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24 February - 9 March 2011
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There’s no stage fright with this Mr Worrythoughts PUPPETS are being used to show primary school children that they can tap into their own “superpowers” to overcome anxiety. The anxiety that can haunt children - causing distress, loss of sleep, eating problems and an inability to enjoy themselves - is portrayed by puppets representing Mr Worrythoughts. The two puppets – one large, one small – represent how anxiety can be lessened and placed in a more manageable context. The Frankston Arts Centreproduced performance touring Mornington Peninsula schools this year is based on the acclaimed children’s book Go Away, Mr Worrythoughts!. It is the first time the centre has taken on a production role and there are already plans to take it interstate. Langwarrin teacher Nicky Johnston wrote the book to help her son Bailey who, at five, was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). The book details the ‘externalisation’ technique Ms
Johnston used for her son to overcome the fears that were affecting his life in so many ways – loss of sleep, inability to eat properly, unable to laugh with other children. He worried about how he appeared to others and what the future held. The book’s narrative traces Bailey’s six-year struggle and carries the message of hope and self-help for other anxietyridden youngsters. The cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) technique that helped Bailey and that is “taught” through the book and stage performance comes from Melbourne-based child therapist, Charmaine Holmes. Nicky Johnston and her family watched one of the final rehearsals for the production last December. The performers stay for questions after the show, provide teacher resources and followup workshops are available. For details or to book a school tour call 784 1705.
No worries: Bailey Johnston, left, meets the puppet version of Mr Worrythoughts with puppeteer Frank Italiano and Stephanie Evison-Williams who plays various roles in the stage version of “Go Away, Mr Worrythoughts!”.
Fence to stop lewd acts By Mike Hast MORNINGTON Peninsula Shire Council will allow Norman Lodge estate owner Charles Jacobsen to build a 260-metre long chainlink fence along the foreshore at Mt Eliza either side of his beach house. The shire approved the 1.8-metre high fence at its meeting on Monday night after several hours of debate. Mr Jacobsen told councillors the fence would stop homosexual acts in bushes on the foreshore as well as
preserve revegetation work set to start soon. The council also approved costs for the revegetation management plan and a vehicle access track through a section of coastal reserve that Mr Jacobsen has given to the shire as part of approval for the building of two new houses on his green wedge land between Mt Eliza and Mornington. The five-hectare reserve will be locked away as part of a 10-year revegetation program with the shire
asking Mr Jacobsen to pay the full cost of about $450,000. The revegetation includes a section of land previously cleared by Mr Jacobsen. He had offered to pay half, but councillors rejected his offer. However, they accepted his offer to pay 100 per cent of the cost of erecting the fence, with the shire equally sharing maintenance costs of the fence for 10 years. Mr Jacobsen and the shire will
equally share the cost of building a concrete access track and its maintenance for 10 years. The Victorian and Administrative Tribunal approved Mr Jacobsen’s plan to subdivide Norman Lodge estate in November 2009 after a long-running and controversial battle between the Mt Martha millionaire, his supporters and objectors led by the Mt Eliza Action Group, formed to fight the plan. The sometimes bitter dispute saw heated arguments in Mt Eliza Village
when MEAG collected signatures on a petition and the town’s first-ever protest march, led by a dog wearing a green jacket. On Monday at the shire’s development assessments committee meeting in Peninsula Community Theatre in Mornington, Mr Jacobsen told councillors the fence was needed to keep out people during the revegetation and men engaging in “illegal and antisocial behaviour”. Continued Page 8
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Snapshots of history: St Peters, Mornington, as it is today, above, and soon after its opening in 1865.
St Peter’s celebrates its 150th ST PETER’S Anglican Church, Mornington, has planned a number of events to mark its 150th anniversary. The celebrations began this week with a bus tour of the peninsula’s historic Anglican churches and will end in October after combining with events organised by Mornington Peninsula Shire to mark the 150th of four towns, Mornington, Dromana, Rye and Hastings. St Peters was officially opened as the Church of England, Snapper Point, on 19 May, 1861.
In 1860 John Armstrong, a Melbourne lawyer, gave the church a block of land and with donations of 262 pounds enabled a start to be made on its construction. Archbishop Phillip Freier will lead a Eucharist on Sunday 22 May which includes a historical feature as part of the service. A special evensong will be led by the Friends of Anglican Music on Saturday 28 May with old style hymns and chants. The church will also display a col-
lection of historical material including photos, documents, vestments and banners at the church from 22 May until 26 June. A concert to raise money for Kate Houghton to spend six months in Kenya as a volunteer medical worker will be held at St Peter’s Hall, Albert St, Mornington, at 2pm on Sunday 27 February. He ‘Mad in Mutumbu’ concert features the singing group Encore and is sponsored by the CEF Players. Bookings: 5975 6868.
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Running out of time: Maw Civil was given permission by a Mornington Peninsula Shire manager to use the Mt Martha quarry for a depot for 22 weeks – this picture was taken in early September 2010.
Quarry use justified – shire MORNINGTON Peninsula Shire has defended not charging a private roads contractor to use public land for storage while increasing costs for community groups using public halls. Property and valuations manager Yasmin Woods said Rosebud Scouts get good value for the $520 a year paid for exclusive use of a hall. “This amount is consistent with the amount council levies to community groups who tenant council properties,” Ms Woods stated in a letter to Matthew Sherry, a resident of Rosebud West. Mr Sherry asked about the discrepancy at council’s 25 October meeting: “Why do community groups have to pay for the use of their own hall on Crown Land they have occupied for over 60
years when a commercial company is allowed to use council land in Mt Martha and not pay anything?” Ms Woods said roads contractor Maw Civil was using Mt Martha quarry to stockpile materials while it was constructing Wonderland Terrace. “Maw Civil requested use of the site for approximately 22 weeks … Consent to use a small portion of the site was granted and disturbance to the site is expected to be minimal. “This is not an on-going tenancy, but more a functional solution to the issue of storage of construction materials for residents, the contractor, and council as principal.”
Clean Ocean alert to city media By Mike Hast CLEAN Ocean Foundation lit the fire under Melbourne media that saw Melbourne Water and the Environment Protection Authority take a battering after sewage was released into rivers, creeks and drains earlier this month. South-eastern areas Berwick, Narre Warren North, Hampton Park and Lyndhurst received more than 150mm of rain overnight on 4-5 February with other nearby suburbs getting 80mm. Water inundated homes, roads and, more dangerously, stormwater drains that flowed into Eastern Treatment Plant at Carrum. Sewage was released into drains and waterways, and it made its way into Port Phillip. The peninsula-based foundation’s CEO James Clark-Kennedy was the first to forensically examine a press release from Melbourne Water. Buried in the ninth and 10th paragraphs of the release was the crucial statement “targeted emergency releases [were made] in consultation with EPA Victoria”. These were “releases of waste water into drains and waterways via special emergency relief points, to reduce pressure on the overall network”.
