The Unsinkable Molly Brown FREE READ

Music and Lyrics by Meredith Willson

Book and New Lyrics by Dick Scanlan

Based on the Original Book b y Richard Morris

Meredith Willson’s Music Adapted by Michael Rafter

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BEFORE REHEARSING THANK YOU! WAIT!

Originally developed in the Colorado New Play Summit and produced at the Denver Center Theatre Company

Kent Thompson, Producing Artistic Director

Subsequent developmental production at The Muny, St. Louis

Mike Isaacson, Artistic Director

The New York City Premiere was produced by Transport Group Theatre Company

Jack Cummings III, Artistic Director; Lori Fineman, Executive Director In Association with Elizabeth Armstrong and Mike Isaacson

Book © 1961 by Richard Morris © Copyright 1960, 1962 by Frank Music Corp.-Rinimer Corporation

(Last Revised—April 2024)

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The Unsinkable Molly Brown 2.0

The Unsinkable Molly Brown was born decades ago when Richard Morris, a successful writer/ director of TV and film, decided to pursue his passion for Broadway musicals by dramatizing a bit of folklore he’d heard while on vacation in Colorado. He reached out to composer/lyricist Meredith Willson, fresh off the heels of his megahit The Music Man. Meredith signed on, and in 1960 the show opened on Broadway, winning a Tony Award for Tammy Grimes as Molly. It enjoyed a healthy life on tour, and in summer stock and schools because it was witty and winning. It was also almost entirely apocryphal: enormous liberties were taken with the life of Margaret Tobin Brown (1867-1932), whose rags-to-riches tale was Richard’s inspiration for the show.

50 years later, I was asked to rethink Molly Brown for the 21st century, and it’s the historical Molly I chose to reveal. Turns out she really did go from rags to riches! She also possessed a tireless commitment to social justice that sometimes put her at odds with high society (once she was rich enough to hobnob with high society) and often put her on the front page of the paper. That’s the story this version tells, set against a backdrop of U.S. history, including monetary policy, suffrage, labor rights, and of course April 14, 1912 when the RMS Titanic struck an iceberg and Molly Brown lived to tell the tale. Like any bio narrative, liberties are taken, but the new Molly Brown is an essentially true story of a woman who became a millionaire overnight thanks to her’s husband ingenuity, then used her newfound wealth to make the world a better place, nearly losing her marriage in the bargain. FYI: Margaret Tobin Brown was called Maggie—never Molly—in her lifetime but the world knows her as Molly Brown so my rewrite retains that piece of apocrypha.

Michael Rafter (our music man) and I raided Meredith Willson’s trunk for songs that served our story, and we found some gems. But we needed more, so we wrote new songs, repurposing unknown Willson tunes with lyrics by me so the songs could come out of the characters and drama we were creating. In one case, we took a rousing march Meredith wrote during WWII, “Fired Up,” and turned it into Molly’s showstopping power ballad, “Wait for Me.” Other songs are part Meredith/part me, and I like to think the listener can’t tell the difference.

Director Kathleen Marshall and I mounted three productions of the new Molly Brown: Denver Center Theatre Company (2014), The Muny in St. Louis (2017) and Off-Broadway at Transport Group (2020). We’ve done it with as many as 50 actors and as few as 16; it works wonderfully well either way. We’ve designed elaborate sets and costumes in the traditional musical comedy vein, but Off-Broadway we simplified both so that Act One was mismatched furniture inside a laborer’s cabin (the mine explosion was a sound cue with actors lifting furniture in slow motion to set it for the next scene), and Act Two was expensive furniture in a mansion that slowly went away until the harrowing lifeboat scene. Costumes were simplified too, and

AUTHOR’S NOTE (Cont’d)

none of the actors were wigged. Personally, I preferred the scaled-down version because it allowed the humanity of the characters to emerge, but the show works either way so follow your bliss and your budget!

We added one element Off-Broadway to personalize the Titanic disaster. Upon entering the theatre, each audience member was handed a card with a short bio of a Titanic passenger. Then, as the audience departed the theater, we had alphabetized lists (posted in the lobby during Act II) of the passengers whose bios we’d distributed, and what happened to them, i.e. survived or died, with information about their experiences that fateful night. Examples of this storytelling device are included in the Libretto Vocal Book, and MTI can provide the necessary files. There are other ways to communicate this information to your audience. For example, you could include it as part of the confirmation e-mail they receive when they purchase tickets, or text them the info the day of the show. And this aspect of the script is entirely optional, so no worries if you choose not to do it.

One of the many things about Margaret Tobin Brown that interested Kathleen and me was the way in which her religious faith was the basis for her commitment to helping those less fortunate in a pragmatic but never judgmental way. She understood that human beings stumble, bad things happen to good people, and having less doesn’t make you less. Our Molly is vocal and unapologetic about her belief in God, even as her best friend is an atheist. Interestingly, the song she sings to express these values, “The Wonderful Plan,” was at some point part of every Meredith Willson score (including The Music Man), but never made it on stage until his last musical, 1491. To tailor “The Wonderful Plan” to our narrative, I added some words. The result is an unexpected bit of musical comedy metaphysics.

Undoubtedly, the most important part of our story is its depiction of a long-term, romantic relationship, perhaps best expressed in the duet between Molly and her husband, J.J., “I’d Like to Change Everything About You.” This is one of the songs where we took Meredith’s music (an unknown ditty called “We’re Spending Our Honeymoon in Escrow”) and I came up with a new hook and words to match. Because I’m in a long-term relationship, writing those lyrics was a snap—down to the tender expression of love that ends the song. It’s important that Molly and J.J.’s romance be the beating heart of your production. We follow this pair over 26 years of ups and downs. Indeed, the only event that nearly “sinks” Molly is her estrangement from J.J. In real life, that estrangement didn’t end happy, but this is a musical comedy so I allowed myself some apocrypha there, too.

Dick Scanlan

April 2022

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Pronouns

The use of masculine and feminine pronouns in The Unsinkable Molly Brown is based on the gender of the characters, not the gender of the actors playing those characters. Those pronouns are not meant to indicate, comment upon or guess the gender of the actors doing the speaking, singing or performing.

CHARACTERS:

All characters can be cast as any race, but if the actor playing Arthur is not of Asian descent, it’s imperative that you change the Mandarin lyric he sings in “Belly Up the Bar, Boys” (p. 48) to the language the Arthur in your production would speak, and change J.J.’s line (p. 108) referring to an “Asian guy” to match your Arthur’s identity.

MOLLY BROWN

SENATOR SMITH

SENATOR BOURNE

SENATOR BURTON

SENATOR PERKINS

SENATOR SIMMONS

SENATOR NEWLAND

SENATOR NELSON

SENATOR FLETCHER

VINCENZO

ARTHUR

WILLIAM

ERICH

J.J. BROWN

JULIA GERRARD

DOC MORRIS

FATHER ROBINSON

EMMA STETSON

PEARL

BIRDIE

NELVA

HORACE TABOR

BABY DOE TABOR

NEWSBOY

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

RODOLFO MIMI

MARY NEVIN

DESPERATE MOTHER

YOUNG STREETWALKER

IMPOVERISHED STUDENT

SUFFRAGETTE

CONCERNED MOTHER

JAILER

CRIMINAL 1

CRIMINAL 2

JUVENILE DELINQUENT

CHARACTERS (Cont’d):

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

GOVERNOR

MAUD CALL

FRED BONFILS

DOLCE TRIO MAN (FRENCH)

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ENGLISH)

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ITALIAN)

LARRY KIT HICHENS

MAUREEN O’SHAUGHNESSY

REPORTER

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

ENSEMBLE

The Unsinkable Molly Brown received its world premiere on September 12, 2014 at the Denver Center Theatre Company, Kent Thompson, Producing Artistic Director. It was directed and choreographed by Kathleen Marshall. The music director was Michael Rafter. The production stage manager was Stephen R. Gruse. The scenic design was by Derek McLane; the costume design was by Paul Tazewell; the lighting design was by Donald Holder; and the sound design was by Craig Breitenbach. The cast was:

MOLLY BROWN

J.J. BROWN

JULIA

VINCENZO

ERICH

ARTHUR

TABOR

BABY DOE TABOR

MAUREEN

HICHENS

MAUDE

KIT

KENNETH B. CHAPMAN

MRS. SNEED-HILL, MISS LYDIA

DOC MORRIS, FRED

LARRY

ENSEMBLE

MARY NEVIN

WILLIAM

FATHER ROBINSON

SWING

Beth Malone

Burke Moses

Whitney Bashor

Constantine Germanacos

David Abeles

Paolo Montalban

John Hickok

Donna English

Cameron Adams

Karl Josef Co

Jesmille Darbouze

Alex Finke

Gregg Goodbrod

Patty Goble

Michael Halling

Omar Lopez-Cepero

Stephanie Martignetti

Linda Mugleston

Keven Quillon

John Scherer

Jason Lee Garrett

The Unsinkable Molly Brown received its Off-Broadway premiere on February 8, 2020, produced at the Abrons Arts Center by Transport Group, Jack Cummings III, Artistic Director. It was directed and choreographed by Kathleen Marshall. The musical director was Joey Chancey. The production stage manager was Victoria Navarro, and the production manager was Chris Luner. The scenic design was by Brett Banakis; the costume design was by Sky Switser; the lighting design was by Peter Kaczorowski; and the sound design was by Walter Trarbach. The cast was:

MOLLY BROWN

J.J. BROWN

JULIA

ERICH

VINCENZO

ARTHUR

LOUISE SNEED-HILL & OTHERS

HICHENS & OTHERS

MAUREEN & OTHERS

FATHER ROBINSON, LARRY & OTHERS

KENNETH B. CHAPMAN & OTHERS

BABY DOE TABOR & OTHERS

HORACE TABOR & OTHERS

MAUD & OTHERS

WILLIAM & OTHERS

MARY NEVIN & OTHERS

Beth Malone

David Aron Damane

Whitney Bashor

Alex Gibson

Omar Lopez-Cepero

Paolo Montalban

Paula Leggett Chase

Karl Josef Co

Kaitlyn Davidson

Tyrone Davis, Jr.

Gregg Goodbrod

Nikka Graff Lanzarone

Michael Halling

Shina Ann Morris

Keven Quillon

Coco Smith

PRE-SHOW

Each audience member is handed a laminated index card that contains the name and a short biography of a different passenger or crew member who was on the Titanic. The card also indicates the recipient’s relationship to the person. Lastly, the card urges the audience member to remember the name of the person whose card they received so that, when the time comes (p. 169), they can participate as MOLLY tries to calm the crowd.

By way of example:

Remember This Name:

ERNEST ALLEN

ERNEST ALLEN, 33, is from a working class part of London, where he was a fireman. The Titanic hired him to shovel coal into the furnace. ERNEST ALLEN is your second cousin. His parents wired to ask you to greet the Carpathia to see if ERNEST ALLEN is on board.

When the Carpathia, the ship carrying Titanic survivors, arrives in New York City, the audience is the crowd waiting at Pier 54 for any news about their loved ones. You are waiting for ERNEST ALLEN.

OR

Remember This Name:

BESS WALDO ALLISON

BESS WALDO ALLISON, 36, is American by birth but married to a Canadian stockbroker. A 1st class passenger, BESS WALDO ALLISON is traveling with her husband, their three-year-old daughter, an infant son and his nurse. BESS WALDO ALLISON is your younger sister.

When the Carpathia, the ship carrying Titanic survivors, arrives in New York City, the audience is the crowd waiting at Pier 54 for any news about their loved ones. You are waiting for BESS WALDO ALLISON

NOTE: A complete list of biographies can be found included with your license as digital files.

*The pre-show/post-show device herein is entirely optional, so no worries if you choose not to utilize them, but don’t do the pre-show without the post-show, or vice versa.

ACT I

PROLOGUE

A hearing at the U.S. Capitol, May 29, 1912, six weeks after the Titanic sank. Eight SENATORS—male, imposing and self-important—gather on one side on the stage. On the other side is one small woman with one big personality. SHE is plainspoken, whip smart, and stylishly if perhaps a tad colorfully dressed given the august surroundings and the somber subject of her testimony. SHE is in no way intimidated by the SENATORS, having total recall of the events about which SHE’s been asked to testify, and SHE has complete faith in her judgment, articulateness and assessment of people. This is MARGARET TOBIN BROWN, a.k.a. MOLLY, 44. If this hearing were taking place today instead of 1912, SHE’d be one of the senators—or maybe president!

Please state your name.

SENATOR SMITH (MICHIGAN)

Mrs. Margaret “Call Me Molly” Brown.

MOLLY

SENATOR SMITH

Your legal name?

Margaret Tobin Brown.

MOLLY

SENATOR SMITH

Thank you. And you were on board the Titanic on this ill-fated voyage?

MOLLY

Not fate, Senator: folly.

SENATOR BOURNE (OREGON) (To other SENATORS.)

The witness has reached her conclusion in advance of this committee having done so.

MOLLY

I was there.

SENATOR BURTON (OHIO)

Which is why we appreciate your speaking with us. We’ve received many letters from others in your lifeboat number, ah…

MOLLY

Six.

SENATOR BURTON

Right. There is a common… characterization of Quartermaster Robert Hichens.

SENATOR PERKINS (CALIFORNIA)

He was placed in command of your lifeboat. You know the man of whom we speak?

MOLLY

I know him—but he’s no man.

Mrs. Brown—

SENATOR SMITH

MOLLY

Hichens was at the rudder, shivering like an aspen and warning us when the Titanic went down we’d be sucked down with her. No use rowing—even as he bade us row. Mind you, he was too busy barking to lift an oar, reminding us there was no food on board, no water, no compass.

SENATOR SIMMONS (NORTH CAROLINA)

I for one sympathize with the man: lost at sea with a boatful of hysterical females.

MOLLY

The boat was half empty, sir—folly. And none of the females was hysterical, he was… and he was cruel. After the ship went under, we begged him to go back; we heard their cries! Hichens, he said, “Pay no attention to those stiffs.” “Those stiffs” being the husbands of many of the women he had rowing him to safety.

SENATOR NEWLAND (NEVADA)

One of the letters claims you threatened to kill Quartermaster Hichens.

MOLLY

That was a good one. This Irish gal, she took a moment to pray. Hichens didn’t like that. I didn’t like that he didn’t like that, so he threatened to throw me overboard. I told him try it and see who ends up in the North Atlantic and good luck getting back on the boat.

(To other SENATORS.)

SENATOR NELSON (VIRGINIA)

And she says none of the females was hysterical!

MOLLY

No sir. We were levelheaded, we were brave. Hichens was neither.

SENATOR FLETCHER (FLORIDA)

He testified persuasively, under oath, that reports of his misconduct are false.

MOLLY

Does what I’m saying match those letters you got? If so, why? We’re not a sewing circle, Senators, we’re not a quilting bee. We are strangers who survived a terrible night in a lifeboat. Now all but one of us are telling the same story.

SENATOR NEWLAND

And that “one” seems very reliable, whereas the “all but” may be prone to exaggeration.

MOLLY

(Rises as her indignation mounts.)

Is that why out of seven hundred survivors, you’ve called fifty men to testify and I am one of two, count ‘em two, women to sit in this chair?

SENATOR SMITH

Mrs. Brown, sit down.

I hate the word “down.”

Calm down.

MOLLY

SENATOR SMITH

I am calm and I hate the word “down.”

MOLLY

SENATOR SMITH

Settle down!

MOLLY

I never settle and I hate the word “down!”

(SENATORS surround MOLLY.)

MOLLY

I hate that word “down.”

Nobody tells me when I’m down. I’m the only one who gets to say when I’m down.

BOURNE

Give a woman the floor and this is what you get: no ability to think things through and see both sides.

SMITH

I will not have you make a mockery out of these hearings. This is the U.S. Senate hearing, not a circus.

BURTON

If I may, you’d catch more flies with honey than you ever will with vinegar— especially with my colleagues.

NELSON

Just because a man on a boat spoke sternly to you in an effort to save your life, you’re determinded to bring him down. No!

PERKINS

I started the day troubled by Hichens’ alleged behavior, but your behavior is of more pressing concern.

FLETCHER

You do yourself no favors when your voice gets shrill and we no longer listen to what you say, but how you say it.

SIMMONS

Anyone who thinks women should participate in democracy has never met you. Disgraceful, say I.

(MOLLY has had this conversation before, many times. Sometimes with men less educated than SENATORS, but no matter what man is doing the talking, the message is always the same. As MOLLY’s memory takes over, SENATORS shed their blazers to become MINERS. MOLLY removes her hat and her coat. Her hair is a tangled rat’s nest of adorable and her torn trousers and faded workshirt are borderline hobo. We are in:

SCENE 1

The Horace Tabor Mining Company atop a 10,000 foot mountain overlooking Leadville, CO. It is autumn 1886, and the aspens are in golden splendor. MOLLY is 19-years-old, smart as ever but wholly uneducated—and fierce as ever, midfight with MINERS.

NOTE: the following dialogue is continuous with the SENATOR’s dialogue on the previous page so stick with the columns as laid out in the script on page 4, i.e.

SENATOR BOURNE becomes VINCENCZO, SENATOR SMITH becomes ERICH, etc.

VINCENZO Prego, arrivederci!

ERICH Auf wiedersehen!

ARTHUR You can’t be here!

WILLIAM Please miss, go!

MINER 1 Go away, girlie!

MINER 2 Skeedadle, now!

MINER 3 Get outta here!

MINER 4 Be off with you!

Whoa, whoa, whoa: one at a time.

(Italian accent.)

No girls allowed at the mine.

MOLLY

VINCENZO

ARTHUR (Chinese accent.)

You bring us bad luck.

MOLLY

Bad luck? Don’t be a goop!

(ALL react in another attempt to make her leave. WILLIAM plays peacekeeper.)

WILLIAM

(English accent, Cornwall, to be exact.)

Easy lads. Easy. Listen, miss—

Margaret “Call Me Molly” Tobin.

MOLLY

WILLIAM

William “Call Me William” Gerrard. And it might sound silly, “No girls allowed at the mine—”

MOLLY

Silly? No. Stupid!

ERICH

(German accent.)

Then we are stupid. Now leave. Schnell!

MOLLY

“Schnell?” Back in Hannibal—Missoura?—we talk American, period.

ERICH

Here it does not matter how you talk or where you are from— (Indicates mine, which could be the orchestra pit.)

Long as down there—

You’re there for the other guy.

ARTHUR

VINCENZO

Something every miner knows. And something else every miner knows… William?

WILLIAM

There is no curse worse than a woman if she is—

ALL MINERS

Anywhere near a mine!

MOLLY

Hog piss.

(MINERS react: how are THEY going to get rid of her?!)

VINCENZO

Somebody get her out of here!

ERICH

Why does she refuse to go?

ARTHUR

If J.J. sees her, we’re in big—

MOLLY

WILLIAM

Be reasonable, won’t you?

Hold your spuds! I’m goin’! Just taking in the view. Been on the road for weeks. Finally, I come on up over that ridge and seen it:

(MOLLY)

(Indicates a vista in the distance.)

Beee-utiful Denver!

(MINERS laugh.)

Beee-utiful Leadville.

ERICH

Denver!

Leadville!

MOLLY

ALL MINERS

Well, where in the Sam Hell is Denver?

MOLLY

MINER 1

As the crow flies? Eighty, ninety miles.

(A deep breath, and SHE’s on her way again.)

MOLLY

Fellas, your bad luck’s leaving. If you’s ever in Denver, look me up.

VINCENZO

Molly, Denver is eighty, ninety miles—

MOLLY

Yep. Got it.

Back the way you came.

VINCENZO

ERICH

You have gone south where you should have gone north.

MOLLY

(Makes a U-turn.)

Fellas, if you’s ever in Denver—

VINCENZO

Molly, you are going to walk over those mountains?

MOLLY

Like I just done.

MINER 2

But any minute now, it will start snowing.

MOLLY

T’ain’t even October.

ARTHUR

Down here. Up there, they got two seasons, winter and July.

ERICH

Trying to cross it now by foot—

MINER 3

—that’s an engraved invite to the Donner Party.

MOLLY

Well, I don’t know these Donner folk, but if they’s kind enough to throw a party, it’d be mighty high-hat of me not to go.

WILLIAM

Molly, I am begging you—

MOLLY

First it was “Go on now, git.” Now it’s, “Stay, Molly, stay?”

MINER 4

Until the snow’s come and gone.

MOLLY

(Refers to ARTHUR.)

Which wiseguy here says is next summer.

VINCENZO

Molly, we won’t let you do it.

You won’t?

It’s for your own good.

MOLLY

ARTHUR

MOLLY

It is?

ERICH

Someday you will thank us.

MOLLY

Thank you.

(The chase is on. It takes all MINERS to stop her.)

Holler uncle.

I ain’t down yet!

Yeah you are.

VINCENZO

MOLLY

ARTHUR

MOLLY

No I ain’t, an’ even if I was, you’d sure never hear it from me.

ERICH

Molly, it is eight-to-one!

I ain’t down yet!

Admit it Molly, you’re tuckered.

