Moody Magazine: Foody Edition

DECEMBER 1 2023

JENNIE BULL

EMMA LUEDERS

CO-FOUNDER/ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

CO-FOUNDER/ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

VIVIAN LI

HAYLEY IPSARO

ART DIRECTOR

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS

JULIA MORENO

JACIEON WILLIAMS

HEAD OF FISCAL

HEAD OF STYLING

EMMA BARBOSA

NICK HELD

HEAD OF GRAPHIC DESIGN

HEAD OF WEB OPERATIONS

MIA IGNAZIO

MIA HERNANDEZ

HEAD OF PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY LIAISON

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Photos by Adeline Hume

Design by Emma Barbosa

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Did you miss us? We’re back and hungrier than ever.

Two years ago we launched Moody Magazine with the goal of creating a space of transparency. Now, we have a worldwide community of Moody staff, readers, and supporters who are all equally as passionate about starting honest conversations. We are endlessly grateful to everyone who has shaped Moody into what it is today. With all of our editions, we simply hope to make our readers feel seen. We want to strip away judgment and stigma and share stories from a place of raw vulnerability. Hopefully, you see a bit of yourself in our newest edition and walk away feeling a little less alone, a little more understood.

This issue of Moody Mag is our FOODY edition. It is centered around food – the way food connects us, brings us together, and opens up worlds of flavor and exploration. Food, emotion, pleasure, and sensuality are inherently intertwined. Food feeds the soul. In this edition, we speak candidly about our relationships with food, our relationships with others, and our relationships with ourselves. So instead of asking if you are in the mood, we want to invite you to the feast of a lifetime. Lets dig in!

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Photo by Mia Ignazio

What’s On The Menu?

Breakfast No Fruit is Imperfect....... 6 Figs................................ 8 Breakfast in Bed............ 10 Raspberry Fingers......... 12

Lunch Almond Mom................ 18 An Open Conversation About Eating.................. 20 Junk Love...................... 22 Shareable Plates............ 24 Food Autonomy............. 26

Sides

Fuck Me Chicken Recipe............................54 Crossword/Contact.........56

Dinner Intuitive Eating............... 28 Guide to Eating Out........ 30 Food Around the World.. 32 Table for One................. 34 Maneater........................ 36

Dessert Cooking as a Love Language........................ 38 Look at the Mess I’ve Made............................... 40 Say Cheese!.................... 44 A Case for Vanilla Sex.... 46 Overindulgence.............48 Foodplay....................... 50

Design by Emma Barbosa

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no fruit

is imperfect

An interview with a licensed sex therapist, Kamil Lewis Sexual empowerment doesn’t happen overnight. It’s something to nurture over time. It’s a deep process of looking inward, and sometimes we need a little bit of guidance.

Kamil Lewis is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in sex therapy. Kamil believes in holistic wellness and works with her clients to integrate the mind, body and community to transform their mental health. Rachel Musman of Moody Magazine sat down with Kamil to hear about what led her to her career as a sex therapist and hear her perspective on sexual self-acceptance.

Let’s start from the beginning and your background. Why/ how did you become a sex therapist?

I’ve always been a curious person. For sex therapy in particular, I wanted to think about what I could do everyday that won’t lead me to be too bored or too stressed and really feel enlivened by my work. I wanted to work with something that makes me feel challenged and excited everyday.

I’ve always liked to talk about sex, been curious about sex, and been curious about identity, so here I am.

This edition of Moody is the “Foody Edition,” and just like how people eat and enjoy food differently, people experience their sexuality differently as well. Moody’s mission is to empower readers to recognize that there are no rights or wrongs when it comes to consensual sex or masturbation.

Where do you recommend people begin with their journey to sexual empowerment?

When I think about sexual wellness I think about authenticity and curiosity. Mindfulness is a really good way to start exploring what feels good for you and recognizing that pleasure is related to a lot of things that may or may not be inherently sexual. Getting in tune with your body through masturbation is a perfect time to try things out low stakes: we don’t know things until we know them.

When exploring with masturbation it is easy to slip into a routine of doing the same things just to get off; and sometimes that’s great. But when exploring with sexual wellness, making changes to these routines, especially for people with vulvas, can be really helpful. Breathing and thinking about what would actually feel good for you with no pressure or expectations and just focusing your energy on feeling good can help you in being intentional and trying the things you’ve always been curious about.

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It is very common for people to feel insecure about their bodies in sexual settings, whether that be someone being worried about their penis size or the appearance and taste of their vagina, how do you advise navigating these taboos?

It’s hard to connect to other people if you feel shame about your body. Giving yourself permission to be how you are when you are and talking about your body are great ways you can decrease shame over time. It’s also important to note that the journey of self acceptance is imperfect. I can be a sex therapist and also still experience many moments where I am not feeling fully confident in my body. Learning to give myself grace when I need it and talking kindly to my body have both helped me personally navigate my insecurities. Specifically to people with vulvas, learning to be in relationship with your vulva is a lifelong process. Looking at it, touching it, getting in tune with your body choices – this could be as simple as being intentional with how you like your pubic hair – doing whatever you want. Your body is yours.

What message would you want to spread to those who are unable to reach orgasm, or the opposite-finishing quickly?

The more you can separate the past and the present and learn to be really patient with yourself is very helpful.

It’s very common for people who have had difficulty cumming or cumming “too quickly” to be nervous that it will happen again, and that nervousness is the reason it does. There is not one right or wrong way to engage with someone consensually, just give yourself permission to be present in that moment. That is much easier said than done, but by bringing in the senses it can help take you out of your head and stay “in”’ your body.

Different sensations, such as touch in places other than genitals and breathing techniques, are great methods of going about this. Explore what your body can do and feel like and think about what you would do if penetration or genital touching wasn’t an option. Where else on the body would you touch? How do you like to be kissed?

In our society, it is common for those with STI’s or vaginal infections to face stigma and be subject to stereotyping. How do we work towards normalizing these realities?

When you have a relationship with your vulva and are in tune with it, you can easily sense when something is off down there, whether that be a different smell, itch or discharge. Yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, urinary tract infections; all of these things are super normal and can typically get cured by picking up over the counter medicine.

The more we create open conversations about these kinds of infections, the more we will collectively see them as realities of having body parts. STIs are far more common than one may think. Vaginal infections are inevitable to the majority of people with vaginas, so just getting comfortable with this idea helps decrease shame.

