Volume 18, Issue 15
Willy Weekly Advice
Column
Page 3
Analyzing the Complexities of the Advanced Placement Physical Sciences
Page 4
Echoes of Existential Complexity: A Philosophy
Page 6
Cooper Clicks
Page 7
CYFL WEEKLY UPDATE:
Gold Kids: 900-0
Vandy's Vikings: 8-20
Somer's Marshmallows: 300-9
Wanan's Goats: 46-684
Beck's Decks: 10-0
Sponsored by Drs. Lindi and Ari Vanderwalde on behalf of the all the hard work of the Weekly Staff.
LEzra “Purim Edition” Davidovics (’24)
Many moons have passed since HaRav work, the Hashachar, glorified propaganda rag, leaving many feeling persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood, feelings of hopelessness or pessimism, feelings of irritability, frustration, or restlessness, feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness, loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities, decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling slowed down, difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions, difficulty sleeping, waking early in the morning, or oversleeping,
Purim Torah shaped hole inside your soul with what some are saying, not me, I would never, but I have heard people say, is the best Torah you will ever hear in your life, possibly that anyone has ever heard in the history of the world. Without further ado, as the presumptive Gadol HaCYHSB (excluding Avi Becker), it is not only my honor, but also my privilege to introduce to you a
sneak preview excerpt of my upcoming sefer: Ezras Yisrael: Why I Am So Much Better Than You, and How You Can Help Yourself to Be More Like Me.
There is a famous Gemara on Shabbos daf Lamed amud beis which states that Rabbah always began his shiurim with a joke in order to entice the students and get them into the learning. Lichoira, this gemara was also taught on Purim as Rabbah must have been a shoiteh to believe that you may start learning with a joke. Even Debei Rav know that jokes are just wastes of time, and as people say time is money. Furthermore we learn from the Heikeish of nafshecha me’odecha in the first paragraph of Shema that your money is tantamount to your life. Thus we have proven that to start a shiur with a joke is straight up retz’icha. of course, the reason why I always start my shiurim with cold hard facts.
Allow me to begin with an example of my superior logical skills with an anecdote from when I was but a wee lad. You see, from an early age I was always told that Jews, unlike Christians, do not believe in the concept of original sin, or that people begin their lives in sin and can later work their way out of it. I always struggled with concepts however as I found a big Stirah to it in my own life. It is an undeniable fact that Gaavah is abhorrent to Hashem and completely assur to have in almost any capacity at all, thus, since we have established that we do not believe in original sin, we see that no one will be born with Gaavah, or haughtiness, either. This however is immediately problematic as from my very birth I was, put simply, a hottie. V’Tzarich Iyun Gadol V’kasheh Ad Sof HaOlam. To
appear average in appearance to those around me, I had to purposely uglify myself. It’s been a difficult life for me. But also not difficult because life is easy for me. Because I’m the best. You see the Rambam says that you should always take the middle path except in Gaavah and anger, but I always take the middle path in everything because I’m shtarker than him.
Chapter Two: What Am I Here For? (Money, The Answer Is
7. Don’t be repetitive
8. Don’t make those stupid lists where people say that they hate things like lists and irony, ironically in a list. I hate people who do that.
9. Be yourself
10. Caveat: Only if yourself is me
Chapter Five: Relating to Hashem
One of the biggest questions we address on this planet is what we’re here for. We’re on this planet to get as rich as possible.
Chapter Three: A Woman's Role
Women have always found me incredibly attractive and other antonyms for repulsive but definitely not repulsive. In my life women exist to
Chapter Four: Ten Rules To Live
By
2.
4.
5.
Relating to Hashem is extremely hard for most people as Hashem is inherently incomprehendible. This problem is magnified for me specifically as I know that Hashem must be better than I, but it is extremely difficult, nigh impossible, for me to imagine anything better than myself. I have worked hard and preserved however and eventually realized that I could imagine something better than me when I imagined me but with like cooler hair and really rad wings. After this, I understood how something could be better than me, which made relating to Hashem that much easier. For y’all it would just suffice to think of
Chapter Six: Establishing Good Conclusions to Things in Order to Give Closure (As Well as Making Straightforward and Un-Wordy titles)
When making conclusions it is important to make sure not to leave people in suspense. On a side point, I have proof that George W Bush did…
I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from my Sefer. Make sure to buy it on Amazon as soon as you can. The price of the book is two mil a copy, a huge discount when you take into account the price of my time (around 500 million a second). Make sure to check out my upcoming sefarim: Ahavas Yisrael: Why You Should Give me Your Number and Ezras Nashim: A love story.