Melbourne Water stated the sewage plant handled up to 40 per cent of Melbourne’s waste water and was operating at close to full capacity as stormwater in the sewage system made its way into the plant at up to 20,000 litres per second. Normal dry weather flow was 5500 litres per second. “Flows into Western Treatment Plant at Werribee, which handles about 50 per cent of Melbourne’s waste water, have spiked at around 18,000 litres per second,” Melbourne Water stated. It was the term “waste water” that rang the alarm bells for Mr ClarkKennedy, a veteran of the long-running campaign to stop class C treated water being pumped into Bass Strait at Boags Rocks near popular Gunnamatta surf beach on the Mornington Peninsula. He briefed Melbourne journalists and next day a page three report in The Age saw every major television and radio news service pick up the story. Melbourne Water spokesman Chris Chesterfield was forced into making embarrassing apologies on air, saying the government authority had failed and would have to do better next time. Continued Page 4
Rivals: Pier to Perignon swim founders Ted Baillieu and Robbie Robertson in the early 1990s.
Premier swim of fun, games, champers PORTSEA’S own celebrity swimmer, Premier Ted Baillieu, will be among those in the 4000-metre Pier to Perignon race from Sorrento to Portsea pier on Saturday 26 February. Entries have closed for the 23rd annual event, but it should be a great spectacle with 700 competitors battling an outgoing tide in a swim described as a major event on the national swim calendar. The first male and female across the line win a $200 bottle of Dom Perignon champagne.
Mr Baillieu co-founded the race with his architect mate Robbie Robertson when they bet a bottle of champagne for the first to swim from Sorrento to the Portsea pub. Tales of their two-man contest inspired dozens to turn up the following year and they later handed it to Portsea Surf Life Saving Club. The Premier has swimming in his genes as he is the descendant of James George Baillieu of Haverfordwest in Wales, a crewman aboard the migrant ship Priscilla that arrived in Port
Phillip in 1853. In his book The Land Boomers, Michael Cannon writes that James Baillieu jumped ship and swam ashore to Sorrento, emerging from hiding after his ship had offloaded sick passengers to the hospital ship Lysander. James redeemed himself by volunteering to help aboard Lysander for several months before snagging a job as a boatman with the customs department and then as a lighthouse keeper at Queenscliff.
Mornington News 24 February 2011
Housing ‘affordability’ plan Shire moves to cut costs of rent, leases, mortgages By Keith Platt MT ELIZA, Mornington, Mt Martha,are among 15 Mornington Peninsula towns listed as being suitable for public housing projects. A draft plan released by Mornington Peninsula Shire says it supports public housing, also known as “social” or “affordable” housing, making up three per cent of the shire’s housing stock within 10 years. The current percentage is 1.4. To achieve the target there would need to be 146 government or not-forprofit group subsidised houses built each year. The policy is aimed at mainly providing more affordable housing for rental. Demand for all types of housing on
the peninsula has soared, increasing prices and rents. Increasing numbers of people are having trouble meeting mortgage payments while public housing waiting lists have blown out to 10 years. There are a growing number of people “sleeping rough” on the peninsula. Towns fitting the criteria for public housing are Baxter, Somerville, Tyabb, Hastings, Crib Point and Balnarring on the Western Port side, and Mt Eliza, Mornington, Mt Martha, Dromana, Rosebud, Rosebud West, Tootgarook, Rye and Sorrento on Port Phillip side. The shire wants developers to agree to include public housing in new subdivisions. It will relax some planning and de-
sign rules and discount shire land by up to 25 per cent to make it easier for more public houses to be built. Criteria for choosing locations included the houses being built within urban growth boundaries, within one kilometre of public transport, and near shops, schools, employment opportunities and recreation facilities. A preamble to the draft policy states the peninsula is undergoing a prolonged and increasing shortage of public housing for specific vulnerable groups, including the elderly, people with disabilities, carers and singleparent families. “Low waged singles and families are also experiencing increasing difficulty obtaining suitable housing,” the
draft Mornington Peninsula Shire Social Housing and Affordable Housing Policy states. While acknowledging that responsibility for public housing rests mainly with the state and federal governments, the shire says it has “an important role to play” in such areas as planning, consulting the community and encouraging and providing incentives for public housing. The shire defines affordable housing as the cost of housing (rent or mortgage) not exceeding 30 per cent of a household’s income. It is also housing rented, leased or sold below the market rate. A “sustainable” rent is 25 per cent of a household’s income. Housing and social justice officer
Peter Sibly said the shire had three or four pieces of land that could be sold for subdivision to private developers with a discount being offered if they set aside 25 per cent of the blocks for public housing. The land had yet to be identified as being surplus to the shire’s needs and included four hectares at Hastings as well as other blocks in Rosebud and Baxter. Commercial developers could not be forced to include public housing in their plans, although SA and the ACT had legislated to make this mandatory. Mr Sibly said the shire would encourage the state government to pass similar legislation.
Freeway on the double
Double-take: Identical twins Kyle and Dale Hill are enjoying their roles working on the Peninsula Link project.