Many different things can cause infection; but it doesn’t matter the cause. It just matters that you are taking care of your body and keeping in mind that sex is a responsibility, and no matter what myths there are about prevention of these diseases, there are risks involved. Our bodies are imperfect and fallible, getting sick; it can just happen. But not feeling alone in this experience is the biggest cure.

On the topic of orgasms, could you speak on the idea of sex as a whole experience and not just to reach orgasm?

When you have sex I would recommend going into it wanting pleasure, and not just orgasm; having an outcome independent mentality. There is a misconception that pleasure is having an orgasm, but that is not always true. Having sex just to reach orgasm puts an unfair expectation on the human body, as we can’t control when our body orgasms. Learning what turns you on during foreplay is huge; and it doesn’t only have to be in the moment. Emotional turn-ons are real, whether that is planning a cute date with your partner or words of affirmation, all of these things grow our affection as a whole. I’ve worked with lots of clients that have either experienced chronic pain in terms of genital chronic pain or people who have never experienced an orgasm but really want to. So a lot of our work is really focused on sensation, pleasure, and an all encompassing, consensual, fun experience.

Moody Magazine is all about making the uncomfortable, comfortable - how do you create lines of open communication, especially in terms of navigating intimacy and relationship anxiety?

Remember that communication within relationships is a skill you already have! You have had conversations with friends and family, so knowing that works and doesn’t work through testing the waters in relationships is a good starting point. Sharing your values about things that are important to you in general, sexual or not, can create a warm and respectful space within the relationship, that can create a basis to eventually go into deeper topics. Also keeping in mind that disagreements don’t automatically mean that someone is disrespecting you – unless they are. Conflict and tough conversations doesn’t mean the person is evil and bad; it’s how they handle the conversations.

Thank you so much for sitting down with us today, is there any closing message that you would like to share with our readers?

Be patient with yourself, give yourself time and give yourself permission to constantly be learning about who you are and what feels good for you.

Interview by Rachel Musman

Design by Emma Barbosa

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Photos by Allison Lopez Models: Aylin Gonzalez and Isabel Powell

Design by Alexandra Defelice

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Breakfast in Bed.

Photographer: Ella Lynch @ellaglynch

10 Models: Sophie Moldt @sophiemoldt (Real Couple)

Gigi Butterfield @gigi.butterfield

We wake up at the exact same time. I watch as your eyelashes flutter open. I watch as you realize that I am beside you. I watch as you smile. Good morning, love.

You have sleep in the corners of your eyes. Your curls lay matted against the pillow.

Your mascara has come off in flakes that rest across your cheekbones. I think that in this exact moment, there is no one on earth as beautiful as you. I pull you closer, your naked body flush to mine. I kiss you. You kiss me. Yes. Keep kissing me like that. It’s a breakfast in bed kind of morning. And I want to be what you’re eating.

Sometimes I think back to past lovers. To the weight I’ve always felt. That aching expectation of how I’m supposed to be in bed. How I’m supposed to strap it on, how I’m supposed to rub myself to you, legs scissoring in endless athletic impossible positions. How I’ve told myself I need to be in bed if anyone is going to want me.

Dominating. Aggressive. Bold. Sometimes I think back to the things that used to make boys stare. My button nose. My girlish laugh. My rounded hips, my dimpled cheeks, my heaving breasts. I have spent my years hiding them from sight. But their existence, my shame in their existence, stays heavy. The curse of masculinity, the curse of femininity, the mortifying weight of it all. Crushing. Massive. Devouring.

It’s all so heavy, all this weight. And yet. I’m the butch. I’m supposed to be on top.

How can I get on top when there’s all this weight.

We’re six months in. The weight is long gone. Let’s be real. It didn’t last our first date. A piece crumbled off when you paid for my meal. Another when you asked what word to use to tell me you wanted me. Another when you asked if the binder stays on. Another when you laid me gently down and kissed your way around my thighs. Another when you let me do the same to you. The last when I truly saw for the very first time that this is what our bodies are like together. how could I have known the weight would turn to dust with the right person. With you.

I think you can tell when I am naked what my nakedness really means: true comfort, contentment, presence. Without a word, you climb on top of me. Planting kisses down my neck, my chest, my stomach. You look up at me.

You move down. Lower. Lower. Lowest.

My body melts in your mouth. The most beautiful thing of all is when you take hold of my thighs, holding me steady as my legs tremble beneath you. When you look me right in the eye as you send me deep into that blissful familiar oblivion. Again. And again. And again.

When my body is spent and yours is satisfied, you rest your face on my stomach, still nestled soft between my legs. You lay there and you see me. Exactly as I am.

I let you. I tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, I cup your cheek in my palm. “This is my favorite place to be,” you say.

I smile. I pull us upright. I kiss you. Gently. Tenderly. “Your turn,” I say.

WRITTEN BY NJ Written by: NJ

Design by Emma Barbosa

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Design by Emma Barbosa

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Photos by Mia Ignazio Model: Alex Vaida

Design by Liana Rios

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Photos by Mia Ignazio Models: Alex Vaida, Vianca Sawant and Cody Wade

Design By Julia David

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Coming of Age is Bittersweet...

What are the bounds of childhood? When does it start? When does it end? At what exact point in time does our sheltered innocence surrender to the constant comparison and self-consciousness of adolescence? And then, when does the fragility of adolescence surrender to the strict reality of adulthood? The world was a much sweeter, simpler place when viewed through our heartshaped, rose-tinted glasses. When touched by our raspberry-stained fingers.

For me, childhood was complete, unadulterated freedom and imagination. It was arts and crafts, relentless wonder, and building fairy houses in the backyard. It was turning anywhere I could attract attention into my own personal stage as I put on shows and performed dances for my entire family. It was watching my best friend realize that they never felt like a girl. Or watching my brother’s eyes beam with fascination as we all did his makeup.

Girlhood was freedom. It was the nostalgia of hot pink painted toenails and the taste of bubblegum. It was getting ice cream after a doctor’s appointment and thinking about what flavor I wanted, not calories or bloating. Adrenaline came from exchanging secrets and frolicking freely in fields rather than from blurred nights of alcohol amnesia and hangxiety. Food was bliss, dessert was happiness, bodies were for dancing, moving, and playing. Sweetness was just sweet, it didn’t turn into shame and self-loathing.

But, did I grow up too fast? As I watched the glistening doors of girlhood come to a close, was I prepared for what awaited on the other side? This vessel I lived in my entire life was now changing, and I was left to navigate myself through the dark sea of coming-of-age angst and awkwardness. I spent so much of my childhood dreaming of growing up, dreaming of finally getting to sit at the adult’s table at dinner, and dreaming of never being handed a kids menu again.