MOLLY

MINER 2

MOLLY

SURE, I’M TUCKERED ‘N I MIGHT GIVE OUT BUT I WON’T GIVE IN!

HOW COULD ANYBODY SAY THAT I’M DOWN?

LOOK! I’M THINKIN’

I’M THINKIN’ VERY HARD HOW TO BREAK THROUGH MAYBE HERE, MAYBE THERE, MAYBE NO PLACE BUT THERE’LL COME A TIME WHEN NUTHIN’ NER NOBODY, WANTS ME DOWN LIKE I WANTS ME UP!

UP, WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE UP WHERE THE TALKIN’ IS UP WHERE THE JOKE’S GOIN’ ON NOW LOOK-A-HERE

I AM IMPORTANT TO ME

I AIN’T NO BOTTOM TO NO PILE

I MEAN MUCH MORE TO ME THAN I MEAN TO ANYBODY I EVER KNEW CERTAINLY MUCH MORE THAN I MEAN TO ANY SIWASH YAZZI HAMPERS LIKE YOU GUYS

GO AHEAD

BREAK MY ARM

ME SAY UNCLE? HEH!

DOESN’T MAKE A BIT OF DIFF’RENCE FOR YOU TO KEEP SAYING I’M DOWN, TILL I SAY SO TOO

J’EVER TRY STEPPIN’ ON A PISSANT? WELL, THERE’S ONE NOW! JUMP HIM! STOMP HIM! YOU THINKIN’ YOU GOT HIM? THINKIN’ HE’S QUIT? WELL HE DON’T THINK SO. THERE HE GOES!

AND YOU CAN BE POSITIVE SURE, I’M AS GOOD AS ANY PISSANT WHO EVER LIVED OH! I HATE THAT WORD “DOWN,” BUT I LOVE THE WORD “UP,”

‘CAUSE “UP” MEANS HOPE AN’ THAT’S JUST WHAT I GOT!

(MOLLY)

HOPE FOR SOMEPLACE BETTER, SOMEPLACE

I DUNNO, CLEANER, SHINIER

HELL, IF I GOTTA EAT CATFISH HEADS ALL MY LIFE

CAN’T I HAVE ‘EM OFFA PLATE JUST ONCE?

AND A RED SILK DRESS

WHEN THERE’S GIRL ENOUGH ON ME TO WEAR ONE

AND THEN SOMEDAY WITH ALL MY MIGHT AND ALL MY MAIN

I’M GONNA LEARN TO READ AND WRITE

I’M GONNA SEE WHAT THERE IS TO SEE

SO IF YOU GO FROM NOWHERE ON THE ROAD TO SOMEWHERE AND YOU MEET ANYONE YOU’LL KNOW, IT’S ME

I’M GONNA MOVE FROM PLACE TO PLACE TO FIND A HOUSE WITH A GOLDEN STAIR

AND IF THAT HOUSE IS RED AND HAS A BIG BRASS BED

I’M LIVIN’ THERE

AHA!

You want a palace!

VINCENZO

MOLLY

I can be anyone I wanna be, why not be a queen?

VINCENZO

WE JUST BEEN RASSELIN’ WITH A QUEEN, IF YOU PLEASE

WILLIAM

WHO’D RECOGNIZE HER WITH ALL THAT DIRT ON HER KNEES?

ARTHUR

AND WITH HER MOP HEAD, AND ALL THEM TOES

ERICH

AND THAT CONTRAPTION SHE CALLS HER NOSE

VINCENZO, ERICH, ARTHUR & WILLIAM

A QUEEN CAN NEVER BE QUEEN WITHOUT ANY THRONE

SO HERE’S THE FANCIEST THRONE THAT YOU’LL EVER OWN

(VINCENZO, ERICH, ARTHUR & WILLIAM)

HERE IS YOUR SCEPTER, HERE IS YOUR CROWN

VINCENZO

NOW WON’T YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN

ARTHUR

NOW WON’T YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN

ERICH

NOW WON’T YOU PLEASE SIT

ARTHUR

WELL, NOW! ANYBODY LOOKS LIKE A QUEEN THEY GOT TO WALK LIKE A QUEEN!

ERICH

GO ON AND—

ALL MINERS

MARCH! MARCH! MARCH!

(MOLLY’s confidence and enthusiasm are infectious: MINERS are so charmed by her, THEY forget their superstition.)

MOLLY

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

DOO DOO DOO

DOO DOO DOO

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

DOO DOO

DOO

ALL MINERS

SHE’S QUEEN

QUEEN OF THE MINE CAR

WATCH HER MARCHING BY AND DON’T FORGET TO HOLD YOUR HEAD

A-WAY UP HIGH

MOLLY

TO SHOW THAT YOU KNOW! YOU GOT TO SHOW YOU KNOW YOU KNOW SO I’M GONNA—

MOLLY

LEARN TO READ AND WRITE

I’M GONNA SEE

WHAT THERE IS TO SEE

MINERS

WE JUST BEEN RASSELIN’ WITH A QUEEN IF YOU PLEASE

WHO’D RECOGNIZE HER WITH ALL THAT DIRT ON HER KNEES?

(MOLLY)

SO IF YOU GO FROM NOWHERE ON THE ROAD TO SOMEWHERE, AND YOU MEET ANYONE

YOU’LL KNOW IT’S ME

MOLLY, VINCENZO, & MINER 1

I’M/SHE’S GONNA MOVE FROM PLACE TO PLACE

TO FIND A HOUSE WITH A GOLDEN STAIR

MOLLY

AND IF THAT HOUSE IS RED

AND HAS A BIG BRASS BED

I’M LIVIN’ THERE

(MINERS)

AND WITH HER MOPHEAD AND ALL THEM TOES

AND THAT CONTRAPTION SHE CALLS HER NOSE

MINERS (TENORS)

A QUEEN CAN NEVER BE A QUEEN WITHOUT ANY THRONE SO HERE’S THE FANCIEST THRONE THAT YOU’LL EVER OWN

HERE IS YOUR SCEPTER

MINERS (BASSES)

SHE’S QUEEN

QUEEN OF THE MINE CAR

WATCH HER MARCHING BY

+VINCENZO & MINER 1 AND

HERE IS YOU CROWN NOW WON’T YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN

DON’T FORGET TO HOLD YOUR HEAD AWAY UP HIGH

(Enter J.J. BROWN, 31 years old, and the most highly regarded mine manager in Leadville. Handsome, fair, trustworthy and loyal to his men, HE also has a temper. MINERS hide MOLLY.)

Hey! Do I hear what I think I hear?

J.J.

(MINERS ad-lib “No.” “Are you crazy?” “Of course not!” etc.)

I ain’t told you what I think I hear.

What do you think you hear, boss?

ARTHUR

J.J. A woman!

(MINERS ad-lib “No.” “Are you crazy?” “Of course not!” etc.)

(J.J.)

You sure? ‘Cause if I thought one of you sapheads let a piece of calico bring her bad luck to the Horace Tabor Mining Company—

MOLLY

(Breaks through MINERS to confront J.J.)

You’d what? J.J.

What the hell—

MOLLY

Don’t you go a’cussing at me, ya big bulldozer. Scared of a girl—all of you’s! Don’cha got mothers, wives, sisters, daughters?

MOLLY

‘Cause t’aint a man been born that ain’t had something to do with a—

J.J.

I don’t know where you come from but you best be goin’ back.

MOLLY

Back?! To what, sortin’ tabaccy at Garth Brothers Cigars, Inc.: leaf/stem, leaf/stem? No!

ARTHUR

She’s Denver bound.

On foot, J.J.!

We no could let her do it!

ERICH

VINCENZO

J.J.

What’s in Denver you’d risk your neck to get there?

(MOLLY removes a folded, dog-eared calendar from her pocket.)

Pick a month, any month.

Don’t got time for games, girlie.

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

That there’s December… see the pretty lights? And May is my favorite. Look at them ladies all fancied up for a stroll in the park.

ARTHUR

(Reading from the calendar.)

“Month by Month in the Mile-High City.”

MOLLY

Uh-huh. ‘Cuz I always knew I’s going places… just didn’t know where. Now I do.

(Indicates calendar.)

And there I’ll be: beee-utiful Denver!

J.J.

(Indicates calendar then indicates MOLLY.)

If you’re thinkin this is gonna be that—

MOLLY

(Makes a fist.)

Take that back less you want this.

WILLIAM

Don’t listen to him, Molly: you’ll make that calendar come true—

MOLLY

(To J.J.)

Hear that?

But not till springtime.

Huh?

WILLIAM

MOLLY

WILLIAM

So go into town, find work for the winter, and—

J.J.

(Sniffs like a hound picking up a scent.)

Shhh, William! I don’t like what I’m smelling.

MOLLY

I washed myself in the crick.

Something’s a’burning.

I don’t smell smoke.

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.’s a regular Dalmatian.

ARTHUR

J.J.

FIRE! C’mon, fellas! Move! Move! Move! Hurry up!

(Alarm bells. MINERS ad-lib: “J.J. was right!” “Hurry!” etc. as THEY enter mine. J.J. is the last to go, pausing to accuse MOLLY.)

Bad luck.

(HE exits into the mine, leaving MOLLY alone. There is a loud explosion.)

SCENE 2

A small but well-kept cabin. JULIA GERRARD, very pregnant, sits at a table. In her mid-20s, SHE wears a mourner’s version of maternity clothes. There is a knock at the door. NOTE: JULIA speaks in a Cornwall accent, a step above working class.

JULIA

One moment, please. I… I just have to remove a kettle from the fire.

(SHE steels herself to receive another sympathy call, opening the door to reveal MOLLY with her hand behind her back.)

Miz Gerrard?

Yes.

MOLLY

JULIA

MOLLY

William Gerrard’s wife—beg pardon, widow?

JULIA

Yes.

MOLLY

(Presents JULIA with wildflowers.)

I’s real sorry I killed him!

JULIA

What on earth—?

He said it was bad luck me being there.

MOLLY

William said—?

JULIA

MOLLY

All of ‘em. Worst part is they was right! One minute I’m telling ‘em they’s full of horseshoe nails. Next thing you know, smoke’s pouring out of the shaft—

I really don’t care to hear—

Sorry! I’s sorry… for everything!

JULIA

MOLLY

JULIA

I appreciate that. I appreciate the flowers, Miss—

MOLLY

Margaret “Call Me Molly” Tobin.

JULIA

Julia Gerrard. And you listen to me, Miss Tobin—

MOLLY

Call me Molly.

JULIA

Molly… William wouldn’t want you carrying his death on your conscience. This was an accident.

MOLLY

Oh, I don’t believe in accidents.

JULIA

So the men aren’t the only ones who are superstitious.

MOLLY

T’ain’t superstitious. All happens for a reason, good things and bad. We may never know the reason—and the One Who Do, well, talk about a poker face.

JULIA

(Starts to close the door, literally and figuratively.)

Indeed. Thanks for stopping by—

MOLLY

(Enters uninvited.)

For starters, He’d want me to show you how to kindle a fire, ‘specially with a little one on the way, and winter right behind him.

Him?

S’gonna be a boy: you’s carrying low.

JULIA

MOLLY

That’s an old wives tale.

Works on wives of all ages.

JULIA

MOLLY

JULIA (Ushers MOLLY towards the door.)

We shall see.

MOLLY (An idea.)

Yes we shall… ‘cuz I think the Man Upstairs just tipped his hand: He don’t want me in Denver—not yet. He want me here to help you.

JULIA

Tell Him I can manage on my own.

MOLLY

Can you? ‘Cause you said you had to remove a kettle from the fire but the fire’s all but out and this kettle’s stone cold, so…

JULIA

Miss Tobin, you have paid your respects. Be on your way.

MOLLY

Sudden changes in mood… could be a girl.

JULIA

No more old wive’s tales. As for God’s will, tell me, please: nine men went into that mine to fight that fire, why is it only eight came back?

MOLLY

(Intrigued but non-judgmental)

A non-believer! I never met me one—who admitted it.

JULIA

Now you have. And it’s a waste of breath you foisting your beliefs on me.

MOLLY

I ain’t sure what foisting is.

JULIA

Nonetheless you’re doing it… like everyone else in this town. “He’s in a better place, Julia, you have to believe that.” Well you know what I believe? This place, right here, when it was me and William and our baby on the way—

MOLLY

Heaven on earth. And now you’re in hell.

JULIA

I don’t wish to sound self-pitying. An accident. That’s all this was.

MOLLY

And accidents happen every day.

JULIA

Always have, always will.

#2—The Wonderful Plan MOLLY

Always?

DID THE BLUE SKY BEGIN AS A ACCIDENT?

DID THE FIRST BREEZE FOR NO REASON BLOW?

AND DID WATER ONE DAY UP AND SAY, “HEY, IT’S WINTER: FOR A FEW MONTHS, I’LL TURN INTO SNOW.”

NOTHING BUT ACCIDENTS, THAT’S WHAT YOU SEE: A WORLD THAT STARTED ACCIDENTALLY?

IS THE SUNSHINE A HUMDRUM COINCIDENCE?

(MOLLY)

DOES A FULL MOON JUST HAPPEN TO GLOW?

COULD MY BENDING YOUR EAR BE A CLEAR-CUT EXAMPLE OF A FLUKE FRIEND YOU’D RATHER NOT KNOW?

WHOLE LOTTA HAPPENSTANCE: SUN, MOON, AND ME!

COINCIDENTL’Y URGING YOU TO SEE, THAT IF YOU ARE NOT PART OF AN ACCIDENT, YOU MUST BE PART OF A WORLD THAT BEGAN, AS A WONDERFUL PART OF A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PLAN.

MOLLY Well? JULIA

Well what?

MOLLY PLAN OR ACCIDENT? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.

JULIA

COULD YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?

MOLLY

HA! YOU LOSE!

‘CAUSE IF YOU ARE NOT PART OF AN ACCIDENT, YOU MUST BE PART OF A WORLD THAT BEGAN, AS A WONDERFUL PART OF A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PLAN.

JULIA

Wonderful? A baby due any day, my mother halfway round the world—

MOLLY

Then there’s me: stronger than most men, and I can cook. ‘Sides, you’ll be helping me heaps if even a little of your ladyfied ways rub off.

JULIA

“Ladyfied” is not a word, “ladylike” is. For someone who talks a lot, you speak poorly.

MOLLY

I’s the first to say it: I don’t know beans when the bag is open.

But you could learn… I could teach you.

JULIA

MOLLY

Readin’?! Writin’?!

JULIA

And arithmetic. Before I married, that’s what I did.

MOLLY

You’s good at it: already I’s learned “ladylike” and “foisting,” which I swear I won’t do.

JULIA

William tried, it didn’t take. Seeing the world through your eyes, I rather wish it had.

DO THE WINGS OF A BUTTERFLY LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT?

OR THE HONEY IN THE HONEY BEE’S COMB?

MOLLY

OR THE ROSE? OR THE PEACH?

JULIA

OR THE HUMMINGBIRD’S NEST?

OR THE PINE TREE REACHING FOR DAWN AT ITS CREST?

OR THE SUN GOING DOWN IN THE FIERY WEST,

WHILE THE MOON CHURNS THE TIDE INTO FOAM?

MOLLY

PRETTY BIG ACCIDENT

PRETTY BIG ACCIDENT

JULIA

MOLLY

WOULDN’T YOU SAY, NOW?

JULIA

PERHAPS IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THAT ACCIDENTAL WAY

MOLLY

WELL, THEN!

WELL, THEN!

JULIA

MOLLY & JULIA

NOW, THEN!

JULIA

IF YOU KNOW WE’RE NOT PART OF AN ACCIDENT

WE MUST BE PART OF A WORLD THAT BEGAN

AS A WONDERFUL PART OF A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL

MOLLY

IF WE KNOW WE’RE NOT PART OF AN ACCIDENT

WE MUST BE PART OF A WORLD

THAT BEGAN

AS A WONDERFUL PART OF A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL

JULIA

BEAUTIFUL! MAGICAL! BRILLIANT! REMARKABLE! BOLD AND MYSTERIOUS! GLORIOUS! MARVELOUS!

HUMBLING! ASTONISHING—

(JULIA gasps, and grabs her belly.)

Molly! MOLLY

Oh, no. I said help with the baby, not deliver it!

(JULIA presses MOLLY’s hand against her belly so MOLLY can feel the baby kick. The two women savor the moment.)

MOLLY & JULIA

WONDERFUL PLAN

#2A—It’s Wonderful Outside

The yard outside JULIA’s cabin. J.J. knocks on the door. MOLLY answers, and is none too pleased to see him.

What do you want?

Julia around?

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

Inside. I got her on bed rest till the baby come.

J.J.

Something wrong?

MOLLY

No, and I aim to keep it that way. She’s propped up on pillows, under that blanket her mother sent all the way from England, Europe. Her eyes is finally shut, now kindly do the same with your mouth.

J.J.

Not till you and me have a little talk.

(HE indicates SHE should step outside. When SHE does, HE hands her an envelope.)

What’s this?

What’s it say?

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

I don’t know. Julia’s learning me my letters, but when they’s all smushed up—

J.J.

“To Margaret—”

Call me Mol—never mind.

MOLLY

J.J.

“To Margaret Tobin, from the Horace Tabor Mining Company.”

MOLLY

Where’s the “s?”

What “s?”

J.J.

MOLLY

If that there’s “Horace,” there should be a “s.” Where is it?

J.J.

T’ain’t no “s” in Horace.

Why come?

MOLLY

J.J.

I don’t know… give me that!

(Takes envelope, opens it and hands MOLLY cash.)

Fifteen dollars!

For Julia.

Then why is my name—

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

‘Cause Julia’s too proud to take handouts and Horace Tabor is smart enough to know it.

MOLLY

(Pronounces “Horace” with an extended “sssss.”)

Makes me think right highly of good ol’ Horace.

J.J.

Mr. Tabor. T’ain’t a name you want to mess with if you’s sticking ‘round Leadville.

MOLLY

T’ain’t sticking ‘round Leadville. Once the baby’s born and the ice melts, beee-utiful Denver, here I come.

J.J.

You won’t skip town early now that you got train fare?

MOLLY

It’s Julia’s money! And mister, you got me pegged wrong: t’ain’t a minute goes by I don’t wonder if my being at that mine—

J.J.

Forget it. You blaming yourself, me blaming you, t’ain’t gonna bring him back… What say we start over?

(Extends hand.)

J.J. Brown.

MOLLY

(Indicates envelope; still leery, SHE doesn’t shake his hand.)

You already know who I is.

J.J.

And we’ll get along fine—long as you see to it that that little lady has what she needs. Our little secret?

(THEY shake—and it’s a competition: who has the firmer grip? MOLLY is the winner when J.J. removes his hand from hers.)

Ow!

MOLLY

My pa says you judge a man by his handshake.

J.J.

My ma says you judge a gal by her handwriting. Care to scribble me a few lines?

MOLLY

Oh, Mr. Brown… the difference ‘tween you and me is ignorant can be learned out of a person; mean is forever.

#3—Just Becuz

(MOLLY slams the door in his face. J.J. is remorseful.)

J.J.

Miss Tobin… ? Miss Tobin… !

(Enter VINCENZO, ERICH and ARTHUR on another part of the stage. THEY gossip.)

ARTHUR

J.J. told me Molly slammed the door in his face!

VINCENZO

J.J. cannot stand her!

And he can’t stop talking about her.

ERICH

VINCENZO

LOVE EV’RY DO SHE DOESN’T

ERICH

LOVE EV’RY DON’T SHE DOES

ARTHUR

LOVE EV’RY WHO SHE WASN’T

VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

JUST BECUZ

ERICH

TILL CIDER RUNS IN GUTTERS—

ERICH & ARTHUR

JUST BECUZ

VINCENZO

TILL PEACHES LOSE THEIR FUZZ—

JUST BECUZ

VINCENZO & ERICH

ARTHUR

LOVE EV’RY “UT” SHE UTTERS—

(One month later. J.J. paces in the yard outside JULIA’s cabin. MOLLY opens the door, a bundle of sheets in her hand. SHE points to the laundry on the line.)

MOLLY

Fold them sheets. Then take the sheets I have boiling in the bucket, hang ‘em out to dry, and put this bundle in the wash.

J.J.

Last time I counted, I had two hands.

Well all seven of mine’s full up.

More hot water!

In a jiffy, doc!

MOLLY

DOC MORRIS (O.S.)

MOLLY

J.J.

Where I’m from, a woman don’t need no doctor to give birth.

MOLLY

And how many of ‘em die trying?

That’s it—I’m going in there!

J.J.

MOLLY

If you really want to help, the fire’s all but out.

(Hands him an axe.)

Wood, Mr. Brown, wood. Put your back into it!

J.J.

If you’re gonna talk to me like that, don’t be handing me an axe.

MOLLY

Wouldn’t you just love to use it? But inside that cabin is someone who needs us.

(Extends her hand.)

Truce?

J.J.

(Remembers her killer grip.)

Easy, gal.

(J.J. holds MOLLY’s hand a moment longer than necessary.)

JULIA (O.S.)

MOLLY!

