Motley Magazine December edition

december 2011 - issue no. 4 ucc official magazine

Reeling in the years A factual and not so factual look at the last 12 months

Fashion stocking fillers Find out what the fashion writers want for Chrismas 1

A dedication to Caolan I was going to write your typical December editorial, looking forward to Christmas, but seeing senseDecember of sadness and worry I was going to write your the typical editorial, around UCC over the last week, it seems inappropriate to do looking forward to Christmas, but seeing the senseso. of

sadness and worry around UCC over the last week, it

The family and friends of Caolan Mulrooney have shown so much seems inappropriate to do so. strength and love by their efforts over the last few days. The old adage that actions speak louder than words seems truer than ever given the momentous campaign that has been conducted. The thoughts of everyone involved in Motley are with them at this time and we hope the strength they have shown sustains them over the next few weeks and months. We dedicate this issue to Caolan, his family and friends, and all those that helped in the search efforts.

Kevin and the whole Motley team

THE TEAM Kevin Curran

Editor editor@motley.ie

Richard Sheehy

Design layout@motley.ie

Jerry Larkin

Current Affairs currentaffairs@motley.ie

Alan Conway

Deputy Current Affairs

John Murphy

Entertainment entertainments@motley.ie

Mary Egan

Deputy entertainments

Cathal Brennan

Features features@motley.ie

Athos Tsiopani

Deputy Features

Sarah Commane

Fashion fashion@motley.ie

Aisling Fitzpatrick

Deputy Fashion

Julia Healy

Photo Editor photo@motley.ie

Eoghan Healy

Advertising comms@uccsu.ie

Vivienne Crowley

Copy Editor

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Ree in Ye

eling the ear

CONTENTS

2011

Current affairs

Alan Conways discusses why the Government are going the wrong route with the budget.

Entertainments

O Emperor tell us about their upcoming tour and preparations for the new album.

We take a look at what you can watch during the holidays

Features

Cathal Brennan talks about tenant rights and all that jazz Noel Daly talks about why Computer Science is for the cool kids

Fashion

Have a look at the fashion highlights of 2011

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Reeling in the Year - 2011

Jerry Larkin and Alan Conway look back at an extraordinary year January Civil Partnership Bill comes into effect – A long awaited Bill is welcomed as a progression, it is however criticized in many quarters as not going far enough to ensure true equality, as Civil Partnership still denies key rights granted through marriage, such as the right to adopt children.

April

Fukishima – The Nuclear Emergency in Fukishima reaches its height, having been struck by Earthquakes and Tsunami workers tirelessly continue to avert catastrophe. In a commendable turn of events elderly, former, employees volunteer to enter the reactor in order to avoid their younger colleagues from having to expose themselves to the radiation. In the weeks following the resolution of the crisis, work is performed tirelessly to resume a sense of normality.

Brian Cowen Resigns – A date for a long awaited General Election is set as Fianna Fáil turn against their Party leader, electing Micheál Martin in his place.

Portugal Bailout – Portugal becomes the latest victim of the Euro debt crisis and the third country (after Greece and Ireland) to seek external financial assistance. A €78 billion bailout package is eventually agreed, which is evenly split between the EU and the

The human side of the recession – The death of 30 year old mother of two in Ballymun due to hypothermia grips the nation, Dublin City Council deny allegations that heating to the flat hat been turned off. It is later revealed at the inquest that the young mother had not eaten properly for three days.

May Northern Irish Assembly Elections – The Democratic Unionist Party & Sinn Féin increase their representation in Stormont while the Ulster Unionist Party & SDLP continue their decline, much to the advantage of the Alliance Party.

February Closure of the Sunday Tribune – A sad day for journalism in Ireland dawned with the closure of the Sunday Tribune. Having moved to a more ‘tabloid’ route in the preceding years, readership had fallen significantly. In an abhorrent move, the Irish Mail on Sunday proceeded to publish an edition under the guise of a final copy of the Tribune, a move for which is currently pending judgement in the courts.

General election – Fianna Fáil are ousted from government emphatically, losing 50 seats. During depressing economic times The Green Party takes it upon itself to cheer up the nation when it speaks of what policies it will implement if elected to government. It remains to be seen if the humour related to the Green Party being elected to government, or actually implementing policies while in government.

March The Arab Spring – Having begun in Tunisia in December, the Risings across the Arab world has spread from the Western Sahara to as far as Oman, and takes place in upwards of seventeen individual states.

While many are subdued by the summer, regime changes eventually occur in Tunisia, Libya & Egypt with protests & violence still continuing to the current day in a number of others.

A New Government – Regime change also takes effect in Ireland with a Fine Gael – Labour coalition coming to power for the first time in nearly 15 years.

Retirement of a Giant – Cuban Revolutionary Leader Fidel Castro stood down, removing himself from the leadership of the Republic of Cuba for the first time since the revolution, 46 years previously. As he addressed the conference of the Communist Party of Cuba it was reported that many wept as the crowd of over 1,000 proffered a standing ovation.

Death of Osama bin Laden – Killed in a compound in Pakistan by a Navy Seal team. While the removal of bin Laden from international affairs was welcomed across the board, questions were raised about the trend of America to openly favour extra-judicial killing and assassination despite both International Law and American Executive Orders to the contrary.

The Gaza Flotilla Raid – The Israeli military illegally boarded ships, in international waters, from the Free Gaza Flotilla, which was transporting humanitarian supplies, and killed 9 civilians and wounded many more. The event leads to the deterioration of Turkish-Israeli relations and Turkey later claiming it would guard future attempts to land aid at the port of Gaza.

Further international condemnation was exacerbated as in the months previous to the raid, the Israeli military had been launching attacks into Gaza itself.

June Ratko Mladić brought to the Hague – Arriving to answer 11 charges ranging from Genocide to Crimes against humanity Mladić enters a plea of not guilty. His capture was welcomed across the world and the trial itself is set to begin in 2012.

Smithwick Tribunal – As one of our final currently running Tribunals runs to an end it is revealed that the Tribunal has spoken with senior officers from the IRA at the time of the alleged collusion by Gardaí. Furthermore, sources revealed in the Phoenix suggest that much of the evidence suggesting collusion being investigated by the Tribunal is of little note and easily explained otherwise. The continuation of the Tribunal after such revelations is in stark contrast to the refusal of the British government a month previous to release files relating to alleged British state collusion into the DublinMonaghan Bombings and later reneging on implications that an inquiry would be held into the death of solicitor Pat Finucane.

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July South Sudan gains independence – Following a referendum in January, South Sudan officially secedes from Sudan, becoming the youngest country in the world. The result of the referendum was over-overwhelmingly in favour of separation, with just under 99% of registered voters opting for a yes vote.

Despite some minor violence before the referendum, the vote was deemed legitimate, with the UN calling it “timely, fair, peaceful [and] credible”. The new government headed by President Salva Kiir Mayardit faces an uphill task, with a GDP per capita of $1,546 making it one of the poorest countries in the world, along with a major on-going humanitarian situation which leaves the under-five infant mortality rate at a breath-taking 135.3 per 1,000. Although the US lifted a trade embargo on the new state in July, the on-going embargo against Sudan due to the conflict in Darfur will still have negative effects on the economy of South Sudan.

Utøya massacre – On the 22nd of July at 3:25 PM, a car bomb in Oslo, Norway ripped through the government quarter of the city, killing 8 people and critically injuring 10 others. The presumed aim of the bomb was left-wing Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg, although he was unhurt. The initial presumption was of a terrorist attack, though the shootings in Utøya later disproved this. Meanwhile, the Norwegian Labour Party’s youth wing, the AUF, were holding their annual summer camp on the idyllic island of Utøya when at 5 PM, a gunman dressed in an authentic-looking police uniform arrived on the island with a rifle and a pistol. Using his disguise, and taking advantage of the fear already felt by those on the island due to the earlier bombing, he went on a murderous shooting rampage killing 69 people, mainly teenagers. The gunman - who was also responsible for the car bomb - was later named as Anders Behring Breivik, a man who holds far-right beliefs and believes immigration is damaging Norway, with a particular hatred reserved for Muslims. The far-right has been growing in Scandinavia in general, with the anti-immigration Progress party getting 23% of the popular vote in the 2009 Norwegian general election.

August Battle of Tripoli – What initially began as protests in the city of Benghazi in February - inspired by the Arab Spring taking hold in other Middle-Eastern countries quickly led to a full-blown Libyan civil war in subsequent months, between rebels and loyalists to the dictatorship of Muammar Gaddafi. The climax of this civil war was the final assault on the Libyan capital of Tripoli which began on the 20th of August – the date chosen to coincide with Ramadan. After securing high-profile targets such as Tripoli International Airport, the state TV centre, and crucially, Bab al-Azizia (the compound of Gaddafi), the city of Tripoli was fully under rebel control by the 28th of August, although Gaddafi could not be found.

He was eventually captured and killed in October in controversial circumstances in Sirte, his home town and last remaining stronghold.

Sindh floods – Following heavy monsoon rains in mid-August, major flooding occurs in the Pakistani province of Sindh. As well as leaving approximately 434 people dead, it affects 8.9 million people and damage 1.7 million acres of farming land. This event follows on from the 2010 Pakistan flooding, which killed approximately 2000 people and which prompted severe criticism of the Pakistani government for their inadequate response. Later, in September, the UN launches a $357 million appeal for the victims of the flooding.

September Spontaneous combustion – The first ever Irish case of spontaneous combustion is reported in Galway. Micheal Flaherty died at his home in December 2010 due to a fire, without any trace of an accelerant and with foul play ruled out. Spontaneous combustion occurs when a human body is set alight, without any apparent external source of ignition.

Neutrino upsets the scientific establishment – One of the most fundamental rules of science – that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light – is broken, when European scientists discover that a particle called a neutrino can do just that. Experiments are on-going to prove the veracity of the initial results.

Photo credit: Corbis

October Israeli-Palestinian prisoner swap – After 5 years in Hamas captivity, Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit is released. His freeing is part of a deal in which 1,027 Palestinian prisoners are also released. His capture had been a major point of contention in talks between the leaders of Israel and Palestine, and had provoked a major international campaign seeking his release.

Irish Presidential election – Following a controversial and exhaustive election campaign, Micheal D. Higgins is elected as the 9th President of Ireland on October 29th. He is the first male President in 21 years, and only the second President not to be nominated by Fianna Fáil. The election further underpins the demise of Fianna Fáil as a political force in Ireland as they do not even field a candidate. The independent candidate Sean Gallagher had been in a very strong position coming into the final week of the campaign, but an infamous gaffe over his financial irregularities on the Primetime debate ensured the Presidency went to the Labour candidate.

November Ireland qualify for Euro 2012 – After 24 years of hurt, Ireland reach the European Championships for only the second time ever, with a two-leg play-off victory against Estonia. The tournament may be the last chance that the likes of Shay Given, Damien Duff, Robbie Keane and Richard Dunne have to perform in a major international tournament. Euro 2012 will be held in Poland and Ukraine in June next year.

December

Budget 2012 – On Tuesday December 6th the latest austerity budget is revealed by Minister for Finance Michael Noonan, with an adjustment of €3.8 billion - €2.2 billion in spending cuts and €1.6 billion in additional taxation. There is major embarrassment for the Government weeks earlier when it was revealed that the German parliament had been discussing Irish budgetary measures before the Dáil. Measures rumoured to be in Budget 2012 include a cut in child benefit, a 2% increase in VAT and the introduction of water charges.

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The End Game for the Euro?

Current Affairs Editor Jerry Larkin assesses the changing European political scene and the likely consequences of the Euro Crisis The Euro debt crisis increasingly resembles the film Groundhog Day, without the comedic relief, of course. Every time the European leaders appear to devise a long-lasting, concrete set of solutions for the crisis, they are immediately discarded as insufficient by the markets. The latest attempt of a compromise at the G-20 summit in Cannes, France resulted in an agreement to set aside more money to recapitalise the troubled European banking sector (which have taken a hit with the partial default in Greece and the increasing uncertainty around the currency), and increasing the effective capacity of the European Financial Stability Fund – the bailout fund established in 2010 - to €1 trillion (although this will be achieved through leveraging, which does not mean that the amount is immediately available). German attempts to get funding from so-called BRIC countries to help shore up the EFSF was unsuccessful, presumably because these countries do not wish to contribute to helping maintain the high living standards that Europeans have come to expect, and for which they seek to emulate.

These measures, however, have done nothing to reassure the markets of the sustainability of the Euro, with Italy paying a record high of 6.5% interest on 6-month bonds on November 25th – an increase of nearly double of what was paid the previous month. Even more incredibly, the only country that was thought to be immune from the Euro crisis, Germany, failed to sell all €6 billion in 10-year bonds, with the Bundesbank being forced to purchase 40% of the bonds. In addition to these worrying developments, the bond yields of Eurozone countries are creeping ever upwards, forcing speculation of bailouts for Spain, Italy, and even France. The impracticality (most economists would say impossibility) of such bailouts for the giant economies of the Eurozone has sped up the search for an ultimate solution – to reach some kind of end game for the Euro.

It is obvious now to many commentators that the previous dogma which stated that the cause of the crisis was simply due to over-spending, lazy continental economies was overly-simplistic, and did not acknowledge the great advantage of the Euro to the big economies – particularly Germany. Although Germany benefited hugely from the introduction of the Euro, Chancellor Merkel is reluctant to contribute her fair share for the saving of the currency. Instead, a German attitude to fiscal matters is being demanded of all countries in the Eurozone – particularly within the PIIGS countries – with the proviso that Germany may shoulder some burden in the future.

The political consequences of this attitude have been highlighted many times in the media, with new technocratic, ECB-friendly governments being appointed in Greece and Italy (without any general elections, it must be added). The political crisis in Greece appeared to be intensified by the Franco-German threat that it could be thrown out of the Eurozone, if it does not play by their rules. Although this threat could have been construed as a poker play by Merkel and Sarkozy to shore up Greek resolve for austerity, it backfired spectacularly and caused further turmoil to the already fatally-damaged regime of George Papandreou.

controversial, option. Although the eventual make-up of Eurobonds is highly disputed, the main premise of them is that the 17 members of the Eurozone jointly issue a government bond, with a single bond yield for all countries.

This would lower the borrowing costs for risky, high-debt, high-yield economies such as the PIIGS countries, as well as speeding up the reintroduction of the bailout countries into private bond auctions. However, it would also increase the costs for low-risk countries such as France and Germany, and a trade-off of closer fiscal integration would be an inevitable prerequisite for this measure.

An increasingly likely option which is being pushed by Merkel and Sarkozy is for tighter supervision of national budgets, with severe penalties for countries that break specific targets.

The gravity of the situation is being underlined

by European leaders, with many linking the fate of the Euro to that of the whole European Union. EU President Herman Van Rompuy had previously said “If we don’t survive with the Eurozone we will not survive with the European Union.”. Nobody expects short-term changes like beefing up the EFSF, or appointing different governments in Italy and Greece to really solve the crisis, and there are wildly different ideas on how to go about it. The primary solution to this day has been for fiscal stability – cutting spending and increasing taxes, as well as privatisation. While some may view this exercise as essential for indebted nations, it can also be argued that this course of action has seriously depressed domestic demand, and caused the economies in Greece and Ireland to deflate, which then requires harsher fiscal measures.

A more long-term option available for policymakers is for the establishment of Eurobonds.

This has been proposed by the European Commission and remains a viable, though

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An increasingly likely option which is being pushed by Merkel and Sarkozy is for tighter supervision of national budgets, with severe penalties for countries that break specific targets. This is aimed at preventing another Greek-like case of a country spending way beyond its means, as well as increasing market confidence in the Eurozone. There is a sense of déjà vu with this proposal, however, as it resembles the previous Stability and Growth Pact – which Germany and France broke numerous times in the past. To counter this similarity, it is planned that the European Court of Justice would be given powers to ensure that irresponsible governments are punished, should they go beyond the set criteria. Although this move would be welcomed by several European governments, it would almost definitely require Treaty changes, and it is hard to see how these could be passed at the hands of the Irish people.

And finally, there is the spectre of the nightmare solution – the break-up of the Euro itself. This is the scenario that everyone dreads, but which increases in probability for every day in which European leaders dither.

The only certainty is that a final solution to the Euro sovereign debt crisis will be fraught with more political-wrangling, back-room negotiating - and will require a genuine sense of compromise.

Berlusconi’s Demise Orla Hubbard reflects on the controversial political career of the third-richest man in Italy With the recent resignation of Silvio Berlusconi, Italy emerges from the rule of the longest-serving Prime Minister since the Second World War. Crowds took to the streets in many parts of Italy, cheering as he finally handed in his resignation to President Giorgio Napolitano following months of political pressure. His three terms in office were racked with allegations of fraud, corruption and sexual misconduct. So why did Italians continue to vote for this billionaire media tycoon?

His reputation as an ‘international playboy’ and apparent chauvinist precedes him and, some would say, overshadows any political or personal achievements of his time in office.

Many feminists in Italy, and throughout the world, were dismayed at how a man with such an apparent disregard for women could have gained enough popular support in a modern day western country to lead it for 17 years.

Silvio Berlusconi has an estimated fortune of $19bn and owns most of the media industry in Italy. This led to the major State television networks and newspapers portraying an extremely biased portrait of Berlusconi, and, sometimes, refusing to publish any unflattering material. He has also been accused of helping to shut down certain political talk shows, and bribing businesses not to advertise in particular newspapers which were critical of his policies. His detractors claim that he choked freedom of expression with an iron fist, silencing any criticism of his policies, and that this kind of media control would not have been out of place during Mussolini’s regime.

Berlusconi has an extensive record of criminal allegations, including Mafia collusion, false accounting, tax fraud, corruption and bribery of police officers and judges. He is facing three criminal trials which he has consistently used ‘official State business’ to postpone.

But what Berlusconi was really famous for was his questionable treatment of women. He coined the phrase “bunga bunga” party to describe sex parties that he held in his Sicilian villa, and it was at these parties that he famously began a friendship with the late Colonel Gaddafi. He was also criticised for his appointment of former beauty models as Ministers in Italy, many believing he was seeking eye-candy, rather than distinguished political operators.

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The controversy surrounding Berlusconi hit a record level in September 2011 when he was overheard referring to Chancellor Angela Merkel as an “unfuckable lard-arse.”. This was an extremely dubious remark to make, considering that Merkel is probably the most influential woman in Europe, if not the world, at the present time (Forbes magazine voted her the most powerful woman in the world for 2011).

