The Magician's Elephant

Page 1


Book and Lyrics by Nancy Harris

Music and Lyrics by Marc Teitler

Based on the novel by Kate DiCamillo

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Book © 2021 Nancy Harris

Music © 2021 Amadeus Screen Music Limited

Lyrics © 2021 Nancy Harris and Amadeus Screen Music Limited

(Last Revised—June 2025)

CHARACTERS

(in order of appearance)

Narrator—a somewhat devilish shapeshifter who guides our story and weaves in and out of the action (also plays Fortune Teller, Beggar, and anyone else the production sees fit)

Peter Duchene—our hero

Vilna Lutz—an old soldier suffering from PTSD; Peter’s guardian

Leo Matienne—Peter’s neighbor; a police officer and a dreamer

Gloria Matienne—Leo’s wife, works on a flower stall; a realist

Orphans:

Adele—Peter’s sister, our heroine

Lisette—an orphan

Sister Marie—guardian to the orphans

Countess Quintet—our villainess

Count Quintet—Countess Quintet’s husband; a villain

Police Chief—a pompous, borderline-hysterical police chief

Officers 1 and 2—the Police Chief’s underlings

Madame LaVaughn—accidental victim of the elephant’s arrival

Magician—summoner of the elephant

THE TOWN (many characters make up the town but these are the regulars):

Fishmonger; Mrs. Griswald; Doctor; Baker; Milliner; Lamplighter

ENSEMBLE:

Carpenter; Opera Fans (1-4); Peter’s Father; Peter’s Mother; Preachers; Fortune Tellers; Tradesmen; Tarot Readers; Followers; Anti-Followers; Travel Agent; Dance Teacher; Hypnotist; Roofers; Mother; Child; Midwife; Various Townspeople of Baltese

MUSICAL NUMBERS

MUSICAL NUMBERS

Act II

20. The Sight of the Elephant FISHMONGER, MILLINER, DOCTOR, MRS. GRISWALD, .............................................................. BAKER, COUNT, COUNTESS, ...........

22.

23.

26. Don’t Spoil It for the Rest of Us MILLINER, DOCTOR, .....................................................

33. So What If Our Dreams Come True? PETER, DOCTOR, BAKER, ..................................................... MRS. GRISWALD, LAMPLIGHTER, ........... MAGICIAN, GLORIA, LEO, MADAME LAVAUGHN, ENSEMBLE

A NOTE ON SET AND ACTION

The action takes place all over the city of Baltese and moves fluidly from location to the next. From ground floor apartments to top floor apartments, from market squares to fortune tellers’ tents, from upmarket balconies to prison cells—indoors and outdoors.

As such, the set needs to be fluid, flexible, to conjure mood, time, and space as quickly and as nimbly as possible, so that we can move with pace from one scene to the next.

ACT I

SCENE 1

#1—Welcome to Baltese

Darkness. An early morning mist.

We are in the town of Baltese, but perhaps we cannot see that yet. If we could, we might have a sense of a town with a strange gothic feel—winding cobbled streets, little crooked houses with mismatched roofs.

From out of the mist the NARRATOR approaches us. Their clothes are strange, out of time. (Perhaps they clutch a sign saying ‘Tour Guide’ or hold a dusty old guidebook, or a book of magic—the first of their guises.) There is something mysterious and other worldly about them.

The NARRATOR looks at us, knowing. A mischievous smile plays on their lips.

NARRATOR

WELCOME TO THE TOWN OF BALTESE. DID YOU HEAR THOSE WHISPERS IN THE TREES? THE WHISPERS OF A TALE ONLY KNOWN TO VERY FEW—

(The NARRATOR looks at us, conspiratorial—)

I COULD TELL YOU… IF YOU WANT ME TO?

(The NARRATOR smiles, knowing that of course we want them to. They come towards us, excited to tell this secret story.)

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE AFTERMATH OF WAR, SOMETHING HAPPENED HERE NO ONE HAD EVER SEEN BEFORE. SOMETHING SO MIRACULOUS, SOMETHING SO UNIQUE, THEY STRUCK IT FROM THE GUIDEBOOKS— THEY DON’T WANT TO SEEM LIKE FREAKS!

(As the music builds—do we begin to see a ghostly glimmer of the streets appearing behind the place coming to actual life around us?)

(NARRATOR)

STEP INTO THE TALE OF BALTESE!

SOPRANOS & ALTOS (offstage)

AH…

(NARRATOR)

IT HAPPENED RIGHT HERE ON THESE COBBLED STREETS. IT’S A STORY WITH A HERO— IN FACT, THERE’S TWO OR THREE— DON’T BELIEVE ME? I WILL SHOW YOU, LET ME SEE.

OOH… OOH…

(SOPRANOS & ALTOS)

OOH…

(NARRATOR)

Where’s the best place to start? Ah yes! At the beginning. Let’s start at the beginning— at a time when this town was recovering from a great war. Poverty and suffering were everywhere. And magic?… Well, no one believed in magic.

(The NARRATOR smiles, knowing.) BUT THERE STOOD A BOY WITH A COIN IN HIS HAND

(PETER appears. He throws the gold coin up in the air, it glints in the light. He smiles.) AND A DREAM IN HIS HEAD THAT HE DIDN’T UNDERSTAND…

We hear a baby crying somewhere off. PETER looks around, confused. He moves towards the sound of the crying.

PETER

… Hello?

(The room grows brighter—filling with a strange golden light. The crying continues as—)

… is someone there?

NARRATOR

But dreams aren’t always what they seem.

PETER Hello?

NARRATOR

Don’t believe me, I’ll show you.

PETER

Who’s crying?

NARRATOR

… You’ll see.

The NARRATOR moves back into the mist, disappearing for now, as PETER looks around trying to find the source of the crying

… Hello? Who’s crying— Suddenly LUTZ enters, furious—

PETER

Duchene!

LUTZ
Private

SCENE 2

The light changes and PETER snaps to attention. We are no longer in the dream but in reality—at the home of Peter’s guardian, an old soldier called VILNA LUTZ. PETER is clearly afraid of him.

PETER

Yes, Vilna Lutz.

LUTZ

What are you doing?

PETER (confused)

N– nothing!

Daydreaming again!

PETER looks down, ashamed.

LUTZ

PETER

Well, I was just thinking about a dream I had. (then, confused)

Actually I keep having it. Have you ever had the same dream over and over again? One that feels so real it’s almost—

LUTZ (fury)

Dreams! What sort of talk is that? I sent you to market an hour ago. PETER shrinks back. Pulls on his jacket or cap.

PETER

I know—

LUTZ

For bread and fish.

PETER

I was just going—

HE starts to go. LUTZ shouts after him.

LUTZ

—and not fresh bread you understand, the bread I want should be at least a day old.

PETER

Yes, Vilna Lutz.

LUTZ

Two days, if possible!

PETER

I know, Vilna Lutz.

LUTZ

Three-day-old bread is best of all—with mold growing on it!

PETER (a quiet grimace)

Ugh. (covering)

Of course, Vilna Lutz.

LUTZ

Three-day-old bread is excellent preparation for being a soldier. It’s hard, so it makes for strong teeth. And strong teeth make for a strong heart and a strong heart makes for— He turns on PETER, waiting for him to finish.

PETER … a brave soldier.

LUTZ

A brave soldier!

(LUTZ grabs PETER suddenly, looks around paranoid, as though still on the battlefield.)

I promised your father on the battlefield, I’d be your guardian. That I’d keep you safe. We don’t know when the next war might be coming, boy. Could be just around the corner.

PETER

(still thinking about his dream)

Yes. Could I just ask you, though, about my—

LUTZ (harsh)

No daydreaming! Daydreaming gets you killed—discipline, control, routine. That’s what makes a good soldier.

PETER’s heard this before.

I know, Vilna Lutz.

PETER

LUTZ

Stand up straight.

PETER stands up straight.

LUTZ (spoken)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. SAY IT!

PETER (spoken, half-hearted)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

LUTZ (spoken) FORWAAARD MARCH! Left! Right! Left! Right!

#2—Discipline, Control, Routine

(LUTZ)

(PETER dutifully marches forward, as he does every day.)

EYES FRONT, SHOULDERS BACK.

(LUTZ)

DON’T LOOK SIDEWAYS, DON’T LOOK BACK!

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

PETER (repeating)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

LUTZ

HEAD STRAIGHT, MOUTH SHUT.

DON’T LOOK DOWN, DON’T LOOK UP.

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

PETER

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

As PETER marches away from LUTZ, LUTZ bellows after him—

LUTZ

And don’t come back with a big fish, come back with a small fish. Come back with the fish that other fish would be embarrassed to call fish. Hardship, that’s what makes a good soldier!

PETER & LUTZ

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

STICK TO THE SAME ROUTINE.

PETER (spoken)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL,

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

LUTZ (spoken)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

As PETER marches into the market square, he’s soon joined by the rest of the TOWN: a bustling market of working people, all doggedly going about their business, setting up stalls, hanging washing etc.—doing anything to distract themselves.

LEO & GLORIA

UP EARLY EVERY DAY.

GO TO WORK, BILLS TO PAY.

Maybe LEO playfully tugs PETER’s cap as he rushes to work. GLORIA goes to her flower stall. FISHMONGER and MRS. GRISWALD appear.

FISHMONGER & MRS. GRISWALD

UP EARLY EVERY DAY. NEVER STOP, BEST THAT WAY.

ALL

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. STICK TO THE SAME ROUTINE.

DOCTOR

PREPARING FOR THE DAY AHEAD CLEARS THE MIND OF ALL ITS DREAD.

FISHMONGER

WASHING DOWN MY MARKET STALL, I’VE NO TIME TO THINK AT ALL.

DOCTOR & FISHMONGER

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

PETER

IF YOU KEEP BUSY, THE DAYS GO FASTER.

ALL

SO WE KEEP BUSY AND THE DAYS GO FASTER.

BAKER

BAKING BREAD,

DOCTOR

FIXING PLASTERS, FISHMONGER

GUTTING FISH,

MRS. GRISWALD AND MOPPING FLOORS.

ALL

DO ANYTHING BUT THINK ABOUT THE WAR…

PETER

OR THE WAY THINGS WERE BEFORE, A HAPPY TIME BEFORE…

For a beat, EVERYONE, including PETER, seems to stop, lost in a thought of “before.” Then they quickly shake it off—

ALL

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

PETER

UP EARLY EVERY DAY, LIVING LIFE THE SOLDIER’S WAY, PRACTICING MY MARCHING DRILLS, HONING MY SURVIVAL SKILLS.

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

The ORPHANS and SISTER MARIE appear—holding out a collection box. The ORPHANS might be slightly sarcastic in their singing.

ORPHANS & SISTER MARIE

UP EARLY EVERY DAY,

(eyeroll)

ORPHANS

ALWAYS KNEELING DOWN TO PRAY.

ORPHANS & SISTER MARIE

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER DAY—

They hold out the box towards the approaching COUNT and COUNTESS.

COUNTESS

MOVE ALONG, YOU’RE IN OUR WAY!

(The COUNTESS shoos them out of the way.)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

ALL

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

PETER

IF YOU STAY BUSY, THE DAYS GO FASTER.

ALL

SO WE STAY BUSY AND THE DAYS GO FASTER.

PETER

NIGHT MANEUVERS, DAWN PATROLS,

MRS. GRISWALD

DARNING SOCKS,

AND BEGGING BOWLS.

ORPHANS

ALL

DO ANYTHING BUT THINK ABOUT THE WAR… GLORIA

OR THE WAY THINGS WERE BEFORE, ANOTHER LIFE BEFORE…

Does time stop as EVERYONE thinks… people stepping forward to give us an insight into their private pain?

MRS. GRISWALD

BEFORE MY SON WENT TO FIGHT IN THE WAR—

DOCTOR

BEFORE MY WIFE GOT SO SICK AND SO SORE—

ALL

THEY NEVER CAME BACK THROUGH THE DOOR…

(They stop briefly, frozen in momentary pain. Then—)

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

(They shake it off quickly.)

BEING BUSY KEEPS YOU OCCUPIED.

CARPENTER

BUILDING SHELVES, BAKER

BAKING PIES,

ALL

GIVE THAT FLOUR A DARN GOOD SIEVING, THAT’S THE WAY WE GO ON LIVING. TALK ABOUT THE SAME OLD STUFF.

POLICE CHIEF

UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN,

(POLICE CHIEF)

CATCHING THIEVES BEFORE THEY’RE BORN!

I KEEP ORDER IN THIS PLACE—

COUNTESS

COURTESY OF MY GOOD GRACE.

POLICE CHIEF

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

PETER appears, marching.

PETER

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE.

I MUSTN’T THINK ABOUT MY DREAM. STICK TO THE SAME ROUTINE.

I MUSTN’T THINK ABOUT MY DREAM. BUT I’M ALWAYS DREAMING THE SAME DREAM. WHY AM I DREAMING THE SAME DREAM?

A baby crying, I don’t know any babies unless… Unless… NO! NO! NO! NO! (HE starts marching again.)

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. STICK TO THE SAME ROUTINE.

ALL

UP EARLY EVERY DAY. GO TO WORK, BILLS TO PAY. UP EARLY EVERY DAY. SAY THE THINGS WE HAVE TO SAY.

FISHMONGER

HOW ARE YOU?

MRS. GRISWALD CAN’T COMPLAIN.

BAKER

HOW’S THE WEATHER?

MILLINER LOOKS LIKE RAIN.

ALL

THINKING ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE. HOPE IS THE WEAK HEART’S CURSE.

BAKER

IF YOU NEED TO EAT OR DRINK, MAKE IT QUICK OR YOU MIGHT THINK.

ALL IT HURTS WHEN YOU STOP TO THINK. IT’S PAINFUL WHEN YOU STOP TO THINK. IT KILLS ME WHEN I STOP TO THINK. JUST STICK TO THE OLD ROUTINE. SALVATION’S IN THE OLD ROUTINE.

DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, ROUTINE. JUST STICK TO THE OLD ROUTINE. SALVATION’S IN THE OLD ROUTINE.

PETER AND NEVER, EVER LET YOURSELF DREAM. ALL OOH…

Beat. Then the TOWN carries on quickly—pushing stalls, selling their wares. As PETER marches into the square—

BAKER Bread rolls!

FISHMONGER

Catfish! Freshly caught this morning. Ah, Peter Duchene, have I got a treat for you— one extra large catfish!

The FISHMONGER holds up a huge fish.

PETER

No, I’m not allowed to buy a large fish. Vilna Lutz specifically asked for a—

#3—Profound and Difficult Questions

(Music. Magical. Suddenly, in front of the completely ordinary stalls of the fishmongers, bakers, carpenters, and candle makers, there appears almost from nowhere a dazzling red fortune teller’s tent.)

(PETER stares at it, amazed.)

What is that?

(PETER)

FISHMONGER

What?

PETER steps towards the tent, mesmerized. He points.

PETER

That.

The FISHMONGER glances around, casual.

FISHMONGER

Can’t see anything.

(then, impatient)

Here—do you want this fish or not?

Suddenly the DOCTOR with his medical bag rushes past, knocking into PETER—

Out of the way, Peter Duchene!

(pointing)

But look, Doctor—

I’m late for an appointment.

DOCTOR

PETER

DOCTOR

PETER

But don’t you see?

(The DOCTOR storms on. MRS. GRISWALD rushes by with an armful of washing. PETER tries to stop her.)

Hey Mrs. Griswald, do you know what that—

MRS. GRISWALD

Can’t stop now, Peter. Countess will have my head if I don’t get this washing back.

PETER

But don’t any of you see it?

(PETER takes a step closer to the tent. He circles it, curious.)

… Where did it come from? What’s it doing here? Why—

(Suddenly a hand springs out of a flap in the tent, holding a sign saying “READ ME.” PETER jumps back, startled.)

Woah!

(PETER)

(looking closer)

What does it…

(He leans closer, tries to read)

“The most profound and—diff-i—diffi–cult questions—”

(The hand impatiently snaps back inside the tent.)

Oh.

A flap in the tent opens up and a hand holding a loudspeaker pops out. A VOICE [the NARRATOR as a FORTUNE TELLER] impatiently sings—

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER]

THE MOST PROFOUND AND DIFFICULT QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED WITHIN FOR THE PRICE OF ONE FLORIT.

The loudspeaker pops back into the tent. PETER looks at the audience, stunned.

PETER

Did they just say I could ask a question—

Loudspeaker pops back out, cutting him off.

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER]

THE MOST PROFOUND AND DIFFICULT QUESTIONS…

Loudspeaker pops back in.

For the price of one florit?

Loudspeaker pops back out.

PETER

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER] ONE FLORIT.

Loudspeaker pops back in. PETER looks at the coin in his hand, tempted.

PETER

… I have one florit. And I have a profound and difficult question.

(He thinks. Then quickly shakes off the idea.)

No, it’s stupid… If I come home without food, Vilna Lutz’ll ask where the money’s gone and I’ll have to lie.

The hand with the loudspeaker extends from the tent again, tempting PETER.

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER] THE MOST PROFOUND AND DIFFICULT QUESTIONS…

PETER

And Vilna says lying is the most dishonorable thing a soldier can do.

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER]

WILL BE ANSWERED WITHIN…

PETER shakes his head, trying to summon his resolve.

PETER

I was sent here to buy bread and fish, so I will buy bread and fish! He turns away, about to march off.

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER] FOR THE PRICE OF ONE FLORIT…

PETER stops, looks back.

… But what if they could really tell me?

PETER

(PETER looks at the coin in his hand. A beat. He makes up his mind. He walks determindly to the tent, looks for a door. He can’t find one. He calls.)

Excuse me? Hello?

The flap opens. Loudspeaker pops out.

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER]

Yes?

I—have a question.

PETER

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER]

A profound and difficult question?

I believe so, yes.

PETER

VOICE [FORTUNE TELLER]

Very well, then.

SCENE 3

And suddenly and miraculously, the lights change. Music.

A flap in the tent opens and PETER moves inside. And there in the corner, hunched over a small table lit only by an oil lamp, is the FORTUNE TELLER (who is very likely the NARRATOR in disguise).

PETER hangs back, nervous. The FORTUNE TELLER beckons him with her finger. Her voice is exotic, portentous—and probably fake.

FORTUNE TELLER

Come closer, boy.

(PETER takes a few ginger steps forward.)

Give me your hand.

(PETER hesitantly offers his hand to the FORTUNE TELLER. She examines it closely as though an entire book about Peter is etched on his palm. Every now and then the FORTUNE TELLER makes little noises—)

Ooooh.

(She reads.)

Hmmmn—very interesting.

PETER leans in, trying to decipher what she’s reading.

PETER

What are you seeing?

Suddenly she drops his hand and squints up at his face, mildly threatening.

FORTUNE TELLER

One florit will buy you one answer and one answer only, understand?

PETER

Yes.

FORTUNE TELLER

Speak then. Ask!

PETER shifts, suddenly nervous—

My parents—

PETER

(ordinary voice)

FORTUNE TELLER

That’s your question? Your parents are dead.

PETER

That’s not my question. I know my parents are dead, I’ve known that for years. I have another question. See, I’ve been having this dream where I can hear a baby crying and—

The FORTUNE TELLER smiles, knowing.

FORTUNE TELLER

Ah. Your sister…

PETER stops, amazed.

… Yes.

(mind blown)

PETER

How did you… See, I think that’s her in my dream. But she’s dead, so—

The FORTUNE TELLER shakes her head.

Na ah ah… She lives.

FORTUNE TELLER

PETER

She—what? She—lives? (stunned)

My sister lives?

The FORTUNE TELLER pops the coin casually in her pocket. Conversation over.

Thank you. Call again.

FORTUNE TELLER

PETER

No, no please—

(HE sits in front of her, desperate.)

What do you mean, she lives? Vilna Lutz told me she died with my mother.

FORTUNE TELLER

(knowing)

He did tell you that, didn’t he? Poor boy.

PETER

So it’s not true?

You have asked your question.

FORTUNE TELLER

PETER

That wasn’t my question!

FORTUNE TELLER (a warning)

Careful, I’m only giving you one more chance. What is your question?

PETER

My question is… (PETER thinks hard—trying not to blow this one chance.)

My question is… (a sudden thought)

… how do I find her? How do I find my sister?

The FORTUNE TELLER looks at him, weighing up whether she will answer or not.

… The elephant.

FORTUNE TELLER

PETER Sorry?

FORTUNE TELLER

Follow the elephant. She will lead you.

PETER looks around, confused.

PETER What elephant?

That’s a third question.

FORTUNE TELLER

PETER

(annoyed)

There are no elephants in Baltese. It’s cold here, it’s grey, the sky is always dark. It hasn’t even snowed for over a hundred years.

FORTUNE TELLER

That is true. That is definitely true—at least for now. But perhaps you are beginning to notice, Peter Duchene: the truth is forever changing.

(PETER stares at her.)

You can go now.

(normal voice)

Don’t let the draft in, will you. It’s bloody freezing in ‘ere.

