The Connector Libretto

Libretto Vocal Book

Book by

Music and Lyrics by

Jonathan Marc Sherman

Jason Robert Brown

Conceived by Daisy Prince

WAIT!

BEFORE REHEARSING COPYRIGHT WARNING (SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE) All music, lyrics and dialogue from the Play contained in this book are the property of the Authors and are fully protected by copyright. Your organization’s performance license prohibits making any changes of any kind to the Play, including: • changes of music, lyrics, dialogue, sequence of songs and/or scenes, time period, setting, characters or characterizations or gender of characters in the Play; • adding new material (such as scenes or framing devices, characters or songs from any other version of the Play, including films); • omitting or adding any music, lyrics or dialogue.

Any unauthorized changes shall constitute a willful infringement of the authors’ copyright and may subject your organization to civil liabilities and criminal penalties under the United States Copyright Act and other applicable statutes.

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THANK YOU! World Premiere at the MCC Theater on February 6, 2024 Artistic Director: Bernard Telsey & William Cantler Executive Director: Blake West Book © 2024 Jonathan Marc Sherman Music and Lyrics © 2024 Jason Robert Brown.

All rights controlled by Semolina Farfalle Music Co. (ASCAP)

(Last Revised—April 2026)

C haracters ETHAN DOBSON ROBIN MARTINEZ CONRAD O’BRIEN MURIEL MONA BLAND ROBERT (BOB) HENSHAW (also WILLIS TAYLOR) ZACHARY FLEISCHER BILLY DOBSON (also WALDO PINE) FLORENCIA MORENO NESTOR FINEMAN BRIAN LAMB SHERYL HUGHES VERONICA KRAUS-IFRAH

S etting New York City, 1995-1997

—i—

M usical N umbers 1.

The Whole World Changed................. ETHAN, ROBIN, CONRAD, COMPANY ........ 1

2.

See Yourself. . ....................................................................... ETHAN, COMPANY ...... 10

3.

I’m Watching You.................................................................................... ROBIN ...... 14

4.

Success. . .................................................................... WALDO, ETHAN, CROWD ...... 17

5.

So I Came To New York.. ........................................................... ROBIN, ETHAN ...... 24

6.

The Voice of My Generation. . ........................... ETHAN, CONRAD, COMPANY ...... 31

7.

Cassandra................................................................................................. ROBIN ...... 39

8.

Wind In My Sails . . ............................................................... WILLIS, COMPANY ...... 49

9.

Now What............................................................................................ CONRAD ...... 60

10.

Help Me Forget Everything................. ETHAN, CONRAD, ROBIN, COMPANY ...... 64

11.

Muriel’s Song (Proof). . ....................................................... MURIEL, COMPANY ...... 68

12.

The Western Wall. . .............................................................. ETHAN, COMPANY ...... 77

13.

There Never Was. . ...................................................................... ROBIN, ETHAN ...... 88

—ii—

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 1 —

THE CONNECTOR #1 —The W hol e W o r l d C h a n ge d

Ethan, Robin, Conrad, Company

ROBIN MARTINEZ enters.

ROBIN The story you’re about to hear was first published in September of 1997, in the final issue of the legendary magazine The Connector.

We see ETHAN DOBSON. He has a magazine open in front of him.

ETHAN WHAT LOOKS AT FIRST TO BE REMARKABLE, BIZARRE WILL SOON REVEAL ITSELF TO BE PART OF A PATTERN. AND WE WHO STAND OUTSIDE IDENTIFY THE HISTORY IN THE SEEMINGLY UNPRECEDENTED THING.

The light fades on ETHAN as ROBIN sings.

ROBIN A YOUNG MAN DREAMED IN 1944 OF A MAGAZINE THAT SPOKE FOR HIS GENERATION, AND TWO YEARS LATER FROM A TOWNHOUSE IN HELL’S KITCHEN ISSUED ISSUE #1 OF THE CONNECTOR. A YOUNG MAN DREAMED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WAR OF A MONTHLY SOURCE OF TRUTH AND INVESTIGATION, SO AUBREY BERNARD, TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, ROLLED THE DICE AND ROLLED THE PRESSES ON THE CONNECTOR.

— 2 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN

COMPANY

AND THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED,

AH…

AND EVERYTHING STAYED THE SAME. THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED,

AH…

AND EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING STAYED THE SAME.

ROBIN CIRCULATION BOOMED WITH INTERNATIONAL ACCLAIM AND EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING STAYED THE SAME

The rest of the COMPANY enters. An informal celebratory gathering in the conference room of The Connector. CONRAD O’BRIEN, the magazine’s editor, holds up the magazine’s first issue, from December, 1946—in a protective plastic case, with its cover: a pen-and-ink Bill Mauldin cartoon of Manhattan, & a long printed column titled “A Pledge to Our Readers from Aubrey Bernard.”

CONRAD Fifty years of The Connector! A plastic cup of champagne seems right: humble outside, sparkling inside. Are we still fulfilling Aubrey Bernard’s founding vision for our beloved magazine?

(pointing to some folks in the company, probably BOB & MURIEL) To our fabled history of writers and editors, who still search, reach, and fight for the truth.

To our beloved, well-educated, politically active readers.

To our new corporate partners, VorschlagXE.

(pointing to VERONICA, who smiles broadly, and ZACHARY, who does not.)

Together, we shall thrive and grow for many more decades, pushing forward, staying true to the tenets Aubrey Bernard held so dear!

ROBIN A YOUNG MAN DREAMED IN HIS DORM ROOM UP AT HARVARD THAT HE’D SOMEDAY WRITE FOR HIS FAVORITE PUBLICATION, SO CONRAD O’BRIEN AS OF 1962 SENT DISPATCHES FROM SAIGON FOR THE CONNECTOR.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN

— 3 —

COMPANY

A YOUNG MAN LEARNED

OO…

AS HE GREW TO MIDDLE AGE HOW TO NAVIGATE THE CONSTANT EXASPERATION, OO… SO CONRAD O’BRIEN IN 1981 BECAME THE NEXT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

OO…

OF THE CONNECTOR. AND THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED, THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED AND EVERYTHING STAYED THE SAME. THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED, AND EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING,

THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED

EVERYTHING STAYED THE SAME. NEW SUBSCRIPTIONS DWINDLED AND NEW COMPETITION CAME, AND EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING STAYED THE SAME.

CONRAD holds up the current December 1995 issue of The Connector. Vol. 50, No. 1, with a fold-out cover which includes “A New Pledge to Our Readers from Conrad O’Brien,” and the digital rendering, which expands out over the fold-out to include a massive digital cityscape of New York. The COMPANY applauds and hoots and cheers.

CONRAD WE TALK A LOT ABOUT THE TRUTH AROUND HERE. THE TRUTH IS NOT JUST SOMETHING VERIFIED, THE TRUTH IS PALPABLE, TANGIBLE, REAL. THE TRUTH IS NOT ABOUT THE FACTS, FORGIVE ME. THE FACTS CAN ALWAYS BE MANIPULATED, ARRANGED, MASSAGED, WE ARE NOT PURVEYORS OF FACTS, WE ARE TELLERS OF TRUTHS. SO HERE’S A TRUTH: FOR FIFTY YEARS, WE’VE STOOD ON THIS FOUNDATION.

— 4 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

(CONRAD) TRUTH: IN FIFTY YEARS, WE’VE NEVER BEEN OUTRUN. NOW: IN PARTNERSHIP WITH THIS GREAT CORPORATION, WE ARE RESOLUTE, DETERMINED,

CONRAD

COMPANY

AS WE HAVE BEEN FROM DAY ONE.

AH…

WE ARE FIGHTING NOW TO HONOR WHAT OUR FOUNDER WOULD HAVE DONE.

AH…

IN 1946, AND ’56, AND ’66, AND ’76, AND ’86, AND ’96, WE’VE STOOD FIRM WHILE

AH…

THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED! LA DA-DA DA-DA… THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED! LA DA-DA DA-DA… THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED! LA DA-DA DA-DA… THE TRUTH WILL STAY THE SAME.

MURIEL (raising a Dixie cup) To the next fifty years!

The company toasts and immediately breaks off into groups—VERONICA follows CONRAD, as does ZACHARY. BOB and MURIEL head off towards her office, arguing about punctuation. The other writers, editors and staff head to their offices, their desks, lunch.

ROBIN A YOUNG MAN DREAMED IN HIS BEDROOM IN NEW JERSEY OF HIS NAME ON A BYLINE IN THE CONNECTOR…

ROBIN’s desk. ETHAN walks in.

ETHAN Hi, I’m Ethan Dobson. I hope I have an appointment to see Conrad O’Brien.

ROBIN So why are you here?

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 5 —

ETHAN Ummm, to see Conrad O’Brien—

ROBIN Yes, but he’s the editor-in-chief, and this…

(grand gesture) … is merely the humble copy editing desk.

ETHAN Wow.

ROBIN I know. It’s almost too glamorous. If you’re here to meet Conrad, you’re going to want to go down this hall and make a left, right after Muriel’s office.

ETHAN She’s a fact checking legend.

ROBIN That’s right. Muriel’s our resident fact checking legend. You know the basic cast of characters, you might just acquit yourself honorably around this place. How’d you end up here?

ETHAN I’ve been wanting to work at The Connector ever since I realized I had to work somewhere.

ROBIN Yeah, I think I was the only kid in Fort Worth who actually had my own subscription.

ROBIN gets up from her desk.

Follow me, Ethan.

(ETHAN does.)

How’d you convince Conrad to meet with you?

ETHAN Oh, you meant how did I truly end up here, in these offices, today?

ROBIN Yeah.

— 6 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN I wrote a story for The Princetonian—

ROBIN Ivy League. Fancy. You’re in college?

ETHAN I’m an alum now, a graduate, thank you very much. Mr. O’Brien’s wife apparently liked my story and showed it to Mr. O’Brien.

ROBIN Huh. I didn’t know that was a thing.

ETHAN I’m hoping to maybe expand it, so maybe Mr. O’Brien will re-edit it, and, you know… maybe publish it.

ROBIN … Uh huh.

ETHAN He’ll probably just say an encouraging word or two and show me the door…

ROBIN Speaking of showing you the door…

(points) That’s Conrad’s office.

(extends her hand) I’m Robin Martinez.

ETHAN Nice to meet you, Robin. Thanks.

ROBIN Good luck, Ethan.

ROBIN walks off. ETHAN waits. CONRAD walks up to his office with ZACHARY FLEISCHER and VERONICA.

ZACHARY It was lovely of you to come by today, Veronica.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 7 —

VERONICA VorschlagXE values tradition, and continuity, and renewal—

CONRAD You value freshly painted walls.

VERONICA Our founder believed passionately that turquoise walls both increase productivity and induce calm. Turquoise ranks highly with older and younger consumers alike, whereas colors like saffron, or burgundy…

(shudders) … well. Turquoise walls are our signature.

CONRAD Our founder didn’t record any passionate beliefs about the paint colors of our office walls.

ETHAN (deliberately interrupting) Conrad O’Brien… ?

CONRAD None other.

(Beat) Are you Ethan Dobson?

ETHAN I am.

VERONICA Between passion and lack of passion, shouldn’t passion prevail?

CONRAD (slapping her on the back as he walks away) Not always!

ZACHARY (diplomatically stepping in) Aubrey Bernard passionately believed the most valuable assets of The Connector go home for dinner each night.

ZACHARY and VERONICA exit. CONRAD and ETHAN walk into CONRAD’s office.

— 8 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN It is such an honor to meet you, sir.

CONRAD Not “sir,” please. Come in, come in. Excuse the mess­—well, some of the mess. We’re having the offices painted.

ETHAN Looks good to me.

CONRAD The new owners assure me that the only things they want to change are the colors of our office walls. We shall see… sit down.

ETHAN Thank you for giving me a chance to meet you and—

CONRAD Do you know how many times during the years I’ve been editing this magazine Eileen has suggested that I read something from her alumni newspaper?

ETHAN It’s happened exactly once before, I think, right?

CONRAD (surprised) That’s exactly right.