She has led Germany for 6 years – the first woman to do so - and spent her career getting over the glass-ceiling that permeates all levels of politics. Berlusconi’s crude remark was lambasted by women all over the world, critical of his sexualising of Merkel and by dismissing her as irrelevant because he did not find her sexually attractive. This incident suggests that the equality that is supposed to exist between the sexes is not as real as some would have us believe.

Another controversy which dogged Berlusconi in his final year in office was the accusation that he paid for sex with a 16 year old girl in 2010, which sparked international outrage.

He met ‘Ruby’ at one of his “bunga bunga” parties where women employed by casting agencies were reportedly paid €5000 after each night of playing sex games with Berlusconi and his friends. Berlusconi faced his first real pressure to resign after news of his involvement with the under-age girl came to light, followed by reports he had called a police station where she was being detained for theft and ordered her release. Despite the overwhelming evidence against him, it still appeared that Berlusconi had an iron grip on power in Italy.

It seems likely that, due to his downfall, Berlusconi will be liable to face the full might of Italian law, and three outstanding cases beckon for its former leader – now stripped of his apparent immunity as Prime Minister. One of these include an accusation that he bribed the estranged husband of a former British minister to perjure himself in front of the Italian courts. Another involves his alleged soliciting of an under-age prostitute, which carries a three-year jail term in Italy. In addition, he is charged with abusing his former office, by seeking to get the previously mentioned prostitute – whose stage name is Ruby the Heartbreaker – off the hook with police. It shall be interesting to see if Mr Berlusconi’s wealth shall preclude him from serving jail term, just as his previous office had done. However, with the Eurozone crisis deepening, and the markets setting its sights on Italy’s sovereign bond rate, Italy’s political elite will be praying that a new regime, free of controversy, can put Itay back on track.

All eyes now turn to Super Mario Monti.

Image Copyright - Christoph Simon—AFP/Getty Images

The death of ‘Mad Dog’ Gaddafi Jesse Harrington looks back at the life of the Libyan dictator, and the potential consequences of his death

With the shooting of Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi in his home town of Sirte, on Thursday 20th October, the world lost a man who for some 42 years was one of the most colourful and most reviled of world leaders. A man who “survived wars with neighbouring states, repeated assassination plots and years of siege under international sanctions, along with much of the world’s opprobrium and even ridicule” – as The Economist wrote in August 2009 – Gaddafi’s removal would have appeared unlikely a year ago, and sets Libya on a new path toward what commentators hope to be a more democratic future.

Under Gaddafi, Libya was a nation ruled by authoritarian diktat, held back by decades of mismanagement, ruinous socialist experiments in the 1980s, and ruthless suppression of dissidents. Libya admittedly made considerable progress since Gaddafi wrested power from King Idris of Libya in 1969: policies of free education and healthcare achieved nearuniversal literacy among schoolchildren, an increase in average life expectancy of 20 years, and infant mortality levels less than a tenth today of what they were at the time of the revolution.

In spite of these improvements, for an oil-rich nation Libya has long been seen as the basketcase of the Middle East, with Gaddafi himself once called the “mad dog” of Libya by US President Ronald Reagan. Moreover, much of the gains Libya made as a nation were concentrated with Gaddafi and his family, at the same time as average salaries remained exceedingly low and youth unemployment levels were estimated at thirty per cent or higher.

Much has been hoped for of the Transitional National Council since the United Nations and the African Union recognised it as the legitimate government of Libya in September. The council’s aims are nothing short of ambitious: it plans to hold free open elections and draft a national constitution, in a nation effectively founded on Gaddafi’s Green Book (itself modelled on the Red Book of Maoist China); to form political and civil institutions, in a nation where those institutions have been dismantled or allowed decay; and to guarantee human rights, uphold political freedom and afford protections to minorities, in a country where previously dissidents were hunted down and indigenous Berber culture was actively proscribed.

Concerns have been raised that the rebel groups could take Libya in the direction of a fundamentalist Islamic state, much as happened to the initially democratic Iranian Revolution which overthrew the authoritarian Shah in 1979. What direction Libya takes as

a nation remains to be seen, but for the time being at least, Western support seems to have had a moderating effect on the rebels, who have thus far espoused democratic principles to keep the West on side. The central goal of both sides now is to ensure an effective transition from autocracy to a more representative system of government.

For Africa as a continent, the effects of Gaddafi’s demise are more interesting. Prior to the Arab Spring, Gaddafi’s reputation internationally had received something of a rehabilitation. Since accepting responsibility in 2003 for the Lockerbie bombings, he had variously had public meetings with Tony Blair, Nicolas Sarkozy, Vladimir Putin and Condoleezza Rice. In 2009, he was elected Chairman of the African Union, and as a result attended the G8 Summit in L’Aquila, Italy that year.

Gaddafi’s rebranding came alongside his selfportrayal as a defender of African interests on the world stage, unafraid to denounce the West for its imperialist legacy and involvement on the African continent. He could claim to have resisted Western attempts at his removal, and to have survived American air-strikes on Libya in 1986. With the death of President Omar Bongo of Gabon in 2009, Gaddafi had no near rival as the longest-serving African or Arab leader. On this basis he was able to cultivate a domineering attitude toward his fellow African leaders, and proclaim himself “King of Kings of Africa”. With such a reputation established, it was he who pushed most strongly the ambition to transform the African Union into a “United States of Africa”.

On the one hand, Gaddafi’s death removes the main driving force behind African unification. On the other, it probably will mean a power shift in the political centre of the organisation, away from the north of the continent which has experienced the recent cull of its Arab leaders. Where this realignment takes place remains to be seen, but if it lacks

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the outspoken voice of Colonel Gaddafi it may well lend greater respectability to the political political ideal of African co-operation and unity.

Finally, Gaddafi’s death raises questions over international policy as a whole. There are some who see it as an extra-judicial assassination – a killing in cold blood without adherence to due process or the rule of law. With it, the International Criminal Court lost an opportunity to prove its effectiveness in bringing to trial its first head of state, referred to it by the UN Security Council. Such a case would have significantly advanced the framework of international law, given that it is now less than ten years since the establishment of the ICC in 2002. Instead, the international community has merely witnessed a continuation of the precedent which saw Osama bin Laden and Anwar al-Awlaki killed by American forces without capture or trial.

Gaddafi’s removal allows for the rebuilding of Libya, and has raised speculation in the US that the same interventionist model – the combination of American air power with rebel forces on the ground and special forces from Europe – could be used again in Syria.

However, Gaddafi’s death has ultimately also raised questions over the legality of such operations, and the perceptions they lend to new regimes established in the wake of toppled dictatorships. In the end, the question remains whether the children of Libya’s latest revolution will thank them for “a world with method in it”.

vPhoto: EPA

Iran:

the Last Piece of the Puzzle

Current Affairs Opinion

Gavin Frehill-Lynch questions the likelihood of another pre-emptive American military strike on the Iranian regime

The Prussian military theorist Carl von Clausewitz spoke that politics is the womb in which war develops. In the past year the International Atomic Energy Agency has voiced concerns that the Islamic Republic of Iran is seeking to develop nuclear weapons.

This has sent shock-waves through the world with the United States, yet again, condemning the Iranian regime.

One has only to look back to the period after the September 11th attacks on New York City where the words on the every member of George W. Bush’s cabinet were “He’s got ‘em!”. This was in reference to the reports from the same International Atomic Energy Agency that Saddam Hussein was seeking weapons of mass destruction; this would upset the balance of power in the Middle East and, subsequently, the global price of oil would rise and the interests of the United States would be affected. It is quite clear what happened to Saddam’s country and what could happen to any other country that is not a friend of America.

Looking back 10 years ago, the United States did not have many Allies in the Arab states bar Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. Libya was under the regime of Colonel Gadhafi; Afghanistan, the Islamic fundamentalist Taliban; Iraq the, previously mentioned, dictatorship of Saddam Hussein; and Iran, Islamic Revolutionary Government. As of today all of those leaders and countries have fallen to either US troops with Allied support or a US sponsored uprising of the people, except one government - Iran. Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney has already gone on record with the American people and stated that if they re-elect President Obama, he will not be strong enough to confront Iran over nuclear weapons. Similar allegations were made by George W. Bush against Al Gore in the post-Clinton presidential campaign.

Could this be another move by the world’s greatest superpower to incite another war against its ideological enemies in the Middle East?

The United States has a tradition of going to war on a generational basis. Nearly all generations since the Second World War have had a conflict. Korea in the 1950s, Vietnam in the 1960/70s, Latin America in 1980s and recent conflicts in the Gulf in the 1990s/2000s have been part of a long history of both glorious success and bitter defeat for the United States. Looking at this time-line one could infer that another war is likely in this decade as it is well known that history has a habit of repeating itself.

For a country that spends 41% of all military spending worldwide, at $553 billion, it cannot be economically sound to be amassing these weapons and men and not use them.

Iran is nestled between Iraq, Pakistan and Afghanistan. Of these, the United States has over 100,000 troops in Afghanistan and 24,000 in Iraq, while it is Pakistan’s largest supporter with regards economic aid and second largest military importer. It would be fair to surmise that, from a military stand point, the United States is well poised to attack Iran from all sides bar her northern border to the Caspian Sea. The Arabian Gulf currently has the American 5th Fleet stationed there with a Carrier Strike group and Expeditionary Strike Force, both of which would be able to strike at Iran with little notice required. Two weeks ago General Sir David Richards, Chief of Defence Staff UK, stated that they had ‘plans in the locker’ to deal with Iran in response to the statement issued by the International Atomic Energy Agency. Just this past week, the United Kingdom cut all ties with Iranian banks in another round of increased sanctions against the Islamic country. This also

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mirrors the sanctions taken against Iraq by the previous President of America.

The United States has a long history of strained relations with Iran, from their installation of the Shah as dictator, the Iranian Embassy crisis and subsequent failed rescue attempt to the United States support of Iraq in the Iraq-Iran War of the 1980s. The people of Iran are rife with anti-American sentiment, from watching Al-Jazeera there are regular burnings of the Star Spangled Banner in the streets of Tehran while the American media regularly speaks of the oppressive nature of the Tehran Regime. Images of the hanging of homosexuals and adulterers are regularly broadcast in the American media but similar events are not reported about her Saudi Arabian ally. It would be fair to surmise that if any war is to erupt between the United States and an enemy of hers in the next decade, it will be Iran that America would strike due to the frequent political strife between them.

Although the United States have publicized their withdrawal of combat troops from Iraq, and that their mission is finally completed and that they no longer wish for war, but only peace in stability, we must revisit Von Clausewitz, who stated, ‘to secure peace is to prepare for war’. Only time will show if this is mere speculation or another period of history repeating itself. For the sake of the world, I pray for the former.

Budget 2012

Alan Conway criticizes the government for taking the wrong route out of the crisis, and capitulating to the Troika.

By the time you read this, Budget 2012 will have been released.

Decisions of great significance have been made regarding the route we will take to try to become prosperous once again. These are decisions of whether to cut, or to tax, or of what ratio of the two the government will take on behalf of the people of this state.

The current leaks we have seen imply that the Fine Gael – Labour Coalition has chosen to travel along our new motorway system, chainsaw in hand, and unfortunately, rest stops are in short supply.

Cuts to Child Benefit, which it appears will be made in every case across the board, are condemnable in the harshest of terms. In recent weeks we’ve seen startling figures illustrating the great number of home-owners falling into arrears, at a time when people are struggling to hold on to their homes - this is a move which could take the food directly out of the mouths of some.

When this is considered in tandem with an increase in Motor Tax & VAT, side by side with Messrs Kenny and Noonan going to battle with the IMF/EU/ECB cabal over only the single issue of not increasing Income Tax, it can be seen that this government is one of little substance, and what substance it does have is much more Thatcher than Foot.

While the idea of increasing Income Tax would cause backlash from certain sectors of society, it is not only preferable to cuts, but a fairer and more moral approach. The key is, of course, where the increases hit. Taxing lower to middle income families more is a pointless exercise, they have been drained dry and there is no more to be got here. By placing the burden squarely on their shoulders it will simply take more money out of the local economies around the country, money from shops, pubs and restaurants, and further stagnate consumer confidence and spending.

This is money that the government will already get through VAT and tax on the profits of the business’ receiving the custom. A progressive solution is the creation of a third tax band for high earners at approximately 50% for those earning over €100,000 a year. One would wonder if such a move is to be avoided as it would significantly affect those who are drafting this budget, the same people who recently passed a law allowing themselves to drive in bus lanes - but the idea of our government ministers being self-interested is surely out of the question.

But aside from the content of the Budget itself, with due respect to the importance of its nature, we have the circus that inevitably surrounds a Budget during normal years, intensified during more austere years.

The first example I will give of this is with regards the Registration Fee rising. My own prediction is that it will rise somewhere in the region of €500-750. The refusal of Minister Quinn to confirm that Fees themselves are off the table is simply posturing designed to build up an expectation of their return so that the increase in the Registration Fee will be accepted with little protest and perhaps

even a little backslapping from certain quarters as the usual suspects decide to take credit for this. Any quarter that takes credit for such a rise must surely suffer from an incredible case of naïvité or arrogance.

A further worrying issue arising out of this budget has been the discussion of it itself in the Bundestag prior to its discussion in the Dáil. During the course of the last year, many people have made reference to ‘economic sovereignty’, at times loosely, but for the most part, genuinely. Sovereignty is in its essence the ability to make decisions, the ability to act – especially in states of exception or emergency. This we have clearly lost. It is true that it was the previous administration that originally went to Europe with a begging bowl.

However, it is the responsibility of the current administration to lead, for only so long can the response to every criticism be put on the Fianna Fáil government.

If the Fine Gael-Labour coalition is incapable of addressing the problems at hand, and of standing up to the international coterie that have subverted this state’s sovereignty, then their worth is equal to that of their pre-election promises.

It appears that all Fine Gael have learned in their long years in the wilderness is to ensure that the VAT increase does not affect children’s clothing, as for the Labour Party, it seems they have learned nothing.

Expect a lot of posturing from ‘rebel’ Labour TDs followed by each one, without exception, voting in favour of these regressive, anti-working class cuts. Many people have questioned where the blame should lie for cuts in Labour led departments due to the fact that a Fine Gael Minister holds the purse strings. The fact of the matter is that Labour were fooled before, this time it’s shame on Labour.

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Death of Democracy at Europe’s Core

by Sarah Slevin

It has been over 2500 years since the seeds of a modern democratic system were sown by the citizens of ancient Greece. The concept was to capture the imagination of generations of scholars, and it was via the Enlightenment and great revolution that the outline of democracy as we know it was drawn. While this modern interpretation bears only distant resemblance to its predecessor, the Grecians have long been lauded for a valued contribution to humanity.

The significance of this contribution to one of the most valued ideologies in modern times is somewhat ironic when taken in the context of recent events in the European Union. Greece has been at the heart of some of the most undemocratic activities to occur on the soil of our continent since World War Two. It appears the pillars of the Parthenon and what it represents have crumbled beneath us.

A well-known philosopher of ancient Greece was Aristotle, to whom was attributed the adage, ‘the whole is greater than the sum of the individual parts’. This phrase may have become distorted in the thousands of years since it was coined, but its essence remains, and its appositeness is becoming more apparent to Aristotle’s European descendants with every passing day. The nations of the Union of which we are a part cannot match the supremacy of the Union itself.

The chinks in the armour of democracy as a fundamental basis of the European Union came to the surface with recent events in 21st century Greece. In the opinion of the Franco-German axis, the most irresponsible act the Greek Prime Minister could perpetrate was to seek a mandate from the people who elected him. The ire of Merkel and Sarkozy knew no bounds, and Mr. Papandreou was summoned for a dressing-down from the duo. The promised referendum was scrapped, Papandreou’s head rolled and Greece was told to accept its fate.

The next economic delinquent in line for recrimination was the Italians. While the population themselves appeared relieved to depose Berlusconi 17 years after he came into office, it took undue pressure from the axis to convince the power-happy businessman to relinquish the reins, although ‘convince may be too benign a word.

Whether these actions will reassure the markets or not is rather irrelevant. What is most disconcerting is that there now appears to be a dearth of democracy at the core of Europe. The political institutions exist to serve and benefit the economic objectives of the Union as a whole, instead of the other way around. Papandreou’s referendum sought to engage his citizens with decisions facing them, but in the eyes of Europe this act would amount to an attack on greater fiscal stability. Likewise, a series of incredible events have led to a new Prime Minister in Italy, without any election. Describing these acts as European intrusion on powers that still remain in the sovereign hands of states would not be an exaggeration.

Has this absence of democracy always been there, has it been lying latent, like a bacteria just waiting to attack the immune system of the political union? There is no doubt that we live in extraordinary times, and that we are in the midst of an unprecedented financial crisis. It would be to the benefit of all member states to resolve the financial problems before they overwhelm the entire Union. However, it appears that much more is needed to be done before the EU can truly serve the best interests of its people.

Many solutions to the fiscal problems have been proffered, ranging from treaty change to ECB intervention. Answers regarding the political plight are just as difficult to suggest, but rectifying the fiscal situation will not save the EU from the undeniable existential crisis it finds itself in. The markets are unlikely to ever be fully confident in a union as politically unstable as the EU has been shown to be, and neither will the nations themselves.

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While it is true that the EEC began as a means of pooling economic interests of neighbouring nations, it has become something more important than that, yet the political process doesn’t seem to reflect this.

Development has been seen in areas such as citizenship, but powers of decision-making at the highest levels seem to rest with those financially stronger, and affect the smaller nations more. This is surely inconsistent with the values the EU is supposed to espouse.

The European Union as an entity is something too valuable for us to lose. The financial crisis needs to be resolved. But so does the democratic crisis that the former has helped to reveal. This won’t be done by grandiloquent references to ancient Greece or any of its inhabitants, but by the European Union fulfilling its own title. Whether this is done through further integration, a mutual distancing of interests or any other means should be left up to the experts.

However what is clear is that the next few weeks provide an opportunity for the EU to re-examine its future, not just fiscally, but politically.

An alternative has to be found to the USI’s ineffective strategy against fees At a history lecture of mine a few days before this year’s Dublin student protest, deputy president of the Union of Students in Ireland (USI), Colm Murphy, spoke about the importance of us all going to the march and “showing we care”. He talked about how the farmers and the pensioners have in the past forced government U-turns by “showing they care”.

