The Mom Salon | November 2021

Mothering Through Hard Times

By Laci Hoyt Our van moves down the highway, my husband behind the wheel. In the passenger seat, I wipe tears from my cheek. We have just left our firstborn child at college for the first time.

This loss has been looming for the last year. All summer, I tried to cram in as much quality time with her as I could, hoping it was enough to make up for the past, knowing full well that it wasn’t.

And I was not prepared for the rumination this transition would cause, but here I am thinking back over pieces of the past.

2008 My five-year-old hop-skips down the driveway with her little brother and me following close behind. Her backpack flaps against her, too big for her body. Her excitement is palpable. Today is the first day of kindergarten.

My son and I are going to the drop-in daycare center after the bus leaves.

We’ve spent a lot of time there playing and making friends. Even though it provides me with the only daycare I can afford, I usually stay and play instead of leaving. But now that my daughter is in school, I begin to split my time between the kindergarten classroom and the drop-in center.

We have full lives. We go hiking on weekends. We hang out with friends and go to soccer practice, and every night we read together. I go on as many field trips as the school allows. We play outside and inside and upside-down. We dance in the living room, and in the evenings I make dinner from scratch.

Time passes. My son starts school, and I accept a paid job in the dropin center. I volunteer at the school on my days off. At home, I clean, I 1