Stories: Spring 2023 Print Issue

MODA

STRONG OR ANGRY? THE EFFECTS OF STEREOTYPING

THE POWER OF MUSIC SONGS OF SUSTENANCE

WORDS WITHOUT A FACE WRITING AS A SAFE HAVEN

THE MODA TEAM

Spring 2023

To commemorate this issue, each member that contributed signed their name as a testament to their pride and to demonstrate how this issue is a piece of each of us. At the bottom of this page, we left a space for you. Sign your name and come share your story.

On the Cover

Laine Bottemiller, Kara Conrad, Alexandra McClain and Isabel McClain photographed by Jessica Tenenbaum

05 A Key to the Girls Club

Trusting myself after trust’s biggest betrayal

06

A Senior’s Guide to Madison

Some “words of wisdom” that I have learned at my time at the University of Wisconsin–Madison

07 The Laundry Room

08 Ode to Storytelling

A personal examination of the power storytelling holds

12 Generation Why

The importance of Gen Z’s social and environmental fight to keep humanity alive

13 Words Without a Face

How writing became a means of expressing myself, a mask and a safe haven

14 Strong or Angry

Discussing the detrimental effects of stereotyping Black women

16 Born to Run

The power running can have on all aspects of life

17 Sugarlump

Understanding Love Languages in family relationships

22 Songs of Sustenance

Maggie Rogers as a case study for the power of music

24 Radiance

A Love Letter to Madison

25 Coastal Grandmother Cowgirl

When two opposite aesthetics come together

28 Spoiler Alert: Your Anxiety is Lying to You!

Ways to control your spiraling thoughts and cultivate a positive mindset

30 Take it Outside

How and why to get more fresh air—even if you’re not outdoorsy

31 In the Cards

Using the Tarot to Reflect on Change

32 The Sound of 608

Your invitation to the local music scene of Madison, Wisconsin

34 The Decline of Third Places

What is killing the third place?

35 Not Like Other Girls

My personal demonization of femininity and embracing my feminine side

36 Breaking the Stigma

Embracing our challenges and striving for the future

38 Hypochondria by the Bootstraps

The false alarm cycle that feeds itself

39 Superbloom

A reflection of womanhood, forgiveness and growing up

FEATURED

18 Shut-in

40 Cheers

Dear Readers,

In 2013, a group of students sat down and created Moda Magazine in a University of Wisconsin–Madison study room. In the 10 years since its creation, Moda has grown and evolved in ways that that original group of students may have never imagined. For 10 years, Moda has been a place where creative college students can practice their art, collaborate with other passionate creators, explore themselves and share their talents. What started as a small group of passionate students has become a creative space that has provided hundreds of students with a creative, professional and personal space.

Part of growing is recognizing mistakes, but more importantly, learning from them and making changes to ensure they don’t happen again. After the fall 2022 semester, Moda realized there were voices missing from our publication. After four months of reflecting, listening and learning, Moda has reevaluated our organization and began making long-needed changes to create a place of growth for all creatives. As Moda continues to grow and change for the better, we hope to create a space where every voice feels welcome to join us and share their own stories.

This semester, the Moda team met weekly to engage in discussions to ensure that Moda continues to be the place that it was intended to be; one that harbors love, compassion and creativity. As a team, we established new leadership structures, renovated

our publication processes and participated in workshops designed to expand what inclusivity looks like and means to our organization.

To end the year, we wanted to put these new structures to the test while also celebrating our work as a team. The result is this: The Stories Issue. Throughout the work we did this semester, we asked Moda team members to think about what is important to them—what story they wanted to tell. Whether that be related to fashion, such as Morgan Johnson’s Coastal Cowgirl article, their personal journey, such as Sophie Cosaro’s Not Like Other Girls, or their passions, like Reese Dietrich in Songs of Sustenance, the members of the Moda team freely share their stories within these pages.

In addition to our writers, we wanted to ensure that every member of the Moda team felt like they had a place in this issue to express themselves in authentic ways. This semester we expanded our understanding of Moda content, and opened the content pitching process to ideas beyond articles, allowing artists, designers and photographers the creative freedom to contrive projects that were not often included within our issues in the past. As a result, our Spring Issue is full of art like that of Emily Han’s painting entitled The Laundry Room, an ode to her family and their immigrant story, centered around her parents’ laundry business.

Another aspect of this issue that we want to highlight is our editorial spread, Cheers. After a lot of hard

work and collaboration, we wanted to showcase our team. The photos were taken at a staff picnic, at which we ate, laughed and frolicked in the grass. In the future, we hope the team can look back on these photos and feel proud of the work that we did together and reminisce on the memories we made along the way.

Throughout this semester and during the process of creating The Stories Issue, we have witnessed the incredible talent, passion and dedication possessed by every member of the Moda Team. Although the three of us will say goodbye to Moda after this issue, we are confident that those who follow us will continue to cherish and improve our little magazine.

To the Moda team, thank you for your devotion, humility, excitement and patience this semester. We are so proud to present your stories. Considering what you have established in the past four months, we have faith that Moda will continue to be a place for young creatives to bloom for years to come. We cannot wait to see what the future holds.

The beauty of this issue is that it is a part of each individual Moda Member—but we aren’t done growing, and Moda will always have a place for anyone to share their story.

Your Editors,

Mason Braasch, Editor In Chief

Kora Zoe Quinn, Deputy Editor Jessica Tenenbaum, Creative Director

Photo by Elise Wilson

A Key to the Girls Club

Trusting myself after trust’s biggest betrayal

Written by June Glenney

Graphic by Jessica Tenenbaum

Being cheated on always felt so foreign to me, but the concept was far from new—disloyalty is all over my favorite shows and songs, and many of my closest girlfriends have experienced it too.

My best friend had been cheated on over the summer, which was the closest I had ever come at the time to experiencing it myself. Yet, I felt as if I understood it. I screamed in the car with her and brainstormed our revenge plot, all while rerunning all of the times I’d seen them together and rethinking everything. I thought I knew exactly what she was feeling, until it actually happened to me.

I’d always had my suspicions about this boy, but was reassured and convinced I was crazy every time. Finding out what had been going on behind my back completely shattered something inside me. I felt like I was watching my life from the outside—as if I was one of the girls in one of my shows—not in my own skin, curled up in my own bed, flashing back through every moment that I should’ve trusted what I knew.

My mom once told me about when her first love cheated on her. They were living in a small fishing town on the Maine coast, him working on a lobster boat and my mom in the town’s grocery store. One day a girl came in and bought a plum and a Coke, and my mom told me that somehow she just knew that she was the one he had cheated with. She turned out to be right, just as I was with my own suspicions. Maybe girls have a special sense when it comes to these things.

Through the worst betrayal of trust, I began to trust myself.

While in no way do I believe that being cheated on is an inherently female pain, I’ve never felt closer to the women around me with shared experiences. With vulnerability comes connection, and with this connection I have a new respect for the power of female intuition and resilience.

Through recognizing that the most amazing women in my life and my biggest role models have also been cheated on, I now realize that it’s not a personal reflection, but a part of living that strength and unity can be found in. In having this happen to me, I now feel like I can relate to other women in a way I never could before. It’s as if I was handed a key and finally invited into the club, in which I feel there is a silent solidarity among us. Through the worst betrayal of trust, I began to trust myself.

Now, I am a girl who has been cheated on. I feel changed even though I look the same, and nothing tangible has shifted. Yet, somehow I feel more validated than ever having had something inside of me that was in touch with what was really happening, despite the constant lies.