Growing up is being forced to learn what society deems attractive, desirable, and palatable.

Before we were taught to abandon our American Girl Dolls, we were taught to embrace the erotic. We were the eroticized girls vamping in 16

Photos By Mia Ignazio Models: Alex Vaida, Vianca Sawant and Cody Wade

mom’s makeup, standing in front of the TV and teaching ourselves the choreography of a Britney Spears music video. Becoming a teenager marked the beginning of our pursuit to attain physical perfection.

I would spend hours each day trying to figure out how to morph and squeeze my body to fit into a certain mold. Bras stuffed, cheeks contoured, forcing myself to do sit-ups at the side of my bed before bed. Suddenly people’s words were sharp and hateful, people laughed at one another, not with one another. It was here, during our teenage years where we developed our own love-hate relationship with the reflection of our bodies in a full-length, magnifying mirror.

Mirrors and scales became tests that assessed our personal worth and beauty.

I miss when being a girl felt like less of a responsibility and more of a privilege, when I didn’t know the feeling of a boy’s hand grasping and shoving the top of my head for the sake of his own pleasure. When I didn’t hear the shameful sound of men whistling as I walked home from high school alone. When I hadn’t experienced the pain of trying to pick myself off of the cold tile of my shower floor as I sobbed in the middle of the night. I miss not feeling like there is something wrong with me. I miss a world that wasn’t always telling me what to fix.

The shimmering doors of childhood were never fully shut, locked, and boarded up. We all have a personalized key to walk back into a world of such curiosity. There is great importance and value in finding “play” in our adult lives.

Youth is still within us, we can always channel it, nurture it, tune back into it. The journey of coming of age may be bittersweet, but it’s a journey that makes us who we are. So now we sit, picking raspberries off of our fingers with our once innocent mouths, remembering the taste and utter sweetness of being a girl. Now we get to learn the beauty of acquired, complex tastes – of coffee and cocktails, sex and love. It’s now where we get to figure out who we are and where we fit in a world just as radiant, just as saturated, as it always was.

By: Tasha Karam

Design by Daga Strzecha

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The Almond Mom Phenomenon

By: Vanessa Walker It all becomes clear when you look back at your childhood. Maybe there was a scale in every bathroom. Maybe your pantries were stocked with Optivia and Weight Watchers. Maybe your mother made judgmental comments about your body. You try to tell yourself it doesn’t sting. She only wants the best.

People online have become increasingly candid about being raised by “almond moms” - intensely diet and weight-conscious mothers - and the learned habits and comments that follow them into adulthood. The term originated from a moment on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, when Gigi Hadid’s mom Yolanda responded over the phone to her professing weakness after not eating all day by advising her to “have a couple of almonds and chew them really well.”

Body shaming and diet policing starts in the home for many young girls, coming from the female figure they trust the most. It sounds like “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” or words like “fat” and “bigger” being used as insults.

They become a weapon of the tongue, preventing it from tasting anything that would make the body “unappealing” to look at. The more you hear them said, the easier they become to believe.

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Design by Jonah Strong and Emma Barbosa

Girls as young as elementary school age are trained to restrict, denying themselves the intrinsic pleasures of childhood for fear of gaining weight. Skipping cake and pizza at a friend’s birthday party turns into nervously sweating at a restaurant years later, scanning the menu for low-calorie options before it’s your turn to order. You hope your date doesn’t look at you funny when you reach for extra butter to spread on your bread.

What would your mom say? What would his mom say? The scenarios may change, but the messages linger through time.

In their quest to help us lead healthier lives, these women have poisoned us with dangerous ideals that creep into adulthood with us.

The biggest lesson we learn is how to hate the body we’re in. As mother complains about the shape of her stomach, her daughter looks down at hers and begins to find fault.

While she grimaces at the image in the mirror, her daughter does the same in the next room. Little do either of them know that they have this in common.

These harmful attitudes aren’t always direct. Even if a mom is only concerned with her own weight and eating habits, those behaviors are observed and learned by whoever is watching. Daughters learn how to cut calories and scale back on sugar and carbs before they even know what “portion control” means. They become just as panicked about a couple extra pounds as their moms are, even as their bodies are still naturally growing with age.

So what’s the reason for all of this? Why is this dynamic so tragically common? Eating disorder expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Cara Bohon suggests that many of these women were raised in highly restrictive homes themselves.

Rather than a purposeful effort to put their daughters down, a significant amount of the perpetuation of toxic diet culture stems from these women being entrenched in it as they grew up. They can’t help but see themselves in the girls they bring into the world, a world that taught them that their value lies in an arbitrary perception of “health”. It’s a practice of constant dissatisfaction, never being able to see oneself as enough. It’s almost a generational curse, passed down from woman to woman. Mothers and daughters have always been mirrors of each other - for better or for worse.

These same patriarchal ideals we’re working to change are the ones that pushed our mothers to this point in the first place. As victims of unhealthy parental and food relationships speak out in greater numbers, there is hope for the pattern to be broken. There is room for all of us to heal, and maybe someday the voices will quiet, the scale will no longer be our enemy, and we will accept more than just a handful of almonds.

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TW//EATING DISORDERS, BODY DYSMORPHIA

An Open Conversation About Disordered Eating This edition of Moody celebrates food as a universal ritual of connection, culture, and joy. However, it is important to address that there can be times in our lives where our relationships with eating are complicated or distressing. It is estimated that over 30 million Americans have struggled with disordered eating at some point in their lifetime, so it is crucial to discuss this reality.

In our world of comparison, toxic diet culture, and everchanging body standards, the journey to maintaining a healthy relationship with food is deeply personal, highly individual, and can take on many forms over time.

Moody Magazine sat down with college sophomore Natalie Kurtz to speak openly about her journey with body image and food.

Natalie explains that, in her opinion, one struggle of having an eating disorder is that it’s not always apparent.

“I consider myself a very confident person,” says Natalie.

“There’s a misconception that if you present in a way that is self-assured, you must not be struggling, but this isn’t the case.” A common misconception about EDs is that they are obvious or identifiable by how you look and behave. “I still struggle with my eating disorder every day, trying to do new things to help myself, understand the way my brain works, and be more selfaware. I struggle the most with the inner dialogue in my head, to let myself eat without feeling guilty about it, to not go over every food item I consumed that day. While these are all my persistent concerns, no one could tell these are my thoughts.”

The middle school cafeteria is where Natalie first noticed patterns of restrictive eating in herself and her friends. Around seventh grade, everyone started eating small portions of a salad for lunch. Her brain began to compare her body’s natural frame to those of her friends.

