masangu (You can use any name you prefer.)

Explain that in the following situation, a holdup victim is cross-examined in the courtroom.

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THIS PIECE IS ADAPTED FROM “THE RAPE OF MR. SMITH” FROM “THE LEGAL BIAS AGAINST RAPE VICTIMS (THE RAPE OF MR. SMITH),”

BY CONNIE K. BORKENHAGEN IN THE AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION JOURNAL. APRIL, 1975. ALTHOUGH OLD, IT IS STILL A RELEVANT EXAMPLE OF PROBLEMS IN THE JUSTICE SYSTEM UNIQUE TO RAPE SURVIVORS, NAMELY: BLAMING VICTIMS FOR BEING RAPED. 148

The Rape of Mr. Masangu (You can use any name you prefer.)3 Explain that in the following situation, a holdup victim is cross-examined in the courtroom.

Lawyer: “Mr. Masangu, you were held up at gunpoint on the corner of First and Main?”

Mr. Masangu: “Yes” Lawyer: “Did you struggle with the robber?”

Mr. Masangu: “No.” Lawyer: “Why not?”

Mr. Masangu: “He was armed.”

Lawyer: “Then you made a conscious decision to comply with his demands rather than resist?”

Mr. Masangu: “Yes.” Lawyer: “Did you scream? Cry out?”

Mr. Masangu: “No, I was afraid.”

Lawyer: “I see. Have you ever been held up before?”

Mr. Masangu: “No.” Lawyer: “Have you ever GIVEN money away?”

Mr. Masangu: “Yes, of course.”

Lawyer: “And you did so willingly?”

Mr. Masangu: “What are you getting at?”

Lawyer: “Well, let’s put it like this, Mr. Masangu. You’ve given money away in the past. In fact, you have quite a reputation for financially supporting many groups. How can we be sure that you weren’t setting up a scam to have your money taken from you by force?”

Mr. Masangu: “Listen, if I wanted…“ Lawyer: “Never mind. What time did this holdup take place, Mr. Masangu?”

Mr. Masangu: “About 11:00 P.M...

Lawyer: “You were out on the street at 11:00 P.M.? Doing what?”

Mr. Masangu: “Just walking.”

Lawyer: “Just walking? You know that it’s dangerous being out on the street that late at night. Weren’t you aware that you could have been held up?”

Mr. Masangu: “I hadn’t thought about it.”

Lawyer: “What were you wearing at the time, Mr. Masangu?”

Mr. Masangu: “Let’s see … a suit. Yes, a suit.”

Lawyer: “An EXPENSIVE suit?”

Mr. Masangu: “Well – yes. I’m a successful businessman, you know.”

Lawyer: “In other words, Mr. Masangu, you were walking around the streets late at night in a suit that practically advertised the fact that you might be a good target for some easy money, isn’t that so? I mean, if we didn’t know better, Mr. Masangu, we might even think that you were ASKING for this to happen, mightn’t we?”

Thank the two participants for reading out the drama script. Ask for comments. Share that blaming the victim keeps those who are raped silent without getting the help they need. It also keeps those who rape invisible. Prevention of rape is not just women and girls being careful and avoiding rape, and blaming them if they don’t try hard enough or make a mistake. Preventing rape is also figuring out how to prevent boys and men from raping in the first place.

Remind participants at this point about Reggie’s statement to his father: There’s more than one way to be a man. Write this statement on a large sheet of paper and post it and as you refer to it and close this activity.

Session 10: BLAMING THE VICTIM

13. WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO (5 minutes)

14. SHOUT OUT (5 minutes)

Before you begin the next activity, remind participants that rape is any sex without consent. That it makes no difference if the 2 people are boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, blesser/blessee or complete strangers to each other: consent must always be present throughout and can be withdrawn at any time.

In this activity, ask participants to stand in a circle. Let them know you will be saying the words that some people use when they blame victims for being raped. After each of your statements, they are to respond together with the following chant (you can write it on the board or a piece of chart paper):

Write the statement below on chart paper before you begin Session 10.

At this point, post it on the wall and ask everyone to copy it into their journals:

No one ever asks to be raped. You had a choice. You chose to force her into sex rather than requesting consent. Sex without consent is rape!

PEER EDUCATOR SUPPORT: This final activity can bring participants together as one and reinforce learning. Get them to chant louder and louder. Have them repeat the message until they can say it very loudly. You might want to review Session 5 on consent and session 6 on rape before you do this exercise.

Have a participant read the statement aloud. Ask participants to stand up if they are ready to make a pledge to challenge themselves if they find themselves blaming someone for being raped and challenge their friends and others when they hear them blaming a victim for rape.

• • • • • • • • • •

She was flirting all evening.

The way she was dressed she was asking for it.

She was all over me in the club.

I was drunk.

She was drunk.

We were both drunk.

She gives it up to all the boys. I was just taking my piece.

She didn’t say anything when I tried.

She took my gifts! She owes me her body.

She did not fight me so she must have wanted it.

Ask them to consider these questions in their journals: 1.

2.

15. RESOURCES (1 minutes)

Now you can say : Rape prevention is not about women and girls being careful and blaming them if they make a mistake or don’t try hard enough. Rape prevention is figuring out how to prevent boys and men from raping in the first place.

16. REFLECTIVE JOURNAL QUESTIONS (2 minutes)

Draw everyone’s attention to the local resources for help after rape. If you are in South Africa, share the phone number and address of the closest Thuthuzela Centre or Rape Crisis.

Share that it’s never too late to seek support if you have been raped. We do not need to be stuck alone and in silence. Let them know there is a wonderful resource in the appendix for Session 10 titled, ‘How to Help a Friend Who Is Raped’.

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Did the fact that Tsholo received favors from Sol mean she was responsible for him raping her? Why or why not?

Why do you think Leo decided to call Sophie and apologise? What changed his attitude?

What are your commitments to yourself?

What are your commitments to your friends?

17. CLOSURE (5 minutes)

Thank all participants for their excellent contributions Ask them what has changed for them as a result of this session.

• • •

Do they feel they have a better understanding about rape? Why? How will they be more caring and less judgmental towards anyone who is raped?

Invite them to participate in a group hug and thank them again.

And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com

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SESSION 11 : OUR POWER OUR VOICE

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Session 11

Our Power, Our Voices 1. EPISODE 11 KEY MOMENTS

This episode captures a vision and a turning point for all young people to overcome HIV and sexual violence: youth taking charge and speaking out. They break the silence and secrecy around sexual violence and abuse. Tsholo is dead because nobody had her back. Her funeral is very emotional. Even then, ugly judgmental texts are being sent on social media blaming her for her death. Khensani will never be able to have children because of her teacher and the unsafe backstreet abortion.

Earlier sessions showed us what happens when people remain silent.

It is a tragedy that adults have kept quiet for so long. The session just before this is Blaming the Victim. Young people keep quiet because they blame themselves. Khensani blames herself. Tsholo blamed herself. “So part of what we need to do to find our voices, is to realise that maybe it is not our fault. That we are the kids here. And that we are not the ones who need to feel shame, but the adults who treat us as they do.”

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Young people find their voices and act together in Episode 11. Ipeleng asks, “Are we just going to go on with our lives and treat this tragedy like hot gossip?”. Then she says: “We have to do something. We can’t keep quiet anymore.”. A learner responds: “What’s the point? This happens all the time.”. Ipeleng gives a powerful reply: “That’s why we can’t do nothing. We need to talk about these so called ‘blessers’ in the open. Why are we protecting them? They are a curse to us young girls.”. Though she has a lot going on in her life at the moment, Ipeleng says she cannot just pretend this is somebody else’s problem. She says: “We all need to stand together to stop this once and for all.”.

One of the most powerful and important voice overs of the entire season says: “Bad things happen when good people say nothing.”.

Spoonkie disappears. Leo helps Zamo search for him. Zamo realises that she just thinks about herself, and not enough about her child.

Bongi and Coalstove have a good talk and take responsibility for their HIV status. Nomalanga gives them useful advice on how to live with HIV. Big changes are coming: Bongi’s parents are ready for her to join them.

Storm leaves Rakeem.

More change happens. The learners stage a powerful protest at a school assembly. They work together and stand against those who abuse them.

Mr. Masangu and Sol are arrested as a direct outcome of their protest.

The episode ends with a powerful voice-over by Ipeleng: “You could see life as an endless stream of problems, or you could let it teach you that you can change the world, even just a little bit, if you try.”.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

After many years and millions of Rand spent on educational programmes, too many adults have failed to protect the youth of South Africa from the things that threaten their lives and futures. It is now up to the youth to find their own power and do practical things to stop neglect and abuse. This is why your role as a peer facilitator is so very important. All the sessions in this guide, and every episode of MTV Shuga: Down South, address real issues in young people’s lives. Issues and threats that adults have failed to successfully address.

Session 11 : OUR POWER, OUR VOICES

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitator only)

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP (5 minutes)

In this session participants will identify their turning point and realise that it is in their hands to break the many silences that protect adults who prey on young people, and together develop plans to take action.

Ask volunteers to lead the group in a protest song and dance.

The first question for peer facilitators to pose to participants is, “When are we going to find our turning point? When will we say that we have had enough?”. The second is, “What will we do now?”

This episode allows for the exploration of the things young people have kept quiet about individually and collectively. What have you not said?

What have you kept inside of you? When did you not speak and what harm did your not speaking cause?

It also allows for young people to make practical and achievable plans.

It shows how young people can take steps to take ownership of the issues caused by adults; the ones which adults are unable or unwilling to stop.

This session aims to help participants to no longer focus on only the negatives that have hurt youth or held them back. It is about focusing on the practical, positive steps that they can do to make their lives and the lives of others around them safer and better.

4. RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

Congratulate participants on how they have come together as a group and respected the rules that they have all participated in creating. But still, remind them to put their phones off and away!

5. CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION (5 minutes)

With the full group, ask if there are any participants who want to share how they feel about the previous session. How do they feel about masculinity, patriarchy, violence, gender, silence, stealthing and Tsholo’s death? Remind them that they are welcome to share anything they might have written in their journals. You may want to keep any discussions about Tsholo’s death short as it is sure to come up again after watching Episode 11.

6. WATCH EPISODE 11 (22 minutes)

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Session 11 : OUR POWER, OUR VOICES

7. INITIAL REACTION AND TSHOLO’S DEATH (20 minutes)

8. TURNING POINTS AND LEADERS (15 minutes)

9. OF SILENCES AND SHOUT-OUTS (10 minutes)

Ask participants for their initial reactions to Episode 11. What struck them? Did they recognise any situations? Are they affected or impressed by any of the characters? How did they feel when they saw the learners standing up and protesting?

Guide participants in a discussion using the following questions as your guide:

Write this statement on the board or on a flipchart in big letters. ‘Bad things happen when good people say nothing.’

• •

Ask participants to discuss and share in pairs or threes :

The episode opened with Tsholo’s funeral. It will be important to explore how participants are feeling about this. Rituals like funerals are important to mark someone’s death and to help those left behind to come to terms with their own feelings. You can create many different rituals to mark Tsholo’s death. Here is one possible activity: Give each participant half a piece of A4 paper. Let them sit quietly for a few minutes and write down what they would like to say to Tsholo. When they are done, ask them to stand in a circle. Let those who wish to, read what they have written. After they have read their message to Tsholo, place that message on a table or chair in the centre of the circle. Close the session with a song for Tsholo.

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• • • • • •

What is the turning point in this episode?

What made the youth decide to speak out and break the silence against sexual abuse?

Who lead them into doing so?

Why do some people spread hate and lies on social media?

How can they be stopped?

How can social media be used as a tool for good or as a voice for protest?

When are we going to find our own turning point? When will we have had enough of this harm to us and our friends?

What will we do once we have found our turning point?

• • • • • •

Talk about a time when you or a friend were being wronged, but you never spoke up, said or did anything to help yourself or your friend.

This instruction can also be restated as asking participants to complete this sentence: “I wish I had said something when…”

How long do people remain silent about times when they have been wronged?

How did you feel at the time when you said nothing? How do you feel about your silence now?

What could you have done to speak out?

Why is it sometimes so difficult to speak out?

When the groups are done, bring everyone back together and guide a general discussion on why we keep silent, and what can help us to speak out. The goal of this activity is to connect them to the feelings young people have when they keep silent while being wronged.

Session 11 : OUR POWER, OUR VOICES

10. WHAT DO WE NEED TO SAY? PREPARING FOR PROTEST! (25 minutes)

You need flipchart paper, crayons, marker pens and something to put posters on the walls. Divide participants into 4 groups. Play music in the background while they are working, if you can.

Let participants know that the first step in taking action is to have a clear idea of what we want to say. To do this, instruct the first group that they should decide among themselves 2 or 3 things they want to say to teachers and write them down. The second group must decide 2 or 3 things they want to say to parents and write them down. The third group can decide on 2 or 3 things they want to say to their peers and write them down. The fourth group will decide on 2 or 3 things they want to say to adults in general. Remind the groups of the issues we have been addressing throughout the sessions, that can guide them about what they want to say:

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• • • • • • • •

Gender based violence, harassment, sexual violence and rape HIV Blessers and sugar daddies Stealthing Unsafe backstreet abortions Teachers and employers who use their power to manipulate girls and boys for sex Silence, shame and blame Sexual diversity

Remind participants about their personal logos and tag lines that they created in session 1. In that same way, what they want to say should be short, clear and direct. Just like something they might see on a protest poster! Let them know that this is exactly what they will be creating.

Once you have let the groups know what to do, invite everyone to use the paper and any materials you may have, to create protest posters in any form they wish. The posters must clearly carry their messages to teachers, parents, peers and adults in general, depending on which group the participants are in.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Give participants the chance to role-play in pairs. They should role-play taking turns being themselves and being the person/people their group are focussing on, i.e. teachers, parents, peers and adults in general. In their role-plays, they should practice saying what they have written on their posters. Let them know that this activity is about what we might have inside of us that we need to say. They can add to the words on the posters in their role-plays.

Ask participants to stand in a circle and shake their hands outwards towards the inside of the circle while shouting out: “I am not the person who did wrong to me. I am (and they have to shout out their own names).”

Always help participants to derole after a role-play activity. This is quick and easy.

Repeat 2 times. Everybody has to shout together at the same time.

End by saying, “Remember, you are not the person who harmed you. You are YOU! You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become.”.

Session 11 : OUR POWER, OUR VOICES

11. BOLD BUTTONS (10 minutes)

After deroling, bring participants back to the full group in a circle and ask if anyone wants to share how they feel at this moment. Then ask the groups to put their work up on the wall. Give each group a few moments to tell the full group about the meaning of their messages.

Before closing this activity, facilitate a discussion on how the participants can get their protest messages seen by more people. They might get the support of a teacher or NGO coordinator to put up their posters in a public place; to lead a march; or to speak to groups of young people.

For this activity, ask participants to work alone. You will need scissors, used cardboard such as a tissue or cereal box, or used toilet rolls, and glue and paper, coloured pencils or crayons and marker pens. The cardboard can be used to cut out button shapes. Use safety pins or masking tape to fix the buttons on each person.

Ask participants to create a button, which they are prepared to wear, with a strong message of support against an issue they feel strongly about, e.g. abuse, gender based violence, blessers, sugar daddies, rape, sexual harassment, stealthing, violence, unsafe backstreet abortions, or teachers and employers who use their power to manipulate girls and boys for sex.

Ask participants to wear their buttons. They need to explain to the group what their buttons mean, and why they made that specific message.

Remind participants that they must be willing to wear their buttons.

Wearing the button is declaring yourself publicly, and that is what finding your voice is all about.

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PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

If you run out of time, ask participants to make the buttons at home and bring them along to the next session for sharing.

12. REFLECTION TOPICS (2 minutes)

Invite participants to reflect on the following questions in their journals before the next session.

1. How do I feel now about the learners in the episode standing up and protesting?

2. What did I learn from how the learners took action to break the silence?

3. What can we as youth do about HIV, blessers, sugar daddies, rape, sexual harassment, violence, unsafe backstreet abortions, teachers and employers who use their power to manipulate girls and boys for sex and teen pregnancy?