Therefore, he continued, “this Wednesday we need to show the government that students care.” How somebody who has risen to deputy president of any national organisation could have such a simplistic idea of politics is beyond me. Does he think the Anglo Irish Bank bondholders get bailed out because they show they care so much more than anybody else? Do billionaires like Tony O’Reilly and Denis O’ Brien continue to live in Ireland without paying a penny income tax by showing they care?

As most people outside of the USI know, how much a group cares is not what dictates government policy toward them. It is rather the power relationship between them and the government, and the ideological environment in which policy in formulated. The USI’s lack of understanding of this, and the career ambitions of their officers, has led them to pursue a dead-end strategy to fight against increases in student fees.

The idea of charging thousands of euro for third level education did not just fall from the sky, but is a product of the neo-liberal ideology that dominates contemporary politics.

Neo-liberals argue that almost everything, including education and healthcare, runs better when done for profit. Although this leaves many people unable to access these basic rights, the neo-liberals assert that mass privatisation increases wealth for all. The problem is that’s not what happens; as has been documented in, to name but one book, The Shock Doctrine, neo-liberal policies in country after country have led to increased inequality and poverty. Instead of the USI tackling this dubious ideology that would like to make corporate control of universities the norm, they argue against fees within its framework of debate. And where we should be making alliances with others suffering from the neoliberal assault on public spending, the USI instead welcome on our march chancers like Michael Martin and Eamon Ryan – both of whom have been in cabinets that increased college fees and slashed the social budget.

Even the conservative arguments the USI make against fees are not spread widely among the student body. As a class representative I was emailed a bullet-pointed sheet of good, but as I say, conservative, arguments

By Cathal Larkin

against increases in fees. The USI could have engaged students with these by, at the very least, handing out thousands of copies of the leaflet; they instead chose to avoid any intellectual engagement with students and appeal solely to their self-interest with slogans like “protest or pay”. Every day we are bombarded with messages that present the idea of increased college fees as common sense. The USI never empowered students to argue against these dominant ideas, as a result many have ended up reluctantly agreeing with them.

The protest strategy of the USI is similarly narrowly focused. It’s the old strategy that political careerists always use. March a bunch of people from A to B, give some passionate speeches, emphasise the power of their vote, congratulate them for making their voices heard, and then tell them all to go home. For anyone not looking to become a TD, these protests are disempowering, patronising, predictable, and worst of all, ineffective. That should be evident when the people we are protesting against congratulate us for doing it, as Ruarí Quinn did last week.

Imagine instead a student protest where dozens of small groups sit-in or protest outside government buildings all across the country. Where students are empowered to take their own actions and know they won’t be disowned by their union, like this year in Dublin when a group held a small protest outside the Fine Gael headquarters. It was completely peaceful; nonetheless the group were met with three lines of USI stewards when they tried to return to the main march.

The USI told the press this was for health and safety reasons, but only twenty minutes before they were stopping people like me from

12

leaving through the same exit (in contravention of section 9 of the public order act I should add, making the USI the only lawbreakers on the march!).

This more effective strategy would need the USI to give up on the idea that they have a monopoly on student protest. Also, for a change, the officers’ budding political careers would need to take a back-seat to the needs of the student body. With this autonomy, collectively agreed guidelines or rules for protest could be agreed. After some discussion they might be as simple as ‘no violence or property damage’. With this strategy every day of student protest would be feared, as dozens of sit-ins and protests would disrupt normal functioning of government.

Groups don’t force changes in government policy by showing they care; they do it by showing they have power. Students’ power has always been in the creativity and unpredictability they can bring to mass campaigning, and in the stinging critiques of dominant ideas they can provide – not in elections or government approved marches from A to B. The USI needs to stop treating students as future votes or sheep to be herded, but instead actively empower them to fight college fees.

Entertainments

A toast to that invincible bunch!

John Murphy

‘Everybody rise!’

The Entertainments section this month is a tribute to all things classical. We harken back to the golden days of film, remember the cartoons we used to watch, wonder what happened to the actors of our favourite TV programmes, search for our old box-sets at home, think about the books we read and video games we had, and explore the depths of our music libraries for the great songs of decades past.

By the end of it all, we being to wonder: what would we have done without them all?

Guess The Movie!

Here at Motley’s Ents Section, we like to test your knowledge of all things Entertainments.

Simply guess the name of the movie (brownie points for the characters’ names! )by reading the extract.

And, no, we’re not giving any hints!

WOMAN1: Oh, [Woman 2], will you take care of the gun?

WOMAN 2: Shit, [Woman 1’s name]!

He’s gonna kill you!

WOMAN 2: What in the hell did you bring that for?!

WOMAN 1: Oh, come on. Psycho killers, bears, or snakes. I just don’t know to use it, will you take care of it?

WOMAN 1: Well, he’d never let me go.

He never lets me do one goddamn thing that’s any fun. All he wants me to do is hang around the house the whole time while he’s out doing God only knows what.

WOMAN 2: Put it away – just – here, put it in my purse. [Woman 1’s name], good Lord.

WOMAN 2: Well, you get what you settle for.

WOMAN 1: So, whose place is this again?

WOMAN 1: I left him a note. I left him stuff to microwave.

WOMAN 2: It’s Bob’s, the day manager’s.

He’s gettin’ a divorce, so his wife’s gettin’ this place, so he’s lettin’ all his friends use it ’till he has to turn over the keys.

WOMAN 1: I’ve never been outta town without Darryl.

WOMAN 2: How come Darryl let you go?

WOMAN 1: ’Cause I didn’t ask him.

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Looking for a melodic change?

O Emperor has been one of the busiest bands in the Irish scene this year. Having had two tours, an appearance at SXSW, signing a deal that will see the release of their debut album in mainland Europe and the bones of their new album written, the lads from Waterford have barely touched the ground in 2011.

Lead singer Paul Savage took a break from recording to talk to Kevin Curran about their plans for the next year and the writing of their new album.

“It’s quite enjoyable at the moment actually; we had a busy year so it’s nice to have nothing on and to just focus on writing our new album. It’s still early days yet: we have just had the first two week sessions of recording, where we’ve layered some drums, piano and bass, and we’re going to work off that for the next sessions,” Savage informs me when I asked what the lads were up to at the moment.

The band are currently holed up in the studio, putting together a follow-up to 2010’s critically acclaimed Hither Tither. “We’re in a very nice place with the album… it’s looking like we’ve a lot of songs to pick from, so it’s a good problem to have.”

“We don’t have every track nailed down.

We have nearly 60 ideas, some are full songs and some are ideas that might become full songs. We’re going to record the songs we have and see what happens.

Some might fall on their arse, but hopefully some might become our next album. There are a couple that are done and are showing the way for the album”.

Savage intimates that they hope to have their next, as yet untitled, second album finished for the end of 2012. They are trying to let the songs grow organically and not fall victim to the “difficult second album” disease that has befallen many of their contemporaries. Hither Tither was a mix of Americana and alt rock with songs such as Po and Don’t Mind Me, reminiscent of The Band and The Beatles, while others such as Heisenberg showed the Mercury Rev side of their influences.

Paul hints that they are going down the more alternative route on their upcoming album. “The sound is changing, with some kind of more ‘experimental’ things with loops and drum sounds. Maybe less traditionally structured as songs. With Hither Tither there was more structure with intro verse, chorus, middle 8, outro, whereas with this one we will be looking at the sound and the actual atmosphere of something as opposed to it being a set song with

a start, middle and end. More atmosphere and more vibe is the way to sum up what is happening at the moment.” After this statement he was quick to point out that the easy going melodies that they have grown their reputation on will still be there, with the experimental side more deeply explored.

While the band is working on their second album, they have recently signed a deal with the German Indie label K & F Records to secure a European release in the New Year, with the hope that they will release their second album worldwide in one go, on its release. “We wanted Hither Tither to be released outside of Ireland and for more people to hear it, so we’re very happy that is happening now. It’s been in Ireland for a year and now it’s finally getting to Europe. It’s a shame it didn’t happen at the same time, but we should have the structures in place for the next album at the end of next year. It’s a case of flying the kite and more people might be aware of us on the continent for the second album. ” O Emperor seem to have their next year planned out already as Paul lets me in on their plans “Po will be released in January in Germany, and then the album in April with a European Tour planned in May, and obviously all the while we will be finishing our album. We want to keep busy without annoying people by being too visible.” As part of their preparations for the new album and the European tour the guys are playing three gigs in December, where they will be debuting their new material. Paul explains that it will be the first test for some of their new numbers. “There wouldn’t be much point in touring after our last one in April, without bringing something new to the table. We want to take new songs for a test drive; it will help us judge if their ready by the crowd reactions. We were thinking about having some sort of clap-o-meter, we’ll see how it goes!”

O Emperor will play in the newly refurbished Triskel Christchurch on the 16th of December. Tickets are €14 from the venue.

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Creating a Classic

Christopher Redmond takes a look at what constitutes a ‘classic’ film.

What makes a classic film? Does it depend on aesthetic quality and nothing more? Aesthetics are certainly fundamental, and the best films possess them in abundance, but in order to truly be considered a classic, a film (or any work of art for that matter) needs to resonate. Resonance is of course entirely subjective – one person’s Godfather may be another person’s White Chicks, but, in nicely democratic fashion, majority will always rule in answering these questions.

There is a point of transcendence that makes a notable distinction between the very good and the classic. The Godfather is not simply a great gangster film such as Carlito’s Way or Scarface. It pushes the boundaries of genre by probing the inner reaches of the human condition. It is not only the best gangster film: it is arguably the best film about family ever made, the best film about the immigrant experience, and even the best film about the American Dream. It is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest of all films and an outright classic, but does a film need to be as good as The Godfather in order to achieve the same prestigious plaudits?

I would say it is not simply quality-dependent. Forrest Gump, for example, is regarded as an American classic, but it is not of the same standard of The Godfather. So why does it resonate with so many people, Americans chief amongst them? For a start, we have an A-list actor playing the archetypal underdog, and the story is the classic rags to riches tale of the underprivileged American hero. The film is gushingly sentimental, unapologetically so, but Forrest is the everyman fully immersed in a litany of historical milestones, complete with generous helpings of presidential encounters and death-defying heroics, a congressional medal of honour here, an appearance on the cover of Time Magazine there. In many ways, Forrest Gump could not be anything other than a classic. Despite criticism of its medley of melodramatic sequences, there can be no denying its cosy charm. As our nice-but-dim hero, Forrest personifies the American experience during its turbulent last fifty years. It doesn’t matter that it is wholly unrealistic – of course it is – but, as evidenced by the Fox News phenomenon, ignorance can often be bliss.

Unlike those of the Murdochian propaganda machine, however, our blissfully ignorant protagonist is so ignorant that he demands our affection and sympathy. As with that often infuriatingly naïve country, we cannot but admire his stoic idealism. The movie is no Godfather, but it contains all the essential ingredients to make it a classic.

It appears that in order to be heralded a classic, aesthetic brilliance is not of overriding importance. More important is the film’s resonance with contemporary issues, in various political and cultural forms. Such contemporary resonance must endure in order to endear. Whether made in 1911 or 2011, there will always be identification with certain universal themes, and for this reason we can excuse and even forget about mawkish sentimentality and be swept along for the ride.

God is dead, Bergman’s Seventh Seal lives on!

Daniel Kiniry ponders death, fate and futility in this unmissable movie.

Ingmar Bergman is considered one of the most influential auteur filmmakers that has ever lived. Inspiring such popular directors like Stanley Kubrick and Woody Allen, he’s had a career spanning nearly 6 decades that have included countless movies and plays.

He left a very definite impact on society, as his appearance and almost elegant presence is used for various interpretations of Death. His use of the game of chess to decide the protagonist’s mortality is also heavily parodied; one example of this is in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey.

One of his most popular movies has been The Seventh Seal. The story of a Knight and Death playing chess to decide the knight’s fate is based on a play Bergman wrote. It earned him the status of a worldrenowned filmmaker, making him one of Sweden’s first auteur directors. The film itself has earned a massive following and is considered a classic. But what is it about the movie which has earned this title?

Another reason for its status could be attributed to its look. It’s shot amazingly, with rich cinematography that conveys some powerful, iconic moments. The movie is set during the Black Plague, a period a lot of films do not really use. This gives it a more unique look than the Middle Ages usually gets, with barren lands and severe religious iconography.

For one, there is Death himself. Swedish actor Bengt Ekeroth portrays a dark robed, white-faced spectre with surprising awe and menace. As the main theme of the movie is death, the character is pretty central to the plot. Yet he has very limited appearances until the end and, even then, they are sporadic moments throughout the climax. This gives him more of an impact: every time he is onscreen, it gets a really evocative reaction and keeps him stuck in your mind.

There’s a scene in the middle of the film with the use of self-flagellators and Dominican monks that captures both the cinematography and setting perfectly: the scene is sharp and powerful, while it shows the fear and uncertainty of the plague infested, 14th Century Europe.

Finally, there are the film’s themes, most importantly the concept of existentialism. The protagonist, the Knight, is constantly questioning the existence of God due to the horrible disease and loss of life surrounding them. This is incredibly potent, well examined and accessible to audiences from all eras.

Best of all, there are no set answers: you’re left at the nd to ponder these questions instead of the movie giving you straightforward answers.

Honestly, it’s just a great movie. Its questions of death, fate and the futility of it all are perfectly balanced with its subtly hopeful and survivalist message. Even removing the themes, it’s just a solid, enjoyable flick; atmospheric and deep, with some fantastic dialogue and classic moments. Well worth the watch for all its morbid yet joyful glory. Enjoy! And have fun sleeping at night.

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One Fell Swoop

Kellie Morrissey looks back on Mike Nichols’ 1966 adaptation of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

The final minutes of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? inspire in me the same feeling I feel in the final minutes of Apocalypse Now or Full Metal Jacket or The Deer Hunter. Aging, bitter, angry couple George (Richard Burton) and Martha (Elizabeth Taylor) may well be two warring countries with Nick (George Segal) and Honey (Sandy Dennis), the bystanders, the neutral parties – perhaps even the collateral damage. Each strike is met swiftly with a counter-strike; they give as good as they can get until the final scene, which is indescribable for many reasons. What can I liken it to? Defoliation. Napalm. Nuclear winter. It’s insensitive to say, I’m sure, but that’s what this film is; a war movie played out by four characters, and, for the most part, in one room. And it’s devastating.

The film opens innocuously, deceptively serene: George and Martha are stumbling across the lawn to their house – it’s late and they’re coming home from a party. A tinny flute is the soundtrack: again, deceptively serene. Once inside, she reveals that they’re about to have guests over, a new teacher at the university and his timid wife (Nick and Honey).

George is immediately on edge, and the viewer sympathises with him initially. His wife is a harridan – she flirts with the handsome, well-built Nick while his simpering, tipsy wife looks on. She brays at George, snaps at him, demeans him at every turn – the first third of the film is deliciously awkward with an ever-darkening undercurrent. It’s not until the quartet become really inebriated that everything kicks off. George, his words coming quick and fast, peppered with puns and insults, reveals a dark past that Martha fleshes out – he befriends Nick and then lashes out by revealing and mocking in front of everyone the real reason why Nick and Honey got married. He’s underhanded, full of hate, and unstable. The sympathy begins to switch to Martha as we wonder about the source of their bile: is it each other? Their marriage? Marriage itself? It’s not until the final act that we find out for sure, and it’s then that the plot so far comes falling down around the viewer in one fell swoop.

One of the few films to be nominated for all the applicable categories at the Academy Awards, Virginia Woolf? garnered Best Actress Oscars for Elizabeth Taylor and Sandy Dennis. Based faithfully on the experimental play by Edward Albee, it was Mike Nichols’ first film, and one that proved to be the category-maker for Nichols – he excelled later with other human-driven drama such as The Graduate and Closer, but nothing in his filmography matches the vitriol spewed by Taylor and Burton in Virginia Woolf?. The couple’s performance was long likened to their own tempestuous romance, and it’s easy to draw inferences from just how well they work together onscreen. Taylor gained 30lbs to play Martha, and with her hair streaked with grey and her mascara running, she’s incredible here – so easy to hate in the first act. Her voice is loud, brash (utterly at odds with her husband’s quiet, quick English-accented intonation) and her speech is peppered with damns and goddamns. At one point she assures us she went to college “like everybody else” but it’s difficult to imagine Martha beyond what we get here, onscreen. It’s difficult to imagine how she and George ended up together.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is a seminal movie and is not to be missed – it’s just as hard to watch as Nichols’ later films, and, in fact, films like Closer don’t come close to matching its real, human feeling. The pervading theme, finally, is that of truth and lies – at times George freely admits that he might be lying, at times their stories don’t seem to match up, at times the stories, taken together, bring the viewer to the horrifying truth. The younger couple are shamed when their truth comes out, but the older couple just keep warring, half-truths and white lies falling by the wayside. Nothing is quite as it seems. image credit: Warner Brothers

Poster of the Month

The classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial like you’ve never seen it before.

Image credit: saranga.com.ar

If Taylor is incredible here then Burton is phenomenal, delivering his lines (which are excellent – often darkly funny, but mostly insidious) with a sort of snakelike grace, his eloquence tripping the words over his tongue faster than he can voice them. In a way he reminds me of Humbert Humbert in Lolita – interestingly, James Mason (who played Humbert in Kubrick’s ill-fated 1962 adaptation) was Albee’s first choice for George, with Bette Davis as Martha. He is the one who separates their night into “games” as the four war against each other – “Humiliate the Host”, “Hump the Hostess” and “Get the Guests”. There is something predatory in his mindset, and when Nick and Martha finally disappear upstairs, George seems genuinely devastated, crumpling on the porch outside and weeping. But what for? One gets the sense it’s because he’s lost a game, lost a major battle but with the war still to be won. If the catty Martha wants to beat her husband up a bit, make him feel bad, undermine and demean him, then George wants to devastate the landscape around them. Martha wants a skirmish but George wants all-out war, and he gets it in the final fifteen minutes.

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Delightful Disney

Keavy O’ Sullivan discusses unforgettable Disney Classics

Disney has been firmly established as the benchmark for children’s entertainment since the 1930s. Each and every generation has their favourite film, which they insist their own little bundles of joy watch as soon as they can sit up straight for a feature length film. From Snow White and the Seven Dwarves in 1937 to Toy Story 3 in 2010, they churn out classics at a truly remarkable rate.

On a more commercial note, Disney is the only major Hollywood studio to have released two films in the same year that both accumulated more than $1billion worldwide. So somebody has to ask the question – what is it about Disney films that appeals so universally to viewers past and future, old and young, bitter or naïve?

