Book by Sybille Pearson
Based upon a story developed with Susan Yankowitz Originally Directed on Broadway by Richard Maltby, Jr.
Produced on Broadway by James B. Freydberg and Ivan Bloch Kenneth John Productions Inc., Suzanne J. Schwartz in association with Manuscript Productions
COPYRIGHT WARNING (SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE) THIS BOOK IS RENTED
All music, lyrics and dialogue from the Play contained in this book are the property of the Authors and are fully protected by copyright. Your organization’s performance license prohibits making any changes of any kind to the Play, including:
• changes of music, lyrics, dialogue, sequence of songs and/or scenes, time period, setting, characters or characterizations or gender of characters in the Play;
• adding new material (such as scenes or framing devices, characters or songs from any other version of the Play, including films);
• omitting or adding any music, lyrics or dialogue.
Any unauthorized changes shall constitute a willful infringement of the authors’ copyright and may subject your organization to civil liabilities and criminal penalties under the United States Copyright Act and other applicable statutes.
This book is the property of MTI and must be returned at the conclusion of your production. You may not duplicate any portion of these materials, disseminate them in any way, in whole or in part, including electronic or digital transmission and posting on the Internet, or use them for performances other than those specified in your organization’s license agreement.
Federal and international copyright law prohibit the public performance of the Play without a performance license. MTI's delivery of this script does not authorize you or your group to perform the Play in any manner whatsoever. For example, it does not matter whether your audience pays for their tickets or not; it does not matter if your group is a school or not.
The law requires your organization to obtain a performance license from MTI prior to performing the Play. To obtain an MTI performance license, visit mtishows.com.
For further information regarding the penalties for copyright infringement, please visit www.copyright.gov. To report any violation of the above terms, contact MTI at licensing@mtishows.com.
Music & Lyrics Copyright © 1984 Fiddleback Music Publishing Co. and Progeny Music (BMI) and Revelation Music Publishing Corp. and Long Pond Music (ASCAP) © All Rights Reserved. 2021 Off-Broadway Version
(Last Revised—July 2024)
In a way, it’s a truly romantic story. Somewhere, unseen, sperm meets egg. The great miracle occurs. And no one knows that it has happened.
Lights up on a bed, indicating a tiny basement apartment off-campus. DANNY, age 21, is composing a song on his guitar. DANNY, we will learn, is deaf. He can hear a little. LIZZIE, age 21, is finding her way around their new basement apartment. LIZZIE, we will learn, is legally blind.
And the bathroom is… ?
(aiming her)
Over there.
(orienting herself)
As soon as I know where everything is, I’ll be fine. (DANNY adds a baroque flourish to his playing. LIZZIE signs to him:)
Hey, I like that. Write that down.
(signing back to LIZZIE)
That’s Bach. He already wrote it down. (frustrated)
All the good music’s already been written.
LIZZIE
Danny! Our basement apartment! They said we could live off-campus. D’ya think they’ll accept under campus?
She puts her hand on DANNY’s hand to stop him playing. She signs as she sings, to make sure he hears her:
STOP A MOMENT, TAKE IT IN
CAN’T YOU FEEL THE CHANGE BEGIN?
DON’T YOU FEEL THE COSMIC SURGE AS TWO LIVES BEGIN TO MERGE?
DANNY & LIZZIE
WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE WHAT A TRIP TO LIVE TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE LIFE ANYTHING WE SAY WE START TODAY!
Lights fade. OFF-STAGE CHORUS sings. Lights up on the same bed, but two new people enter:
ALAN, age 52, and ARLENE, age 49, are returning home from a trip. ARLENE is hung over. ALAN enters briskly with their two suitcases.
ALAN
Has our house always been this big? I think it’s growing.
ARLENE
We should sell it! Get a nice little apartment with a roof that doesn’t have to be fixed every year. Oh, why did I order all that champagne?
ALAN
Not quite the romantic anniversary you had in mind?
ARLENE
No, it was lovely!
WHO’D BELIEVE HOW TIME MOVES ON?
BLINK, ANOTHER DECADE’S GONE
ALAN
CHILDREN GROWN, WE’VE SET THEM FREE
ARLENE
NO ONE HERE BUT THEE AND ME
BOTH
WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE! FIN’LLY SPENDING TIME TOGETHER
ARLENE
LET’S SHAPE UP FOR ALL THAT’S COMING OUR WAY
ALAN
RIGHT! WE START TODAY!
Lights fade. OFF-STAGE CHORUS sings. Lights up again on the bed. This time the room has two women in it. PAM, age 30, is sitting on the bed. It is time to start a new month of inseminations. NICKI, age 30, who has taken nurse’s training so that they can do this at home, enters carrying a tray with the insemination materials.
NICKI
It’s showtime! PAM
Why do we bother?!! God isn’t going to give me a baby. God is going to look around this room and say, “Oh shit, not her! Her, over there, the one who looks like she stepped off a Gerber’s label, I’m gonna wait and give her the baby.” I don’t think I can take another month of…
NICKI
BABIES DON’T JUST TROT ALONG DOCTORS WARNED US: MUST BE STRONG
PAM
IF IN FIVE MONTHS NOTHING CLICKS?
NICKI
(turns, holding up a Dixie cup and a tube)
WE JUST START MONTH NUMBER SIX
PAM & NICKI
WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE!
PAM
HOW MUCH FUN CAN ONE GIRL HANDLE?
NICKI
(approaches PAM, brandishing the tube)
LOOK—A TURKEY BASTER’S COMING YOUR WAY
PAM
Yes! Yes! BRING IT ON!
(PAM falls back on the bed, ready to “receive”)
PAM & NICKI
WE START TODAY!
DANNY and LIZZIE, ALAN and ARLENE and the ENSEMBLE pass in front of them, mercifully sparing us seeing what happens next.
THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN’T DO TOGETHER THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN’T HAVE OUR WAY WE’RE GOING ON LIKE THIS FOREVER STARTING TODAY!
ENSEMBLE
STARTING TODAY!
THREE AREAS. The three COUPLES proceed with their lives:
ALAN
WE’RE GONNA HAVE THE ROOF FIXED
ARLENE WHAT WE NEED IS AN APARTMENT
ALAN
HAVE THE TRUSTEES IN FOR DINNER
ARLENE WHAT WE NEED IS AN APARTMENT
PAM
(putting on a gym shirt)
HERE’S THE PROBLEM
(PAM)
NO WONDER I’M NOT PREGNANT WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WEARS GYM CLOTHES ALL DAY?
NICKI A GYM TEACHER!
PAM
YEAH? WELL, I DON’T LOOK LIKE A MOTHER FROM NOW ON I DRESS LIKE A BUTCH BEYONCÉ
DANNY
(on telephone—LIZZIE is listening, encouraging him) MOM, SIT DOWN
I’M CHANGING MY MAJOR MOM, DON’T CRY— FROM SCIENCE…
(doesn’t want to say these words) …TO MUSIC
The THREE COUPLES sing simultaneously: PAM
HERE’S THE PROBLEM NO WONDER I’M NOT PREGNANT WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WEARS GYM CLOTHES ALL DAY YES, I DON’T LOOK LIKE A MOTHER FROM NOW ON I DRESS IN A FEMININE WAY
DANNY MOM, SIT DOWN
I’M CHANGING MY MAJOR MOM, DON’T CRY… FROM SCIENCE… TO MUSIC
NICKI JUST RELAX PAM JUST CALM DOWN ALAN WE’RE GONNA HAVE THE ROOF FIXED ARLENE WHAT WE NEED IS AN APARTMENT ALAN HAVE THE TRUSTEES IN FOR DINNER ARLENE WHAT WE NEED IS AN APARTMENT BOTH WHAT WE NEED IS AN APARTMENT
The lights come up on the surrounding areas. CAMPUS PEOPLE pass by.
ENSEMBLE
LOOK AROUND, IT’S IN THE AIR LIFE IS CHANGING EV’RYWHERE ONE MORE MONTH HAS COME AND GONE AND THE JOURNEY RUSHES ON
ENSEMBLE & THREE COUPLES
WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE OUT OF MARCH, SMACK INTO APRIL
THEN BEFORE YOU’D EVER THINK OF MAY… ONLY ONCE A YEAR COMES A DAY LIKE THIS
ENSEMBLE
AH AH THERE COMES A DAY
THE THREE COUPLES
(struck by the sight of a new spring day)
WHEN YOU HAVE TO STOP SO YOU WILL NOT MISS THAT ONE MORE WINTER THAT WOULD NOT END IS DEAD AND GONE AROUND THE BEND ALL AND IVIED WALLS IN A COLLEGE TOWN
SHOW A HAZE OF GREEN THAT ONCE WAS BROWN THE SKY’S SO BLUE IT COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN GREY AND THE BEST OF LIFE SEEMS ONLY A HEARTBEAT AWAY
The MUSIC holds. The COMPANY freezes. We hear the sound of an embryo’s heartbeat, which is faster than a normal human heartbeat.
MUSIC: DANNY again plays something on the guitar.
DANNY
I’m going to find a rhythm of my own if it kills me!
(To LIZZIE)
Hey, you look terrible.
LIZZIE
OH, I GUESS IT’S JUST THE FLU (leaves DANNY, goes to the NURSE)
ARLENE
GUESS I HAVE A CHECK-UP DUE
(leaves ALAN, goes to the NURSE)
PAM
YES, I’M LATE. DON’T ASK ME HOW (leaves NICKI, goes to the NURSE)
YES, THE DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU NOW LIZZIE, ARLENE and PAM look front in stunned surprise.
ALL (EXCEPT LIZZIE, PAM, ARLENE)
LOOK AROUND IT’S IN THE AIR LIFE IS CHANGING EV’RYWHERE ONE MORE WINTER’S COME AND GONE WHO’D BELIEVE HOW LIFE MOVES ON NEW BEGINNINGS, WHAT A RIDE WHAT A JOURNEY… LIZZIE, ARLENE and PAM go to their respective partners.
LIZZIE & DANNY (stunned)
A BABY!
PAM & NICKI (overjoyed)
A BABY!!!
ALAN & ARLENE (after a beat, horrified)
A BABY??
LIFE GOES ON!
ENSEMBLE
PAM and NICKI jump into the air and high-five each other. They run off. ARLENE storms off, not knowing whether she is happy or enraged. ALAN lingers a moment, then exits after her. LIZZIE and DANNY stand stunned for a minute, then they run off.
ENSEMBLE exits.
Lights come up on the bed. It is now DANNY and LIZZIE’s apartment. Danny, traumatized, is by the bed, trying to appear as if he is calmly composing on his guitar. LIZZIE, on the bed, is writing feverishly in a notebook.
LIZZIE
We can do this.
(DANNY nods while playing)
We can! I am figuring it out. Look.
(shows him the notebook)
It’ll take a little planning. A few changes in our course schedules. My hours at the cafeteria. Nothing all that much, really. Face it, you and I have handled far, far worse.
(DANNY nods again)
Can you think of any other juniors in college who would actually have the baby? No! But we –you and I—we can do it.
DANNY
(puts down his guitar)
Okay, Liz… We’re getting married.
Aw, Danny, come on. I’m pregnant.
Right. So… we’re getting married.
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
What are you talking about? We are not going to perpetuate two thousand years of patriarchal social constructs that diminish women and dehumanize men. We agreed on that when we moved in together.
DANNY
And I do agree. Totally. With every word you say. Except—we’re having a baby and we gotta get married.
LIZZIE
Gotta! Gotta? Why do we gotta? Who says that we gotta do anything?
DANNY
Lizzie, stop, stop. Okay, let’s… regroup here.
LIZZIE
Okay.
DANNY
You and I met in a support group because our “Woke” college wants to become “inclusive of disabilities.” Well, good!
LIZZIE
Yeah?
DANNY
So, I’m looking across the room and I’m seeing this amazing girl—woman! She walks around, she looks at you, she’s a writer! She’s a powerhouse. And it turns out, she’s LEGALLY BLIND! And you would never know it!
LIZZIE
I never want anyone to feel sorry for me.
DANNY
Yes! So—you come to class with your assignments… memorized! Even the page numbers! And I’m thinking, who is this person? Because I have just decided to switch—to a music major!—and I am… deaf! I can barely hear, and I think I gotta keep it a secret. But you— you just do it! And then—you like me. And you are the hottest girl—woman!—on this whole frigging campus. And so we move in together—because… together we can do anything!
LIZZIE
And your point is?
We’re getting married.
DANNY
LIZZIE
What was the first thing we ever discussed?
DANNY
That was for your philosophy assignment. It was theoretical. This is real.
LIZZIE
I am not going to be someone who throws away everything she believes just because a guy got her pregnant.
DANNY
I am not “a guy who got you pregnant!” I am your… boyfriend! God, what a stupid word.
LIZZIE
I know the plans you have. You’re going to write a rock cantata. You have dreams. And they don’t involve taking care of a kid. I won’t do that to you. Danny, I alone am responsible for what happens inside my body.
DANNY
Well, as a literal fact, I am responsible for what’s happening inside your body.
LIZZIE
All my life I’ve had to prove I could be responsible. Everyone told me I couldn’t do things! I had to prove I could get into AP classes. I had to prove I could go away to college. If I tell my mother that two months after moving in together, I’m pregnant and we “gotta get married”—I can hear her right now. “Irresponsible!” And I AM responsible! I am! I’m a responsible person!
(sits on the bed)
How can I be pregnant!
DANNY
(sits down next to her; just doing so is comforting. Gently:)
Lizzie, we have to talk about it. There’s every chance our child could be…
LIZZIE
There’s nothing wrong with having a disability. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
DANNY
I know that. But—it’s going to take a lot from us to take care of a kid.
LIZZIE
Yes, it will! But Danny, we can do anything!
(a silence falls over them)
It’s crazy to do it, isn’t it?
It’ll live with us for eighteen years.
DANNY
LIZZIE
It’s not gonna just eat pizza for dinner. (another silence)
We don’t have to have it.
DANNY I know.
LIZZIE
But—don’t you want to see it?
A baby. Our baby. Our first collaboration. HE’LL MAYBE HAVE MY SMILE AND YOUR HAIR WHO CAN TELL ‘TILL THE BABY COMES HE’LL MAYBE HAVE MY STYLE AND YOUR FLAIR AND PLAY FABULOUS DRUMS JUST THINK: INSIDE ME OUR GENES HAVE FOUND THEIR NICHE THEY LINK AND OUT’LL COME ONE TAP DANCIN’ KID WITH PERFECT PITCH
WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN YOUR OWN LITTLE CLONE WHO’LL REPRODUCE ALL YOUR TALENTS PLUS A HINT OF MY OWN CONSIDER: THIS KID COULD BE A ONE-MAN-BAND IF WE LET HER
DANNY
Her?
LIZZIE
YOUR SENSE OF KEY
(LIZZIE)
AND MY GREAT VIBRATO YOUR MELODY AND MY OBLIGATO
THAT’S WHAT WE’VE GOT, OH, WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT? Right, Danny?
(DANNY doesn’t answer)
Danny?
(Still no answer)
DANNY!!
DANNY
I’m thinking.
I’M PICTURING MY LIPS AND YOUR EYES
LIZZIE
FOR A BOY THAT’S A PERFECT PAIR
DANNY
I’M PICTURING MY HIPS AND YOUR THIGHS
LIZZIE
THAT IS VERY UNFAIR
DANNY
NO. NO. I KNOW NO ONE CAN PREDICT WHAT BIRD WE’LL HATCH
BOTH WOH, WOH, WOH, WOH BUT WE’RE SUCH GENETIC GEMS THAT GOD CAN MIX AND MATCH
DANNY
WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN IF OUR LITTLE SPAWN
GOT ALL HIS BRAINS FROM HIS DAD AND FROM HIS MOM GOT HIS BRAWN?