And suddenly the tent flies up, and the FORTUNE TELLER picks up the table and is gone.

PETER is left outside again in the bustling market square. He stands, dazed, as the BAKER waves some bread rolls in his face…

BAKER

Bread rolls! Nearly fresh bread rolls. Two for the price of one!

PETER (dazed)

… You haven’t by any chance seen—an elephant ‘round here, have you?

BAKER

An elephant? Yeah, saw one just around the corner.

PETER (hopeful)

Really?

BAKER (laughs)

No!

(The BAKER proffers the bread rolls again, hopefully.)

Bread rolls? Three days old. Just the way Mr. Lutz likes them.

PETER looks down at his empty hand, feeling foolish.

PETER

I—spent all my money on the fortune teller.

BAKER

Fortune teller? What fortune teller?

PETER

The one in that—hey, where’s it gone?

(PETER looks around but the tent has disappeared.)

There was a fortune teller’s tent here just a minute ago.

The COUNT and COUNTESS appear on their way through the town. They stop at the sight of PETER, mildly alarmed.

COUNTESS

A fortune teller’s tent? What is that filthy little boy talking about?

COUNT

Probably hunger, dear. Hear it sends them right ‘round the bend.

They laugh. The POLICE CHIEF passes in the other direction, bowing obsequiously at the sight of the COUNTESS—his boss.

POLICE CHIEF

Morning, Countess. Looking ravishing.

The COUNTESS turns her nose up and storms on, the COUNT scurrying after her.

Ugh—this city’s going to the dogs.

COUNTESS

The POLICE CHIEF looks after them, anxious, then back at PETER, who is still trying to figure out where the fortune teller’s tent has gone.

PETER

There was a fortune teller’s tent—it was just here!

POLICE CHIEF

Careful with that imagination of yours, boy. Could get you into trouble.

The POLICE CHIEF wanders on, disinterested, as PETER tries to make sense of this.

#4—She Lives

PETER

But… but… could my sister live?

(as if unpicking a riddle)

If the fortune teller is telling the truth, that means Vilna Lutz is lying. But if Vilna Lutz is lying… then the fortune teller’s telling the truth!

#5—If This Is True

IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN EVERYTHING’S A LIE.

MY WHOLE LIFE’S A QUESTION:

(PETER)

“WHO AM I?” MY SISTER’S ALIVE. NO, SHE DIDN’T DIE. IF THIS IS TRUE, EV’RYTHING IS A LIE.

IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN LUTZ IS A FRAUD. BUT LUTZ IS A SOLDIER, AND SOLDIERS CAN’T BE FLAWED. THEY’RE DISCIPLINED, ROUTINED, THEY PUT THEIR LIFE ON THE LINE.

SO IF THIS IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS A LIE.

IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN THE SKY’S NOT BLUE, THE BIRDS DON’T SING, THEY DON’T FLY. IF THIS IS TRUE, THE SUN WON’T RISE, THE WORLD’S NOT ROUND— THOSE THINGS ARE LIES.

IF THIS TRUE, WHO CAN I BELIEVE? WHO CAN I TRUST NOT TO DECEIVE? BUT IF THIS IS TRUE, MY SISTER IS ALIVE. BUT IF THAT’S TRUE, EVERYTHING IS A LIE.

PETER starts to walk home, lost in thought.

#6—The Elephant Appears

The NARRATOR appears, perhaps dressed as the Beggar, accompanied by a LAMPLIGHTER who begins to light the lamps in the street.

NARRATOR

AS PETER WALKED ALONE IN BALTESE, WEIGHED DOWN BY A MIND ILL AT EASE, OVER THE ROOFTOPS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN AT THE BLIFFENDORF OPERA HOUSE,

(NARRATOR)

SOMETHING COLOSSAL, SOMETHING GIGANTIC, WAS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

SOPRANOS & ALTOS (offstage) AH…

(NARRATOR points—maybe we hear an OPERA SINGER somewhere offstage—)

A magician of advanced years and failing reputation had taken to the stage that evening. He intended simply to conjure a bouquet of lilies, but instead the magician brought forth… an elephant.

(Behind, a loud crash—and suddenly we hear screams. The NARRATOR nods at us, casual.)

Yes. An elephant.

Well-dressed OPERA FANS suddenly burst out of the Opera House and onto the stage in wild excitement. They push the NARRATOR out of the way.

OPERA FAN 1

OH MY GOD, IT’S AN ELEPHANT!

ALL OPERA FANS ELEPHANT, ELEPHANT IN THE OPERA HOUSE!

OPERA FAN 2

It landed right on the lap of noblewoman Madame LaVaughn.

OPERA FAN 3

Right on her legs!

She was crushed!

OPERA FAN 4

ALL OPERA FANS

CRUSHED BY THE ELEPHANT WHO CRASHED THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE OPERA HOUSE!

A police whistle and the POLICE CHIEF, LEO, and OFFICERS 1 and 2 arrive—

POLICE CHIEF

What’s going on here? What’s all the fuss about?

OPERA FAN 1

There’s an elephant in the Opera House, chief.

POLICE CHIEF

An elephant!

OPERA FAN 2

It came through the roof!

POLICE CHIEF

Who was so foolish as to let an elephant come through the roof of an opera house?

OPERA FAN 3

The Magician!

POLICE CHIEF

What magician?

OPERA FAN 4

He conjured it up, chief!

OPERA FAN 1

Out of thin air!

OPERA FAN 2

With no warning, sir!

OPERA FAN 3

Not so much as a “by your leave.”

POLICE CHIEF

(outraged)

Well! We must arrest that man at once!

OFFICER 1

Yes, Chief.

The POLICE run into the opera house. Lights, music, sirens? The OPERA FANS point as MADAME LAVAUGHN is brought out on a stretcher.

OPERA FAN 4

Look, look—it’s Madame LaVaughn!

MADAME LAVAUGHN

OH MY LEGS, OH MY LEGS, OH MY BOUNTIFUL LEGS. ARREST THE MAN—

ALL

ARREST THE MAN, ARREST THE MAN,

WHO DID THIS TO HER (MY) BOUNTIFUL LEGS!

The OFFICERS come out with the MAGICIAN in handcuffs.

POLICE CHIEF

Don’t you worry, Madame LaVaughn, we’ve got him and we’re not letting him go.

MAGICIAN (pleading)

Please, I intended only lilies. I beg of you.

At the sight of the MAGICIAN, MADAME LAVAUGHN operatically howls in torment.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Oh!

POLICE CHIEF (to MAGICIAN)

That’s enough out of you, son. It’s down to the jailhouse with you!

The POLICE CHIEF is about to march the MAGICIAN off when LEO rushes out of the Opera House, breathless.

Chief! Wait, Chief.

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

(irritated)

What is it, Leo Matienne? Can’t you see I’m trying to arrest someone?

LEO

Yes I can and that’s important, Chief, but—

POLICE CHIEF

But what?

LEO glances nervously back at the opera house. Do we see a trunk or a shadow of the elephant in the distance?

Well—

Spit it out, Leo Matienne!

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

LEO

What are we supposed to do with the elephant, Chief?

POLICE CHIEF

Elephant?

LEO

That came through the roof? She’s still inside.

POLICE CHIEF

She’s still inside?

On the stage, Chief.

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

Is she an actress now?

POLICE CHIEF looks around for a laugh, or some appreciation, but there is none.

LEO

It’s just—we’ve never had an elephant in Baltese, chief. We don’t know where to put her.

POLICE CHIEF

Just lock her up.

Lock her up, Chief?

Yes!

In the jail?

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

Of course.

The POLICE CHIEF tries to march off with the MAGICIAN. LEO stops him.

But… will she fit, Chief?

Fit?

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

LEO

Those cells are quite small.

The POLICE CHIEF stops. He smiles at the OPERA FANS publicly, then grabs LEO’s arm and pulls him to one side—

POLICE CHIEF

Do you have any idea of the gravity of this situation, Leo Matienne?

LEO

Of course, Chief. Madame LaVaughn’s legs were crushed.

The OPERA FANS behind burst into:

OPERA FANS

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT WHO CRASHED

THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE OPERA HOUSE!

The POLICE CHIEF jumps, startled, then tries to gather himself.

POLICE CHIEF

(loud so they hear him)

Yes, yes it’s—terrible that Madame LaVaughn’s legs were crushed. (to LEO, urgent)

But more importantly if Countess Quintet finds out about this elephant my career will be crushed!

OPERA FANS

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT WHO CRASHED THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE OPERA HOUSE!

The POLICE CHIEF tries to ignore them.

Countess Quintet?

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

Do you know how many police chiefs the Countess has had removed?

LEO

No, Chief.

POLICE CHIEF

A LOT! And if she finds out there’s a wild elephant running loose in Baltese—my head is on the block. We need to get this elephant to the jail and lock it up before word gets out. I mean, no one’s gonna listen to a few opera nuts but if this gets to the market square…

He makes a throat-slitting gesture.

Yes, Chief.

LEO

(The POLICE CHIEF nods, thinking LEO has understood him. He turns to go— but suddenly LEO can’t contain his excitement.)

It is pretty amazing all the same though, isn’t it, Chief?

The POLICE CHIEF turns, losing patience.

What, Leo Matienne?

POLICE CHIEF

LEO

That someone could just—magic an elephant out of the sky.

The POLICE CHIEF rubs his eyes, exasperated.

POLICE CHIEF

No one has magicked an elephant out of the sky, Leo Matienne.

LEO

But the magician said—

(losing all patience)

Go home, Leo Matienne.

POLICE CHIEF

Home?

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

If you’re going to believe everything some—magician tells you, you’ve no business doing real police work.

LEO

(deflated)

No, Chief.

CHIEF

This is criminal activity and nothing else!

LEO

Yes, Chief.

The POLICE CHIEF looks at LEO, mocking.

POLICE CHIEF

Magician!

Then the POLICE CHIEF looks at the MAGICIAN—who is looking back at him earnestly in handcuffs—and feels slightly disconcerted.

(POLICE CHIEF)

(to MAGICIAN)

You—come with me!

The POLICE marches off with the MAGICIAN and OFFICERS 1 and 2.

LEO starts to walk home through the town. But he can’t help it, he’s in a state of wonder as he walks the streets.

#7—What If, Why Not, Could It Be?

LEO

… But what if it is true? What if it is magic? What if she’s just the first in a series of elephants to arrive in Baltese?

He glances around, maybe at some STRAGGLERS from the Opera House making their way home. Or maybe at the BEGGAR [NARRATOR] sitting under a lamppost?

What if one by one all the mammals and reptiles of Africa were to be summoned to opera houses all over Europe? What if next week crocodiles and giraffes and rhinoceroses were to come crashing through roofs? What if?

The BEGGAR holds out her cup.

Why not?

LEO reaches into his pockets.

Could it be?

BEGGAR

LEO

LEO throws a coin into the BEGGAR’s cup. She tips her hat. AN ELEPHANT LANDS IN BALTESE… WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN IT MEAN? IS SHE THE FIRST TO FALL TO THE EARTH AND WHERE WILL THE NEXT ONE BE SEEN?

WILL THERE BE PYTHONS IN PARIS? OR RHINOCERI RUNNING ‘ROUND ROME? OR PENGUINS IN CAIRO, FLAMINGOS IN FLORENCE, (LEO)

MAKING THEIR HOME IN THE DOME?

WHAT IF? WHY NOT? COULD IT BE THAT THINGS ARE NOT JUST WHAT WE SEE? IS THERE MORE TO THE SKIES THAN WE SEE WITH OUR EYES, AND WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU AND ME?

COULD THERE BE LEMMINGS IN LIMA?

ORANGUTANS SWINGING IN CREWE? WILL THERE BE SHARKS TAKING OVER OUR PARKS OR DOLPHINS IN HANDBAGS AND SHOES?

(He looks at the BEGGAR [NARRATOR], who shrugs—perhaps the NARRATOR joins in in parts.)

WILL THERE BE BADGERS IN BOSTON, RIDING ON BIKES TO THE BEACH? SEALS SAILING BOATS, OR ARTICULATE STOATS? NONE OF IT SEEMS OUT OF REACH.

WHAT IF? WHY NOT? COULD IT BE THAT THINGS ARE NOT JUST WHAT THEY SEEM? IS THERE MORE TO THE SKIES THAN WE CAN SEE WITH OUR EYES AND WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU AND ME?

The song swells to a beautiful musical moment.

Almost a dream sequence: LEO dancing, the town at night suddenly coming to wondrous, magical life—a burst of color and optimism. Maybe some OPERA FANS twirling some umbrellas or a STATUE coming to life and dancing with LEO? It should feel dreamy and dazzling—as though life is momentarily full of possibility—

AN ELEPHANT LANDS IN BALTESE… WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN IT MEAN? IS SHE THE FIRST TO FALL TO THE EARTH AND WHERE WILL THE NEXT ONE BE SEEN?

LEO looks up. He has arrived home at the Apartments Polonnaise, where he and his wife Gloria live in the apartment below Peter and Lutz.

The vibrant music becomes the march of a military drum as the color and dreaminess fade and we are back in darker Baltese.

Upstairs, we can hear LUTZ shouting orders. LEO can see the shadow of PETER marching up and down his room.

Private Duchene, time for maneuvers.

(spoken in rhythm)

FORWARD MARCH, LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT—

LEO stops outside. He calls softly.

LEO

Peter! Peter! Little cuckoo bird of the attic world. You’ll never guess what’s just happened. Peter!

Downstairs a door opens and GLORIA appears in the doorway—

GLORIA

Leo Matienne! Are you trying to wake the whole street up?

But LEO grabs GLORIA’s hand, excited.

LEO

Gloria, oh Gloria, it’s the most exciting, incredible thing—

GLORIA

What are you—

LEO

Do you believe in magic, Gloria?

GLORIA (amused)

Magic?

LEO

I think I do. I think after tonight I definitely do.

GLORIA

What are you on about?

LEO AN ELEPHANT LANDS IN BALTESE…

An elephant? What elephant?

GLORIA

LEO

I ASKED MYSELF, WHAT COULD IT MEAN?

GLORIA

What are you talking about, Leo Matienne?

LEO

THE IMPOSSIBLE HAPPENED…

(GLORIA looks at him, realizing. She stops smiling.) THE IMPOSSIBLE HAPPENS.

Oh no. You’re not going to start—

Which means that for you and for me…

GLORIA

LEO

GLORIA wriggles away from him, not wanting this.

Stop, I know where this is going.

But maybe there’s still a chance.

There’s no chance, the doctor said—

GLORIA

LEO

GLORIA

But if we keep trying.

LEO

GLORIA

My heart’s broken from trying, Leo.

LEO takes her hand, gently, singing. Willing her to hope.

LEO

WHAT IF? WHY NOT? COULD IT BE THAT THINGS ARE NOT JUST WHAT THEY SEEM? MAYBE THERE’S MORE TO OUR LIVES, WE CAN STILL BE SURPRISED… He puts a hand on her belly, smiles. She pushes it off, firm.

GLORIA (firm)

(The music stops. She looks at him: sad, annoyed, resigned.)

It’s just you and me. And that’s all it’s ever going to be.

Suddenly a shout from LUTZ above:

Who goes there?

GLORIA ushers LEO into their house.

LUTZ

GLORIA

Now come inside—Old Lutz is having one of his fevers.

(with a glance upstairs)

That poor boy has been marching up and down all night. It’s no way for a child to live…

GLORIA goes inside. LEO watches after her sadly. He starts to follow. Then he looks back out. Upstairs we hear LUTZ suddenly shout:

LUTZ

Shh—quiet! Do I hear the crack of muskets? The boom of the cannon?

PETER

No, Vilna Lutz.

LUTZ

Is the enemy approaching?

PETER

There’s no enemy, Vilna Lutz. Go back to bed.

#8—No One Must Know Anything

Music. Later that night. The town is quiet.

Under the cover of darkness, POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS 1 and 2—a hapless trio— are tiptoeing through the streets, trying to bring the elephant across town to the jail without anyone seeing.

The elephant is covered in a large blanket/sheet to hide it. As they try to commander the elephant, the POLICE CHIEF barks orders at the OFFICERS, who are trying to stop the elephant banging into things.

Shhhhhh!

POLICE CHIEF

NO ONE MUST SEE IT!

KEEP IT A SECRET.

NO ONE MUST KNOW THAT IT’S HERE.

IF ANYONE SEES IT, ALL OF US HAVE HAD IT!

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

(SOMEONE walks past. The POLICE CHIEF tries to hide the elephant by standing in front of it, holding out his arms. He speaks, panicked:)

Nothing to see here, we’re just taking this very large—bedspread for a walk. Move along, move along!

(Above, in the Apartments Polannaise, a light—PETER looks out the window to see what the commotion is. The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS below are oblivious to PETER as he makes his way downstairs. The POLICE CHIEF barks at the OFFICERS:)

SOMEONE NEARLY SAW IT!

WE CANNOT JUST IGNORE IT. WE HAVE TO MAKE THIS PUNK DISAPPEAR. IF ANYBODY SEES IT, I’M GOING TO BE IN DEEP SHH!!

SHOVE THAT ELEPHANT’S REAR!

PETER

Excuse me—what are you doing?

The POLICE CHIEF jumps, startled. The OFFICERS turn. PETER is standing in his pajamas, calmly watching them.

POLICE CHIEF

(panicked)

Where did you come from?

PETER points at the elephant under the sheet. He’s not quite sure what it is.

PETER

… What’s that?

The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS look at one another, worried. They decide to lie.

What’s— what?

POLICE CHIEF

PETER

Under that blanket?

The POLICE quickly try to play dumb. Badly.

OFFICER 1

What blanket? Can’t see a blanket.

OFFICER 2

No, no blanket.

The POLICE CHIEF tries to turn PETER back towards his home.

POLICE CHIEF

You should go back to bed, lad. It’s past your bedtime. Suddenly PETER points.

PETER It moved!

POLICE CHIEF (awkward)

What— moved?

Whatever’s under there.

PETER

OFFICER 2

There’s nothing under there.

OFFICER 1 nudges him.

There’s nothing there!

(quickly remembering)

No, exactly. Nothing at all.

The elephant moves again.

OFFICER 1

OFFICER 2

PETER

There! It did it again! And I can see a foot.

PETER leans in for a closer examination. A really huge foot. (amazed)

What is that?

The POLICE CHIEF, panicked, grabs PETER by the collar, pulling him away. Suddenly he recognizes him.

POLICE CHIEF

Wait a second—you’re that boy? Who said he saw a fortune teller’s tent in the market square?

The OFFICERS burst out laughing.

Fortune teller’s tent!

PETER looks down, embarrassed.

… I— did.

The OFFICERS laugh again.

Oh. But no one else did?

OFFICERS

PETER

POLICE CHIEF

Well, no… (earnest)

But that’s because it disappeared—

PETER

OFFICER 1

Disappeared!

The OFFICERS laugh even louder.

POLICE CHIEF (mocking)

So it appeared and then it disappeared, did it?

PETER

Well… yes.

The OFFICERS laugh again, loud. PETER shrinks back, knowing he sounds crazy. And now the POLICE CHIEF has got some power back.

He’s clearly—seeing things.

POLICE CHIEF

OFFICER 1

First sign of madness is seeing things, isn’t it, Chief?

The POLICE CHIEF seizes on this.

Yes! Yes, exactly.

POLICE CHIEF

HE pokes his truncheon into PETER’s chest.

I think you might be going ‘round the bend, son.

PETER deflates.

I think your mind’s playing tricks on you. Am I right, lads?

OFFICER 1

Definitely.

Absolutely. Absolutely playing tricks.

OFFICER 2

And we know what that means?

POLICE CHIEF

OFFICER 1

… Yeah.

Then—

No—what does it mean, Chief?

The POLICE CHIEF sighs, pushes the OFFICERS out of the way, and starts singing.

#9—Your Mind’s Playing Tricks On You

POLICE CHIEF

WHEN YOU START SEEING THINGS THAT OTHERS DON’T SEE, WHEN THE PICTURES IN YOUR HEAD ARE GETTING STRANGER,

OFFICER 1

IF YOU’RE TALKING TO GHOSTS,

OFFICER 2

OR LITTLE MEN IN THE TREES,

POLICE CHIEF

YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SANITY’S IN DANGER.

The elephant under the sheet suddenly makes a noise.

What was that?

PETER

POLICE CHIEF

That noise? Didn’t hear it.

He turns PETER away from the elephant again. He and the OFFICERS perhaps start acting out the kinds of madness they are describing to distract PETER.

WHEN YOU START HEARING THINGS THAT OTHERS CAN’T HEAR,

OFFICER 1

DARK WHISPERS—

OR A CRYING OR A—

OFFICER 2

SHRIEKING—

OFFICERS

POLICE CHIEF

Boo!

(PETER jumps.)

IT’S TIME TO CALL A DOCTOR—

OFFICERS

CALL THE MEN IN WHITE COATS—

ALL THREE COS YOUR SANITY IS TAKING A BEATING.