I feel a new confidence that deep down I know what’s right for me, and that I have all the tools I need to take care of myself. ■

A Senior's Guide to Madison

Some “words of wisdom” that I have learned at my time at the University of Wisconsin–Madison

Written by Jamie Randall | Graphic by Elise Wilson

Being a student at the University of Wisconsin–Madison has been a rollercoaster. It has been full of wins, unexpected surprises and moments of selfreflection. I’ll be graduating in May and starting a new chapter of my life, but the city of Madison and the UW campus are places that I feel I have made my home. I have been able to successfully establish a routine, while also continuing to explore and experience new things. However, as the clock begins to run out on my time here, I can’t help but start to think of all the things I wish I had done more of. For anyone itching to try something new, or looking for ways to spice up your routine, here are some senior-recommended things you should try before you graduate—and some things to remember as you jump around at the best place on earth.

Movement helps your health

Whether it’s walking around campus, going to the Nick, or trying a class at one of the many fitness studios around campus, movement was one of the hardest, yet important elements that I was able to incorporate into my routine here at UW-Madison. During my freshman year I felt so overwhelmed with everything—from making new friends and taking college classes to joining clubs and deciding what I wanted to explore for my future, I wasn’t moving consistently. As I eased into classes, clubs and friendships, I figured out what felt right to me.

I have never really enjoyed going to the gym, and as a former athlete, I preferred having someone telling me what to do in a workout. I gravitated to Turnstyle, a cycling studio of great music and great energy. Because it is something that I actually enjoy, I have made time in my schedule to consistently incorporate movement into my life. As cheesy as it sounds, it has made my days so much better, even when leaving class drenched in sweat and red in the face.

A class for one does not mean it has to be for all. There are lots of places around Madison that offer different types of movement and workout classes for you to explore. The Nicholas Recreation Center is also available to all students, and when the

Wisconsin snow allows it, the Monona and Mendota lakeshore pathways are great places to move your body and get some fresh air.

Just thirty minutes of movement has been shown to improve mood and mental health. Whether you prefer walking to class, biking to the Capitol with friends, or running to Picnic Point, Madison is full of pretty scenes, routes and resources that can help you feel your best.

Summer in Madison is so special Most college students only know Madison during the winter season. Fall is only a short few weeks and many students depart during May before the weather in Madison starts to warm up.

Madison during the summer is a special place. Not only does it bring phenomenal weather, but it is also a time when everyone is outside. Memorial Union is busy almost every night with families, music and activities. The sun lights up the lake during the day and reflects beautiful sunsets at night. There are activities almost every day of the week that can be enjoyed outside such as boating, street markets, eating meals outside and more.

Summer in Madison also holds the opportunity to make new friends. During a summer when I worked as a server, I not only gained work experience, but I also made new friends. Most of my coworkers were students who chose to stay over the summer and we were able to bond quickly.

Staying for the summer allowed me to feel more connected to Madison and explore. From paddleboarding to farmer’s markets and walks around Lake Monona, Madison in the summer was a decision I was glad I made and can’t recommend enough.

Get as much experience working as you can Being in college is great because it allows for trial and error. There are so many classes, majors and extracurriculars available to students that can help you decide who you want to be in the world. With all of this at hand, students figure out their likes and dislikes and often go after a full-time job based on their major.

But the question is: how can a 22 yearold know what they want to do? By getting job experience while in college, the answer to this question will become more clear. Whether it’s working in a restaurant, being a front desk assistant or working as a summer intern, all experience is good experience!

I have found that I can use experiences from every job I have worked while in college when applying and interviewing for jobs. While there are some jobs that I have not loved, I have found it important to recognize the aspects that I did and did not like about them and take those experiences into account going forward.

You will change and your friends will too While many people think high school is where you change the most, I can definitely say college has been a more formative experience. You go from being a teenager to a young adult.

Four years is a long time. Freshman year felt like an explosion, with everything happening at once. I made friends on my dorm floor immediately and can say that while we remain friendly, they aren’t my closest friends today. Expectations can make making friends a really stressful endeavor—especially within the first few months of college. What is amazing about Madison is that there is always a chance to meet new people and make new friends and connections. From the classroom, to extracurriculars or even at a bar! I met people in line during my sorority recruitment that I am still friends with. People are everywhere at this school and it’s magical. What comes with these new friendships, especially when they are made early, is how you grow and change as a person. Your goals and motivations might become different than they were as a freshman, and that’s ok. They might align differently with the friends that you have had since your first day at school and that is also okay. It is your college experience, and like you, your friends are trying to have their own. Allow your friends to grow and evolve alongside you, and never hold back from allowing yourself to do the same. ■

The Laundry Room

Unlike the intimate nature of laundry rooms filled with personal belongings, my eccentric laundry room was rented by the clothes of strangers. With various textiles and colors traced with my family’s laundry business, “The Laundry Room” is an ode to our immigrant story and the working middle class.

Emily Han 24 x 36 inches

Acrylic on canvas

An Ode to Stori

A personal examination of the power storytelling holds

Written by Noa Chamberlin | Styled by Emily Han and Molly Ford

Sofia Luchetti, Eva Ryan, Claire Mahaffey

photographed by Abby Cima MODA

Stories are magic. They create new worlds, invite us to embark on adventures and encourage excitement and imagination. They make us laugh and they make us cry. They feed creativity and fabricate a space where anything can be possible.

Storytelling has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. As a child, I would author stories on notebook paper or create storylines in my head that I then brought to life with my Barbie dolls. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found an even greater appreciation for storytelling in my journalism classes, magazine articles, film classes and writing for the school newspaper.

We see stories everywhere: movies, television shows, books, songs, poems—the list goes on. When I asked myself why stories are so important and make up such large parts of our lives, I came to the conclusion that maybe it’s because they give us an escape. Stories establish alternative realities that audiences can find themselves enthralled in.

Or, maybe, we find places where we feel seen in stories. Whether on the screen or within text, I often see myself represented in characters—feeling relatable emotions, laughing at the same things, crying at similar heartbreaks and feeling validated by fictional characters.

Stories have allowed me to experience the world in a new way. It was not until I found myself feeling lost with my own identity and isolated from the rest of the world that I truly discovered the power of storytelling. Only after I understood the influence it held was I transformed as a person. For the first time, I felt heard and recognized by someone who faced similar challenges, even if that someone was completely fictional.

But, representation may not be as prominent for everyone as it is for myself. Minoritized groups or those who possess lifestyles that stray from whatever is considered “the norm” may feel the opposite when it comes to representation on the big screen. While I might feel validation in characters, others are equally affected by the lack of representation. Still, storytelling remains prominent in our lives and is seen everywhere. It can provide an entry point to understanding the world from a different perspective.

For a while, I’ve dealt with anxiety and was afraid to speak my mind freely, which came with an overarching sense

that I’m all alone in the challenges I face. The portrayal of various mental health challenges in movies and television, however, acknowledged these struggles and normalized what a large sum of the population—including myself—struggles with.

As films and media have become more prevalent art forms, both as a means to explore enigmatic topics and to entertain, mental illness has become a more central theme.1 When a fictional figure deals with struggles similar to my own, I feel validated, even if the struggles are often dramatized for cinematic effect.

As a writer, I’ve found myself empowered by the possibility that my words can create an impact. There is an underlying potential in storytelling; if we share our personal stories, we welcome others into our challenges, allowing them to realize they are not alone.

At the start of my freshman year of college, I was in a negative dorm environment. After moving into a different dorm after a few months, I published an article that not only allowed me to reflect on my own experience, but gave me a chance to share my challenge and, hopefully, comfort someone else who may have been facing similar barriers.

