I Didn’t Set Up the Nursery By Kelsey Cichoski The decision to become pregnant after losing our first baby was an intentional decision that did not come easy for me. It took a lot of journaling, prayer, and conversations with my spouse for me to feel like I was ready. I wanted a baby in the home, but I knew this pregnancy would be high risk and the fear of losing a second child was very real for me. Up to this point, my only experience giving birth had been one of loss. Pregnancy after loss came with a lot of anxiety for me. Not only was this a high-risk pregnancy because of our previous loss, but I also unexpectedly had my own health complications that heightened the risks for both the baby and me. It was during this pregnancy that I became hyperaware of the many questions that seem to only get asked when a person’s belly is obviously very pregnant. “How far along are you?” “Are you having a boy or a girl?” “Have you chosen a name yet?” “What is the nursery going to look like?” It was the last of those questions that would send my heart racing. The nursery. We were given many clothes before our baby girl was born. I planned on sorting them all by size and having it wonderfully organized by the time she was here. I felt I needed to be fully prepared, so it was important to me that I get things in order. The only problem was that I couldn’t do it. I would sit to fold a piece of clothing and then my mind would instantly think back to my first pregnancy, when I wasn’t able to bring my baby home. Instead of preparing for this baby to come home, these attempts at preparing the nursery became sessions of worry. Would this baby be born living and healthy? Would this baby be able to come home with us? Would everything be okay?
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