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NEW YEAR’S SPECIAL

C O NT E NT S C ONTAC T US

FUNNY PEOPLE The Asheville characters shown on this week’s cover include Chad Nesbitt, Carl Mumpower, H. K. Edgerton, Esther Manheimer, Cecil Bothwell, Mike Fryar, Al Whitesides, Wanda Greene, Bobby Medford, Gordon Smith, Vijay Kapoor, Gwen Wisler, Sheneika Smith, Chuck Edwards, Abby Roach, Sister Bad Habit and others. COVER ILLUSTRATION Brent Brown COVER DESIGN Hillary Edgin

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FEATURES NEWS WELLNESS

34 LAUGHING YOUR WAY TO HEALTH Local professionals embrace the healing power of humor

GREEN

36 FEEL THE HEAT Programs help residents stay warm while keeping costs down

FOOD

38 NOT-SO-SERIOUS EATS Chef Clarence Robinson specializes in culinary funny business

A&E

ashevillesaltcave.com

12 UNCHAIN MY HEART Can downtown Asheville stay weird?

47 NOT-SO-STILL LIFE Contemporary-primitive painter Cleaster Cotton debuts at Blue Spiral 1

49 WOMAN’S WORK Asheville trio celebrates the music of female Americana artists

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10 LAP IT UP, ASHEVILLE 19 WANDA GREENE CHRISTMAS CAROL 20 PUZZLE XPRESS 22 CARING FOR CONSULTANTS 24 PETERSON DECLARES RIVERGATIA 25 TRAVELIN’ TRUMP 28 XPRESSER’S ALMANAC 34 LAUGHING YOUR WAY TO HEALTH 38 NOT-SO-SERIOUS EATS 45 LAUGHING MATTERS

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7 LETTERS 7 CARTOON: MOLTON 9 CARTOON: BRENT BROWN 10 COMMENTARY 18 ASHEVILLE ARCHIVES 30 COMMUNITY CALENDAR 32 CONSCIOUS PARTY 34 WELLNESS 36 GREEN SCENE 38 FOOD 40 SMALL BITES 42 BEER SCOUT 45 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT 50 SMART BETS 53 CLUBLAND 59 MOVIES 60 SCREEN SCENE 61 CLASSIFIEDS 62 FREEWILL ASTROLOGY 63 NY TIMES CROSSWORD

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OPINION

Send your letters to the editor to letters@mountainx.com. STA F F PUBLISHER: Jeff Fobes ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER: Susan Hutchinson MANAGING EDITOR: Virginia Daffron A&E EDITOR/WRITER: Alli Marshall FOOD EDITOR/WRITER: Gina Smith NEWS EDITOR/WRITER: Carolyn Morrisroe OPINION EDITOR: Tracy Rose WELLNESS EDITOR/WRITER: Susan Foster STAFF REPORTERS/WRITERS: Able Allen, Edwin Arnaudin, Thomas Calder, Virginia Daffron, David Floyd, Max Hunt, Carolyn Morrisroe CALENDAR EDITOR: Abigail Griffin

CARTOO N BY RAN D Y M O LT O N

Buncombe County residents deserve answers on disastrous jail proposal Is Buncombe County planning to spend millions of dollars to build a new jail? The problem is, we don’t know. Public discussion on the issue seems to indicate the majority of county commissioners oppose Sheriff Van Duncan’s proposal to build a new detention center — and yet, according to the Mountain Xpress, as recently as a few months ago, the sheriff was still pitching the board on the idea that more construction is the way to go [see http:// avl.mx/477]. But extra jail space is not a solution to rising jail populations for many reasons — a fact which the board itself recognized back in February when it embraced a different vision for addressing the growing number of mental health and substance-use-related issues in the county [see http://avl.mx/4i5]. This vision is “diversion,” which moves people away from incarceration and instead offers treatment, social services and access to an array of resources avail-

able through the county and its community partnerships. The board allocated funds for the creation of a comprehensive new diversion program and facility called the Justice Resource Center and hired a coordinator tasked with finding new tools for diversion and coordinating provision of services. The Justice Resource Center officially opened [in November], meaning that this strategy can now begin in earnest. Importantly, when the board voted unanimously to create the center, it did so with the explicit goal of avoiding construction of a new detention center. At that time, even the sheriff publicly acknowledged the desirability of this approach — so why is he now attempting to undercut this solution by continuing to push for construction of a new jail? Perhaps the sheriff would say that his proposal is a “pragmatic” one in case diversion alone can’t get results. But this would misrepresent the nature of these different approaches as being complementary. ... Expansion is inherently at odds with a commitment to reframing how we think about and respond to so-called “crime,” which is at the heart of what will make diversion effective in the long run. Moreover, we know from decades of prison expansion in this country that once

CLUBLAND EDITORS: Abigail Griffin, Max Hunt MOVIE REVIEWERS: Scott Douglas, Francis X. Friel, Justin Souther CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: Peter Gregutt, Rob Mikulak REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS: Jonathan Ammons, Liisa Andreassen, Kari Barrows, Leslie Boyd, Jacqui Castle, Scott Douglas, Tony Kiss, Bill Kopp, Cindy Kunst, Kate Lundquist, Monroe Spivey, Lauren Stepp, Daniel Walton ADVERTISING, ART & DESIGN MANAGER: Susan Hutchinson GRAPHIC DESIGNERS: Norn Cutson, Hillary Edgin, Scott Southwick, Olivia Urban MARKETING ASSOCIATES: Sara Brecht, Bryant Cooper, Niki Kordus, Tim Navaille, Brian Palmieri, Heather Taylor INFORMATION TECHNOLOGIES & WEB: Bowman Kelley, DJ Taylor BOOKKEEPER: Amie Fowler-Tanner ADMINISTRATION, BILLING, HR: Able Allen, Lauren Andrews DISTRIBUTION MANAGER: Jeff Tallman ASST. DISTRIBUTION MANAGER: Denise Montgomery DISTRIBUTION: Gary Alston, Russell Badger, Frank D’Andrea, Jemima Cook Fliss, Adrian Hipps, Clyde Hipps, Jennifer Hipps, Joan Jordan, Laura Stinson, Brittney Turner-Daye, Thomas Young

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OPI N I ON

Send your letters to the editor to letters@mountainx.com.

facilities have been constructed, they will be used, even when crime rates drop. The two approaches are simply irreconcilable. From all available evidence, the main factors behind the rising jail population are: 1. Deepening substance abuse and mental health crises. 2. Increasing economic inequality and precariousness. 3. Intensifying criminalization and harassment of poor people and people of color by law enforcement and others in the criminal justice system. The board’s embrace of diversion is a laudable attempt to address the first of these factors by providing care for substance abuse and mental illness rather than doling out punishment. We have good reason to believe that such a “health and human services” approach could significantly reduce numbers in the jail, since the vast majority of people held there were arrested for the very things diversion was put in place to target. ... The sheriff, in contrast, is asking us to invest yet more of our

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finite resources in the same failed strategy that got us where we are today. This is not speculation; the data provided by the sheriff in his presentation to the board showed that even if a new facility were constructed, overcrowding would again become an issue within 10 years, requiring yet more construction down the line. In this context, how can anyone honestly consider building a new jail to be a “solution”? Buncombe County residents deserve answers. Commissioners should make their position on this issue known, clearly and publicly, at the earliest possible date, so that we no longer have to worry about whether this disastrous proposal is still looming on the horizon. — Julie Schneyer Asheville Editor’s note: A longer version of this letter will appear at mountainx.com.


C A RT O O N B Y B R E NT B R O W N

2018

Wellness Issues Publish Jan. 31 & Feb 7

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OPI N I ON

Lap it up, Asheville Canines may be losing ground in Dog City BY ABIGAIL HICKMAN Recently, I walked into the Ingles on New Leicester Highway innocently enough. I had no idea the portent that awaited me. I needed a healthy pick-me-up and knew that the store had its chocolate peppermint Christmas bark for sale. And, yes, maybe the chocolate and peppermint contain a bit of sugar, but you can’t fault me on the bark. Bark grows on trees, and everybody knows that tree products are whole foods. I focused on my goal, a crucial skill for engaging with any large box store lest you be tempted by the rows of treats placed around the establishment to keep you in a confused stupor of desire. It’s the same basic principle the wicked witch used to lure poor Hansel and Gretel into the gingerbread house. And you might well remember how that story ended with a murder. At this point, if you happen to have a mastiff lounging on your lap while you enjoy the parts of your Mountain Xpress not yet drooled over, it would be best to cover his soft, floppy ears so the word won’t get around through the Doggy Xpress. You may remember the dogs that barked from city street to country lane informing each other about Cruella de Vil’s pup-napping of those adorable Dalmatian puppies. Is Boomer or Brawler or Thunder (I looked up the most popular names for mastiffs) all sorted out? OK, let’s get back to the story. Before I even got through the cartholding vestibule, I noticed something odd. I backed myself up and saw it, a sign on the door reading: “Therapy Dogs, Emotional Support Dogs and Pets, not allowed inside per Federal/NC State Law. Thank you for your cooperation.” Uh-oh. I don’t think this is going to go well for Ingles. And this has nothing to do with the appalling grammar choices. (Where did they hide that linking verb? Why is that comma hanging after “Pets” like a slow-motion pant?)

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ABIGAIL HICKMAN I ran into the store searching for the manager. They are very easy to find; they are the guys in white shirts and ties who are breaking down boxes while simultaneously holding clipboards. And they will be smiling. Are they human? I found one such creature right away, and he explained that the corporate office set the rule, or rather, enforced the existing rule, and there you have it. So, what will this mean for Asheville? Ingles has always been our folksy go-to grocery store. Ingles, born and raised in Asheville, is the fuss-free grocer that serves locals with its plucky mountain attitude. It is our talisman in a city full of frantic growth. Did you know that the Census Bureau estimates that 89,000 people lived here in 2016? That’s not a giant number on its own, but it feels a bit scratchier when placed in the larger narrative of about


74,000 living here in 2000. And since national statistics indicate that more than one in three households own a dog, you’ll get the idea that Asheville’s culture is about to change. But you can bet your organic doggie biscuits that Ashevilleans will not take this sitting on their haunches. Up until now, dogs were able to enjoy the fruits of our city’s bounty with impunity. I searched “dog-friendly restaurants and pubs” on Yelp and was treated to a list 250 entries long. Dogs can browse the animal section at Malaprop’s while mocking the cat books with their up-untilnow unfettered freedom. One way that dogs slip into local establishments is by wearing those $33.99 Amazon “service dog” vests people are buying. I’ve seen these vested animals in Ingles and Lowe’s before, and of course these dogs are seen at all the trendy restaurants, sitting on their owners’ laps, licking the remnants of caramelized Brussels sprouts sautéed in maple cayenne from delicate china bowls. I should have seen this coming. I talked to one Lowe’s employee, who said he didn’t mind the growling or the drool. It was the pee that got to him. Apparently, some owners are thoughtful enough to buy an Amazon service vest for Bella Boo Boo, but their interest stops just shy of cleaning up the puddle of urine Boo leaves in front of the paint samples. Maybe the darling was inspired by the pastels and offered a pale lemon of her own. However, Boo Boo’s owner may need to reconsider masquerading Bella as a service dog. The N.C. General Statutes (Chapter 168-4.5) state that “it is unlawful to disguise an animal as a service animal or a service animal in training.” Yikes. I feel confident dog owners found in violation will have to wear those “prisoners at work” vests logging community service hours by mopping the floors at Lowe’s. For further insight, I spoke with Alex Henderson from Ingles’ corporate office, who said the company decided to enforce its rules based on safety issues, cleanliness and customers who have animal allergies. He was quick to make the distinction between emotional support animals and those that have been trained to work as disability service animals. They do allow the latter (and are, in fact, required to do so under federal

law). They are sticky about it, so merely having a “service animal” vest could get her bounced. Of course, Asheville is a dog town; we love our canines as members of our own families. I know one family who likes their dog better than their live-in mother-in-law. She is mostly kept at home, but Maisy, a mixed breed, gets to tag along to all their city outings, including one trip to church. If our population expands to such a degree that our homegrown

grocer won’t allow our four-legged fellows to shop freely, I fear we will see the doggy water bowls that are left outside the coolest downtown establishments taken in. No longer will our barking balls of fur be allowed to join the tourists at all the hip Asheville eateries. What’s to become of our quaint little town when it is no longer quaint because it is no longer a town? Ingles’ dog restrictions are a presentiment of more impactful changes

afoot in our beloved Asheville. Soon, dogs like Maisy will be banned in the city and mothers-in-law will be allowed to roam freely in their place. Until then, friends, lap up the beer and do your best to avoid the vest. Abigail Hickman teaches at Mars Hill University as an adjunct faculty member, plus writes and produces a weekly podcast (www.crimecloset. com) for Madison County community radio station WART, 95.5 FM.  X

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NEWS

UNCHAIN MY HEART

Can downtown Asheville stay weird? Weekly named the store its Bookseller of the Year. The award, notes B’Racz, put Malaprop’s on the map. “Everyone started looking at us, saying, ‘A store like this exists in a little town like Asheville?’” The gradual transformation of an urban wasteland, she points out, has completed a trifecta for the tourism industry, with today’s thriving city center complementing the mountains and Biltmore Estate as major draws. MEMORABLE EXPERIENCES AND UNSCRIPTED MOMENTS

THE BUS STOPS HERE: Kitty Love, left, and Eric Poland, far right, arrived in Asheville in this decked-out school bus in the early 1990s. Downtown’s eclectic mix of people convinced the then-couple that Asheville would be an ideal place to set up shop. Also pictured are Miranda Burlin and Billy Puller. Photo courtesy of Love

BY THOMAS CALDER tcalder@mountainx.com Tattoo artist Kitty Love came to Asheville with then-partner Eric Poland in the early 1990s, arriving by bus — a school bus. But this was no standard yellow coach, she recalls: “It had a dead astronaut on one side and a big comet on the other.” After cruising down Lexington Avenue, she continues, “We looked at each other and were like, ‘Well, there is a requisite number of weirdos in this town; we could probably make a living here as tattooists.’” Love is only one of many individuals, businesses and organizations that have helped foster and nourish downtown Asheville’s trademark eccentricity. Besides owning Sky People Tattoo on Lexington Avenue, she co-founded the Lexington Avenue Arts and Fun Festival in 2001 and served as executive director of the Asheville Area Arts Council from 2011-16. But as the city’s ever-increasing popularity has piqued the interest of big hotel chains and other corporate

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enterprises, it’s also triggered fears of homogenization and loss of essential character, raising the question: Can Asheville stay weird? JUST A COUPLE OF SOULS HANGING OUT In 1982, Emöke B’Racz opened Malaprop’s Bookstore/Cafe in downtown Asheville. Back then, she remembers, “There was nobody on the street, normal or weird. It was basically just a couple of souls hanging out.” The major chain stores that once lined the avenues had long since fled to the Asheville Mall. Apart from a few independent shops, the central business district was a ghost town. A handful of individuals, says B’Racz, sowed the seeds of downtown’s current success. Those visionaries included developer Roger McGuire and philanthropist Julian Price (see “Anonymous: The Million Secrets of Julian Price,” May 18, 2016, Xpress), and over time, a new, quirkier downtown began to coalesce.

In 1997, with the help of Price’s development group, Public Interest Projects, Malaprop’s relocated to its current location on the corner of Haywood and Walnut streets. And in 2000, Publishers

This triple threat of tourism has garnered many accolades and attracted ever more national attention. In 2017, U.S. News & World Report ranked Asheville No. 3 on its list of Best Small Towns to Visit in the USA. Meanwhile, print publications such as Travel + Leisure, Harper’s Bazaar and Esquire have also sung the city’s praises. Stephanie Pace Brown, president and CEO of the Explore Asheville Convention & Visitors Bureau, gives some of the credit to Marla Tambellini, the nonprofit’s deputy director and vice president of marketing. “I kind of have this mental image of Marla making this snowball 20 years ago,” says Brown. “She’s been rolling it and rolling it, and now everyone thinks, ‘Oh my God, it’s magical that we get all this national press!’” Tambellini and her team, stresses Brown, have been working for two

DOWNTOWN PIONEER: Emöke B’Racz, right, opened Malaprop’s in 1982. At the time, much of downtown was boarded up. Over the decades, she has witnessed the growth and evolution of the area. Also pictured is Hannah Campbell, Malaprop’s cafe manager and human resources director. Photo by Thomas Calder


decades to promote the area. Explore Asheville, an offshoot of the Buncombe County Tourism Development Authority, currently advertises in 15 markets in seven states. “In our research, we try and understand what makes Asheville a desirable destination,” Tambellini explains. For the most part, she says, people want memorable experiences and unscripted moments. Tambellini believes Asheville’s independent businesses, as well as the city’s buskers, drum circle and LaZoom Tours, create “a completely different experience from other downtowns. That’s what travelers are craving.” Recent numbers document the city’s growing popularity. According to the Tourism Development Authority’s 2017 annual report, taxable lodging sales jumped from $162.6 million in 2007 to nearly $352 million this year. In the same period, the total number of hotel rooms sold increased from 1.47 million to 1.9 million. Brown points out that the increased revenue is a function of both the rate hotels can charge for their rooms as well as the volume of visitors to Asheville. Storytelling, says Tambellini, has become a key component of her nonprofit’s marketing approach. “We don’t want to Disney-fy the city,” she explains. “We really want to share what we’re about as a destination.” Using hotel tax revenues to build Asheville’s profile has brought benefits to local small-business owners, Brown says. “Our downtown has not had to depend on national retailers that have their own big marketing budgets to attract people to their stores,” she points out. “Folks have been sustainable over a long period of time because of the customer base that everybody gets to share.” BECOMING ANOTHER NASHVILLE? Not everyone is sanguine about the city’s recent boom, however. Before moving to Asheville in 2012, Abby Roach called Nashville home. But over the last decade, says the busker, who’s better known as Abby the Spoon Lady, her former stomping ground has changed dramatically, its once quaint feel giving way to an overcrowded and incredibly loud downtown. And now, Roach fears Asheville may be headed in a similar direction. The crowds her act attracts, she notes, “are getting bigger every year. And at the end of this season, we had two new hotels open. So what do you think is going to happen in the spring when those hotels are in

SPOON LADY: Abby Roach has been busking in Asheville since 2007. Five years ago, she made the city her permanent home. As Asheville’s tourism industry continues to grow, Roach worries that overcrowded sidewalks might eventually drive the buskers out. Photo by Thomas Calder full bloom? The crowds are going to be even bigger.” Even now, Roach maintains, this situation presents more challenges than rewards. Tourists stopping to enjoy buskers’ offerings wind up blocking sidewalks and often spill out into the street, creating safety hazards. This past Thanksgiving, a police officer approached Roach and bandmate Chris Rodrigues, she says, asking them to keep an eye on the size of their audience. The request reinforced Roach’s ongoing suspicion that time may be running out for local buskers. “The moment the police start stopping performers because their crowds are too big, that’s it,” she asserts. “I have a fear next year is that year for Chris and I.”

appreciates the importance of all of downtown’s unique attributes — from the busking community to local businesses to street markets. Collaboration, she states, is the key to keeping Asheville weird. “It shouldn’t be the city that is running these programs and getting in the way of a lot of these creative or weird or artistic activities,” she argues. “When we can work together to support one another and address some of the concerns that are in the community through further conversation and collaboration, it’s really a win.” The owners of some long-standing, independent downtown businesses, however, believe the influx of hotels and chains will continue to drive up rents. Billy Zanski, who owns Skinny Beats Sound Shop on Eagle Street, worries that mom and pop stores like his will inevitably be squeezed out by still more restaurants, bars and high-end boutiques. “What will happen is my business and others will need to move to Leicester Highway or wherever else the rents are not so much,” he predicts. But even as the city tries to find ways to keep buskers on the streets, notes Frankel, it’s also making efforts to keep

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HAND IN HAND The city has been a key player in downtown revitalization efforts for decades, however, and Roach’s concerns haven’t fallen on deaf ears. Since 2014, city officials have collaborated with the Asheville Buskers Collective in seeking ways to address these issues. They’ve launched a number of pilot programs, including temporary closures of Wall Street to vehicles. Dana Frankel, the city’s downtown development specialist, believes those programs are a step in the right direction. She says the city understands and

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N EWS local businesses like Zanski’s downtown. “The city has explored tools, and there are things we can do and there are things we are doing, such as supporting organizations that do help businesses get financing and be successful and develop business plans,” she explains. Those collaborations include partnering with the Economic Development Coalition, the Carolina Small Business Development Fund, the Asheville Area Arts Council, the Eagle Market Streets Development Corp., Mountain BizWorks, the WNC New Economy Coalition, Green Opportunities, OnTrack Financial Education & Counseling and the Mountain Community Capital Fund. The last entity, a joint city/county initiative that’s due to launch next year, aims to increase local, minority-owned businesses’ access to capital. And though the city can’t legally interfere with private leases, Frankel concedes, “That doesn’t mean there aren’t things we can do to support these businesses and help them thrive.”

from most people who live in Asheville is, ‘We don’t come downtown anymore.’” That mindset, says Sebrell, will spell the area’s demise. “We need [the locals] back here if we want to keep the place what it is,” he declares. “You can’t just run away when the tourists arrive.” ONE-FINGER SALUTES

STEADY BEAT: Billy Zanski opened Skinny Beats Sound Shop on Eagle Street in 2004. Since that time, his rent has gradually climbed. He worries that shops like his might eventually be priced out of downtown. Photo by Thomas Calder

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IF YOU THINK THIS IS WEIRD ... Over at Malaprop’s, B’Racz takes a somewhat contrarian view. The way she sees it, a truly weird downtown would be one whose streets were lined with chains: “Weird, but in a very bad way.” The only solution, she believes, is to vote — not only in elections, but also with your money. Locals supporting locals “has to be practiced properly by every single person to make a difference.” Franzi Charen, who founded the Asheville Grown Business Alliance and co-owns Hip Replacements Clothing on Lexington, agrees. She sees chains, absentee owners and an influx of outof-town developers as major concerns and believes resolving them will take a concerted effort. Among the most important factors, she believes, is community support. “I’ve seen far less locals coming downtown,” Charen points out, adding that without such support, local ownership and economic self-reliance will falter. Tourist dollars, she maintains, are not enough: Grassroots efforts such as her organization’s Go Local campaign are crucial to keeping downtown the thriving, unique community it is today. Rob Sebrell, who owns Push Skate Shop on Patton Avenue, also implores residents to return to the city center. “Over the years, the No. 1 thing you hear

In a way, LaZoom Tours epitomizes the tourism conundrum. At the start of each excursion, says Kelly Morgan, media manager for the zany indie business, the tour guide tells passengers, “Look out for people waving at you. They’re going to be locals — and sometimes they won’t be using all of their fingers.” Many downtown business owners cite LaZoom as a defining feature of what makes center city weird. Indeed, the increasing popularity of its offerings has led to the creation of two new ones: the Band & Beer and Kids’ Comedy tours. The former, notes Morgan, highlights a shift in the type of visitor now coming to Asheville. “People used to be really obsessed with the drum circle,” she says. “Now it’s like, ‘Where’s the brewery?’” Still, Morgan says she understands the reason for the one-finger salutes offered by some in the community. “We’re a rolling billboard that represents a lot of things. So if you’re angry about tourism and then you see the big purple bus go by — you know ... ” she says, giving the salute. At the same time, Morgan believes that most of those harboring negative feelings toward LaZoom have probably never taken a tour. “I have service industry friends that might have opinions about it being cheesy or touristy, and I’m like, ‘Ride with me,’” she says. “And they have a blast.” BOTH SIDES NOW Other downtown businesses take a broader approach, seeking to appease all parties. “To some extent, we have to bend to the tourists,” acknowledges Elizabeth Keil, Green Man Brewery’s marketing manager. “But we have the Mansion [the brewery’s posh outpost on Buxton Avenue], which is a very refined version, and then we also have Dirty Jack’s, which is very unrefined.” Some folks, notes the Asheville native, “are really looking for the refined version. But then there are still people who are looking for that very authentic version of what Asheville is: a place where


you are unapologetically yourself. I think Dirty Jack’s does a good job of representing that.” For Keil, the enthusiasm of local businesses’ owners and staff is key to keeping Asheville weird. That passion, she maintains, helps elevate the type of visitors the city attracts. “The more you’re willing to do something because you care about it, the more people say, ‘That’s cool. Tell me more about it,’” she says. Because of this, continues Keil, “I think Asheville will maintain its individuality.” CHAIN, CHAIN, CHAINS In 2000, Scott Sirkin was in the midst of transforming the 19,000-square-foot former F.W. Woolworth Building into its current avatar as a showcase for local artists (see “The Making of Asheville’s Woolworth Walk,” Sept. 26, 2014, Xpress). Back then, says Sirkin, “When you mentioned Asheville, you almost always got the answer, ‘Where?’” Anonymity is relative: 2000 is also the year that Rolling Stone dubbed Asheville “America’s new freak capital,” while the AARP named it the nation’s No. 1 small town to retire to.

But clearly, Asheville has continued to gain prominence since then, and these days, Sirkin sees Asheville’s downtown becoming ever more corporate. “We’re not going to fight off the big chains forever,” he argues. But that doesn’t have to mean the end of the mom and pop shops. Instead, Sirkin says he envisions Asheville going the way of Charleston, S.C.: a mix of highend retail, local galleries and shops. For her part, Charen doesn’t dismiss Sirkin’s prediction. “It’s not out of the question that that can happen,” she concedes. “It absolutely can. But I’m going to work my butt off to make it not happen, because I do love this community.”

pointed out in an email. “There are very ‘weird’ and unusual things happening here in all aspects of what are the usual fringe areas: the arts/art-making, spirituality/witchcraft, alternative living practices, political movements, genderbending/bias challenging, drug culture, sex, music and more, even within the seemingly public forum of independent business. It’s just what we see is the more ready-for-prime-time version, whereas the deeper stuff happens in private.”

