REG’S BENCH

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of ...his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,

'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer. The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?''

The old Chief calmly replied, ''Vietnam''.

2 guys playing golf...

Funeral procession goes past.

1 guy puts down his club and takes off his hat, then bows his head...

Other guy says... wow.. that was a great show of respect for the deceased...

1st guy says... Least I could do... we were married for 40 years..

Ricky decides to go back home to Melbourne so he calls Qantas Airlines to book his flight. The operator asks him, 'How many people are flying with you?' Ricky replies, 'Strewth mate, how would I know. It's your plane.'

Do you ever wonder who loves you? Your wife? Your dog? You think they love you, but how do you know if they really do? How can you be sure? There is a way to find out and have peace of mind and it only takes one hour. Simply open the boot of your car, put your dog and your wife in there, close the boot, grab a couple of beers and watch the footy on the telly for an hour or so. Then go back to the car, and open the boot. Now, who is happy to see you?

Randy, a Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Glen, an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh yeah. We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'An American goes to Australia Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Glen shows off his herd of cattle. Then Randy immediately says, 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.' The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field and so he asks, 'And what are those?' 'Glen', the Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas.'

Across

1 Vow (4)

3 Seasickness (3,2,3)

9 Becomes visible (7)

10 View (5)

11 Wood nymph (5)

12 Crazy person (6)

14 Going by air (6)

16 Fleet of ships (6)

19 Champagne (6)

21 Film (5)

24 Keen (5)

25 Eight-sided figure (7)

26 Buy (8)

27 Genuine (4)

Down

1 Intermittently (2,3,3)

2 Slightly drunk (5)

4 Take for granted (6)

5 English county (5)

6 Eye make-up (7)

7 Peruse (4)

8 Make sorrowful (6)

13 Motherly (8)

15 Not so old (7)

17 Distant (6)

Cryptic Crossword

Across

7 US coach errs badly, providing intensive training (5,6)

8 Damaged gun's alright internally (6)

9 A little rainfall indicator? (6)

10 It's still produced north of the border (6)

12 Didn't fail to deal out spades (6)

13 Some villain's not well (3)

14 Fruit and nuts taken back by child (6)

16 Please turn and slip away (6)

18 Maroon filament (6)

20 Squeeze in a game (6)

22 Bird or animal turning on baby in nursery rhyme (4,7)

Down

1 Small vehicle making a mark (4)

2 A lot of money in a carton (6)

3 Take two inches off for good health! (4-4)

4 Pigs stand out with spotted heads (4)

18 Stockings (6)

20 Accommodation on ship

Word Search

5 Initially grand accommodation for stable men (6)

6 Young animals making vets reel (8)

11 Coarsest sort of ships? (8)

12 A planet's teribly nice (8)

15 Ghosts in sunglasses (6)

17 Egyptian god transported in a bus (6)

19 Fingerprints of fishes? (4)

21 Droop before a long story (4)

SODUKU Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9, with no number repeated.

PUBLIC NOTICES molongex@bigpond.net.au

The Cudal-Cargo and District Lions Club will be holding the annual swap meet on Saturday 5th August at the Cudal Showground..

Stall holders will be able to camp overnight on Friday or set up from 6am Saturday morning.

Breakfast of egg and bacon rolls, steak or sausage sandwiches will be available from 7am.

Stall sites will be $10 ea. and camping will be $5 for the night.

Canowindra swap meet will be on Sunday 6th so sellers and buyers will be able to do two meets on the same weekend.

UNITING

(Below) Ashton Baker was awarded the medal for the U7 Seagulls game this week. A great game from all of the players, but a special mention to Ashton for earning player of the week.

Pete Jones, and his U8 Vultures alongside Julian May and the U8 Cockatoos (wearing yellow bibs).

Julian May (U8 Cockatoos Coach).

Peter and Donna Thornell ( The parents of Kristy Armstrong) wish to thank the community after the senseless and tragic loss of our beautiful daughter for their support and generosity, from meals, food, fuel and grocery vouchers as well financial donations. All the beautiful messages sent were read whilst sitting around the clock by the girls bedside in hospital.

Claim

August the date – 2023

8 Molong Probus meeting

September

2 Molong Debutante Ball

7 Molong Men’s Shed meets

12 Molong Probus meeting

15-18 Eugowra Show

17 Molong Show

22-23 Canowindra Show

October 5

5 Molong Men’s Shed meets (Annual General Meeting)

10 Molong Probus meeting

26-28 Aust. National Field Days Orange

CHURCH

Molong Assemblies of God

SUNDAY 17 SEPTEMBER 2023

by the Ghost Walker

We started off with eight players on Sunday at the Royal Molong Golf Course where we played a two person ambrose event. Bell was also there but decided not to have a hit. We set off in two groups where the four with golf carts were in one group and the walkers (or is it another word that starts with “w”) in the other group. Matt Earle joined us after five holes to make it nine players for the day.

There was the usual one over the fence off the seventh tee (Stubba) and one collecting the branch in front of the eighth tee (me). Last week in the small towns shield tournament Scott reckoned he couldn’t sink a putt. Today he was sinking them from the edge of the green and chipping into the hole from off the green. Just as well because his golf partner in Mark Frazer hadn’t had a hit for a month and played accordingly. I don’t think we bothered declaring a winner.

A few of the golfers are interested in playing a eighteen hole event on a Saturday afternoon, tee off around noon. It may not occur every Saturday depending on who else is interested but hopefully it will eventuate.

Stubba reckons it takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it takes to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around in a golf cart, drink beer and eat sausage sangers when you’re preforming brain surgery so he chose golf and is still learning how to play the game.

I noticed a comment in my golf notes last week about the claim of the “Royal “ Molong Golf Course. For me the “Royal “ part came about when I was playing at the Orange ExServices Country Club golf course before it closed. My playing partners were making disparaging remarks about sand greens and paspalum growing on the fairways so I informed them that the Molong course was so good it had been given “Royal “ status (by me of course) so from then on they would ask me “how was Royal Molong this week” and it has continued from there. It surely deserves it !!!!

Golf again on Sunday, 8.30am for 9am. Hope to see you there.

Ladies Golf News

On Wednesday Molong hosted our monthly friendship day. There were golfers from Manildra, Yeoval and Cumnock that enjoyed a great game of golf plus lots of laughs and chatter over lunch.

Winners on the day were Kerry, Ann, June and Judy.

Also congratulations to our Member Barbara Wright who traveled to Trundle on Sunday and came home winning the B Grade Stableford. Well done Barb.