Arguably, a major aspect of Disney’s success is their stunning visuals.

Disney Studios did experiment with CGI and 3D, partly due to stiff competition from Pixar Animation Studios and DreamWorks Animation. They did enjoy success in 3D films, most notably with Tangled and Alice in Wonderland. It is quite telling that Disney’s Alice in Wonderland, one of their 3D films, is the ninth highest grossing film of all time, ahead of Disney’s ‘traditional classics’ such as The Lion King. Despite this huge success, Disney’s return to traditional 2D animation on 2009’s The Princess and the Frog confirms their confidence in their ability as animators, not to mention its popularity with audiences, even in the 2010s.

While older features such as Snow White or Sleeping Beauty are still immensely popular childhood films, it was in the so-called ‘Disney Renaissance’ of the 1990s that the studios true colours really came shining through. Starting with The Little Mermaid in 1989, ending with Tarzan in 1999, and including Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Aladdin, Pocahontas and Hercules, it was undoubtedly a golden period for Disney Studios. In my opinion, this is at least partly because of Disney’s return to the classic fairy tales for the plotlines.

These familiar stories, as well as that of Hercules from Greek mythology, are still surprisingly familiar to children growing up in the 1990s and after. By adopting such familiar formats, Disney is allowed to create something new for each generation, which is at the same time wonderfully nostalgic and approachable by older viewers.

Principal among these fairy-tale films are the Princess stories – Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and Pocahontas. These are quite possibly the films that Disney is best known for, and with good reason. Ranging from their earliest years to their triumphant renaissance, they span a lifetime (or two) of audiences who fell in love with the glamorous happy endings of the princess lifestyle. While scholars and critics have criticised the films for their portrayal of feminism (or a profound lack of one, little girls the world over still fantasise about themselves as one of the Disney princesses. You can even get married in a Disney princess themed wedding gown!

On the other hand, films such as The Lion King, Aladdin and Hercules were a godsend for parents with young, hyperactive, loud boys in the house.

These action packed films sneakily succeeded in teaching an entire generation to take responsibility for their own actions, even if it means standing up against somebody with as awesome a voice as Jeremy Irons. Hercules showed the importance of working hard, being ambitious, and believing in yourself, while Aladdin showed that monkeys and Robin Williams are both hysterical and awesome. Ok, maybe the message of that one got away from me a bit, but that tends to happen with Disney.

Over the years, there have been a number of high profile controversies surrounding Disney. From the perfectly acceptable concerns over the depiction of women and racial minorities, to the perfectly absurd claims that Aladdin was “an introduction to porn for toddlers” or that Ariel and the others lived in a castle made of penises, Disney films always find a way to incite controversy. This is of course, part of their success. Each crazy letter from “Concerned mother, Wisconsin” encourages people to read into the films just that little bit further. And while some of the things they find may be cause for concern, the fact that Disney films from the 1930s still incite public debate today confirms that they are, indeed, animated classics, for the whole family to enjoy.

Image credits: Walt Disney

Recommended Christmas Watch!

Let’s choose a Tim Burton film – The Nightmare Before Christmas or Edward Scissorhands. What’s the best choice, you ask? That’s easily answered. Choose both!

There are some notable exceptions to the ‘rule’ of helpless feminine heroines in Disney films. Belle (from Beauty and the Beast), Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog), and Rapunzel (from Tangled) are all active, intelligent, ambitious women who, God forbid, work and even read! This is a huge departure from earlier Disney heroines such as Aurora and Snow White, who were to a certain (enormous) extent characterised totally by their femininity, singing ability, and appreciation of cute animals. While Ariel and Jasmine from The Little Mermaid and Aladdin had moved away slightly from this model of princess heroine, their waists were both far too small and they paid far too much attention to boys for feminists not to find something to complain about.

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Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Fergal Carroll takes a look at the fame and fortune of the sensational superhero Batman Since his first appearance in Detective Comics #27 all the way back in May 1939, both Bruce Wayne and his alter ego Batman have come a long way. From his simple beginnings investigating the death of a business man named Lambert, Batman has become the cornerstone of DC’s line-up,becoming one of the most recognisable comic book characters ever and his story has become one of the biggest franchises in the world.

The TV show was a camp filled 25 minutes of ‘POW’, ‘KABLAM’ and ‘OOOOFFF’ action.

Each week we would inevitably see Bruce and Dick clamber up the side of a building and infiltrate the baddies hideout in order to solve that week’s ‘Bat-problem’. Sadly, after three ‘glorious’ seasons ratings fell dramatically (strange, since viewers knew to tune in at the “same Bat-time, same Bat-channel”), the show was eventually cancelled.

No longer would we hear The Boy Wonder The ‘classic’ Batman that we all know and en- utter brilliance such as “holy bargain basejoy (in an ironic way!) from our childhood has ments, Batman!” or “holy bill of rights, Batseen a major transformation. His earliest TV man!” serial appearance – 1966’s Batman starring Adam West and Burt Ward as the Caped Cru- Batman’s first live action appearance might sader and the Boy Wonder – is far cry from have been both comical and merry in nathe dark, gritty and realistic portrayal in the ture, but the seven movies since the show Christopher Nolan helmed film trilogy which first aired has seen the character being interwill be completed with the release of ‘The preted in many different ways. Tim Burton Dark Knight Rises’ next summer. teamed up with Michael Keating to produce Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992), which both achieved financial success before Joel Schumacher took over. While each film was a commercial success, critical acclaim plummeted with each passing movie, ending up with Batman Forever receiving an alarming 11 Razzie nominations.

Batman’s film career went on hiatus until Christopher Nolan’s most recent efforts, Batman Begins (2005) and The Dark Knight (2008), which have turned the series into a dark, serious and menacing representation of real life. Drawing inspiration from the classic comic storylines like The Man Who Falls, Batman: Year One and Batman: The Long Halloween, Nolan has taken Batman and made him into something unrecognisable from the Adam West TV serial. Using those memorable comic story arcs as the basis for the character, no longer does Batman simply walk up the side of a building, beat the bad guy in a ruckus of over the top flurry of ‘POWs’ and ‘KABLAMs’, or does he divulge such solid advice to Robin as “an older head can’t be put on younger shoulders”. He now struggles with the life he gave up, trying to save the city he loves and to continually do what is right, no matter what the personal consequences may be.

For me, Batman has always been an interesting character. Much more than just a comic book, I have witnessed several arguments regarding law, justice and the right to kill that started off as innocent Batman related discussions. He has come a long way since the ‘classic’ Batman portrayed by Adam West way back in the 60s, and only time will tell where he will go after The Dark Knight Rises is released next summer.

MARLON BRANDO “One of the most impressive actors of all time” – Cormac Lehane

Marlon Brando was, undoubtedly. one of the most impressive actors of all time: he had his audience hanging on his every action, and his standout performances in The Wild One and On the Waterfront have made them remain iconic pieces of cinema and probably will be for years to come. Had Brando never sustained an injury while playing football, he might never have been refused entry into the army and we would never have been graced with his presence on stage. Forced to find a way to make a living, he moved to New York where he got a job as a salesman. This was destined not to last. He eventually quit and enrolled at the Theatre Wing Professional School for acting.

Despite playing Jor-El in a short cameo in Superman for a reportedly exorbitant fee (ironic considering earlier in his life he waived the option of a higher wage on political grounds), the man who had been described as ‘a force of nature’ had no more influence on the world of acting.

Renowned for his ‘bad boy’ reputation in his earlier life (getting kicked out of high-school for riding his motorcycle through the corridors) and his huge impact on the world of acting (practically reshaping the way actors learned their craft for years to come), Brando sank from the public eye in the latter years of his life. This is perhaps not surprising as he often criticised the cult of celebrity that seemed to exist in the world – another contradiction in an impossibly complex character.

Here he learned the Stanislavski System of acting, which was heavily based on method acting and attempting to control ‘uncontrollable’ or reflex emotions of an actor on stage. No wonder then that audiences would be captivated by his exaggerated/emotional performance as Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire or as Vito Corleone in the ground-breaking The Godfather.

While on the set of Songs My Mother Taught Me Brando claimed he met Marilyn Monroe at a bar where she played piano. She was unnoticed by anyone else then. They supposedly sustained an intermittent relationship for many years, with him even ringing her days before she her death.

Brando was not only a great actor but a humanitarian and a human rights activist. He had campaigned massively on the behalf of Native Indians, Jews, AfricanAmericans, and on the issue of Israel/Palestine before his death in July 2004. His last and possibly greatest film was Apocalypse Now (where he played a renegade Special Forces Colonel Walter E. Kurts) but Brando’s career was on a downward trajectory and would not reach the lofty heights of Godfather and Mutiny On The Bounty ever again.

Perhaps Brando was rightly condemnatory of celebrity culture – after all, when he died he joined reams and reams of iconic pop stars, actors and talented artists to die prematurely, often before you would have thought they produced their best work. Nevertheless, a great actor has to be remembered for the legacy of films he has left behind and the grand effect he has had on the industry.

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Where are they now?

Brogan O’Callaghan looks at three of our favourite childhood stars and where they’ve disappeared to

Carlton Banks: Played by Alfonso Ribeiro, he is best known for his dorky role in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Since then, his acting career has gone drastically downhill. In 1998 he appeared in a horror film called Ticks where he turns into a giant tick. The less said about that the better! Since then, he has made many cameo appearances such as in Will Smith’s ‘Wild Wild West’ video in 1999 and a McDonald’s video in 2003. In 2007, he appeared in the video for Fergie’s ‘Glamorous’ single. Basically he has put on a lot of weight, is living off appearances (and a lotta donuts too no doubt!), and hosting virtually unknown TV shows. However, he will forever live on in our hearts as Carlton Banks, the spoilt rich kid who is pretty annoying, yet we forgive him for his incredible dance moves.

The Olsen Twins: They were first hired when they were six months old and have been in the limelight ever since, best known for the shows Full House and Two of a Kind (a show I was devoted to as a kid). Since their film New York Minute in 2004, their acting career has faded out, and they have become more famous for their work in the fashion industry and their hectic personal lives. Mary-Kate was admitted into rehab in 2004 after being diagnosed with anorexia, though tabloids speculated she went in because of drugs. Ashley has stopped acting to focus on business while Mary-Kate has tried to act independently of her sister, and was rumoured to be involved with the late Heath Ledger (the masseuse who found Ledger’s body rang Mary-Kate twice before ringing 911, suspicious much?). They have been surrounded by a whirlwind of acting, fashion, endorsements, celebrities and paparazzi and like most child actors, haven’t done so well out of it!

Bow Ties Are Cool.

Laura Palmer takes a look at the classic TV series, Doctor Who

When discussing the term ‘classic”’, we tend to use words such as ‘timeless’ or think of the films or series in question as being old or produced in black and white. However, age alone is not enough. The series in question has to have instigated new ventures in writing, acting and directing. For something to be described as ‘classic’, it needs to have carved new avenues in pop culture. No television show fits in to these categories better than Doctor Who, no other ‘British Institution’ has made such an impact on television.

Doctor Who first premiered on British Television screens in 1963. For all those who are not familiar with the time-travelling shenanigans of the ‘madman in a box’, well… you have no excuse. The show chronicles the adventures of a time-and-space travelling alien named ‘The Doctor’ who wanders the universe battling evil aliens and corporations with the help of his human companions. The Doctor and his time machine/spaceship have become icons in pop culture, with both being immortalised on shows such as The Simpsons and, most recently, in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy!

The inspiration for the series emerged back in 1961, when the concept of time travel was at the forefront of popular culture, made famous by the phenomenal H. G. Wells and Jules Verne

respectively. In 1963 Sydney Newman created the idea for a new science fiction television series targeting family audiences. The series has been described by the British Film Institute as having “created a phenomenon unlike any other British TV programme.” The programme is a national institution in the United Kingdom, with a huge following among the general viewing audience in Europe and America.

Although initially many questioned the show’s suitability for children, it went on to capture a sizable chunk of young viewers, many of which now remember hiding behind the sofa from evil salt shaker shaped aliens and men dressed in masks and tin foil. For its day it was terrifying television, in an era where science fiction was unheard of. Doctor Who was truly ground breaking stuff and although these efforts in special effects and the costume department seem laughable today, they shaped the childhood of an entire generation.

Director Steven Spielberg once commented

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Screech: Dustin Diamond played Samuel Screech Powers in the 90s show Saved by the Bell. He is only 34 now and his biography, Behind the Bell, is a tell-all book that reveals he has slept with over 2,000 women! And the funny part? He found a lot of these, er, lucky girls in Disneyland, taking advantage of his celebrity status. Disneyland suddenly seems a very different place. He has a sex-tape called Screeched – Saved by the Smell. God knows what the smell is referring to, and I’m perfectly happy not knowing (ew). No, I didn’t watch it; if I did I would probably have hit my head off the computer screen until everything went fuzzy. Since then he has been on Celebrity Fit Club and Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling and has had a band called I. Realistically, he’ll never get away from being Screech.

that “the world would be a poorer place without Doctor Who.” The legacy of Doctor Who came from its ability to stand the test of time. When William Hartnell (who played the first Doctor) died suddenly mid-season, the show made use of a sad occasion. The Doctor’s alien nature was put to use, with Hartnell being replaced by a new actor, allowing the character to have a virtually unlimited lifespan (twelve incarnations actually, but who’s counting?).The Doctor’s regeneration ability gave the show an amazing freshness and allowed it to last for over a quarter of a century without becoming stale. To the dismay of many fans, after the appearance of seven Doctors and a running time of 26 seasons, the show went on hiatus in 1989. Fortunately, this did not spell the end for the time-travelling alien because (to every Whovian’s delight), in March 2005 after an absence of 16 years (not including the strange American movie version in 1996) the series was continued with a brand new actor and writer at the helm.

Today, the show is on the eleventh incarnation of the Doctor and, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, it has become the longest running science fiction show in the history of television.. For the sake of television, I hope the twelve incarnation limit on the Doctor turns out to be inaccurate. Because, although the show has been running since 1963, it is just as appealing today as it was when it first began.

Image credit: BBC One

When We Were Rugrats The 90s were to great cartoons as 2011 is to soul destroying reality shows. It was their prime, their heyday. Today, Hollywood loves to rehash those old retro classics and inject them with a healthy dose of rap music and 3D animation just so you know that ‘this ain’t your grandmother’s Alvin and the Chipmunks’. It hasn’t been a popular trend amongst critics or anyone old enough to remember the original, but the box office numbers mean that they’ll keep churning them out.

The 1990s was the birthplace of Doug, Rocko’s Modern World and, my personal favourite, Hey Arnold, amongst countless others. It was a time when Tom and Jerry was still as violent as A Clockwork Orange, and Ren and Stimpy was proudly and unapologetically as vulgar as The Sopranos.

There were shows that did exactly what they said on the tin: Angry Beavers was a simple tale of angry beavers. Then there where the more thought-provoking complex pieces such as Earthworm Jim, a tale of a regular everyday earthworm who was given anthropomorphic capabilities when he donned some sort of alien spacesuit and his adversary was an evil goldfish. CatDog was a particularly odd one, too.

Daniel Foley remembers the heyday of cartoons in the 90s

A friend of mine has a Pokémon bedspread and when asked if it’s not kind of a turn off for girls he insists that, on the contrary, it helps him pull. Sample dialogue; “You love Pokémon? I love Pokémon! Play your Pokémon cards right and you might get to see my Pokémon duvet cover.” Fool proof!

I’ve recently discovered the merits of revisiting the classics; just like the Rugrats were oblivious to the adult world, I was oblivious to the darker jokes. For example, Granpa’s occasional games of Russian Roulette (yes, you read that right) went way over my head.

And The Animaniacs had more talent for subtle sexual innuendo than a room full of Sex and the City and Two and a Half Men writers could hope for.

I’ve heard before a group of otherwise completely sane and rational individuals debating whether it was a nuclear attack on Japan or some kind of extra-terrestrial intervention which caused the mutation of animals into Pokémon. Conversations like these are commonplace amongst people in their late teens to early twenties.

Martha Hegarty prepares her DVD box-set collections for Christmas

Settling down with some classic TV box sets is a cosy, homely form of escapism that is unique to the most wonderful time of the year. Wave goodbye to the glossy sheen of Mad Men, Pan Am and Game of Thrones and indulge in some of small screen’s most worthy lo-fi box sets. It’s a necessary tradition that’s dusted off but once a year, much like that special drunken uncle at the dinner table. Except with more wit and plotlines and less slurring. Sometimes anyway.

Usually a decade can be defined by its music, but when I think of the 90s my first thoughts will be of Tommy Pickles, of Batman or of Dexter. Just like Jazz may never be as good as in the 1920s, cartoons may never be as good as in 1990s (that being said, I’m really hoping someone comes along and proves me wrong). So go out and find your favourite on DVD, or hey, maybe you have them recorded on video and tucked in the back of your attack somewhere. You won’t regret it. That’s all folks.

Image credits: Nickelodeon, Paramount Home Entertainment, The Pokémon Company

Frasier: The majority of the youth of today will know of this little sister of Cheers from the eternal re-runs on Comedy Central, but you have to go beyond the daily double bills to truly appreciate the satirical hilarity, budding romances and Beethoven-esque hair of the classic Seattle-set comedy.

Good ol’ fashioned TV We’re all familiar with that magical time of year.

It’s those precious all-day grey few weeks where mugs overstuffed with Princess-brand marshmallows and headquarters-moving from college to the couch reign supreme. Although Christmas holidays may not hold the same levels of euphoric discharge (ew) that primary school or even the distant days of secondary school ensured, us college kids can still find comfort in the more unfussy relics of Yuletide charm.

When I see it all laid out, it becomes pretty clear why I didn’t hesitate in blowing last week’s food budget on Batman: The Animated Series on DVD (with no regrets I might add); cartoons are the closest things those of us teetering on the brink of adulthood have to a time machine. They remind us of a time when our biggest worry was getting new runners and when girls where just a minor nuisance instead of a reason to shower on a regular basis.

Poirot: With one oh-so-stylish twirl of a jet black moustache and a flick of his cane, Belgium’s answer to the pink panther could solve any crime the equally stylish bad guys threw at him. Also, androgynous bowler hats are on trend right now you guys.

Freaks and Geeks: Described as “What High School was like for the rest of us”, F&G tracked the lives of a group of teens as they encounter love, loss and, above all, James Franco’s cheekbones in the 80s.