(MOLLY rushes into the cabin followed by J.J.—until MOLLY slams the door in his face for a second time.)

VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

JUST BECUZ…

She did it again!

J.J.

(Enter ENSEMBLE, gathering for an event.)

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

LOVE EV’RY COULD HE WOULDN’T.

LOVE EV’RY WON’T HE WAS.

LOVE EV’RY SHOULD HE SHOULDN’T, JUST BECUZ.

ENSEMBLE MEN

JUST BECUZ.

ENSEMBLE

TILL BILLY GOATS LOSE THEIR BUTTERS, TILL BEES FORGET TO BUZZ,

LOVE EV’RY “STUT” HE STUTTERS—

(ENSEMBLE sit on benches to become the congregation at Annunciation Church.)

CHURCH CHOIR

SHE’S TOUGHER THAN THE LEATHER IN A TANNERY.

HE’S WILLFUL AND MORE STUBBORN THAN A MULE CAN BE.

VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

ASK US THREE.

(FATHER ROBINSON and JULIA enter. MOLLY holds a baby, for whom SHE and J.J. are the Godparents.)

FATHER ROBINSON

Dearly beloved, we are honored today to witness in faith the christening of William James Joseph Gerrard—

CHURCH CHOIR

JUST BECUZ.

(NOTE: FATHER ROBINSON’s dialogue should be delivered quietly. In the event it distracts from MOLLY and J.J., FATHER ROBINSON should mime the service, i.e. make no sound.)

J.J.

Psst. I got a confession to make.

MOLLY Now?!

J.J.

It’s a church ain’t it? That day at the mine… ‘twern’t your fault.

FATHER ROBINSON

Each and every one of you has been invited here to offer your prayers and support for both mother and child.

CHURCH CHOIR

JUST BECUZ

J.J.

It was a gas leak. Would’ve blown whether you was there or not.

MOLLY

How long you known ‘bout this?

J.J.

Week after the funeral.

MOLLY

You ought’a told me sooner.

FATHER ROBINSON

And as Godparents to baby William, these cherished friends of the mother and the late father,

J.J.

I ought’a found that leak sooner.

MOLLY

You saying it’s your fault.

J.J.

My men, my responsibility.

MOLLY

So I’m off the hook… maybe you could do the same for yourself?

OOO—

Do you, Margaret Tobin—

Call her Molly.

(FATHER ROBINSON)

will be charged with the responsibility of seeing to the spiritual welfare of this child.

VINCENCO, ERICH & ARTHUR

FATHER ROBINSON

J.J.

MOLLY

(To J.J., oblivious to FATHER ROBINSON.)

Thank you. As I was saying, don’t be blaming yourself—

J.J.

I appreciate that—

Do you Margaret Tobin—

In a minute.

FATHER ROBINSON

MOLLY & J.J.

FATHER ROBINSON

DO YOU MARGARET TOBIN… !

(MOLLY and J.J. are abashed.)

(FATHER ROBINSON)

And James Joseph Brown, promise to love, honor and support—

J.J.

Is this a baptism or a wedding?

MOLLY

If you came to church regular, you’d know.

(FATHER ROBINSON douses BABY with water; HE can’t wait for this baptism to end.)

FATHER ROBINSON

I baptize thee in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost… just becuz.

ENSEMBLE

JUST BECUZ

Now you done it.

What?

Got us in trouble with the padre.

Had to get that off my chest.

Maybe the shock of being in church—

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

You were being so nice.

J.J.

ENSEMBLE MEN

HE’LL LOVE THAT GIRL

You’re upsetting Little Bill. Give him here.

J.J.

He’s fine.

MOLLY

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

SHE’LL LOVE THAT MAN

J.J.

You never let me hold him.

MOLLY

‘Cause you don’t do it right.

J.J.

Do so.

MOLLY

Do not.

(Jiggles BABY like a rag doll.)

You hold him like he’s some kind of…

J.J.

Let me have my Godson.

MOLLY

Not till you learn the proper way to hold—

ENSEMBLE

TILL FEMALE FLEAS CAN SING AND SNEEZE IN MINOR KEYS

THE HARMONIES THAT BIRDS AND BEES HAVE SUNG WITH EASE FOR CENTURIES—

J.J.

I KNOW HOW TO HOLD A DAMN BABY!

(The CONGREGATION is shocked. But then, seeing as it’s MOLLY and J.J., not completely. A seething FATHER ROBINSON addresses them.)

FATHER ROBINSON

If’n the two of you ever get married—

MOLLY & J.J.

Married?!

Call a Methodist.

FATHER ROBINSON

JUST BECUZ

ALL (EXCEPT MOLLY AND J.J.)

#3A—Just Becuz It’s Christmas

SCENE 4

JULIA’s cabin. JULIA hangs holiday decorations as MOLLY reads painstakingly from a book. MOLLY pronounces the “ch” in “Nicholas” like the “ch” in “chimney.”

MOLLY

“The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nich-o—”

JULIA

“Nicholas.” St. Nick. “Ch” is a “k,” sometimes.

MOLLY

Why?

Just becuz.

JULIA

MOLLY

Vincenzo’s been learning me un poco Italiano, and I got to tell you, it makes more sense.

JULIA

Nonsense. You’re the fastest pupil I’ve ever taught.

MOLLY

Got to be: by the time I get to Denver, I want to be able to write you a letter.

JULIA

What will I do without you?

MOLLY

I don’t know, but with J.J. Brown spending more and more time here…

JULIA

Molly! J.J.’s like an older brother! And I just buried a husband. It’s too soon.

MOLLY

It’s too soon ‘less it ain’t too soon.

JULIA

We are not having this conversation. Read!

MOLLY

“St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nest… nest-led—”

JULIA

“Nestled.” The “t” is silent.

MOLLY

Why?

(There is a knock on the door.)

Ho ho ho!

ERICH (O.S.)

JULIA

Ask Santa.

(SHE opens the door. VINCENZO, ERICH, ARTHUR, and J.J. present a handcrafted crib.)

Merry Christmas!

What on earth—?

VINCENZO, ERICH & ARTHUR

JULIA

J.J.

When a little bird tells me my Godson is sleeping in an old basket—

MOLLY

(Indicates herself.)

Little bird, big mouth.

J.J., thank you.

JULIA

J.J.

(Indicates VINCENZO.)

Vincenzo’s the one to thank. Notice that Italian craftsmanship?

JULIA

Indeed.

(To MOLLY.)

Think it will wake him if we make the switch?

VINCENZO

Prego, I have a brother and five sisters, all younger. I am good with the babies.

JULIA

Mr. Bianconi, I put myself in your hands.

VINCENZO

(HE takes her literally, which pleases and flusters him.)

You do?!

You got a lot to learn.

ARTHUR

VINCENZO

(Silencing ARTHUR, as JULIA exits.)

Shhh! The baby.

(VINCENZO exits with the crib. ERICH starts to follow.)

Where are you going?

ARTHUR

ERICH

I like babies.

(ERICH and ARTHUR exit. As soon as THEY’re alone, J.J. hands MOLLY an envelope.)

MOLLY

(Pronounces “Horace” with an extended “sssss.”)

Fifteeen dollars from good ol’ Horace?

J.J.

Ssssss-tubborn! Just make sure they have what they need.

MOLLY

Count on it, for now… but I need to be sure they’s well looked after once I’m gone.

J.J.

Soon as the ice melts?

MOLLY

Sooner, maybe: Arthur tells me the mail gets through Fremont Pass once, sometimes twice a winter, by dogsled.

J.J.

You gonna commandeer the pooch?

MOLLY

No. I will kindly ask the mail carrier to take me to Denver, and if he says no… make him do it anyway.

J.J.

Seems to me Leadville’s got more on the ball than Denver. They’re the Mile-High City, we’re two miles high: highest town in the whole U.S.A.!

MOLLY

So you’ve said… couple of times.

I just—Julia’s gonna miss you.

Not if her mind is on someone else.

J.J.

MOLLY

Like who?

J.J.

MOLLY

Mr. Brown, Julia ain’t wearing widow’s weeds forever.

J.J.

Well, between us, I got a buddy who’s mighty sweet on her.

MOLLY

Is he now? Then what’s your “buddy” waiting for?!

A year to pass. He’s a decent fella.

J.J.

MOLLY

You give your “buddy” a message from me: speed it up! I want a wedding before I go.

J.J.

What’s your rush? ‘Less you want to miss Washington’s birthday—we do that up right. And the Washboard Music Festival… you know—

(Mimes playing the washboard; MOLLY is not impressed.)

Then there’s Tabor’s Tea Party.

Tea party? Like my calendar?

MOLLY

J.J.

Not exactly. At the Saddle Rock—the saloon: Mr. Tabor’s tea is 88 proof. His way of saying thank you for all the silver we mine. And we mined so much this year, he’ll be pouring a lot of tea.

(JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR re-enter.)

MOLLY

Someday I want to shake Horace Tabor’s hand.

ERICH

Make sure you wash yours afterwards.

ARTHUR

In lye.

J.J.

There are far worse bosses than Horace Tabor.

MOLLY

I’ll say! Throwing a funfest for y’all?!

JULIA

The Tea Party?

You been?

MOLLY

JULIA

Heavens, no! William wouldn’t allow me to step foot in a saloon.

MOLLY

Now’s our chance. Mr. Brown, are ladies welcome at this tea party?

VINCENZO

(To JULIA.)

If she is escorted by a miner.

MOLLY

Vincenzo, it’s a date!

(Not the outcome VINCENZO wanted. ARTHUR addresses him.)

That went well.

And Julia, Mr. Brown is escorting you.

ARTHUR

MOLLY

JULIA

Margaret Tobin! William’s still warm in his grave.

MOLLY

Don’t mean you have to climb in after him.

JULIA

Very well, I accept… (ALL react.)

On one condition.

Anything.

Molly wears a dress.

J.J.

JULIA

(ALL react, especially J.J., who laughs. MOLLY indicates him. NOTE: MOLLY is costumed in pants until Act I, Scene 5.)

MOLLY

He said “anything,” I didn’t.

ERICH

Didn’t you tell us you wanted a dress?

ARTHUR

Red silk.

MOLLY

When there’s girl enough on me to wear one. You be the judge.

JULIA

What else do you want, Molly?

VINCENZO

If San Nicolo said you can have whatever—

JULIA

What would you ask for?

MOLLY

Well, let’s see… saucers that match the cups. All them books Julia says I oughta read. And more than anything? A shiny brass bed!

J.J.

You ‘bout through, Miss brass bed, red dress, cups and saucers?

MOLLY

Matching.

J.J.

Matching.

(Picks up guitar. NOTE: If the actor playing J.J. can’t play the guitar, see Appendix A on p. 158.)

‘Cause seems a shame, a belly fiddle in the corner and nobody strumming it.

You play?

I’s a man of hidden talents. Fellas?

MOLLY

J.J.

Doesn’t feel right without William.

ARTHUR

I agree: it’s too soon.

(To JULIA.)

Is it too soon?

ERICH

VINCENZO

JULIA

As a wise woman once said: it’s too soon less it ain’t too soon.

VINCENZO

Very wise.

#4—I’ve A’ready Started In

J.J.

I’m not the guitarist Will was, but long as we keep playing like we always done, he’s still with us.

I’VE A’READY STARTED IN TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY HOW TO GO ABOUT TO GET YOU

I’VE A’READY OPENED UP TO START TO BUCKLE DOWN TO GO TO WORK TO MAKE YOU SAY, “I DO! I DO!”

O-HO, I COULDN’T MAKE MY MIND UP THEN WITHOUT A WARNING

MADE UP MY HEART AT FOUR THIS MORNING

NOW THAT I HAVE STARTED IN TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY HOW TO GO ABOUT TO GET YOU, MY HONEY BABY

(J.J.)

HURRY UP AND TRY TO GET ME

C’mon fellas.

(VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR join J.J., singing “Oooh” leaving MOLLY and JULIA free to gossip.)

MOLLY Pssst.

JULIA

What?

Someone is sweet on you!

Molly, you’ve got this all wrong.

MOLLY

JULIA

MOLLY

That ain’t no baby sister J.J.’s serenading.

J.J.

TO GO TO WORK TO MAKE YOU SAY “I DO!”

VINCENZO, ERICH, AND ARTHUR

“I DO!”

I think I know to whom J.J. is singing.

Whom?

JULIA

MOLLY

JULIA

No… if he’s not ready to say it, neither am I.

J.J.

MADE UP MY HEART AT FOUR—

VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

THIS MORNING

J.J.

EXACTLY—

HOW TO GO ABOUT TO GET YOU

BABY

HURRY UP AND TRY TO GET ME

#4A—Dancing to the Saddle Rock

VINCENZO, ARTHUR, & ERICH

NOW THAT I HAVE STARTED IN TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT—

HOW TO GO ABOUT TO GET YOU

MY HONEY— BABY

WON’T YOU PLEASE?

SCENE 5

Three SALOON GIRLS half-heartedly dance as the Saddle Rock Saloon forms around them. HORACE and BABY DOE TABOR enter, and the ENSEMBLE gathers around them. Enter JULIA in widow’s weeds, and MOLLY, adorable and almost unrecognizable in a dress. MOLLY addressess J.J. and VINCENZO.

MOLLY

Sorry we’s late. I was tussling with the dress.

J.J.

(A compliment masked as matter-of-fact.)

Looks like you won.

She looks grand. I feel conspicuous.

Bellissima!

JULIA

VINCENZO

ERICH

(Indicates the GIRL on his arm.)

Julia Gerrard, Molly Tobin, you will please meet Miss Emma Stetson.

ARTHUR

(Indicates the SALOON GIRLS: BIRDIE, PEARL and NELVA.)

And the girls!

PEARL

(To MOLLY.)

He don’t remember our names.

Sure I do, Birdie.

ARTHUR

BIRDIE

I’m Birdie, she’s Pearl.

NELVA

And I’m Nelva.

ARTHUR

Nelva? How am I supposed to remember that?

MOLLY

(To BIRDIE, PEARL and NELVA.)

How do. I’m Molly, that there’s Julia, Vincenzo and Mr.—

J.J.

(Tries to lead MOLLY away from BIRDIE, PEARL and NELVA.)

Nope, sorry. Don’t want my Godson’s Godmother mixing with the wrong kind.

MOLLY

Don’t want my Godson’s Godfather telling me what kind’s right and what kind’s wrong.

NELVA

Yeah! PEARL

You tell him!

BIRDIE

(To J.J.)

You can’t come to the Saddle Rock and make snooty ‘cause we work here.

J.J.

(To MOLLY.)

They “dance”—if you know what I mean.

MOLLY

What do you mean?

J.J.

They “dance.” And if the price is right—

MOLLY

(Mock horror.)

Don’t say it!

Uh-huh.

J.J.

#5—Belly Up to the Bar Boys

MOLLY

(In defiance of J.J.)

They sing! Girls, you know this one? S’one of my favorites:

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR, BOYS!

BETTER LOOSEN YOUR BELTS

ONLY DRINK WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE OR WITH SOMEBODY ELSE

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR BOYS

BETTER HAVE A FEW MORE

NEVER WHIRL WITH A THREE-TOED GIRL OR A DISCONTENTED—

ARTHUR

—HORRIBLE EXAMPLE

LIKE THE GIRL WHOSE NAME WAS CARRIE

SHE CARRIED HER CHARMS TO EV’RBODY ELSE

BUT HER I HAD TO MARRY, OR DIE, DIE, DIE

MOLLY, VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

HAD TO MARRY CARRIE, OR DIE, DIE, DIE!

(VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR can’t remember what comes next. MOLLY keeps going, prompting them to join her.)

MOLLY

WHEN SHE SAW—

MOLLY, VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

HOW UGLY I AM

SHE YELLED OUT FOR HER COUSIN SAM

WHEN SHE LEARNED HOW KIND I COULD BE

ARTHUR

SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HER COUSIN DOWN AND MARRY ME

ALL

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR BOYS

LET YOUR MONEY BE SEEN

PEARL, BIRDIE, & NELVA

ONLY DRINK BY DAY OR NIGHT

OR SOMEWHERES IN BETWEEN. HEY/WOO!

ALL

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR BOYS VERY GOOD FOR YOUR MIND

PEARL, BIRDIE, & NELVA

BOTH FEET ON THE RAIL WILL MAKE YOU FALL ON YOUR BE—

ERICH

HI-DLE-DEE-DLE-DI-DLE

WENN DIE FRAU MIT NAMEN

NELLIE, WENN NELLIE ACH KÜSSTE

JEDEN ANDERN MANN

SIE SOLLTE MEINE FRAU SEIN

SONST WÄR’ICH TOT!

ALL

SOLLTE MEINE FRAU SEIN

SONST WÄR’ICH TOT!

VINCENZO

AVEVO UNA FAME DA LEON (HEY!)

NON MI DIEDE NEANCHE UN BOCCON (HEY!)

POI VIDE LE MIE PROPRIETÀ—(HEY!)

ARTHUR

BU Y’OWL SH’OWL FARN CH’IEN

YI DING Y’OWL GWAH WAR MING!

TRANSLATION

LIKE THE GIRL WHOSE NAME WAS NELLIE, THOUGH NELLIE WAS KISSING EVERYBODY ELSE

JUST HAD TO MARRY NELLIE OR DIE, DIE, DIE

HAD TO MARRY NELLIE OR DIE, DIE, DIE!

WHEN SHE SAW HOW HUNGRY I FEEL, SHE REFUSED TO FIX ME A MEAL THEN SHE SAW MY SILVER HILL CLAIM—

NOW SHE COOKS FOR NOTHING JUST TO WEAR MY NAME!

ALL

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR, BOYS NEVER TRY IT IN JAIL

DON’T ROMANCE WITH A WOMAN IN PANTS

OR A GIRL WHO WEARS A VEIL

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR, BOYS

EV’RYBODY SAY YES!

JULIA

DRINK ONE DOWN TO THE WIDOW IN TOWN

WHO SURELY IS A—

J.J.

—MESSENGER OF HOPE AND CHARITY

I CALL HER FAZELDA

SHE GIGGLES AT ME AND EV’RYBODY ELSE

BUT I MUST MARRY ZELDA, OR DIE, DIE, DIE!

ALL

GOT TO WED FAZELDA, OR DIE, DIE, DIE

J.J. & ENSEMBLE MEN

NEVER SAW HER FATHER BEFORE YESTERDAY HE BROKE DOWN MY DOOR

SHOTGUNS EV’RYWHERE I COULD SEE

J.J.

HURRY UP, FAZELDA DEAR, AND MARRY ME!

(ALL dance and partners are swapped, until JULIA is partnered with VINCENZO, and MOLLY is partnered with J.J.)

ENSEMBLE MEN

WHEN SHE SAW HOW HUNGRY I FEEL

SHE REFUSED TO FIX ME A MEAL

THEN SHE SAW MY SILVER HILL CLAIM

ALL

NOW SHE COOKS FOR NOTHIN’ JUST TO WEAR MY NAME

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR BOYS

WHILE THE WEATHER IS CLEAR

‘TISN’T RAINING RAIN, YOU KNOW

IT’S RAINING ALE AND BEER

BELLY UP, BELLY UP TO THE BAR BOYS IF IT ISN’T YOUR DAY

A QUART AND PINT MIXED UP JUST RIGHT

WILL CURE YOU

CURE YOU RIGHT AWAY!

BELLY UP!

(TABOR steps forward to address the crowd. J.J. quiets the MINERS.)

J.J.

Mr. Tabor!

(TABOR is not a natural public speaker. BABY DOE, small town chic and truly his better half, encourages him.)

Horace…

BABY DOE

TABOR

My, my, but it’s wonderful to see you men play hard as you work!

J.J.

Thank you, Mr. Tabor, we appreciate that. Don’t we, fellas? (ALL ad-lib, some enthusiastically and some not, “Thank you, sir,” etc.)

TABOR

Thank you, and… welcome!

Horace, go on.

BABY DOE

TABOR

(To CROWD.)

Yes, well… you all know my wife, the power in front of the throne. Tabor’s tea party was her idea.

BABY DOE

(Prompts him while managing to appear deferential.)

To celebrate Leadville…

TABOR

(To CROWD.)

Celebrate Leadville being the number one silver mining town in the country!

(ALL respond with pride and enthusiasm.)

ERICH

But what is this we are hearing about the Gold Standard?

J.J.

Erich!

ARTHUR

They say if the Gold Standard passes, silver won’t be worth a copper penny!

(CROWD murmurs.)

BABY DOE

Horace, tell the boys what you’ve got planned.

TABOR

Yes, well… I was just about to announce, before—

(To ERICH, big smile barely hiding his annoyance.)

What’s your name?

ERICH

Erich Gescheider.

TABOR

Mr. Gesch—Erich here, beat me to the punch: as of Monday morning, I’ll have me a fulltime fellow lobbying those Washington fat cats to stand against the Gold Standard.

(ALL react excitedly.)

And if they don’t?

ERICH

TABOR

We’ll send them a message come Election Day by sending James Weaver to the White House!

(ALL react excitedly.)

MOLLY

You know what? You could double Mr. Weaver’s chances by letting us ladies vote, too!