Still, if Ashevilleans truly want to keep their city weird, she believes the underground scene must take its efforts to the next level. “I don’t think it’s enough for Asheville’s weirdos to simply entertain themselves any longer. The environment demands something greater of us, and it’s my hope that all eyes on Asheville might capture something truly different, if we can hold ourselves to an even deeper form of authenticity.”  X

DODGING THE GAWKERS And while the city may not look as weird as it did when Kitty Love first cruised down Lexington in her tricked-out school bus, she believes that Asheville’s weirdness is intact: You just have to dig a little deeper. “Alternative happenings have scuttled underground even further of late, in order to avoid the infiltration of those who’ve been invited to gawk,” she

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B U N C O M B E B E AT

Council could further regulate short-term rentals Amid a growing number of residential units being converted to lodging uses, the city could soon have a new tool to control where whole-unit short-term rentals will be allowed. At its Tuesday, Jan. 9 meeting, Asheville City Council is scheduled to hold a public hearing on whether to amend the city’s Unified Development Ordinance to gain more flexibility to regulate lodging, including short-term rentals. The lodging proposal follows Council’s request that staff look into the number of whole-unit short-term rentals across the city. Currently, such rentals are not allowed in residential districts, but they are permitted in commercial areas. Some worry that whole-house rentals of fewer than 30 days, such as those offered on Airbnb and VRBO, hollow out neighborhoods and take up housing stock that could be used by long-term residents. On the other hand, property owners have argued that it’s their right to collect extra income from their own real estate, and some business organizations have supported short-term rentals in bringing tourists and revenue to mixed-use and commercial areas of the city. According to materials from the Dec. 19 meeting of the Planning and Economic Development Committee of City Council, city planning staff has been preparing an amendment to the city’s code that separates and defines the various types of lodging, including short-term rentals, to allow for separate — and potentially expanded — regulation of those uses. Throughout the fall, City Council has been asking staff for more data on the number of short-term rentals and how the city has been enforcing its existing policies. In October, Council heard a report from Zoning Administrator Shannon Tuch, who said the overall number of identified STR listings in Asheville consistently hovers between 900 and 1,000 (see “Council Wades into Rental Fray,” Oct. 25, Xpress). Rental of private rooms within a dwelling on a short-term basis is allowed with a valid homestay permit from the city, and the October report showed 548 active homestay permits in Asheville. At the October meeting, Council members expressed surprise upon

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RENTAL RENAISSANCE: An increasing number of residential units in commercial districts are being converted to short-term lodging, including six units at 35 Patton Ave. (second building from left) that switched to STRs over the past year and a half. Photo by Carolyn Morrisroe hearing that city staff is seeing an increase in the number of residential dwelling unit conversions to shortterm lodging in commercial zones. That includes developers of apartment and condo projects asking to switch at least some of the units to shortterm rentals. Staff is also witnessing a significant rise in the number of new residential projects being constructed for the purpose of lodging. Council asked planning staff to provide information on how many requests to change units from residential to lodging the city has received and how many units exist citywide as legal short-term rentals. At the October meeting, Vice Mayor Gwen Wisler said gathering that information would be one notch up the ladder to more regulation. “The next step is we need to start looking at policy around how to start to control it,” she said. At the December meeting of the PED committee, which consists of Council members Wisler, Vijay Kapoor and Julie Mayfield, staff presented more

data and pointed to some red flags. The research “shows a rapidly increasing popularity of converting residential units located in commercial areas to lodging and for new residential development being constructed for the purpose of providing short-term lodging instead of long-term housing,” states a memo from Planning Director Todd Okolichany. The staff report says conversions of existing residential units into lodging requires a change-of-use permit, but descriptions used to code change-ofuse applications in the city’s system have been inconsistent, making it difficult to accurately quantify how many conversions have occurred. That said, even an incomplete listing of residential-to-lodging conversions shows a marked increase across the city. In the Central Business District, staff identified no such conversions prior to 2015. That year, seven units were converted; in 2016, 12 units were converted; and in 2017, 44 units were converted. Of the units converted to

lodging in the past three years, 41 were changes to existing individual units and 21 belonged to three projects that were recently permitted as residential but later amended their applications to convert a number of units to STRs. “All three of these projects are under construction and include an additional 84 units that could be converted once a certificate of occupancy is issued,” the staff memo states. Outside the CBD, staff reported one unit being converted from residential to lodging in 2015, seven in 2016 and 36 in 2017. Over those three years, the highest number of converted units were in the River Arts District (17) and the area covered by the Haywood Road form-based code (16). Five of the units were in areas of North Asheville, three in South Asheville and three in West Asheville, in districts zoned other than residential. Staff stated in its materials at the PED meeting that the data shows “a rapidly increasing popularity of converting residential units located in commercial areas to lodging, and for new residential development being constructed for the purpose of providing short-term lodging instead of long-term housing.” The proposal that City Council is slated to consider on Jan. 9 would define different lodging types, add special requirements for certain lodging types and identify in which districts particular types of lodging may be located. Staff hopes will the amendment will provide “a framework for a more comprehensive strategy related to lodging,” according to the PED staff memo. Before it moves to City Council, the zoning amendment to define lodging types will go before the city’s Planning and Zoning Commission at its meeting on Wednesday, Jan. 3, at 5 p.m. at City Hall. The City Council meeting will take place at 5 p.m. in the Council chamber on the second floor of City Hall. Prior to the meeting, a full agenda will be posted at avl.mx/3xb.

— Carolyn Morrisroe  X


NEWS BRIEFS by Max Hunt | mhunt@mountainx.com DUKE RATE HIKE DECISION EXPECTED IN FEBRUARY Customers of Duke Energy Progress must wait a bit longer to find out the fate of their electric rates. The evidentiary hearing for a proposed rate increase concluded on Dec. 7 in Raleigh. Danielle Peoples, a representative of Duke, told Xpress in late December, “We now expect the commission to approve the new rates around the beginning February [of] 2018.” In June, DEP filed a request with the N.C. Utilities Commission to raise rates an average of 14.9 percent, with residential customers seeing an average increase of 16.7 percent, and commercial and industrial rates going up an average of 13.5 percent. The commission held a series of hearings around the state to collect public feedback on the plan, including a lengthy hearing in Asheville in September. More info: avl.mx/4g1 ASHEVILLE CITY COUNCIL TO MEET JAN. 9 Asheville’s City Council will hold its next formal

meeting Tuesday, Jan. 9, at 5 p.m. in Council Chambers on the second floor of City Hall. An agenda for the meeting will be posted online at avl.mx/3xb. BUNCOMBE COMMISSIONERS TO MEET JAN. 9 The Buncombe County Board of Commissioners will have a regular meeting Tuesday, Jan. 9, at 5 p.m. at 200 College St. The agenda will be available at buncombecounty.org. More info: avl.mx/4a8 UNC ASHEVILLE TO KEEP TUITION STEADY Tuition and general fees will remain the same at UNC Asheville for the 2018-19 academic year as approved unanimously by the university’s board of trustees at its Dec. 15 meeting. For new entering in-state undergraduate students, the annual tuition will remain at $4,122. For incoming outof-state undergraduate students, the annual tuition is $20,845. General student fees, including the campus security fee, total $2,880. In addition, in-state students who are continuing their

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undergraduate studies at UNC Asheville will continue at the tuition rates from their entering class year as part of the N.C. Fixed Tuition Program, which began in fall 2016. The 2018-19 tuition and fee plan must be approved by the UNC Board of Governors in the spring semester before it can take effect. WOMEN’S MARCH PLANNED FOR ASHEVILLE An anniversary Women’s March on Asheville will take place in downtown Asheville on Saturday, Jan. 20, beginning at 11 a.m. The march will start at the Roger McGuire Green in front of City Hall and proceed for 1.4 miles to end at the Vance Monument. This year, high schooler Sawyer Taylor-Arnold  is taking the lead in organizing the march, which marks the first anniversary of the Women’s March on Asheville last year that drew thousands. More info: facebook.com/ WomensMarchAVL  X

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F E AT UR E S

ASHEVILLE ARCHIVES by Thomas Calder | tcalder@mountainx.com

‘Salve’ Asheville’s victory arch spurs controversy, 1919 1/15/18

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WELCOME HOME: The victory arch was located on Patton Avenue, between Lexington Avenue and Church Street. Photo courtesy of North Carolina Collection, Pack Memorial Public Library, Asheville The Great War ended on Nov. 11, 1918. The following year, as U.S. soldiers returned home, cities and town across the country held celebrations. Asheville’s own revelry was led by a welcome committee that saw to the construction of a victory arch. Controversy over the arch’s inscription, however, would soon overshadow the plans for patriotic festivities. On March 25, 1919, The Asheville Citizen included the following announcement from the city’s decorating committee, a subcommittee of the welcome committee: “We propose to decorate Asheville from one end to the other. We would be a disgrace if we didn’t. We are asking the whole city to join in and help us. New York has built a glorious victory arch — but Asheville’s [arch] … compares mighty favorably with it — considering the size of the two cities. Also, don’t forget that the whole of it, almost, was donated by our carpenters, our painters, our lumber dealers, electricians, and others, because their hearts were in a glorious welcome home to these dear sons of Buncombe county.” The victory arch, located on Patton Avenue between Church Street and Lexington Avenue, was designed by architect Charles Parker. In a March 9, 1919, article in The Sunday Citizen, the newspaper praised the design, paying particular attention to its centerpiece: “The figure of the American eagle with outstretched wings now surmounts the apex of the structure, making an imposing impression as viewed from the west. … The body was moulded of plaster of paris by E. Stavenow, and the wooden wings

were fashioned by the Asheville Supply and Foundry company, the work in both cases being highly artistic. The eagle stands five and a half feet high, and measures eight feet from tip to tip.” The victory arch’s inscription read: SALVE, NOW THEY COME BACK PROUD AND HIGH UNCROWNED TO THE SUN ALL THE SORROWS OVER WITH ALL THE BATTLES DONE The controversy over the inscription centered on the use of the Latin word “Salve.” Many argued about its pronunciation — namely “Salvee,” versus “Salvay.” Others, including J.C. Pritchard, took issue with the word itself. On March 30, 1919, The Sunday Citizen reported: “It was announced that the Latin word ‘Salve’ furnished by the architect with the design for the victory arch be replaced by ‘Welcome’ or some English equivalent, and that a new and simpler text be substituted for the present inscription on the west front of the arch. It was stated that the committee felt that while the Latin word had a sonorous sound and was associated with arches, an English word was more appropriate, and that a simple inscription should greet the soldiers instead of the highly martial one which now appears.” On March 2, 1919, the controversy would lead to the resignation of several members of the welcome committee. On March 6, 1919, The Sunday Citizen featured a letter to the editor, poking fun at the fiasco surrounding the victory arch: “The word Salve on the victory arch has puzzled a number of people. Many sugges-

tions have been made as to its pronunciation and meaning. Now it is the rumor that the word is to be painted over. May I, as an humble citizen, urge that it be allowed to stay? “In view of the recent eruption of the welcome committee, and the sore conditions that were brought about, it would be most appropriate to leave ‘Salve,’ painting out the accent mark, on the arch and give to it the good old every day, common-place, Anglo-Saxon pronunciation and meaning. This pronunciation is Sav, and the meaning according to Webster is an ointment to be applied to sores something to sooth; to gloss over. It would then stand for the willingness of both the welcome committee and the citizens of Asheville to sooth all eruptions and cure all sores and make conditions healthy for the sake of the returning boys who fought so hard across the seas for all of us.” Ultimately, “Salve” would be replaced by “Welcome.” The entirety of the westbound inscription would also be replaced. According to Mitzi Schaden Tessier’s 1980 book, Asheville: A Pictorial History, the new inscription read: “Our Army, Our Navy, Our Red Cross, Our War Workers, Welcome.” The victory arch remained standing until September 1920. Editor’s note: Peculiarities of spelling and punctuation are preserved from the original documents. X

NOW AND THEN: A look at the present-day location of the former victory arch. Top photo courtesy of North Carolina Collection, Pack Memorial Public Library, Asheville. Historical and location research and bottom photo by Will McLeod


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TIFIE D

A Wanda Greene

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HOLIDAY HAUNTS: Former Buncombe County Board of Commissioners Chairman David Gantt warns former County Manager Wanda Greene of the consequences of corruption: “There’s still time to change your ways.” Illustration by Brent Brown

FIRST OF THE THREE SPIRITS

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Sometime later, the clock struck midnight, with no ghosts to be found. Greene was beginning to think that Gantt might be a couple commissioners short of a quorum, when she heard a loud rapping upon her chamber door. Flinging it open, Greene was surprised to find a clean-cut, middle-aged apparition extending a hand toward her. “I am the ghost of Corruption’s Past,” said the spirit, looking slightly hurt when Greene did not recognize him. “Others know me as Weldon Weir.” “The city manager from the 1950s and ’60s?” Greene asked. “The same,” smiled Weir. “Well, why have you come here? What do you want?” asked Greene “I come to tell you you’ve gone about it all wrong,” said Weir, plop-

-5

“Retired?” finished Gantt. “Yes, Wanda, I’m retired now — relegated to the early bird special and ‘Bonanza’ reruns. But I wish I had never retired. Not after seeing all the terrible things that have happened since I’ve gone.” “But, you’re legend!” Greene exclaimed. “You were paid more than any county commissioner this side of Mecklenburg.” “My work should have been for the PEOPLE, not the bonuses!” Gantt boomed. “I’ve come back to warn you, Wanda Greene! There’s still time to change your ways. Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts! Expect the first one when the clock strikes midnight.” With that, Gantt sauntered out into the dark hallway, his words echoing behind him in Greene’s bedroom. “Expect the first ghost when the clock strikes midnight ...”

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As evening drew an impenetrable darkness over the mountains, Greene lay tucked beneath an expensive Amity Home Tudor queen quilt she’d purchased with last year’s employee retention funds. Suddenly, a stiff breeze rent her curtains asunder, followed by the click-clatter of shoes on the hardwood floor. “Who’s there?” she cried, only to see Gantt himself step from the shadows, clad in a Tommy Bahama shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts. “No, it can’t be!” she said, rubbing her eyes. “You’re, you’re —”

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avid Gantt was as dead as a doornail. Well, not really. He was actually enjoying his retirement from Buncombe County’s Board of Commissioners, for which he had been given a lovely gift basket that included several gift cards to Sam’s Club and Verizon, courtesy of former County Manager Wanda Greene. In fact, Christmas Eve’s fading light found this same Wanda Greene pulling into the driveway of her modest home in Arden, where she planned to spend the evening rearranging the new wall hangings she had purchased with taxpayer money. As Greene exited her car, she thought of her former assistant and new County Manager Mandy Stone-Cratchit, who sat at the county building that very moment, sorting through the legal mess left in Greene’s wake. But Greene’s thoughts soon turned to the things she would do with those performance incentives and bonuses she’d given herself: condos on the shore, investments in equestrian contests, financial support for family members. The possibilities were endless! With a final, “Buhn-Combe-bug,” Greene closed her door on the night and the cold, visions of the Verizon store dancing in her head.

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PUZZLE PUZZLEXPRESS XPRESS

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HUMOR

MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO

ACROSS

1. Ill-gotten item? 5. “Sausage King of Chicago” Froman, impersonated by Ferris 8. Visitor Center offerings 12. Deal __ deal 13. Look over, as a crowd 14. Homeric delicacy? 15. In awe 16. Offered, as a joke 17. Biltmore fee 18. Asheville Improv Collective’s genre 20. Land 21. Source of much nonphysical comedy 22. One may be essential 23. Nutmeg landing zone 26. Fan 30. Gossip to sip on 31. Improv’s answer to any offer 34. “Jinx!” 35. First word in a Laugh Your Asheville Off set 37. Oversized entry for “Anything That Floats” parade 38. Smokies structure 39. Phuncle Sam performed “My Brother ____” at New Mountain AVL 40. New Haywood Bar and Kitchen 42. Sandwich more pronounceable with avocado 43. Changes decals 45. “Reasonably Priced” improv troupe offerings 47. Fangorn resident 48. “___ of Asheville” 50. Colbert Report segment “Breaking ___” 52. Deride 56. Source of wisdom? 57. Benders 58. “The Best Christmas Pageant ___” 59. El próximo mes 60. Diana of Themyschira’s enemy 61. Old soldi 62. Mad Man and Asheville tourist, Jon 63. Brand at Second Gear 64. Food in an 11-down

DOWN

1. Buncombe just set one for renewable energy 2. Source of nonfigurative 30-across at UNCA 3. Privvy to, as a joke 4. Dome 5. Overlooked source of nutrition, according to the Nutty Buddy Collective 6. Soothingly warm? 7. Button, for a scene 8. Woman with a secret joke? 9. Fascist preceder 10. Owner of downtown’s Yarn Emporium? 11. Part of Hickory Nut Gap Farm? (no offense!) 13. One of Three, famous for their shorts 14. Shorts material 19. YoLo, e.g. 22. Like a West Asheville auditorium? 23. Laughing gas relative 24. Silly ones 25. Silent auction sites 26. Hieroglyph appropriated by hippies 27. One of three walking into a bar?

28. Zola or Durkheim 29. Uses TurboTenant 32. Comic ___ 33. Section of a drum circle 36. No way to serve 30-across 38. Brew lover’s subscription box, Coffee _____ 40. “Improv” vis-avis “scripted” (abbr.) 41. Sweat the smallest stuff 44. “Disclaimer” host duty 46. Ever-smaller smartphone features 48. Rulers toppled in 1917 49. What Luther translates for Obama, on Key and Peele 50. Between octa- and deca51. Hall Fletcher, e.g. 53. Powers’ Doctor 54. Breezy prefix 55. Pitfall 56. Review for 36-down 57. Def Comedy __

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Series

ping down in Greene’s Hadley leather armchair. “Gone about what wrong?” asked Greene. “I was county manager for 20 years. I think I did all right.” “No, no,” muttered Weir. “You focused on the money, but you forgot about the power. I mean, really, Wanda, alleged mail fraud? You could have done so much more, like infrastructure! Airports! Urban renewal!” he cried. “When I was in charge, the entire city moved at my beck and call! I made this city what it is!” “You also never fixed the water system,” Greene said. “And you took all those poor people’s homes on the East End.” “Pah! Homes,” said Weir with a sneer. “Who cares about homes? I brought you highways and hotels! There wouldn’t be a tourist industry without me!” “I suppose that’s true,” Greene mused. “Still, Gary’s done a pretty good job.” “I’m 10 times the autocrat Jackson is!” Weir snarled, “with his deference to City Council, and his consultants. I never needed a consultant!” With that, the ghostly figure disapparated entirely, leaving Greene alone and flustered.

SECOND OF THE THREE SPIRITS No sooner had Weir vanished than in stepped a balding, elderly man in a prison jumpsuit. Strapped to his back was a machine that beeped and buzzed and spat gold coins as he schlepped across the floor. The man extended a gnarled hand and smiled. “Bobby Medford, at your service,” he cooed. “I know who you are, Bobby,” Greene chided him. “We worked together. And you’re not dead.” Medford hoisted the video poker machine from his back and set it lovingly on the floor before him. “Don’t you worry, old Pokey,” Medford whispered to it. “Our luck’s gonna change soon enough, and then we’ll be back on top.” “Why aren’t you in jail, Bobby?” Greene asked, thinking she might make a call to Van Duncan and send the former sheriff back behind bars. Medford seemed to read her mind: “Now, Wand-er, you wouldn’t call the dogs out on a dear old friend, would ya?” He glanced around the lavishly decorated room. “No telling what a lawman might find tucked away in here,” he said. Greene frowned at him. “If someone sent you here to try

and wrangle a confession out of me, you can save your breath,” she said. “Aw, hell,” said Medford. “I ain’t here to convict you, Wand-er — I save that for the truly innocent. I’m here to talk to ya about your little predicament. I’m the ghost of Corruption’s Present.” “But you’re not a ghost,” said Greene. “Well, I wasn’t a good sheriff either, but that never stopped me,” laughed Medford. “See Wand-er, you got it all wrong, squirreling away all that cash. You gotta launder it first!” Medford’s poker machine whirred and spit several coins on the floor. Greene reached for one, only to have Medford snatch it from her hand. “That there’s part of my pension from the good taxpayers of Buncombe County,” he admonished. “You already stole yours. As soon as I get outta jail, I’m’a head on down to Cherokee and have myself a helluva time.” “But you’re out of jail right now, Bobby,” Greene said. “You’d think so, wouldn’t ya?” Medford said, leaning in conspiratorily and gesturing toward the poker machine. “Can’t go nowhere without lugging that damn thing around. Just like old Sisyphus and the rock. ” “Is this what you came to tell me about, Bobby?” said Greene, now thoroughly confused. “Some silly old Greek myth you’re having fun with?” “I’m here to tell ya that you gotta cover your tracks,” said Medford, suddenly austere. “Prison ain’t no place for a bureaucrat like you, Wand-er. And all that business giving your son and sister jobs — you gotta leave family out of it. That’s what got that pesky hippie newspaper on my ass to begin with.” Medford drew a cigarette from his pocket and inhaled deeply. “Whatever happened to that little bastard, Cecil Bothwell, anyway?” Medford asked. “He became a city councilman,” Greene replied. “But they just voted him out.” “Ha!” cried Medford triumphantly, as if he’d just wrangled himself another false confession. “Ha hah aha! I knew he’d get his! Who’d they put in his place? Carl Mumpower? Chris Peterson?” “No,” said Greene. “An Asian-American man and an African-American woman.” Medford’s smile receded back into its default sourpuss. “Oh.” He glanced up hopefully. “Ain’t no chance they might take a bribe, is there?” “I don’t think so,” said Greene. “Aw, shucks. Ain’t nobody around here knows how to run a good ol’fashioned racket anymore,” he said, disappearing into the gloom, the


In the foreground, a sign announced the future site of the Anheuser-Busch Craft Beer-atorium, paid for “by the county of Buncombe.” “‘Paid for by the county of Buncombe,’” Green murmured. “But, the county can’t afford that. I did the math. And pocketed the funds.” The cloaked figure then pointed to something that made her gasp aloud: A large statue stood before the Buncombe County courthouse, signs and advertisements nearly obscuring the inscription at its base, which read: “Dedicated to Wanda Greene, former county manager, who showed us all we should take the money and run.” “No!” Greene cried. “It can’t be! I only wanted what was coming to me for my years of service! I never wanted to bankrupt the county. You have to stop it!” But the figure only let out a bonechilling laugh, which grew louder and louder until Greene thought she’d go mad. Pulling back its hood, the figure revealed not a human face, but a report from Standard & Poor’s, with the headline, “Buncombe County insolvent; loses AAA rating. Raleigh to take over local government.” “NO!” Greene shouted, as the walls of her bedroom shuddered and shook, knocking her tasteful wall decorations to the floor. “I can fix it! Let me fix it!” But the hooded figure only laughed harder, and Greene collapsed in a sea of pastel prints and darkness.

“Why are you working?!” Greene cried, a bundle of gift cards flying from her hand onto Stone-Cratchit’s desk. “It’s Christmas, don’t ya know?” “But I’m supposed to fill these out in —” Stone-Cratchit began, but Greene cut her off by plopping a check made out to Buncombe County in front of her former subordinate. “Here is all the money I took from the taxpayers,” she beamed. “I want the county to put it toward affordable housing and toward equestrian lessons for all county staff!” Stone-Cratchitt wept tears of joy as other staffers gathered around her office, bringing Christmas victuals and other delights. On the streets below, word quickly spread that Greene had finally cracked, and residents gathered beneath Stone-Cratchit’s window and called for a toast. “To Buncombe County, high credit ratings and transparency!” cried the newly reformed Greene to the crowd, the spirit of the holiday filling her heart. Rising to join her, Stone-Cratchit held out her craft beer, and shouted to all who could hear: “God bless the taxpayers (until the next audit)! Every one!” The End  X

THE END OF IT

KING OF THE ‘VILLE: Former Asheville city manager and power broker Weldon Weir instructs Greene on the virtues of bureaucratic power. Image via flickr sound of loose change echoing in the stillness.

LAST OF THE THREE SPIRITS Just as Greene was wondering what else could possibly be in store for her, a resounding boom shook the room, followed by mysterious billows of smoke. Out of the haze sauntered a tall, cloaked figure. Greene stared at the looming figure with horror. “Wha — what are you?” She asked.

The figure held up a piece of paper that read, “Asheville named top 10 destination for gentrification.” Beneath it, scrawled in spindly letters, it said, “Brought to you by the Ghost of Corruption’s Future.” The figure motioned her to the window overlooking the city. Below, neon signs and gaudy billboards advertised “authentic buskers” and “historic (formerly) black neighborhoods,” as well as new hotel locations and subdivisions on steep slopes. Over the French Broad River, a maze of half-finished overpasses and cloverleaf interstate exits twisted and tangled like a knotted fishing line, while an enormous “FOR SALE” sign cast its shadow across the entirety of West Asheville.

Greene awoke the next day to the sun shining through the window. Rising, she stumbled over to gaze upon the horror of a bankrupt Buncombe County. But instead of overpriced hotels and interstates, she beheld the majestic view of the Blue Ridge Mountains embracing Asheville, just as they always had. Donning her Neiman Marcus cashmere robe, Greene ran to her front door, flung it open and almost ran into a WLOS reporter staking out her front lawn. “Wanda! Can you offer comment on the FBI investigation into your —” “What day is it?!” Greene asked the man frantically. “Why, it’s Christmas, Wanda,” the confused reporter replied. “Christmas? Christmas!” Greene cried, tossing her hands in the air and swinging the alarmed reporter around on the lawn. “It’s all back to normal! It’s Christmas!” Greene ran back to her house, grabbed her stash of gift cards and her pocketbook and hopped into her car, headed for Asheville. Greene arrived in her old office to find Stone-Cratchit filling out a mountain of FBI paperwork beneath the dim fluorescent lights. MOUNTAINX.COM

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C ER

letters@mountainx.com

by Axe Blunt

TIFIE D

100 %

HUMOR

S W E EN K A F Y

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CITY HIRES CONSULTANT TO ANALYZE CONSULTANTS

In response to the growing concerns of many Asheville residents about the city’s frequent use of consultants on municipal projects, City Council announced this week that it has hired the consultant firm Scrutinize Capital Administrative Management Inc., or SCAM, to evaluate the effectiveness of consultancies on various city initiatives. “It’s clear that the people of Asheville want transparency with how the city hires and uses these consultants,” said Council member Julie Mayfield. “We believe that in order to provide the best transparency possible, we need to add a few more layers to the bureaucracy first.” Turning the old adage “less is more” on its head, City Council voted unanimously to approve the contract with SCAM, which will spend the next several years evaluating the impact and influence of third-party consultants on issues from infrastructure to affordable housing. “Honestly, it’s hard for us to sit here and tell you how effective

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DON’T INSULT, CONSULT

CARING FOR CONSULTANTS: City consultants rally in Pack Square Park to demand more pork barrel contracts with Asheville city government. Image via Flickr

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our consultant partners have been recently,” noted Vice Mayor Gwen Wisler. “We’re hoping that SCAM will be able to provide us with some statistics that will assist us in further talking around the issue.” Currently, the city employs an untold number of consultants on projects ranging from the Interstate 26 Connector to what type of fruit salad to serve at City Council’s annual retreat and which Council member is the tallest. Council member Keith Young noted that a recent survey of Asheville voters indicated a majority of citizens approved of consultants. However, that same study also reported that 99.9 percent of those surveyed were unable to identity what service these consultants actually provided. Local Libertarian pundit Alan Ditmore says it’s obvious that the consultants are representatives of an advanced race of alien life-forms,

sent to Earth ahead of their global invasion to lay the foundation of a new world order, in which all residents will wear hats made of tinfoil and speak a universal language he calls “Squaloo.” “I’m overjoyed to welcome our new masters — it’s about time we do away with the political establishment and support the grassroot efforts of these extraterrestrial overlords,” Ditmore said in a phone call from his underground bunker somewhere in the rural stretches of Buncombe County, before rambling incoherently for 15 minutes on the devastating effects of breakfast cereal on indigenous populations in Burkina Faso. SCAM’s chief executive officer, Howie Robem, declined to go into specifics of how his firm would compile and rate consultant performance, noting only that his staff would be billing taxpayers by the hour for its work.