4. What is my own turning point? What will make me decide to speak out, to make a helpful difference?

5. What are my commitments to myself?

6. What are my commitments to my friends?

13. CLOSING (3 minutes)

Congratulate participants on their work in the session. Ask participants what the session meant for them. Remind them of when the next session will be, and to bring their journals. And remind them to make good use of the website www.mtvshuga.com  

SESSION 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

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Session 12

Reload & Making Amends 1. EPISODE 12 KEY MOMENTS

Four days have passed since the school learners carried out their Name & Shame protest during the school assembly. 104 days have passed since the first episode when Bongi and Femi got off the plane from Nigeria. In this final episode, Reggie’s father talks about young people getting ready for new chapters in their lives. But before they can move on, everyone has something they need to fix with others first that are not right.

The episode title, Home is…, sums up all our journeys and the contradictions of how we must navigate them. We all take our own steps but sometimes people take some steps for and with us. If we are lucky, it is the right people who take those few steps with us. Sometimes our small steps lead to bad places. Sometimes they lead us out of bad places. All the characters in MTV Shuga have walked alone and had others walk for and with them.

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Bongi tells Q that she does not like him because, “You beat up your best friend, and for what?”. Q is trying to clean up his mistakes. That is very important. How do we fix what we have broken? How did Q try to do it?

Bongi clearly has Reggie’s back, as she says, “You mess with Reggie, you mess with me!”.

Mr Vilakazi gives Ipeleng great news: she has been awarded a scholarship to go to university! He made the effort to find a sponsor for her. He had her back! Q tries to make things right with Ipeleng. He tells her he misses her. He owns up that he messed up. Ipeleng says to Q, “Just because I don’t agree with you, does not mean I am not on your side. You are going to have to figure this out on your own.”. She is referring to when Q beat up Reggie.

Mr Vilakazi complains when Reggie’s mother gives him money to paint the backdrop for the party. Reggie points out in an assertive way that, “You know a lot of things Dad, but you don’t know anything about graffiti.”.

Session 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

prove how much of a man he is. Q shows he has gained self-knowledge and has reflected on who he is and what he has done.

Bongi is conflicted about leaving Zenzele. Part of her wants to break free, and another part does not want to let go yet. Bongi and Coalstove talk to each other and share their feelings. Coalstove tells Bongi that he loves her. At the end of the episode, Bongi tells Coalstove that she wants to stay on longer.

Leo apologised for the way he treated Sophie. It took a long time for him to realise that he was wrong and he confesses as much. He says that he accepts that he forced himself on Sophie and then tried to make excuses for himself. Femi tells him that he can now stop running and move on with his life. He has decided to move back to Kenya.

Zamo figures out that her baby is more important than a party, and then discovers that her mom really does have her back. Q tries to make things right with Reggie. Q tells Reggie he will have his back. Reggie rejects Q and tells him: “I take respect seriously. You made it quite clear that me and you, we can’t be friends anymore.”. So Reggie stands up to Q. Later, Q stands up to his soccer friends who mock and laugh at Reggie, telling them to “Shut up - this guy (Reggie) is better than all of us here put together.”. Q tells them that at least Reggie knows himself. Ipeleng was watching and praises Q for the way he stood up for Reggie. She did not think he had it in him. Q shares that he is insecure and always needs to

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Coalstove organises a surprise for Bongi – she is called to the stage to sing her song. The audience records her whole song on their phones and upload it onto a website. He joins in a duet and sings with Bongi, saying that you can change the world, and that you are good enough, that you must believe in yourself. Their song is empowering and motivating. At that moment, Ipeleng goes over to Khensani, who is sitting quietly and sadly at the party, and gives her a hug. Ipeleng shows her support. She has Khensani’s back.

Diliza advises Reggie: “If you want your dad to accept you, you need to invite him into your world.”. He thanks his parents for encouraging him to think for himself. Reggie tells his parents that he can’t keep hiding who he is anymore and comes out to his father as he tells him that he is gay.

Reggie’s mother supports him 100%, but his dad reacts in a negative and shocked way. His dad says he will never accept this. Reggie emphasises that his dad will have to accept him for who he is, that he cannot live a double life. Reggie is disappointed in his dad’s reaction, but relieved that he has been honest about himself. He says: “…for the first time I am doing Reggie, and I don’t care what anybody else thinks.’’.

The final episode ends with a voice-over that says you are not the same person that you were in the beginning. But in the end, you rise up stronger than before. This is a message of hope, of power and of being positive that you can overcome and succeed.

Session 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

2. SESSION GOALS (For Peer Facilitators only)

3. WELCOME AND WARM UP (10 minutes)

4. REVIEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (2 minutes)

The message from all of the episodes of MTV Shuga: Down South comes together in Episode 12: When young people act together, they can create a different and better world for everyone. But change begins within each person. While Episode 11 focused on what we can do together to make a difference, Episode 12 focuses on the personal changes young people can make in their lives that will help them to reach that better place. Participants will also think about their power, their strength, their becoming the new generation that will make a great difference.

Welcome participants to this session dealing with the final episode of MTV Shuga: Down South.

Applaud the group for keeping to the rules they made. Remind them to put their cell phones away and turned off.

Episode 12 ends with balloons floating high and far, like hopes and dreams. Do not tell this to participants. Instead, lead them in a warm up activity with balloons that they will be surprised to see at end of the episode.

5: CHECK-IN FROM LAST SESSION (5 minutes)

The theme of making amends is at the core of this episode. Leo and Sophie, Bongi and Coalstove, Q and Ipeleng, Zamo and her mother, Q and Reggie. The message is that before we can move on, we have to reflect on our lives and try to fix what might be broken. The aim is to get participants to think about the mistakes they have made in their lives; in what ways they have hurt others; if there is anyone they need to make amends with; and how to make things right with others.

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Hand each participant a balloon. Ask them to blow the balloon up.

Then they should use a soft-tipped pen or marker pen to write positive personal qualities on their balloons that they have discovered inside themselves during these MTV Shuga sessions.

Play music if you can, and ask participants to spread out in the venue.

When everyone is ready, let them throw their balloons high in the air and keep them in the air, as high as possible, for as long as possible. Let this go on for a few minutes. Then ask participants to sit in pairs and share what the personal qualities they wrote on their own balloon means to them. Close by asking participants how it feels to showcase their positive qualities so publicly.

With the full group, ask if there are any participants who want to share how they feel about the previous session. Did they wear their buttons?

Did anyone ask about them? What have they done with the posters? Did they have any conversations or collective actions? Remind them that they are welcome to share anything they might have written in their journals.

6. WATCH EPISODE 12 (22 minutes)

Session 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

CHARACTER 7. INITIAL REACTION AND CHARACTERS (10 minutes)

Ask participants for their initial reactions to Episode 12. What struck them? Did they recognise any situations? Let this be a brief conversation because the next session will address how each character made amends.

Ask them what amends the following characters made or tried to make in Episode 12. Refer to the table below, but do not give participants the answers! Lead them to discover them.

Q

HOW THEY MADE AMENDS

CHARACTER

Tried to apologise to Reggie; tried to apologise

Realised her child is the most important

to Ipeleng; tried to reach out to Bongi; stood

thing in her life and her mom recognised the

up to his friends when they were mistreating Reggie.

ZAMO

change in her. Her mom reached out to her in acknowledgement and pride by telling her to go to the turn up and that she would watch Spoonkie.

STORM

Left Rakeem

8. MTV SHUGA CHARACTERS RELOAD AND MAKING AMENDS (10 minutes)

Mr. Vilikazi felt bad that he did not allow Ipeleng

COALSTOVE

Begin by asking participants what it means to make amends and why it might be important.

HOW THEY MADE AMENDS

& BONGI

Made peace. It looks like Bongi will stay in

MR. VILIKAZI

Zenzele. Bongi made peace with Zenzele. Both

to turn in her science assignment late. But he still had her back and got her a scholarship for studies.

are trying to make peace with their HIV status.

KHENSANI

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

Making amends means to do something to correct a mistake that one has made, or a bad situation that one has caused. Making amends is more than lip-service, more than just words or saying sorry. Making amends requires a change inside the person trying to right their wrongs.

One has to make themselves right before they can make a situation right.

LEO

Called Sophie and apologised, saying he finally

AND HER

understood that what he did was wrong.

PARENTS

He tried to apologise to Khensani for turning

Was honest and came out to his parents. Though REGGIE

his father rejected him, Reggie made amends with himself; he accepted himself.

They have a lot of healing to do.

his back on Tsholo. Khensani could not accept

ZOLANI

his apology. Sometimes apologies cannot be accepted and what is broken cannot be fixed.

Sometimes it takes longer to accept an apology.

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Session 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

9. PARTICIPANT RELOAD AND MAKING AMENDS (40 minutes)

After congratulating participants for their good insight into seeing how the characters made amends with each other, within themselves and even found peace, take them through the following questions: •

•

•

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Is the way the characters have made peace with each other realistic? Does this usually happen in the participants’ worlds?

Many will probably answer ‘No’. Many of the people around them might not behave like this with each other.

Would you like to live in a world like this, where people clean up their mistakes and allow themselves and others a chance to grow?

They will most likely say ‘Yes’. Then explain that Episode 12 is something amazing that MTV Shuga is giving to all of us, a vision of how our lives, relationships and world can be. We all need a vision to work toward and an example to follow. No one has to wait for leaders to make this vision true. It will come true when we all make it true in our own lives. This is how real change works. It begins within each one of us first.

Do you have the courage to clean up your mistakes and to make amends? Here you are setting them up for the next exercise.

Explain that there are ways in which individuals and entire nations try to make amends. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa was about the nation making amends for the pain and death caused to many South Africans during apartheid rule, even if they did not succeed in many ways. Tell them that a powerful story of making amends comes from what happened after the Rwandan genocide in 1994 where between 500,000 and 1,000,000 people were killed in a 100-day period of human slaughter. Here is the true story:

For this activity, you will need the following:

Sometime after the terror, efforts were made to heal what had happened.

People were trying to make acts to amend for the wrongs they had done. One day, a woman heard a knock on her door. When she answered, a young man was standing outside her home. “Yes,” she said, “what is it?”. The young man explained that during the massacre, he was a teenager and that he was the one who killed her son. He was there to take responsibility for this unimaginable wrong he had done. He asked if there was anything he could do for the woman. She asked him to go away and return the following day. When he returned, she told him: “You took my son. I can never get him back. You want to do something to ease my pain? From this day forward, you will take his place and live with me in my house as my own son.” And he did.

Introduce the activity by saying that before you can move on and live the change you want to make, before you can reload, you have to mend broken relationships and reach out to those you have hurt. You also have to forgive those who have hurt you.

After reading the story, check with the participants what they are feeling.

Ask them to use feeling words, not intellectual explanations.

•

•

Different dried beans and seeds such as corn/mealie, sunflower, peas, lentils, and small stones and/or shells or dried pasta. There should be enough for each participant to take a big handful. Place these items in a big cardboard box and mix them up.

Flipchart paper torn in half so that each participant has a large piece of paper. This needs to be bigger than an A4 paper.

Instruct the participants to each take a big handful of the mix of seeds in the box, put it on their paper and find a quiet space in the room, where they can be alone and silent. Some may like to lie on the floor, others sit at tables turned to face the wall, so they can be in their own space.

Once participants are settled and have their seeds, instruct them to sort the items into sizes and shapes and colours. They should not talk while they do this. While they are sorting, ask them to think about who they need to make amends with, who they need to apologise to, who they need to fix things with or about anything they may have done or said that hurt or harmed another person that they need to clean up. Which of their relationships need healing? With a parent, grandparent, caregiver,

teacher, girlfriend/boyfriend, classmate, friend, family member, neighbour, Facebook friend?

Play very peaceful music softly in the background.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT:

You might think that participants are just sorting seeds. But if you can keep the room very quiet and have participants focus only on themselves, they will move inside themselves in ways that often do not happen. They will be thinking deeply. Remember, you are inviting them to create this quiet reflective space in the room, but never scolding them to get there. The minute you raise your voice, the exercise will not happen well, because you have shifted the feeling in the room.

After about 8 minutes ask the participants to do the next step: Mix the seeds/items up again if you want to! It does not matter if everyone has not finished sorting the seeds. Tell them: Now create an image or symbol to show how you will make things right between you and another person or other people. What will you do? What do you hope will happen? How will you fix things? What practical actions will you take?

Session 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

Remind participants to work again in complete silence and use the beans and seeds, etc., in any way they wish to create their symbol. You might have to remind them a few times about the instructions as they work. Give them about 10 minutes to do this. They may struggle at the start, but will soon get into it. Remind them that there are no wrong or right symbols; they can create whatever they want to.

When the participants have completed their symbols, ask them to find 3 other participants to share their symbols with. They need to go to where the symbols are; do not move the symbols/seeds. They need to explain what the symbol means to each other and what they will do to fix things.

Allow about 10 to 12 minutes for this sharing.

When the small group sharing is complete, check in and see how participants are feeling. Suggest that they can use their journals to write about what they have experienced in this session. They can even write exactly what it is they want to say to someone else to make amends.

If you have been able to get seeds as part of the mix, like sunflower seeds, invite participants to take a few to plant in a pot or outside. The growth of this plant will symbolise their work to fix things between themselves and others; their own self-development.

Allow them to take photos of their symbol creations.

End this activity by asking participants to place their creations/seeds back into the box. Thank them for their contributions.

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PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: It may happen that a participant tells you that they cannot do this exercise because they have no relationships to heal in their life, they have not harmed anybody and all is well. Then ask them to think very deeply about it. They can also create a symbol of standing up for others – e.g. have they ever kept quiet when others were teased, bullied, mocked, laughed at in a bad way? That is the same as hurting others. What will they do differently? If they are sure there is really not even one person they have wronged, that they are just not wanting to own up to ever hurting another, that they refuse to take responsibility, then they can create a symbol of what they will do to speak out and take action against the sexual abuse they know about at their school, community and home area.

10. REGGIE (20 minutes)

Explain to participants that we can all learn from Reggie’s courage and his journey towards being himself. His decision to show his heart honestly to the people around him and in particular to those he loves the most – his parents – and the people who are meant to have his back the most – his parents. Explain to participants that we do not have to be gay to learn from Reggie, to like and respect him or to have him as a role model. Q finally learned that.

Lead participants in a full-group discussion (in the circle) about Reggie coming out to his mother and father. Use the following questions to support the discussion.

• • • • • • • • •

How easy or difficult was it for Reggie to come out to his dad?

What do you think Reggie was feeling?

Why did Reggie decide to come out to his dad?

What was the difference between his mom’s and his dad’s reactions?

Why did his dad react in such a negative way?

How did Reggie feel after coming out?

What do you think Reggie’s life would be like if he did not come out to his mother and father?

Ask participants to volunteer to stand up and say a sentence to Reggie about how they feel about him now.

Ask participants to talk about what it means to be who you are, to be yourself. What do they have to do to be themselves, to show their real selves to the world?

Session 12 : RELOAD & MAKING AMENDS

11. REFLECTION TOPICS (5 minutes)

13. CLOSING (5 minutes)

Invite participants to reflect on the following questions in their journals, and write the letter, before the final session (13).

1. What are the most important things that I have learnt from this MTV Shuga series?

2. How do I show that I have changed and am willing to make a change in this world?

3. Who is the new me?

4. Think of the seed symbol you created. Now write a letter to the person/people who you want to fix things with. In this letter, say what you need to say.

Bring your letter with you to the final session (13).

5. What are my commitments to myself?

6. What are my commitments to my friends?

Congratulate participants on their awesome work in the session and in all 11 preceding sessions. Ask participants what the session meant for them. Praise those who attended all 12 sessions. Tell the participants about the celebration session (13).

Remind them to bring their letters with them. Tell them that they can take their balloons home. End with a grand group hug.