POLICE CHIEF

THAT’S YOUR MINDS PLAYING TRICKS, AND IT’S DOING IT FOR KICKS.

IT’S THE KIND OF THING A MAD MIND LIKES TO DO.

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS,

OFFICERS

AND THERE’S NO EASY FIX

POLICE CHIEF

WHEN YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS—

OFFICERS

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS—

POLICE CHIEF

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU.

Suddenly the sheet-covered elephant moves backwards and knocks into a flowerpot.

PETER

Look! It knocked over that flowerpot.

The OFFICERS look at the POLICE CHIEF, then quickly cover.

OFFICER 1

What flowerpot?

Don’t see a flowerpot.

OFFICER 2

PETER

(confused)

Really?

OFFICER 1

Think he’s really losing it, chief.

The POLICE CHIEF puts his arm around PETER.

POLICE CHIEF

WHEN THINGS STARTS TO MOVE THAT NO ONE ELSE SEES MOVE,

OFFICER 2

WHEN OBJECTS START FLOATING THROUGH THE AIR,

POLICE CHIEF

THAT’S THE TIME TO PANIC—

OFFICERS

THERE’S NO TIME TO LOSE—

ALL THREE

YOUR SANITY IS HANGING BY A HAIR.

PETER frowns but the POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS are getting into it now.

OFFICER 1

WHEN YOU’RE HEARING DUSTBINS TALK,

OFFICER 2 OR STATUES START TO WALK,

POLICE CHIEF

WHEN A PAINTING COMES TO LIFE WITHIN ITS FRAME, I’M AFRAID YOU’VE LOST YOUR GRIP.

ALL THREE

YOU’RE GOING CUCKOO—LOOP THE LOOP!

POLICE CHIEF

SOON YOU WON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR OWN NAME.

THAT’S YOUR MIND PLAYING TRICKS, AND IT’S DOING IT FOR KICKS.

IT’S THE KIND OF THING A MAD MIND LIKES TO DO.

OFFICERS

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS, AND THERE’S NO EASY FIX

POLICE CHIEF WHEN YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS—

OFFICERS

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS—

ALL THREE

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU.

PETER tries to take this in. He points to the covered elephant, who seems to be doing something—shaking its head?—under the sheet and asks tentatively:

So you’re saying that—that… isn’t there?

PETER

The POLICE CHIEF stands up, chest puffed out.

POLICE CHIEF

I’M THE CHIEF OF POLICE AND I KNOW WHAT’S WHAT. I KNOW WHEN SOMETHING’S THERE, AND WHEN IT’S NOT! I KEEP BALTESE CLEAN, I KEEP BALTESE STRAIGHT. THAT’S WHY THE PEOPLE HERE THINK I’M SO GREAT. THE GREAT POLICE CHIEF, THE GREAT POLICE—

(The POLICE CHIEF looks at the OFFICERS, who instantly feel pressured to join.)

(POLICE CHIEF) CHIEF,

THE GREAT POLICE CHIEF, THE GREAT POLICE CHIEF!

OFFICERS

THE GREAT POLICE CHIEF, THE GREAT POLICE CHIEF, POLICE CHIEF!

As they sing, distracted, PETER tiptoes towards the elephant—maybe he’s about to lift the sheet. But OFFICER 1 sees him and nudges the POLICE CHIEF—

OFFICER 1

Think we’re getting a bit off topic here, chief.

The POLICE CHIEF quickly pulls himself together.

POLICE CHIEF

Right. Where was I? Oh yes.

(The music ramps up again as he looks at PETER. Maybe the POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS sweep PETER up into a mad can-can or dance together as they sing—)

(POLICE CHIEF)

THAT’S YOUR MIND PLAYING TRICKS, AND IT’S DOING IT FOR KICKS.

IT’S THE KIND OF THING A MAD MIND LIKES TO DO. YOUR SANITY’S GONE AWOL, YOUR SANITY WON’T PLAY BALL, AND ALL THE TIME YOUR THOUGHTS ARE MOCKING YOU.

OFFICERS

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS, AND IT’S DOING IT FOR KICKS.

POLICE CHIEF (echoing)

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS, DOING IT FOR KICKS—

PETER (joining)

IT’S THE KIND OF THING A MAD MIND LIKES TO DO?

The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS smile.

Hear, hear!

POLICE CHIEF

OFFICER 1

YOUR SANITY’S GONE AWOL,

OFFICER 2

YOUR SANITY WON’T PLAY BALL,

POLICE CHIEF

COS YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS.

PETER IS IT REALLY PLAYING TRICKS?

POLICE CHIEF

YES, IT’S DEFINITELY PLAYING TRICKS!

POLICE CHIEF, OFFICERS, & PETER THAT’S HOW IT GETS ITS CRAZY KICKS!

POLICE CHIEF & OFFICERS

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS,

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS,

YOUR MIND’S PLAYING—

PETER (echoing)

MY MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS, MY MIND’S PLAYING TRICKS.

POLICE CHIEF, OFFICERS, & PETER TRICKS ON YOUUUUUUU!

The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS do a big finish, satisfied they’ve convinced PETER of his own madness. A triumphant beat. Then the elephant behind them sneezes (or moves).

The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS scramble. The POLICE CHIEF quickly pushes PETER towards his home.

POLICE CHIEF

Off you go now, lad—chop chop! And keep that mind of yours out of trouble.

PETER

… Yes, chief.

PETER, with an uncertain glance back at the “sheet,” goes.

The POLICE CHIEF takes a breath and quickly unscrews the bottom of his truncheon (which we realise is a hip flask). He takes a swig.

POLICE CHIEF

… I think we got away with it. No one suspects a thing.

Music as the POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS quickly lead the elephant off.

#10—Discipline, Control, Routine (Reprise)

The market square the next morning. The sun comes up. The town awakens.

A sort of repeat of “Discipline, Control, Routine” but faster, as if in “fast forward”— as the busy TOWN goes about its business.

ALL UP EARLY EVERY DAY. GO TO WORK, BILLS TO PAY.

They are ALL stopped suddenly—a gossiping PASSERBY, who might be the NARRATOR dressed as a customer:

NARRATOR (spoken)

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE ELEPHANT?

DOCTOR (spoken) ELEPHANT?

LAMPLIGHTER (spoken) ELEPHANT!

ALL BREAKFAST, DINNER, LUNCH IN BETWEEN— THAT’S THE WAY TO KEEP THE MIND SERENE!

MILLINER (spoken)

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE ELEPHANT?

SOPRANOS & ALTOS IF YOU’RE THIRSTY HAVE A DRINK.

ALL MAKE IT QUICK SO YOU DON’T THINK!

Did you hear about the elephant?

There’s a real life elephant.

BAKER

DOCTOR

MRS. GRISWALD

Here in Baltese.

We see PETER and LUTZ getting ready too, LUTZ handing PETER a gold coin.

LUTZ

And don’t come back with a big fish, come back with a small fish. And don’t come back with the lies of fortune tellers on your lips either! Do you hear me—no fortune tellers!

PETER rushes down the stairs and out into the street, where the CROWDS bustle past, singing:

ALL

IF YOU KEEP BUSY, THE DAYS GO FASTER.

LAMPLIGHTER (spoken)

ELEPHANT!

PETER looks around. Did he hear that?

ALL

SO WE KEEP BUSY, THE DAYS GO FASTER.

MILLINER (spoken)

ELEPHANT!

PETER looks around again.

BAKING BREAD,

FIXING PLASTERS,

GUTTING FISH,

BAKER

DOCTOR

FISHMONGER

(spoken)

MRS. GRISWALD AND MOPPING FLOORS.

ALL

DO ANYTHING BUT THINK ABOUT THE—

FISHMONGER

ELEPHANT!

(PETER stops, stunned. A conversation at the fishmonger’s is in progress—)

Did I hear you right?

The FISHMONGER and several CUSTOMERS are gathered round. The first customer is the NARRATOR, once again in disguise—

You most certainly did.

NARRATOR

DOCTOR

Landed right in the lap of Madame LaVaughn.

FISHMONGER

It never!

PETER looks at them, amazed.

Crushed her two legs on the spot.

Excuse me, did you just say—

LAMPLIGHTER

PETER

DOCTOR

(ignoring him)

She’ll never walk again now, poor thing.

PETER

Excuse me, but did I just hear you say—

As more PEOPLE arrive—

MRS. GRISWALD

(ignoring PETER)

That’s what comes of being fancy folk who go to the opera. Nothing special ever happens to us normal folk—here, give me one of them catfish?

PETER

Did I just hear you say that there’s an elephant? Here in Baltese? Suddenly COUNTESS QUINTET bursts through the CROWDS, furious, followed by the COUNT—

COUNTESS

That’s it, that’s it—that’s it! I can’t bear another word.

The CUSTOMERS quickly bow at the sight of the COUNTESS.

FISHMONGER

Countess Quintet! To what to we owe the honor?

COUNTESS

Elephant, elephant, elephant! Madame LaVaughn, Madame LaVaughn, Madame LaVaughn! That’s all anyone is talking about this morning!

The CUSTOMERS crowd around her, curious.

MRS. GRISWALD

Was you there last night, Countess?

At the opera house?

BAKER

FISHMONGER

Did you see the magic happen with your own two eyes?

COUNTESS

No, I did not!

ALL (disappointed)

Oh.

COUNTESS

I had another, far more pressing engagement.

The CUSTOMERS glance at one another.

NARRATOR

(whispers)

She wasn’t invited.

COUNTESS

And I consider myself most fortunate. Disgusting, dangerous animals, elephants—the last thing you want is one coming through the roof.

PETER

It came through the roof?

COUNT

Summoned by an irresponsible magician.

PETER (amazed) A magician!

The COUNT can’t contain his excitement.

COUNT

(to PETER, thrilled)

I know…

COUNTESS

(shutting him up)

No doubt if I had been there the elephant would have landed on me. It would have crushed my legs! Then I would be the talk of the town, the center of attention, the name on everyone’s lips—and not Madame LaVaughn.

(She stops. Turns it on the CROWD—)

You people should be ashamed of yourselves! Gossiping. Preying on the misfortune of so plain and socially inadequate a woman as Madame LaVaughan. Talking about her. Talking about her nonstop—oh, it’s unbearable!

She flounces off dramatically, the COUNT scurrying after her. PETER looks at the OTHERS.

PETER

So it’s just as the fortune teller said…

The CROWDS turn to PETER now, intrigued.

Fortune teller? What fortune teller?

DOCTOR

The NARRATOR (CUSTOMER 1) slinks off quickly so she’s not noticed.

She said there’d be an elephant!

PETER

I don’t believe in fortune tellers.

FISHMONGER

You didn’t believe in magicians before last night, neither.

The CUSTOMERS huddle round PETER, intrigued.

BAKER

What else did this fortune teller say?

PETER

She said I should follow the elephant…

The CUSTOMERS mutter, intrigued.

Follow the elephant?

LAMPLIGHTER

And I would find what I’m looking for.

PETER

ALL (intrigued)

Oooh.

BAKER Indeed?

Most interesting.

And she said that she lives!

DOCTOR

PETER

LAMPLIGHTER

She lives!

FISHMONGER

Oh well, we’re always happy when people live.

PETER

Do you know where I can find this elephant?

DOCTOR

Police have got her.

Police!

Along with the magician.

Locked them up.

And threw away the key. And PETER’s horrified.

PETER

DOCTOR

LAMPLIGHTER

MRS. GRISWALD

No. I have to go! ‘Scuse me. I have to go.

PETER

PETER pushes through the CROWDS and exits as MRS. GRISWALD suddenly points up.

MRS. GRISWALD (portentous)

Look! The sky is dark.

The CUSTOMERS look up at the sky, suspicious.

Sky’s always dark in Baltese.

FISHMONGER

LAMPLIGHTER

It means something… The FISHMONGER looks up, confused.

BAKER

What?

(portentous)

Follow… the elephant.

#11—Transition into Lilies

MRS. GRISWALD

They ALL stare at the sky with growing wonder.

ALL Oooh.

SCENE

A jail cell somewhere in Baltese. The MAGICIAN is in his small cell, clutching the bars. Beside him in another cell is a crate with a hole in it. Perhaps an elephant’s trunk appears through the hole. Or maybe an elephant is seen in shadows being led past the Magician’s cell to her own.

The MAGICIAN looks through the bars, calls.

Hello!? Is anybody there? I’m a magician, not a criminal! I intended only lilies, I promise you. Is anybody there?

(Silence.)

But I’m innocent.

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES, TO PRESENT MADAME WITH LILIES.

IT’S A SIMPLE MAGIC TRICK I’VE DONE FOR YEARS.

I SAID THE WORDS FOR LILIES. I SWEAR—THE WORDS FOR LILIES. NEVER MEANT TO CONJURE SOMETHING WITH BIG EARS.

(He glances across to where the elephant might be.)

AND A TRUNK AND A TAIL AND FOUR LEGS— OH GOODNESS, I DID THAT!

(He shrieks with laughter, excitement—thrilled at what he did.)

I DID THAT! I DID THAT! I REALLY DID THAT!

(Then he catches himself.)

I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT!

(He continues, somber.) NO, NO, NO.

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES, AND I KNOW THAT MUST SOUND SILLY. IT’S A SIMPLE MAGIC TRICK THAT GETS APPLAUSE.

#12—Lilies
MAGICIAN

(MAGICIAN)

THE AUDIENCE LIKES LILIES, SO I DO THE SPELL FOR LILIES.

IT’S A SPELL I’VE SAID A HUNDRED TIMES OR MORE— IT’S SUCH A BORE. THERE MUST BE MORE TO MAGIC, MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS—

I THOUGHT THAT NIGHT!

(He stops. He catches himself.)

Did I say that out loud? I didn’t mean it.

(He laughs, embarrassed.)

I’M AN HONORABLE MAGICIAN, MAGIC IS MY LIFE.

I’VE NEVER BEEN IN THIS POSITION, CAUSED NO TROUBLE, CAUSED NO STRIFE.

I’VE PULLED A MILLION RABBITS FROM A MILLION HATS, I’VE CARRIED OFF MORE CARD TRICKS THAN YOU’VE GOT CATS, MADE COINS DISAPPEAR ‘TIL THEY’RE FOUND IN YOUR EAR, CUT A GIRL IN HALF, NOW THAT’S A LAUGH —THE FIRST TWO THOUSAND TIMES YOU DO IT, THEN IT GETS A BIT DULL— THERE MUST BE MORE, THERE MUST BE MORE, THERE MUST BE MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS.

(He looks at us, suddenly telling the truth.)

I JUST WANTED SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY, A GENUINE MOMENT OF AWE. FOR THE AUDIENCE TO CLASP, TO CRY OR TO GASP

(He clasps his hands in delight.)

SEEING SOMETHING THEY’D NEVER SEEN BEFORE. SEEING SOMEONE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

Suddenly the door opens and the sound of MADAME LAVAUGHN’s creaking wheelchair can be heard entering the jail. Her voice echoes down the hall:

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Because perhaps you don’t understand…

The MAGICIAN shrinks back in his cell, frightened.

MAGICIAN

Oh no. She’s coming. She’s coming!

MADAME LAVAUGHN’s wheelchair is being pushed by a concerned LEO.

LEO

Are you sure it’s a good idea to come here again today, Madame LaVaughn?

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Of course it is. Where else would I go?

LEO

I’m just not sure it’s doing you much good. You’ve had quite a shock. Wouldn’t you feel better visiting some—friends?

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Friends? What friends! No one has visited me since my accident.

LEO

Oh. What about the orphans? I know they’ve always appreciated your generosity and your philanthropy.

LEO and MADAME LAVAUGHN enter the cell.

MADAME LAVAUGHN (snapping)

I don’t have time for philanthropy now, Leo Matienne—I have enough on my plate! Because perhaps you don’t understand,

I WAS CRUSHED!

MADAME LAVAUGHN points at the MAGICIAN accusingly. He shrinks back. She sings—an overlapping call and response between her and the MAGICIAN:

(MADAME LAVAUGHN)

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT!

MAGICIAN

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES—

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES—

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES—

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES—

I IN—

LEO

PLEASE!

(The music cuts. MADAME LAVAUGHN and the MAGICIAN look at Leo, shocked. LEO quickly gathers himself.)

As an officer of the law, I must remind you that your time here is short. Why not speak words that matter?

Words that matter?

She looks at LEO, perplexed.

Say what it is you mean to say.

LEO

(He looks at her, gently imploring. Then gestures to the MAGICIAN.)

What do you want to say to this man? From your heart?

(The MAGICIAN and MADAME LAVAUGHN look at one another. Silence. What do they want to say?

MADAME LAVAUGHN thinks. LEO waits on tenterhooks Then, music—)

(spoken)

BUT PERHAPS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I WAS CRUSHED!

MADAME LAVAUGHN and the MAGICIAN repeat their call and response:

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

ELEPHANT!

ELEPHANT!

ELEPHANT!

ELEPHANT!

ELEPHANT!

ELEPHANT!

And LEO can’t take any more.

I’ve an idea!

(to the MAGICIAN)

What if you just sent the elephant back?

LEO

MAGICIAN

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES—

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES—

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES— LILIES! LILIES! LILIES! LILIES! LILIES! LILIES!

MADAME LAVAUGHN looks at the MAGICIAN, suddenly interested.

MAGICIAN

I cannot send the elephant back, I’ve explained.

LEO

I know that. I know you say that… but if you could, hypothetically. How might you do it?

MADAME LAVAUGHN leans forward, interested. The MAGICIAN looks at LEO suspiciously.

MAGICIAN (carefully)

If I could. Hypothetically… I would need the necessary ingredients.

LEO

Of course. (then—)

And what are the necessary ingredients?

LEO takes out a little notepad and starts making notes. The MAGICIAN thinks.

MAGICIAN

Well… I would need Madame LaVaughn.

LEO (writing)

Okay.

I would need the elephant.

MAGICIAN

LEO (writing)

Right.

MAGICIAN

And I would need to be able to do it which I cannot because as I have explained I INTENDED ONLY LILIES!

MADAME LAVAUGHN

But I was crushed!

(The music starts up and the call and response starts up again—)

(MADAME LAVAUGHN)

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

MAGICIAN (spoken) I INTENDED ONLY LILIES— (sung) LILIES—

LEO

This is no good.

But MADAME LAVAUGHN and the MAGICIAN continue going round in circles.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

MAGICIAN

LILIES— LEO

Come on, Madame LaVaughn, let’s go.

(LEO wearily starts to wheel MADAME LAVAUGHN away, as the call and response continues.)

We’ll come back tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after that…

MADAME LAVAUGHN’s voice echoes around the jail as she is wheeled away.

The MAGICIAN slinks back, sobbing, covering his ears. They continue the call and response through the end of the scene:

MADAME LAVAUGHN

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT—

LILIES— LILIES— LILIES— LILIES— LILIES—

MAGICIAN

LEO and MADAME LAVAUGHN emerge from the jail into the main police station. As a frustrated MADAME LAVAUGHN wheels herself out, the POLICE CHIEF bows—

POLICE CHIEF

See you tomorrow Madame LaVaughn, glad you’re feeling better!

(He jumps as MADAME LAVAUGHN’s wheelchair narrowly misses his toes. She wheels herself off, annoyed.

The POLICE CHIEF looks around—various CRIMINALS in handcuffs are loitering aimlessly.)

Leo Matienne! Why are all these criminals crammed into my office? I can’t even use my own desk.

LEO

We’ve nowhere else to put them, Chief.

POLICE CHIEF

What?

LEO

Elephant has taken up all the jail space, sir.

POLICE CHIEF

But this is ridiculous!

Suddenly PETER rushes into the station, breathless—

Leo! Leo, is it true?

Peter! What are you doing here?

PETER

LEO

PETER

Have you got an elephant locked in a cell?

The POLICE CHIEF breaks in, seeing PETER.

POLICE CHIEF

You again!

(POLICE CHIEF)

(to LEO, accusing)

Now wait just a minute—how does he know about the elephant?

LEO (confused)

I—I don’t know, chief.

As PETER realizes—

PETER (to the POLICE CHIEF, excited)

Is that what you were hiding last night?

LEO

Last night?

LEO looks at the POLICE CHIEF—

Under the blanket?

PETER

The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS 1 and 2 shift, guiltily.

POLICE CHIEF (awkward)

Ah well, um—that’s private police business.

PETER

I knew I wasn’t seeing things! (excited)

I need to see it, Leo, it’s important. Suddenly LUTZ hobbles into the station on crutches, looking lost and confused.

LUTZ

Private Duchene!

LEO looks at the POLICE CHIEF, concerned PETER’s going to get in trouble.

LEO

That’s his guardian. You should go home, Peter—

But PETER rushes up to old LUTZ, excited.

PETER

You won’t believe it, sir—there’s an actual elephant here in Baltese.

LUTZ

An elephant! No such thing as elephants!

PETER

Tell him, Leo.

The POLICE CHIEF stands in front of LEO.