HEAVY-HANDED DEALS: City Manager Gary Jackson welcomes a representative of the SCAM consultancy firm to Asheville (and the city’s coffers). Photo via Flickr “What is clear is that the city needs more consultants,” Robem noted as he checked into his fivestar, all-expenses-paid room at the Omni Grove Park Inn. “We plan to produce a very thorough report on our report, complete with bar graphs in vibrant colors. Everyone loves bar graphs.” Mayor Esther Manheimer said the city plans to introduce a new bond referendum in next year’s election that would provide an additional $36 million in order to pay for future consultancies. When asked why city staff couldn’t do the work themselves, Manheimer replied that staffers have more important tasks on their plates than doing their jobs. “With so many exciting, important things happening around Asheville, we believe that our staff needs to prioritize which projects they devote their attention to,” Manheimer said, noting that the Riverfront Redevelopment team was currently embroiled in a complicated discussion about what font to use on its construction signage, while Parks & Recreation is busy debating proper mowing tech-

niques, and the Asheville Housing Authority is tied up with taking community feedback on whether to paint its buildings blue or yellow. “It wouldn’t surprise me if they decide those projects could use the help of a consultant as well,” Manheimer added. One Council member did express surprise at the decision to hire SCAM: Brian Haynes nearly fell from his chair when awakened from a nap to give his vote during the hearing. Haynes subsequently mumbled something about Gov’t Mule before returning to his slumber. While the fruits of this latest decision to outsource responsibility on major city projects to thirdparty companies with no stake in the outcome have yet to be tasted, new Council member Vijay Kapoor sounded cautiously optimistic in his evaluation of its potential. “This whole thing will go over like a lead balloon,” Kapoor said. City Manager Gary Jackson clarified that the city is considering hiring a consultant to evaluate the aerodynamic potential of metal inflatables in light of Kapoor’s statement.   X

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Upcoming REAL Possibilities

HUMOR

Prepare to Care

Mon, Jan 8 | 3- 4:30 PM Corpening Memorial YMCA 348 Grace Corpening Dr | Marion Register: (828) 659-9622 or aarp.cvent. com/Prepare2CareMarion2018

Celebrate the Changing Face of Aging Wed, Jan 10 | 4 – 6:30 PM Salvage Station 468 Riverside Dr | Asheville

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Register online: aarp.cvent.com/HomeComingJobFair2018 (or just show up!)

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Register: 828-575-2904 or disruptagingchallenge.org

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Wed, Jan 17 | 11 AM – 4 PM Job Search in the Digital Age 11:30 - 12:30 & 1:30 - 2:30 WNC Agricultural Center 1301 Fanning Bridge Rd | Fletcher

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PETERSON DECLARES RIVERGATIA, SECEDES FROM ASHEVILLE

All programs are free and open to all

HomeComing Job Fair

by Maximus Ridiculous

We Need You! Volunteer Recruitment

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Thu, Jan 18 | 4 – 6 PM The Phoenix 14 S. Gaston St | Brevard Register: 877-926-8300 or aarp.cvent.com/brevardvol

Thu, Jan 25 | 1:30 – 3 PM Black Mountain College Museum & Arts Center 56 Broadway St | Asheville

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Register: 877-926-8300 or aarp.cvent.com/blackmtnvol

HomeFit

Tue, Jan 23 | 5:00 – 6:30 PM Corpening Memorial YMCA Register: (828) 659-9622 or aarp.cvent.com/HomeFitMarion2018

Walk with Purpose Oklawaha Greenway

Fri, Jan 26 | 10AM - 12PM Jackson Park Rd | Hendersonville Register: 877-926-8300 or aarp.cvent.com/WalkOklawaha

Operation Stop Scams

Tue, Jan 30 | 2 – 3:30 PM Mars Hill Retirement Community 170 S Main St | Mars Hill Register: 828-689-7970 or aarp.cvent.com/StopScamsMarsHill

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CONSERVATIVE COMRADES: Local conservative leaders Carl Mumpower, left, and Chris Peterson unfurl the flag of Rivergatia after announcing their intent to secede from Asheville. Image via Flickr In a stunning turn of events, the city of Asheville’s Riverfront Redevelopment Office announced today that it has sold the former 12 Bones property on Lyman Street back to its former owner, Asheville real estate impresario Chris Peterson. According to Riverfront Redevelopment Office Director Stephanie Monson Dahl, the decision was made after her staff realized that plans for river revitalization had run several million dollars over budget once again.

“Who knew gentrification cost so much?” said an exasperated Monson Dahl, who added that the city would compensate for the budget overruns with a new park bench strategically placed beneath the Bowen Bridge overpass. “It’s not a greenway,” said Monson Dahl, “but I think residents will enjoy taking in the peaceful sounds of the interstate overhead.” Shortly after the city made its announcement, Peterson declared that the property will secede from Asheville and form

its own town, appropriately titled “Rivergatia” after his years-long campaign to discredit the city’s redevelopment efforts. “I spoke with the folks in Raleigh this morning, and they’ve given Rivergatia their blessing,” said an elated Peterson, who donned a paper crown and faux-velvet cape for the occasion. “Senators Edwards and McGrady were more than happy to help us create this conservative sanitary napkin in the cesspool of sin.”


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Publish Jan. 31 & Feb. 7

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he plans to conduct clandestine raids against Black Lives Matter and antifa elements threatening Rivergatia, though he was unable to identify a single instance where either group had caused trouble for the town. “They haven’t done anything yet, but we’re ready when they do,” said Mumpower. “I hear they’re working under orders from former President Obama, who was quite fond of this place when it was a BBQ joint. We will not tolerate any agitation from outside elements seeking to disturb the status quo here in Rivergatia.” The powers that be, Mumpower added, will move quickly to pass an ordinance outlawing vagina-shaped headwear and implement another to allow children as young as 4 to carry concealed weapons without a permit. Rivergatia’s government will also institute a river toll on people floating the French Broad River next summer. “The river toll will help us take taxpayer funds from frivolous recreation projects and put them back where they belong; namely, our pockets,” said Emperor-elect Peterson, who invented that title for himself on the spot. While conservative enclaves like Biltmore Forest have voiced their support for Rivergatia, offering to help the new borough establish its own exclusionary country club, other neighbors expressed ambivalence. An artist at Riverview Station replied “Hell no!” when asked if she approved of the new municipality, while a resident of nearby Burton Street attributed the move to “crazy sh*t white people do.” When asked whether the loss of Rivergatia would negatively impact the wider city of Asheville, Mayor Esther Manheimer shrugged and replied, “We look at it as a net-positive. Maybe now they’ll stop suing us.” Those interested in learning more about Rivergatia are encouraged to check out visitbuncombegop.org.   X

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Effective immediately, the 1-acre site will form its own town charter and begin redeveloping the property into a “kingdom of Conservatism,” said Peterson. Republican roustabout Chad Nesbitt was spotted earlier this morning hastily erecting a wall between Rivergatia and the rest of the city, made primarily from used car parts salvaged from a nearby scrapyard. “I’m just tickled to finally have a piece of the old Asheville back,” crowed Nesbitt from a literal crow’s nest balanced precariously on a stack of fenders. “No more liberal bureaucrats to spoil our fun!” According to sources, Nesbitt has been appointed as Rivergatia’s chief of police. An anonymous tipster reported seeing Nesbitt marching around the perimeter of his wall with fellow Asheville conservatives (all three of them, in fact), brandishing AR-15s and Confederate flags at pigeons passing overhead. Newly appointed Rivergatia City Attorney Sidney Bach said the fledgling town plans to annex the New Belgium Brewery as soon as possible and turn it back into a livestock yard. “What the progressives in Asheville don’t understand is this craft beer thing is just a fad,” said Bach. “People don’t want breweries that treat their employees well; they want cheap meat that’s never been treated nicely!” The Rivergatia provisional government says it will deal with livestock waste and sewage by straightpiping it back into the French Broad. Bach called concerns that such a move would impact water quality “more liberal climate-science nonsense,” before taking a big swig from the river to demonstrate it was safe to drink. He subsequently excused himself to “the little boys’ room,” which he noted will be gender-neutral, due to Rivergatia’s population of predominantly white old men. Buncombe County GOP Chairman Carl Mumpower, meanwhile, has accepted the positions of press liaison and director of Health, Human Services, Transportation and Investigation. Mumpower says

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President secretly visits Asheville On the campaign trail in September 2016, Donald Trump visited Asheville to speak with his supporters. What he found here piqued his interest, and at the height of tourist season the following summer, he returned to our quiet mountain town for a relaxing weekend. But with all the local liberal resistance, his handlers decided to hide the fact that Trump was taking in all the city has to offer. Knowing his love for tweeting his mind, they created a dummy social media server to store his provocative judgments of the town. In a great technical feat, Xpress’ crack team of data retrieval specialists has obtained the feed of Trump’s secret tour of the area.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Good morning, #asheville! Mayor Is-a-Manheimer and her leftyloons better watch out as I take this town by storm on my very huge #weekend!

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Reading #fakenews @MXnews with my morning #coffee and donut at Krispy Kreme (best in town). This liberal rag doesn’t even have anything about me in it. Don’t they know local doesn’t matter?

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Excited about a visit to Tom Wolfe’s house (white suit and all; a lot of people don’t know the Old Kentucky Home was not built in Kentucky).

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

McRib at McDonald’s on Tunnel Road leaves #fakeBBQ in the dust. Obama doesn’t know what’s good. Terrible president with terrible taste.

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Very impressed by this George Biltmore guy. Another shining example of achieving the American dream: He took a small loan from his father and turned it into a business and earned himself a decent vacation house.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

There could be a place for him in Small Business Administration, bigly.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

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Staying in Grove Park Inn presidential suite. Lousy view of their subpar golf course. Hardly up to presidential standards. Everyone knows I am right that there aren’t enough hotels in this town to find a decent one. GPI is so average in so many ways!

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

In a couple of years, this place will get put out of business by something up to date. Be smart, developers — keep building

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Visiting huge supporters @BillyGraham and @Franklin_Graham at The Cove — the kind of training center I can get behind. Much better than @Greenopps for preparing people for real world.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Doing some volunteer work with local nonprofit Friends2Ferals. I’ll do the greatest job of grabbing those cats. Lots of experience.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Considered buying third-rate hotelier Bill McKibben’s Arras project for #avl Trump Tower and show this town what delux looks like. Too expensive. Where are the affordable luxury condos in #avl?

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Made it to the drum circle. Haven’t danced that hard since Saudi Arabia.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

As I have said before, I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke. That’s why I am having one of my daily Diet Pepsi colas at Pack’s Tavern. The rest of the menu looks too ethnic for my taste, though. I think there is a Fuddruckers up the street (hilarious name). #foodtopia

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Splashville? More like Trashville. There are no 10s here, only 10-year-olds.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

If you haven’t tried the Chick-fil-A on Merrimon, you’re missing out on amazing local fare. Mix the BBQ with the honey mustard and zesty Buffalo sauce. Wow! #foodtopia

This busking group is a total sham and a travesty. A washtub bass is not a real instrument! You need to get some good musicians on the streets before it’s too late! What the hell is wrong with you, #avl ?

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

This Appalachian Trail is a total sham and a travesty. Inclines too steep for golf cart. Paths are a total mess. No longer will we allow the infrastructure of our magnificent country to crumble and decay!

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Staff at Farm Burger worked hard but did not embrace me or what I stand for. I will continue to eat even bigger burgers than before! Hardee’s, here I come.

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Lot of great “local” talent in the RAD. I’m five days in. I guess that makes me the “local” GENUS. Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one the highest — and you all know it!

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Taking motorcade down the Blue Ridge Parkway. Beautiful, but remind me to raise the speed limit. I am going to be late for my massage.

Donald J. Trump @realAVLTrump

Trip out of #avl liberal bubble to see #realamerica before returning to #airforcefun. Stopped at Looking Glass Creamery. What, no mozzarella sticks!? Sad. #allcheesesmatter

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PREDICTIONS FOR THE COMING YEAR

TOP FIVE NAMES FOR ASHEVILLE BABIES 1. Vijay 2. Peace-Flower 3. Not-Wanda 4. Pilsner 5. Let baby choose own name after he/she/they have discovered their identity

TOP 10 LOCAL PHENOMENA 1. Mission Health will not get in any more fights with Blue Cross and Blue Shield now that it realizes it can’t win anyway. 2. Omni Grove Park Inn will make its presidential suite more presidential by adding a carved marble

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toilet, gold fixtures and a life-size statue of former Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe. The move is a direct response to Donald Trump’s comment card. Wicked Weed will buy itself back from InBev but immediately resell itself to Apple as part of a deal to become the the largest tech/social media/adult beverage company in the world and thereby rule us all. All the bars will create supersecret cocktail menus, with drinks starting at a mere $23. The Asheville Buskers Collective will strive to attract more mimes to help balance out the amplified acts. Malaprop’s Bookstore, understanding that no one reads anymore, will offer a livestreaming service of your mother reading to you. The Pubcycle will change its music playlist to keep its guides from

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getting murdered by the downtown employees who are gripped by bloodlust every time they hear “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.” 8. The Buncombe County Tourism Development Authority will buy a giant “laser” so it can write “Visit Asheville” on the moon.

9. New Belgium and Sierra Nevada will continue to fight over who gets to be “beer-Disneyland” and who has to be “beer-Universal Studios.” 10. Asheville Independent Restaurants will announce locals-only nights on every fifth Feb. 29 that also falls on a Tuesday.

TOP FIVE ASHEVILLE FOOD TRENDS 1. Locally made canned meat products. Look for Ashevillemade Vienna sausages, deviled ham, Spam and other nostalgiarich canned meat varieties from favorite hometown businesses like Hickory Nut Gap Farm, Foothills Meats and The American Pig. Great for hiking and picnics. 2. Taco shops for dogs. We all saw this coming, right?

3. Campfire pop-up restaurants. Ingenious Asheville chefs are taking wood-fired cooking to the next level with a new restaurant pop-up concept featuring actual campfires built right on sidewalks from river stones and hand-hewn logs. (Xpress predicts numerous city and county permitting kerfuffles.) 4. Local aerosol cheese products. Riding the popularity of locally produced canned meats, WNC Cheese Trail member creameries will create their own canned sensation with local versions of Cheez Whiz. Expect goat, cow and even sheep variations. 5. Bark. No, not the noise coming from all those doggie taco shops — tree bark. With the rise of edible flowers and foraged plants and mushrooms on Asheville menus, it’s natural that sustainably harvested tree bark will be the next product of the local mountains and forests to find its way onto restaurant tables.

TOP FIVE ASHEVILLE BEER STYLES 1. Avocado Toast Gose 2. Dog-friendly 3. Mesopotamian-style (authentically served in bowls with straws to cut through the floating malt) 4. Cracker Barrel-aged 5. Child-friendly


TOP 10 GOALS FOR LOCAL GOVERNMENT 1. Replace Brownie Newman with Newman from Seinfeld.

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Solve parking issue by banning locals from downtown in order to free up spaces. Begin outreach efforts to assist straight, white, cis-gender men who might like to run for Asheville City Council. Build a wall on the southern border to keep Hendersonvillians at bay. Install fully automated robotic care system to round out the new cold, unfriendly Buncombe County Department of Health and Human Services building on Coxe Avenue. Find a way to sell processed wastewater to other cities while Asheville keeps all the good water for itself.

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Get “one of those flashy-memoryerasy-things from Men in Black” so the county can finally put this whole Wanda Greene thing behind us. 8. Leverage “Beer City USA” status into corporate sponsorship. 9. Open a City of Asheville Hotel in hopes of finally, actually getting our hands on some of those fabled tourist dollars that are supposed to be boosting the economy and supporting the city. 10. Combine city and county services so that everything can take a long time and still stay expensive.

TOP 15 NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FROM LOCAL MEDIA INSTITUTIONS 1.

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Mountain Xpress resolves to speed up its breaking news response time from 13 days to 12. Asheville Citizen-Times resolves try to justify all the national AP and USA Today network stories it uses by enterprising a local story that

didn’t just come from the corporate overlords at Gannett. 3.

WLOS resolves to find a way to include puppies in its weather forecasts.

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Asheville Tribune resolves to drum up 100 percent more conspiracy theories about local corruption but keep on top of the beauty pageant beat to make sure it preserves its credibility.

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Asheville Blade resolves to at least occasionally get to the point in fewer than 12,000 words.

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Ashvegas resolves to report even faster on the rumors and hearsay regarding what quasi-celebrity took a whiz at which brewery.

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Blue Ridge Public Radio resolves to add new stations for people who don’t like classical music or news, furthering its takeover of all your car radio’s preset buttons.

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La Voz resolves to include a job listing service for — your job, that’s right, yours.

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Urban News resolves to start giving free ads to the 27 different factions of the local Black Lives Matter movement.

10. Capital at Play resolves that it might start accepting subscription requests from people who wear shoes worth less than a 2003 Hyundai Sonata or who have never bought anyone a pony. 11. The Laurel of Asheville resolves to feature paint-by-numbers covers so readers can create their very own soothing watercolors. 12. Edible Asheville resolves to drop the editorial content and just go straight to the food porn — after all, who reads Playboy for the articles? 13. WNC Woman resolves to provide tissues with every issue so you’re prepared when you read a heartbreaking story of a lady who reminds you of your mom finding redemption from her hard life through gardening. 14. Smoky Mountain News resolves to take a few brief breaks from straight-up killing it all the time and give some other media a chance. 15. AshevilleFM resolves to randomly interrupt the music you’ve never heard of to have people you’ve never heard of talk about things you’ve never thought of. X

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COMMUNITY CALENDAR JAN. 3 - 11, 2018

JANUARY COUNTRY DANCE (PD.)

CALENDAR GUIDELINES

Friday, January 19, 7-10:30pm, Asheville Ballroom. Two-Step Dance lesson 7-8 with Richard and Sue Cicchetti. Dancing 8-10:30pm. Dance/ Lesson $15, Dance only $10. Contact: 828-3330715, naturalrichard@ mac.com, www.DanceForLife.net

For a full list of community calendar guidelines, please visit mountainx.com/calendar. For questions about free listings, call 251-1333, ext. 137. For questions about paid calendar listings, please call 251-1333, ext. 320.

ANIMALS SARGE’S ANIMAL RESCUE FOUNDATION 828-246-9050, sargeanimals.org • Through SA (1/13) Proceeds from this holiday pet photo contest benefit Sarge's Animal Rescue Foundation. Information: sargeanimals.org. $15 per entry.

BENEFITS GINGERBREAD HOUSES 800-438-5800 • Through TH (1/4) Proceeds from parking fees from the 25th Annual Gingerbread Competition exhibition benefit local nonprofits: Children First/Communities in Schools, United Way of Asheville-Buncombe, Meals on Wheels, Homeward Bound, Asheville Museum of Science, Asheville City Schools Foundation and The American Legion Post 70. Contact for schedule: 888-444-OMNI. Free to attend with $20 parking fee per car. Held at Omni Grove Park Inn, 290 Macon Ave. PARENTS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS pflag.org, jerry.w96@ gmail.com • MO (1/8), 6:308pm - Proceeds from this barbecue dinner benefit PFLAG of Hendersonville. Registration required: jerry.w96@gmail.com. $20/$10 students & children. Held at Waverly Inn, 783 N Main St., Hendersonville

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BUSINESS & TECHNOLOGY DEFCON 828 GROUP meetup.com/ DEFCON-828/ • 1st SATURDAYS, 2pm - General meeting for information security professionals, students and enthusiasts. Free to attend. Held at Earth Fare South, 1856 Hendersonville Road FLOOD GALLERY FINE ART CENTER 2160 US Highway 70, Swannanoa, 828-2733332, floodgallery.org/ • THURSDAYS, 11am5pm - "Jelly at the Flood," co-working event to meet up with like-minded people to exchange help, ideas and advice. Free to attend. WNC LINUX USER GROUP wnclug.blogspot.com, wnclug@main.nc.us • 1st SATURDAYS, noon - Users of all experience levels discuss Linux systems. Free to attend. Held at Earth Fare South, 1856 Hendersonville Road

CLASSES, MEETINGS & EVENTS EMPYREAN ARTS CLASSES (PD.) Beginning Aerial Arts on Sundays 2:15pm, Mondays 6:30pm, Tuesdays 1:00pm. Beginning Pole on Sundays 3:30pm, Mondays 5:15pm, Thursdays 8:00pm. Learn more about us at EmpyreanArts.org. 828.782.3321 FOURTH WAY SCHOOL (PD.) Know Thyself - Wisdom Through Action, a Fourth Way School in the tradition of Gurdjieff

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CREATIVE CLASSES FOR KIDS: There are local opportunities aplenty for children to “get their art on” in the new year without breaking the budget. On the first Wednesday of every month from 4-5 p.m., East Asheville Library offers a free after-school art program for children from kindergarten to fifth grade. In addition to the monthly class, Buncombe County Public Libraries offer regular, free creative workshops in a wide range of topics and for various age groups. Beyond local library programs, many organizations, such as Appalachian Art Farm, Asheville Art Museum, Asheville Community Yoga and Hands On! A Children’s Gallery offer regular low-cost programming. Check out the “Kids” section of our community calendar weekly (p. 31) for a full list of children’s art classes. & Ouspensky teaching practical application of the Work. Meets Thursday evenings. 720.218.9812 wisdomthroughaction.com HOLISTIC FINANCIAL PLANNING (PD.) January 8-9, 2018, 9:00am5:00pm Burnsville Town Center, 6 South Main Street, Burnsville, NC 28714. Learn how to make financial decisions that support farm & family values and build profit on your farm. VILLAGERS... (PD.) ...is an Urban Homestead Supply store offering quality tools, supplies and classes to support healthy lifestyle activities like gardening, food preservation, cooking, herbalism, and more. 278 Haywood Road. www.forvillagers.com ASHEVILLE CHESS CLUB 828-779-0319, vincentvanjoe@gmail.com • WEDNESDAYS, 6:30pm - Sets provided. All ages and skill levels welcome. Beginners lessons available. Free. Held at North Asheville Recreation Center, 37 E. Larchmont Road

ASHEVILLE NEWCOMERS CLUB ashevillenewcomersclub. com • 2nd MONDAYS, 9:30am - Monthly meeting for women new to Asheville. Free to attend. ASHEVILLE ROTARY CLUB rotaryasheville.org • THURSDAYS, noon1:30pm - General meeting. Free. Held at Renaissance Asheville Hotel, 31 Woodfin St. ASHEVILLE WOMEN IN BLACK main.nc.us/wib • 1st FRIDAYS, 5pm Monthly peace vigil. Free. Held at Vance Monument, 1 Pack Square BIG IVY COMMUNITY CENTER 540 Dillingham Road, Barnardsville, 828-626-3438 • MO (1/8), 7pm Community meeting. Free. BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty.org/ governing/depts/library • TU (1/9), 11am - "Re-Gift Bingo," bingo game. Bring a gift that you don't want to put on the prize table. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. • WE (1/10), 4pm - "Mend, Alter and Embellish Your

Clothes," workshop. For ages 12 and up. Free. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. LEICESTER COMMUNITY CENTER 2979 New Leicester Highway, Leicester, 828774-3000, facebook.com/ Leicester.Community. Center • 2nd TUESDAYS, 7pm - Public board meeting. Free. ONTRACK WNC 50 S. French Broad Ave., 828-255-5166, ontrackwnc.org • TH (1/4), 5:30-7pm & MO (1/8), noon-1:30pm - "Budgeting and Debt," class. Registration required. Free. • FR (1/5), noon-1:30pm & MO (1/8), 5:30-7pm "Understanding Credit. Get it. Keep it. Improve it." Registration required. Free. • TUESDAYS (1/9) through (1/23), 5:30-8pm - "Money Management and Credit," class series. Registration required. Free. • TH (1/11), noon-1:30pm "Dreaming of a Debt Free Life," seminar. Registration required. Free.