(Response ranging from big support to even bigger opposition from the CROWD.)

TABOR

Oh no. Politics is a dirty business. We won’t sully the fairer sex by dragging ‘em into it.

MOLLY

But Mr. Tabor—

VINCENZO

(Ever the peacekeeper, HE shuts MOLLY up.)

Three cheers for Mr. Tabor! Hip, hip—

ALL Hooray!

VINCENZO

Hip, hip—

ALL Hooray!

VINCENZO

Hip, hip—

ALL Hooray!

MOLLY

(To J.J., regarding TABOR.)

Introduce me.

So you can talk politics?

J.J.

MOLLY

(Pulls him towards TABOR.)

Just do it!

TABOR

(To MOLLY in jest.)

Uh-oh, the suffragette!

J.J.

Mr. and Mrs. Tabor, I’d like you to meet Miss Margaret “Call Her Molly” Tobin.

BABY DOE

(Offers MOLLY her hand.)

Call me Baby Doe.

TABOR

A nickname from her first husband, and I love her so much I let her keep it.

BABY DOE

(To MOLLY, regarding TABOR.)

‘Cause if he didn’t, I’d let him have it.

MOLLY

Mr. Tabor, I don’t know how to express my gratitude.

TABOR

That’s right kind of you, Molly. But Tabor’s Tea Party is the least I can do.

MOLLY

I’m talking about the way you done cared for William Gerrard’s widow.

J.J.

(Clearly uncomfortable.)

Molly, we’ve taken enough of Mr. Tabor’s time.

TABOR

(Glad to be rid of her.)

Nice meeting you, Miss Tobin.

MOLLY

The pleasure’s mine, what with all you’re doing for Julia—

J.J.

Oh look, they’re pouring more tea.

I’m not finished—

Yes you are, you troublemaker, you!

MOLLY

BABY DOE

TABOR

(To MOLLY.)

That fire weren’t my fault, girlie, so if you’re looking to squeeze some cash out of me—

MOLLY

No sir. Fifteen dollars every two weeks seems more than fair.

TABOR

Fifteen dollars—?!

BABY DOE

Horace…

(To MOLLY, icily.)

Good day.

(Exit BABY DOE and TABOR.)

J.J.

You weren’t kidding ‘bout your big mouth!

MOLLY

Now you’re acting crazy as your boss. Every other Friday, you hand me money from Horace Tabor. And when I thank Horace Tabor for the money you been handing me, he turns into—what’s that book Julia’s reading?—Dr. Jekyll.

J.J.

Mr. Hyde to you! So much for “our little secret.”

(HE storms off. MOLLY calls after him.)

MOLLY

How can it be a secret from the man who— (Gasps.)

Mr. Brown, wait!

(JULIA and VINCENZO approach.)

Molly, is everything all right?

JULIA

Where’s J.J. live?

In the shack house, up at the mine.

MOLLY

VINCENZO

MOLLY

Vincenzo, would you mind walking Julia home?

VINCENZO

Eccezionale fantastico!

Grazie.

MOLLY

JULIA

Molly—

(MOLLY exits, leaving JULIA and VINCENZO alone.)

Mr. Bianconi—

Prego, Vincenzo.

VINCENZO

JULIA

I am still in mourning. It’s one thing to dance a friendly reel, but a man and a woman, in the moonlight—

VINCENZO

Si, la luna, la luna! Can’t you hear her whispering in your ear?

#6—I’ve A’ready Started In (Reprise)

VINCENZO

O-HO, ANCORA INDUGIAVO

POI ALL’IMPROVVISO

STAMANE ALL’ALBA

MI SON, DECISO

ORA CHE HO INIZIATO GIÀ

A CERCARE DI CAPIR

TRANSLATION

O-HO, I COULDN’T MAKE MY MIND UP, THEN WITHOUT A WARNING

MADE UP MY HEART AT FOUR THIS MORNING

NOW THAT I HAVE STARTED IN TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT

(VINCENZO)

SE ESISTE QUALCHE MODO PER AVER TE

MY HONEY BABY

CORRI QUI A PRENDERMI

WON’T YOU PLEASE?

#6A—Running After J.J.

TRANSLATION

EXACTLY HOW TO GO ABOUT TO GET YOU

MY HONEY BABY

HURRY UP AND TRY TO GET ME

WON’T YOU PLEASE?

SCENE 6

The shack house, several minutes later. J.J. tries to read a book. MOLLY enters, calling J.J.’s name. SHE pounds on the door.

MOLLY

J.J. Brown! J.J. Brown, I know you’re in there!

J.J.

Go away!

MOLLY

Please open this door! It’s awfully shivery out here.

J.J.

What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.

MOLLY

It was your own money, wasn’t it? All this time… but how was I to know? Please, J.J.! It never dawned on me you were reaching into your own pocket.

J.J.

(Cracks the door.)

Had to. Tightfisted Tabor weren’t reaching into his.

MOLLY

I sold you short, Mr. Brown.

J.J.

You called me J.J. a minute ago. Might as well keep at it.

MOLLY

Then I’m Molly. Now can I come in? I’m spitting icicles.

J.J.

No. Go away!

Uh-oh, a pouter. I better warn Julia.

MOLLY

Julia? Why—

Seeing as you’re sweet on her.

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

Sweet on her?!

(Slams the door shut.)

Go away! Far!

MOLLY

J.J., t’ain’t nothing to be ashamed of, feeling lovey-dovey for a gal.

J.J.

(Opens the door.)

I didn’t want to do it this way, but come on in.

(MOLLY follows J.J. inside the shack house. HE opens an armoire to reveal a red-silk dress. MOLLY is too busy talking to notice.)

MOLLY

First I get a nose full of splinters, now an invite? J.J. Brown, you are the moodiest fella I ever did see. Blame it on Cupid’s arrow, I guess. And why not? Julia Gerrard is just about the prettiest woman on God’s good—

(Sees the dress.)

A red silk dress! Who’s that for?

J.J. Depends.

MOLLY On? J.J.

You saying “yes.”

MOLLY

What’s the question?

J.J.

Will you marry me?

(MOLLY is uncharacteriscially speechless. SHE struggles to form words.)

You got any water?

MOLLY

J.J.

(Opens the other door of the armoire to reveal a bookshelf lined with books, and some dishes. He pours water into a cup with a matching saucer, and places it in front of her.)

Coming right up. In a cup with a saucer… matching.

MOLLY

You did all this… for me?

J.J.

What would Julia want with a red silk dress?

(A big sip and SHE speaks.)

MOLLY

I don’t understand. You give her money. You come a’calling on her most every day.

J.J.

Now who’s a goop: it’s you I come a’calling on! Not at first, mind you. I promised Will if anything happened, I’d keep an eye on Julia. Then I got to noticing how fast you learn, how nice you treat the baby, how beee-utiful you are.

MOLLY

Stop that.

J.J.

Should’a said it a while ago, pretty girl.

MOLLY

Knock it off.

J.J.

You do your best to hide it. Now that I seen it, I’ll never look at anybody else.

(MOLLY smacks J.J.)

(J.J.)

Ow… How ‘bout we let the room do the talking? I readied it for you. Look!

MOLLY

(Painstakingly reads a book title; these are big words!)

The Principles of Miner… Minera—

J.J.

“Mineralogy.” That’s mine. This shelf is yours. You got your Dickens, your Elliot, all three Brontës.

# 7—I’ll Never Say No / Brass Bed / Duet

(Remembers her Christmas wish list.)

All them books Julia says I oughta read.

MOLLY

J.J.

That’s how it’s gonna be, I promise. Whatever you ask.

I’LL NEVER SAY NO TO YOU

WHATEVER YOU SAY OR DO

IF YOU ASK ME TO WAIT FOR A LIFETIME

YOU KNOW I’LL GLADLY WAIT FOR A LIFETIME OR TWO JUST TO LOOK AT YOU

I’LL SMILE WHEN YOU SAY “BE GLAD”

I’LL WEEP IF YOU WANT ME SAD

TODAY IS TOMORROW IF YOU WANT IT SO

I’LL STAY OR I’LL GO

BUT I’LL NEVER SAY NO

MOLLY

Then I will. Julia says my thinkin’s good but my talkin’ ain’t. And once I get the one to match t’other, I maybe could be somebody makes folks sit up and listen.

J.J.

I’m all ears.

MOLLY

You only got two. There’s a lot more than that in a place like Denver.

J.J.

How would you know? You seen a few pictures.

MOLLY

I seen my future!

J.J.

Your future’s staring you in the face. Not a picture, a real man!

MOLLY

Real… decent… man. I’m a fool not to have known it sooner. But—

J.J.

No, no, no, no, no “but”s. Damn if you ain’t the stubbornest, most ornery—I have no choice. I was saving this for our wedding night, but…

(J.J. opens a curtain to reveal a shiny brass bed. MOLLY gasps.)

MOLLY

You sure got yourself a bed, Mister, I’ll say that for you. I wonder’s a bed like that a sin?

J.J.

Not if we was married. What do you say, gal? I love you with a heart and a half.

MOLLY

Don’t you start a’sweet-talking me! I got my sights set on Denver!

(Fighting her feelings for J.J. as SHE gazes at the bed.)

How dare you show me something worth staying put for?!

STARS SHINING ON MY OWN BRASS BED

STARS SHINING FAR OVER MY HEAD

OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO CRY

I’D LEARN TO SLEEP WITH ONE EYE JUST TO LOOK AT YOU

I’M TREMBLING JUST TO LOOK AT YOU NOW

ALL I CAN THINK OF IS WOW, MR. BROWN!

WOW, MR. BROWN!

(MOLLY)

YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTIME YOU PLEASE FOR ME TO— FOR ME TO MARRY YOU

OH, I’LL BLUSH, HEAD TO TOE

BUT I SURE WON’T NEVER SAY—

(MOLLY catches herself.)

Now, if I say yes—if, mind you—you swear someday, somehow I’ll see Denver? J.J.?

(J.J. answers her with a passionate kiss that leaves MOLLY weak.)

I think the ice just melted.

J.J

TODAY IS TOMORROW

IF YOU WANT IT SO

I’LL STAY OR I’LL GO BUT I’LL NEVER SAY NO

#7A—A Colorado Weddin’

MOLLY

YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTIME YOU PLEASE FOR ME TO MARRY YOU

I WILL BLUSH HEAD-TO-TOE

BUT I SURE WON’T NEVER SAY NO

(MOLLY jumps into J.J.’s arms. HE carries her offstage.)

SCENE 7

VINCENZO holds a BABY swathed in blue, as ERICH and ARTHUR look on.

#8—He’s My Friend

ARTHUR

ONE YEAR FROM THE DAY THEY MARRY

VINCENZO

MOLLY BROWN HAS LITTLE LARRY

ERICH

IF SOMEONE SHOULD THREATEN LARRY—

VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

WE’D COME CHARGING IN

HE’S MY FRIEND

AND HE’LL STAY MY FRIEND

DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE SAY (Ridiculous faces and talk baby talk.)

HE’S MY FRIEND TO THE BITTER END

EVEN THOUGH THE BITTER END’S A MILLION YEARS AWAY!

(Exit VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR. Enter ENSEMBLE WOMEN wheeling a baby carriage, admiring the BABY inside.)

EMMA, BIRDIE, PEARL, & NELVA

EIGHTEEN MONTHS, AND “CALL ME MOLLY”

WELCOMES HOME A DAINTY DOLLY

EMMA

ANYONE HURT YOU, BY GOLLY—

BIRDIE & EMMA

WE’D COME BUSTLIN’, PETTICOATS A’RUSTLIN’

PEARL & NELVA

ON THE DOUBLE AT THE HINT OF TROUBLE

BIRDIE & EMMA

STAYING TRUE THROUGH THICK AND THIN

PEARL & NELVA

WE’LL STAND BY YOU LIKE WE’RE YOUR KIN

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU’LL NEVER WIN— (Enter BABY DOE.)

BABY DOE

I’LL COME CHARGING IN!

BABY DOE

SHE’S MY FRIEND AND SHE’LL STAY MY FRIEND DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE SAY

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

MY FRIEND! MY FRIEND!

MY FRIEND! MY FRIEND!

WE DON’T CARE WHAT THEY SAY ‘CAUSE—

BABY DOE & ENSEMBLE WOMEN

SHE’S MY FRIEND TO THE BITTER END (TOWNSPEOPLE enter. ALL gather for a political rally.)

ALL

EVEN THOUGH THE BITTER END’S A MILLION YEARS AWAY!

(TABOR and ERICH stand under a big sign, “James Weaver for President!” ERICH indicates TABOR.)

I do not like him.

ERICH

TABOR

I cannot stand him. He wants to make more.

ERICH

He wants to pay less. But if we don’t join forces to beat this Gold Standard—

TABOR

I’ll be out of business, and we’ll all be out of work!

ERICH

So if you are not registered to vote—

TABOR

Now’s the time!

ERICH

If you do not vote in this upcoming election, you cannot complain when the winner does not represent your interests.

TABOR

You heard him! Together, let’s put James Weaver in the White House.

ERICH

Your livelihood depends on it.

TABOR

And mine does, too. So from now till Election Day—

TABOR

YOU’RE MY FRIEND AND YOU’LL STAY MY FRIEND DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE SAY

ERICH

I’M HIS FRIEND OKAY, MY FRIEND DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE SAY

ALL

HE’S MY FRIEND TO THE BITTER END EVEN THOUGH THE BITTER END’S A MILLION YEARS—

ERICH & TABOR

IF WEAVER WINS, WE HAVE NO FEARS!

ALL

HAPPY ENDING ISN’T YEARS AWAY!

NEWSBOY

Extra! Extra! Grover Cleveland beats Weaver in landslide!

TABOR

EVEN THOUGH THE BITTER END IS HERE

ERICH TODAY

#8A—Mama’s Cooking

NEWSBOY

Price of Silver Plummets, $30 an ounce to twelve cents!

The Horace Tabor Mining Co., re-christened The Leadville Soup Kitchen. JULIA stirs something in the iron bucket formerly used to haul ore, and studies a piece of paper.

JULIA

I appreciate your mother sending me her recipe, but I wish it wasn’t in Italian.

VINCENZO

Julia, you hold in your hand the olive branch: today, she accepts you into la famiglia.

JULIA

We’ve been married for six years. It’s about time.

(Tastes the soup. Something’s wrong.)

I wish before Molly started a soup kitchen, she’d asked me if I knew how to make soup.

(Offers VINCENZO a taste.)

Well?

(The soup is bland.)

Spargere con tanto sale.

“A pinch of salt.”

VINCENZO

JULIA

VINCENZO

Perfetto!

(Regarding JULIA’s elongated pour.)

Big pinch.

JULIA Big pot.

(JULIA)

(Offers VINCENZO a taste.)

Better?

VINCENZO

(Now it’s too salty.)

No, it’s… ah…

(SHE’s not a good cook, but HE’s a good husband.)

Pasta e fagioli to make Mama Bianconi proud!

JULIA

Speaking of Mama Bianconi, I went to see Doc Morris last week.

VINCENZO

Doc Morris? Are you all right?

(Indicates her tummy.)

Quite well, thank you.

JULIA

VINCENZO

“Papa Bianconi?!”

(VINCENZO is overjoyed; HE hugs and kisses JULIA.)

You make me so happy! I love you, I love you, I love— (Suddenly Sicilian.)

But you have known since last week and you did not tell me?

JULIA

I was afraid to. With things as they are.

VINCENZO

Do not you worry; I will find work.

JULIA

Where? The Gold Standard’s wiped out every silver town west of the Mississippi.

(SHE hands VINCENZO a letter.)

Prego, what’s this?

VINCENZO

JULIA

From my mum. She says the copper mines back in Cornwall still pay a livable wage.

VINCENZO

You can no mean—

(Enter MOLLY. At 26, her rough edges have been smoothed out.)

MOLLY

Well, I shook every tree in Leadville, and out fell a dollar-seventeen. But Baby Doe’s pawning more jewelry. That’ll fill our bellies for a few more weeks.

(Notices the letter and the look on VINCENZO’s face.)

What’s that, Vincenzo, bad news?

Wonderful news, Molly.

JULIA

MOLLY

I can’t remember the last time I had any of that. Go on!

VINCENZO

Molly, Julia is—

We are—

Having a baby!

JULIA

JULIA & VINCENZO

MOLLY

Why, if that isn’t the best news ever! Now, are you going to tell me why you two look lower than a snake’s tummy when you ought to be all smiles?

JULIA

Molly, Vincenzo’s taking a job.

Where?

In England.

But I’ll never see you again!

Nonsense. It isn’t the moon.

MOLLY

VINCENZO

MOLLY

JULIA

MOLLY

Seven years and I’ve yet to see Denver. It’ll be seven lifetimes ‘fore I cross that ocean.

(Enter ERICH and ARTHUR, duffel bags packed and ready to go.)

Don’t tell me you’re leaving!

Molly, we have to.

ARTHUR

ERICH

We have not worked in almost a year!

MOLLY

What’s wrong with all y’all? Sure we’re hungry, but we—

(JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR wearily chime in.)

MOLLY (CONT’D), JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, & ARTHUR

—ain’t down yet.

(Enter J.J.)

J.J.

Mrs. Brown, did you know your son was last seen on Harrison Avenue, in his birthday suit, pulling a wagon filled with his buck-naked baby sister?

MOLLY

J.J., I’d strut down Main Street in my altogether if I thought it would turn silver into gold.

J.J.

Keep your clothes on, gal: plenty of gold right here in the Rockies.

MOLLY

If that’s your idea of a joke—

ERICH

He is not pulling the leg.

ARTHUR (Picks up a rock.)

See this rock, that little streak of yellow?

That’s gold.

J.J.

MOLLY

Let me get this straight: Erich and Arthur are clearing out of town—

J.J.

They are?

MOLLY

And Vincenzo’s taking Julia back to Cornwall—

J.J.

He is?

MOLLY

Along with our Godson, and the baby we’ll never meet—

J.J.

What baby?

Our baby!

JULIA & VINCENZO

J.J.

Hey—!

(J.J. starts to congratulate JULIA and VINCENZO. ERICH and ARTHUR chime in; this is the first THEY’RE hearing of it, too.)

MOLLY

I’m not finished! You lollilaggers sit around moping that the price of silver’s dropped so low, it don’t pay to mine it. Meanwhile we’re sittin’ atop a gold mine, the price of gold’s going up, up, up, and it never occurs to you to go down, down, down, and get it?!

J.J.

Well Molly, we can’t, can’t, can’t. Gold ain’t like silver.

MOLLY

No. It’s worth something!

J.J.

If you can get at it. That gold is buried much deeper than silver and it’s surrounded by sand. Try mining it and the tunnel will collapse.

MOLLY

Talk about a yellow streak!

Molly, listen—

J.J.

MOLLY

No, you listen: you know them hidden talents you got? Stop hiding ‘em!

J.J.

But Tabor’s hired the smartest geologists in the whole U.S. of A.! Yale, Harvard—

MOLLY

And you’re smarter than all of them put together! Only you’re too dumb to know it.

JULIA

Molly—!

MOLLY

What good are all them books he reads if he don’t put ‘em to use and figure out how to get to the gold?!

J.J.

What you’re asking for’s a miracle.

(To God.)

You hear that? One miracle, on the double quick.

(To MOLLY.)

See? He ain’t listening.

MOLLY

So you’re mad at God. All of you. You think the Big Boy’s holding out on you.

JULIA

Molly, do you recall the first word I taught you?

MOLLY

Ladylike?

JULIA

Foisting! Which you swore you wouldn’t do.

MOLLY

You’re right.

Thank you.

#9—Are You Sure?

JULIA

MOLLY

BUT ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW THINK… I MEAN ARE YOU REAL SURE THAT YOUR PRAY’RS HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

I’M ASKING YOU—

(Spoken in rhythm.)

WHEN YOU HOPE FOR SOMETHING, AIN’T THAT A PRAY’R?

AN’ WHEN IT COMES TRUE, THERE’S YOUR ANSWER THERE

DON’T YOU DARE TO SAY THAT THE LORD DON’T HEAR YOU

OH-O, HE SEES EV’RY MOVE YOU MAKE

EV’RY WAGGLE OF YOUR HEAD

(MOLLY)

EV’RY WINK OF YOUR EYE

IT’S HIS LAUGH YOU’RE LAUGHIN’

HIS TEARS YOU CRY

YOU MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO PRAY

BUT HE LOVES YOU WHEN YOU TRY

SO RAISE YOUR VOICES HIGH AND THE LORD WILL HEAR YOU

HEAR YOU!

OH-O, HE SEES EACH MOVE AND EV’RY WINK OF YOUR EYE

SO RAISE YOUR VOICES HIGH

AND THE LORD WILL HEAR YOU!

HEAR YOU!

ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW THINK! THINK!

ARE YOU DEAD SURE THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW THINK! THINK!

WHEN YOU PRAY FOR SOMETHING AND IT’S “NO GO”

DON’T COME AROUND WITH “I TOLD YOU SO”

YOUR PRAYER WAS ANSWERED—

THE ANSWER WAS “NO”

HE HEARD YOU ALL RIGHT

OH-O, YOU THINK THAT YOU MAKE YOUR OWN GOOD LUCK WITH A WAVE AND A WIGGLE OF YOUR TOE?