POLICE CHIEF

No, no, no, no, no! There is to be no more talk of elephants until— (a gasp)

Do you think the Countess knows?

PETER (excited)

Everyone knows.

The POLICE CHIEF screams, panicked.

Peter…

LEO

The POLICE CHIEF looks at LEO, panicked.

POLICE CHIEF (then, panic)

Emergency meeting in my office!

The POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS 1 and 2 rush to the Police Chief’s office.

PETER

But—

NOW!

LEO pats PETER’s cap, kindly.

POLICE CHIEF

Run along, Peter. We’ll talk about this later.

#13—Lutz Police Station

Then LEO rushes off after the POLICE CHIEF. PETER reluctantly takes LUTZ’s arm and leads him into the street.

(muttering to himself)

Elephants! Nonsense.

PETER

Leo Matienne is an officer of the law—if he says it’s true, it must be. Which means it might also be true that my sister is—

(shocked)

Your sister?

PETER (tentative)

… the fortune teller told me my sister’s alive. Suddenly LUTZ shakes him off angrily.

LUTZ

Lies, lies, LIES!

(PETER stumbles back, shocked.)

Your sister is dead! How many times do I have to tell you, your sister never drew breath. Your mother is dead. Your father is dead. Look out over that field. Look! Look!

(LUTZ grabs PETER, suddenly, and forces him to look ahead at nothing, as LUTZ is seized by a terrible hallucination:)

LEO
LUTZ
LUTZ

(LUTZ)

There he is, your father. There they all are on the battlefield. My allies, my friends. And they are dead. They are all—dead. Dead. Dead. DEAD!

(PETER stands frozen, terrified as LUTZ, shaking, shrinks back.

A beat. LUTZ pulls himself out of his hallucination. He looks around— frail, confused.)

… Where am I? How did I get here?

PETER quickly takes his arm, guiding him away from any onlookers.

PETER

You’re with me, sir. Peter.

LUTZ

(relief)

Peter. Oh, yes… Private Duchene.

PETER

I’ll take you home, sir.

LUTZ gratefully takes PETER’s arm.

LUTZ

Yes, yes, let’s go home. Let’s go home and practice our maneuvers.

PETER looks at him, sad.

I think I’d just like to go to bed, sir.

As PETER helps LUTZ hobble home—

PETER

LUTZ

We’ll make you a soldier like your father yet. You’ll see. A soldier brave and true…

The light darkens. The moon comes out.

Perhaps PETER and LUTZ pass the NARRATOR, dressed as the BEGGAR, shuffling along, rattling their tin can. The NARRATOR looks at us.

NARRATOR

But when he closed his eyes that night, Peter didn’t dream of battlefields. Or of soldiers. Or even of elephants. He dreamed he was in a garden. With his father.

(Lights up on a young PETER. His FATHER is throwing his cap into the air. PETER is trying to catch it. But his FATHER gets there first.)

Too slow. Come on.

PETER laughs.

And his mother was there—

PETER’S FATHER

NARRATOR

PETER’S MOTHER appears, laughing. She’s heavily pregnant.

PETER’S MOTHER

You’re teasing him. Stop teasing him.

PETER’S FATHER

‘Course I won’t stop teasing him.

PETER’S MOTHER

(laughing)

Give him back his cap!

PETER’S FATHER

It’s my cap! That my father gave to me when I was a boy. And every time I wear it I know he’s with me.

(He stops and looks at PETER, serious. Then he leans down and very gently places the cap on PETER’s small head.)

Now it’s your cap, Peter Duchene. And every time you wear it, you’ll know I’m with you too.

PETER smiles as his FATHER kisses his forehead affectionately.

PETER’S MOTHER

I’m going to have to sew your name onto that cap, Peter Duchene—stop you losing it.

PETER’S FATHER

Good idea. And when I get a new one you can sew my name onto it too.

PETER’S MOTHER

(laughs)

Cheeky!

The dream fades. PETER’S FAMILY disappears.

The light begins to change. Morning.

NARRATOR

And in the morning when Peter walked into the Market Square, he realized that a great change had come over the city of Baltese. The city of Baltese was—obsessed… with the elephant.

#15—Elephant Messiah

Massive light change. A carnival-like atmosphere. Wild colors—almost psychedelic.

As PETER wanders into the Market Square, he looks around, amazed at the sudden change. CROWDS appear, excited, bustling: PREACHERS, FORTUNE TELLERS, TRADESMEN, even our old familiars: BAKER, FISHMONGER, etc.—now looking bright and colorful—everyone with their own distinct view of the elephant.

PREACHER

THE ELEPHANT’S AN ANGEL, SENT FROM GOD ABOVE.

HE’LL RESTORE OUR WORLD TO RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LEAD US BACK TO LOVE.

Some TAROT READERS arrive, holding cards.

TAROT READER 1

THE ELEPHANT’S A MIRACLE, THE ELEPHANT’S A SIGN.

TAROT READERS

WE SEE GREAT CHANGE IS COMING SOON— IT’S ALL A GRAND DESIGN!

Hopeful FOLLOWERS appear at the market. They might be made up of the whole TOWN, i.e.: BAKER, MRS. GRISWALD, GLORIA, FISHMONGER, etc.

FOLLOWER 1

THE ELEPHANT MEANS THINGS ARE CHANGING, THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER.

FOLLOWER 2

THE SKY IS GETTING BLUER—LOOK! THE SEA IS GETTING WETTER!

FOLLOWER 1

MAYBE WE’LL ALL MAKE MORE MONEY,

FOLLOWERS 1 & 2

HAVE MORE CHILDREN—

GLORIA

(spoken)

THAT’S NOT FUNNY. GLORIA pushes through the CROWDS, impatiently.

FOLLOWER

3

MAYBE ALL OUR WOES WILL CEASE, MAYBE WE’LL FIND INNER PEACE.

ALL

FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT NOW AND FOREVER! THE ELEPHANT WILL SHOW US THE WAY!

(PETER smiles, amazed by what he sees. Perhaps he joins in as they ALL sing:)

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT!

THE ELEPHANT WILL SHOW US THE WAY! TODAY IS AN ELEPHANT DAY! NOW AND FOREVER WE’LL FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! NOW AND FOREVER WE’LL FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT!

The NARRATOR appears in the crowd—maybe dressed as a tarot reader or someone else. They look at the audience:

NARRATOR

But not everyone in Baltese liked the sound of this elephant.

A VOICE

Make way!

The NARRATOR is elbowed out of the way again as the much smaller “ANTIFOLLOWER BRIGADE”—a paranoid group of fringe conspiracy theorists, etc.— come to the fore, dressed in dark colors. They might have placards, leaflets—preaching “Elephant Armageddon.”

ANTI-FOLLOWER 1

THE ELEPHANT’S A MONSTER FROM THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL! ITS PRESENCE MEANS DISASTER IF WE FALL UNDER ITS SPELL.

LUTZ

CREATURES DON’T JUST CRASH THROUGH ROOFS— THIS HAS TO BE A PLOY.

OUR ENEMY IS UP TO SOMETHING, THE ELEPHANT’S A DECOY!

PETER, who is watching, might cower a little, slightly anxious as the ANTIFOLLOWERS make their point.

ANTI-FOLLOWER 1

THE ELEPHANT MUST NOT BE TRUSTED, THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE.

ANTI-FOLLOWER 2

MAYBE THIS IS ARMAGEDDON, MAYBE IT’S A CURSE!

ANTI-FOLLOWERS 1 & 2

MAYBE IT’S A TROJAN HORSE SENT TO THROW OUR LIVES OFF COURSE!

ALL ANTI-FOLLOWERS IF WE DON’T STOP IT NOW WE’LL SUFFER THE REMORSE!

DON’T FOLLOW, DON’T FOLLOW, DON’T FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT, NO!

(A couple of easily swayed TOWNSPEOPLE might start joining.)

DON’T FOLLOW, DON’T FOLLOW, DON’T FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT, NO!

DON’T FOLLOW, DON’T FOLLOW, DON’T FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT, NO!

THE ELEPHANT CANNOT BE TRUSTED, THE ELEPHANT IS A CURSE! THE END OF THE WORLD IS ON ITS WAY! THE END OF THE WORLD IS ON ITS WAY! THE END OF THE WORLD IS ON ITS WAY! THE END OF OUR DAYS!

Suddenly a TRAVEL AGENT holding a sign saying “TRAVEL AGENT” cuts through the CROWDS—determined to put a stop to all this negativity.

TRAVEL AGENT

COME ON PEOPLE, GET A GRIP AND PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER! IF YOU KEEP UP ALL THIS CRAZY TALK, WE’LL ALL BE POOR FOREVER.

DON’T YOU SEE WHAT THIS COULD MEAN TO OUR DARK AND BLIGHTED TOWN? THE ELEPHANT COULD BE OUR CHANCE TO RESTORE OUR LOST RENOWN!

TOURISTS WILL COME EN MASSE TO SEE THE BEAST WITH THEIR OWN EYES. THINK OF ALL THE CASH WE’LL MAKE JUST FROM THE MERCHANDISE! And suddenly the MARKET jumps back to enthusiastic, opportunistic, commercial life, calling—

BAKER

Elephant ears, get your freshly baked elephant ears!

FISHMONGER

Elephant fish! Freshly caught this morning. Elephant fish!

PETER (confused)

Isn’t that just the same as a catfish?

FISHMONGER

Nah, entirely different species.

The CROWDS continue to sing, delighted, PETER joining in.

CHORUS

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT!

(CHORUS)

THE ELEPHANT WILL SHOW US THE WAY! TODAY IS AN ELEPHANT DAY!

THE ELEPHANT WILL SHOW US THE WAY! TODAY IS AN ELEPHANT DAY!

NOW AND FOREVER WE’LL FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! NOW AND FOREVER WE’LL FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT!

#16—Elephant Stomp / Commercials

A DANCE TEACHER arrives selling dance lessons.

DANCE TEACHER

People of Baltese, gather round! The elephant wants you to find your rhythm and do the stomp!

(As the DANCE TEACHER demonstrates, PEOPLE start to join, copying the dance steps.)

SWING YOUR TAIL TO THE LEFT, SWING YOUR TAIL TO THE RIGHT!

CHARGE THE SAVANNAH AND BLAST WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! THE MONKEY SHUFFLE’S PUNKY, THE HIPPO HOP’S A ROMP, BUT NOTHING QUITE COMPARES TO THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

(They ALL do the elephant stomp together:)

SHAKE THAT TAIL, SHAKE IT REAL GOOD!

ALL

SHAKE THAT TAIL, SHAKE IT REAL GOOD!

DANCE TEACHER

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

+ GROUP 1

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

+ GROUP 2

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

+ GROUP 3

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

DANCE TEACHER

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT!

As the dance finishes, a HYPNOTIST comes into the square to advertise their services. (Do all the “professionals” have signs?)

HYPNOTIST

TERRIFIED OF CREATURES COLLAPSING THROUGH YOUR CEILING? SHAKING IN THE CORNER? IN NEED OF URGENT HEALING?

WHATEVER YOUR NEUROSIS, WHATEVER YOUR PSYCHOSIS, I GUARANTEE TO CURE IT IN TEN SESSIONS OF HYPNOSIS! And now it’s the ROOFERS’ turn.

ROOFERS

PROTECT YOUR FUTURE, PROTECT YOUR YOOF (YOUTH). THE STRONGEST BRICKWORK EVER: AN ELEPHANT-PROOF ROOF!

YOUR LEGS WILL BE PROTECTED YOUR BONES WILL STAY IN TACT YOUR LIFE IS SAFE WITH US, OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

And now the whole TOWN together is swept up in the madness.

CHORUS

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! NOW AND FOREVER WE’LL FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! NOW AND FOREVER WE’LL FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT! FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT AAH!

COUNTESS QUINTET suddenly bursts onto her balcony, furious.

COUNTESS

What is going on down there?

The music stops.

They’re not still talking about that blasted elephant. The COUNT looks down.

COUNT

It has quite captured the public imagination, dear.

COUNTESS

Why?

COUNT

You weren’t there to see it appear. It was quite astonishing—

#17—Follow the Elephant – Charity

COUNTESS

I don’t care! No one is talking about me anymore.

COUNT

No, dear.

COUNTESS

You wouldn’t understand, you were never charismatic. But me… I USED TO BE A SOMEONE WHO EVERYONE REVERED. A PARTY ONLY STARTED WHEN I, QUINTET, APPEARED. FROM THE UNIMPORTANT RIFFRAFF AND THE LOWLY HOI POLLOI TO ARISTOCRATS AND ROYALTY, MY NAME WOULD BRING SUCH JOY…

COUNT

So true.

COUNTESS BUT NOW IT SEEMS I’M NOTHING,

(COUNTESS)

A MERE HAS-BEEN IN THIS TOWN REPLACED BY AN ELEPHANT, THEY TREAT ME LIKE A CLOWN.

COUNT

You’re not a clown.

COUNTESS

LAVAUGHN’S BECOME A CRIPPLE AND SEALED HER GROWING FAME, AND I’M JUST ABLE-BODIED— THEY’VE FORGOTTEN MY GOOD NAME!

NEVER BEFORE HAS MY WHOLE LIFE BEEN UNDER SUCH GRAVE THREAT. MY POPULARITY’S IN DANGER, MY ENTIRE RAISON D’ETRE.

ELEPHANT THIS, ELEPHANT THAT— THIS WHOLE TOWN’S BLOWN ITS TOP! WE CANNOT LET THIS CARRY ON, DO SOMETHING—MAKE IT STOP!

COUNT

MY DAZZLING PRINCESS, MY VINTAGE CAR, MY LOLLIPOP, MY SUPERSTAR! (She looks at him, petulant but loving it.)

THE WORDS YOU SPEAK, THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR, NO ONE HAS YOUR CLASS OR FLAIR.

COUNTESS

I know that!

COUNT

BUT THE WORLD HAS CHANGED, AND SO MUST WE, THE OLD WAYS HAVE BECOME OUR ENEMY. WITH A SMALL ADJUSTMENT OF YOUR BRAND, YOU’LL BE THE TALK OF ALL THE LAND!

COUNTESS

How?

The elephant?

COUNT

WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY, MY LITTLE PETAL— THIS WHOLE AFFAIR IS FATE! THE KEY TO THEIR ATTENTION IS THE ELEPHANT YOU HATE.

COUNTESS

COUNT

WE NEED TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX— OR MAKE A BOX OF OUR OWN— AND PUT THE CREATURE ON DISPLAY. SURELY IT DESERVES A HOME.

The COUNTESS realizes what he is suggesting and suddenly her face lights up.

A home. Yes!

COUNTESS

COUNT

THE GREAT AND GOOD WILL FLOCK TO SEE THE COLOSSUS IN YOUR CARE. WHAT BETTER WAY TO GUARANTEE YOUR NAME GETS EVERYWHERE?! SHOW THE WORLD THE SIDE OF YOU IT RARELY GETS TO SEE: KINDNESS, HEART, COMPASSION, LOVE, (She grimaces.) AND SELFLESS CHARITY!

Charity, yes…

COUNTESS

COUNT

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT. THE ELEPHANT WILL SHOW US THE WAY.

COUNTESS

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT. THE ELEPHANT WILL SHOW ME THE WAY.

COUNT

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT.

(COUNT)

THE ELEPHANT WILL LIGHT UP YOUR NAME.

COUNTESS

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT. THE ELEPHANT WILL BRING BACK MY FAME.

BOTH

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELEPHANT!

COUNTESS

THE ELEPHANT WILL DO AS I SAY!

COUNT

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE ELE—

COUNTESS

(over him)

WE CANNOT WAIT ANOTHER DAY! NO TIME TO WASTE, WE CAN’T DELAY! ARRANGE THE PURCHASE RIGHT AWAY!

COUNT

Of course, dear.

The COUNT rushes out of the Countess’s balcony and down to the police station below. Music. The COUNT hands OFFICER 1 a letter, who hands it to LEO, who hands it to the POLICE CHIEF who is dealing with MADAME LAVAUGHN, who is still saying:

MADAME LAVAUGHN

But perhaps you do not understand—

#18—Operation Elephant

POLICE CHIEF

Everyone understands, Madame LaVaughn—

MADAME LAVAUGHN

I was crushed—

POLICE CHIEF

Yes.

By an elephant—

POLICE CHIEF

Yes!

Who came through the—

LEO runs in, interrupting.

Letter from the Countess, Chief.

LEO

The POLICE CHIEF stands, panicked.

POLICE CHIEF

Oh no. This it it, Leo. My head on the block.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

(starting again)

But perhaps you do not understand—

POLICE CHIEF

I’m doomed.

(He opens the letter.)

I’m saved!

(He hugs LEO… then steps back, embarrassed.)

I mean… we’ve found a solution.

What, Chief?

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

Someone’s offered the creature a home.

MADAME LAVAUGHN momentarily breaks from her spiral, as EVERYONE looks at the POLICE CHIEF:

MADAME LAVAUGHN

WHO?

The COUNTESS barks orders from the balcony, as below her we see the action taking place.

COUNTESS

I WANT A THOUSAND LEAFLETS PRINTED, AND ANOTHER THOUSAND EVERY DAY, SO PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT IS I WHO PUT THE CREATURE ON DISPLAY!

(She goes onto the balcony and observes the minions below her.)

ONE SUNDAY EVERY MONTH, NO NEED FOR TICKETS NO NEED FOR PASSES.

THE EH… THE EH… THE EH…LEPHANT’S ON DISPLAY IN MY BALLROOM FOR THE ILLUMINATION OF THE MASSES!

The whole TOWN sings, as the COUNTESS vocalizes operatically— ALL

THE ELEPHANT’S ON DISPLAY! THE ELEPHANT’S ON DISPLAY!

IT’S ON DISPLAY!

IT’S ON DISPLAY!

ELEPHANT ON DISPLAY!

COUNTESS

AH… AH…

AH HA, AH HA HA! HA HA HA HA!!

—as hundreds of leaflets fall from the balcony and flutter down into the town square.

As the music continues, the LOCALS sing “ooh” underscore and scrabble to pick up the leaflets.

DOCTOR

Quintet! (reading)

It’s the Countess Quintet.

MRS. GRISWALD

She’s putting the elephant on display!

LAMPLIGHTER

Who?

DOCTOR

The Countess!

The COUNTESS claps from the balcony, delighted with her growing fame.

COUNTESS

It’s working! They’re talking about me.

The COUNTESS hugs the COUNT.

Below in the crowd, LEO and PETER find the leaflets. LEO calls to PETER, excited.

LEO

Peter! Did you see? The elephant is free and she’s going to be on display to the public for the—

(reading the leaflet)

ed-ifi-cation and illumination of the masses?

PETER (reading)

What does that mean?

It means you can see her.

Me?

LEO

PETER

LEO

Everyone! On the first Sunday of the month.

(LEO picks up PETER’s cap and throws it into the air.)

It’s good news, Peter!

(But suddenly PETER seems sad. LEO puts the cap back on PETER’s head and smiles—)

… I thought you’d be happy.

PETER

I am happy. It’s just—when you threw my cap up like that, it reminded me of… something.

What?

PETER shakes it off.

LEO

PETER

Nothing. It is good news. It’s the best news I’ve ever heard.

LEO laughs. They sing a short reprise of “What If, Why Not, Could Be”—

LEO WHAT IF?

PETER

WHY NOT?

LEO & PETER

COULD IT BE THAT THINGS ARE NOT JUST WHAT WE SEE? IS THERE MORE TO THE SKIES THAN WE SEE WITH OUR EYES, AND WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU AND ME?

– Act I

From inside the Apartments Polonaise, we hear LUTZ:

PETER I have to go!

PETER rushes away.

#19—Finale
LUTZ
Private Duchene!

SCENE

Inside the Apartments Polonnaise, LUTZ has lined up some wooden soldiers on the floor in battle formation. As PETER enters—

LUTZ

Ah, Private Duchene, you’re just in time to admire the particularly brilliant strategy of General Von Flickenhamenger. See, in bringing these soldiers from here to here, he executed a flanking maneuver that—

PETER (suddenly)

I’m going to see the elephant.

LUTZ looks up.

Huh?

LUTZ

PETER

The elephant’s going to be on display on the first Sunday of every month, which means I’ll get to see her, which means… I’ll see my sister.

LUTZ

What are you talking about?

PETER

The fortune teller said.

LUTZ

Fortune teller! When will you stop this. Your sister was stillborn.

PETER

I don’t believe you.

LUTZ draws back, shocked.

… What did you say?

LUTZ

PETER

(louder)

I said I don’t believe you.

(He looks at LUTZ, summoning up all his courage.)

The fortune teller said that an elephant would lead me to my sister. And now an elephant has come out of nowhere—

LUTZ

(suddenly)

You will never find her!

PETER stops, shocked.

The midwife took her away.

LUTZ

PETER

What?

LUTZ

After your mother died. She said she was too small. She said she could not leave something so small and delicate with one such as me.

PETER

But you said she died. You told me over and over my sister was…

(He looks at LUTZ, betrayed.)

You lied to me!