1 Kimmerle, J & Cress, U. “The Effects of TV and Film Exposure on Knowledge About and Attitudes Towards Mental Disorders,” Journal of Community Psychology. 14, 931-943., 2013

Stories are companions. They shed light on challenges instead of instilling fear in whatever might not be “picture perfect.” In stories, imperfections are celebrated and challenges are normalized.

Normalizing what we feel ashamed of and allowing us to laugh about our fears and embrace our insecurities is a magic that is achievable with storytelling. For me, after watching the show Euphoria, a popular series known for addressing drug addiction and mental health battles such as anxiety and depression,2 I found comfort in the character Lexi, who felt silenced and isolated, overshadowed by her older sister and outcast from her peers until she found a way to speak her mind and share her voice in a creative outlet in season two.

We tend to overlook the power of storytelling. When we share our stories with one another, we grow as people, catching glimpses of our individual views of the world. We must remember the importance of communicating with each other, sharing ourselves and growing as individuals.

I encourage you to revisit your own stories and reevaluate the importance of sharing them—storytelling. Share your stories and listen to others. You never know who you might be empowering. ■

As a writer, I’ve found myself empowered by the possibility that my words can create an impact. There is an underlying potential in storytelling; if we share our personal stories, we welcome others into our challenges, allowing them to realize they are not alone.

2 Ben Traverse, “‘Euphoria’ Is Too Mature For Teens, But It Can Help Them,” IndieWire, Aug. 1, 2019.

Generation Why

The importance of Gen Z’s social and environmental fight to keep humanity alive

Written by Katherine Adams

*Trigger warning: mentions of gun violence and suicide *

As of this year, there have been 83 school shootings in the United States in 89 days.1

Gun violence is now the leading cause of death for American children.2 Every eleven minutes, someone dies by suicide.3 On top of that, the climate crisis only amplifies by the day.4 All tragedies considered, it is easy for the youth of today to look at their futures with a crippling sense of both fear and pessimism.

Yet, one of the worst things we could do at this moment in time is let this current reality be our only reality. Generation Z has been dealt a series of social and environmental cards that may seem drastically doom-laden, yet we have simultaneously been granted a wonderful and unique opportunity to inspire mass change.

Our ability to change the world exists in our duty to speak out about what we believe in, to vote for leaders and legislation that will honor our futures and to promote nation-wide healing. If we utilize our given spotlight to bring about a greater atmosphere of support, love, and transformation, we can truly mold the future into whatever we envision it to be.

1 Robert Gebeloff, Danielle Ivory, Bill Marsh, Allison McCann and Albert Sun, “Gun violence recently surpassed car accidents as the leading cause of death for American children,” New York Times, Dec. 14, 2022

2 Ibid.

3 Center for Disease Control, “Facts About Suicide,” Oct. 24, 2022.

4 United States Environmental Protection Agency, “Basics of Climate Change,” Aug. 19, 2022

So, how concerned should we really be? In truth, the current status of the world is increasingly dire. I’ve lost people I loved this year to the very problems that have been on the rise for decades. I've lost peers to suicide. My best friend’s roommate lost friends in a school shooting in February. Things like this have grown so common that when you search up “school shooting” by state into Google, you have to scroll through the taglines to find the one you are looking for.

Alongside this dire need for change comes an increasingly strong response from Gen Z. Today, Generation Z proves to be a substantial force in the political, ecological and social realms. Our voting numbers are comparable to our millennial counterparts.5 45% say they stick to eco-friendly and socially-responsible brands.6 According to several studies, 60% of us want a job that positively impacts the world.7 We are known as one of history’s most passionate generations, and there are several representations of how the world’s problems are falling into knowledgeable, capable hands.

At the University of Wisconsin-Madison alone, there are numerous groups that exemplify this statute and make change, including The Sustainability Committee, Human Capital, Sifting and Winnowing, BadgersVote, Wisconsin Student Climate Action Coalition and the Social Sustainability Coalition—to name a few.

5 Ibid.

6 Deyan Georgiv, “Gen Z Statistics – What We Know About the New Generation,” Jan. 5, 2023

7 Deyan Georgiv, “Gen Z Statistics – What We Know About the New Generation,” Jan. 5, 2023

In many senses, we truly are running against the clock, without shoes or water, in the beating sun. At such a pivotal, polarized time, many of us struggle with the weight of the implications our current actions can have on the future.

But, we are fighting for the generations to come. Open conversations about social and environmental controversy and subsequent actions against these circumstances are our greatest weapons. Already, we have seen monumental shifts in the way we appreciate mental health, acknowledge climate change, and assess the format of our future.

Are you passionate about being a part of the movement? Joining social advocacy groups, donating to environmentally-friendly programs, and showing support for your beliefs is exactly where it starts. Remind your friends you love them, support forward movement, and learn how to have those difficult conversations—it will make all the difference.

Remember that what matters now is holding onto our humanity; as a generation, taking careful consideration in how best to rebuild and restructure our social and environmental systems is our greatest work-in-progress. ■

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, 988 is a toll-free United States-based number.

Molly Ford photographed by Jessica Tenenbaum

Finding a voice has been hard to achieve at some points in my life. With perfectionist tendencies and a grueling stubbornness to refuse admitting to any sort of failure or vulnerability, it’s often hard to express how I’m feeling—that is, when it isn’t typed out or transcribed onto a page.

In my youth, I resided in the shadow of my brilliant older sister. It was a comfortable shadow, one that was surrounded by sunlight and warmth. Yet, it often made me feel insignificant compared to her brightness. Although I was energetic, had huge emotions and performed for those close to me, I got older and started to fear expressing myself.

One of the first times I remember feeling especially proud of myself was when I was around five or six, sitting in a lakehouse of a relative reading a Junie B. Jones book—I’m almost certain it was Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus. One of my aunts exclaimed how impressive it was that I read the pages so effortlessly. It felt good to be recognized for something I was good at.

In school, I struggled with math and patterns because they were so certain,

Words Without a Face

How writing became my way of expressing myself, a mask

and a safe haven

Written by Lily Mihelich | Illustrated by Emily Han

and it scared me. It scared me that there was only one answer and only one right way to solve a problem because that’s just simply not how I understood the world. I mostly focused on reading, writing and art—they were my saving graces in school.

When I got my first iPod touch around 10 years-old, I noticed my tendency to quickly memorize the words of songs. I could listen to them only a few times and have a pretty thorough memorization of them. Words became so exciting to me because they didn’t follow a formula; I could interpret them in any way I wished. They were comforting and complex.

My English classes let me live vicariously through other people’s stories and put on a mask through my writing that made me seem confident and secure. It was the way I proved my academic worth.

With age, I grew to find things that I really liked about myself—perseverance and the ability to see beyond surface level, a want to go deeper and to tell the stories of people and things through words and art. Unintentionally, writing became a journey of self love,

of creeping out of the shadows of fear and realizing that my voice mattered in academics and in my personal life.

It’s a weird relationship: me and writing. Unfortunately, it sometimes becomes easy to hide behind text messages, emails, essays and articles. I’m not as confident in real life as I am with words. In relationships, I often creep around daunting conversions or feel too inadequate to share my thoughts, because it’s harsh, raw, and there’s no time for edits.

But journalism has allowed me to realize that I’m best at sympathizing and communicating with people when I don’t try to be perfect in the moment and use my words to amplify their stories in later writing.

This is something I’m working on: being honest and upfront about the way I’m feeling. Writing has made me feel adequate enough to express my opinions and knowledge, and now, I’m able to understand that words have become part of my power. I no longer feel like words on a page, without a face to go with them. Now, I claim them as mine, and I’m proud of them. ■

Strong or Angry?

or Angry? Strong or Angry? Strong or Angry?