FOREMEN with the road construction company Abigroup can be forgiven for thinking they’re seeing double with identical twins working on the Peninsula Link freeway being built between Carrum Downs and Mt Martha. Recruited as a construction worker for the EastLink interchange section of the $759 million freeway, Dale Hill has just joined brother Kyle on what they both describe as “a career opportunity of a lifetime”. Kyle, based on the Ballarto Rd site south of the interchange, started last October and convinced Dale he should apply. “The freeway definitely is proving a great start to a promising career. In Australia’s current job climate, having a position with Abigroup could open a lot of doors in the civil infrastructure industry,” Dale said Since winning the contract in January
2010, Abigroup has been involved in career information nights, working with Chisholm Institute and supporting the South East Local Learning and Employment Network. More than 1500 workers have been inducted into the project since last February. The 27-kilometre road will connect EastLink to Mornington Peninsula Fwy when completed in 2013. It has been a controversial project with anti-freeway protesters arrested in Frankston South last September at a picket to stop bulldozers clearing a heritage-listed property, but many peninsula commuters support the long-awaited bypassing of Frankston and its weekday traffic snarls. For information about job opportunities, visit www.abigroup.com.au
Clean Ocean alert for city media Continued from Page 1 Mr Clark-Kennedy said the EPA had failed its duties, too. “On 10 February, six days after the floods, the EPA website stated: ‘Water quality testing has shown unacceptable water quality due to elevated bacterial levels at Carrum, Aspendale North, Mordialloc, Mentone, St Kilda, Middle Park, Port Melbourne, Altona and Werribee South beaches. As a result of these levels, EPA advises against swimming at these beaches until further notice’.” The Clean Ocean boss said this was unacceptable: “The public should have been told about this pollution. It’s not good enough for the EPA to say people should avoid swimming in Port Phillip for 48 hours after heavy rain. “Beaches should be closed to swimming and warning signs in multiple languages erected.” He said more than 300 stormwater drains empty into Port Phillip and the EPA should have teams testing the water every day when such big rain events occurred. Melbourne Water was “quite happy in recent years to spend sizeable budgets on half page ads in newspapers telling us all how to be water wise while they’ve wasted billions of litres” by not treating waste water to class A. Coincidentally, the EPA on 15 February released a report of an internal review that found it had been
inadequate in its performance as a regulator. “The Clean Ocean Foundation wholeheartedly agrees,” Mr ClarkKennedy said. “The EPA would appear to be writing more get-out-of-jail free tickets to industrial polluters to discharge chemicals and heavy metals into the sewerage system than playing any real ‘watchdog role’ for the environment. “At lieutenant level, the EPA would appear far too cosy with Melbourne Water in particular, as evidenced by their quiet surrounding discharge of millions of litres of raw sewage into drains, waterways and the bay. “The Baillieu government would do well to take the cane to both Melbourne Water and the EPA, directing both to give up corporate-style window dressing and focus on providing real answers and real solutions to Melbourne’s inadequate sewerage system.”
Warning: Clean Ocean’s James ClarkKennedy alerted Melbourne media to sewage going into waterways after the deluge in early February that swamped large parts of Melbourne south-east.
Mornington News 24 February 2011
Giddy up: Author and horse property management expert Jane Myers.
Horsing around at the shire’s expense THE shire council and Melbourne Water have organised a free horse property management workshop from 9.15am-3.30pm on Saturday 5 March at Bentons Square Community Centre, 145 Bentons Rd, Mornington. The workshop will be run by acclaimed author and horse property specialist Jane Myers. It will provide information on developing sustainable properties, creating and renovating pasture, managing existing pasture, manure, erosion, water, vegetation and weed control, property planning and design, rate rebates and grants. Ms Myers is the author of Managing Horses on Small Properties, Horse Safe and co-author of Horse Sense (all CSIRO books). Bookings essential on 5950 1263.
Actors in the wetlands help renew community
Going green – shire’s garden waste service starts THE shire’s garden material collection service starts Monday 28 February. The service is for residents in urban parts of the shire only. It costs about $130 a year and is for grass clippings and weeds, garden prunings, small branches, bark, untreated timber sawdust, leaves and flowers, but no plastic bags, general rubbish, soil, bricks, food waste or plant pots will be accepted. The shire reserves the right to not collect the 240-litre bins if they contain rubbish. It did two audits of general waste that showed 6-14 per cent of waste going to landfill was green waste and many residents wanted the service. To find out if your property is classified as urban, call the shire’s customer service on 1300 850 600 or go to the shire website www. mornpen.vic.gov.au and look under: “Your Property: Rubbish, Recycling & Waste” then “Green Waste Collection Service”. Residents can still take green waste for a fee or voucher to Rye landfill in Truemans Rd, Tyabb transfer station in McKirdys Rd and Mornington transfer station in Watt Rd.
Play time: Daniel Hedley (left) and Jack Hollister-Clarke are set for their theatrical debuts.
BRIEFS officer Cathy Owens on Looking for JPs to administration 95257099. go on roster Flood money A CALL has gone out to JPs who are retired from the work-force to help staff at signing centres in Frankston and on the Mornington Peninsula. Signing centres for documents which need to be witnessed or certified by authorised personnel can be found at police stations in Frankston, Mornington, Rosebud, Hastings and Carrum Downs. Days and times at signing centres will be able to be extended if more JPs are able to be rostered on for three to four hours a month. Any JP who can help should call
THE Navy is dipping in to help Victorian and Queensland flood victims. Money is being raised at HMAS Cerberus through a charity golf competition and a uniform-free day. The golf day is already sold out with 68 players signed up for a four-person Ambrose event. Businesses are backing the day and the golf club is donating green fees. The two events are expected to raise about $5000 for the flood appeals.
By Mike Hast MT Eliza actor, singer and theatre director Kaarin Fairfax is excitedly anticipating her latest theatre project, Wetlands Project: One Last Chance, which has its preview on Friday 4 March in, unusually, a wetlands in Tootgarook. The show is part of the Rosebud West Community Renewal Project’s 3940 Arts project, which has seen renewal project officer Jo Ridgeway and Kaarin take a group of residents who knew nothing about theatre on a two-year creative journey. “It’s been an incredible process; I feel privileged to have worked with the residents,” says the veteran of stage and television who is currently seen on ABC TV’s acclaimed Bed of Roses and has appeared in the TV miniseries The Harp in the South (1986) and Poor Man’s Orange (1987) as well as other series in the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s. Kaarin has called in a few favours from her friends, and the amateur cast of about 18 is bolstered by Steve Bastoni (Underbelly, Neighbours), theatre and TV actor Carol Patullo and Cliff Ellen (Bed of Roses), who writes a quirky column, A Grain of Salt, for The News (see page 15). “We started from scratch; the scriptwriting group was aged from
eight to 70. Then we trained actors, and it was amazing watching people grow in confidence and ability,” she said. A theatre troupe, Dreamhouse Theatre Company, was formed to do the show and Kaarin is hopeful some of the participants will go on to become professionals. One Last Chance is a fictional snapshot of life in Rosebud West where changes have brought a sense of loss. Residents are confronted by the neglect of their wetlands and their own sense of connection and stewardship of the neighbourhood. They discover how to rejuvenate the wetlands -- and their community. The show will be performed at the wetlands in the Truemans Road Recreation Reserve. Opening night is at 6.30pm on Friday 4 March with the show at 8pm. Saturday’s performance is at 8pm and Sunday’s at 5pm. Tickets cost $15 for adults, $10 for concession and under-14s free: Call 5987 3078 or email info@tourism. mornpen.vic.gov.au The community renewal project is a joint venture between Mornington Peninsula Shire and the state government’s Department of Planning and Community Development.