DANCE 6 WEEK COUNTRY TWO-STEP LEVEL 1-2 (PD.) Wednesdays starting January 10, 7-8pm, Asheville Ballroom with Richard and Sue Cicchetti. Contact: 828-333-0715, naturalrichard@mac.com. • $75, $65 Early Bird Special by January 3: www.DanceForLife.net 6 WEEK NIGHTCLUBTWO CLASS LEVEL 1-2-3 (PD.) Wednesdays starting January 10, 8-9pm, Asheville Ballroom with Lee Starr. Contact: 828-3330715, naturalrichard@mac. com • $75, $65 Early Bird Special by January 3: www.DanceForLife.net EXPERIENCE ECSTATIC DANCE! (PD.) Dance waves hosted by Asheville Movement Collective. Fun and personal/community transformation. • Fridays, 7pm, Terpsicorps Studios, 1501 Patton Avenue. • Sundays, 8:30am and 10:30am, JCC, 236 Charlotte Street. Sliding scale fee. Information: ashevillemovement collective.org

STUDIO ZAHIYA, DOWNTOWN DANCE CLASSES (PD.) Monday 12pm Barre Wkt 5pm Bellydance Drills 6pm Hip Hop Wkt 6pm Bellydance Special Topics 7pm Tribal Fusion Bellydance 8pm Lyrical 8pm Sassy Jazz • Tuesday 9am Hip Hop Wkt 4pm Kids Creative Movement 6pm Intro to Bellydance 7pm Bellydance 2 8pm Advanced Bellydance • Wednesday 5pm Hip Hop Wkt 6pm Bhangra Series 7pm Tap 1 8pm Tap 2 • Thursday 9am Hip Hop Wkt 4pm Kids Hip Hop 5pm Teens Hip Hop 6pm Bellydance Drills 7pm Hip Hop Choreography 8pm West Coast Swing • Friday 9am Hip Hop Wkt • Saturday 9:30am Hip Hop Wkt 10:45 Buti Yoga Wkt • $14 for 60 minute classes, Wkt $8. 90 1/2 N. Lexington Avenue. www. studiozahiya.com :: 828.242.7595 ASHEVILLE MONDAY NIGHT DANCE 828-712-0115, oldfarmersball.com • MONDAYS, 7:3010:30pm - Community contra dance. $7. Held at Center for Art & Spirit at St. George, 1 School Road SOUTHERN LIGHTS SQUARE AND ROUND DANCE CLUB 828-697-7732, southernlights.org • SA (1/6), 6pm "Snow Ball" themed dance. Advanced dance at 6 pm. Early rounds at 7:30pm. Plus squares and rounds at 7:30pm.  Free. Held at Whitmire Activity Center, 310 Lily Pond Road, Hendersonville

ECO 25TH ANNUAL SPRING CONFERENCE (PD.) March 9-11, 2018. at UNCA. 150+ practical, affordable, regionallyappropriate workshops on organic growing, homesteading, farming, permaculture. Trade show, seed exchange, special guests. Organicgrowersschool. org. (828) 214-7833 FARM DREAMS (PD.) February 3, 2018, 10:00am - 4:00pm - Lenoir Rhyne 36 Montford Ave, Asheville, NC Farm Dreams a great entrylevel workshop to attend if you are in the exploratory stages of starting a farm and seeking practical information on sustainable farming. ASHEVILLE GREEN DRINKS ashevillegreendrinks. com • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 7pm - Ecopresentations, discussions and community connection. Free. Held at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Asheville, 1 Edwin Place LIVING GREEN ASHEVILLE meetup.com/LivingGreen-AshevilleMeetup/ • TU (1/9), 6:308:30pm -  "If National Governments can’t solve the climate crisis, then who will?" Group discussion. Free. Held at Greenlife Grocery, 70 Merrimon Ave. MIA GALLERY 61 1/2 N Lexington • MO (1/8), 6pm - Ignite Change: Stand for Lands phone bank party to connect citizens with representatives to protect federal lands. Free. WNC SIERRA CLUB 828-251-8289, wenoca.org • WE (1/3), 7-9pm - "Greenways and Blueways," presentation by  Connect Buncombe and Woodfin Greenway & Blueway. Free. Held


at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Asheville, 1 Edwin Place

FARM & GARDEN WEAVERVILLE GARDEN CLUB relax@innonmain.com • TU (1/9), 9:30am - “Flowers Universal," slide presentation by Don and Sylvia Venable regarding the Bouchart and Keukenhof Gardens. Free. Held at Weaverville Town Hall, 30 S. Main St., Weaverville

FOOD & BEER ASHEVILLE VEGAN SOCIETY meetup.com/TheAsheville-Vegan-Society/ • SU (1/7), 6pm - Monthly potluck. Please bring a homemade, vegan meal to share with 15 others. Bring your own plate, utensils, and drink (non-alcoholic). Free. Held at Asheville Friends Meetinghouse, 227 Edgewood Road FLETCHER CHILI COOKOFF 828-687-0751, fletcherparks.org • Through FR (1/19) Applications accepted for cooks who wish to participate in the Fletcher 17th Annual Chili Cook-Off on Saturday, Jan. 27 from 11:30am-2pm. WEST END BAKERY 757 Haywood Road, 828252-9378, westendbakery.com • WE (1/10), 7-9pm Cathy Cleary presents her cookbook, The Southern Harvest Cookbook. Free.

FESTIVALS ASHEVILLE MARDI GRAS EVENTS 828-335-3986, ashevillemardigras.org • SA (1/6), 7-11pm -Twelfth Night celebration with music, photo booth and cash bar. Mardi Gras king & queen will be crowned. Free to attend. Held at Club Eleven on Grove, 11 Grove St.

GOVERNMENT & POLITICS BLUE RIDGE REPUBLICAN WOMEN’S CLUB facebook.com/BRRWC • 2nd THURSDAYS, 6pm - General meeting. Free to attend. Held at Gondolier Restaurant, 1360 Tunnel Road. BUNCOMBE COUNTY DEMOCRATIC HEADQUARTERS 951 Old Fairview Road, 828-274-4482 • MO (1/8), 6:30pm General monthly meeting. Free. CITY OF ASHEVILLE 828-251-1122, ashevillenc.gov • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 5pm - Citizens-Police Advisory Committee meeting. Free. Meets in the 1st Floor Conference Room. Held at Public Works Building, 161 S. Charlotte St. • TU (1/9), 5pm - Asheville City Council public hearing. Free. Held at Asheville City Hall, 70 Court Plaza • WE (1/10), 7-8:30pm - Community feedback event for draft recommendations for the state Human Relations Committee to support unity and harmony and resolve discrimination issues. Dinner and childcare provided. Free. Held at Arthur R. Edington Education and Career Center, 133 Livingston St. HENDERSON COUNTY DEMOCRATIC PARTY 905 S. Greenville Highway, Hendersonville, 828-6926424, myhcdp.com • 1st SATURDAYS, 9-11am - Monthly breakfast buffet. $9/$4.50 for children under 10. INDIVISIBLE COMMON GROUND-WNC Indivisible-sylva.com • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 6:30-8pm -General meeting. Free. Held at St. David's Episcopal Church, 286 Forest Hills Road, Sylva PROGRESSIVE WOMEN OF HENDERSONVILLE pwhendo.org • FRIDAYS, 4-7pm Postcard writing to government representatives. Postcards, stamps, addresses, pens and tips are provided. Free to attend. Held at Sanctuary

Brewing Company, 147 1st Ave., Hendersonville

KIDS APPALACHIAN ART FARM 22 Morris St., Sylva, appalchianartfarm.org • SATURDAYS, 10:30noon - Youth art class. $10. APPLE VALLEY MODEL RAILROAD & MUSEUM 650 Maple St, Hendersonville, avmrc.com • WEDNESDAYS, 1-3pm & SATURDAYS, 10am2pm - Open house featuring operating model trains and historic memorabilia. Free. ASHEVILLE ART MUSEUM 175 Biltmore Ave., 828-253-3227 • 2nd TUESDAYS, 11am12:30pm - Homeschool program for grades 1-4. Registration required: 253-3227 ext. 124. $4 per student. ASHEVILLE COMMUNITY YOGA CENTER 8 Brookdale Road, ashevillecommunityyoga. com • MONDAYS (1/8) through (1/22), 4-5pm - "Creative Kids Yoga & Art," class series. $20. BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty.org/ governing/depts/library • WE (1/3), 4pm - After School Book Club: The Terrible Two by Mac Barnett. Free. Held at Enka-Candler Library, 1404 Sandhill Road, Candler • WE (1/3), 4pm - "Art After School," art activities for grades K-5. Free. Held at East Asheville Library, 902 Tunnel Road • FR (1/5), 4-5:30pm "Let’s DO This! Recycled Paper Journals," workshop to make a pocket sized journal for ages 11 and up. Free. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. • SA (1/6)m, 3pm - "Intro to Ornithology," presentation by the NC Arboretum for ages 5-13. Free. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. • MONDAYS, 10:30am - Spanish story time for children of all ages. Free.

Held at Enka-Candler Library, 1404 Sandhill Road, Candler • TU (1/9), 6pm - Joanne O'Sullivan presents her book, Between Two Skies. Free. Held at North Asheville Library, 1030 Merrimon Ave.

greenteasushi.com C e l e b r a t i n g 14 y e a r s !

Happy New Year!

FLETCHER LIBRARY 120 Library Road, Fletcher, 828-687-1218, library. hendersoncountync.org • WEDNESDAYS, 10:30am - Family story time. Free. HANDS ON! A CHILDREN'S GALLERY 318 N. Main St., Hendersonville, 828-697-8333 • TH (1/4), 10am-noon "Mini-Makers," activities for ages 3-6. Admission fees apply. • TU (1/9), 11-11:30am - Mad Scientists Lab: "Curious Concoctions!" activity for ages 3 and up. Admission fees apply. • TH (1/11), 11am-noon - "Blue Ridge Humane Day!" Event with a special animal from the Blue Ridge Humane Society. Admission fees apply. MALAPROP'S BOOKSTORE AND CAFE 55 Haywood St., 828-2546734, malaprops.com • MO (1/8), 6pm - Cary Gray presents his book, The Sustainable Adventures of Luno!: The One Who Rode to South America on One Wheel. Free to attend. • WEDNESDAYS, 10am - Miss Malaprop's Story Time for ages 3-9. Free to attend. MILLS RIVER LIBRARY 124 Town Center Drive Suite 1. Mills River, 828890-1850, library. hendersoncountync.org • WE (1/3), 4-5pm "Science on Wheels," kids science activities. Registration required: 828890-1850. Free.

OUTDOORS CHIMNEY ROCK STATE PARK (PD.) Enjoy breathtaking views of Lake Lure, trails for all levels of hikers, an Animal Discovery Den and 404foot waterfall. Plan your adventure at chimneyrockpark.com

Gift Cards make a great New Year! 2 Regent Park Blvd. | 828-252-8300 Like us on facebook.com/greenteasushi

Antiques, Diamonds, Estate Jewelry, Coins, Coin Collections, Watches, Estates — Highest Prices Paid Period

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www.Tiquehunterantiques.com 336 Rockwood Road, Suite 101 Arden, NC Next to the Cracker Barrel off Airport Road

828.767.5293

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

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The

Sustainability

CELEBRATING EARTH DAY 2018

Every week in April

Series

C O N S C I O U S PA R T Y by Edwin Arnaudin | earnaudin@mountainx.com

Lyrics for Lunch

Community Action Opportunities is applying for the 2018-2019 Office of Economic Opportunities Community Service Block Grant for Buncombe, Madison and McDowell Counties for $472,308. The application is to assist low-income residents to become self-sufficient through intensive case management and support services which provide education and training opportunities, promote positive work ethic, and provide access to permanent employment, reliable transportation, adequate childcare, economic literacy and financial assistance. The Board of Directors Executive Committee will review the proposal on Tuesday, January 16, 2018 at 11:00 a.m. at Community Action Opportunities offices at 25 Gaston Street, Asheville, NC 28801. For any additional information, call 828.252.2495. RECTANGLE PIZZA ALL-STARS: Asheville-based hip-hop collective Free the Optimus is one of multiple local acts on the Jan. 5 bill at The Mothlight. Proceeds from the benefit show will help relieve the lunch debt at Isaac Dickson Elementary School. Photo by Ariana Lance WHAT: A hip-hop benefit show for Isaac Dickson Elementary School lunch debt relief WHEN: Friday, Jan. 5, 9 p.m. WHERE: The Mothlight, 701 Haywood Road WHY: Chris Shreve and his fellow members of Asheville-based hip-hop collective Free the Optimus have performed before numerous young listeners to the point that, like the Wu-Tang Clan before them, they’ve adopted the phrase “FTO is for the children.” On Friday, Jan. 5, that statement will prove extra true in an all-ages show at The Mothlight, proceeds from which will help relieve the lunch debt at Isaac Dickson Elementary School. “For many students, the lunch they receive at school is sometimes the major source of nutrition their body gets for the day — and since most schools realize this, rather than denying a student who doesn’t have money that day their food, the school runs up a tab,” Shreve says. “This can be a rather significant hit for a school that many times doesn’t have the budget flexibility to just write off lunch accounts that are past due.” Disparities that are affected by social policy and activism are topics Appalachian

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State University professor Shreve deals with in his public health classes on a regular basis. Combine the cause with FTO’s eagerness to do benefit shows and its fondness for The Mothlight’s sound quality and overall vibe, and the event makes sense for the group — and the bill’s other performers — on multiple levels. With FTO’s own DJ Jet offering what Shreve calls “turntablism at its finest” throughout the night, local rappers SK the Novelist, PTP and Siyah will take to the stage and debut fresh tracks alongside fan favorites. FTO closes out the evening with Shreve and Mike L!VE on the microphones. “FTO’s set will have tons of new material mixed into some of the classics we’ve become known for,” Shreve says. “We just released a bunch of new material [Daddy Love To Rap and The Lost Files] and we’re eager to perform it. We’re also constantly recording, so we always play unreleased tracks at our shows as well.” Lyrics for Lunch takes place at 9 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 5, at The Mothlight. $10 suggested donation. www.themothlight.com  X


C OMMU N IT Y CA L EN D AR

PISGAH CHAPTER OF TROUT UNLIMITED pisgahchaptertu.org/NewMeeting-information.html • 2nd THURSDAYS, 7pm General meeting and presentations. Free to attend. Held at Ecusta Brewery, 36 E Main St., Brevard SWANNANOA VALLEY MUSEUM 828-669-9566, swannanoavalleymuseum.org • TU (1/9), 6:30-7:30pm Informational meeting about the Swannanoa Rim Hike Series for 2018. Free. Held at Swannanoa Valley Museum, 223 W. State St., Black Mountain • WE (1/10), 7-8pm Informational meeting about the Swannanoa Rim Hike Series for 2018. Free to attend. Held at REI Asheville, 31 Schenck Parkway • TH (1/11), 7-8pm Informational meeting about the Swannanoa Rim Hike Series for 2018. Free to attend. Held at Black Dome Mountain Sports, 140 Tunnel Road

PUBLIC LECTURES THE ASHEVILLE SCHOOL 360 Asheville School Road, 828254-6345, ashevilleschool.org • TH (1/11), 7:15pm - "From Monroe NC to NASA," public lecture by NASA pioneer, Dr. Christine Darden. Registration required: bit.ly/2CcXgb9. Free. TRANSYLVANIA COUNTY LIBRARY 212 S. Gaston St., Brevard, 828884-3151 • TH (1/4), 6:30pm - “Gorges State Park—A Work in Progress—Past, Present & Future,” lecture by Gorges State Park Superintendent Steve Pagano. Free.

SENIORS JEWISH FAMILY SERVICES OF WNC, INC. 828-253-2900, jfswnc.org • WEDNESDAYS, 11am2pm - The Hendersonville Elder Club for individuals with memory challenges and people of all faiths. Registration required: 828-253-2900. $30. Held at Agudas Israel Congregation, 505 Glasgow Lane Hendersonville

by Abigail Griffin

SPIRITUALITY A COURSE IN MIRACLES (PD.) A truly loving, open study group. Meets second and fourth Mondays. 6:30pm, East Asheville, Groce United Methodist Church. Information, call Susan at 828-712-5472. ABOUT THE TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION® TECHNIQUE • FREE INTRODUCTORY TALK (PD.) Deep within everyone is a wellspring of peace, energy and happiness. With proper instruction anyone can effortlessly transcend the busy or agitated mind and directly experience that rejuvenating inner source. Learn how TM® is different from mindfulness, watching your breath, common mantra meditation and everything else. NIH-sponsored research shows deep revitalizing rest, reduced stress and anxiety, improved brain functioning and heightened well-being. Thursday, 6:30-7:30pm, Asheville TM Center, 165 E. Chestnut. 828-254-4350. TM.org or MeditationAsheville.org ASHEVILLE INSIGHT MEDITATION (PD.) Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation. Learn how to get a Mindfulness Meditation practice started. 1st & 3rd Mondays. 7pm – 8:30. Asheville Insight Meditation, 175 Weaverville Road, Suite H, ASHEVILLE, NC, (828) 8084444, www.ashevillemeditation. com. ASTRO-COUNSELING (PD.) Licensed counselor and accredited professional astrologer uses your chart when counseling for additional insight into yourself, your relationships and life directions. Readings also available. Christy Gunther, MA, LPC. (828) 258-3229. FAMILY MEDITATION (PD.) Children and adult(s) practice mindfulness meditation, discuss principles, and engage in fun games. The 3rd Saturday monthly. 10:30am – 11:30. Asheville Insight Meditation, 175 Weaverville Road, Asheville, 828-808-4444, ashevillemeditation.com. OPEN HEART MEDITATION (PD.) Now at 70 Woodfin Place, Suite 212. Tuesdays 7-8pm. Experience the stillness and beauty of connecting to your heart and the Divine within

you. Suggested $5 donation. OpenHeartMeditation.com

• TH (1/4), 6pm - The New Jim Crow discussion group. Free to attend. • SU (1/7), 3pm - "Poetrio," featuring poetry readings by Ann Herlong-Bodman, Annie Fahy and Erin Fornoff. Free to attend. • TU (1/9), 6pm - Dot journaling workshop with Clara Boza. Free to attend. • WE (1/10), 4-5pm - Howard Hanger presents his book, Let's Move in Together: Enhancing the Joy of Co-Living. Free to attend.

SHAMBHALA MEDITATION CENTER (PD.) Thursdays, 7-8:30pm and Sundays, 10-noon • Meditation and community. By donation. 60 N. Merrimon Ave., #113, (828) 200-5120. asheville.shambhala.org BLUE RIDGE BAHA’IS wncbahai.org • TU (1/9), 6:30pm - Dinner and discussion on science and religion. Register for location: 828-231-1648. Free.

NEW DIMENSIONS TOASTMASTERS 828-329-4190 • THURSDAYS, noon-1pm General meeting. Information: 828-329-4190. Free to attend. Held at Asheville Area Habitat for Humanity, 33 Meadow Road

CENTER FOR ART & SPIRIT AT ST. GEORGE 1 School Road, 828-258-0211 • 1st & 3rd THURSDAYS, 2pm - Intentional meditation. Admission by donation. CENTER FOR SPIRITUAL LIVING ASHEVILLE 2 Science Mind Way, 828-2532325, cslasheville.org • 1st FRIDAYS, 7pm "Dreaming a New Dream," meditation to explore peace and compassion. Free. CREATION CARE ALLIANCE OF WNC creationcarealliance.org • TH (1/11), 5:30-7pm - General meeting and planning session for 2018. Free. Held at First Baptist Church of Asheville, 5 Oak St. FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH OF ASHEVILLE 40 Church St., 828-253-1431, fpcasheville.org • MONDAY through FRIDAY (1/3) through (1/23), 12:301:30pm - January Series of Calvin College, broadcast. Free. GRACE LUTHERAN CHURCH 1245 6th Ave W, Hendersonville, 828-693-4890, gracelutherannc.com • WEDNESDAYS (1/3) & (1/17) through (2/7), 5:45-7pm - “Anxious for Nothing” adult class regarding spirituality and anxiety. Free. URBAN DHARMA 77 Walnut St., 828-225-6422, udharmanc.com/ • THURSDAYS (1/11) through (1/25), 7:30-9pm - "Road to Refuge: An Introduction to Buddhist Practice," three class series regarding the buddhist faith and practice. $10 per class. • THURSDAYS, 7:30-9pm Open Sangha night. Free.

ASHEVILLE POET COMES HOME: Poet Erin Fornoff was raised in Asheville but spent the past nine years living and working as a spokenword poet in Dublin, Ireland. Her newest book of poetry, Hymn to the Reckless, though written in Ireland, includes many poems about growing up in Asheville and exploring changing ideas of what home means. On Sunday, Jan. 7, 2-3 p.m., Fornoff will read poetry from her new book as part of Malaprop’s Bookstore’s poetry reading series, Poetrio. The free event also includes poetry reading from Ann Herlong-Bodman and Annie Fahy. For more information, visit malaprops. com. Photo of Fornoff by Bryan Derballa (p. 33) SPOKEN & WRITTEN WORD ASHEVILLE WRITERS' SOCIAL allimarshall@bellsouth.net • 1st WEDNESDAYS, 6-7:30pm - N.C. Writer's Network group meeting and networking. Free to attend. Held at Battery Park Book Exchange, 1 Page Ave., #101 BLUE RIDGE BOOKS 428 Hazelwood Ave., Waynesville • 1st & 3rd SATURDAYS, 10am - Banned Book Club. Free to attend. BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty.org/ governing/depts/library • TH (1/4), 6:30pm - East Asheville Book Club: The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. Free. Held at East

Asheville Library, 902 Tunnel Road FIRESTORM CAFE AND BOOKS 610 Haywood Road, 828-255-8115 • First THURSDAYS, 6pm - Political prisoners letter writing. Free to attend. • FR (1/5), 6pm - Ken Waldman presents his new book, Trump Sonnets, Volume 2. Event includes storytelling and live Appalachian-style string music. Free to attend. FLETCHER LIBRARY 120 Library Road, Fletcher, 828687-1218, library. hendersoncountync.org • 2nd THURSDAYS, 10:30am Book Club. Free. • 2nd THURSDAYS, 1:30pm Writers' Guild. Free. MALAPROP'S BOOKSTORE AND CAFE 55 Haywood St., 828-254-6734, malaprops.com

NORTH CAROLINA WRITERS' NETWORK ncwriters.org • Through TU (1/30) Submissions accepted for the 2018 Thomas Wolfe Fiction Prize. See website for full guidelines.

tion.com or ashevilleprisonbooks@gmail.com. Held at Downtown Books & News, 67 N. Lexington Ave. HAYWOOD STREET CONGREGATION 297 Haywood St., 828-246-4250 • 1st & 3rd THURSDAYS, 10amnoon - Workshop to teach how to make sleeping mats for the homeless out of plastic shopping bags. Information: 828-707-7203 or cappyt@att. net. Free. JOURNEYMEN ASHEVILLE 828-230-7353, JourneymenAsheville.org, JourneymenAsheville@gmail. com • FR (1/5), 3 PM - Volunteer enrollment and information session for male mentors ages 25-45 for weekly mentoring opportunities to model authenticity, accountability and foster emotional intelligence and leadership for adolescent boys.

THE WRITER'S WORKSHOP 387 Beaucatcher Road, 828254-8111, twwoa.org • Through WE (2/28) Submissions accepted for the 29th Annual Writer's Workshop Poetry Contest. Contact for full guidelines.

Registration required. Free.

THOMAS WOLFE MEMORIAL 52 North Market St., 828-2538304, wolfememorial.com • TH (1/11), 5:30-7pm Discussion of Thomas Wolfe's short story The Anatomy of Loneliness, led by author Terry Roberts. Co-sponsored by the Wilma Dykeman Legacy. Free.

make no-sew fleece blankets

LAUREL CHAPTER OF THE EMBROIDERERS’ GUILD OF AMERICA 828-686-8298, egacarolinas.org • TH (1/4), 10am - General meeting and program to to Project Linus. Registration at 9am. Free. Held at Cummings United Methodist Church, 3 Banner Farm Road, Horse Shoe LITERACY COUNCIL OF BUNCOMBE COUNTY 31 College Pl., Suite B-221 • TU (1/9) 9am - Information

SPORTS

session for those interested in volunteering two hours per

BUNCOMBE COUNTY RECREATION SERVICES buncombecounty.org/ Governing/Depts/Parks/ • Through TU (1/16) - Open registration for winter adult league dodgeball. Registration: dodgeball.buncomberecreation.org. $35.

week with adults who want to improve reading, writing, spelling, and English language skills. Free. STITCHES OF LOVE 828-575-9195 • MO (1/8), 7-9pm - Meeting to create and donate hand

VOLUNTEERING

sewn articles to those in need. Free. Held at New Hope

ASHEVILLE PRISON BOOKS ashevilleprisonbooks@gmail. com • SATURDAYS, 2-4pm Volunteer to send books in response to inmate requests. Information: avlcommunityac-

Presbyterian Church, 3070

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

Sweeten Creek Road For more volunteering opportunities visit mountainx.com/ volunteering

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Magical Offerings 1/4: Tarot Reader: Bobbi Oshun 1-6pm 1/5: Psychic: Andrea Allen 1-6pm 1/6: Tarot Reader: Edward Phipps 12-6pm CAPRICORN BIRTHDAY PARTY! All donations go to The Mother Grove Goddess Temple 6-7pm 1/7: Scrying with Angie: 12-6pm 1/8: Tarot Reader: Ashley Long 12-6pm

Over 100 Herbs Available!

(828) 424-7868

January Stone: Agate January Herb: Yarrow

ashevilleravenandcrone.com

555 Merrimon Avenue Daily readers including Scrying, Runes, Tarot, & More! Walk-ins welcome!

If so, you may be able to participate in an 8-week clinical research study of a generic investigational inhale asthma inhaler.

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JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

MOUNTAINX.COM

WELLNESS

LAUGHING YOUR WAY TO HEALTH Local professionals embrace the healing power of humor BY MONROE SPIVEY spivey.monroe@gmail.com “Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.” — Charlie Chaplin Donna Hollinshead has made a habit of clowning around for the past 23 years. A professional clown, she has made joy her daily practice as well as her career path, joining a number of Asheville-area health care professionals who recognize that, along with traditional modalities, a healthy dose of laughter is incomparable medicine for the soul. A natural performer since her formative years, Hollinshead spent her childhood regaling her family with “theme shows.” When she began her foray into professional clowning, completing a “clown internship” on the weekends, she recalls, “My mom said, ‘I think you’ve found your calling.’” As Scribbles the Clown, Hollinshead says she finds that humor instantly opens doors of connection that would have been closed in polite society. “It’s a license to interact with people on another level,” Hollinshead says. “It’s like you transcend all the facades that happen. So in an elevator as Scribbles, I could be able to look someone right in the eye and say, ‘Oh my gosh, you look so beautiful today.’ And then to get an old lady [to] say ‘Oh, thank you’ — who normally probably wouldn’t ever have looked at me.” So why do many adults have such a difficult time embracing humor and joy in daily life? Hollinshead, a daily practitioner of meditation for over 25 years, says it has to do with the tendency of grown-ups to ruminate. Though grief and sadness are inevitable in the human experience, she points out, children don’t become mired in these emotions in the way most adults tend to do. “Kids don’t do stress,” she says. “I believe that for adults to have more joy, they have to make a conscious choice. Adults are too in their heads. Children aren’t in their heads — they’re in their hearts. Adults live from the neck up.

FUNNY BUSINESS: As Scribbles the Clown, Donna Hollinshead, decked out in full clown regalia, complete with obligatory red nose, embodies youthful exuberance and elation. “I believe that for adults to have more joy, they have to make a conscious choice,” she says. Photo courtesy of Donna Hollinshead Why is yoga so popular? Because it brings people down to their hearts.” Melanie MacNeil, local social worker and yoga instructor at Hendersonville’s YAM (Yoga and Massage), says she seeks to bring adults into their bodies and awaken them to the transformative power of laughter, even if it doesn’t come eas-

ily at first. MacNeil became acquainted with laughter yoga at a movement workshop where she was teaching a class on dancing with hoops. Intrigued, she began to research laughter yoga and eventually felt so invigorated by the practice that she signed up to receive laughter yoga videos on a daily basis. She explains


that her initial experience was colored by the same hesitation and self-consciousness many people have when invited to laugh on cue. “It starts out as contrived,” MacNeil says, “and something you force yourself to do it — you pretend. And then the authentic laughter bubbles up, and there’s this crossover — it turns into authentic laughter and joy.” “A lot of the poses in laughter yoga are arms up and out and open,” she continues. “So we assume the posture — it’s really difficult to be in a bad mood when your arms are lifted and your chest and heart are open.” Asheville psychotherapist Natalie Higgins utilizes humor as a natural bridge to connect with her clients. She says her unvarnished, relational approach (in which the relationship between the client and therapist forms the basis for the healing process) encourages clients to revel in the lighter side of life. “As therapists, we have that desire to perform for our clients, to be ‘all together.’ But sometimes that seems incongruent or not genuine,” Higgins says.  “I know some people who will say they ‘wear [a] different hat’ [within their work] — I wouldn’t want a therapist like that. I want a therapist to sit down on the couch and just talk about stuff. I don’t want to feel like they’re better than me or that they’re judging me. I’m very professional with my clients, but I’m not afraid to be human. I find myself being able to build rapport with clients quickly because of that.