LIZZIE
OH FUNNY!
DANNY
IMAGINE WHAT ONE TINY MIX-UP COULD NET HER
LIZZIE
NET HIM!
DANNY
YOUR BUTTON NOSE AND MY BUSHY EYEBROW
LIZZIE
YOU FOR THE LOW BROW, ME FOR THE HIGH BROW BOTH
YOUR BROW AND MY BROW WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT?
Hey, that’s good. Do it again.
DANNY
LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA
DANNY excitedly starts writing the riff down, LIZZIE starts writing in her notebook. There is a pause. Something unexpressed is hanging in the air.
Uh, Liz, how come…
DANNY
LIZZIE
I was careful, I swear it. I never forgot it. I don’t know how it happened.
DANNY
(stops, seeing how genuinely distraught she is)
Maybe it’s just that no barrier on earth can stand up against the vigorous, lashing army of my sperm!
LIZZIE
(considers the idea for a long time; DANNY, ridiculously, is offering her an explanation that makes it not her fault) That must be it.
(LIZZIE)
PICTURE A FLAILING SPERMATOZOAN NOT EVEN KNOWIN’ WHERE HE IS GOIN’ WHAT’S THAT AHEAD? A DIAPHRAGM! SCREW IT! HE KNOWS HE’S DEAD—MY GOD, HE SLIPS THROUGH IT! SUDDENLY HE’S ALONE IN THE RIVER NOW HE MUST SEIZE THE CHANCE TO DELIVER ROUNDING THE BEND THE EGG STARTS TO GLIMMER IS THIS THE END FOR OUR LITTLE SWIMMER? CATCHING THE TIDE, HE SAILS TOWARD THE MYST’RY SET TO COLLIDE AND CHANGE ALL OF HISTORY!
BOTH
WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN A FAMILY EXTENSION, A GENETIC DUET, A LITTLE “TWO-PART INVENTION”
LIZZIE
I SAY: CONSIDER WHAT WE’LL HAVE IN HAND WHEN WE GET HER
DANNY GET HIM!
LIZZIE So?
DANNY Yes!!
LIZZIE Yes!!
BOTH
We’re going to have a baby!
And not get married.
Now, hold on…
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
YOUR SENSE OF MISSION MY SENSE OF DUTY YOUR DISPOSITION
MY INNER BEAUTY
DANNY YOUR INTUITION MY SENSE OF TIMING
LIZZIE YOUR COMPOSITION MY CRAZY RHYMING
BOTH MATCHING OF TASTE THAT’S REALLY UNCANNY
LIZZIE
MY LITTLE WAIST
MY LITTLE FANNY
DANNY
BOTH
LIZZIE AND DANNY WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT? Blackout.
#3A—Better (Chaser)
The same bed is now ALAN and ARLENE’s bedroom. ARLENE tears in, wearing yoga pants. ALAN follows, wearing brand new exercise clothes. He dumps exercise equipment on the bed—including weights and two pairs of earphones. ARLENE starts warming up.
Arlene, stop. How are you feeling?
ALAN
ARLENE
(indicating her Apple watch)
I’m fine but, I can’t talk right now. I have my Body Sculpt class. We’ll talk later.
(she starts warming up energetically)
Wait. You shouldn’t be doing that.
ALAN
ARLENE
Alan, I’ve carried four children. It doesn’t stop you from doing anything. Do you have that new workout app Beth sent you?
ALAN
Yes.
(waving him away)
Why don’t you do that?
ARLENE
Okay.
ALAN
ARLENE
Okay.
They put on their earphones. ALAN is interrupted by the voice on his exercise video.
Okay, grab your five-pound weights to begin.
(a beat starts)
AND… RIGHT ARM UP AND RIGHT ARM DOWN AND LEFT ARM UP AND LEFT ARM DOWN AND RIGHT AND LEFT AND RIGHT AND LEFT AND…
ARLENE hears her trainer’s voice.
Open your Body Sculpt Workout App and follow me. Start in a wide stance. Ready… AND (picks up ALAN’s beat)
—RIGHT KNEE BENDS, RIGHT KNEE STRAIGHT LEFT KNEE BENDS, LEFT KNEE STRAIGHT…
The INSTRUCTORS’ voices fade, and we hear ALAN and ARLENE’s thoughts.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE PLAZA GOOD GOD IT MUST HAVE HAPPENED THEN THAT NIGHT WE SAID WE’D BE LIKE LOVERS AND FALL IN LOVE AGAIN CHAMPAGNE BY THE BOTTLE
I DO RECALL
THE PLAZA’S WHERE IT HAD TO BE OUR TWENTY-EIGHTH ANNIVERSARY GOOD GOD THEN THAT MEANS WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT WE DID MORE THAN JUST PASS OUT THAT NIGHT
LOVERS JUST LIKE WHEN WE MET AN EV’NING WE WOULD NOT FORGET AGAIN AND AGAIN I VOWED TO LOVE IT WHY HAVE I NO MEM’RY OF IT?
BOTTLES ONE AND TWO I DO RECALL
ORDERING BOTTLE
THREE ALL WE DID FOR HOURS WAS TOAST
ARLENE
THREE AND FOUR I DON’T RECALL AT ALL
TOAST THE BELLHOP, TOAST THE SERVICE
BOTH
GOD, WE WERE SO NERVOUS ALL ALONE THERE, YOU AND ME ALAN and ARLENE are interrupted by the INSTRUCTOR VOICES.
Alright, now get ready for burpees and planks!
ALAN
Oh, I am not doing that.
ARLENE’S
Open your app and check your standing heart rate.
ARLENE presses a button on her phone, and we hear her heartbeat. Then the music rises romantically.
ALAN
WE TRIED TOO HARD
WANTED FAR TOO MUCH
COULD WE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
COULD WE REALLY TOUCH
ARLENE
I GUESS WE TRIED TOO HARD
SO SCARED TO FACE EACH OTHER
COULD WE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
BE MORE THAN DAD AND MOTHER
BOTH
IT’S GOOD TO TRY ONE MUST NEVER LET THE FIRE GO OUT YES, IT WAS THE RIGHT IDEA
ARLENE
EXCEPT I’M PREGNANT!
The beep from ARLENE’s pulse counter goes crazy. SHE starts exercising faster.
ALAN
SO THAT’S WHAT WE DID AT THE PLAZA
THE NIGHT WE GAVE IT OUR BEST SHOT
MAYBE IT’S A SIGN WE’VE WON
GOOD GUYS NEVER FAIL
THOSE WHO TRY PREVAIL
ARLENE
COULD IT BE I’M REALLY PREGNANT
OH MY GOD IT’S ME THAT’S PREGNANT
ONE MORE DAUGHTER –FOUR WAS PLENTY I’LL BE ANCIENT WHEN SHE’S TWENTY
THE SMELL OF LAUNDRY HAMPERS
THE HATEFUL SQUISH OF PAMPERS
ALAN
WHEN TWO PEOPLE CARE ENOUGH THEIR MARRIAGE CAN’T GROW STALE
ALAN jumps in triumph a la Rocky. HE tears off his headset and goes to Arlene.
ALAN
Arlene, this house isn’t too big. It just needs children in it.
ARLENE
(not hearing because of the earphones)
What?
ALAN
(removing her headset)
The kids are out of college, we’ve been wondering what to do with ourselves. We can have another family!
ARLENE
Alan, you’re 52. I’m 49.
ALAN
49? What is that, death? It’s a new world. Do you know how many high-powered women are finally having babies now?
ARLENE
The ones who didn’t have four in a row in their twenties! Alan, this isn’t just older. At my age, pregnancies are not only rare, they are risky. The doctor said so and I know he is right because I Googled it!
ALAN
You’re right. You’re right. We mustn’t get emotional.
ARLENE
I know. I’m trying.
ALAN
For now, you know what I think? Let’s go dancing.
ARLENE
What?
ALAN
The University Club has ballroom dancing on Tuesday nights. We can do what we learned on the cruise. Wasn’t that fun?
ARLENE
Yes, in a kind of demented what-the-hell-else-are-we-going-to-do-on-a-cruise way.
ALAN
Let’s do something impulsive! Arlene, I hope it’s twins!
ARLENE
Bite your tongue! Blackout.
SCENE FOUR
The same bed, now NICKI and PAM’S apartment. NICKI and PAM, run in.
WE DID IT!!!
WE DID IT!!!
PAM
NICKI
PAM
I love you SO MUCH!! I love you more than I have ever loved ANYTHING! I can’t believe how lucky I am to be IN LOVE WITH YOU!!
NICKI
Me too. Me too! But first…!
(she picks up the tray of insemination stuff)
… we should have a little ceremony of throwing out all this crap!
PAM
No! Don’t throw it out! Give it to me! You know those mobiles people hang over a crib— the ones with unicorns and the teddy bears and the precious little angels? I’m gonna make one with a syringe, a Dixie cup, a turkey baster, and a pill bottle. Hang it right where she can see it. This kid is gonna know where she came from.
(THEY kiss)
What do you think: A jock or a singer? Or maybe a jock-ish kinda singer.
NICKI
To begin with, she might be a “he.”
PAM
Or a them. They can make up their own pronouns. I DO NOT CARE! I WILL TAKE WHATEVER WE GET!
#5—Baby, Baby, Baby
NICKI
DON’T SCREAM! We gotta start thinking about the kid. She’s gotta know what’s out here waiting for her.
(NICKI)
(NICKI looks like she is moving in to kiss PAM, but instead, drops down and sings to PAM’s stomach:)
BABY, BABY, BABY LISTEN TO YOUR MAMA HEY THERE PRETTY BABY BETTER HURRY AND GET HERE
(ad libs the baby’s voice)
“Alright, Mama, I’m coming right out.”
BABY, BABY, BABY SEE YOUR PRETTY MAMAS
DON’T YOU KNOW THE MINUTE THAT YOU GET YOUR FOOT SET HERE
YOU’RE GONNA BE LOVED
PAM
YOU’RE GONNA BE LOVED
NICKI
YOU’RE GONNA BE HELD YOU’RE GONNA BE KISSED YOU’RE GONNA FEEL WARM
PAM WARM
NICKI
YOU’RE GONNA FEEL FINE
PAM FINE
NICKI
YOU’RE GONNA HAVE
BOTH
ALL THAT I GOT HANDY SILVER SPOONS AND CANDY
NICKI
BABY, BABY, BABY
(NICKI)
LORD, HOW YOU ARE WANTED (a la a soul singer)
I GOT ALL THIS LOVE DRESSED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO WOH, WOH, WOH
PAM WOH WOH WOH
NICKI
BABY, BABY, BABY GONNA LOVE YOU SO
Sing. PAM
If I sing, I’ll burst into tears.
NICKI
Good. Sing.
PAM (softly)
LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
Good. Louder.
NICKI
PAM (loud)
LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
PAM starts to cry and laugh. SHE falls into NICKI’s arms and they collapse on the bed together.
Lights lower on NICKI and PAM as the lights come up on ALAN and ARLENE, dancing the cha-cha at a University Club ballroom dance night.
I don’t believe you remember this.
ARLENE
ALAN
I don’t believe I remember this. Which hand?
ARLENE
Left.
Right. That’s how we get into…
(does a spin)
Not bad.
ALAN
ARLENE
ALAN
You know what I’m thinking? I am picturing all the fun times we had. Things I haven’t thought about in years. The trip through all the National Parks. The trip through the Chateaux on the Loire. Telling the kids about French history. We can have “weekends” again. Get the piano fixed so they can practice on Sunday mornings while we make love.
(he executes a dip)
When did we ever do that?
ARLENE
ALAN
Well, it’s time we started. Enough of this crap!
HE breaks into an exuberant rock dance; ARLENE laughing follows along. ALAN suddenly has a spasm.
Honey, your back!
ARLENE
ALAN
I know I’m crazy. And I know you need time. But remember when they were toddlers? Wasn’t it wonderful?
ARLENE
Alan, it was awful.
ALAN
Yes, it was awful.
But wonderful.
ARLENE
ALAN
Leaving me out—I don’t want to influence you—what do you think?
I think I like you this way.
Lights up on PAM and NICKI.
MY FAMILY ALWAYS JOKED ABOUT THE BOY THAT THEY GOT AND THOUGH WE LAUGHED, I ALWAYS KINDA BELIEVED IT AS I GREW UP IT FELT LIKE SOME KIND OF PLOT I TRIED TO SHUT THEM UP BUT NEVER ACHIEVED IT BUT TO CONFIRM THAT BEING MOM WAS MY LOT I NEEDED SOMETHING REAL AND NOW I’VE CONCEIVED IT SO I’VE GOT TO SAY THIS TO ALL MY FAMILY JOKERS I JUST CAN’T WAIT TILL I APPEAR YOU SEE ME GRINNING EAR TO EAR MY BELLY STICKING OUT TO HERE ‘CAUSE I’M BRINGIN’ OUR BABY BACK HOME
Lights up on other couples.
BABY, BABY, BABY
HEY KID, WHAT’S YOUR HURRY?
IF IT’S UP TO ME KID YOU CAN STAY FOR TWO YEARS THERE
+ LIZZIE, ARLENE, & ALAN
YOU’RE GONNA BE LOVED YES, YOU’RE GONNA BE LOVED
YOU’RE GONNA BE POKED
PAM & NICKI
WE’LL BRING OUR BABY BACK HOME
WE’LL BRING OUR BABY BACK HOME
YOU’RE GONNA BE LOVED
YOU’RE GONNA BE BOUNCED
THREE COUPLES
YOU’RE GONNA BE OOHED
YOU’RE GONNA BE AAH-ED YOU’RE GONNA HAVE:
ALAN
LOTIONS FOR YOUR BODY
LIZZIE
GRANDMAS WHO GO DOTTY
NICKI & PAM
NURSES WHO WILL PLACE YOU ON YOUR SOLID SILVER POTTY
ALL
YEAH!
DANNY, LIZZIE, ARLENE, & ALAN
BABY, BABY, BABY
SEE HOW YOU’VE CHANGED US
NOTHING STAYS THE SAME ONCE WE BECOME MA AND PA WAH, WAH, WAH
PAM & NICKI
WE’LL BRING OUR BABY BACK HOME
BABY COME HOME
WAH, WAH, WAH
ALAN
(To ARLENE, crooning, like Barry White)
BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY
DANNY
(To LIZZIE, riffing like a rock star)
BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY…
NICKI
(A la Aretha Franklin, to PAM’s belly)
BA-BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY
BU… BU… BU… BU…
(SHE buries her face in PAM’s stomach)
GONNA LOVE YOU
LOVE YOU
LOVE YOU
LOVE YOU PAM
LOVE YOU
(after a pause)
LOVE YOU?
THREE COUPLES SO!! Lights fade.
STUDENTS and FACULTY cross with umbrellas in the rain.
#5A—Midterm Transition
ENSEMBLE
WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE
EASTER BREAK—THEN POW IT’S MIDTERM
SOLO VOICE
FOUR WEEKS LEFT TO RAISE A “C” TO AN “A” ALL
WE START TODAY
The STUDENTS and FACULTY exit.
A DOCTOR’S WAITING ROOM.