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SESSION 13 : COMMITMENTS & PAYING IT FORWARD

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Session 13

Commitments & Paying It Forward

1.SESSION CONTENT (For Peer Facilitators only) How amazing and wonderful that you and the participants have arrived at the end of the sessions in this guide. Congratulations! It has been hard work that needed lots and lots of courage.

This final gathering should be one of celebration and participants feeling a sense of accomplishment. The biggest question participants will have to answer in this session is: Just because the sessions are done, does that mean our journeys as individuals and as a group will end?

As a facilitator, your task is to help participants see that the most important journey we can all make is to a greater humanness. To becoming better human beings and all that this means. And to taking that journey together. That is what the last 12 sessions have been about. This final session is about participants bringing what is good to their friends, schools, families and communities.

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Session 13 : COMMITMENTS & PAYING FORWARD

2. GROWING HEARTS (30 minutes)

After welcoming participants, begin this session by congratulating them in your own words. Feel free to say what has moved you the most about the time you have spent together. Talk from your heart.

•

Finally, ask them to remember all the commitments they made throughout their journey. Ask them to write their most important single commitment of what they are going to do, change in themselves or are determined to do, on the page along with their heart and tag line.

PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT: Now ask participants to sit in groups of 3 and give each person a piece of paper and some crayons or colour markers to each group.

You should also be drawing your own heart as participants draw theirs.

Introduce the activity by saying that this amazing journey with MTV Shuga: Down South has touched everyone’s hearts in remarkable ways.

We have all changed in important ways. Ask them to remember their own heart that they drew at the beginning of the journey in Session 2.

Remind them that they pretended they were 80 years old and drew what they wanted their hearts to look like at 80. Ask them to also remember the personal brands they created in Session 1.

Explain that in this activity, they are to capture 3 things on their page: • •

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First, to draw what has grown inside their hearts because of this journey.

Ask them to revise their tag line from their personal brand and write it somewhere within or beside their hearts. Encourage them to talk in their groups of three as they draw.

When participants have finished their drawings and writing their tag lines, give them time to explain their drawings within their groups only.

Then ask them to put their papers on the wall with tape. When all the hearts are on the wall, let the participants walk and look at the hearts.

They must remain silent as they look at other people’s drawings. This is to encourage self-reflection.

When they are done viewing each other’s hearts, instead of debriefing how they feel, move immediately into the next activity, where this first activity will be built upon and shared.

2. FROM INDIVIDUAL TO GROUP: SHARING COMMITMENTS (35 minutes)

You will need a brightly coloured ball of wool for this activity.

Introduce to the participants the idea that when we join our individual commitments together, we change the world. A family, community and nation are only as strong as the commitments they share with each other. Explain that it is also our humanity that ties us together: the ability to care about others; the way we can feel other people’s happiness and their hurt; our ability to love; the way that we can all make a difference on other peoples’ lives.

When you have finished this introduction, ask participants to form a single sharing circle. Hand the ball of wool to one of the group members. The person holding the wool needs to share her/his commitment with the group. After having shared, the person rolls the wool around their wrist and throws the ball to a person across from him/ her. Let this continue until all participants have shared a commitment and are all connected in a web of yarn. While they are in this state, let participants reflect on what this image of themselves connected to each other means for them.

When participants have shared their thoughts and feelings, use scissors to cut the wool close to each person’s wrist. Each person should have a piece of wool around their wrist long enough that they can tie it into a bracelet. Again, ask participants to reflect on the symbolism and meaning of their bracelets. Encourage them to wear them for as long as they can.

With participants still standing in a circle, ask the participants, one at a time, to stand by their drawings on the wall and quickly read their commitment and tag line. Everyone should remain completely silent until one by one every participant has moved to their drawing and shared.

You should end up with all of the participants standing in front of their drawings. Now ask the participants to share how they feel.

Session 13 : COMMITMENTS & PAYING FORWARD

3. PAYING IT FORWARD (20 minutes)

Here are 2 ideas for the ceremony: •

Paying it Forward means to take what gifts we have received or lessons we have learned and sharing them with others. It is also a way of making ‘’each one teaches one’’ happen. It means giving after receiving and is a way of giving thanks. Propose to participants that they have to make a decision: Will their work with MTV Shuga: Down South end with this session and certificate ceremony, or do they wish to carry the work forward to help others? If they wish to carry the work forward, let participants remain in a single group to create practical ways to take the work to their families, friends, schools, places of worship and communities. Let them be as creative as they can be. Work with the participants to create real plans with commitments, and a list of what they will need to do to make their plans real.

4. PLANNING FOR CERTIFICATE CEREMONY (20 minutes)

A certificate ceremony for those who completed the sessions should follow Session 13. Refer to the appendix that follows this session for guidance with this. It can come immediately after the session or in the days to come. Take this time to plan the event with the participants.

Review with them the content of the next section of this guide on the ceremony.

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•

Each participant could hold up the drawing of their heart and read out their main commitment and their revised tag line that they made in Session 13, or, Participants could role-play each of the characters in MTV Shuga: Down South, standing in front of the audience and speaking as that character, telling young people what they can learn from their character. An example could be Rakeem saying, “My advice is to stay away from people like me. Don’t be fooled by me. I don’t care about other people and I never will. I only care about myself and I will use you and discard you when I want. All the flash and glamour of Club Surge might seem attractive to you. But if you come with me, you will be giving up your soul. Storm was right to leave me and she is a better person than I will ever be.”. Another example could be Reggie’s father saying, “As a father, you have to learn how to listen to your children and support them. You have to have the courage to listen to what is in their heart and not try to fill their hearts with what you think should be there. It is not easy. It needs real courage.

But you have to do your best, because the world is not what it was when you grew up, and young people are different from when we grew up.”. If participants choose to do this, someone will have to quickly explain each character before the participant then gives their advice to the audience. It can be a powerful activity.

Ask participants to form groups to prepare and present celebratory song and dance performances for the ceremony. The theme needs to be based on what they have learned by attending this course. If you can, use African drums and make it so strong and powerful that the audience will automatically join in with the celebration. Remember, the theme is CELEBRATION, so CELEBRATE! The group should read out the commitments they made in the paying it forward activity. They can ask the audience for help to make their plans real. There can be pen and paper for members of the audience to fill in a table with their name, surname, contact details and specific commitments of how they want to help, from providing a safe house to helping transport people for counselling, writing letters to the press, creating Facebook pages, organising marches, speaking at schools, places of worship, community centres and more.

5. CLOSING CELEBRATION (15 minutes)

In this final session, sit in a circle and let participants give thanks to each other in any way they wish or need.

7. APPENDICES

7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 13 : Organising a Certificate Ceremony

• •

A certificate ceremony is important. It is a great way to publicly acknowledge the hard work and changes experienced by the participants, and mark the end of their long journey with MTV Shuga: Down South. It is also it is a wonderful way to recognise that a new door has opened in young people’s lives.

• • • • • •

• • • •

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Participants will feel appreciated; This is a way to praise them for attending the sessions and their hard work; It helps to keep them motivated and apply the learning of this course; The certificate ceremony is a public reminder of their commitments; It helps them to stand up and speak out; It helps to grow their good feelings about themselves; It motivates other youth to also want to do the sessions; There are very few places of praise in young people’s lives. This can be one of them. They deserve acknowledgment and recognition for the hard work they have competed; It shows respect to the participants; This event marks a powerful rite of passage and will be remembered by participants; Certificates help young people to build their CVs. This is important when applying for jobs or further education; and, It is a way for participants to already be sharing what they have learned with others.

REQUIREMENTS TO RECEIVE A CERTIFICATE

CREATING A CERTIFICATE

As a peer facilitator, you need to let participants know on the very first day that they will receive a certificate for participation in and completion of the 13 Peer2Peer sessions. A certificate can motivate young people to join the sessions and help keep them coming along the way. To receive a certificate, participants must physically attend 11 of the 13 sessions. That means they can miss 2. But for the 2 that are missed, they must go through the sessions with someone who has attended them and submit written answers to the reflective journal questions to you. Do not lower the standard for this certificate by letting people through who have not done the work. To do so would be disrespectful to those who worked hard and to the intent of the sessions as a whole.

This means you will have to keep a written record of who comes each week. The best way to do this is to have participants sign in during each session. Do not let them sign in for each other!

You will see a sample certificate in the appendix. Use your own imagination to design something nice for participants. As a peer facilitator, you must sign each certificate. You will need a second person to sign as well: perhaps the school principal or head of the NGO where you are facilitating the sessions.

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7. APPENDICES

HOW TO ORGANISE A CERTIFICATE CEREMONY

•

Draw up a programme. Try to keep the programme short. Think about: »»

Who can be the MC or person who will make announcements to explain what will happen. This can be a young person with a good

•

•

strong voice.

Discuss with the group what date and time will be suitable. Once you have agreed, let the group brainstorm the type of event they want.

Speak to a teacher, the school principal or NGO head to book a hall, a large classroom or a local community hall.

Explain the purpose of the event.

WHO YOU COULD INVITE

»»

You need a main speaker to welcome the attendees and participants.

»»

You may want a person to lead the audience in praise song and

• •

dance. »»

Someone should give a short speech where they explain what the sessions were about.

»»

and how they are applying their learning. »»

•

Give each participant a chance to briefly say what they have learnt You might also want a prominent community or school person to

• •

present the certificates. »»

You need large colourful labels or medallions for each participant to wear as a decorated name tag, that says MTV Shuga: Down South

• •

Peer2Peer Training Graduate! »»

You may wish to decorate the venue with the participants’ work from

All the participants.

Allow the participants to bring up to 4 guests each. These can be their parents or caregivers, grandmothers, siblings, other family members, neighbours, and friends. It is very important that families attend so they can understand what the sessions were about and what their child achieved.

Teachers from the school, as well as the principal if you do this in a school.

School Governing Board Members.

Local NGO members and organisations that offer support, HIV care and counselling.

A journalist and photographer from a local community newspaper.

Make sure you invite people well before the due date, and also remind them closer to the time.

the 13 sessions: collages, posters and wise words, as well as the questions and information you wrote on flipcharts. »»

Food is very important at a celebratory event. Try to organise some refreshments.

»»

Don’t forget to have someone in charge of taking pictures. Make sure a photo is taken of each participant as they receive the certificates.

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7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 4 : Sexual & Reproductive Health Informations

INTRA-UTERINE DEVICES (IUDS OR COIL) :

WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT TO MAKE SURE THAT SEX WILL NOT RESULT IN PREGNANCY OR STIS?

This is a small, often T-shaped birth control device that is inserted into a woman’s uterus to prevent pregnancy. IUDs are one form of long-acting reversible birth control and a very effective form of birth control for young people.

Nomalanga said it best to Bongi and Coalstove: “Condoms are not just his responsibility and contraception is not just her responsibility.”.

EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION : MALE CONDOMS AND HOW TO USE THEM :

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS :

1.

Often referred to as “the pill”, it is a birth control tablet taken by mouth daily.

2.

3.

4.

Grasp the tip so that an air bubble does not get trapped in the end of the condom.

Unroll condom all the way down the penis.

Immediately after sex but before pulling out, hold the condom at the base. Then, pull out while holding the condom in place.

Carefully remove the condom and throw it in the trash.

FEMALE CONDOMS AND HOW TO USE THEM : 1.

2.

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Sit, squat, lie or stand in a position you find most comfortable, similar to how you would insert a tampon.

Squeeze the smaller ring at the closed end of the condom and insert it into your vagina as far as it will go, making sure that it doesn’t twist.

It is used when contraception was not used or a condom failed. There are 2 methods: A pill that prevents pregnancy which can be taken up to 72 hours after sex, and an IUD can also act as emergency contraception up to 5 days after sex. Emergency contraception does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. It is available at public health clinics.

WHERE AND HOW TO ACCESS BIRTH CONTROL : Public health clinics will direct you to make an appointment.

AGE OF CONSENT FOR RECEIVING BIRTH CONTROL FROM A PUBLIC CLINIC: In South Africa, young people from the age of 12 and up can receive birth control services from a public health clinic without their parents’ permission.

HIV : The Human Immunodeficiency Virus. It is transmitted through semen, blood and breast milk.

POST-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS (PEP) :

HOW WOMEN’S SEXUAL PLEASURE WORKS:

PEP means taking antiretroviral medicines (ART) after being possibly exposed to HIV to prevent becoming infected with it. PEP must be started within 72 hours after a possible exposure to HIV, but the sooner you start PEP, the better. PEP is free of charge at public health clinics and must be taken once a day for 28 days.

It is important that men understand the female clitoris, which is the centre of female sexual pleasure. Filled with nerve endings, the clitoris, like the penis, swells with blood when stimulated. Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. A penis in their vagina is often not enough for a woman to achieve orgasm. The best approach is to proceed slowly and gently and with plenty of communication. Listen carefully to you your female partner to learn what feels good to her.

PRE-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS (PREP): PrEP is a way for people who do not have HIV but who are at high risk of getting it to prevent HIV infection by taking a pill every day. The pill (brand name Truvada) contains two medicines that are used in combination with other medicines to treat HIV.

THE PRESENCE OF SORES: The presence of sores or open wounds on sexual organs, the anus and the mouth area are an indication of a possible sexually transmitted disease. These sores greatly increase the risk of HIV transmission.

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SEX WITHOUT INTERCOURSE: There are great ways to connect with your lover sexually without having intercourse. Masturbate in front of each other; show your partner how you like to be masturbated; rub your entire body against his or her body; masturbate each other at the same time; slide his penis between your legs or between your feet; tell stories; long, slow sensual massages; ask your partner what he or she would like you to do with your mouth and tongue.  

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Family Planning Health Care Choice of Most Widely Used Methods in Family Planning Providing Best Contraceptive Reliability 7. APPENDICES

Methods

Condom

Pill

Mini Pill

Combined

2 monthly injection

Progestin-only

Combined

Appendix for Session 4 : Marie Stopes Contraceptive Fact Sheet

How reliable is it?

Medium

Medium - High

Medium - High

Medium - High

Patch

Progestin-only

Medium - High

High

Intra-uterine devices (IUDs)

Very High

Hormonal Implants

contraceptive implant

Very High

LEAST EFFECTIVE AND MUST BE USED CAREFULLY

Female sterilisation

Highest

Vasectomy

Highest

MOST EFFECTIVE AND EASY TO USE

How it works

Rubber sleeve applied over the erect penis (male condom) OR inserted into the vagina (female condom) Acts as a barrier against sperm being released into the vagina/uterus.

One pill is taken daily Contains the hormones estrogen and progestogen.

Inhibits ovulation.

One pill is taken daily.

Contains only the hormone progestogen. Thickens the cervical mucus.

Depot injection containing a combination of the hormones estrogen and progestogen. Inhibits ovalation and thickens the cervial mucus.

Depot injection containing the hormone progestogen only. Inhibits ovulation and thickens the cervical mucus.

Plaster-like patch is applied to skin of upper arm, buttocks or thigh. One patch worn weekly for three weeks, last week is patch free. Contains the hormones estrogen and progestogen. Inhibits ovulation and the thickens cervical mucus.

Small T-shaped plastic device with copper wire is fitted into the uterus (womb) by a nurse or doctor.

Inhibits motility of sperm and prevents fertilization.

Silicon matchstick-sized rod fitted under the skin of the upper arm. Releases the hormone gestagen over a period of 3-5 years.

Prevents of ovulation and thickens the cervical mucus.

Day surgery under sedation where doctor ties off or splits fallopian tubes so that they stop carrying eggs from ovaries to uterus

Minor day surgery using local anesthetic where doctor splits tubes inside the testes to prevent them from carrying sperm into ejaculate.

How long it lasts

New condom every time you have sex.

Each packet contains pills for one month.

Each packet contains pills for one month.

Clinic visit every 2 months.

Clinic visit every 3 months.

Each packet contains patches for one month.

5-10 years (depending on model).

3-5 years (depending on model).

Permanent.

Permanent (after sperm testing).

