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OUR 26TH YEAR OF WEEKLY INDEPENDENT NEWS, ARTS & EVENTS FOR WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA VOL. 26 NO. 23 JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

Contenders line up for March 3 primary

Residents protest Lake Julian landfill plan

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OUR 26TH YEAR OF WEEKLY INDEPENDENT NEWS, ARTS & EVENTS FOR WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA VOL. 26 NO. 23 JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

C O NT E NT S C O NTAC T US

Contenders line up for March 3 primary Residents protest Lake Julian landfill plan

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STARTS ON PAGE 12 LAUGHING IT UP

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4 SOUTH TUNNEL ROAD • ASHEVILLE

8 LEFT OUT? Racial equity and NC’s budding hemp industry

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26 FUNDS FLOW INTO REGION Local providers receive grants; support offered to students with autism; low-cost braces screening; more

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OPINION

Send your letters to the editor to letters@mountainx.com. STA F F PUBLISHER: Jeff Fobes ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER: Susan Hutchinson MANAGING EDITOR: Virginia Daffron A&E EDITOR: Alli Marshall FOOD EDITOR: Gina Smith GREEN SCENE EDITOR: Daniel Walton OPINION EDITOR: Tracy Rose STAFF REPORTERS: Able Allen, Edwin Arnaudin, Thomas Calder, Laura Hackett, Brooke Randle, Daniel Walton COMMUNITY CALENDAR EDITOR: Deborah Robertson

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TDA needs to listen to concerns You know. When someone says it’s all everyone else’s negativity and claims zero accountability for complaints, that’s a pretty big red flag right there. After reading Himanshu Karvir’s little rant [“On the Defensive: TDA Board Members React to Criticism,” Nov. 27, Xpress] ... my first thought is: What a crybaby. I have lived near Asheville and called it home now for nearly four decades. I loved it when I moved here. Yes, downtown was mostly dead. But there was a vibrant community here. I was happy to see the turnaround as old buildings were renovated and cool shops and restaurants sprouted up. Buskers and colorful events gave the city a spark. It’s always been a tourist-based economy. But as more and more posh hotels sprouted up, rent hikes forced out the small businesses or forced them to hike prices and target the well-to-do; infrastructure is utterly maxed out; homeless people pushed out of sight; and literally the whole wonderful feel of the city moved into a fake simulation of what used to be — yeah, I no longer care to dine, shop or hang out downtown. I work three days/week near the RAD, and some days I literally dread the certain traffic snarls. I have watched the neighborhood I work in gentrify before my eyes in the last four years. And now even out where I live in the country, it is swiftly changing into housing developments. If I weren’t

so far along in my years, I’d sell and move farther out. So, yes, Mr. Karvir, there is such a thing as going too far. And you need to heed these complaints and concerns. Tourism adds a lot of wear to Asheville’s stressed infrastructure. And yet I see busted-up sidewalks and horrible potholed roads go unfixed for years. Tourists act like they can jaywalk anywhere they please without regard to traffic. And tourism has caused the popularity of Asheville to soar. Forcing out residents as cost of living shoots skyward, but measly service-job pay that the industry provides remains stagnant. It’s absolutely a factor. And to say it’s all good and none bad just makes you a shill. This kind of denial of how tourism has negatively impacted people who live here will only infuriate them more. Instead, Mr. Karvir (and all the TDA) need to listen to these concerns. And understand why people are pissed. And acknowledge that they are very legitimate concerns and not just blow them all off with “tourism is all good and nothing bad.” What BS! — Troy Amastar Alexander

Remembering the past more accurately The year 2019 was particularly important to U.S. history because it marked the 400th anniversary of the first slave ship landing in the United States, marking the beginning of slavery. Upon reading

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OPINION

Send your letters to the editor to letters@mountainx.com.

an article from The New York Times and the 1619 Project, we realized that the use of the words slave, slave owner and plantations are dehumanizing to the descendants of enslaved people and continue the institutional racism that was propagated back then to justify slavery. As socially conscious students of Francine Delany New School for Children, we believe it is the just thing to do to change the language that is commonly used among our community. Unjust language directs attention away from the suffering that happened at these forced labor camps, and changing it acknowledges the fact that people were kidnapped and brought here to unwillingly serve by all means of their enslavers. We feel that calling people slaves labels them more as property than a person. We seek to humanize the people who were enslaved and were essential in building this nation. Since 2019 marked the 400th year of remembrance of the first slave-holding ship that arrived in the United States of America, we feel as though it is our duty to remedy this inaccurate understanding of history by changing our language today. The enslaved endured work and anguish that should never be forgotten. Changing the language we use now is a step in the

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right direction toward acknowledging and remembering the past more accurately. — Ben Asheville

Change the way we speak about slavery We are writing this because we believe that we all should change the way we speak about slavery. The main words we would like to change are “slave,” “slave owner” and “plantation.” In the case of the word slave, we believe that by calling the enslaved people that, it dehumanizes them and labels them as a commodity, disrespecting those who suffered and putting them in a place where they are remembered as property, not people. By replacing the word slave with enslaved person, you are putting their humanity first, rather than their situation. As for the term slave owner, we think it enforces the false idea that enslaved people were property to toil for others day and night to bring others wealth and that enslaved people were something to be owned, like an object. By replacing slave owner with enslaver, we don’t promote the ideology of owning other people.

When we think about plantations, we personally reminisce about picnics, skipping through the valley and a nice summer day. Knowing that plantations were not like that in the past and that they were actually places of great torture, we would prefer to call them forced labor camps. It will be hard to change our vocabulary, but with a conscious effort, we think we can change the way we speak to better suit everybody. It will truly take practice, but that is only because those words are ignorantly embedded in our minds. — O., Cameron and London Asheville

Language shift will change perceptions 2019 marked the 400-year anniversary of the first ship transporting enslaved Africans to Jamestown, Va. A piece of writing that touches on this subject is a collection called the 1619 Project, from The New York Times. As our class moved through this unit, our teacher and the articles we’ve read introduced a new idea of how we view, speak and perceive the words “slave owner,” “slave” and “plantation.” Alternatives to these words are “enslaver,” “enslaved person” and “forced labor camps.” The use of “slave” and “slave owner” dehumanizes and maintains the racism that encompasses those words. The word slave leaves no room for a person to be something other than that: a slave. Referring to people as “an enslaved person” instead of calling them simply “a slave” gives humanity back to the people who were not considered human, but property to be bought, sold or traded. “Plantation” reflects idealism and commends the wealth of enslavers while overlooking the reality of enslaved labor that made the wealth; while “forced labor camps” acknowledges the fact that people were kidnapped and required to work with no gain. Some people argue that using politically correct language is not essential. We argue that by changing the way we speak, we change the way we conceive the world and perceive our everyday lives. Although it takes conscious effort and practice, these simple changes in our language make big shifts in our community of Asheville, which must also work to reconcile our own legacy of slavery. — B., A., and Kevyn Asheville

Problematic CBD experience, thanks to lax regulation I thought the CBD trend was harmless, snake oil that could drain your wallet but not much else, but a recent experience has me questioning otherwise. I had previously purchased several different brands of the oil, eventually finding one that did help me sleep, as well as several that probably contained little or no CBD, thanks to the lack of regulation. While I have no doubt CBD can be useful for certain types of epilepsy, sleep and pain, the dosages are likely much different and higher than any amount found in a tincture. During my recent problematic experience, I took what I thought was 100 mg of CBD [available in the Asheville area], a dose that had previously helped me with anxiety and insomnia. However, about two hours after ingestion, I noticed a lack of short-term memory, closed-eye hallucinations and increased social anxiety as well as other clear signs of THC intoxication. I was previously diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia (they use the term schizotypal more nowadays) and know I am very sensitive to these compounds. In the past, they caused a lot of problems, though I thought I was safe in this instance. I am not writing this to fearmonger but spread awareness of the problem of lax regulation in this area. I have no doubt CBD can be useful, and many companies are doing good work in distributing it, and it seems to have a much safer side-effect profile than prescriptions, but in its current state with lack of regulation as well as testing, it’s very problematic, especially for those prone to dissociative or psychotic states. — Name withheld Asheville

Trump must not go away! I feel compelled to respond to Leslie Gaidi’s letter [“Make Trump Go Away,” Nov. 11, Xpress]; she suggested that on behalf of all babies, President Trump should be removed from office. Remember the movie It’s A Wonderful Life? In the movie, the hero George Bailey is shown what the world would be like if he had never been born. In the same spirit, let’s look at what America would be like if Trump had never been elected: 1. We would be stuck with the disastrous Iran nuclear deal, which freed up $150 billion for Iran, all while they were chanting “Death to America,” and “Death to Israel.” And Iran would still


C A R T O O N B Y B R E NT B R O W N have been allowed to build a nuclear weapon in 10 years anyway. 2. Veterans would no longer be able to see physicians outside of the VA and have the government pay the bill, even though waiting periods to see a doctor at the VA were way too long. 3. Our economy and stock market would be stuck in the doldrums; instead, we have the strongest economy in 50 years, record low unemployment and a raging bull market in stocks. 4. Nonviolent drug offenders would not have the opportunity to get an early release from prison. 5. Our embassy in Israel would be stuck in Tel Aviv, instead of having moved to Jerusalem, a move that [previous presidents] had promised but only Trump had the courage to actually do it. 6. America would not be respected by the rest of the world as it is today. 7. Our NATO allies would still not be paying their fair share. Those are just a few of the things that would never have happened if Trump had not been elected. President Trump is a true patriot, who has made America stronger and done more in his first three years than many presidents do in eight years. — Roger Gilmore Mars Hill MOUNTAINX.COM

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NEWS

LEFT OUT?

Racial equity and NC’s budding hemp industry

BY BROOKE RANDLE brandle@mountainx.com Since 2015, when industrial hemp first gained limited legal status in North Carolina via a state-administered pilot program, the industry’s prospects have exploded. Despite significant regulatory confusion, hundreds of licensed Tar Heel farmers are now growing hemp. A processing center and milling operation in Spring Hope is said to be the largest such facility in the country. Closer to home, processor Abundant Labs has opened up shop in Canton. Industrial hemp, a strain of cannabis, has many uses, including rope, paper, textiles, plastics and — perhaps most notably — CBD oil, the surging popularity of which is helping drive the boom. Under federal law, hemp can contain no more than 0.3% THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. Meanwhile, across the country, the broader cannabis industry (which includes both medical and recreational marijuana in states where they’re legal) has also shown dramatic growth. Not everyone is reaping the benefits, however. Although hard numbers are in short supply, a 2017 survey by the Marijuana Business Daily, a Colorado-based website, found that 81% of cannabis-related business owners nationwide were white. And while the scope of the overall cannabis sector far outstrips North Carolina’s budding hemp industry, the underlying concern is the same. “Not only are [people of color] bearing the burden of the war on drugs, but now — as cannabis reform is happening and there are people who are making money and creating careers and a whole industry — these same communities are being left out of this industry,” says Asheville attorney Rod Kight.

GREEN RUSH: While Western North Carolina farmers, hemp processors and CBD product distributors have hurried to get in on the ground floor of the state’s newly legalized hemp industry, some in the region are being left behind. People of color and members of other marginalized groups are finding it difficult to capitalize on the hot new business sector. A Jan. 9 panel discussion at The Mothlight will explore the problem and some possible solutions. Photo by Laura Hackett

RACIAL EQUITY Kight, whose specialty is the cannabis business, will be taking part in an upcoming presentation focused on precisely this issue. “Cannabis Culture: A Paneled Discussion About Equity in the Cannabis & Hemp Industry” will also feature panelists Danielle Adams, Honey Simone and Michael Hayes. Adams is a fellow in 8

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the Z. Smith Reynolds Foundation’s All for NC program; Simone owns Different Wrld, an Asheville-based clothing, accessory and lifestyle brand with a sustainability focus. Hayes, a community activist, founded the Urban Arts Institute. Hosted by Culture Club, a local discussion group, and Tarleton Walmsley, the event will consider the rapidly evolving industry in terms of racial diversity, criminal justice and economic impact. Local blogger and activist Ami Worthen will serve as moderator; Rob Thomas, community liaison with the Racial Justice Coalition, will also speak. Walmsley says she hopes the event will call attention to the industry’s lack of racial diversity while educating those considering hemp and CBDrelated work. “We wanted to reach out to our industry but also to people that are curious or have an interest in diversifying this industry,” says Walmsley, who is co-owner of Garden Party. The West Asheville boutique specializes in canna-

bis-related products. “People who are currently in the CBD industry or want to be in it — whether that’s a person of color or not — I think it’s a really important conversation that we should all be having,” she maintains. WIPING THE SLATE CLEAN Kight, who represents clients in all areas of the cannabis business, says the low participation by people of color is due, in part, to policies in the decadeslong war on drugs that have disproportionately targeted communities of color. A 2013 study by the American Civil Liberties Union found that between 2001 and 2010, 8.2 million people were arrested for cannabis — and people of color were nearly four times as likely to be arrested as whites, despite using marijuana at roughly the same rate. That’s left millions of people with criminal records that can block access to jobs, housing and educational opportunities.

Current federal law, notes Kight, also bars people with prior drug-related felony convictions from participating in the legal hemp industry for 10 years from their conviction date. A key component of needed cannabis reform, he says, is expunging those criminal records for marijuanarelated convictions. Some states that have legalized recreational use, such as Colorado and California, provide varying degrees of relief for those folks. “The other piece of that is when you have a felony conviction, in most states you can’t vote. I think having a voting push is also really important and should maybe even be in conjunction with expungement,” Kight explains. “Those are the two things that I am personally advocating for.” RACIAL BARRIERS Panelist Hayes, who is executive director of the Umoja Health, Wellness and Justice Collective, ascribes the low participation in the industry by people


“Legalize it is just the beginning: What does it mean and what does it look like?” — Asheville attorney Rod Kight of color to a variety of complex, overlapping issues. His Asheville-based nonprofit uses group communication and resilience training to address racial trauma. One problem, he says, is that many people of color lack awareness of the rapidly changing laws, which he attributes to “opportunity hoarding” by majority groups. “Things that are happening and blossoming for everyone else, we get that information late,” Hayes maintains. “And then after we get the information, it is us not trusting each other to invest with each other to make that type of move.” Some members of the black community, he continues, discourage their peers from entering even the legal hemp industry because of the lingering stigma associated with marijuana. It’s wrong, they argue, to profit from an industry that, historically, saw disproportionate numbers of people of color serve lengthy prison sentences. Hayes, however, while acknowledging the complexity of these issues, believes the potential economic benefits are vital to overcoming institutionalized racism and poverty. “We have a lot of gatekeepers who say that us thinking about getting involved in the hemp and marijuana industry is detrimental to our community,” he concedes. But “Being poor and constantly having our hand out is also detrimental to our community.” Walmsley, meanwhile, says, “As white people, we need to step up and do our part to contribute and even the playing field.”

it is just the beginning: What does it mean and what does it look like? And what do you want accomplished when we’re talking about social justice?” States where marijuana is now legal have approached the social justice component in myriad ways. One is to levy additional taxes on cannabis products and allocate those revenues to the communities that, historically, have been most harmed by enforcement efforts. Another is to ensure that a percentage of growers licenses go to people of color. Many of the current justice-focused initiatives, says Kight, are still being tweaked in hopes of creating the best fit with specific populations and geographic areas. “I don’t think that any model, unfortunately, is the perfect model. But I definitely believe that we should have some sort of a system where we ensure that people who have been disproportionately affected by the drug war are able to participate,” he explains. Hayes agrees, noting that social justice in cannabis law is implicitly tied to economic justice in general. “I think it’s a great idea anytime you can think about giving back to a community of low wealth that has been oppressed, generation after generation,” he says. “We’re just talking about giving us a fair shot. It’s about time right now for us to use the wisdom and knowledge that we’ve learned, use the community in a collective and collaborative way, and let us apply what we know to the opportunities that are out there. That’s all we’re asking for.” X

SOCIAL JUSTICE Eleven states plus the District of Columbia have legalized recreational marijuana since 2012; 22 more permit medical marijuana. And while North Carolina may still be years away from following suit, Kight says that advocates and legislators alike can use this time to develop comprehensive reform measures that could help those most impacted by the state’s current drug laws. “You have a lot of people who say, ‘Hey, let’s just legalize it and be done with it,’ and I respect that. People want to grow cannabis like they grow tomatoes, and I agree with that, but what does that mean?” he asks. “Legalize

We need to talk... “Cannabis Culture: A Paneled Discussion About Equity in the Cannabis & Hemp Industry” will happen at The Mothlight on Thursday, Jan. 9, 6-9 p.m. Tickets cost $15, and a portion of the proceeds will benefit the Black Mamas’ Bail Out Action, a group aimed at ending cash bail. The effort is a project of Southerners on New Ground, an Atlanta-based social justice advocacy organization. X

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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N EWS

by Virginia Daffron

vdaffron@mountainx.com

SLATES SET FOR MARCH 3 PRIMARY Rep. Mark Meadows, R-Buncombe, announced Dec. 19 that he won’t seek reelection to the 11th Congressional District seat he’s held since 2013. Before the day was out, three Republican candidates had filed to replace him. And on the filing deadline of Dec. 20, nine more Republicans added their names to the list. All told, 19 candidates are currently in the running for Meadows’ position in the U.S. House, including five Democrats and one candidate each from the Green and Libertarian parties. But even beyond that contentious federal race, the 2020 election season promises plenty of action for Western North Carolina. The next-busiest local race on primary ballots for many Buncombe voters is the 10-person contest for three seats on Asheville City Council. One incumbent, Keith Young, will join the nonpartisan race. Departing Council member Brian Haynes decided not to seek reelection, while Council member Julie Mayfield is hoping to replace Sen. Terry Van Duyn (who is running for lieutenant governor) in N.C. Senate District 49. Prior to 2020, members of Asheville City Council had been selected in odd-numbered years, giving the local race relatively greater prominence. With the presidential and 11th District contests all but certain to capture the lion’s share of voters’ attention this year, previous candidates Kim Roney (who finished fourth in 2017) and Rich Lee (who finished fifth in 2017 and fourth in 2015) may benefit from the name recognition gained during their earlier campaigns. And Kristen Goldsmith, by virtue of having been the first 2020 candidate to announce her run, could see results from that early start. The top six vote-getters will advance to the general election. In solidly Democratic N.C. Senate District 49, previous district attorney candidate Ben Scales and IT consultant Travis Smith are competing with Mayfield for the Dems’ general election slot. Over in District 48, which includes portions of Buncombe, Henderson and Transylvania counties, the three Democratic candi10

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dates — Mills River Council member Brian Caskey, Henderson County legal assistant and first-generation immigrant Cristal Figueroa and Hendersonville native Najah Underwood — face an uphill battle in challenging incumbent Republican Sen. Chuck Edwards, who operates seven McDonald’s restaurants in Hendersonville, Brevard and Canton. With recent redistricting decisions affecting national, state and county-level seats, a number of politicians will find themselves competing against new opponents and trying to connect with a new set of voters. For example, Buncombe County Commissioner Jasmine Beach-Ferrara, a Democrat, will face the winner of the Republican primary in District 2, either incumbent Commissioner Mike Fryar or challenger Anthony Penland. In Beach-Ferrara’s previous (but now redrawn) District 1, threetime Democratic candidate Nancy Nehls Nelson will vie against Terri Walls for their party’s nomination; the winner will match up with Republican Glenda Weinert, who lost her 2018 bid for the old District 2 seat against Democratic Commissioner Amanda Edwards. And in District 3, which now covers the southwestern part of the county along with portions of the city of Asheville, the winner of the Democratic primary — Donna Ensley or Parker Sloan — will compete against incumbent Republican Joe Belcher. One candidate voters in Mountain Xpress’ distribution area won’t see on their ballots this year is Rep. Patrick McHenry, R-Lincoln, whose 10th U.S. Congressional District no longer includes part of the Asheville area — or even abuts the 11th Congressional District. Under the new maps, the 5th Congressional District, represented by Rep. Virginia Foxx, R-Watauga, borders the 11th and runs from the Virginia state line on the northern end to the South Carolina state line on the southern end.