LIZZIE runs in, takes off her rain parka, sits in a loveseat and takes out her IPAD. ARLENE enters with a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag, sits in a chair, and starts to read a magazine. Then PAM bounds in. Because of the rain, she has stuck a basketball under her jogging suit and it makes her look very, very pregnant. SHE shakes the rain out of her hair. LIZZIE and ARLENE can’t help but notice PAM’S gigantic “baby.” PAM sits next to LIZZIE. Absently, she begins to tap out an exuberant rhythm on her belly (the basketball). LIZZIE and ARLENE are horrified. PAM stops, realizing what she looks like.
PAM
My basketball team just gave me a baby shower. I didn’t want the paint to run.
SHE pulls out the ball and shows it to the WOMEN. It is painted pink with blue flowers on it. PAM tries to be quiet, but she is too hopped up. SHE starts to dribble the basketball. Stops herself.
PAM
Oops. Doctor’s office. Shhh.
(But SHE can’t contain her energy and twirls the ball on her finger.)
Oh hell, I don’t care if I make an ass of myself. I went through hell to get pregnant, and I am happy and I don’t care who knows it. Hey, we’ve been here before.
ARLENE
I’ve been coming here for thirty years.
PAM
No. The three of us. At the same time. When I came for my test.
(to LIZZIE)
Are you?
Yes.
Me too! What a crazy coincidence. THEY both look at ARLENE.
LIZZIE
PAM
ARLENE
Even crazier. Considering I just bought “Toothpaste for the Sensitive Older Mouth.”
PAM sits on arm of loveseat, eager for “woman-talk.”
PAM
(To LIZZIE)
Do you have morning sickness?
No.
LIZZIE
PAM
I don’t either. I want it! I don’t want to miss anything. The moment I heard, I bought out the entire maternity shop. I have onesies up the wazoo. You’ve been shopping too.
ARLENE
No. This—is a return. A silly impulse buy at Victoria’s Secret. I never had the nerve to wear it. Apparently I didn’t need it.
PAM
(to LIZZIE)
I know you. My wife, Nicki Hall, is head of admissions in the music department. You guys had an interview at my house. You’re Danny Hooper’s wife.
LIZZIE
Not wife! He’s… the love of my life and the person I’ll live with forever and the father of my child. What the English language needs is a word for what that is.
ARLENE
Wife.
LIZZIE
Listen. Can I try something out on you? I think I have figured this out.
(reading off her Ipad)
This summer, I’m going to get a job, so Danny can write. I don’t want this baby ever to be a burden on him. Then, when the time comes, I’ll take three weeks off from school to have the baby. If I get extensions on my papers, I won’t miss a thing. I’ll nurse it. That’s free food, and with a baby backpack, I’ll never feel trapped. Does that sound good?
(LIZZIE)
I mean, the important thing is to fit the baby into your life and not the other way around, right?
ARLENE
Right! Absolutely!
PAM
And you’re Arlene MacNalley.
ARLENE Yes. PAM
I’m Pam Sakarian. The woman’s basketball coach? I led the team’s rebellion against your husband?
(raises her arm in a closed-fist gesture)
Oh, yes. That was you!
ARLENE
PAM
Your husband really came through with the money even in all the cutbacks.
ARLENE
My husband really likes you. Of course, he also wants murder you. He talks about you all the time. He told me you were having a baby, but I thought your wife… I’m sorry.
PAM
It’s all right. I get it all time. “Oh, you’re going to be the mother?” But I’m the one who wanted a baby since she was three.
ARLENE
(showing a photo, from her magazine)
Oh, look at this: Six months. They’re round and smelly and soft. And they’re sitting up looking and without words, they make you see everything you took for granted. And they’re not walking yet, destroying the house.
(tears well in her eyes, which makes her angry with herself.)
I love being a mother. Every stupid thing. I love making choo-choo trains out of fruit cans!
Mrs. McNalley?
Pay no attention to me. When you’re pregnant, your emotions run all over the place.
I want them. I want those emotions. I can’t wait. FOR THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE YOU MIGHT SAY THAT I’VE BEEN “EXPECTING” BUT I ALWAYS MADE SURE
I DIDN’T EXPECT TOO MUCH
I KEPT MY LITTLE DREAMS IN LIMITS BUT NOW THAT I HAVE HEARD THIS NEWS
I CAN SEE ALL THESE POSSIBILITIES AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CHOOSE. (pauses, thinking of her choices)
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT THE WHOLE FEMALE EXPERIENCE IN A BALL I WANT IT ALL
I WANT THE MORNING SICKNESS AND THE ELATION
I WANT EVERY KNOWN FEMALE SENSATION
I WANT TO BE ALTHEA GIBSON, JOAN OF ARC, LAUREN BACALL
I WANT IT ALL
SHE dances around playfully, doing tricks with the basketball, ending with a fake to ARLENE, which startles her.
(embarrassed)
Sorry. Doctor’s office. Sshhh.
To calm herself, PAM places the basketball on the loveseat and sits on it. Her exuberance can’t be contained, however, and SHE starts bouncing in rhythm, which makes ARLENE, on the other end of the loveseat, bounce too.
LIZZIE
(referring to her iPad)
I’VE BEEN SITTING HERE MAKING DECISIONS JUST LIKE YOU HAVE SO THE THING THAT I DO IS TO MAKE MYSELF A LIST
I PUT WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE ON THIS SIDE AND WHAT I DON’T WANT OVER HERE IT WAS QUITE A BOUT, BUT I WORKED IT OUT AND NOW THE ANSWER’S VERY CLEAR
SHE looks at her list, which has everything on the “I want” side and nothing on the “Don’t want” side. SHE puts down the iPad.
I WANT IT ALL
OH, YEAH!
LIZZIE
I WANT IT ALL PAM
OH, YEAH!
LIZZIE
I WANT ADVENTURE, LOVE, CAREER KIDS LARGE AND SMALL
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT A QUIET SIMPLE LIFE AND SOME GLORY AND STEVEN SPIELBERG FILMING MY FIRST STORY
I WANT TO BE MICHELLE OBAMA, NORA EPHRON, ANNIE HALL
PAM
I WANT TO BE SERENA WILLIAMS, MERYL STREEP, MADAME DE STAEL
BOTH
I WANT TO BE RUTH BADER GINSBERG, SALLY RIDE, LUCILLE BALL
I WANT IT ALL
THEY toss the basketball to each other exuberantly. Then it’s LIZZIE’s turn to fake a pass to ARLENE, who rises.
Lose what?
ARLENE
OH NO, MY FRIENDS, THERE’S NO TWO WAYS TO SLICE IT WOMEN CHOOSE, MY FRIENDS, YOU CHOOSE AND WHAT DOES NOT FIT IN YOU LOSE, MY FRIENDS, AND YOU MUST NOT LOOK BACK
LIZZIE
ARLENE
LIKE THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING MAD TO LET EVERY DAY SURPRISE THE THINGS ANY GROWNUP SENSIBLE WOMAN GIVES UP IF SHE’S WISE … A pause. ARLENE returns to her seat. The matter is closed. Suddenly SHE blurts out:
ARLENE
I WANT IT ALL! IT THERE’S A RISE UP TO THE HEIGHTS
OH, YEAH! OH YEAH!
(ARLENE) AND THEN A FALL I WANT IT ALL
LIZZIE & PAM
DON’T TRY TO TELL ME THAT I CAN’T HAVE MY DRUTHA I’LL BE A MOTHER WHO IS ALSO A MUTHA!
PAM
I WANT TO KNOW THAT I CAN FIND INSIDE ME ANYONE I NEED
ARLENE
I WANT TO BE DONNA MCKECHNIE
PAM
DONNA SUMMER
LIZZIE DONNA REED
ARLENE
I WANT TO BE MARGARET SANGER
I want Tahiti!
MARG’RET ATWOOD
MARG’RET MEAD
LIZZIE
PAM
ALL THREE
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT TO FIND A WAY TO BREAK THROUGH EVERY WALL
I WANT IT ALL
I want a Grammy!
I want stretch marks!
I want a pedicure!
I want dill pickles!
I want a Lear Jet!
I want a string bikini!
I want the Nobel Prize!
ARLENE
LIZZIE
PAM
ARLENE
PAM
LIZZIE
ARLENE
LIZZIE
PAM
I want to make choo-choo trains out of fruit cans!!!
ARLENE
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT IT…
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT IT
I WANT IT ALL
I WANT IT
I WANT IT ALL!
PAM & LIZZIE
PAM
ARLENE & LIZZIE
LIZZIE
PAM & ARLENE
PAM
LIZZIE
ALL!
ARLENE ALL! I could get into this!
THEY fall into their chairs.
NOTE: During the following scene, the NURSE calls ARLENE and then LIZZIE into the doctor’s office.
#6A—I Want It All (Chaser)
A ROOM IN THE MUSIC SCHOOL.
DANNY is finishing his audition for NICKI. He is playing Bach on his guitar.
NICKI
(when he stops)
The Bach Toccata and Fugue on the guitar? Very impressive. You are going to be a real addition to the music department. Welcome.
(shakes his hand)
Thank you.
(but DANNY seems distracted)
What’s the matter? That’s good news.
DANNY
NICKI
DANNY
Dean Hall, tell me I’m not crazy. When you have a kid you get married, right?
NICKI
Not necessarily. Lots of couples don’t get married these days.
DANNY
Not you too!
You and Lizzie, huh? Congratulations.
She has all these “opinions.”
NICKI
DANNY
NICKI
Yeah, she will. You got to be sympathetic. It’s hard to be a woman these days.
DANNY
Well—it is impossible to be a man! If you want take care of them, you’re a control freak. You don’t want take care of them, you’re afraid of commitment. What do you do if you want to take care of her, and you want a commitment you can’t run away from?
NICKI
It isn’t just men, Danny. My wife is the biggest-scoring basketball coach in the history of this place. But talk about a baby—which she wants!—and she’s a mess. You gotta face it. Any woman worth loving these days is going to be complicated.
NICKI
THEY WANT IT
#7—At Night She Comes Home to Me
ALL,
THEY NEED IT ALL BUT DAMN IT ALL, THEY HAVE IT ALL SO LET HER REACH, LET HER RACE LET HER BE WHAT SHE HAS TO BE GIVE HER AIR, GIVE HER SPACE SHE DESERVES TO BE ALL SHE COULD BE WHEN SHE FLIES, THERE IS NO ONE TO MATCH HER WHEN SHE FALLS, BE THE NET THAT WILL CATCH HER PAM CAN FLY, IT’S ALL RIGHT ‘CAUSE AT NIGHT SHE COMES HOME TO ME
DANNY
(unconvinced)
Thanks for the advice. See ya. (he exits)
NICKI
SHE’S A GOD, SHE’S A PRIEST SHE BELIEVES IN WHAT TEAMS CAN BE IN A GAME SHE’S A BEAST
SHE’S THE BADDEST-ASS ONE COACH COULD BE WHEN SHE WINS, STANDING PROUD AND ALL SWEATY HER KIDS DOUSE HER WITH BEER AND CONFETTI LATER ON, LATE AT NIGHT
THERE’S A SIDE SHE LETS NO ONE SEE. WHAT IS WRONG WE MAKE RIGHT WHEN AT NIGHT SHE COMES HOME TO ME
Lights up on the Doctor’s office. A NURSE enters.
Excuse me. Pam, did you call for an appointment, or did we call you?
I just stopped in.
Why don’t you come in to see the doctor now?
PAM follows the NURSE off. Lights fade on the office. DANNY, at a different location:
I DYED MY HAIR BLUE FOR MY ROCK GROUP ONCE PEOPLE SAID “THAT’S NICE”
I PUT ON SOME BRIGHT GREEN EYESHADOW ONCE NOT ONE FRIEND LOOKED TWICE I WALKED INTO CLASS WITH A RING THROUGH MY NOSE PEOPLE SAID “HOW CHIC!”
THEN I SAY “WITH A KID, YOU GET MARRIED” PEOPLE SAY “UGH, WHAT A FREAK!” WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?
LET HER REACH, LET HER RACE LET HER BE WHAT SHE HAS TO BE
DANNY
SHE’S ALL A COMPOSER’S WOMAN OUGHT TO BE
I DON’T CARE, GIVE HER SPACE SHE DESERVES TO BE ALL SHE COULD BE
SHE’S HAVING MY BABY BUT WANTS ME TO BE FREE
WHEN SHE FLIES THERE IS NO ONE TO MATCH HER
WHEN SHE FALLS, I’M THE NET
SHE’S MAKING NO DEMANDS
(NICKI)
THAT WILL CATCH HER
YES, AT HOME, LATE AT NIGHT, THERE’S A SIDE SHE LETS NO ONE SEE
(DANNY)
WANTS MY LIFE IN MY HANDS
WHAT IS WRONG WE MAKE RIGHT WHEN AT NIGHT SHE COMES HOME TO ME
I’M NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH THIS!
LIFE IS CRAZY
WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?
DANNY exits as PAM enters. NICKI can see something is wrong.
I’m not.
(NICKI reacts).
I’m not.
NICKI goes to PAM, puts her arms around her. PAM collapses against her shoulder. Lights fade.
DANNY, carrying a guitar case, is crossing the quad. LIZZIE finds him. “What Could Be Better” plays under.
LIZZIE
Danny. No. No. You don’t have to take it. I won’t let you. You have your cantata to finish. You have…
DANNY
Lizzie! Stop! For one whole minute, don’t talk!
(LIZZIE angrily starts to sign)
Don’t sign. Listen. Listen.
(HE gets her full attention)
We are not living in the cosmic surge. We live in a basement apartment where overnight our sneakers turn green. That is a real tree, and that…
(HE points at her belly)
… is reality. You’re right. I don’t like the band anymore, and I want to quit. But it is a real job with real money, and I’m going.
LIZZIE
But it’s three whole months. My whole second trimester. You don’t have to do this. Look, I’m going to work this summer, and you can…
DANNY
Liz, I am really, really happy you are… Superwoman. I am proud of you. But somewhere inside your very noble, admirable, selfless, enlightened independence, you have to make room for me. I’m the father of our kid. The Maggots are going on tour. It’s a job. Way more money than I could ever earn here. I’m taking it. Wish me luck.
LIZZIE
Luck.
(signing)
Lizzie, you can’t do it all.
DANNY exits. A phrase of music plays.
LIZZIE AND DANNY WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN… ?
STUDENTS and FACULTY cross, with umbrellas.
ENSEMBLE
NOW IT’S IN THE HANDS OF FATE
FOUR TERM PAPERS TURNED IN—LATE IF THE RAIN WOULD GO AWAY I MIGHT NOTICE THAT IT’S MAY WHAT A JOURNEY WHAT A RIDE…
A DOCTOR’S OFFICE AT THE UNIVERSITY MEDICAL SCHOOL.
NICKI and PAM enter and are welcomed by the female DOCTOR.
DOCTOR
Nicki, Pam, it’s good to see you two again. How’s it going?
PAM
Well, not great.
NICKI
We’ve been going at it for six months, I got the training so we could do it at home, just like you said, we’ve been really meticulous, and…
PAM
And it hasn’t worked.
DOCTOR
Well, as you know, it can take a while—sometimes…
NICKI
We had a false alarm.
PAM
I was late, and you know us, we’re always so eager, I happened to be down near the doctor’s office, so I went in and got a pregnancy test…
NICKI … and it was positive!
PAM … and we thought we had done it!
NICKI …. and we got all excited, and…
PAM I got my period.
DOCTOR
Ah. I see. I am so sorry. I know that can be very…
PAM
I think it’s me.
NICKI
It is not you.