WELL, YOU’D BETTER THINK AGAIN

YOU’RE NOT THAT GOOD, YOU KNOW YOUR LUCK WAS SENT FROM WAY UP HIGH FOR YOU TO SHARE BELOW

SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART

AND THE LORD WILL CHEER YOU

(J.J. is seated at a table piled high with books, one of which HE reads. MOLLY reads over his shoulder. HE turns around.)

Pay me no mind.

(HE resumes studying; SHE resumes reading over his shoulder. HE turns around again.)

I’m not even here.

(HE starts to turn the page.)

Don’t turn it.

(MOLLY)

J.J.

Molly—

MOLLY

Seems to me sand would be easier to work with than dirt or rock.

J.J.

Look, you blast a hole in a rock.

(Uses books to demonstrate.)

You lay down wood, you make a floor, walls, a ceiling, you got yourself a tunnel. Try doing that in a pile of sand, always shifting this way and the other, that wood snaps, the tunnel caves, and the men inside…

MOLLY

All right, all right… Close your eyes.

What the hell—?

J.J.

MOLLY

Just do it. Now, picture someone you love.

J.J.

Well, you—but right now you’re bugging the hell out of me.

MOLLY

Then how ‘bout our boy? Now, you know Larry’s sandbox?

J.J.

Built it for him, didn’t I?

MOLLY

He wants to dig a tunnel, one end to the other for his pet mouse.

Larry has a pet mouse?

Named Mousey.

That’s cute.

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

See your son standing there, hear that sweet voice asking, “Dad, what wood should I use for Mousey’s tunnel: plywood? Scrapwood?”

J.J.

No, no, no! No wood. Unless you want Mousey to meet his maker.

MOLLY

What then?

I don’t know!

J.J.

MOLLY

Oh, Little Larry knows his daddy has the answer. Because you’re his hero. And you’re my hero, too.

J.J.

And you‘ll be the straw that breaks this camel’s back if you don’t— straw…

(An idea.)

OH-O, YOU THINK THAT YOU MAKE YOUR OWN GOOD LUCK WITH A WAVE AND A WIGGLE OF YOUR TOE

MOLLY

WELL, YOU’D BETTER THINK AGAIN YOU’RE NOT THAT GOOD, YOU KNOW

MOLLY & J.J.

YOUR LUCK WAS SENT FROM WAY UP HIGH FOR YOU TO SHARE BELOW.

J.J.

SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART

AND THE LORD WILL CHEER YOU

MOLLY

CHEER YOU!

MOLLY & J.J.

OH-O, YOU CANNOT MAKE LUCK

BY WIGGLING YOUR TOE

JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART

AND THE LORD WILL CHEER YOU (TABOR’s office. MR. TABOR sits at his desk, with BABY DOE behind him. J.J. pitches his idea.)

J.J.

I know it sounds crazy, sir, but t’ain’t nothing stronger than straw if’n it’s packed real tight!

MOLLY

Yeah! Them three little pigs had it wrong!

J.J.

And it’s got give. When the sand starts a’shiftin’, that straw will hold.

TABOR

But if it doesn’t, our boys’ll come back in pine boxes.

J.J.

That’s why it’s strictly volunteer, only men without children. And if there’s as much gold as I think there is, it’s worth a try.

TABOR

That much straw will cost me thousands.

MOLLY

And make you millions!

TABOR

J.J., tell your wife Horace Tabor makes up his own mind!

BABY DOE

Oh, no he doesn’t. Horace, get out your checkbook.

(OTHERS enter. Word is spreading that J.J. and TABOR have a plan, which MOLLY, J.J. , TABOR and BABY DOE pitch to the TOWNSPEOPLE.)

MOLLY, J.J., BABY DOE, & TABOR

ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW THINK, CHILDREN, THINK

ARE YOU POSITIVE SURE

THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW THINK

CHILDREN, THINK HARD

MOLLY

MOLLY, J.J., BABY DOE, & TABOR

WHEN YOU PRAY FOR RICHES AND GLORY

AND HE TURNS AROUND AND HE MAKES YOU HUMBLE WELL, THE HUMBLE AND, YES, THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE KINGDOM!

(TABOR steps forward to address the town, J.J. by his side. MOLLY and BABY DOE are right behind them, offering support but really leading the charge.)

TABOR

J.J. Brown’s come up with a scheme so crazy it just might work.

MOLLY

It will!

TABOR

But if he’s wrong and that tunnel collapses—

MOLLY

It won’t!

J.J.

Mr. Tabor’s right: you could lose your life.

BABY DOE

So if you got little ones at home, don’t do it.

ARE YOU SURE? SURE? SURE? THINK.

ARE YOU SURE? SURE? SURE? THINK.

ARE YOU SURE? SURE? SURE? THINK. SURE? SURE? SURE? THINK. THINK. SURE? SURE?

ENSEMBLE

TABOR

The rest of you, I’m asking you to take a chance at turning this town’s fortune’s around—

J.J.

So Leadville will be a boomtown once more!

ENSEMBLE

SURE? THINK. THINK. THINK. THINK. THINK. THINK!

(MINERS cheer and step forward. TABOR addresses them.)

TABOR

ARE YOU SURE?

GROUP 1

Yes.

(MORE MINERS step forward. J.J. addresses them.)

J.J.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES!

YES!

GROUP 2

MOLLY & BABY DOE

GROUP 1

GROUP 2

MOLLY, J.J., BABY DOE & TABOR

ARE YOU SURE?

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

ALL

(The town is all in. TOWNSPEOPLE form a line to pass bundles of straw. MINERS grab helmets. The mine bustles with activity.)

MOLLY, J.J., BABY DOE, & TABOR

ARE YOU SURE THINK!

CHILDREN, THINK!

ARE YOU DEAD SURE

THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW THINK, CHILDREN, THINK!

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

(AH—)

ARE YOU SURE

THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED, NOW THINK!

CHILDREN, THINK!

ARE YOU DEAD SURE

THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED? THINK!

ALL

ENSEMBLE MEN

ARE YOU SURE

THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED?

NOW, THINK!

CHILDREN THINK!

ARE YOU DEAD SURE

THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ANSWERED? NOW THINK!

CHILDREN, THINK!

WHEN YOU PRAY FOR RICHES AND GLORY AND HE TURNS AROUND AND HE MAKES YOU HUMBLE WELL, THE HUMBLE AND, YES, THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE KINGDOM!

(BABY DOE stops J.J. as HE and VINCENZO follow ERICH and ARTHUR into the mineshaft.)

BABY DOE

J.J. Brown last time I looked, you have children.

JULIA

(to VINCENZO)

And we’ve got one on the way.

TABOR

Don’t play the hero, fellas.

J.J.

We can’t ask the others to take a risk we’re not willing to take.

MOLLY

But if anything happens to you—

J.J.

If I were you, Lord, I’d leave me be, else you’ll have to answer to Molly Brown!

(J.J. and VINCENZO kiss MOLLY and JULIA, and then disappear into the mineshaft, leaving MOLLY and JULIA shaken.)

ALL (EXCEPT MOLLY)

OH, THINK, CHILDREN. THINK, CHILDREN

THINK WHEN YOU PRAY, CHILDREN

THINK, CHILDREN. THINK, CHILDREN

THINK, CHILDREN. THINK WHEN YOU PRAY

(MINERS are heard from inside the mineshaft.)

ARTHUR

COLORADO

MY HOME, SWEET HOME

SWEET HOME

ERICH

COLORADO

MY HOME, SWEET HOME

SWEET HOME

(A very concerned MOLLY cries down into the mineshaft.)

MOLLY

VINCENZO

COLORADO

MY HOME, SWEET HOME

SWEET HOME

J.J, what’s going on? You better answer! J.J. Brown, can you hear me?!

(J.J. emerges from the mineshaft carrying an enormous chunk of gold, followed by the other MINERS.)

J.J.

Loud and clear, woman. And there’s plenty more gold where that come from!

ALL

(Pure gratitude for the town’s turnaround.)

AMEN

TABOR

We got a heap of mining to do, fellas—tomorrow. Today, it’s all-you-can-drink at the Saddle Rock, courtesy of the missus and me.

(ALL ad-lib “Hooray;” etc. and exit. MOLLY stops TABOR.)

MOLLY

Mr. Tabor, my husband just saved your mine, saved this town, saved this state. I think he’s owed more than Tabor’s Tea.

Molly—!

No, no. Molly is quite right. Horace?

J.J.

BABY DOE

TABOR

Yes, well… J.J., we’d like to express our gratitude.

MOLLY

You mean snag him before the competition comes ‘a knockin.’

TABOR

Five percent interest in my mining company, take it or leave it.

MOLLY

Twenty-five percent.

BABY DOE

Twelve-and-a-half.

(BABY DOE and MOLLY seal the deal with a handshake.)

Pleasure doing business with you.

MOLLY

BABY DOE

Come along, Horace. J.J.

(To TABOR, as BABY DOE exits.)

Thank you, Mr. Tabor.

Call me Horace.

TABOR

BABY DOE

HORACE!!!!!!

TABOR

(To J.J., regarding BABY DOE’s commanding tone.)

Just not like that.

(Exit the TABORS. MOLLY is elated; J.J. is unsettled.)

What was that about?

What?

Just now, with Mr. Tabor.

You mean, “HORACE!!!!!!”

I mean you making a fool of me!

What I’m making you’s a millionaire.

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

Molly, I would’ve approached him in good time.

MOLLY

When might that be?

J.J.

You got any complaints about the way I provide for you?

MOLLY

J.J., you’re real good to me. But with two little mouths to feed—

J.J.

And one big one.

MOLLY

Let’s not argue when I’m seeing our future: Denver!

J.J.

Denver?!

MOLLY

I always figured that’s where we’d end up.

J.J.

Molly, we’re supposed to figure things out together.

MOLLY

We do figure things out together, I just figured this out faster.

J.J.

You think our life there will be “Month by Month in the Mile-High City.” But city life ain’t always as pretty as those pictures in your calendar.

MOLLY

J.J., folks is folks.

J.J.

‘Cept when they’re rich and live in a city. That’s who we’ll be meeting. That’s who we’ll become. Mol, no—

#10—Act I Finale

MOLLY

(Reminds J.J. of his long ago promise.)

I’LL NEVER SAY NO TO YOU

I’m staying put!

J.J.

MOLLY

WHATEVER YOU SAY OR DO

J.J.

With our friends!

MOLLY

IF YOU ASK ME TO WAIT FOR A LIFETIME

Where we belong!

J.J.

MOLLY

I’LL WAIT FOR A LIFETIME OR TWO

And if I say we stay?

J.J.

(J.J.)

(Sees the determination in her eye and knows HE’s beat.)

We’re going, ain’t we?

(SHE kisses him.)

I love you, J.J. Now come on!

MOLLY

WE’RE GOIN’ TO MOVE FROM PLACE TO PLACE TO FIND A HOUSE WITH A GOLDEN STAIR AND IF THAT HOUSE IS RED, AND HAS A BIG BRASS BED

WE’RE LIVIN’ THERE!

(In a reverse of traditional positions, MOLLY polkas a reluctant and off-balance J.J. around the mine.)

MOLLY & J.J.

WE AIN’T DOWN YET!

Come on, woman!

J.J.

(MOLLY does an exuberant carwtwheel into J.J.’s waiting arms. HE carries her offstage.)

END ACT ONE

ACT II

SCENE 1

It’s a new MOLLY! Stylish, elegant and colorful. SHE gazes at the vista before her as if SHE’s come face-to-face with paradise.

#11—Beautiful People of Denver / The Sacred 36

MOLLY

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF DENVER!

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF DENVER!

ALICE IN WONDERLAND ISN’T ALONE: LOOK WHO’S IN WONDERLAND, TOO!

BRAND NEW HOUSE, BIGGER THAN ALL THE REST

SPARE NO COST; ONLY THE VERY BEST

BRAND NEW WORLD WAITING TO SEE ME THRIVE APRIL EIGHTEEN NINETY-FIVE

(J.J. enters holding a croquet mallet.)

J.J.

Dammit, Molly, I don’t want to play a game I can’t even pronounce.

MOLLY

Croquet. The “t” is silent. And we got to play the game if we want to fit in with the Sacred Thirty-Six.

J.J.

The who and how many?

MOLLY

Three-dozen families that run this town, and if we want Larry and Kit to go to the right schools and you and me to join the right clubs so all of us will be invited to the right parties, we got to show ‘em t’ain’t nothing wrong with us.

(Enter THE SACRED 36, Denver’s most elite families. Head-of-the-line is LOUISE SNEED-HILL, imperious and intimidating. NOTE: 36 actors are not required; six will do!)

SACRED 36

MALLET IN HAND, WE’RE PREPARED TO TAKE A STAND TO FIGHT THE FOE OF UNKNOWN PEDIGREE

WE MASTERED ALL THE RULES AT PRIVATE SCHOOLS

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

ADVANCED CONDESCENSION, A-TO-Z

SACRED 36

JUST LIKE CROQUET HAS TECHNIQUES WITH WHICH TO PLAY WE HAVE A CODE OF EXCLUSIVITY

WHEN LESSER ELBOWS RUB, THEY GET THE SNUB A TIGHT BAND OF WEALTHY FOLK ARE WE THE SACRED THIRTY-SIX

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

THREE DOZEN NAMES IN SOLIDARITY AS WE WAGE A CLASSY WAR

SACRED 36 (EXCEPT LOUISE SNEED-HILL)

THREE DOZEN NAMES

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

AND IT’S UNFAIR, MAYBE

SACRED 36

BUT THERE’S NO ROOM FOR ONE NAME MORE! (THEY play croquet. MOLLY and J.J. approach.)

MOLLY

Howdy! I’m Margaret “Call Me Molly” Brown.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

And I am Mrs. “Call Me Mrs.” Sneed-Hill.

J.J.

Right kind of you to invite us.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

This is a charitable event. Anyone may purchase a ticket.

MOLLY

Well, we’re happy to support the cause. Any cause. What is the cause?

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

The beautification of Pennsylvania Avenue.

J.J.

Looks beautified to me. That’s why we bought ourselves a house here.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

Salt in the wound.

MOLLY

What J.J. means is there must be other people in Denver whose streets really need beautifying.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

And they are free to organize their own philanthropic activities.

MOLLY

Unless they’re too busy serving our meals and scrubbing our skivvies.

(THE SACRED 36 gasp and exits MOLLY calls after them.)

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF DENVER!

J.J.

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF DENVER?

MOLLY

LIKE CINDERELLA SAID AFTER THE BALL:

DRESS ME UP, BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE ME OUT

SMOOTH THOSE ROUGH EDGES TILL THERE’S NO TRACE

NOON-TILL-NIGHT, PRACTICING POISE AND GRACE

SPEAK SO SOFT, PEOPLE CAN BARELY HEAR

NOVEMBER, THE VERY NEXT YEAR

(MOLLY and J.J. exit. THE SACRED 36 are revealed at the opera, where a despairing RODOLFO cradles a coughing MIMI.)

SACRED 36

WATCHING BOHÈME, WE FORGET IT’S “US AND THEM”

WE DEEPLY FEEL A HINT OF EMPATHY

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

TEARS BRIMMING IN MY EYES WHEN MIMI DIES

SACRED 36

AFTERWARD, WE TALK OF GAY PAREE

THE SACRED THIRTY-SIX

RODOLFO

THREE DOZEN NAMES

SOME CALL IT SNOBBERY

BUT IT’S WHAT THEY’VE ALWAYS KNOWN

MIMI

THREE DOZEN NAMES

RODOLFO, MIMI, AND SACRED 36

IT’S HIGHWAY ROBBERY

FOR THE BROWNS TO USURP OUR THRONE!

(MIMI dies. Enter MOLLY and J.J., in evening clothes.)

MOLLY

Sorry we cut it close. We were aiming for fashionably late.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

That’s out of fashion.

J.J.

Before I settle in for my nap in five acts, mind telling me what I’ll be missing?

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

The gripping tale of young Parisians starving for their art.

J.J.

Well, good night.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(To MOLLY, very condescending.)

Puccini makes me weep! Don’t you agree?

MOLLY

I don’t rightly know… but if it’s songs about starvation, J.J. and I’ll recognize the tune. And driving here tonight, we passed too many folks still singing it. In English.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

Surely you’re not equating Puccini’s artistes with Denver’s undesirables!

MOLLY

They’re both hungry.

J.J.

And with what we spend on a night at the opera—

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

Mr. Brown, one does not discuss money matters in mixed company!

MOLLY

What’s mixed about it? We’re all rich.

(THE SACRED 36, RODOLFO, and MIMI gasp. MOLLY is not down but SHE’s decidedly dejected.)

LEARN SOME FRENCH FOR WHAT THEY CALL REPARTEE

“NOUVEAU RICHE,” YOU HEAR THAT EV’RY DAY

TELL YOURSELF THEY’RE COMIN’ AROUND, AND SOON

EIGHTEEN NINETY-EIGHT THE MONTH OF JUNE

(MOLLY and J.J. eat at an elegantly set table with many empty places and only one guest: MARY NEVIN, their tough talking, tender-hearted maid. MOLLY’s mood is hardly festive, but MARY NEVIN and J.J. are enjoying the meal.)

Smacking good—whatever it is.

J.J.

MOLLY

Confit of duck. Like chicken, but greasier. And green beans, but skinny, ‘cause they’re French.

MARY NEVIN

Is it gauche for the help to want seconds?

J.J.

Why not? We got enough to feed half of Denver.

MOLLY

Mary, you’re sure you put those initials at the bottom?

MARY NEVIN

Uh-huh. Thirty-six invites, not a one of ‘em R, S, V, or P-ed.

MOLLY

Formal dinner for husband and maid—don’t recall seeing that on my calendar.

J.J.

That damn calendar—

MOLLY

Is a reminder—to me—that I could matter. Not just to you and the kids, to… I don’t know. But I always believed Denver was where I’d figure it out.

J.J.

Maybe it is. There’s ninety, ninety-five thousand people live here. You’ve only gone through three dozen of ‘em. And you can’t let those people jar your compass.

MOLLY

Ninety-five thousand, huh? And we’ve got enough to feed half of ‘em?

J.J.

In a manner of speaking.

MOLLY

All right then, maybe I ain’t— (Corrects herself.)

Maybe I am not down yet. You know that compass you just mentioned?

J.J.

Why don’t I like where this is pointing?

MOLLY

A soup kitchen, like we had in Leadville. But with more ladles.

J.J.

How much soup are we talking?

MOLLY

Ninety-five thousand, round up to a hundred, figure one in ten could use our help—

Ten thousand people.

J.J.

MOLLY

At fifty cents per head per day… what’s that, thirty-five, forty thousand a week?

J.J.

All because some snoots we don’t like don’t like us, so let’s buy us some poor people?

MOLLY

Why shouldn’t one of Denver’s “better families” help Denver’s families do better? Mary, write that down.

J.J.

Answer me this, Mary: is my wife helping the needy? Or is she sticking it to the Sacred Thirty-Six by opening our wallet in ways they never have and never will?

MARY NEVIN

Mr. B.’s right: don’t stick it to them. Tell them where they can stick it.

MOLLY

You just got yourself a raise.

J.J.

Mol, no matter how much you despise the ladies of Pennsylvania Avenue—

MOLLY

I don’t despise them.

I do.

Me, too. Can’t stand ‘em.

Try working for ‘em.

MARY NEVIN

MOLLY

MARY NEVIN

J.J.

Were you this mouthy to Louise Sneed-Hill?

MARY NEVIN

Never said boo to her. But behind her back—

MOLLY

Thank you, Mary.

MARY NEVIN

Meaning you’d rather fight in private.

(Starts to exit.)

Fine by me though why can’t people say what they mean?

J.J.

(Holds up a drumstick.)

Mary, waste not want not.

MARY NEVIN

Is that a fact? Then hand me the bubbly.

(MARY NEVIN grasps the drumstick and a bottle, and exits.)

MOLLY

J.J., do we or do we not own the richest gold mine in North America?

J.J.

The world!

MOLLY

All right, then. Why is it when we were poor, we were always giving and doing, but now that we’re loaded—

J.J.

There’s a lot more people to give to and do for. And when thirty-five of the thirty-six richest families in Denver still got the first nickel they ever made, you and me, we’d have to shell out a lot to make even a little difference.

MOLLY

Well start shelling.

J.J.

Can’t shell it till I sell it, and Mr. Sneed-Hill happens to be one of my best customers. If he thinks we’re going all do-goody just to make his wife look bad—

#12—Share the Luck / He’s My Friend (Reprise)

MOLLY

Who cares why we’re doing what we’re doing as long as what we’re doing is doing some good?

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR WHEREVER YOU ARE HE MAY HAVE NO ONE BUT YOU

Louise Sneed-Hill’s our neighbor.

J.J.