ETHAN Your wife showed you Barton Gellman’s story, which you then bought, expanded, edited, and published… if memory serves.

CONRAD That’s correct. How did you know that?

ETHAN That story’s attained an almost mythical status at Princeton. I confirmed it at the library on both Aliweb and Infoseek.

CONRAD I don’t know what those are.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 9 —

ETHAN Aliweb and Infoseek. They’re search engines for the World Wide Web. They can be helpful.

CONRAD Our new owners seem to think we should start a Connector website…

ETHAN I think The Connector is the best magazine in the world, on an issue-to-issue basis, and it’s never been better than it is under your stewardship.

CONRAD Flattery will get you everywhere, with some people. Flattery isn’t why I wanted to meet you.

ETHAN I’m sorry.

CONRAD Your piece was one of the most well written articles I’ve read by somebody I’ve never heard of before, let alone somebody so young.

ETHAN … I promise I’m not usually speechless.

CONRAD When I was reporting, I was a bloodhound. I could find anybody. I used to find characters nobody else could find. This magazine needs somebody who knows how to do what I used to do, somebody who knows how to find a unique character who is living right now, in the nineteen-fucking-nineties. That’s what this article is. That’s what I want in my magazine.

(takes a hard look at ETHAN)

— 10 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#2 —Se e Your s e l f

Ethan, Company

(CONRAD) The second story is harder than the first, and the third story is harder than the second. So the question I have to answer is: Do I think you’re a one-trick pony, or a legacy writer?

ETHAN “WHAT LOOKS AT FIRST TO BE REMARKABLE, BIZARRE, WILL SOON REVEAL ITSELF TO BE PART OF A PATTERN. AND WE WHO STAND OUTSIDE IDENTIFY THE HISTORY IN THE SEEMINGLY UNPRECEDENTED THING.” AND THAT WAS AUBREY BERNARD, APRIL 7, 1958, IN THE CONNECTOR. AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF, A FRAGMENT OF, A FRAGMENT OF. AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED. SO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF, A FRAGMENT OF, A FRAGMENT OF, REFLECTED…

CONRAD (pointing) I have that quote taped to the bottom of my desk drawer.

ETHAN (pulling a piece of paper from his pocket) I wrote it down when I was fifteen.

I TYPE A SENTENCE AND NEGOTIATE THE SPACE BETWEEN THE THING THAT WAS AND HOW IT IS REMEMBERED. I TYPE A SENTENCE AND I INFLUENCE THE WAY WE UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THE FUTURE OR THE PAST.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 11 —

(ETHAN) IF THERE’S A PLACE IN THIS WORLD, ANY PLACE WHERE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE, IT’S THE CONNECTOR. AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF, A FRAGMENT OF, A FRAGMENT OF, AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED.

ETHAN

OFFSTAGE MEN REFLECTED, REFLECTED

SO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF,

SO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF, REFLECTED…

Several other voices join in, ROBIN among them; CONRAD is unaware of them.

ETHAN

COMPANY

AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF,

AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF, AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF

AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF

REFLECTED REFLECTED, REFLECTED SO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF,

SO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

A FRAGMENT OF,

REFLECTED…

REFLECTED…

REFLECTED…

CONRAD Welcome to The Connector, kid.

ETHAN (shaking CONRAD’s hand) Thank you!

CONRAD walks ETHAN to the door of his office. ROBIN is in the hallway.

— 12 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN Conrad…

CONRAD Oh, Robin, you should be happy to hear I’ve decided to publish this wonderful new piece

by Rafael Campo.

CONRAD grabs the manuscript and hands it to ROBIN.

ROBIN I look forward to reading it. Conrad, about the story I sent you…

CONRAD Yes, great, get that on my desk. I want to see it.

ROBIN No, I did, it’s on your desk right now…

CONRAD Great, great, keep going, I’ll take a look at it. And let me know what you think about Rafael’s story.

CONRAD goes back into his office and shuts the door behind him. ROBIN and ETHAN stand together in the hall.

ROBIN (softly) Wow.

ETHAN (softly) Wow, indeed…

ROBIN I hope your meeting went better than my “meeting.”

ETHAN He said, “Keep going.” That’s good. If you stop, you definitely won’t get published. Glass half full, right… ?

ROBIN (skeptical) Depends on the size of the glass…

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 13 —

ETHAN See? You’re already thinking about glass sizes. Adapting. As the first coworker I met, I’m in your debt, Robin.

ROBIN The first coworker?

ETHAN Yeah. Conrad said, “Welcome to The Connector.”

ROBIN He said that, huh?

ETHAN Yup. You and me. We work here.

— 14 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#3 —I ’ m W a t c h i n g Y o u

Robin

(ETHAN) Dreams come true.

ETHAN sees VERONICA coming and holds opens the door for her.

ROBIN (watching ETHAN) Glass hall full…

VERONICA Thank you…

ETHAN As a longtime admirer of VorschlagXE’s charitable work, it is my pleasure.

VERONICA looks at ETHAN for a moment before continuing on her way. ETHAN starts to explore The Connector offices, and ROBIN observes her new coworker.

ROBIN (to ETHAN, who can’t hear her) I’M WATCHING YOU, I’M WATCHING YOU MAP THE BOUNDARIES, WATCHING YOU TILTING BACK AND FORTH, GETTING THE NEEDLE TO POINT TO NORTH. I’M WATCHING YOU, WATCHING YOU CASE THE PROPERTY, GENTLY ASSESSING WHICH DOORS ARE BLOCKED, FINDING WHICH WINDOWS ARE LEFT UNLOCKED. I’M LEARNING TOO— SEEING THE WAY YOU DARE TO LEAP, MARVELING HOW YOU ALWAYS KEEP THE TOTAL BLUEPRINT IN VIEW. I’M WATCHING YOU.

ETHAN is complimenting BOB.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 15 —

ETHAN (quick) Did your continuum of Connector articles intentionally begin as part of a larger series you’re constructing, or is their similarity—their commonality, rather—a happy accident? I mean, I’d never even thought about the whole changing nature of playgrounds until I read your latest piece.

BOB Thanks.

ROBIN I’M WATCHING YOU, WATCHING THE WAY YOU RIDE THE WAVE, WATCHING THE WAY THAT YOU CHASE THE THREAD, WATCHING THE WAY THAT YOU STAY AHEAD.

ETHAN is finishing telling a joke to MURIEL.

ETHAN (to MURIEL) … and the first guy says, “What do you tip a guy like that?”

MURIEL laughs, and instantly regrets it.

ROBIN NOW THAT WAS NEW, NOW THAT WAS A TRICK THAT I’D NEVER SEEN. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU’D LOST THE PLOT, YOU CALL BACK A CLUE THAT WE ALL FORGOT.

ETHAN and CONRAD enter.

CONRAD Okay, let’s grab an adult beverage, kiddo.

ETHAN Liquid courage, here we come!

ROBIN watches ETHAN and CONRAD head off to the bar.

— 16 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN THE FOLLOW THROUGH! THE LEFT-HANDED VOLLEY ACROSS THE NET! THE FLIP WHERE YOU DON’T EVEN BREAK A SWEAT! COULD I EVER DO WHAT YOU DO? I’M WATCHING YOU, I’M WATCHING YOU, I’M WATCHING YOU…

(directly to the audience) “Waldo & Scrabble: A Greenwich Village Story,” Ethan Dobson’s first article for The Connector, from the April 1996 issue.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 17 —

#4­—Suc c e s s

Waldo, Ethan, Crowd

ETHAN On a Friday night earlier this summer, I entered a bar on a quiet street in the West Village.

After squeezing through a knot of middle-aged gentlemen heroically singing the entire Barbra Streisand songbook, I made my way to a corner in the back, where a boisterous crowd of NYU students surrounded a small table upon which lay a battle-scarred Scrabble board, held together by duct tape. Seated at the table was Waldo Pine, the Village’s own Sultan of Scrab, unshaved, un-sober and allegedly undefeated. I sat down across the table from Waldo, laid down my obligatory twenty dollar bill, fished seven wooden tiles out of a greasy bag, and asked him how he did it.

WALDO (laying down tiles) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

“JARRAH.” I LIKE TO START WITH A WORD THAT’S PROB’BLY SOMETHING YOU’VE NEVER HEARD. NOW YOU’RE OFF YOUR GAME, ‘CAUSE I START WITH “JARRAH.”

Forty-eight points. You’ve got 30 seconds.

OOH! WHAT’S THIS COMIN’ DOWN THE CHUTE?

WALDO

ETHAN

“HAVEN.”

“HAVEN.”

AW… THAT’S CUTE. SEE, I’M IN YOUR HEAD! SO SAYONARA! 15 BY 15 IS THE BORDERS OF MY LAND.

15 BY 15!

15 BY 15 IS THE WORLD I UNDERSTAND.

15 BY 15!

SO COME ON IN, TAKE A LOOK AROUND, RELAX, KICK OFF YOUR SHOES— BUT THERE’S ONE SEVEN-LETTER WORD THAT YOU ARE NEVER GONNA USE!

ETHAN, WALDO, & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO COULD BE MY MIDDLE NAME IF MY MIDDLE NAME WEREN’T DAN.

— 18 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN, WALDO, & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO YOU SAY “YOU CAN’T DO THAT,” BUT I DO THAT BECAUSE I CAN.

ETHAN, WALDO, & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO SET UP THE TARGET, PUT ON THE BLINDFOLD, I WON’T MISS!

ETHAN & WALDO NOW YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ANOTHER BOY DO IT BEFORE, BUT HE DIDN’T DO IT LIKE THIS!

WALDO lays down seven tiles on the board.

WALDO “ASSAYED.” That’s a bingo, all seven letters, 50 point bonus, plus I turned “Haven” into “Shaven.” 75 points. Don’t make it so easy for me, little bro.

SOME FOLKS, THIS’D BE TOO LOUD, BUT I DO BETTER INSIDE A CROWD. ‘CAUSE I LIKE THE NOISE AND THE VALIDATION. LOOK AT YOU! YOU’RE TRYING TO THINK, YOUR VOCABULARY PUSHED TO THE BRINK, BUT YOU CAN’T AVOID THE HUMILIATION.

WALDO

ETHAN

BINGO BY BINGO, I LAY YOU FRAT BOYS LOW.

BINGO BY BINGO!

I KNOW THE LINGO

I KNOW THE LINGO!

THAT YOU PRINCETON PRICKS DON’T KNOW. THEY SAID THERE’S A BOY IN A PIANO BAR PLAYIN’ SCRABBLE AND GETTING HOW RICH? MAYBE YOU HEARD I’M A LITTLE NERD, WELL, THIS IS WHAT A NERD LOOKS LIKE NOW, BITCH!

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN, WALDO, & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO I’M A FIGHTER! TOUCH MY MITRE! KISS MY RING!

ETHAN, WALDO, & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO USE YOUR DICTIONARY, IT’S NOT GONNA CHANGE A THING.

ETHAN, WALDO, & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO MEANING “VICTORY,” THAT’S MY “AVE ATQUE VALE”-DICTORY. IT’S NOT A TRICK TO ME, WORDS JUST STICK TO ME. YOU LOOK SICK TO ME. COME ON, CHILDREN, SING!

CROWD WHOA! OH!

WALDO ALL THE ANSWERS ARE FLOATING…

CROWD WHOA! OH!

WALDO IN A GRID ABOVE THE GRID.

CROWD WHOA! OH!

WALDO YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM LIKE CANDY.

CROWD WHOA! OH!

— 19 —

— 20 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

WALDO YOU JUST BREATHE THEM IN LIKE CLOUDS.

CROWD AHHH…

WALDO & ETHAN

CROWD

I WAS READING THE BIBLE,

OH

AND I THOUGHT, “HOW LONELY WE ARE.”

OH OH… AH AH AH AH

I THOUGHT HOW LONELY WE ARE.

AH AH AH AH, AH AH AH AH

I THOUGHT HOW LONELY WE ARE!

AH AH AH AH, OH…

ETHAN In my family, I had always been the killer Scrabble player. But after ten minutes, Waldo was ahead of me by well over 300 points.