House District 116 • Democrat: Brian Turner (incumbent) • Republican: Eric Burns House District 117 The district currently represented by retiring Rep. Chuck McGrady, R-Henderson, appears on ballots in Henderson and Transylvania counties (and not on Buncombe ballots). Xpress is covering the contest because the seat also overlaps N.C. Senate District 48 and historically has had an impact on issues of importance to Buncombe. U.S. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, 11TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT Republican primary • Chuck Archerd • Lynda Bennett • Matthew Burril • Madison Cawthorn • Jim Davis • Dan Driscoll • Steven Fekete Jr. • Dillon S. Gentry • Wayne King • Joey Osborne • Vance Patterson • Albert Wiley Jr. Democratic primary • Gina Collias • Moe Davis • Michael O’Shea • Phillip Price • Steve Woodsmall Green: Tamara Zwinak Libertarian: Tracey DeBruhl N.C. SENATE, DISTRICT 48 Democratic primary • Brian Caskey • Cristal Figueroa • Najah Underwood Republican: Chuck Edwards (incumbent) N.C. SENATE, DISTRICT 49 Democratic primary • Julie Mayfield • Ben Scales • Travis Smith Republican: Bob Penland N.C. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES No primaries will be held for Buncombe County House districts 114, 115 and 116. House District 114 • Democrat: Susan C. Fisher (incumbent) • Republican: Tim Hyatt • Libertarian: Lyndon John Smith House District 115 • Democrat: John Ager (incumbent) • Republican: Mark Crawford

Republican primary • Dennis Justice • Tim Moffitt Democratic primary • Danae Aicher • Josh Remillard BUNCOMBE COUNTY BOARD OF COMMISSIONERS Chair No primary will be held; incumbent Democratic Chair Brownie Newman will face Republican Commissioner Robert Pressley in the November general election. District 1 Democratic primary • Nancy Nehls Nelson • Terri Wells Republican: Glenda Weinert District 2 Republican primary • Mike Fryar (incumbent) • Anthony Penland Democrat: Jasmine BeachFerrara (incumbent) District 3 Democratic primary • Donna Ensley • Parker Sloan Republican: Joe Belcher (incumbent) ASHEVILLE CITY COUNCIL Voters within Asheville city limits can vote for three of the 10 candidates seeking the three available seats on Asheville City Council. The top six vote-getters will advance to the general election, where voters can again select their top three. Nonpartisan primary • Larry Ray Baker • Tim Collins • Kristen Goldsmith • Sandra Kilgore • Rich Lee • Shane McCarthy • Kim Roney • Nicole Townsend • Sage Turner • Keith Young (incumbent)


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HUMOR ISSUE

XPRESSERS ALMANAC

FAKE NEWS

PREDICTIONS FOR THE COMING YEAR

Top 10 Asheville-area conspiracy theories that will gain traction in 2020 1. Former City Council member Jan Davis is moonlighting as the Montford tire slasher to drum up new business. 2. Brevard’s white squirrels are just regular squirrels forced to visit tiny salons for dye jobs, all part of a marketing ploy by the Transylvania County TDA.

3. Brian Haynes is really leaving City Council to become a superhero: Bluntman.

4. The Woodfin Sewer and Water District is made up of salamander people in disguise. Think about it. 5. Indicted Buncombe County Commissioner Ellen Frost is running a horse-smuggling ring out of the Asheville Pizza Co. basement. 6. Firestorm Books & Coffee is secretly a capitalist enterprise run by a fabulously lucrative private equity venture. 7. Register of Deeds Drew Reisinger is hiring local Ukrainian immigrants to rig his reelection. 8. Three-legged bears are getting peglegs and taking up a life of piracy on the French Broad. 9. The city of Asheville’s walledoff, 23,000-acre water reservoir preserve is used as a breeding ground for a clone army of future Asheville city workers. Assistant City Manager Cathy Ball, considered the genetically perfect government employee, is the main source for DNA.

10. Flat Asheville — all the mountains are an illusion, man.

Top five sneaky ways hotels will get past Asheville City Council moratorium 1. It’s a brewery you can sleep in! 2. Pet resorts. Board your pet, bring your human for free. 3. Declare a religious exemption as temples to Hypnos, son of Nyx and Erebus, brother of Thanatos, Greek god of sleep. 4. Book the Wortham Center for the Performing Arts for an extended run of a “participatory public performance art piece.” Tickets are $325 and include an overnight stay. 5. Just suck it up and bribe city planners the good old-fashioned way.

Top five schemes of independent store owners to combat Amazon 1. Offer free shipping, but only along Pubcycle routes. 2. Hire street corner poets to write five-star product reviews. “My name is Bert / I love this shirt / I think that you / will love it too. — 5 stars” 3. Bear blockades at UPS hubs. 4. Door-to-door shopping Sherpas. 5. Start selling cheap plastic crap that no one needs.

Top 10 complaints of Asheville’s gentry 1. Energy of high tea brought down by CBD infusion. 2. Homeless in Pritchard Park keep disturbing croquet wickets. 3. Terrible horse-drawn buggy traffic. 4. Bridesmaids keep photobombing the daguerreotypes.

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5. Unhoused residents keep trying to move into Grove Park Inn gingerbread display. 6. Shortage of dirigible parking in Arras garage. 7. Surly service-industry millennials: They spit in your Courvoisier, never say thank you and still want a ha’penny for their trouble. 8. Subpar wax cylinder collection on offer at Harvest Records. 9. City noise ordinance grants no relief from raucous string quartet concerts at Biltmore House. 10. Delay at station for next train to Raleigh now approaching 50 years.

Top five uses for the Asheville sinkhole

8. “All contributions will be matched by the Dogwood Health Trust.” 9. “I just need 56,481 more individual donors to qualify for the next Democratic presidential debate!” 10. “This book is for you, dude. No really, I don’t want anything for it. I just want people to read again.”

WORK WITH DHT

FAKE NEWS

Top five Asheville media phenomena 1. Citizen Times reporter John Boyle wins Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in the inaugural Dad Jokes division. 2. Chad Nesbitt of SKYline News wins Pulitzer Prize for investigative reporting, reports Chad Nesbitt.

Effulgence Executive Search is honored to be retained by Dogmatic Helpers Trust (DHT), the $1.5 gazillion foundation created as the result of Hopeless Contagion of America’s (HCA) acquisition of nonprofit Missing Health. Because DHT has a shit-ton of money mandate to maximize the health of every living creature in Western North Carolina, we are seeking ridiculously overqualified applicants for all positions. Candidates should have held CEO-level positions with national or international organizations or within government agencies. Ability to turn water into wine not required but preferred. Black belt in corporate jargon a must.

1. Connect to the Country Club of Asheville golf course for world’s easiest hole-in-one. 2. Syringe disposal — out of sight, out of mind. Not on the sidewalk or in anyone’s backyard! 3. E-scooter test track. 4. Wait for moss to grow and call it a greenway. 5. Really, really deep meditation center.

Top five Asheville scams to watch out for in 2020 1. “Brunch.” 2. BOGOTBB: Buy one, get one taken back by Bigfoot. 3. Kraft beer singles. 4. Banjo Muzak. 5. The Buncombe County Tourism Development Authority.

Top 10 creative panhandler pitches 1. “I work for Mountain Xpress.” 2. “Orange Peel service charges went up again.” 3. “If you give me a dollar, I won’t sing ‘Wagon Wheel.’” 4. “I’ll hold your spot in line at Biscuit Head.” 5. “Now accepting Venmo.” 6. “I promise not to gender you.” 7. “Would you help a veteran of the war on Christmas?”

No candidates currently residing within the 18 westernmost counties of North Carolina or on the Qualla Boundary will be considered. 3. Asheville Daily Planet gets bought by American Standard and becomes national trade magazine, The Bidet-ly Planet. 4. Asheville Scene — now vapable. 5. BPR spends entire tote bag budget on beard grooming products for Matt Bush.

Top five Asheville spiritual happenings in 2020 1. Recent influx of ramen shops serves as a front for Flying Spaghetti Monster cultists. 2. “Set Your Spirit Free” tourism campaign causes uptick in ghost activity. TDA claims Ghostbusters can’t be paid with occupancy tax under current law. 3. Following closure of HCA wheelchair clinic, Blue Cross Blue Shield recognizes faith healers as in-network. 4. Franklin Graham brings back “Decision America” rally to help Asheville tourists make tough restaurant choices. 5. Crossroads at West Asheville project delayed indefinitely by stream of bluesmen seeking deals with the devil. X

CUSTODIAN This entrepreneurial cleaning professional is someone with a track record of moving the needle — literally, should (God forbid) a discarded syringe ever make its way into the corporate offices or onto the grounds of DHT. You should be in peak physical condition with the ability to stand completely still for 12 hours; lift up to three times your own body weight; push a vacuum while indefinitely maintaining a six-minute-mile pace and leap at least 3 feet vertically (the better to change lightbulbs without using a ladder). In your application, please provide verifiable results of NASA laboratory testing showing that facilities under your care have been found free of any and all forms of microbial life, dust or airborne particulate matter. RECEPTIONIST A master of the soft art of diplomacy, you should be a graduate of an elite finishing school, as well as the holder of a perfect score on the Foreign Service Officer Test administered by the U.S. State Department. You will leverage an extensive technical knowledge of telecommunications (including memorization of the full 333-page Telecommunications Act of 1996) to efficiently and pleasantly receive and transfer incoming calls. Fluency in English, Spanish, Ukranian, Russian, Moldovan, the Kituwah dialect of Cherokee and modern Greek are required; a background in Latin is preferred. PUBLIC RELATIONS COORDINATOR With the news industry in free fall, the sky’s the limit here. At a minimum, your background must include stints at the top of the masthead of a major American daily newspaper and as a news anchor of a major television network. You should be comfortable on camera and off, shaping authentic, unfailingly flattering messages that keep the focus on exactly what DHT wants to highlight and nothing else. You will also be responsible for raining fire on the heads of uncooperative journalists and planting positive stories while convincing editors it was their own idea all along. MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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HUMOR ISSUE

PRISON Pen Pals

FAKE NEWS

Letters from corrupt Buncombe County officials

Dear Wanda, I have joined your boy Michael here in Kentucky. He seems right at home in prison and has been showing me the ropes — he only got six months in minimum security but he is really leaning into the “thug life.”

Hot tip: He discovered our county P-Cards still work at the commissary, so not only can we continue

to collect our pensions, but our stay can be all expenses paid. Life here is deeply and specifically segregated. He was trying to get me to join his gang, the Ponzi Lowriders, but I have opted to join my own people in the Lip-hairy-an Brotherhood. God bless the ’stache. Although I am missing the comforts of home, and my beloved Tourists most of all, I have been able to enjoy some rollicking games in the yard. A guy asked me to sell “tickets” to the softball games, which I did, only to find out later that I had inadvertently become part of a bookmaking operation. I thought it was strange that people kept giving me different amounts of cigarettes when the games are free to attend.

I have enclosed a picture of Michael for you, at his request. Your comrade, Jon “Hatin’” Creighton USP McCreary, Ky. Prisoner #22967-055

Dear Jon, I’m so proud of my little Michael! All grown up with prison tats, just like his momma. You two can join all the gangs you want — just remember, in the end, you report to me. Gangs aren’t really a thing in women’s facilities, but I’m getting together what I like to call my Sewing Circle. They all call me Doctor Greene, and I am quickly becoming the most respected (feared) woman here. Unfortunately, that also means they want to show me their foot fungus. The P-Cards don’t work here; I tried that first thing. But I was able to secure a work assignment doing the prison’s bookkeeping. The warden says even though I was stripped of my CPA license, he’s happy to have me. After all, he’d let a disgraced electrician work with wires, so why not let me work with QuickBooks? He’s excited that he won’t have to pay taxes anymore. I’m also renovating my cell and entertaining bids from fellow inmates. They are bringing lots of offerings from commissary to encourage me to make the best decision. I’m practically swimming in eyedrops, Colgate and Lubriderm — reminds me of good old Joey Junior! Yes, it’s shaping up to be a cozy seven years. I might even get to work on my tan. If only there was decent wine in here. Your Capo, Dr. Wanda “The Skillington” Greene Carswell FMC, Fort Worth, Texas Prisoner #34202-058

Dear Wanda and John, I’m also adjusting to incarcerated life. I coldcocked the biggest, meanest girl I could find with a chair during my first group therapy session, so now they call me Stone Cold. I know we’re all great lovers of wine, so I wanted to share my rec14

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ipe for top-notch toilet vino to make life easier here in the big house. [Ingredients list redacted for safety.] Put all the soft, sweet ingredients in a bag, squeeze out the air and mash without breaking the bag. I find this works best in my armpit — no risk of my fingernails poking a hole. Then add the liquids and mix. (My favorite flavor is purple.) Run the bag under very hot water, wrap it in an extra pair of government-issue skivvies and store for 48 hours. Add a dinner roll for yeast, store the bag in a cool, dark place and burp the gas out every hour or so for the next day. About four days later, you can strain off the chunks and gloopy bits through the skivvies. It’s no Sonoma County, but you’ll have yourself a beverage not unlike Two-Buck-Chuck pinot. Put it in containers with green apple Jolly Ranchers and Atomic Fireballs until the candy dissolves, and it’s practically cinnamon-apple brandy. It pairs nicely with Slim Jims and Velveeta. One word of caution: Make sure the dinner roll is fresh and clean. My cellie stole my first batch while I was sleeping and she got botulism. Pour one out for her. Prison buds 4 life! Mandy “Stone Cold” Stone Alderson FPC, Alderson, W.Va. Prisoner #34426-058

Dear idiots, Welcome to the hoosegow. I always knew you were a worse crook than me, Wanda. You just hated my style because I didn’t try to cover my gambling up, and it made people sniff around. Well, you finally got yours. And meanwhile, I get out next October. I paid my debt to society and I’m headed back to Bunkum to show ’em they can’t keep ole Bobby Lee down. Your old pal, Bobby Medford Butner Low FCI, Butner, N.C. Prisoner #22161-058


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HUMOR ISSUE

FOOD

CHICKEN SANDWICH SMACKDOWN The Xpress food editor weighs in on the Chick-fil-A vs. Popeyes debate BY GINA SMITH gsmith@mountainx.com As a food writer, the one remark I hear almost without fail when people find out what I do for a living is some variation on the following: “It must be so awesome to get paid to eat at restaurants!” Yeah, I bet that would be awesome. I wouldn’t know.  As an independent community newspaper, Xpress doesn’t have the budget for a restaurant critic. But people love reviews. And I love to give our readers what they want. So I decided to find a way. There were several factors to consider. First, menu price points had to suit my personal budget (i.e., as close to free as possible). Second, I wanted to visit restaurants I’d never tried before. And finally, I desired an element of timeliness. The perfect answer presented itself (as so many revelations do) via social media in the form of the single most pressing and divisive issue facing our nation right now — the #ChickenSandwichWars. Pitting Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen’s new, panic-inducing chicken sandwich against its competitor at Chickfil-A, arguably America’s OG fast-food poultry sandwich, met my timeliness criteria. And fast food is indisputably

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one of the cheapest meal options out there next to dumpster diving. Furthermore, I’ve never eaten one of these sandwiches or even been to either one of these restaurants. As a 50-something quinoa enthusiast who shops at tailgate markets with upcycled cloth tote bags, my fast-food experience over the past 30 years has been confined to semi-annual stops at Taco Bell on road trips to Florida.  Also, there’s this: I’ve been a vegetarian for most of my adult life. (I currently define myself as a “situational omnivore” due to the demands of my job in Asheville’s pork belly-saturated food scene.) I’m an utterly blank canvas, the perfect person to evaluate these contenders. To create a level playing field, I decided to sample a classic version of each sandwich, consuming them immediately inside the respective dining rooms. I had some concern that my personal views on LGBTQ issues might trigger some kind of gay-dar alarm when I entered Chickfil-A, but I was committed to forging ahead nonetheless. The first week of December, I ventured forth to the Tunnel Road Chickfil-A across from the Asheville Mall to begin the challenge. When I finally emerged, half-starved and vibrating with road rage, from the gridlock of holiday traffic and pulled up to the restaurant, it came as a shock to learn that the location is drive-thru only.  So, no dining room. But also — less possibility of a gay-dar alarm! I inched into one of two long car lines full of hungry Chick-fil-A devotees, eventually placed my order, then crept up to the tiny, brightly lit cubicle where I paid for and almost instantly received my sandwich from one of eight cheerful but bored-looking teenagers.  Mysteriously, no kitchen was discernible. It’s possible that the food is made by certified heterosexuals in a church-sanctioned production facility somewhere in Georgia then delivered by drones. But really, I have no idea. Dazed by the speed and enigma of it all, I pulled away and parked in front of the nearby TJ Maxx to enjoy my dinner in the cozy ambience of my Kia Soul. 

H umor is s u e

WHICH ‘WICH? Food editor Gina Smith jumps into the #ChickenSandwichWars for her first restaurant review. Photo by Thomas Calder The first thing that struck me about this sandwich was its austerity. I’m a toppings person — the more the merrier — so I was a little disappointed that the only embellishments were three pale pickle slices huddled together like terrified refugees. I took my first bite, and it...wasn’t bad. In fact, it was maybe even...good? I wanted more. Hunched in my car over this greasy, animal-based morsel, I felt a kind of sweet guilt reminiscent of sneaking a beer in your parents’ house when you’re a teenager (not that I ever actually did that, Mom and Dad).  An unavoidable problem, however, was that the bulk of the sandwich was meat — a hefty chunk of juicy chicken breast (thankfully not the processed stuff that looks suspiciously like industrial polyurethane foam). The prevailing flavor was salt, but the breading had a pleasing crunch. The bun was sort of flat and unimpressive, but it tasted OK and wasn’t as gummy as it looked.  As it turned out, the sad little pickles were the heroes of the day, adding a much-needed tang of acidity. After my second bite, the secret guilt rush was gone, and I yearned for some sauce or even a perky leaf of iceberg lettuce to liven things up. I allowed my digestive and nervous systems a couple of days to recover then headed out to the traffic combat zone of Airport Road to check out Asheville’s brand, spankin’ new Popeyes. This res-

taurant has an actual dining room complete with zippy zydeco music, and from the dire news reports, I figured it would harbor a desperate crowd of chicken sandwich addicts fighting each other with sharpened straws. But I must have picked an off day. No aggression was evident among the mellow assortment of construction workers and retirees quietly waiting for their lunch. The kitchen here was readily visible and seemed to be running like a well-oiled (pardon the deep-fryer pun) machine. But, like at Chick-fil-A, the ordering experience was disconcertingly speedy. When you’re used to waiting an hour for your handcrafted, locally sourced meals, these fast-food turnaround times make your head spin. This sandwich proved a little more substantial. The brioche bun had loft and gloss, and an oversized slab of breaded chicken protruded significantly from one side. Happily, the pillowy bun hid a schmear of mayonnaise, and there were pickles — only two, but sturdy, fat, vivacious slices. The first bite tasted good. And so did the second. And the third. Like the Chick-fil-A version, the meat was very salty — I could feel the inside of my mouth shriveling. But the monolith of chicken was crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside, accented perfectly by the tart, crunchy pickles and creamy mayonnaise. After the third bite, though, I found myself wondering: Why so much chicken, Popeyes? Is this really what meat eaters want? (Answer: Yes, Gina. Yes, it is.) In the end, I preferred the Popeyes sandwich, despite the fact that it contained chicken. I would actually eat it again if I found myself stranded on a desert island equipped with a Popeyes and no quinoa, artisan vegetable ferments or avocado toast in sight (provided there was a generous supply of fresh water to wash it down with). My next review: Burger King’s Impossible Whopper. Note: My deepest apologies to the innocent chickens and pickles that gave their lives for this review.  X


BEER SCOUT

SOLD!

Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. changes ownership FAKE NEWS

It’s time to play (North and South) America’s favorite game show:

PALE SALE: Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. honors the new boss, different than the old boss.