Dear Willy Weekly,
I am writing to express my thoughts on the challenges of personal growth and learning. As I strive to excel in my studies and develop my character, I often find myself grappling with obstacles that make progress seem daunting.
In the pursuit of becoming the best student I can be, I am committed to learning to my fullest extent and improving on my midot. However, the journey is not without its difficulties. Life presents numerous challenges, and despite my efforts, I encounter setbacks and failures that can be disheartening.
It can be especially challenging to muster the strength to persevere after experiencing repeated struggles. Despite my determination, there are moments when it feels overwhelming to continue pushing forward. Please send any advice you can, I'm afraid just about the entire world is on your shoulders.
Dear, Stressed Student,
It is important to note that the key to success is progress. Each day we go out and strive to be a little bit better a little bit stronger. We fail just a tad less in preCalc, we get just a little more confused on the Tosfos, and we push to understand Rabbi Grunwald’s test questions. I know it may seem like everything is down, but it’s a time like this when we remember our giants. When we look to those who came before and paved the way for our success. Thats right, I’m speaking of Ezra Davidovics. Just like you, Ezra, once struggled but he arose into a gadol of the kitah. I have faith in you. You may be wondering why I didn’t say to be like Avi Becker but that’s just because he’s too incomprehensibly great. So try to be like Ezra, he’s more relatable because he’s worse. Strive and be great.
- Willy (aka Nadav)
In 1922, Albert Einstein, using Newton’s Laws of Motion and two of Kepler’s Laws of Planetary Motion, proved that the Earth exists outside the bounds of time and space. This is just one of the many concepts we learned this year in AP Physics. In this article I will go over our curriculum and any other information that is essential to understanding this complicated topic.
Before I begin, there are a few important rules to go over. In AP Physics, there are many word problems,1 and each problem has an answer. For simplicity’s sake, we will have the answer to all questions be 12. For exampleQuestion: If a man falls off a bridge, how many men fell off? Answer: 12 men. Another thing to keep in mind is that different 12’s represent different things (we call these units of measurement). It is important to keep track of what each 12 represents. That’s why after each answer you must write the unit (examples include: seconds, meters, meters per second, feet, toes, badgers, etc.). But these can also get very complicated.2 That’s why, if you can not be bothered to figure out what you are measuring, your final answer should be 12 dK/dc (Stands for: don’t Know/don’t care). Now we move on to the actual coursework.
between a man hitting a golf ball and a golf ball hitting a man). Then we began our first unit called 1-D Kinematics. This involves the
The first thing we learned (at least according to my notebook) is the definition of a vector. (Definition: A man in an orange jumpsuit who also likes to steal the moon.) We also learned that our frame of reference matters when dealing with problems. (Example: There is a difference
A
movement of objects in a world in which there is only a single, infinitely long line. On this line things can move (don’t ask me how). Objects have a position on the line and their position alters with respect to time. This is called their velocity. A change in velocity is called acceleration. Sample problem: A particle has a velocity of 13 meters per second and moves for 2 seconds. What is its acceleration at its final resting position? Answer: 12 dK/dc.
Our next unit was on 2-D Kinematics. This unit, however, was very boring so we will skip it. Just trust me on this one.
After the fascinating unit on 2-D Kinematics, we learned about forces. According to Newton’s Laws: “A
1) Many involve people falling off things. See image on pg. 4.
2) What the heck is a Joule?
3) Not to be confused with units of measurement
force causes motion, except when that force creates an equal and opposite force, which then makes the force not cause motion.” There are many different types of forces. There is gravitational force, which pulls stuff down; tension force in ropes; and normal force, which pushes stuff up. (Normal force should not be confused with special force and the Dark Side of the Force.) One core component of forces is drawing a free-body diagram. (Definition: someone without any external forces acting on him to do anything; or, a body that is not enslaved.) We learned that we should draw one of these “freebody diagrams” every time we see a question with any forces. Sample Problem: A person plummets off a skyscraper. Draw a free body diagram of all the forces acting on the man while he is in the air.
Answer: Freedom!