WALDO & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO IT’S WHAT I DRESS IN IN MANHATTAN OR MACAO.

WALDO & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE LESSON, I’LL TAKE THAT TWENTY NOW.

WALDO & CROWD SUCCESS!

WALDO NOT TO RAMBLE LIKE JOSEPH CAMPBELL, BUT FOLLOW MY BLISS!

ETHAN & WALDO YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ANOTHER BOY DO IT BEFORE

ALL BUT HE DIDN’T DO IT DIDN’T DO IT DIDN’T DO IT NO, HE DIDN’T DO IT LIKE THIS!

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 21 —

ETHAN Two weeks later, I brought some friends down to the Village, but when we got to the bar, the door had been padlocked, and there was a real estate sign hanging in the window. As we walked away, my eye caught something in a pile of leaves. To my surprise, it was a single wooden tile, and when I flipped it over, like a private inscrutable message: the letter H. Four points.

WALDO INCIDENTALLY, “JARRAH” IS A TREE!

CROWD OH OH OH, OH OH OH OH!

MONA BLAND enters.

MONA BLAND “To Whom It May Concern, I quite simply devoured Ethan Dobson’s story in your April issue about the Scrabble savant of Greenwich Village. If he’s reading this letter: Hi, Ethan! You keep writing, and I’ll keep reading! My delight in discovering Mr. Dobson’s work in this issue was only slightly dampened when, only a few pages later, I detected a glaring error in the article by the usually reliable Robert Henshaw. Not to nitpick, but the seesaws in the park he so competently conjures up are not painted navy blue. They are unquestionably cerulean.

They’re still as fun as ever in a way that transcends color, of course, but… I’m just trying to keep you all honest there in the big city!

Especially Yours, Mona Bland”

Lights come up on The Bar, where ETHAN and ROBIN are sitting having drinks at The Bar.

ROBIN Of course it’s on me. You’re the one we’re celebrating tonight. You can take me out when my first story gets published in the magazine. If my first story ever gets published in the magazine, that is.

ETHAN It will. You write like a modern combination of Eudora Welty and Janet Malcolm.

ROBIN I like the way you compliment, Ethan. Not sure I believe it, but I like it. Do you really think I write well enough to push through the Glass Ceiling without getting shards stuck in my arteries?

— 22 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN That’s… vivid.

ROBIN I have nightmares that I’ll copy edit my own obituary after some man who’s younger than I am gets to write it. Vivid nightmares.

ETHAN (gazes around with wonder) To think that Aubrey Bernard regularly got shitfaced in this very bar. All the history…

ROBIN All the slightly tipsy wood-paneled patriarchal secret-handshake history. You can sort of smell it…

ETHAN Right? You can sort of feel it…

ROBIN You want some food to provide a foundation for these cocktails?

ETHAN I’m good. You?

ROBIN Maybe later. Midnight pancakes or something.

ETHAN I used to have midnight pancakes with my brother Billy at the Livingston Diner in New Jersey back in high school…

ROBIN I used to serve Van Cliburn midnight pancakes in Fort Worth.

ETHAN That’s so odd it must be true.

ROBIN He’s a regular at the place I waitressed at in high school. The Ol’ South Pancake House.

Open 24 hours.

ETHAN Midnight’s kind of late for a high school student to be working, no?

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 23 —

ROBIN I had to waitress late, because I was interning at the Fort Worth Key after school. You know the Fort Worth Key, right?

ETHAN Ummm…

ROBIN You don’t know the Fort Worth Key… ?!? Circulation over 10,000. Formerly called The Fort Worther, in case you thought there wasn’t a worse title for a magazine than the Fort Worth Key. But at least I got published…

ETHAN Sounds like a blast…

ROBIN Oh, make no mistake, it wasn’t. There was always an ad for the Ol’ South Pancake House in the Fort Worth Key, so I’d be at my unpaid internship making sure that month’s ad for the restaurant I was waitressing at later that night looked just right. Good times…

— 24 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#5 —So I C am e T o N e w Y o r k

Robin, Ethan

ETHAN Was Van Cliburn a good tipper?

ROBIN Great.

EVERYONE’S AN ASSHOLE IN TEXAS. EVERYONE PRETENDS TO BE SO POLITE BUT INSIDE THEY’RE ALL SEETHING. AS LONG AS THEY’RE BREATHING, THEY’RE BREATHING VINDICTIVE OXYGEN. “SOMEONE’S GONNA MAKE US GIVE BACK ALL THIS SHIT WE STOLE!” THAT’S THE REFRAIN IN THEIR SOUL. EVERYONE’S AN ASSHOLE IN TEXAS. ESPECIALLY DALLAS— THE SCULPTURED HAIR AND THOSE STUPID HATS AND THE ACRES OF DENIM AND SMILES FILLED WITH VENOM AND ENDLESSLY NURTURED GRIEVANCES. AND NO ONE’S GONNA SPEAK THE TRUTH IN A LYING TOWN, IN A CROOKED PLACE. NO ONE’S GONNA SPEAK THE TRUTH WHEN THEY KNOW IT DOESN’T MATTER, AND SO I CAME TO NEW YORK.

ETHAN EVERYONE’S A SCUMBAG IN JERSEY. EVERYONE’S EXACTLY AS LOUD AND DUMB AS THE MOVIES PORTRAY THEM. SHOULD ANYONE PAY THEM ATTENTION, THEY PUFF UP LIKE BULLFROGS. GO AND WEAR YOUR MUSCLE SHIRTS AND MULLETS WITH PRIDE, ‘CAUSE YOU’VE GOT NOTHING REAL INSIDE.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

BOTH AND NO ONE’S GONNA SPEAK THE TRUTH IN A PLACE LIKE THAT… WHERE IT WON’T GET HEARD.

ETHAN NO ONE’S GONNA SPEAK THE TRUTH WHEN THE FAKES GET FATTER AND FATTER.

BOTH NO—NO ONE’S GONNA SPEAK THE TRUTH, NOT A SINGLE PHRASE, NOT AN HONEST WORD. NO ONE’S GONNA SPEAK THE TRUTH WHEN THEY KNOW IT DOESN’T MATTER.

ROBIN AND SO I CAME TO NEW YORK.

ETHAN AND SO WE CAME TO NEW YORK.

ETHAN raises his glass. ROBIN clinks it. A connection.

BOTH MM… OOH OOH…

ETHAN (lifts his glass) To your first published article!

ROBIN (skeptical) Okay…

MURIEL’s office. MURIEL is talking to BOB, a writer at the magazine.

MURIEL (to BOB) It’s not where it took place.

BOB It took place in the guy’s front yard.

— 25 —

— 26 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

MURIEL It took place in the front yard of the apartment complex—

BOB In which he lived. In which he still lives.

MURIEL It’s not his front yard, it’s a communal front yard that is used by the residents of the apartment complex. It belongs to the building’s owners.

BOB Muriel, seriously, by the time I write it the way you want me to, it will have lost all of its verve.

MURIEL It will also have the benefit of being factual.

BOB And completely out of verve.

MURIEL This isn’t the Verve Department, as you well know, this is the Fact Checking Department, and “verve” is not my concern, not in the slightest. All I need is one more letter from Mona Bland about seesaw colors.

BOB Mona Bland’s a crank—

MURIEL Perhaps, but Mona Bland was also correct. Exactly two things cause me concern, Bob, and one of those two things is making sure that what appears in the pages of The Connector is factual.

BOB … What’s the other thing?

MURIEL The other thing is none of your concern.

CONRAD walks in with a smiling ETHAN. CONRAD hands a bunch of papers to MURIEL.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD What’s none of his concern?

MURIEL (ignoring his question, looking through the papers) What is this?

CONRAD Ethan’s new story. Enjoy it, Muriel.

(to BOB) Bob, whatever Muriel’s saying you should do… you should almost certainly do.

BOB (muttering) What she’s saying I should do is the exact opposite of what you told me to do…

ROBIN walks up to MURIEL’s office. (a bit too loud) Hi, Robin.

ROBIN Oh, hello everybody.

ETHAN waves sweetly.

Conrad, by the way, did you think my new story—

CONRAD It’s a step in the right direction, Robin. Much closer. Let’s meet about it next week and we’ll go through it. We’re about to be fashionably late for Happy Hour.

CONRAD motions to ETHAN and they exit.

MURIEL (to ROBIN) I don’t like your boyfriend.

BOB I knew it!

ROBIN Ethan’s not my boyfriend, Muriel.

— 27 —

— 28 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

MURIEL looks at her sternly.

(ROBIN) He’s not.

MURIEL Are you trying to convince me, or are you trying to convince yourself?

Lights fade on MURIEL and BOB and ROBIN. CONRAD and ETHAN sit and drink at The Bar. CONRAD nods to the bartender.

CONRAD Two more, Barkeep!

ETHAN Thanks…

CONRAD Your new story is great, and we’re going to publish it, of course. I love your voice. But I want to give you a bit of advice: You always want to step it up on some level, otherwise, they pigeonhole you. Keep surprising everybody. You found a great character with that Scrabble shark in your first piece…

ETHAN Waldo.

CONRAD Right, Waldo. Colorful, fun, offbeat. There will always be a place for fun, little stories about fun, little people, but guys like Wolfe and Talese were always trying to up the stakes, find the next rung.

Is there something like Waldo, but, say, also political… ? Because that’s what I’d love to see next from you. All the stuff from the last piece, plus something new. Each time. That’s how legends are made. You want to be the next Tom Wolfe, or the next Robert Henshaw?

I like Bob’s writing fine, and that’s the problem. He’s fine. He’s adequate. He’s up to par.

He doesn’t grow. You’ve got to grow with everything you write. It should feel dangerous.

It should be a little bit out of your reach, outside your comfort zone. That’s how it used to feel for me.

ETHAN Did Tom Wolfe really say about “New Journalism” that—

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 29 —

CONRAD Fucking Tom Wolfe said, and I quote: “anything that goes under a name with ‘new’ in it is just begging for trouble.” I agree.

(Beat) In spite of what you might have heard, I like Tom and we both despise that term: “New Journalism.” We were just doing our damn jobs. We would smoke pot with our subjects.

It wasn’t as strong as the stuff the kids smoke now. You could keep your wits about you and still smoke joints like cigarettes, if you knew what you were doing.

ETHAN Did you—

CONRAD I knew what I was doing alright, and it worked. Produced some of my finest collaborations. Everything felt more fluid. Journalism in the sixties, man… What year were you born? Nineteen sixty-what?

ETHAN I’m actually a child of the 70s, Conrad. I hate to break it to you.

CONRAD (laughing) Fuck you.

(Beat) Maybe I’m reminiscing a wee bit too much here this evening…

ETHAN You don’t have to worry with me. What’s the rest of the story?

CONRAD The rest of the story is… I’m lit.

(Beat) I gotta hit the head.

CONRAD gets up and goes to the bathroom.

ETHAN (to the bartender) Is it okay if I change the channel?

— 30 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN changes the channel on the bar’s TV set. The lights shift, as ETHAN watches Booknotes. We HEAR the Booknotes theme music (Albinoni’s Concerto A 5 in C, Op. 7, No. 5 for 2 oboes, strings, and continuo).

BRIAN LAMB Hello, I’m Brian Lamb. This week on Booknotes, our guest is Conrad O’Brien, the wunderkind reporter and author of the modern classic, From Harvard to Hanoi. Since taking over as editor-in-chief of The Connector in 1981, he has been instrumental in the careers of many of this generation’s most interesting non-fiction authors, all gratefully submitting their words to his eagle eye and famed red pen. The Connector celebrates its fiftieth anniversary this year with a new collection of its greatest stories, edited—of course—by our guest. Welcome, Conrad.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#6 ­— Th e V o i c e o f My G e n e r a t i o n

— 31 —

Ethan, Conrad, Company

ROBIN (reading in the magazine) Ethan Dobson’s second story, The Connector, June 1996.

CONRAD I’m happily surprised young people still want to write for magazines.

We cut between CONRAD being interviewed by BRIAN LAMB; ROBIN, seeing as a succession of ETHAN’s articles get published in the magazine; and ETHAN, who is watching BRIAN LAMB and imagining himself instead of CONRAD, twenty years later, being interviewed on television.