Advantages

Widely available and affordable (or free). Reliable prevention of HIV/AIDS and sexually- transmitted infections. Can be used with other contraceptive methods for dual protection.

Regulates menstrual cycle.

May reduce menstrual and pre-menstrual complaints.

Does not contain estrogen.

Can be used while breastfeeding.

Discreet method. Regulates menstrual cycle. May reduce menstual and pre-mentrual complaints.

Discreet method. Does not contain estrogen. Can be used while breastfeeding.

Regulates menstrual cycle.

May reduce menstrual and pre-menstrual complaints.

Only needs to be changed weekly.

Discreet method.

Continuous, reliable protection without risk of human error. Only requires one clinic visit for initial fitting (with yearly follow up during annual pap smear and exam).

Dicreet method.

Continuous, reliable protection without risk of human error.Only requires one clinic visit for initial fitting.

Effective immediately Removes need to manage contraceptives in future.

Simple, quick procuedure which takes less than 10 minutes. Female partner no longer has to manage contraception (ie. pills, injection).

Things to consider

Can rupture or slip off/ out so caution and proper usage required Not to be used together with cremes and oily lubrucants ONLY water-based lubricants and spermicides.

Male condoms not suitable for persons with latex allergy for persons with latex allergy.

Requires discipline as it needs to be taken at the same time each day.

Impaired efficacy if pills have been missed.

Vomiting, diarrhea and use of certain medication can impact effectiveness. May cause spotting or irregular periods, headaches nausea, skin problems or increased appetite.

Requires discipline as needs to be taken at the same time each day (+/- 3 hours only). Impaired efficacy when pills have been missed. Spotting and irregular periods possible.

Vomiting, diarrhea and use of certain medication can impact effectiveness. May cause spotting or irregular periods, headaches nausea, skin problems or increased appetite.

Requires injection by healthcare professional.

Spotting, irregular periods or no periods are common.

May also cause headaches nausea, skin problems or increased appetite.

Requires injection by healthcare professional.

Spotting, irregular periods or no periods are common.

May cause spotting or irregular periods, headaches nausea, skin problems or increased appetite.

Can cause irritation to the skin. Not suitable for those who are sensitive to plasters and adhesives.

May cause spotting or irregular periods, headaches nausea, skin problems or increased appetite.

Device needs to be inserted and removed by a medical professional and checked annually. May cause heavier periods and/or cramping.

Can increase frequncy of infections.

Needs to be inserted and removed by a medical professional in small operation (incision) under local anestheic. May cause spotting or irregular periods, headaches nausea, skin problems or increased appetite.

Carries some risk as with all surgical procedures under anesthesia. Requires up to 2 weeks recovery time with limited activity (ie. exercise, childcare etc)

Requires sperm testing to ensure successful Condoms required for the first 4 months after procedure Reversible in rare cases but procedure has only moderate success rate and is expensive and difficult to access in South Africa

Who it’s

Women who are seeking protection from HIV/AIDS and sexually-transmitted infections. Women who are sensitive to hormonal methods.

Women who are seeking a reliable, easy to use method; who are not smokers, obese or over 35 (due to an increased risk of venous thromosis in those groups).

Women who cannot tolerate methds containing estrogen. Breast-feeding women who want hormonal contraception.

Women who prefer not take a daily pill but want a short acting method.

Women who cannot tolerate estrogen. Women who prefer not take a daily pill but want a short acting method.

Women who prefer not take a daily pill but want a short acting method.

Women seeking a long acting method. Women who wish to avoid hormonal contraceptive methods.

Women seeking a long acting method. Women who cannot tolerate methods containing estrogen.

Women who no longer want children

Women who no longer want children

best for

CONDOM USE 101 Follow the packet instructions, check expiry date and check to make sure it stays on during sex.

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3 monthly injection

Only condoms protect against HIV and STIs. Use a condom with another contraceptive method for dual protection.

7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 6 : Rape Myths & Facts Table

Photocopy the following table and cut out each individual square.

RAPE MYTH 1

RAPE FACT 1

RAPE MYTH 4

RAPE FACT 4

RAPE MYTH 8

RAPE FACT 8

Rape is not a big deal

Rape is a traumatic event.

Its effects can last a lifetime. Fear, depression and suicide are common.

Most rape victims tell noone, suffering in silence

Men rape women because

Most men who rape have sexual partners already.

Only young attractive women

Rape victims range in age

are raped.

from 3 months to 90 years.

RAPE MYTH 2

RAPE FACT 2

Women ask for rape by the way they dress and act.

Women dress to please men, themselves and other women, never to invite sex by force

they lack a sexual partner.

Men and boys can also be victims of rape by other men.

RAPE MYTH 5

RAPE FACT 5

Rape is just a man wanting

Rather than just sex, rape

sex.

expresses a need to control and dominate a woman

RAPE MYTH 9

RAPE FACT 9

Men who rape are not normal.

Most men who rape are normal on all mental health

RAPE MYTH 3

RAPE FACT 3

Men rape due to their biology. It has always been that way

Most men don’t rape. Only male-dominated societies have high rates of rape.

Where men and women are treated equally and women have economic independence there is a far lower incidence of rape.

tests. They differ from other RAPE MYTH 6

RAPE FACT 6

Most rapes are committed

Besides rapes by strangers,

by strangers at night, in dark

most rapes are committed

alleys.

by boyfriends, ex-boyfriends,

most strongly to the masculine expected norm.

They take it to the extreme.

husbands or friends in the victim’s home, day and night.

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men in that they conform

RAPE MYTH 7

RAPE FACT 7

Women can easily fight off

In the face of rape, most

a rapist

women fear for their lives.

They freeze.

RAPE MYTH 10

RAPE FACT 10

There’s nothing we can do

Rape is not inevitable. We

about rape.

can change gender norms and treat each other with respect. We can teach young boys about consent and support them in their development.

RAPE MYTHS & FACTS EXPLAINED

RAPE MYTHS & RAPE FACTS Adapted by the author from: Support for Survivors: Rape Myths and Facts, Gillian Greensite, California Coalition Against Sexual Assault The more we learn about rape, the more we understand that many of our attitudes about rape are based on myths rather than facts. Where these myths came from is connected to patriarchy and sexism. Myths about rape direct attention away from masculine violence. They encourage us to believe that those who are raped deserved to be raped or enjoyed being raped and that only certain types of females (and never males) get raped, so most people can pretend it doesn’t concern them. The myths minimize the seriousness of rape and shift the blame away from those who commit the crime. Blame is focused on the behavior of those who were raped.

Rape Myths keep us from understanding that rape is connected to our gender norms of masculinity, femininity, and sexuality. Rape myths keep us from understanding that we can change these circumstances; that rape is neither natural nor inevitable.

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Rape Myth: Men and boys rape women and girls because that is their biological role. This myth says that males force women sexually because they can’t control themselves; that they are subject to biological forces out of their control or are fulfilling evolutionary needs for survival of the species.

Rape Fact: There were many societies in which males did not rape females. We now know that rape is not universal. Men and boys rape women in some societies but not in all societies. There are connections between a high rate of rape and acceptance of interpersonal violence; objectification of women; encouragement of tough and aggressive behaviour in males; prevalence of war; childhood trauma and family dynamics. That the rate of rape is high in some societies and low or nonexistent in others suggests that it is behavior that can be encouraged or discouraged, depending on the values of a society, the values connected to masculinity and femininity and the power relations between males and females. Societies where women are respected, where the roles of males and females are equal in status even though different, where masculinity is varied and non-aggressive; where sexual diversity is accepted, where nature is respected, are societies with little or no rape. Few exist today.

Rape Myth: Only certain types of females get raped. It could never happen to me. This myth suggests that those who are raped are promiscuous or have poor judgment. It suggests that only young, attractive females are raped. It prevents some females from being aware of the threat of rape, and it increases the self-blame for others. A rape survivor who believes this myth may have a harder time healing from rape.

Rape Fact: Any female can be raped. Females from the very young to the very elderly, from all races, rich and poor and from all sexual orientations are raped. Although most studies from the USA show that the majority of rapes are committed against females under 25 years old and by males mostly between 15 and 19, no female is free from the threat of rape.

Females are raped because some males take out their aggression on women in general. Women are not raped because they “put themselves in a dangerous situation,” (there would be no dangerous situation to put oneself in if males stopped raping!), or because they wore certain clothes or followed a particular lifestyle. These attitudes blame the victim and excuse the violent behavior of the aggressor.

RAPE MYTHS & FACTS EXPLAINED

Rape Myth: Men rape women because they are sexually aroused or have been sexually deprived. This rape myth is widespread. It serves as an excuse for male aggression when women are shown as the ones responsible for male sexual arousal. Think of the common statement, “she turned me on.”. It suggests that male sexual arousal is an uncontrollable urge that must be satisfied. It suggests that a lack of access to sexual partners leaves no other choice but to rape.

Rape Fact: Males rape women to exert control and confirm their power.

The motives for rape are complex and varied but often include hostility against women (misogyny), the desire to gain power and control, the desire to humiliate and degrade and in some cases the desire to inflict pain. Most males who rape have available sexual partners at the same time they are raping other women and girls and sometimes boys and men. Men who rape usually regard women with contempt. They objectify women. They also regard with contempt any man who does not live up to the masculine ideal. Such attitudes are reinforced in the popular media. Video games, action films, advertising, teen magazines, and pornography all contain strong messages reinforcing misogyny and male aggression. Even when sex is the primary motive, that the woman’s wishes to not have sex are ignored (no consent) suggests that rape is always an expression of power and control. Sexual arousal can be a strong urge in males and females, but it is a controllable urge. The difference lies in whether people feel they have a right to take what they want by force or whether they respect the wishes and feelings of the

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other person. In a society where objectification of women and hostility toward women are common, many males ignore a female’s feelings and needs; they are not seeing her as a human being. In some instances, men kill their victims after rape to try to hide the rape and as an act that shows total control.

Rape Myth: Rapes are committed by strangers at night in dark alleys.

This was most people’s image of a typical rape until women started to share their experiences and research revealed that it was far more common for a woman to be raped by someone she knew than by a stranger. The belief that rapes are committed by strangers prevents women from understanding the reality of rape. It suggests that she can be safe by avoiding certain places at certain times. This limits women’s freedom of movement. It also wrongly suggests that only those “types” of men who “frequent dark alleys” (the poor, the homeless) are rapists.

Rape Fact: Most rapes are committed by someone the woman knows, at any time of the day or night. Women and girls are raped most commonly in their own home or in his home or at parties or clubs. Most research documents that in approximately three out of four rapes, she knew the person who raped her. Women are often forced into sex by their husbands, boyfriends, blessers and partners. Men rape women in broad daylight. Often the woman initially trusts the person who subsequently rapes her and welcomes him into her home or accepts an invitation to go

to his house or accepts his gifts. She is then blamed for his actions and, sadly, often blames herself, especially if her understanding of rape is based more on myth than fact.

Rape Myth: Men who rape are mentally ill. Much of the early research and writing about rape viewed it as rare and if it happened it was committed by mentally ill men. This myth prevents us from understanding the causes of rape. It allows us to ignore the connections between aggressive masculinity and rape.

Rape Fact: Men who rape are mostly ordinary, everyday guys. Only a very small percentage of men who rape would be judged to have a mental illness. The vast majority of men who rape would be judged as “ordinary guys” and may be your friends. The main difference between men and boys who rape and those who don’t rape is in their attitudes toward women, their rigid belief in aggressive manhood, their backgrounds of bullying, teasing and lack of parental care. They believe that they have a right of sexual access to girls and women whenever they please. They don’t view what they do as rape. They view women and girls with contempt and sometimes, deep hostility. They are often engaged in risky sexual behaviour, have many sexual partners, transactional sex, heavy alcohol consumption and are physically violent. Women are seen as manipulative and needing to be “put in their place.” They believe the myths about rape. Women’s equality and gay,

lesbian and transgender equality are threatening to them. They believe men’s rightful role is to be in control, and they are often jealous and controlling towards females in their own lives. These men often have a circle of male friends who never speak up when they see signs of their sexist behavior. There is a lot that men and boys can do to confront the sexually aggressive words and actions of other men and boys.

Rape Myth: Acquaintance rapes are not as serious as stranger rapes.

This myth views acquaintance (someone you know) rape as more a matter of miscommunication—that if women would only speak up and make their needs clear, it would never happen; that women are hard to interpret, often changing their minds, making it confusing for a guy. This myth assumes that strangers are more violent than acquaintances. It ignores the trauma of rape, which is the loss of control over one’s body, mind, and spirit, regardless of whether the assailant is a stranger or an acquaintance.

Rape Fact: Acquaintance rape is as serious as rape by a stranger. Women who are raped by someone they know experience a similar degree of trauma to those raped by a stranger. Some specific feelings may be different, but not the severity of feeling. Acquaintance rapes can be as violent as rapes by strangers. Acquaintance rape has nothing to do with miscommunication. It has everything to do with some men believing they have a right to take what they want and an inability to see the other

RAPE MYTHS & FACTS EXPLAINED

person as a human being. The law is quite specific about the definition of rape and other forms of sexual assault and draws no distinction between an attacker who is a stranger and an attacker who is an acquaintance. In order to meet the definition of rape, the person who rapes fails to gain consent for sex and proceeds to use force, threaten force, or cause the other person to fear bodily harm, or proceeds to exploit a person who is incapable of resisting because of being asleep, having a disability, or having consumed too much alcohol or any other substance. That so many men see nothing wrong in doing this with a girlfriend or someone they know is a comment on their attitudes, not on the level of trauma of the rape.

Rape Myth: Women secretly want to be raped. This myth places the blame for rape on women and excuses male aggression. It is reinforced by the media, which often show women melting with desire when males become sexually aggressive. It is a story woven from centuries of restrictions on female sexuality, stereotypes about what women want sexually and the promotion of manhood as sexually aggressive. It confuses sex with rape.

Rape Fact: Women never desire rape. No woman has ever expressed a desire to be raped! The belief that women secretly want to be raped is another form of placing the blame on women. Do some women fantasize about being sexually dominated? Yes, but it is important not

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to confuse the fantasy of a passive sexual role with the reality of rape.

Consent is key. Because women have been conditioned and limited to a passive sexual role, waiting for the other person to initiate sex, not appearing too eager for sex, following rather than leading, it is not surprising that some women’s sexual fantasies and sexual practices reflect these roles. The difference between fantasizing about a sexual partner who takes control and the reality of rape is that a fantasy is within a person’s control, whereas rape by definition is without consent and without control. The trauma of rape is the forceful sexual imposition of another person’s will without your consent.

Rape Myth: Women provoke rape by the way they dress or the way they flirt. This myth suggests that men wouldn’t think about rape if women didn’t encourage them with sexy clothes and behaviour. That it is up to women to draw sexual boundaries. It suggests that men can’t (or shouldn’t have to) control their sexual appetites. It justifies the use of violence as a result of sexual arousal. It confuses rape with sex.

Rape Fact: Men rape women because they can get away with it. Women’s dress and behavior are not the cause. There is no correlation between who is raped and the clothes they are wearing or if they are flirting.

Girls and women of all ages are raped. They are usually going about their everyday activities or chilling with someone they know. Rape is an expression of power and control. A man might justify his raping by

pointing to the woman’s behavior, but that is an excuse rather than a reason. Women are socially encouraged to be sexually attractive and seductive and then, if they are raped, are blamed because of their dress and behaviour. This prevents us from holding the rapist accountable and sending a clear message to men and boys that rape is not a sign of manhood.

Rape Myth: Women lie about being raped or use it to get even with their boyfriends.There are only a few cases of women lying about being raped. It is not usual. This myth increases hostility and suspicion toward women and leads to the attitude that women lie about rape all the time.

Rape Fact: Women rarely lie about being raped. Rape is the most underreported of crimes. Most keep it a private nightmare, not telling family or friends. Reporting a rape is difficult because very intimate details have to be shared. The medical exam for the purpose of collecting evidence needs to be done as soon as possible after rape prior to bathing or changing clothes. Although many police departments and clinics have improved their practices, she may be subjected to further trauma from uninformed and insensitive professionals. Once she has reported to the police, she may be harassed and intimidated by the rapist’s friends, both male and female. She is often accused of ruining his life and faces the fear and threat of retaliation. Few rape cases ever see a courtroom and even fewer lead to conviction and sentencing.