MOLLY

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR THE NEAR AND THE FAR DO AS YOU’D WANT HIM TO DO UNTO YOU

You’re not listening to me, are you?

J.J.

MOLLY

YES, THE GOOD BOOK’S PLEA GOT AROUND TO ME

IT’S WAITING TO HEAR MY REPLY

LET MY HEART OPEN WIDE TO THAT VOICE INSIDE

LET ME SHARE IN THE LUCK OF THAT HARD-LUCK GUY WHERE THERE BUT FOR MY LUCK GO I

I’m calling it a night.

Not till you finish what I started.

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

I got to be up bright and early—

J.J. Brown—

MOLLY

J.J.

—seeing as I have ten thousand extra mouths to feed.

MOLLY

Real. Decent. Man.

J.J.

Spend what you like, gal. Just be discreet.

MOLLY

How’s this for discreet?

(A passionate kiss.)

Don’t you be asleep when I get up there.

(HE exits.)

LET MY HEART OPEN WIDE TO THAT VOICE INSIDE

LET ME SHARE IN THE LUCK OF THAT HARD-LUCK GUY—

(An idea!)

“The Margaret ‘Call Me Molly’ Brown Relief Fund!”

SCENE 2

DESPERATE MOTHER

Dear Molly, my husband took sick this time last year, so he ain’t been able to work. We got four kids under the age of five, and our cupboard is bare.

BE MY FRIEND, AND YOU’LL STAY MY FRIEND

DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE SAY

BE MY FRIEND, TO THE BITTER END

EVEN THOUGH THE BITTER END’S A MILLION YEARS—

YOUNG STREETWALKER

Dear Molly, I walk the streets like my ma before me. Now I’m in the family way and I want to give my baby a better life.

BE MY FRIEND

YOUNG STREETWALKER, & DESPERATE MOTHER

AND YOU’LL STAY MY FRIEND

DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE SAY

BE MY FRIEND, TO THE BITTER—

IMPOVERISHED STUDENT

Dear Molly, I got into school but I can’t pay my school fees.

BE MY FRIEND

STUDENT, STREETWALKER, & MOTHER

AND YOU’LL STAY MY FRIEND

DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE—

SUFFRAGETTE

Dear Molly, women need the right to vote.

BE MY FRIEND

SUFFRAGETTE, STUDENT, STREETWALKER, & MOTHER TO THE BITTER END—

(Enter MOLLY with MARY NEVIN, who wheels a wagon of provisions.)

MOLLY

EVEN THOUGH THE BITTER END’S A MILLION YEARS AWAY!

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR WHEN OTHERS REFUSE

(Gives DESPERATE MOTHER a sack of food from the wagon.)

(MOLLY)

You got your beef jerky, your fatback, Colorado corn and peas, peach pie and cheese… lots of cheese. I think cheese is the perfect food.

DESPERATE MOTHER

Why is cheese the perfect food?

MOLLY

‘Cause you can eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner or you can have it for a snack, you can spread it, you can shred it, you can have it with a cracker or all by itself, and you can keep a piece in your pocket and go about your day knowing you won’t starve. C’mon!

(DESPERATE MOTHER follows MOLLY and MARY NEVIN to YOUNG STREETWALKER.)

SHOW HIM THAT LIFE CAN BE FAIR

(Drapes a shawl around STREETWALKER’s exposed shoulders.)

I’m sending you to a school where girls like you learn what you should’ve learned way back when and unlearn what you shouldn’t’ve.

YOUNG STREETWALKER

I didn’t know there was such a school.

MOLLY

There isn’t. We’re starting one. C’mon!

(STREETWALKER follows MOLLY, MARY and MOTHER to STUDENT.)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

AND WALK IN HIS SHOES

(Hands STUDENT a stack of books.)

I’ll cover your school fees and books—

IMPOVERISHED STUDENT

And the occasional beer?

MOLLY

(Hands STUDENT a mug.)

Emphasis on the occasional. C’mon!

(STUDENT follows MOLLY, MARY, MOTHER and STREETWALKER to SUFFRAGETTE.)

ONE STEP WILL PROVE THAT YOU CARE

MARY, MOTHER, STREETWALKER, & STUDENT

DON’T STOP THERE!

MOLLY

(Hands SUFFRAGETTE items from the wagon.)

Protest signs, leaflets, a bullhorn, handcuffs so you can chain yourself to a fence—

(Hands SUFFRAGETTE a wad of cash.)

Oh, and a little legal defense fund for when you get arrested which you will be. A lot.

SUFFRAGETTE

Men don’t like it when women want to be heard.

MOLLY

Get us the vote, they’ll have to listen. C’mon.

MOLLY

WITH THE GOLDEN RULE AS THE ONLY TOOL THAT BROKEN WING BIRDIE WILL FLY!

ENSEMBLE MEN & WOMEN

OOH—

OOH—HIGH IN THE SKY!

ALL

LET ME ANSWER THE CALL CRYING “ONE FOR ALL!”

LET ME BE THERE TO CATCH HIM IF HE SHOULD FALL WHERE THERE BUT FOR MY LUCK—

CONCERNED MOTHER

Excuse me, Mrs. Brown—

MARY NEVIN, DESPERATE MOM, STREETWALKER, STUDENT, & SUFFRAGETTE

Call her Molly.

CONCERNED MOTHER

Molly, my son’s been picked up picking pockets. Barely fourteen, and they got him behind bars with a horse thief old enough to be his daddy and a safecracker even older!

MOLLY

Whoa, Mom: he ain’t down yet. C’mon!

(MOLLY and ENTOURAGE cross to a cell. JUVENILE DELINQUENT is flanked by two CRIMINALS; a JAILER addresses MOLLY.)

JAILER

How’d you get in here?

MOLLY

You’ve heard of bribing your way out of jail, we bribed our way into it.

(To CRIMINAL 1.)

Horse thief or safecracker?

CRIMINAL 1

Safecracker.

Horse thief.

CRIMINAL 2

MOLLY

Happy to know you.

(To JAILER.)

But lock these two in a cell with a rambunctious boy, what do you think that boy’s gonna learn?

JUVENILE DELINQUENT

How to steal a horse and how to crack a safe!

CRIMINAL 2

Don’t forget the pickpocketing tips we gave you.

CRIMINAL 1

So next time you won’t get caught.

JUVENILE DELINQUENT

You hear that, Mama?!

Molly, help!

CONCERNED MOTHER

MOLLY

(To JAILER.)

Release this boy into our custody, or find him cellmates who aren’t hardened criminals.

(To CRIMINALS.)

No offense.

(MOLLY)

JAILER

Lady, we got one jail for old and young alike. You break the law, you wind up here. If you got a problem with that, tell it to the judge.

MOLLY

(To her ENTOURAGE.)

We ain’t down yet. C’mon.

(THEY cross to a black-robed JUDGE BEN LINDSEY.)

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

In the eyes of the law, a pickpocket’s a pickpocket whether he’s fourteen or forty.

MOLLY

Then, your Honor, the law needs glasses.

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

Don’t I know it! I keep telling the Governor it’s not right to treat young rascals with peach fuzz for whiskers same as we do folks old enough to know better. He won’t listen.

MOLLY

To you… Doesn’t mean the Governor won’t listen to me.

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

Use your womanly wiles?

MOLLY

Yeah… no. C’mon!

(JUDGE follows MOLLY and ENTOURAGE to the GOVERNOR. By now, MOLLY’s entourage includes the entire ENSEMBLE.)

GOVERNOR

A separate court just for juveniles?! No other state in the country has one, why should Colorado?

MOLLY

Governor, I can think of a thousand reasons.

(Hands him cash.)

Make that two.

(Hands him more cash.)

Anything you need to get yourself re-elected. Though if you want my opinion—

GOVERNOR

Do I have a choice?

MOLLY

This is the kind of cause could make you famous enough to say bye-bye State House, hello White House.

GOVERNOR

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

WHEN FATE DEALS A BLOW

ALL (EXCEPT MOLLY)

REWRITE THE END OF THE TALE

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

HIS COFFERS ARE LOW

SWEAR YOU WILL NOT LET HIM FAIL

GOVERNOR & MOLLY

WON’T LET YOU FAIL!

MOLLY

CALL IT TIT-FOR-TAT

SAY IT’S TOO OLD HAT, BUT ALL OF US REAP WHAT WE SOW

ALL (MINUS MOLLY) OOH—

ALL OF US REAP WHAT WE SOW

ALL (EXCEPT MOLLY)

LET ME SHOULDER THE DEED FOR THE ONES IN NEED

MOLLY

LET ME GIVE WHAT I GOT AS I STATE MY CREED THAT—

ALL

THERE BUT FOR MY LUCK—

MOLLY

I GO!

ALL (MINUS MOLLY)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR WHEREVER YOU ARE

(JUVENILE DELINQUENT is released into his MOTHER’s arms.)

ALL

HE’S WAITING TO HEAR MY REPLY

LET MY HEART OPEN WIDE TO THAT VOICE INSIDE TO SHARE IN THE LUCK OF THAT HARD-LUCK GUY—

(A dog barks, and gets MOLLY’s attention. NOTE: the dog can be a living, breathing pooch or a stuffed animal.)

MOLLY

Well now, who do we have here?

(Picks up or pets the pooch.)

Then we’ll start a shelter where you’ll stay till you find the family you want to adopt. So you see: you ain’t down yet.

(ALL gather around MOLLY and the dog.)

ALL

THERE BUT FOR MY LUCK GO I

#12A—Share the Luck Playoff

SCENE 3

The Brown mansion. The decor reflects a certain whimsy and imagination, Bohemia on an unlimited budget. MARY NEVIN arranges finger sandwiches on a platter.

MARY NEVIN

Cucumber mint, cream cheese and dill, watercress—watercress? And you call yourself a sandwich!

J.J.

(From O.S.)

Mary?! Have you seen today’s paper?

(MARY snatches the paper from the table and hides it under the platter of sandwiches just in time for J.J. to enter.)

I’m looking for the paper.

MARY NEVIN

Not now, Mr. B.

MARY NEVIN (CONT’D)

I have to get the clotted cream, and make sure Cook doesn’t ruin the scones. And the petits fours must be aranged just so—

J.J.

Ain’t the darndest thing? It’s usually here by now. I checked the front—what’s that?

MARY NEVIN

What? J.J.

Underneath those… what are those?

MARY NEVIN

Finger sandwiches. She’s hosting a high tea.

J.J.

With the Denver Post for a placemat. Another article?

MARY NEVIN

This time’s a little different.

Different good or different bad?

J.J.

MARY NEVIN

I’m not sure. Even she was on the fence, but I’ve a feeling this will push her over.

J.J.

(Reads from the front page.)

“Rumor has it that ‘Call Me Molly’ will do what no woman has successfully done before, run for Congress!”

MARY NEVIN

You know all the work she’s been doing? Well, the governor wants her to do it—

J.J.

In Washington. A woman!

(Enter MOLLY.)

MOLLY

The men aren’t doing such a good job. And thank you Mary, for letting me find the right time to tell him.

J.J.

You know, Mary, there are some what say a woman’s name should appear in the paper exactly three times: birth, marriage, death.

MARY NEVIN

(Exits, indicating herself.)

One down, two to go.

J.J.

(Indicates the newspaper.)

Molly, no.

You swore you’d never say that.

MOLLY

J.J.

When I thought I was marrying you, not Thomas Jefferson! Though you can be sure he checked with his wife before he launched his campaign.

MOLLY

I knew you wouldn’t like it.

J.J.

We been married seventeen years, ‘course you knew I wouldn’t like it. That don’t mean I don’t got the right to tell you I don’t like it.

MOLLY

So tell me: “It’s tough enough doing business in this town when my wife is out there championing the very causes my customer’s customers oppose.”

J.J.

You make it sound like I’m wrong to want to keep food on the table, clothes on our kids’ backs. We got two of ‘em, Larry and Kit?

MOLLY

What’s that supposed to mean?

J.J.

You lend a hand to every have-not in Denver. Meanwhile, when was the last time you spent the day with your own children?

MOLLY

J.J., remember when you were fifteen? Your mama was the last person on earth you wanted to be seen with.

J.J.

That ain’t the point. Look, I’m proud of you—real proud—but you and me are supposed to be an us. Any decision that affects us, we got to talk about.

MOLLY

Isn’t that what we’re doing?

J.J.

Before I read it on the front page.

I can’t help what the Denver Post prints.

MOLLY

J.J.

I am the only man I know whose toughest negotiations happen at home.

MOLLY

That’s why you married me.

J.J.

I married you ‘cause I love you so damn much, which ain’t to say there aren’t improvements I’d make if I could.

MOLLY

Like what?

#13—I’d Like to Change Everything About You

J.J.

Oh, this… and that.

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU

MOLLY

Is that all?

But I am.

J.J.

TO BEGIN, YOU’D ADMIT YOU’RE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

MOLLY

J.J.

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU

SO WHEN WE DISAGREE

IT WOULD NOT HAVE TO BE A BIG FIGHT

I’D TEMPER YOUR FIERY, IRISH TEMP’RAMENT LOWER THE FLAME TILL I HEAR, “YES, DEAR”

MOLLY

Ha!

J.J.

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU WITHOUT CHANGING YOUR LOVE FOR ME

MOLLY

Quite a list you got there. Almost as long as mine.

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU WHY NOT START WITH YOUR TENDENCY TO COMPETE?

Wait, wait: my tendency?

J.J.

MOLLY

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU SO WHEN I HAVE A TRIUMPH YOU DON’T TAKE IT AS A DEFEAT YOUR MASCULINE PRIDE, I’D DOUSE A BIT

J.J.

That ain’t gonna happen, so…

MOLLY

WATER IT DOWN TILL YOU PLAY MY WAY

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU WITHOUT CHANGING YOUR LOVE FOR ME

J.J.

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU

TO BEGIN, YOU’D ADMIT YOU’RE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU

SO WHEN WE DISAGREE, IT WOULD NOT HAVE TO BE A BIG FIGHT

I’D TEMPER YOUR FIERY IRISH TEMP’RAMENT

MOLLY

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU

LIKE YOUR TENDENCY TO COMPETE

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING

SO WHEN I TRIUMPH, YOU DON’T TAKE IT AS A DEFEAT

YOUR MASCULINE PRIDE, I’D—

MOLLY & J.J.

WATER IT DOWN TILL YOU PLAY MY WAY

(MOLLY & J.J.)

MY WAY!

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING ABOUT YOU WITHOUT CHANGING YOUR LOVE FOR ME

J.J.

All these years, and it turns out you’re wrong for me and I’m wrong for you.

MOLLY

Well, what do you know? Sometimes two wrongs do make a right.

J.J.

Do they?

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING,

J.J. & MOLLY

REARRANGE EV’RYTHING BUT NOT IF IT WOULD CHANGE YOUR LOVE FOR ME (MARY NEVIN enters.)

Hey, Molly—

Is she here?

MARY NEVIN

MOLLY

MARY NEVIN

Not yet. And when she comes, I’ll announce Mrs. Sneed-Hill proper like.

J.J.

Louise Sneed-Hill?

It’s time we bury the hatchet.

MOLLY

J.J.

Oh she’ll bury the hatchet, all right. The question is where.

MARY NEVIN

There’s a gaggle of foreigners at the back door. For Mr. B.

It ain’t my relief fund.

They’re up from Leadville.

J.J.

MARY NEVIN

J.J.

Wait, a German, an Italian, and an Asian guy?

MARY NEVIN

Walk into a bar.

Mary!

MOLLY

MARY NEVIN

There’s an English gal with ‘em for you.

MOLLY

Julia! This is not the time.

J.J.

I’ve been dodging Erich for weeks. This damn union business…

MOLLY

Union? I’m tempted to let ‘em in.

J.J.

With Louise Sneed-Hill due any moment?

(J.J. scores his point. MOLLY addresses MARY.)

MOLLY

Okay. Have Cook lay out a spread. Whatever she’s making for dinner, it’s now their lunch. But serve it in the kitchen while I’m taking tea with Louise.

(JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR enter.)

JULIA

Molly?

MOLLY

Julia! Hello.

J.J.

Hey! You brought everybody.

MARY NEVIN

(To JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR.)

I told you to wait outside!

Mary!

MOLLY

MARY NEVIN

(Exits, grumbling under her breath.)

Visitors must be announced and I do the announcing, but now mi casa es su casa…

(JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR are uncomfortable with the splendor of the room, and the contrast between their simple outfits and MOLLY and J.J.’s clothes is striking.)

Casa? It is a palazzo!

VINCENZO

J.J.

(Uncomfortable.)

That’s right… you never seen the place.

MOLLY

Come in, come in. What are you doing in Denver?

JULIA

The men have business with J.J., and I was hoping you and I—

MOLLY

I’d love that, but—

I got me a meeting.

J.J.

ERICH

On a Sunday?

MOLLY

And any minute now, Louise Sneed-Hill will be here. She runs the Denver Ladies Auxilliary Club, and if I’m running for Congress—oh, I’m running for Congress.

ARTHUR

We read about that.

Don’t believe everything you read.

J.J.

MOLLY

Look, I know we haven’t seen y’all in a while—

VINCENZO

(To J.J.)

J.J. you have not been at the mine in weeks.

JULIA

(To MOLLY.)

And I can’t remember the last time you came to Leadville.

MOLLY

I send you little pretties most every month.

JULIA

Molly, you sent us a Sears Roebuck house that is the talk of Leadville! But it’s not the same as seeing one another.

MOLLY

Tell you what, you won’t believe how many rooms we got upstairs. I know the fellas have to work tomorrow, but you stay the night and we’ll talk into the wee hours.

(Enter MARY NEVIN to announce the arrival of LOUISE SNEED-HILL and THE SACRED 36 LADIES.)

MARY NEVIN

Mrs. Sneed-Hill… and three others just like her but not as bad.

MOLLY

(As MARY NEVIN exits.)

Mary!

(VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR address THE SACRED 36 LADIES.)

Buon giorno.

Guten tag, meine Damen.

Ladies, hello.

VINCENZO

ERICH

ARTHUR

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(Takes in their working class attire, and their ethnicities.)

Yes, well… I thought this was a ladies’ tea party. I was not expecting… “gentlemen.” Mrs. Brown, I think it quite clear from the picaresque characters gathered ‘round you the world in which you belong, a world that is not, and never will be, mine.

(To THE SACRED 36 LADIES.)

Ladies! Onward.

MOLLY

But we’ve laid out a heck of a spread!

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

Which I leave to you and your “kind.”

J.J.

The best kind. Julia Bianconi, and her husband Vincenzo. That there’s Erich and Arthur.

ARTHUR

(Extends his hand.)

Charmed.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(Recoils in classist and racist horror.)

Don’t you dare!

J.J.

You know, one or two whiskies, your better half fills me in on all kinds of local history.

MOLLY

J.J., please—

J.J.

Like how the high-and-mighty Louise Sneed-Hill is actually the daughter of a smelter.

(THE SACRED 36 LADIES minus LOUISE gasp.)

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

If you are referring to the enormously successful smelting company of which my father was founder and president—

J.J.

That was later. Much later. According to Mr. Sneed-Hill, your daddy began his career getting his hands good and dirty, same as the rest of us.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

Well, I never!

Smelted? Hope not.

J.J.

VINCENZO

Now J.J., smelting is honest labor—even if it is stinky, horrible work

ARTHUR

The worst!

Where are my smelling salts?!

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

ERICH

Smelting salts.

(LOUISE SNEED-HILL swoons onto the settee. J.J., VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR are enjoying themselves.)

MOLLY

You boys go out and play, and let the grown-ups clean up your mess.

J.J.

You mean Louise? Don’t worry about her. Smelters are known to be good sports.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(The opposite of a good sport.)

Lies, filthy lies!

J.J.

See what I mean? C’mon fellas, I’ll give you the tour.

VINCENZO

(Laughing at ERICH’s pun as HE exits with J.J., ERICH, and ARTHUR.)

Smelting salts!

MOLLY

Mrs. Sneed-Hill, please accept my apology.

JULIA

Never fear, I’ve got just the thing. What my mum back in Cornwall used to give me to comfort and soothe. To this day, I can’t take a sip without remembering.

#14—Cuppa Tea

(JULIA prepares tea, including a generous shot of whiskey from a nearby bottle, unseen by the LOUISE and SACRED 36 LADIES.)

JULIA

CUPPA TEA

SUDDENLY I’M BACK THERE AGAIN

CUPPA TEA

STILL THE GIRL I WAS THEN

CUPPA TEA

CAN’T HELP BUT SEE THE DISTANCE I’VE COME— (To MOLLY, pointedly, i.e. “Remember your roots.”)

AND THE WORLD I COME FROM (JULIA serves the spiked tea to LOUISE and THE SACRED 36 LADIES.)

FANCY FREE!

QUITE A RACE THAT I RAN

(JULIA)

VICTORY BEGINS WITH WHERE I BEGAN

NOT TO SAY I’LL RETURN ONE DAY

I PREFER IT HERE WITH MY SOUVENIR OF ANOTHER CUPPA TEA TO HUMBLE ME ONCE MORE

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(The “tea” is having its desired affect: SHE is “relaxed.”)