ETHAN THE THING OF IT IS, BRIAN, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW IT’S GONNA END WHEN YOU START. THE WORDS POUR OUT OF YOU LIKE WATER AND YOU LET ‘EM FLOW.

CONRAD When I arrived in New York City, I was quite literally struck dumb. I was still wearing my uniform from Vietnam, if you can believe that. Everywhere I went, I saw nothing but possibilities, lit up and electric against the Manhattan skyline.

ETHAN THIS CITY IS A CURRENT— YOU PLUG IN AND IT DRIVES YOU, IT DRIVES YOU. THE STORY CHASES YOU NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO… AND SOMEONE HAD TO WRITE IT, SOMEONE HAD TO CAPTURE IT, PUZZLE OUT THE HOW AND WHY. SOMEHOW I COULD SEE THE SOMETHING IN THE SHADOW, BUT LET ME JUST ASSURE YOU I WASN’T PLANNING TO BE THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION.

— 32 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD Back then, everybody smoked, and everybody drank at lunch. It was mandatory. You’d do your real work in the morning, because by the afternoon, it was like the Wild West.

ETHAN

OFFSTAGE MEN

BEFORE YOU’RE REALLY READY,

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

YOU’VE BECOME PART OF A

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

BIGGER CONVERSATION.

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

YOU’RE A LANDMARK ON THE LANDSCAPE

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

WHEN YOU’VE BARELY SETTLED IN.

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

ROBIN (reading in the new issue) BUM BUM BUM BUM…

Ethan Dobson’s third story, The Connector, August 1996.

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

ETHAN

COMPANY

THERE ARE CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS.

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

YOU HAVE TO INSULATE YOURSELF

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

FROM THE CLAMOR.

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

YOU HAVE TO SHUT IT DOWN

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

OR YOU GET DEAFENED BY THE DIN…

BUM BUM BUM BUM…

CONRAD The Connector saved my life.

ETHAN BUT I WAS HERE TO WRITE IT, I WAS HERE TO CAPTURE IT— TWENTY-FOUR OR TWENTY-FIVE. I WAS ON THE EDGE OF MORE THAN I COULD HANDLE BUT EVEN FROM THE OUTSET, I’VE NEVER WANTED TO BE THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION.

MONA BLAND enters.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 33 —

MONA BLAND “The voice of his generation indeed! What a pleasure it is to read the prose of Ethan Dobson with ever-more frequent frequency in your magazine’s pages. The way Mr. Dobson writes about weather especially makes me think he’s a kindred spirit. I wonder if he’s from New England. He sure writes like it. I’ll be honest, I was slightly miffed not to hear back regarding those cerulean seesaws I previously wrote to you about. Aubrey Bernard, as you know, famously answered most letters to the editor personally during his stewardship of The Connector. Perhaps your response is criss-crossing this letter in the mail right now, in which case, disregard this friendly nudge! Patience is a virtue, sure, but hey, even virtues have limits!

Especially Yours, Mona Bland”

ROBIN (reading in the new issue) Ethan Dobson’s fourth story, The Connector, November 1996.

ETHAN & CONRAD

MEN

I WASN’T TRYING TO BE SOME LITERARY SENSATION. I WASN’T LOOKING TO SEE THE PATH TO MY CORONATION. ONE MORE DEADLINE,

AH…

ONE MORE HEADLINE,

AH…

ONE MORE MONTH GOES BY…

AH…

ETHAN BUT I WASN’T ASKING TO BE

AH… AH…

THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION.

AH… AH…

CONRAD You know what I didn’t do? Write the same damn story over and over. I bled for my stories, if that’s what it took.

ROBIN (reading in the new issue) Ethan Dobson’s fifth story, The Connector, February 1997.

ETHAN THE THING OF IT IS, BRIAN, TALENT JUST DOES WHAT IT DOES. I’M SURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT.

— 34 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD Thank you, Brian. Have a good night.

We HEAR the Albinoni Booknotes theme music again, this time through tiny and tinny TV speakers. As it fades out, CONRAD steps away and is now in his office. The phone rings, and he answers it.

CONRAD O’Brien.

We see VERONICA on the phone in her office.

VERONICA The trend-line is as dependable as turquoise!

CONRAD Veronica? You used to say “hello” before launching into turquoise tirades…

VERONICA Newsstand sales, audience engagement, letters to the editor… everything increases when there’s an issue with an Ethan Dobson story in it, especially in the two younger quadrants!

CONRAD What about with the old folks—sorry, the two older quadrants?

VERONICA His stories help the metrics on every graph. Whereas the issues without his stories…

Well…

(Beat) Does he happen to have any siblings who can also write?

CONRAD (chuckling) Sounds like the kid deserves a drink…

VERONICA Indeed. Send him my regards, please—and whatever else Vorschlag needs to send him to keep him from getting poached by Vanity Fair.

CONRAD (looking at his office walls) Veronica, what’s the difference between turquoise and light blue?

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 35 —

VERONICA Turquoise has more green in it, whereas light blue—

CONRAD Ten bucks. It’s an old joke. From when I worked in my father’s junk shop. When I was a kid.

VERONICA (Beat) Huh.

CONRAD I’ll send Ethan your regards.

VERONICA Please. I look forward to his next piece, as always.

CONRAD hangs up, grabs his coat, and exits.

ETHAN and ROBIN are upstairs at a party at 541 East 72nd Street: George Plimpton’s townhouse, and the offices of The Paris Review.

ROBIN He lives here and he works here. The whole Paris Review gets published out of this townhouse. Can you imagine? I mean, the view of the East River, and the pool table, and the books, and all the scotch, and the spiral staircase, and I still can’t believe you talked with Mary Karr for so long, and all these mindblowing old pictures on the wall, and the cigarette smoke—

ETHAN Seems like somebody got herself a little tipsy while I was chatting with Mary Karr…

ROBIN Lay off, buster. It’s my first time here.

ETHAN Well, I’m going to make sure I’m always invited, so it won’t be your last.

ROBIN And when do I get invited?

ETHAN You can always be my “plus one,” I promise.

— 36 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN Should I be honored or insulted by that sentence… ?

ETHAN Honored!

ROBIN Both. I think I should be both…

ETHAN Plimpton and you were chatting up a storm.

ROBIN He knew Katherine Anne Porter! How crazy is that? I was just chatting with somebody who actually knew Katherine Anne Porter.

(Beat) Do you know Katherine Anne Porter?

ETHAN Come on.

ROBIN She was the first person who inspired me to think I could maybe try to be a writer. A woman from Texas who actually created a writer’s life for herself. Who inspired you?

ETHAN Pretty much all the usual guys, especially the ones who got published in The Connector.

ROBIN All the usual guys. Huh.

ETHAN Well, not all of them, I suppose. Most of the guys.

ROBIN (Beat) Why is Conrad publishing “Sued by Sioux”… ?

ETHAN What?

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 37 —

ROBIN Your Indian adoption story?

ETHAN I know what it is.

ROBIN Why do you think Conrad is publishing your sixth story, which is almost exactly the same as your previous five stories—

ETHAN That would be insulting if it were true, which it is not—

ROBIN (continuous) —and not publishing my first story, let alone my sixth? Why is that?

ETHAN I just try to do my best work.

ROBIN So do I.

ETHAN And you do. You’re a great writer.

ROBIN So then what?

ETHAN It could be the choice of subject matter, or something in our different writing styles.

ROBIN Ethan.

ETHAN Conrad’s said he sort of sees me as a younger version of himself in some ways…

ROBIN Be a lot harder for him to see me that way.

ETHAN I hear you. I completely understand how you feel, Robin.

— 38 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN You really think you hit the ball, don’t you?

ETHAN What ball?

ROBIN You remember it. You remember standing at the plate, and swinging, and the sound of the bat, and thinking to yourself, “Well, it’s not a homer, but it almost feels better.”

ETHAN Why are we talking about baseball? You don’t even like baseball.

ROBIN Because you were born on third base. All you fucking Ivy League boys were born on third base. But in your case, I think you truly believe you hit a triple.

ETHAN You just have to pitch Conrad stories that break a little, you know, not stories that sail straight across the middle of the plate… ?

(spots CONRAD) Speaking of Conrad—

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#7 — C as s andr a

— 39 —

Robin

(ETHAN) I thought you weren’t coming tonight!

ROBIN IN A BAR DOWN THE BLOCK ON A STOOL, THERE’S A GIRL AND SHE’S NAMED CASSANDRA, AND SHE’S BLESSED (OR SHE’S CURSED) WITH THE POWER TO SEE IN THE FUTURE TENSE. YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE PRESS WOULD HAVE FOUND HER, BUT THE MEN AT THE BAR WHO SURROUND HER SAY THAT HER PREDICTIONS NEVER MAKE A LICK OF SENSE. SO SHE SITS AT THE BAR SAYING NOTHING AND DRINKING HER COKE AND SEVENS, CALCULATING THE PRICE OF IGNORING THE SOUND OF THE COMING EVENTS, AND HALF THE STORIES OF THE WORLD ARE LEFT UNWRITTEN, HALF THE STORIES OF THE WORLD ARE KEPT UNREAD, AND SO THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD WILL NEVER NOTICE WHAT DISASTERS UNPREVENTED LIE AHEAD

ETHAN Speaking of Conrad—I thought you weren’t coming tonight!

ROBIN AT A DESK, ON THE PHONE, IN AN OFFICE SOMEWHERE YOU MAY MEET CASSANDRA.

— 40 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

(ROBIN) SO IN PAIN FROM HER VISIONS THAT SOMETIMES SHE WISHES THAT SHE WERE DEAD. AND YOU WANT TO PROTECT AND DEFEND HER BUT WHAT YOU WON’T ADMIT IS: HER GENDER COLORS YOUR INTERPRETATION OF THE THINGS SHE SAID. EV’RY DAY SHE DECIDES IT’S THE DAY THAT SHE’LL FINALLY TELL HER STORY, THEN SHE SEES ALL THE MEN, ALL THE MEN GETTING THEIR STORIES TOLD INSTEAD! THUS ALL THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD ARE SHAMED TO SILENCE, ALL THEIR WARNINGS TO THE WORLD ARE HEARD TOO LATE, AND SO THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD ARE LEFT TO WONDER WHAT OFFENSES UNREPENTED, WHAT DISASTERS UNPREVENTED LIE IN WAIT.

ROBIN watches ETHAN work the party.

IT’S EASY FOR YOU. YOU KNOW IT’S EASY FOR YOU, BUT I’M MISSING IT. IT’S EASY FOR YOU. I’M GLAD IT’S EASY FOR YOU, BUT I’M MISSING IT. YOU THINK THAT YOU KNOW, YOU THINK YOU CAN SEE, YOU OFFER UP WORDS TO PATRONIZE ME, BUT WHAT DOESN’T CHANGE, UNQUESTIONABLY, IS IT’S EASY FOR YOU, AND I’M MISSING IT.

ROBIN puts on her coat and leaves the party.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 41 —

(ROBIN) HALF THE STORIES OF THE WORLD ARE LEFT UNWRITTEN. HALF THE STORIES HAVE BEEN LOST ALONG THE WAY, AND SO THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD WILL NOT ENCOUNTER ANYTHING BUT ONE PERSPECTIVE, ONE REFLECTION, ONE DIRECTIVE; MALE AND WHITE AND UNENLIGHTENED, EVERY DAY. IT’S EASY FOR YOU. IT’S EASY FOR YOU. BUT I’M MISSING IT.

CONRAD’s office, but we also see Jersey City. CONRAD, MURIEL and ETHAN are in the middle of a heated discussion.

ETHAN You’re ruining a great story, Muriel.

MURIEL I’m doing my job, Ethan. My job is making sure our stories are factual. I’m finding it surprisingly hard to fact check your story about a mayor being videotaped smoking crack with a teenager.

ETHAN It’s not about any particular fact, Muriel. It’s a character study, and you’re missing the bigger picture.