BY EDWIN ARNAUDIN earnaudin@mountainx.com In the wake of New Belgium Brewing Co.’s sale to Kirin subsidiary Lion Little World Beverages and the announcement the very next day that Bold Rock Hard Cider would be purchased by Artisanal Brewing Ventures, fellow Western North Carolina brewing giant Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. is joining the ranks of changing ownership. The new boss? Weaverville’s Zebulon Artisan Ales, for a sum reported to be somewhere in the hundreds. Conducted via PayPal, the transaction puts the U.S.’s third-largest craft brewery under the leadership of husband/ wife duo Mike Karnowski and Gabe Pickard, who have run their modest operation out of a former firehouse in an alley off Main Street since 2016. “We strive to be a pioneer in every conceivable manner,” says Brian Grossman, co-manager of Sierra Nevada’s Mills River brewery. “The entire team and I look forward to handing Mike and Gabe the keys to Malt Disney World.” Within hours of the news hitting social media, packages of Sierra Nevada beer disappeared from Asheville-area shelves in a wave of local loyalty.

“It shows what they truly value,” says craft beer connoisseur Marty Zumstein. “Have I been to Zebulon? No, I’m always working during the 10 hours they’re open each week, but I hear good things.” The new owners plan to take an “if it ain’t broke” approach to their new business while remaining firmly invested in the Zebulon brand and its focus on utilizing locally sourced ingredients and resurrecting historical recipes. Pickard is considering using the influx of funds to can her house-made sodas while Karnowski “might go to a few more metal shows” each year. “Or travel to Mars. I haven’t decided,” he says.  X

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JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

17


HUMOR ISSUE

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

SCREEN SCENE

20/20 SUPPORT

FAKE

by Edwin Arnaudin | earnaudin@mountainx.com

NEWS

Benefit concert planned for musician harmed by phone camera flash The Asheville music community will unite on Saturday, Jan. 4, at The Orange Peel to honor one of its shining stars in his time of need. The benefit concert will help pay medical costs for noted vocalist and producer Ryan Barber, who was tragically blinded during his Dec. 14 show at Everydamnvenueinthecity when a concertgoer took a picture of him with the flash turned on. Upon the light reaching his eyes, Barber instantly covered his face and yelled, “Who brought the Bat Signal?” Fellow attendees promptly bum-rushed the individual and gave him a bruise or two. Fans who stayed by the walls reported hearing the phrase, “OK, boomer,” repeated multiple times from the site of the melee as well as the stage. At the benefit show, Barber’s tourmates Secret Agent 23 Skidoo and Debrissa McKinney will serve as co-masters of ceremony with his bandmates from BoogiTherapi and McKinney’s Empire Strikes Brass trying not to knock into one another as the backing ensemble. “I’ll play suspended from wires like Peter Pan if I have to,” says ESB keyboardist Lenny Pettinelli. “I just won’t let Ryan check the harness. What, too soon?” The evening’s setlist will be composed of songs by Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Doc Watson, Ronnie Milsap and José Feliciano, plus half of Sigur Rós’ “Starálfur” to honor Jónsi’s right eye. Attendees will have their cellphone camera settings checked after receiving the venue’s standard friendly full-cavity search and patdown, and anyone caught taking a photo with the high beams on will face the wrath of Skidoo’s daughter Saki’s roller skates.

FAKE NEWS

After chronicling surfing around the globe since the early 1990s, documentarian Taylor Steele will bring his camera to Asheville in summer 2020 to film a feature-length work about the city’s booming big-wave scene. The director was alerted to the new surfing mecca by local filmmaker Katie Damien after she was caught in a recent downtown rainstorm and nearly swept away to Arden. “The antiquated drainage downtown, coupled with overdevelopment,

BLINDED BY THE LIGHT: Ryan Barber is adjusting to life following a tragic incident during a recent show.

BROTHERS FROM THE SAME MOTHER

corner of Haywood and College streets just outside Mayfel’s (buzzkills claim the time frame is closer to three days) local busker Dore Mifasolati has added a second song to her repertoire. “People from the third floor of the building that used to have the wig shop started throwing tomatoes at me — real big ones, too,” she says. “I guess they really don’t like West Virginia or mountain mamas.” The introduction of what the ukulelist/vocalist refers to as “that song the guy in the marijuana suit plays on repeat” proved popular with a group of tourists from Pawnee, Ind., who recorded videos of the performance and whisked them into Instagram stories. “Y’all act like you never seen a busker before,” says Michigan transplant and downtown personality Marshall Mathers. When asked by the visitors if he could do better, Mathers flipped the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and walked away. Mifasolati encouraged the crowd of five to check out her Facebook page and follow along on Twitter, Soundcloud, TikTok and MySpace.

Simon Thomas George is known for his impressive work with the Marcus King Band, The Digs and as part of the house band for the Tuesday Night Funk Jam. The prolific Ashevillebased keyboardist is in so many different projects that the phrase “How does he do it?” frequently wafts in the air at his shows — and now music fans have an answer. The instrumentalist has been revealed to actually be three different people: identical triplets Simon, Thomas and George Maclunkey. The proverbial beans were spilled when all three brothers were spotted at the Dec. 14 Ryan Barber show. “This explains so much,” says Josh Blake, who performs with Thomas Maclunkey in the Josh Blake Organ Trio (aka JBOT) and the Funk Jam band. “I’d see him with Marcus, and he’d do some riff I’d never seen, then I’d grill him about bringing it into our groups and he’d get all coy, then act like he didn’t know what I was talking about at the next practice. I just thought he was being an asshole, but I guess I owe him an apology.”

BUSKER LEARNS SECOND SONG After what feels like three nonstop years of playing John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” at the 18

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is terrible for pedestrians but a boon to the sport,” Damien says. “As long as we don’t enter a Mad Max-style arid apocalypse, all the ingredients are present for long-term success.” Much like tracking a storm off the North Shore of Oahu, the surfers will carefully monitor forecasts and descend upon Asheville when the conditions are right. Keala Kennelly, Kai Lenny, Paige Alms and Sebastian Steudtner are among the sport’s leading figures who will take on such intimidating stretches as the Lexington Luge, Patton Pounder and French Broad Flailer. Big-wave surfing pioneer Laird Hamilton will also be in attendance to witness what he calls “the future of the sport.” Following the assured success of the project, tentatively titled Urban Slip ’n Slide, Steele plans to return to Asheville in the near future to film Blustery Days: The Walnut Street Wind Tunnel Story, about the downtown avenue’s allure for the world’s elite hang-gliders.  X

Simon Maclunkey reveals that tracking devices the triplets had played a key role in avoiding being in the same place at the same time, along with regular group grooming sessions and group texts. “Frequent viewings of The Prestige have also proved extremely informative,” he says. “But those guys had it easy.” George Maclunkey claims that all three family members will continue to play with their respective groups on the condition that they buy a “somewhat offended” King a fruit basket and a baby cactus. While the youngest (by seven minutes) Maclunkey is excited to not have to “run [himself] ragged keeping up this ruse,” he’s even more jazzed for the siblings’ “wildly innovative” accordion trio work to finally be heard. Siamese Sound Club bandmate CaroMia Tiller — girlfriend of presumably one of the brothers back when everyone assumed it was one guy — declined to comment for this article, though a friend who wishes to remain anonymous has suggested that Xpress put a tail on Tiller’s Goldie and the Screamers frontwoman “persona.”  X


DUMB BETS FAKE NEWS

Bad Date Story Slam

Chain of Fools

Have you been ghosted so often you’re considering holding a seance? Were you dumped three times in six months when your love interests claimed to have contracted bird flu? Did your outing to a home furnishings store result in you assembling a bookshelf and hanging drapes in the new apartment of your Tinder date — who then suggested you should see other people? Matchmaking mishaps are nothing new; neither is complaining about bad romance. But now, thanks to the Bad Date Story Slam, the unloved can win cash prizes and bragging rights for enduring the worst disses. Sign up in advance to share your five-minute story onstage at The Mothlight, second Tuesdays of the month, in front of a guaranteed rapt audience. Slams are hosted by Matilda “The Unrepentant Spinster” Brownlee. (Any competitors asked out at the show due to cuteness, wit or storytelling prowess will immediately be disqualified.) 7 p.m. showtime, $5 to listen.

At this point, everyone’s gone to an ax-throwing bar or tried Beers with Bears at the Nature Center. Chain of Fools takes outdoorsy entertainment plus alcohol to the next level: The brewery offers an array of high-gravity beers (10% ABV minimum) to tipple while creating a unique work of mountain-style art. Chainsaw art, that is. “Think of it as the new wine and pottery-painting date night,” says Chain of Fools owner Bennett Tillington. “It’s basically the same, only instead of sipping pinot you’re chugging a triple IPA, and instead of decorating a mug, you’re carving a life-size elk with an incredibly dangerous power tool.” Tillington adds that he got interested in chainsaws when he witnessed a gardener using one at his family’s summer home. “It was just so cool. And I thought, ‘What if you could do that for fun and not, like, [shudder] work?’” The brewery will require all patrons to wear protective goggles, sign a waiver and show proof of organ donor status. Grand opening Friday, Jan. 3.

Festivus Jam

Metallicats

Though fans were saddened to learn the annual Warren Haynes Christmas Jam was on hiatus for 2019, the cancellation opened an opportunity for a new holiday music experience: Festivus Jam. Helmed by Haynes’ brother, Asheville City Council member Brian Haynes, Festivus Jam will still include the Kevn Kinney-hosted Jam by Day (because, apparently, Kinney didn’t receive word Xmas Jam was canceled as organizers, attempting to contact him with the news, added an “i” to Kevn in his Gmail address). And rumor has it Dave Grohl is still at U.S. Cellular Center, finishing a guitar solo from last year’s jam. Plus, adds Brian Haynes, “In true Festivus — you know, from ‘Seinfeld’ — fashion, there will be an Airing of Grievances. At the City Council meeting, on Tuesday, at 5 p.m.” Attendance is required for all Jam ticketholders. Photo of Grohl, left, and Warren Haynes by Matthieu Rodriguez

Touring stoner-metal band/feline rescue nonprofit Metallicats brings its high-wattage show to The Odditorium on Saturday, Jan. 4. On tour in support of their latest release Cat Scratch Fever, Metallicats appears onstage as characters from the beloved Broadway musical, Cats — if said characters contracted rabies and died and then were exhumed in the zombie apocalypse. Cat Scratch Fever is a concept album that tells that story in deafening guitar riffs and pummeling percussion. The live show also includes a tap-dance sequence, choreographed by Savion Glover. During intermission, the band members’ once-feral traveling cat companions will perform circus acts. Representatives from local animal shelters are invited to set up info tables with adoption applications. Fans are invited bring their own feline friends to the show — kitty earplugs are highly recommended and freeze-dried mouse snacks will be provided. 10 p.m., $7. MOUNTAINX.COM

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ASHEVILLE ARCHIVES

FEA T U RE S

H umor is s u e

by Thomas Calder | tcalder@mountainx.com

Born to draw The cartoons of Billy Borne, 1920 From 1907-28, cartoonist Billy Borne offered commentary on local, national and international matters through his illustrations, published in The Asheville Citizen. As part of our Humor Issue, we thought it would be fun to review Borne’s work. Below is a series of the artist’s cartoons, featured in the early days of 1920.

Published Jan. 8, 1920

Published Jan. 11, 1920

Published Jan. 25, 1920

Published Jan. 27, 1920

Published Jan. 29, 1920

Published Jan. 30, 1920

Published Feb. 1, 1920

Published Feb. 10, 1920

Th

M AL I s I N A e lishes Jan su Pub

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2020

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Wellness Issues

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COMMUNITY CALENDAR JAN. 1 - 9, 2020

CALENDAR GUIDELINES For a full list of community calendar guidelines, please visit mountainx.com/calendar. For questions about free listings, call 828-251-1333, ext. 137. For questions about paid calendar listings, please call 828-251-1333, ext. 320.

ACTIVISM ASHEVILLE WOMEN IN BLACK • 1st FRIDAYS, 5pm - Monthly peace vigil. Free. Held at Vance Monument, 1 Pack Square CITIZENS-POLICE ADVISORY COMMITTEE • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 5pm - Citizens-Police Advisory Committee meeting. Free. Meets in the 1st Floor Conference Room, Public Works Building, 161 S. Charlotte St. PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE OF HENDERSON CO. • FRIDAYS, 4:30-6pm - Postcard writing to government representatives. Postcards, stamps, addresses, pens and tips provided. Free to attend. Held at Sanctuary Brewing Co., 147 1st Ave., Hendersonville SHOWING UP FOR RACIAL JUSTICE • TUESDAYS, 10amnoon - Educating and organizing white people for racial justice. Free to attend. Held at Firestorm Books & Coffee, 610 Haywood Road VETERANS FOR PEACE • TUESDAYS, 5pm Weekly peace vigil. Free. Held at Vance Monument, 1 Pack Square

BENEFITS DECK THE TREES • Through MO (1/6), 10am-9pm - Proceeds from Deck The Trees in the theme of Go Tell It On the Mountain benefit the

Fuel Fund for the Swannanoa Valley Christian Ministries. Free to attend. Held at Monte Vista Hotel, 308 W. State St., Black Mountain

BUSINESS & TECHNOLOGY DEFCON 828 GROUP • 1st SATURDAYS, 2pm - General meeting for information security professionals, students and enthusiasts. Free to attend. Held at Earth Fare South, 1856 Hendersonville Road MOUNTAIN BIZWORKS ORIENTATION • FR (1/3), 10-11am - Information session on available resources at Mountain BizWorks. Registration required. Free. Held at Mountain BizWorks, 153 S. Lexington Ave. WNC LINUX USER GROUP • 1st SATURDAYS, noon - Users of all experience levels discuss Linux systems. Free to attend. Held at Earth Fare South, 1856 Hendersonville Road

CLASSES, MEETINGS & EVENTS ASHEVILLE CHESS CLUB • WEDNESDAYS, 6:30pm - Sets provided. All ages and skill levels welcome. Beginners lessons available. Free. Held at North Asheville Recreation Center, 37 E. Larchmont Road

ASHEVILLE ROTARY CLUB • THURSDAYS, noon1:30pm - General meeting. Free. Held at Trinity Episcopal Church, 60 Church St. ASHEVILLE SUBMARINE VETERANS • 1st TUESDAYS, 6-7pm - Social meeting for US Navy submarine veterans. Free to attend. Held at Ryan's Steakhouse, 1000 Brevard Road BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty. org/governing/ depts/library • THURSDAYS, 10:30am-noon Modern money theory study group. Free. Held at North Asheville Library, 1030 Merrimon Ave. • THURSDAYS, 5pm Spanish Conversation Group for adults. Free. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. • Every other TUESDAY, 4pm - Basic computer skills class. Free. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. KOREAN WAR VETERANS CHAPTER 314 • 2nd WEDNESDAYS, noon - Korean War Veterans Association, General Frank Blazey Chapter 314, general meeting. Lunch at noon, meeting at 1pm. Free to attend. Held at Golden Corral, 2530 Chimney Rock Road, Hendersonville LAUREL CHAPTER OF THE EMBROIDERERS’ GUILD OF AMERICA • TH (1/2), 10amnoon - General meeting and making no-sew fleece blankets for Project Linus. Free. Held at Cummings United Methodist Church, 3 Banner Farm Road, Horse Shoe TRIVIA NIGHT • TUESDAYS, 7pm - Trivia night. Free. Held at VFW Post

9157, 165 Cragmont Road, Black Mountain

ECO RIVERLINK RIVERFRONT BUS TOUR • 1st THURSDAYS, 10am-1pm - Proceeds from the Riverfront bus tour benefit RiverLink. Registration: avl.mx/68a. $45. SIERRA CLUB: 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF GORGES STATE PARK • TH (1/9), 7-9pm - Sierra Club of Western North Carolina (WENOCA) honors the 20th anniversary of Gorges State Park with a presentation by Bill Thomas, the environmentalist who fought to create it. Information: judymattox@ sbcglobal.net or 828683-2176. Held at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Asheville, 1 Edwin Place

FARM & GARDEN ADVANCED ENTERPRISE DEVELOPMENT (PD.) THU. FEB 6TH 3PM-7PM. Advanced Enterprise Development will dig into enterprise development and help farmers understand the factors that influence farm profitability, assess recordkeeping and farm documentation in order to enhance their farm financial picture. organicgrowersschool. org/farmers/ advanced-enterprisedevelopment/ IMPROVING FARM COMMUNICATIONS (PD.) JAN. 12 & JAN. 19. 10AM-4PM. In Improving Farm Communication workshop participants will use real life farm situations to learn communication styles, how to have better conversations,

SWALLOWING MY PAIN: Do you long for an apology from someone who is unable to give it? Are you slow to apologize to someone you have hurt? Bring an apology you’ve written, whether to yourself or to another and read it out aloud or ask another to read it for you or to you. Passages from Eve Ensler’s The Apology may be read aloud for inspiration and encouragement. The Your Apology Read Aloud event is planned for Thursday, Jan. 2, 6-7:30 p.m. at Firestorm Books & Coffee. (p. 37) and practice new skills. For farmers and employees on farms. organicgrowersschool. org/farmers/ improving-farmcommunications/

FOOD & BEER FAIRVIEW WELCOME TABLE • 2nd THURSDAYS, 11:30am-1pm - Community lunch. Admission by donation. Held at Fairview Christian Fellowship, 596 Old US Highway 74, Fairview

FESTIVALS WINTER LIGHTS EXHIBITION • Through SA (1/4), 6-10pm - Winter Lights, outdoor holiday lights exhibition. $18/$12 children/ Free under 5. Held at NC Arboretum, 100 Frederick Law Olmsted Way

GOVERNMENT & POLITICS BLUE RIDGE REPUBLICAN WOMEN'S CLUB MEETING • 2nd THURSDAYS, 6pm - General meeting. Free to attend.

Held at Yao, 153 Smoky Park Highway CAROLINA JEWS FOR JUSTICE/WEST • SU (1/5), 3-5pm - Annual meeting of Carolina Jews for Justice/West. Registration: cjjwest@ carolinajewsforjustice. org. Free. Held at Congregation Beth HaTephila, 43 N. Liberty St. CITIZENS-POLICE ADVISORY COMMITTEE • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 5pm - Citizens-Police Advisory Committee meeting. Free. Meets in the 1st Floor Conference Room, Public Works Building, 161 S. Charlotte St. HENDERSON COUNTY DEMOCRATIC PARTY MONTHLY BREAKFAST • 1st SATURDAYS, 9-11am - Monthly breakfast buffet. $9/$4.50 for children under 10. Held at Henderson County Democratic Party, 1216 6th Ave. W., Suite 600, Hendersonville INDIVISIBLE COMMON GROUNDWNC • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 6:30-8pm - General meeting. Free. Held at

St. David's Episcopal Church, 286 Forest Hills Road, Sylva PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE OF HENDERSON CO. • FRIDAYS, 4:30-6pm - Postcard writing to government representatives. Postcards, stamps, addresses, pens and tips provided. Free to attend. Held at Sanctuary Brewing Co., 147 1st Ave., Hendersonville VETERANS FOR PEACE • TUESDAYS, 5pm Weekly peace vigil. Free. Held at Vance Monument, 1 Pack Square

KIDS EMPOWERING THE LEADER IN EACH YOUNG MAN (PD.) Journeymen is supporting adolescent boys on their paths to becoming men of integrity. Our cost-free program is now enrolling young men 12-17. Mentees ("J-men") participate in bi-weekly mentoring groups and a semi-annual Rites of Passage Adventure Weekend, where they develop compassion, self-awareness,

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accountability, resilience and authenticity. Learn more: journeymenasheville. org Contact: journeymenasheville@ gmail.com (828) 771-6344. APPLE VALLEY MODEL RAILROAD & MUSEUM • WEDNESDAYS, 1-3pm & SATURDAYS, 10am-2pm - Open house featuring operating model trains and historic memorabilia. Free. Held at Apple Valley Model Railroad & Museum, 650 Maple St., Hendersonville BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty. org/governing/depts/ library • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 11am-noon - Storytime + Art, project for preschool students. Free. Held at North Asheville Library, 1030 Merrimon Ave. • 1st FRIDAYs, 2:30pm - Read with J.R. the Therapy Dog. Free. Held at Skyland/South Buncombe Library, 260 Overlook Road • FR (1/3), 3:30pm LEGO building, ages 5-12. Free. Held at Fairview Library, 1 Taylor Road, Fairview • FR (1/3), 4pm LEGO builders, kids 5

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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COM M U N I TY CA LEN DA R

You Are Invited to Odyssey’s Open House for New Families!