It’s too divine. More tea!

Tabor’s tea… Molly, help me pour?

JULIA

MOLLY

Actually I think it’s you who’s helping me.

(MOLLY and JULIA serve more tea. LOUISE and SACRED 36 LADIES are decidedly loosening up.)

MOLLY & JULIA

CUPPA TEA

I COULD HARDLY RESIST

CUPPA TEA

JULIA

MOLLY & JULIA

MOLLY

SERVE IT NEAT WITH A TWIST

JULIA

UH-HUH

CUPPA TEA

MOLLY & JULIA

OUR RECIPE WILL EAT THROUGH THE CUP

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(The booze is taking hold.)

Dare I say, “bottom’s up?!”

CUPPA TEA

SACRED 36 LADIES

MOLLY & JULIA

(Regarding THE SACRED 36 LADIES.)

THEY’LL BE RAISING THE ROOF

SACRED 36 LADIES

CUPPA TEA

(To JULIA.)

MOLLY

MUST BE EIGHTY-EIGHT PROOF

JULIA

QUITE RIGHT

MOLLY

BEST OF ALL, YOU MADE ME RECALL ALL THE DAYS GONE BY—

MOLLY & JULIA

WHEN WE’D LAUGH AND CRY WITH ANOTHER CUPPA TEA—

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

I haven’t had this much fun since my daddy’d come home all likkered up, warbling at the top of his lungs. Remember those darling ditties?

BELLY UP—

SACRED 36 LADIES

CUPPA TEA

CUPPA TEA, CUPPA TEA

CUPPA TEA

LOOSEN YOUR BELTS

DRINK WITH SOMEON ELSE

MOLLY & JULIA

AND I’M BACK THERE AGAIN

THE GIRL I WAS THEN

WHERE I BEGAN

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

TO THE BAR, BOYS

SOMEWHERES IN BETWEEN

BELLY UP

AH—

ALL (EXCEPT LOUISE SNEED-HILL)

BELLY UP TO THE BAR, GIRLS

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

YEAH, GIRLS!

ALL (EXCEPT LOUISE SNEED-HILL)

I PREFER IT HERE.

BEER, BEER!

SACRED 36 LADIES WITH ANOTHER CUP WITH ANOTHER CUP WITH ANOTHER CUPPA TEA

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

JULIA WITH ANOTHER CUP WITH ANOTHER CUPPA TEA

MOLLY & LOW VOICES WITH ANOTHER CUPPA TEA

ALL (EXCEPT LOUISE SNEED-HILL) TO HUMBLE ME ONCE MORE

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(To JULIA.)

You’re pretty.

ALL A CUPPA, CUPPA, CUPPA, CUPPA CUPPA, CUPPA, CUPPA, CUPPA—

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

The whole pot!

ALL (EXCEPT LOUISE SNEED-HILL)

(As LOUISE chugs straight from the teapot.)

ANOTHER CUPPA TEA!

(Enter J.J., VINCENZO, ERICH, ARTHUR, and MARY NEVIN.)

What the hell—?

J.J.

LOUISE SNEED-HILL

(To J.J. LOUISE is hammered.)

Mr. Brown, the Sacred Thirty-Six is happy to welcome you to its ranks.

(To MOLLY.)

(LOUISE SNEED-HILL)

Tomorrow, tea time, chez moi? I have a stash of Daddy’s corn liquor, makes you see double and feel single. Ladies!

#14A—Ladies

MARY NEVIN

I’ll show you out… through the back door.

(Exit MARY NEVIN and THE SACRED 36 LADIES. ALL relax into laughter about the tea party-turned-bachanal.)

J.J.

(To MOLLY.)

I take it the Denver Ladies Auxilliary Club will back you for Congress.

MOLLY

(Indicates JULIA.)

With this one as my campaign manager, and best friend ever!

VINCENZO

You cannot make old friends. And when was the last time the six of us raised a glass?

J.J.

Prego, Vincenzo, Erich, Arthur… let’s get it out in the open.

ARTHUR

What about your meeting?

J.J.

You know I ain’t got a meeting. And I know why you’re here: you want to form a union.

VINCENZO

No. We want to have a discussion about the possibility of…

ARTHUR

Of forming a union.

Molly, perhaps we should—

JULIA

MOLLY

We sit in here and listen or we stand out there and listen.

J.J.

Okay… but just listen. Boys, you know I’ve been anti-union since the four of us worked side-by-side.

ERICH

But I still don’t understand why.

Yeah, why?

MOLLY

J.J.

(Shoots MOLLY a look, then to VINCENZO, ARTHUR, and ERICH.)

You don’t like someone telling you where you have to be, what time you have to be there, how long you have to stay there and how much you’ll be paid for it, right? Well, what do you think a union does?

ERICH

At least they go by what’s best for us and not the bottom line.

VINCENZO

Erich, this is J.J. we’re talking to, not Simon Legree.

MOLLY

(To JULIA, regarding VINCENZO.)

You tell him to say that?

Molly.

(To VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR.)

J.J.

Far as I can see, a union cares about two things: how much it can steal from your paycheck and call it “dues,” and how many businesses it can break.

ERICH

No one is looking to put you out of business.

MOLLY

You hear that, J.J.?

J.J.

Shush!

(To VINCENZO, ERICH, and ARTHUR.)

I’ve always tried to figure out what each of my men needs—and yes, what he deserves. Now I got the three of you looking after ‘em. So you tell me, are we treating folks fair?

ERICH

Of course. But there are thousands and thousands of miners who aren’t lucky enough to have a boss like you.

J.J.

If fellas don’t like who they’re working for, they should come work with us.

MOLLY

Unless they can’t ‘cause they’re injured.

JULIA

Or worse.

SHUSH!

J.J.

JULIA

That’s what I did when you and William had this conversation, and I wish I’d spoken up.

J.J.

(Where is JULIA taking this conversation?)

What are you talking about?

JULIA

I know you remember: Erich and Arthur insisting the men organize, you arguing the same points you’re arguing now and William right there beside you, over and over until William went to work one morning and didn’t come back.

Julia, that’s not fair.

J.J.

JULIA

No it’s not. And when you find a way to explain that to my son, let me know.

J.J.

Will was my friend… but unions do not prevent accidents.

MOLLY

They take care of the family when something goes wrong. That’s more than Horace did. What would’ve happened to Julia—to our Godson—if you hadn’t given her that money.

JULIA

J.J. never gave me any money.

MOLLY

You’re right. He gave it to me and I gave it to you.

J.J.

Dammit, Molly!

(To JULIA.)

You didn’t tell me—

This is the first I’m hearing of it.

VINCENZO

JULIA

J.J.

(To JULIA but really to MOLLY.)

It was supposed to be a secret.

VINCENZO

I can’t believe you kept this from me all these years!

J.J.

What are you sore about? It’s not like I was Julia’s beau.

ARTHUR

But you helped her anyway, because you knew Tabor wouldn’t give her a dime.

ERICH

(To J.J.; the temperature’s rising.)

You knew a mine owner can never be counted on to do the right thing. Of course, now that you are one of them—

J.J.

So I’m a hypocrite? And how ‘bout you, barging into my home knowing I won’t give you the boot ‘cause we’re buddies, and calling me up short in my own front parlor!

ERICH

Would you rather we do it in front of the other men?

J.J.

I’d rather you remember that if it weren’t for me, there wouldn’t be any gold to mine!

J.J.

You seem to forget that—

JULIA

Vincenzo, I want to go—

VINCENZO

Both of us had children, and—

MOLLY

ERICH

So we should be grateful—

ARTHUR

J.J., all four of us went—

J.J., you talk as if each and every mine owner is just like you, a real decent man—

J.J.

Try doormat. But that stops right here, right now: no union.

ERICH

If we come home empty handed, there’s no telling what the men might do.

J.J.

You threatening to strike?

MOLLY

What choice do they have if you won’t meet ‘em halfway?

J.J.

How’s this for halfway: Erich, Arthur, Vincenzo, you’re fired.

MOLLY

What?!

JULIA

You can’t!

VINCENZO

J.J., no!

J.J.

ERICH

I knew it!

ARTHUR

Please, boss—

(To MOLLY.)

And you! Leading the charge like Joan of Arc. I bet if she had a husband, he’d ‘a put up that stake, and stocked up on matches.

MOLLY

It’s me you’re mad at, don’t take it out on them.

J.J.

I won’t have anyone running my life for me: no union, no wife, not even the three best friends a fella could ask for.

ERICH

Not anymore!

J.J.

Damn right: you’re labor, I’m management, and never the twain shall meet.

(To ERICH.)

Ain’t that right, “shop steward?”

(Exit J.J.)

If we had a union, we could fight this.

ERICH

Then we got to get you a union.

We? You’ll stand behind us?

MOLLY

ARTHUR

MOLLY

Not behind you: beside you.

(Calls O.S.)

MARY?!

(Enter MARY NEVIN.)

MARY NEVIN

No need to shout. I got my ear to the door.

MOLLY

Call the Denver Post.

SCENE 4

Enter MAUD and ENSEMBLE WOMEN, dancing as the set transforms into Denver’s most exclusive men’s club. An uncharacteristically drunk J.J. is surrounded by BUSINESSMEN and an uncomfortable TABOR.

#15—If We Can-Can ~ Part 1

MAUD & ENSEMBLE WOMEN

IF WE CAN-CAN THEN WE SHOULD

THAT IS THE LATEST FROM THE LADIES OF PAREE THEY TELL US IF WE CAN-CAN THEN WE SHOULD

MAUD

THAT’S THE PHILOSOPHY DU JOUR

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

WHOO!

MAUD

THAT’S HOW WE DO THE THINGS WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

THAT’S HOW WE LEARN THAT BEING BAD CAN BE SO GOOD

MAUD & ENSEMBLE WOMEN

IF WE CAN-CAN THEN WE SHOULD THAT IS THE MORAL OF L’AMOUR J.J.

(To BUSINESSMEN.)

Did I tell you what I told that wife of mine?

TABOR Yep. J.J.

I told her, “Nobody tells J.J. Brown how to—”

J.J. & BUSINESSMEN

“Run his business!”

(Big reaction from the BUSINESSMEN, but not TABOR. FRED BONFILS pulls MAUD aside. HE indicates J.J.)

See that man?

FRED BONFILS

MAUD

He’s been in before. We’ve all tried cozying up, he only comes here to conduct business.

FRED BONFILS

He’s ripe for pleasure tonight.

How do you know?

MAUD

FRED BONFILS

I publish the Denver Post, it’s my job to know. So answer me this: you still married?

MAUD

Got a license says I’m hitched.

FRED BONFILS

That little license could make you a lot of money and sell me some papers.

(FRED BONFILS directs MAUD toward J.J.)

MAUD

Mr. Brown, allow me to introduce myself: Maud Call.

TABOR

We’re calling it a night, Miss… Call. J.J., you coming?

J.J.

Yeah, Horace. (To MAUD.)

Sorry, miss, I got a wife waiting at home.

FRED BONFILS

Molly Brown waits for no man. Fred Bonfils, Denver Post. And Mrs. Brown is headed to Leadville as we speak.

J.J.

Leadville?

FRED BONFILS

Uh-huh. Oh, one of my reporters is with her. Something about a strike your workers are planning—using your wife as their mouthpiece.

J.J.

(To TABOR.)

Molly is siding with the men against us?

TABOR

I can’t believe it.

#15A—If We Can-Can ~ Part 2

MAUD

The paper wouldn’t print it if wasn’t true… so who you gonna side with?

AS FOR THE GIRLS WHO WANT TO SAVE THEIR MAIDENHOOD: EV’RY LAST ONE OF ‘EM WOULD CAN-CAN IF SHE COULD! IF WE CAN-CAN, THEN WE SHOULD THAT’S WHAT A DANCING GIRL IS FOR (The dance continues as MOLLY appears, addressing an unseen crowd of strikers.)

MOLLY

My husband was a miner once, only now that he’s in charge, he’s forgotten what it’s like. So we’re here to remind him. And we’ll be here tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that!

(BABY DOE appears.)

Molly!

BABY DOE

MOLLY

Baby Doe Tabor… care to make a speech?

A short one: J.J. needs you.

He knows where I am.

BABY DOE

MOLLY

BABY DOE

On the picket line? Think about what you’re doing!

MOLLY

Standing up to my husband!

BABY DOE

I stand up to Horace, and you know it. But publicly humiliate him?!

MOLLY

Look, once I win this thing—

BABY DOE

Which you might—but you’re going to lose J.J. in the bargain!

MOLLY

Baby Doe, wait… Wait!

(Exit BABY DOE. MOLLY is shaken. Back to the dance. MAUD performs for an audience of one: J.J.)

MAUD & ENSEMBLE WOMEN

IF WE CAN-CAN THEN WE SHOULD

ASK ANY FEMME FATALE YOU FIND ALONG THE SEINE

SHE’LL WHISPER IF WE CAN-CAN THEN WE SHOULD!

SAY OOO-LA-LA ET C’EST LA VIE

C’EST LA VIE!!

MAUD

LONG AS WE CAN CAN-CAN—

ENSEMBLE WOMEN

LONG AS WE CAN CAN-CAN—

MAUD & ENSEMBLE WOMEN

(Spoken.)

MAIS OUI!

WE MAY!

(MAUD & ENSEMBLE WOMEN)

(MAUD pulls J.J. aside and removes his blazer. SHE exits. HORACE hands J.J. a newspaper, which J.J. reads.)

The shack house, which has been abandoned for some time. J.J. is seated at a table.

MOLLY enters.

I didn’t think you’d show.

J.J.

MOLLY

Your note said you’re in trouble. Here I am.

J.J.

But who are you, my wife or a union rep?

MOLLY

J.J., you come all the way from Denver to Leadville, make me climb the hill to the shack house when surely my hotel would be more comfortable for us both… what’s going on?

J.J.

Let’s see, my workers are on strike, my wife is on strike—

MOLLY

I didn’t come here to talk union. Unless it’s ours.

J.J.

I’m all ears.

MOLLY

You only got two… and they’re too big for the size of your head, which is pretty cute. Anyone ever told you that?

J.J.

Tell me something else I don’t know.

MOLLY

All right.

(SHE kisses him.)

Strike’s over.

J.J.

That’s not why I kissed you.

MOLLY

J.J.

It ain’t ‘cause you kissed me. Horace and I have talked this up one side and down t’other. Union’s coming, like it or not, so we’ll be the first to open our doors.

MOLLY

It’ll be a good thing. You’ll see.

J.J.

And Erich, Arthur, and Vincenzo—they’re getting promotions and raises.

MOLLY

Real decent man.

J.J.

I don’t know about that… but it’s worth it just to see you smile. Oh, Mol, remember all the good times we had in this cabin? More than in all the rooms of the Denver house put together… so why not stay?

MOLLY

Can’t get back to Denver till morning, and I have to spend the night somewhere…

J.J.

Molly, I mean for good.

Here—in the shack house?

MOLLY

J.J.

I’ll build you the grandest house you’ve ever seen. Long as it’s in Leadville.

MOLLY

What about Larry and Kit? Their friends, their school…

J.J.

There’s a school here.

MOLLY

Not a good one.

J.J.

I’ll build ‘em another. Don’t you see? Outside of Leadville, the world spins too fast for us. We been dizzy ever since I struck gold.

MOLLY

Still getting used to the altitude. The air’s pretty thin up top the social ladder.

J.J.

You’ll live under the roof I give ‘ya!

MOLLY

We can talk about it on the way home… to Denver. C’mon. (SHE starts to exit. HE presents her with a newspaper.)

J.J.

Wait. I didn’t want to do it this way, but…

MOLLY

What’s this?

Tomorrow’s paper.

J.J.

MOLLY

“MINING MAGNATE NAMED OTHER MAN.”

J.J.

By your friends at the Denver Post.

MOLLY

“According to court documents obtained by this paper, Mr. Harold E. Call alleges that his marriage to wife Maud has been destroyed by overnight millionaire, James Joseph—”

J.J… ! Tell me they’ll print a retraction, or you’ll sue: libel! Defamation of character!

J.J.

I ain’t been defamed. Exactly.

“Exactly?” Meaning?

MOLLY

J.J.

There is a lawsuit. Fella claims I loved up his wife.

MOLLY

(Tries to convince herself.)

But you didn’t… you didn’t…

(He looks away. MOLLY struggles to compose herself.)

“I’ll never look at anyone else.” Isn’t that what you said? Standing right there.

J.J.

Look, this woman and me, we had some laughs together. You were here. I was there, sleeping in an empty bed night after night, till one night—I didn’t know she was married!

MOLLY

Did you know you were married?

What about you?

Me?!

J.J.

MOLLY

J.J.

Vowing to honor me… is that what you’re doing on that picket line?

MOLLY

I’m trying to help the folks I love!

J.J.

Help yourself, you mean, “Molly for Congress.”

MOLLY

Not anymore. A stain this big would spoil a man’s chances, never mind a woman. I am still a woman, J.J.

J.J.

Been a long while since you acted like a wife. I’m not sure you ever really did.

MOLLY

So it’s my fault you made love to someone else?

J.J.

Not love! Nothing to do with love! It was more like—

MOLLY

Stop! I can’t listen… I can’t even look at you!

(SHE starts to exit.)

Where you going?

J.J.

MOLLY

As far from you as I can get. Soon as I’m settled, I’ll send for Larry and Kit.

J.J.

The hell you will! They’re Leadville born, they’ll be Leadville bred.

MOLLY

This is for lawyers to decide!

(MOLLY exits. J.J. calls after her.)

#16—I’d Like to Change Everything (Reprise) J.J.

We don’t need lawyers: we fight just fine on our own. Get back here and finish… You’ve never in your life left a fight half fought! Molly! MOLLY!

I’D LIKE TO CHANGE EV’RYTHING

REARRANGE EV’RYTHING—

SCENE 6

Rome, 1904. DOLCE TRIO, three well-heeled, handsome and impovershed European NOBLEMEN, enter. On another part of the stage, JUDGE BEN LINDSEY appears.

#17—Dolce Trio

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

In the matter of Brown versus Brown, the parties hereby agree to a legal separation.

DOLCE TRIO MAN (FRENCH)

LET ME WHISPER “DOLCE FAR NIENTE,” MY DARLING

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ENGLISH)

LET ME WHISPER “DOLCE FAR NIENTE,” MY LOVE

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

Mr. Brown will place ample funds in trust for Mrs. Brown.

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ITALIAN)

AND LET ME HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS

UNTIL THE NIGHT BIRDS CALL THEN LET ME DREAM AND FALL AWAKE—

DOLCE TRIO

TO FIND IT’S NOT A DREAM AT ALL.

(Enter LARRY and KIT [MOLLY, and J.J.’s teenage children].)

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

Mr. Brown shall retain custody of the children, Lawrence and Catherine.

KIT

Kit.

Lawrence and Catherine—

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

LARRY & KIT

Kit!

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

—shall spend summers and holidays with Mrs. Brown, who plans to reside abroad.

DOLCE TRIO

WHISPER “DOLCE, DOLCE” MEANING “SWEET, SWEET,”

MY DARLING

“FAR NIENTE,” “PRECIOUS NOTHINGS”

LIKE A SIGH

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

Mr. and Mrs. Brown shall have no communication with each other except through an attorney.

DOLCE TRIO

EV’RY TENDER “DOLCE FAR NIENTE” WILL GO ON FOREVER JUST AS YOU, AND OUR LOVE, AND I

JUDGE BEN LINDSEY

As if any attorney could shut either one of ‘em up.

DOLCE TRIO

DARLING, YOU—

DOLCE TRIO MAN (FRENCH)

“

DOLCE FAR NIENTE”

AND I

(J.J. appears, writing a letter.)

DOLCE TRIO

J.J.

Dear Molly, all Leadville’s talking ‘cause I’m in church every Sunday like you always wanted me to be, not ‘cause you wanted me to be but ‘cause I want to be there. Meanwhile, no one says boo ‘bout you galavanting all over Europe with a baron, a duke and an earl.

(MOLLY appears, resplendent in red silk.)

MOLLY

Dear J.J., Safety in numbers: when one of ‘em gets too flirty, I turn my attention to another. How’s Larry?

Near tall as me.

J.J.

LARRY

Taller. KIT

(Smacks LARRY the way her mother smacks her father.)

Don’t be a goop.

LARRY Ow! J.J.

And Kit’s growing up to be just like you.

DOLCE TRIO MAN (BRITISH)

I say, dance with me, Molly!

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ITALIAN)

I believe it is my turn!

I knew you first!

DOLCE TRIO MAN (FRENCH)

J.J.

THERE’S THE SAME LITTLE CHAPEL DOWN MEM’RY LANE

IT’S THE SAME LITTLE CORNER OF HEAVEN

MORNING SERVICE IS STILL AT ELEVEN

PRAY’R MEETING, TOO, AFTER THE DISHES ARE THROUGH

THERE’S THE SAME SHADY STREET WITH THE SYCAMORE TREES AND THE SAME LAZY CLOUDS IN THE BLUE

WHERE THE PATIENT OLD BELL SEEMS TO SAY “ALL IS WELL”

TO THE SAME FRIENDLY PEOPLE YOU KNEW

THERE’S THE CHURCH WHERE WE WED AND TO ONE SIDE A PEW WITH A LONELY MAN QUIETLY PRAYING

THAT SAME PRAYER HE PRAYS DAY-AFTER-DAYING

(J.J.)