MURIEL Oh, it’s a character study. It also happens to be a takedown of the Mayor of Jersey City, but it’s a character study, so who cares if any of it is true?

ETHAN That! What you just said: That’s the point!

CONRAD To be clear, it’s a character study of a guy exposing that Mayor.

MURIEL I hope you are not going to condescend to me with semantics, Conrad.

— 42 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD (picking up the phone) Everybody’s known for years that Wheeler’s corrupt, and Ethan nailed him, which is exactly what I want Ethan to be doing at The Connector. He stepped it up. This is a legitimate political scoop.

(into the phone) Is Zachary on his way? Please?

(he hangs up)

MURIEL What is my job exactly if I can’t verify any of the facts related here?

ETHAN You can verify that the facts were related. The story is about the story I was told. By Willis. The whole point of this article is to ask what is truth; is truth the same thing as “facts”?

CONRAD Muriel, the legal stuff is why Zachary’s on his—

ZACHARY enters, holding a marked-up copy of ETHAN’s article —there you are, Zachary. Muriel, the legal stuff is why Zachary is here.

ZACHARY I feel like we’re…

(notices ETHAN) Hi, Zachary Fleischer, general counsel for the magazine.

(back to CONRAD) I understand Muriel’s concern here…

MURIEL Thank you.

ZACHARY But I’m not running in here saying “Stop the presses!” We just need to be covered a little more.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 43 —

(ZACHARY) (to ETHAN) Your guy said this? Verbatim?

ETHAN Of course. These are all my notes.

(Hands ZACHARY his notebook) It’s all there, Willis didn’t need spicing up.

ZACHARY You don’t have any audio recordings?

ETHAN That was never going to work with this… Willis was understandably hypersensitive to recording devices of any kind.

ZACHARY (looking through the notebook) Understandably… And the reason I can’t interview Willis myself—

MURIEL … is that he’s apparently vanished.

ETHAN If Willis doesn’t want to be found, I assure you, he won’t be.

MURIEL Which is astonishingly convenient.

CONRAD Muriel, this is a character study, not a secret vendetta against your department here.

ETHAN If Willis was lying, and I transcribed the lie, and we print that in quotes, isn’t that the truth of what he said?

ZACHARY (nodding) The quotation marks are the key. I’m comfortable with him (points to ETHAN) saying his source said it … which of course doesn’t mean any of it is remotely true.

— 44 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

MURIEL We’re accusing the Mayor of Jersey City of—

CONRAD Not we, we’re not doing it, Willis is accusing the mayor. Ethan is reporting it.

(to ZACHARY) Right?

ZACHARY (makes a noise that means “sort of”) Ehhh…

(holding up the article pages) Based on this, that appears to me not to be provably false at this moment.

MURIEL Without that sordid videotape, your source was quite possibly just a ranting lunatic.

ZACHARY (to MURIEL) You’re saying you truly don’t think any of this is real? Muriel, we’ve all heard the rumors about Mayor Wheeler. For decades.

MURIEL Rumors do not satisfy me.

ETHAN It’s possible Willis was just a ranting lunatic…

(drops in almost casually) but I did see the tape.

CONRAD (surprised) You did?

MURIEL What?

ETHAN Willis showed me the tape.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 45 —

MURIEL Why didn’t you write that?

ETHAN Because I like it this way. Keeping you guessing is the point.

CONRAD Ethan, you could have saved us all a lot of time here.

ZACHARY So, where’s the tape?

ETHAN Who knows? There was only one copy, and Willis does not want to be found.

MURIEL Of course. Conrad—

CONRAD Muriel. You read like a fact-checker, and thank goodness for that. Most everybody else who picks up The Connector reads like a person—

MURIEL Mr. Bernard never accepted cheating—

CONRAD This isn’t a cheat, this is about a publication deadline.

MURIEL This is a shortcut, because the long way is—

CONRAD Aubrey made shortcuts. All the time.

MURIEL Show me one.

CONRAD The dockworkers story.

MURIEL (hesitant) That is not…

— 46 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD A shortcut? A “composite character” isn’t a shortcut? Muriel, do you remember when Aubrey published my first story?

MURIEL I do…

CONRAD So do I. He trusted me, and he knew what I did wasn’t easy, and he valued the work, and I will never forget the moment he said, “Conrad’s one of our writers now.” Well, Ethan’s one of our writers now, and if one of our writers swears to me that Willis showed him the tape—

(to ETHAN) Do you swear Willis showed you the tape?

ETHAN Yes!

CONRAD Then I’m backing you, and we’re good here.

ZACHARY (takes his pen to the manuscript) Okay, so if this sentence here is changed to clarify that you saw the tape—that you say you saw the tape, and that nobody else here at the magazine saw the tape, I can handle that. Sound good to everybody?

MURIEL So Ethan’s on the hook, not us. That’s really our position?

ZACHARY Look, Sheryl Hughes in Wheeler’s office is going to treat this story like a bomb no matter how it’s written.

ZACHARY puts down ETHAN’s notebook.

MURIEL picks it up and starts to leaf through it.

MURIEL (to ETHAN) You swear you saw the tape?

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 47 —

ETHAN I just did. I will again. I swear.

MURIEL I have found five Willis Taylors in the Jersey City area. And not one of them is your Willis Taylor…

ETHAN He doesn’t want to be found. I told you.

CONRAD Muriel: Let it go.

MURIEL That’s your call?

CONRAD It is.

MURIEL (Beat) Fine.

MURIEL closes ETHAN’s notebook and exits with it.

ETHAN Thank you, Conrad.

ZACHARY Well, Monday morning should be lots of fun for all of us.

(to ETHAN) Depending on how this situation plays out, if things really ramp up, I might advise you to perhaps look into retaining personal counsel, kid…

ETHAN I know what I saw.

ZACHARY … Okay, then.

(shakes ETHAN’s hand) Good meeting you. Nice story.

— 48 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ZACHARY, CONRAD and MURIEL disappear.

ETHAN Monmouth Street, Jersey City, 3 AM.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#8 —W i nd I n M y S a i l s

— 49 —

Willis, Company

ROBIN “Willis & The Mayor: A Jersey City Story,” by Ethan Dobson, The Connector, April 1997.

ETHAN I was standing on Monmouth Street in Jersey City in the middle of a frigid February night, waiting to meet a man whose name I’d never heard nor seen in all of the countless stories I’d read about the city’s corruption: an unelected, off-the-books, political operative named Willis Taylor—

Lights up on BOB, who will sing to us (as WILLIS TAYLOR).

—known in these precincts as “What-chu-talkin’-bout Willis,” the man connected to a thousand local conspiracy theories and, in this case, the key to perhaps finally bringing down the notoriously corrupt and famously resilient mayor.

COMPANY (CH) UNH… (CH) UNH… (CH) UNH… Ssss…

WILLIS LET’S SAY YOU WERE ME, HYPOTHETICALLY, BUT INSTEAD OF YOUR FANCY DEGREE YOU’VE BEEN LEARNIN’ AT THE FEET OF THE LOCAL SAGES WHOSE NAMES AND AGES AIN’T IN YOUR WHITE PAGES.

ETHAN, WILLIS, & COMPANY UH UH UH.

WILLIS BUT YOU GOT THIS FAR

BY KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE AND HOW TO STRIKE A BARGAIN AND PLAY THE MARGINS AND TAKE THE MEASURE AND KNOWING SOME PEOPLE PAY EXTRA FOR THEIR PRIVATE PLEASURE.

— 50 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN, WILLIS, & COMPANY UH UH, YOU GET SOME INFORMATION

WILLIS THAT COULD DAMAGE A CERTAIN SOMEONE’S REPUTATION, SO YOU COMMENCE A NEGOTIATION TO GET SOME COMPENSATION AND RAISE UP YOUR STATION. BUT JUST WHEN THE PARTIES HAVE RECKONED ON TERMS, HE HAS…

ETHAN, WILLIS, & COMPANY SECOND THOUGHTS!

WILLIS AND THE GENTLEMAN SQUIRMS. AND YOU’RE ABANDONED, YOU’RE LEFT HIGH AND DRY WITH ONLY THE SILENCE HE FAILED TO BUY.

ETHAN & WILLIS NOW WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE FACE OF DEFEAT?

WILLIS DO YOU ATTACK? DO YOU CRACK? DO YOU BACKTRACK TO YOUR SHACK ON THE STREET?

ETHAN, WILLIS, & COMPANY UH UH UH

WILLIS OR DO YOU SAY INFORMATION HAS ITS PRICE? IF THEY WON’T PLAY NICE, YOU CAN ROLL THE DICE. WHEN DISCUSSION FAILS, YOU CAN BALANCE THE SCALES WITH SOME WELL-PLACED SALES OF A COUPLE DETAILS, AND NOW: I GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, LITTLE BROTHER.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

WILLIS & COMPANY I GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS,

WILLIS GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, LITTLE BROTHER. WHO’S GONNA FALL? WHO’S GONNA STAND? WHO’S GOT THE UPPER HAND? AND WHO’S GOT SUPPLY TO MEET THE DEMAND AND THE WIND,

WILLIS & COMPANY THE WIND, THE WIND, THE WIND IN MY …

WILLIS UH UH UH.

COMPANY UH UH UH. Ssss…

ZACHARY Mayor Wheeler’s office is threatening us with an injunction, Conrad…

CONRAD hands ZACHARY a copy of the latest issue.

CONRAD You can tell those fuckers they’re too late. What’s good legalese for “fuckers”… ?

ZACHARY “To whom it may concern.”

WILLIS UH UH

WILLIS & COMPANY YOU START TO SPREAD THE WORD

WILLIS MAYBE MENTION SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MAN OF THE HOUR THE MAN IN THE TOWER THE MAN WITH HIS FEET ON THE PEDALS OF POWER

— 51 —

— 52 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

(WILLIS) THE MAN WHO WAS ELECTED TO STEM THE TIDE OF CRIME HAS BEEN PURSUIN’ SOME RUINOUS DOINGS WITH HIS TIME. THE BROTHER SPENDS HIS DAY WITH THE PTA

WILLIS & COMPANY BUT AT NIGHT, HE GETS TIGHT AT MONMOUTH AND BRIGHT.

WILLIS SO! YOU THINK THE VOTERS WILL UNDERSTAND IF HE’S SEEN WITH SOME TEEN BETWEEN HIS KNEES AND A CRACK PIPE IN HIS HAND? (I DON’T THINK SO.) I THINK THE BOYS FROM CHANNEL 4 WILL BE LININ’ UP OUT MY DOOR WHEN THEY SEE IT AIN’T JUST TALK, IT AIN’T JUST TRASH. IT’S THE TRUTH, I GOT PROOF IF Y’ALL GOT CASH AND NOW I GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, LITTLE BROTHER.

COMPANY DOT DOT DOT DOT!

WILLIS I GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, LITTLE BROTHER.

COMPANY DOT DOT DOT DOT!

WILLIS WHO’S MAKING THREATS? WHO’S MAKING WAVES? WHO’S DIGGING UP THE GRAVES?

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 53 —

(WILLIS) AND WHO CAN SURVIVE THE CLOSEST OF SHAVES WITH THE WIND

WILLIS & COMPANY THE WIND, THE WIND, THE WIND, THE WIND IN MY… ?

WILLIS UH UH UH.

COMPANY UH UH UH.

The Connector offices on the morning the story is published. Every phone is ringing.

Also: a press conference in Jersey City—SHERYL HUGHES (the Mayor’s Aide) talks to the assembled throng:

SHERYL Make no mistake, The Mayor and his lawyers are preparing a very strong legal response to this egregious piece of hack so-called journalism. To be clear, Mayor Wheeler has never engaged in any of the revolting behaviors alleged here, and this story, printed without a single verifiable source, is an absolute and complete lie.