And I feel like if you’re just straightfaced all the time — I just don’t feel like that’s very therapeutic.” MacNeil cites the profound physiological benefits of laughter: “The brain doesn’t actually know the difference between forced laughter and authentic laughter. And so when you make yourself laugh in a forced way, your brain still releases all of the hormones and endorphins and yummy, delicious reactions that happen in our bodies.” Recent research confirms her statement; even initially forced laughter, such as that produced in laughter yoga, elicits the physiological benefits of an authentic guffaw. MacNeil says she has gleaned profound benefits from laughter yoga both on and off the mat.  She’s now able to laugh off situations in which she previously found herself flustered and stressed: “I’ve found that since I took that one class and [have been] doing the research and [teaching] these few classes, when things get really hard, where normally I’d be, like, banging my head against the wall and freaking out, I’m choosing to laugh instead.” Ultimately, MacNeil says, laughter, like joy, is a choice. “I’ve realized,” she says, “that laughter can be a coping mechanism in our lives, rather than this thing that happens inadvertently only when funny things happen.” Higgins agrees that laughter can help people cope with everyday life. She notes that the laughter-infused rapport she enjoys with her clients is

“very much therapeutic, because you can pull it right back into the coping skills and be able to build on that.” Hollinshead shares her own revelation about the benefit of laughter. “My biggest belief and experience is that joy is something we can choose,” she says, going on to compare the process to cracking open a window in a stuffy room. “You just need a crack, and then there’s relief.”  X

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BUNCOMBE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARIES buncombecounty.org/ governing/depts/library • TU (1/9), 6:30pm - "The Self Care Experience: Using Essential Oils," class with RN Kalyn Matthews. Free. Held at EnkaCandler Library, 1404 Sandhill Road, Candler • WE (1/10), 11am Mixed level pilates class. Registration required: buncombecounty.org/ library. Free. Held at Pack Memorial Library, 67 Haywood St. GRACE LUTHERAN CHURCH 1245 6th Ave W, Hendersonville, 828-6934890, gracelutherannc.com • TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS, 9am -

Walking exercise class. Free. • TH (1/11), 12:15pm - Lunch and presentation about "Ageless Grace," brain fitness program based on neuroplasticity. Registration required. $10. TAOIST TAI CHI SOCIETY taoist.org/usa/locations/ asheville • TU (1/2) & TH (1/4), 9:30-11am - Beginner Tai Chi class and information session for the class series. Free. Held at Asheville Training Center, Town & Mountain Realty Building, 261 Asheland Ave. • TH (1/4), 6-7:30pm Beginner Tai Chi class and information session for the class series. Free. Held

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35


GREEN SCENE

FEEL THE HEAT

Programs help residents stay warm while keeping costs down

BY LYSS HUNT

tric heat; the rest used wood, gas or fuel oil. The home energy cost burden is a metric that looks at total residential energy expenses in relation to the inhabitants’ annual income. As both McIlmoil and Rouse are quick to point out, low-income residents typically see their energy costs jump substantially in the cold months without a corresponding rise in income. Some may end up spending 20-25 percent of their yearly income on energy for their home. And that’s where programs like the federal Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program, or LIHEAP, and groups like Eblen Charities come in.

alyssadecaulp@gmail.com Winter is here, and in Western North Carolina, that doesn’t just mean early sunsets and pretty snowfalls. It also means that most people’s energy bills will be going up — a lot. During the summer months, relatively moderate temperatures and a low level of ambient heat keep homes from becoming unbearably hot, enabling many residents of Buncombe and surrounding counties to use less energy. But in late fall and winter, reduced daylight and higher altitudes bring biting winds and frequent frosts that trigger increased energy usage, and therefore greater impacts on people’s pocketbooks and the environment. Area residents don’t have to face these seasonal difficulties alone, however. The new Buncombe Energy Savers project is a partnership between the Energy Savers Network and the Green Built Alliance. For 16 years, the local nonprofit (formerly known as the WNC Green Building Council) has worked on “advancing sustainability in the built environment through community education, measurable standards and regional action.” This summer, Green Built became the Energy Savers Network’s fiscal sponsor, opening the door to a $25,000 grant from the county that will be heating things up for area residents in the coming months. Buncombe Energy Savers is using the money to provide energy-efficient upgrades to low-income residents’ homes. Energy Savers Network Executive Director Brad Rouse says

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CORE VALUES

KEEPING OUT THE CHILL: Energy Savers Network staffers Alice Wyndham, left, and Yulia Shaffer make basic energy-efficiency improvements at the home of limited-income residents in Asheville. Photo by Pat Barcas the group is “committed to addressing the twin problems of climate change and economic stress on lower-income people.” Boosting residential energy efficiency, he says, meets both criteria. By helping weatherize structures, the project alleviates residents’ financial burden while reducing the environmental impacts of energy use. LOW-HANGING FRUIT Since its establishment last year, the Energy Savers Network has been entirely volunteer-driven. The county grant has allowed the group to hire a part-time administrator, but everyone else shows up because they want to help. “A lot of the people I talk to have huge energy bills, like $250-plus per month for a single-wide trailer,” says board member Beatrice Nathan.  The project looks for what Nathan calls the “low-hanging fruit” in clients’ homes. “We don’t do major interventions,” she says, instead focusing on simple fixes that volunteers with limited training can handle. These include weatherstripping on doors, blankets on water heaters and insulation for pipes. In addition, Energy Savers makes custom window inserts that sit inside a window frame. “It works about as well as totally replacing your old window with a double pane, and it costs us less than $20 per window,” Nathan explains. Keeping costs low has

enabled the group to weatherize more than 80 homes in less than a year, with homeowners averaging about $200 in annual savings, she estimates. AGING INFRASTRUCTURE Such programs are “extremely important and critical: People need help now,” says Rory McIlmoil, the energy savings program manager at Appalachian Voices. The Boone-based advocacy group fights for environmental justice at all levels across the state and region. But those efforts, McIlmoil says, might not be enough to address the full scope of the problem. Last May, McIlmoil produced a report that highlighted the need for increased financial support for energyefficiency upgrades in the four counties he looked at: Buncombe, Madison, Mitchell and Yancey. More than half of the 34,000 housing units in the study area, he found, were over 35 years old, and most hadn’t had energy-efficiency upgrades since they were built. Those living in the older structures were spending more than twice the national average on total energy costs, while also experiencing higher levels of poverty, he found. In addition, the report notes, conventional analyses often fail to factor in the money spent on nonelectrical heating sources. Only about 30 percent of the households included in the study relied primarily on elec-

In Buncombe County alone, more than 3,500 families rely on LIHEAP to help cover their energy bills each year, to the tune of more than $500,000 annually. Without this program, “many families would suffer through the winter with no heat,” notes Sam Ruark-Eastes, executive director of the Green Built Alliance. Eblen Charities administers much of the LIHEAP funding in Buncombe County each year, paying out upward of $2 million annually on behalf of individuals in need. In addition, Eblen is one of a number of local groups that refer potential clients to the Energy Savers program, along with Community Action Opportunities, Asheville Buncombe Community Christian Ministry, OnTrack WNC and Mountain Housing Opportunities. All of these organizations are doing valuable work, says Ruark-Eastes, but Energy Savers offers something different. “We are unique in that we serve renters and mobile home residents,” whereas most efficiency upgrade programs are available only to owner-inhabited homes. “In addition,” he continues, “our work reduces fossil fuel energy use and demand and provides an opportunity to be of service to others.” The multipronged approach to addressing the issues facing residents is very close to the hearts of the program’s founders. Rouse says he began doing this work through a church he attended in Hayesville years ago. “To love God is to love his creation,” Rouse explains, adding,


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TEAMWORK: Volunteers and staff members of Energy Savers Network came together in November to minimize heat loss and maximize energy efficiency at a local home. Photo by Pat Barcas “Reducing fossil fuel use is a direct response to that call.” He emphasizes that it’s not just up to Christians to do this work, however. As a Rotary member, Rouse also tries to live that organization’s motto: Service above self. “That’s not particularly religious,” he says, “but it comes from the same set of core values.” Many people doing this kind of work, he finds, “simply have a conviction that they should serve and help.” Another local organization that mobilizes volunteers to serve in the community is Habitat for Humanity. The Asheville branch has been building homes for almost 35 years, notes communications director Ariane Kjellquist. And though the group launched its repair program in 2010, many people still don’t know about it. “Our goal is to enable homeowners to live longer and more safely in their homes,” she explains. According to Weatherize.org, every dollar spent on home energy efficiency returns $2.69 in benefits, ranging from lower energy bills to reduced environmental and health care costs. As a long-established group with more financial resources, Habitat can undertake more extensive repair work costing thousands of dollars. “Last year,” says Kjellquist, “we completed 14 new houses and repaired 43 existing homes.” Habitat, she stresses, takes a “whole-house approach” to repairs. Rather than just addressing issues brought up by the client, it provides professional site assessments to identify any additional needs. REACHING OUT As important as this work is, however, more is needed to get to the root of the problem, advocates say.

“How do you make energy efficiency sexy?” wonders McIlmoil. The deeper issue, he and others say, is getting cities and communities to think of residential efficiency upgrades as an infrastructure need, an economic opportunity and a critical human rights issue. Recent resolutions in Yancey, Mitchell and Buncombe counties recognizing the need for policy and funding solutions are “a sign that the local leaders do recognize the problem and that they care,” he concedes. At the same time, however, “Throwing small grants at the problem is a way to bypass the harder work of getting actual programs in place.” And while their short-term approaches are different, both McIlmoil and Rouse feel strongly that education is another crucial element. “Upgrades are essential,” says McIlmoil, “but education and behavior are significant as well.” To that end, notes Rouse, all upgrades his organization provides are coupled with education on “ways to save on energy, both through positive steps and changes in behavior.” Another thing everyone involved seems to agree on is the massive scope of the undertaking. “There’s pretty much endless need,” says Nathan. Transition Asheville will host an information session on the Energy Savers Network on Wednesday, Jan. 17 at 6:30 p.m. at The BLOCK off Biltmore, 39 S. Market St., Asheville. To learn more, visit energysaversnetwork.com or ashevillehabitat.org. Other resources and information can be found at greenbuilt.org and appvoices.org.  X MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

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FOOD

NOT-SO-SERIOUS EATS Chef Clarence Robinson specializes in culinary funny business Biltmore

gsmith@mountainx.com

The original market

Hey, Asheville food scene — why so serious? Even the fanciest Foodtopia fare is better served with a generous side of humor, says chef Clarence Robinson. With his business, Cooking with Comedy Catering, as well as at his day job as Western Carolina Rescue Ministries kitchen manager, Robinson meshes his A-B Tech culinary training and a decade of back-of-house restaurant experience with a natural propensity for clowning around to craft a dining concept with a unique comedic flavor. “I’ve worked everywhere, all the familiar spots,” he says, listing stints at Biscuit Head, Sunny Point Café, Another Broken Egg, Mayfel’s and the Red Stag Grill. “But I wanted to do my own thing.” That approach seems to work for Robinson: In 2014, he was named Asheville’s Minority Enterprise Development Week Minority Restaurateur of the Year for his entrepreneurial work with Cooking with Comedy. When he does a catering gig, he cooks and sets up the meal, then performs a comedy set. Sometimes he enters the venue and sets up in character as one of several wacky personalities he’s created, such as ComTom, a Jheri-curled Compton street thug turned chef. He also works his humor seamlessly into his job at WCRM, where clients and staff know him as Chef Clarence. “Anytime I do it, anytime I’m setting up [a meal], there’s going to be personality involved,” he says. “That’s just who I am; that’s me as a person.” But it hasn’t always been smiles and small plates for Robinson. The ComTom character is somewhat autobiographical. “I made a lot of wrong decisions in my life,” he says. “I was a troubled teen; I had a problem with authority figures — anybody who was telling me something that I thought I could challenge. That’s what I was: a challenging child.” Originally from Asheville, Robinson’s mother married a military man, and the family moved around a bit — to places like Hawaii, California and Washington state. He ultimately landed back in Asheville, where he says, “I caused a lot of my ruckus.”

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BY GINA SMITH

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BELLY LAUGHS: Clarence Robinson, pictured with the cob oven at Burton Street Community Peace Gardens, makes a pizza crust from local flowers. With his catering business and other projects, he brings a taste of levity to the Asheville food scene. Photo by Cindy Kunst In the ninth grade he was expelled from Asheville High School — for hitting the principal with a snowball, he says. From there, he enrolled at A-B Tech to get his GED. “But it took me a while, because I was still wanting to run the streets and stuff,” he says. Running the streets led to a criminal record and some time served in

a couple of area detention facilities before a family tragedy ushered him into a period of his life he refers to as his “transformation.” In 2007, his 14-year-old cousin, Keith Holloway, a student at Erwin High School, was shot to death by another teenager. He also lost his best friend around this time.


“I was just tired of taking losses, and I was running into a brick wall in my mind as far as what to do different: How could I be different from everybody else? Because I was always a leader, but I wanted to take it to that next step,” he says. Although Robinson’s criminal record made employment challenging, he landed a job as a banquet steward at the Grove Park Inn, where he stayed for four years, eventually working his way into the kitchens of the inn’s restaurants and enrolling in culinary school. “That was my first opportunity,” he says. “That was a good job — that trained me; that built me.” Working at the Grove Park Inn also allowed Robinson to put his gift of comedy to good use. One year he won the top prize of $1,000 in the hotel’s employee talent show doing impersonations of his boss and other important staff members. “I blew it out of the water; it was amazing,” he says. These days, Robinson says he’s content with his work at the ministry, where he uses comedy to lift spirits and alleviate tension while employing what he calls his “freestyle” cooking techniques to crank out three meals a day for hundreds of people. “I like to give them a restaurant experience,” he says, noting how he savors the challenge of working with random donated ingredients and leftovers to create elevated dishes. For now, he doesn’t miss working in restaurant kitchens. “As part of my breakthrough, a lot of things had to change, a lot of things had to slow down,” he says. “And this is part of me slowing down and looking at life and appreciating what I’m going through and also trying to help other people with what they’re going through and putting my own problems aside.” But for a guy who’s trying to decelerate, he’s got a lot of balls in the air. Besides his catering business, he’s auditioned for Food Network shows, including “Guy’s Grocery Games” and “Cutthroat Kitchen.” He’s also partnering with Ingles Markets to do a series of Ingles Table cooking videos, where he demonstrates how to make dishes like curried chicken salad, vegan casserole and sweet potato salad. Robinson does comedy performances as well — either food-focused or not — at schools, churches and businesses. And he regularly does a soul food Sunday brunch popup at Habitat Brewing Co. Tavern and Commons.

He has plans to work with Ingles to shoot a pilot for a cooking show that he hopes to shop around to television networks. He also envisions doing a television project with his children, who he says also have the comedy gene. And someday he’d like to open a brick-andmortar soul food restaurant where he can offer employment to felons and others who have difficulty finding work. For Robinson, Cooking with Comedy is more than just a catering enterprise — it’s a multifaceted brand. “I’m chang-

ing the game,” he says. “Cooking with Comedy’s going to be a household name. I’m going to build; I’m going to work on this and take it to the next level. … What I’ve been working on, what I want to bring to the world, it’s going to be amazing.” Look for Cooking with Comedy Catering on Facebook. To view Robinson’s Ingles Table videos, find “Ingles Table with Chef Clarence Robinson” on YouTube.  X

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39


SMALL BITES

FOOD

by Thomas Calder | tcalder@mountainx.com

The Southern Harvest Cookbook ket will operate inside the Masonic Temple through March. Free parking is available across the street at HomeTrust Bank. Asheville City Market runs 9 a.m.noon Saturdays starting Jan. 6 at the Asheville Masonic Temple, 80 Broadway. For more information, visit avl.mx/15c.

For the last 2 1/2 years, writer and former West End Bakery owner Cathy Cleary has been working on her latest book, The Southern Harvest Cookbook: Recipes Celebrating Four Seasons. The result is a collection of over 200 original recipes inspired by traditional Southern dishes. “But they often incorporate a whole lot more fruits and vegetables than the original recipe might,” she says. On Wednesday, Jan. 10, Cleary will celebrate the book’s release at her former bakery with an event featuring samples from the cookbook, including cocktails. In addition to sips and bites, Cleary will read from the work and sign copies. There will also be a do-it-yourself bug spraymaking session plus a raffle and live music. Bountiful Cities, a nonprofit dedicated to creating urban agricultural spaces, will co-host the gathering and benefit from sales of the book. Fifty

HENDERSONVILLE PFLAG KICK OFF AND BBQ

SEASON OF GIVING: In Cathy Cleary’s new cookbook, recipes are organized around seasonal harvests. Her goal with the book is to empower individuals and communities to grow their own food. Half of the publication’s proceeds will be donated to local and regional nonprofits working in the areas of sustainable agriculture and food justice. Photo by Katherine Brooks percent of the publication’s proceeds will go to support Bountiful Cities as well as several other local and regional nonprofits working in the areas of sustainable agriculture and food justice, including FEAST, which Cleary helped found, plus Bounty & Soul, Carolina Farm Stewardship Association and the Athens Land Trust. “I wanted to partner with organizations that have a broad scope,” Cleary says. “I really want to raise awareness about the issues of food justice and sustainable agriculture, in particular. I want to bring to people’s attention the great need that there is.” The book’s layout emphasizes Cleary’s focus on sustainable agriculture, with sections dedicated to each of the four seasons. The opening section highlights spring greens, including asparagus, ramps and rhubarb. The next part is devoted to summer dishes and drinks that incorporate berries, tomatoes, peaches, corn, cucumbers, green beans and summer squash. In the autumn segment, readers are shown meals that use pawpaws, apples and peppers. And once the snow starts to fall, winter greens, root vegetables, 40

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

MOUNTAINX.COM

winter squash and sweet potatoes are thrown into the mix. Cleary notes that several of the chapters offer variations on a single recipe. This is intentional, she says, and in line with her mission. “I’m a big believer in using what you’ve got and using things that you think taste really good so that you make a dish that you are going to enjoy,” she says. “Everybody’s tastes are different.” The Southern Harvest Cookbook release party runs 7-9 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 10, at West End Bakery, 757 Haywood Road. The cookbook will be for sale at the event for $24.99. For more information, visit avl.mx/4h2. Editor’s note: Cathy Cleary is an occasional freelance contributor to Xpress. ASHEVILLE CITY MARKET’S WINTER LOCATION Starting Saturday, Jan. 6, the Asheville City Market will be held inside the Asheville Masonic Temple. Opening day will feature live music from Vaden Landers and The Do Rights. The mar-

The Hendersonville PFLAG chapter kicks off the new year with a barbecue dinner fundraiser. The organization is composed of parents, families, friends and allies uniting with people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer. Its mission is to advocate for the advancement of equality through support, education and advocacy. The barbecue dinner will be served with smoked side dishes. Beer and wine will also be available for an additional fee. The 2018 Hendersonville PFLAG Kick Off and BBQ runs 6:30-8 p.m. Monday, Jan. 8, at the 1898 Waverly Inn, 783 N. Main St., Hendersonville. There is a suggested $20 donation for adults and a $10 donation for students and children, payable at the door. To RSVP, visit avl.mx/4hg  or email jerry.w96@gmail.com. Seating is limited. TWELFTH NIGHT AT RHUBARB Rhubarb will host Twelfth Night, a five-course dinner and beer pairing, Tuesday, Jan. 9, in collaboration with Catawba Brewing Co. and Gaining Ground Farm. Menu highlights include turkey neck gumbo shepherd’s pie, goat cheese burrata filled with figgy pudding and timpano, which is described in a press release as “an epiphany of pasta, meatballs, eggs [and] salami wrapped in dough and bathed in wintry tomato sauce.” Proceeds from the event will benefit Verner Center for Early Learning, a nonprofit that provides high-quality early care and education to children 5 and younger throughout Buncombe County. Twelfth Night begins at 6 p.m. Tuesday, Jan 9, at Rhubarb, 7 SW Pack Square. Tickets are $75. For


ODE TO LOUISE’S KITCHEN POP-UP

more information on Verner Center for Early Learning, visit vernerearlylearning.org. For more information the dinner and to purchase tickets, visit rhubarbasheville.com.

Louise’s Kitchen in Black Mountain may have closed for the winter, but don’t tell that to Foothills Black Mountain Butcher Bar. “We love

FUNDRAISING DINNER AT FARM BURGER SOUTH ASHEVILLE

Louise’s, and we know the community does as well,” says Foothills owner Casey McKissick in a press release.

On Tuesday, Jan. 9, Farm Burger South Asheville will donate 10 percent of its proceeds to Veterans Healing Farm, a nonprofit. According to the organization’s website, the nonprofit’s mission is “to serve our nation’s veterans by growing and donating high-quality fruits, vegetables and flower bouquets to veterans and their caregivers free of charge.” Veterans Healing Farm also offers workshops on gardening techniques. The fundraiser happens 4-9 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 9, at Farm Burger South Asheville, 1831 Hendersonville Road. For details on Veterans Healing Farm, visit veteranshealingfarm.org. For more on the event, visit avl.mx/4h3.

For this reason, Foothills has coor-

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Ode to Louise’s Kitchen. Starting Wednesday, Jan. 3, employees from Louise’s Kitchen will serve breakfast favorites at Foothills 7:30-11 a.m. Monday-Saturday, as well as Sunday brunch 10 a.m.-2 p.m. According to the press release, patrons can also expect “plenty of locally roasted coffee, orange juice, mimosas and full bar service on the weekends.” Ode to Louise’s Kitchen runs Jan. 3-21 at Foothills Black Mountain Butcher Bar, 107 Black Mountain Ave. For details, visit avl.mx/4hk.   X

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JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

41


BEER SCOUT

FOOD

by Scott Douglas | jsdouglas22@gmail.com

Journey to the heart of dark(beer)ness Xpress beer writers and a motley crew of local brew enthusiasts explore Asheville on the Amazing Pubcycle In the words of Martin Sheen’s Capt. Willard from Apocalypse Now, “I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one.” It was a cold December night when I was tasked with covering a coterie of local beer industry professionals as they took a trip into Asheville’s heart of darkness aboard the Amazing Pubcycle. Nobody “went native” — they were already there. Along for the ride were Asheville Brewers Alliance Executive Director Kendra Penland, alcoholic beverage attorney Derek Allen of Ward and Smith P.A., local stand-up comedian Alex Joyce, Xpress staff writers Edwin Arnaudin and Thomas Calder, and Carolina Beer Guy and Xpress contributor Tony Kiss. Armed only with my camera and a case of beers from around the world procured from Bruisin’ Ales, I joined this ragtag group of avid beer enthusiasts as we embarked on a perilous journey into the underbelly of the South Slope on a Wednesday night. As we set out toward an uncertain fate, the only promise assured: There would be beer. And beer there was. Canned stouts from local breweries such as Burial, Boojum, Hi-Wire and Pisgah were among the first to go, although Noa Pecan Mud Cake Stout from Swedish

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TICKET TO RIDE: It was a long night for tour guide Amadeus Hill, right, who led a rowdy group of beer-focused revelers, including, from left, Xpress writers Thomas Calder and Edwin Arnaudin, and local alcoholic beverages attorney Derek Allen, on a tour of downtown. Photo by Scott Douglas brewery Omnipollo was an instant favorite for Kendra. And while Tony chose to abstain in preparation for his drive home, a bottle of Belgian classic St. Bernardus Christmas Ale was nearly enough to dissuade him from his teetotaling strategy. Our intrepid tour guide, Amadeus Hill, assumed that our respective positions in the industry would discourage any debaucherous behavior. He was mistaken. At our first pub stop, Asheville Brewing Co., every conceivable joke about the brewery’s location on Coxe Avenue was made — an innuendo that I must conclude nobody has ever stumbled upon before us, if our peals of juvenile laughter can be taken as any indication. Most of my compatriots favored ABC’s new Milk of the Sandworm Peach DIPA, while I quickly quaffed a Ninja Latte Coffee Porter, a selection I found more in keeping with the cold winds that awaited outside. Alex regaled us with stories of his seasonal day job pushing confections on holiday shoppers at Waynesville’s Steeplechase

Toffee, while Thomas applauded his recent stand-up set at the Lazoom Room. Not to throw Alex under the bus (or Pubcycle), but I’ve seen his act many times and can assure you that he’s funnier behind a mic than on a bike. With Amadeus’ patience running thin, we jumped back on the Pubcycle minus Kendra, who was late for practice with her band Melodic As F***. She left us with some seasonal platitudes about the joys of working with our local beer community: “One of the things I love most about the craft beer industry here in Asheville is that I really enjoy everyone I get to work with. I enjoy the variety of personalities and the shared passion that gets manifested in really unique ways. It’s always interesting and fun for me.” Assuming that her comment about “shared passion” was a thinly veiled reference to sexual harassment in the industry, I awkwardly said my goodbyes and parted with the thought that she should have heeded Capt. Willard’s admonition: “Never get off the boat.”