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Mornington News 24 February 2011
Council seal of approval for heritage dining By Keith Platt MORNINGTON Peninsula Shire is poised to back a planning scheme amendment to legitimise the running of a restaurant at Heronswood in a residential part of Dromana. A covenant attached to the historic property in Latrobe Pde restricts the use of buildings at the property to residential purposes only. However, council last year issued a permit – which runs out in July – allowing Heronswood to run a 70-seat restaurant. Residents opposed to the easing of the planning rules say the covenant was designed to stop commercial activity and protect the amenity of the neighbourhood. They say visitors’ cars and buses are parked on nature strips and block nearby roads. Heronswood has told council it has about 20,000 visitors a year, with about 55 being the daily average, but the number can be as high as 800 on specific open days. The number of concerns and objections raised by nearby residents (53) was far outweighed by support from people living in Melbourne suburbs and country areas (849). Heronswood has been a popular destination for garden tourists for more than 20 years and is the home of a retail plant nursery and Diggers Club, Australia’s largest garden club, an or-
‘... the change to the covenant will remove any doubt that Heronswood in general should continue to operate.’ ganisation the Blazeys use to preserve “the best traditions” of gardening. “The supporting submissions reflect the community benefit of Heronswood at a general level, although some objections query the benefit to the local area, or more precisely the balance between costs/impacts and benefits,” a report by strategic planner Russell Smith to council’s 21 February development assessments committee stated. “While there are a number of issues that are still be resolved, it is considered that the proposal does possess a realistic capability to provide net community benefit, and that support for the current amendment can be used to ensure improvements that will benefit the surrounding neighbourhood and ensure proper operation into the future.” The final decision on the planning scheme amendment rests with a government-appointed panel. Mr Smith’s report said council’s consent would recognise “that the change to the covenant will remove any doubt that Heronswood in general should continue to operate”. The shire suggests the panel ap-
Mornington News 24 February 2011
proves the planning scheme amendment while attaching a string of conditions in a bid to ease the parking situation in nearby streets. Heronswood, owned by Clive and Penny Blazey, was built in 1870 for William Edward Hearn (1826-1888), one of the first professors at the University of Melbourne. The heritagelisted house is Picturesque Gothic and the garden was laid out by Edward Latrobe Bateman (1815?-1897). The restaurant, originally given a permit for 20 seats, has been operating since 1994. A spokesman for several objectors, Ron Corcoran, said a long-running issue was that visitors parking in the Heronswood car park, a shire-owned service road, often blocked access for residents living in the six blocks on the north side of the property. “You’re made to feel like the bad guy if you complain about Heronswood. We acknowledge all the good work done in the name of gardening and preserving the historic property, but it is not appropriate to have a commercial operation in a residential area.” Mr Corcoran said one good thing to come out of the controversy was Kangerong Ward councillor and mayor Graham Pittock’s idea of forming a consultative group to monitor Heronswood’s expansion while the covenant removal application went through the state planning system.
Nepean benefit to repair historic Charlton theatre THE southern peninsula community is again coming to the aid of Victorians affected by disaster. Two years ago a benefit concert at Sorrento football ground raised more than $70,000 to help devastated communities after the tragic Black Saturday fires. Last month’s floods affected 51 communities, inundated more than 1700 properties, devastated 52,000 hectares of pasture and 41,000 hectares of field crops flooded and killed 6000. The Nepean Flood Benefit Concert will be held on Sunday 13 March, Labour Day long weekend. The organisers are aiming to raise $120,000 for the town of Charlton, one of the first towns to be flooded, the second flood within four months. Co-organiser John Prentice said the town “really needs assistance and we’ve decided to help contribute to the rebuilding of the Rex Theatre, an historic Art Deco building that is more a community meeting place”. The not-for-profit theatre is a hub for the town of just over 1000 people on the Avoca River. It is almost halfway between Melbourne and Mildura, and a popular stop for tourists. “The theatre is a prized showpiece of the town, the only one for 100km and services surrounding towns. It is a place to congregate. “The rebuilding will be a great boost to morale for the area. It is run by the community for the community.” He said support for the flood benefit had been outstanding. “Almost all par-
ties involved in the bushfire concert have joined forces again.” They included the Portsea Camp, Sorrento-Portsea RSL, Hotel Sorrento, Sorrento Football Club, Sorrento Golf Club, Sorrento police and Rotary. “Event planning is continuing but already performers such as Russell Morris, Wendy Stapleton and Paul Norton, Tony Byrne, The Love Stars featuring Lisa Bade, Coxy, Mick Pealing, Ron Martini and band, and Big and Horny (a 13-piece high energy band) had signed up. “Young groups Stray Love and San Fran Disco are on board and popular peninsula rock band Munster Terrace would perform. Chris Doe, an X Factor finalist, is joining with his brother Peter.” MC will be Molly Meldrum, and bands will play from 2- 8pm. There will be children’s activities run by Portsea Camp staff. “Bring your own picnic rugs, chairs and food but no alcohol. Alcohol, soft drinks and food will be available at the oval. Tickets at the gate, but prepurchasing at Hotel Sorrento or the Rye and Blairgowrie newsagencies will help our catering arrangements,” Mr Prentice said. Donations are tax deductible. “To Charlton With Love” is at Sorrento football ground, David MacFarlan Reserve, Hotham Rd, Sorrento. Ground opens 1pm. Tickets: $30 adults, $10 teenagers and under12s free. Details: Hotel Sorrento, phone 5984 8000.
(Conditions apply. Valid until 31/3/11).
Mornington News 24 February 2011
Beach fence would stop lewd acts Continued from Page 1 Asked by Cr Tim Rodgers to clarify, Mr Jacobsen said he had been informed of “full homosexual acts on the beach”. Men were using scrub that would be fenced off, he said. “The place is somehow advertised on the internet as a pick-up point. In the shrubbery are love nests and the fence would limit access to these places and allow erection of signs” declaring it was not a nudist beach. “This would allow police to arrest people. “Would you want your family to see full sex acts on the beach?” he asked the council. The reserve will have the 1.8-metre chainlink fence on the beach and between Norman Lodge land and the reserve. The side boundaries will have 1.2-metre high fences. Charles Jacobsen paid more than $10 million for Norman Lodge estate, formerly owned by the Myer family, in 2004. He bought the adjoining 11.7 hectares of the 32
hectares formerly owned by Sir Reginald Ansett for $14.5 million in May 2006. The land was declared green wedge by the Hamer government in 1971 and strengthened in 2003 by more stringent planning guidelines introduced by former Bracks government planning minister Mary Delahunty. According to a government publication released in 2003: “The land forming the green wedge between Kunyung Rd, Mt Eliza, and Mornington and adjoining the coast will be protected from subdivisions and developments as it is an integral component of the landscape.” In March 2005, the Bracks Government rejected a request from the Port Phillip Conservation Council to buy the land. Fence me in: Aerial photo showing part of the Norman Lodge estate, the reserve Charles Jacobsen has given to Mornington Peninsula Shire and the beach house on Sunnyside Beach North, once owned by Sir Reginald Ansett, which he built before the Second World War. The dotted red line shows where the beach fence will be erected.