WILLIS AFRAID? FUCK THAT! I AIN’T AFRAID! I’VE SEEN HOW THE SAUSAGE GETS MADE. I’M GONNA GET PAID BEFORE I GET PLAYED OR END UP ON THE BUSINESS END OF A BLADE. SEE—IT’S NOT A STORY ‘BOUT (A) RIGHT OR WRONG, I SAID ALL ALONG IT’S ABOUT WHO’S STRONG AND WHO CAN HANDLE A LITTLE PRESSURE— SIT DOWN, SON, I’M-A GIVE YOU A REFRESHER. “A” IS THE MAYOR, “C” IS THE PEOPLE “B” IS THE MAN IN BETWEEN. “A” PLAYS UNFAIR, “C” ’S UNAWARE, “B” CALLS YOUR MAGAZINE. “A” GETS DEFENSIVE, “B” GETS EXPENSIVE, “C” STARTS THE FEAR THE WORST— SO “C” PUTS THE PRESSURE ON “A” PUTS THE PRESSURE ON “B”— WHO’S GONNA CRUMBLE FIRST?

— 54 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD (dictating a statement) “Every word of this story was fully vetted, and let me assure you that The Connector stands behind Ethan Dobson unequivocally. This is a story that must be told. It is time for the Mayor to take responsibility for his actions, not just the ones seen on Willis’s videotape.”

ETHAN & WILLIS YOU WANT THE TAPE? YOU WRITE THE STORY.

WILLIS I CAN SHOW WHAT HE DID WITH THE KIDDY IN THE VIDEO BUT I’M KEEPIN’ IT HID, YO.

COMPANY HEY!

ETHAN & WILLIS YOU WANT THE TAPE? YOU WRITE THE STORY.

WILLIS THE ONLY LEVERAGE I GOT IN THIS WHOLE PLOT, THE REASON I AIN’T BEEN SHOT, YOU CAN GUESS IS A VHS OF THE WHOLE DAMN MESS AND THE FACT THAT I’M STILL ALIVE IS ‘CAUSE I’VE

WILLIS & COMPANY GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, LITTLE BROTHER!

WILLIS / COMPANY UH UH UH / DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT!

WILLIS I GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, GOT THE WIND IN MY SAILS, LITTLE BROTHER!

T h e C o n n e ct o r

COMPANY DOT DOT DOT DOT!

WILLIS WHO’S GONNA FALL? WHO’S GONNA STAND? WHO’S GOT THE UPPER HAND? AND WHO’S GONNA EARN A HUNDRED GRAND WITH THE WIND, THE WIND, THE WIND, THE WIND IN MY…

ETHAN looks up from his notebook. He is alone.

Lights out.

Lights up on NESTOR’s desk at The New York Press. ROBIN walks in.

ROBIN Hi, I’m—

NESTOR You’re Robin Martinez.

ROBIN I am.

NESTOR I’m Nestor Fineman.

ROBIN I’m honored…

NESTOR We’re thrilled to have you—to have anybody from The Connector jumping ship and coming onboard The New York Press.

ROBIN I’m thrilled to be coming here.

NESTOR Great piece. I love your title: How to Get Out of Texas: Backwards, in High Heels.

ROBIN I’m so glad you didn’t hate it.

— 55 —

— 56 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

NESTOR Quite the opposite. I’ll be editing it, although it doesn’t seem like you’ll have much use for me.

ROBIN (softly) Wow.

NESTOR Bienvenido a bordo. ¿Necesitamos más voces latinas, si?

ROBIN (momentarily flustered) Gracias.

NESTOR Your writing is so fresh and crisp and exciting.

ROBIN That… is truly flattering. Thank you.

NESTOR (Beat) Are you Ethan Dobson’s girlfriend?

ROBIN Not unless you know something I don’t, Nestor.

NESTOR Nope, just a fan. I mean, that Jersey City story. How’d he find that guy?

(Beat) He’s so talented.

ROBIN Yup. He sure is.

NESTOR I think… I should maybe stop talking now.

ROBIN Sounds good, Nestor.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 57 —

NESTOR Let me ask you a question about this sentence…

Lights fade on NESTOR and ROBIN, and rise on BOB and ETHAN outside CONRAD’s office. BOB is holding a copy of the magazine.

BOB It’s a hell of a story.

ETHAN Thanks.

BOB I loved the way you wrote about Willis showing you the tape.

ETHAN I’m so glad, Bob—

BOB When I realized you could be saying he played it for you, but you could also be saying he just held up a videotape for you to see—

(BOB holds up the magazine, demonstrating) —like this. That was your intention, am I right?

ETHAN Yup. So glad you liked that. Not sure everybody got that little bit of shading…

BOB Did Willis sort of look like this when he showed you the tape?

(BOB quickly does a few caricatured moves to impersonate Willis) That’s what I imagined, based on your description of him.

ETHAN Huh.

BOB I wish I could meet a guy like Willis. Any tips?

CONRAD (sticking his head out of his office door) Ethan, come on in.

— 58 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN starts into CONRAD’s office.

BOB Hi, Conrad.

CONRAD Hi, Bob.

(Beat) Good chatting with you, as always.

CONRAD and ETHAN go into CONRAD’s office and BOB walks off. VERONICA is already in CONRAD’s office, waiting for them.

ETHAN You wanted to see me, Conrad… ?

CONRAD I did.

(staring at ETHAN) So, you’re sure nobody besides Willis had a copy of the Wheeler videotape?

ETHAN We’re doing this again? Conrad, you said you were behind me. I swore—

CONRAD You might want to turn on the TV in fifteen minutes and watch the news on Channel 11.

Mayor Wheeler is supposedly resigning. Seems like somebody had another copy of that tape.

ETHAN Holy shit. Holy shit.

VERONICA On behalf of Vorschlag: Heartiest congratulations, Ethan!

CONRAD You could win a National Magazine Award for this one, son. Should we submit it in Feature Writing, or maybe Public Interest… ?

VERONICA Feature Writing…

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 59 —

ETHAN Wow. Yeah, Feature Writing, I think. It’s a character study, above all, like I said.

CONRAD I think Feature Writing is the right category for you indeed. I’m glad I stuck my neck out for you.

ETHAN Me, too…

VERONICA More single back-issue order requests than The Connector has seen in at least two decades!

ETHAN Thank you, Conrad.

CONRAD You can thank me when you get the Pulitzer…

CONRAD walks off to a table in the commissary.

MONA BLAND appears.

MONA BLAND “To the lucky person who reads these letters over there:

— 60 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#9­—N o w W hat

Conrad

(MONA) Please pass this one along to Ethan Dobson, along with my sincere congratulations for being a National Magazine Award nominated finalist for “Willis & The Mayor: A Jersey City Story.” I did note two strange elements which I’m hoping you can clear up for me.”

CONRAD sits down with ZACHARY for coffee in the commissary.

CONRAD AMY’S THERE WITH HER CAP AND GOWN AND THE BFA IN HER HAND, AND SHE SAYS, “NOW WHAT?” EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, SHE SAYS, “NOW WHAT?” I SAID, “HONEY, ‘NOW WHAT’ COULD BE THE THEME SONG OF YOUR GENERATION.” MEANWHILE, ALL THESE CONSULTANT GUYS HAVE BEEN SKULKING DOWN THE HALLS, AND I’M LIKE, “NOW WHAT?” FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I’M THINKING, “NOW WHAT?” THEY LEAVE ME THE STEERING WHEEL, BUT THEY GET THE GAS AND BRAKE. I SEE WHAT’S COMING. I SEE IT STEAMING DOWN THE TRACK, AND I MIGHT JUST BE IN THE WAY. KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I SEE WHAT’S COMING, AND IT ISN’T TURNING BACK, AND I SAY “HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! THEY CAN CLEAN UP ALL THE MESS WE MADE!”

CONRAD and ZACHARY laugh and clink their coffee mugs.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 61 —

MONA BLAND “I understand that after the resignation of the Mayor and the seeming evaporation of your source, these might seem like quibbles, but nonetheless: While it’s delightful to learn that Willis’ mother’s favorite sitcom was Diff’rent Strokes, it seems unlikely based on his age that he would have been named after the character on the series. Also, I don’t believe Toshiba makes blank VHS tapes. Perhaps you meant TDK? They both start with T, after all! Or Mitsubishi, maybe? Both Japanese! Please let me know if I’m wasting my time writing to you, and if my correspondence should be directed to another publication instead. Looking forward to your reply.

Especially Yours, Mona Bland”

MONA vanishes.

CONRAD I SEE WHAT’S COMING. MAYBE FIVE MORE YEARS, I’M GONE, AND I’LL BE OFF TO SHELTER ISLAND WITH EILEEN. I SEE WHAT’S COMING, AND WHEN I HAND OFF THAT BATON, WILL I SAY “HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!” AUBREY HANDED ALL THIS OFF TO ME— WE DECIDED WHAT THIS THING SHOULD BE… NOW WHAT?

The lights fade on CONRAD and ZACHARY as ROBIN enters, holding an issue of the New York Press. She hands a newspaper to ETHAN, who is sitting at his desk.

ETHAN What’s this?

ROBIN The new issue of the New York Press.

ETHAN (barely looking at it) Oh. Thanks.

— 62 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN (sotto voce) They published my story!

ETHAN What? Where?

ROBIN It starts on page 5.

ETHAN opens the paper to ROBIN’s story and takes a glance.

ETHAN Huh. You cleared this with Conrad?

ROBIN I don’t have to clear it with Conrad. I’m a copy editor, I’m not a Connector writer.

ETHAN No, you’re apparently a freelance writer at the New York Press.

ROBIN They published my story. They want my writing over there.

ETHAN Robin, it’s a free newspaper. It’s barely a paper.

ROBIN You’re a snob. I think it’s got some great writing, and I won’t be freelance. They offered me a staff position.

ETHAN I didn’t even know they used copy editors there.

ROBIN They didn’t offer me a copy editing job, they offered me a staff writing job. They let women write over there. Revolutionary concept, I know.

ETHAN You’re not thinking about actually taking this job… ?

ROBIN I took it.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 63 —

ETHAN Robin, that paper is like the equivalent of a mimeograph, maybe. It’s not even a step down, it’s not in the same league as us.

ROBIN Ethan, The Connector is no longer in the same league you think it is.

ETHAN To quote, or actually, to paraphrase Aubrey Bernard—

ROBIN Aubrey Bernard’s dead, Ethan. His secret handshake is no longer secret, and his bar tab is all closed out.

ETHAN If you really want to leave and work for some giveaway newspaper, maybe your old job at the Fort Worth Key is available.

ROBIN Wow.

(Beat) You’re a bully. A mean, superior bully. You’re no longer interesting to me.

ETHAN What does that mean?

— 64 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#1 0 — H e l p M e F o r g e t E v e r y t h i n g

Ethan, Conrad, Robin, Company

ROBIN What do you think it means?

ETHAN is silent, lost in thought now.

Where’d you go?

(Beat) Okay, well, then…

(Beat) Bye, Ethan.

ROBIN exits. ETHAN barely registers her exit. He’s picturing the beginning of a new story.

ETHAN A MAN WALKS DOWN THE STREET. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. A MAN HURRIES DOWN A BUSY STREET, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. A PALE OLD MAN IN A DUSTY SUIT HURRIES DOWN A BUSY STREET.

The actor who plays CONRAD walks on, embodying the character Ethan is describing.

A PALE OLD MAN IN A DUSTY SUIT HURRIES DOWN A BUSY STREET WITH A FOLDED PIECE OF PAPER IN HIS HAND. A PRAYER IS WRITTEN ON THE FOLDED PIECE OF PAPER IN HIS HAND. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

ETHAN & CONRAD “HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING. HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 65 —

(ETHAN & CONRAD) HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING AND START AGAIN.”

ETHAN, CONRAD, & ROBIN “HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING. HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING. HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING AND START AGAIN.”

COMPANY HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING. HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING. HELP ME FORGET EVERYTHING.

ETHAN DOO DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOO DOO… A MAN HURRIES DOWN A BUSY STREET, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. A MAN HURRIES DOWN A BUSY STREET, IN JERUSALEM.

CONRAD walks into the middle of the next scene – lights rise on CONRAD and MURIEL in CONRAD’s office.

MURIEL Conrad, about the Jersey City story…

CONRAD Muriel, you can’t still be fact checking that. It’s done. Not only has the mayor resigned, but Ethan’s story’s already been published—and might I remind you that it’s been nominated for a National Magazine Award!

