TIM AND ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE J
Director: tim HeiDecker, eric WareHeim Players: tim HeiDecker, eric WareHeim, JoHn c. reilly, tWink caPlan, robert loggia UNfUNNy TERMINALLy HIP COMEDy
RATED R
The Story: Two talentless bozos make a movie about two talentless bozos making a movie, losing a fortune and trying to recoup that money by reviving a rundown mall before the gangsterish producers of their movie catch up with them. The Lowdown: Quite possibly the worst movie ever made, which, I suspect, will be taken as praise by the Tim and Eric contingent. I am starting this review with what might be termed a spoiler, so read on at your peril. There’s a scene late in Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie where Eric (Eric Wareheim) pays a visit to the Shrim Institute in order to benefit from the healing power of “shrim.” It turns out that the therapy involves putting the underwearclad Wareheim (not a pretty sight in itself) in a bathtub, whereupon four robed boys back up to the tub and release their “shrim” (the “movie’s” quaint term for explosive diarrhea) on him till the tub is filled. As far as I’m concerned the whole movie is “shrim.” The Human Centipede movies look good by comparison. Now, I know that those who are all hip and “in the know” will say that this is absurdist humor, steeped in irony of the finest kind, that Messrs. Heidecker and Wareheim are so post-modern that they’re post-postmodern — maybe post-post-post-modern — and that this sort of anti-comedy is the ne plus ultra of cuttingedge humor: Comedy with no laughs. I suppose that 40 years ago when John Waters — before he realized that the real path to subversion lay elsewhere — was first perpetrating far cleverer outrages on his own dime and without the help of a posse of celebrity buddies, there was something at least a little bit dangerous about it. But today this is simply infantile, and defend-
ing it with a lot of pseudo-intellectual hooey reminds of Edward G. Robinson proving that he’s “crawlin’ with culture” in The Little Giant (1933) by explaining a modern painting to his sidekick — “It’s got dynamic rhythm and tone color, but it ain’t got a nickel’s worth of perspective. Go on, point out some perspective in there — I dare you! You know, that’s the last word in art — pictures without any perspective.” The idea behind all this is that Tim and Eric are funny because, you see, they aren’t funny. More, they are deliberately trying to not be funny. I will say that in this capacity these boys are certainly geniuses. (I can see that now being used as a breakout quote. Now, that would be funny.) Not once in the entire 93 minutes of Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie did anything provoke so much as a chuckle out of me. This doubtless proves that I just don’t “get it.” Maybe I just don’t want it. The film has a sort of story that involves Tim and Eric squandering a billion dollars on a bad movie that runs about three minutes because they blew the budget on other things. Not unreasonably, the producer, Tommy Schlaang (Robert Loggia, who ought to know better), wants his money back. Their big idea to recoup this money is to rebuild the S’wallow Valley Mall, because an advert by mall owner Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell at his worst) promises whoever can make the mall succeed will make a billion dollars. Of course, the mall is a disaster. It has shops no one would frequent (like a used toilet paper store), is filled with homeless people, has a moronic slob (John C. Reilly) for a security guard (I guess), and a wolf. It also has a 65-year-old woman (Twink Caplan) for Eric to fall in love with (complete with masturbation gag) and a 10-year-old boy (Noah Spencer) for Tim to become too attracted to. I think I’m meant to be shocked by all this — much like the “shrim” scene. The truth is it tries so hard to shock that it’s just tedious. And, oh, yes, it’s bad. In fact, I’ll be greatly surprised if anything this bad comes along again this year — or any other year, come to that. Rated R for strong crude and sexual content throughout, brief graphic nudity, pervasive language, comic violence and drug use. reviewed by Ken Hanke Starts Friday at Carolina Asheville Cinema 14
startingfriday 21 JUMP STREET
It sounds like a really bad idea — Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum in a big screen version the 1980s TV series that brought Johnny Depp into the public eye, especially since neither Hill nor Tatum is Johnny Depp. But the funny thing is that this first live-action feature from the guys who made Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs has been getting good reviews. Now, it’s early days yet, and there aren’t all that many of the critics who’ve checked in that I’d give much credence to, but it at least looks hopeful. (R) Early Review samples: • “The helmers make slick use of their new live-action collaborators. Considering that hardly anyone was asking for a 21 Jump Street reboot, they’ve put their own playful stamp on it.” (Peter Debruge, Variety) • “It has a bad, slapstick first act but by midpoint becomes strangely compelling, tapping into the fantasy of reliving one’s high-school years (which did a number on us all) and getting it right.” (David Edelstein, New York Magazine)
TIM & ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE See review in “Cranky Hanke.”
specialscreenings THE BOyS IN THE BAND JJJJJ DRAMA RATED R In Brief: William Friedkin’s landmark film version of Mart Crowley’s landmark play that addressed homosexuality and the gay world in ways that had previously been considered strictly taboo. It all unfolds at a birthday party with an all-gay guest list that gets invaded by an unexpected — presumably straight — outsider. Yes, it’s very much “of its time” and some of the attitudes are dated, but the film remains brilliant, brittle, bitchy — and finally devastating. The Asheville Film Society will screen The Boys in the Band Tuesday, March 20, at 8 p.m. in the Cinema Lounge of The Carolina Asheville and will be hosted by Xpress movie critics Ken Hanke and Justin Souther. Hanke is the artistic director of the A.F.S.
BRIDE Of CHUCky JJJJ HORROR COMEDy RATED R In Brief: The killer doll is brought back to life once again — this time by his murderous old girlfriend with an eye toward matrimony, something her diminutive swain is less keen on. Before you know it, we end up with two homicidal dolls, a bizarre road trip and an ever-escalating body count. A twisted, funny rethinking of the series that genuinely works. The Thursday Horror Picture Show will screen Bride of Chucky Thursday, March 15, at 8 p.m. in the Cinema Lounge of The Carolina Asheville and will be hosted by Xpress movie critics Ken Hanke and Justin Souther.
THE PARTy JJJ COMEDy RATED PG In Brief: A bumbling Indian actor (Peter Sellers) — who has just ruined a big-budget movie — is mistakenly invited to a high-power Hollywood party, which he predictably turns into a shambles. Largely improvised from an outline, The Party is strictly a matter of taste for very broad slapstick antics. The Hendersonville Film Society will show The Party at 2 p.m. on Sunday, March 18, in the Smoky Mountain Theater at Lake Pointe Landing Retirement Community (behind Epic Cinemas), 333 Thompson St., Hendersonville.
ROCCO AND HIS BROTHERS JJJJ DRAMA RATED NR In Brief: Luchino Visconti’s 1960 film about a poor family coming to Milan to escape the deadend poverty they found in the south is certainly entertaining. It’s also overlong, messy, and an unwieldy mix of neo-realism and the new direction that Visconti was heading towards. It hasn’t held up as well as has been generally accepted, but it’s certainly worth a look. (I doubt anyone will blame you for polite laughter when the movie goes wildly operatic.) Classic World Cinema by Courtyard Gallery will present Rocco and His Brothers at 8 p.m. on Friday, March 16, at Phil Mechanic Studios, 109 Roberts St., River Arts District (upstairs in the Railroad Library). Info: 273-3332, http://www.ashevillecourtyard.com
66 MARCH 14 - MARCH 20, 2012 • mountainx.com