LUTZ

I lied for you. What good would it have done if you had known? I raised you to become a soldier—

PETER

I don’t want to become a soldier!

(angry)

Being a soldier is a useless, pointless thing.

LUTZ

(hurt)

Don’t say such a thing. Never say such a thing. Think of your father.

PETER

I am thinking of my father. I’m thinking of him lying on the battlefield bleeding to death.

LUTZ

I couldn’t save him. I tried but—

And you could not save my sister either.

PETER

(LUTZ looks at him, helpless. PETER hardens himself.)

I am done with you, sir!

LUTZ

Private Duchene…

PETER kicks over the toy soldiers.

PETER

I am done with battles and with wars. Tomorrow I will go and see the elephant and she will lead me to my sister and I will never have to see you ever again!

PETER rushes out of the house, leaving LUTZ alone and desolate.

LUTZ

(desperate)

Private Duchene! … Peter!

(calling after him)

I know about soldiering, not about mothering.

(He sits back in his chair, lost, frail.)

She was so small… she was so impossibly small.

PETER rushes out into the street.

PETER

SO THIS IS TRUE, EVERYTHING WAS A LIE.

MY LIFE’S NO MORE A QUESTION OF “WHO AM I?”

(PETER)

MY SISTER IS ALIVE— SHE DIDN’T DIE.

THIS IS TRUE.

EV’ERYTHING WAS A LIE. (He sings out into the night.)

SO THIS IS TRUE— I WILL FIND YOU. WE’LL BE TOGETHER, NOT ALONE. THIS IS TRUE, WE CAN START ANEW. WE’LL FIND A WAY TO MAKE A HOME…

The NARRATOR appears, passing PETER.

NARRATOR

AS PETER WALKED OUT INTO THE NIGHT, OVER ROOFTOPS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, THE ELEPHANT WAS LED INTO THE BALLROOM OF COUNTESS QUINTET…

SOPRANOS & ALTOS OOH… AH…

SCENE 12

We see the elephant being led in chains into the Countess’ ballroom by the POLICE CHIEF and OFFICERS 1 and 2. The COUNTESS is barking orders:

COUNTESS

This way! Through there. Now, these floors have just been polished so make sure it doesn’t make a mess.

POLICE CHIEF

Oh, she won’t be any trouble, Countess. They’re quite basic creatures, elephants— they just stand there and eat, and stand there and eat and— (panic)

—no, no, no, no!

The elephant is making its way in the wrong direction, the OFFICERS desperately trying to stop her.

COUNTESS

Not that way! Where’s she going? We don’t want her in the grounds.

POLICE CHIEF

Of course not, Countess.

(to the OFFICERS, panicked)

Do something!

We’re trying, chief.

But she’s got a mind of her own.

OFFICER 1

OFFICER 2

POLICE CHIEF

A mind of her own! She’s an elephant!

Suddenly the elephant starts sniffing the POLICE CHIEF with her trunk. It tickles and he bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

COUNTESS (angry)

What’s going on?

POLICE CHIEF

(stifling his giggles)

Nothing, Countess.

(to elephant)

Stop this at once, I’m the Chief of Police.

(to the OFFICERS)

Move her!

The OFFICERS try to move the elephant. The COUNT and COUNTESS watch at a distance, visibly nervous of it. The elephant makes some sort of sudden movement. The COUNT and COUNTESS jump and back away.

COUNTESS

Quickly! Chain it up, so it doesn’t get any ideas!

POLICE CHIEF

Absolutely, Countess.

(to the OFFICERS)

Chain it up!

The OFFICERS manage to chain the elephant up. The COUNTESS, satisfied it’s no longer a danger, confidently moves closer.

COUNTESS

That’s better. We’ll keep it in its place.

(She moves around the elephant, sizing her up.)

Quite a beast, isn’t she?

COUNT

(admiring)

Quite a beast.

COUNTESS

We’ll need someone to clean up the dung.

(to the COUNT)

That can be your job.

The COUNT laughs, thinking she’s joking. She hands him a bucket. He stops.

COUNT

(slightly shocked)

… delighted, my sweet.

The COUNTESS goes to the elephant, mocking. Maybe she pokes it, hard.

COUNTESS

Well. Enjoy your new home, Elephant!

(She laughs cruelly. Then waves her hand in front of her nose in disgust.)

Oof! What is that smell? Can we do something about that? I don’t want people thinking it’s me.

(The POLICE CHIEF and COUNT laugh. The COUNTESS shoots them a look and they stop. The COUNTESS turns on her heel and flounces out.)

Follow me.

The POLICE CHIEF, COUNT, and OFFICERS nervously rush after her.

Could you just sign this form…

POLICE CHIEF

The NARRATOR appears. They look at the elephant, then at us.

NARRATOR

The elephant did not know where she was…

(The elephant looks around the empty ballroom.)

For days and days she had not known. Where were her brothers and sisters? Where was her mother? Where was the long grass and the bright sun? It hurt the elephant to ask these questions.

On the other side of town, PETER stands under a lamp looking up at the stars. He sings, as the NARRATOR keeps talking—

PETER

SO THIS IS TRUE, EVERYTHING WAS A LIE.

It broke her heart.

NARRATOR

PETER

MY SISTER’S ALIVE SOMEWHERE UNDER THIS SKY.

NARRATOR

The world had become too cold and too chaotic to bear.

PETER

IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN MY DREAMS WEREN’T WRONG.

NARRATOR

The elephant decided that she would like to die.

PETER

YES, THIS IS TRUE. THERE’S SOMEWHERE I BELONG!

END OF ACT I

SCENE 1

#20—The Sight of the Elephant

Music—exciting. A huge sign drops from Countess Quintet’s balcony. It reads: “ELEPHANT VIEWING TOMORROW!”

Below, a CROWD is forming, excited to be at the top of the queue.

FISHMONGER

HERE WE ARE—FIRST IN LINE!

WE’LL BE FIRST TO SEE THE ELEPHANT, THE ELEPHANT!

NARRATOR

Well, isn’t that fine?

The MILLINER and LAMPLIGHTER rush on.

MILLINER

HERE WE ARE—TOP O’THE QUEUE!

WE’LL HAVE A FRONT ROW VIEW OF THE ELEPHANT!

More PEOPLE arrive. The NARRATOR—dressed as a distinguished gentleman holding an enormous book “ELEPHANT FACTS”—steps out of the CROWD.

NARRATOR

The average elephant weighs between two and seven tons. Did you know that? Two and seven tons.

As the DOCTOR and MRS. GRISWALD arrive—

DOCTOR

QUICK, GET IN LINE—WE’LL BEAT THE HORDES. MRS. GRISWALD glances at the gentleman with the book (NARRATOR).

MRS. GRISWALD

STILL HAVE TO LISTEN TO ALL THESE INSUFF’RABLE BORES.

(spoken)

NARRATOR

THE DIMENSIONS OF AN ELEPHANT ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE. THE DIMENSIONS OF AN ELEPHANT ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE, INDEED.

(to the NARRATOR)

Are you an expert in elephants?

DOCTOR

I dabble.

NARRATOR

SOPRANOS & ALTOS

THE SIGHT OF THE ELEPHANT WILL MAKE EV’RYTHING ALRIGHT.

ALL

THE SIGHT OF THE ELEPHANT WILL HELP US SLEEP TONIGHT. A MOTHER and her CHILD arrive. The CHILD is tired.

But it’s cold.

CHILD

MOTHER

THE SIGHT OF THE ELEPHANT WILL MAKE EV’RYTHING ALRIGHT.

It’ll be worth it, I promise. Just close your eyes and pretend you’re sleeping in your own bed. Standing up.

ALL

WE’LL QUEUE HERE ALL NIGHT, SLEEP HERE IF WE HAVE TO, WE’LL BE THE FIRST THROUGH THE DOOR, COS WE ALL HAVE BIG HOPES AND WE ALL HAVE BIG DREAMS— THE CREATURE WILL MAKE OUR LIVES SOAR!

The COUNT and COUNTESS appear on the balcony. The CROWDS below look up.

BAKER

Look! It’s the Countess.

The COUNT clears his throat, holds up a loudspeaker.

COUNT

FOR THE ILLUMINATION OF THE MASSES, THE ELEPHANT WILL BE ON DISPLAY TOMORROW, AT SIX A.M. SHARP!

CROWD

Oooh!

COUNTESS (nudging the COUNT)

Tell them it’s only a hundred!

COUNT (into speaker)

ENTRY IS STRICTLY LIMITED TO ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE ONLY. THAT’S ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE ONLY.

CROWD

Awww.

The CROWD mutters.

COUNTESS

AND TELL THEM NO DOGS!

COUNT AND NO DOGS!

COUNTESS AND NO DIRT!

COUNT AND NO DIRT!

The COUNTESS grabs the speaker off the COUNT.

And no unaccompanied minors!

Another sign drops: “No Unaccompanied Miners”

COUNTESS

MRS. GRISWALD

What’s she got against the miners?

The COUNT and COUNTESS go back inside. More CROWDS gather. Music grows louder. ALL

WE’LL QUEUE HERE ALL NIGHT, SLEEP HERE IF WE HAVE TO, WE’LL BE THE FIRST THROUGH THAT DOOR, COS WE ALL HAVE BIG HOPES AND WE ALL HAVE BIG DREAMS — THE CREATURE WILL MAKE OUR LIVES SOAR!

The DOCTOR steps forward to sing, as the ENSEMBLE “mm’s” underneath his lyrics. As he sings, do we see snatches of his reverie?

DOCTOR

I HAVE A DREAM I’LL SAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY A BOAT AND SAIL TO SEA.

I’LL TRAVEL THE WORLD, FIND A PLACE WHERE IT’S SUNNY—

+ ALL

THE ELEPHANT WILL BE THE KEY!

MRS. GRISWALD steps forward, as the ENSEMBLE “ooh’s” underneath her lyrics. Do we see her reverie?

MRS. GRISWALD

I HAVE A DREAM I’LL GO BALLROOM DANCING IN THE SWANKIEST SHOES YOU’VE EVER SEEN.

I’LL WIPE THE FLOOR WITH ALL THE POSH PEOPLE PRANCING—

+ ALL

THE ELEPHANT IS GOING TO BE THE MEANS!

The MILLINER steps forward, slightly menacing.

MILLINER

I HAVE A DREAM I’LL WREAK REVENGE ON THE MAN WHO STOLE MY WIFE.

I’LL GRAB HIM BY THE THROAT AND SAY, “HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME!” AND THEN I’LL PULL OUT A HUGE KN—

He whips out a huge butcher’s knife. GLORIA gasps—just as the POLICE CHIEF arrives. He looks at the MILLINER, suspicious.

Everything alright here?

POLICE CHIEF

The MILLINER quickly hides the knife, smiles politely.

Oh yes, Chief.

MILLINER

POLICE CHIEF

Not planning on committing any heinous revenge crimes or anything, are you?

MILLINER

No, no. Nope.

POLICE CHIEF

That’s alright, then. Carry on.

The POLICE CHIEF walks off, pleased, nodding at GLORIA who is passing on her way home.

BAKER

Psst. Gloria Matienne! Saved you a place.

GLORIA

Oh no, I don’t want a pla—

The CROWD pulls her into the line. MRS. GRISWALD puts her hand on GLORIA’s stomach, knowing.

MRS. GRISWALD

The elephant can make miracles happen.

GLORIA recoils, affronted.

What? What are you talking about?

GLORIA

BAKER

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY. ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY.

ALL

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY. ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY.

(ALL)

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY. ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY. ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY. ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TOUCH IT, THEY SAY.

ONE TOUCH OF THE ELEPHANT, ONE TOUCH OF THE ELEPHANT, ONE TOUCH OF THE ELEPHANT, AND ALL YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!

GLORIA recoils.

What nonsense!

GLORIA

MILLINER

It’s not nonsense. The elephant will grant our wishes.

GLORIA

You might as well believe in leprechauns! Suddenly PETER arrives, breathless.

PETER

Excuse me, but is this the line for the elephant?

GLORIA

Peter Duchene, not you too? Surely Lutz wouldn’t let you stay out all night. Come home with me and get some food.

GLORIA tries to bring him away, but PETER resists.

PETER

No! I have to see the elephant. If I don’t get to see her tomorrow, it’ll be another month. And I can’t wait that long.

GLORIA sighs and walks off, shaking her head.

Oh, I don’t understand you people.

As PETER joins the line, he sings—

GLORIA

PETER

I HAVE A DREAM, NOW I KNOW IT’S A MEMORY. I SEE IT NOW EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES…

The stage darkens and suddenly we see PETER’S MOTHER in her sickbed, holding a tiny baby. She look gravely ill. A MIDWIFE is dabbing her forehead with a cloth.

PETER tentatively moves closer—as he does, his MOTHER smiles at him. She passes the baby to the MIDWIFE.

PETER’S MOTHER

Let him hold her.

The MIDWIFE glances at PETER, nervous.

He’s too young.

MIDWIFE

PETER’S MOTHER

Let him.

The MIDWIFE tentatively passes the crying baby to PETER—

MIDWIFE

Careful, now. She’s very small.

(PETER awkwardly takes the baby in his arms.)

Got her?

(PETER nods. The baby starts to quieten. The MIDWIFE continues, impressed.)

Well, look at that. He has a way with her.

PETER’S MOTHER, weakly, tries to sit up.

PETER’S MOTHER

This is your sister, Peter. She belongs to you. And you belong to her. This is what you must remember.

(Beat.)

Promise you’ll take care of her?

PETER

Yes.

PETER looks at the baby anxiously. PETER’S MOTHER mother smiles, weak.

PETER’S MOTHER

Her name is…

PETER’S MOTHER starts coughing. The MIDWIFE quickly rushes and takes the baby from PETER.

MIDWIFE

(to PETER)

You should go, your mother’s very sick.

PETER’S MOTHER

No, wait—

(She takes PETER’s hand and with all her strength pulls herself up and whispers into his ear—)

Her name is…

(She whispers a name to PETER that we don’t hear.)

Promise me, you’ll remember that name?

PETER

Yes. I promise.

(The dream slowly fades. And we’re back in the line outside.)

I HAVE A DREAM, NOW I KNOW IT’S A MEMORY. I SEE IT NOW EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES.

I MADE A PROMISE AND NOW IT’S HAUNTING ME…

(He looks up at the sign.)

THE ELEPHANT IS WHERE THE ANSWER LIES. THE ELEPHANT IS WHERE THE ANSWER LIES. THE ELEPHANT IS WHERE THE ANSWER LIES!

PETER joins the line and starts to sing with the OTHERS.

ALL

AH…

WE’LL QUEUE HERE ALL NIGHT, SLEEP HERE IF WE HAVE TO, WE’LL BE THE FIRST THROUGH THE DOOR, COS WE ALL HAVE BIG HOPES AND WE ALL HAVE BIG DREAMS — THE CREATURE WILL MAKE OUR LIFE SOAR! THE CREATURE WILL MAKE OUR LIFE SOAR! THE CREATURE WILL MAKE OUR LIVES SOAR!

The song reaches its crescendo. A beat.

PETER yawns. Then the DOCTOR yawns. And suddenly the yawn spreads, as EVERYONE becomes sleepy as they stand in line.

PETER

(yawning)

Don’t close your eyes. Try to stay awake, only a few more hours… try, try.

The PEOPLE in the line begin to fall asleep—including PETER. The DOCTOR snores loudly. They sway standing up, almost in time with his snores. The NARRATOR steps out of the line, and moves past each person, checking.

NARRATOR

The average elephant weighs between two and seven tons, did you know that… two and seven tons…

(She wraps a scarf around the sleeping CHILD.)

… They’re all asleep.

#21—Sisters of Perpetual Light

(The NARRATOR looks at the audience. Music.)

AS THE PEOPLE OF BALTESE WAITED ALL NIGHT TO BE THE FIRST IN LINE TO SEE THE ELEPHANT, EACH OF THEM DREAMED THEIR SEPARATE DREAMS— AND SOME WERE QUITE WEIRD.

BUT HIGH ON A HILLTOP FAR ABOVE IN THE ONLY PART OF THE CITY THAT HAD NOT YET HEARD NEWS OF THE ELEPHANT, STOOD A TALL, DARK BUILDING, IMPROBABLY NAMED THE— VOICES can be heard, singing offstage.

(NARRATOR)

SISTERS OF PERPETUAL LIGHT. And in that building was a dormitory. THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL LIGHT.

ENSEMBLE (offstage)

OOOH… OOOH…

AAAH… THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL LIGHT.

SCENE 2

Two little iron beds swing into view. One of the beds has a little girl—LISETTE, trying to sleep in it. The other girl, ADELE, wears pajamas and a cap and moves around the room, pretending she’s in a jungle.

NARRATOR

And in that dormitory slept some orphans.

ENSEMBLE (offstage)

THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL LIGHT.

NARRATOR

But on this particular night, these particular orphans were… wide awake. The NARRATOR winks at the audience, and goes.

#22—Adele the Brave

LISETTE (to ADELE)

Stop talking to yourself! Only weirdos talk to themselves. Get into bed and go to sleep.

ADELE

Just going, Lisette!

(But ADELE doesn’t go to bed. She takes out a torch and carries on talking to herself.)

As Adele the brave explorer made her way through the vast jungle, she was careful not to make a sound…

(ADELE looks around the dormitory. Perhaps the objects in the room cast looming shadows on the wall?)

She knew she was surrounded on all sides by dangerous creatures: lions, leopards, snakes—or worse! But she wasn’t afraid. Adele the brave wasn’t afraid of anything. Cos by her side were her trusty explorer companions—Colonel Mop and Captain Bucket!

(ADELE looks at the mop and bucket, both of whom are dressed perhaps to look like explorers. Do they walk beside her?)

And nothing scared them either.

(Do they shake their heads?

Throughout the song, perhaps the shadows on the wall begin to grow and morph from boring inanimate objects to the wild creatures ADELE is describing.)

(ADELE)

SOME KIDS GO WEAK AT THE KNEES WHEN THEY HEAR GHOSTLY VOICES MOAN IN THE BREEZE. SOME KIDS GO OUT OF THEIR HEADS WHEN THEY HEAR CREAKING FLOORBOARDS UNDER THEIR BEDS

FOR OTHERS, IT TAKES NOTHING MORE THAN A FLUTTERING SOUND IN A HALF-OPENED DRAWER. WHAT COULD THAT BE? A MOUSE OR A RAT?

OR SOMETHING FAR WORSE—A BLOOD-SUCKING BAT!

(Does a bat fly out of a drawer?)

SOME KIDS ARE FILLED WITH A DREAD THEY’RE BEING WATCHED BY THE LIVING DEAD! OTHERS GET SO SCARED, THEY HAVE TO LIE DOWN AT THE MERE SIGHT OF A CARNIVAL CLOWN.

BUT NO SIR— NOT ME! I LEAP TOWARDS THREAT. THE GREATER THE DANGER, THE BRAVER I GET. I’VE OVERCOME EVERY CHALLENGE I’VE MET. THERE’S NO ADVENTURE TOO GREAT FOR ME YET!

COS I AM ADELE THE BRAVE!

I’VE SAILED THE WORLD ON A TIDAL WAVE. YES, I’M ADELE THE BRAVE! WHOSE LIFE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE?

COS I’VE SKIPPED ACROSS TIGHTROPES HIGH IN THE AIR. I’VE TICKLED THE CHIN OF THE WORLD’S FIERCEST BEAR. I’VE GONE TO DARK PLACES WHERE OTHERS WON’T DARE. WHEREVER THERE’S DANGER I’LL BE SURE TO BE THERE,

FOR I AM ADELE THE BRAVE! WHOSE LIFE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE?

SOME KIDS ARE FREAKED OUT BY THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. OTHERS FIND BEING ALONE MUCH MORE FRIGHT’NING.

(ADELE)

THEN THERE ARE THOSE KIDS WHOSE LEGS TURN TO JELLY IF A BIG, HAIRY SPIDER CRAWLS ONTO THEIR BELLY.

BUT NO SIR—NOT ME! LET ME SAY IT ONCE MORE: I’LL NEVER BE FREAKED OUT OR RUN FOR THE DOOR. I’VE OVERCOME EVERY CHALLENGE I’VE MET. THERE’S NO ADVENTURE TOO GREAT FOR ME YET!

COS I AM ADELE THE BRAVE!

I WAS BORN ON A TIDAL WAVE. YES, I’M ADELE THE BRAVE! WHOSE LIFE DO YOU WANT ME TO—

Suddenly LISETTE sits up and flings a cushion at ADELE—

LISETTE

(shouting) WILL YOU SHUT IT PLEASE!

(The cushion knocks ADELE off the bed clumsily, clanging the mop and bucket. The music cuts out abruptly.)

I’m trying to sleep.

ADELE rushes at LISETTE. They start fighting as a slightly eccentric older nun, SISTER MARIE, comes rushing into the room—

SISTER MARIE

Girls, girls, girls! What in heaven is this unholy racket?