Discussing the detrimental effects of stereotyping Black women

Written and modeled by Mi Chuinda Levy, Lifestyle Editor

Photography and editing by Sophia Krupka

As a Black woman in American society, there is one of two main boxes society tries to shove you into, one labeled “angry” and another labeled “strong.” Sure, “strong” might initially have a more positive connotation, but both can be equally detrimental to a Black woman trying to navigate her way through society. It is not as cut and dry as the stereotypes make it out to be.

What about the women who find themselves somewhere in between these two boxes? Do they not fit into society because of that? Or, what about the ones fighting so hard to stay far away from the looming trope of an angry black woman, negating negative emotions with a smile—anything to lessen the blatant race and gender-based discrimination—are their experiences and pain any less valid?

If you’re looking for an answer to these questions, it is no. It is society continuing to misconstrue a Black woman’s emotions and run with it.

Historically, Black women have been labeled using three paradigms: Sapphire, Mammy, and Jezebel—all of which originated during slavery.1 Although they are all important in describing various current stereotypes and struggles Black women face in society today, the Sapphire and Mammy paradigms are most closely related to the angry Black woman and strong Black woman. Continuing to have harmful stereotypes and assumptions related to these labels in society are not only rooted in racist history, but they continue to impact Black women today.

Angry

The roots of the angry Black woman stereotype is deeply rooted in that of the Sapphire paradigm. Sapphire is the antithesis of the Mammy and it is supposed to describe a woman that is masculine, dominant, bitter, and full of rage.2 When Black women are regarded in this light, it greatly impacts how they behave, display emotions, and address conflict, 1 West, C. M. (1995). Mammy, Sapphire, and Jezebel: Historical images of Black women and their implications for psychotherapy. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 32(3), 458–466.

2 Ibid.

all of which can negatively impact mental health.3 Think Michelle Obama, Serena Williams, Meghan Markle and all of the times society has damned them for speaking up for themselves or refusing to just sit still, shut up and look pretty.

Black women adjust themselves to society instead of making society adjust to them for the sake of trying not to be negatively perceived. Imagine that: being unable to express your emotions without the fear of being looked down upon by society, and when you do decide to let out your emotions, people look at you as if you’re exaggerating and undeserving to feel the way that you do.

Strong

Contrary to the Sapphire, the strong Black woman stereotype closely aligns with the mammy paradigm. Mammy is supposed to represent nurturance, self-sacrifice, domestic service, and subordination.4

Just keep going—that’s the motto of this stereotype. Life gets you down? Just keep going. You’re stressed? Just keep going. Everyone else needs help? Help them all and just keep going.

Not only are Black women forced to bear multiple roles in all aspects of life, but they are expected to do so without complaint and rest. This can be even more mentally taxing than the angry Black woman stereotype because not only are you suppressing emotions and actions, but you are also suppressing your needs, while tending to others and overworking yourself.5 The radiant smile that is often donned by those in this position, is often not enough for how draining it is to be that “Superwoman.”

As Black women, when we assume the role of being angry or strong, we show up for everyone and do things for everyone else, but who is showing up for us? Who is doing things for us? Not the passive bystanders. Not the people we’re helping. Not even ourselves, because we are so invested in other people.

3 Published By : admin, “Impacts of the Angry Black Women Stereotype,” Black Voice, September 10, 2021.

4 West, C. M. (1995). Mammy, Sapphire, and Jezebel: Historical images of Black women and their implications for psychotherapy. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 32(3), 458–466.

5 Chimère G. Holmes, M.A, M.S.Ed, LPC. “Why the ‘Strong Black Woman’ Stereotype Is Bad for Black Mental Health.” Therapy For Black Girls, March 20, 2021.

If you find yourself in this position, I challenge you to take time for yourself. Tell people ‘no’ every once in a while. When people say jump, you do not always have to ask how high. Treat yourself to a spa day or solo coffee date, whatever re-centers you and makes you happy. It is okay to carve out the time to do things that you love and things that bring you joy before you help others. You cannot truly help others if you are not helping yourself. I know you’ve heard it a million times, but it is not selfish to prioritize your wants and needs or to express how you are feeling.

Do not worry about the labels. If you need to be angry and upset, be angry and upset. If you need to be strong, be strong. If you are a mix of the two, that is completely okay. If you do not feel the need to be either, be neither. As long as you are being authentically yourself, that is all that matters. Societal expectations and preconceptions be damned.

Being lack and being a woman go hand in hand. As much as people would like to separate the two, they are attached. She is not just black. She is not just a woman. She is a Black woman. I am not just Black. I am not just a woman. I am a black woman—and that is something that will not change. The only thing that needs to change is the way that America labels and treats Black women in society. We are not packages awaiting delivery that need labeling. We are part of society just as much as the next person, and we deserve to be treated as such. ■

The only thing that needs to change is the way that America labels and treats Black women in society. We are not packages awaiting delivery that need labeling. We are part of society just as much as the next person, and we deserve to be treated as such.

Born to Run

Finding a lifelong passion

Written by

It was around 4 o’clock in the afternoon on March 13, 2020. I was at lacrosse practice with my teammates, and our coaches told us that the rest of our season would likely not happen. They said that school was closed for the next two weeks due to Covid-19 and that the world was going to start looking like nothing we’d ever seen before. Not sure of the full extent of what this break from school would become, I naively left practice that day excited that the SAT test that weekend would be canceled.

Two weeks later, though, when it was announced that we would not be returning to school for the rest of the year and it felt like I hadn’t left my house in ages, my original naivety shifted from excitement to restlessness and loneliness. Despite being constantly surrounded by my family, I was lacking feelings of fulfillment and contentment that I got from socializing and being surrounded by my peers and spending time outside each day.

I needed a new way to release energy and clear my mind. As someone who always played team sports, exercise was always a normal part of my daily routine, but doing it on my own time was something I never considered— especially when it came to running. It was always a task I had dreaded, as it was usually some form of punishment during lacrosse practice.

By the time April arrived, I became desperate for something to do and a way to get out of my house. One morning, as I was engaging in my regular routine of mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I came across an account

focusing on mental health and creating practices in quarantine to help with the same anxious and lonely feelings I had been experiencing. The first thing recommended was running. I was so desperate for a solution and escape that I was willing to attempt the activity I hated the most.

Before I knew it, three miles had gone by. When I stopped running, I felt a feeling of happiness that was entirely new to me. This euphoria was filled with a mix of joy and appreciation for the fresh air hitting my face as I ran, and pride in the fact that I had just accomplished a feat that I never previously imagined possible.

I began running every single day. It provided an escape for my mind and a way to clear my head. I started gradually increasing my mileage, and each week I was achieving milestones that I would have never thought I could before.

The moment I stepped outside my front door on that cool April day, I took a breath of the fresh air that I had missed for the last two weeks, and felt lighter, more refreshed and suddenly calm. I drove over to the scenic walking path about 5 minutes from my house, windows down and music blasting with a sense of peace. Before my body knew it, my mind knew that my life was about to be changed.

I had never gone for a run before, and the only time I measured my distance was for a timed mile test. I was a beginner. I was a little nervous, but I was more focused on the fact that I had nothing to lose at that moment from attempting to run. It was either running or sitting on my couch—which I was sick of— so I chose the former.

I just started running.