“I always felt like I took up more space than my friends. I began eating less and less, to the point of skipping meals, skipping family dinners, and ignoring my body cues of hunger.”

In times of struggle, the mind can be so deceiving.

Coming into her high school years, Natalie explained the sense of body dysmorphia that overtook her through an anecdote of thrifting with her friends. “We would all go thrifting, and oftentimes, I would hold up a pair of jeans that were four or five sizes too big for me. My friends would tell me how there’s no way those are my size, but I was convinced that they were. I went to the dressing room, still sure that the jeans would fit me, but they swallowed me whole and fell down to my ankles.” Body dysmorphia can present itself through body-checking, a frequent examination of appearance in every mirror, constantly comparing one’s appearance to others, avoiding social situations altogether or stepping out of photos.

It was during COVID, when her relationship with body image and eating was at its worst, that Natalie fully recognized that she struggled with an eating disorder. She always knew her habits of restricting and binging were 20

Artwork By Nicole Allen

unhealthy, but never identified them as disordered. Her fixation on exercise felt consuming, yet her interaction with the outside world was so limited. She realized that she wasn’t doing this for anyone, it all existed within herself.

“I still struggle with body-checking every day. I still compare my eating habits to those of my friends. One day I could see a meal as fulfilling and nutritious, and the next day I could see that same meal as ‘too much.’ My mindset changes every day,” Natalie expresses honestly.

“But now, I surround myself with a really great support system. My friends encourage me to treat myself well.

They’re very grounding, the way they can counteract the things my mind tells me.” She explains how eating disorders can be very socially driven, whether the social circle triggers the habits or helps to heal them.

Keeping busy and keeping full on nutritious snacks also helps Natalie maintain good days. It helps to pour energy and self-love into herself from every direction – mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and socially. Having fun with fashion and her style has also been a fun way for Natalie to embrace her curves as opposed to hiding from them.

Finding clothes that accentuate her favorite parts of her body has helped Natalie work against negative internal thought patterns. She embraces the power of positive affirmations, looking into the mirror and saying, “I like being curvy, I like having this shape. I like my hips, what will make them stand out?”

Eating disorders are not always linear, and neither is the notion of recovery. “These past two years have been the first time I have felt comfortable vocalizing my struggle with food,” Natalie reflected. We deeply thank Natalie for speaking so openly about her experiences. If you or anyone you know might be struggling with an eating disorder, be gentle with yourself and with them.

There are so many resources available: ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) at anag.org, a non-profit that provides free, peer support services to anyone struggling.

NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association) the largest non-profit devoted to eating disorder prevention, education, and recovery. Text “NEDA” to 741741 for their crisis text line.

Dial 988 for urgent emotional distress, this number is a 24/7 crisis hotline.

Design by Daga Strzecha

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Junk Love

Payton Jones and CS

Though we are not born this way, many of us move through the world with an invisible void inside of us. There’s this empty space, this hole, made of fear, insecurity, and grief. We try to fill this void, disguise it, rather than sit with it and learn to coexist with it.

We do things that make us forget that it’s there, easy and immediate thrills, things that make us feel so high, so alive. But this illusion of fulfillment is fleeting, it’s all smoke and mirrors for the sake of a moment, a night, a story to tell. There’s always a come down.

There’s always a “morning after,” where we find that the hole has only gotten larger and harder to avoid.

Sex, love, food, and drugs – anything in excess and anything abused doesn’t provide the health and stability we need. This void manifests itself in our relationships, from “loving the chase” to “being a sucker for toxicity.” In the bestselling book Love Rules, Joanna Cole describes the premise of “Junk Love.” She tells us how, “Just as there is junk food, there is junk love. And like junk food, junk love is fast, convenient, attractively packaged, widely available, superficially tasty—and leaves you hungering for more.”

So often, we accept a sort of romance that makes us feel like total shit, an unsustainable diet that fills a small void inside of us. A situationship that leads you on then drags you down. A partner who refuses to hold your hand in public, who never seems to make time for you, who dismisses your basic needs.

The universal on-and-off, back and forth, rollercoaster of emotion with an ex. Feeling cold, exposed, and nauseous after your one night stand. You crawl out of a bedroom that feels foreign. Your body doesn’t feel like your body and you wish he could unsee ev-

ery sacred inch of skin. These are all examples of Junk Love.

There’s nothing quite like the consistent, reliably comforting warmth of stable affection. It can devour you entirely, but unlike other all-consuming dynamics, you’re immersed purely in sweetness. But sometimes, when you are so used to the ups and the downs of toxic relationships, that sweetness can seem bland.

“They’re too nice,” right? Or they “respond too fast.” They’ve shown you consistent, genuine affection. No tricks, no games, no cards up their sleeve. Now what? Comfort can turn to boredom. Stability becomes synonymous with banality. You begin to crave excitement and spice.

It can be unnerving to have someone prioritize and value you so deeply when you do not share the same sentiments for yourself. To avoid intimacy with both your partner and yourself, you may reject their affection altogether. Maybe you’ll leave. Maybe you’ll stay and pick some petty arguments to supplement the nonexistent chaos you dormantly seek. Maybe you left, they moved on, and now you’ve found yourself wanting it all back.

Perhaps you feel this sweetness you receive is a deception. There must be something bitter hiding deeper, waiting to come out. Consistent sweetness may feel especially unsettling following a cycle of mistreatment, during which the facade of kindness may have been manipulated into something darker. You may anticipate the confirmation of your doubts, only to be met with confusion in the face of their affection.

You may have grown up in an environment where love was associated with turbulence, leading you to search for a “spark.” You may seek to ignite chaos in its absence, creating your own wavering ups and downs within the relationship.

Our perception of love can be warped for more reasons than we may ever know. The toxic cycles of junk love can keep us caught up in a seemingly endless cycle of ups and downs, making the stagnance of sweet appear a monotonous contrast.

Whether you run from stable love or towards junk love, don’t run from your void. That is the tricky thing about it all, no one can fill in these gaps for you.

Junk Love can be fun, as long as you are enjoying it for the right reasons. At the same time, you don’t need consistent love from one person if that isn’t what you’re looking for in this chapter of your life.

It’s not all doom, gloom and stomach aches. There is always space for 10 McDonald’s chicken nuggets. Not every meal has to be steak, potatoes and champagne, and not every relationship has to be soul-bearing, life-altering, L-O-V-E. Some things are meant to be momentary, simple and fun. If you are leaning into junk love because it’s something you have fun with, make sure you’re in it for experience, healthy adventure, exploring new people, new things, new feelings.