MURIEL Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize.

CONRAD Ethan’s now Henry Kissinger? Muriel. Don’t you think that’s a tad unfair? Have you looked at our latest circulation numbers?

MURIEL I have. … You’re right. Ethan is conclusively not Henry Kissinger.

— 66 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

(MURIEL) (Beat) What was the name of that art forger we profiled?

CONRAD You’ve never liked Ethan. Why?

MURIEL Because he can write beautifully, talk his way into the confidence of any anonymous source, or off of any record. His excuses. His empty compliments. His flattery that’s meant to charm. None of it works for me. It’s all too slick, it’s too fast. The first advice I got at this magazine from Mr. Bernard when I began working here was “You want something done right: Do it yourself. You want something done wrong: Rush yourself and don’t proofread.”

CONRAD Aubrey would have published Ethan.

MURIEL I’m not so sure you’re correct about that. Mr. Bernard hired me to—

CONRAD He hired me, too, Muriel. Aubrey hired me because he liked my sentences, and this kid writes sentences like I used to. There are other magazines, but this one was started to publish those kinds of sentences—those kinds of stories. Remember? “We who stand outside identify the history in the seemingly unprecedented thing.” Ethan’s doing what Aubrey wanted.

MURIEL Mr. Bernard ended his editor’s note in the first issue with a question.

CONRAD … “Will anybody remember us?”

MURIEL That’s right. That’s the right question.

Lights fade on CONRAD. MURIEL walks out past ETHAN, who sits at his office desk, staring at a postcard with a painting on it. FLORENCIA walks in.

FLORENCIA Excuse me, I’m looking for the—

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 67 —

ETHAN Look at this.

(shows FLORENCIA the postcard) What does that look like?

FLORENCIA A boat, and its reflection on the water… ?

ETHAN Exactly. It’s Le Bateau. Henri Matisse painted it. It hung this way (turns the card again) for well over a month in 1961 at MoMA, before a visiting stockbroker noticed it was upsidedown. Over one hundred thousand people had visited the museum before anybody caught the mistake.

FLORENCIA Huh. I’m looking for the copy editing department—

ETHAN I’m Ethan Dobson.

FLORENCIA I know.

(Beat) I’m Florencia…

ETHAN You look super familiar. Have we met before? I’m good with faces, but not as good with names as I’d like to be—

FLORENCIA Robin Martinez is a friend of mine.

ETHAN Oh. Right. Of course!

Across the stage, MURIEL enters, holding a file folder. She stands at a table, uncertain whether to sit down.

— 68 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#1 1 — M ur i e l ’ s So n g ( P r o o f )

Muriel, Company

MURIEL I don’t have a lot of time.

SHE places a file folder on the table in front of her.

I MARCHED WITH DR. KING ONCE IN CHICAGO. NOBODY KNOWS THIS. I’VE NEVER TOLD. BUT IF ANYONE SHOULD DOUBT IT, YOU CAN SEE ME IN THE PHOTO ON THE FRONT OF THE TRIBUNE, ABOVE THE FOLD. AND I USED TO HAVE A SCAR, FROM A BOTTLE SOMEONE THREW. AND I REALIZE IT’S NOT A THING YOU THINK THAT I WOULD DO, BUT I’D HEARD SO MUCH AND READ SO MUCH ABOUT THE MAN AND SO, I HAD TO GO. I HAD TO KNOW.

ETHAN and FLORENCIA.

FLORENCIA Robin told me there’s a copy editing job opening.

ETHAN Who better to hear about it from than she who created it?

FLORENCIA Yeah, okay.

ETHAN You’re going to want to make that left (points) and go all the way down to the end of the hallway.

FLORENCIA Great. Thanks.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN Will you tell Robin something from me?

FLORENCIA Sure.

ETHAN Tell her I read her Texas story in the New York Press. It was really gorgeous. Tell her I loved the part about midnight pancakes.

FLORENCIA walks out.

MURIEL MY BROTHER—THIS IS HEAVILY SYMBOLIC HE WAS COMMITTED MY SOPH’MORE YEAR. HE WAS SURE THE F.B.I. HAD PUT ELECTRODES ON HIS BRAIN AND SO HE SHOVED A PEN-KNIFE STRAIGHT INTO HIS EAR. IT WAS TERRIBLE, AND YET, WHAT IT MOSTLY MADE ME FEEL WAS THE HOPE THAT NOW HE’D FINALLY ADMIT IT WASN’T REAL. WE AGREE: HE MUST BE CRAZY. WE ABANDON THE PRETENSE ‘CAUSE WHAT MAKES SENSE IS EVIDENCE. I’LL BELIEVE IN GOD WHEN I SEE HER. I’LL BELIEVE IN SANTA WHEN THE SLEIGH LANDS ON MY ROOF. IT’S NOT AN ABERRATION— I DON’T LACK IMAGINATION, BUT MY FAITH IS PREDICATED ON PROOF. I HAVE SEEN THAT MEMORY IS IMPERFECT. I BELIEVE “OBJECTIVE” DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN “ALOOF.” THE FACTS, ONCE THEY ARE STATED, CANNOT BE NEGOTIATED, THUS MY FAITH IS PREDICATED ON PROOF.

— 69 —

— 70 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

Lights rise on MONA BLAND.

MONA BLAND

COMPANY OO…

“To the editor, My name is Mona Bland. I have enjoyed the New York Press since you began publishing, which makes me an inaugural reader! I’ve written a series of letters to the fine folks over at The Connector magazine, but, alas, they have been met with silence. I thought perhaps somebody on your staff might be interested in the enclosed compilation of errors I have spotted of late in the stories of Ethan Dobson.

Perhaps you could do a story on them? As my old friend Aristotle might say, you ignore my patience for too long, it might just turn into irascibility!

OO… OO… OO… OO… OO… OO…

Especially Yours, Mona Bland”

We now see, for the first time, that MURIEL has been talking to ROBIN.

MURIEL YOU BELIEVE IN CHANGE AND REDEMPTION. I BELIEVE THE WORLD IS FULL OF FOOLS LIKE DR. KING. THE DANGER, I SUPPOSE, IS THAT YOUR MIND COMPLETELY CLOSES AND YOU DON’T BELIEVE A SINGLE FUCKING THING.

ROBIN opens the folder and takes out the notebook that ETHAN had given ZACHARY. THE MAN YOU’VE LOVED OR HATED HAS DECEIVED AND FABRICATED, A FACT CORROBORATED BY PROOF.

MURIEL puts the folder with the notebook on the table and leaves.

Lights fade on ROBIN. CONRAD and ZACHARY are walking into CONRAD’s office. where ETHAN has been waiting.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 71 —

ETHAN I found it, Conrad.

CONRAD That makes one of us. This is still my office, isn’t it?

ZACHARY (to ETHAN) Found what?

ETHAN Not what. Who. I found the character. The person you’ve wanted me to find since the day you hired me, the person who can take us to a whole new level. This one is international.

I’m going to have to spend some time in Jerusalem.

ZACHARY Make sure to get receipts…

ETHAN looks at ZACHARY for a moment, then continues talking to CONRAD.

ETHAN You know how people write wishes down and put them into the Western Wall?

ZACHARY I’ve put one in myself. Back in 1974, when—

ETHAN I found the best character ever, she’s beyond belief. I have to tread extra carefully with this one. But I had to tell you, Conrad…

ZACHARY I’m feeling so left out.

ETHAN Plus, I wanted to make sure with the expenses, I didn’t just disappear before getting your okay.

CONRAD Thoughtful of you. Now, if that’s all, I’m going to need my own office back for a meeting, if that’s alright.

ETHAN It’s all yours, boss.

— 72 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD Shalom.

ZACHARY Receipts.

ETHAN walks out, leaving CONRAD and ZACHARY in CONRAD’s office. ETHAN notices ROBIN.

ETHAN Hey, stranger.

ROBIN Hey… stranger.

ETHAN What are you doing here?

ROBIN Clearing out my desk.

ETHAN Oh. I thought you already did that…

ROBIN The big stuff, yeah. Now it’s just the last few little things I forgot. You know: my punch list.

ETHAN Is that a list of people you forgot to punch? Please tell me I’m not on this list…

ROBIN It’s an expression.

(Beat) Well… Okay.

(Beat) Bye…

ETHAN (Beat) Shalom…

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 73 —

Neither one of them leaves. NESTOR enters.

NESTOR I’m not late, am I?

ROBIN Nope, I’m early. It’s my curse. Nestor Fineman, this is—

NESTOR Ethan Dobson, I know. Good to meet you.

ETHAN Likewise…

NESTOR Nestor.

ETHAN Likewise, Nestor.

(to ROBIN) Must be quite a lot of stuff on that punch list if you need help carrying it…

ROBIN I do hate tossing things out. You never know when something seemingly incidental and garbage-like might come in handy, right?

ETHAN I suppose that’s true…

CONRAD sticks his head out of his office door.

CONRAD Robin, great. Come on in.

ROBIN (to CONRAD) And this is Nestor Fineman. Nestor, Conrad O’Brien.

NESTOR What an honor to meet you, Mr. O’Brien.

— 74 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

CONRAD Call me Conrad, please. Come on in.

NESTOR and ROBIN go into CONRAD’s office.

ETHAN (to CONRAD) Say, Conrad—

CONRAD Yes, Ethan?

ETHAN … Shalom.

CONRAD Okay.

CONRAD shuts his office door. ETHAN picks up a phone and dials a number.

BILLY Billy Dobson speaking.

ETHAN Hey, big bro’.

BILLY Ethan?

ETHAN Yup.

BILLY What are you doing calling me, hotshot? Everything alright?

ETHAN I don’t know. I’m just… calling. Everything alright with you?

BILLY Yeah, you know, same shit, different—

ETHAN I think I might be in trouble.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 75 —

BILLY What kind of trouble?

ETHAN The big kind.

BILLY What did you do?

ETHAN Who said I did anything? Can’t somebody just be in trouble?

BILLY Why don’t we get together and—

ETHAN We totally should get together. We gotta do that. I’ll call you and we’ll make plans to do that.

BILLY You’re calling me right now. Let’s make a plan.

ETHAN We will. We’ll make a plan soon. I’ll call you back again soon and we’ll make a plan.

BILLY You sound messed up. Way more than your usual messed up, little bro’. What are you on?

ETHAN The phone.

BILLY No, I mean what’d you take? You sound fucked up.

ETHAN I’m great. I’m not messed up, I’m totally great.

BILLY You said you might be in trouble.

ETHAN Nah. That’s nothing.

— 76 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

BILLY Well, I suppose that’s good—

ETHAN Unless it’s a big deal, in which case I’m probably fucked, but we’ll see.

BILLY That sounds less good. Where are you?

ETHAN … Jerusalem.

BILLY Seriously?

ETHAN You know it.

BILLY The connection is so clear.

ETHAN It’s been great hearing your voice.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

#1 2 — Th e W e s t e r n W a l l

— 77 —

Ethan, Company

BILLY You, too, little bro’.

(Beat) Hello? Ethan? You still there?

The entire company gathers.

ROBIN “Anna & The Western Wall: A Jerusalem Story,” the final article Ethan Dobson wrote for The Connector.

(Beat) Unpublished.

ETHAN joins the COMPANY as they begin telling the “Western Wall” story.

ETHAN CHRISTOPHER MCGUINNESS OF DEARBORN, MICHIGAN, AWOKE TO THE SOUND OF A DOORBELL AND A MAN IN A LIMOUSINE, AND THEREUPON WAS DRIVEN TO A CLINIC IN ANN ARBOR WHERE A TEAM OF SURGEONS WORKED FOR HOURS AND SAVED HIS HEART. THEY SAVED HIS HEART. AND HE NEVER MET THE DOCTORS, AND HE NEVER SAW A BILL, AND WHEN I MET CHRIS MCGUINNESS IN A BAR IN SUGAR HILL, HE SAID, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT, AND I GUESS I NEVER WILL, BUT GOD REACHED OUT TO ME. “ALL I EVER DID WAS WRITE A PRAYER TO GOD ON A TINY PIECE OF PAPER THAT I STUFFED INTO THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL.