Rape Myth: Men and boys are never raped. This myth assumes that males can always be in control. It is based on rigid ideas about manhood. It reflects the fear that many heterosexual men feel about male-to-male sexual contact.

Rape Fact: Men and boys can be and are sexually assaulted. Their attackers are almost always other males. Men who rape girls and women often have also raped a boy or man. Sometimes the man who rapes another male is heterosexual and homophobic, and the rape is an expression of the contempt he feels for the other person, whom he views as not being masculine enough. In other cases, he is indiscriminate in his choice of a male or female victim. There are different issues for males after rape. Expectations around masculinity assume that being raped as a male is impossible. While most boys and men who are raped are not gay and neither is the man who raped them, gay men have particular fears about sharing and reporting. It is important that male rape is acknowledged. As more men are willing to talk about being raped and offer help to other male survivors, the trauma of rape for males will be eased.

RAPE MYTHS & FACTS EXPLAINED

Rape Myth: Women don’t rape. The invisibility of lesbian relationships and the romantic myths about women’s inherently gentle nature has made it difficult to accept the reality that women can force sex on their female partners or acquaintances. This myth also suggests that a woman could never sexually assault a male because of the difference in strength and power.

Rape Fact: Women are sometimes sexual aggressors. Much more attention is being given to same-gender rape than in past years.

Although all rape survivors have much in common, there are particular issues for women raping women that deserve attention. Often, in a relatively small lesbian community, privacy is difficult. Other people’s reactions become a big issue. Women raping men is rare, but not unknown. Most situations reported involve a woman assailant in conjunction with a male assailant, a group of women targeting a male victim, or a woman exploiting a male’s inability to resist because of too much alcohol or other conditions. While not common, behind the numbers is an individual who deserves support and compassion.

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Note: The myths and facts about men being raped and about women being rapists do not cover the sexual abuse and/or molestation of children, which is a separate issue.

WHY SEPARATING RAPE MYTHS FROM RAPE FACTS IS IMPORTANT IN ORDER TO HELP A FRIEND.

Because we have grown up with myths, it is important to learn the facts in order to be sensitive to the feelings and needs of anyone who may confide in you. If you don’t reflect on your own tendency to blame the victim, that attitude will creep into your choice of words or the tone in your voice. It is also important to know that many rape survivors have internalized these myths. Healing from rape is related to understanding the difference between myths and facts about rape. For example, if she believes that only certain types of women get raped, rather than understanding that it could happen to any woman, her trauma will be intensified by her constant need to understand why it happened to her.

If he believes that males cannot be raped, he will suffer far longer than if he is reassured that males are raped. Your knowledge of the myths and facts about rape and your ability to communicate the differences in a caring way will help anyone who is raped feel less self-blame.

Understanding the difference between the myths and the facts about rape will help rape survivors reclaim their dignity and put their lives back together.

7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 7 : Knowledge, Language & Respect

A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, 4. LESBIAN

women. (4)

5. GAY

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender. Sometimes the letters I and Q are added for intersex, queer or questioning. (1)

2. GENDER

The cultural or social state of being male or female. (2)

3. SEX

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The biological state of being male or female. (3)

The adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or

Photocopy these pages for use in Session 7. Cut every box into a separate piece of paper. You should end up with 52 boxes. See Session 7 for further instructions.

1. LGBT

7. Transgender

emotional and/or spiritual attraction is to other

An umbrella term that refers to people whose gender identity does not correspond with their sex assigned at birth. For example, a person who was assigned male at birth (the doctor said “It’s a boy!”) and identifies as a woman is a transgender woman. (7)

11. Questioning

A time or period where an individual is unsure of or exploring and discovering his/ her sexual orientation or gender identity.

(11)

12. Bisexual

An individual who is physically, romantically, emotionally and/or spiritually attracted to men and women. These people need not have had equal sexual experience with both men and women; in fact, they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify this way. (12)

13. Intersex

Describing a person whose biological sex is unclear. (13)

14. Cross dresser

People who wear the clothing and/or accessories that are considered by society to correspond to the “opposite sex”. (14)

spiritual attractions are to people of the same sex— though in contemporary contexts, the term is more commonly used to describe men. (5)

6. Transsexual

A person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to change, or are in the process of changing, their bodies surgically to match their inner sense of gender or sex.

(6)

8. Ally

An ally is a term used to describe someone, usually a non-LGBTI person, who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBTI people, usually in the workplace or educational institution. (8)

9. Cis-gender

A person whose biological sex and gender identity are the same. For example, a person feels that she is female, and was also assigned female at birth. (9)

10. Gender neutral

A style of appearance and existence that does not refer to one’s gender only but rather has a mixture of what is considered ‘male’ and ‘female’. (10)

KNOWLEDGE, LANGUAGE & RESPECT

15. Queer

16. Heterosexual

17. Homophobia

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While in the past this term was considered hate speech, it has been taken over by some LGBT people to describe themselves.

Some value the term for its defiance and because it can be inclusive of the entire LGBT community. (15)

An adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, and/ or emotional attraction is to people of the opposite sex. Also referred to as straight.

(16)

Fear or dislike of someone who is attracted to the same sex. Intolerance, bias, or prejudice is usually a more accurate description of feelings of dislike toward LGBT people. (17)

18. Heterosexism

19. Coming out

20. Outing someone

It is thinking that all people are heterosexual and that being heterosexual is better and more desirable than homosexuality or bisexuality. It is commonly accepted that heterosexism is the foundation for the mistreatment, discrimination and harassment of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals. (18)

When a person first tells someone about their identity as lesbian, gay, bi or trans. It is a process that might take many years.

People develop a LGBT identity first to themselves and then they may reveal it to others. (19)

Accidentally or intentionally revealing another person’s sexual orientation or gender identity without their permission.

This can be a very harmful and hateful act toward someone. (20)

21. Homosexual

Lesbian and gay activists ask that this term not be used because of its use in history by people who discriminated and worked against gay and lesbian people. It is more respectful to use the terms ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’ and ‘gay people’. (21)

22. Transvestite (sometimes called a cross-dresser)

A person who dresses as the opposite gender expression (cross dresses) for any number of reasons, including relaxation and fun.(22)

23. Gay/homosexual/ transgender lifestyle

There is no single LGBT lifestyle. LGBT people are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The phrases “gay lifestyle,” “homosexual lifestyle,” and “transgender lifestyle” are used to speak badly of LGBT people, suggesting that their sexual orientation and/or gender identity is a choice and therefore can and should be “cured”. (23)

ADAPTED IN PART FROM: ESTABLISHING AN ALLIES/ SAFE ZONE PROGRAM (2007). www.hrc.org. GLAAD Media Reference Guide (2006). www.glaad.org. Transgender Americans: A Handbook for Understanding (2005). www.hrc.org. GLAAD Media Reference (2017). https://www.glaad.org/reference/lgbtq

24. Hate speech

Speech which attacks a person or group on the basis of their race, religion, ethnic origin, sexual orientation, disability, gender or other characteristics. (24)

25. Gender Identity

A person’s internal, deeply felt sense of being male, female, an alternative gender or a combination of genders. A person’s gender identity may or may not correspond with his or her sex assigned at birth. (25)

26. Gender Expression

A person’s ways of communicating masculinity and/or femininity externally through their physical appearance (including clothing, hair style and the use of cosmetics), mannerisms, ways of speaking and behaviour patterns. (26)

7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 7 : LGBTIQ Youth Charter

LGBTIQ YOUTH CHARTER Name of School

AS TEACHERS WE PLEDGE TO

AS PARENTS WE PLEDGE TO

AS LEARNERS WE PLEDGE TO

CELEBRATE THE DIVERSITY OF THE LGBTI COMMUNITY.

CELEBRATE THE DIVERSITY OF THE LGBTI COMMUNITY.

TAKE A STAND AGAINST ANY FORM OF DISCRIMINATION BASED ON GENDER

INFORM AND EDUCATE LEARNERS

CONTRIBUTE TOWARDS AN ENVIRONMENT

ABOUT SEXUAL DIVERSITY.

FREE OF HOMOPHOBIC BULLYING AND DISCRIMINATION.

REPORT ANY FORM OF HOMOPHOBIC BULLYING AND DISCRIMINATION.

TREAT ALL LEARNERS WITH CARE AND RESPECT REGARDLESS OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

SUPPORT, LOVE AND PROTECT OUR LGBTIQ CHILDREN.

SUPPORT OUR LGBTIQ PEERS BY HELPING TO MAKE OUR SCHOOL A

STAND UP AGAINST ANY FORM OF

SUPPORT THE LGBTIQ FRIENDS OF

SAFE PLACE WHERE EVERYONE IS FREE TO BE WHO THEY ARE WITHOUT

OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

BULLYING FOR ANY REASON IN SCHOOL. MAKE THE SCHOOL SAFE FOR ALL LEARNERS.

OUR CHILDREN.

HARASSMENT BY ANY LEARNERS OR TEACHERS.

BY SIGNING THIS LGBTIQ YOUTH CHARTER, I PLEDGE TO FOLLOW, TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY, THE INSTRUCTIONS AS SET OUT ABOVE.

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GRANDCHILDREN ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP?

WILL YOU EVER TELL YOUR CHILDREN AND

AT HEART?

WHO BELIEVES IN YOU AND HAS YOUR BEST INTEREST

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET PREGNANT?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FUTURE?

WHY DOES HE WANT YOU?

FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF AND SEE YOURSELF?

WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR SELF-WORTH? TO HOW YOU

WHOSE NEEDS AND INTERESTS COME FIRST?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY ‘NO’ TO SEX?

HAPPEN?

DECISIONS ABOUT WHEN AND WHERE SEX WILL

WHO OWNS A GIRL’S BODY AND MAKES THE

IN A BLESSER RELATIONSHIP

IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP

Appendix for Session 8 : Love & Blesser Relationship Table

QUESTION

7. APPENDICES

Photocopy this table for participant use

FACT OR MYTH

7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 8 : Abortion Fact or Myth Game Cards

FACT OR MYTH

ANSWER

FACT OR MYTH

5. FACT OR MYTH?

5. MYTH

7. FACT OR MYTH?

7. MYTH

Women would never have abortions

The fact is that most women who have

Because some religions say that

The fact is that in South Africa, abortion is

if they knew what it was like to have

abortions are already mothers and already

abortion is evil, it will be punished as

a legal medical procedure to get rid of an

a child.

have children. Not everybody is meant to be

it is a sin.

unplanned, unwanted foetus. Some religions

ANSWER

a parent. Some people feel that they are too

are opposed to abortion, but that does not

young to be parents because they are still

make it evil. Religions are belief systems, and

children themselves. Others are not ready for

like all belief systems, can be questioned.

parenthood and all the responsibilities and

Some say that some religions control

2. FACT OR MYTH?

2. MYTH

sacrifices it brings. It is not necessary to have

women’s bodies and the decisions made

A foetus can feel pain during an

The fact is that a foetus cannot feel pain until

a child just because you are a woman

about them, and are a result of patriarchy

abortion.

the 24th week of pregnancy, when you would

and men’s power. Perhaps the question is,

not be allowed to have an abortion.

Photocopy this table and cut out each individual square. The facts and myths are coded with the answers to help avoid confusion.

FACT OR MYTH 1. FACT OR MYTH?

allowed to have an abortion up to

pregnancy, abortion is not allowed unless

your 20th week of pregnancy.

your life is at risk if you continue with the

decide for yourself. Talk with whomever you

Abortion causes emotional or mental

The fact is that unplanned and unwanted

need to talk to before coming to your own

harm.

pregnancies can cause greater emotional

decision. It is ok if you do not find abortion

Abortion affects your future fertility.

The facts are that legal and safe abortions,

distress for some than an abortion. Most

right for you. But you must ask yourself, does

done at a registered clinic or hospital, done

women say that an abortion causes no

that give you the right to decide for others and

by a qualified health provider, will not harm

long lasting mental effects if they had

shame them because they feel differently than

your future fertility. Only in rare cases is

made their own informed decisions about

you do? These are difficult questions and they

your fertility at risk. Most women return

the abortion, and were not pressured by a

do not have easy answers.

to their pre-pregnancy fertility levels after

partner to have an abortion. Some women

the abortion. A few women have a delay in

say that the abortion was not damaging, but

the return of their normal menstrual cycles

the judgmental and misinformed attitudes

8. FACT OR MYTH?

8. MYTH

for a short while. It is important to use

of others were harmful. Most women will

Adoption is always a better option

The facts are that adoption means the

contraception, such as a condom, when

not regret their decision. They are not more

than abortion.

pregnancy has to go full term, which can be

having sex after an abortion, as you may be

likely to have mental health problems than

very difficult and lead to health and socio-

fertile.

women who carry an unplanned or unwanted

economic challenges for the mother and

pregnancy to term. Some women may feel

her family. It also means the mother bonds

pregnancy. Usually, it is easier to get an abortion up to 13 weeks of pregnancy. It is best to get an abortion as soon as you realise

some regret, sadness or guilt for a short while

with the baby and can suffer emotional

4. MYTH

after an abortion. However, most women feel

complications when giving the baby up for

4. FACT OR MYTH?

The fact is that abortions are safe when

closure and relief. They are happy that they

adoption, even if it is immediately after birth.

Legal abortions are very dangerous.

performed by qualified, registered and legal

can continue with their lives as normal.

The mother will produce unused milk. She

that you are pregnant and decide to terminate the pregnancy.

6. MYTH

3. MYTH

1. FACT The fact is that after your 20th week of

is abortion right or wrong for you? You must 6. FACT OR MYTH?

3. FACT OR MYTH?

ANSWER

By law in South Africa, you are only

ANSWER

health providers. Having an abortion does not

may experience post-natal depression. Some

have higher health risks than continuing to be

women say that they have more feelings of

pregnant and going through childbirth.

regret when giving the baby up for adoption, than if they had terminated their pregnancy.

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ABORTION FACT OR MYTH GAME

FACT OR MYTH

ANSWER

FACT OR MYTH

ANSWER

FACT OR MYTH

ANSWER

FACT OR MYTH

ANSWER

9. FACT OR MYTH?

9. MYTH

11. FACT OR MYTH?

11. FACT

12. FACT OR MYTH?

12. MYTH

Abortion causes breast cancer

The fact is that abortion does not increase

One should avoid illegal abortions

Never trust unofficial posters in the street

The morning after pill is the same as

A medication abortion is when a registered

the chances of breast cancer. There is no

and avoid buying abortion tablets

advertising pills to deal with an unwanted

having a medication abortion.

health provider gives you tablets to take to

You do not need your parents and/

to speak to her parents, but she can also

relationship between abortion and breast

from unofficial sources.

pregnancy, or newspaper adverts promising

abort the foetus. However, the morning after

or your sexual partner’s permission

decide not to inform them. A woman who is

to abort cheaply at any stage of pregnancy,

pill is an emergency contraceptive tablet

before you may have an abortion.

married or in a life-partner relationship will

or order abortion pills on the internet. The

that you need to take within 3 to 5 days of

be advised to tell her partner, but again she

people supplying the pills are not medical

unprotected sex to help to prevent pregnancy

can decide not to tell him. You are in charge

cancer.

14. FACT OR MYTH?

14. FACT A person under the age of 18 will be advised

10. FACT OR MYTH?

10. MYTH

professionals, nor are they clinic staff. Most

from taking place. It does not abort a foetus.

of your body and your reproductive health;

Only irresponsible women choose

The facts are that many women choose

of the pills are fake and can cause harm to

Never take pills from a friend or a street seller;

nobody can make the decision for you. Your

abortion.

abortion for unplanned pregnancies and it can

your body. They rarely help to abort the foetus.

make sure you get it from a clinic, hospital or

sexual partner has no final say over whether

be a responsible and informed decision. Many

These people aim to make money out of you,

chemist.

he wants you to keep the foetus or not. Your

women realise that having an unplanned and

not to help you. What they are doing is illegal.

unwanted child is not what they want. They

Never take a tablet that is not prescribed by a

realise that they have a choice. Single and

doctor or a nurse. Always find out what is in

13. FACT OR MYTH?

13. MYTH

permission under South African law, even if

married women of all ages, women with and

the tablet. You cannot get your money back.