As long as you’re being intentional and honoring your soul’s true cravings, there’s nothing wrong with a little indulgence.

The % Daily Value (DV) tells you how much a text in a serving of sneaky links contributes to a daily diet. 20 messages a day is used for general relationship advice.

Design by Lucas Marangoni

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in the two people cooks in n a h t e r o many ere’s m s when th ? Can there be too f the facets n e p p a h t a Wh crowd each o Is three a a candid look into le’s experiences. ? m o o r d e e b op ak multiple pe n? Let’s t the kitche hrough the lens of ex t Our first of group s

conversation was with a single woman. First, she detailed her group sex experience with three men. “I went home with two boys from the bar. When we got home, another guy came in. I was nervous about the masculine energy, all that testosterone and domination in the room.” In this moment of uncertainty, she realized how much she needed to find a way to feel safe, comfortable, and liberated throughout the whole experience. “I sat the three boys on the bed and said, ‘if we are going to do this, it needs to be all about me, I need to feel appreciated and secure.’” This assertion changed the energy dynamics of the sex they had. “You can change the path of your experiences by just communicating,” she expressed, “Taking up space in the room and getting praised from them was like my armor.”

Her experiences have all been with strangers with varying levels of experience. Having sex with three boys, she found that she gravitated towards one out of the three of them. She ended up favoring someone in the room, wanting to focus on that particular person. “People have asked me how you can go back to having sex with one partner after experiencing sex with multiple. I actually found that orgies made me crave the direct, undivided nature of one-on-one intimacy more.”

As her group sex experience began, halfway through another woman walked in.

“As much as I don’t want to admit it, a feeling of comparison and competition with another woman flooded my thoughts. Sex was such a casual, effortless act for her. It just wasn’t a big deal. It was fascinating watching the dynamics of different people, their own unique set of experiences, and their own contrasting views about sexuality coexist in one space. I never identified as bisexual, but in that room, I felt like I could be anything.”

Our second conversation was with a woman and her (already confusing enough) situationship. “It was 3am and I was in bed with a guy I had been seeing on and off when he asked if I’d want to have a threesome with another girl who was also in the house. I’m the jealous type and don’t like sharing attention in relationships, so looking back on it I’m shocked I said yes. I think it was all the tequila still inside me making me feel in the mood for something new. When I look back on the experience now, it just feels like a blurry montage of sweat, sex, tangled bed sheets, and a lot of moaning.”

She explained how the threesome felt overstimulating. “It was hot, scary, fun, and overwhelming all at the same time.” The next morning carried with it an air of regret. “I felt awful the next day. My head was pounding, my stomach was turning, and I was still in bed with a random girl and a guy who cared more about my body than getting to know me.” It was a way for her to learn about her emotional needs, and she found that sex with people she is already comfortable around leads to a better experience overall.

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Design by Joanne Fu

“Even though I enjoy the thrill and shared intimacy of threesomes, I find them pretty vulnerable and tend to feel self conscious either during them or after.

There’s a stigma surrounding threesomes because of the way porn portrays them and how film and the media romanticize them.

People never talk about how awkward and vulnerable threesomes can be.”

Our third conversation was with a non-binary person in an open relationship.

“Me and my partner enjoy an open relationship after discussing and being involved in discussions around ‘performing heteronormativity’ or emulating a straight relationship. As queer people we believe we have the opportunity to redefine what it means to be in a relationship, we engage in group activities as well as seek sexual partners outside of our partnership.”

They explained how their experience differs each time. “It’s exciting, but we ultimately believe that sex is an activity, and while it can be a deeply meaningful experience, it can also be just for fun. At times there can be jealousy and confusion but through often and meaningful discussions, we make sure to keep each other’s feelings at the heart of every action.”

Energies of domination and submission present themselves in each experience. “Submissive, dominant, and switch roles are essential in group experiences. They control a narrative and let others know what to expect. Gender can play a part, but often there is an element of fantasy playing out. For example, I (a non-binary person) enjoy the phrase ‘good boy.’ For me, this is a clear example of how gender is fluid and can be used as a tool for entertainment, just like drag, gender is anyone’s game in group sex.”

Overall, they have found that sexual fluidity and incorporating other partners into their relationship works for them. It truly does all come down to what works for the people involved and the nature of the relationship at hand. “I constantly discover new things I enjoy. My tastes change and develop and meeting new, like-minded people broadens my network of friends and opens my mind to others.”

Our final conversation was with a male who described his experience as, “Not the traditional experience.” He said that it felt more like a casual exchange, taking turns in the same room worshiping each other’s bodies. “It was an interesting feeling, sitting there, just waiting for my turn. When it was his turn, he described the experience as “liberating but confusing, a pure moment of relief.” He said he felt “temporarily distracted from the noise of the outside world, the stress of that day, but when the act was over, all the stress came flooding back.”

In his case, the person who was experiencing the pleasure situated themselves towards the other people in the room. Everyone else would gather around and wait for the time that we were almost allocated to please them. From the experience, he learned “to communicate more effectively when something pushes my boundaries, more than a passive”ow “ or “no.” He also realized “how nice it is to feel entirely focused on, rather than just feeling like a body to be used for someone else’s pleasure.” While it is great to focus on the other pers-on, sometimes it’s nice to sit back and be told “I want to make you feel good for a change.”

He wishes more people knew that group sex isn’t always this “glamorous, wild, crazy thing.”

It’s about focusing on not pushing someone else off the bed, maintaining a balance, making sure everyone gets their fair share. There should be a certain mental realization that this will not feel normal, and this has the potential to change how you view yourself, your body, the other people with you, and sex as a whole.

Overall, threesomes and orgies can be a vehicle for self-discovery, exploration of one’s sexuality, and a sense of empowered adventure. However, they can also be a catalyst for relationship insecurity, internal confusion, and potential regret. It’s important to remain open-minded but also true to your self and your own personal desires. Have fun and happy sharing!

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connection to the soil.

Let’s face it, thingsarescary and uncertain right now.

In the face of an escalating climate crisis and widening wealth disparities, daily headlines seem increasingly grim, especially when it comes to our food. The record-breaking droughts in the summer of 2022 gutted tomato, corn, grain, cotton, and other crop production by almost 70% in some places, leaving farmers devastated.

Or remember how egg prices skyrocketed? It was an outcome of a bird flu outbreak that infected 50 million birds, spreading rapidly within the confines of factory farming. As food prices rose, government cutbacks on pandemic social services, such as food stamps, left more and more people stretching their food budgets and turning to soup kitchens.