Over the past three years, I have only grown more addicted to the feeling of lacing up my running sneakers and getting outside to feel the wind against my face. Not every run has been easy and enjoyable, but the special part about running is that even in those moments, I still feel myself and my character growing. Even when I really didn’t want to get up early and run, I still did it; and even if I don’t hit my mile goal for the day, I still run as far as I can. That fact stays with me well beyond my runs and into aspects of my life that I never anticipated.

Running has changed my life. It has pulled me out of sad and anxious times and proved to me that I can do anything I put my mind to. It has taught me about perseverance, consistency and drive. I owe a lot to running, and I only wish I had started it sooner, because over the last few years I’ve realized that I was born to run. ■

It has pulled me out of sad and anxious times and proved to me that I can do anything I put my mind to.

Abigail Meyer Eric Cima photographed by Abby Cima

Sugarlump

Understanding Love Languages in family relationships

Written by Mason Braasch

Graphic by Jessica Tenenbaum

About a year ago, I was walking outside of St. Paul’s Cathedral in London when two girls with a big camera stopped me and asked if I would be in a video they were making for a class. They didn’t tell me what the video was about as they positioned me under a tree and set up their equipment, but with the camera rolling they struck me with the question: when was a time when you felt genuinely loved?

I am fortunate enough to have had a lot of experiences that I could share with these two students. I was, and currently am, in a loving relationship, and I have some of the most affectionate friends one could ask for; but the first instance that came to mind wasn’t romantic date nights with my partner or cherished late night talks with my closest friends—it was a simple moment with my dad.

I told the camera about the time that my dad made me tea.

When I was sent home from my freshman dorm in March 2020, I—like almost everyone else—experimented with some fun new recipes to make at home. After trying the whipped coffee and the baked oats, I learned how to make one of my favorite drinks—the medicine ball tea from Starbucks. It’s a pretty simple drink to make if you have lemonade, honey and mint and peach tea bags, and I was obsessed. I drank it everyday—even when I wasn’t sick. I shared the steaming mug with my family, who agreed it was delicious.

After a couple of months, my obsession wore off and I moved onto other food hyperfixations (homemade rooibos lattes!). But, my dad remembered the recipe and how much I loved the drink. One day, as I was sitting on a Zoom call at my kitchen table, my dad placed a piping hot mug in front of me. It filled the room with the smell of citrus and honey—it was a medicine ball tea.

“Your voice sounded a little hoarse,” he said before returning to his home office.

I told this story to the girls with the camera, who smiled sympathetically and thanked me for participating. To them, this story probably sounded like a sad, dull example of genuine love. I know they were probably looking for grandiose stories about big surprises and grand gestures, but the moment with the tea was better than any of those stories because I understood the meaning and genuine affection behind it.

Another thing that I explored during lockdown with my family was the concept of love languages. A concept created by author and marriage counselor, Gary Chapman, Love Languages allow you to establish deeper connections in your relationships by understanding that different people feel and show love in different ways.1 While this concept is usually talked about in the context of romantic relationships, I have found that it has strengthened the relationships I have with almost everyone around me—especially my family. For example, I know that my mom, who’s primary love language is quality time, would feel more loved if we spent a day running errands together than if I were to give her a long hug, and that if I didn’t tell my brother—who feels most loved when receiving words of affirmation—“I love you” before I left for college he would be left feeling disappointed.

It was my understanding of this concept that made the steaming tea on the table so special. My dad shows love through acts of service, and this gesture of making me a tea because he knew it would make me feel better was his way of letting me know that he loved me. Before I had delved into the concept of Love Languages, I let little acts like this go unnoticed. My dad filling my car up with gas just because or shoveling the snow off my windshield before he went to work were small things that made a big impact on our relationship—and by understanding

1 Chapman, Gary. “What Are the 5 Love Languages?” Discover Your Love Language® - The 5 Love Languages®.

that these acts of service were my dads way of showing love, I felt more loved whenever I noticed a small favor he had done for me.

Love can look different for everyone. While some loathe the idea of a hug that lasts more than 6 seconds, it might mean the world to someone else. Vacuuming the floor might be an everyday chore to check off of the to-do list, but for others, it can be an expression of love. Understanding how those around you feel and show love can help you create deeper relationships and even resolve conflict.2 Knowing that someone who’s love language is physical touch rather than words of affirmation doesn’t mean you should never tell them that you love and appreciate them, it simply means that you should prioritize hugs over long speeches or texts telling them how special they are.

In the years since I finished the delicious cup of tea, I have noticed the ways that my dad shows and feels love more and more. Cleaning the kitchen counter means more to him than it does to me, and I know that when he offers to help me with everyday tasks, he is showing me he loves me.

The five Love Languages aren’t a fix-all for relationships, but they have helped me recognize the small moments that have big meaning. Learning the way that someone you love feels appreciated and loved means that making their day—and making them feel genuine love—could be as easy as brewing a cup of tea.

I’m not sure what happened to the video that the girls made. I don’t know if they showed it to their class or even if they included my anecdote. If they did share it though, I hope that someone in the room recognized the importance of a small, warmhearted moment, and were inspired to make a cup of tea for someone that they love. ■

2 Ibid.

Shut-in

When a home is not a refuge, but a place of restriction. Tainted by trauma or an outgrown space. Nothing about the environment has changed, but everything about you and your life has.

“Shut-in” tackles the feeling of being swallowed up by your surroundings — when it seems the walls cave in on your own life.

Directed by Tessa Devine | Styled by Aliyah Fofana Ethan Collier photographed by Tessa Devine and Emma Spaciel

One la s g, I' sing a s g

Songs of Sustenance

Maggie Rogers as a case study for the power of music

Written by Reese Diethrich

Graphic by Jessica Tenenbaum, Creative Director

Maggie Rogers, the majestic singer-songwriter, confided in her audience in Boston on the second night of her Feral Joy Tour. This passionate profession followed a moment of audience participation when the entire crowd of colorful, tearful fans sang the lyrics to her most famous song, “Light On.”

As a member of that audience, I can report that the moment was not just meaningful for Rogers herself, but for everyone in attendance. Every word she uttered reflected the feelings of each individual in the Roadrunner venue. Feelings about how standing among strangers, communally belting lyrics of grief, joy, pain and love holds weight. How being in that place, at that time, circled by the music we all love, has indisputable value. How easy it is to forget about the power art carries, how it carries us through.

Rogers has always been bold about emotion, the importance of human expression and how music is crucial to such expression. From titling her album “Surrender,” lining the 12 tracks with their own stark vulnerability, to naming her tour “Feral Joy,” Rogers embraces the feelings that come with existence. The tour encapsulates the power music has to let us feel.

And make it a s g for peace

Though we a may carry May we do so decen y My hands are shaking, palms are sweating

Thinking 'bout the ate of the world

When we're ridin' a together

I'm a different kind of girl

One la s g, I' write a s g

And know that it's for you

That new friend I haven't met With a different point of view

My knees are aching, back is breaking Thinking 'bout the ate of the world

When we're ridin' a together It's a different kind of world

When we're ridin' a together I'm a different kind of girl

When we're ridin' a together I'm a different kind of girl

“This matters. This right here, with you, it matters.”

Rogers’ tour started off strong with “Shatter,” arguably one of the most passionate tracks on “Surrender.” The song left Rogers in a breathless rage. Following a break to feel the fullness of her anger, Rogers confessed that with the state of the world, the song brought forth frustration with injustices that she couldn’t fathom. Maggie thanked the listeners for letting her take a break and emphasized that this was the entire goal of her tour: to feel the emotions that come forth, without apology or shame.

Rage wasn’t the only emotion Rogers bore on stage, as she performed songs for moments of anxiety, desperation and desire. “Symphony” reminds listeners that it is alright to breathe and “forget the world outside your window.” Songs like “Symphony” provide a safe space to be vulnerable in our fears, nestled in words that ease anxieties and stifle our stresses.