Thursday, January 9th 6:30PM RSVP Admissions Director, Kristin Harkey kharkey@odysseycommunity.org 90 Zillicoa Street Asheville 259-3653 odysseycommunity.org

22

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and up. Free. Held at Enka-Candler Library, 1404 Sandhill Road, Candler • SA (1/4), 10am LEGO builders, kids 5 and up. Free. Held at Oakley/South Asheville Library, 749 Fairview Road • MONDAYS, 10:30am - Mother Goose Time, storytime for 4-18 month olds. Free. Held at Skyland/South Buncombe Library, 260 Overlook Road • TUESDAYS, 3:30pm - Afternoon preschool storytime geared towards 3-5 year-olds, includes singing, stretches and creative activities. Free. Held at West Asheville Public Library, 942 Haywood Road • WE (12/4), 4pm - Dungeons and Dragons for ages 6-12. Registration required. Free. Held at Fairview Public Library, Fairview

• 1st WEDNESDAYS, 4-5:30pm - Heroes Unlimited, role playing game for grades 6-12. Registration required. Free. Held at Fairview Library, 1 Taylor Road, Fairview FLETCHER LIBRARY • WEDNESDAYS, 10:30am - Family story time. Free. Held at Fletcher Library, 120 Library Road, Fletcher HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS • SU (1/5), 3pm Harlem Globetrotters bring their Pushing the Limits tour. $24. Held at US Cellular Center, 87 Haywood St. LITTLE EXPLORER'S CLUB • 1st & 3rd FRIDAYS, 9-10am - Little Explorer's Club, science topics for preschoolers. $7/ Caregivers free. Held at Asheville Museum

of Science, 43 Patton Ave.

Held at Mountains

MISS MALAPROP'S STORY TIME • WEDNESDAYS, 10am - Miss Malaprop's Story Time for ages 3-9. Free to attend. Held at Malaprop's Bookstore and Cafe, 55 Haywood St.

Bill's Creek Road,

PLAYDATES • MONDAYS, 9-10am - Playdates, family fun activities. Free to attend. Held at Whole Foods Market, 4 S. Tunnel Road SKATING RINK • WE (1/1), 1-6pm - Iceless ice skating. $10/$5 children 10 and under. Held at Hendersonville Visitor Center, 201 S. Main St., Hendersonville STEM WITH DR. K • TU (1/7), 3:305:30pm - STEM with Dr. K: Making a table/night lamp. Registration required. Ages: 6-106. Free.

Branch Library, 150 Lake Lure YOUTH ART CLASS • SATURDAYS, 10:30-noon - Youth art class. $10. Held at Appalachian Art Farm, 22 Morris St., Sylva

OUTDOORS BEAVER LAKE BIRD WALK • SA (1/4), 9am - Bird walk. Free. Held at Beaver Lake Bird Sanctuary, US-25 PISGAH CHAPTER OF TROUT UNLIMITED • 2nd THURSDAYS, 7pm - General meeting and presentations. Free to attend. Held at Ecusta Brewing, 49 Pisgah Highway, Suite 3, Pisgah Forest


PARENTING MONTFORD HOLIDAY CAMP • TH (1/2) & FR (1/3), 8:30am-6pm - Asheville Parks & Recreation holds Holiday Camp for youth and teens in grades kindergarten through middle school. $50/ camper and COA residents get $10 off. Held at Montford Community Center, 34 Pearson Drive MOTHERS CONNECTION • THURSDAYS, 11:30am-1:30pm Social gathering for mothers and their babies. Registration required. Free to attend. Held at Haywood Regional Medical Center, 262 Leroy George Drive, Clyde STEPHENS LEE HOLIDAY CAMP • TH (1/2) & FR (1/3), 8:30am-6pm-

Asheville Parks & Recreation holds Holiday Camp for youth and teens in grades kindergarten through middle school. $50/ camper and COA residents get $10 off. Held at Stephens Lee Recreation Center, 30 George Washington Carver Ave.

SENIORS ASHEVILLE NEW FRIENDS (PD.) Offers active senior residents of the Asheville area opportunities to make new friends and explore new interests through a program of varied social, cultural and outdoor activities. Visit ashevillenewfriends. org BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty. org/governing/depts/ library

• THURSDAYS, 2pm - Chair Yoga. Free. Held at Weaverville Public Library, 41 N. Main St., Weaverville • TU (1/7), 2pm Chair Yoga. Free. Held at Enka-Candler Library, 1404 Sandhill Road, Candler FOCUS ON FLEXIBILITY • TUESDAYS, 2:30pm - Focus on Flexibility, exercise class focused on stiffness, balance and body alignment. Information: 828-2994844. Free. Held at Haw Creek Commons, 311 Old Haw Creek Road

SPIRITUALITY ANATASATI MAGGA (PD.) Sujata Yasa (Nancy Spence). Zen Buddhism. Weekly meditations and services; Daily recitations w/mala. Urban retreats. 32

Mineral Dust Drive, Asheville, NC 28806. 828-367-7718. info@ anattasatimagga.org. ANATTASATIMAGGA. ORG ASTRO-COUNSELING (PD.) Licensed counselor and accredited professional astrologer uses your chart when counseling for additional insight into yourself, your relationships and life directions. Stellar Counseling Services. Christy Gunther, MA, LPC. (828) 258-3229. ECK LIGHT AND SOUND SERVICE: EXPERIENCE THE WONDERS OF THE LIGHT AND SOUND OF GOD (PD.) Explore your own direct connection with the Divine within this service, an engaging blend of insightful stories, uplifting creative arts, and contemplative exercises. Experience the Light and Sound

Celebrate Community Make a contribution to Mountain Xpress — in your or a loved one’s name — and we’ll say thank you in print.

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COM M U N I TY CA LEN DA R of God and the sacred sound of HU, which can open your heart to divine love, healing, and inner guidance. Fellowship follows. Sponsored by ECKANKAR. Date: Sunday, January 5, 2020, 11am, Eckankar Center of Asheville, 797 Haywood Rd. (“Kings and Queens Salon” building, lower level), Asheville NC 28806, 828-254-6775. (free event). www. eckankar-nc.org

or avlmeditation@ gmail.com. Free. Held at Veda Studios, 853 Merrimon Ave., (Upstairs)

DREAMING A NEW DREAM MEDITATION • 1st FRIDAYS, 7pm - Dreaming a New Dream, meditation to explore peace and compassion. Free. Held at Center for Spiritual Living Asheville, 2 Science Mind Way

OPEN SANGHA • THURSDAYS, 7:309pm - Open Sangha night. Free. Held at Urban Dharma, 77 W. Walnut St.

MEDITATION CLASS • 1st SUNDAYS, 10am - Meditation class sponsored by Science of Spirituality. Information: 828-348-9123

MOUNTAIN MINDFULNESS SANGHA • TUESDAYS 7-8:30pm - Mountain Mindfulness Sangha. Admission by donation. Held at The Center for Art and Spirit at St. George's Episcopal Church, 1 School Road

TAIZE PRAYER MEETUP • 1st FRIDAYS, 7-8pm - Taize, interfaith meditative candlelight prayer meetup with song, silence and scripture. Free. Held at St. Eugene's Catholic Church, 72 Culver St.

by Deborah Robertson

VOLUNTEERING TUTOR ADULTS/ YOUTH IN NEED WITH THE LITERACY COUNCIL (PD.) Give someone another chance to learn. Provide reading, writing, and/ or English language tutoring and change a life forever. Volunteer orientation 1/6 (5:30pm) or 1/9 (9am) RSVP: volunteers@ litcouncil.com. Learn more: www.litcouncil. com. Free. 12 BASKETS CAFE VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION • TUESDAYS 10:30am - Volunteer orientation. Held at 12 Baskets Cafe, 610 Haywood Road HOMEWARD BOUND OF WNC • THURSDAYS, 11am - See the Hope Tour, find out how Homeward Bound is working to end homelessness and how you

can help. Registration required: tours@ homewardboundwnc. org or 828-785-9840. Free. Held at Homeward Bound of WNC, 19 N. Ann St. RUMBLING BALD WORK DAY • WE (1/8), 9am2pm - Join Carolina Climbers Coalition to begin the restoration of the West Side Boulders at Rumbling Bald adjacent to Chimney Rock State Park. We intend to re route undesirable trails and mitigate erosion on existing trails. Bring your tool of choice. Information: avl.mx/6ts. Held at Rumbling Bald Parking Lot, 827 Boys Camp Rd, Lake Lure For more volunteering opportunities visit mountainx.com/ volunteering

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HEALTH ROUNDUP

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Several local providers of health care and related services recently received word of significant grant awards. Buncombe County announced two funding awards totaling over $1 million to address the opioid abuse crisis. A Comprehensive Opioid Abuse Site-based Program grant in the amount of $878,803 from the U.S. Department of Justice, U.S. Office of Civil Rights and U.S. Office of Justice Programs will provide psychological, medical and social support to people who have recently overdosed or are at high risk of overdose from opioids. And a three-year, $275,000 Community Linkages to Care grant from the N.C. Department of Health and Human Services will assist high-risk individuals upon release from jail. According to a county press release, research from UNC Chapel Hill shows that people with opioid use disorder exiting incarceration are 40 times more likely than other state residents to die of opioid overdose in the two weeks following release.

Magical Offerings 1/1: CLOSED FOR New Year’s Day 2020! 1/2: Tarot Reader: Pamela Shook 1-6pm Storytelling w/ Grandmother Elspeth Odbert “The Crone on the Road” Suggested Donation, $45 1/3: Psychic Medium: Andrea Allen 12-5pm 1/4: The Men’s Cauldron: Men’s Monthly Support Group Donations/Canned Goods Accepted

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GREAT WORK: Six Mission Health nurses were among North Carolina’s Great 100 Nurses for 2019. The honorees, from left, are Hope Cucchi, Anna Gerhardt, Brooke Graham, George Alan Sessoms, Margaret Holmes and Melissa Woodbury. Photo courtesy of Mission Health The Sisters of Mercy of North Carolina Foundation awarded over $1 million in grants statewide. Six Western North Carolina organizations received $225,000 of that money, including Blue Ridge Literacy Council of Hendersonville ($20,000), Asheville Buncombe Community Christian Ministry Doctors’ Medical Clinic of Asheville ($50,000), Community Housing Coalition of Madison County of Marshall ($45,000), OnTrack Financial Education and Counseling of Asheville ($45,000), Interfaith Assistance Ministry of Hendersonville ($40,000) and Working Wheels of Asheville ($25,000). Pisgah Health Foundation, the successor to the Transylvania Regional Hospital Foundation, announced its provisional approval of 46 programs to receive a total of $2.5 million following the foundation’s preliminary review of over $30 million in requests. Grant totals by category include food and food insecurity, $210,313; determinants of health, $984,525; social cohesion, $399,950; education, $631,450; and housing, $342,500. According to the foundation’s website, nonprofits will be notified of final grant awards in February.

Tips of the hat • Six Mission Health nurses were among North Carolina’s Great 100 Nurses for 2019: Hope Cucchi, Anna Gerhardt, Brooke Graham, George

Alan Sessoms, Margaret Holmes and Melissa Woodbury. • Four Seasons, then called Hospice of Henderson County, was founded in 1979. Since then, the organization has expanded to serve 11 counties in Western North Carolina through care navigation, home care, palliative care, hospice care, inpatient care at Elizabeth House in Hendersonville, grief services and clinical research. As it celebrates its 40th anniversary, Four Seasons is caring for over 400 hospice patients and over 1,200 palliative care patients a day.

For community members with autism The transition from high school to college or a career can be challenging for students with autism. A new class offering, Transition to Employment and Postsecondary Education Program, will be available at no cost to qualifying students with autism ages 16-21 at A-B Tech during the spring 2020 semester. According to a press release from the UNC TEACCH Autism Program, which developed the training, “The T-STEP was created to address high college failure and unemployment rates among adults with autism spectrum disorders. … The T-STEP is a combination of college seminar class, internship and self-advocacy counsel-


Free CIRS Screening ing to help autistic students successfully transition into adulthood.” More information is available at avl.mx/6tl. On Saturday, Jan. 25, 9 a.m. to noon, the Asheville Regional Airport will host the fifth annual Wings for Autism event, which simulates an air travel experience for people on the autism spectrum and their families or caregivers. More information is available at avl.mx/6tm.

On the move • Dr. Charles DePaolo, a board-certified orthopedic surgeon and sports medicine physician, has joined Southeastern Sports Medicine and Orthopedics, a department of Pardee UNC Health Care. DePaolo specializes in joint reconstructive surgery of the shoulder, hip and knee and associated procedures. • Dr. Denise Ingram will begin seeing patients at The Family Health Centers of Asheville, Arden and Hominy Valley on Monday, Feb. 3. She will

work at the company’s Arden location at 2161 Hendersonville Road.

Low-cost braces screening Jan. 25 On Saturday, Jan. 25, orthodontist Dr. Timothy Scanlan will screen children ages 7-21 who need braces but whose families are not able to afford them. Scanlan has committed to donate approximately $150,000 in orthodontic care to local children through the Smiles Change Lives nonprofit, according to a press release. In addition to the age requirement, children must have good oral hygiene, not currently wear braces and have a moderate to severe need for braces. Families must meet financial guidelines, which vary based on family size. For a family of four in Asheville, household income must be below $73,800. The family must submit an application fee of $30 and, if selected, a program fee of $650.  More information and registration are available at avl.mx/6tn. X

W ELL NE S S CA L E N D AR

WELLNESS PILATES CLASSES AT HAPPY BODY (PD.) Individualized, Challenging, Equipment and Mat classes. Call 277-5741. Details at: AshevilleHappyBody.com SOUND HEALING • SATURDAY • SUNDAY (PD.) Every Saturday, 11am and Sundays, 12 noon. Experience deep relaxation with crystal bowls, gongs, didgeridoo and other peaceful instruments. $15. At Skinny Beats Sound Shop, 4 Eagle Street. www.skinnybeatsdrums. com BE MINDFUL • TUESDAYS, 7:30-8:30pm - Guided, non-religious sitting and walking meditation. Admission by donation.

Held at Urban Dharma, 77 W. Walnut St. GENTLE FLOW YOGA • MONDAYS, 5:30-6:30pm - Gentle Flow Yoga. $5. Held at Leicester Community Center, 2979 New Leicester Highway, Leicester NIGHT CLINIC • 2nd THURSDAYS, 4:306pm - Services offered include annual exams, birth control, child health, lab testing, immunizations and STI/STD exams and counseling. Registration: 828-452-6675. Held at Haywood County Health and Human Services, 157 Paragon Parkway, Clyde MINDFULNESS MEDITATION • SU (1/5), 10am-noon - Mindfulness meditation practices of sitting meditation and walking meditation. Admission by donation. Held at

Asheville Shambhala Meditation Center, 60 N. Merrimon Ave., Suite 113 SPECIAL OLYMPICS ADAPTIVE CROSSFIT CLASSES • WEDNESDAYS, 3-4pm - Adaptive crossfit classes for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Free. Held at South Slope CrossFit, 217 Coxe Ave., Suite B THE MEDITATION CENTER • 2nd WEDNESDAYS, 6-8pm - Inner Guidance from an Open Heart, class with meditation and discussion. $10. Held at The Meditation Center, 894 E. Main St., Sylva WALKING CLASS • TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS, 9am - Walking exercise class. Free. Held at Grace Lutheran Church, 1245 6th Ave W., Hendersonville

WINTER YOGA SERIES • WE (1/8), 4pm - Each Wednesday in January, gentle yoga with breath awareness, on the mat (bring your own) or in a chair. All levels are welcome. Free. Held at Leicester Library, 1561 Alexander Road, Leicester

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SUPPORT GROUPS THE MEN'S CAULDRON • SA (1/4). 3-4:30pm - For men and male-identified folk. Held at Raven & Crone, 555 Merrimon Ave., Suite 100 US TOO • TU (1/7), 7pm - Prostate support group Us TOO: a forum for men, caregivers, family members and partners. Held at First Baptist Church of Asheville, 5 Oak St.

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GREEN SCENE

COAL COMMENTS

KEEPING IT CONTAINED: Ed Mussler, permitting branch supervisor for the N.C. Department of Environmental Quality, outlines Duke Energy’s plans for a landfill at its Arden facility. Photo by Ben Richmond

BY BEN RICHMOND brichmond22@gmail.com All but two of the 15 speakers at a recent hearing on Duke Energy’s plans to create an industrial landfill for coal ash expressed worries over the proposal. On Dec. 19, the N.C. Department of Environmental Quality held a public hearing at A-B Tech to discuss the company’s draft permit for a 12.5-acre landfill at its Arden power plant. Just as Duke prepares to transition the plant from coal to natural gas, the utility is proposing to store roughly 1.1 million cubic yards of coal ash and industrial waste from the facility’s demolition on site. Coal ash from the plant is currently being trucked to a landfill in Homer, Ga. The byproduct of power production is known to contain lev-

els of heavy metals such as cobalt, lead and mercury that are toxic to people and wildlife. According to a presentation by Ed Mussler, permitting branch supervisor for the DEQ, the completed landfill will be a pyramid-shaped mound standing 95 feet above the current ground level. Multiple layers of earth, geotextile and synthetic liners will surround the waste and eventually be covered with artificial turf. Duke’s permit application states that leachate from the waste will be “conveyed to the Metropolitan Sewerage District of Buncombe County” via “an existing connection” or “tanker trucks.” Considering the site’s proximity to both Lake Julian and the French Broad River, Duke’s groundwater monitoring was a recurring theme. “The groundwater monitoring frequency of two times a year is inadequate,” said Amanda

Residents skeptical of Duke Energy’s Arden ash plans

Strawderman, program coordinator and Asheville office manager for environmental nonprofit Clean Water for North Carolina, “and must be increased to at least quarterly.” Strawderman criticized Duke’s plan to dispose of the leachate through the MSD, saying that the sewage system is set up to deal with organic waste rather than heavy metal-laden “contaminated sludge.” She also questioned the integrity of the liners themselves and suggested that other lined landfills in the state may be compromised. In June, concern over potential leaks from a lined coal ash landfill established in Chatham County in 2015 led the DEQ to order testing at the site. Equally troubling to many at the meeting was the proposed landfill’s location within a 1 1/2-mile radius of several schools, churches, health care facilities and densely populated areas. “The density of the area makes it unsuitable for coal ash,” said Gary Curran, secretary of the Biltmore Park Homeowners Association. “This is an unsafe location.” Because Duke’s permit application only specifies how monitoring will occur at the landfill over a 30-year “post-closure period,” other speakers questioned the long-term integrity of the containment system. “Long after I’m gone, it’s still going to be a problem for our children and grandchildren,” said Asheville resident Sheila Lauerhass. One of the evening’s only speakers to back the project, Hartwell Carson,

called the landfill “the right way to move.” The French Broad Riverkeeper for Asheville-based MountainTrue said citizens and environmental groups have long demanded that Duke develop a solution for the coal ash, which the company has historically kept in unlined, water-filled pits. “I do support this,” Carson stated. “I think it’s a responsible solution.” While Arden resident Xavier Boatwright said Duke’s current approach of trucking coal ash to Georgia was irresponsible and unethical, he called on the company to use its money and influence to develop more innovative solutions than a landfill. “We’ve got to take a step back and broaden our horizon,” Boatwright said. “Who better to lead the charge?” Duke’s permit application remains open for public comment period until Friday, Jan. 10. Comments can be mailed to Ed Mussler, N.C. Division of Waste Management, Solid Waste Section, 1646 Mail Service Center, Raleigh, NC 27699-1646, or via email to publiccomments@ncdenr.gov. The permit number (1119-INDUS-2020) and name (Duke Energy, Asheville Steam Electric Plant) should be included in the subject line. Additionally, South Asheville and Biltmore Park residents are holding a community meeting in opposition to the landfill at the Biltmore Park Clubhouse, 1067 Columbine Road, at 1 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 4. More information is available at avl.mx/6tt. X

NO JOB TOO LARGE OR SMALL

FATHER AND SON

Home Improvement Billy & Neal Moxley

100 Edwin Place, AVL, NC 28801 | Billy: (828) 776-2391 | Neal: (828) 776-1674 28

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ONE TO GO: Although Duke Energy has completely excavated a 37-acre coal ash basin, shown here in 2016, at its Arden power plant, the utility is still moving material from a second, 41-acre basin. Photo by Virginia Daffron


SMALL BITES by Thomas Calder | tcalder@mountainx.com

Asheville Proper slated to open this spring After eight years as the executive chef at Storm Rhum Bar and Bistro, Owen McGlynn is launching a new restaurant, Asheville Proper. The chef is partnering with his wife, Mindi McGlynn, and business associates Russell and Mercy Joseph. Located inside the Grove Arcade, the new live-fire steakhouse is slated to open in the spring. Diners can expect a wide selection of cuts, says McGlynn. Traditional favorites like New York strip, filet mignon and cowboy ribeye will be featured on the a la carte menu. In addition, the chef notes, Asheville Proper will feature lesser-known, more affordable options like coulotte, teres major and flatiron. The restaurant’s seasonal menu will rely on local purveyors including Hickory Nut Gap Farm, Apple Brandy Beef, Brasstown Beef and Abundant Seafood. Side items will include smashed fingerling potatoes, flamed Brussels sprouts and whipped potatoes, among many others. The restaurant will also offer small plates such as charred pickled shrimp, smoked cauliflower and squash soup. McGlynn says he intends to make the most of the grill’s live fire. “I’ll be cooking a lot of things in the embers, doing things over the flame, slow-roasting other items and hanging a few things for a slow cook.” With over 20 years’ experience in the food industry, the chef says

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PARTY OF FOUR: Chef Owen McGlynn, right, with his wife, Mindi, and business partners Russell and Mercy Joseph. Photo courtesy of Phase:3 Asheville Proper has been a dream in the making. His hope is the new restaurant will serve as the city’s go-to, locally owned, locally sourced steakhouse. Asheville Proper is slated to open in early spring 2020 inside the Grove Arcade, 1 Page Ave., Suite 151. For more information, visit avl.mx/6t6.