Since it was shot in the late 90s, it doesn’t strictly fall into the “Retro” box, but its often poignant storylines and believably older sets render it one of the most underrated shows ever.

Is it too soon for high-school nostalgia?

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Jeeves and Wooster: Prior to House and the unofficial king of twitter, there was simply Fry & Laurie. Here they are in the 1930s-set classic at the peak of comedic timing and quality, tossing out 90 minute segments of top-class Woodhouse plotlines. Particular snaps go to Jeeves’ hangover cure of raw egg, Worcester sauce, clam juice, whiskey and red pepper in the pilot. Pip pip!

Image credits: NBC

The Chakras

At the time of the interview, The Chakras were working in the studio in preparation for the upcoming tour, and Gordo was shouting over the drum rolls and guitar riffs of his fellow band mates. They had just finished their UK tour in London, Manchester, Glasgow and Southampton. “We can’t wait to come to Ireland. We’re playing Cork, Dublin, Limerick and Galway – we’re so excited”.

Mary Egan catches up with Gordo from The Chakras to discuss their upcoming tour and experiences in the music industry

How long have you all known each other?

Well Rocky and I are brothers. The rest of us have been best friends since we were eight. We’re great friends. Like family.

Who is the biggest musical influence on the band?

Well, there isn’t one single influence. Because there are five different people you have 5 different influences really. I guess the main mutual ones would be Radiohead or The Doves.

What are the main themes of your lyrics?

Rocky writes the lyrics so he could give you a better answer. But I suppose they’re about everything you encounter in life. Like 11 different chapters in life. Rocky and I’s mom died when we were young so there’s one song about that experience. There are songs about travelling, friends, girlfriends – just different aspects of life really.

What has been your greatest gig to date?

Hmm greatest gig… It’s hard to pick just one! We just headlined in London, for ME. We arrived on stage at one in the morning to the crowd of 95,000 people

going absolutely insane. It was incredible – we were just going “holy shit!” And then we played on the mainstage of Latitude, which is a gig like Electric Picnic. That was pretty great too. I think those have been our greatest gigs to date.

What’s your opinion on downloading music off the internet illegally?

I think it’s the record label’s fault to be honest. They had an opportunity to go into business 15 years ago but they said no. That could’ve steered away from illegal downloading. It’s sad now because music labels don’t have the money to sign a lot of new bands, so we’re missing out on a lot of great music. You get one shot and if you don’t make it right away that’s it. They want bands to sell right away. If it was today that we started up, our manager couldn’t have signed us. The tradition today is that there’s no opportunity for bands that may come into their own by their third album, but it is what it is.

What’s one of your proudest musical achievements?

Our album reached number two on iTunes in the first week. We held back great bands like Coldplay and Snow Patrol, which was incredible. I think it was Kasabian that got number one.

Find out more about The Chakras at facebook.com/thechakrasband Images courtesy of Entertainment Architects.

The Golden Age of Pop

Orla Hodnett relives the music of the fifties and sixties

We’re experiencing a bit of a late fifties/early sixties revival in music at the moment. A broad spectrum of young artists is drawing on the distinctive sounds of this period of innovation and radical change. Artists like The Beatles and Bob Dylan defined a generation, embodying social, cultural and political revolution. It begs the question: if this music defined such a distinct era, what caused this sudden resurgence in our time? Contemporary artists are like mediums of the spirit of the age, wearing their influences on their sleeves. Musicians such as Miles Kane, Alex Turner, Lana Del Rey, among others are leading a classic-pop revival.

Looking at any of Miles Kane’s videos on YouTube, you’ll be immediately struck by the volume of comments comparing him to Paul McCartney (interesting, considering his main song writing partner, Alex Turner is all but waddling about wearing a sandwich board , with the words, “I really wish I was John Lennon” emblazoned across it). Haircut and sharp dress-sense aside, I’m not convinced of this comparison. What seems more significant to me is the obvious influence of the likes of Serge Gainsbourg on his album Colour of the Trap. Via Gainsbourg, Kane has embraced an avant-garde, individualist style. Gainsbourg’s engaging unpredictability is seen on tracks like ‘Counting Down the Days.’ Another side to Kane’s work is his fondness for sixties garage

rock, apparent on tracks like ‘Inhaler.’

Kane’s guitarist and solo artist in his own right, Eugene McGuinness, has gone down a similar route in his work, with blatant musical references to sixties garage rock and rockabilly.

His earlier work had a twinkly-eyed nostalgia about it, with songs like ‘Those Old Black and White Movies were True’ and ‘God in Space.’

The quaint musical style had its antithesis in his acerbic, witty, current lyrical flair. His new

single, ‘Lion,’ sees him diverging from his old style somewhat, favouring a more energetic late-sixties, mod sound.

Lana Del Rey is like a sort of vintage mongrel: she’s a mish-mash of various cultural epochs.

Looking like Rita Hayworth and sounding like a grittier Dusty Springfield, Del Rey emanates the charm of a bygone age. This is very much a self-conscious effort by Del Rey, who touts herself as a “ghetto Nancy Sinatra.” Musically, she invokes old-fashioned Americana.

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The inescapable ‘Video Games’ is a pretty good indication of her other work. ‘Blue Jeans’ and other tracks all follow the same downbeat, emotive sparseness, with lyrics which sound like a voice from a different age.

The odd-ball rockabilly of Willy Moon is really something to behold. The best way of putting it is that we now know how Little Richard would have sounded if he was the product of an unconventional New Zealand upbringing.

Moon displaces the rhythmic styles of fifties and sixties American rock and roll, into a contemporary electronic setting. With Beatlesesque song titles like ‘I Wanna Be Your Man’ and ‘She Loves Me,’ Moon is pretty clear where he draws his inspiration from. He’s making some pretty compelling modifications to the golden-oldies.

The charmingly named Dirty Beaches forms the middle ground between Jerry Lee Lewis and Andy Williams. Taiwanese-Canadian, Alex Zhang Hungtai, takes his vocal style from these two figures. An intriguing fusion of the styles of the era, Zhang enjoys a considerable profile at home in Canada, having been nominated for a Polaris Music Prize, which is equivalent to our Mercury Prize. Dirty Beaches heavily samples music of the fifties and sixties in his work, which coupled with his vocals, creates his retrospective sound. On ‘Lord Knows Best,’ Zhang samples the stunning ‘Voila’ by Francoise Hardy, creating a striking sixties atmosphere in his music.

“It’s only words, and words are all I have…”

Katie Dennison reflects on the singers of our childhood past

It’s that time of year again when our lives are filled with magic, wonder, and Argos catalogues. This season tends to being me down Nostalgia Lane to my youth (so long ago) and the singers our lives used to revolve around back then. After careful research (aka a browse through my CD collection... ok, my iPod), I’ve narrowed the list of musical heroes down to these few.

Steps: The ABBA of our generation, except they were less Swedish and more obsessed with red leather. What a ‘Tragedy’ the group eventually split up... See what I did there?

Backstreet Boys: After their guest appearance on ‘Sabrina, the Teenage Witch,’ how could we not have become obsessed with them?! That blonde guy, and that other fella with the face... so hot!

Sure, there was the tall, creepy one who always wore a trench coat (suspicious), but their music was ‘the shiz’.

Britney Spears: Back when she was so ‘Lucky to be ‘Stronger’ than yesterday, until ‘Oops, she did it again’. Ok, so fitting song titles into sentences is hard. But still, we all know Britney’s earliest albums were her best. Back when all she wanted was some J.T. love and cool bangs... sigh.

Take That: Whether or not you think they’re attractive now (and they are, they really, really are) they were smoking hot back in the days when sleeveless crop tops were acceptable male clothing.

S Club 7: Still my automatic response to the question: “What’s your favourite band?”

True fans will forever remember the names Jo, Hannah, Tina, Rachel, Bradley, John, Paul. And who could forget the ‘mini-me’ version? S Club Junior!

Boyzone: Everyone loved Ronan, everyone knew Stephen was gay, and the other three kind of blended together. Back in the day there was no greater joy than the experience of seeing the five lads in matching white suits singing in front of an air vent...

Spice Girls: As yet unrivalled by any other girl band. Five women with five unique styles, and we all had our own personal favourite; Crazy Mel B, Mel C (always in a trackie), Baby Spice all in pink, Ginger with her clown lipstick, and Posh Spice (invisible when she turned sideways). They were our role models...

Now That’s What I Call Music!

In the times before iTunes and other forms of downloadable music were the norm, the regular Now That’s What I Call Music! compilations were the best way to keep up with the latest music hits. I know they’re still being released (the 80th volume is out now), but in the days of the CD and the tape they really were magical. Where else would you have gotten forty of the biggest hits from the past few months on one CD? No matter how much music I download, nothing beats the feeling of having a new CD in my hand, and each CD also had a few hidden treasures that you might not otherwise have discovered. Each release was one of the highlights of my year, so you can imagine my joy when I stumbled upon the Now That’s What I Call Music! Decades.

Of course I bought it, because, to be fair, nothing is better than a trip down memory lane. The first CD starts with songs from 1983-1989. The opening track is ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ by Phil Collins – a revelation for me, as I never knew he had a version of the song. The remainder of the CD is packed with what can only be classified as

Busted: They were like the 21st Century Beatles, besides the fact that they were mediocre singers and didn’t write their own music. Year 3,000 was inspired; triple breasted women swimming around naked? That has to be an accurate prediction right? And “What I go to school for” was a, slightly pervy, classic.

Wheatus: Even if you only knew that one song, ‘Teenage Dirtbag’, you could appreciate their awesomeness. Slightly unrealistic ending, though. Sure, they went to an Iron Maiden concert together (yay!), but has everyone forgotten about the gun-carrying, jock boyfriend?

Image credits: Polydor, BBC

Lisa Curtin takes a look at some of the tracks on ‘Now That’s What I Call Music! Decades’

typical 80s classics such as David Bowie and Duran Duran. I must admit that there were a couple of songs that I replayed over and over again; Nena’s ‘99 Red Balloons’ and Belinda Carlisle’s ‘Heaven Is A Place On Earth’ are two of my personal guilty pleasures!

The second CD takes us from 1990-1996.

I must admit that I was seriously looking forward to this one as I’m a complete 90s junkie and totally nostalgic for the decade which brought such gems as ‘Wannabe’ and ‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’. It also brought a few surprises such as Deep Blue Something’s ‘Breakfast At Tiffany’s’ and Charles and Eddie’s ‘Would I Lie To You’.

Admittedly, this CD also had a couple of shockers such as Babylon Zoo ‘Spaceman’ and Adamski’s ‘Killer’. The fact that there were a couple of songs that I didn’t love on the CD brought me back to earth a bit, but then again that is all part and parcel of the whole Now package – ‘It’s Chico Time’ anyone?!

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Despite this, I began listening to the third CD with a serious degree of optimism. The third disk taking us from 1996-2003 is a karaoke singer’s dream and is like a wedding disco playlist in the best way possible; ‘Baby One More Time’ and Steps version of ‘Tragedy’ will never get old.

So after having listened to that CD set I have rekindled my love of ‘99 Red Balloons’, but I have also got a taste of the excitement I used to feel when I bought the latest CD. It also reminded me that there was life before downloads and I may just dust out my old tape recorder.

The makings of a Musical Muse

Tamara Malone analyses the history of musical muses in great music The concept of the musical muse is Why is the idea of the muse so self-imposed exile. Interestingly , thrilling to us? The idea that a woman an intoxicating one, particularly when Clapton also had a relationship with could be so adored, that legions of in reference to some of the most Boyd’s sister, the 17 year-old Paula, beautiful music existing today. music fans the world over would sing who left him after hearing ‘Layla’, a song dedicated to her, is a heady one The most notable of such muses is when she realised she was being used indeed, and there are many women probably Pattie Boyd. The wife of both as a substitute for her sister. Boyd and Harrison split in 1974, but not who would be happy to be in the place George Harrison and Eric Clapton, before he had recorded ‘Something’ of one of these women. Or, as one Boyd attempted a career as a model, in her honour, which was claimed by internet user put it, “men are in bands but didn’t have much success due to Frank Sinatra to be the best love song to get chicks, and chicks are with rock her ‘unusual’ appearance, it having written in 50 years. stars to get their name in a song. It’s been stated that “models don’t look the circle of life.” Whether this is like rabbits”, by one misguided phothe reason behind what is still today tographer. It’s likely that all those who considered some of the greatest music rejected her on the grounds of her existing is irrelevant – I for one am just looks are currently biting their tongues! happy this music exists.

Boyd met George Harrison on the set of the film A Hard Day’s Night in 1964, when he approached her with a proposal of marriage, and when she laughed, asked her, “Well, if you won’t marry me, will you have dinner with me tonight?” Boyd declined, as she was involved with someone at the time, yet several days later when she was called back for more work on the film, she was asked out again and this time accepted, having ended the Boyd and Eric Clapton married in 1979, relationship. The pair married in and he recorded with Derek and the 1966, with Paul McCartney and Brian Dominos the album Layla and Other Epstein, The Beatle’s manager, sharAssorted Love Songs about his love ing Best Man duties. Boyd can perhaps for Boyd. They divorced ten years be credited with the Eastern mystilater due to alcoholism and affairs on cism and philosophy which pervaded Clapton’s part, although Boyd had a the later beliefs and attitudes of the relationship during the marriage with Beatles, as it was she who inspired all photographer Will Christie. four to meet with Indian mystics.

Recommended Christmas Listen

It was not only Harrison and Clapton who pursued Boyd, who seems to have been a magnet for famous musicians.

She was desired also, it is rumoured,

by John Lennon and Mick Jagger, with Jagger admitting he had been pursuing her for years with no success.

Boyd had an affair with future Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood in 1973, when her marriage was suffering. Eric Clapton began to experience feelings for her after beginning a friendship with Harrison in the early ‘60s, nd Boyd claims that her rejection of him in 1970 is the reason he descended into heroin

Among the songs asserted by Boyd to have been written for her by Clapton, there is ‘Bell Bottom Blues’, allegedly composed after he bought her a pair of blue jeans, and ‘Wonderful Tonight’, written while Boyd was getting ready for a party thrown by Paul and Linda McCartney.

Boyd wrote of the song: “For years it tore at me. To have inspired Eric, and George before him, to write such music was so flattering. ‘Wonderful Tonight’ was the most poignant reminder of all that was good in our relationship, and when things went wrong it was torture Keeping with the theme of the issue, Now That’s to hear it.”

What I Call Classical is a bargain to buy, and Among other famous muses are Bob well worth the listen. Featuring mesmerising Dylan’s Suze Rotolo and Sara Lowndes, performances by Alfie Boe, Katherine Jenkins, and as well as Pamela des Barres who André Rieu with, you’ll be surprised how many became involved with everyone from you’re already familiar with!

Image credits: Decca Jim Morrison to Mick Jagger. And of course the queen of all, Yoko Ono, who can be credited with the infamous split of the Fab Four, due to Lennon’s need to never be apart from her.

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Can he swing from a web?

Kala Chung asks why comic book heroes are so awesome.

Batman, The Incredible Hulk, SpiderSo they need to make the heroes look austere and strong, while the villains man, Daredevil, The Fantastic Four… need a touch of lunacy and evil. The Who were your favourite comic book sketches alone can show the characheroes and, more importantly, why? ters every over-exerted muscle, proAll of the above sound pretty awetruding beneath that more-than-likely some, right? So why do they appeal Lycra costume. Then, add some colour to us so much? The creative minds combinations to make our character behind the characters certainly knew stand out and be memorable. Successwhat they were doing; DC and Marvel ful combinations have been used in the Comics managed to sell millions of coppast consisting of primary colours (red, ies of comics a year, sometimes selling yellow and blue) and their secondary 75 titles a month! So how do they crecolours (purple, orange and green). ate these fictional characters that we The Flash had red and yellow, The Joker used purple and green, while Spiderwould very much like to meet (or, seman wore blue and red. cretly, be)?

So now that the character is designed, how can we make the comic more atThe team behind making up this chartractive? The storyline is the make or acter plant the seed. They know what break of the comic essentially, so how they want. They have this out-of-focus it is presented is key. Comics are laid image in their mind of their perfect suout as if someone was trying to tell the perhero or villain. Now all they need story of a film through screen-shots and to do is go to the artists so they can it works - a few captions, dialogue becreate an image to go with the descriptween characters shown in fun speech tion and that’s where all the magic bubbles and images drawn as if a camhappens. Typical characters, in retroera is shooting from different angles. Of course you can’t forget the iconic use of spect, have always looked so darn cool! onomatopoeia! C’mon you know what The majority have an alter-ego, their this word means; your English teacher ordinary-Joe self, a person we can all told you time and time again… Big red relate to. But when they transform into ‘POW!’ and ‘BANG!’ and ‘KER-PLUNK!’ a superhuman, they have these tight, labels layered over action scenes (that’s colourful costumes revealing their right, they’re the words that imitate a muscular physique – an artist’s dream! sound! Well done you!).

The end result? A top-class comic book complete with kickass characters, attention-grabbing captions and in-your-face colours. It’s no wonder why comic book art is still around, not only in comic books, but also now in fashion (clothes, bags, underwear, you name it!) and graffiti (check out Pantonio, a Portuguese artist who transformed a car crash site using comic art.) And with so many characters developed over the years, film and computer game makers are spoiled for choice while choosing which character to animate next. The artwork and characters are all there, tried and tested over the years. All that’s left to do is putting it all together for film or game! Personally, I hope they go for another female hero or villain like Wonder Woman (the feminist in me is screaming for some girl power!): she saves the day and looks stylish while doing it!

Image credit: oregonlive.com

Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton – the renowned storytellers “Next to acquiring good friends, the best acquisition is that of a good book” – Charles Caleb Colton.

Indeed, reading is one of life’s simple pleasures. ‘Simple’ being the operative word. No modems, cables, downloading or plugs required (unless you count E-readers, but for the purpose of this article they don’t exist. So there!). However, in a society now heavily dominated by technology, many of us don’t spend an afternoon getting lost in a fictional world. The same cannot be said for the 90s – many of us students were young(er) and innocent, and authors such as Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton dominated the world of children’s literature (at least, before Harry Potter apparated into our lives!). So, close the laptop for a minute and allow me to pay tribute to two of the most distinguished children’s authors of our time.

Roald Dahl was born in Wales in 1916 to Norweigan parents. He wrote about his childhood and early adulthood in two separate books, Boy and Going Solo, both of which received high critical acclaim. As a young man, Dahl served in the Royal Air Force during the Second World War, where he rose to the rank of Wing Commander – not exactly a typical start in life for a children’s author!