LISETTE

Adele was clanging that stupid mop and bucket around again, Sister Marie—saying she was a great adventurer.

SISTER MARIE

Not again, Adele!

SISTER MARIE picks up the mop and bucket and puts them away, goading ADELE.

LISETTE

She’s never been further than the end of the street.

ADELE

(annoyed)

Yes I have!

LISETTE

Never been further than the Market Square in Baltese.

ADELE

I will be!

LISETTE

Bravest thing you’ve ever done—is wear that disgusting cap.

LISETTE grabs ADELE’s cap.

Hey, give it back!

ADELE tries to grab it.

Adele the b-b-b-b-big fat liar.

ADELE

LISETTE

ADELE

Hey!

(She swings for LISETTE—)

You don’t know what you’re—talking about.

SISTER MARIE breaks it up.

SISTER MARIE

Heaven preserve us—girls, it’s the middle of the night! Back to bed.

SISTER MARIE takes ADELE by the shoulders and leads her back to bed.

ADELE

I am going to go on adventures, Sister Marie.

SISTER MARIE

I’m sure you will, Adele. Someday.

ADELE

(excited)

I’m going to go to the rainforest and to the jungle and to the Antarctic and I’ll make snowmen—

LISETTE rolls her eyes, sighs loudly. She’s heard this a million times.

SISTER MARIE

Well, you certainly won’t find snow here. Hasn’t snowed in Baltese for a hundred years.

A brief beat of existential angst from SISTER MARIE as she glances out the window.

ADELE keeps talking, excitedly:

ADELE

Maybe I’ll have an adventure in my sleep, Sister Marie. Maybe I’ll meet a lion or a tiger— or an elephant—

SISTER MARIE

Now shut off that big imagination Adele, and try to get some rest. Madame LaVaughn hasn’t been calling with her usual donations. If we don’t go collecting tomorrow, there’ll be no food in the cupboards come Friday.

SISTER MARIE goes out, looking worried. ADELE sits up.

ADELE

I am going to go on adventures, Lisette.

LISETTE

Yeah, yeah—

ADELE

And you know what the best adventure of all will be?

LISETTE

(bored)

… What?

ADELE

When our new families come for us.

LISETTE sits up in bed and looks at ADELE like she’s crazy.

LISETTE

… You really are exceptionally, amazingly stupid for your age, aren’t you? Don’t you get it? We’re orphans. No one will ever come for us.

LISETTE lies back down and closes her eyes. ADELE looks a little sadly out the window. Then she pulls the covers up and lies down.

#23—Announcing the Elephant

The sun comes up. Music—loud, trumpety.

An enormous door appears center stage—the CROWDS bustle outside the Countess’ ballroom. The COUNT and COUNTESS arrive, important.

COUNT

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN—

COUNTESS

THE MOMENT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR’S ARRIVED.

(COUNTESS)

THE EH… THE EH…

THE EH…LEPHANT’S ON DISPLAY

IN MY BALLROOM FOR THE ILLUMINATION OF…

ENSEMBLE

FIRST SUNDAY OF THE MONTH, OF THE MONTH!

THE EH… THE EH… –LEPHANT! IT’S ON DISPLAY!

IN QUINTET’S BALLROOM, AT LAST, WE GET TO SEE HER!

Music cuts out as the COUNTESS looks at the CROWDS in disgust.

COUNTESS

Oh no, they’ve got to take their shoes off.

The COUNT is quite disappointed that the buildup has been spoiled.

COUNT

What’s that, my sweet?

COUNTESS (snapping)

They have to take their shoes off! These are polished floors.

COUNT

Oh, right.

COUNTESS

Tell them!

The COUNT, slightly frightened, now starts shouting at the CROWDS through the loudspeaker.

COUNT

(spoken) SHOES OFF!

SHOES OFF!

EVERYONE TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!

COUNTESS (spoken)

(sung)

EVERYONE TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!

The CROWDS groan, start resentfully taking off their shoes. As they do, the NARRATOR steps out of the queue and smiles.

NARRATOR

AS THE PEOPLE OF BALTESE TOOK OFF THEIR SHOES IN THE HOPE THEIR DREAMS WOULD SOON COME TRUE, ONE UNACCOMPANIED MINOR DID SOMETHING QUITE BOLD—

(We see PETER creeping—”Mission Impossible” style—towards the ballroom. The NARRATOR continues, spoken in rhythm:)

HE LOOKED AROUND TO MAKE SURE THAT NO ONE HAD SEEN HIM— THEY HADN’T. THEN HE TIPTOED INTO THE VAST BALLROOM AND SUDDENLY FOUND HIMSELF FACE TO FACE WITH…

She trails off as PETER stops, stares at the elephant, amazed.

PETER

… It’s you.

(He takes his hat from his head and puts it solemnly in front of his heart.)

It’s really you.

(The elephant briefly looks up. Deep sadness in her eyes.)

You’re really… here.

(Slowly, PETER takes another step forward, reaches tentatively out to touch her. The elephant shifts back, afraid he might be about to hurt her.

PETER moves closer to the elephant, and she begins to calm. A strange sort of dance takes place between them, as very gently PETER places a hand on her.)

(PETER)

I’m not going to hurt you. I promise… You’re warm.

(The elephant lets PETER move closer still. He puts his head close to the elephant.)

I can hear your heart beating. My heart beats too.

(PETER brings his face right up to the elephant’s face.)

… Can you—help me?

(Beat.)

You know where my sister is, don’t you? Can you tell me? Please?

(He leans in, closes his eyes and hugs the elephant tightly, willing her. But the elephant keeps her head down, looking at the ground.

PETER opens his eyes, steps back. He looks at her.)

The fortune teller said you’d help me. She said all I had to do was follow you and you’d lead me to my sister…

(The elephant moves or looks up at PETER. And suddenly, for the first time he really sees her.)

But you’re… all chained up. How can I follow you when you can barely move? You can’t lead me to anything.

(The elephant slowly lifts her head up and looks at PETER, sadly. And we can see some unspoken communication taking place between them. As if PETER can read her. He moves towards her.)

IN THE DEAD OF THE NIGHT, WHILE THE WHOLE WORLD’S IN SLUMBER, WHAT IS IT YOU DREAM OF?

WHAT IS IT YOU WONDER?

(PETER moves round the elephant as she watches him.)

DO YOU HAVE A MOTHER, FAR ACROSS THE SEA? LONGING FOR HER BABY,

#24—A Lot Like Me

(PETER)

WONDERING WHERE SHE MUST BE?

ALONE HERE WITH NO FAMILY, UNDER LOCK AND KEY. IN SO MANY WAYS, YOU’RE A LOT LIKE ME. A LOT LIKE ME.

(The elephant perhaps moves a little closer, beginning to trust PETER.)

DO YOU HAVE A SISTER? SOMEONE YOU CAN TEASE? SOMEONE YOU BELONG TO? SOMEONE WHO YOU PLEASE?

DO YOU HAVE A HOME? DO YOU HAVE A NAME? I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES AND ALL I SEE IS PAIN.

ALONE HERE WITH NO FAMILY, UNDER LOCK AND KEY. IN SO MANY WAYS, YOU’RE A LOT LIKE ME. A LOT LIKE ME.

I’VE LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE NOT KNOWING FOR SURE IF SOMEONE’S OUT THERE FOR ME, IF THERE’S SOMETHING MORE.

SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO NEVER STOP TO SEE THE LONELY BOY BEFORE THEM, THE BOY THAT IS ME!

(The elephant tenderly and tentatively touches PETER’s hand with her trunk. PETER and the elephant are locked into something together—a moment of connection. And PETER suddenly understands everything he needs to.)

… I THOUGHT YOU COULD HELP ME, YOU’D SOMEHOW LEAD ME THROUGH. BUT NOW I SEE YOU CHAINED HERE.

(PETER)

I THINK I MUST HELP YOU. BUT NOW I SEE YOU CHAINED HERE. I KNOW I HAVE TO HELP YOU…

(PETER and the elephant look at one another, a silent communion. PETER speaks to her:)

You need to get out of here, don’t you? You need to go home. Because if you don’t… (realizing)

… you’ll die.

And something in his words or the emotion in his voice seem to touch the elephant— like he’s finally spoken the truth for her.

But suddenly the COUNTESS, COUNT, and CROWDS burst into the ballroom.

COUNTESS

(to PETER)

What are you doing in here?

(to the COUNT)

How did he get in here?

COUNT

I— I don’t know, my petal.

(Suddenly the elephant lifts up her trunk and trumpets, loud and mournful. The CROWDS move back, fearful.)

BAKER

What’s going on, is the elephant dangerous?

The COUNT rushes forward, anxious to quell the anxiety.

COUNT

Of course not, not dangerous at all. Is it, dear?

COUNTESS No, no, no, no, no.

PETER

Something is wrong with the elephant!

The CROWDS gasp.

Wrong!

CROWDS

COUNT

(panicked)

Nonsense! She was fine when we left her. The COUNT gives the elephant a kick.

PETER

She’s homesick.

COUNTESS

She’s just an animal. They don’t have feelings.

PETER

She needs to be back with her family. Her heart is broken. A collective gasp. Various outraged VOICES:

DOCTOR

What did he say?

The elephant’s broken?

FISHMONGER

MILLINER

But I didn’t get a chance to make my wish yet.

COUNTESS

Everyone just calm down, the elephant is absolutely fine. (to the COUNT)

Count—chain her other foot!

As the COUNT chains the elephant’s foot, the elephant trumpets again in distress.

PETER

No, don’t do that. You’re hurting her. Can’t you see—her spirit is dying.

CROWDS

Dying!

COUNTESS (panicked)

He’s making it up! To soil my good name.

PETER

She doesn’t belong here.

The CROWDS murmur, confused.

COUNTESS

He’s trying to—spoil it for you, that’s what. He’s trying to take away your hopes and dreams.

DOCTOR & BAKER

How dare he!/

PETER

No! I’m not.

MRS. GRISWALD (outraged)

They’re my hopes and dreams!

But don’t any of you see—

PETER

COUNTESS

What I see is a horrible little brat trying to ruin my reputation. And if he’s not stopped, then— (she thinks)

—no one in this town is going to see the elephant ever again!

(The CROWDS gasp in horror. The COUNTESS addresses them, shouting:)

Well, what are you waiting for? After him. Catch him quick. Go!

The CROWDS rush after PETER.

#26—Don’t Spoil It For the Rest of Us

Music—a chase.

Maybe the beginnings orchestrally of “Don’t Spoil It For the Rest of Us.” PETER rushes on and across the stage in one direction. The crowds, which have become a baying MOB, rush after him. PETER rushes back across the stage in the other direction. The MOB follows, holding torches, sinister.

MILLINER

HEY LITTLE BOY, WHEREVER YOU HIDE, I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU: WE’RE NOT ON YOUR SIDE.

NO GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SCOUNDREL WILL TRAMPLE ON MY DREAMS. WE’RE GOING TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR ALL YOUR EVIL SCHEMES!

DOCTOR

JUST AS THERE’S A LITTLE LIGHT, OUR HEARTS BEGIN TO HEAL, THE BRAT CLAIMS HE’S AN EXPERT ON WHAT ELEPHANTS FEEL! DID IT NOT OCCUR TO HIM THE PAIN HE’D PROVOKE?

INSULTING COUNTESS QUINTET WHILST OUR DREAMS GO UP IN SMOKE!

LAMPLIGHTER

WE MUST’NT LET HIM GET AWAY, THERE’S FAR TOO MUCH TO LOSE!

MRS. GRISWALD

I COULD ALMOST TOUCH THEM, THOSE PRETTY DANCING SHOES. IF WE CAN’T SEE THE ELEPHANT EVERYTHING’S GONE. THIS LITTLE RAT MUST UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT HE’S DONE!

ALL

DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO! DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

SISTER MARIE, ADELE, and LISETTE are standing in the street with buckets collecting money. Perhaps SISTER MARIE conducts them? They sing beatifically—

ORPHANS

GIVE US SHELTER ONE MORE NIGHT. PLEASE GIVE CHARITABLY TO THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL LIGHT THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL LIGHT.

PETER runs in front of them and across the stage. The MOBS run after him—The ORPHANS and SISTER MARIE watch them, stunned.

ALL

DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

The MOB disappears.

SISTER MARIE quickly signals to the ORPHANS to keep singing—

ORPHANS

HELP TURN A WRONG INTO A RIGHT.

GIVE US SHELTER ONE MORE NIGHT— The MOB rushes past again.

ALL

DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

PETER rushes on. He tries to hide behind SISTER MARIE’s cloak.

What are you doing?

They’re after me.

SISTER MARIE

PETER

ADELE

Who’s after you?

PETER

The town.

(suspicious)

Why—what have you done?

LISETTE

PETER

I just told them the truth, that’s all. The elephant’s dying. The ORPHANS gasp.

SISTER MARIE

Heaven preserve us!

ADELE

There’s an elephant? In Baltese?

PETER

She’s locked in the Countess’s ballroom, but she needs to go home.

ADELE looks at PETER, curious.

ADELE

Did you see the elephant? With your own eyes?

PETER stops and looks at her.

Yes, I…

PETER

(And suddenly he feels something strange, a beat of recognition.) I saw her.

Suddenly, VOICES off. Music.

MRS. GRISWALD (off)

Which way did he go?

DOCTOR (off)

That way. He went that way.

PETER

I have to go. Please don’t let them catch me.

And PETER rushes off, leaving ADELE and the ORPHANS behind.

ADELE

Sister Marie, there’s an elephant—

SISTER MARIE anxiously gathers the ORPHANS around her.

SISTER MARIE

No! No more talk of elephants, Adele. When the Countess is around it’s best to keep quiet, especially when she’s angry.

Various MEMBERS of the TOWN and the COUNT and COUNTESS appear, angry.

COUNT

(to SISTER MARIE)

Did you see him?

Who?

SISTER MARIE

MRS. GRISWALD

The boy—the boy who wants to spoil it for us.

COUNTESS

He’s a liar. And a thief.

(faux innocent)

Oh? What did he steal?

He’s trying to steal my good name.

SISTER MARIE

COUNTESS

COUNT

Look, we don’t have time for this—have you seen the boy or not?

SISTER MARIE looks at the ORPHANS. Suddenly a PASSERBY—the NARRATOR in disguise—prompts:

NARRATOR

He went that way.

The NARRATOR points in the opposite direction to the one PETER ran in. SISTER MARIE quickly picks up the prompt.

Yes, he went that way.

SISTER MARIE

COUNT

Really?

(SISTER MARIE and the ORPHANS nod emphatically.)

Cos I’m pretty sure I saw him go that way.

ORPHANS

No, that way!

They point.

You sure?

COUNT

SISTER MARIE

Quite sure.

The COUNTESS pushes the COUNT, angry.

COUNTESS

(to the COUNT)

Well, don’t just stand there like a useless toad. Catch him, before he gets away!

COUNT

Yes, dear. Of course, dear.

COUNTESS

And make sure you bring him straight back!

COUNT

Will do!

The CROWDS and the COUNT rush off in the wrong direction.

The COUNTESS is the only one left. She looks at the ORPHANS in disgust. SISTER MARIE sees an opportunity. She signals to the ORPHANS to start singing and shake their boxes—

ORPHANS

GIVE US SHELTER ONE MORE NIGHT. PLEASE GIVE CHARITABLY TO THE—

The COUNTESS raises her hand.

COUNTESS

Please stop that hideous singing—I’ve never liked the sound of children’s voices. Too squeaky.

SISTER MARIE

If you could spare us some change, Countess…

The COUNTESS rolls her eyes.

COUNTESS

The trouble with charity is once you help one, they’ve all got their hands out. In my view children are little more than animals, they should be seen and not—

ADELE

Can we please see the elephant, Countess?

The COUNTESS stops, shocked. SISTER MARIE looks at ADELE, panicked.

COUNTESS

What?

SISTER MARIE (nervous)

Adele, sssh…

ADELE

We heard you have an elephant locked in your ballroom and that you’re—killing her.

The COUNTESS looks like she might explode with fury.

What did you just say?

ADELE shrinks back.

COUNTESS

I mean—that she’s dying.

ADELE

COUNTESS

How dare you speak to a countess like that!

SISTER MARIE (desperate)

She didn’t mean it—

COUNTESS (to ADELE)

Are you trying to soil my name too?

SISTER MARIE (panicked)

She just has a very vivid imagination, that’s all.

ADELE

Elephants don’t belong in ballrooms, Countess Quintet.

SISTER MARIE

Adele—

ADELE

They belong in rainforests and savannahs with trees and bushes and other wild animals like—

COUNTESS

Shut your hideous little mouth this minute! I think you need to be taught a lesson, young lady.

SISTER MARIE

No, no, please, Countess—

COUNTESS

So you want to see the elephant, do you?

(The COUNTESS grabs ADELE by the ear, twisting it.)

I’ll show you the elephant!

She starts to drag ADELE away.

Please Countess, she’s just a child.

SISTER MARIE

COUNTESS

And that is exactly the problem!

SHE WON’T SPOIL IT, SHE WON’T SPOIL IT

SHE WON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

The ORPHANS and SISTER MARIE rush away, terrified.

SCENE

On the balcony, COUNTESS QUINTET keeps singing, her voice morphing with voices of the MOB as they hunt for Peter—

ALL

DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

(It becomes night, dark and scary. The bins, lampposts, and post boxes all take on a sinister air. As the baying MOB arrives, with torches, looking for Peter, they sing, while the COUNTESS sings over them:)

(ALL)

WHILE THAT BOY IS RUNNING FREE, OUR DREAMS ARE UNDER THREAT. WE CANNOT LET HIM JEOPARDIZE THE KINDNESS OF QUINTET. LOCK HIM UP, LOCK HIM IN, OR SIMPLY TIE HIM DOWN. WE CAN’T LET ONE CHILD RUIN IT FOR OUR ENTIRE TOWN!

DON’T SPOIL IT,

DON’T SPOIL IT,

DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

DON’T SPOIL IT,

DON’T SPOIL IT,

DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US, NO!

COUNTESS

GO GET HIM RIGHT AWAY!

HE MUST BE LOCKED AWAY, AWAY! THAT BOY WON’T SPOIL ALL OUR FUN!

HE CAN’T!

HE WON’T!

SO OFF YOU GO! GO! GO!

YOU HAVE GOT TO GET HIM, GET HIM! HE WON’T SPOIL OUR FUN! THAT LITTLE BRAT WON’T SPOIL IT, OH, NO!

They chant manically as they arrive at the Apartments Polonnaise.

SCENE 7

There! That’s where he lives.

MILLINER

LAMPLIGHTER

Come out, boy. You’re only making things worse.

The CROWD roars. Downstairs, GLORIA and LEO come to the apartment door.

GLORIA

What’s going on?

We’re looking for the boy.

What boy?

GLORIA looks at LEO.

Do they mean Peter?

COUNT

LEO

GLORIA

Suddenly LUTZ appears at an upstairs window holding a musket!

LUTZ

Who goes there? I’m armed and I’m ready.

DOCTOR

It’s the mad old soldier, Vilna Lutz!

LAMPLIGHTER

He’s got a gun.

LUTZ

Back! Back—or I’ll shoot every last one of you!

COUNT

Yeah, yeah.

Lutz, put the gun down.

LEO

COUNT

He’s bluffing. (calling)

Hand over the boy, Lutz, and there won’t be any trouble. LUTZ fires his musket. The CROWDS scream.

COUNT (panicked)

He’s shot me. He’s shot me! (then)

Oh no, I’m fine actually. LUTZ fires again. LEO and GLORIA cower in their doorway.

LUTZ

Off! Off with you!/

Now everyone just stay calm.

He’s a madman./

LEO

MILLINER

COUNT

He’ll kill us all!

Quick, let’s get out of here. As the COUNT prepares to go—

MRS. GRISWALD

But the Countess said—

DOCTOR

COUNT

Forget the Countess! Run! Run! Run for your lives!

LUTZ fires again. The CROWDS disperse, panicked.

LUTZ

Ha! (triumphant)

The enemy are retreating! Cowards! That’ll show them what a soldier can do.

LUTZ retreats back into the house. GLORIA looks at LEO, shocked.

This place has gone mad.

GLORIA

Peter must be in trouble. I’ll get the Chief.

LEO

GLORIA notices something.

Wait, Leo! Look.

GLORIA

GLORIA goes over and moves the bins. PETER is cowering behind them.

LEO

Peter!

PETER (terrified)

Shh. Please don’t let them see me.

It’s alright, they’ve gone.

GLORIA

LEO

What’s going on, Peter?

PETER climbs out from behind the bin.

PETER (desperate)

I need your help, Leo. I need to go to the prison right now.

GLORIA

Prison! What kind of request is that for a child to make?

PETER

I need to see the magician.

The magician?

It’s urgent.

And GLORIA’s had enough.

LEO

PETER

GLORIA

No, you need to eat something, that’s what. You’re so skinny, you can see right through you.

She drags PETER into the house.