What Kendra missed was a 40-minute discussion of the state of Asheville beer held in the parking lot, with Tony pontificating on the likelihood of future buyouts and Derek detailing his rhetorical position on the Pubcycle itself, taken from a recent debate with a friend who bemoaned its impact on downtown thoroughfares. (If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic behind a bachelorette party pedaling a mobile bar with a top speed of 15 mph, you might be inclined to argue against the very existence of such a contraption — just don’t try to take that position in opposition to a lawyer, especially one who is vehemently pro-Pubcycle.) Convinced by Derek’s sound reasoning and bolstered by the copious amounts of beer I had already consumed, I came to accept my growing affinity for my present mode of conveyance and hopped back aboard the ’cycle (lovingly nicknamed “Rhino,” for some reason). As we approached our second stop at Bhramari Brewing Co., Amadeus explained that, while he loves all of the breweries in town equally, Bhramari holds a special place in his heart due to its inventive brews. I found this to be true of Written in Blood, a Belgian-style quad brewed with sangria fruits and aged in port barrels that would make Michael Jackson (the Beer Hunter one) roll in his grave were it not so eminently drinkable. From there, the conversation turned to Bhramari brewer Ryan Freeman’s multiple brown recluse bites (not incurred at the brewery, mind you) before the ever-watchful eye of Amadeus noticed that we were more than an hour behind schedule. Though Amadeus was a thoroughly gracious and entertaining host, I couldn’t escape the notion that if he hadn’t been sick of us before, he certainly was now. So as Rhino pulled up to our debarkation point, I beat a hasty retreat with some of my compatriots in tow. Alex had abandoned us — presumably to work on The Blackout Diaries, a multicity comedy series that features tales of drunken shenanigans as told by the audience. Tony went home to continue his tireless efforts to finish three articles before I can finish one. And so Derek, Edwin, Thomas and I continued our evening’s revelries, comfortable in the knowledge that if our mission was to have a great time talking about beer while drinking it, that mission had been accomplished.  X


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A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T

LAUGHING MATTERS

Asheville’s comedians take on the big issues

BY THOMAS CALDER tcalder@mountainx.com Nearly getting murdered isn’t funny. Neither is a midlife crisis or being fired on the eve of Thanksgiving. But for three Asheville-based comedians — Moira Goree, Jason Scholder and Chesney Goodson — these unfortunate events proved the catalyst for their comedy careers. Those eager for the juicy details behind the unusual starts need look no further than any given stage on any given night. Asheville’s comedy scene, says local talent booker Melissa Hahn of Modelface Comedy “is bigger and better than people realize.” Whether it’s an open mic at Fleetwood’s, a showcase at The Lazoom Room, a headlining act at The Southern Kitchen & Bar or an improv troupe performing at Habitat Brewing Co. (just to name a few), the city isn’t short on laughs. But within the comedy world, not all things are a laughing matter. Insecurities, social injustice, PTSD and eating disorders are among the topics explored in the acts of local artists. The highs that come with making strangers laugh is a thrill that many comedians chase, but the lows that follow a botched set are devastating. Because of this, comedian Kelly Morgan notes, “If you can quit comedy, you should quit comedy. It’s a beast.”

Weekly open mic nights

Think you’ve got what it takes to make folks laugh? Or are you interested in seeing Asheville’s comedians work out new jokes? Here’s a roundup of weekly open mic happenings. Fairview Tavern 831 Old Fairview Road Sundays at 9:30 p.m. The Odditorium 1045 Haywood Road Tuesdays at 9:30 p.m. The Southern Kitchen and Bar 41 N. Lexington Ave. Wednesdays at 9:30 p.m.

TRIPLE THREAT: Clifton Hall, center, and his wife, Dana, right, co-founded the Asheville Improv Collective in 2016. Recently, fellow improviser George Awad, left, partnered with the couple. Photo by Thomas Calder A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR Despite these challenges and setbacks, Goodson has committed the last decade to the craft. After launching his career in Charlotte, he relocated to Asheville in 2016. The difference between the two scenes, he says, is night and day. For many regional comedians, Goodson explains, venues often encourage and reward comics who play to stereotypes. “If a dude is black, the act is usually very loud and big,” he says. For Goodson, who is AfricanAmerican, the expectation proved stifling. In Asheville, he says, the community is more receptive to his intellectual and socially conscious approach to humor. “I talk about race and police brutality; I talk about all of it,” he says. The trick and beauty of comedy, he adds, is making these issues both impactful and funny. This is also the form’s greatest reward. Comedy, Goodson says, is the light. “We’re still in the dark, but there’s light right there, and I’m going to point it out. That’s what comedy should be.” Goree shares Goodson’s outlook. Part of her material addresses her life as a transgender person. Humor, says Goree, is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down. “You feed it to somebody when they’re like, ‘I don’t understand what you are,’” she says. Only a year into her comedy career, Goree says the medium has helped her cope with the intolerance she regularly experiences. As an example, she points to a recent show in Greenville, S.C. Before

taking the stage, she was verbally accosted by a man in the audience. Rather than recoil or dwell, Goree used the encounter as an impromptu opening line for her set. “I got up on the stage and I just went, ‘Well, that guy just threatened to murder me — welcome to Greenville, I guess.”

ELEVATING THE SCENE Like Goree, many in Asheville’s comedy scene are fairly green. Constant movement, explains Hahn, is the nature of the beast. “You can only do so much in Asheville,” the booker says. “People get better and move away, but then new people come in and join the scene.” While most local comedians eventually end up in Atlanta, Los Angeles or New York, some in the current mix are actively working to elevate Asheville’s own reputation. Scholder, who describes himself as a “midlife comic,” began his career two years ago. The come-

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EMPYREAN ARTS FIRST CLASS $15 OPEN STUDIO $6/HR 4 Class Subscription + 2 Open Studio $50 TEN YEARS IN: Chesney Goodson first took the stage as a rapper but soon left the music scene to pursue comedy. “Both are about rhythm,” he says. “If your rhythm is off in rapping you sound terrible. If your rhythm is off in comedy, the punchline won’t work.” Photo by Thomas Calder

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A&E dian says it was a birthday gift he gave to his then-46-year-old self. Since that time, Scholder has launched a production company through which he has created two podcasts and Talk About Funny, a monthly showcase. The latter, held at the LaZoom Room, is part stand-up, part talk show, featuring local and regional acts. “All the comedians are vetted,” says Scholder. “I want the audience to have faith that if they come, even if they don’t know who anybody is, it’s going to be a solid show.” ADULTS ACTING LIKE CHILDREN Talk About Funny’s most recent showcase included local comedian and Asheville Improv Collective co-founder Clifton Hall. Originally from Dallas, Hall relocated to Asheville three years ago with his wife and fellow AIC cofounder, Dana Hall. The couple’s organization, an independent school that focuses on longform improvisational comedy, began as a single class with four students. It’s since expanded to eight classes and employs seven teachers. “I think Asheville is very much primed for anything that is community-based and involved,” says Clifton. Such qualities, he adds, are what improv is all about. “You meet people who are different, and you get to experience a bunch of different ideas. And, more importantly, you get to be an adult acting like a kid for a good chunk of the evening.” All who go through AIC’s sevenweek program finish the course with

TALK ABOUT FUNNY: Jason Scholder decided to try comedy as a birthday gift to himself. “I spent like 30 hours just writing,” he says. Two years later, he’s yet to stop. Photo by Thomas Calder a performance at Habitat Brewing Co. Whereas stand-up revolves around getting laugh after laugh, improv involves more active listening and honest responses. “It sounds counterintuitive to comedy, but the laughs we’re going for in longform improv are very much emotionbased and grounded in stuff you can relate to,” Clifton says. LAUGH FOR A CHANGE Many comedians say the true art behind a joke is the possibility for change. “Comedy is traditionally a venue where people can talk about difficult-to-broach subjects in ways that anyone can hopefully hear it because it’s all de-escalated by the comedic content,” says Scholder. “Now, if it’s not funny, it’s twice as bad — hard to hear and doubly damaging. But,

when it’s done well, it’s done really well.” Hahn agrees. It’s because of this potential impact that she continues to seek out unique voices. “I look for diversity not just in humans, but in what they’re bringing to the stage,” she says. “I’m not going to

Upcoming comedy shows WHAT Talk About Funny with Jason Scholder WHERE LaZoom Room, 76 Biltmore Ave. avl.mx/4hc WHEN Thursday, Jan. 4, 9-11 p.m. $7 advance/$10 at the door WHAT Underwear Comedy Party WHERE Fleetwood’s, 496 Haywood Road avl.mx/4h9 WHEN Thursday, Jan. 11, 9 p.m.-midnight, $7/$10 $5 if you come only in your underwear WHAT Blank Slate & You, ME and Them WHERE Habitat Brewing Co., 174 Broadway aicasheville.com WHEN Saturday, Jan. 13, 8:30 p.m. $5 WHAT Petey’s Playhouse presents Eric DeSilva WHERE The Southern Kitchen & Bar 41 N. Lexington Ave., avl.mx/4ha

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keep booking people who are doing similar material. … If you’re booking exclusively straight white men, which a lot of clubs do, then you are bringing the same thoughts and ideas, week after week.” Goree believes inclusivity should be comedy’s primary goal. The struggle with this, she says, is that economics often determine who gets to be funny. Whoever has the disposable income and time to step away from the daily grind is usually the one who gets to step up to the mic. “I would like to see a change in economics that would allow more marginalized people to stand up and have the time to craft a perspective where they can explain themselves,” she says. Humor, Goree adds, offers a chance to open minds, because sometimes it takes laughing at the absurd to truly recognize the irrational ways we treat each other. And that, she says, is the goal of comedy.  X

WHEN Saturday, Jan. 13, 8-11 p.m. $7/$10 WHAT The Blacklist Hootenanny: Sketch and improv WHERE Habitat Bewing Co., avl.mx/4hj WHEN Friday, Jan. 19, $8/$10 WHAT Petey’s Playhouse presents Chanel Ali WHERE The Southern Kitchen & Bar avl.mx/4hi WHEN Saturday, Jan. 20, 9-11:30 p.m. $7/$10 WHAT Slice of Life Comedy WHERE Pulp, 103 Hilliard Ave., avl.mx/4hw WHEN Thursday, Jan. 25, 9 p.m. $5 WHAT Dan Lamorte & Friends WHERE Fleetwood’s, avl.mx/4hd WHEN Thursday, Jan. 25, 9-11:45 p.m. $7/$10


by Alli Marshall

amarshall@mountainx.com

NOT-SO-STILL LIFE In 2012, Cleaster Cotton — a painter, writer, photographer and inventor — was the featured artist at Monte Vista Hotel in Black Mountain. She invited gallerist John Cram to her show and remembers that he arrived, walked through the exhibit and offered a single word: “Brave.” This month, Cotton’s work appears as part of Into the Blue: Artist Invitational 2018, at Cram’s Blue Spiral 1, the “most diverse annual exhibition presenting artists that have never before shown in the gallery,” according to a press release. “It’s a big deal with me being at the Blue Spiral — to represent a population and bring that diversity is really big,” says Cotton. Into the Blue also includes contributions from Colorado-based glass artist Robert Burch, local textile and collage artist Sondra Dorn, painter Aimee Farnet-Siegel of New Orleans; glassblower John Geci from Bakersville; local sculptors Nina Kawar and David Kenton Kring; encaustic artist Christine Sajecki, who splits her time between Savannah, Ga., and Baltimore; and Greenville, S.C.based mixed-media artist Katie Walker. Each of those creatives will bring something different to the show, which is not thematic beyond being the Blue Spiral 1 debut for each artist. Cotton, at least, doesn’t require the suggestion of a theme or other parameters. Her work, she says, is constantly evolving as she is grow-

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Contemporary-primitive painter Cleaster Cotton debuts at Blue Spiral 1

FIRST TIME’S A CHARM: Movement, color, texture, line and shape are the elements Cleaster Cotton loves to incorporate in her art. “Something that has taken a lot of courage for me as an artist is to do a technique that I don’t know how it’s going to come out,” says the former New Yorker, “but I trust it’s going to come out perfectly every time.” Photo by Cindy Kunst

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A &E ing and changing in her thoughts and approach to living. “I use layers. I do several layers of paint, applied with different technique and methodology,” she says. “I love color, so I do an underpainting [where] I paint the main characters and the background … so that it forms the texture.” Working with acrylic on recycled paper, tar paper or wood, Cotton often employs metallic paint so the pieces interact with light. Some botanical works are described as “living still life” because, as a naturalist, Cotton says, “to just call them a still life would be to leave out a whole aspect.” On other pieces, such as a whimsical, chicken-type figure, color bleeds, auralike, beyond the black outlines. To get out of her own way, Cotton explains, she decided to literally paint outside the lines: “That takes courage — to not have to have control of everything.” But even as the artist’s active imagination leaps from idea to idea, there is a through line to her work. Cubist forms, tactile qualities and bold hues inhabit each piece in varying configurations. Cotton calls her style “contemporary primitive,” which means, she says, that she’s living in modern times, but the techniques she uses are coming from ancient and primal sources. There’s a balance of old and new, past and present: “I’ve just introduced to the world what I call ‘millennial tech art,’ where I use these texting abbreviations,” Cotton says. Text-speak phrases like “omg” and “bff,” in layers of texture and color, rise from the canvas. Another new focus is a series Cotton calls “The new great migration,” inspired by the move of African-Americans — whose parents or grandparents left the rural South for better opportunities in the urban North, Midwest and West between 1916 and 1970 — back to the South. Bold blocks of black, red and green depict those relocation patterns. The painter is guided by her ancestors via history, stories and direct transmissions from her familial predecessors. The work, says Cotton, reflects her life. But, as much as the artist’s creations seem to come from within, she’s also dedicated to reaching out, especially through education. A certified teaching artist since 1998, Cotton has worked with students through such institutions as the Museum of Design Atlanta, the Georgia Council of the Arts,

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Teaching Artists Presenting in Asheville Schools, LEAF Schools & Streets (for which she was also a board member) and LEAF’s Easel Rider. In 2002, Cotton invented ALNUGE — which she describes as “an education curriculum, based on a method of teaching communication logic and art through a combination of alphabets, numbers and geometrics” — that she introduces to classrooms. It’s important to Cotton to bring art into the educational system. She’s also concerned with setting an example for students — especially those of color — of what is possible. “I’m a part of the diversity [in Asheville] because I will go to businesses downtown, and I will go to events,” she says. “I’m not intimidated that everywhere I go … I may be the only black person there.” She continues, “I’m not afraid.” Instead, Cotton has spent her seven years in this city aligning herself with mentors, projects and organizations that support her vision — including an early, 60-painting exhibition at Pink Dog Creative and a recent move into a studio in The Refinery Creator Space. “When you consistently do your craft and your business, that’s really key,” she says. “[I’ve been] making relationships here and growing and nursing relationships … now it’s my time.” Cotton adds, with warranted triumph, “I’m glad I didn’t leave.”  X

WHAT Into the Blue: Artist Invitational 2018 WHERE Blue Spiral 1, 38 Biltmore Ave. bluespiral1.com WHEN Opening Thursday, Jan. 4, 5-8 p.m. The exhibition remains on view through Friday, Feb. 23


by Lauren Stepp

lstepp98@gmail.com

WOMAN’S WORK “When I think of a woman’s voice in my childhood home, I think of Lucinda Williams,” says Amanda Anne Platt, leader and songwriter of Amanda Anne Platt & The Honeycutters. “She’s an important one for me.” Though Platt’s vocal stylings have been suffused with indie-rock and -folk sensibilities in years past, this New York native never forgets her roots. Joined by Anya Hinkle of Tellico and Aubrey Eisenman of The Clydes, Platt will present Women in Music: A Tribute to Iconic Female Artists on Saturday, Jan. 6, at Isis Music Hall. “We each chose one female artist to cover, and we’ll sing three or four of their songs,” explains Eisenman, songwriter and bassist for self-described “bluesy, honky-tonk” band The Clydes. Moved by the 2013 Broadway rendition of Beautiful: The Carole King Musical, Eisenman will be performing songs by King. At curtain call, she’ll end with an original, which may or may not be an Édith Piaf spinoff. “I wanted to give Piaf a nod,” Eisenman says of the French cabaret singer. “But covering her the whole night would be too much of an undertaking.” All three women have put in long hours. “We are working the songs together, so even if one of us is on lead, the rest will be playing an instrument and providing some nice harmony vocals,” says Hinkle, whose Asheville-based bluegrass group, Tellico, wields a traditional Appalachian sound. But Eisenman is the true mastermind behind the upcoming gig. “I do a lot of my songwriting in the wintertime and I’ve noticed that iconic women continually inspire my writing,” she says. “So, I thought it would be cool to cover a few great artists.” In addition to Platt and Hinkle, Eisenman has enlisted the talent of four surprise guests. These local singer-songwriters will appear during the second set, armed with a solo performance and backed by a full band (North Mississippi-raised Savannah Smith is one guest artist, says Platt). The set will then close with an ode to women like Grammy Award-winning vocalist Emmylou Harris. The night is meant to be entertaining. But it’s also meant to be a cognitive experience, notes Eisenman. “I

Asheville trio celebrates the music of female Americana artists

DIFFERENT TUNE: Three Asheville-based singer-songwriters will pay tribute to female musicians from America’s past. “I want people to walk away hearing and considering women’s voices,” says Amanda Anne Platt, right, with Anya Hinkle, left, and Aubrey Eisenman. Photo courtesy of Hinkle wanted to go back before our generation to see who influenced the female artists who influence us today,” she says. “I don’t want the night to be boxed into the ‘women’s world of music’ because male musicians come from the female artistry world, too.” In that milieu, Eisenman hints at the performance’s political nuances: Celebrating women during what feminists call a “war on women” could be perceived as factional or at least controversial. But Platt, who will be covering Lucinda Williams, leaves little to interpretation. “Women have had so much to say over the years, and now that women’s rights are once again being called into question, it’s even more important to honor our voices,” she says. “It’s important to keep the names of these women in the forefront.” Hinkle offers a different perspective. “I wouldn’t make it especially political,” she says. “It’s just a celebration. It’s meant to recognize the accomplishments of not only female singers, but also female songwriters.” Her selected artist, the late Hazel Dickens, rocked the bluegrass scene in the mid-20th century with her spare vocals and provocative lyrics. Raised by a coal-mining family in West Virginia, Dickens moved to Baltimore in the

early 1950s looking for work. Instead, she found a budding music scene and soon became one of the first women to record a bluegrass album. Southern-born Hinkle finds a certain familiarity in Dickens’ “very regional” flair. “She’s always been someone I have admired. In many ways, my own musical style overlaps hers,” says Hinkle. She continues, “In the music industry, women artists aren’t celebrated and talked about in the same way as male artists. So, as singers trying to make a career out of music, it’s inspiring to focus on the women who really paved the way for us.”  X

WHAT Women in Music: A Tribute to Iconic Female Artists WHERE Isis Music Hall 743 Haywood Road isisasheville.com WHEN Saturday, Jan. 6, 8:30 p.m. $12 advance/$15 at the door

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SMART BETS

A&E

by Edwin Arnaudin | Send your arts news to ae@mountainx.com

Music from the Underground Founded in Asheville in 2011, the name of chamber music organization AmiciMusic means “music among friends.” Its latest allied program is Music from the Underground, in which violinist Tim Schwarz and pianist Daniel Weiser (AmiciMusic’s artistic director) team up to spotlight neglected works created for those two instruments by minority composers. The program includes classical music, blues and spirituals by Samuel Coleridge-Taylor, George Morrison, William Grant Still and W.C. Handy. The duo play three times in as many days: Friday, Jan. 5, 7:30 p.m., at First Presbyterian Church Asheville; Saturday, Jan. 6, 7 p.m., at Isis Music Hall; and Sunday, Jan. 7, 2 p.m., at White Horse Black Mountain. Adults $20 at the door. amicimusic.org. Photo of Coleridge-Taylor, c. 1893, via Wikimedia Commons

Ben Phan and Alexa Rose Collaborations among established local musicians are generally worth a listen, and the forthcoming onstage convergence of Ben Phan and Alexa Rose (pictured, center) is no different. The Asheville-based guitarists/vocalists blend their eclectic takes on folk music in a Saturday, Jan. 6, concert at The Grey Eagle. The show will feature new versions of Phan’s and Rose’s individual original songs, backed by Phan’s band, the Soul Symphony. The two are longtime mutual admirers, and Phan, known for his improvisation-friendly ways, says, “It will be great to have a live, musical dialogue and play fresh versions of our songs together.” The seated audience performance starts at 8 p.m. $12 advance/$15 day of show. thegreyeagle.com. Photos courtesy of the musicians

Ken Waldman

Twelfth Night Mardi Gras may be six weeks away, but the annual celebration’s season officially begins Saturday, Jan. 6, with Twelfth Night parties around the world. Asheville Mardis Gras’ gathering at Club 11 on Grove serves as a fundraiser and membership drive for the organization with music, a photo booth and a cash bar. Event organizers say “costumery and buffoonery are welcome but not required” and have already announced the theme for the Sunday, Feb. 11, parade: “AsheVillage People.” The leaders of the promenade will be determined when members take a slice of King Cake in hopes of receiving the piece with a tiny plastic baby baked inside. The lucky recipient will then pick a royal consort. The party runs 7-11 p.m. Free for AMG members ($25 annual memberships available at the door)/$10 general public. ashevillemardigras.org. Photo by Emily Tidwell

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Since the publication of his Trump Sonnets in March, Ken Waldman has received an array of reactions as he’s shared the satirical poems with audiences across the country. In honor of the Jan. 1 release of the series’ second volume, subtitled 33 Commentaries, 33 Dreams, the Alaska artist is taking his new theater piece, Donald Trump Is My Muse, on the road. The evening of poetry, music and storytelling includes Appalachian-style string-band tunes with Weaverville-based multi-instrumentalist Adam Tanner. Waldman will also offer insight regarding his artistic process and generally enter into a dialogue with the audience, exploring current events through the prism of creativity. The diverse show stops by Firestorm Books on Friday, Jan. 5, at 6 p.m. Admission by donation. firestorm. coop. Photo courtesy of Waldman


A& E CAL EN DA R

by Abigail Griffin

‘A TURNPIKE SUNSET’: 35below opens the 2018 season with A Turnpike Sunset, a full-length play set on the 19th-century Buncombe Turnpike and written by local playwright, musician and storyteller Tom Godleski. Godleski takes tales his grandfather recorded in a ledger and weaves them with local history and music. The $20 show runs from Thursday, Jan. 11-Sunday, Jan. 21. Performances are at 7:30 p.m. Thursday-Saturdays and 2:30 p.m. Sundays. For more information or for tickets, visit ashevilletheatre.org. Photo by Gary Peeples courtesy of 35below (p. 51)

ART BON VIVANT 9 Reed St., Suite D, 828-785-1527, bonvivantavl.com • FR (1/5), 4-5pm & SU (1/7), 4-5pm - Exhibition and auction of works by artist Bravo Schmid. Live cello music by Victoria Olmer on SU (1/7), 4-5pm. Free to attend.

AUDITIONS & CALL TO ARTISTS ASHEVILLE AREA ARTS COUNCIL 828-258-0710, ashevillearts.com

• Through FR (1/26) - Exhibition proposals accepted from Buncombe County artists. See website for full guidelines. CALDWELL ARTS COUNCIL 601 College Ave SW, Lenoir, 828-754-2486 • Through WE (1/31) - Portfolios accepted for 2019 exhibition opportunities. Information: caldwellarts.com/ 157-guidelines/ THE CENTER FOR CRAFT, CREATIVITY & DESIGN 828-785-1357, craftcreativitydesign. org, info@ craftcreativitydesign. org

Contact us today! 828-251-1333 x 320 advertise@mountainx.com

• Through TH (3/15) - Applications accepted for a materials-based research grant. Contact for full guidelines.

MUSIC J.E. BROYHILL CIVIC CENTER 1913 Hickory Blvd SE. Lenior, broyhillcenter.com • SA (1/6), 7:30pm - Milton Harkey Bluegrass presents Dailey & Vincent in concert. $30. MADISON COUNTY ARTS COUNCIL 828-649-1301, madisoncountyarts. com, info@

madisoncountyarts. com • SA (1/6), 7:30pm Proceeds from The Kruger Brothers concert benefit The Madison County Arts Council. $30. Held at Broyhill Chapel, 338 Cascade St., Mars Hill

THEATER 35BELOW 35 E. Walnut St., 828-254-1320, ashevilletheatre.org • THURSDAYS through SUNDAYS (1/11) until (1/21) A Turnpike Sunset. Thurs.-Sat.: 7:30pm. Sun.: 2:30pm $20.

Wellness 2018 Issues

Publish Jan. 31 & Feb. 7 MOUNTAINX.COM

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GALLERY DIRECTORY ASHEVILLE MUSEUM

engravings and Japanese water-

• Through SU (1/7) - The

35 Wall St., 828-785-5722

color woodcuts of Andy Farkas.

• Through SU (2/11) - The

Illustrated Rock Art of N.C.,

• Through WE (1/31) - Small

Embody Project, photography exhibit featuring work by Erica Mueller.

Works Big Impact, curated group exhibition of paintings, prints and sculptural works.

MOMENTUM GALLERY 24 N. Lexington Ave., 828-505-

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

MOUNTAINX.COM

Lance Wille, Joshua Marc Levy, JT Lucchesi, Matthew Stuart Decker and Drew De Porter.

GALLERY

Reception: Sunday, Jan. 7,

• Through WE (1/31) -

25 Patton Ave., 828-225-5509,

2-6pm with music by Nugget

Exhibition of the prints, wood

pushtoyproject.com

Box.

8550, momentumgallery.com

52

PUSH SKATE SHOP &

featuring work by Jason Krekel,


CLUBLAND

HAPPY 2018!