“Begging for Rain” emulates the desperation in wanting to drown the flames of untethered anger. Rogers wants to “turn her facet loose” and is generous in crafting a concert experience so safe that the audience feels they can. She then bounced around the stage, professing that whatever you “Want Want,” there is no need to fake it. The nature of desire for Rogers is unimportant as long as we feel inclined and free to give in to yearning.

for an hour and a half of fun amidst the lives we bear each day. In taking their hands for the song, there was no room for discomfort, no door open to any emptiness. The song left a space only large enough for the warmth of the people I love to fill.

“Different Kind of World” ended Maggie’s time on stage. While a bold choice for an encore, Rogers’ slow “song for peace” was the perfect finale. The lullaby sings of how community—that shared space she provided in Boston—is enough to comfort her from fears about the state of the world. Her lyrics explain it far better than I ever could: “When we are ridin’ all together, it’s a different kind of world.”

In leaving Maggie’s concert, I felt an overbearing sense of awe. The gravity of Rogers’ performance reminded me that this art—whether it is the melody, the lyrics or the chords that strike a well—all of it matters.

To spend our loneliest moments cozied with the chords that shed some light isn’t pointless. To listen to melodies that fill the emptiness of broken hearts isn’t meaningless. To shake off the weight of the world in dance is nothing to dismiss.

Begging for rain Oh, begging for rain

Music does not just fill the empty moments of time in our day. It brings new life to daily spaces, occupying a world of its own. The art put into song is not nearly as trivial as we assume. When there are millions of reasons to hide, lose faith in the world we step through and feel the weight of each tragedy and heartbreak, there is music.

Songs fuel us through the days that spur anger, hold us in the nights that leave us wide awake, and revel in the joys we long to endure. Maggie Rogers’s concert delved into all music is and can be. A motivator. A place to rest. A signifier of our own undiscovered selves. A patchwork of love and joy. A beacon of hope.

Surrendering to the music we hold dear is to surrender to hope. And surrendering to hope may be the bravest thing we ever do. ■

Emulating all emotions would only be complete with tracks dedicated to love and joy. “I Got A Friend,” an acoustic ode to friendship, left my friends and I grateful to be amongst each other

The more you wait, the more you break The l ger that it takes to undo A the knots that you've been tying On cherry ems and black barbed wire, too

You work a day to find religi And end up anding in your kitchen

W dering 'bout the way it's always

I'm a firefighter and I can't op it

They fan the flames higher than rockets And leave you anding an open

I feel it a and I can't op it Wish that I could turn my faucet loose On a my friends who keep ca ing Like nothing's wr g and asking me "what's new?"

I try my be to not be bi er Give my rage a babysi er Stop waiting for the adu s to c e It's a firework and you can't op it I'm cu ing holes in a the pockets Of every e that's ca ing me insane

To spend our loneliest moments cozied with the chords that shed some light isn’t pointless. To listen to melodies that fill the emptiness of broken hearts isn’t meaningless. To shake off the weight of the world in dance is nothing to dismiss.

Radiance

A love letter to Madison

Wrriten by Cate Tarr | Illustrated by Jessica Tenenbaum

Dear Madison,

I did not want you. I resisted meeting you, and I feared falling in love with you.

Falling in love with you meant letting go of desires I held so tightly to. Falling in love with you meant letting go of a piece of my identity and finding that certain ageold college expectations might not have been worthwhile.

Although I loathed saying your name, I nevertheless longed to meet you. I nevertheless felt at ease when I thought of you. I nevertheless knew that if I could just let you into my life, you would not fail me.

When I met you, I felt in awe of your vitality.

The first time I walked around your campus was a day that will sit forever in my brain.

Clouds rested in the sky as the sun overtook the terrace at Memorial Union. Passing by a dock complete with tanners and swimmers, I gazed at students who seemed to genuinely enjoy each other and felt energized by you.

I felt energized by you.

I finally reached your lakeside trail lit up by runners, bikers, power walkers and more. I passed by even more illuminated faces, most of which I would never see again. Your vastness filled me with peace and possibility. You gave me a certain anonymity that made me feel empowered.

Stepping off of Lakeshore Path, I ventured towards State Street. Not overwhelming, but stimulating, State Street felt staggeringly approachable and exciting.

College bars, chain restaurants, obscure shops, a grand theater, music venues, historical museums, late night eats, a Saturday Farmer’s market, no cars, one bus, vacant signs and a capitol building sitting at the center – the street that leads into your campus became my home.

I soon arrived at a small row of steps flooded by proud parents who marched forward gripping enormous boxes, colored suitcases and unwanted bedside tables. Lined by State Street itself, my building dwelled where I truly felt your spirit centralized.

The first time I experienced your snow, I fell in love.

Trudging through slushed ice interrupted by the occasional glide and near fall, walks to class became quieter in your winter—but never less dull.

Throughout my walks, I watched snowflakes reach for the ground and settle. They carpeted streets, waiting to be pushed and molded into a compact pile.

Coffee became strictly hot, and scarves became a daily accessory.

Windows in College Library illustrated a frozen lake that stretched long beneath a pale pink sky. I admired parents who hiked across Lake Mendota as their kids followed closely behind them through the glass.

Soon enough, patches of green peeked through white blankets as the five-pound parka took a permanent place on a hanger in my closet.

Picnics in James Madison Park became possible again and the lake turned into sapphire. It looked so pigmented I thought that if I drank it, I would taste blueberries.

Suddenly, your community seemed to get larger as more students migrated outside. Lines saturated Library Mall with anticipation for spring rolls and all types of food truck cuisine.

The light breeze and soft sunshine only lasted a few days—you charge into still air and heat waves quickly once you finish hibernation.

Shortly after your sun made its debut, I flew home for the summer.

Sincerely,

Cate Tarr

As I unpacked a polaroid of my roommate and a bookstore bought Wisconsin hoodie, I felt joy at my newfound devotion to you.

Coa al Grandmother Cowgirl

When two opposite aesthetics come together

Written by Morgan Johnson

Last year it was coastal grandmother, this year it’s coastal cowgirl. “Coastal cowgirl" is the up-and-coming fashion trend that is comparable to the coastal grandmother aesthetic, which intrigued people when it hit the mainstream retail market last year after receiving lots of attention on social media. The western twist on the “coastal grandmother” aesthetic is having a similar effect on content creators on social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram. The #coastalcowgirl tag has over 38.4 million views on TikTok and counting, with most of the videos surfacing in March 2023.

The coastal cowgirl aesthetic is a versatile style that can be worn to many types of occasions. Take a denim midi dress, hair ribbon and cowgirl boots for example; you could wear it to a mid-afternoon picnic, an outdoor country music concert or even a dinner date!

The beauty of the coastal cowgirl aesthetic is the adoption of loose clothing. It’s more comfortable to wear than the tight mini dresses you might see on the front page of Fashion Nova’s website. Finally, something that’s trending that is also cozy to wear! Picture a girl on a small East Coast farm dancing carelessly in the evening sunlight. Or, as The Everygirl associate commerce editor, Jessica Welsh says, “mix flowy, feminine silhouettes and beachy textures like linen or lightweight knits with cowgirl-esque touches such as cowboy boots, bigger belts, and denim.”1 The coastal cowgirl aesthetic brings together comfort and style without looking like you put too much effort into choosing the outfit (which, of course, you did).