Industrial farming, the climate crisis, and increasing food insecurity are just some instances of the harsh reality that our food system fails Americans every day. Yet, we do not have to be – and are not – at the mercy of these broken food systems. We can forge our own solutions,

free from the government and corporations that have contributed to these issues, and instead, look to our communities.

And guess what? People are.

Communities nationally and internationally are turning to the food autonomy movement to build a new system. Food autonomy, autonomy a practice developed and mastered by indigenous communities, is a grassroots movement to create local gardens, farms, and other agriculture projects that put the needs of the community first. Grounded in a shared understanding that our current food system is flawed, these projects imagine new visions of food by intentionally planting ecologically diverse gardens, teaching people where their food comes from, and most importantly putting food production back into the hands of the community members.

Rosie Williams, an educator and gardener from Southeast Washington – a food desert that has only one grocery store to feed 80,000 people – helps run a garden that feeds 400 families with fresh produce. While growing this life-saving food, Williams teaches children about the process of planting, rekindling their

In Atlanta, the Stop Cop City movement, a 2-year long movement fighting against the deforestation of Welaunee forest and the building of a $90 million police training facility, is also practicing food autonomy.

While occupying the forest to prevent construction, Atlanta organizers and the Muscogee people, who originally inhabited the forest before violent removal, began planting native fruit trees in the young forest to restore the land. The cultivation of these trees and plants symbolizes hope for the forest’s future, envisioning that it will one day be a place where people can go to eat free fruits and vegetables.

At a barbeque in San Francisco, a group of neighbors in a low-income neighborhood discussed starting a community garden, and eventually transformed a median strip into a garden of palms, bright flowers, and vegetables. Neighbors could organize new gardens, grow their own plots, teach workshops about gardens, and create community art projects. Through the unity of neighbors, what started out as an empty strip was transformed into something restorative and life-changing.

Here’s the thing about food autonomy, it gives us a glimpse into a wonderful way we can come together and imagine a better future for ourselves and our communities, one that is rooted in our survival and well-being. And here’s the other thing, food is not and can not be about profit.

When profit drives our food, people are left hungry and starving, and our earth is left hungry and starving. Instead,

food should be about nourishing our health, bodies, communities, and, of course, our sex lives!

Yummy food like fruits and vegetables makes us feel good in our bodies and gives us endurance, confidence, and stability. Food nourishes our minds so we can better communicate our needs, sexual and otherwise. With stronger food systems and community-driven solutions, fewer people are insecure about their next meal, which means more love, sex, and life!

BY ROZ BEILE

Design by Julia David

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u t i tive Eating n I

What do I want? What is my body telling me that I need? If I pretend that no one is in the room and close my eyes, what voice from within will appear? That whisper, that nudge from my stomach or place in the back of my mind, only cares about what is best for me.

In 1995, dieticians Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole released their best-selling book “Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works.” This was during a time of diet-culture and general confusion. The pursuit of thinness took precedence over the pursuit of health, joy, experience, strength, and overall nutrition. Resch and Tribole resisted the idea that food should be a subject of shame or virtue.

Instead of following the low-fat fad or going on a juice cleanse, they argued for a radical approach to eating: trusting our bodies to make food choices for us, not societies one-size fits all approach.

The idea of intuitive eating reframed my entire approach to life. It began by releasing me from a body goal only attainable in my roommate’s “skinny mirror”. It was Sophomore year of college, and I spent most of my days working out and taking my dining hall food to-go to eat alone. I was recovering from orthorexia, an often

undiagnosed eating disorder defined as “an obsession with ‘proper’ or ‘healthful’ eating.”

For me, orthorexia was impulsively checking all nutrition labels, cutting out whole food groups, obsessing over what other people ate as a means of comparison, and feeling extreme levels of stress when ‘healthy’ foods were not available. I would watch hours of “What I Eat in a Day’’ Youtube videos and stalk fitness Instagram accounts. These influencers offered me validation that I was a “worthy” person and “better than others” because of my “healthy” ways. But one influencer was different, and her video contradicted every idea I had been prescribed. It was from former D1 volleyball player, Victoria Garrick Browne, discussing how she chose her day of food based on satiety and whatever she desired at the moment. There was no hierarchy of foods.

Intuitive eating has redefined so many people’s relationships to food and their body. In 2014, a study by the Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics analyzed twenty intuitive eating health intervention programs. The study concluded that the anti-diet approach significantly increased self-esteem and decreased body dissatisfaction in the long term. Overtime, people began eating in a more

balanced, fulfilling way, and had the energy to move their bodies how they desired. A study from Int J Environ Res Public Health in 2022 also revealed that people are less prone to disordered eating when they reject restrictive eating, a pattern that is typically praised in society. Intuitive eating is effective because it is a highly personalized practice. It embraces the idea that no two bodies require the same needs. Instead, it is about individually finding these gut feelings and instincts, and following them. As a method of strengthening our inner voice, Resch and Tribole speak about introspective awareness: what it means to learn and experience yourself. This happens when we get in tune with the physical sensations of our bodies and learn to respond to them instead of external pressures.

I define food now very differently: a means of connecting with friends, what the Earth offers us to take with respect, and a source of strength and energy for my day to day living.

I try to eat in a way that most aligns, in each moment, with my physical and mental needs.

When I approach food or a mealtime now, I make choices based off of these questions: What am I physically craving right now? What is going to make me feel fueled? What is going to make me feel satisfied? What memories can I create in this moment?

Intuitive eating is not about ignoring nutrition advice, but instead is about honoring all aspects of our needs. Sometimes that need is two spoons and one crème brulée with the person you love, as strangers ‘cheers’ and dine around you. Sometimes that need is the only thing you can get your hands on, like the last box of mac n’ cheese tucked away in the cupboard. Sometimes that need is the recognition that tea never makes you anxious, but espresso does, and ordering a ‘skinny’ margarita will only make you feel like half a person. When negative self-talk about my body or eating resurfaces, I turn to these affirmations: “My body knows what I need, I can trust my body. She is trying to keep me safe. She has so much knowledge and love to offer me.”

Jnana BreckArndt

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Photos by Natalie Serratos Models: Alexia Herrmann and Carlita Landrum

Design by Lucas Marangoni

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Artwork by Yoonji Lee

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Maneater

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Photo by Avi Caro Model: Max Santopietro

The Maneater lived in a nightmarish perverO

nce there lived a girl who saw life through a doe-eyed gaze and unwavering wonder. Her view was drenched in beauty and love. The girl was a hopeful romantic, equally in love with the world’s dirt and worms and rollie pollies, as the world’s fruit and petals and stars. Each night, she would dream of a full life, an independent life, but also one marked by great love. Big love, her true love.