Louise Creedon pays tribute to Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton

Dahl started writing in 1942, but it wasn’t until he became a father himself that he began writing for children. Taking inspiration from the stories he made up for his daughters at night, Dahl soon found his niche in children’s literature. His first novel James and the Giant Peach was published in 1961, followed by a string of bestsellers including Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (1964), Fantastic Mr. Fox (1970), Danny the Champion of the World (1975), The Twits (1980), The BFG (1982) and Matilda (1988).

The latter broke all previous records for a work of children’s fiction with over half a million copies being sold in the UK within six months.

Enid Blyton was born in London in 1897.

She trained as a teacher after her education finished, choosing to write in her spare time. Most of her family members believed that her writing was a waste of time, but, nevertheless, Blyton persevered and her first novel The Secret Island was published

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was published in 1938. Blyton is most renowned for writing several series of novels, such as the Adventure series, the Malory Towers series, the Wishing Chair series and The Secret Seven series.

While these were all highly praised by critics, the most famous series that Blyton wrote is, without any shadow of a doubt, The Famous Five series. Blyton had only intended to write about six to eight of these novels, but due to their high sales and massive commercial success, she ended up writing twenty one adventures for Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Timmy the dog. Even today, more than two million copies of the books are sold each year, making them one of the biggest selling series ever written for children.

Unfortunately, both of these authors are no longer with us. Dahl developed a rare blood disorder in 1990 and passed away in November of the same year at the age of 74. After her husband’s death in 1967, Blyton developed Alzheimer’s disease which affected her so badly that she moved into a nursing home.

She died in November 1968 and was later cremated. Nonetheless, the works of Blyton and Dahl have maintained their popularity and are still being sold worldwide. Because of this, I am certain that these renowned storytellers will live on in the hearts and minds of children for years to come.

Rooms to Improve For a man of such impeccable taste, Features Editor Cathal Brennan has lived in some terrible houses...

I have had pretty bad luck with regards to accommodation in the three years I’ve been at UCC. Throughout my time in university, a “home away from home” has remained ever elusive, due to unforeseen or unperceived problems that only became apparent halfway through the academic year.

At the time, the house of my fresher year did not seem small, cluttered or smelly – it merely had “character”, or so I thought to myself. I lived in a shoebox bedroom in a little shack on Bandon Road, the house front of which was suitably painted the colour of shite. My two friends from secondary school and I moved into our pad with naïve enthusiasm, thinking that we were going to live a life of kings in our very own house. We could have been paying €80 a week to live in a semidetached cardboard box and been just as happy; the fact that we had a place of our own was so enthralling to us. We revered our house as our own place of refuge, a shrine to our first year in university.

Or at least we did for the first few weeks, before we realised that our house was rubbish. In the cramped confines of our living/kitchen space, there existed only one small window that provided absolutely no circulation. The bathroom and shower were only accessible through the kitchen; with paper-thin walls, it was somewhat awkward to make dinner while the housemate was audibly taking a dump less than a metre away. The shower itself was amazing – not because it worked particularly well, but because the water smelled of sulphur, thus rendering the “showeree” to smell of eggs after he had a wash.

First year came and went, segueing into second year. After the cesspit of Bandon Road, I was determined to move into a nice abode that I could relax in comfortably. I moved out of one tiny bedroom and into another, this time situated by the Lough. The house seemed to be infinitely

better; the living area was massive, there was a fireplace in the upstairs bathroom (two bathrooms was quite a novelty at first) and the back garden was big enough to host a game of 5-a-side football.

Unfortunately, there was one unforeseen downside. It came in the form of an adorable little beagle that was owned by one of my new housemates.

At heart, the beagle was good company.

He was attentive, friendly and provided an adequate means of procrastination on the night before an exam or essay deadline. Despite this however, he turned out to be quite an awkward housemate due to his complete lack of house-training.

in first year. My bedroom was the polar opposite of anything that I had resided in before. I had a nice bay window, acres of floor space and a double bed; I felt that I had definitely upgraded from the shoeboxes that I had lived in since the start of my life in college.

Predictably however, things went to shit. On one Monday morning in early October, I returned from my home in West Cork to my new abode. I was cleaning up the bedroom (as I tend to do when I’m looking to procrastinate before an essay deadline) and while stashing away a pile of clothes into my wardrobe, I noticed that there was something wrong with my suit jacket.

I took it off of the clothes hanger and inspected it closely.

The jacket, once pristine and dry cleaned, was now covered in a thick, greenish-brown coat of mould that had developed just over the weekend.

Everything in the wardrobe was wrecked; two other jackets, a pair of boots, two pairs of jeans and a laptop case met their untimely demise at

On more than one occasion did I return home to find my room stinking of urine, the entrails of a pair of shoes scattered across the piss-soaked carpet and the dog sitting on my bed, looking me straight in the eyes while chewing my toothbrush.

As frustrating as it may have been to live with the dog, it wasn’t really his fault. His owner never made the attempt to properly housetrain him, and the dog didn’t know any better. The owner was the real dickhead, not the poor, amicable beagle.

Regardless, I was quite happy to get out of there towards the end of the year.

This year marked the third student house that I moved into, and as always, things seemed peachy at first. The housemates were sound, the rent was cheap and it was just up the road from the UCC. The house was a bit old and archaic, but I just

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the hands of the colony of mould that had materialised.

The room was obviously damp and poorly insulated; I had to move out.

For a week, I argued with my landlady to get my deposit back. “Your clothes must have been damp before you moved in”, she argued whilst ignoring all the basic principles of common sense. After threatening to take things to court, she relented; I got my deposit back, as well compensation for some of the damaged possessions.

I have since moved into a new home and things have returned back to some form of normality. I’m back to living in a shoebox bedroom, but it does have a bit of “character”...

Student Accommodation: Don’t be Left in the Cold

A considerable number of students in University College Cork live in rented accommodation. With more and more landlords withholding deposits at the end of the year, it is essential that students are aware of their rights as tenants; whether they live in a rented house, a private student accommodation complex or digs. In this guide, you can find out about the services available to students in difficulty with regards to a property, what you need to look out for when moving into a house and how best to deal with landlords if you find yourself embroiled in a dispute with them. We also have a look from the perspective of the landlord, and how they deal with troublesome tenants. Read on and enjoy.

UCC Accommodation Office: An Invaluable Resource Features Editor Cathal Brennan talks to UCC Accommodation Officer Maura O’Neill about students, landlords and everything in between The UCC Accommodation Office provides information to students of the university on the various options available to them in terms of housing, student apartment complexes and digs. The office also serves to help students who find themselves in a dispute with their landlord; points of conflict that could arise between tenants and their landlords include eviction, inappropriate housing conditions and deposit retention.I spoke to Maura O’Neill, the Accommodation Officer of UCC, about what the office does to help students who are in difficulty, what students should look out for when looking for accommodation and how students can resolve problems that they might be having with their landlords.

What does the Accommodation Office do for students?

We provide all information necessary to UCC students. We promote available digs, student complexes and houses to students. We currently have 101 places in digs, 1263 in private houses, 839 beds in campus accommodation and another 3105 beds in private accommodation complexes. So all in all, there’s a wide variety and range of accommodation available for UCC students. Within the student housesearch facility, of 1300 houses, we’d have specialised houses for postgraduates, mature students and first years.

We run a free housing clinic, so if students have any problems with their accommodation, they can come to us in our office on College Road throughout the year. If they’re having problems with their landlord, I go out to view the property, confirm the problems and then talk to their landlord. But I’ll also help landlords who have problems with students. We try to promote a good management system, whereby both students and landlords are well educated as to what their situation is, and what the best way is to come to a resolution. Rather than trying to fix the student’s problem myself, I will facilitate them to fix the problem themselves so that they’ll learn how to do it; this can include what they should say, what would be a good argument, etcetera. Once you give students that information, they’re very well able to deal with a situation themselves. I’ll only step in when a student is unable to resolve it themselves.

What should students look out for when choosing their accommodation?

Warmth, cleanliness and dryness are not negotiable when students are looking for a property. They just aren’t. The biggest issue with regards to the standard of housing at the moment is dampness due to poor insulation. The single biggest issue today is that people are living in bedrooms that are not properly ventilated. The build up of mould and dampness in a property is due to the property not being adequately heated or insulated.

What problems are currently facing students who are renting their own house or apartment?

Deposit retention at the end of the year is a problem that we have been seeing more and more of. It is a matter that is totally within the control of students. If students take photos of the property and the gas and electricity meter when they move in at the start of the year, then there won’t be any dispute at the end of the year. We regularly run a campaign in May each year informing students of how to protect their deposit. If you have marked a carpet, it is much cheaper to pay a cleaner €50 than to lose your deposit of €300! It’s about being sensible. We

have addresses of cleaners that will take care of these issues – it’s much cheaper to get it done yourself. If you haven’t got time to clean your house, pay somebody! It would cost €60-70 between everyone in the house, but if you’re going to lose your deposit, then it’s going to cost a lot more than that.

What can students do if their landlord isn’t keeping the house up to scratch?

If a landlord isn’t doing repairs that are needed that aren’t your fault, a broken microwave for example, then students are totally within their rights to carry out the repairs themselves and deduct the money spent from their rent. Students are entitled to this under the Residential Tenancies Act of 2004, so if there’s annoying stuff that needs to be taken care of - for example, a leaking tap – then you can just get that done yourself.

Once you’ve informed the landlord twice, you can carry out the repair yourself and deduct the cost from the rent. You have to ask your landlord to carry the repair himself first, then ask him to do it in writing, saying that you will repair it yourself if the problem isn’t fixed in 7 days, and then if there is still nothing happening, repair it yourself and take the money from the rent.

If a student cannot come to an agreement with their landlord, should they consider taking their case to the Private Residential Tenancy Board?

We have never lost a case that we have taken to the PRTB. A student of UCC has never lost a case that they’ve taken, and that’s really good for students. Every student who has taken it to that level has been glad that they went. I can go with students to the PRTB as well. It costs €25 to take a case – if 12 students living in the same house are taking the same case, then it’ll still only cost that amount. We find that if a landlord is taken to the PRTB, then he learns what the issue is, and it’s very unlikely that that landlord will reoffend in the same way again. So in that sense, a student who takes their landlord to the PRTB over an issue of conflict is helping future students down the line as well. If you have an issue, pursue it.

Don’t let your money go.

The Accommodation Office can be found on 6 Carrigside, College Road.

Contact them through asa@ucc.ie or 021 490 2353. For more information, visit www.ucc.ie/asa Image Credit: www.ucc.ie/accommodation

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Know Your Rights

As the majority of students make the decision to rent property to live with friends and enjoy the full “college experience”, it’s important for students to know what exactly they’re getting themselves in for. Students need to make the conscious effort to find out what their rights are as tenants but more importantly the duties of a landlord and what to expect. Threshold is a national housing charity who provides free information on tenants and landlords. I spoke to Diarmuid O’Sullivan, a member of the Cork branch of Threshold, about what students needed to know, whether they were already renting their own property or were planning to do so.

What specifically should students look out for when looking around for accommodation? What is the check-list everyone should have when going to view a house?

We would advise that when students are going into a property they would carry out a careful examination to ensure that the property is to a certain standard. These are the key things to take note of when viewing a property.

• Ensure all electrical equipment is operating correctly: this includes cookers, showers, microwaves, everything.

• Check the heating: you might move into accommodation in September/August, when there’s no need to use the heating. But come December, if there is a problem you’ll know about it.

• Take note of the property in general: stains on the carpets, cracks on windows, etc. It is vitally important to take note of pre-existing faults (if any) on the property because at the end of your tenancy you can be held responsible for any damages in the house unless you can prove they existed prior to your residency.

• Ask about a B.E.R cert (Building Energy Rating): This will indicate how energy efficient the house is and will also indicate what your heating bills will be like later in the year, and how well insulated the house is.

• Procedure with gas and electric meters: Enquire how often they are taken. By doing this there will be no disputes over outstanding bills at the end of your tenancy.

Derwin Myers speaks to not-for-profit organisation Threshold

about what students need to know with regards to their accommodation

Are landlords required to provide rent books?

Yes. Get a rent book from your landlord, they are required under law to provide one. This is crucial if you are paying you’re rent in cash. This ensures there is a record that the rent has been paid on a weekly or monthly basis. This helps avoid debates over unsettled rent later on in tenancy.

Any other advice?

• Only pay deposit by cheque, direct debit or electronic transfer. It is advised not to pay in cash and always get a receipt.

• You should also ensure you have a written contract and there is an inventory of all the furniture and fixtures, equipment of the property on the inventory.

• In the vast majority of situations, landlords insurance will not cover the personal possessions of the tenants so tenants should really have insurance to cover their own property so any damage caused would be covered.

• Don’t sign anything until you are happy with the quality of the property and also that you’re happy that the property meets your needs.

• Students should get the name and address of the landlord because if down the line a problem occurs and the tenant decides to take their case to the Private Residential Tenancy Board. It can be difficult to take a case against them if these details are missing.

For more information on your rights as a tenant check out the student advice section on the Threshold website – www.threshold.ie

Image Credit: www.threshold.ie

From Another Point of View

Ruth Lawlor takes a look from the perspective of the landlord...

We've all been there: the demon landlord unscrupulously exploiting students, disrupting our education and, more importantly, our drinking sessions. They make a fortune out of us when we barely have enough money to buy bread (maybe because we've spent it all in Havana Browns?). Perhaps I'm being a little unfair. For the majority of students, there are more things to college life than booze and binging. The point I'm trying to make is that, in the same way that adults are often prejudiced against students, so too may we be prejudiced against our landlords. Sometimes, we are so caught up in university world that we fail to realise we are not the first generation to experience this lifestyle.

I spoke to one couple who own property and have noticed a marked decline in the calibre of students in general. They have also experienced increasing difficulties with students. Mr and Mrs A have requested to remain unnamed in order to protect the privacy of their tenants.

When Mrs A visited the property one evening to collect unpaid rent, she witnessed a large party taking place. One of the students offered to pay his overdue rent, but his drunken housemate told Mrs A to “f**k off” and “come back by appointment”.

The situation was to deteriorate further. Upon vacation of the house, Mrs A discovered that it had been left in terrible condition. “We spent €20,000 renovating the house last year, but the brand-new window sills had been used as ashtrays, the oven and toilets had not been cleaned all year and the fridge had mouldy food inside. Congealed food was left on dishes which then had to be replaced. The electricity bill was unpaid.”

Last year, the couple rented their 6-bedroom house in the centre of a university-city to six 3rd year students. By Christmas, however, three announced that they were moving out because the rent was too high.

The students in question were given the choice to either clean up or pay up. They refused the former but subsequently threatened to report their landlords to the college, who maintained that Mr and Mrs A had dealt with the students fairly. The students also threatened legal action for the return of their deposits, despite the fact that the lease agreement clearly stated that the landlords were entitled to make deductions for any damage. Mr and Mrs A subsequently did this and returned the remainder to the students as a gesture of goodwill, even though the cost of repairs far exceeded the value of the deposits.

“I offered to decrease the rent, but really they just wanted to be closer to the parties,” Mrs A explained. “We allowed the remaining students to continue renting the property and did not increase the rent even though it was financially unviable. We did not want to disrupt their education.”

Respect is key here. We all want to have fun, but that cannot be at the expense of others. We have the right to decent living conditions and we will exercise that right to the last. But we must also remember that landlords, like us, are people too. It really is time to start seeing things from another point of view.

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The “Real” Reeling in the Year What a difference a day makes, never mind 365 of them. Yes, 2011 certainly had its ups and downs. We here at Motley Towers feel that it is important to recollect our thoughts at this time of year, so we have compiled a list of all the entirely accurate news stories that have occurred through the year. Take a load off, open up that bottle of Sherry, nestle up by the fire and raise your glass to what has been a marvellous year. Sláinte!

January Brian Cowen resigns as leader of Fianna Fail. Subsequently takes up residency as professional arse-kisser in the European Commission putting those supple lips to good use.

Alcohol consumption soars as Irish public collectively embraces the “Hair of the Dog” method after the New Year celebrations.

Prominent sociologists state that this phenomenon, known as “The Thirsht”, was the result of severe post-Christmas blues. Other contributing factors included the fact that the month of January is cold, miserable, wet and generally rubbish. Paradoxically, the concurrent increase in the trade and production of alcohol provided unexpected economic stimulus, making for a happier economy.

February Frustrated with shite romcoms and TV specials, single people throughout the world converge upon the international offices of the Hallmark Gift Card Corporation and occupy the premises in protest of Valentine’s Day. The event quickly became known as Occupy Hallmark. “This holiday is a sham, it means absolutely nothing! It’s just a means by which the corporations are exploiting us”, said one protestor. When asked on whether he was going to be spending that night protesting in either a single or double

tent, he proceeded to run away whilst crying bitterly.

Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor at 2011 Academy Awards. Rumours abound that the Academy gave him the award because they didn’t want him to make a scene.

May Events transpire that lead this man to travel back in time just as the world ends to sacrifice his life. The world does not end as a result, but instead Harold Camping walks away with several million bucks (donations from braindead followers) and a giant smile.

Queen Elizabeth visits Cork City, much to the chagrin of some old ex-IRA fella who was probably watching the whole thing on TV whilst sipping on a pint.

Gardaí reporting to the scene of an alleged bomb scare found nothing but a zippo lighter hooked up to an alarm clock with twine in the backseat of a Nissan Micra. Bórd Failte said to be “relieved”.

March A state-of-the-art structure was opened somewhere by someone vaguely important. The ribbon was cut exquisitely, according to one onlooker who wished to remain anonymous. Persons involved in the event were said to have been “delighted”.

The results of an independent survey found that March 2011 was the equivalent of Co. Leitrim, in the sense that not a whole pile happens in Leitrim or March.

April Royal Wedding takes place between Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Kate Middleton. Widespread joy as people realise that the abhorrent amount of media attention that the wedding had drawn was finally coming to an end.

Internet hacktivist group Anonymous hacks into Sony websites. In a subsequent press release, the director of Sony said that they were felt “like nobs”.

A young troubled man is informed by American Fundamentalist Christian radio host Harold Camping that the Rapture would begin on the 21st of May 2011, and that the world would end 5 months later on October the 21st 2011.

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June A different internet hacktivist group, Lulzsec, hacks Sony websites. The directors of Sony issued their apologetic sentiments in a press release, saying that they felt “dead embarrassed” over what had happened.