Woodland battle resurfaces MT Eliza Woodland Residents Association is being revived at a meeting at the Mt Eliza fire brigade at 7.45pm on Wednesday 9 March. Association members living in the precinct bounded by Nepean Hwy, Humphries, Moorooduc and Canadian Bay roads have been fighting plans by other residents to subdivide their big blocks for more than eight years. In 2006, Mornington Peninsula Shire asked the state government to approve a planning amendment, known as C87, to stop landowners making blocks smaller than 2500 square metres as well as rules about vegetation removal and distance between buildings and fences.
Association president Deborah Haydon said C87 was refused by then-planning minister Justin Madden in December 2009 after he sat on a report for two years. “Thanks to the previous government, Woodland is unprotected,” Ms Haydon said. “If we accept further subdivision, we are accepting increased risk in a bushfire emergency.” People wanting to stop Woodland turning into suburbia could join the Mt Eliza Woodland Residents Association, she said. State government and shire representatives will attend the meeting. Details: www.mtelizawoodland.org.au
Frankston first stop for state’s latest top lawman PENINSULA Community Legal Centre was first community legal centre visited by Attorney-General and Finance Minister Robert Clark since being appointed in December 2010. “The justice system couldn’t function properly without the work of community legal centres in supporting those who are most vulnerable in our society,” Mr Clark said. He said those work in community legal centres do so to help the public and not personal gain. “We are grateful for the Attorney’s support of Peninsula Community Legal Centre, and appreciate the opportunity to draw to his attention to the growing demand for free legal services in our community,” the legal centre’s CEO Helen Constas said.
The centre serves about one million people in the municipalities of Glen Eira, Kingston, Frankston, Casey, Cardinia and Mornington Peninsula. Last year it received 25,000 phone inquiries, provided 13,282 information and referral activities and undertook 9704 client activities, including free legal advice, ongoing casework and representation. “In the past year, we have experienced further increases in demand for help with family law matters, family violence, criminal law and many civil law matters, including credit and debt,” Ms Constas said. For information about free legal services call Peninsula Community Legal Centre on 9783 3600 or www. pclc.org.au.
Government visitors: At Peninsula Community Legal Centre during a visit by state Attorney-General Robert Clark, second from right, are Jackie Galloway, the centre’s deputy CEO and senior advocate, Lesley Dillon, centre management committee, CEO Helen Constas and Geoff Shaw MP for Frankston (who stood for Labor in the August 2010 election won by Mr Shaw).
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Mornington Peninsula Shire Social Housing & Affordable Housing Policy The M.P.S.C. invite members of the public to provide comment on the draft Social Housing & Affordable Housing policy by close of business on Monday 21st March. 7KH GUDIW SROLF\ LV DYDLODEOH DW WKH UHFHSWLRQ RI &RXQFLO RI¿FHUV and libraries from 7th February to March 21st, 2011 and on the Council's web site: www.mornpen.vic.au For further information contact: Peter Sibly Phone 5950 1682 or 0419 527 947
Tony Sowersby’s A Tale of Two Jules has US conservative Sarah Palin dominant but not named in the image’s title.
A tale of two artists in Bald Archy contention HASTINGS artist Fran Henke and Seaford artist Tony Sowersby are finalists in this year’s Bald Archy Awards, the art contest parody of the Archibald Prize, an important portraiture award. Mrs Henke has two entries. One is a portrait of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange entitled Leak Inquiry, created with acrylics and collaged newsprint, which shows a pallid Assange being swamped in a W-shape by newspaper stories based on his organisation’s leaks. Her second entry is an acrylic painting of the late Australian opera singer Dame Joan Sutherland entitled Our Joan. The life of “La Stupenda”, who died last October aged 83, was celebrated in London last week at a memorial service in Westminster Abbey. Another tribute will be held in New York on 17 May. This is the second year Mrs Henke’s work has been accepted, the first being a portrait of controversial photographer Bill Henson. Tony Sowersby won the award in 2005 with The Cardinal With His Abbott, which featured Cardinal George Pell and now-Opposition leader Tony Abbott. This year he has two works vying for the $5000 prize: a portrait of retailer Gerry Harvey, Support Your Local Billionaire, and A Tale of Two Jules. Mr Sowersby says this about his two entries: “Australians have recently shown that they will take to the streets to protest against the government victimising our billionaires. Witness the backlash to the mining tax. “However an essential element in gaining
the public’s support was a slick advertising campaign that highlighted the billionaires’ plight. Gerry Harvey shot himself in the foot with his ill-timed and poorly conceived pitch aimed at his new on-line rivals who may send him broke. But he is one of our own Aussie billionaires. He desperately needs our support. So from now on, buy your stuff from a shop, not on a computer. “Ah, in what strange directions life can take us. Julia Gillard and Julian Assange were both young radicals, but they have taken very different paths. Julia was quick to brand WikiLeaks ‘illegal’ and has remained mute in response to calls by prominent Americans (such as Sarah Palin) for Julian’s rendition and worse. “I have set this painting in the French Revolution era, not only because of the similarities in rhetoric, but also because with his tall, slim figure and tied-back silver hair, Julian could have been standing behind Leslie Howard or Ronald Coleman in a Hollywood version of the revolution. “I must apologise to Julia though, I am sure she has never knitted.” The Bald Archy usually includes cartoons or humorous works making fun of Australian celebrities. The award is supposedly judged by Bald Archy founder Peter Batey’s white cockatoo, Maud. The winner will be announced in Sydney in March. More information look up: www.baldarchy. com.au Mike Hast
A wounded Gerry Harvey as seen by Tony Sowersby in his Bald Archy submission Support Your Local Billionaire.