With most fashion aesthetics, there’s a content creator that comes to mind when you look for inspiration. Matilda Djerf laid the foundation for the coastal grandmother, and now 25-year-old American model and content creator 1 Welsh, Jessica, and Kirra Wallace. 2023. “How to Nail the Viral Coastal Cowgirl Trend.” The Everygirl.

Morgan Johnson and Grace Collar photographed by Emma Spaciel Styled by Grace Collar and Jaimee Wallace

Paige Lorenze is the “blueprint” for coastal cowgirl, a March 4 TikTok video by @lexilunde said. The video has almost 100,000 likes and over 450,000 views.

The best part about making the coastal cowgirl style your look for the summer is that you probably already have pieces in your wardrobe to do it! Madeline Hagmann (@madeline.hagmann), whose TikTok account has over 23,000 followers, posted a video that explained that the essentials include neutral cowgirl boots, a knit sweater, midi dresses, a relaxed pair of denim cutoffs and a trucker or cowgirl hat. You’ll want to find your most light and airy pieces. Blue, white and tan are going to be your friends. Look for linen— lots and lots of linen—cotton or gauzy fabrics. Another way to use multiple pieces you probably already own is by layering. First, slip on a pair of baggy jeans and put a babydoll dress on top. If you want even more layers, throw on a chunky knit cardigan.

If you’re looking to expand your wardrobe, head to Free People, Madewell, Abercrombie & Fitch or, if you really want to get a one-of-a-kind look, thrift stores. Keep an eye out for pinstripes and patchwork, gauze, linen, denim, suede and knit materials. For accessories, search for a thick belt—usually thrift stores have a lot of these—hair bows and hats. If you’re wearing jewelry, try wearing copper rather than the traditional silver or gold.

Whether or not the coastal cowgirl trend is just that—a trend—or here to stay forever, it embodies the carefree essence of the upcoming season and allows one to embrace the truly effortless way of expressing themselves. Effortless fashion can sometimes be a lot of hard work, but with the coastal cowgirl fashion aesthetic, you can really “throw on” a top and bottoms and call it good. ■

The coastal cowgirl aesthetic brings together comfort and style without looking like you put too much effort into choosing the outfit (which, ofcourse, you did).

Spoiler Alert: Your Anxiety is Lying to You!

Ways to control your spiraling thoughts and cultivate a positive mindset

Written by Maddy Scharrer | Illustrated by Lola Crowley

Last fall, during my first semester at UW–Madison, I noticed some changing behaviors in myself. I began to experience many moments in which I would spiral into rabbit holes of worry and self doubt. Whether it was about the past, present or future, I found myself fixating on specific moments or worrying about the worst possible outcomes. For me, this worrying was often tied to physical effects such as increased heart rate and labored breathing. I discovered overtime that I was not experiencing your average stress—I was struggling with anxiety, and it is a struggle I still face today.

Anxiety can look and feel different for everyone.1 It’s a nasty beast that attacks your inner peace by creating negativity in your mind, which can often affect your physical being, too. As a vast disorder with many different effects on each of its victims, anxiety can feel like a very personal, very isolating obstacle. Anxiety has a funny way of creating false realities; one of the most common being that you are alone in your struggle.2 This is exactly the problem: your anxiety is lying to you!

Mental health matters, and it is so important we take care of ourselves. One way to curb anxious thoughts is to recognize the effects it has on you and learn how to cultivate a positive mindset3. When you are able to switch the narrative in your head, it’s possible for you to control your spiraling thoughts and lessen the hold that anxiety has on you. Everyone’s mental health journey will look different, but these simple tips have been helpful for me in getting started conquering anxiety through a positive mindset!

Recognize the nature of your thoughts

Recognizing that you are experiencing a spiral is often the first step in coming down from it. Believe me, I know that 1 Mind, “Anxiety signs and symptoms,” Mind UK, Feb, 202.

2 Ibid.

one of the hardest things to do during an anxious thought spiral is to realize that your anxiety is the one talking to you. This is where a positive mindset comes into play. When you start to feel your thoughts becoming negative, it is safe to assume that an anxious spiral may soon follow. Repetitive negative thought is often an indicator that anxiety has taken control, as it “concentrates our attention on our emotional distress and can send us into a downward spiral.”4

Anxiety often stems from “cognitive distortions,” which are ways our brains alter information.5 There are many cognitive distortions associated with anxiety, including filtering, when you focus only on the negative aspects of something, personalizing, when you take everything personally and catastrophizing the “what if” and “worst case-scenario” monster6. These distortions can send you into a panic, as you often are creating your own negative version of reality. When you spiral, “the anxious mind will have you believing things about yourself, your circumstances, and your future that are just not true.”7 It is important to recognize these fabricated thought patterns so that you can take a step back, reenter reality and reflect on the pit of your anxiety.

Refocus your mindset

Once you recognize the nature of your distorted thoughts, try to refocus your mindset onto something positive. You might begin with some grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or counting, to calm yourself if you are experiencing panic. An efficient way to focus on your breathing is to partake in a practice called “box breathing” where you breath in for four seconds, hold for four seconds and then breath out for four seconds, then repeat.8

Once your body has calmed, a trick I’ve found useful to refocus my mind

4 Sally Lee, “The Best Way to Stop a Negative-Thought Spiral,” Columbia Magazine, n.d.

5 Nicole Ambrose, “Lies Anxiety Tells You and Ways to Overcome Them,” Bayview Therapy, n.d.

6 Ibid.

7 Ibid.

8 Kaputk, “Box Breathing Benefits and Techniques,” Cleveland Clinic (Cleveland Clinic, December 27, 2022),

is to bring myself into the current moment and out of my head. In my experience, a lot of anxiety stems from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. You can distance yourself from these thoughts by shifting the voice in your head into the third person, or using “distanced self-talk.”9 Doing this can help you be kind to yourself in your head, as if a good friend or relative was speaking to you. For example, you might refer to yourself in your head, saying “you’ve got this, (your name)” like a parent or supportive friend would in a time of crisis.

After you’ve mastered distanced selftalk, the next step is practicing positive self-talk. While it may seem identical to the former, the difference is that positive self-talk shifts your mind back into first-person thinking. For example, if a negative thought arrives, think of some positive self-affirmations that can help you focus on the good in you.10 You might think to yourself, “I am a caring person” in a time of self-doubt, or “I can do this” during a challenging situation. Rather than catastrophizing on a negative thought, remind yourself there is also a best possible outcome!

According to medical professionals at Mayo Clinic, a rule of thumb for selftalk is, “don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself.”11 Following this golden rule in conversations with yourself is key in cultivating a positive mindset.

Rejuvenate your mind and body

Anxiety can take a toll on its victims both mentally and physically. After a bout of anxiety, it is really important to practice self care—always forgiving yourself, and allowing yourself to heal.12

Mindfulness activities can be very restorative after a tough battle with

9 Sally Lee, “The Best Way to Stop a Negative-Thought Spiral,” Columbia Magazine, n.d.

10 Mayo Clinic Staff, “Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk,” Mayo Clinic, n.d.

11 Ibid.

12 Nicole Ambrose, “Lies Anxiety Tells You and Ways to Overcome Them,” Bayview Therapy, n.d

3 Nicole Ambrose, “Lies Anxiety Tells You and Ways to Overcome Them,” Bayview Therapy, n.d.; Mayo Clinic Staff, “Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk,” Mayo Clinic, n.d.

anxiety. According to science-based anxiety release team, Anxiety Canada, “being mindful means paying attention to the present moment, exactly as it is. It is really hard to be anxious if you are completely focused on the present moment.”13

One really popular and grounding mindfulness technique is to focus on your senses: thinking of three things you can see, hear and feel.14 Peaceful activities can also help in cultivating mindfulness. Some activities that help me focus on the present are going for a walk or reading. Anything to give your mind and body some ease is perfect for a post-anxiety remedy.