The Tardis Society Zebulon Artisan Ales is offering yearly $165 subscriptions to its Tardis Society. Throughout 2020, limited bottle releases of historical English beers will be available to members, with six total releases planned for the

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FOOD new year. Participants will also receive a TARDIS teku glass. Releases need to be picked up at the brewery or at a proxy location. Zebulon Artisan Ales is at 8 Merchants Alley, Weaverville. To learn more, visit avl.mx/6t2.

The Asheville Hot Chocolate Races Entering its 13th year, The Asheville Hot Chocolate Races return Friday, Jan. 25. Adult races include a 5K and 10K, as well as shorter competitions for younger runners. To honor the event, French Broad Chocolate Factory and Catawba Brewing Co. will release a special hot chocolate-themed beer on Thursday, Jan. 2. The 5K and 10K races are limited to 500 runners each. Both runs start at Issac Dickson Elementary School. The 10K kicks-off at 9 a.m., followed by the 5K at 9:15 a.m. Registration is $10. The Marshmallow Dash for younger kids starts at 8:30 a.m. The Asheville Hot Chocolate Races take place Friday, Jan. 25, at Isaac Dickson Elementary School, 125 Hill St. To register, visit avl.mx/6t0.

Mystery Basket Competition The Western North Carolina Association of the ACF, a local nonprofit that offers certification, educational resources, training and apprenticeships, is hosting an open house and cooking competition on Monday, Jan. 6. The Mystery Basket Competition will feature 10 contestants preparing dishes based on hidden ingredients revealed during the event. The open house runs 4-7 p.m. Monday, Jan. 6, at A-B Tech, 340 Victoria Road. For more information and to enter the contest, visit avl.mx/6t1.

Chow Chow seeks community input Chow Chow culinary festival organizers will host two forums to gather community input for the 2020 event. The first meeting will be held at Asheville Beauty Academy, 28 Broadway, on Tuesday, Jan. 7, 1-3 p.m., and the second takes place at The Center for Craft, 67 Broadway, on Thursday, Jan. 9, 6-8 p.m. Organizers are also now accepting proposals for signature events, seminars and workshops for the 2020 festival, scheduled for Sept. 10-13. The deadline for submissions is Friday, Jan. 31. To learn more, visit avl.mx/6tr.

DIY sausage and beer The Chop Shop Butchery will partner with a local brewery (details

unavailable at press time) to host a hands-on sausage-making workshop on Thursday, Jan. 9. According to the event’s Facebook page, participants will learn about the ingredients that go into making sausage, as well as techniques for properly grinding, mixing and stuffing sausage by hand. Samples will be served along with a choice of beer or wine. Students are asked to dress in layers, as the cutting room is cold. All who attend will take home sausages made during the twohour session, along with PDF notes and recipes from the class. Early bird tickets are $85; early bird VIP tickets are $115 and include a pound of Chop Shop bacon and a Chop Shop T-shirt. DIY sausage and beer runs 6-8 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 9, at The Chop Shop Butchery, 100 Charlotte St. To learn more and to purchase tickets, visit avl.mx/6sy.

Milk & Cookies Bierbrand Chemist Spirits and Wicked Weed Brewing recently collaborated to create the Milk & Cookies Bierbrand, a beer brandy made with Wicked Weed’s Milk & Cookies Imperial Stout and aged for months in barrels that previously housed bourbon and beer, says a press release. Notes of cinnamon, golden raisin, vanilla, chocolate, toffee and oatmeal infuse the dessert brandy. To learn more, visit avl.mx/6sz.  X

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28 Hendersonville Rd

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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Located at

in Historic Biltmore Village


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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

CHILD’S PLAY

Comedy troupe Reasonably Priced Babies keeps the laughs coming

BY ALLI MARSHALL amarshall@mountainx.com It turns out that being part of an improv comedy troupe isn’t so different from being in a band. “When you get the right group of people together, it just works,” says Kim Richardson. “I feel very much like that’s this group — everybody brings something to it that’s important.” A member of the Ashevillebased collective Reasonably Priced Babies, Richardson was previously a singer-songwriter, so she speaks from experience. She also lends her musical talent to the group’s shows, making up Bluebird Cafe-worthy songs on the spot to hilarious effects. “People keep coming up saying, ‘I am still singing that tampon song,’” troupe member Tom Chalmers points out. “That was a big one,” Richardson says with a laugh. “I didn’t know ‘Tampon Song’ and ‘Applesauce’ would be my greatest hits.” Reasonably Priced Babies return to Ambrose West on Friday, Jan. 17. The troupe also performs at Black Mountain Center for the Arts on Friday, Jan. 24. The collective, which takes its name from a joke about an orphanage offering children at affordable rates, came together in 2011. Members Mondy Carter and Karen Stobbe approached Chalmers about a “Sunday drop-in improv jam kind of thing, and I was like, ‘ehhhh,’” Chalmers recalls. “But then they came back and said, ‘Magnetic [Theatre] would love to have a resident troupe.’ … I was like, ‘That’s different.’” Chalmers invited Josh Batenhorst to join, and the collective added musician Aaron Price while at The Magnetic

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FOREVER YOUNG: Over their nine years as a comedy troupe Reasonably Priced Babies’ members have learned to trust each other. “You have to practice with your team,” says Kim Richardson (far right with, from left, Karen Stobbe, Tom Chalmers, Mondy Carter, Josh Batenhorst and Aaron Price). “It’s not that you’re going to anticipate what they’re going to say or do, but you can offer something and know that person is going to take it and really make a great scene of it.” Photo by Chris Cassels

MOUNTAINX.COM

Theatre’s original location. Richardson joined after the Babies had moved to the (now defunct) Altamont Theatre. In fact, Chalmers jokes, “We do have a delightful history of performing at venues that ultimately close.” The back room at the former Lexington Avenue Brewery was among those spots. But Chalmers also points to each consecutive location as upward momentum in the comedy troupe’s tenure, eventually leading to its

H umor

current monthly residency at Ambrose West as well as shows around the region and at benefits and other functions. (The Babies are also regularly voted No. 2 Best Comedy Group in Xpress’ annual Best of WNC readers poll.) Shows are generally in short form — “Closer to the ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway’ format,” says Batenhorst. “We go in with a written-in-pencil show order, just like a band would,” says

is s u e

Chalmers. “We have some standards. We always open with something called ‘Next,’ which is an intentional shortattention-span theater. We get one word from the audience and do a quick scene.” Richardson adds, “There’s a lot of audience participation in our shows.” The group ends, as many troupes do, with “Freeze Tag.” That structure, Chalmers explains, “is made up of short scenes [where] something funny hopefully happens, somebody else comes in, tags the person out, assumes the position but generates a new scene.” In between, The Babies perform “an assortment of structures we enjoy or maybe haven’t done in a while.” Chalmers says each show is different depending on specific holidays, themes or ideas for highlighting the musical contributions of Richardson, Batenhorst (who also plays guitar) and Price. Comedy troupes in New York or Chicago tend to have an accompanist, Chalmers notes, but in Asheville, Price sets the Babies apart. The musician has a background in local theater, performing in such shows as the 2011 N.C. Stage production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. His role with the comedy collective includes subtly upping the humor quotient with song snippets and sounds. “I’ve gotten to know my keyboard really well,” he says. “Where’s the bagpipes? Do I have Japanese Kabuki drums?” Price’s playing also informs scenes in the moment. “In improvising, everything is information,” Richardson says. “Everything is input.” And, in a way, improv serves as input to everything else in the lives of the Babies’ members. Notably, Carter and Stobbe — who moved to the area


to care for Stobbe’s parents as they dealt with Alzheimer’s disease — applied the rules of improvisation to caregiving techniques. “Being with her father in the days leading to his death, Karen was struck by the surprising similarities between improvisational acting and caregiving for persons with dementia,” says the bio on Stoppe and Carter’s TEDMED talk on the subject. The couple “wrote and performed the show Sometimes You Gotta Laugh, an educational and entertaining take on Alzheimer’s disease, caregiving, humor and stress.” For potential Babies showgoers who don’t necessarily know how they feel about the improv format, Chalmers insists, “It’s just funny. … Improv is how we get there, but I swear you’ll laugh a lot, you’ll have a good time.” X

Contact us today! 828-251-1333 x 100 advertise@mountainx.com

WHO Reasonably Priced Babies WHERE Ambrose West 312 Haywood Road ambrosewest.com WHEN Friday, Jan. 17, 8 p.m. $5 students/$10 general/$15 VIP WHERE Black Mountain Center for the Arts 225 W. State St. Black Mountain blackmountainarts.org WHEN Friday, Jan. 24, 7:30 p.m. $12

Wellness 2020 Issues

Publish Jan. 29 & Feb. 5

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A&E

by Bill Kopp

bill@musoscribe.com

SWINGING AND SINGING Asheville-based trumpeter Justin Ray has been a member of pop singer Michael Bublé’s band for more than 15 years. After a long succession of world tours, Ray decided that he’d create some new arrangements of classic tunes from the big band era, with the ultimate goal of getting Bublé to use those arrangements in his band. But a funny thing happened on the way to that project: Ray instead ended up with a pair of releases under his own name. On a hometown break from touring, he celebrates the release of The Basement Cove Sessions and The Elephant Sword Sessions with a Wednesday, Jan. 8, show at Isis Music Hall. The dual EP project began its life with a comparatively modest goal. “I started doing the arrangements of standards with the idea that maybe I could sell them to Bublé,” Ray says. “And then, as I started doing the arrangements, I thought, ‘I should demo them.’ And as I started putting

Justin Ray releases a pair of big band EPs

THE SONG IS YOU: Though it began as a series of arrangement demos for Canadian singer Michael Bublé, the latest project from trumpeter-vocalist Justin Ray is a very personal project that reflects his belief that big band music remains a vital creative idiom. Photo by Frank Zipperer this together, I realized, ‘I’m writing this for me, not for him.’” But the project expanded beyond its original framework. Ray recalls a conversation he had with the Canadian pop singer/musician a few years ago. “There’s no original music in the Bublé catalog that swings,” he explains. “All the swing stuff is old. And he was mentioning how much he didn’t like new, original swing music. And I almost agreed with him at the time.” That conversation got the trumpeter thinking. He asked himself, “Do I think that [swing] is dead?” And that reflection led to inspiration. “I was like, ‘Well, if I don’t think it’s dead, I’m not just going to arrange other people’s songs; I’m gonna write songs as well.’” And that’s exactly what he did. Over the course of a few years — and in between his touring commitments with Bublé — he recorded two collections of songs. The Basement Cove Sessions features new, big band arrangements of classics; The Elephant Sword Sessions spotlights Ray singing, playing and leading a big band on his original compositions. Though he studied at the famed Berklee College of Music, Ray’s experience didn’t include audio production or engineering work. Those are skills he developed after moving from New York City to Asheville in 2008. Despite the rich big band sound of his EPs, both were recorded using a select coterie of musicians. Local players

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involved in the project include fellow Bublé band member Jacob Rodriguez, bassist Zack Page, trombonist Fletcher Peacock and percussionist Matthew Richmond. Singing wasn’t part of Ray’s bag of tricks from the beginning, either. About a decade ago, he started experimenting with vocals merely as a way of improving his breathing, a critical skill for a trumpet player. “And then, as I was singing all these things in my practice routines, I thought, ‘I kind of like these songs; I want to sing them in front of people.’” Ray first sang in front of a live audience in 2009. Once this latest project had revealed itself as a Justin Ray vehicle rather than a collection of demos, the musician felt even more comfortable putting them together to his own specifications. “I wasn’t originally thinking about Bublé’s style,” he says. “The only reference I was using for the writing of these arrangements was how I wanted them to sound.” An example of Ray’s fresh take on classics is “I’ll Remember April,” a standard recorded by countless artists in and beyond the jazz idiom. Most arrangements of the 1942 composition are built around a romantic string section; Ray’s reading swings. “I was trying to find the place between the slower string ballad stuff and up-tempo,” he explains. “This was the area where I thought I could find the most new ground.” Ray’s new EPs aren’t a stylistic throwback, though. “I wanted to make swinging big band music, but I didn’t want it to be a ’20s/’30s tribute,” he says. “This is a style that can be vibrant and communicative now. I feel like everything is possible, even contained inside this genre that is 100 years old. “I started this as a way to get arrangements for Bublé,” Ray says. “And I ended up with something that was more personal than I thought.”  X

WHO Justin Ray and his Big Band WHERE Isis Music Hall 743 Haywood Road isisasheville.com WHEN Wednesday, Jan. 8, 8:30 p.m. $20 advance/$25 at the door


A&E

SMART BETS by Edwin Arnaudin | Send your arts news to ae@mountainx.com

H umor is s u e

Asheville Mardi Gras Twelfth Night

Harlem Globetrotters

Also known as Epiphany Eve, Twelfth Night is celebrated on the last of the 12 days of Christmas, after which it’s unlucky to leave Christmas decorations up, according to some. For others (arguably those with more of a proclivity for fun), it’s a night for revelry and cake, and — according to the invite for the Monday, Jan. 6, Asheville Mardi Gras Twelfth Night Celebration — “Whoever finds the Mardi Gras baby in his or her slice will pick a royal consort, and the two will lead the Asheville Mardi Gras Parade as newly crowned royalty.” DJ Chilligan will spin tunes at the party, held at Eleven on Grove. Queen Jax will emcee, and costumes are suggested but not required. Free to current Asheville Mardi Gras members/$10 nonmembers. ashevillemardigras.org. Photo of 2019 King Elizabeth “Eboo” Sauls, left, and Queen Nicole White by Jennifer Bennett

The Harlem Globetrotters’ 2020 Pushing the Limits world tour promises “even bigger moments and memories, including a live world record attempt at each game,” according to a press release. If anyone can make that happen, it’s likely the Globetrotters, known for their brand of on-court antics paired with jaw-dropping skills. Just last year, the team achieved five new titles during Guinness World Records Day, including “Most basketball under the leg tumbles in one minute (female)” by Torch George — the first woman Globetrotter to set a Guinness record. The 2020 tour includes a Sunday, Jan. 5, game at U.S. Cellular Center. Preshow Magic Pass ($22) events run 1:30-2 p.m., with a game at 3 p.m. Tickets start at $26.50. ticketmaster.com. Photo courtesy of the Harlem Globetrotters

A Sandburg Story Slam “Carl Sandburg traveled across the country, worked with people from all walks of life and learned from their perspectives,” says Carl Sandburg Home National Historic Site park superintendent Polly Angelakis. “His genuine interest and care for others is what made him such a strong voice for the people.” On the beloved author and poet’s birthday, storytellers from across the region will present true stories at the Henderson County Library’s Kaplan Auditorium in Hendersonville. A panel of judges will award $100 for first place, $74 for second and $50 for third. “Park staff will emcee the event and share brief stories from Sandburg’s life,” says a press release. Monday, Jan. 6, 5-7 p.m. Free to attend. nps. gov/carl. Photo of Sandburg, circa 1941, from NBC, courtesy of the Carl Sandburg Home

Sandra E. Johnson “Some authors emerged from the womb knowing they wanted to be writers,” says South Carolina-based author Sandra E. Johnson. “Not me.” She parlayed a lifelong love of books into two published works (one dealing with social justice, the other fictional). Then, while employed at the South Carolina Department of Corrections, she created a 30-day meditation journal for inmates in weekly group sessions she led. She realized, “The 30-day journal had the potential for being a yearlong one that could help anyone wanting to improve the quality of their lives through mindfulness,” leading to the publication of The Mind-Body Peace Journal, which includes inspirational quotes, tips and prompts. Johnson presents the 366-day journal at Malaprop’s on Monday, Jan. 6, 6 p.m. Free. malaprops.com. Photo courtesy of the author

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A & E CALENDAR

CORNHUSKER SONGSTERS: The Nebraska Wesleyan University Choir performs a free concert at the First Presbyterian Church on Sunday, Jan. 5, at 7 p.m. Their repertoire draws from many centuries and from an array of musical styles. They are guest-directed by Robert Shaw. Photo courtesy of Nebraska Wesleyan University (p. 37) ART BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty.org/ governing/depts/library • MO (1/6), 10amnoon - Itch to Stitch, a casual knitting and needlework group for all skill levels. Free. Held at Weaverville Public Library, 41 N. Main St., Weaverville • TU (1/7), 6pm - Spinning Yarns knitting and crochet group. Free. Held at Skyland/South Buncombe Library, 260 Overlook Road LEICESTER COMMUNITY ART NIGHTS • 1st TUESDAYS, 6:30pm - Community art night for children and adults. Free. Held at Leicester Community Center, 2979 New Leicester Highway, Leicester

ART/CRAFT STROLLS & FAIRS FIRST FRIDAY ART WALKS • 1st FRIDAYS, 5-8pm - Downtown Asheville First Friday Art Walks with more than 25 galleries within a half mile radius of historic downtown Asheville. Free to attend. Held at Downtown Asheville

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AUDITIONS & CALL TO ARTISTS ARTSCAPE BANNER • Through SA (1/18) Applications accepted for artists who wish to participate in the 2020 ArtScape Banner Project in downtown Hendersonville. Information: artscapehvl.org. CALL TO WNC ARTISTS • Until SA (2/1) - Call to WNC illustrators and narrative artists for the second annual juried open show in March. To apply email two jpgs to Lauren@zapow.com. Free. Held at ZaPow!, 150 Coxe Ave., Suite 101 HIDDEN VOICES • FR (1/10) - Asheville Poverty Initiative holds auditions for the first annual Asheville's Hidden Voices, an evening with 10 of the city’s best musical talents who live below the poverty line. Schedule an audition time, 828232-2149 or ashevillepovertyinitiative@ gmail.com. Hidden Voices is planned for Monday, Feb. 24 at Grey Eagle. Auditions held at Trinity United Methodist Church, 587 Haywood Road

DANCE COUNTRY DANCE W/ TWO-STEP DANCE LESSON SATURDAY, JANUARY 11TH (PD.) 7 to 10:30pm. Asheville Ballroom. Includes Two-Step lesson 7 to 8pm. Dancing 8 to 10:30pm. Online discount $11 at www. danceforlife.dance. $13 at door. Contact Richard: 828-333-0715, naturalrichard@mac. com. TWO NEW DANCE CLASSES STARTING WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8TH (PD.) 7-8 PM: Nightclub (beginner) and 8-9 PM: Two-Step (Intermediate). Asheville Ballroom. Online discount $70 at www.danceforlife. dance. $75 at door. Contact Richard: 828333-0715, naturalrichard@mac. com. OFFICE WORKER’S WARM UP • MONDAYS until (1/2), noon - Office Worker's Warm Up with Coco Palmer Dolce helps relieve stress by releasing back, neck and shoulders. Registration: avl.mx/6m2. $12. Held at Henry LaBrun Studio at Wortham Center for the Performing Arts, 18 Biltmore Ave.