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Healthy Living Exercise the key to strength and health
Your feet may hold the answers DID you know your feet could be the cause of all sorts of physical pains and problems including; ankle, knee, hip and back issues? Our feet are our foundation, they support our whole body and are used in all sorts of ways throughout every day. So if there are problems with the feet it’s logical it can set off a chain reaction in the rest of the body. Your feet can also be one of the parts of your body to show signs of more serious underlying issues such as diabetes. Yet we tend to neglect our feet. We squeeze them into ill fitting, unsupportive and inappropriate footwear; we ask them to perform a whole host of activity, every day without a second thought. We even tend to neglect them when they are sore but this shouldn’t be the case. Getting your feet checked by a sports podiatrist can help pick up early warning signs of health issues, prevent and treat aching and painful feet, ankles, knees, hips and backs and assist and prevent serious injury. Foot + Leg Pain Clinics, founded by one of Australia’s most experienced sports podiatrists, Paul Dowie, specifically focus’s on preventing and assisting Foot & Leg pain. Paul has been the chosen Podiatrist for many of the world’s best athletes including seven of the world’s ‘Number 1’ tennis players, many of the world’s best golfers, Olympic champions and Australian cricket team players. Now Paul uses his extensive knowledge and experience to assist families and individuals of all ages with aches, pains, work and sports related injuries, bunions, arthritis, diabetes, balance & posture issues and even growing pains. Foot + Leg Pain Clinics have 17 locations across Melbourne including Mt Eliza and currently offer 50% off initial consultations Foot & Leg Pain Clinics, 135 Mt Eliza Way, Mt Eliza. Phone: 9708-8866 or 1300 328 300.
MANY people know that exercise can help you look and feel better, but it can also have a positive and measurable effect on overall health and wellbeing. Performing regular physical activity, like the three-day-a-week Curves program, substantially reduces the risk of such diseases as coronary heart disease, stroke, colon cancer, Type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis and high blood pressure. It also helps to control weight; contributes to healthy bones, muscles and joints; helps to relieve the pain of arthritis; and reduces the symptoms of anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Like many women, if you are overwhelmed by traditional gyms and don’t have a lot of time for exercise, Curves may be the answer. Curves Mornington provides a safe and efficient workout for all ages and fitness levels in an environment that’s comfortable and welcoming. The Curves workout takes just 30 minutes, three times a week, and research has shown it works. For more information, call 5975 5526 or drop into Curves Mornington at Level 1, 8 Spray St, Mornington. Entry to Spray St is off Main St, via Elizabeth St.
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WATER EDUCATION TRAINING Present this flyer when you purchase an Adult Swim to receive a complimentary Child Swim. *Conditions apply. Offer valid upon presentation of original flyer. Valid until 15 March 2011, one redemption per visit. PELICAN PARK RECREATION CENTRE 2 Marine Parade, Hastings 3915. Postal: Private Bag 1000 Rosebud, 3939 Phone: 1300 850 197 Fax: (03) 5950 1754
Mornington News 24 February 2011
Life is beautiful without bulges COOLSCULPTING by Zeltiq, is a new non-invasive way to gently reduce fat in targeted areas of the body using advanced cooling technology to eliminate fat pockets, known as bulges! Kewâ€™s Instant Laser Clinic is one of the first in Victoria to be equipped with Zeltiq CoolSculpting from USA Clinicians offering this new treatment, claim this cooling treatment results in a noticeable, natural-looking fat reduction in the treated areas, such as Abdomen, flanks ( love handles), inner or outer thighs. The procedure involves no incisions and no anaesthetics. It can reduce the fat layer without harming the skin or other tissues. Experts say the ideal candidate for the CoolS-
culpting Procedure is someone who is relatively fit, but has some modest- size fat bulges that are not easily reduced through diet and exercise. The fat cells in the treated area are eliminated through the bodyâ€™s normal metabolic processes resulting in a reduction in fat bulges that is visible in most patients in two to four months. Only a course of 1-3 treatments at 6 weeks interval is required. CoolSculpting is not a way to lose weight or treat obesity and it is not a substitute for invasive methods such as liposuction. Call Instant Laser Clinic on 9205 9430 or visit www.instantlaserclinic.com.au
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THE Medical profession has for many years preached the advantages of wet heat for a variety of complaints. Hydrotherapy increases the ability of your body’s white cells to circulate through affected areas thus reducing inflammation and increasing blood flow. If you are affected by arthritis, joint pain, replacement rehabilitation or current or old sports injuries you will benefit
greatly from the soothing hot water massage you receive in a spa in your own home. It is also of great assistance for those who suffer with rheumatoid arthritis and tendonitis. Just as important is the fun and entertainment you can have with your family and friends all year round. At Seascape Spas we have the largest showroom on the Mornington Peninsula. We represent Spa Industries who have their
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By Laura Jones BARIATRIC surgery can help people to lose weight and reduce obesity related diseases, by enabling people to become satisfied from smaller amounts of food. However to achieve the best results, patients must also
aim to work towards living a healthy lifestyle. My role as a bariatric Dietitian includes providing regular follow up, support and education for patients. In particular I help people to develop a non-dieting approach to their weight loss, which is something a lot of bariatric patients have not achieved before. It is also essential that a patient’s diet is assessed for nutritional adequacy to prevent nutritional deficiencies and related ill health. I also offer suggestions for vitamin supplementation, quick healthy meal ideas, meal planning and helping patients to understand food labels. Dietitians don’t just help people with improving their nutritional knowledge; they also focus on eating behavior,
behavioral change, motivation and more importantly adjusting diet for other health conditions that a patient may have. Only an accredited practicing dietitian can give advice on the nutritional management of chronic diseases such as diabetes or cardiovascular disease. In addition, research has shown that regular follow up with your bariatric team, including the dietitian, can lead to better health and weight loss outcomes in patients. In summary, the dietitian can offer patients with plenty of support, motivation and guidance to help them achieve the best possible health and weight loss outcomes after bariatric surgery. For further information, call Lap Surgery on 9760 2777.
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Mornington News 24 February 2011
D& ENTERTAINMENT ʔʦLȫɏ
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If you want a committed man, look in mental hospital
You’re in a mansion and the power’s out. You see a green door and a red door. Pick one. Now you see a purple door and an orange door. Pick one. Now you see a door with a golden handle and a door with a silver handle. Pick one. You finally come to some signs on three doors. One reads “Death by drowning”, another reads “Death by machine guns” and the last one “Death by electric chair”. Then you see a big sign off to the side that reads “Or stay in the mansion and starve to death.”. Which one do you choose and still live? Answer on page 14.