Ton of Hay - Dead Tribute Band Friday, January 5 • 9:30pm

39 S. Market St. • theblockoffbiltmore.com

Featuring Largest Selection of Craft Beer on Tap 8 Wines

TUE: Free Pool and Bar Games ATL FUSION: Formed in 2015 out of an impromptu jam session at Atlanta’s Elliot St. Pub, the experimental four-piece band Grüt mixes jazzy original compositions with feverish experimental rifts and tangents. Inspired by fellow ATL legend, the late Col. Bruce Hampton, Grüt adeptly explores the symbiotic relationship between the prepared and the improvised, offering a sound unlike any others. Catch this innovative group when Grüt comes to Asheville’s Isis Music Hall on Sunday, January 7 for a 7:30 p.m. show. Photo courtesy of Isis Music Hall WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 3 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Les Amis (African folk), 8:00PM 550 TAVERN & GRILLE Karaoke, 8:00PM BEN'S TUNE UP Jesse Barry & Kelly Jones, 7:00PM FUNKATORIUM John Hartford Jam w/ Saylor Bros (bluegrass), 6:30PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Woody Wood Wednesdays (rock, soul, funk), 5:30PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Old Time Open Jam Session, 5:00PM ODDITORIUM The Plague of Man Presents: Ether (punk, metal), 9:00PM

TOWN PUMP Open Jam w/ Billy Presnell, 9:00PM

WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN Jazz Night, 7:30PM

THURSDAY, JANUARY 4 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Pleasure Chest, 8:00PM CAPELLA ON 9@THE AC HOTEL Capellas on 9 w/ Lincoln McDonald, 8:00PM

FOGGY MOUNTAIN BREWPUB Circus Mutt (jam, folk), 9:00PM

POST 25 Albi & The Lifters (American swing, French chanson), 7:00PM

FRENCH BROAD BREWERY Emmy Law (pop, singer-songwriter), 6:00PM

SLY GROG LOUNGE Get Weird Wednesdays, 8:00PM

GOOD STUFF Jim Hampton & friends perform "Eclectic Country" (jam), 7:00PM

THE SOUTHERN Disclaimer Comedy Open Mic, 9:00PM

1/3: T RIVIA 7:30-9:30 PM 1/4: $1 O FF F ULL P OURS 1/6: A LL D AY M USIC ! T ESSIA 6-8 PM FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

CROW & QUILL Carolina Catskins (ragtime jazz), 9:00PM

POLANCO RESTAURANT 3 Cool Cats, 8:00PM

THE PHOENIX & THE FOX Jazz Night w/ Jason DeCristofaro, 7:00PM

2 Hendersonville Road P o u r Ta p R o o m . c o m Tue - Thu 4pm-10pm • Fri & Sat 2pm-11pm

UPCOUNTRY BREWING COMPANY Music Bingo w/ Top-Shelf Productions , 8:00PM

ELLINGTON UNDERGROUND THEOREM w/ DJ Kutzu & Slow Drip, 10:00PM

THE IMPERIAL LIFE The Berlyn Jazz Trio , 9:00PM

FRI & SAT 5 -9pm: Handmade Pizzas from Punk Rock Pies

TRESSA'S DOWNTOWN JAZZ AND BLUES JJ Kitchen All Star Jam (blues, soul), 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING Acoustic Muffin Duo (jam, rock, bluegrass), 9:00PM

THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE DJ Phantom Pantone, 10:00PM

WED: Music Bingo

GREY EAGLE MUSIC HALL & TAVERN Lillie Mae, 8:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Roots & friends open jam (blues, rock, roots), 6:30PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB The Clydes pre-jam, 7:00PM Bluegrass Open Jam Session, 9:00PM

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JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

53


C LUBLAND

LAZOOM ROOM Talk About Funny w/ Jason Scholder & Friends, 9:00PM ODDITORIUM Spaulding Macintosh w/ Zebulon Camp & Jon Charles Dwyer (acoustic), 9:00PM

1/4 thu the eccentrics

w/ carolina Wray, slugly

1/5

fri

1/4

siyah

w/ p.t.p., sk, the novelist, free the optimus

1/6 sat telic

w/ chaos among cattle, fractured frames

1/9 tue coma cinema

w/ pictures of vernon, mineral girls, cheem

Yoga at the Mothlight

Tuesdays and Thursdays- 11:30am Details for all shows can be found at

themothlight.com

TAVERN Downtown on the Park Eclectic Menu • Over 30 Taps • Patio 15 TV’s • Sports Room • 110” Projector Event Space • Shuffleboard Open 7 Days 11am - Late Night

15 TV’s!

FOOTB ALL RGERS, PIZZA &, BUEER! B

THU. 1/4 Hope Griffin Duo (acoustic rock)

1/5

THEOREM DJ Kutzu + Slow Drip Nex Millen

1/11 THEOREM DJ Kutzu + Slow Drip 1/12 VOID In Plain Sight 1/13 Flamingosis Futexture Lavier

( dance hits, pop)

SAT. 1/6 Grand Theft Audio (classic rock)

20 S. Spruce St. • 225.6944 packStavern.com 54

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

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COMING SOON sat 1/6

7PM–AMICIMUSIC PRESENTS: “MUSIC FROM THE UNDERGROUND” 8:30PM–WOMEN IN MUSIC: A TRIBUTE TO ICONIC FEMALE ARTISTS sun 1/7

5:30PM–CAROLINE COTTER AND MICHAEL HOWARD

7:30PM-GRUT

tue 1/9 7:30PM-TUESDAY BLUEGRASS SESSIONS wed 1/10

7PM-DENNIS WARNER thu 1/11

1/17 After Funk The Freeway Revival

7PM-RYANHOOD 8:30PM–ITALIAN NIGHT

1/19 Lee “Scratch” Perry Medisin Hope Massive

fri 1/12

1/20 Marley Carroll Brandon Audette Alex Heisley

FRI. 1/5 DJ OCelate

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Mitch's Totally Rad Trivia, 7:00PM Chicken Coop Willaye & friends (Appalachian roots), 10:00PM

DOORS AT 9 • SHOW AT 10 Ellington Underground is an intimate music club located downtown in the historic S&W Cafeteria, built in 1929.

56 PATTON AVE. ELLINGTONUNDERGROUND.COM

WITH MIKE GUGGINO & BARRETT SMITH

7PM–MOUNTAIN SOUL PARTY 2018 LOUNGE 9PM–MOUNTAIN SOUL PARTY 2018 sat 1/13

7PM–CLIFF EBERHART W/ SPECIAL GUEST LOUISE MOSRIE sun 1/14

5:30PM–JESSE BARRY AND DANIEL IANNUCCI

tue 1/16 7:30PM-TUESDAY BLUEGRASS SESSIONS wed 1/17

7PM-THE HONEY DEWDROPS 8:30PM-WILLIE NILE thu 1/18

7PM-NOAH ZACHARIN ISISASHEVILLE.COM DINNER MENU TIL 9:30PM LATE NIGHT MENU TIL 12AM

TUES-SUN 5PM-until 743 HAYWOOD RD 828-575-2737

ONE WORLD BREWING Juan Holladay Birthday Show w/ The Secret B-Sides, 9:00PM OSKAR BLUES BREWERY The Reality (reggae), 6:00PM PACK'S TAVERN Hope Griffin Duo , 8:00PM PISGAH BREWING COMPANY Dennis "Chalwa" Berndt & friends (roots, reggae, ska), 6:30PM THE FAIRVIEW TAVERN Live Band Karaoke Jam w/ Old School, 9:00PM THE IMPERIAL LIFE The Burger Kings , 9:00PM THE MOTHLIGHT The Eccentrics w/ Carolina Wray & Slugly, 9:00PM TOWN PUMP Pentley Holmes, 9:00PM TRESSA'S DOWNTOWN JAZZ AND BLUES Jesse Barry & The Jam (blues, dance), 9:00PM UPCOUNTRY BREWING COMPANY Anya Hinkle , 7:00PM WXYZ LOUNGE AT ALOFT HOTEL WXYZ unplugged w/ Gary Mackey, 8:00PM

FRIDAY, JANUARY 5 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Resonant Rogues (old-fashioned), 9:00PM 550 TAVERN & GRILLE Awake in the Dream, 9:00PM ASHEVILLE GUITAR BAR Vince Junior Band (soulful blues), 7:30PM ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Sunny Ledfurd, 10:00PM CAPELLA ON 9@THE AC HOTEL Capellas on 9 w/ DJ Capt EZ, 9:00PM CORK & KEG The Gypsy Swingers (Jazz, Latin, bossa nova), 8:30PM CROW & QUILL Vendetta Creme (cabaret), 9:00PM ELLINGTON UNDERGROUND Nex Millen (hip hop), 10:00PM FOGGY MOUNTAIN BREWPUB Naked Scholar (funk, jazz), 10:00PM FRENCH BROAD BREWERY High Top Boys (bluegrass), 6:00PM GOOD STUFF Jim Shakey (Irish folk, Americana), 8:00PM GREY EAGLE MUSIC HALL & TAVERN Ari Shaffir (comedy, early show), 7:00PM Ari Shaffir [late show, SOLD OUT], 9:30PM


THU

THU

4 LILLIE MAE

HABITAT TAVERN & COMMONS First Friday Square Dance, 8:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Boo Ray (alt. country), 7:00PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Folk Is People (indie, folk), 9:00PM JARGON Millie Palmer & Mike Holstein, 9:00PM ODDITORIUM Modern Strangers w/ Carpal Tullar & PMA (rock), 9:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL GrudaTree (funky blues), 10:00PM

SLY GROG LOUNGE A Quarter Moon Music w/ Kelly White, Maddie Shuler, LVNDR BLU, Sister Ivy & ZUI, 9:00PM

COMEDIAN

FRI

5

TWO SHOWS

BEN PHAN AND THE SOUL SYMPHONY + ALEXA ROSE

THE IMPERIAL LIFE Select DJ sets, 9:00PM

SUN

THE MOTHLIGHT Siyah w/ P.T.P., Sk, The Novelist & Free The Optimus (benefit for Blue Ridge General Defense Committee), 9:30PM

CASH UNCHAINED: THE MUSIC OF JOHNNY CASH

TUE

THE FRED EAGLESMITH SHOW STARRING TIF GINN

TOWN PUMP Sezessionville Road, 9:00PM

ONE WORLD BREWING King Garbage (soul) , 9:00PM

TRESSA'S DOWNTOWN JAZZ AND BLUES Jordan Okrend Experience (dance music), 10:00PM

OSKAR BLUES BREWERY Dave Desmelik (Americana), 6:00PM

TUNNEL ROAD TAP HAUS June Bunch, 5:30PM

PACK'S TAVERN DJ Ocelate (dance hits, pop), 9:30PM

UPCOUNTRY BREWING COMPANY Troy Breslow , 8:00PM

PISGAH BREWING COMPANY Kenny George Band, 8:00PM

VIRGOLA Adi The Monk (jazz, blues), 6:00PM

6 7 9

THE STRAY BIRDS

FRI

LIVE MUSIC TBA!

12

ARI SHAFFIR

SAT

THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Unite! Open Mic Night, 7:30PM

11 SAT

13 MON

15 WED

17

W/ ROSS LIVERMORE

CHECK ONLINE CALENDAR

MICHAEL TRACY W/ THE MERCURY ARCS, REVELRY SOUL

OPEN MIC NIGHT EMILY SALIERS

(OF THE INDIGO GIRLS) W/ LUCY WAINWRIGHT ROCHE

Asheville’s longest running live music venue • 185 Clingman Ave TICKETS AVAILABLE AT HARVEST RECORDS & THEGREYEAGLE.COM

KIDS ISSUES 2018 Coming MARCH 14 & 21

THIS WEEK AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

THIS WEEK AT THE ONE STOP:

THU 1/4 FRI 1/5 SAT 1/6

Chicken Coop Willaye & Friends GrudaTree Story Daniels w/ Pronounced Heroes

UPCOMING SHOWS - ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL:

SUNNY LEDFURD

LOSE YOURSELF TO DANCE WITH DJ MARLEY CARROLL

FRI 1/5 - S HOW 10pm (D OORS 9pm) AdvAnce TickeTs $10

SAT 1/6 - S HOW/ D OORS 10pm $5 suggesTed donATion

1/12 1/13 1/20 1/26

Phuncle Sam Too Many Zooz Ron Holloway Band Floyd is Dead (Presented by The Snozzberries)

Tickets available at ashevillemusichall.com @avlmusichall MOUNTAINX.COM

@OneStopAVL JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

55


CLU B LA N D WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN The McLain Family Band, 8:00PM

SLY GROG LOUNGE The Wolves of Chernobyl, 9:00PM

WXYZ LOUNGE AT ALOFT HOTEL WXYZ electric w/ DJ Malinali, 8:00PM

THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Asheville Salsa Suave, 10:00PM

Open daily from 4p – 12a

Social Mondays- $6 Social House Martinis Craft Wednesdays- $6 Feature Craft Cocktail Bite the Bulleit Fridays- $5 Smoked Bulleit Shots THURSDAY 4 JAN:

THE MOON AND YOU 7:00PM – 10:00PM

FRIDAY 5 JAN:

3 COOL CATS

7:00PM – 10:00PM

SATURDAY 6 JAN:

EVERY BODY DANCE W/ DJ DATABOY

8:00PM – 11:00PM

SATURDAY, JANUARY 6 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Eleanor & Friends (Americana soul), 9:00PM

ANDREW THELSTON 7:00PM – 10:00PM

TWISTED LAUREL Phantom Pantone (top 40's, dance), 11:00PM

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Lose Yourself to Dance Party w/ DJ Marley Carroll, 10:00PM

UPCOUNTRY BREWING COMPANY Brooks Hubbard Band , 8:00PM

BROYHILL CHAPEL The Kruger Brothers, 7:30PM

VIRGOLA Jason Hazinski (jazz, blues), 6:00PM

BYWATER Rooster w/ Dyado, 8:00PM

WHISTLE HOP BREWING CO. Chicken Coop Willaye, 4:00PM

CAPELLA ON 9@THE AC HOTEL Capellas on 9 w/ The Jesse Barry Trio, 9:00PM

WXYZ LOUNGE AT ALOFT HOTEL WXYZ live w/ The Jordan Okrend Trio, 8:00PM

CHESTNUT Jazz Brunch, 11:00AM

CROW & QUILL House Hoppers (swing jazz), 9:00PM

309 COLLEGE ST. | DOWNTOWN | (828) 575-1188

FOGGY MOUNTAIN BREWPUB Jordan Okrend Experience (funk, jam), 10:00PM

w w w. p i l l a r a v l . c o m

FRENCH BROAD BREWERY Tina Collins Duo (indie, bluegrass), 6:00PM

2018

Wellness Issues

GOOD STUFF Fortune & Glory, 8:30PM GREY EAGLE MUSIC HALL & TAVERN Ben Phan & the Soul Symphony w/ Alexa Rose, 8:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Zapato (funk, soul), 7:00PM ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 "Music From the Underground" w/ AmiciMusic, 7:00PM Women in Music: A Tribute to Iconic Female Artists, 8:30PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Astral Plainsmen (cosmic country), 9:00PM LAZY DIAMOND Tony Wain & The Neon Leons w/ Jessie & The Jinx (country), 10:00PM ODDITORIUM I The Supplier w/ 8 Vacant Graves, Tombstone Hwy & Systematic Devastation (metal), 9:00PM

Publish Jan. 31 & Feb 7

Contact us today! 828-251-1333 x 320

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56

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

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TOWN PUMP Province of Thieves, 9:00PM

550 TAVERN & GRILLE Caribbean Cowboys, 9:00PM

CORK & KEG The Resonant Rogues, 8:30PM

MONDAY 8 JAN:

THE MOTHLIGHT Telic w/ Chaos Among Cattle & Fractured Frames, 9:30PM

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Story Daniels w/ Pronounced Heroes (alternative, hip hop, soul), 10:00PM ORANGE PEEL Abbey Road LIVE! (Beatles tribute), 8:00PM OSKAR BLUES BREWERY Quickchester, 6:00PM PACK'S TAVERN Grand Theft Audio (classic rock), 9:30PM

SUNDAY, JANUARY 7 5 WALNUT WINE BAR The Tortet (jazz), 7:00PM FUNKATORIUM Gypsy Jazz Sunday Brunch, 11:00AM GOOD STUFF Open Mic w/ Fox Black & friends, 6:00PM GREY EAGLE MUSIC HALL & TAVERN Cash Unchained (Johnny Cash tribute), 8:00PM HABITAT TAVERN & COMMONS A Taste of Soul Brunch, 12:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Reggae Sunday w/ Chalwa, 1:00PM ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 An evening w/ Caroline Cotter & Michael Howard, 5:30PM Grut, 7:30PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Traditional Celtic Jam, 3:00PM JARGON Sunday Blunch w/ Mark Guest & Mary Pearson (jazz), 11:00AM ODDITORIUM Basilica w/ Goddess of Misery (metal), 9:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Bluegrass Brunch, 10:30AM PISGAH BREWING COMPANY Travers Sunday Jam w/ Log Noggins, 6:00PM SLY GROG LOUNGE Sly Grog Open Mic, 7:00PM THE FAIRVIEW TAVERN Hallelujah Hilliary's Comedy Revival w/ Andrew Steiner, 9:00PM

PISGAH BREWING COMPANY Tom Waits For No Man (Tom Waits tribute), 8:00PM

THE IMPERIAL LIFE DJ Z (electronic), 8:00PM Select DJ sets, 9:00PM

PURPLE ONION CAFE Aaron Burdett, 8:00PM

TOWN PUMP Redleg Husky, 9:00PM

SALVAGE STATION Hustle Souls w/ Noah Proudfoot & the Botanicals, 8:00PM

WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN AmiciMusic: Dan Weiser & Tim Schwartz, 2:00PM


MONDAY, JANUARY 8 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Siamese Sound Club (R&B, soul, jazz), 8:00PM GOOD STUFF Bingo Wingo Thingo, 6:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Game Night, 4:00PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Quizzo Trivia Night, 7:00PM Open mic, 9:30PM MG ROAD Music Mondays, 7:30PM ODDITORIUM Risque Monday w/ Deb Au Nare (burlesque), 9:00PM ORANGE PEEL Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone (movie night), 6:00PM Clerks (movie night), 9:00PM OSKAR BLUES BREWERY Mountain Music Mondays (open jam), 6:00PM THE IMPERIAL LIFE Ghost Pipe Trio, 9:00PM

TUESDAY, JANUARY 9 5 WALNUT WINE BAR The John Henrys (hot jazz), 8:00PM 550 TAVERN & GRILLE Shag Night, 6:30PM DOUBLE CROWN Groovy Tuesdays (smooth world vinyl), 10:00PM GOOD STUFF Old time-y night, 6:30PM GREY EAGLE MUSIC HALL & TAVERN The Fred Eaglesmith Show w/ Tif Ginn, 8:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Dr. Brown's Team Trivia, 6:00PM ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 Tuesday Bluegrass Sessions w/ Kristy Cox, 7:30PM ODDITORIUM Open Mic Comedy Night w/ Tom Peters, 9:00PM ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Tuesday night funk jam, 11:00PM ORANGE PEEL Henry Rollins Travel Slideshow, 7:00PM POLANCO RESTAURANT Taco Tuesday & Blues w/ Michael Filippone's Blues Review, 8:00PM SANCTUARY BREWING COMPANY Taco and Trivia Tuesday, 6:00PM SLY GROG LOUNGE Jerry Dean w/ Young Pine, 8:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE Jazz-n-Justice Swing Dance Benefit Tuesday (lessons @ 7 p.m.), 9:00PM THE MOTHLIGHT Coma Cinema w/ Pictures Of Vernon, Mineral Girls & Cheem, 9:00PM TOWN PUMP Ian Fitzgerald, 9:00PM

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57


LIVE MUSIC FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHT NO COVER CHARGE! MONDAY

FRIDAY JANUARY 5

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FULL MENU — 15 TAPS OPEN WEEKDAYS 4 PM OPEN FOR LUNCH, FRI-SUN NOON Located Next to Clarion Inn — 550 Airport Road Fletcher — 550tavern.com — www.facebook.com/550TavernGrille

CLU B LA N D TRESSA'S DOWNTOWN JAZZ AND BLUES Early Tuesday Jazz & Funk Jam (jazz, funk), 9:00PM WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN Irish jam & open mic, 6:30PM

FLEETWOOD'S Shanghai Beach w/ Secret Shame & Kangarot, 8:00PM FUNKATORIUM John Hartford Jam w/ Saylor Bros (blue-

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 10 5 WALNUT WINE BAR Les Amis (African folk), 8:00PM 550 TAVERN & GRILLE Karaoke, 8:00PM

grass), 6:30PM GREY EAGLE MUSIC HALL & TAVERN Grace Albritton & Riley Moore, 8:00PM HIGHLAND BREWING COMPANY Woody Wood Wednesdays (rock, soul, funk), 5:30PM ISIS MUSIC HALL & KITCHEN 743 An evening w/ Dennis Warner, 7:00PM JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Old Time Open Jam Session, 5:00PM ODDITORIUM Synergy Story Slam, 7:30PM Joshua Powell w/ Fashion Bath & Brucemont (rock), 9:00PM ORANGE PEEL ZOSO (Led Zeppelin tribute), 9:00PM POLANCO RESTAURANT 3 Cool Cats, 8:00PM POST 25 Albi & The Lifters (American swing, French chanson), 7:00PM SLY GROG LOUNGE Get Weird Wednesdays, 8:00PM THE BLOCK OFF BILTMORE DJ Phantom Pantone, 10:00PM THE IMPERIAL LIFE The Berlyn Jazz Trio , 9:00PM THE PHOENIX & THE FOX Jazz Night w/ Jason DeCristofaro, 7:00PM THE SOUTHERN Disclaimer Comedy Open Mic, 9:00PM THE WEDGE AT FOUNDATION Parodies for Charity, 7:00PM TRESSA'S DOWNTOWN JAZZ AND BLUES JJ Kitchen All Star Jam (blues, soul), 9:00PM WHITE HORSE BLACK MOUNTAIN Jazz Night, 7:30PM

58

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MOVIES

REVIEWS & LISTINGS BY SCOTT DOUGLAS, FRANCIS X. FRIEL & JUSTIN SOUTHER

HHHHH =

Christopher Plummer replaces Kevin Spacey in All The Money In The World nearly seamlessly, but to what end?

All the Money in the World HHH

DIRECTOR: Ridley Scott PLAYERS: Michelle Williams, Christopher Plummer, Mark Wahlberg, Charlie Plummer, Andrew Buchan TRUE CRIME DRAMA RATED R THE STORY: When the heir to the vast Getty fortune is abducted, his mother must negotiate his release — both with the boy’s captors, and with his notoriously penny pinching grandfather who refuses to part with the ransom money.

THE LOWDOWN: A compelling story delivered as overblown melodrama, weighed down by a handful of conspicuously weak performances, threadbare directorial style and an inflated sense of self-importance. Let’s take a moment and talk about the elephant in the room: It was a well-known fact that Kevin Spacey was a douchebag among douchebags, and I have no problem with his having being digitally removed from Ridley Scott’s latest work. If only we could have digitally

removed Scott from Alien: Covenant I would’ve had a better summer. Thankfully, I can say that Spacey’s excision is perhaps the least problematic aspect of All the Money in the World, a film about a kidnapping that drags on long enough to feel like one itself. Based on the factual abduction and ransom of J. Paul Getty III, the film drifts aimlessly through byzantine back alleys of what could only be termed intrigue were I feeling more generous, with its central cast struggling against the tide of narrative inertia thanks to a listless and overlong script from David Scarpa. Michelle Williams performs valiantly as the beleaguered mother of Getty III (Charlie Plummer), harried exwife of the drug addled Getty Jr. (Andrew Buchan) and unimpressed daughter-in-law of “the old man with the money” (Christopher Plummer). The digital surgery that allowed Plummer to replace Spacey is typically pretty inconspicuous, with only a few scenes bearing definitive signs of tampering in post. And while Plummer is as excellent as usual, I couldn’t quite escape the sense of morbid curiosity surrounding Spacey’s performance — despite being thoroughly in support of the decision to replace him and impressed by the alacrity of that decision’s execution at the 11th hour, I’m dying to see the cut footage. No, Christopher Plummer is not the problem here. He is perfectly capable of carrying Spacey’s role — this film’s issues begin at script level and spread outward exponentially. The real issue is that the picture is self-important awards bait, indulgent to a fault and lacking in any real sense of purpose. It’s a movie that is every bit as excessive as the fortune of its subject, but far less interesting than the art collection he used to shield it from the tax man. It’s too long, too pretentious and far too much late-period Ridley Scott for my taste. Add to those problems an absolutely inexplicably and inexcusably cast Mark Wahlberg as Getty’s CIA associated fixer — who doesn’t seem

M A X R AT I N G Xpress reviews virtually all upcoming movies, with two or three of the most noteworthy appearing in print. You can find our online reviews at mountainx.com/movies/reviews. This week, they include: ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD (PICK OF THE WEEK) HHH

capable of fixing much of anything — and you’ve got a recipe for near disaster. Like the reallife kidnapping, disaster was narrowly averted, but not by much. Scott ekes some style points out of his Italian setting and the palatial Getty estate, but the spiraling aerial shots and constant shaky

MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

59


SCREEN SCENE

MOVIES

T H E ATE R I N F O R M ATI O N ASHEVILLE PIZZA & BREWING CO. (254-1281) ASHEVILLEBREWING.COM/MOVIES

by Edwin Arnaudin | edwinarnaudin@gmail.com

FILM HENDERSON COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARY 301 N. Washington St., Hendersonville, 828-6974725 • WE (1/3), 2-4:30pm - Wonder Woman with Gal Gadot, film screening. Free.

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to bring to the table, Scott falls back

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resembling an award-worthy movie

EPIC OF HENDERSONVILLE (693-1146) EPICTHEATRES.COM

on his budget to pull off anything — the car rental budget for all of those classic Italian beauties must

FINE ARTS THEATRE (232-1536) FINEARTSTHEATRE.COM

have cost more per day than the

FLATROCK CINEMA (697-2463) FLATROCKCINEMA.COM

but at the end of the day, this film

entire process of cutting Spacey —

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looks as if it cost all the money in the

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it back. Rated R for language, some

world but won’t make a fraction of violence, disturbing images and brief drug content. Now Playing at AMC Classic River

cam are threadbare tricks he wore out almost two decades ago in Gladiator and Black Hawk Down. Apparently having nothing new

g

in unc

nno

A

Hills 10, Carolina Cinemark, Regal Biltmore Grande REVIEWED BY SCOTT DOUGLAS JSDOUGLAS22@GMAIL.COM

2018 BEST OF WNC THEME

STANDING OVATION: Daniel Kaluuya stars in Jordan Peele’s Get Out, which won best film of 2017 honors from the Southeastern Film Critics Association. Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures • The Parodies for Charity traveling film festival makes multiple stops in the area over the next week. The lineup is composed of short and feature-length parodies of popular television shows and movies, each of whose storylines center on beer. The main attraction is Gary Gose Gump, a spin on Forrest Gump, created by and starring Gary Glancy, founder of the local beer tour company The Brewery Experience. The film was shot in Asheville and across the country, including Death Valley, Mount Rainier, Yellowstone and Zion national parks. Screenings at Wedge at Foundation, 5 Foundy St., Tuesday, Jan. 9, and Wednesday, Jan. 10, 7-9 p.m. benefit Homeward Bound. Screenings at Flat Rock Cinema, 2700 Greenville Highway, Sunday, Jan. 14, and Monday, Jan. 15, 4-6 and 7-9 p.m. each day benefit Blue Ridge Humane Society. And the screening at Blue Ghost Brewing Co., 125 Underwood Road, Fletcher, Tuesday, Jan. 16, 7-9 p.m. benefits Safelight. Tickets to each screening are $15. avl.mx/4i0 • The Southeastern Film Critics Association has named Get Out the best film of 2017. Among the group’s members are Asheville writers Justin Souther for Xpress, Tony Kiss, Michelle Keenan and Chip Kaufmann for Rapid River, Marcianne Miller for Bold Life and this writer for AshevilleMovies.com. 