— 78 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

COMPANY “THE WESTERN WALL.”

CONRAD’s office. CONRAD and ZACHARY are with ROBIN and NESTOR.

CONRAD So, you were rather more cryptic on the phone than I’d have been…

NESTOR I should say that it was at Robin’s insistence that we’re coming to you with this.

Professional courtesy was the term she used, I believe.

ROBIN I finally found a subject that I think will be of great interest to you, Conrad.

CONRAD And what’s that?

ROBIN Ethan.

COMPANY DAVID WILD IN LONDON —CHANDA KAPUR OF MUMBAI GOT A GRANT TO STUDY VERTEBRATES —GOT FOUR GOATS AND A FENCE AND RENATA HEINZ OF DUSSELDORF GOT THE TITLE FOR HER FAMILY FARM, AND FOURTEEN OTHER CASES SINCE 1987 WHERE A HOPELESS SOUL WAS RESCUED

BY AN UNSEEN HAND. AN UNSEEN HAND.

ETHAN AND WHAT THEY ALL HAVE IN COMMON IS, WHEN THINGS WERE AT THEIR WORST, WHEN THEY HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS, WHEN THEY FELT THEIR LIVES WERE CURSED, THEN A MIRACLE BEFELL THEM, AND THEY SAY LIKE THEY’VE REHEARSED:

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 79 —

ALL “GOD REACHED OUT TO ME! “ALL I EVER DID WAS WRITE A PRAYER TO GOD ON A TINY PIECE OF PAPER THAT I STUFFED INTO THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL. THE WESTERN WALL”

COMPANY 1

COMPANY 2

PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS

THE WESTERN WALL

OF THE WESTERN WALL, IN THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL.

THE WESTERN WALL

PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS AND GOD WILL FIND IT.

CONRAD (to an assistant on the phone) Well, he’s supposed to be at the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, on our dime. If he’s not there, would you kindly attempt to find out where he is for me, please?

CONRAD is leaving a message on ETHAN’s answering machine.

CONRAD Ethan, it’s Conrad. I hope your Israel trip was fruitful. Come into the office and see me as soon as you get this message, okay?

ETHAN A STREET NEAR THE MOUNT OF OLIVES, AT MIDNIGHT IN JERUSALEM, AND AN HEIRESS I’LL CALL ANNA IS SHOWING ME WHAT SHE DOES. SHE HIKES UP TO A CLEARING WHERE, EACH JUNE AND DECEMBER, THEY BURY THE PRAYERS COLLECTED FROM THE WAILING WALL.

COMPANY THE WAILING WALL.

— 80 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN AND ANNA TELLS ME, FIERCELY, THAT THE CRISIS OF OUR DAY IS THAT FAITH IS DISAPPEARING AND THERE HAS TO BE A WAY TO RE-INSPIRE THE WONDER THAT COULD MAKE SOMEBODY SAY,

COMPANY “GOD REACHED OUT TO ME.” SO SHE DIGS THROUGH PILES OF WISHES AND IF SHE CAN IDENTIFY WHOEVER WROTE IT, SHE’LL FULFILL IT, NO MATTER WHAT SHE HAS TO TRY. AND SHE’S BURNED THROUGH ALL HER FORTUNE, AND I NEEDED TO KNOW WHY, AND SHE SAID,

ETHAN “GOD REACHED OUT TO ME. GOD REACHED OUT TO ME!”

COMPANY “ALL I EVER DID WAS WRITE A PRAYER TO GOD ON A TINY PIECE OF PAPER THAT I STUFFED INTO THE CRACKS OF THE…

COMPANY 1 PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS OF THE

COMPANY 2 “THE WESTERN WALL.”

WESTERN WALL, IN THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL.

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS AND GOD WILL FIND IT. PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS OF THE

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

WESTERN WALL, IN THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL.

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS AND GOD WILL FIND IT. PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL,

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

T h e C o n n e ct o r

COMPANY 1

— 81 —

COMPANY 2

IN THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL.

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS AND GOD WILL FIND IT. PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS OF THE

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

WESTERN WALL, IN THE CRACKS OF THE WESTERN WALL.

“THE WESTERN WALL.”

PUT A PRAYER IN THE CRACKS AND GOD WILL FIND IT.

ETHAN & COMPANY (spoken in unison) “Until they can see God,” she said, “I will have to be God.”

The COMPANY vanishes as the music fades to a slow pulse, which continues throughout the following scene.

The Conference Room. ZACHARY and CONRAD and ROBIN are now with ETHAN.

ZACHARY I have to ask you some questions, okay?

ETHAN Have I done something wrong, Conrad?

ZACHARY (holds up ETHAN’s notebook) Is this your notebook from the Willis Taylor article?

ETHAN It is.

ZACHARY Why do the contents of this notebook appear to have been written in a single day?

ETHAN Well, they weren’t, I assure you.

ZACHARY The handwriting—

— 82 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN (overlapping him) No, I know, I have oddly consistent handwriting—

ZACHARY —and the ink—

ETHAN —and I always use the same brand and model of pen, always.

ZACHARY —and the file on your computer which you appear to have copied these notes from.

ETHAN … My computer? Why were you on my computer? How were you on my computer? Is that even legal?

CONRAD That computer belongs to the magazine, Ethan.

ETHAN What are you suggesting?

ZACHARY You say you met with Willis on February 13th?

ETHAN Yeah.

ZACHARY Your computer file entitled “Willis” was created in November…

ETHAN Stories take as long as they take—

ZACHARY That same computer file was also last modified in November.

ETHAN Well, time-stamps on computers can be glitchy, but I know I met with Willis on the night before Valentine’s Day. I was there, which is why it’s in my story.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 83 —

ZACHARY You’re sure about that?

ETHAN Positive.

ROBIN You didn’t meet with him on February 13th.

ETHAN turns around to look at ROBIN.

ZACHARY Any idea why we still can’t find a record of anyone matching your description of Willis Taylor in the entire state of New Jersey?

ETHAN (to CONRAD) He sounds like Muriel.

CONRAD There are far worse people to sound like.

ETHAN (Beat) I changed Willis’s name. I’m not proud of myself, but there it is. It was the only way I could protect his family.

ZACHARY Could you put me in touch with one of those family members?

ETHAN Sure. Just let me check in with them first.

CONRAD How about you write down all of their names and numbers, right now?

ETHAN I don’t carry their numbers around with me…

ZACHARY Just their names will do.

— 84 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ETHAN I don’t remember all of their names. He came from a very large family…

CONRAD Write down one phone number. One we can call right now. For somebody who exists.

Preferably.

ETHAN writes down a number and hands CONRAD a slip of paper. CONRAD picks up a phone and dials the number.

BILLY Billy Dobson speaking.

CONRAD Did you say Billy Dobson… ?

BILLY That’s right? Who’s this?

CONRAD This … is Conrad O’Brien.

BILLY What can I do for you?

CONRAD This is Conrad O’Brien, from The Connector magazine.

BILLY Oh, so you know my brother.

CONRAD I’m not sure…

BILLY Is everything okay?

CONRAD Your brother is… Your brother will call you and explain, but I assure you, there’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m sorry to have concerned you.

CONRAD hangs up the phone and stares at ETHAN in disbelief.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ZACHARY (to ETHAN) Are you continuing to insist that everything in this article is completely factual?

ETHAN I thought you guys were supposed to be on my side.

(turns to ROBIN) She doesn’t even work here anymore. What is she doing here?

ZACHARY Robin, would you hand me that letter, please?

ROBIN hands ZACHARY a letter.

This is from a woman named Mona Bland. It was sent to Ms. Martinez at the New York Press. I’d like you to take a look at it.

ETHAN takes the letter, he pretends to be fully immersed in it.

It will make a lot of people’s lives a lot easier if you can tell me: Do any of your other Connector stories contain falsehoods?

ETHAN I’d rather not say.

ZACHARY Plagiarism, any other kind of fakery… ?

ETHAN I’d rather not say.

CONRAD (shaken) Was anything you wrote true?

ETHAN I wouldn’t have written it if it wasn’t true—

ROBIN There was no Willis Taylor.

ETHAN No, Robin, there was. I used a pseudonym, fine, but the kernel of his story…

— 85 —

— 86 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

ROBIN You’re probably all of them, Ethan. You’re Waldo. You’re Willis.

CONRAD What? Wait, are you Willis?

ZACHARY Are you Willis?

ETHAN is silent.

CONRAD Good lord. Is any of it true? Have you fucking been to Jerusalem?

ETHAN I’d rather not say.

ZACHARY I think we’re done here.

ETHAN I didn’t do anything wrong.

ZACHARY Do you remember when I advised you to perhaps look into retaining personal counsel, kid? This would be a superb time to do just that.

ETHAN The mayor resigned. There was a tape!

CONRAD That is not going to help us.

ZACHARY Conrad, I set the board conference call for 4:30. Is that enough time?

CONRAD Sure.

(to ETHAN) I’d love to stay and chat, but I should go compose my resignation letter.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 87 —

ZACHARY Let me talk to Veronica and the Vorschlag guys and see if there’s any wiggle room here…

CONRAD Skip it.

ZACHARY Okay.

ZACHARY walks out.

CONRAD (Beat) Truth is not just what you say it is, Ethan. Did you want this? Did you want to destroy this? Because I’m standing here, and I’m staring at you … and I cannot begin to understand.

ETHAN AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF, A FRAGMENT OF, A FRAGMENT OF. AND YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED. SO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF, A FRAGMENT OF, A FRAGMENT OF, REFLECTED…

CONRAD exits, shaking his head.

ROBIN Well, I should go.

ETHAN Robin…

ROBIN Ethan. The stories would have been just as good if you had told the truth.

(sincere) Take care, Ethan.

ROBIN walks upstage, leaving ETHAN alone.

He picks up the notebook left on the table and begins tearing one of the pages— rhythmically, setting a tempo. The members of the band begin ripping pages in tempo along with him.

— 88 —

T h e C o n n e ct o r

Eventually, all the actors do as well—pages from notebooks, and pages from issues of The Connector. This continues throughout the whole song.

#1 3 — Th e r e N e ve r W a s

Robin, Ethan

ROBIN & ETHAN WHAT LOOKS AT FIRST TO BE REMARKABLE, BIZARRE, WILL SOON REVEAL ITSELF TO BE PART OF A PATTERN. AND WE WHO STAND OUTSIDE IDENTIFY THE HISTORY IN THE SEEMINGLY UNPRECEDENTED THING.

ETHAN WE BELIEVE WHAT WE BELIEVE, AND ALL WE WANT IS SOMEONE TO CONFIRM IT. WE BELIEVE WHAT WE BELIEVE. SURROUND OURSELVES WITH PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THE WAY WE DO. IF THE WORLD DOES NOT BEHAVE IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE THINGS THAT WE’VE CONVINCED OURSELVES ARE TRUE, STILL WE BELIEVE WHAT WE BELIEVE. OOH… THERE NEVER WAS A WALDO. THERE NEVER WAS A WILLIS. THERE NEVER WAS A MONA. THERE NEVER WAS, THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS A BILLY. THERE NEVER WAS A CONRAD. THERE NEVER WAS A ROBIN. THERE NEVER WAS, THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS A NOTEBOOK. THERE NEVER WAS A PHONE CALL.

T h e C o n n e ct o r

— 89 —

(ETHAN) THERE NEVER WAS A MAGAZINE. THERE NEVER WAS, THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS AN AIRPLANE, THERE NEVER WAS A PROPHECY, THERE NEVER WAS A MOTORCADE, THERE NEVER WAS A HOLOCAUST. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS. THERE NEVER WAS.

We see ROBIN, who has been standing and watching ETHAN, perhaps for a long while.

ROBIN holds a copy of the final issue of The Connector.

ROBIN “Ethan Dobson & The Truth: A New York City Story,” by Robin Martinez, the final issue of The Connector, September 1997.

The actors and the band drop all of the paper they’ve been rhythmically tearing for the past several minutes onto the floor of the stage at once, and we…

Blackout.

END OF SHOW