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Mornington News 24 February 2011
LIFE & LEISURE
Let’s get ready to rumble By Stuart McCullough IT’S on – the trash talking has started with a flourish and it’s time to brace yourself for a good old-fashioned, bare-knuckled slap down. The creator of the TV program Glee, Ryan Murphy, has let rip at US rock band Kings of Leon, accusing them of more or less trying to destroy musical education and crushing the hopes and dreams of children everywhere. The term “traditional rivals” is no more meaningful than when the combatants in question are a rock band and a teenage musical comedy show. Clearly, there is no love lost between them. Music thrives on competition: Lennon and McCartney, the Captain & Tennille, Eminem and his mother – there are rivalries everywhere in music. That the protagonists in this latest battle operate in different worlds may lead you to think it might be one-sided. All things being equal, a TV musical has no business picking a fight with a rock band. This is like the cast of The Sound of Music challenging UK metal band Cradle of Filth to a duel. Or the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz saying to Metallica, ‘You, me, car park, now’, albeit in a very high voice. Leaving aside the difference in genres, feuds between musical acts are a tradition stretching back to Mozart and Salieri. In recent decades we’ve seen The Beatles verses The Stones, Duran
Duran up against Spandau Ballet and Blur going at it with Oasis. Mostly it was good, clean, harmless fun. Rappers took it to another level in the 1990s by introducing firearms, but left it to the black metal bands of Norway to perfect it with a combination of both homicide and church burning. This, however, is as nothing compared to the wrath currently being aimed at Kings of Leon. First things first: exactly how did Kings of Leon manage to get themselves on the wrong side of Glee? Did they run over a cast member in the band bus? Refuse to be in a lamington drive? Sadly, no. Instead, they exhibited the temerity of those who think they have brass for bollocks by refusing permission to use one of their songs. The sheer nerve. The band was diplomatic in it’s refusal, citing concerns about “over-exposure”. They should have been more worried that their song would be “Glee-ified”, a process by which every sharp edge is shorn off and the hardiest of rock anthems is swiftly placed on the express train to Naffville. The band even went so far as to emphasise that it wasn’t personal and that they turn down heaps of licensing requests. It was to no avail. Ryan Murphy accused them of missing the “bigger picture”, which was that “a seven-year-old kid can see someone close to their age singing a Kings of Leon song, which will maybe make them want to
join a glee club or pick up a musical instrument. It’s like, OK, hate on arts education.” That’s right. A simple refusal was elevated to the status of hate crime. As the band members themselves put it, the whole thing had gotten out of hand. While Kings of Leon avoided criticising the show, that doesn’t mean others can’t sink the boots in. If ever there was a TV program that was cruisin’ for a bruisin’, it’s the toned pop moppets on Glee. Consider the numbers: more than five million in album sales. Terrifyingly, in 2009 the cast of Glee had 25 singles on the Billboard Hot 100. Twentyfive! That leaves them second only to The Beatles for most entries in any calendar year. In terms of all-time hits, they’re now second only to Elvis Presley. This is not so much disturbing as it is an affront to humanity. There’s just no way that the list of greatest musical acts should read The Beatles, followed by “the cast of Glee”. Let me be honest: I can’t stand what Glee does to music. It is, in essence, a sober kind of karaoke and has the same air of artificiality that turns junior beauty pageants from cute to creepy. If I had to describe it, I’d say it’s like regular music, only placed on a severe regimen of anti-depressants. It’s a shiny, glossy, sugary confection that may well be fine in small doses but, like fairy floss, should not be considered a
Susie’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day, as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned in close to be able to hear him.
ANSWER: Pick the door with the electric chair. Remember: the power is out!
“You know,” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, “you’ve been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. And you know what?”
substitute for a proper meal. If Glee was a food, the list of ingredients would include things like hydrolysed protein, flavour enhancer 621 and stacks of trans fats. It would have no nutritional value whatsoever. They must be stopped. It’s my belief that this air-brushed approach to music is forcing more traditional acts to take extreme measures in a desperate attempt to get attention. Just the other week saw Jimmy Buffet’s disastrous attempt to crowd surf go horribly wrong. What could be next? Crosby, Stills and Nash ending their show by forming a human pyramid? Hard rock bands other than AC/DC dressing as schoolkids? It’s time for action. Glee’s creator can say all the nasty things he wants; he just better make sure he can cash the cheque his mouth is writing. If Glee wants to rumble, then so be it. The war begins here. If Kings of Leon are reading this, it’s time to man up. The hour has come to throw down the gauntlet and prepare for battle. The cast of Glee ought to be invited around to the back of the shelter shed where any differences can be sorted out. Normally, such invitations to violence would be abhorrent, but these are exceptional circumstances. The survival of music as we know and love it now depends on you. Who’d have thunk it? www.stuartmccullough.com
Flying high for a colourful day
“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling to herself. “I think you’re bad luck.”
The most ridiculous and strange, fresh for you...
Mornington News 24 February 2011
GIANT bears, dinosaurs, trilobites and an octopus in the sky over Rosebud? Yes, it’s myriad colourful kites of the annual kite festival. The family event will be held beside the pier at Jetty Rd 11am-5pm on Sunday 13 March from. This year sees professional kite-flyers from Tasmania, NSW and South Australia flying some of the country’s biggest kites, some stretching up to 27 metres in length. “The sight will be magnificent,” says Rosebud Chamber of Commerce’s Alison Doherty. “Together with the demonstrations by members of the Australian Kite Association, spectators are in for a real
treat.” Kites, originally made from silk and bamboo, have evolved over the centuries and are now made from a variety of materials, styles and shapes. The festival will showcase many of these, including threedimensional forms, rotating wind socks and massive inflatable designs, while encouraging children to learn the art and skill of kite flying. Bring your own kite or go to the kite-making workshop and then head to the family flying area to test your skills, all ages encouraged. Other activities during the day will include crafts, kids’ karaoke, dance and circus skills, zumba, carnival rides, face
painting, animal farm, Scouts and Guides activities, and a vintage car display. Roving clowns, musicians and characters will keep the family entertained, while on stage the music will include local musos – 11am Bonnie Georgia, 12pm Nowra, 1pm The Vincents and at 3pm Wooly Dog. There will be hot food, ice cream and coffee stalls, and people are invited bring a chair or rug and relax for a few hours in the spectacular colourful surroundings. Admission free and the event is organised by the chamber of commerce. For information call Alison Doherty, 0403 889 559.
Wildlife warrior: The writer and Damien Mander in Mornington Park on Australia Day.
