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Award Applicant Briefs
âHotter Than Haiti 10Kâ announced for Aug. 11 BeneďŹt will raise money for nations hotter than Haiti Though visibly disappointed, Haiti takes news in stride
Local man drums up media interest in unsolved arson of Thomas Wolfe Memorial, thus becoming primary suspect
Xpress Sneak Peek Your exclusive e-peek at the upcoming Xpress issue
⢠Heads up, everyone. Table of contents is kind of a crapshoot next week. ⢠Upcoming issue is sure to generate lots of reader feedback because âNews of the Weirdâ isnât in it. ⢠To generate further conversation in the community, âFree Will Astrologyâ will [not] be in your near-future either. ⢠For a sneak peek at our upcoming âXpress Sneak Peekâ preview e-alerts, sign up for our âThursday Exclusive Xpress Sneak Peek at Mondayâs Xpress Sneak Peek of the upcoming Wednesdayâs Mountain Xpress.â We promise not to spam your in-box. ⢠Looking for a job? Not such a hot week back in ClassiďŹeds. Pretty grim out there. ⢠Letters section is lively next week. Topics covered include, âWhere is âNews of the Weird?ââ and âWhereâs my âWeird?ââ
Conversations in the Community
Does ďŹip-ďŹopping Keever âendorseâ or âsupportâ President Obama? She canât get her story straight, and sheâs ďŹt NOT FIT for Congress
Why does Democratic congressional candidate Patsy Keever have so much trouble describing her level of support for President Obama? Her quotes By Rep. seem all muddled up Patrick whenever the subject McHenry comes up, and 10th (NC-10) Congressional District voters need to know: Does Keever âsupportâ or âendorseâ this president? Clearly, she doesnât know her own congressional district (NC-10) very well. The 10th Congressional District expects transparency, not whatever it is Keever is serving up. First, she tells one local paper she will vote for Obama but NOT endorse him. Then she tells another local paper that the ďŹrst local paper misconstrued HER statement. Thatâs NOT the kind of leadership we expect from the 10th Congressional District. âMountains/Foothills Valuesâ means something around these redrawn parts, and Keeverâs fast and loose ďŹip-ďŹopping on important issues just doesnât sit right with a lot of hardworking, honest, plain-spoken, simple but fascinating families from one arbitrary border of the 10th Congressional District to another. You know how it is with Patsy Keever: One day, youâre reading, âAshevilleâs Patsy Keever wonât endorse Obama,â and suddenly next thing you know, elsewhere, âKeever changed her position Wednesday on President Barack Obama and said she would endorse him.â Before you know it, youâre reading, âKeever: AC-T misconstrued my statement, I endorse Obama.â Finally, all you hear about the matter is, âDoes ďŹip-ďŹopping Keever âendorseâor âsupportâPresident Obama? She canât get her story straight, and
40 JULY 18 - JULY 24, 2012 ⢠mountainx.com
sheâs ďŹt NOT FIT for Congress.â Itâs enough to make you vote for a candidate who doesnât mince words and who has a name that smacks of the Founding Fathers Keever, above, when and everything asked to tell the truth. they loved. Mountain values â not to mention family values â mean something to 10th Congressional District voters (please check an updated Congressional district map or your conscience to see if this statement applies to you). So, which is it, Keever, if that even is your name (or have you corrected that as well, hmmm?): Do you âendorseâ and worship President Obama, or do you loathe him and wish to distance yourself from him by only âsupportingâ him? 10th Congressional District voters need to know. You want this issue to go away, but instead of wanting things you should try earning them and telling the full, simple truth the ďŹrst goaround every time. Iâm humbly asking for the votersâ endorsements AND support, and their votes, and their generous mountainsvalues ďŹnancial support directly to my reelection campaign up to $2,000 per household member whether you live in the cities, mountain, foothills or frankly the wasted barren plains of our glorious 10th District and after that you may ďŹex the muscle of liberty to the PAC of your choosing (see my Web site for suggestions) after praying on the matter. I promise Iâll continue serving as your more familiar and trusted incumbent name (Patrick McHenry) in the 10th Congressional District.
Downtown Asheville F.A.Q. Q. Hi! Me and a bunch of other dudes are going to visit downtown Asheville this weekend. We live in a rural area, so we werenât sure if we should wear shirts or not while weâre downtown. Do men generally walk around wearing shirts in downtown Asheville, or is it okay to scream âWhoo-hoo!â while walking in the street shirtless with your shirtless friends? Thanks! A. Hi, and we look forward to your visit to downtown Asheville! Youâll ďŹnd plenty to do here, especially when you and your companions are all wearing shirts. Many visitors from rural areas are confused about this matter, and for good reason. Many of our male friends and neighbors from outlying counties maintain a sense of personal style and public decorum similar to that of a rescue dog a week before the rescue. To be clear, wear a shirt to downtown Asheville, and try to keep it on. While it may need to come off during a heated argument or just to look cool, youâre actually better off keeping your shirt on. (Ditto pants and shoes, BTW.) Otherwise you look ridiculous and other men and women will mock you mercilessly on the streets of downtown Asheville and nobody will want to mate with you. I know what youâre thinking: âThey WILL want to mate with me, my shirt if OFF!â But no, no they will not. What if itâs daytime? What if itâs nighttime? Many wonder this same thing. Hereâs a good rule of thumb: wear a shirt while downtown at all times. Always, always wear a shirt downtown, just like the people around you! Welcome!
The Asheville Disclaimer is parody/satire. Contact tomscheve@gmail.com Twitter: @AvlDisclaimer
Contributing this week: Michele Scheve, Tom Scheve.