Michael Flatley dies in horrific Irish dancing related accident by inadvertently kicking himself in the face during a reel. Grannies up and down the country weep at the country’s loss. Daniel O’Donnell fumes with jealousy from his home in Donegal.

Cathal Brennan, Athos Tsiopani and Mae McSweeney have a look back at what has been a very eventful 2011...

July Rupert Murdoch and News International embroiled in phone hacking scandal. British tabloid rag The News of The World publishes its last ever edition on July 10th, with the slogan “The World’s Greatest Newspaper 1843-2011” emblazoned across the top right corner of the front cover. Public scoffs.

Amanda Brunker stands in for Jesse J at Oxegen. Hipsters throughout the land hurl into their Converse.

August Old Oak Scandal causes outrage across Cork.

Senior management release statement on Facebook regarding the controversy, saying that €4.80 for a pint of Budweiser was the industry standard for a city centre bar, and that everyone should just leave them alone.

Gay Byrne drops out of Presidential Race, resulting in grannies throughout the isle to become overwrought with disappointment.

September X Factor gets into full swing while ratings plummet in comparison to previous years. In order to boost ratings, talentless Pete Doherty-wannabe gimp Frankie Cocozza is drafted in. Says he does cocaine, orchestrated media fall out ensues, general public yawns collectively.

In Co. Down, DUP alderman and farmer Alan Graham is startled when he sees Rihanna shooting a music video on his land, tells her to cover herself up. A lyric of the song in question is “We found love in a hopeless place”; a farm based in Co. Down does sound a bit depressing, to be fair.

December (likely predictions) On the tenth anniversary since the start of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, diehard fans across the globe watch the extended director’s cut editions of the trilogy in one sitting, take a ten minute toilet break, and then rewatch the films with commentary. Multiple people die.

Image Credit: limerickblogger.com, activistnews.blogspot.com, thedivinesleuth.com. cbsnews.com, tvm.ie, politico.ie,euobserver. com, moxiebird.com, collectorsquest.com

October The Republic of Ireland decides to do away with conventional democratic elections for the 2011 Presidential elections, and instead opts for a televised “Battle Royale”-style cage match to be filmed during an episode of the Late Late Show. Michael D. Higgins emerges as winner, as other candidates find him too cute to hit.

November Berlusconi resigns. International interest in Italian politics dwindles.

Mayor of Naas Darren Scully refuses to represent people of African origin, but is convinced that he’s actually not a racist. Widespread facepalming occurs on a national scale, measuring 4.3 on the Richter Scale at its height.

Justin Bieber pregnancy scandal turns out to be a complete and utter misunderstanding. Bieber releases press statement saying that he “would have gotten her pregnant if only [he] had hit puberty on time”. He instead settled for ‘thumbing in a softy’. Jonas Brothers responded to the statement , saying “we know how he feels”.

Poetry Corner Voices Whispers, mummers, words barely there, Against a backdrop of greyscale silent fear.

Mutters, words never said, and those forgotten, A veil of nothingness shrouding the truth.

Silence is the voice of no-one.

A scream or a shriek, but yet not existing, What might have been said but never was.

Silent, or quieter than words never heard, Just a hollowness captivating the fear.

Silence is the shadow of no-one.

It is everywhere and anywhere, Between the alleys, the slumps of a city, Or a town, more quiet than the truth suppressed.

Yet, silence screams like a blazing fire.

These are the screams of no-one.

Daniel O’Donnell sets fire to his home in Donegal out of sheer frustration.

Painfully mediocre film “The Rise of The Planet of the Apes” released on August 5th.

UK Riots blaze through London, Birmingham, Manchester and Bristol between August 6th and 10th. Coincidence? Probably.

Peter Neville

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Women Trouble? Computer Science is the Answer

Lonely this Christmas? Full-time student and part time ferrier Noel Dillon-Daly gives his two cents on the matter

Dressing up as Santa used to be a sure-fire way of picking up women. You’d throw on a red suit, pop a cushion underneath your jacket and fuck your way into the New Year.

It was like shooting fish in a barrel. But not anymore. Things have changed. The barrel has become a lake and the fish have developed standards.

So what’s to be done? UCC girls, perhaps? No, it turns out. Apparently they’ve developed some standards of their own. You see, the ladies of UCC used to be like The Bróg – a last resort with free entry. But now they’re more like The Roxy – difficult to get inside unless you’re sober and over twentythree.

No, I’m afraid there’s only one thing we can do: adopt a Computer Science friend. Yes, that’s right: A Computer Science friend.

Computer Science students are easy to catch, easy to intimidate and most of all, they make you look like the coolest guy on campus by comparison. But what if the Computer Science friend starts chatting up the girl you like? The notion is literally laughable: Ha ha ha ha ha. That’s the great thing about CS students. They may very well find women attractive but they have neither the confidence nor the social skills needed to trick them into liking them.

“Aren’t you just embracing a stereotype?” I hear you ask. Yes I am, but only because it’s a stereotype that’s completely true. If you don’t believe me then you can bring your camera to the CS department and see the horrible cretins for yourself. But make sure you turn off the flash because, like sex and conversation, it frightens them.

“Computer Science students are cool and lovely and nice and sound. Anyone who works for Microsoft isn’t a twat-faced cunt. And the women who study Computer Science are sexy and normal and attractive and definitely have personalities” - This is a great example of a lie. It’s a lie that I suggest you use when trying to catch yourself a CS friend. Throw in a reference to World of Warcraft as well and you should be sorted.

When you get yourself a CS friend make your way to the nearest bar. On your way to the bar make idle chit-chat with the gimp.

Explain what a bar is. Then, buy yourself a drink, sit yourself down and make yourself comfortable. Notice how women seem to look at you differently. It’s remarkable isn’t it? All you need to do to get women is to partner yourself with the very thing that repels them.

But is it really that simple? Well, let’s look at a recent quote from acclaimed Sociologist Dr. Aaron Brown who said on that matter: “Yes.” You see, when a woman looks at the Computer Science student she sees a person who has made a conscious decision to separate him or herself from normal everyday society. She sees a person with no other skills than that of making a computer stop being slow.

Then she sees you sitting there, wearing your Chrismas jumper. She says to herself “sure, he’s not the best looking guy. But at least he’s not like that wanker sitting next to him.”

So she walks over to you. You say “hello”. Your new friend has a nervous breakdown because the only time he has ever seen a woman that wasn’t his mother was through a high speed broadband connection. The conversation goes something like this: Her: Don’t suppose you’ve got a Santa costume?

You: You’d better believe it baby.

Merry Christmas.

Image Credit: Julia Healy

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Mike McCarthy (A Concerned Kerryman), Chris Icke and Liam Redmond, known collectively as the Factually Suspect Frontrow, investigate the real “joy” felt by Irish children at Christmas.

Dear Sir, I am appalled to hear that Christmas decorations have been erected in Kampus Kitchen on November 22nd. These decorations are not only too early, but also in poor taste, considering the economic climate. How can you spend two and half grand on ribbons and fake leaves? Do you know how much a box of Christmas baubles cost?

Surely, Mr. Editor, the money would been better allocated in providing mulled wine reception for all students at the Main Gates of UCC on the 8th of December, or going into a wheelie bin fund for R&G Week. We are living beyond our means.

Economics is a dangerous science. We are providing a false economy for the international bauble industry. Mr. Editor, there are pertinent questions that need to be asked regarding said baubles. Are we prepared to look into the moral implications of the purchase of baubles?

Do you know how many people are injured or killed in bauble-related incidents? The UCC Central Statistics Office has carried out a painstaking survey into the political, economic and social implications of bauble-making. Their results are baffling.

In an exclusive interview with an impoverished and undernourished boy we ‘found’ on Connaught Avenue, we learned the truths of this cut throat industry. The child (who we’ll call ‘Tiny Tim’ for his own protection) outlined the horrific working conditions in the bauble factory, the location of which is under the nose of every person in this fine country.

After a more in-depth look into this issue, we uncovered some horrible truths. Tiny Tim (aged five and a half) explained to us how, under the guise of ‘art class’, he and his fellow child-labourers are forced to mass produce these most heinous of Christmas decorations.

Mr Editor, I implore you to take more time in reflecting on those precious baubles you place on your tree. Think of the cruel realities faced by our young generation in primary schools the length and breadth of the country. Were you objectified to these labour camps or ‘art classes’ as they’re called in the business?

In recent academic literature (Claus 2011), there has been a link found between these ‘art classes’ and the international drugs industry. Was it not Pablo Escobar who famously said, “The Irish children make the best baubles”?

This crime comes full circle when the children are forced to buy cocaine to keep them awake in these “art classes”. For as Giuseppe Alessio Verni famously (and allegedly) uttered, “The Irish children take the most cocaine.”

Yours etc, Factually Suspect Frontrow

Chocolate Biscuit Cake Maeve Clayton whips up the cake to end all cakes...

If you’re a broke student like me (and if you’re reading this, then you probably are), then you’re not going to have a whole lot of money to spend on Christmas presents. Instead, why not go for something a little different this year and make, or rather, bake your presents! This chocolate biscuit cake is ridiculously simple to make, doesn’t even need an oven to prepare, and will hold for 3 or 4 days (if kept refrigerated) so you can even make it a little bit in advance!

You need: 300g of Rich Tea Biscuits 100g Butter A tin of condensed milk A bar of cooking chocolate 1.

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Break up all the biscuits into roughly 50 cent sized pieces In a saucepan, gently melt the butter, condensed milk and 4 or 5 squares of chocolate together.

Let it bubble for about two minutes Then add the biscuits Stir it well Squash it into a tin Put the tin in the fridge for about 5 or 6 hours until it sets Take it out, turn it over and put it on a tray/plate/relatively flat surface Melt the rest of the chocolate bar and use it to cover the cake That’s it! Just try not to eat it all yourself, tempting and all as it may be...

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Image Credit: www.chocolatebiscuitcake.net

The Monastery of College Road Maeve Clayton has a look at The Poor Clares, an enclosed religious community that has been based on College Road for almost 100 years Writing a letter may seem to many like a positively prehistoric way of contacting someone in today’s world of social networking, instant messaging and e-mail, but for some, albeit few, members of society it is still their primary method of getting in touch with the outside world. This is certainly the case for College Road’s most unlikely of residents, the Poor Clare Sisters of Poor Clare Colettine Monastery, College Road (situated just before Brookfield Health Sciences Complex). When one thinks of the inhabitants of College Road and their “Vocations”, poverty, chastity, obedience and enclosure probably don’t spring to mind. But, for the eight sisters of the Poor Clares, this is not merely the norm but a requirement in order to fulfil their duties to God.

Founded in the early 13th century by St. Clare of Assisi, the Poor Clares have endured for centuries; they are, in fact, celebrating their 800th year in existence in the coming year. They have been in Cork since the 1914 and have spent their time here listening to the worries, woes and wishes of the people of Cork, in turn offering them up to God through their own thoughts and prayers.

The Poor Clares are a contemplative order rather than an apostolic one, meaning that instead of becoming a nurse or a teacher as is common with sisters of apostolic orders, they instead believe in a more passive approach to undertaking God’s will. Most commonly, people write in to the sisters with their troubles and ask the Poor Clares to pray for them. It is also possible to drop by (outside of the advent and lent periods, during which they’re closed) and speak to the Poor Clares in person about that which is troubling you, be it a financial problem, an illness or maybe even in the hope of receiving a little extra help for the exams!

Meetings with the sisters are held in one of their parlours where you speak to one another through a grille, a symbolic expression of their enclosure. Many people are so affected or moved by the sisters hallowed help that they will leave donations as thanks, be they monetary, food or otherwise. The sisters are always deeply touched by people’s generosity to them, though it is a somewhat necessary occurrence as they live off alms and peoples donations to them.

While this sort of lifestyle may seem completely alien and foreign to many of us, you would be surprised by the many different backgrounds the sisters come from. For example, the sister I spoke with was actually a UCC Law Graduate and many of the other sisters across the seven Poor Clare Monasteries nationwide and many more globally come from backgrounds far-removed from that of their current lives. Degrees, studying, travelling and working abroad and enjoying hectic social lives seemed to be the norm until they were, in their own words, “called to God.”

Now, rather than travelling, working or attending parties they “try to lead a more intense life of prayer in solitude and silence.” Despite rumours that they have taken a vow of silence, this is untrue, though they try not to speak between the hours of 8 p.m. and 7a.m. and perhaps do not vocalise their inner thoughts and feelings as much as everyone else.

Though most of their day is spent in prayer, the sisters do have time for some leisure activities in the form of gardening, playing musical instruments or painting. As one of their vows is enclosure, trips outside the monastery are few and far between, leaving only for occasions such as going to the doctor, when on retreat or, as happened recently, to vote in the Presidential election. The Sisters receive a weekly newspaper and have both a television and radio, (no internet however!) in order to keep up to date with outside happenings, though time spent on each is limited.

While this hermetic lifestyle might seem unthinkable or even unheard of to some of us, it is still very much alive at the Poor Clares of College Road, and provides a fascinating contrast to the more modern world we live in. So, whatever your religious views may be, feel free to look up the Poor Clares on www.poor-clares.com/cork to find out more or maybe call in to chat with a sister about whatever queries/ problems you may have. In the run up to Christmas exams, who couldn’t do with a little divine intervention?

Image Credit: www.poor-clares.com/cork

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Behind the Mask of Darkness Peter Neville talks to an anonymous interviewee about her experience of depression Suicide is a growing concern in modern Ireland, with more and more young people resorting to it every month. Staggering statistics are published every year, highlighting what has the potential to become an epidemic. And yet, the attitude towards both suicide and mental health is completely wrong in this country. There is no benefit in taking a quick generalising glance at the population, when it’s the individuals who suffer.

I interviewed a person (who would wish to stay anonymous) about her experience of depression. She made it through to the other side, and her recovery has been so good that her friends aren’t even aware of her past. If you too have felt the constant strain of darkness, read this closely and know that you are not alone.

What do you think of the way suicide is dealt with in Ireland?

Ireland’s view on suicide is not good. People are simply afraid to talk about it, even though there are many people suffering as a result of it. For a long time the whole subject has been seen as taboo. If you had mental health issues, it was put down to either nerves or that something was wrong with you. And that’s hard to deal with. People either ignore you or they treat you like you’re some sort of freak. That view needs to change in this country.

Personally, what is like living under such negativity on a daily basis?

Scary. You begin looking at people differently, as if you fear that they are judging you all the time. When they leave, you fear that they are talking about you behind your back.

Friends are treated almost suspiciously and you feel like you can’t trust anybody, because they don’t know what’s really going on. But you have to find one good friend that you can confide in. And remember that those living in negativity just want somebody to talk to; they don’t want to be judged or pitied.

And did your friends know the extent of your depression?

No. Unfortunately, I hid my emotions very well - in fact, I was like a grade one actress. Even if I was really upset, I’d plaster a smile on my face and say everything was ok. My parents didn’t have a clue what was going on, and they still don’t know how bad I was.

And what was your lowest point?

I reached my lowest point when I actively contemplated suicide. However it wasn’t until I was standing alone in my kitchen, gripping a knife that I scared myself. My body ached not for death, but for some sensation. Because those suffering in darkness feel empty and hollow a lot of the time; any feeling seemed like a bonus. But then I thought about it again. And I put the knife down. (Breaks down in tears for a moment) I never realised, until now, how close I really was…

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How did you build yourself back up?

The important thing is knowing in yourself when you are in trouble. Confide in a friend you completely trust, or if you can’t do that then go to somebody who knows nothing about you but your name. It’s a long road, but it is one that should be taken. Find anything in life that makes you smile and surround yourself with it.

What about those left behind - the friends, the families - who are left with so many questions that will never be answered?

Those suffering blame their friends and families, because they don’t know that they’re suffering. They don’t realise how concerned those who loved them really are. In the mind of the sufferer, the world is dark because nobody understands them. But really that isn’t true. It’s those left behind who suffer the most. I knew that and I couldn’t do it to my friends and family.

Any message for those who feel like they are in trouble?

Talk to somebody. Get help as soon as possible. Talking to somebody who doesn’t know your family or history, who will not judge you - that is the best feeling in the world. If I had the power of hindsight back then, I would have sought assistance before things got out of hand. Remember that no matter how much you feel it, you are not alone.

Thank you for taking the time to this interview. It’s very much appreciated.

You’re very welcome.

The UCC Student Counselling and Development service, based in the Student Health Centre on College Road (right next to the car park), is free of charge for all students and entirely confidential. If you’re feeling low, don’t hesitate to get in touch at counselling@ucc.ie, or ring 021 215 2505.

Niteline is a free phone telephone listening service for students of UCC who feel that they need someone to talk to. The service runs every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 9pm to 1am throughout the academic year. The freephone number is 1800 32 32 42.

2012: IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED! Darran Goggin ponders about the end of the world, and how he should spend his last remaining days…

The world is going to end - that’s right, my loyal female readers and male admirers. High ranking government officials have confirmed that 2012 is going to happen.

Our best and brightest have been rounded up and are now being prepped and prepared for interstellar travel to a nearby moon base of an unspecified location. This mescalineaddicted gonzo journalist can confirm that this top secret project has been in development for the past 20 years.

Obtaining shuttle passenger listings e-mailed to me from an unknown source, I can confirm that draftee’s include Joey Ramone, Michael Jackson, George Harrison, Barry White, Marlon Brando and Christopher Reeve. We’re through the looking glass here people.

A phone call to Cork national weather service has confirmed my fears and I quote, “Yes sir, 2012 is still confirmed to commence on midnight of December 31st, please stop calling”.

2. Learn to Whistle That’s right my loyal word lovers; I can’t whistle. It is my Achilles heel, my greatest shame and one of my monumental failures in life. How I will look when I stand before Lucifer unable to whistle? They’ll laugh me out of hell and again I’ll be grouped in with unpopular crowd while all the cool kids whistle and dance.

What the hell are you doing still reading this? Seriously, run you fools. Get drunk, pillage, hit someone you hate; tell your lovely cousin how you really feel about her. These are your last days on planet Earth, so make them count.

Good god, you’re still here? You don’t know what to do, do you? You’re either frozen in fear or else you’re an art student unable to comprehend his own actions. We’re in this together, loyal reader; through the ink of this page, we will make these last few days epic, as in 300-epic.

Together we will conquer these three simple tasks before world’s end. We will make our mark and we will leave this blue planet in a blaze of glory.