The News interviewed Damien Mander and Balnarring wildlife warrior and filmmaker Sean Willmore of The Thin Green Line documentary fame last October, “Battle against poachers: peninsula base for foundations helping African rangers”, which told the inspiring story of their individual endeavours to protect park rangers and their plans to work together. Our entertainment writer
met Damien last month. FORMER Padua College student Damien Mander has a passion for the world’s wildlife and his passion has taken him to the wild plains of Zimbabwe. Damien is the founding director of the International Anti-Poaching Foundation set up to protect and preserve wildlife in volatile regions.
I caught up with Damien recently at the Australia Day celebrations in his hometown of Mornington. Damien was in Australia for a short break to visit family and friends, and spread the word about illegal trafficking of wildlife. Damien said: “The illegal trafficking of wildlife is now the third-largest criminal industry in the world. Numerous wildlife species are becoming extinct every year with many more joining the endangered list. “We need to provide clear and relevant conversation training to enhance awareness against poaching and to help implement sustainable alternatives for communities living in regions affected by environmental instability.” Damien had a military career spanning nine years serving as a clearance diver in the Royal Australian Navy before transferring to a Special Operations until in the Australian Army. After three years in Iraq with ADF he worked for a private military organisation in Iraq as project
manager overseeing daily operations of the Iraq Special Police Training Academy in Baghdad. He returned to Australia in 2008 and headed to Africa the following year. Arriving in Africa at the start of 2009, he set out to apply his skills to wildlife protection and conservation, which landed him in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe. Damien invested his life savings, including four investment properties, to fund the start of the foundation. Back in Mornington, he co-produced the inaugural Raw for Africa music festival in 2010 with Sean Willmore and the second event last month, at Mornington Racing Club, which he says was a huge success. Damien was recently featured on 60 Minutes and viewers were moved by his mission and achievements, which included building a 40-place ranger training academy near Victoria Falls; making multiple arrests, including the smashing of a high-profile rhino poaching syndicate that made national news in Zimbabwe; dozens of wildlife rescues in Botswana’s Chobe National Park by IAPF vet Dr Clay Wilson;
against the rest.
not only communicate with darling (surely a big plus because she will probably assume you are sensitive) but you add the real pleasure of watching and appreciating the beauty of the ducks. Alas, he departed, with a shake of his head, indicating that I was “off with the fairies”. *** “Have you ever been given any honours?” “Yes. I once received the OB, which is the Order of the Boot.” “How magnificent.” “And I was also given an REP, which is, as you know, the Rough End of the Pineapple.” “How glorious. I never knew.” “Yeah, and I got a PEBS, too, which is a Poke in the Eye with a Burnt Stick. So how about that?” “And yet you seem so humble ... so reserved.” “Yes, well, I failed to mention that I was recently made a Companion of the VD.” – Michael Leunig *** Yes, they breed them tough in North Queensland, but no tougher than in Victoria, or way down on the
with Gary Turner attracting 9000 members for the IAPF on social networking website Facebook; and establishing plans to build Africa’s most comprehensive ranger training and wildlife management centre. The foundation currently has no corporate sponsorship. It relies on Damien’s savings, public donations and fundraising events. If you or your organisation wants to get involved, contact the IAPF at email@example.com As we go to press, Damien is heading back to Zimbabwe to continue his mission to protect wildlife. Links: www.iapf.org www.sixtyminutes.com.au
A Grain Of Salt SO a Commonwealth public servant was sacked for accessing a legal porn site (knockers) at home, from his own internet provider, but on his work-provided laptop, which he had approval to take home. The software program Spector360 tells all, including the man’s previous internet history, despite his having deleted it from his browser. Big Brother surrounds us. He should have known, of course, and it’s possible they required an excuse to sack him anyway, but it’s all a bit sad, highlighting the power of the doubtful morality of those without faces (including females) watching in judgement. We can assume that these faceless types “never” access legal porn, just as they “never” selfindulged in years gone by. And pigs might fly. *** I visited Port Melbourne recently, the first time in 30 years. It’s gone! Disappeared, just like Collingwood and Fitzroy. My three favourite suburbs wiped out by the beautiful cappuccino and latte brigade breakfasting downstairs from their million-dollar apartments on eggs benedict, with nary a thought for
all those previous tenants who had to move elsewhere. Good old Port, eh. Not any more. Batten down the hatches, particularly if you’re renting. It’s surely only a matter of time, if it isn’t already upon us, when more and more beautiful people will decide “Rio (the Mornington Peninsula) would be nice”. *** Almost time to think football again; such a beautiful respite from politics, or is it? James Hird and Mark Thompson certainly put the boots into Matthew Knights, not that he was all that flash as a coach. Similar to the Labor Party quartet of right-wing faction bosses – Mark Arbib from NSW, Bill Shorten and David Fenney from Victoria, and Don Farrell in SA – and the exit of my mate Kevvy Rudd. I miss you Kevvy! How are things OS? How come Knights copped everything whereas Dean Bailey (15 wins, 51 losses) leads a charmed life? Then there are the four St Kilda players who each copped a $5000 fine for mixing sleeping pills and alcohol, something I do every night. And super footballer Nick Riewoldt (except in grand finals) with his imaginary complex of “us”
*** I was chatting to a younger chap at my local RSL, giving him my take on how to charm a female. I’m no expert, but after two or three pots I, like many, have an opinion on everything under the sun, not that there’s a lot of sun in the restricted smoking zone. I talked compliments and how to place them. A bit of subtlety, sincerity. He, of course, was not listening, waiting for me to stop talking (as we all do) to set me straight, favouring instinct as his preferred method. I tried the listening and communication argument, despite never in my life asking a female out. I set a scene in the gardens surrounding the Shrine of Remembrance. Sitting on the grass with his darling looking at the ducks. She would love the ducks, as all females do. She adores the ducks. Aren’t they gorgeous? Instead of you pretending you love the ducks and thinking of other avenues of pleasure, I said, why not relax and take in the beauty of the ducks? Concentrate on their beauty. Let it come to you. Or at least try very hard. And whatever your darling says, listen, without interrupting. What do you gain? You
with Cliff Ellen Mornington Peninsula, or anywhere else for that matter. Whenever a politician says “What matters here is the Australian people” you can be sure that lies will follow. *** Two plays in Melbourne are depicting sex on stage which, frankly, I find disgusting, for two sound reasons. 1: There was none in my day. 2: Sadly, I’m too old for the parts. My retirement (some say forced) came too soon. When George I became King of England in 1714, his wife did not become Queen. He placed her under house arrest for 32 years. George would have been very popular with some husbands on the Mornington Peninsula. firstname.lastname@example.org
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