No, I can’t—

PETER

GLORIA

(ignoring him)

Elephants! Magicians! Guns! This whole town’s lost its mind—

PETER (protesting)

Madame Matienne—

Gloria.

GLORIA

PETER

Gloria—

As PETER tries to protest, GLORIA pushes him into a chair beside a roaring fire.

GLORIA

Sit down, let’s get you something to eat.

You don’t understand—

Ignore the smell, it’s only Leo’s socks.

PETER

GLORIA

Leo, there’s no time—

There’s always time to dine, Peter.

PETER

LEO

PETER

But I can’t—

GLORIA planks a bowl of stew in front of PETER.

There you go. Piping hot stew/

Really—

Just a bite—

I mean it—

One bite—

But—

GLORIA

PETER

GLORIA

PETER

GLORIA

PETER

GLORIA

Sssshh.

GLORIA shoves a spoon into PETER’s mouth and suddenly… it melts him. As PETER savors the delicious stew—

PETER

… Oh. Oh, that is wonderful stew, Madame Matienne.

(GLORIA smiles, as PETER starts shoveling it in, continuing between mouthfuls.)

That is—truly delicious stew.

GLORIA

Steady on. Does that Vilna Lutz not feed you?

As PETER shovels more stew into his mouth, his hands shake, emotion overwhelming him.

PETER

This is like the stew my mother used to make. And my father before he died… and my sister would’ve tasted that stew if she hadn’t… and we would’ve… we would’ve…

And suddenly PETER starts to cry. GLORIA looks at LEO, shocked.

GLORIA

What’s this? Leo, the boy is crying. LEO goes to comfort PETER.

Peter. Come on. What’s wrong?

LEO

PETER

… I made a promise to the elephant. She’s sick, see. And I said I’d get her home. I promised. Just like I promised my mother, I’d look after my sister.

GLORIA

What sister?

PETER (breathlessly)

The fortune teller said the elephant would lead me to my sister—

GLORIA

Hang on—what fortune teller?

GLORIA draws back, cynical, but PETER continues, breathless.

That… appeared in the market square.

Oh no…

PETER

GLORIA

I’ve made so many promises I can’t keep.

PETER

GLORIA

You mustn’t listen to fortune tellers, Peter—they make things up. They see people who are sad and desperate and looking for hope and they tell them what they think they want to hear. They’d probably tell me I could have a baby. They’d probably tell me I could have ten, that me and Leo could have a house full of children and live happily ever after. Well, we can’t.

LEO looks at her, sad.

Gloria…

LEO

GLORIA (definite)

It’s true. It’s the way things are. (She leans into PETER, gentler.)

Better to see things as they are, Peter. And learn to live with that, than…

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS REAL MAGIC. REAL MAGIC’S A LOAD OF OLD ROPE.

CARD READERS, CONJURERS—TRAGIC. THEY PEDDLE LIES AND FALSE HOPE.

IT’S BETTER TO FACE THINGS AS THEY ARE, HARD AND TOUGH, THOUGH IT MAY FEEL. YOU ONLY CAN TRUST WHAT’S IN FRONT OF YOU, COS THAT’S ALL WE KNOW THAT IS REAL.

#28—Real Magic

PETER

I SAW THE ELEPHANT, I STOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. SHE LOOKED STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES. I SAW THE ELEPHANT, I SAW WHAT THEY’VE DONE TO HER. I HEARD HER LONELY CRIES. SHE CAME HERE BY MAGIC, OUT OF THE BLUE, A MAGIC THEY SAY WENT OFF TRACK. BUT IF SHE CAME HERE BY MAGIC, SOME KIND OF MAGIC, CAN MAGIC NOT HELP HER GO BACK?

GLORIA shakes her head.

That’s just wishful thinking.

GLORIA

LEO

How do you know the elephant’s sick, Peter? It’s not like she can speak to you.

PETER

I felt like she could. When I was standing there—I felt like I understood her perfectly.

GLORIA

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS REAL MAGIC. REAL MAGIC DOESN’T EXIST.

I KNOW THAT MIGHT SOUND QUITE TRAGIC, BUT IT’S ALL JUST A BOX OF CHEAP TRICKS.

WE CAN ONLY TRUST THE THINGS WE SEE, THE THINGS WE CAN TOUCH WITH OUR HAND. IT MIGHT NOT BE SO ROMANTIC-Y, BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE YOU STAND.

PETER

BUT I TOUCHED THE ELEPHANT, I STOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, I FELT THE WARMTH OF HER SKIN. I FELT HER HEART BEAT,

(PETER)

I FELT HER SADNESS, I FELT THE PAIN SHE’S IN.

(PETER)

SHE CAME HERE BY MAGIC, OUT OF THIN AIR, A MAGIC WE KNOW THAT WENT WRONG.

BUT IF SHE CAME HERE BY MAGIC, SOME KIND OF MAGIC, CAN MAGIC NOT SEND HER TO WHERE SHE BELONGS?

LEO

GLORIA

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS REAL MAGIC.

REAL MAGIC DOESN’T EXIST.

WE’VE HAD LOSS, WE’VE HAD PAIN. BUT WE’VE ALWAYS LOVED EACH OTHER. AND ISN’T LOVE A KIND OF MAGIC TOO? YOU CAN’T SEE OR TOUCH IT EITHER. I KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.

GLORIA

I KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME, IT’S WHAT’S KEPT MY WORLD ALIVE. WITHOUT YOUR LOVE THROUGH ALL THE HEARTACHE, THERE’S NO WAY I COULD SURVIVE, SURVIVE…

PETER

IF THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS REAL MAGIC, WHY DO WE HURT WITH GOODBYE? IF LEO WAS LOST AND WAS SUFFERING, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD REALLY STAND BY?

A beat as GLORIA takes this in.

LEO smiles and looks at GLORIA, loving. And she softens.

… Alright. (Suddenly—)

We’ll help you. Won’t we, Leo?

GLORIA

‘Course we will.

LEO

GLORIA

We won’t let you break another promise.

LEO

We’ll do whatever it is that needs to be done.

GLORIA

We’ll go to the jail and we’ll break out the magician.

LEO (shocked)

What?

GLORIA

Well, how else are we going to send the elephant back?

LEO

Gloria… we can’t just break the magician out of jail.

GLORIA

Why?

LEO

It’s a crime.

GLORIA Is it?

LEO

Yes.

Well, so is doing nothing.

PETER

GLORIA

Exactly!

LEO looks at GLORIA, stunned.

LEO

You just said you don’t even believe in magic.

GLORIA

I know. But… what if?

PETER Why not?

GLORIA

Could it be?

GLORIA takes LEO’s hand. He relents.

LEO Alright. (PETER jumps up.)

But we have to be quick…

Thank you, Leo.

PETER

GLORIA

Come on, then.

They start to go when LEO suddenly stops.

Oh no.

What?

LEO

PETER

LEO

The magician can’t send the elephant back without Madame LaVaughn. He said she’s a— necessary ingredient to perform the necessary magic.

PETER’s crushed.

PETER

What are we going to do?

GLORIA quickly makes a decision.

Peter, you go to Madame LaVaughn’s—

GLORIA

But don’t let her keep talking—

LEO

GLORIA

We’ll go to the jail. And we’ll all meet outside the Countess’s.

PETER (confused)

But—

GLORIA

Hurry!

They rush out into the street—LEO and GLORIA going one direction, PETER in the other. The BEGGAR (NARRATOR) appears and LEO almost knocks her over.

LEO

Go! He runs on.

AS PETER RAN OUT INTO THE NIGHT, HOPING HE COULD HELP TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT, OVER THE ROOFTOPS, DOWN AN OPULENT HALL, BUT IN A STRANGELY DAMP BALLROOM— ADELE AND THE ELEPHANT WERE CHAINED TO A WALL.

#29—Chained to a Wall
NARRATOR

Music. Ominous. The Ballroom of Countess Quintet. It’s dark and cold.

A large pile of dung sits behind the elephant. The elephant is chained to one wall, head down, clearly sick. ADELE is chained to the other wall, opposite her.

COUNTESS

And I don’t want to hear another word out of you or that elephant for the rest of the day!

The COUNTESS exits. The door slams and ADELE is left alone. ADELE looks at the elephant.

ADELE

… Madame Elephant? … Madame Elephant?

(She waves, trying to get the elephant’s attention.)

The boy was right, wasn’t he? You are sick. You need to go home.

(The elephant looks up briefly. ADELE reaches out to touch her, but the elephant drops her head, weak.)

I wish I could help you, Madame Elephant. I should be able to help you, I’m Adele the Brave. I’ve climbed mountains, and surfed tidal waves. I’ve rescued…

(The elephant glances at her. ADELE stops. Guilty.)

… no I haven’t… I’m just an orphan that no one’s come for. Lisette’s right. I’ve never done anything even remotely brave in my whole entire—

Suddenly a loud sneeze from behind the large pile of dung.

COUNT Ahchoo.

ADELE gasps, startled.

… Is someone there? … Hello?

The COUNT steps out from behind the pile of dung where he’s been hiding.

COUNT

Ssshhh. Please don’t tell her I’m down here.

#30—The Count Who Doesn’t Count
ADELE

ADELE

Why are you—hiding?

COUNT (desperate)

Because. I lost the boy. I couldn’t catch him. And she specifically asked me to catch him.

ADELE

… people make mistakes?

COUNT

No they don’t! Not around the Countess and especially not when she’s just wrested back control of the social season. No, no. Much safer to stay out of her way. Just let me sit here quietly with my bucket of dung until it all blows over. You won’t even know I’m here.

He sits down, clutching the bucket of dung. ADELE and the elephant glance at one another. A beat.

ADELE

… If you don’t mind my saying… it seems a bit strange to be so frightened. Of your own wife.

COUNT

Does it? Well.

(The COUNT feels a bit self-conscious under ADELE’s gaze. Music.)

YOU PROBABLY THINK I’M PATHETIC. DRIPPY, APOLOGETIC. WHAT KIND OF MAN HIDES FROM HIS WIFE? THE KIND WHO VALUES HIS LIFE.

YOU PROBABLY THINK I’M A COWARD.

ADELE

Well, ye—

COUNT

UNDERSIZED AND UNDERPOWERED. NOTHING MORE THAN QUINTET’S PUPPET. A BUFFOON, A CLOWN, A USELESS—

ADELE

MUPPET?

He glances at her, annoyed.

COUNT

I WASN’T ALWAYS SO PATHETIC. ONCE UPON A TIME, I WAS QUITE MAGNETIC. HANDSOME, POSH, SORT OF FEISTY— I THOUGHT THAT’S WHY SHE LIKED ME.

BUT THE YEARS, THEY STEAL OUR LOOKS AWAY. NOW IT’S THE SAME THING EVERY DAY. ALWAYS AT HER BECK AND CALL, WITHOUT MUCH THANKS—INVISIBLE!

ADELE

That’s awful.

COUNT It truly is. (A gasp of realization.)

I’M THE COUNT WHO DOESN’T COUNT. I’M THE TITLE NO ONE READS. ARISTOCRAT–SLASH–DOORMAT, I’M THE NOBLEMAN NO ONE NEEDS.

I’M THE COUNT WHO DOESN’T COUNT, LIKE THE FIFTH-IN-LINE TO THE THRONE. WORSE THAN A SPARE, NOT EVEN AN HEIR. I’M IN A NO MAN’S ZONE.

ADELE

Why do you put up with it?

COUNT

Because… she’s the Countess. She’s the reason I have this house, this title—

ADELE

But if she treats you so badly?

COUNT

And I wouldn’t mind but I’m the brains behind the whole operation.

ADELE

What do you mean?

COUNT

IT WAS MY IDEA TO BRING HER HERE, THE BEAST YOU SEE BEFORE YOU.

ADELE Your idea?

COUNT

I TOLD MY WIFE “GIVE IT A HOME, AND THE WHOLE TOWN WILL ADORE YOU.” (ADELE looks at the elephant, an idea forming.)

BUT DID I GET A WORD OF THANKS OR A NOD OF APPRECIATION?

ADELE

… no?

COUNT

ALL I GET IS (sound of nagging)

NAG NAG NAG AND THE THREAT OF DECAPITATION! (throat-slitting gesture)

I’M THE COUNT WHO DOESN’T COUNT. I’M THE TITLE NO ONE KNOWS. LIKE A PLAYWRIGHT CRAFTING BEAUTIFUL WORDS, KEPT OFFSTAGE AT THE SHOW.

I’M THE COUNT WHO DOESN’T COUNT.

I’M THE GENIUS NO ONE SEES. SHE’S WON THE PUBLIC’S HEARTS AND MINDS, AND ALL BECAUSE OF ME.

ADELE (whispering to the elephant)

I have an idea.

COUNT

What?

ADELE

YOU’RE THE COUNT THAT DOESN’T COUNT.

COUNT

Steady on.

ADELE A LILY-LIVERED FOOL.

COUNT

Okay I can criticize myself

ADELE

BUT JUST BECAUSE YOUR WIFE IS RICH, DOES SHE GET TO MAKE THE RULES?

COUNT

Well… yeah she does, really.

ADELE

That’s ridiculous—

SHOW QUINTET WHAT YOU CAN DO. SHOW HER THERE’S MUCH MORE TO YOU, SO MUCH MORE!

COUNT … THAN SWEEPING ELEPHANT POO?

ADELE

BE A COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS. A COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS. A COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS.

COUNT

But how?

ADELE points to the elephant.

ADELE

WHAT COULD BE MORE DARING THAN TO SET THIS GIANT FREE?

(ADELE)

WHAT A WAY TO SHOW QUINTET THE MAN WHO YOU CAN BE! SHOW HER THAT YOU’VE GOT THE MUSCLE, SHE LEFT YOU WITH THE KEY.

(The COUNT looks at the key, reluctant.)

OR IF YOU’RE JUST TOO SCARED TO DO IT, YOU COULD PUT THE BLAME ON ME?

The COUNT looks at her. And smiles.

Oh, that’s brilliant. (spoken)

I’LL… BE… THE… (sung)

COUNT

COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS, A MAN SHE CAN’T IGNORE, COS I’VE JUST LET HER PRECIOUS ELEPHANT WANDER OUT THE DOOR!

He laughs giddily, excited by his own audaciousness.

Ha ha!

COUNT

& ADELE

COUNT

I’LL BE THE COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS. A MAN SHE WON’T MISTREAT. NOT WHEN SHE’S SEES HER LITTLE ELEPHANT CHARGING DOWN THE STREET!

He hands the key to ADELE, who quickly unlocks her own chain.

ADELE

YOU’LL BE THE HERO OF THE HOUR, LOVED BY THRONGS IN LARGE AMOUNTS, YOU’LL BE THE COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS.

NO MORE SHAKING LIKE A LEAF!

COUNT

NOT JUST A CRUSHED AND PUNY FLOWER. LOVED BY THRONGS IN LARGE AMOUNTS, I’LL BE THE COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS.

I’LL BE A MAN WITH SELF-BELIEF!

A LEADING MAN THE WORLD RESPECTS—

BOTH

A COUNT WHO TRULY COUNTS!

COUNT

I’LL BE THE MAN THEY CAN’T RESIST, THE UNEXPECTED TWIST IN A STORY THAT WAS ONCE HER THRILLER. OH MY GOD, IT’S GOING TO KILL HER! I’M THE NAME ON ALL THEIR LIPS! NOT A WEAKLING WHO SHE WHIPS! THIS PUNCHING BAG, HE PUNCHES BACK: POW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW—WHACK!

TAKE THAT, QUINTET!

YOU DIDN’T SEE JUST WHAT A MAN THAT I CAN BE!

BOTH

TAKE THAT, QUINTET! YOU DIDN’T SEE JUST WHAT A MAN THAT I/HE CAN BE TAKE THAT, QUINTET! YOU DIDN’T SEE JUST WHAT A MAN THAT I/HE CAN BE.

ADELE

TAKE THAT, QUINTET! YOU DIDN’T SEE JUST WHAT A MAN THAT HE CAN BE!

COUNT

THE MAN WHO LET HER BEAST GO FREE…

(As the COUNT dances, carried away with his own brilliance, ADELE quickly unlocks the elephant’s chains.

Somewhere during the below, as she’s dancing with the COUNT, ADELE secretly signals to the elephant to go. As the COUNT and ADELE sing and dance, the elephant escapes from the ballroom behind—)

COUNT

I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS ME!

ADELE

I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS YOU!

ADELE

I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS YOU, YOU, YOU! I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS YOU!

… I’M PROUD TO SAY YOU ARE, … I’M PROUD TO SAY YOU ARE!

I’M PROUD! (spoken) SO PROUD! (sung)

SAY IT LOUD, ‘CAUSE YOU’RE ALLOWED!

… YES, SING IT OUT LOUD!

SING IT OUT LOUD, SING IT OUT PROUD! PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS YOU! THAT MAN IS YOU!

COUNT

I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS ME!

I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS ME, IT’S REALLY ME!

PROUD TO SAY THAT I’M THE MAN, PROUD TO SAY THAT I’M THE MAN, I’M PROUD! (spoken)

YOU’RE PROUD? (sung)

YES, I’M PROUD!

‘CAUSE I’M ALLOWED! HALLELUJAH, I’VE SEEN THE LIGHT, LIKE A PHOENIX SOARING IN MID-FLIGHT. I’LL RISE MAJESTIC FROM THE DUST, A WELCOME MEMBER OF THE UPPER CRUST!

I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT MAN IS ME! THAT MAN IS ME! (spoken)

A COUNT WHO REALLY COUNTS!

The COUNTESS suddenly bursts into the room, furious—

COUNTESS

JUST WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!

#31—Adele’s Idea

The COUNT points at ADELE—

It was her, it was all her.

Why is that orphan out of her chains?

COUNT

COUNTESS

I— I— don’t know, my sweet.

And where the hell is the elephant?

COUNT

COUNTESS

COUNT

I’ll put a stop to it immediately.

He runs towards the elephant but ADELE trips him up.

ADELE

Oh no, you don’t!

Aggh.

The COUNT goes flying.

COUNT

COUNTESS

What have you done to him—you malicious little orphan.

The COUNTESS makes a grab for ADELE but ADELE jumps away from her.

ADELE thinks; then, summoning her courasge:

ADELE

Wait. I have a present for you, Countess Quintet.

COUNTESS

(suddenly intrigued)

… A present? Really? Is it jewelry?

Well, you’re gonna wear it.

ADELE picks up the bucket.

Oh no.

ADELE

COUNTESS

The COUNTESS starts backing away.

One!

No, no, no, no, no.

ADELE

COUNTESS

ADELE

Two!

Please, I can’t—I can’t bear the smell!

COUNTESS

Three!

ADELE

COUNTESS

Nooooooo!

ADELE throws the bucket of dung all over the COUNTESS. The COUNTESS screams. The COUNT gets up and runs to the COUNTESS.

COUNT

My petit dejeuner, what has she done to you!

ADELE quickly runs around them with the chain, chaining them together.

COUNT

What are you doing? No please, don’t tie us up. Please.

COUNTESS

You awful little orphan!

ADELE

I’m not an awful little orphan. People actually have names, Countess Quintet. And my name is Adele. (then)

The Brave.

ADELE leaves them tied up.

COUNTESS

You can’t leave us here. I had just wrested back control of the social season!

#32—The Mob II

Music—tense.

PETER rushes on pushing MADAME LAVAUGHN, still in her dressing gown.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Are you sure this will work? Has he agreed? He said he couldn’t do it—

PETER

Yes, Madame LaVaughn, I hope so.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Because perhaps you don’t understand, I was crushed—

GLORIA, LEO, and the handcuffed MAGICIAN rush from the other side.

LEO

Peter! We’ve got the magician.

Various TOWNSFOLK begin to appear.

Look! There he is. It’s the boy!

FISHMONGER

The TOWNSFOLK rush towards PETER but LEO steps in front of him. They stop.

And the police officer!

LAMPLIGHTER

MILLINER

And they’ve got the magician in handcuffs.

DOCTOR (excited)

Are they going to summon another elephant?

MRS. GRISWALD

We can make more wishes!

A cheer goes up.

No, everyone just keep calm—

Suddenly the POLICE CHIEF appears.

Stop right there, Leo Matienne!

LEO

POLICE CHIEF

LEO (shocked)

Chief?

POLICE CHIEF

Just what do you think you’re doing, letting a convicted criminal go free from jail?

LEO

I can explain, Chief—

POLICE CHIEF

Well. Yes. You most certainly will explain, Leo Matienne, because—

MRS. GRISWALD (over him)

Look! Look over there.

EVERYONE turns, gasps. Music. Magical, astonishing… as through the haze the elephant appears.

ALL (in awe)

It’s the elephant!

(The POLICE CHIEF turns, surprised. The CROWDS kneel at the sight of the elephant.)

She’s free!

MRS. GRISWALD

It’s a miracle!

The elephant is breathing heavily, her head heavy and hanging low. Suddenly the elephant raises her trunk and sounds a loud mournful cry. The CROWD steps back, terrified.

Wait—what’s happening?