Unfortunately, the girl grew up. At thirteen, men in large trucks hurled degrading catcalls towards her during the walk to school. She was touched without being asked. She was constantly pushed past her physical and mental limits. A visceral fear planted itself inside of her; a realization that this world wanted to maim her into its own fucked up fantasy. Her innocence was slowly but surely gnawed away, though she clung onto it as long as she could.

One day, the cells inside of her body began to rearrange themselves due to this pain. A sort of adaptation to all of the danger around her. Her appearance morphed into something that was her, just a bit…different. Everyone noticed her eyes change shape into that of a snake’s. No one knew whether they should hold her gaze or not, for fear of her being able to see right through them. Her soul shrunk, all the better for indifference. Her teeth grew sharper, all the better for biting. Her words became bitter, all the better for revenge. The girl was convinced her heart had shrunk. Sometimes she would put her hand to her chest to check if it was still beating. One day, she found that it wasn’t.

The girl was no longer a girl. She was a personification of the sirens in fairytales; eating sailor’s hearts while singing her seductive song. In her most vulnerable state, she had become possessed by The Maneater. The Maneater possesses us all at different points of our lives.

The Maneater comes out when we are drunk and angry, when we are on top, when we are numb.

She isn’t empowered, she’s empty.

sion of reality as the rights to her bodily autonomy went up in flames. The only way she could soothe this feeling was to treat others the way that she had been treated, like a pawn in a much larger, darker game. She knew it was hypocritical but she had been a pawn all her life. Her trophies from past wins were in a box pushed in the far back corner of her closet. It was filled with a random assortment of items: stained sweatshirts, crumpled up love letters, flowers that turned to dust and coated the bottom with crumbs of past lovers’ offerings. They lay like a discarded pile of clothing, of lovers who didn’t quite fit. Their day of reckoning had finally come.

One look, one touch, one quick introduction.

That’s all it really took, which she found to be quite pitiful. They were just so…simple. The man tonight was attractive and she had been with him a few times before. He’d been starving for her ever since. When he came over, his eyes were sunken in and red. He looked tired and disheveled, consumed by disgusting desire. Ever since they first met he couldn’t stop having dreams about her, which gradually turned into nightmares. Despite this nightly torture, he kept on coming back and wasn’t quite sure why. She offered men something they couldn’t find within themselves, something they could never quite put their finger on. “I don’t want to talk when we see each other,” she said.

He tried to open his mouth to ask her why, but it seemed to have been glued shut. He wondered if the words she spoke were actually spells of dark magic. When they began to kiss, he felt a glorious rush, an untouchable high. She moved his head to the side and bit his neck, his shoulder. Harder, harder. She hoped she had left a scar.

Her eyes went pitch black as they undressed, like black holes from corner to corner. He found this to be quite frightening, but the complete darkness caused him to see his own reflection through her eyes. A clear picture of him on top of her, this made him feel powerful. This gave him strength. They were both in it for themselves, dancing between their own power-plays and reflections. After they were done, neither were sure who it benefited.

By: Sarah Dickerson Design by Emma Barbosa Design by Emma Barbosa and Charlie Anderson

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Photo by Hannah Delray Models: Zoë Boise, Maya Dupuis, Sean Diaz McCarthy, Jordan Moppn Bullock, Sophie Sledd and Jacob Toledo

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Photos by Hannah Delray Models: Zoë Boise, Maya Dupuis, Sean Diaz McCarthy, Jordan Moppn Bullock, Sophie Sledd and Jacob Toledo

Like most things, it will happen to you when you least expect it. You’ll be alone, the early hours of a Sunday just beginning to make an entrance, body hunched over the toilet after one too many glasses of cheap white wine. Between heaves, your heart pounding in your temples, breath frozen inside of your chest, you will prop yourself up onto one elbow and twist yourself into a picture that seems to beg: My goodness, what have you done to yourself?

The next heave, you are certain your heart has exploded. You are, of course, drunk and melodramatic.

Still, you’re laughing at the image of yourself, a member of the audience: The lengths you will go to hide your insides taste bitter . You spit into the bowl, decide that if you survive this (note: still drunk and melodramatic), you’d like to stop running water over the sound of your grief.

Lowering your cheek to cool porcelain, you shut your eyes and make a list of other things you’d like to do if you survive this: You’d like to learn how to properly cook; invite the little family you’ve made for yourself to take a seat at the same table and be taken care of. Personalized place cards that you’ll tuck into pockets as you hug them good-bye, exchanging pieces of yourself. A fresh bouquet, divided between wine-bottle vases, your centerpiece. You will hold your breath and press your fingers against fresh oven burns as everybody takes their first bites, coveting their hums of approval.

Maybe this time, you’ll remember to get working on the mountain of dirty dishes in the sink before they glue themselves together. You’ll clear off your bathroom counter, all expired samples and perfumes that smell of a person you aren’t sure you know how to be anymore. You won’t make eye contact with the stains on your sheets, read them as a laundry list of your own flaws.

You’re tired of finding yourself in this position, bad wine poisoning your empty stomach, turning the volume up on the ache inside of your chest. You want to be able to put its cork up to your nose and inhale, to reread its notes, the music of its flavor.

To cut slices of Idiazabal with salted crackers, fresh grapes. A quiet pleasure of your own.

There is so much more you want for yourself, so many people you wish to be.

And when you finally rise to rinse your mouth, to flush away your mess, you’ll feel it. That private bit of hope, held close to your chest as you move into the grey space between who you are and who you are becoming.

A step, then another.

Maybe this time, you can even become somebody you’d like.

By: Rachel Okunev

Design by Emma Barbosa

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Over in Hollywood, the quintessential center of showbiz, dreams are realized, stars are born, and stories come to life on the silver screen. Just the mere mention of the name evokes images of red carpets, flashing lights, and all the prominent figures that make it the entertainment capital of the world. In La La Land, where iconic figures and moments come and go, nothing endures without being captured. I had the pleasure of speaking with world renowned celebrity photographer Markus Klinko on his impact on the entertainment hub, his upcoming projects, and his perspectives on the ever-growing fashion realm.

From shooting Beyonce’s debut solo album to working with David Bowie, Klinko’s extensive yet impressive career isn’t slowing down anytime soon.