Spots No. 2-10 on the best film list went to The Shape of Water; Dunkirk; Lady Bird; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; The Post; The Florida Project; Call Me By Your Name; Darkest Hour; and The Disaster Artist. Best actor went to Gary Oldman for Darkest Hour, best actress to Sally Hawkins for The Shape of Water, best supporting actor to Sam Rockwell for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and best supporting actress to Laurie Metcalf for Lady Bird. Get Out writer/director Jordan Peele took home best original screenplay while Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri won best ensemble. Other awards were fairly evenly spread out with The Shape of Water’s Guillermo del Toro earning best director, James Ivory winning best adapted screenplay for Call Me By Your Name and Hoyte Van Hoytema’s Dunkirk cinematography taking its category. Elsewhere, Jane was named best documentary, First They Killed My Father claimed best foreign language film, and Coco received best animated film. SEFCA’s Wyatt Award — named in memory of charter member Gene Wyatt and given annually to the film that best captures the spirit of the South — went to Mudbound, Dee Rees’ film about African-American and white World War II veterans struggling to adjust to postwar life in rural Mississippi.  X

1 00 %

2018

T IF C E R I ED

S EW N E FAK Y

PAROD

The photos are gonna be GREAT! 60

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

MOUNTAINX.COM

Wellness Issues Contact us today! 828-251-1333 x 320 advertise@mountainx.com

Publish Jan. 31 & Feb. 7


MARKETPLACE STA RTI NG F RI DAY Due to advanced holiday deadlines, additional bookings may be announced after time of press. Check with your local theater for listings.

REA L ESTATE | REN TA L S | R O O M M ATES | SER VI C ES JOB S | A N N OU N CEM ENTS | M I ND, BO DY, SPI R I T CL A SSES & WORKSH OPS | M USI C I ANS’ SER VI C ES PETS | A U TOMOTI VE | X C HANG E | ADULT

Insidious: The Last Key

Want to advertise in Marketplace? 828-251-1333 x111 tnavaille@mountainx.com • mountainx.com/classifieds

Fourth installment in the Insidious franchise. According to the studio, “In this supernatural thriller, which welcomes back franchise standout Lin Shaye as Dr. Elise Rainier, the brilliant parapsychologist faces her most fearsome and personal haunting yet: in her own family home.” No early reviews. (PG-13)

Molly’s Game

Directorial debut of writer Aaron Sorkin, starring Jessica Chastain with Idris Elba, Kevin Costner and Michael Cera. According to the studio, “Molly’s Game is based on the true story of Molly Bloom, an Olympic-class skier who ran the world’s most exclusive high-stakes poker game for a decade before being arrested in the middle of the night by 17 FBI agents wielding automatic weapons. Her players included Hollywood royalty, sports stars, business titans and, finally, unbeknownst to her, the Russian mob. Her only ally was her criminal defense lawyer Charlie Jaffey, who learned that there was much more to Molly than the tabloids led us to believe.” Early reviews positive. (R)

SP E CI AL SCREENI NGS

Things to Come HHHH

DIRECTOR: Alexander Korda PLAYERS: Raymond Massey, Edward Chapman, Ralph Richardson, Margaretta Scott, Cedric Hardwicke SCIENCE FICTION Rated NR Visionary author H.G. Wells may have vacillated between optimism and cynicism throughout his career as a sci-fi prophet, and both ends of that spectrum are encompassed in his script for Things to Come (1936). adapting from his own essay, Wells paints a bleak picture of a not-to-distant future decimated by war and returned to a primitive condition until an emissary from a cabal of enlightened humanists shows up with an offer to institute a new world order. Director Alexander Korda accomplished some remarkable visual effects feats given the era in which the film was made, and while Wells’ dialogue is distinctly clunky, the prescience of his vision provides a timely reminder of the risks inherent to a society lacking benevolent and intelligent guidance. Just a reminder, all future Asheville Film Society screenings at the Grail will begin at 7:00 instead of 7:30. The Asheville Film Society will screen Things to Come on Tuesday, Jan 9, at 7:00 p.m. at the Grail Moviehouse, hosted by Xpress movie critic Scott Douglas.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Remember the Russian proverb: “Doveryai, no proveryai,” trust but verify. When answering classified ads, always err on the side of caution. Especially beware of any party asking you to give them financial or identification information. The Mountain Xpress cannot be responsible for ensuring that each advertising client is legitimate. Please report scams to ads@mountainx.com RENTALS CONDOS/ TOWNHOMES FOR RENT NORTH ASHEVILLE TOWNHOUSES 2BR: $795 • 3BR: $895 • 1 mile from downtown. • Hardwood floors. • (no pets policy). (828) 252-4334.

HOMES FOR RENT 3BR, 1BA BLACK MOUNTAIN Washer/dryer, fenced private landscaped yard. Pets considered. Hardwood floors, central heat/ air. Carport, partially furnished if needed. $1450/month. (828) 5450043.

SHORT-TERM RENTALS 10 MINUTES TO ASHEVILLE Separate entrance apartment vacation/short term rental in Weaverville, pets allowed/ pet deposit. Complete with

everything including internet. $100/day (2 day minimum, $650/ week, $1500/month. duffwhazzup@gmail.com 15 MINUTES TO ASHEVILLE Guest house, vacation/short term rental in beautiful country setting. • Complete with everything including cable and internet. • $150/day (2-day minimum), $650/ week, $1500/month. Weaverville area. • No pets please. (828) 6589145. mhcinc58@yahoo.com

WANTED TO RENT SEEKING SMALL APARTMENT Professional pianist seeks small apartment in exchange for house/ yard work/cash. References from Emory University area in Atlanta. Guitar/music lessons also possible. Call John: (404) 740-6903.

EMPLOYMENT GENERAL GREEN OPPORTUNITIES IS CURRENTLY ACCEPTING RESUMES FOR A PART-TIME YOUTHBUILD JOB DEVELOPER Green Opportunities is currently accepting resumes for a part-time YouthBuild Job Developer. Please send resumes and cover letters to apply@greenopportunities.org. To view the full description, visit www.greenopportunities.org. HIRING FOR NAVITAT'S 2018 SALES AND CUSTOMER SERVICE TEAM! Spend 2018 working with a group of talented and passionate outdoor enthusiasts! We are seeking hard-working, customer service-oriented sales team members for the 2018 season. Learn more at www.navitat. com.

LIBERTY TAX SERVICE Part-time tax preparers needed for North Asheville tax preparation service. Experienced tax knowledge skills needed for the upcoming season. Part-time of 20-25 hours per week. Tax update training required. 828-505-2002 jdenny@ libertytax.com NAVITAT CANOPY ADVENTURES - HIRING CANOPY GUIDES Thrill, Educate and Inspire! Spend 2018 working outside in the trees with a world class team! We are seeking enthusiastic and adventurous canopy guides for the 2018 season. Learn more at www.navitat.com. TROLLEY TOUR GUIDES If you are a "people person," love Asheville, have a valid Commercial Driver's License (CDL) and clean driving record you could be a great Tour Guide. Full-time and seasonal part-time positions available. Training provided. Contact us today! 828 251-8687.Info@ GrayLineAsheville.com www. GrayLineAsheville.com

The

Sustainability

Series

CELEBRATING EARTH DAY 2018

Exploring the landscape of sustainability in WNC in all four April issues of Mountain Xpress Contact us today! 828-251-1333 x 320 advertise@mountainx.com MOUNTAINX.COM

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

61


FREEWILL ASTROLOGY ARIES (March 21-April 19): In 2018, your past will undergo transformation. Your memories will revise and rearrange themselves. Bygone events that seemed complete and definitive will shimmy and shift, requiring new interpretations. The stories you have always told about how you became who you are will have to be edited, perhaps even rewritten. While these overhauls may sometimes be disconcerting, they will ultimately be liberating. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 2018, people will be drawn to you even more than usual. Some will want you to be their rock — their steady, stable source of practical truth. Some will ask you to be their tonic — their regular, restorative dose of no-nonsense. And others will find in you a creative catalyst that helps them get out of their ruts and into their grooves. And what will you receive in return for providing such a stellar service? First, there’ll be many opportunities to deepen and refine your integrity. To wield that much influence means you’ll have to consistently act with high-minded motivations. And secondly, Taurus, you’ll get a steady supply of appreciation that will prove to be useful as well as gratifying. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Influences that oppose you will fade as 2018 unfolds. People who have been resistant and uncooperative will at least partially disengage. To expedite the diminishing effects of these influences and people, avoid struggling with them. Loosen the grip they have on your imagination. Any time they leak into your field of awareness, turn your attention instead to an influence or person that helps and supports you. Here’s another idea about how to collaborate with the cosmic rhythms to reduce the conflict in your life: Eliminate any unconscious need you might have for the perversely invigorating energy provided by adversaries and bugaboos. Find positive new ways to motivate yourself.

62

BY ROB BREZSNY

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Before the 15th century, European nations confined their sailing to the Mediterranean Sea. The ocean was too rough for their fragile, unadaptable ships. But around 1450, the Portuguese developed a new kind of vessel, the caravel. It employed a triangular sail that enabled it to travel against the wind. Soon, exploratory missions ventured into the open sea and down along the coast of West Africa. Eventually, this new technology enabled long westward trips across the Atlantic. I propose that we make the caravel your symbol of power for 2018, Libra. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will find or create a resource that enables you to do the metaphorical equivalent of effectively sailing into the wind. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Aztecs were originally wanderers. They kept moving from place to place, settling temporarily in areas throughout the land we now call Mexico. An old prophecy told them that they would eventually find a permanent home at a site where they saw an eagle roosting on a cactus as it clutched a snake in its talons. There came a day in the 14th century when members of the tribe spied this very scene on an island in the middle of a lake. That’s where they began to build the city that in time was the center of their empire. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, so it can serve as a metaphor to guide you in 2018. I suspect that you, too, will discover your future power spot — the heart of your domain for years to come. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Not every minute of every day, but when you have had the time, you’ve been searching for a certain treasure. With patience and persistence, you have narrowed down its whereabouts by collecting clues and following your intuition. Now, at last, you know its exact location. As you arrive, ready to claim it, you tremble with anticipation. But when you peel away the secrets in which it has been wrapped, you see that it’s not exactly what you expected. Your first response is disappointment. Nevertheless, you decide to abide in the presence of the confusing blessing and see what happens. Slowly, incrementally, you become aware of a new possibility: that you’re not quite ready to understand and use the treasure; that you’ll have to grow new capacities before you’ll be ready for it in its fullness.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I predict that in 2018 you will figure out how to get your obsessions to consistently work for your greatest good. You will come to understand what you must do to ensure they never drag you down into manic self-sabotage. The resolute ingenuity you summon to accomplish this heroic feat will change you forever. You will be reborn into a more vibrant version of your life. Passions that in the past have drained and confused you will become efficient sources of fuel for your worthiest dreams.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Soulful beauty will be a major theme for you in 2018. Or at least it should be. But I suppose it’s possible you’re not very interested in soulful beauty, perhaps even bored by it. Maybe you prefer skin-deep beauty or expensive beauty or glamorous beauty. If you choose to follow predilections like those, you’ll lose out on tremendous opportunities to grow wilder and wiser. But let’s hope you make yourself available for a deeper, more provocative kind of beauty — a beauty that you could become more skilled at detecting as the year unfolds.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Just because you have become accustomed to a certain trouble doesn’t mean you should stop searching for relief from that trouble. Just because a certain pain no longer knocks you into a demoralized daze for days at a time doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Now here’s the good news: In 2018, you can finally track down the practical magic necessary to accomplish a thorough healing of that trouble and pain. Make this the year you find a more ultimate cure.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Let your freak flag fly” was an expression that arose from the hippie culture of the 1960s and 1970s. It was a colorful way to say, “Be your most unique and eccentric self; show off your idiosyncrasies with uninhibited pride.” I propose that we revive it for your use in 2018. I suspect the coming months will be a favorable time for you to cultivate your quirks and trust your unusual impulses. You should give yourself maximum freedom to explore pioneering ideas and maverick inclinations. Paradoxically, doing so will lead to stabilizing and enduring improvements in your life.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Have you ever nursed a yearning to speak Swahili or Chinese or Russian? The coming months will be an excellent time to get that project underway. Do you fantasize about trying exotic cuisines and finding new favorite foods? I invite you to act on that fantasy in 2018. Is there a form of manual labor that would be tonic for your mental and physical health? Life is giving you a go-ahead to do more of it. Is there a handicraft or ball game you’d like to become more skilled at? Get started. Is there a new trick you’d like to learn to do with your mouth or hands? Now’s the time.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In accordance with the astrological omens, I suggest you start compiling a list entitled, “People, Places, Ideas, and Things I Didn’t Realize Until Now That I Could Fall in Love With.” And then keep adding more and more items to this tally during the next 10 months. To get the project underway in the proper spirit, you should wander freely and explore jauntily, giving yourself permission to instigate interesting mischief and brush up against deluxe temptations. For best results, open your heart and your eyes as wide as you can. One further clue: Act on the assumption that in 2018 you will be receptive to inspirational influences and life-transforming teachings that you have never before been aware of.

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

MOUNTAINX.COM

SKILLED LABOR/ TRADES AUDIO/ VIDEO INSTALLER Audio/Video Installation position available in a well established local AV firm: Residential, Commercial, Worship, Medical and Educational. Seeking a quick learning hard worker. Previous experience with A/V installation, A/V operation, Recording, Construction, Networking and Programming are all a plus. Pay, advancement and benefits dependent upon experience and performance. Email:becky@musiciansworkshop. com for application.

SALES/ MARKETING

SALES PROFESSIONAL Mountain Xpress has a salaried sales position open. Ideal candidates are personable, wellspoken, motivated, and can present confidently. Necessary skills include clear and professional communications (via phone, email, and in-person meetings), detailed record-keeping, computer skills, and working well in a team environment. The position largely entails, account development and lead generation (including coldcalling), account management, and working to meet or exceed sales goals. If you are a high energy, positive, cooperative person looking to join an independent, community-minded organization, please send a resume and cover letter (no walkins, please) explaining why you are a good fit for Mountain Xpress to: xpressjob@mountainx.com UNDERWRITING ACCOUNT REPRESENTATIVE Asheville FM community radio seeks ambitious salesperson to secure, develop and maintain business accounts. Customer service and communication skills. One year sales or

marketing experience. Broadcast media a plus! Commission only. Equal opportunity employer. Send resume to: hiring@ashevillefm.org • Full job description at www.ashevillefm.org

HUMAN SERVICES WILDERNESS FIELD INSTRUCTOR Trails Momentum is looking for qualified individuals to lead therapeutic wilderness expeditions/adventures and base camp programming helping troubled young adults. Please send resume and cover letter to transdell@ trailsmomentum.com

TEACHING/ EDUCATION

LEGAL DENIED CREDIT? Work to repair your credit report with the trusted leader in credit repair. Call Lexington Law for a Free credit report summary and credit repair consultation. 855-620-9426. John C. Heath, Attorney at Law, PLLC, dba Lexington Law Firm. (AAN CAN)

HOME IMPROVEMENT HANDY MAN HIRE A HUSBAND • HANDYMAN SERVICES Since 1993. Multiple skill sets. Reliable, trustworthy, quality results. $1 million liability insurance. References and estimates available. Stephen Houpis, (828) 280-2254.

HEATING & COOLING INTERESTED IN WORKING AT A-B TECH? Full-Time, Part-Time and Adjunct Positions available. Come help people achieve their dreams! Apply for open positions at https://abtcc.peopleadmin. com

SALON/ SPA STYLISTS • NAIL TECHNICIAN Studio Chavarria, 17 Rankin Avenue. Seeking talented Commission Stylists and Nail Technician. We're located in downtown Asheville. Convenient parking. Established clientele. Please call to interview: 828 236-9191.

SERVICES ENTERTAINMENT DISH NETWORK-SATELLITE TELEVISION SERVICES Now over 190 channels for only $49.99/ month! HBO-Free for one year, Free Installation, Free Streaming, Free HD. Add Internet for $14.95 a month. 1-800-373-6508. (AAN CAN)

MAYBERRY HEATING AND COOLING Oil and Gas Furnaces • Heat Pumps and AC • • Radiant Floor Heating • • Solar Hot Water • Sales • Service • Installation. • Visa • MC • Discover. Call (828) 658-9145.

ANNOUNCEMENTS ANNOUNCEMENTS MAKE THE CALL TO START GETTING CLEAN TODAY Free 24/7 Helpline for alcohol & drug addiction treatment. Get help! It is time to take your life back! Call Now: 855-732-4139. (AAN CAN) NOTICE OF UNCLAIMED PROPERTY The following is a list of unclaimed and confiscated property at the Asheville Police Department: electronic equipment; cameras; clothing; lawn and garden equipment; personal items; tools; weapons (including firearms): jewelry: automotive items; building supplies; bikes and other miscellaneous items. Anyone with a legitimate claim or interest in this property has 30

days from the date of this publication to make a claim. Unclaimed items will be disposed of according to statutory law. For further information, or to file a claim, contact the Asheville Police Department Property and Evidence Section, 828-232-4576. NOTICE OF DISPOSITION The following is a list of unclaimed and confiscated property at the Asheville Police Department tagged for disposition: audio and video equipment; cameras; clothing; lawn and garden equipment; personal items; tools; weapons (including firearms): jewelry: automotive items; building supplies; bikes and other miscellaneous. All items will be disposed of 30 days from date of posting. Items to be auctioned will be displayed on www.propertyroom.com. PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION? Call us first. Living expenses, housing, medical, and continued support afterwards. Choose adoptive family of your choice. Call 24/7. 877-362-2401. (AAN CAN)

MIND, BODY, SPIRIT COUNSELING SERVICES CONSCIOUS LIFE COUNSELING DeAnne Hampton BS/MA Energy Intuitive, Author, Teacher. You are the instrument - understand yourself as energy, become empowered to create new life. It is a NEW DAY! deannehampton. net 828-275-7151

NATURAL ALTERNATIVES KAMBO-SAPO CLEANSE (SHAMANIC) Kambo-Sapo Cleanse (Shamanic) “Wakes up the Body’s Natural Intelligence to Heal Itself” Increased energy-Cleanses and revitalizes organs Reduces Inflammation-Eliminates Toxins Overall sense of wellbeing Contact Jim 828-318-5582 or jaguarone1@ gmail.com


SPIRITUAL

AUTOMOTIVE AUTOS FOR SALE

JULIE KING: LICENSED MINISTER, TEACHER, INTUITIVE HEALER Www.AcuPsychic.com. 828-884-4169. If you can see the Future You can Change it! For 35 years, she has been helping others create their future. A gifted psychic in all matters of life, internationally known on TV and radio. Mentoring & Courses available.

FOR MUSICIANS MUSICAL SERVICES FIRST 2 PIANO LESSONS FREE AT SUMMIT ACADEMY OF MUSIC! Give the gift of music this year! Suzuki and traditional piano lessons are now available at Summit Academy of Music in South Asheville. Contact us today! www.summitmusicasheville.com | m.a.maxwell9@gmail.com NOW ACCEPTING STUDENTS IN JAZZ PIANO, COMPOSITION, AND IMPROVISATION (ALL INSTRUMENTS). Michael Jefry Stevens, “WNC Best Composer 2016” and “Steinway Artist”, now accepting students in jazz piano, composition, and improvisation (all instruments). 35 years experience. M.A. from Queens College (NYC). Over 90 cds released. 9179161363. michaeljefrystevens.com WHITEWATER RECORDING Mixing • Mastering • Recording. (828) 684-8284 www.whitewaterrecording.com

Low Mileage 2007 Audi A4 4dr Sedan 2.0 Turbo Tiptronic Quattro Liquid Blue Metallic, Platinum Interior, Leather Seats, Dark Walnut Wood Trim, Sunroof, Sirius XM Radio, Navigation Plus, Bluetooth, clean, 78,500 miles, recent tires, battery, Deal/Harmony servicing since new. (828) 398-0493‬

AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES WE'LL FIX IT AUTOMOTIVE • Honda and Acura repair. Half price repair and service. ASE and factory trained. Located in the Weaverville area, off exit 15. Please call (828) 275-6063 for appointment. www.wellfixitautomotive.com

ADULT ADULT LIVELINKS Chat Lines. Flirt, chat and date! Talk to sexy real singles in your area. Call now! 1-844-3595773 (AAN CAN). PENIS ENLARGEMENT PUMP Get stronger and harder erections immediately. Gain 1-3 inches permanently and safely. Guaranteed results. FDA Licensed. Free brochure: 1-800-354-3944. www. DrJoelKaplan.com (AAN CAN)

T H E N E W Y OR K TI M ES CR OSSWOR D PU ZZLE

ACROSS

1 What you see when you look up? 7 Observe Ramadan 11 Brand name after “Oh! Oh!,” in old ads 15 Ready to retire 16 ___ mater 17 Gather 18 2015’s Obergefell v. Hodges, for one 21 Channel with a 24-hour “A Christmas Story” marathon on Christmas 22 Slackens 23 Japanese noodle type 24 Hershey toffee bar 25 Baler input 27 Leon Uris’s “___ 18” 30 ___ land 33 Row at the bottom of a spreadsheet 38 Japanese art style 40 Product of assorted tones of makeup 42 Email holder 43 Iconic chain restaurant, informally 44 Japanese drum 45 So-called “selfwringing” cleaning implement

edited by Will Shortz

47 More firm, as footing 48 Motionless conditions 49 Deduce, with “out” 51 Way more than a few 52 Massage 54 Who is told “don’t preach,” in a Madonna hit 56 Big get for a reporter 60 Plate umpire’s call 63 ___ lepton (elementary particle) 66 Early 2000s Fox reality show 69 Frozen drink brand 70 Sell 71 Half of quadraphonic 72 Tear to bits 73 On the ocean 74 Record label for the singers starting 18-, 40-, 45- and 66-Across 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8 Source of trendy health juices 9 Compress 10 Word with coal or pine 11 Two-tone apex predator 12 Castigate, with “out” 13 ___ of use 14 Emotionally honest 19 Otalgia 20 They’re held at the beginning of the season 24 Coconutty Girl Scout cookies 26 From ___ Z 27 Hurts 28 “Don’t you agree?,” in British lingo 29 Sign of balance? 31 Is in the offing 32 Pear variety 34 Reason for a hospitalization DOWN 35 Filmmaker Kurosawa Helper: Abbr. 36 Compare Extracurricular group 37 Alibi Gym rat’s count 39 Reader’s Digest offering “___ the ramparts …” 41 Tennis technique Command to a dog 46 Six-time Sugar Bowl winner, for short Emblem 50 Pleasure from “The following inflicting pain is completely true:”

No. 1129

PUZZLE BY ERIK AGARD

53 Nibbles 55 Gnocchi topper 56 Show signs of life 57 Gospel star Winans 58 Portent

ANSWER TO PUZZLE XPRESS

59 Column that leans to one side? 61 Square after four 62 It may come from a fountain 63 Food from a root

64 Freshly 65 Japanese noodle type 67 Director DuVernay 68 Tennis umpire’s call

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS NY TIMES PUZZLE

ASHEVILLE FM is hiring a GENERAL MANAGER

AshevilleFM FMis hiring seeksa qualified ASHEVILLE GENERAL MANAGER

Underwriting Account Executive Asheville FM (WSFM-LP 103.3), a volunteer-based

grassroots non-profit

community station 103.3), in Asheville, N.C., is seeking grassroots to hire a general Asheville FM radio (WSFM-LP a volunteer-based non-profit manager.radio Formed in 2009, have overN.C., 70 active volunteers sixty is The Underwriting Account Executive community station inwe Asheville, is seeking toproducing hire a (UAE) general local, original and rapidly expanding. manager. Formedprograms in 2009, we are have over 70 active volunteers sixty responsible for generating revenue forproducing Asheville FM by local, original programs and are rapidly developing andexpanding. furthering relationships with clients The general manager will work in collaboration and cooperation with the ensure continued support for to thehelp organization’s volunteers, membership,toindependent contractors, and board usher in

The ageneral manager work in products collaboration and cooperation with the new era for Ashevillewill FM. broadcast and services. In this highly visible volunteers, membership, independent contractors, and board to help usher in outside position, this motivated sales representative a new era range for Asheville Salary for this FM. full-time position is $40,000 or more, depending on one to of meet the station’s ambassadors to the education, experience,acts andasability organizational goals and

business community. This is more, a commission objectives. Bonuses Friends of Community Radio offers paid time offsales Salary range for this possible. full-time position is $40,000 or depending on opportunity with of growth potential. Please and opportunities for professional development. education, experience, and ability to lots meet organizational goals have and prior Friends sales or of marketing experience. Any paid time time spentoff in objectives. Bonuses possible. Community Radio offers APPLICATION broadcast mediaPROCESS is a plus. and opportunities for professional development. Please view full job description at our website: www.ashevillefm.org APPLICATION PROCESS APPLICATION Send resume and cover PROCESS letter that includes Please where view full job description atjob ourto: website: you learned about this Please view full job description at our website: www.ashevillefm.org www.ashevillefm.org hiring@ashevillefm.org

Send resume and cover includes where you learned Send resume and that cover letter that includes where you learned about this to: about this job to:ashiring@ashevillefm.org Applications will be reviewed received until job the position is filled. hiring@ashevillefm.org Friends of Community Radio, Inc. is committed to the principle of equal opportunity in its employment and Applications will be reviewed asnotreceived untilindividuals the position israce, filled. operations. Friends of Community Radio, Inc. does discriminate against on the basis of color, sex, sexual orientation, religion, disability, age, veteran status, ancestry, or national or ethnic origin. Applications will be reviewed as received until the position is filled. Asheville FM is a 501c3 nonprofit corporation and an equal opportunity employer. Asheville FM values

racial and cultural diversity, of the environment, labor practices, educationand and Friends of Community Radio, the Inc. well-being is committed to the principle ofequitable equal opportunity in its employment the arts, as Friends well as of social and economic justice. FM seeks to build relationships like-mindoperations. Community Radio, Inc. doesAsheville not discriminate against individuals on thewith basis of race, ed regional businesses in order to build partnerships that are culturally transformative. color, sex, sexual orientation, religion, disability, age, veteran status, ancestry, or national or ethnic origin.

KIDS ISSUES 2018

Paul Caron

Furniture Magician • Cabinet Refacing • Furniture Repair

Coming MARCH 14 & 21

• Seat Caning • Antique Restoration • Custom Furniture & Cabinetry (828) 669-4625

MOUNTAINX.COM

• Black Mountain

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

63


64

JAN. 3 - 9, 2018

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Profile for Mountain Xpress

Mountain Xpress 01.03.18  

Independent news, arts and events for Western North Carolina.

Mountain Xpress 01.03.18  

Independent news, arts and events for Western North Carolina.

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