SOUTHERN LIGHTS SQUARE AND ROUND DANCE CLUB • SA (1/4), 6pm - Happy New Year dance. Advanced dance at 6 pm. Early rounds at 7 pm. Free. Held at Whitmire Activity Center, 310 Lily Pond Road, Hendersonville

MUSIC ACAPELLA - SINGING VALENTINE (PD.) Help out Cupid this Valentines Day! Quartet brings singing Valentines to your home, business, or restaurant. Order at ashevillebarbershop. com 866.290.7269 AFRICAN DRUM LESSONS AT SKINNY BEATS SOUND SHOP (PD.) Wednesdays 6pm. Billy Zanski teaches a fun approach to connecting with your inner rhythm. Drop-ins welcome. • Drums provided. $15/ class. (828) 768-2826. skinnybeatsdrums.com THE VILLAGE SONG LEADER (PD.) Want to learn how to start and lead a Singing Group? Here’s your chance. Training will be held over two consecutive weekends beginning February 28. For more information,


mypantssing@gmail. com. ASHEVILLE DRUM CIRCLE • FRIDAYS, 6-9:50pm - Asheville outdoor drum circle. Free. Held at Pritchard Park, 4 College St. NEBRASKA WESLEYAN UNIVERSITY CHOIR • SU (1/5), 7pm Nebraska Wesleyan University Choir concert. Admission by donation. Held at First Presbyterian Church Asheville, 40 Church St. WOMANSONG OF ASHEVILLE • MONDAYS, 7-9pm - Community chorus rehearsals open to potential members. Free. Held at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Asheville, 1 Edwin Place

SPOKEN & WRITTEN WORD BANNED BOOK CLUB • 1st & 3rd SATURDAYS, 10am - Banned Book Club. Free to attend. Held at Blue Ridge Books, 428 Hazelwood Ave., Waynesville BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty.org/ governing/depts/library • TU (1/2), 1pm - Leicester Library Creative Writing Group is open to adults who want to write children's books. Meetings include writing exercises and group discussions. Participants are welcome to bring 500 words of original writing to share. Free. Held at Leicester Library, 1561 Alexander Road, Leicester • TU (1/7), 7pm - Book Club: How to Walk Away by Katherine Center. Free. Held at Enka-Candler Library, 1404 Sandhill Road, Candler • TU (1/7), 7pm - Evening Book Club: Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. Free. Held at Weaverville Public Library, 41 N. Main St., Weaverville • TU (1/7), 7pm - Robin Russell Gaiser presents

her book, Open for Lunch. Free. Held at Fairview Library, 1 Taylor Road, Fairview • FR (1/8), 3pm - Weaverville Afternoon Book Club: Bowlaway by Elizabeth McCracken. Free. Held at Weaverville Public Library, 41 N. Main St., Weaverville • WE (1/8), 4pm - Our focus is creating a supportive and fun environment for writers through exercises and discussions. Open to adults and teens 15 and older. Free. Held at Skyland/South Buncombe Library, 260 Overlook Road • TH (1/9), 6pm - Swannanoa Book Club Reads My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante. Free. Held at Swannanoa Library, 101 West Charleston St., Swannanoa COMMUNITY STORYTELLING SLAM • MO (1/6), 5-7pm - Carl Sandburg Home NHS hosts a community storytelling slam on Carl Sandburg’s Birthday. Regional storytellers share true five-minute stories with a live audience. Free. Held at Henderson County Public Library, 301 N. Washington St., Hendersonville FIRESTORM BOOKS & COFFEE 610 Haywood Road, 828-255-8115, firestorm.coop • TH (1/2), 6-7:30pm - Hear your written apology read aloud. Free to attend. • First SUNDAYS, 5pm - Political prisoners letter writing. Free to attend. FLETCHER LIBRARY 120 Library Road, Fletcher, 828-687-1218, library.hendersoncountync.org • 2nd THURSDAYS, 10:30am - Book Club. Free. • 2nd THURSDAYS, 1:30pm - Writers' Guild. Free. LEARN ITALIAN • MONDAYS in January, 2-4:30pm - Join with Saluda Sister City in

learning Italian with Giuliana Polinari Riley, a native of Italy. Anticipate fee $35-$60 for the four classes depending on enrollment with book Italian Made Simple by Cristina Mazzoni, $11 online. Registration 828-489-6578 or JDT@ JDThompsonLaw.com. Held at Saluda Center, 64 Greenville St., Saluda MALAPROP'S BOOKSTORE AND CAFE 55 Haywood St., 828-254-6734, malaprops.com • TH (1/2), 6pm - Michael DiettrichChastain presents his book, Changes: The Busy Professional's Guide to Reducing Stress, Accomplishing Goals and Mastering Adaptability. Free to attend. • TH (1/2), 7pm - Crime and Politics Book Club reads The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher: A Shocking Murder and the Undoing of a Great Victorian Detective by Kate Summerscale. Free to attend. • FR (1/3), 6pm - Mark Powell presents his book, Firebird. Free to attend. • SU (1/5), 3pm - Monthly poetry event featuring Brit Washburn, author of Notwithstanding, Katie Bowler Young, author of Through Water with Ease and Jennifer Sperry Steinorth, author of A Wake with Nine Shades. Free to attend. • MO (1/6), 6pm - Sandra E. Johnson presents her book, The MindBody Peace Journal: 366 Mindful Prompts for Serenity & Clarity. Free to attend. • MO (1/6), 7pm LGBTQ Book Club reads Felt in the Jaw by Kristen N. Arnett. Free to attend. • TU (1/7), 6pm - Mark de Castrique presents his book, Murder in Rat Alley set in the Asheville area. Free to attend. • WE (1/8), 6pm Abigail Dewitt presents her book, News of Our Loved Ones. Free to attend. • WE (1/8), 6pm - Rita Sims Quillen presents

her book, Wayland, in conversation with Abigail DeWitt. Free to attend. • WE (1/8), 7pm - Malaprop’s Book Club reads The Horse's Mouth by Joyce Cary. Free to attend. • TH (1/9), 6pm - Dr. Kathleen Smith presents her book, Everything Isn't Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down, in conversation with Joanne O'Sullivan. Free to attend. NC WRITERS NETWORK • TH (1/9), 6-7:30pm The Resolution Will Not Be Televised: Writers Discuss 2020 Goals, generative writing from prompt(s). Free to attend. Held at The BLOCK off biltmore, 39 S. Market St. NEW DIMENSIONS TOASTMASTERS • THURSDAYS, noon1pm - General meeting. Information: 828-3294190. Free to attend. Held at Asheville Area Habitat for Humanity, 33 Meadow Road

Why limit yourself ? Try 90 different breweries with 35 rotating taps!

Downtown Asheville 45 South French Broad Ave Pizza • Wings • Pubfare • 20 Taps

OPEN TUES - SAT 11:00AM - 9:00PM

» Trivia Wednesdays » Drag Show Thursdays » Open Mic 2 nd & 4 th Fridays

— Draft Specials —

Tuesday, Thursdays and Sundays DAILY SE LECT $4 DR AF TS AN D $3 SING LES

» Live Music Saturdays

— Weekly Events! —

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Music Bingo • Live Music • Team Trivia • Open Mics • Watch Parties

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NOW HIRING!

@CasualPintAsheville 1863 Hendersonville Road

THOMAS WOLFE SHORT STORY • TH (1/9), 5:30-7pm - A monthly Thomas Wolfe Book Club with a local educator leading discussion of a pre-selected short story by Thomas Wolfe. Free. Held at Thomas Wolfe Memorial, 52 N. Market St. WOMEN IN LIVELY DISCUSSION BOOK CLUB • MO (1/6), 7pm - Women in Lively Discussion Book Club reads Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons, illustrated by Roz Chast. Free to attend. Held at Battery Park Book Exchange, 1 Page Ave., #101

THEATER DISNEY'S 'FROZEN JR' • THURSDAYS through SUNDAYS (1/9) until (1/19) - Frozen Jr, musical. Thurs.-Sat.: 7pm, Sun.: 2 or 4pm. $12. Held at The Magnetic Theatre, 375 Depot St.

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

37


CLUBLAND H umor is s u e

SCHOOL OF THOUGHT: Highlights of the 20-year career of stand-up comedian Mo Alexander, from Tennessee, include television appearances with Kevin Hart and a headlining run in Las Vegas with The Mo Funny Show. He made history in 2019 by becoming the first comedian to record an album at Sun Studio in Memphis, Tenn. Alexander will perform at LaZoom Room on Thursday, Jan. 16, at 7:30 p.m. $10. lazoomtours.com/lazoom-room. Photo courtesy of the artist

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 1 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Les Amis, (African folk music), 8:00PM ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM

Happy New Year!

Bubble & Oyster Thursdays 828-350-0315 SMOKYPARK.COM 38

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

MOUNTAINX.COM

BOLD ROCK HARD CIDER Wing Wednesdays, 11:00AM FUNKATORIUM Grass at the Funk ft. the Saylor Brothers, 6:30PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Old-time Jam, 5:00PM ODDITORIUM Nana Grizol, Maggie Carson, Adventure Adventure, 8:00PM OLE SHAKEY'S Sexy Tunes with DJ Franco Nino, 10:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Disclaimer Lounge Comedy Open Mic, 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Latin Dance Night w/ DJ Oscar (Bachatta, Merengue, Salsa), 9:00PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Lazy Birds, 3:00PM SLY GROG LOUNGE Weird Wednesday Jam, 5:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE HempYEAH! Hangover Bash (music, vendors, treats, industry discussion & updates), 6:00PM THE FOUNDRY HOTEL 3 Cool Cats, 6:00PM

THURSDAY, JANUARY 2 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Pleasure Chest, 7:00PM ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM

BROWN MOUNTAIN BOTTLEWORKS NC Songsmiths Stevie Lee Combs, 7:30PM FRENCH BROAD RIVER BREWERY Heather Taylor (solo), 7:00PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Bluegrass Jam, 7:00PM LOCAL 604 BOTTLE SHOP Vinyl Night (bring your to share!), 8:00PM OLE SHAKEY'S Karaoke with DJ Franco Nino, 10:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Mitch's Totally Rad Trivia Night, 6:00PM 1st Thursdays ft. Jointkiller Brass Band, 10:00PM ONE WORLD BREWING Lenny Pettinelli, 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST One World Family Band Jam, 9:00PM PACK’S TAVERN Ken & Nicole (acoustic rock), 8:00PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Abby Bryant & Friends, 7:00PM PULP Slice Comedy Open Mic, 9:00PM POLANCO RESTAURANT Pop Up DJ Dinners w/ DJ Phantome Pantone Collective, 10:00PM SANCTUARY BREWING CO. Bryan Toney, 7:00PM THE 63 TAPHOUSE Weekly 8 Ball Tournament (sign ups at 7:00 p.m.), 8:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Davíd Serra's Classical Guitar, 6:00PM Ram Mandlekorn (The Digs) Trio, 9:00PM


THE BARRELHOUSE Ter-rific Trivia, 7:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Brad Heller & The Fustics, Jangling Sparrows and Modern Strangers, 8:00PM TRISKELION BREWERY Open Irish Jam hosted by Cornell Sanderson, 6:30PM TWIN LEAF BREWERY Craft Karaoke, 9:00PM WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN Claire Holly and Will Straughan, 7:30PM WILD WING CAFE SOUTH Acoustic Karaoke!, 10:00PM

FRIDAY, JANUARY 3 185 KING STREET Keturah and the Blown Glass Band, 8:00PM

5 WALNUT WINE BAR Jesse Barry & The Jam (blues, funk), 9:00PM ASHEVILLE BEAUTY ACADEMY Barrio Candela LatinX Dance Party, 10:00PM ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Interstellar Echoes: A Tribute to Pink Floyd, 9:00PM BATTERY PARK BOOK EXCHANGE Dinah's Daydream (Gypsy jazz), 7:00PM BOLD ROCK HARD CIDER Mojomatic, 6:00PM CORK & KEG The Gypsy Swingers at The Cork & Keg Bar, 8:30PM FLEETWOOD'S Spoon Dogs, Unapologetic Kind and Red Rodeo, 9:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING CO. Sidecar Honey (indie rock), 7:00PM

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Roots & Dore Band, 9:00PM

ORANGE PEEL Jeff Santiago & Los Gatos and The Hit Dogs, 8:00PM

MAD CO BREW HOUSE Laura Thurston, 6:00PM

PACK'S TAVERN Dance Friday w/ DJ RexxStep, 9:30PM

NEW BELGIUM BREWING CO. Joe's Truck Stop, 5:30PM ODDITORIUM Primordial Tides and more, 8:00PM OLE SHAKEY'S Friday After Work Concert Series, 5:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Free Dead Fridays feat. members of Phuncle Sam (acoustic), 5:00PM First Fridays w/ Dirty Dead, 10:00PM

PILLAR ROOFTOP BAR Ben Phan, 7:00PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Oil-N-Water, 8:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Freedom's Friday, 9:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Life Like Water w/ Black Sea Beat Society, 8:00PM THE MOTHLIGHT Make Noise New Year show, 7:30PM TOWN PUMP JC Tokes, 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING Syrrup, 9:00PM

WILD WING CAFE Blaze the City Duo!, 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Strange Rangers, 9:00PM

WILD WING CAFE SOUTH A Social Function Acoustic, 9:00PM

COMING SOON WED 1/8 8:30PM– THE JUSTIN RAY BIG BAND CD RELEASE

THU 1/9 7:00PM–STEVIE TOMBSTONE AMERICAN SONGWRITER

FRI 1/10 7:00PM– CASSIDY AND THE MUSIC 8:30PM– DANCE PARTY W/ THE BIG THROWBACK

SAT 1/11 7:00PM– AN EVENING OF TALL TALES

8:30PM– 3RD ANNUAL WOMEN IN MUSIC SERIES (NIGHT ONE)

SUN 1/12 7:30PM– 3RD ANNUAL WOMEN IN MUSIC SERIES (NIGHT TWO)

TUE 1/14 7:30PM–TUES. BLUEGRASS SESSIONS HOSTED BY THE JAKOB’S FERRY STRAGGLERS

WED 1/15 8:30PM– CASHAVELLY MORRISON

THU 1/16 7:00PM– THE SOUTHERN WORD TOUR FEAT. KEVIN DANIEL & SETH POWER 8:30PM– LOVERS LEAP & BILL AND THE BELLES

FRI 1/17 7PM– DAVE CURLEY, ASHLEY DAVIS, & COLIN FARRELL

8:30PM– SOUTH FOR WINTER & THE BLUE EYED BETTYS

SAT 1/18 8:30PM– BAD GIRLS & THE ALIENS OF SOUL DANCE PARTY

SUN 1/19 6PM– A NEWBERRY NEW YEAR W/ JOE NEWBERRY 7:30PM– NASHVILLE IN ASHEVILLE: WRITERS-IN-THE-ROUND FT. NATASCHA MYERS WITH NICOLE MILLER & PAIGE ROSE

ISISASHEVILLE.COM DINNER MENU TIL 9:30PM LATE NIGHT MENU TIL 12AM BRUNCH 10-2 SUNDAY ONLY

TUES-SUN 5PM-until

743 HAYWOOD RD | 828-575-2737 MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

39


C LUBLAND

SATURDAY, JANUARY 4

UPCOMING SHOWS: DOORS 9PM

DEC 31

THE BROADCAST BAND

AND DOWNTOWN ABBY & THE ECHOES

DOORS 7PM

JAN 3

DOORS 6PM

JAN 4

WORTHWHILE SOUNDS PRESENTS:

RYAN MONTBLEAU

JAN 10

DOORS 7PM

SHOW 9:30

185 KING STREET Anna Lynch, 8:00PM

SHOW 8PM

5 WALNUT WINE BAR Matt Walsh, (blues, rockabilly), 9:00PM

DEC 31 JAN 3

THE LOST CHORD

SHOW 7PM

A GREAT DISASTER

SHOW 8PM

WITH SPECIAL GUEST DAVID EARL BAND

JAN 10

ASHEVILLE BEAUTY ACADEMY Dance Party with DJ Lil Meow Meow, 10:00PM

CHARLIE TRAVELER PRESENTS:

SHOW 8PM

ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM

MOODY BLUES TRIBUTE BAND CELEBRATES THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF “TO OUR CHILDERNʼS CHILDRENʼS CHILDREN”

DOORS 7PM

JAN 11

NYE WITH:

FRANK VIGNOLAʼS HOT JAZZ GUITAR TRIO

JAN 4

JAN 11

TICKETS SOLD HERE: W W W. A M B R O S E W E S T. C O M BOX OFFICES: T H E H O N E Y P O T & T H E C I RC L E

BOOK YOUR WEDDING OR EVENT NOW: 828.332.3090 312 HAYWOOD ROAD

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL BomBassic, WiZ0, Double Helix (Aidan Rolfe B2B Peri Meters) & Captain EZ, 9:00PM BLUE GHOST BREWING CO. NC Songsmiths Stevie Lee Combs, 7:00PM BOLD ROCK HARD CIDER The Dimestore Cowboys, 6:00PM FLEETWOOD'S Punk/indie karaoke, 9:00PM FROG LEVEL BREWERY Elysium Park, 7:00PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Resonant Rogues, 9:00PM

E v e nts THURSDAY NIGHTS

18 to party, 21 to drink FRIDAY NIGHTS

Latin dancing EVERY SATURDAY

Live DJ pop 40, hip hop, trap, R&B

COMING SOON V-12 Hookah Bar at Paradox for the grown & sexy. Your favorite craft beer & hookahs. FREE PARKING

Doors open 10pm nightly

Located in the heart of Downtown AVL

38 North French Broad Ave 828-458-5072

Paradox Nightclub 40

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

MOUNTAINX.COM

SLY GROG LOUNGE VVitchgang Coven, Sik Minds, Butcher Kids and Undaworld Dynasty, 9:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE CommUNITY Salsa (lessons by Emily Hamilton at 9:00PM), 9:30PM THE GREY EAGLE Mindshapefist, Aittala and Broad River Nightmare, 9:00PM THE MOTHLIGHT Wednesday w/ Walkhome, Toss, 9:00PM TOWN PUMP Loose Leaves, 9:00PM TRINITY EPISCOPAL CHURCH The Twelfth Day of Christmas by the Asheville Symphony Chamber Chorus, 3:00PM WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN Window to the World: Hiroya Tsukamoto, 8:00PM WILD WING CAFE Karaoke, 9:30PM WILD WING CAFE SOUTH Showers on Mars, 9:00PM

SUNDAY, JANUARY 5

LAZOOM ROOM New Year, New Crew, Local Comedy Showcase, 8:00PM

185 KING STREET Open Electric Jam, 6:00PM

HIGHLAND BREWING CO. Oil-N-Water (Americana/soul), 7:00PM

5 WALNUT WINE BAR The Get Right Band, (indie rock), 7:00PM

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Benefit for Michael Robbins w/ Phuncle Sam), 4:00PM Jimmy Lang’s Almost Doors (psychedelic Doors covers), 10:00PM

ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM

ORANGE PEEL Jon Reep (Two shows) with special guest Mike Elis, 6:00PM & 9:30PM PACK’S TAVERN The Groove Shakers (party tunes, rock), 9:30PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Velvet Truckstop, 8:00PM

EXPLOREASHEVILLE. COM ARENA AT HARRAH’S CHEROKEE CENTER ASHEVILLE Harlem Globetrotters 2020, 3:00PM FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH OF WAYNESVILLE The Twelfth Day of Christmas with the Asheville Symphony Chamber Chorus, 3:00PM FLEETWOOD'S Giggles and Wiggles: Comedy and Burlesque, 7:30PM


Local

Happy 2020 WNC Friends! Wishing you love, gratitude and a Green New Deal! Peace to the planet and all beings!