WAITING FOR YOU.

(Paris, 1907. LARRY and KIT flank MOLLY.)

MOLLY

Dear J.J., Remember how we agreed I should expose the kids to culture?

J.J.

Dear Molly, I remember.

LARRY

(A world weary sigh: been there/done that.)

Ah!

MOLLY

(To J.J.)

I think I overexposed ‘em.

LARRY

(To KIT, regarding the Picasso painting HE scrutinizes.)

Les nouveaux tableaux de Picasso sont tous la même chose: du bleu, du bleu et encore, du bleu!

Mon dieu!

J.J.

T’ain’t nothing a week of camping in the Rockies won’t fix.

LARRY

Qu’est-ça que c’est, “camping?”

Oh, shut up, Larry.

Je m’appelle Laurent.

Shut up, Larry.

(Exit LARRY and KIT.)

KIT

LARRY

MOLLY, J.J., & KIT

I say, marry me, Molly!

I believe it is my turn!

DOLCE TRIO MAN (BRITISH)

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ITALIAN)

I knew you first!

DOLCE TRIO MAN (FRENCH)

MOLLY

(To DOLCE TRIO, as SHE waltzes with them.)

I MAY NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT I SAY TO YOU NOW

MUSIC AND LOVE ALWAYS GO HAND IN HAND

BOTH MAKE ME FEEL SO GRAND TILL THE BAND AIN’T PLAYING

SO WHATEVER ELSE YOU THINK YOU HEAR ME SAY PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO FORGET IT SOMEDAY

ONE THING’S SURE: I LOVE YOU MADLY

JUST AS LONG AS THE BAND PLAYS ON (London, 1910.)

J.J.

Dear Molly, The house feels real empty with Larry in college and Kit at finishing school.

MOLLY

Dear J.J., “Finishing school… ” and I never even started. Now I have a separate room just for red silk dresses.

J.J.

Remember that first one I give you? Hung in the closet the longest while. Didn’t you like it?

MOLLY

I loved it! Just… didn’t think I deserved it. You almost made me feel like I did, till—

J.J.

I know. I’m sorry.

(THEY dance a tender waltz.)

J.J.

THERE’S THE SAME

LITTLE CHAPEL OOO—

IT’S THE SAME

LITTLE CORNER OF HEAVEN WITH THE MORNING SERVICE AT ELEVEN OOO— OOO—

THERE’S THE CHURCH WHERE WE WED OOO—

WITH A

LONELY MAN QUIETLY PRAYING

THAT SAME PRAYER

HE PRAYS

DAY-AFTER-DAYING— OOH

WAITING FOR YOU

DOLCE TRIO OOO—

MY DARLING OOO—

MY LOVE OOO— THEN LET ME DREAM, OOO— TO FIND IT’S NOT A DREAM AT ALL OOOOO— MY DARLING OOO— OOO— OOO— OOO— FAR NIENTE OOO—

YOU AND OUR LOVE, AND I

DARLING YOU OOO— AND I

MOLLY

I MAY NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT— OOO—

MUSIC AND LOVE ALWAYS GO HAND IN HAND

BOTH MAKE ME FEEL SO GRAND OOO—

SO WHATEVER ELSE YOU THINK I SAY

PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO FORGET IT SOMEDAY OOO—

I LOVE YOU MADLY

JUST AS LONG AS THE BAND PLAYS ON

DON’T WAIT

TILL THE MUSIC IS GONE.

(J.J. exits. MARY NEVIN enters with a telegram, which MOLLY reads. It’s clear from her reaction that the telegram is bad news.)

MOLLY

Mary, pack what I need for a long stay and get me on the first ship home.

MARY NEVIN

There’s a new one making her maiden voyage. They say she’s the fastest ever.

MOLLY

You just happen to know that?

MARY NEVIN

No, I found out moments ago—when I booked your passage.

MOLLY

What would I do without you to steam open my telegrams?

MARY NEVIN

This one I wish I hadn’t opened: a stroke.

MOLLY

He ain’t down yet. C’mon!

MARY NEVIN

You go. I’ll stay behind to oversee the sale of the London flat, the villa in Rome, the chateau outside Paris—

MOLLY

What makes you sure I’m not coming back?

MARY NEVIN

“In sickness and in health,” that’s what you said. Whatever I may think of how you’ve been living these past years, you’re not one to break a promise.

(MOLLY and MARY NEVIN exit arm-in-arm.)

DOLCE TRIO MAN (BRITISH)

I say, take me with you, Molly!

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ITALIAN)

I believe it is my turn!

DOLCE TRIO MAN (FRENCH)

I knew you first!

(ENSEMBLE MEN swirl ENSEMBLE WOMEN in a waltz.)

DOLCE TRIO

SO LET ME HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS

UNTIL THE NIGHT BIRDS CALL

THEN LET ME DREAM AND FALL AWAKE

TO FIND IT’S NOT A DREAM AT ALL

ONE THING’S SURE: I LOVE YOU MADLY

JUST AS LONG AS THE BAND PLAYS ON

DOLCE TRIO MAN (ITALIAN)

SO WHEN YOU ASK ME—

ENSEMBLE MEN

DON’T WAIT TILL THE MUSIC IS GONE

(ENSEMBLE MEN deliver ENSEMBLE WOMEN to a lifeboat, then exit, bidding ENSEMBLE WOMEN a tearful and final farewell.)

A lifeboat. MOLLY and PASSENGERS row, overseen by a petty and panicked HICHENS. Rescue is nowhere in sight.

Pick up the pace!

HICHENS

Why are you shouting? We’re right here.

MOLLY

HICHENS

Temperature’s dropping. This cold this quick can only mean a storm.

MAUREEN (Irish, working class.)

Merciful Jesus!

Faster, you spoiled bunch of ninnies!

“Ninnies?” Really?

HICHENS

MOLLY

HICHENS

Stop squawking, keep rowing… though I don’t see much point in it. This is the end!

MAUREEN (Panicked.)

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou—

HICHENS

Why aren’t you rowing?

You just told us there’s no point.

MOLLY

HICHENS

Keep going the way you’re going, you’re going overboard.

MOLLY

Try it and see who ends up in the North Atlantic and good luck getting back on the boat.

(To MAUREEN.)

Miserable excuse for a man.

Hey!

HICHENS

MOLLY

Hush.

(To MAUREEN, who is still panicked.)

You must be chilled to the bone. That coat’s too thin to be a proper bed-jacket. Swap.

MAUREEN

Don’t be daft!

MOLLY

Why? I’ve had several hours of sable. Your turn.

(Wraps MAUREEN in sable, then drapes MAUREEN’s cloth coat over her shoulders.)

Now then, what’s your name?

(MAUREEN is too distraught to respond.)

You have a name, don’t you?

(Through her tears.)

Maureen.

We’re halfway there.

O’Shaughnessy.

MAUREEN

MOLLY

MAUREEN

MOLLY

Happy to know you, Maureen O’Shaughnessy.

(MAUREEN is still too distraught to respond.)

(MOLLY)

And what’s my name, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you: Mrs. Margaret “Call Me Molly” Brown. And you know what I’ll call you? Mo—short for Maureen and short for Missouri and that’s where I was born, on the muddy banks of the Mississip.

MAUREEN

(Indicates sable.)

A river you managed to cross.

MOLLY

I married the right man is all. He’d be the first to tell you, underneath that sable, I’m still shanty Irish.

MAUREEN

Then answer me this, one Irish lass to another:

(Indicates HICHENS.)

He’s right, isn’t he: we’re all going to die!

MOLLY

Yes we are. Now if you’re asking will it be tonight, I don’t know.

MAUREEN

And Mr. Brown, was he… ?

MOLLY

No, he’s waiting back home. How ‘bout you, were you… traveling with anybody?

MAUREEN

I’m on my own, the only one in my family with America on me mind.

(Indicates their current predicament.)

Perhaps I should’ve stayed put.

MOLLY

No, Mo, we’re gonna make it. We got to! J.J.—that’s my husband—and the last time we saw each other, we said things…

MAUREEN

So soon as you see him, you’ll say you’re sorry.

If I see him.

MOLLY

MAUREEN

You said it yourself: we’re going to make it!

MOLLY

We will, but—

(SHE hands MAUREEN the telegram. MAUREEN reads it.)

Everything else I left in my cabin. But this…

MAUREEN

Poor Mr. Brown.

MOLLY

Writes me most every week, not a peep about feeling poorly. But that’s him: always putting himself last. See, there’s the difference between us.

MAUREEN

You put yourself first, is it? Like giving me the coat off your back, or telling us all where to sit so the ballast would be even like,

(Indicates HICHENS.)

Standing up to that miserable excuse for a man.

HICHENS

Hey!

Hush.

MAUREEN & MOLLY

MAUREEN

You’ve made this lifeboat more livable, Molly. I’ve a hunch it’s not the first time.

MOLLY

I suppose I have helped some folks… but the one I love most? Not so much.

MAUREEN

Well what are you waiting for?

MOLLY

Less there’s a stowaway I don’t know about, J.J. ain’t here, so—

MAUREEN

(Indicates her heart.)

He’s here, isn’t he? So tell him what you need him to know, every secret thing.

MOLLY

Oh, Mo—

MAUREEN

Unh-uh, not me: Mr. Brown.

#18—Wait For Me

MOLLY

J.J., you would like this gal. You will like her, ‘cause you’re gonna meet her, ‘cause I’m a’comin, so please, J.J., please…

WAIT FOR ME.

AFTER ALL THE TIME APART

THE YEARS WE’VE LET OURSELVES FORGO

IF YOU CAN HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE WHILE

I’LL BE THERE IN YOUR ARMS BEFORE YOU KNOW

OH, WAIT FOR ME

THINK OF COUNTLESS KINDNESSES

THE TENDER KISSES I’LL BESTOW

IF YOU CAN HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE WHILE

I’LL BE THERE, IN YOUR ARMS, LOVING YOU SO

THERE ARE STILL TOO MANY MILES BETWEEN US AND I HATE TO MAKE YOU WAIT A SECOND LONGER

BUT LOVE THAT’S TRUE CONSTANTLY BLOOMS ANEW: TRUER

DEEPER STRONGER

Molly, look: a flare!

MAUREEN

(PASSENGERS react excitedly.)

MOLLY

Mo, he heard me. He heard me! C’mon ladies!

(PASSENGERS start to row, MOLLY very much in charge. Mutiny!)

Hey, I’m the one in charge!

HICHENS

MOLLY

Oh, no you’re not.

(To PASSENGERS.)

Row!

(PASSENGERS and HICHENS exit with the lifeboat, leaving MOLLY alone center stage to claim her power.)

THERE ARE STILL SO MANY MILES!

AND I HATE TO MAKE YOU WAIT A SECOND LONGER BUT LOVE THAT’S TRUE CONSTANTLY BLOOMS ANEW

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND YOU CAN FEEL MY TOUCH

HEAR ME MISSING YOU SO MUCH!

PLEASE WAIT FOR ME

GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY!

TOMORROW SINGS A SWEETER SONG

MY DARLING, HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE WHILE I’LL BE THERE—

IF I’VE NOT WAITED TOO LONG

SCENE 8

Pier 54 in New York City. A REPORTER files his story.

REPORTER

April 18, 1912. “Carpathia Docks Amid Chaos and Confusion.” Pier 54 at West 14th Street and the Hudson River is packed with people. They are here to witness history. They are here to honor the dead. And they are here to see if their loved one survived this titanic collision of man’s hubris and Mother Nature. How many survived, and the names of those survivors, is not yet known. Lack of information has left many with no choice but to gather on this rainy night and call out the name of their loved one.

(As REPORTER speaks, pre-recorded voices call out names of Titanic passengers, building to a cacaphony at the climax of the which MOLLY enters, dressed in ragtag clothes borrowed from passengers aboard the RMS Carpathia, a look evocative of the 19-year-old MOLLY we met in Act I, Scene 1. Houselights brighten slightly so MOLLY can address the audience as if it is the crowd gathered to find out the fate of their loved ones.)

MOLLY

Everyone, hush now! Please! I know you’re scared, I know you’re upset. If you call out the name of the person you’re waiting for, I might have information. Is anyone waiting for Emma Bucknell? ‘Cause I had breakfast with her this morning, she’ll be out shortly. And Leila Meyer, was someone asking after her? She was in my lifeboat, so I know she’s okay. The rest of you… no news is no news, I promise. The Carpathia’s Marconi apparatus blew up, what with all us of trying to send word. And many of us are… okay. Okay, keep your eyes on the gangplank and when you see the person you’re looking for—and if you don’t see them, there are folks here from the White Star Line—oh, this is important, if you need a translator, I speak Italian, I speak German, je parle un peu de French... I’ll even fake my way through Chinese, so—

(Enter JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, ARTHUR, LARRY, KIT, TABOR, and BABY DOE.)

JULIA

Molly!

(MOLLY runs into their arms in an emotional reunion. On another part of the stage, IMMIGRANTS who survived the sinking of the Titanic approach an IMMIGRATION OFFICER, who processes their entry into the USA.)

JULIA

Let me look at you.

VINCENZO

I can breathe again.

ERICH

I knew you’d make it!

ARTHUR

You gave us such a scare!

LARRY

Am I glad to see you! KIT

Answered prayers—

TABOR

A sight for sore eyes!

BABY DOE

We were so worried!

But what do you have on?

KIT

MOLLY

You like it? I spent the last two days going door-to-door, borrowing clothes from folks aboard the Carpathia. Not just for me. All our clothes were, well you know, wet.

JULIA

Margaret Tobin, I actually prayed: “Dear God, I still don’t believe in you, but Molly does and that should be more than enough.”

MOLLY

Amen.

REPORTER

Molly Brown! Alfred Long, the New York Times. Care to make a statement?

MOLLY

Unh-uh. No interviews, nothing.

(To JULIA, et al.)

Just get me on the first train home. How’s J.J.?

ERICH

Doc Morris is hoping he will bounce back.

ARTHUR

He would’ve come, but—

VINCENZO

We thought the trip would be too much.

MOLLY

(The reality hits: J.J. is impaired—or maybe HE doesn’t want to see her.)

I see.

Give it time, Molly.

BABY DOE

TABOR

He’s on a month’s bedrest, doctor’s orders.

MOLLY

And the sooner I get there the sooner I can make things better. C’mon!

(THEY start to exit, as the commotion surrounding the IMMIGRANTS and IMMIGRATION OFFICER reaches a boiling point. MAUREEN calls out to MOLLY.)

MAUREEN

Molly—wait!

VINCENZO

Prego, not now.

But I need her help!

MAUREEN

LARRY

Hasn’t my mother done enough for you people?

MOLLY

Larry! I didn’t raise a little rich kid. I’m sorry, Mo—

(To JULIA, VINCENZO, ERICH, ARTHUR, BABY DOE, and TABOR.)

Everybody, meet Maureen. Mo, this is everybody.

(ALL react, saying hello. MOLLY addresses MAUREEN.)

Soon as I get home—

MAUREEN

That’ll be too late: they’re sending me back on the next boat!

MOLLY

Sending you back? Why?

Because I arrived here “indigent.”

MAUREEN

MOLLY

Course you did: everything you own’s on the ocean floor.

Can you help?

MAUREEN

MOLLY

(An agonizing decision, but J.J. needs her.)

Mo, I got to get to J.J.

JULIA

(To LARRY and KIT.)

Tell her what your father said.

KIT

When we got the news about the Titanic—

LARRY

He said, “Your mother’s too ornery to drown.”

MOLLY

Too ornery… He said that?

(Makes her way to IMMIGRATION OFFICER.)

Hey!

Hey?

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

MOLLY

You really gonna turn away decent people who’ve fallen on hard times through no fault of their own?

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

And who might you be?

MOLLY

Not “might be:”

(Makes it up on the spot.)

I am chairwoman of the International Coalition of Titanic Survivors.

(To JULIA, etc.)

How much cash y’all got?

LARRY

Fifty, seventy-five bucks.

KIT

I have a twenty.

JULIA Five dollars at the hotel.

(MOLLY)

VINCENZO

A pocketful of change.

ERICH I’d rather not say.

MOLLY

ARTHUR Not a wooden nickel.

Not nearly enough. Horace, have the office wire us ten thousand dollars.

TABOR

I left my wallet at the—

BABY DOE

Horace, cough it up.

Ten thousand dollars?!

Horace!

TABOR

BABY DOE

MOLLY

(To IMMIGRANTS.)

I will see to it that every last one of you has money in your pocket and someplace to go.

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

I’ll tell you where they’re going: back where they came from.

MOLLY

Maybe, maybe not. What’s your name?

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

Kenneth B. Chapman.

MOLLY

Happy to know you, Kenneth B. Chapman (To REPORTER, who smells a story.)

C-H-A-P-M-A-N.

REPORTER

Got it.

MOLLY

(To IMMIGRATION OFFICER, indicating REPORTER.)

But with the help of my friend from the New York Times, the rest of the world might not be so pleased to make your acquaintance: “Kenneth B. Chapman, the man who turned away Titanic survivors.”

REPORTER

You’re good.

I’m just doing my job.

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

These folks have been to hell and back!

MOLLY

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

(Indicates rule book.)

Which doesn’t change the fact that they’re likely to become public charges and therefore excludable under section three, code 117 of the Immigration and Naturalization Bureau.

MOLLY

But America is more than sections and codes. And if you don’t think so, Kenneth B. Chapman, I’d like to speak to your boss.

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

Be my guest. You’ll get nowhere with him.

MOLLY

Her.

Her?!

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

MOLLY

Uh-huh. French gal. She’s big and she’s green and she’s standing that’a way.

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

I know where the Statue of Liberty is.

MOLLY

Don’t seem to get what she’s saying. Maybe it’s her accent. Allow me to translate:

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR FROM FARAWAY SHORES

I’m first generation and proud of it.

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR FLING OPEN THE DOORS

I doubt the Chapman family predates Chris Columbus.

INDEPENDENCE DAY IN THE U.S.A.

IS MORE THAN THE FOURTH OF JULY

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

Look, my grandfather came here with nothing but the clothes on his back, but—

MOLLY

So you’re grandfathered in, is that it? And what would that grandfather say ‘bout you enforcing the rules when there’s only one rule worth enforcing:

(To IMMMIGRATION OFFICER.)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

(To ALL minus IMMIGRATION OFFICER.)

And if your kin came here from someplace else—and unless you’re Native American, they did—you should be saying it with me. C’mon!

ALL (EXCEPT IMMIGRATION OFFICER)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

MOLLY

That’s it! Let’s turn up the heat.

(It’s ALL versus IMMIGRATION OFFICER. Music modulates up every time the refrain is repeated.)

ALL (EXCEPT IMMIGRATION OFFICER)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR.

I know what you’re doing.

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

ALL (EXCEPT IMMIGRATION OFFICER)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

It’s not going to work.

ALL (EXCEPT IMMIGRATION OFFICER)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

(Indicates rule book.)

Rules are rules.

ALL (EXCEPT IMMIGRATION OFFICER)

SHARE THE LUCK WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR

(Enter J.J., leaning heavily on a cane. It has cost him to get here.)

J.J.

Dammit, woman, what kinda ruckus you kicking up now?

(All ad-lib “Dad!” “Boss!” “J.J.!” etc.)

J.J. Brown!

Who’s he?

MOLLY

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

KIT & LARRY

Hush.

(To J.J.)

You’re supposed to be home in bed!

J.J.

Since when do I do what some damn doctor says—If you think I’m gonna lie there in Leadville when my wife just swam the Atlantic Ocean—

MOLLY

MOLLY

Don’t you go a’cussing at me, ‘ya big bulldozer. He said bedrest, and bedrest it’s gonna be. I can see they been spoiling you, well that’s about to change.

(MOLLY and J.J. stand face-to-face. MOLLY takes in the cane, and the reality of how close both of them came to death.)

MOLLY

J.J., I don’t know how to… The whole time, on that lifeboat, I kept thinking, “If You gotta take one of us, take me.” ‘Cause I don’t think I could live without—

J.J.

Don’t go on the wailing wall: I ain’t dead yet. And you: unsinkable, Molly Brown. That’s what you are.

MOLLY

J.J. … you okay? I mean, will it hurt if I hug you?

J.J.

It’ll kill me if you don’t.

(MOLLY and J.J. hug. IMMIGRATION OFFICER is clearly moved.)

IMMIGRATION OFFICER

(To IMMIGRANTS.)

I don’t know who they are, but I know she’s right: you belong here.

(HE tears rule book in two.)

Welcome to America!

(Big cheer! Hugs all around, then ALL start to exit.)

#20—Act II Finale

(MOLLY turns back to speak directly to the AUDIENCE.)

MOLLY

Be calm, never settle… we ain’t down yet.

THE END

#21—Bows

#22—Exit Music