I can use abortion as a form of birth

Abortion should only be used when you have

you are still at school, as long as you are 13

without children, from all religions, at different

They change cell numbers frequently and

control.

an unwanted pregnancy, not as an everyday

years of age or older. However, try to discuss

socio-economic, career and educational

do not have public offices. They do not give

procedure. Use condoms and/or other forms

your options with your partner and parents.

levels, have abortions. It can be a responsible

street addresses. Unsafe backstreet or illegal

of contraception correctly every time you have

thing to do when you know you are not able to

abortions often lead to serious injury and

sex as a method of birth control.

look after the child and be a good parent for

death. The people performing these abortions

the rest of your life.

do not have the skills or equipment to help you, particularly when something goes wrong.

220

parents cannot force you to have or to not have an abortion. You do not need anybody’s

7. APPENDICES

Appendix for Session 10 : After Rape : How to help a friend

sex before, rather than whether he had consent for sex. These are big hurdles to overcome. As long as you have reflected on and overcome these “blaming the victim” attitudes, you will be a helpful friend.

Remember that most rapes are not committed by strangers but by males who are boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, friends, blessers, teachers, husbands and acquaintances, or people you know.

AS A FRIEND, WHAT SHOULD I SAY AND DO? WHAT SHOULD I NOT SAY AND DO?

Do: Consider the following examples and come up with others.

• Make your first words a warm thank you for sharing and a hug if welcome.

• Tell her it must have been hard to share that she had been raped.

• Let her know you have her back.

• Put her feelings rather than yours at the centre of your thinking.

• Ask yourself “how is she feeling?” rather than “how am I feeling?”.

• Watch and control your emotions.

• Find in yourself gentleness and caring, expressed calmly and tenderly, and focused on her. If you are a male friend, this will show her that there are good men who don’t use violence against women.

• Ask if she wants to tell you what happened? If she says no, don’t ask again. If she says yes, listen carefully. Turn off your phone.

• Find another friend to discuss your feelings with if your anger is still an issue. But be careful here not to break the trust relationship with your friend who has been raped.

Most people blame the person raped rather than the man who rapes.

Most people look for the reasons for rape in what she was wearing, whether she knew him, whether she was flirting, whether they’d had

Don’t: Yell and shout. “I’m so angry I want to kill the guy!” shouts a male friend or boyfriend when she tells him she was raped. Anger is a common human reaction. You may feel it shows you care. You may want to harm the man who raped your friend but it will hurt her, rather than

Don’t: Tell your friend what she should do. Telling her that she must tell her parents or she must report it to the police or any other “musts” are not helpful. In rape, someone else takes control of your body and your sexuality without your permission (against your consent). This loss of

THE IMPACT OF RAPE Your best friend just shared that she was raped. Your cousin just told you that he was raped. Most people who are raped tell no one. If someone has shared that they were raped, it means that they feel that they can trust you. That says a lot about you as a person who has other people’s backs.

You probably will have many questions: What to say? What not to say?

What to do? How to help? You may feel many different emotions and want to help your friend.

The following suggestions are a guide to help you be a supportive friend. Even if no one has yet confided in you, these suggestions will be helpful if they ever do. And you will be a good activist, spreading the truth about rape.

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help her, at this difficult time. She needs your support. Your aggression only adds to the sexual aggression already done to her. She may also fear for your safety.

ABOUT RAPE It is important to read the appendix on rape myths and rape facts. Even a caring friend will not be helpful if she or he believes in rape myths.

Rape is taking sex from a person without consent, with the use of force or fear. Rape is also having sex with someone weakened from alcohol or other drugs, or who is unaware of what is happening to them. Any kind of sex with a child, even if he or she has agreed to sex, is rape.

The trauma of rape is due to the loss of control experienced when someone, against your consent, invades your body for his own satisfaction. It is a violation of your sexuality and your whole being.

Shame and humiliation are common. It is experienced often as life threatening. The emotional impact can last for years, with depression, anxiety, suicidal feelings, self-hatred, loss of trust, loss of the sense of safety and self-esteem, common. It is made worse because the person raped also blames herself or himself. Fearing she will be held responsible and believing she is responsible, she often has no one to turn to except a trusted friend: one who will believe her.

control at a most intimate level is rape trauma. Recovery after rape means taking back control, even in small decisions. Anyone or anything that takes away further control is hurting rather than helping them.

Do: Consider the following examples and come up with others.

• Ask if she has thought about telling anyone else? Her parents? Her siblings?

• Ask if she has thought about going to a clinic for emergency contraception?

• Ask if she has thought about going to the clinic for HIV testing and PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) to prevent HIV infection (must begin within 72 hours of the rape)?

• Would she like you to go with her?

• Ask if she wants to report it to the police or school principal or Life Orientation teacher? (Note: It can be difficult to access PEP at some health clinics if a charge has not been laid with the police.)

• Ask if she is afraid?

• Would she like you to stay with her?

• Is there anything you can do to help?

• Can you check in on her tomorrow? Next week?

Such questions can be asked gently and not rushed in a long list.

After each question listen carefully to her answers and respect them. However, if this is a very recent trauma, there is a need to find professional medical and emotional support for your friend as soon as

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you can. As a young person, you can provide support, but you are not equipped to guide your friend through the physical and emotional trauma caused by rape. There are rape crisis centres who know how to support young people who have been raped and know how to keep them safe.

Don’t: Judge her. Blaming the victim is a deeply held attitude. Avoid questions such as “why didn’t you text me?” or “why didn’t you fight him off?”. Even a facial expression can show judgment. Check your own feelings and attitudes and adjust. Remember the only person responsible for rape is the man who rapes.

Do: Consider the following examples and come up with others.

• Tell her it was not her fault.

• Tell her you believe her.

• Let her know you will not tell anyone unless she wants you to.

• Listen for any self-blaming words such as “It’s my fault. I had it coming. I’d been drinking and flirting.” Tell her it’s not her fault.

• Let her know that drinking and flirting are not crimes. Rape is a crime. The man or boy who raped her is the only one at fault.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS My friend is male: If the friend who was raped is male, the above suggestions still apply. While most rape victims are female, some are male and everyone deserves support and respect. A heterosexual male who is raped sometimes questions his sexuality. Why was he picked out? Let him know that some men who rape girls and women also rape boys and men. His sexuality is not the issue and has not changed. Men can and do rape gay men. Most of the males they rape are heterosexual.

Most of the men who rape are heterosexual.

My friend is a lesbian: If the friend who was raped is a lesbian, the above suggestions still apply. Lesbians are raped by lesbian partners, as well as by heterosexual males. Lesbians are often targeted for rape and other acts of violence. Men’s hostility towards lesbians is often in the form of rape. Your acceptance of sexual diversity and non-judgmental attitudes are key to helping your friend.

My friend is transgender: If the friend who was raped is transgender, the above suggestions still apply. Transgender males and females are often targeted by hostile heterosexual males. Your acceptance of sexual diversity and your caring attitude are what are important in a friend.

A FEW FINAL WORDS: Despite the trauma of rape, people do survive and often find hidden strengths as they work to take back control over their lives, and reclaim their dignity and wellbeing. That you did your best to be informed and supportive along the way is the best gift you can offer any friend.

8. PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT

Peer Facilitator Support: Preparing for the Journey

8. PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT

An African proverb states, tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for today. House painters know that the most important part of painting a wall or an entire house is not when you put the paint on, but how you have prepared the surface to take that paint. Will it stick? Will it bubble?

Will it last through the hot sun and cold winter rains to come and still look good? Abraham Lincoln, the United States President who abolished slavery on January 1st, 1863, said, “If I had nine hours to cut down a tree, I would spend the first six hours sharpening my axe.”. And so it is with being a peer facilitator and taking young people through these 13 sessions and 12 episodes of MTV Shuga: Down South: Preparing yourself is the most important part of the journey.

Using the sessions of this guide, which follow the MTV Shuga: Down South episodes, you will be taking young people on a powerful journey of thinking and feeling. As with anyone who takes people on a journey, what makes the trip successful is how well you prepare yourself before departure. This section is kind of like a set of driving lessons for the 13 session journey ahead. You will become a driver, but not of a car or motorcycle. You will not be traveling alone. You will be driving a bus

filled with young passengers, responsible for their safety as you take them to a different destination. And you will need to bring along the right tools.

You will make stops along the way. These are the sections of the guide that follow each episode and help you organise sessions with the young people on your bus. The most important thing on any journey, this one as well, is knowing the final destination. Where are you driving to? In this case, it is not a city or a town, but a vision of a place where young people: • • •

Know a little more about themselves; Are not afraid to be who they are; and, Share real friendships with others and don’t need to hurt others or put others down just to feel good about themselves.

It is also a place where we oppose the way the world teaches men to see and treat women as unequal objects; a new world where young people: • • •

Refuse to be part of any system that sees anyone else as less than themselves; Would never consider doing anything that makes someone else feel small; Are strong enough to know that anyone trying to put them down or make them feel smaller does so out of their own insecurity and feeling small themselves.

Most importantly, the destination we are journeying toward is one where young people are committed to having each other’s backs. Where they will stand up for friends and strangers who are treated wrongly, even when there is a price to pay for taking that stand. Ultimately, it is about young people coming together and realising that they have the power to change their worlds and confront the threats to their wellbeing and futures. It is about young people working together to stop acts of sexual violence, exploitation and harassment done to them and by them; stop the spread of HIV into their generation from the generation just older than them.

Why do some people take their pain and anger out on others? Does it have to be that way? No. The place you are driving your bus to is one where teenage girls do not get pregnant when they don’t want to. Where girls never end up on the table of an illegal abortion provider. It is a place where no one will hurt a man just because he loves another man, or a woman because she loves another woman. It is a place where people understand that love is the most important thing. Finally, it is a place where young people learn to walk in each other’s shoes with all their arms linked together, finding and creating care, compassion and real connections with each other, regardless of having or not having HIV; regardless of race, cultures or genders; regardless of who someone loves; a place where hate has no place.

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The MTV Shuga series and the Peer2Peer sessions that you facilitate support the journey of young men and women in discovering who they are. The journey is about learning to tell the difference between the wise and wonderful voices and people around young people from the bad. In the MTV Shuga: Down South episodes ahead, you will see the importance of everyone finding their inner voices and direction. Because when they do not, there are people ready to tell them who they are and what to do -and it is not always about what is good for those young people.

HOW WE LEARN

Each of us learns in our own unique way. The way you learn might not be the way each of the young people gathered for your sessions learn.

People have 3 distinct learning styles: auditory, visual and tactile.

• Auditory learners learn by hearing and listening, and remember things they have heard. These people often read and review their lessons out loud because they need to speak or hear something to know it.

• Visual learners learn by watching. They remember what they have seen and will close their eyes as they translate what they are hearing into pictures in their head. Interestingly, these people often have difficulty following spoken directions.

• Tactile learners need to touch and do things. Move around. Draw.

Build things. Do some kind of physical activity.

In your work with MTV Shuga, you will be guided to use all 3 learning styles, and move beyond the wordy way that much of how HIV and sexuality education has been taught to young people in schools for years. You really will be guiding young people on personal journeys that allow them to discover themselves and explore some of the really big issues in their lives – sexuality; sexual diversity; consent; HIV and what is it like to be HIV+; sugar daddies and blessers; contraception; pregnancy; abortion; and, sexual violence. You will help them work together to discover who they want to be in the world, how they want to act and how they want to be seen by others.

In the sessions, you will use words, the visuals of the episodes and processes you lead getting everyone out of their seats to move around, draw, build, feel and experience the sessions with their bodies. You will not teach to young people. You will learn with them, facilitating their growth. At all times you must remember that the young people in the room probably have more to teach you than you have to teach them.

This is about humility and not thinking of yourself as the big-shot knowit-all who is going to tell young people what to do! Think about teachers and adults who tell you what to do. Did you listen? Did you do what they told you to do? How many teachers and adults actually engaged your heart while they were talking to your brain? All the sessions ahead do both.

TIPS FOR PEER FACILITATORS: MAKING THE JOURNEY SAFE FOR EVERYONE

The following tips can help you keep your sessions safe places to learn, grow and perhaps help young people find some pieces of resolution to difficult experiences and challenges they may face.

Before you start, be careful not to assume that young people in your sessions are not living with HIV; have never lost family members to HIV; have never been sexually violated; have never been sexually manipulated or violated by a teacher; have never been pregnant, had an abortion or had a sugar daddy/blesser; are heterosexual; or have never thought about ending their lives or even tried. When you make assumptions about anyone, you cannot hear the story of the life they are trying to tell you.

And your assumptions might compromise their safety.

1. Because you are using MTV Shuga with your peers, you need to know the local support resources available for the young people, should they need additional support. You should know the location, phone numbers and a contact person for the following services and make them available to the young people in your session: • •

HIV testing and counselling.

Suicide counselling and hotline number (A brochure on

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preventing teen suicide by the South African Depression and Anxiety Group can be downloaded at http://sadag.org/index. php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1880&Itemid=152).

A child-friendly emergency counselling telephone number (in South Africa, the Childline 24-hour number, to speak to an emergency counsellor, is: 08 000 55 555. The services are confidential and they can arrange local in-person counselling if desired).

Any special support programme available for LGBT youth. The Triangle Project in Cape Town runs a support line at 021-7126699. You should call it and ask if there are any such services for young people in your area.

Many police stations have units attached to them, that give special care to young people reporting sexual crimes perpetrated against them. You should find out if this exists at your local police station, and find a person you can call directly if any of the young people ever need this kind of help.

Find out if there are any NGOs in your area that provide emergency and/or support services for young people who have been sexually violated. Again, make contact with them and get a telephone number for a particular person who can be your contact person. Young people are already afraid of approaching such services and having a personal contact will facilitate emotionally easier access. In South Africa, Thuthuzela Care Centres are just such places. You can find

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their locations here: http://www.justice.gov.za/vg/TCCs-list.pdf Know your local Public Health clinics, in particular those that are known to be youth friendly, where people can access contraception and abortion services.

Find out if there are any Marie Stopes centres in your area.

2. You will need to set up a reporting system with the school or NGO you are working with, in the event that any underage young person in your sessions reveals that they have been, or are being, physically or sexually abused or violated. Under South African law, any knowledge of a sexual offence or non-consensual sex perpetrated on minors (under age 18) must be reported to the police. In South Africa, this includes the following non-consensual acts: • • • •

Kissing someone to the point of sexual arousal; Any form of penetration (including genitals, the anus and the mouth); Penetration can be with any body part or an object; Touching or feeling a person’s genitals, the anus or female breasts.

3. Remember that your job is to serve, not to judge. That is your role as a peer educator. Young people are judged by adults, each other and themselves far too much already. They don’t need you to judge them as well.

4. Keep your heart open and strong, all while making sure that the sessions and the stories that might arise from them are about the young people you are guiding. Don’t make them about you. Don’t take the focus off the participants. Use body language that is inviting and supportive.

Look at them directly. Listen deeply. Stay present in the room when you are with them. Put your phone away. Have everyone put their phones away. We could call this “keeping good boundaries” and putting the young people first.

5. While we are on the subject of good boundaries, never, ever flirt, sexually joke with, harass, make sexual comments about or become involved with any of the young people in your Peer2Peer sessions.

Given the issues contained in the MTV Shuga series, any kind of sexual interaction between you and any young person in the sessions would be a violation of that person, and everything MTV Shuga and this guide are trying to achieve.