(to the DOCTOR)
These six months have become very hard on Pam.
PAM
So we have decided, no more Plan A. We want to jump to Plan B.
NICKI
…as you suggested we might do….
PAM … right at the start.
NICKI
We don’t want to wait.
DOCTOR
Right. Plan B. In vitro. Much more concentrated time period. Much higher rate of success. But also, a much bigger strain on you, particularly if it doesn’t happen immediately. Are you sure you’re ready to… upgrade?
NICKI
Yeah, well, you see, there’s the sperm.
DOCTOR
Right, the donor. I remember. Did you pick the Nigerian Rhodes Scholar who spoke seven languages and was a concert pianist…?
PAM
… and an astrophysicist!
NICKI
No, we decided we didn’t want a kid we couldn’t talk to.
PAM
So we just picked the trumpet-playing hockey star with a PhD, and who says he looks a little like Idris Elba.
NICKI
And—since we’re both going to get pregnant…
PAM
…and we want the kids to look like they’re from the same family…
NICKI
… we bought up all that guy’s samples. “Idris” is in a freezer in Virginia, waiting for us. They send us portions whenever we need him.
PAM
But it’s taken so long with me, we’re afraid we might run out of “him”…
NICKI
… before we even get to me.
PAM
So we figure, if we’re gonna switch gears, we should do it now.
NICKI
How does it work?
DOCTOR
Before I answer that: Plan B can be hard on a relationship. How are you two doing?
PAM
We are great. Nicki is a saint. She is so loving and “there.” She nursed me every step of the way. She has had some problems, but me…
DOCTOR
What problems?
NICKI
I shouldn’t even talk about it. It’s nothing.
(PAM and the DOCTOR look at her, waiting for her to go on. So she has to)
(NICKI)
I know it sounds crazy, but I feel left out. I keep thinking: this must be how a man feels. I mean a baby is supposed to be this big conjugal act shared by two people, but really, the one who’s not carrying just stands around useless. When we started, I was going to go first, but Pam’s a little older and she wanted this so much, I said “Sure.” Oh, I know this is all going to happen to me next, but still… But, hey, it’s nothing. I get over it.
PAM
And she does! So—Plan B?
DOCTOR
Okay. It’s not a lot of fun. First, Pam, we suppress your ovulation with birth control pills. Then we start hormone shots to increase the production of eggs. You get two or three shots a day, for five to fourteen days. When you have produced enough eggs, we have a procedure—an operation—to extract them. We put them in a dish, and then we introduce the sperm. When fertilization occurs, we give you more hormone shots, we reintroduce the fertilized eggs back into your body, and wait for them to implant. Then, Bob’s your uncle.
PAM
Well, hell, that doesn’t sound so bad. I mean compared to a heart transplant, it’s a piece of cake.
NICKI
You warned us about the hormone shots. What’s that?
DOCTOR
They can be very disorienting. They cause mood swings, emotional outbursts, depression, anger. In some ways they are the hardest part of the process.
NICKI looks at PAM, takes her hand.
PAM
And that “reintroduce the fertilized eggs back into your body” stuff—how does that work?
DOCTOR
Well, there’s only one way. It gets reinserted.
PAM
Ah.
DOCTOR
After which you lie still with your legs elevated for at least half an hour. To help the implantation.
PAM
When do we start?
Well—right now.
We don’t want to waste any time.
Yeah, we’re in this together.
DOCTOR
PAM
NICKI
DOCTOR
Good. You are so lucky you have a solid relationship. (brings out a stack of pamphlets)
Here’s some more stuff you can read. Pam, Come, I’ll take you next door. Nicki, maybe you should go down and talk to the financial office.
NICKI
Yeah, I know.
(to PAM)
That’s my job.
DOCTOR
So nice to see you again, Nicki. Pam, this way.
NICKI & PAM
(raising mock champagne glasses)
Bob’s your uncle!
PAM is taken away separately from NICKI. NICKI is left there, then goes off by herself to the financial office.
A SOFTBALL FIELD.
A Saturday morning in spring. DEAN WEBBER, a faculty member, is there waiting.
PROFESSOR WEISS, another faculty member, arrives, carrying a bag with four bats, which he drops with a clatter.
#9—Fatherhood Blues
PROF. WEISS
I have to be out of here by two. I have to get my son to ballet class.
DEAN WEBBER
He’s five years old!
Where’s the team?
We’re it.
This is our big game!
PROF. WEISS
DEAN WEBBER
PROF. WEISS
DEAN WEBBER
Reinholdt had to drop his daughter off at soccer tryouts, but he’ll be here.
PROF. WEISS
I put up a notice in the faculty lounge. I thought somebody’d see it. It said, “We’ll take anybody.”
ALAN enters with a glove on and wearing a 30-year-old baseball jacket. The MEN are startled to see him there.
Well, maybe not anybody.
MacNalley! Great!
DEAN WEBBER
PROF. WEISS
DEAN WEBBER
You’re playing?
(hitting his fist in his glove)
The notice said you needed new blood.
DEAN WEBBER
We were thinking young blood.
PROF. WEISS
What position do you want? You can be the whole infield.
I used to play first base.
NICKI enters, dressed to play.
Hi guys.
(the MEN are surprised to see her)
That note in the lounge sounded desperate. I used to coach the women’s intramural team. You don’t mind a woman, right?
(the MEN still don’t know how to respond)
Frankly, I was looking for some way to get out of the house.
PROF. WEISS
Well,… great! Do you, like—pitch?
NICKI
Actually, yeah, I do.
(she puts on a ball cap—like, she was a pro)
DEAN WEBBER
In that case, oh God, welcome aboard!
PROF. WEISS
Hey, I forgot. Everybody: congratulations are in order! Alan’s going to be a father again.
DEAN WEBBER
A father again? Better you than me. Four times the little bastard did it to me last night. My kid doesn’t just wait until I get back into bed. He times it ‘til I’m juuuuuusst passing over into sleep. Then he cries. It’s perfect torture.
DANNY runs in. HE is wearing a freaky punk-band costume.
DANNY
Dean Hall! I did it! I did it!
(DANNY stops, embarrassed to find faculty members there)
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt…
(HE nods to each adult as he passes)
Professor Weiss, Dean Webber, Mr. MacNalley. What is this?
PROF. WEISS
We’re practicing for the student-faculty game. You want to play?
DEAN WEBBER
We could use some comic relief.
DANNY
(to NICKI)
They told me you were out here. I wanted you to see for yourself—that I took your advice.
(suddenly embarrassed)
I shouldn’t have worn this.
DEAN WEBBER
Yeah, it’s a little early for Halloween.
DANNY
It’s my costume. My rock group just signed on for 71 nights in 71 malls. But I am coming back with big bucks for my kid.
(stops dead)
It’s the end of life as I know it!
LOOK AT ME, A PART OF MY LIFE IS THROUGH-OO OO-OO, I’M TWENTY-ONE, AND I’LL SOON BE A FATHER TOO-OO
OO, OO, OO, UH-OH
MY BURDENS START TO GROW-OH THE FUN I USED TO KNOW-OH
I’M WATCHING SLIP AWAY
(HE puts on his sunglasses and does a rock back-up routine) BUT MY HEAD IS HIGH AND THE AIR IS SWEET AND THE STREET WILL NOT STAY UNDER MY FEET
I WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER I GO I’M HAPPY STARTING NOW, I’M PAYING MY DUES BUT INSTEAD OF SINGING THE BLUES
I’M HAPPY
He’s gone.
ALAN goes to DANNY and grabs his arm.
LOOK AT ME, A PART OF ME FEELS LIKE YOU-OO EXCEPT MY BACK IS OUT, AND I’M REALLY NOT TWENTY-TWO-OO
OO, OO, OO, UH-OH MY KIDS ARE GROWN, IT’S SO-OH I SHOULD BE THROUGH BUT NO-OH A FIFTH ONE’S ON THE WAY
THEY both imitate rock-band dancers, ALAN watching DANNY and picking up his steps.
BUT MY HEAD IS HIGH AND THE AIR IS SWEET AND THE STREET WILL NOT STAY UNDER MY FEET I WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER I GO I’M HAPPY
ALAN
I FEEL YOUNG, WITH NOTHING TO LOSE WHEN YOU’VE GOT THE FATHERHOOD BLUES
YOU’RE HAPPY
ALAN, feeling young, puts out his hand for DANNY to slap him five; DANNY shakes ALAN’s hand, keeping the generation gap intact.
The fatherhood blues? What’s that?
DANNY
PROF. WEISS
It’s what we have. I know the symptoms.
DANNY
What symptoms?
DEAN WEBBER
Unaccountable giddiness. And I mean unaccountable. DID YOU THINK LIFE WAS SWEETER THAN HONEY? DID YOU THINK YOU HAD PLENTY OF MONEY? NOW YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A KID, WELL SONNY, KISS IT ALL GOODBYE
PROF. WEISS
CHINA PLATES DID YOU THINK ABOUT KEEPING? SPORTY CARS DID YOU DREAM ABOUT BEEPING? SUNDAY MORNINGS DID YOU ENJOY SLEEPING? KID, DON’T EVEN TRY
DEAN WEBBER
WILL YOU GIVE UP SOME THINGS THAT YOU WANT? SURE!
PROF. WEISS
EACH OF THEM’S GONNA NEED ORTHODONTURE
WEBBER & WEISS ANY JUNK THAT THE MONSTERS ‘LL WANT YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO BUY! BUT YOUR HEAD IS HIGH AND THE AIR IS SWEET AND THE STREET WILL NOT STAY UNDER YOUR FEET YOU WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER YOU GO, YOU’RE HAPPY
DANNY, ALAN, WEISS, & WEBBER
MY HEAD IS HIGH AND THE AIR IS SWEET AND THE STREET WILL NOT STAY UNDER MY FEET I WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER I GO I’M HAPPY
PROF. WEISS DEEP IN DEBT AND HOLES IN YOUR SHOES
DEAN WEBBER
BUT YOU’VE GOT THE FATHERHOOD BLUES
DANNY, ALAN, WEISS, & WEBBER
YOU’RE HAPPY!
ALAN, WEISS and WEBBER sit on the bench and show DANNY photographs of their children. NICKI, getting a bat from the bag, looks over at the MEN—and suddenly understands something she has never thought of.
A KID SAYS HE FEELS… UNCONNECTED A GROWN-UP DAD FEELS… UNCONNECTED THAT’S WHAT DADS FEEL: UNCONNECTED JUST AS I FEEL TOO
STILL, JUST LOOK AT THEM, THEY DON’T RESENT IT SHOUT THEY’RE CONNECTED JUST AS IF THEY MEANT IT WHAT CONNECTION? THEY INVENT IT! THAT’S WHAT FATHERS DO
LOOK AT THEM, SO PROUD TO DECLARE JUST BECAUSE THEY KINDA WERE THERE THAT THEIR KID THEY EQUALLY SHARE IT’S TRUE! THEY DO! IF THEY CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT TOO!
NICKI looks at the group of FATHERS sharing photographs—and sees them in a new light. She crosses and sits down in the center of them.
PROF. WEISS
(to DANNY)
Hey, kid. Don’t get us wrong. You’re gonna love every broken tooth and split lip.
NICKI
MY HEAD’LL BE HIGH…
DEAN WEBBER
And don’t worry about the terrible two’s. They’re followed by the terrible threes.
NICKI
WHEN OUR KID AND I
And you do live through the teens.
ALAN
NICKI
WILL WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER WE GO, BE HAPPY …
(jumps on bench, proudly)
OUR KID AND I…
OUR KID AND I…
NICKI
I WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER I GO, I’M HAPPY
DANNY, ALAN, WEBBER, & WEISS FOR MY HEAD IS HIGH AND THE AIR IS SWEET AND THE STREET WILL NOT STAY UNDER MY FEET I WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER I GO, I’M HAPPY
NICKI passes out bats, like she’s encouraging them to “sing their song.” The MEN sing a line, then pass the bats down the line.
DEAN WEBBER
(using bat as microphone)
WHY THIS JOY, I HAVEN’T A CLUE?
PROF. WEISS
(using bat as microphone)
FOR IN FACT HOW MUCH DID WE DO?
(using bat as microphone)
FOR AN ACT I HARDLY RECALL
DANNY (stands on bench)
WHY DO I FEEL TEN FEET TALL?
NICKI, DANNY, ALAN, WEBBER, & WEISS (dancing, using bats as guitars)
WHEN MY BURDENS GROW AND MY HEART IS HIGH AND THE WORLD I KNOW I HAVE KISSED GOODBYE AND I’M DEEP IN DEBT AND THE WELL IS DRY AND MY YOUTH IS GONE AND I TOUCH THE SKY AND I’M FEELING GREAT AND I DON’T KNOW WHY THAT’S THE FATHERHOOD BLU-OOH-OOH-S MEN dance off on the ride-out.
NICKI, DANNY, ALAN, WEBBER, & WEISS
I WALK ALONG TO A FUNKY BEAT WHEREVER I GO, I’M HAPPY MY HEAD IS HIGH AND THE AIR IS SWEET AND THE STREET WILL NOT STAY UNDER MY FEET
SCENE TEN
ALAN and ARLENE’S HOUSE.
It is a beautiful spring evening and there is the sound of crickets in the night air.
ALAN
(in high spirits)
Hear that hum? On a spring night on any college campus you can hear it. It’s the sound of hormones singing in the dorms. God only knows what’s going on behind those walls.
ARLENE
How was the game?
ALAN
I think I pulled something.
HE sits on the bed, offering his back to be massaged.
ARLENE
I knew you would.
(kneels behind him, massages his back)
They wanted new blood.
ALAN
ARLENE
Why did it have to be yours?
(There is a pause; ARLENE massages his shoulders)
Alan, do we really want another child.
ALAN
(laughs)
Is that what the girls wrote? I wondered what they really thought.
ARLENE
Beth and Meg both wrote “Wow!”’ with three exclamation points. Emily said “It isn’t safe to leave you two alone.”
What did Jane say?
ALAN
ARLENE
You know our little film-maker. She just asked for money. No, I mean us. Is this what we really want?
ALAN (catching her serious tone)
You’re questioning it?
ARLENE
I don’t know… I have to tell you something. Something I just realized myself.
ALAN
What is it?
ARLENE
Well—ever since Jane graduated and we finally had all four of them out of the house, I have felt, I don’t know, I guess the word is… angry.
ALAN
At me?
ARLENE
No, no, not at you. Just, I don’t know, angry. I don’t know at what.
ALAN
You never said anything.
ARLENE
Well, there was never a reason to. There is always so much to do. All my duties as a faculty wife. This house, that needs a new something every day. Why bring it up if it’s just… But it is something. And it was sort of burning in me. That’s why I got that crazy idea for us to run off to the Plaza on our anniversary. I know you didn’t want to go, but you did. You went along with it just like you always do.
ALAN
Do I do that?
Yes, you do.
That’s my job. I want you to be happy.
ARLENE
ALAN
ARLENE
I know. And I love you for it.
ALAN
The family I come from, that’s what a man does. He takes care of his woman.
ARLENE
When I’m around other women and we talk about babies, I’m right back there, remembering how sweet they are. And when you talk about the baby, you come alive. It’s like you’re transformed. It almost makes me cry, seeing you.
ALAN
I just want… I mean we’re still young. We don’t have money problems anymore and I thought it would be exciting to …
(HE stops himself)
But, of course, it has to be what we want. Which is?