Why’s she doing that?

MILLINER

BAKER

POLICE CHIEF

Is that… normal for an elephant?

PETER comes towards the elephant. She looks at him, reaching her trunk towards him, sad, desperate.

PETER

No! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all. She’s sick.

POLICE CHIEF

Sick?

PETER

She needs to go home. The magician needs to send her back.

The MAGICIAN looks up, surprised.

Me?

MAGICIAN

LEO

Yes, that’s why we brought you here. We have all the necessary ingredients— Madame LaVaughn, the elephant—

The MAGICIAN looks at the elephant, amazed.

MRS. GRISWALD

But we don’t want to send the elephant back.

MILLINER

No! Who says we have to send her back? The boy?

LAMPLIGHTER

He just wants to spoil it all!

To take away our hopes and dreams.

FISHMONGER

PETER

No. ALL Yes! / The Countess told us!

PETER

(passionate)

No, no, no, no! It’s not true.

(Suddenly PETER stands up and addresses the CROWD, angry, passionate.)

Don’t you think I have hopes and dreams too? Don’t you think I want things, just like you?

#33—So What If Our Dreams Come True?

(The CROWD stops. For the first time they seem to be listening.)

A fortune teller told me an elephant would lead me to my sister—don’t you think I want that? I would give anything to see my sister. But the elephant is going to die if she doesn’t go home. And my dreams… are not worth that. The things I want, are not worth her— dying for. Don’t you see?

WHAT GOOD ARE DREAMS IF THEY TRAMPLE ON ANOTHER’S? WHAT GOOD ARE HOPES IF THEY TAKE ANOTHER’S HOPE AWAY? WHAT KIND OF TOMORROW HURTS THE FRIENDS WE MADE TODAY?

WHAT USE IS POWER IF IT ONLY MAKES US HUNGRY? WHAT GOOD ARE RICHES IF WE’VE NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR? WHAT KIND OF SUCCESS ALWAYS LEAVES US WANTING MORE?

SO WHAT IF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE? WHAT WILL THAT DO FOR YOU?

DOCTOR

WHAT ABOUT MY HOPES, DON’T THEY MATTER?

BAKER

WHAT ABOUT MY WISH FOR SOMETHING NEW?

MRS. GRISWALD

WHY IS IT SO WRONG TO WANT SOMETHING BETTER?

LAMPLIGHTER

NOT THE SAME OLD GREY, BUT SKIES OF BLUE. Suddenly the MAGICIAN steps forward.

MAGICIAN

I WANT TO BE GREATER THAN I’VE EVER BEEN. FOR ONCE TO BE NOTICED, REALLY SEEN. WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT?

MAGICIAN & LAMPLIGHTER

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT?

ALL

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT, I SAY?

PETER

Nothing. Except when it takes another’s happiness away. WHAT KIND OF FREEDOM KEEPS ANOTHER CAPTIVE? WHAT KIND OF LOVE IS BORN FROM HATE?

HOW CAN TOMORROW BE BETTER THAN TODAY IF IT TAKES YOUR SOUL AWAY?

(The TOWN look at one another, starting to listen.)

WHAT GOOD’S A FAMILY THAT BREAKS ANOTHER FAMILY? WHAT GOOD’S A PLAYGROUND IF WE WON’T LET OTHERS PLAY? WHAT KIND OF TOMORROW REPEATS THE WRONGS OF YESTERDAY?

PETER & GLORIA

SO WHAT IF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE?

(PETER & GLORIA)

IF THEY TAKE ALL THE GOOD FROM YOU?

GLORIA

AFTER ALL THE SORROW WE’VE ALL BEEN THROUGH, HOW CAN WE DO THIS TO ANOTHER?

MRS. GRISWALD

I LOST MY SON IN THE WAR. HOW CAN I TAKE A CHILD FROM HER MOTHER?

DOCTOR

A BOAT CANNOT SAIL TO THE PEOPLE WE’VE LOST. MONEY WON’T TAKE AWAY THE PAIN.

LAMPLIGHTER

AN ANIMAL DYING FOR THE THINGS I CAN’T HAVE… ALL

HER LOSS CAN NEVER BE OUR GAIN.

PETER

WHAT GOOD ARE DREAMS IF THEY TRAMPLE ON ANOTHER’S? WHAT GOOD ARE HOPES IF THEY TAKE ANOTHER’S HOPE AWAY? WHAT KIND OF TOMORROW HURTS THE FRIENDS WE’VE MADE TODAY?

PETER, LEO, & GLORIA

SO WHAT IF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE?

WHAT GOOD ARE THEY S’POSED TO DO,

IF NO ONE IS LEFT BUT YOU?

PETER turns to the MAGICIAN.

PETER

ALL

WHAT GOOD ARE DREAMS

IF THEY TAKE ANOTHER’S AWAY? HOW COULD WE HURT THE FRIENDS WE’VE MADE TODAY?

SO WHAT IF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE?

WHAT GOOD WILL THEY DO, IF NO ONE IS LEFT BUT YOU?

If you performed the magic once, you could do it again.

MAGICIAN

No. Don’t you understand? I cannot send her back.

(The MAGICIAN looks at the elephant, and for a moment he’s awestruck.)

(MAGICIAN)

She is the finest magic I’ve ever performed. My whole life has been a humiliating failure. I just wanted to do one extraordinary thing… Suddenly MADAME LAVAUGHN comes forward in her wheelchair—

MADAME LAVAUGHN

But perhaps you do not understand, I was crushed.

The MAGICIAN draws back, fearful.

MAGICIAN

I INTENDED ONLY LILIES,

TO PRESENT MADAME WITH LILIES.

LILIES, LILIES—

LILIES, LILIES—

LEO

LAVAUGHN

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT!

CRUSHED BY AN ELEPHANT!

ELEPHANT—

Stop this—I beg you. Stop! (genuine)

Speak words that matter.

PETER looks at the MAGICIAN. He sings this next part to him:

PETER

WHAT GOOD IS GREATNESS THAT’S BUILT ON SOMEONE’S SADNESS? WHAT GOOD IS FAME IF IT COMES FROM FEAR?

LYING IS A BAD THING, BUT IT DOESN’T ALWAYS COME FROM BADNESS. In the distance we hear a musket and LUTZ call:

LUTZ (off)

Private Duchene! … Peter?

MADAME

PETER looks at the MAGICIAN.

PETER

… The truth is the thing she needs to hear.

The MAGICIAN looks at PETER, then at MADAME LAVAUGHN. He takes a deep breath, and decides to come clean.

MAGICIAN

The truth is… the truth is—I didn’t intend only lilies, Madame LaVaughn.

(The CROWD and MADAME LAVAUGHN gasp.)

The truth is—that while in the clutches of a desperate desire to do something extraordinary I deliberately called down a greater magic… but accidentally caused you a profound harm. And for that, I am truly sorry.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

But will I walk again, sir? If you do this magic now, will I walk?

MAGICIAN

… I don’t think so, no. I don’t think I have that kind of magic. (He gets down on his knees and continues, genuine)

But I beg you to forgive me, Madame LaVaughn. Please will you forgive me?

MADAME LAVAUGHN sniffs, looks away. She will not.

The elephant suddenly collapses, weak.

The elephant.

PETER

Peter rushes to her. The CROWD look at her, suddenly filled with concern.

She’s cold.

FISHMONGER

She needs to go back where it’s warm.

DOCTOR

PETER turns to the MAGICIAN, imploring.

PETER

To send her home would be a fine magic too, would it not?

MAGICIAN

An even greater magic, the undoing is always more difficult than the doing. But I really don’t think I have that kind of magic.

PETER

Please, won’t you just try?

TOWN

Yes, try!

A beat. The MAGICIAN somewhat anxiously gives in.

MAGICIAN

… Very well.

(The MAGICIAN stands up, turns to the CROWD.)

But you will all have to step back. Step right back.

PETER goes to the elephant, who responds when she sees him. He starts to help her up.

PETER

(to the elephant)

It’s alright. It’s okay. We want to help you.

Very gently, PETER leads the elephant forward.

MAGICIAN

(to PETER)

Please, sir. Even you.

#34—Sacred Spell

(Reluctantly, PETER steps back away from the elephant too. The MAGICIAN turns to face the CROWD.)

I will say these words in the hope that they work, but with the knowledge too that there’s only so much can be undone, even by magicians.

(He raises his hands, closes his eyes and tentatively starts his incantation—)

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

Nothing happens. The MAGICIAN loses faith.

PETER

(to the MAGICIAN)

Keep trying. I believe. I believe you can perform the necessary magic.

The MAGICIAN tries again, a little faster. PETER joins in.

MAGICIAN & PETER

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

(Something—maybe some petals—falls from the sky. Some magic is beginning to happen. The MAGICIAN and PETER keep going. The elephant starts to lift its head. One by one the TOWN starts to join in, like an ancient chant—)

+ ONE PERSON

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

(The elephant stands.)

+ THREE PEOPLE

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

A bouquet of lilies magically appears in MRS. GRISWALD’s hands.

MRS. GRISWALD

Oh, my!

Enthused, the CROWD begins to chant louder—

+ TWO PEOPLE

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

ALL

(As the chant grows, more lilies appear in random PEOPLE’s hands. The chant keeps growing.)

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH

EGORI—EGORI—EGOSH…

The light gets almost blindingly bright. And suddenly… silence. And we realise… the elephant is gone.

ADELE is standing there now, staring into the empty space where the elephant once was. She and PETER look at one another.

… She’s gone.

ADELE

PETER

Home.

ADELE smiles at him. The CROWD murmur, amazed.

LEO

(to the MAGICIAN)

You did it! You performed the necessary magic.

The MAGICIAN stands, amazed—

I did? … I did. I did!

MAGICIAN

He drops to his knees in amazement and relief, as SISTER MARIE and the ORPHANS rush on, looking for ADELE—

SISTER MARIE

Adele! Adele, there you are! Oh thank god you’re alright.

She crushes ADELE in a large embrace.

ADELE

(excited)

You just missed it!

LISETTE What?

ADELE

The magician just made the elephant disappear. (breathless)

Well, first I had to break her out of the Countess’s ballroom, which I did—I covered her in dung—and then I brought the elephant here and then the whole town said a magic spell and—

LISETTE

You are such a lying weirdo!

SISTER MARIE

(laughing)

What a crazy imagination you have, Adele. Where do you get these notions?

PETER (interrupting)

Excuse me?

(They ALL turn, surprised.)

Did you just say that her name is Adele?

SISTER MARIE

Yes, that’s her name.

PETER

Do you mind if I ask how she—came to get that name?

BAKER

What a question, Peter.

How does anyone get a name.

MILLINER

SISTER MARIE

It was the name her mother gave her when she was born—why?

PETER

I had a sister my mother named Adele when she was born. She asked me to remember that name.

SISTER MARIE’s not sure what to make of this.

SISTER MARIE

Oh. How very interesting. (moving on)

It’s cold Adele, put on your hat.

SISTER MARIE puts ADELE’s hat on her head. It’s the very same hat PETER has.

PETER

Excuse me?

(SISTER MARIE turns, a little bit irritated.)

Do you mind if I ask, how she came to get that hat?

SISTER MARIE

Her father left it to her. Sadly he died on the battlefield. Come on, girls—

SISTER MARIE and the ORPHANS turn to go—

PETER

My father died on the battlefield.

(EVERYONE stops. They look at PETER.)

I have the same hat.

MRS. GRISWALD

Oh, I’m getting shivers now…

PETER takes another step towards ADELE.

PETER

My mother sewed our family name onto the inside of it, so I wouldn’t lose it.

(He takes his hat off, shows ADELE and SISTER MARIE.)

See? Just there. Duchene.

ADELE takes off her hat, looks inside.

Duchene…

(She looks up, shocked.)

Mine says the same thing.

ADELE

SISTER MARIE

Heaven preserve us!

GLORIA clutches LEO.

No, Leo, it’s impossible.

LEO smiles.

GLORIA

LEO

Yes, Gloria, it is.

As PETER takes another step closer to ADELE—

PETER

I’m your brother, Adele. Peter. (ADELE looks up, shocked.)

You’re my sister. (Beat.) You live.

FISHMONGER

(a bit emotional)

Well, we always like it when people live.

ADELE

I have—a brother?

SISTER MARIE looks inside the hat.

Yes, Adele, I think you do.

#35—A Lot Like Me (Reprise)

SISTER MARIE

PETER

SO THIS IS TRUE,

EV’RYTHING WAS A LIE.

MY LIFE’S NO LONGER A QUESTION OF “WHO AM I?”

YOU’RE HERE, YOU’RE ALIVE. NO, YOU DIDN’T DIE. THIS IS TRUE.

EV’RYTHING WAS A LIE.

Snowflakes begin to fall from the sky. The TOWN reaches up to feel the flakes. ADELE and PETER barely notice, so amazed are they to be together.

What’s this?

It couldn’t be…

LISETTE

SISTER MARIE

LEO It is.

LISETTE

What—what is it?

SISTER MARIE

But it hasn’t snowed in Baltese for over a hundred years.

GLORIA

It’s a miracle.

ADELE and PETER are still looking at one another—amazed at this instant family.

ADELE & PETER

BUT NOW I’VE GOT YOU, AND YOU’RE PART OF ME.

ALONE, WE WERE PRISONERS. TOGETHER, WE ARE FREE!

MADAME LAVAUGHN looks at PETER and ADELE.

… Free?

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Suddenly the POLICE CHIEF steps towards the MAGICIAN.

POLICE CHIEF

But you’re not.

(He starts to handcuff the MAGICIAN.)

I’m afraid it’s back to the jailhouse with you.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

But perhaps you don’t understand…

(She stops. Shakes her head.)

(MADAME LAVAUGHN) … no.

(firm)

No.

(Behind, the MAGICIAN is about to be marched off in handcuffs Suddenly—)

Set him free.

EVERYONE stops, shocked.

What did you say?

LEO

MADAME LAVAUGHN

I said… set him free. It’s pointless to return this man to jail. What’s happened has happened, it cannot be undone.

The MAGICIAN is stunned.

But… are you sure?

Quite sure.

Are you sure you’re sure?

Set him free.

MAGICIAN

MADAME LAVAUGHN

POLICE CHIEF

MADAME LAVAUGHN

POLICE CHIEF

As you wish.

The POLICE CHIEF unlocks the MAGICIAN, who seems quite amazed. The TOWN watches on, astonished, as he does a bow of gratitude to MADAME LAVAUGHN. #36—Anything Could Happen

MAGICIAN

Madame.

Sir.

(nods)

MADAME LAVAUGHN

GLORIA

Gosh, it almost feels as if anything could happen now.

ADELE and PETER stand together.

ADELE

Look at all the stars. Aren’t they beautiful.

CROWD

(murmurs)

Yes. / Beautiful.

FISHMONGER

It’s a meteorological impossibility to see stars at the same time as snow.

MRS. GRISWALD

Is it, really?

MAGICIAN

Well, that’s the thing about magic. It’s always impossible. It begins with the impossible. It ends with the impossible and is impossible in between.

PETER looks at him.

That’s why it’s magic.

PETER

The MAGICIAN smiles at PETER. They ALL look up at the twinkling stars, as the snow falls all around them.

WHEN I LIVED WITH VILNA ON STALE BREAD AND FISH, I’D LOOK UP AT THE STARS AT NIGHT AND MAKE MYSELF A WISH.

He smiles at ADELE.

MAGICIAN

IN MY DARKENED CELL, LOOKING THROUGH THE BARS,

(to LEO)

(MAGICIAN)

THE ONLY THING THAT QUELLED DESPAIR WAS GLANCING AT THE STARS.

GLORIA

ON CERTAIN NIGHTS WHEN I FEEL GLOOMY THAT IT’S ONLY ME AND YOU, THE STARS, THEY BECKON TO ME AND I KNOW IT ISN’T TRUE.

MADAME LAVAUGHN

THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, SOMETHING STRANGE AND NEW. THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, I FEEL IT HERE… CAN YOU?

MAGICIAN

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, THINGS WE’VE NEVER DREAMED.

PETER ANYTHING MIGHT HAPPEN,

PETER & MAGICIAN THAT’S THE WAY IT SEEMS.

POLICE CHIEF

SOMETIMES ON A COLD NIGHT WHEN I’M TAKING DOWN A THIEF, THE STARS THEY SEEM TO WHISPER, “YOU’RE A GREAT POLICE CHIEF.”

Lights up on the COUNTESS, staring out of the ballroom.

COUNTESS

IN MY STUNNING BALLROOM, NO ONE’S HERE TO SEE THE PERSON THAT I TRULY AM, MY SELFLESS CHARITY. The COUNT points upwards.

COUNT

But look at the stars, dear, aren’t they lovely?

COUNTESS

SOMETIMES THEY SHINE LIKE DIAMONDS, COUNT

SOMETIMES THEY SHINE LIKE EYES.

LUTZ

EACH ONE WATCHING OVER US, OUR OLD FRIENDS IN THE SKIES.

LEO

WHY DO WE THINK THE THOUGHTS WE DO? WHY DO WE SAY THE THINGS WE SAY? WHEN WE LOOK UP AT THE SKY AT NIGHT, ARE WE SEEING IT THE SAME WAY?

GLORIA & ADELE

THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, SOMETHING STRANGE AND NEW. THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, I FEEL IT NOW… CAN YOU?

ALL

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, THINGS YOU’VE NEVER DREAMED. ANYTHING MIGHT HAPPEN, THAT’S THE WAY IT SEEMS.

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, THINGS YOU’VE NEVER DREAMED. ANYTHING MIGHT HAPPEN, THAT’S THE WAY IT SEEMS TONIGHT.

PETER & LEO

WHY DO WE THINK THE THOUGHTS WE DO? WHY DO WE SAY THE THINGS WE SAY? WHEN WE LOOK UP AT THE SKY AT NIGHT, ARE WE SEEING IT THE SAME WAY?

The stage darkens. The TOWN disappears. The NARRATOR steps forward.

NARRATOR

And so, like the elephant, the town of Baltese went home. To big homes and to small homes. To old homes and to new homes. To places that were once homes… Lights up on old LUTZ upstairs.

ADELE

Vilna Lutz?

ADELE and PETER appear. ADELE’s holding a bowl of stew.

LUTZ

Who goes there? I’m armed and I’m ready.

PETER

It’s just us, Vilna. Gloria’s made dinner.

ADELE puts a blanket round LUTZ’s shoulders. He looks at her, confused.

LUTZ

Are the enemy advancing?

There’s no enemy, Vilna Lutz. Just stew.

ADELE

Lights up below on GLORIA and LEO’s house. MADAME LAVAUGHN and the MAGICIAN are over for supper.

NARRATOR

And places that soon became like home.

LISETTE rushes into GLORIA and LEO’s house. She knocks into MADAME—

MADAME LAVAUGHN

Steady on, Lisette! What’s the rush?

LISETTE

I’m hungry!

GLORIA smiles and puts an arm round LISETTE.

GLORIA

Look, he’s doing some magic!

LISETTE’s instantly gripped as the MAGICIAN suddenly pulls a huge bouquet of roses out of his hat.

MADAME LAVAUGHN (surprised)

Oooh!

(She laughs flirtatiously as the MAGICIAN presents the flowers to her grandly.)

Naughty man!

(MADAME LAVAUGHN)

LEO

(re: the trick)

I know how you did that!

(to GLORIA)

I know how he did that.

GLORIA swats LEO indulgently.

One more and then we eat!

GLORIA

MAGICIAN

Officer Matienne? Do you want to have a go?

The OTHERS groan, laughing.

NARRATOR

And as the elephant, when she went home, forgot the town of Baltese… over time, the town of Baltese forgot the elephant too. Soon, no one spoke of her miraculous appearance—or disappearance—anymore. No one spoke about the boy. Or the girl. Or even the Magician. It all seemed too impossible to have ever happened.

(The scene behind her fades and she comes towards us.)

… But it did happen. Oh yes, it did. And it could happen again, too.

(Beat.)

Don’t believe me?

(The TOWN appear as they were that night, frozen in a moment looking up at the stars.)

THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, SOMETHING STRANGE AND NEW.

THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, I FEEL IT HERE… CAN YOU?

ALL

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, THINGS YOU’VE NEVER DREAMED.

(ALL)

ANYTHING MIGHT HAPPEN, THAT’S THE WAY IT SEEMS.

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, THINGS YOU’VE NEVER DREAMED. ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, THAT’S THE WAY IT SEEMS TONIGHT.

TONIGHT!

As the stage darkens we might see a final image: the elephant back home in the jungle. It raises its trunk and trumpets.

END OF ACT II

#37—Bows

(ALL)

SWING YOUR TAIL TO THE LEFT, SWING YOUR TAIL TO THE RIGHT!

CHARGE THE SAVANNA AND BLAST WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!

THE MONKEY SHUFFLE’S PUNKY, THE HIPPO HOP’S A ROMP.

NOTHING QUITE COMPARES TO THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP! EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY ‘BOUT THE ELEPHANT STOMP!

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