6. Being a peer educator means being held to a very high standard of walking your talk. It is a much higher calling with a much higher standard than that being displayed by many of our leaders today – people who say one thing and do another. Your actions must match your words. You need to walk the talk.

7. Never, ever shout at the young people in your sessions. As a peer educator, you have power, but not the power to discipline. You have the power to help young people discover themselves and their own roads to a future free of HIV, and memories that no one should have to carry with them.

8. Disruptive young people in your sessions probably need you the most.

You might be tempted to throw them out. But the topics in the episodes and sessions are very real for them and they might have never had the chance to speak about them before. If someone is disruptive, it might be because the issue you are discussing touches him or her directly. Being a peer facilitator is not about fixing people. It is about helping young people to heal themselves and find a new way forward. Make time to listen to a disruptive member in your group. Invite them to talk with you after the session. Sometimes it is best not to try and address it during the session.

9. The safety and wellbeing of session participants comes first. MTV Shuga: Down South raises difficult subjects. How you talk about them will be the key to everyone’s safety. Never ask anyone to talk about difficult things that have happened to them. If they volunteer to talk openly on their own, then make sure that everyone in the room is listening with respect and care. You can ask them how they feel about the subjects raised in this season, but not about their personal experiences with them. Asking how young people in general feel about

8. PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT

the subjects is a good way to begin a conversation, because you are not asking them to reveal personal information that may be too painful or risky to tell.

10. Always be willing to stop a session if you see it is becoming too emotionally difficult for the young people. They are more important than completing the sessions. The tips on how to deal with emotions in this manual should provide you with guidance on how to deal with high emotions in sessions.

11. Always begin with ground rules of how young people will relate to each other and what happens in the sessions. As a peer facilitator, you should already be experienced in setting up and maintaining standards of respect and confidentiality. And of course, you should be the one to model them. No phones. No laptops. One person talks at a time. Show everyone care and respect by listening fully. No side conversations. No gossip outside the sessions.

12. Be honest. Never pretend that you know the answers to anyone’s questions when you do not. If you don’t know, don’t be embarrassed to say so. Faking it in any area of our lives, particularly when it comes to HIV, relationships and sexually-related matters, can cost people their lives. It is, however, very important that you stay informed. Try to learn as much as you can.

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Peer Facilitator Support: How to Handle Emotions : TIPS FOR PEER FACILITATORS

EMOTIONS ARE NORMAL

Emotions are feelings. It is normal to feel sad, happy, angry, guilty, shy, awkward, scared, tense, delighted, tearful, worried and joyful all in the same day! You, and your participants, will feel many different emotions in a session. This is fine. But it is important to be able to deal with your own feelings so that you can facilitate well and lead the session in the best way possible. It is also very important to help participants, so that their feelings do not block them and others from getting the most out of the sessions.

You need to be aware of participants’ emotions and know how to keep them safe. You need to ensure that participants do not harm others because of their own strong feelings. You may need to help participants understand that we choose how we feel. We need to try to find out where the feelings come from. We need to know how to express and cope with these feelings in ways that do not harm ourselves or others.

If and when you feel it might help, ask participants to take part in a graffiti wall activity. Paste sheets of newsprint or flipchart paper on the walls. Give participants crayons or marker pens. Play loud music.

Instruct participants to do graffiti! In 1 minute, they should cover as much of the papers as they can, with images, words and symbols to show the many different feelings they have about the episode they have just viewed, about being in this group or about an issue that has made them emotional. Keep the graffiti wall sheets and put them up again at the next sessions. Ask participants to add feelings as they arise. If you have the time, ask participants to share in pairs what these feelings mean to them.

Keep one sheet for participants to put feelings that harm or hurt. If a participant hurts another because of one of these feelings, address it immediately. Remind participants that they should never take out their feelings on other participants in the group.

DEALING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS AS A PEER FACILITATORS Deal with your own feelings about every topic in this guide before you facilitate the sessions. You need to stay focused, be open, and be there fully for the participants. If you are still dealing with your own problems, it will be difficult for you to focus on the participants.

HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONS

If an episode triggers or brings about strong emotions, you may: • • •

Just want to cry, or yell because you are so angry; Be reminded of bad things that happened to you and freeze up or be unable to speak; or, Want to be alone for a while.

However, you cannot do this while you are facilitating the session. This will make the participants feel unsettled and unsure. If you cannot deal with your strong feelings, the participants may lose trust in the programme and may not be willing to share in the group.

While it is fine to cry in front of, or with participants, you must then be able to quickly stop crying and continue with the session. For example, when Tsholo dies, the whole group may shed some tears. You, too.

This is acceptable because it shows your group you are human just like them and that tears are allowed. However, if, for example, you cannot deal with the idea of death, or remember a loved one who died recently, and this sends you into uncontrollable sobbing in such a way that you cannot continue leading the session, then that is a problem.

As you preview the 12 episodes, pay attention to your own feelings and the places in the episodes that grab your attention. These are probably the same places that will get the attention of the participants in your sessions. They may feel similar things to you.

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Use your journal to explain and show how you feel in those episodes. Ask yourself: What have I done with those feelings in the past? Have I ever spoken to someone else about those feelings? Do I have the right to ask a young person to share similar feelings if I have never shared my own feelings? You can write, draw and/or collage in your journal.

If you or your family members have HIV and have not overcome the many negative emotions that can accompany the virus, will you be able to be there for the young people in your sessions?

If you are not comfortable with people whose sexual identities are different from yours, will your discomfort not be understood as fear and judgement by participants?

Dealing with Feeling Grumpy or in a Bad Mood

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You had a bad day and are not feeling very happy. You feel upset, tired and irritated. You feel down and just want the session to be over as quickly as possible.

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If you have been sexually abused or raped, can you guide young people who might want to talk about their own experiences of sexual violation?

What will you do and say? How will you feel?

If you have sexually harassed or violated someone else and have never taken responsibility for it, should you be leading discussions about relationships and sexuality? Have you spoken to anybody about it? How do you feel about it?

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Remember that no matter what, you must be there for the group in a calm, focused, and clear way. So, tell yourself that it does not matter how you feel right now; all that matters is the group.

Take a few deep breaths. Become aware of your breathing, and slowly breathe in and out.

Quickly go outside and get some fresh air. Look up at the sky; think of the bigger picture. Imagine you are looking at yourself from a great distance. Will you still be feeling like this tomorrow or the next day? In 10 years’ time? How important is this feeling? What really matters? Can you let go of this feeling? What would happen if you do?

Imagine you are putting all these feelings in a balloon. Imagine you tie the balloon with a long string. Then you let the balloon fly. See the brightly coloured balloon above you, filled with your feelings.

Then let go of the string. See your feelings whoosh away…

Tell yourself all will be well. Put your hands on your heart and say aloud: I am an awesome facilitator… no matter what, I am here for the group. Today, the group is more important than me and my feelings.

Use your acting skills and act as if it has been the most wonderful day in your life. Act as if you are full of energy and are calm and peaceful. Act as if facilitating this session is the best and most exciting thing ever. Welcome the participants warmly and with a huge smile.

Take part in the session’s ice-breaker to help you relax and focus.

Dealing with Feeling Angry, Disappointed, Frustrated and Irritated

You prepared so well and had high expectations that it would be an awesome session. However, the participants are distracted. Some are texting on their cell phones, others are giggling. Some are absent or left early. One keeps looking at her/his watch. They are not cooperating and some appear bored.

You feel like yelling at them or throwing the manual at them. You feel like walking out and sulking. You feel like giving up on the group. You feel so cross and annoyed that you want to be rude. But you cannot. Rather: •

Breathe deeply and tell yourself that this session is where the participants are at right now. This is all they can give for now.

Perhaps they had a bad day, perhaps they find the content difficult to deal with, and perhaps they have other things on their mind. Go easy on them.

HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONS

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Tell yourself that the next session will be better again. And remind yourself that sometimes what we see as a bad session, may still be valuable to participants. They will take what they need from the session.

Say how you feel in a clear, calm and polite way. Do not blame the participants or reprimand them. Say: I sense that the group is not fully focused in this session. I feel worried/disappointed because it seems that we are not going to achieve the aims of this session.

What should we do to improve this session?

Ask for more of the participants’ ideas. For example, you could ask: Would you like to talk about what is going on? Is there something else you want us to do or discuss? I value your co-operation so much, so please feel free to share what is on your mind.

Give them these instructions: • • • • •

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Dealing with Feeling Overcome with Emotion • The session, the episode you watched and the comments by participants and their stories they shared, has made you feel so much, and so deeply that you feel overcome with very strong feelings. You cannot think clearly and are unable to continue to facilitate.

Remind yourself that you have to focus on the group. To help you get control and focus back, do this listening in and out exercise with the entire group. They will also be feeling emotional.

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This is a silent exercise. Please do not talk.

Please close your eyes.

Sit in a relaxed way.

Breathe in deeply and slowly, and breathe out.

Now listen to the furthest, far away sound you can hear. Listen to what you can hear outside of this room, far, far away. (Pause for 10 seconds).

Now listen to the closest sound you can hear. It can be a sound in the room, your breathing, and your heartbeat. (Pause for 10 seconds).

Again, send your listening out to the furthest, far away sounds you can hear. (Pause for 10 seconds).

Finally, bring your listening back into the room. Listen to your heartbeat, your breathing. (Pause for 10 seconds).

Thank you, you may open your eyes. Slowly, very slowly, stretch and yawn and give a big, long sigh.

How to Handle Participants’ Emotions

The episodes will bring out many feelings in participants. This is what good TV does. As a facilitator, your task is to help participants deal with their feelings. A useful way is to ask them to express, using words or drawings, their feelings in their journals. If they wish to, they can share these the next time you meet.

Show You Understand Show you understand and respect how the person feels. You can do this by saying: I can see you are feeling very/sad/angry/upset. I understand how you feel. I am sure the rest of the group also understand. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. It is important that participants know you have their back, even when they are very emotional.

Deal with Smiles and Tears Talk to the participants in the first session, and repeat as needed.

Explain that emotions are normal and allowed. Point out that in the group, laughing and crying is accepted and respected. It is an honour to the group if a person cries and shares tears. And if we laugh, we laugh together, and never at a person, but with a person.

Request that participants do not run out and sit and cry outside of the venue. They need to feel accepted and comfortable enough to be able to shed and share tears. If participants leave, it is disruptive because you cannot leave to go and sit with the crying participant, because then your group does not have a facilitator (unless there are 2 of you). You need to send a participant to go outside and comfort the crying group member.

This means that 2 people miss much of the session. Others may be worried and distracted, wondering what is going on.

If a person cries, you may ask a participant to sit next to the crying person, and gently put an arm around their shoulder. Sometimes all that is needed is just a comforting presence. Avoid asking too many questions. Allow the person to cry and then join in again when ready.

Tears are very normal; we should not stop all activities if a person cries or make a big drama about it.

Hugs, an arm around a shoulder, passing a tissue, and a gentle word of appreciation helps participants to cope with their emotions. It is important that participants feel accepted, understood and respected no matter if they cry, or express other emotions.

Always allow boys to cry without making any comments. There should be no difference in the way you react to boys crying, than you would to girls crying.

HOW TO HANDLE EMOTIONS

Deal with Anger

Care and Contain

Many young people are angry. Show you understand. But make sure they understand that their anger should not be directed towards any group members or towards you. You can help them deal with their anger in these ways:

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Talk about anger. Why it is OK to feel angry, whether you are a girl or a boy. If there are many feelings of anger in the group, ask participants to talk about it. Ask them: why are you feeling angry?

What happened? Have you felt like this before? What would you like to say to the person who made you feel angry? Can you express your anger in a way that shows you are in control of your emotions?

Tell participants that we are all going to scream at the same time, but we are not going to use our voices. Ask them to close their eyes, and scream with as much energy as they can, kick their feet, wave their fists in the air, and let out as many feelings as they want to, without making a sound! This is a very quick activity. A silent scream helps to release a lot of anger!

If possible, have an African drum in the venue. Ask participants who feel very angry to beat an anger-rhythm on the drum. You can also use upturned waste bins or cardboard boxes as home-made drums. It’s useful to include a quick drumming session to help participants express and release feelings.

Ask participants to create a quick anger song and dance routine.

Give everyone a chance to sing and dance together as an outlet for their anger.

If you follow the session outline and complete all the activities, you should be able to contain participants, so they do not leave feeling vulnerable, exposed and unsure. Always show you care for them.

Encourage the group to show they care for each other. It’s about you and the group all having each other’s backs.

Always end with a circle and a positive word or action. Always remind participants of the confidentiality of the group. Always praise participants and show respect towards them. Always thank participants for their contribution and sharing.

8. PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT

Set Limits

Have Your Own Back

When there are very strong emotions in a group, show you are aware of it. Acknowledge this, but do try to move on with the programme. You are not a counsellor, a psychologist, a social worker or a priest. So, it is not your role to stop the session and heal a person in the group, or run a prayer meeting, or allow one person’s problem to take up the whole session.

It is important for you to take care of yourself. You are not expected to take responsibility for the participants’ problems all by yourself. So, you can decide what to do if participants ask you if they can share their problems, hurts and traumas with you after a session. Here are a few options of what you can say, depending on how you feel: •

You can show you have the participant’s back by asking the person if you can refer him/her to speak to a counsellor, Life Orientation teacher or social worker. Or you give the participant the phone number of a helpline and say you will help the person make that call or send an SMS. That is why you must know who is in your support network to assist. This can be, for example, your Life Orientation teacher, or any other teacher you trust, a local social worker, people at a local NGO or religious institution, and the various helplines numbers like Lifeline and the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG).

Remember to ALWAYS ask for the participant’s permission before you refer them for help and support. You have to maintain the confidentiality that the group agreed to at the start. The participants must agree to go for help; you cannot force this.

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Yes, I appreciate the trust you have in me, but please know I am not a counsellor and may not be able to help. All I can offer is my understanding and support. I can help you to get help from an adult or a support group.

Thank you for asking, I appreciate that. However, I cannot do this right now because I have other commitments that are urgent. I can refer you to adults who are trained to help; I am not a trained counsellor.

Thank you, I appreciate your need to talk. However, we need to keep all conversations in the group, and not have separate conversations.

So, it may be better for you to share with the group or a person in the group. I am only the facilitator; I am not a counsellor. I can give you the details of people you can speak to who will be able to help you.

Thank you for asking. What if I go with you to speak to a counsellor instead? I will be with you and have your back.

Peer Facilitator Support: Personal Reflection & Keeping a Journal

TO REFLECT IS TO THINK DEEPLY

To reflect means to think deeply. When you reflect, you give meaning to what happens to and with you. It means you learn from your experiences; and you make sense from them. To reflect is to think about yourself, what you did, how you feel and what you will do next time you’re in a similar situation. It can also be a place to think deeply about the MTV Shuga: Down South episodes you watched and what they mean to you.

When you reflect about yourself, it is called self-reflection. You focus on what is going on inside you, rather than looking more at what is going on around you. When you reflect, you look at your behaviour. This helps you to learn from your successes and mistakes. If you are able to reflect, you can look at what you do, think if this was the best thing to do or say, and hopefully do it better when you are in a similar situation again.

In case you think reflecting about how you feel is not for you, remember that every successful athlete, singer, actor or artist will all tell you the same thing: That if your head and heart are not fully in what you are doing, you will have a bad performance. It is the same with life. If you are not in the right head space and if your heart is not fully engaged, you won’t experience much of a show. Athletes constantly reflect on every bit of their performance. Singers listen to their own recordings hundreds of times before they release a song, because they want to get it right.

And both artists and athletes know that we rarely get things right the first time. What makes a difference and what makes people stand out is the determination to do things better than we already have. Doing things better means thinking deeply about ourselves. It means reflecting on ourselves, on what we do and have done, and still need to do.

If you are able to learn from experience, you do not have to repeat the same mistakes. This is part of growing and developing. Some people say that they do not think about what they have done, they just move on.

These are the people who repeat their mistakes.