17 Taps & Domestics • Nightly Drink Specials

FULL KITCHEN • TIKI BAR AWARD-WINNING WING SPECIALS Sun., Tue., Wed. & Thur. • 6-8Pm

39 S. Market Street • 254-9277 THU

BRAD HELLER & THE FUSTICS, JANGLING SPARROWS, THE MODERN STRANGERS

MON

WSP LIVE AT OAK MOUNTAIN VIEWING PARTY

FRI

LIFE LIKE WATER

TUE

DELVON LAMARR ORGAN TRIO

SAT

MINDSHAPEFIST + AITTALA

WED

CRACKER + CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN

BUNCH OF JOKERS

THU

2

CRUSH ON YOU: Local collective Wednesday describes its vibe as “Southern synthpop grunge.” The band’s second album, I Was Trying to Describe You to Someone, will be released in February by Orindal Records. Western North Carolina electronic project Walkhome and Raleigh-based Toss open the Saturday, Jan. 4, 9 p.m. performance at The Mothlight. themothlight.com. Photo by Zach Romeo

3

4

SUN FUNKATORIUM Gary "Macfiddle" Mackey (bluegrass), 1:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Reggae Sunday w/ Chalwa, 2:00PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Irish Session, 3:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL World Famous Bluegrass Brunch, 10:30AM PISGAH BREWING CO. Sunday Jam, 6:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Burlesque Basics w/ Queen April, 3:00PM Beginning Folkloric Bellydance w/ Claire Dima, 4:30PM THE BARRELHOUSE Weekly Original Music Open Mic, 6:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Brunch of Jokers Comedy Show, 12:00PM Nightrain: A Guns N’ Roses Tribute Experience, 8:00PM

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST CONGREGATION OF ASHEVILLE Acoustic Journeys Series: Love Is A Rose, A Linda Ronstadt Tribute feat. Peggy Ratusz & Paula Hanke, 7:00PM WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN Ian Ridenhour & Band, 7:30PM

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Quizzo Pub Trivia, 7:30PM Open Mic Night, 9:30PM ODDITORIUM Risque Monday Burlesque hosted By Deb Au Nare, 9:00PM

TUESDAY, JANUARY 7 5 WALNUT WINE BAR The John Henrys, (hot jazz), 8:00PM ASHEVILLE BEAUTY ACADEMY The Salon with Ida Carolina (drag cabaret), 7:00PM

OLE SHAKEY'S Karaoke From Muskogee, 9:00PM

ASHEVILLE CLUB BluesDay Tuesday w/ Mr. Jimmy, 6:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING Open Mic, 8:00PM

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Tuesday Night Funk Jam, 11:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Jazz Jam, 8:30PM

BOLD ROCK HARD CIDER Tacos & Trivia, 4:00PM

5 WALNUT WINE BAR CaroMia, Michael Martinez, & Maddie Shuler, 8:00PM

SANCTUARY BREWING CO. Open Mic Night w/ It Takes All Kinds, 7:00PM

HAYWOOD COUNTRY CLUB Turntable Tuesdays hosted by VTT, 10:00PM

ARCHETYPE BREWING Old Time Jam, 5:00PM

THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Ambigious Roots w/ Jamar Woods, Brennan Dugan & Adam Chase, 9:00PM

ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 Tuesday Bluegrass Sessions hosted by The Darren Nicholson Band, 7:30PM

THE MOTHLIGHT Mega64 (comedy troupe), 8:00PM

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Music showcase, 7:00PM

WILD WING CAFE NFL Sundays with DJ Razor!, 1:00PM

MONDAY, JANUARY 6

CATAWBA BREWING SOUTH SLOPE Musicians in the Round, 5:30PM

Mon-Thur 4pm-2am • Fri-Sun 2pm-2am 87 Patton Ave – Downtown Asheville

5

SUN

5

6

7

W/ BLACK SEA BEAT SOCIETY

8

W/ BROAD RIVER NIGHTMARE

9

COMEDY SHOW- 12PM

NIGHTRAIN

FRI

10

A GUNS N’ ROSES TRIBUTE EXPERIENCE

W/ JOSH BLAKE’S ORGAN TRIO

JESSLEE FEATURED ON NBC’S THE VOICE SEASON 14

TRIBUTE: A CELEBRATION

OF THE ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND

Asheville’s longest running live music venue • 185 Clingman Ave TICKETS AVAILABLE AT HARVEST RECORDS & THEGREYEAGLE.COM

EXCITING UPCOMING EVENTS! WEST ASHEVILLE WED. 1/1: NEW YEAR’S DAY LATIN DANCE NIGHT 9PM THU. 1/2: ONE WORLD FAMILY BAND JAM: 9PM FRI. 1/3: STRANGE RANGERS 9PM $5 SUGGESTED DONATION

SAT. 1/4: POST NEW YEARS NONSENSE SUNDAY 1/4: PROJECT SHOWING OF “NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION” 6PM MON. 1/5: JAZZ JAM 8:30PM

celebrating 25 Years!

WAVL- 520 HAYWOOD RD. CONVENIENTLY LOCATED PARKING BEHIND BREWERY

www.oneworldbrewing.com MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

41


C LUBLAND OLE SHAKEY'S Booty Tuesday, 10:00PM ONE WORLD BREWING Jack Pearson's Comedy Cosmos (stand-up), 8:00PM

PILLAR ROOFTOP BAR Rhoda & The Risers, 7:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio w/Josh Blake’s Organ Trio, 8:00PM THE MOTHLIGHT Circle Verse, Cowbaby and State Park Ranger, 8:30PM THE SOCIAL Open Mic w/ Riyen Roots, 8:00PM

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8 185 KING STREET NC Songsmiths: Kevin Williams, 8:00PM

ARCHETYPE BREWING Old Time Jam, 5:00PM ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM FUNKATORIUM Grass at the Funk feat. the Saylor Brothers, 6:30PM

THIS WEEK AT AVL MUSIC HALL & THE ONE STOP!!!

ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 The Justin Ray Big Band CD Release, 8:00PM

1st Thursdays w/

JointKiller Brass Band THU, 1/2 - SHOW: 10 pm [BRASS] DONATION BASED COVER

INTERSTELLAR ECHOES a Tribute to Pink Floyd FRI, 1/3 - SHOW: 9 pm (DOORS: 8 pm ) - tix : $15

First Fridays w/

Dirty Dead FRI, 1/3 - SHOW: 10 pm [HIGH ENERGY GRATEFUL DEAD] DONATION BASED COVER

BomBassic,

WiZ0, Double Helix

(Aidan Rolfe B2B Peri Meters) SAT, 1/4 - SHOW: 10 pm (DOORS: 9 pm ) - tix : $10

OLE SHAKEY'S Sexy Tunes with DJ Franco Nino, 10:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Disclaimer Lounge Comedy Open Mic, 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Flow, 8:00PM

5 WALNUT WINE BAR Les Amis, (African folk music), 8:00PM

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Old-time Jam, 5:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Latin Dance Night w/ DJ Oscar (Bachatta, Merengue, Salsa), 9:00PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Kyle Travers (acoustic), 6:00PM SLY GROG LOUNGE Weird Wednesday Jam, 5:00PM SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN BREWERY Jazz Night hosted by Jason DeCristofaro, 6:30PM THE FOUNDRY HOTEL 3 Cool Cats, 6:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Cracker and Camper Van Beethoven, 8:00PM TOWN PUMP David Bryan's Open Mic, 9:00PM

THURSDAY, JANUARY 9 185 KING STREET Sticks N' Thorns, 8:00PM 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Pleasure Chest, 7:00PM

Benefit for Michael Robbins w/

Phuncle Sam

SAT, 1/4 - SHOW: 4-7pm $10 SUGGESTED DONATION

( all

proceeds to michael and fam )

42

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

MOUNTAINX.COM

LOCAL THURSDAY SHUFFLE - 10pm

Free Dead Friday - 5pm

SUN

Mitch’s Totally Rad Trivia - 6:30pm

FRI

disclaimer comedy - 9:30pm

THU

Tuesday Early Jam - 8PM Tuesday Night Funk Jam - 11PM Electrosoul Session - 11:30PM

WED

TUE

1/10 - American Bowie Experience - [Tribute to David Bowie] • 1/11 - Goopsteppa, spacegeishA, KirbyBright, Astoria • 1/17 - Michal Menert, Late Night Radio & Robbie Dude • 1/18 - Andrew Scotchie’s B Day Bash • 1/20 - Saxsquatch w/ Evil Note Lab World Famous Bluegrass Brunch - 10:30am-3pm Shakedown Sundays - 4pm-7pm

@AVLMusicHall @OneStopAVL


ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM ASHEVILLE GUITAR BAR Will Ray and the Space Cooties, 7:00PM ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 Stevie Tombstone, 7:00PM

ASHEVILLE CLUB Free Live Music, 6:00PM ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL American Bowie Experience: Tribute to David Bowie, 10:00PM

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Bluegrass Jam, 7:00PM

BATTERY PARK BOOK EXCHANGE Dinah's Daydream (Gypsy jazz), 7:00PM

OLE SHAKEY'S Karaoke with DJ Franco Nino, 10:00PM

FLEETWOOD'S Khandroma, Shane Parrish and Websites, 9:00PM

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Mitch's Totally Rad Trivia Night, 6:00PM

ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 Cassidy and The Music, 7:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING Lenny Pettinelli, 9:00PM

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Irish Session, 3:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST One World Family Band Jam, 9:00PM

LOBSTER TRAP Hillbilly Diamonds, 6:30PM

PULP Slice Comedy Open Mic, 9:00PM

OLE SHAKEY'S Friday After Work Concert Series, 5:00PM

PILLAR ROOFTOP BAR Dave Desmelik, 7:00PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Abby Bryant & Friends, 7:00PM POLANCO RESTAURANT Pop Up DJ Dinners w/ DJ Phantome Pantone Collective, 10:00PM THE BARRELHOUSE Ter-rific Trivia, 7:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Jesslee, 8:00PM THE MOTHLIGHT Cannabis Culture (moderation, discussion), 6:00PM TWIN LEAF BREWERY Craft Karaoke, 9:00PM

FRIDAY, JANUARY 10 ALLEY CAT SOCIAL CLUB Electric Karma, Pale Blue Dot, Glass Bricks, 8:00PM ASHEVILLE BEAUTY ACADEMY Barrio Candela LatinX Dance Party, 10:00PM

TAVERN Downtown on the Park Eclectic Menu • Over 30 Taps • Patio 15 TV’s • Sports Room • 110” Projector Event Space • Shuffleboard Open 7 Days 11am - Late Night

15 TV’s!

FOOTB ALL RGERS, PIZZA &, BUEER! B

THU. 1/2 Ken & Nicole (acoustic rock)

FRI. 1/3 DJ RexxStep

(dance hits, pop)

SAT. 1/4 The Groove Shakers (party tunes & rock)

20 S. Spruce St. • 225.6944 packStavern.com

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Free Dead Fridays feat. members of Phuncle Sam (acoustic), 5:00PM ONE WORLD BREWING In Flight, 9:00PM ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Surf Cavalier, 9:00PM ORANGE PEEL Enrage Against the Machine (RATM tribute), 9:00PM PILLAR ROOFTOP BAR Ben Phan, 7:00PM THE MAGNETIC THEATRE Disney's Frozen Jr, 7:00PM PISGAH BREWING CO. Citizen Mojo, 8:00PM THE GREY EAGLE Tribute: A Celebration of the Allman Brothers Band, 9:00PM THE POE HOUSE Mr Jimmy (blues), 7:00PM

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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MOVIE REVIEWS

Hosted by the Asheville Movie Guys HHHHH

= MAX RATING

EDWIN ARNAUDIN earnaudin@mountainx.com

BRUCE STEELE bcsteele@gmail.com

STARTING FRIDAY JUST ANNOUNCED The Grudge (R) The latest English-language remake of the 2003 Japanese horror film, about two detectives who investigate a haunted house that passes on a supernatural curse to those who enter it.

CURRENTLY IN THEATERS 63 Up (NR) HHHHH A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (PG-13) HHHH Black Christmas (PG-13) HS Bombshell (R) HHHH Cats (PG) H Ford v Ferrari (PG-13) HHHHS Frozen II (PG) HHS Jumanji: The Next Level (PG-13) HHHS

HHHH

Knives Out (PG-13) HHHHH Little Women (PG) HHHHH Parasite (R) HHHHH Richard Jewell (R) HHHH Spies in Disguise (PG) HHHH (Pick of the Week) Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (PG-13) HHHHS Terminator: Dark Fate (R) HHHH Toy Story 4 (G) HHHHS Uncut Gems (R) HHHHH

2020

Wellness Issues

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Spies in Disguise

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DIRECTORS: Nick Bruno and Troy Quane PLAYERS: The voices of Will Smith, Tom Holland, Rashida Jones ANIMATED/ADVENTURE RATED PG What if James Bond were a pigeon? That idea might sound crazy, but it works as the premise for the animated feature, Spies in Disguise. In their adaptation of Lucas Martell’s short film, Pigeon: Impossible, directors Nick Bruno and Troy Quane have crafted a tale that’s a straight-up spy flick with a heart — specifically the message of “hugs, not fists.” Considering the state of the world at the moment, we’d all be well-served to remember this message, especially around the holidays. The film pulls audiences in with a silly premise and then gives them something both action-packed and sweet, anchored by a strong vocal cast. Because Spies in Disguise is an animated film, there’s a certain expectation of silliness — which the film delivers. You’ve got physical comedy emanating from the transformation of super cool spy Lance Sterling (voiced by Will Smith) into a pigeon, such as when he suddenly feels the compulsion to eat food left on the ground.

It’s disgusting, but not in a low-hanging fruit, gross-out kind of way. It’s played straight, and Smith’s consistently engaging vocal delivery sells the absurdity. Then there’s tech genius Walter Bennett (Tom Holland), a brilliant kid whose idealism often gets in the way of engaging with the world. The audience is set up to laugh at the situations Walter finds himself instead of laughing at him, including when he convinces himself he can do parkour by recognizing it’s just a physics problem. That moment is hilarious, as is its outcome, but it’s significant — and refreshing — that neither Walter nor Lance are diminished or humiliated in any way, a filmmaking choice that allows the work to be far more than a goofy comedy. Spies in Disguise is full of entertaining homages to classic espionage films — and adds to this rich lineage its own thrilling set-pieces. But what sets it apart from its genre peers is its focus on “hugs, not fists.” A spy may use his or her talents to prevent global annihilation, but there’s no reason why spycraft can’t be focused on protection. More pointedly, the film is critical of violence perpetuating a cycle of violence, necessitating stronger good guys to combat bigger bad guys. It also nobly

THIS WEEK’S CONTRIBUTORS

Douglas Davidson

Lucas McKee

preaches that love, protection and trust are innate while hatred is taught. While the central trope of oppositesforced-to-work-together is a bit tiresome, the rest of the film feels fresh on the narrative, character development and humor fronts. Still, some nagging questions go unanswered (e.g., how can an agent on the run use his personal spy gear without getting tracked by his former bosses?), but these are minor quibbles compared to the amount of fun you’ll have watching Walter’s various pacifist tools in action. When it comes to picking a film to watch over the holidays, know that you’re in good hands with agents Sterling and Beckett. Even if the outcome is obvious (it is a kid’s film, after all), there are still a great deal of surprises within that will induce laughter and tug at the heartstrings. Most importantly, it creates an opportunity to discuss the true meaning of the holiday season: love for all and peace for all. For no matter our differences, all we want to do is keep our loved ones safe. Choose hugs, not fists. REVIEWED BY DOUGLAS DAVIDSON ELEMENTSOFMADNESS@GMAIL.COM

Xpress reviewers’ Top 5 films of 2019 Michelle Keenan 1. Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood — Boosted by epic performances from Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, Quentin Tarantino has never penned a better cinematic love letter than this revisionist Hollywood tale. 2. Parasite — Korean writer/director Bong Joon Ho delivers this year’s most memorable cinematic experience with his brilliantly dark socioeconomic fairy tale. 3. 1917 — With captivating cinematography from Roger Deakins and brilliant direction from Sam Mendes, this “single-take” WWI epic transports the viewer to an apocalyptic, war-ravaged French countryside. 4. Jojo Rabbit — Taika Waititi’s irreverent humor and satirical wit won’t be to everyone’s taste, but this cleverly told story of Jojo, an enthusias-


SCREEN SCENE tic Hitler Youth, and his friendship with a young Jewish girl brims with love. 5. Ad Astra — I’m not sure why it had to be based in space and take Pitt to a galaxy far, far away, but this existential story about fathers and sons and love and loss is beautifully intimate, thoughtfully acted and powerfully quiet.

Ian Casselberry 1. Parasite — Devious, funny and shocking commentary on modern class warfare that offers an intriguing challenge to your sympathy. 2. Knives Out — Sharp dialogue and a fantastic ensemble make this the most entertaining movie of the year. More surprises would’ve made it the best. 3. The Farewell — Great performances from Shuzhen Zhao and Awkwafina, with characters who carry fascinating backstories. 4. Marriage Story — Painful to experience at times, yet too good not to engage with your feelings. The real blockbuster for Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson this year.  5. Ad Astra — Stunning visuals, fascinating world-building and strong acting from Brad Pitt overcome the story’s slow pace.

Ali McGhee 1. Parasite — A skewering of the (Korean) 1% and the way capitalism feeds on the underclass, played out through a dazzling melange of genres that veer between thriller, comedy and family drama. You’ll totally root for the devious central family, while you simultaneously wonder why the heck you’re doing so. 2. Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood — I was so happy meandering along with this joyful buddy movie, made truly great by the spectacular performances and chemistry of Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, that the Manson Family plot line just felt like a glorious, gory cherry on top. Quentin Tarantino gets extra points for his loving homage to 1960s Hollywood. 3. Midsommar — Awash in colors, pagan symbology and the light of the midnight sun, Ari Aster’s followup to Hereditary gets the prize for being the most beautiful horror film I’ve ever seen — and it has both style and substance. It’s a wrenching exploration of family trauma, loneliness and deep, primal suffer-

ing that has stayed with me long after I saw it (three times). 4. Us — Jordan Peele’s second feature takes a decidedly supernatural turn to explore the dark side of each of us — and of the United States (US) itself. Another gorgeous horror film, it’s also a fresh take on the old story of the doppelgänger, or double, as a metaphor for everything we’ve ever repressed coming back to haunt us. 5. Hustlers — Man, these ladies have moves. I had so much fun watching this girl gang come out on top — even if it was only for a little while.

Casey Ellis 1. Knives Out — Rian Johnson opens the windows on the stuffy old whodunit. Still smell that vomit, though. 2. Midsommar — My theatergoing experience was probably the best ever and included a haunting thunder storm, a power outage that occurred during the cliffhanger scene (cliff-falling, actually) and the most frightened, rowdy and audibly distressed crowd I had the joy to be a part of. The movie was all right. 3. Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw — Special Agent Hobbs and the Shaw siblings, thank you for saving the world…from smart movies. 4. The Lighthouse - Recommended if you like Wake in Fright and hate seagulls. 5. Stuber — It wasn’t “Hollywood,” but this buddy movie made me laugh and I’d watch it again sometime in the next five years.