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Photo By Markus Klinko

Now shifting to more personal projects, he’s been working on the Angel Factory, a series of photos that feature celebrities and models in a futuristic clinic setting, commenting on society’s obsession with perfection.

But let’s step back in time, well before the glitz and glamor. Prior to becoming a pop culture documentarian, Markus spent the initial 33 years of his life as a classical musician. His journey began with studying Harp at the Paris Conservatory, eventually leading to a major record deal with EMI classics. Yet, an unexpected hand injury abruptly halted his promising music career. It was at this point that he opted to embrace a different instrument – a camera – unaware of the incredible future that awaited him.

M: “In 2001, David Bowie asked me to shoot his album cover, and I had already shot Destiny’s Child a few months earlier. So one thing led to the other, basically leading up to 2003 when Beyonce asked me to shoot her cover for her first solo album. And that’s essentially how the Beyonce photoshoots paved the way for some of my most successful works with Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, Mary Blige, among others.”

Lately, Markus has collaborated with Ice Spice, Joe Mantega, and Rolls Royce. His involvement in prominent art galleries worldwide has increased, where he has curated solo exhibitions originally commissioned by record labels, fashion brands, and magazines.

M: “About a year ago, I started getting ideas to, for the first time, shoot a project that’s actually completely designed for art galleries. The Angel Factory is an original gallery project that I created for the purpose of art exhibitions only. And so you said it so correctly, it is about the obsession of our society with perfection and plastic surgery. “

M: “It’s a fun, social commentary. I think it’s a great art project, and I got a lot of interest from hightech medical companies to participate, and everyone loves it. So I just think it’s a very, very exciting and creative project. “

M: “Well, I believe that perfection in beauty is clearly a trademark of our time. Never has plastic surgery and medical treatments been more accessible.

I mean, for instance, K- Pop and the Kardashians’ aesthetics are completely based on plastic surgery.

Stars are completely remodeled, faces are redone, their bodies are a result of intense dieting, exercising across major plastic surgery. They’re great examples. And the rest of the world is sort of embracing that trend.”

M: “This is how I like to answer it: My role is not to judge. My role is to document pop culture. The camera is my paintbrush. I use the camera as a tool to create my art, and essentially I’m holding up a mirror to society. I’m holding up a mirror where people can see in my work what’s going on, and they can make their own judgment. They can say it’s good, it’s bad.

That’s up to society. I’m just documenting. I’m not judging myself. I’m having fun, documenting, and you can read into it the way you want. “ There’s no denying that Markus’ achievements have made a significant impact on contemporary culture, but it also didn’t happen overnight. As a closing statement, he’d like to share with everyone,“The odds were really against me to succeed in the photography world because I had no training and experience whatsoever. When I decided to become a professional photographer, I had not even taken a picture as a hobby ever myself. My only experience was to be in front of the camera as a musician. But against all odds I succeeded. Do not give up, be very persistent and make your dreams come true. “

Design by Joanne Fu

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What if I tried something different?

Sex runs a spectrum of intensity and strangeness. “Deviance” feels like the norm, with most candidly sexual people immediately embracing the most intense forms of rough sex. I can say that was true of myself. But if I must be honest, the sharpness of kink has become somewhat dull for me. It’s contrary I know, but it seems I’ve grown tired of the unconventional.

Don’t get me wrong, wild sex rife with kink has served me wonderfully well. I’ve received more bites and slaps to my softest parts than I can count. I’ve flaunted a lustfully bruised neck painted with rogue blood that collects under the skin, evidence that I’ve been desired, held down, claimed. I’ve tasted salt, iron, sweet citrus and wine, in every place – from both of us – and savored it every time. But there’s one flavor I’ve denied myself, perhaps out of shame or fear of embarrassment. It’s slower, the intentional intimacy it implies making it nearly scandalous to want for…

Vanilla.

It’s no secret why there’s unease in confessing this. Most people are bored rotten the second the word reaches their ears. “So you just lay there? No excitement, no variety… no fun?” It’s easy to look at an absence of kink as a flaw in one’s sex life, making it boring or lacking intrigue. But I see it differently. There’s a heightened sense of closeness when we strip sex down to its bare bones, left with nothing to hide us from each other as we expose ourselves on a new level.

A firm grip and yank to my hair feels great, but what if you just ran your fingers through it? My wrists pinned down is thrilling, but what if tonight we held hands? I ache with curiosity over the sound of our breaths escaping us in sync, the rhythm of our heartbeats echoing one another. I imagine what would happen if we allowed slow, passionate sensuality to cut through the noise of riotous lust. I wonder where softness could take us, what it’s like to meet on that plane of connection where skin meets skin and becomes it; melting and absorbing into one another instead of clashing.

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Photo By Markus Klinko Model: Kelis

Why does vulnerability scare people more than bondage and swift jolts of pain? How has the “safest” way we could experience each other become so acutely dangerous? I wish I had answers, but all I can offer is this raw confession tinged with uncertainty.

So… what do I say to you?

In theory, this should be easy to communicate; you’re the one I’ve trusted to explore pleasure and intimacy with me. We’ve already seen and enjoyed each other so much, unfiltered and shamelessly exposed. But there’s a gap here, one of our own making. We agreed this wasn’t serious; we’re just in it for fun.

Besides, I know how you learned your ways. I’ve seen the videos created by the “experts” who taught you what “good”, “fun” sex is. You’re eager for the rush, the collison, and I feel it in the hardness of your body as it frantically meets mine. Is it fair for me to ask you to unlearn those years of mental conditioning ? I know the answer before I say a word. I think back to the nights we’ve shared: I recall your voice, your grip… your eyes.

Eyes hungry with desire, but not devotion. There’s a glimmer of what could be something more profound here and there. It lingers long enough for me to notice, but it never stays, not enough to justify this.

There’s no point in us trying to be something we’re not; I know exactly what it would become. The worst thing we could do is reduce this deeply intimate exchange to just another roleplay. Rough sex is alright, and alright is what we are. No need to interrupt what we have with such an intrusive proposal.

So for now I’ll maintain a safe distance as you crash into me, committing to my role as the fun, uncommitted partner you’ve trusted me to be, and wait for a different day where I might have the courage to look you in the eyes and ask, “What if we tried something different?”

Written by NW.

Design by Lucas Marangoni

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SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE

FOOD PLAY

BY MIA HERNANDEZ

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Photos by Mia Hernandez Models: Alyssa Archie and Nick Held

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Photos by Mia Hernandez Models: Alyssa Archie and Nick Held

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