PERSONAL REFELECTION & KEEPING A JOURNAL

Several characters in MTV Shuga: Down South are good at reflecting on their lives and their own behaviours. They do so as they try to figure out their next steps forward. Ipeleng, Zamo, Coalstove, Femi, Reggie, and Bongi are all particularly good at this. All face very difficult situations.

Their ability to reflect on their lives is a source of strength and resilience.

It helps them to make good decisions in the future.

In every session of this MTV Shuga Peer2Peer Facilitation Guide, participants are given questions to reflect on and write about between sessions. They need to think deeply about the questions, their answers, about themselves and their own journeys of growth and development.

Their journals are a record of their reflections and change. This will ensure they get the most from the MTV Shuga sessions.

When you self-reflect, you could ask yourself, and think about, the following:

Two journaling questions are constant throughout all 12 sections:

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What is the meaning of what I am doing or faced with?

How do I feel?

What do others think/say about me? Is it true? Does it matter? How much does it matter to me? Is there anything I would like to change about what they say/think? What can I do?

What did I do well?

What could I have done better? Said in a better way? Or maybe not said?

What can I learn about myself?

What can I learn from others?

What have I learnt from this?

What would I do differently next time?

My advice to myself is to….

What is my commitment to myself? What do I promise to do?

What are my commitments to myself?

What are my commitments to my friends?

Our commitments to ourselves and each other are about caring for ourselves and others. Commitments can bind us. Discuss these questions before giving them, in order to help your participants reflect.

From reflection comes action; they will apply their growth and learning to the way they do things.

JOURNALING

To journal means you think and note down your thoughts in some way. It is about talking to yourself, listening to yourself and expressing yourself. A journal is a space where you can reflect. While reflection means you think and feel deeply, keeping a journal helps you identify what you are thinking and feeling and keep a record of your journey.

Journaling is a great tool for self-reflection, understanding things better, and healing. Sometimes your thoughts may be very muddled and all over the place; journaling helps you to order these thoughts and to make sense of what is going on.

Even when you do not share what you write, writing about your most difficult experiences; your greatest sadness and regrets; your confusions and conflicts; your loves and happiness; and your joys and sorrows, helps you to deal with these experiences. You can free yourself from a lot of heavy thoughts by recording them in a journal. When someone dies, for example, it can help to write down how you feel about this. Keeping a journal helps you to reflect on your life, behaviours and the different life situations you experience.

PERSONAL REFELECTION & KEEPING A JOURNAL

Keeping a Journal

Your Journal is Your Secret Space

Journaling is a Great Life-Habit

As part of this 13-session Peer2Peer work with MTV Shuga: Down South, all participants will be asked to keep a personal reflection journal. You, the peer facilitator, should be keeping your own journal as well. You cannot instruct anyone to do something that you are not willing to do yourself. You need to role model journaling to participants. This is as much a part of the programme as attending sessions and watching episodes.

It is important that participants know that they never have to share what is in their journals. Of course, they are free to do so if they wish. But you will never put pressure on them to share or show their pages. You always need to give them the choice.

Help your participants get into the habit of journaling. Ask them to bring their journals with them to each session. Even without reading their journals, you will quickly be able to see who is journaling.

If you have the money, buy inexpensive unlined blank books. These make great journals. Or you can staple blank pages together and make a journal for each participant.

Advise participants that they can keep a journal in any way they want.

Some may prefer to write, while others may want to draw cartoons or a comic strip, or draw images to symbolise what they are thinking. Others may prefer to paste pictures or objects in a collage to help them think.

Others may like to make mind-maps. Some may like to write poems or songs, while others prefer to write letters to express their thoughts. Many participants may like to use a mix of all of these, as well as other ways of keeping a journal. They should be free to choose how they do their own journaling.

Some people like to do their journaling in silence, while others like to play music. There is no right or wrong way to keep a journal. It should be every participant’s own choice.

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Ensure participants know that they should never open another participant’s journal, or read another person’s journal, without their permission. They should also never put pressure on another participant to share what is in their journal.

Begin each session by allowing your participants to share what they wrote in their journals after the previous session, but only if they want to. It should never be compulsory. If they wish, they can organise themselves into pairs or small groups and share some of the content of their journals in that way. Always give the options of not sharing or telling just a bit of what they are willing to share. Some participants like to show their journals. You can give them the opportunity to do so.

You can ask participants to briefly share how they feel about journaling and what they gain from it. They again do not have to share what they wrote, but just what they are gaining from the experience.

Some participants may find it hard to get started on the journaling journey. They may have difficulty remembering or getting down to doing it. Encourage those who struggle with journaling. It gets easier the more you do it, and the more you do it, the more you gain from this. Remind them that:

• • • •

•

A journal is a healing space.

There is a lot of value in writing and/or drawing what is inside of you, even if you do not read it or show it to anyone.

It is a place to organise your thoughts and reflect.

Journals are wonderful places where we can all have free and honest conversations with ourselves. They are places we turn to in our difficult moments. Journals give us records of our lives that we can look back on someday and see how much we have grown.

It is sometimes easiest to journal at the same time every day to create a routine, like just before going to sleep or right when you wake up. Some people like to keep their journal by their bed at night, because they wake up during the night with ideas they want to write down that will otherwise be forgotten.

8. PEER FACILITATOR SUPPORT

Important Note!

Again, as the peer facilitator, you should model reflecting and journaling.

Use your journal to do the preparation work before you have gathered the young people for sessions. After each session, reflect on the same questions again that you have given to the participants. Don’t be afraid to refer to your journal during sessions. Let them see you with your journal.

What Some Well-Known People in History have said about the Practice of Keeping a Journal

It will help you if you reflect on your facilitation in your journal. How did you feel while you were facilitating? How did you feel about yourself?

What did you do that was great? Where could you have done better? How will you improve? What was difficult? What was easy? What will you do differently in the next session? Give yourself some praise for handling a challenging situation well! What have you learnt about yourself as a peer facilitator?

“I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart.” — Anne Frank, The Diary of Anne Frank

Peer Facilitator Support: Glossary

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” — William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)

“What a comfort is this journal. I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved.” — Anne Lister, I Know My Own Heart: The Diaries of Anne Lister, 1791-1840

ABORTION : Ending of a pregnancy by removing the foetus.

sometimes in the workplace or in an educational institution.

AGE OF CONSENT : The age at which you are legally allowed to have sex. In South Africa it is 16. Adults – people who are older than 18 years - cannot legally have sex with minors or children under the age of 16. However, the legal age of consent between teenagers is 12. A young person who is 12 years can consent or agree to have sex with someone who is 12, 13, 14 or 15-year-old who also consents, but not someone who is 16 and older. So if two minors (over the age of 12 and under the age of 16) consent or both say yes to sex, it is legal. In South Africa, young people from the age of 12 and up can receive birth control services from a public health clinic without their parents’ permission.

BI-SEXUAL: An individual who is physically, romantically, emotionally and/or spiritually attracted to men and women. These people need not have had equal sexual experience with both men and women; in fact, they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify this way.

AIDS : Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. A disease of the immune system caused by HIV. ALLY: An ally is a term used to describe someone, usually a non-LGBT person, who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBT people,

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BLESSERS/SUGAR DADDIES: A person who pays and/or gives presents or favours to another person in exchange for sex. Older men are mostly blessers/sugar daddies to younger girls or women.

CIS-GENDER: A person whose biological sex and gender identity are the same. For example, a person feels that she is female, and was also assigned female at birth.

COMING OUT: When a person tells another about their identity as lesbian, gay, bi or trans. It is a process that might take years. People may develop an LGBT identity to themselves first.

GLOSSARY

CONTRACEPTION/BIRTH CONTROL: A method or device you use to prevent pregnancy. Contraception or birth control prevents pregnancy by interfering with the normal process of ovulation and fertilization. There are different kinds of birth control. An IUD is an intrauterine contraceptive device inserted into the uterus to prevent pregnancy. Male and female condoms and birth control pills prevent pregnancy. Emergency contraception methods include medication and the IUD. CROSS DRESSER: People who wear the clothing and/or accessories that are considered by society to correspond to the “opposite sex”.

romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attractions are to people of the same sex. The term more commonly describes men.

GAY/HOMOSEXUAL/TRANSGENDER LIFESTYLE: There is no single LGBT lifestyle. LGBT people are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The phrases “gay lifestyle”, “homosexual lifestyle”, and “transgender lifestyle” are used to speak badly of LGBT people, suggesting that their sexual orientation and/or gender identity is a choice and therefore can and should be “cured”.

GENDER: The cultural or social state of being male or female.

EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION: Two methods prevent pregnancy shortly after unprotected intercourse. The morning after pill can be taken up to 72 hours after sex. The other is the IUD (see definition), which can be taken up to 5 days after having sex. Both can be used when contraception was not used or a condom failed. Emergency contraception does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. It is available at public health clinics.

FEMININITY. The qualities that a society believes to be characteristic of females.

FRIENDSHIP: When you have another person’s back, you are a friend.

Friends have love, respect, understanding and affection for each other. They enjoy spending time together as they share common interests, ideas and feelings.

GAY: The adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical,

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GENDER EQUALITY: When both females and males have the same rights, privileges and opportunities.

GENDER EXPECTATIONS: The gender role you take on based on what society wants you to be like, and how to behave. You are expected to behave in a way that your society or culture decides, because you are a male or a female.

GENDER EXPRESSION: A person’s ways of communicating masculinity and/or femininity externally through their physical appearance (including clothing, hair style and the use of cosmetics), mannerisms, ways of speaking and behaviour patterns.

GENDER IDENTITY: A person’s internal, deeply felt sense of being male, female, an alternative gender or a combination of genders. A person’s gender identity may or may not correspond with his or her sex assigned at birth.

GENDER NEUTRAL : A style of appearance and existence that does not refer to one’s gender only. It has a mixture of what is considered ‘male’ and ‘female’.

GENDER NORMS : Social and cultural standards or rules directing you how to behave as male or female.

HATE SPEECH : Speech which attacks a person or group on the basis of race, religion, ethnic origin, sexual orientation, disability, gender or other characteristics.

HETEROSEXISM : When you think that all people are heterosexual and that being heterosexual is better and more desirable than homosexuality or bisexuality. It is commonly accepted that heterosexism is the foundation for the mistreatment, discrimination and harassment of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals.

HETEROSEXUAL : An adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to people of the opposite sex.

Also referred to as straight.

HIV : Human Immunodeficiency Virus. This is the virus that causes AIDS and can be transmitted through the exchange of blood, semen and breast milk.

HIV PREVENTION: What you do to prevent the spread of HIV, for example, using a condom correctly every time you have vaginal, anal or oral sex.

HIV RISK & TRANSMISSION: The dangers of getting HIV and how HIV is spread. HIV can be spread by blood, semen and pre-cum, vaginal fluids, rectal fluids and breast milk. You are at risk of HIV if you have sex without using a condom correctly.

HIV TESTING: A process of counselling and testing to see if you have HIV. The test is free, quick, does not hurt, and your results are confidential. A small sample of blood is taken, usually by a fingerpick. It is important that both you and your sexual partner regularly test for HIV. HIV TREATMENT: Antiretroviral therapy (ART or ARVs) are the medicines taken every day by people who are living with HIV. Antiretroviral medicine (ARV) should be taken immediately upon finding out that you are HIV positive. Doing so improves your own health, increases your chances to live to an old age, and reduces the chance that you will transmit HIV to others.

HOMOPHOBIA: Fear or dislike of someone who is attracted to the same sex. Intolerance, bias, or prejudice is usually a more accurate description of feelings of dislike toward LGBT people.

HOMOSEXUAL: Lesbian and gay activists ask that this term is not used because of its use in history by people who discriminated and worked against gay and lesbian people. It is more respectful to use the terms ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’ and ‘gay people’.

GLOSSARY

ILLEGAL ABORTION: Unsafe abortion done by unqualified, unskilled, unregistered people who want to make money; not help you. It can lead to the inability to have children, serious infection and even death.

INTERSEX: Describing a person whose biological sex is unclear.

INTIMACY: When you are very close with someone else and share deep feelings. It is also when you have sex with a person and feel very close to them.

LESBIAN: A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/ or spiritual attraction is to other women.

LGBT: Letters used to identify lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, the letters I and Q are sometimes added to denote intersex, queer or questioning people as a group.

LOVE: To feel deep affection for another person. To care very much for someone else and to want their happiness and comfort more than your own. To be in love is a joyful feeling of great happiness.

MALE SEXUAL VIOLENCE: Any sexual action taken by a man to force another person into having sex, or to be part of a sexual activity against their will.

MASCULINITY. The qualities that a society believes to be characteristic of males.

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MEDICAL ABORTION: Taking tablets to end a pregnancy/to get rid of a foetus.

MICRO-AGGRESSION: A subtle or indirect, but very insulting, action or comment that discriminates against others.

MISOGYNY: Prejudice against, dislike of, hatred towards and lack of respect for women.

MYTHS: As in made-up or fictitious stories. Not to be confused with the sense of myth as a means of passing on cultural heritage to future generations. The word fiction is an alternative for myth.

OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN. The treating of women as not human, without feelings, as objects.

OPPRESSION. The unjust, cruel use of power or authority by those in power to keep other groups of people from sharing power equally.

OUTING SOMEONE: Accidentally or intentionally revealing another person’s sexual orientation or identity without their permission. This can be a very harmful and hateful act towards someone.

PATRIARCHY: A social system in which men hold more power than women. Men are dominant in political leadership, have more authority, are socially more privileged, control property and are the heads of households and decision makers in the family.

PEP (POST-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS): PEP means taking antiretroviral medicines (ART) after possibly being exposed to HIV, in order to prevent someone being infected with it. PEP must be started within 72 hours after a recent possible exposure to HIV, but the sooner you start PEP, the better. PEP is free of charge at public health clinics and must be taken once a day for 28 days.

PREGNANCY TESTING: A test done to find out if a female is pregnant, using urine or blood tests. These can be bought over the counter in pharmacies.

RAPE: Unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

RESILIENCE: When you can cope with, stay strong and recover from difficulties, you are resilient. When you can say no to risky behaviour, you are resilient. When you can adapt to difficult situations, and keep going, you are resilient SEX: The biological state of being male or female.

PREP (PRE-EXPOSURE PROPHYLAXIS): PrEP, is a way for people who do not have HIV, but who are at high risk of getting it, to prevent infection by taking a pill every day. The pill (brand name Truvada) contains 2 medicines that are used in combination with other medication to treat HIV. QUEER: While in the past this term was considered hate speech, it has been taken over by some LGBT people to describe themselves. Some value the term for its defiance and because it can be inclusive of the entire LGBT community.

QUESTIONING: A time or period where an individual is unsure of, or exploring and discovering his/her sexual orientation, or gender identity.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT: Unwanted and unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favours, sexual jokes and name-calling, rude remarks of a sexual nature and unwanted touching.

SEXUALITY: Your sexual orientation, sexual activity, sexual feelings and sexual behaviour.

STATUTORY RAPE: Statutory rape is a criminal offence. In South Africa, this is a form of rape when someone older than 16 has sex with a minor under the age of 16. If a teenager below the age of 16 has sex with a child below the age of 12, it is also statutory rape. Even if the sex happened with consent, it is still considered rape.

STEALTHING: When a person removes a condom during sex without informing their sexual partner before the time.

SURGICAL ABORTION: Removal of the foetus by surgical means such as aspiration, dilation and evacuation or extraction. This procedure ends an unwanted pregnancy by removing the foetus and placenta from the womb/uterus.

TERMINATION OF PREGNANCY: Ending of pregnancy.

TRANSGENDER: An umbrella term that refers to people whose gender identity does not correspond with their sex assigned at birth. For example, a person who was assigned male at birth (the doctor said “It’s a boy!”) and identifies as a woman is a transgender woman.

TRANSSEXUAL: A person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth.

Transsexuals often wish to change, or are in the process of changing their bodies surgically to match their inner sense of gender or sex.

TRANSVESTITE: A person who dresses as the opposite gender expression (cross dresses) for any number of reasons, including relaxation and fun.

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