Pop quiz: If, at the apex of its trajectory, a golf ball is above the lake, will it hit the man standing 20 meters from the hole? Answer: No, the man will hit the golf ball instead! Our 12th unit was on circular motion. This unit mainly discusses how a force is needed to make something move in a circle (called centripetal force). When Newton was experimenting to discover the equation for centripetal force, he was struggling to find an equation that gave him 12. He experimented with the radius, the mass, and the velocity, but he still couldn’t figure it out. He went and asked his cousin, Fig, who gave him a very helpful tip. He told him he needed to switch to a circle. This did in fact work. To this day the only known use of Fig Newton’s
contribution to science is in looptyloop making.4
Energy comes next. Energy is a property of an object that is either moving or has the capacity to move. For example, Fred is sitting on the couch. If Fred is able to get up, then he has energy; if not, Fred will have to sleep on the couch. (See image on pg. 5.) Energy can really be split into two categories: potential energy and kinetic energy. Tip: Ignore potential energy when dealing with problems because it doesn’t actually exist.5 There is a simple equation for kinetic energy: 1+1=12. Interpretation: If you have one thing moving one meter per second then it has 12 dK/dc of energy.6 As you can tell, energy is by far the easiest physics quantity to Work7 with.
If you thought you had enough to circle C (12) on the AP exam, you would be wrong. First you need to learn momentum, and only then can you circle C (12), but this time you would know it's right. Momentum is defined by mass times velocity. It is also defined as why Yosef says he didn’t foul the guy - “It was just my momentum!”
There is also a law involved. The Law of Conservation of Momentum: minutes late to school = points taken off your davening grade. Question: How many points aren taken off your grade if you are 12 minutes late to davening? Answer: 8 points. Another quality of momentum is an idea called Impulse, which is force times time.8 It is also a type of control that highschoolers have a problem with. Here is an impulse-related question: A
4) It could also help you spin something on the end of a string during class if you're bored.
5) It only exists outside of Earth’s time and space
6) I think this is where Joules go
7) IYKYK
person plummets off an even taller skyscraper and hits the ground. There is a 12 second impact duration until he comes to rest on the sidewalk. How many units of special force were exerted by the ground on the man? Answer: more-than-enough dK/dc.
The final unit, and the one we are learning now, is about torque and rotation. Summary: It is another unit on circles. Question: Didn't we already learn about circles? Answer: 12.
Discussion Questions:
1. Why 12? Explain.
2. If toes are a unit of measurement, what does that make toenails? Why?
3. In the phrase “may the force be with you,” are they referring to special force? Bring examples.
4. What is your favorite building height? If so, that what?
5. Will you pass the AP Exam? Answer: No. Discuss.
8) I don’t know why you would look all the way at the bottom of this page just to read this note. I’m basically just wasting your time at this point
Regarding technicalities within the framework of the Torah, resolutions come few and far between. The inherent disillusioned dichotomy between baffled dogmas and stupifying redundancies causes much confusion in the intellectual world. For pertaining to the realm of convoluted ineffability, the interstices of obfuscation intermingle with the cacophony of abstruse intricacies, forming an enigmatic tapestry of bewildering complexity. There’s an everlasting convolution that refuses to fantastify the indelible reader and their mark.
To understand the basis of this highly ontological epidemiology, one must take into account the miasma of diffusions. See, vapor exists in a state of perplexing idiosyncrasies and while the ineffable profundity of semantic opacity prevails, ensconced within the enigmatic recesses of lexical ambiguity, darker images lie. The quixotic quagmire of ontological intricacies interweaves with the labyrinthine legerdemain of metaphysical conundrums, yielding a tapestry of bewildering complexity. Within this nebulous milieu of conceptual convolution, the enigmatic interplay of dialectical antinomies begets an ineffable miasma of ontological ambiguity.
Despite the powerful charisma of those involved in this endeavor, no such action could be taken on account of the squabbles of the common man. The nebulous amalgamation of labyrinthine obfuscation defies facile
explication, confounding the acumen of even the most perspicacious cognoscenti. Thus, amidst the kaleidoscopic expanse of hermeneutical enigma, the ineffable profundity of existential opacity reigns supreme, ensconced within the enigmatic recesses of philosophical
Within this dark recess of thought, myriad images of defilement emerge as a testament to the moral ambiguity of the everyday citizen. For as powerful as we stand together, alone,
immorality and inability to cope with ongoing procedures and roles of everyday life and echoes through our actions, thoughts, speech, actions, feelings, echoes, actions, fire, ladder, roof, other words, echoes, and most importantly: echoes, ladder, and roof…and echoes. Echoes serve as a reminder to each and every one of us that life can be important or not important but Purim is important but also shtick is important but maybe not because we define importance according to our own subjective opinion and that’s why objectivity is important because echoes can be heard or not heard and I guess we’ll never know if an echo that’s never heard would really ever make a sound but it probably does but it also probably depends on how you define echoes and subjectivity and other like terms that are relevant.
etymologically, we are together. See, in this vacuous expanse of nihilistic oblivion and observation in potentia, the ephemeral echoes of nonexistent echoes echo through the echoing void, echoing, resonating, and echoing with the hollow resonance and echoes of those nonexistent echoes unheard, unseen, unfelt, and echoed. Echoes are important, probably, maybe.