3. Write a Bestseller That’s right, I’m one of those people who just has to write a novel; I’m one of those guys who thinks he has a super-special tale to tell. Well, damn right I do! My vibrant romantic novella of two lovers whose daring relationship was at odds with society, and that challenged the harsh and religious Ireland of the 90s will test the wit of every Irish person in this country today.

Now then, gentle reader; here’s a brief synopsis for you.

1. Let off a little bit of “steam” in the library Nope this not a misprint, this sub heading is honest and true. Denizens of UCC, how often have you sat in the unforgiving heat of the beast that is the Boole library, clenching your buttocks tightly for fear a burst of wind would slip out and offend the nostrils of the person sitting next to you?

It’s study month. You sit in a sea of people on Q+1, shoulder to shoulder with strangers as hundreds more scramble around you, desperate for seats. Crammed together, you sit there frightened and terrified with a stomach full of nothing but Red Bull and Monster, unable to concentrate for fear of a fart that would penetrate the air surrounding your fellow UCC-ians. Be afraid no longer, friends; together we will march into Q+1, and we shall have our revenge.

THE PASSION OF THE FARM A classic love story for the ages. Stephen, a handsome farmer and his sheep, Daisy, fight for their right to be together.

Two young lovers from the wrong side of the tracks go up against the system.

Love will find a way.

Coming summer 2012

Then again, I am hinging on the word of a five thousand year old calendar crafted by shiftless Mexicans, so more than likely nothing will happen and I’ll get to see Black Sabbath and Machine Head in June. And The Dark Knight Rises in July. Sweet.

Image Credit djcull.blogspot.com, mnn.com

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FASHION’S TOP 10

Sarah Waldron lists her top 10 fashion highlights in 2011.

1.

John Galliano, everyone’s favourite fashion fantasist, proved that his imagination could run a little too far away with itself when he accused a woman in a bar of having a “dirty Jewish face”. Video evidence of a separate incident showed him telling a couple that “I love Hitler, and people like you would be dead today. Your mothers, your forefathers, would be... gassed and... dead” which is just lovely, isn’t it?

Galliano also made the mistake of being racist in France, where anti-Semitic remarks can lead to jail terms. He lost his post at Dior, was found guilty in court and presumably, is off sewing pirate boots by himself and having a good long think about his behaviour.

2. Kate Moss got her arse back on the catwalk,

literally in the case of the fetishistic Louis Vuitton show. Kate emerged from an iron-trellised lift, wearing hot pants and a statement jacket, smoking the fag which may well be a contributing factor to the mere smidge of cellulite on her thighs. Said cellulite smidge caused a stir at the Daily Mail offices, where five ‘normal’ women also bared their bums and talked about orange peel thighs between their pages, which is obviously what Marc Jacobs had in mind when designing the collection.

4. Hearts and piggybanks were broken everywhere when we learned of the sad demise of Alexander McQueen in 2010. His legend continues to grow, as ‘Savage Beauty’, an exhibition of his clothing archive was put on show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. It became a huge record breaker, attracting over 650,000 visitors with some people queuing for over six hours to gain admittance. There are whispers that the show may come to Britain, with the V&A confirming that they would be more than willing to play host. Watch this space.

5. Speaking of McQueen, how could we forget Kate’s dress? No, not Kate Moss (who wore Galliano bridal more bravely than she did those hot-pants) Kate Middleton, Duchess Whats-her-face, wore a Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen creation of cream lace - which looked more than a little like screen legend Grace Kelly’s wedding dress. Not that anyone cares. We were all looking at Pippa’s bum and wondering if she and Prince Harry would get it on at the reception anyway.

6. London Fashion Week goes from strength to strength with the best of British (and Irish) designers. Joanne Hynes and Simone Rocha debut much-acclaimed debut LFW shows and J.W Anderson begins to cement his reputation while relatively new stalwarts like Erdem and Christopher Kane again present visually head-wrecking (in a good way) collections. The response? Rapture from the press and a refusal to play nice from the Milanese fashion council, who immediately moved Milan Fashion week to clash with next year’s London show schedule. Why can’t they all just play nice?

7. Ireland gets it first ‘proper’ fashion magazine (a magazine that has fashion shoots and articles about cheating spouses and how to maximise your inner emotional potential is NOT a fashion magazine) in the form of NONE, helmed by honorary Corkonian and photographer Miki Barlok.

An Irish magazine with a decidedly international outlook, NONE is a highly-recommended quarterly magazine with innovative shoots and thought-provoking (but not pretentious) articles.

3. Cork Fashion Week keeps expanding.

This September was the third year of the event, with the highlight Designer of the Year awards held in the historic Triskel Christchurch building. The winner of the much-coveted prize was Alice Halliday, whose girly, well-crafted take on fashion has gained her many fans (including Florence Welsh, who took one of her capes on tour). Currently, Alice is designing a dress that she hopes will be worn by Leona Lewis through a public vote on talenthouse.com - get clicking!

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FASHION 8. An incredibly amount of hype was piled upon Donatella Versace’s collaboration with high-street giant H&M. Described as the ‘best of’ the Versace archive, their leather studded dresses, palm prints, fringed and pleated skirts and eye-achingly garish silk scarves sold out in a matter of days or minutes, depending which country you were in. In Ireland, the collaboration was sold in two Dublin stores - only womenswear, to the anguished cries of Irish fashion boys and the androgynous all over the capital.

9. Pattern and print have really come into their own. Animal print is still huge, with leopard slowly conceding the top spot to snake (much more chic, according to Carine Roitfeld) with dalmatian rapidly closing the gap. We’re also slowly changing the way we wear patterns - now we’re clashing instead of blending in with our surroundings. A form of eccentric dressing, pattern clashing has trickled down to the high street, with Zara’s lookbook being styled with an uber-chic Park Avenue hobo vibe. Wallflowers beware; this will carry on well into 2012.

10. Slightly less bruising to the budget, nail art has become 2011 best budget wardrobe pepper-upper. With cult WAH! Nails opening up in Dundrum and The Alpha Nail setting up shop in Temple bar, it’s only a matter of time before polka dot, rainbow, neon aztec and inverted cross designs become stalwarts on the average Corkonian manicurists menu. Fingers crossed...

Dear Santa

Fashion Editor Sarah Commane and friends ask Santa for their dream Christmas presents.

The Icon Collection was launched on the 30th of November and this collection offers the perfect party dress for this festive season. So time to decide it your more of an Audrey Hepburn or Brigitte Bardot and hot foot it to Turquoise Flamingo. The collection is limited to 28 handmade dresses in a variety of colours so you better be quick! Prices range from 70-80 euro.

Oh and while you’re at it could you throw in a Sheepskin Kooples jacket? It’s only €1200ish. I am officially on the hunt for a more affordable alternative if I can’t find one, these leather gloves from Warehouse will help to fill the void in my Wardrobe.

I love a good clutch and ASOS stock some of the best I have seen recently.

Three of my favourites from the site are: metallic gold and black €37, faux snake skin €26 and metallic silver €39.

Ok so seeing as this is a fantasy wish list: I have been lusting after the perfect pair of leather pants for quite a while now and these babies From ADAM via Net a Porter have captured my heart. At a mere €983.03 if anyone wants to get me a pair I’d be very happy. Penneys did have a very suitable alternative recently and at 19 euro they are slightly more attainable.

My final request is this cosy and cute “leopard jacket with EARS” from ASOS. Amity has something similar if you don’t trust the postman.

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..and Here’s What Everyone Else Wanted 1) Aisling Fitzpartick: Sequined converse via Net-A- Porter

2) Sinead Kelly: Leopard Leather jacket Via ASOS approx €210

3)Rhona Nolan (rosetiniteduncertainty .blogspot.com) would like these Alexander Wang beauties.

4)Nicola Collins (Lil Red’s Boutique) wants to get acquainted with a certain Mr. Tracey and his magnificent millinery skills.

5)Tar Mar (taraisbloggingnow.blogspot.com) would like a Stella Mc Cartney chain mail bag.

6)Blau Von T’s (Blaubushka.com) selection is this Black Miu Miu dress (however she would appreciate if you could “shimmy up the hemline”).

7) Charlotte Lee would like on these saggy boob scarves, she’d prefer one of the tattooed ones.

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Christmas Wish list

by Daniel Crowley

There is a real sense of achievement when you see a person’s face as they open a gift you have carefully (and successfully!) chosen for them. Choosing the correct present can be tedious and difficult.

So, to make life a bit easier for you this festive season I asked a number of close friends and family members the most straight forward question of what is your dream fashion related Christmas present? And the answers were varied and really helpful with a few key words being good quality and useful.

So here are the top items on the list of ideal fashion related Christmas presents

The Christmas jumper When asking close friends and family about what they thought was a good present, the gift of a festive jumper was mentioned a great deal. Here are some ideas from the high street that look festive but could still be worn in the early spring months as well as Christmas.

The middle wool knit jumper can be found at Heatons, the cardigan on the left can be purchased at River Island and the polar bear sweater can be purchased at Top Man. You can also go online to all three stores web sites for a look at more fun festive wear.

A timeless Piece!

A watch is a beautiful and timeless gift for anyone at any age. There must be a lot of thought put into it as there are many things to keep in mind. This includes whether you should select a letter strap watch or silver, gold or rose-gold bracelet watch? Would the person prefer a digital reading or analogue reading watch? Does the person prefer a dark or light shaded face? River Island is a fantastic and affordable store to get a classic or funky watch such as this one with a smiley face screen. Argos sells Ben Sherman leather strap watches which are a safe and stylish option to go for. If you are looking for an extravagant watch then Keane’s jewellers is the ideal place for you.

They have brands from Dolce&Gabbana and Calvin Klein to Rolex and Cartier.

Bags and Wallets Bags and wallets are a fantastic present for people in college as they will always be put to good use. The military style rucksack is on trend right now and has loads of space for college books, gym wear or lugging home a pile of laundry at the weekend. Pictured in the middle is a rucksack which is currently in Topman, but look around the high street they will be in most stores. A good satchel is very useful for bringing just a laptop and notepad to lectures and the library. They are tidy, compact and you can find really cool print or classic leather ones in stores such as Schuh. Another handy gift is a large weekend bag with students traveling home most weekends, going on field trips and weekends away with friends this is a gift that will get use and you don’t have to break the bank by looking around in shops such as TK Maxx. If you would like to splash out on loved ones then this Ted Baker leather Weekend bag is a good option and can be found in Brown Thomas or online. Wallets are a really nice idea and slipping a gift card into one is a lovely added surprise for someone. Personally, I only buy wallets with a change pouch but others may not like wallets with them and prefer only card holders.

There is a vast price difference with wallets from the high street to designer wallets there is one to suit everyone’s personal taste and style.

Hats, Scarves and Gloves If you are really all out of ideas then cosy winter gear is a great choice and is one gift that will without a shadow of a doubt be greatly appreciated if December, January and our summer will be the same as last year then hats, scarves and gloves will be put to use. Snoods are becoming a very popular trend and any hat is really an amazing investment to keep colds and flu somewhat at bay. Mittens are really handy in the sense you stay nice and warm but you can fold them back and text, take notes etc. These hats, gloves and scarfs can be found in River Island, Top Man and H&M. Also Penneys stocks gloves which are “smart phone friendly” You can use them with touch phones, adding these to a gift as a stocking filler would be an added bonus to any gift this year.

All of these gift ideas can be bought in Cork and it is important to look locally and support Cork’s business. I love taking a day to go Christmas present shopping with friends in cork city and taking the time to look through all the shops in no great rush and this is normally the day I really get into the festive season and it really is one of the highlight days of the Christmas season for me. Personally I would love to see a nice pair of woollen gloves and a military style rucksack wrapped up under the Christmas tree for me this year!

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Red Dress Warehouse €104 Shoes Grey Zara heels €69 Clutch Penneys €10

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Black Dress Amity €96 Shoes Zara Glitter Stilettos €59 Belt Penneys €4

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Dress Penneys â‚Ź21

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All Saints Dress at TK Maxx €26.99 Shoes Penneys €21

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Cable Knit Jumper Gap €64.95 Wool Snood Penneys €6 Skater Skirt Gap €49.95 Chunky Socks Penneys €2.95 Hiking Boots Penneys €21 44

All Saints Dress as before €26.99 Credits Fashion: Aisling Fitzpatrick Fashion Assistant: Sarah Commane Photography and Direction: Julia Healy Hair: Jerry Rossiter at The Hair Academy Makeup: Fiona Murphy

Black Dress with Sheer Panelling Zara €27.95 Clutch Penneys €10 Boots Dunnes €30 Belt (worn as bracelet) Stylists own (similar selection available at Topshop) 45

“All I want for Christmas....is a Winter Boyfriend!”

“I really want a winter boyfriend”. This is something I heard in passing over the last month which struck me as the most amazing hypothetical Santa request; owed mostly to the context in which it was said in. “I really want a Winter coat!”, “I really want a Winter-Wonderland themed New Year’s Eve party to showcase my hypothetical new coat: mist blue, fur and hooded, Topshop...death!!!” However, this yearning for winter duration romances perfectly reflects how there’s never been a better time to adorn oneself with a lover for the fireside cuddling!

Let’s take example from the newly speculated couple of the moment Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, as they coyly enjoy each other’s company in an inconspicuous French restaurant in Boston. Aside from these rumours, further reinforcement of their ties is their body language, as seen in this picture. It completely suggests a comfort between them that comes from a more intimate alliance than that genial hand on his shoulder proposes!

What a disgustingly angelic pair the two would make. Their nonchalant, simple cut elegance alone would be enough for one to hold on to the fanciful notion.

By Senita Appiakorang It is with no surprise then that many of you dames and cats may find yourself somewhat scornfully desiring a second half for the Christmas season, with corny Christmas songs taking over the air-waves, 60’s era idealist depictions of love over the festive season through musicals dominating our screens and that sense of perfection that diffuses through you when you see a couple wrapped up in countless layers, peering through shop windows hand in hand under artificial hazy Christmas lights, deliberating what to get each other. I would be the first to advocate the wellknown Facebook quote “I’m a strong black independent woman, I don’t need no man”, but realistically, it serves as no consolation to a girl when you have a cosy date night in planned with Breaking Dawn Part 1, and nobody to impose the incomprehensibly stupid film depiction of it upon! A Winter long dalliance appeals to me as the perfect conglomeration of all the positive aspects of ‘whipped life’ in one season as: cuddles, ideal situation for countless ‘romantic’ movie nights, enclosed situations leading to chemical-followed by kinetic activity (if you catch my drift), ripe conditions for PDA or cheesy snow fights, obligatory gifts and more cuddles! And then the sun will come out, Spring will emit light into the world again and shed light on the endurance of the relationship and for some a lover-man may have been just the accessory appropriate for the season, but like the mist-blue winter coat, may have served its purpose and face an appreciative but frank adieu...(sob!).

However let’s look at the enduring couples within our very lovely city Cork that are paving the way in fashion awareness and likenesses for you curious existing couples and those of you who are secretly crossing their fingers for a special someone to seal the deal!

Orla Myers and Michael O’Driscoll, couple of 2 years.

And there’s a whole array of celebrity couples displaying this air of self- confident style, which, if not along the same grain, is adapted to each other to be individually compatible e.g. Isabel Lucas and her rocker boyfriend Angus; with their 70’s Woodstock- happy-hippy vibe bleeding through their wardrobes resulting in Hawaii print and lots of tie-dye, to newly-weds Mark Ronson and Josephine de la Baume’s matrimony of dapper/retro English gentleman meets her Parisian, polished, with a touch of minx finish. Needless to say, the fashion world has kept an astute eye to this arising phenomenon and with the launch of ‘The Kooples’ campaign being launched worldwide through their online store as well as co-operating stores- including Brown Thomas, it has permitted us lay men to jump aboard the vogue-central couples train.

Neil O’Carroll and Eileen Griffin, couple of about 2 years.

Caroline Kennedy & David O’Callaghan, couple of 4 months. .

Here’s hoping that your December brings all that you’re wishing for, and a New Year that dispels all that’s unwanted, old and completed with.

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Cinematic Christmas fashion special

By Blau Von T

For me the word Christmas is strongly associated with the word movie. Rather than discuss here all the party wear trends and festive jumpers I am instead going to focus on my favourite films and their iconic wardrobes. What better inspiration to take you through the Christmas Season than all the movies you’ll have watched the day before? So from morning mass to midnight drinks all the classic re-runs and new releases have got you covered ‘til New Years!

Doctor Zhivago The beautiful Lara Antipova, played by Julie Christie, our delicate heroine; forlorn and fragile in her layers of fur (let’s make ours faux fur) with her rosy cheeks and lips with that perfectly dishevelled chignon teasing out from under her Cossack hat. She stands a vision of bruised beauty against the cold and savaged Soviet landscape. This look can easily be translated into a modern remake given the multitudes of faux fur currently adorning the high street and the worsening Irish climate. This is a look that’s perfect for setting tongues wagging on the walk up for Communion at Christmas Mass.

The Great Escape Captain Virgil Hilts played by Steve McQueen, is not just the Cooler King but the King of Cool. He’s a man’s man, a brute beauty, strong, stylish and masculine.

This film demonstrates how best to work the casual daytime look with both practical ease and aesthetic swagger; brown leather jacket, classic t-shirt and chinos.

Those film-fashion buffs amongst you may even notice the wardrobe homage to this film that Quantum of Solace is.

The Royal Tenenbaums; Margot Tenenbaum; perfect in every dysfunctional way. One of my favourite Anderson characters is Margot, played

by Gwyneth Paltrow. I love her dead pan tone and vacuum-packed expression; her kohled eyes with their melancholy stare, her humour as blunt as her haircut, her unvoiced abandonment and struggling heart covered with a striped t-shirt dress. Most of all I love her coat, perfect for that taxi dash into town. If nothing else this stylish film may help you realise that some families are even more erratic than your own.

Breakfast at Tiffanys; Audrey Hepburn’s Holly Golightly is creature of such timeless elegance and classic beauty that she could never be considered a cliché. This happy-golucky socialite flitters about town with a demure grace and an innately feminine charm. Her iconic little black dress shall see you though any cocktail party. Offset with subtle accessories, a bespoke bouffant and must have eyeliner for that ultimate finish.

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Bridget Jones’ Diary; Okay so I lied about not mentioning festive jumpers but who doesn’t long for an atrocious monument of wool to adorn them during Christmas dinner?

Photo: Dragon by Adrian O’ Connor

This months winner of UCC Photography Society Competition Email photographic@uccsocieties.ie for competition details 48