ARLENE
I don’t honestly know. I’ve been thinking: I could actually get my Masters. What I dropped when Meg was born. Remember my thesis topic? Sources of Humanism in Medieval Poetry. God, what a useless topic! But I loved it so much! 21 years old and in love with medieval poems. Who was I? Then I met you and found out I am, as the doctor still puts it, “aggressively fertile.”
ALAN
You can still do all that. You can take classes.
ARLENE
But—sometimes I think I just want to get out of “here.” This life is wonderful, but it feels like walls around me. Sell the house, move someplace else. Start something new. Anything. I don’t think I would have said any of this to you ever, out loud, if “this” hadn’t happened, but it has, and… And I can’t help thinking about us. Our marriage. I am a really good mother. I love it and it’s all I’ve really been since I met you. I don’t think I want to do it again.
(long pause)
I’ll take care of everything. The main thing for both of us is not to look at this emotionally.
(brightly)
And I’ll call the real estate people in the morning and we’ll put the house on the market. You’ll call the doctor. There, that is done. Tonight, I think the best thing for both of us is to get some rest.
(stands and goes to the bed)
You should have seen Professor Wolff in the outfield. He dropped everything but his pants. Do we need the alarm?
Alan, the thing is, I’m not sure I want…
(SHE doesn’t finish the sentence)
I’ll wake you.
ALAN
(goes to her, leans down, kisses her on the head)
We’ll be fine.
Yes.
(ALAN starts to leave) Night.
ALAN Night. Lights fade.
THREE AREAS: A BUS STATION; NICKI and PAM’s BEDROOM; ALAN and ARLENE’s PORCH with a wicker loveseat.
Lights up on THE BUS STATION: LIZZIE and DANNY on a bench. DANNY is writing feverishly on music paper.
Bus 704 for New Orleans boarding in fifteen minutes.
DANNY
Fifteen minutes!
(HE writes with increased frenzy)
LIZZIE
Now, you’re only going for a summer. 71 days. And it’s good for me to be alone. I can handle it. It’s good for relationships to have minor separations. Right, Danny? Danny? (DANNY is too into what he is doing to respond.)
Lights up on NICKI and PAM’s area. NICKI enters carrying a large Whole Foods shopping bag.
NICKI
BABY, BABY, BABY LISTEN TO YOUR MAMA HEY THERE, PRETTY BABY BETTER HURRY AND GET HERE
PAM
(surprised at her good mood)
What’s gotten into you today?
I am back!
NICKI
PAM
From what?
I am over my little bout of feeling sorry for myself and I am back in the game! I know my place in all this, and… it is party time!
(SHE tosses the shopping bag over to PAM.)
MY HEAD’LL BE HIGH WHEN OUR KID AND I….
Tonight we start the hormone injections. We are going to celebrate.
(She spreads a blanket on the bed.)
We are having a beach party! PAM
Our beach party? Ooh!
They spread out a beach blanket on the floor.
Lights up on ALAN and ARLENE, who enter with MRS. HART, a young, obnoxious real estate broker. They are showing her the house. ALAN keeps separate from ARLENE.
MRS. HART
Well, we certainly can’t list that as a cathedral ceiling. After what I’ve seen of the rest of the house, it would have helped. But people don’t buy houses. They buy feelings.
(MRS. HART looks around and says brightly:)
Oh well, they can always paint over this color.
ALAN
It’s just a big family house, Mrs. Hart.
MRS. HART
Listen folks, don’t worry about a buyer. There’s always someone who wants a challenge.
ALAN leads MRS. HART off. ARLENE, worried, and feeling ALAN’s distance from her, follows.
Lights up on NICKI and PAM.
NICKI
(opening the Whole Foods bag, taking containers out)
Here’s ribs and French fries for me. A garden salad with feta cheese and radicchio for you. And—
—a little split of champagne. Doctor says… (pours a tiny drop into a cup)
… this much is okay. Then the injection, and… Bob’s your uncle. They have replicated a beach scene from their past.
PAM
Remember when we went walking and found that cave that only appears when the tide is out—and we went in and “did it.” Right in the sand.
NICKI
That was the night I decided to propose. Course I didn’t get up enough nerve for another month.
PAM
Why did you wait? You knew I was going to say yes.
NICKI
How did I know? Marriage? We’d never actually said that word.
PAM
But you knew! I sure didn’t keep it a secret.
NICKI
Yeah, I knew. You could have asked me.
PAM
Me, the biggest chicken of all time? Okay, so what do we do?
NICKI
(holds up a syringe)
We start.
(looks at the picnic spread and the syringe)
Oh look! It’s so romantic!
(MUSIC: A romantic Spanish fanfare)
Well, here it is: Our love life for the next month.
(a sensuous habanera begins)
WHEN THE SIGNS AHEAD
SAY I AM READY TO OVULATE
WHEN THERE’S MADNESS IN THE AIR
IT’S NICE TO KNOW THAT WE WILL SHARE A RENDEZVOUS WE KICK OFF OUR SHOES
NOT A SECOND DARE WE LOSE
TONIGHT WE WON’T TURN ON THE NEWS
OH NO! NOT US, MY LOVE
IT’S TIME TO SHARE TEN SECONDS OF: ROMANCE,
NICKI ROMANCE
BOTH
THE ONE THING WITHOUT WHICH LIFE ISN’T WORTH LIVING PAM YOU KNOW, DON’T YOU THE BEATING HEART, NICKI THE JOY UNCHECKED
BOTH
THE LOVE THAT SOMEHOW LEAVES THE BEDROOM WRECKED PAM
THAT’S NOT WHAT WE HAVE—AND YET HERE’S WHAT WE GOT I’M IN YOUR HANDS
GIVE ME MY SHOT
PAM lifts up her shirt. NICKI slips her hands inside and delivers the injection into her stomach.
Ow.
NICKI steps back.
BOTH
Lights fade on them, and come up on the bus station. DANNY has still not spoken to LIZZIE.
Bus 704 for New Orleans will board in five minutes.
#10A—Post-Romance
DANNY
Five minutes!
DANNY finishes writing and starts organizing his stuff.
LIZZIE
Danny, this is not you going to Bio and me going to English. (SHE stands)
If you don’t realize that this is a major separation, then you can…
DANNY
Lizzie! Sit!
What are you doing?
LIZZIE
DANNY
Let me get this out, ‘cause if you open your mouth even once I’m never going to get this finished before my bus leaves. Okay?
LIZZIE
Okay.
DANNY Sit.
(SHE does.)
(DANNY)
Now… I am going away for three months and the way I see it. I’m leaving my family. Now, I understand that you’re not marrying me. I can accept that. That’s cool. For you. But I am marrying you.
(HE takes out a ring, holds it up)
Now, this—is not a ring. It’s a bracelet. That goes on your finger.
(HE puts it on LIZZIE’s ring finger)
And now the kiss.
(HE kisses her)
And there’s one more part.
(DANNY takes his guitar out of the case.)
LIZZIE Here?
DANNY Here.
(HE starts to play. The guitar is his only accompaniment.) AS I LEAVE MY SINGLE LIFE BEHIND THOUGHTS ARE KIND OF SPINNING IN MY MIND
FIRST I THINK ABOUT YOU THEN I THINK ABOUT ME LOVING YOU THEN I THINK ABOUT YOU AND ME DECIDING WE COULD BE ONE
IT’S CRAZY I KNOW I WRESTLED WITH MY PILLOW ALL LAST NIGHT THEN I LOOK AT YOU AND I KNOW I CHOSE RIGHT
LIFE’S A VERY LONG ROAD AND THE CROSSROADS COME UP RIGHT AWAY
AND IT’S SURE HARD TO KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO WHEN YOU’VE BARELY BEGUN AND OH, OH, THE ROADS YOU LEAVE BEHIND CAN SHINE SO BRIGHT THEN I LOOK AT YOU AND I KNOW I CHOSE RIGHT
NOW MAYBE WE DON’T MEAN THAT MUCH, YOU AND I AND MAYBE OUR BALLOON WILL NEVER FLY AND MAYBE NO ONE CARES IF WE LET THINGS GO BY AND MAYBE IT DOESN’T MATTER IF WE LIVE OR DIE
BUT IF I’M MAKING PROMISES TO YOU TODAY I WANT TO KNOW I’LL KEEP THEM ALL THE WAY AND IF IVE NOT BEEN GOOD AT MEANING WHAT I SAY IT’S TIME NOW TO TRY
SO I THINK ABOUT YOU AND I THINK ABOUT ME LOVING YOU AND I THINK OF MY FRIENDS WHO SAY THEY’RE IN LOVE WHEN THEY’RE JUST HAVING FUN BUT I SAY NO, NO, NO IF I AM GONNA LOVE, ITS WITH ALL MY MIGHT DANNY kneels down in front of her. AND I WILL BE TRUE I WILL FOLLOW THIS THROUGH THEN I LOOK AT YOU AND I KNOW I CHOSE RIGHT.
LIZZIE falls into his arms and kisses him. DANNY clings to her. #11A—Commencement Chorale
LOUDSPEAKER (O.S.)
704 bus to New Orleans… final call.
DANNY puts his guitar back in its case, picks up his bags.
I’ll call every night.
DANNY
DANNY exits. LIZZIE sits on bench.
Lights up on ALAN and MRS. HART who have reentered. ARLENE follows separately. SHE seems more and more disturbed by ALAN’s distance from her.
MRS. HART
I don’t think we’ll get away with “Victorian Charm.” I think we’d better go with “Handyman Special.” Now then, did you folks say you were planning to stay in the area?
Yes, my wife wants an apartment—something small and modern and…
(he looks over at ARLENE)
… manageable.
MRS. HART
(takes out a brochure)
How about a condo at the Rendezvous Towers? Fabulous contemporary design, open plan, all archways, no doors. Wherever you are in the apartment, it’s always the two of you. What do you think? New top of the line appliances. Swimming pool. Lots of older couples are buying there. And the financing is…
ALAN
(losing it)
I’m not buying an apartment! I’m selling my home! We’re changing our god-damn life. All I want from you is to sell the damn thing!
MRS. HART
Well!
ARLENE
(like Melanie from “GWTW”)
Oh, silly me. How could I have forgotten?
(to ALAN)
Darling, we can’t sell the house. We’re going to have a baby.
ALAN
What?
Isn’t it funny? It just slipped my mind.
(to MRS. HART)
I’m sorry we’ve wasted your time…
ARLENE
Arlene…
ALAN
ARLENE
Alan, why don’t you go sit down. I know it must be a shock. (SHE leads MRS. HART out.)
I’m so sorry. Mrs. Hart. But you see the house isn’t too big. It just needs children in it.
MRS. HART
Mr. MacNalley…
ARLENE
I’m sure you have oodles of other “Handyman Specials” to sell to older couples today.
MRS. HART
(to ALAN, as SHE’s being pushed out)
Give me a call in the morning.
ARLENE
(cheerfully, giving back her brochure)
Have a nice day.
MRS. HART grabs the brochure and exits.
Are you all right?
Of course.
Is this what you want?
ALAN
ARLENE
ALAN
ARLENE
Yes. ALAN
Are you sure?
ARLENE nods.
ALAN
(full of love for her)
Sometimes I don’t know who I married.
(smiling but almost crying)
Sometimes I don’t know who you married either.
ALAN
I… I… Thank you.
Nonsense. It’s our decision.
(keeping herself in control)
We’re going to have a baby!
ALAN runs to her, hugs her, spinning her around. The melody of “THE PLAZA SONG” sweeps up.
ALAN
Arlene, I promise you. You’re not going to do everything alone this time. We’re going to do it together.
ARLENE
Damn right we are!
Music sweeps up.
The MUSIC becomes a graduation march version of “WE START TODAY.”
The ENSEMBLE is in caps and gowns.
ENSEMBLE
WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE AS WE FACE A NEW COMMENCEMENT WE CAN MAKE LIFE ANYTHING WE SAY WE START TODAY…
The music fades.
LIZZIE AND DANNY’S APARTMENT
LIZZIE has returned alone. SHE moves to the bed and straightens it up. She sets the two pillows side by side on the bed, but they remind her of DANNY, so SHE piles them on top of each other in the middle instead. SHE takes off her jacket and looks into the mirror, first the right side, then the left. We notice something for the first time: a roundness at the belly. The baby shows. Suddenly, LIZZIE stops. SHE waits a moment.
LIZZIE
It moved!
MUSIC begins. Softly, we hear the sound of a baby’s heartbeat.
LIZZIE reacts again to something she feels inside her. It moved again. Danny!
LIZZIE grabs her phone.
Siri, call Danny.
(phone rings. And rings)
Danny! Danny!
“I’m not in now. You know what to do.”
LIZZIE
It moved again! Mother! Siri, call Mother.
This is Claudette Fields and, yes, I do understand how much all of us hate talking to recordings, but Henry and I are out. So if you will wait for the …
LIZZIE
Mother!
(slams the phone off)
LIZZIE sits. It is suddenly apparent to her that she is going to experience this lifechanging moment… alone.
(LIZZIE)
Danny? Mother? Anybody?
SO THIS IS THE TALE MY MOTHER TOLD ME THAT TALE THAT WAS MUCH TOO DULL TO HOLD ME AND THIS IS THE SURGE AND THE RUSH SHE SAID WOULD SHOW OUR STORY GOES ON
OH, I WAS YOUNG—I FORGOT THAT THINGS OUTLIVE ME MY GOAL WAS THE KICK THAT LIFE WOULD GIVE ME AND NOW, LIKE A JOKE, SOMETHING MOVES TO LETS ME KNOW OUR STORY GOES ON
AND ALL THESE THINGS I FEEL, AND MORE MY MOTHER’S MOTHER FELT, AND HERS BEFORE A CHAIN OF LIFE BEGUN UPON THE SHORE OF SOME DARK SEA HAS REACHED TO ME
AND NOW I CAN SEE THE CHAIN EXTENDING MY CHILD IS NEXT IN A LINE THAT HAS NO ENDING AND HERE AM I, FULL OF LIFE THAT HER CHILD WILL FEEL WHEN I’M LONG GONE AND THUS IT IS OUR STORY GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON, AND ON. AND ON, AND ON. AND ON
There is no sound but the heartbeat. Then, the baby kicks again and LIZZIE experiences a rush of even more feeling.
LIZZIE
AND ALL THESE THINGS I FEEL AND MORE MY MOTHER’S MOTHER FELT, AND HERS BEFORE A CHAIN OF LIFE BEGUN UPON THE SHORE OF SOME PRIMORDIAL SEA
LIZZIE HAS STRETCHED THROUGH TIME TO REACH TO ME AND NOW, I CAN SEE THE CHAIN EXTENDING MY CHILD IS NEXT IN A LINE THAT HAS NO ENDING AND HERE AM I FEELING LIFE, THAT HER CHILD WILL FEEL WHEN I’M LONG GONE
YES, ALL THAT WAS IS PART OF ME AS I AM PART OF WHAT’S TO BE AND THUS IT IS OUR STORY GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!
ENSEMBLE
All lights have faded except a light on LIZZIE’s face. Behind her, all structures of the earth have disappeared. There is only the vastness of the sky and it is filled with stars. LIZZIE seems to be floating in the universe. Blackout.
END OF ACT I
SOPRANO/ALTO
It is mid-August and hot, and LIZZIE is wearing shorts. The swelling in her belly is now unmistakable. SHE is holding up her phone, sending DANNY a Snapchat.