Cameron Allison 1. Promare — With an amazing use of color and animation, alongside a killer soundtrack, the Japanese film was the most fun I’ve had at the movies this year. 2. Jojo Rabbit — Extremely funny and shockingly sweet, Taika Waititi’s antihate satire handles a touchy subject with finesse. 3. The Farewell — Lulu Wang’s dramedy does an excellent job at exploring the difficulties of family and the prospect of loss. It can make you smile or cry without warning. 4. Parasite — This is pure genius, to say the least. There hasn’t been a film that explores social issues in such a captivating, stomach-knot-inducing and chuckle-worthy way. 5. Alita: Battle Angel — Robert Rodriguez’s latest has the best use of special effects I’ve seen in a film this year. It’s exciting, fun and has an enjoyable story that makes me smile about how well a movie based on a manga can be.  X

by Edwin Arnaudin | earnaudin@mountainx.com

GUIDING LIGHTS: Baby Peggy and Hobart Bosworth star in Captain January, the latest selection in Grail Moviehouse’s Silent Sundays series. Photo courtesy of Grapevine Video The monthly Silent Sundays series continues at Grail Moviehouse, 45 S. French Broad Ave., on Jan. 5, at 7 p.m., with Captain January (1924). Edward F. Cline’s drama stars Baby Peggy as the titular heroine who washed ashore as an infant and was raised by an elderly lighthouse keeper, whose failing health hinders his

ability to care for her. Film historian Frank Thompson will introduce the film and participate in a postscreening Q&A. Local multi-instrumentalist/composer Gabrielle Tee will provide a live, improvised piano score. Tickets are $12 and available online or at the Grail box office. grailmoviehouse.com  X

KIDS REVIEW

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker HHHHS

DIRECTOR: J.J. Abrams PLAYERS: Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, John Boyega ACTION/ADVENTURE RATED PG-13 Attention: There are some spoilers ahead about the beginning of the film. If you are looking for a really cool movie, check out The Rise of Skywalker. This is a movie everyone should see. If you thought that Emperor Palpatine was still dead, he actually came back alive! But he’s blind. He hides at Exegol, a dimension where he is building a Sith army. Kylo Ren learns of the emperor’s return and goes to Exegol to destroy him, but he ends up joining him. They have a powerful army to take over the universe. For example, there are Sith troopers, Knights of Ren and ships that can destroy planets. Meanwhile, a spy gives information to General Leia and the Resistance that shows that Palpatine has returned. Rey has learned from the old Jedi books she took from Luke in the last movie that there is a Sith Wayfinder that can help them locate the emperor. This starts off a journey

for Rey, Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, BB-8 and C-3PO. Early in the movie on the planet Pasaana, Rey and her friends go to a party that happens once every 42 years, according to C-3PO. Kylo Ren and Rey still can communicate in their own unique way. This leads to Kylo Ren and the First Order being able to track Rey and her Resistance friends to different places. On Pasaana, Lando Calrissian first saves them by hiding them. Later, they try to escape on a ship (which seems familiar to Rey), but Chewie and Rey complicate things. Rey and Kylo Ren end up in a force battle that hints at the secret of Rey’s origin. When I found out about Rey, I didn’t really like that part. You can find out why when you watch it. There were some parts that were scary, but most of them were at the end, so I can’t tell you about them. One of my favorite new characters is a droid named D-O because he is funny. Another favorite character is Babu Frick, a little alien that can repair droids. I also really like a lightsaber battle that happens on a famous wreck in the middle of an ocean. I like this movie a lot. I think it is a little bit better than The Last Jedi. There are more events, action and places than the last movie. REVIEWED BY LUCAS MCKEE

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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FREEWILL ASTROLOGY ARIES (March 21-April 19): “We are all hostages of the joy of which we deprive ourselves,’ wrote poet Odysseus Elytis. Isn’t that an astounding idea? That we refuse to allow ourselves to experience some of the bliss and pleasure we could easily have; and that we are immured inside that suppressed bliss and pleasure? I call on you, Aries, to rebel against this human tendency. As I see it, one of your main tasks in 2020 is to permit yourself to welcome more bliss, to aggressively seize more pleasure, and thereby free yourself from the rot of its nullification. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): At age 22, Taurus-born Dutch citizen Willem de Kooning sneaked into the United States. He was a stowaway on an Argentinabound freighter, and stealthily disembarked when the ship made a stop in Virginia. As he lived in America during subsequent decades, he became a renowned painter who helped pioneer the movement known as abstract expressionism. His status as an illegal immigrant rarely presented any obstacles to his growing success and stature. Not until age 57 did he finally became an American citizen. I propose we make him one of your role models in 2020. May he inspire you to capitalize on being a maverick, outsider or stranger. May he encourage you to find opportunities beyond your safety zone. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When British novelist E. M. Forster was in his late 30s, he had sex with another person for the first time. Before that he had published five novels. After that, he produced just one more novel, though he lived till age 91. Why? Was he having too much fun? Looking back from his old, age, he remarked that he would ”have been a more famous writer if I had published more, but sex prevented the latter.“ I suspect that sensual pleasure and intimacy will have the exact opposite effect on you in 2020, Gemini. In sometimes mysterious ways, they will make you more productive in your chosen sphere. CANCER (June 21-July 22): ”Every part of our personality that we do not love will regress and become hostile to us,“ wrote poet Robert Bly. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t suffer from this problem at least a little. That’s the bad news. The good news for us Cancerians (yes, I’m a Crab!) is that 2020 will be a favorable time to engage in a holy crusade to fix this glitch: to feel and express more love for parts of our personality that we have dismissed or marginalized. The result? Any self-sabotage we have suffered from in the past could dramatically diminish. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As a young adult, Leo-born Raymond Chandler worked as a fruit-picker, tennis racquet-stringer and bookkeeper. At age 34, he began a clerical job at the Dabney Oil Syndicate and eventually rose in the ranks to become a well-paid executive. The cushy role lasted until he was 44, when he was fired. He mourned for a while, then decided to become an author of detective fiction. It took a while, but at age 50, he published his first novel. During the next 20 years, he wrote six additional novels as well as numerous short stories and screenplays — and in the process became popular and influential. I present this synopsis as an inspirational story to fuel your destiny in 2020. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The fame of Virgo-born Italian poet Ludovico Ariosto (1474–1533) has persisted through the ages because of Orlando Furioso, an epic poem he authored. It tells the story of the Christian knight Orlando and his adoration for a pagan princess. This great work did not come easily to Ariosto. It wasn’t until he had written 56 versions of it that he was finally satisfied. I suspect you may harbor an equally perfectionist streak about the good works and labors of love you’ll craft in 2020. May I suggest you confine your experiments to no more than 10 versions?

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MARKETPLACE

BY ROB BREZSNY

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Leonardo da Vinci worked on his painting The Last Supper from 1495 to 1498. It’s a big piece — about 15 by 29 feet. That’s one reason why he took so long to finish. But there was another explanation, too. He told his patron, the Duke of Milan, that he sometimes positioned himself in front of his paintingin-progress and simply gazed at and thought about it, not lifting a brush. Those were times he did some of his hardest work, he said. I trust you will have regular experiences like that in 2020, Libra. Some of your best efforts will arise out of your willingness and ability to incubate your good ideas with concentrated silence and patience. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): By 1895, Henry James had already published 94 books. He was renowned in the U.S. and England and had written the works that would later lead to him being considered for a Nobel Prize. Then, at age 52, although he was not physically fit, he decided to learn how to ride a bicycle. He paid for lessons at a bicycle academy and cheerfully tolerated bruises and cuts from his frequent falls as an acceptable price to pay for his new ability. I admire James’ determination to keep transforming. Let’s make him a role model for you in 2020. May he inspire you to keep adding new aptitudes as you outgrow your previous successes. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): When Sagittarian composer Ludwig van Beethoven created the Eroica symphony in the early 1800s, many observers panned it. They said its rhythms were eccentric, that it was too long. One critic said it was ”glaring and bizarre,“ while another condemned its ”undesirable originality.“ This same critic concluded, ”Genius proclaims itself not in the unusual and fantastic but in the beautiful and sublime.“ Today, of course, Eroica has a different reputation. It’s regarded as a breakthrough event in musical history. I’ll go on record here, Sagittarius, to say that I suspect you created your own personal version of Eroica in 2019. 2020 is the year it will get the full appreciation it deserves, although it may take a while. Be patient. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I’m going to speculate that sometime in the next six months, you will experience events that years from now you’ll look back on as having been the beginning of a fresh universe for you. What should you call this launch? I suggest you consider elegant terms like ”Destiny Rebirth“ or ”Fate Renewal“ rather than a cliché like the ”Big Bang.” And how should you celebrate it? As if it were the Grand Opening of the rest of your long life. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In 2020, I believe you will be able to summon the insight and kismet necessary to resolve at least one long-running problem and probably more. You’ll have an enhanced ability to kick bad habits and escape dead-ends and uncover liberating truths about mysteries that have flustered you. Frustrations and irritations you’ve grudgingly tolerated for far too much time will finally begin to wane. Congratulations in advance, Aquarius! The hard work you do to score these triumphs won’t always be delightful, but it could provide you with a curiously robust and muscular kind of fun. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Let’s say you wanted to dress completely in silk: shirt, pants, vest, scarf, socks, shoes, hat, underwear all made of silk. And let’s say your dream was to grow and process and weave the silk from scratch. You’d start with half an ounce of silkworm eggs. They’d hatch into 10,000 silkworms. Eventually those hard-working insects would generate five pounds of silk — enough to create your entire outfit. So in other words, you’d be able to generate an array of functional beauty from a small but concentrated amount of raw material. By the way, that last sentence is a good description of what I think your general approach should be in 2020. And also by the way, dressing in silk wouldn’t be too crazy an idea in the coming months. I hope you’ll have fun cultivating your allure, style and flair.

REA L ESTATE | REN TA L S | R O O M M ATES | SER VI C ES JOB S | A N N OU N CEM ENTS | M I ND, BO DY, SPI R I T CL A SSES & WORKSH OPS | M USI C I ANS’ SER VI C ES PETS | A U TOMOTI VE | X C HANG E | ADULT Want to advertise in Marketplace? 828-251-1333 landrews@mountainx.com • mountainx.com/classifieds If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Remember the Russian proverb: “Doveryai, no proveryai,” trust but verify. When answering classified ads, always err on the side of caution. Especially beware of any party asking you to give them financial or identification information. The Mountain Xpress cannot be responsible for ensuring that each advertising client is legitimate. Please report scams to ads@mountainx.com RENTALS CONDOS/ TOWNHOMES FOR RENT NORTH ASHEVILLE 2BR/1BA TOWNHOUSE FOR RENT walking distance from downtown with hardwood floors in nice area. $895 (828)252-4334

HOMES FOR RENT 3BD 2BA HOME FOR RENT IN WEAVERVILLE No Parties, No Smoking, No Pets Aint Got No Cigarettes. Apologies to Roger Miller. But what I have got is nice fully furnished brick ranch with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths In Weaverville, just off Merrimon Rd near Stoney Knob Cafe. Available January 1 for 28 days or so. $2400 per month. Or $120 per night, 5 day minimum. 919225-6676 jeffstevens1128@ gmail.com

EMPLOYMENT GENERAL ADJUNCT POSITION A-B Tech is currently taking applications for an adjunct position Dental Hygienist Instructor. For more details and to apply: https:// abtcc.peopleadmin.com/ postings/5294 TROLLEY TOUR GUIDES If you are a "people person," love Asheville, have a valid Commercial Driver's License (CDL) and clean driving record you could be a great Tour Guide. Full-time and seasonal part-time positions available. Training provided. Contact us today! 828 2518687. Info@GrayLineAsheville. com www.GrayLineAsheville. com

HUMAN SERVICES DIRECTOR - FULL TIME Journeymen Asheville is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization offering group mentoring and rites of passage to adolescent boys ages 12-17. Our program is based in that simple and organic process of personal relationship development among individuals—it is not therapeutic, clinical, political or advocacy-based. Journeymen follows a group mentoring approach based on Listening, Accepting, Modeling and Blessing. The Director will roughly spend 1/3 of his time in each of the following areas: 1) Delivering direct programming services 2) Program administration and development and 3) Fundraising, donor development and communications. Required Qualifications include: -Minimum education Bachelor Degree -2+ years of experience working with adolescent boys in mentoring, instructing, teaching or counseling capacity. Must have ability to work

from home—computer, internet access. Must have reliable transportation. Willing and able to work two evenings each week (until 9 PM) and one weekend day each month (4-6 hour daytime activities.) Willing and able to staff 4 day, 3 night Rites Of Passage Adventure Weekend, twice per year. Compensation: $43-$48K dependent on experience. Application deadline: January 17, 2020. To apply, please visit: journeymenasheville.org/ job-openings.

PROFESSIONAL/ MANAGEMENT EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Land of Sky Regional Council, a nationally recognized regional development and human services council of governments, is seeking an innovative, seasoned professional to serve as its next Executive Director. Land of Sky, headquartered in Asheville, North Carolina, serves Buncombe, Henderson, Madison, and Transylvania Counties as well as 15 municipalities in those counties. The Council is seeking a candidate with outstanding leadership, management, analytical, and communication skills. For more information about the position, Land of Sky Regional Council, and how to apply, please visit www.landofsky.org/ executivedirector. Land of Sky Regional Council is proud to be an equal opportunity employer. All aspects of employment, including the decision to hire, promote, discipline or discharge, will be based on merit, competence, performance, and organizational needs. We do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, pregnancy, status as a parent, national origin, age, disability (physical or mental), family medical history or genetic information, military service, or any other status protected under federal, state or local law.

TEACHING/ EDUCATION RAINBOW COMMUNITY SCHOOL SEEKS DIVISION HEAD To oversee operations for the K-5 Division and contribute to a safe, inclusive, and dynamic culture. For details, requirements, and application visit rainbowcommunityschool.org

SALON/ SPA BUSY DOWNTOWN SALON HIRING! Busy Downtown Salon Hiring! Do you want to become a part of a cutting-edge, fun and highly artistic salon? We are currently seeking self-motivated, energetic and positive hair stylists. Full time positions available at a commission salon. Leads given. Please email your resume to maggieruffin@gmail.com or call 828-236-3456.

HOME IMPROVEMENT CONSTRUCTION INGLE & SONS CONSTRUCTION Since 1980. No job too small. Build & sell steel buildings and storage sheds, install windows, doors, new roofs, decks, ect. Reliable, reasonable, trustworthy. Free estimate. Call Rory @ 828-231-3271

ELECTRICIAN ELECTRICAL SERVICE Power to the People! Serving Asheville and abroad. Troubleshooting, fixture hanging, can lights, generators, car chargers, remodels, new construction, we do it all! Licensed and insured. Free Estimates. 828-551-9843

HANDY MAN HIRE A HUSBAND • HANDYMAN SERVICES Since 1993. Multiple skill sets. Reliable, trustworthy, quality results. Insured. References and estimates available. Stephen Houpis, (828) 280-2254.

MIND, BODY, SPIRIT BODYWORK TRANSFORMATIONAL MASSAGE THERAPY For $60.00 I provide, at your home, a 1.5-2 hour massage [deep Swedish with Deep Tissue work and Reiki]. • Relieve psychological and physiological stress and tension. • Inspires deep Peace and Well-Being. • Experience a deeply inner-connected, trance like state • Sleep deeper. • Increase calmness and mental focus. I Love Sharing my Art of Transformational Massage Therapy! Book an appointment and feel empowered now! Frank Solomon Connelly, LMBT#10886. • Since 2003. • (828) 707-2983. Creator_of_Joy@hotmail.com

COUNSELING SERVICES SPIRAL OF LIFE- A SACRED HEALING COMMUNITY FOR WOMEN Come and feel warmly welcomed into this Women’s Community. We gather to connect, heal, grow and find ourselves so we can live deeply Authentic Lives. Please call with QUESTIONS and to REQUEST A FREE SESSION OF YOUR CHOICE. A great way to get taste of what this is all about. Circles starting in 2020. Contact Ruby @ 828.768.0477 / swarren28806@gmail.com

SPIRITUAL

ANNOUNCEMENTS LEGAL NOTICES RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH LUNG CANCER AND 60+ YEARS OLD? Call now! You and your family may be entitled to a SIGNIFICANT CASH AWARD. Call 844-2691881 today. Free Consultation. No Risk. (AAN CAN)

CLASSES & WORKSHOPS CLASSES & WORKSHOPS

ADJUNCT PART-TIME POSITION Adjunct Veterinarian Instructor, Veterinary Technology For more details and to apply: abtcc.peopleadmin. com/postings/5289 ADJUNCT PART-TIME POSITION Lab Assistant Instructor, Small Animal Clinical. For more details and to apply: https:// abtcc.peopleadmin.com/ postings/5290

Needed! Just a Willingness to Explore! SacredSpacePainting. com, 828-252-4828, justpaint@ sacredspacepainting.com.

CHANGE YOUR FUTURE For 37 years, Julie King has helped thousands create a happier, fulfilled life. She's a gifted Psychic, Counselor, Spiritual Mentor, and Licensed Minister. Call 831-6019005 or www.AcuPsychic.com. HE'S KNOWN AS THE CHRIST, THE BODHISATTVA, THE IMAM MAHDI, MAITREYA BUDDHA, ETC. He is inspiring major, benevolent, world changes. He loves everyone, & won't send anyone to hell. We'll all see Him shortly after the collapse of the corrupt world economic system. Learn more: www.share-international.org

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edited by Will Shortz 18 “___-daisy!” 19 Ungainly boat 20 Central courtyards 21 Enthusiastic Spanish assent 22 Former M&M’s color 23 R&B singer with the 2002 hit “Foolish” 25 Tandoori bread 26 Venomous vipers 28 Delicate surface for Aboriginal art 30 Syrup of ___ 32 Pittance 33 Fractional part? 34 “You wish!” 36 Inexperienced gamers, in slang 38 Ice Bucket Challenge cause, for short 39 “Eureka!” 42 Forest female 43 Foldable bed 44 See 32-Down 45 Kind of gift 46 One of the Wayans brothers 48 Period that’s “ushered in” 50 Payroll dept. IDs

No. 1127

puzzle by Matthew Sewell and Jeff Chen 52 Catch 40 winks 53 Diktat 54 Son of Aphrodite and Ares 55 Ability of a company to expand … or a hint to this puzzle’s theme 62 “Eureka!” 63 Clamor 64 Entrepreneur’s deg. 65 Herb garden vessel … as depicted four times by black squares in this puzzle 66 Classic cowboy nickname 67 Place of worship

DOWN

1 Peak that’s the home of California’s longest glacier 2 Minor indiscretions 3 Bear claw filling 4 Vent violently 5 Truth, to Shakespeare 6 Extremely

7 Away at the moment 8 Apple cores, for short 9 Après-ski quarters 10 Where trolls may lurk 11 Remunerative 13 Like some shares and baseball teams 14 Comparatively tidy 23 Where records of old web pages can be accessed 24 Declaration from someone on a hot streak 27 Many Caltech grads, for short 29 Sci-fi sighting 31 Jackie of “Shanghai Noon” 32 With 44-Across, Dutch art dealer who supported his artist brother 33 Fire 35 Stock market fig. 37 Dreamcast maker of old 40 Palindromic woman’s name

41 Overlook 47 [Warning: explicit content] 49 Direction that wagon trains headed

56 Fraternity letter that’s a homophone of where fraternities might be found 57 Feedbag tidbit

51 Annual parade honoree, familiarly

58 Salute in stanzas

52 Do a juice cleanse, say

60 Prez in a stovepipe hat

55 Disparity

61 Bar code?

59 Little hellion

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS NY TIMES PUZZLE

A C C T

C H O O

E W A A U T E O R P L D E O V C E L

T T A N C M O E P O L B L W S H S A H T A L C H E A S T N I N E D E T O G A

MOUNTAINX.COM

D S E I T S T A L A C K P R I S O N E P C I S T R I C C C U L S E O S N

Z I G U Z P A N G O M A R

T A T A

M P P I H E

E S T S N G O T O T E A T G N T H E B R E A C A L C M I T S N O E E R T E H E G E A N A D N Y E E E A N

JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

S M I R K T B A L A L A

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JAN. 1 - 7, 2020

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