last word by julia dz afic
I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER… M
ay is Mental Health Awareness month, so I thought this would be the perfect time to talk about my personal journey with anxiety with hope that it resonates with someone out there who needed to read this. Many would never guess from my exterior, but I’ve always been an anxious person. It’s in my DNA. As a kid I was scared of everything— ghosts, the dark, dogs. As a teenager I put constant pressure on myself and in college I hid behind partying with friends which put a Band-Aid on the issues. And then I had a baby in July 2017 and everything changed. My anxiety spiraled out of control. It became something that I struggled with on a daily basis and I became pretty darn good at hiding it from friends and family. Every time my daughter cried, I would get shaky and tear up. Leaving the house felt like going to the moon. My postpartum anxiety was scary, but I didn’t know what it was for a long time, and I definitely didn’t know how to talk about it. I thought my friends and family would think I was a terrible mother for feeling the way I did, so I kept it inside for a long time. I spent months taking supplements, trying to meditate and regularly getting
my feelings and taught me that anxiety is to stress what depression is to sadness. It wasn’t that I was a horrible person, there was just something in my brain that was firing in a different way. Therapy changed my life, but even with all of the coping mechanisms I learned, I still experienced anxiety on a daily basis. After a panic attack on a family trip to Bermuda,
acupuncture. All of this helped to some degree, but sometimes all the yoga and meditation in the world isn’t enough. About a year ago, after a particularly tough week, I decided it was time to get help. I found a therapist from a friend’s recommendation and booked my first appointment that week. I’ve been seeing her weekly ever since. She has helped normalize
I made the decision to go on medication, an SSRI (a type of antidepressant), for my anxiety. Medication has allowed me to live again. I can be with my daughter and not be worried about a million other things. I can enjoy time spent with my girlfriends and date nights with my husband. Most days I’m happy. Really happy. Like anyone, I have bad days. I have stressful days. And yes, I still get anxious from time to time. But it’s tolerable. I had always been resistant to taking medication and live a mostly holistic life. I realize now that modern medicine exists for a reason and I can clearly see that I needed something more to make me feel normal. My marriage is in the best place it’s been in years. My daughter and I have the best time together doing little things like grocery shopping that would have completely set me off in the past. I’m more focused and organized. It’s as if a dark filter has been lifted from my life and everything looks bright again. What worked for me may not work or you. And that’s okay. Just know that there is help out there and you can feel better. If my story resonates with you, I encourage you to reach out and get help. It might just change your life.
JULIA DZAFIC is the creator of Lemon Stripes, a lifestyle blog covering everything from wellness and design to style and motherhood. She lives in Stamford with her husband Anel, daughter Amalia, and pup Boots. lemonstripes.com, @lemonstripes.
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PHOTO BY JULIA D’AGOSTINO
AFTER YEARS OF ANXIETY AND A CRIPPLING PANIC ATTACK, I GOT THE GUTS TO GET THE HELP I REALLY NEEDED