LIZZIE
Danny, summer’s almost over. Can’t wait ‘til you see me. Half of me looks like Dolly Parton, and the other half looks like Miss Piggy. I am something else! And guess what: I’m not lonely like I thought I’d be. I feel the baby here all the time. But you know something, every time I go out the weirdest thing happens…”
FIRST WOMAN has entered, walking down the street. Seeing LIZZIE, she stops. The WOMAN seems to be responding to some kind of primal urge she can’t control.
Excuse me… your first?
Yes.
FIRST WOMAN
LIZZIE
FIRST WOMAN
(reaching out to touch LIZZIE’s belly)
May I?
LIZZIE
I guess so.
(touches LIZZIE’s belly and groans with pleasure)
Oh, it’s been so long! I was just the same when I was carrying my Matthew. I carried high and in the eighth month…
LIZZIE
Excuse me, I have to send this Snapchat.
FIRST WOMAN, embarrassed at herself, continues on her way. She pauses and looks back at LIZZIE, just as LIZZIE looks back at her. THEY both smile in embarrassment. FIRST WOMAN continues off.
LIZZIE
I GO WALKIN’ AND AT ONCE THEY’RE STALKIN’ ME THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG MY KID SHOWIN’ STARTS THE RECORD GOIN’ OF THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG STRANGERS ACTING LIKE THEY’VE ALWAYS KNOWN ME THEY POKE ME, THEY STROKE ME. THEY TREAT ME LIKE THEY OWN ME AND THEY’RE ALL SET TO BEND MY EAR THE AFTERNOON LONG THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG
LIZZIE turns and notices a SECOND WOMAN staring at her with that same eager look. The SECOND WOMAN smiles, and approaches LIZZIE.
May I?
Sure.
LIZZIE
THE WAY YOU LOOK I’D SAY THAT IT’S YOUR FIRST, MY DEAR I’LL BET YOU FEEL SO PROUD THAT YOU COULD BURST, MY DEAR NOW AS FOR ME, I COULDN’T WAIT TO FEEL AGAIN WHAT I FELT THEN SO I’VE HAD TEN
(Unfolds a very long strip of pictures from her wallet. Shows LIZZIE each picture.)
MY FIRST KID SIMPLY POPPED OUT LIKE A CORK, MY DEAR
THE NEXT THEY COULDNT PRY OUT WITH A FORK, MY DEAR THE THIRD WAS TWINS
MY FOURTH I DON’T REMEMBER
OH NO, BEN CAME FIRST THE TWINS CAME IN SEPTEMBER…
SECOND WOMAN gets confused about which picture is which. LIZZIE grabs the opportunity to slip away. SECOND WOMAN looks up, wonders where LIZZIE has gone, realizes what SHE has done and exits in embarrassment.
I TRY RIDIN’
BUT THERE’S JUST NO HIDIN’ FROM THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG MY BALLOONIN’ ONLY BRINGS CROONIN’ FROM THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG
THIRD WOMAN enters. SHE looks and sounds something like Loretta Lynn. SHE sees LIZZIE and crosses to her. LIZZIE merely senses her presence and turns to present her belly which the THIRD WOMAN touches.
YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A BIRTHING!
OH, THE WHOLE THING IS SO DEEP BUT IF YOU TRUST IN DOCTORS, YOU’LL BE DRUGGED OUT, OR ASLEEP A MIDWIFE CAME TO MY HOUSE, AND I HAD MY FOLKS ALL THERE AND WHEN THE KID WAS COMIN’, I JUST SQUATTED ON A CHAIR THE NATURAL WAY YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS THE NATURAL WAY— YOU BITE THE CORD LIKE THIS (SHE demonstrates)
(horrified, runs away)
EACH ONE DESP’RATE FOR SOMEONE TO COLLAR THEY JOLT ME. REVOLT ME, SO HELPFUL I COULD HOLLER
LIZZIE goes to a park bench. A FOURTH WOMAN, a yenta, rounds the bench, sees LIZZIE’s pregnant belly and accosts her.
FORTY-ONE HOURS IN LABOR, HOW I FARTED AND I SWORE
LIZZIE turns to escape but a FIFTH WOMAN, another yenta, has rounded the bench from the other side, LIZZIE is cornered between them.
DON’T LAUGH, DON’T LAUGH, IT’S TRUE!
YOU THINK THAT’S BAD, THEY TELL ME THAT I SCREAMED FOR FORTY-FOUR ALL THREE sit on the bench. LIZZIE starts to get up; THEY pull her back.
THERE IS NO MOMENT IN LIFE THAT’S ROUGHER BUT WHEN YOU’RE THROUGH YOU’LL BE THAT MUCH TOUGHER YOU HAVE A ROLE TO FULFILL, IT’S GOD’S WILL THAT A WOMAN SHOULD SUFFER! LIZZIE bolts, but runs right into:
(seeing LIZZIE, memories flood back to her—and they aren’t wonderful) PAIN!
THE THING I CANNOT STAND IS PAIN!!!
I TOLD THE DOCTOR, “PUT ME OUT”… LIZZIE escapes again.
DITCH ONE AND THERE’S ANOTHER COMIN’ ALONG THE LADIES… AND HERE’S THE MESSAGE THAT’S SO STRONG THE LADIES SEEMS I DO EVERYTHING ALL WRONG THE LADIES…
Lights dim and the SIX WOMEN turn front, in separate pools of light.
HOW CAN I EVER SHARE THESE FEELINGS?
WHERE ARE THE WORDS I COULD EMPLOY? NO ONE BUT ME WILL KNOW MY FEAR OR THAT TERRIBLE, UNBEARABLE, UNSHARABLE … JOY!
THEY hold the note; lights come back up and LIZZIE sings against them.
LIZZIE
I’M BACK WALKIN’ AND AGAIN I’M TALKIN’ TO THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG
THEIR EYES GLISTEN SO, OF COURSE, I LISTEN TO THE LADIES SINGIN’ THEIR SONG
LIZZIE
EACH ONE WORSE THAN THE ONE THAT CAME BEFORE ‘EM THEY CLUTCH ME THEY TOUCH ME
I WISH I COULD IGNORE ‘EM BUT WE BOTH KNOW THAT SOON THEY’LL NUMBER ME IN THE THRONG OF LADIES…
FOURTH WOMEN
IT’S JUST GOD GETTING BACK AT EVE!
LIZZIE THE LADIES…
SECOND WOMAN
I WANNA CONCEIVE, CONCEIVE, CONCEIVE!
LIZZIE
THE LADIES…
A MIGHTY HEAVE!
THIRD WOMAN
SIX WOMEN
SINGIN’ THEIR SONG!
NO HOPE FOR US BUT YOU CAN’T IGNORE US WHEN YOU JOIN OUR CHORUS YOU’LL BE SINGIN’ ALONG! Playoff
NO HOPE FOR US BUT YOU CAN’T IGNORE US WHEN YOU JOIN OUR CHORUS YOU’LL BE SINGIN’ ALONG Blackout.
ARLENE enters, walking down the sidewalk to her house. She, like LIZZIE, is five months pregnant.
PATTERNS IN MY LIFE THAT I TRACE EV’RY DAY PATTERNS AS I SAY THE THINGS I ALWAYS SAY PATTERNS IN THE CEILING AS I LIE AWAKE WHY ARE PATTERNS HAUNTING EV’RY MOVE I MAKE? JUST LOOK: HERE I AM ON CUE… AGAIN UPSET, FEELING TORN IN TWO… AGAIN AFRAID, SAYING I’M OKAY MAKING LITTLE JOKES, ‘TIL I RUN AWAY… AGAIN
AND YET, TODAY I AM NOT THE SAME I FEEL MY LIFE SLIPPING FROM ITS FRAME STRANGE FEELINGS RISE, FEELINGS WITH NO NAME AND I CAN’T FACE THEM SO I SHAKE THEM HARD, FOLD THEM UP AND TUCK THEM SAFELY AWAY… AGAIN
(SHE arrives at her house, enters the kitchen.)
PATTERNS THAT BEGIN AS I WALK THROUGH A DOOR PATTERNS IN THE CURTAINS AND THE KITCHEN FLOOR PATTERNS IN THE DAY’S ROUTINES I MUST ARRANGE PATTERNS IN THE WAYS I TRY… BUT NEVER CHANGE. JUST LOOK, AS I’M THROWN A CURVE… AGAIN I LEAP, THEN I LOSE MY NERVE… AGAIN IN TEARS, RUNNING HOME I GO SECRETLY RELIEVED, SAFE WITH WHAT I KNOW… AGAIN AND YET I KNOW I AM NOT THE SAME INSIDE MY HEART IS SOMETHING I CAN’T TAME I FEEL MY MIND BURSTING INTO FLAME AND I MUST CHANGE OR ELSE I’LL BREAK APART OR BREAK AWAY AND END UP HAVING TO START… AGAIN
PATTERNS THROUGH THE DAY I SEEM TO USE TO GIVE MY LIFE A SHAPE
PATTERNS THROUGH THE HOUSE THAT GIVE ME COMFORT WHEN I NEED ESCAPE PATTERNS THAT LEAD ME… NOWHERE AT ALL
Lights fade on ARLENE.
Lights up on NICKI and PAM, in their bedroom. PAM is on the bed waiting. NICKI is preparing for an injection. A full moon is hanging in the August night sky.
PAM
What happened? We did everything right. What did we do wrong?
NICKI
Nothing. The doctor said the eggs were dividing nicely. There were four viable possibilities. They didn’t implant. So—we try again. Another set of shots. This second month has gotta be better. Are you ready?
(picks up a bottle with the hormone dosage)
PAM
That stuff is driving me crazy. Really crazy. I walk down the street, and everyone I pass is holding a baby. Men, women, children. They’re all holding babies. I mean, I know there’s no babies but I see them! I really see them! I look in a store window. It’s full of babies! I pass a hardware store!! Full of babies! What are babies doing in a hardware store??? That’s what these damn shots are doing to me. I am hallucinating babies.
NICKI
Three more days of these and we start this month’s “harvest.” Won’t that be exciting?
PAM
It’s not going to happen. I thought a baby would love me. That’s what Dr. Mason says. He says that’s really why I want a baby. He says I think I don’t deserve to be loved, and a baby won’t know it and will love me anyway.
NICKI
I love you.
I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!
PAM
NICKI
Aren’t you lucky to have found someone who always holds something back, so you don’t have to be overwhelmed by more love than you can handle? That’s what Dr. Dienstag says I do. We were made for each other. Come on.
The romantic SPANISH MUSIC starts again. NICKI fills the syringe. Then she stands back.
NICKI
WON’T OUR HEARTS JUST LEAP THE DAY WE REAP WHAT YOU OVULATE
PAM WHEN THE OBJECT OF OUR WISH IS OUT THERE SITTING IN A DISH ALL SET TO GO
NICKI
DOWN THE HALL WE SPEED TIME AGAIN TO PLANT A SEED
PAM
I START TO THINK I’D RATHER READ
NICKI
BUT NO! LOOK, AT THE DOOR THE DOCTOR’S COME TO BRING US MORE
NICKI
(brandishing the syringe) ROMANCE
PAM ROMANCE
BOTH IS THIS WHAT WE DREAMED OF THAT NIGHT IN NANTUCKET?
PAM WHEN THE SUMMER MOON SHIMMERED WHITE ABOVE THE TREES
NICKI AND STARS WERE DANCING IN THE PLEIADES
PAM
(puts NICKI’s hand on her body)
YOU TOUCHED ME, GENTLY LIKE THIS
NICKI
YOU WENT BERSERK
BOTH HOW COULD SUCH BLISS TURN TO SUCH WORK?
NICKI ROMANCE!
PAM
ROMANCE…
NICKI moves to PAM and gives her the injection in her stomach. The lights fade. TIME PASSES. The full moon changes to a half moon, then to a crescent moon, then no moon, then another half-moon, then another full moon.
#16A—Romance (Part 3)
Lights up. We are now in A HOSPITAL ROOM.
PAM is on the hospital bed with her legs lifted, a pile of pillows underneath supporting them. NICKI is holding her hands, helping her get through this.
NICKI
Lie still. The eggs need to implant. Give them a chance. Keep your legs up.
PAM
(now an all-out emotional wreck)
It’s our third month of this. It should have happened by now! The books say in vitro is painful and debilitating and awful—but: one month and it’s OVER! Unless—there is something wrong with the mother!
NICKI
That is not true.
PAM
You’re not going to tell me you didn’t read exactly what I did. Mostly it’s the embryo but in some cases, it’s the mother. Why are you lying to me about it?
Everything is going to be fine.
You think you’re making me feel better? Telling me it’s all going fine. It isn’t going fine. I don’t feel better. And you and I both know why nothing is happening. It’s me. There is something wrong with me. Not you, not the doctor—me!
Lie still. Don’t get upset. You need to be relaxed.
PAM
You and the damn doctor and all those smarmy, smiling, Purel-smelling, white-ass nurses —you all don’t want to say it. You want to “spare my feelings!” So you lie, and we just go on with this. Another month, and then what? Another? And another. I’ll be dead first. I’ll jump out the window.
NICKI
Nobody’s lying! We’ve had test after test! There is NOTHING wrong with you!
PAM
LIAR!!!
STOP CALLING ME A LIAR!
NICKI
PAM
Then stop saying things that are not true! You have NO IDEA what I am going through.
NICKI
No, I don’t!! And if I had gone first, none of us would know it! Because we’d have a baby by now!
(She is shocked by what just came out of her mouth) I should not have said that.
(But she doesn’t take it back)
Wait, I’ll get you some tea.
SHE exits. PAM is on the bed with her legs still elevated. The MUSIC becomes more assaulting.
AS THE DARK DESCENDS MY LIFE SUSPENDS WHEN I OVULATE WITH FERTILITY IN SIGHT ADORNED WITH MYRTLE FOR THE RITE, I START THE SHOW DRUMS POUND IN MY HEAD I START TO FEEL THE USUAL DREAD I MOUNT THE ALTAR OF MY BED AND LIE BACK, WARM AS ICE. PREPARED ONCE MORE TO SACRIFICE… ROMANCE, ROMANCE O WHERE IS THE PASSION I DIMLY REMEMBER PLEASE REMIND ME NOW: I LOVED YOU. I KNOW I DID BEFORE WE WERE MACHINES TO MAKE A KID I’M SORRY I SHOULD TRANSCEND I SHOULDN’T PREACH ONCE MORE, DEAR FRIEND INTO THE BREACH!
(she raises her legs) ROMANCE, ROMANCE WHEN GOD THOUGHT UP SEX ONE SUSPECTS HE WAS JOKING WHY ELSE WOULD HE MAKE HUMAN HEARTS A POWDER KEG TO GET ONE LOUSY SPERM TO REACH AN EGG IT’S MAD BUT THAT’S WHAT HE DID THAT IS WHY I’M ME DESP’RATE FOR YOU LONGING TO BE SWEPT OFF MY FEET RAVISHED OR WORSE HEAD OVER HEELS… (PAM, on her back on the bed, raises her legs up) NOT THE REVERSE
(NICKI enters.)
Nicki, please!!
I HAVE TO FEEL I CAN’T JUST BREED SHE turns and sees NICKI, terrified at what SHE will say.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND I SIMPLY NEED…
NICKI WE SIMPLY NEED… Legs up.
NICKI raises PAM’s legs. She tries to do it lovingly.
BOTH ROMANCE! Lights fade.
STUDENTS and FACULTY cross the campus, dressed for fall.
AUTUMN BRINGS A CHILL AND THEN BLINK, THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTS AGAIN ONE MORE SUMMER’S COME AND GONE. WHO’D BELIEVE HOW TIME MOVES ON WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A RIDE!