Within this labyrinthine labyrinth of auditory intricacy, the ghostly whispers of echoing echoes intertwine with the enigmatic dance of sonic vibrations, yielding a symphony of spectral resonance. These are echoes, probably. Thus, echoes serve as echoeus sounds of echoes that resonate throughout the walls of the silent chambers of our hearts, souls, and echoes.
I could stop talking about echoes. And Perhaps I will. Perhaps you’ll ask yourself why I capitalized the P in perhaps. And Perhaps we’ll never know. Idk.
See, these labyrinth of echoes serve to remind us of our own
What this article is saying: This passage appears to be a playful and verbose exploration of complex philosophical and existential themes, wrapped in a layer of satire and whimsy. It discusses the challenges of interpreting religious texts (such as the Torah), the complexities of language and semantics, and the ambiguity inherent in human existence.
The repeated reference to "echoes" throughout the passage seems to serve as a metaphor for the lingering effects of our actions and thoughts, suggesting that our existence reverberates in unseen ways. The author also touches upon the importance of subjectivity and the limitations of human understanding when grappling with profound questions about life and morality. Overall, the passage seems to blend elements of philosophical discourse with humor and absurdity, inviting the reader to ponder deep questions while also recognizing the inherent uncertainty and complexity of existence.
- Chat GPT official review
Middle Right: Our view of the infamous GMSG. Top Right: Rafi Somer didn’t learn his lesson and tries to catch a fl y in his mouth . . again. Top Left: Ilan Lennon, inspired by the captivating physics article, gives a shiur on the chemical makeup of cherries. Middle Left: Students are completely engrossed in the Gemara. Middle: CYHSB ASSEMBLE! Bottom Left: Wanan? Photos by Ezra Davidovics and Raanan Vanderwalde
READING
CYHSB Weekly Staff
Editors-in-Chief
Ezra “Purim Edition” Davidovics | ezra.davidovics@mhafyos.org
Jonah “Editor-in-Chief” Siegel | jonah.siegel@mhafyos.org
Associate Do-Nothings-in-Chief
Nadav “Andav” Lowell | nadav.lowell@mhafyos.org
Wanan “da Goat” Vanderwalde | raanan.vanderwalde@mhafyos.org
Supreme Chancellor of Dvar Torahs
Avi “Taka Baked” Becker | avi.becker@mhafyos.org
Chief Layout Editor
Rafi “Community” Davidovics | rafael.davidovics@mhafyos.org
Layout Editors
Amit “Curb Feelers” Zalman | amit.zalman@mhafyos.org
Yitzy “Do-It-All” Ryp | yitzy.ryp@mhafyos.org
News Editors
Akiva “Keevs” Levine | akiva.levine@mhafyos.org
Ilan “I Dawg” Lowell | ilan.lowell@mhafyos.org
Photographers and Complaint Managers
Jack “Gingy” Kampf | jack.kampf@mhafyos.org
Jonathan Jonathan “J.J.” Stein | jacob.stein@mhafyos.org
CYHSB Weekly Staff
Jojo “Rabbit” Ardestani | jonathan.ardestani@mhafyos.org
Baruch “Barch Boy” Finkel Man | baruch.finkelman@mhafyos.org
Davi “Michael’s Brother” Baum | david.baum@mhafyos.org
Benny “Shoota” Freiden | benjamin.freiden@mhafyos.org
Rafi “Shtark” Goldkin | rafael.goldkin@mhafyos.org
Ilan “Jacked” Lennon | ilan.lennon@mhafyos.org
Omer “Big O” Zalman | omer.zalman@mhafyos.org
Avigdor “Aviggy Z” Zweihorn | avigdor.zweihorn@mhafyos.org
Administrative Advisors
Mrs. Ashley Brown
Rabbi Dov Rossman
From The Complaint Manager:
As you probably can tell, the Weekly is known for its diverse writers. This issue was so special, because of the incorporation of a Dvar Torah from Avi Becker for the very first time! We know how much you guys care about the CYFL, so make sure to check out the cover where we showcase the weekly update. We are super thankful to Willy Weekly for his advice, may his insight help every CYHSBer become a Gadol like Ha Rav Ha Gaon Ezra "Rizz" Davidovics, or at least somewhere close to being as cool as Wanan da Goat. Wishing you all a Happy Purim and a Good Shabbos!
--Becky "CYHSB" Schubert