The PASSERS-BY leave.
Lights up on ALAN and ARLENE at dinner. It is a late summer evening and ALAN has set up a table and two chairs on the porch. He is full of energy at having prepared the whole meal, and has a kitchen towel tucked into his belt as an apron. ARLENE has not eaten a thing. ALAN enters with the salad.
More salad?
ALAN
ARLENE
Yes, please.
ALAN (serving salad)
You haven’t finished your main course.
ARLENE
Sorry. It’s delicious. What is it?
Continental Tuna Mold with Vegetables.
ALAN
ARLENE
Oh, this is Jello around the tuna.
ALAN
I got it from the “Mother-To-Be Cookbook.” All protein. No red meat.
ARLENE
The “Mother-To-Be Cookbook?” That was my mother’s cookbook! I think Jello gave it away for free when I was a kid. Where did you even find that flavor of Jell-O?
ALAN
Wouldn’t you kill for one of your own pot roasts. It’s awful, isn’t it?
ARLENE
No, no. Yes, it is—actually awful. You know what? I’m going to make you an omelet.
No, don’t.
ALAN
ARLENE
No…no it’s easy…I’ll make us both omelets.
ALAN
Please, don’t.
(ALAN stops her)
Arlene, I don’t know what I’m doing. Making dinner? Truth is, I’m feeling kinda lost. I go to my office, I play the University bigwig. But—I don’t know, without the kids around, I’m feeling like I don’t know who I am any more. I take care of people! That’s what I do. And I find myself looking for someone new to take care of. So this baby is kind of a Godsend.
ARLENE
And when you are looking around, do you think of me?
ALAN
Of course I do. But I don’t need to think of you. I always take care of you.
ARLENE
You don’t think of me.
Oh, Arlene,…
ALAN
ARLENE
I’m not complaining. You’re doing everything and more. You’re being perfect! It isn’t your fault that you haven’t a clue about yourself or me. Or us. We’re not a couple. We’re parents.
ALAN
What’s wrong with that? How many people can say they’re good parents?
ARLENE
Well, it cost us something.
ALAN
Wait. Are you regretting that you didn’t…
Oh Alan, no! I’m happy we made this decision. I’m grateful I got to make it. I’m talking about us. To tell you the truth I’m not feeling all that great. I’m going to bed. Motherhood and Jell-O have really tired me out.
Can’t I come up and…
No, Alan, you don’t hear me! You tell me you’re lost and what I’m hearing is you want me to do something about it. Well, I can’t help you. That’s just who you are. If you want to be someone else, you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.
#17—Easier to Love
(she starts to leave, then turns back)
Thank you for dinner. SHE exits. ALAN starts to follow her, then stops.
CHILDREN TELL YOU EVERYTHING AND GIVE YOU THEIR WHOLE HEART YOUR WIFE TELLS YOU EVERYTHING AND BLOWS YOUR DAY APART MAYBE THAT’S THE REASON WHY A CHILD IS, FROM THE START EASIER TO LOVE SO MUCH EASIER TO LOVE
CHILDREN ASK YOU QUESTIONS AND THEY DON’T CARE IF THE ANSWER’S TRUE YOUR WIFE ASKS YOU QUESTIONS SHE ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWERS TO NO SURPRISE THAT CHILDREN ARE, NO MATTER WHAT THEY PUT YOU THROUGH, EASIER TO LOVE SO MUCH EASIER TO LOVE
ANYTHING A CHILD NEEDS, A KISS CAN MAKE ALL RIGHT YOUR WIFE NEEDS YOUR LIFE
CHILDREN WANT TO HEAR THE SAME STORY EVERY NIGHT TRY THAT ON YOUR WIFE
CHILDREN OPEN UP WIDE EYES AND SEE YOU AS A STAR YOUR WIFE OPENS UP WIDE EYES AND SEES YOU AS YOU ARE THAT’S WHY FROM THE DAY THEY GOT HERE MY KIDS WERE BY FAR EASIER TO LOVE
SO MUCH EASIER TO LOVE
(he suddenly realizes the truth underneath his joke)
SO MUCH EASIER—EASIER TO LOVE
At end of song, ARLENE is heard from offstage.
Alan! Alan!
ALAN runs off to her.
PAM and LIZZIE pass each other crossing the campus.
Pam!
LIZZIE
PAM
Oh, hi. We were away all summer. By the time I got your message, it was too late. I’ve just seen Arlene MacNalley. She’s in the hospital. She….
LIZZIE
She’s had it!
No. She lost the baby.
No!
PAM
LIZZIE
PAM
I know. And they put her on the same floor where they put mothers with new babies. Who runs this world? I can’t talk now. I was supposed to be at orientation five minutes ago.
LIZZIE
Sure.
PAM (stops)
I wasn’t away. I didn’t call anyone this summer. I’ll call you soon. PAM exits.
LIZZIE crosses to ARLENE’s HOSPITAL ROOM, which consists of a chair, a table and a vase of yellow roses. ARLENE is seated in a chair.
LIZZIE
(nervous, soft)
Hello.
(a little louder)
Hi, it’s Lizzie.
ARLENE
Oh my.
(SHE takes a moment to look at LIZZIE)
Don’t you look beautiful.
LIZZIE
Is this a right time? I mean I don’t want to…
ARLENE
This is a right time.
Are you…?
(cutting her off)
I’m fine. How’s Danny? Is he back?
LIZZIE
ARLENE
He’s coming. Today. In an hour.
Today?
LIZZIE
ARLENE
LIZZIE
Yes. I’m so sorry. I never imagined this would…
ARLENE
You forget how complex it all is. Hundreds of intricate systems have to link up… I was warned. At my age, the odds of this happening are pretty high. You are not me, Lizzie. Things get more complicated when you’re older. You’re going to be fine.
Given the risk, did you ever consider…?
LIZZIE
ARLENE
It was something that I chose not to do. And then I tricked myself into thinking that meant nothing could go wrong. My husband is being wonderful, as usual.
LIZZIE
I miss Danny so much!
ARLENE
Yes, look at you—having a baby! A person, two people give up a portion of their lives to take care of some little thing. It’s the bravest, most selfless thing most people will ever do–and at the same time, it’s so ordinary. It happens every day. The world doesn’t stop. No one pats you on the back.
(ARLENE has started to cry)
No one even notices.
LIZZIE
Oh god, I wanted to come to comfort you.
ARLENE
(letting her tears out) You are.
LIZZIE
But I’m making you cry.
ARLENE Good.
LIZZIE
This isn’t a time to make you…
ARLENE
It is. It’s the time.
(pulls herself together)
Hey, you got to get going. Take those flowers.
Oh no, they’re…
LIZZIE
ARLENE
It will make me happy thinking of them with you and Danny. Please.
LIZZIE
Thank you.
(SHE lifts the yellow roses out of the vase)
ARLENE
Oh God, take the vase. They charge enough for the room. They can afford the vase. Now go before you miss him. Go on.
LIZZIE takes the flowers and vase and exits. Once outside, LIZZIE stops.
LIZZIE
(to the baby)
THERE’S NO GUARANTEE THAT YOU’LL BE PERFECT I CAN’T STOP YOU EVER HAVING PROBLEMS GENES I’M GIVING YOU WILL TAKE THEIR TOLL BURDENS HARD ENOUGH TO ROCK YOUR SOUL LIFE IS THINGS YOU START, THEN CAN’T CONTROL DANNY, HURRY HOME!
Lights up on ARLENE in the hospital room.
ARLENE
I KNEW! I KNEW THE MOMENT THAT I HEARD IT, I WAS SURE RIGHT THEN AND I COULD HAVE DECIDED IT MYSELF RIGHT THEN AND THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED
Bus 33 from Kansas City now arriving at Gate 22.
LIZZIE stands in the BUS STATION. The vase of flowers is by her feet. DANNY enters, and stops dead at the sight of how pregnant she is.
Look at you.
DANNY
LIZZIE
Look at you.
THEY kiss. It is a bit awkward as neither is used to a pregnant belly between them.
You lost weight.
You didn’t.
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE (showing off her breasts)
Look how big I am.
They stay that way?
I hope so.
God, how I wanted you!
DANNY
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
Me too, me too. You know where we’re standing?
In a bus station.
DANNY
LIZZIE
In exactly the spot where those flowers are?
DANNY
They’re for me?
Right here is where….
LIZZIE
DANNY
You brought me flowers! That is so cool!
LIZZIE
Danny! Right in this spot is where you asked me to marry you. And I’ve…
DANNY
Don’t sweat it. That’s old stuff.
(HE picks up the flowers)
No one ever gave me flowers. That is so… sweet. So… old-fashioned. Let’s go home.
(HE picks up his bags to leave)
But…
LIZZIE
DANNY
I’ve been in 71 bus stations in 71 days, babe.
LIZZIE Babe?
DANNY
All I want is you and our home.
DANNY and LIZZIE walk home.
As they do, DANNY strips off elements of his Maggots band costume. He gives them to strangers.
DANNY
LOOK AT ME
THREE MONTHS OF MY LIFE ARE THROUGH-OO-OO
I’M HEADING HOME AND GIVING MY CLOTHES TO… YOU-OO OO-OO-OO HERE, LOVE
PLEASE TAKE THIS SOUVENIR OF A BAND YOU’LL NEVER HEAR OF I’M FINALLY BACK AT HOME
LIZZIE and DANNY enter THEIR APARTMENT. It has been transformed by LIZZIE’s homey touches. And by a lot of baby furniture.
Ta-da.
Where am I?
I made the curtains. (referring to the bedspread) I got this at a thrift shop.
I didn’t know you could do this.
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
(referring to baby furniture)
And those at yard sale for fifteen dollars and I painted them.
DANNY
You painted little bears… on everything.
LIZZIE
I know!! I can’t believe I did that. And I liked it!
DANNY
Where’s all my stuff?
LIZZIE
Behind the bassinette. When you want it, you roll it out. Do you like it?
DANNY
(covering—it isn’t the home he remembered)
Sure. Great. We got any food?
LIZZIE No.
DANNY No?
LIZZIE
I thought we’d go out tonight.
DANNY
Lizzie, all you do on the road is eat out. Yo. Look!
(He dumps money out of his backpack onto the bed, crumpled bills)
Lira! Shekels! Dinero! Rubles! Money for our kid! We can wallow in like Scrooge McDuck! And then, there’s this:
(HE takes a small paper bag from his back pocket)
LIZZIE
For me?
(SHE pulls a pair of red lace bikini panties out of the bag) They’re…
(SHE holds them against her huge waist)
DANNY
… small.
They’ll be great for after.
Can you still?
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
Up to the last month.
(THEY kiss. Suddenly LIZZIE stops)
Did you feel it?
DANNY What?
LIZZIE
The baby. (SHE takes his hand and puts it on her stomach) Here.
(to the BABY)
Stay in one place. (to DANNY)
Here.
DANNY
It’s kicking. Man, that is… that is. The three of us in one bed.
LIZZIE
Do you think it’s going to freak you out?
DANNY No! But it’s going to take some getting used to. Where did you say you want to eat?
LIZZIE
Not yet. I was going to do this at the bus station. You have to sit next to me.
DANNY
Okay.
(HE sits)
LIZZIE
I know marriage is important to you and what’s important to you…
DANNY
What’s important changes. It’s the last thing I want.
LIZZIE
The last thing?
I don’t want you to marry me.
You shit!
DANNY
LIZZIE
DANNY
I don’t want you giving up everything you believe in.
LIZZIE
Don’t tell me what I can and can’t give up.
DANNY
You’re a free spirit. I want you to stay believin’ whatever you believe in.
LIZZIE
And don’t call me ‘babe’!
DANNY Will you hear me out!
LIZZIE
I am listening.
DANNY
You sound like your mother. SHE takes a ring out of her pocket and throws it on the bed.
Forget it.
You’re throwing your ring away?
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
That’s your ring. I bought it for you, so you and I could both…
DANNY
For me?
LIZZIE
I don’t give a damn what you do with it now.
DANNY
Lizzie, pick up the ring. If you don’t want us to be married, fine. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on the road. About what matters to me and what doesn’t. And you know what, it isn’t marriage. And maybe it isn’t music.
LIZZIE
What are you talking about! Not music!!!
DANNY
Lizzie, I’ve been out there. I hear what those screaming kids want. I’ve heard what’s selling. It’s not what I write.
LIZZIE
Who cares what’s selling!
DANNY
If you play music you hate to make money, pretty soon you can’t remember what it is you ever loved about music. Then you end up one of those guys who had a dream once, and who are now just drunks in a bar wondering why they have no life. I kept meeting them in city after city, after hours, after a show. And I kept thinking: wouldn’t they rather have a kid and a wife they love, like I will. I gotta choose a life that makes sense for me and my family, and… maybe it’s not music!
LIZZIE
You can’t say that!
DANNY
I always liked science, I was good at it…
LIZZIE
This is exactly what I didn’t want. Exactly why I didn’t want the baby to derail your dreams. Exactly why…
DANNY
Can I finish! Lizzie, what I’m saying is, a ritual doesn’t matter. You’re a crazy brilliant halfblind girl… woman!… who is going to be a great writer and have our baby, and that is who I fell in love with, and that’s who I want you to be. Crazy no-one-in-the-world-islike-you Lizzie. Don’t change. Not in any way. Not to marry me.
LIZZIE
I’ve got bears on all our furniture and a tap dancer inside me! You think I haven’t changed?
DANNY
I’m still the guy who asked you to marry him, and you said no to. Let’s hold on to that.
LIZZIE
I’m sorry.
For what?
For being so… (SHE finds the word) … arrogant.
You’re the least…
DANNY
LIZZIE
DANNY
LIZZIE
No. The baby. I really thought I could make it happen, and we would just get away with it. But all it’s doing is changing your life and my life, and–it’s true—we’ll never be the same. Because we can’t stay the same! Already, I’m a nursery decorator. Who’ll probably think she can write her novel while the kids are napping.
DANNY
AND OH, OH
THE ROADS YOU LEAVE BEHIND CAN SHINE SO BRIGHT
LIZZIE
THEN I LOOK AT YOU
DANNY & LIZZIE (they sign to each other) AND I KNOW I CHOSE RIGHT.
LIZZIE
Is that what we are now, just two more boring old parents, like every boring old parent on the face of the earth?
DANNY
No, we’re blind and deaf parents who are going to spend every waking hour making life safe for our kids. We’re special. Truth is, Liz, we think we can make plans, but we can’t. We are never going to know what’s gonna to happen. That’s not what life is.
LIZZIE
So how are going to get through it?
Science.
LIZZIE Science?
DANNY And music! (suddenly inspired)
I’M HAVING A VISION I SUDDENLY SEE IT
THE MAGNITUDE OF TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT IT HAD TO HAVE BEEN THERE BUT I NEEDED YOU TO SHOW ME
WE HAVE ALL THE POWER WE NEED INSIDE US EVERY TIME I TOUCH YOU, IT FLOWS THE ENERGY OF CAPACITY OF THE INFINITE SWEEP OF TWO PEOPLE TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE
LIZZIE
OUR SCALE IS ENORMOUS
DANNY
OUR SIZE IS GIGANTIC
LIZZIE
THERE’S NOTHING OUR MINDS CANNOT CONTAIN
DANNY
NO WALLS CAN ENCLOSE US
LIZZIE
OUR LIVES HAVE NO BOUNDARIES
BOTH
WE’LL SIMPLY UNLEASH WHAT’S IN US THAT’S WHY IT’S ALRIGHT THAT WE FUSE TOGETHER WE KNOW WHAT THE UNIVERSE KNOWS THE POTENCY OF VITALITY OF IMMENSITY OF INTENSITY OF THE GREAT QUANTUM LEAP OF TWO PEOPLE, TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE IN LOVE
MY GOD IT’S SO SCARY YOU THINK I’M NOT FRIGHTENED A COSMIC INVADER’S ON HIS WAY LOOK AT THIS APARTMENT HE’S ALREADY CHANGED IT AND HE ISN’T EVEN HERE YET BUT WE WILL BE SAVED BY THE LAWS OF SCIENCE
BOTH
EINSTEIN PROVED WHAT EVERYONE KNOWS WHEN TWO SEPARATE LIVES ARE FUSED INTO ONE THE ENERGY FREED SURPASSES THE SUN AND WE FILL THE UNIVERSE WE ARE TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE IN LOVE
LIZZIE does a seductive kind of belly-dance bump-and-grind. This makes DANNY suddenly look for the ring on the bed.
DANNY
I found it! You going to put it on my finger?
LIZZIE
(making a ceremony of it, holds up the ring)
Buckminster Fuller and his wife were married for sixty years and died within hours of each other. I won’t settle for less.
DANNY You got it.
LIZZIE
(puts the ring on his finger)
Danny—you and I, all alone, have to prove that “marriage” is still possible!
DANNY
That is the scariest thing I’ve ever heard.
THE ENERGY OF CAPACITY OF THE INFINITE SWEEP OF TWO PEOPLE TWO PEOPLE IN…
DANNY & LIZZIE
THAT’S WHY IT’S ALRIGHT THAT WE FUSE TOGETHER
WE KNOW WHAT THE UNIVERSE KNOWS:
WHEN TWO SEP’RATE LIVES ARE FUSED INTO ONE THE ENERGY FREED SURPASSES THE SUN AND WE FILL THE UNIVERSE WE ARE TWO PEOPLE TWO PEOPLE. TWO PEOPLE, TWO PEOPLE LOVE! AW, AW TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE.
THAT’S WHY IT’S ALRIGHT THAT WE FUSE TOGETHER (FUSE TOGETHER)
WE KNOW WHAT THE UNIVERSE KNOWS THE UNIVERSE KNOWS THE ENERGY FREED SURPASSES THE SUN AND WE FILL THE UNIVERSE! WE ARE TWO PEOPLE TWO PEOPLE, TWO PEOPLE, TWO PEOPLE IN… LOVE!
LOVE.
DANNY conquers his terror at what the baby is going to do to their life. HE and LIZZIE climb into bed together. THEY fall into each other’s arms. Blackout.
The bed is now A ROOM IN A HOSPITAL. ARLENE is dressed to go home. A small overnight case sits on the floor. ALAN enters.
I paid the bill. Time to go home.
I’m afraid to go back to that house.
ALAN
ARLENE
ALAN
It is big. Last night when you were gone, I found myself wandering through it and it kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
ARLENE
So big we don’t fit in it.
It is us now.
It’s not enough, is it? Just us.
I don’t know.
ALAN
ARLENE
ALAN
ARLENE
I don’t want to go home. Not to that house. Not to that life.
ALAN With me?
ARLENE
It’s time for us to stop doing the same thing over and over.
ALAN
Yes. It is.
ARLENE
I’ll go to Emily’s. She’ll probably tolerate me for a little while.
I understand. I guess I understand. I do understand.
Alan, was it just the kids? Children aside, did you love me?
ALAN
I never thought I didn’t. Not for a minute.
ARLENE
Yes, I’d say the same thing.
ALAN
We never had to ask. We were Alan and Arlene MacNalley. YOU AND ME, THE PERFECT PAIR NO ONE QUESTIONED IT, WHO WOULD DARE? OTHERS FLAMED, BUT THEY BURNED OUT WE KEPT ROLLING ALONG SO IT’S HARD TO SAY WHAT HAPPENED TO US SINCE NOTHING REALLY WENT WRONG WE KNOW THE WORDS BUT WE’VE FORGOTTEN THE SONG AND NOW YOU’RE ASKING IF I LOVED YOU WHAT DOES IT MATTER THAT I LOVED YOU? WHATEVER WAY IT WAS I LOVED YOU IT WASN’T ENOUGH TO GET US THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH I NEVER SIMPLY SAID “I NEED YOU” I NEVER TOLD YOU WHEN YOU HURT, HOW I CRY SOME PEOPLE DARE TO RISK THE FLAK AND NEVER HOLD THEIR FEELINGS BACK AND WHAT IF WE HAD LOVED LIKE THAT YOU AND I
ARLENE
OFF WE SET, OUR LIVES INSURED DREAMS COMPUTED, AND LOANS SECURED OTHERS FLOUNDERED, HAD NO PLAN
OUR DIRECTION WAS CLEAR AND THE FACT THAT LEAVES ME SO ASTONISHED IS NEVER ONCE DID WE VEER THE ROAD WAS STRAIGHT AND TRUE THAT BROUGHT US TO HERE AND NOW I’M ASKING IF I LOVED YOU WHAT DOES IT MATTER THAT I LOVED YOU? WHATEVER WAY IT WAS I LOVED YOU IT WASN’T ENOUGH TO GET US THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH I NEVER ASKED FOR WHAT I NEEDED OR LET YOU SEE MY FAMOUS STRENGTH WAS A LIE SOME PEOPLE GET BEYOND THE FEAR AND REALLY TALK AND REALLY HEAR AND WHAT IF WE HAD LOVED LIKE THAT YOU AND I
SOME PEOPLE KISS RESTRAINT GOODBYE AND REALLY LET THE DISHES FLY AND REALLY LAUGH AND REALLY CRY
BOTH
AND NOW I’M ASKING IF I LOVED YOU IT’S GOOD TO ASK HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU FOR THOUGH I ALWAYS THOUGHT I LOVED YOU OUR LOVE LACKED THE STUFF TO GET US THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH
I NEVER FILLED YOUR ROOM WITH ROSES OR HIRED A PLANE TO WRITE YOUR NAME ‘CROSS THE SKY
SOME PEOPLE TAKE THINGS TO THE BRINK
I’D TRADE THE COMFORT THAT WE BOUGHT
YES, MAYBE STILL WE’D NOT SURVIVE
WE COULD HAVE REALLY BEEN ALIVE
I NEVER WOKE YOU UP WITH MUSIC OR WROTE YOUR NAME ‘CROSS THE SKY
SOME PEOPLE FEEL AND LATER THINK IF ONLY ONCE WE’D REALLY FOUGHT
BUT WE’D AT LEAST HAVE BEEN ALIVE
YOU AND I (THEY turn to each other)
AND WHAT IF WE HAD LOVED LIKE THAT? Lights fade.
Lights up on NICKI, in THEIR APARTMENT.
It is November. PAM comes in. She has been out running—and it was clearly quite a run.
I went for a run.
Pam—the book says…
PAM
NICKI
PAM
I know what the book says. “Avoid vigorous activity.” I needed to run. And did I run! I found myself running so fast I almost lost it. Down into the hollow. Twice around the lake. But it cleared my head. And I came to a conclusion.
NICKI
Yeah?
PAM
We’re gonna stop. We’re going to switch to phase Two. We still have enough “Idris,” and if we run out we can pick someone else. But we can’t, I can’t—I don’t want—to continue with this. So we move to you. You are so ready.
NICKI No.
PAM
Don’t give me that look. I am happy with this decision. Really, really happy. We stop all this anguish and go to you. That’s what we’re going to do.
NICKI
That is not what we’re going to do.
PAM
Nicki, it’s the only choice.
Remember how I felt when we started? Jealous of you. Irrationally feeling left out. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t help myself. It’ll be the same for you. You’ll hide it but you’ll be miserable. I won’t do it. PAM
What are you saying?
NICKI
I’m saying: if you stop. We both stop. PAM No!!
NICKI
We said we’re doing this together, both of us, two babies, together.
PAM
But you want a baby. Maybe even more than even me.
NICKI
I don’t think I can bear what this is doing to us!
#23—With You
I SAID I’D FILL MY LIFE WITH YOU ONE LOOK AND WHAT ELSE COULD I DO THAT SMILE THAT LIGHTS YOUR FACE WASHED INTO EV’RY SECRET PLACE AND MADE ME SEE A BETTER ME INSIDE OF ME AND WHEN A GIFT LIKE THAT COMES THROUGH I OUGHT TO THANK MY STARS FOREVER AND SO I’LL STAY WITH YOU AND FILL EACH DAY WITH YOU AND ALWAYS KNOW THAT I’M COMPLETE IN EV’RY WAY WITH YOU
This is a NICKI PAM has never heard before. PAM gets up and walks away, to take it in. Then she turns, and goes back to NICKI.
PAM
I SAID I’D FILL MY LIFE WITH YOU ONE LOOK AND WHAT ELSE COULD I DO IT ONLY TOOK ONE TOUCH AND SOMEHOW YOU UNLOCKED SO MUCH IT MADE ME SEE A STRONGER ME INSIDE OF ME
AND WHEN A GIFT LIKE THAT COMES THROUGH I HAVE TO THANK MY STARS FOREVER AND SO I’LL STAY WITH YOU AND FILL EACH DAY WITH YOU AND ALWAYS KNOW THAT I’M COMPLETE IN EV’RY WAY
NICKI AND ALWAYS KNOW THAT I’M COMPLETE IN EV’RY WAY BOTH WITH YOU
PAM
I SAID I’D FILL MY LIFE WITH YOU
NICKI
I DON’T NEED ANYONE BUT YOU
PAM & NICKI
I SAID I’D FILL MY LIFE… WITH YOU. NICKI reaches out and takes PAM in her arms. Lights fade.
TWO LOCATIONS: ALAN at home. ARLENE at her daughter’s house. Both on the phone.
ARLENE
I’ll be here as long as Emily and I can stand it. We’re doing pretty well so far, but God, that husband of hers snores.
ALAN
This doesn’t make sense. You should be here at the house. I can go to the faculty club.
ARLENE
With those beds you’ll be in traction for the rest of the semester.
ALAN
Or we could both stay here.
Alan…
ARLENE
ALAN
I’m not saying not to have a trial separation. I’m just saying let’s have it at home.
ARLENE
Alan! We have talked about…
ALAN
If you take the back of the house, you’ll never see me. I’ll never see you.
ARLENE
Honey, we can’t just hold on because we’re afraid of being alone.
ALAN
Holding on because we’re afraid of being alone? Sounds good to me.
ARLENE
Beth says I should come stay with her next. I may just dance around all four of them.
Wait… I agree it’s too soon to… that we should have time apart … God, I’m not good at this. I wasn’t good at this when we met.
(swallows hard)
Today I am going to be the guy who spots a girl he wants and goes after her.
Okay.
I do have a heart, Arlene. I don’t do much with it, but I do.
(swallows again –then finds the words he wants)
I want to make you fall in love with me again. What I’m asking is… would you go on a date with me?
Music begins, a tremulous trill of anticipation. Lights fade on ALAN and ARLENE.
Lights come up on DANNY and LIZZIE. DANNY is reading aloud from a book.
LIZZIE is not listening to DANNY. SHE is aware of something happening in her body: the first contraction.
DANNY
“For nine months, the womb has been the baby’s universe. Now, it begins to crack. The baby starts to move. To where it has no idea. All it perceives is that the time has come to leave this safe warm place and journey into the unknown.” Did you read this? Liz? Liz?
HE becomes aware of LIZZIE’s stillness.
LIZZIE
I’m having these feelings. They can’t be contractions.
DANNY
(jumps up)
Where’s your suitcase?
HE gets the suitcase from behind the bed.
LIZZIE
No! I’m not going to the hospital three weeks early. I’m not going to look like an amateur.
DANNY
Liz, you are an amateur.
LIZZIE
Danny, I think this is real.
MUSIC. A sting. Lights up on NICKI and PAM on their bed.
Want to go out? Go for a walk?
NICKI
PAM
Yeah. Hey, Nicki.
(NICKI stops)
(PAM)
Want to keep trying?
LIZZIE
STOP A MOMENT TAKE IT IN Lights up on ALAN and ARLENE.
This is rather frightening.
We could make big fools of ourselves.
ARLENE
ALAN
ARLENE
That would be nice.
LIZZIE
CAN’T YOU FEEL THE CHANGE BEGIN?
DANNY
I’m ready. You ready, kid? I’m ready.
ARLENE
So where are you taking me on this date?
LIZZIE
ONE MORE SEASON’S COME AND GONE PAM
ONE MORE SEASON’S COME AND GONE
NICKI
It won’t be easy. We’ll probably give up a second time.
LIZZIE
WHO’D BELIEVE HOW LIFE MOVES ON
ARLENE
WHO’D BELIEVE HOW LIFE MOVES ON PAM
I keep thinking about that piano-playing Nigerian Rhodes Scholar astrophysicist.
MUSIC modulates. The THREE COUPLES sing in counterpoint.
ALAN
CAN TWO PARENTS REALLY TOUCH?
LIZZIE
WE’RE TOGETHER, WE’LL GET THROUGH PAM
WE’RE TOGETHER. WE’LL GET THROUGH
DANNY
What if he doesn’t like me?
LIZZIE
YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO
NICKI
AT NIGHT I’LL COME HOME TO YOU
PAM
AT NIGHT I’LL COME HOME TO YOU
ALAN
SOMEHOW WE WILL FIND A WAY
DANNY
COME WHAT MAY
ARLENE
COME WHAT MAY, WE START TODAY
THE THREE COUPLES
WHAT A JOURNEY. WHAT A RIDE WHAT A TRIP TO TAKE TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE LIFE ANYTHING WE SAY
So, I’ll meet you there?
ARLENE
ALAN
I hired a stretch limo!
WE START TODAY
THE THREE COUPLES
Lights fade on ALAN and ARLENE, and NICKI and PAM.
LIZZIE & DANNY are left in a single spotlight.
LIZZIE
AND ALL THESE THINGS I FEEL AND MORE MY MOTHER’S MOTHER FELT AND HERS BEFORE A CHAIN OF LIFE BEGUN UPON THE SHORE OF SOME DARK SEA HAS REACHED TO ME AND NOW…
Lights fade on LIZZIE & DANNY too. We hear voices in the dark.
Nine centimeters. Here it comes.
DOCTOR
NURSE ONE
Relax. Relax. Okay… now breathe.
NURSE TWO
You’re doing fine, honey. You’re doing really fine.
DOCTOR
Okay, now Lizzie, push. PUSH!
Music reaches a climax. A bright blue light flashes on for a moment. The light fades.
A baby cries.
The sound of a solo flute, playing “Our Story Goes On.” Lights up on a hospital corridor. NICKI, PAM enter. ALAN, ARLENE enter. DANNY enters from the hospital room. HE is dumb-struck at the amazing miracle he has just seen.
(To BOTH COUPLES)
I had no idea! I saw the whole thing. I had no idea! (tears are streaming down his face)
Come on in.
DANNY exits.
ALAN and ARLENE smile at each other; THEY enter the room. NICKI and PAM swallow hard. PAM kisses NICKI and THEY follow.
ENSEMBLE AND ALL THAT WAS IS PART OF ME AS I AM PART OF WHAT’S TO BE AND THUS IT IS OUR STORY GOES ON Lights up to reveal the hospital room: PAM, NICKI, ALAN, ARLENE, DANNY, LIZZIE and THE BABY. AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON
The lights get brighter and brighter. Blackout.
END OF PLAY
#25—Bows & Exit