It is also important in your recovery to remember what worked and what didn’t in your recognizing and refocusing stages. Reflecting on your experience will allow you to repeat the aspects that worked for you in future anxious moments and modify techniques that didn’t. You can incorporate this reflection into a mindfulness activity by journaling your thoughts about your experience.

One bad, anxious moment does not amount to a life inescapable of your anxieties. The next time you notice your anxiety whispering lies in your ear, try shifting your mindset to reclaim control through the power of positive thought. If you are ever feeling stuck and unable to soothe your thoughts, please know you are not alone! It’s important to recognize the moments you feel defeated, and to seek help at any point. The battles with anxiety may be tough, but it is possible to win the war! ■

If you are ever feeling stuck and unable to soothe your thoughts, please know you are not alone! It’s important to recognize the moments you feel defeated, and to seek help at any point.

Take it Outside

How and why to get more fresh air—even if you’re not outdoorsy

Written and photographed by Natasha Bernovich

There’s nothing quite like Madison in the spring. Everyone has been cooped up all winter and can’t wait to get out. The best simple pleasures are walking to class without a jacket, feeling the sun on your face as you gaze at Lake Mendota, and seeing your fellow Badgers enjoy it too. Hammocking in Lakeshore and taking long walks on the commuter path are my favorite ways to spend time here. With springtime and warmth finally upon us I can’t wait to get outside more. It feels good, and is good for you.

Fresh air provides mental benefits, like mental clarity and improved mood.1 The amount of oxygen in the blood affects serotonin release, which promotes happiness and a sense of well-being.2 Physical benefits of fresh air include cleaner lungs and boosted immunity.3 Plus, more oxygen leads to greater efficiency in all your body’s functions including digestion, hormone production and cell reproduction.4

We are designed to be outdoors, so do your body a favor and try to get out as much fresh air as possible this spring. It has measured benefits and isn’t as hard as you might think to fit into a busy schedule. Here are a few easy ways to squeeze more fresh air into your day.

Take the long route to class. This might add just a minute or two to your walk, but by the end of the day, it adds up to a substantial amount of time soaking up the sun and breathing in fresh air. Don’t be afraid to slow it down a bit.

Take advantage of outdoor study spaces. When it’s nice out, take your study session to the Terrace or the Education Building. As a bonus, you get a great view.

Eat on the patio.

Madison has plenty of restaurants with outdoor dining, so opt to do that when you can. Few things are as relaxing as watching the sunset while sipping on a refreshing drink or enjoying a delicious meal.

Utilize your balcony or patio if you have one. If you have a little outdoor space where you live, use it! Even if it’s just while you drink your coffee, make a call or watch the sunset for a couple of minutes, it can be a great way to ground yourself on a busy day. If you don’t have patio furniture, sit on a yoga mat or towel!

Remember that every little bit helps.

It’s recommended to get at least 20 minutes of fresh air per day. Even with a busy schedule, you can reach this goal by taking little moments throughout your day to prioritize fresh air. Be intentional about finding these moments and feel the benefits of sun and fresh air in your daily life. ■

1 Starling, Kate. “The Health Benefits of Fresh Air.” Physio Falmouth Plus. 2020.

2 Jordan, Rob. “Stanford researchers find mental health prescription: Nature.” Stanford News. 2015.

3 Starling, Kate. “The Health Benefits of Fresh Air.” Physio Falmouth Plus. 2020.

4 Ibid.

In the Cards

Using the Tarot to Reflect on Change

Written and illustrated by Sam Downey

When you think of tarot readings, you probably think of fortune-telling and divining the future: finding your soulmate or predicting your career trajectory. Plenty of people use tarot cards for that purpose, but that’s far from the only way you can use them. For me, they’ve become a way of self-reflecting and fitting a narrative to the events of my life to better understand them.

I first got into tarot in 2019, the summer after I graduated high school. I taught myself slowly, using the internet and an app called Golden Thread Tarot (which is great for beginners). The learning curve was steep: a typical tarot deck has 78 cards, with 22 major arcana cards and 56 minor arcana cards.

The major arcana are the cards you might recognize the names of, such as the Lovers or the Chariot. These 22 cards span from the Fool to the World, each representing larger themes, ideas and stages of life. The minor arcana are divided into four suits, similar to a typical playing card deck, but the suits are Cups, Wands, Swords and Pentacles. Each suit has a card for one through ten, plus a Page, Knight, Queen and King. These cards represent smaller, more specific situations than the major arcana.

The best way to learn tarot is by doing tarot, and as I practiced I found myself slowly relying less and less on the journal in which I’d furiously mapped out all 78 card meanings. Technically, each card’s meaning is read as being blocked or reversed if you draw the card upside-down, so that makes 156 meanings in total—I promise, it’s easier than it sounds!

There are a few hacks to reading the cards. For example, in the minor arcana, the Cups represent emotions, the Wands represent passion and creativity, the Swords represent intellectual and mental areas and Pentacles represent physical things like health, money and nature. So once you know that fours represent stability, it makes sense that the Four of Swords suggests a rest to avoid burnout, and that the Four of Pentacles represents conservative spending.

Each card has a variety of meanings, and these nuances are best represented by the art on the cards themselves. If your deck follows the Rider-Waite style, each card will be imbued with symbols that bring in different meanings. The art of tarot lies in determining which meaning of each card is relevant to the question you asked and how these meanings interact with each other to form the answer.

I received my real first deck shortly before I left for college. I didn’t practice as often as I had that summer— the obsession had faded slightly and I had Chem 103 to suffer through. But I would do readings at my dorm desk on FaceTime with my friends from high school. I also pulled the cards out with my roommate—who was learning them herself—and we did readings as a party trick for our friends across the hall. I got better and better at the storytelling aspect. I would preface readings with a spiel: I wouldn’t take money, and I wouldn’t claim to tell anyone’s future. Instead, I would draw cards, describe their different meanings and the way that I thought they made the most sense together, and then I would work with the “client” to figure out how it might apply to their life.

Though it may have been born of freshman insecurity, this philosophy has come to shape my practice. A few months into the spring semester of my freshman year, we were all sent home at the onset of the pandemic. I would live with my parents from that point until the summer before my junior year—18 months in total. During that time, depressed and lonely, I fell back into tarot. The future was a swirling vortex of uncertainty and doom: no sense in trying to predict career paths or new relationships. I looked inward instead. I used the cards to check in on my anxieties, hobbies and day-to-

day life. If I read isolation in a spread, I called a friend. A reversed Ace of Wands (meaning blocked creative potential) might encourage me to get out my sketchbook again. If the cards had no bearing on my life at all, they would still make me sit and think about that area of my life in a way that became meditative. Sort of, does this fit, is this what’s happening? No? Well, at least I know that now.

I moved back to Madison in 2021 and got an apartment with, among other lovely people, my freshman year roommate and our friend from across the hall. I still live with them today. Our apartment has many tarot decks, but I still use the one I got when I was 18. I don’t consult the cards with the same ritualistic obsession that I relied on in the pandemic. Now, tarot readings are a fixture at gatherings, a party trick for new friends and an intimidation tactic when a roommate brings home a date.

I’m about to graduate, and the future is no longer a terrifying vortex. My roommate (the same one from freshman year) and I are moving to a new state, where I’ll spend the next five to six years getting a PhD in Being a Nerd (studying speculative fiction). The last five years have been an absolute roller coaster, and I never could have predicted what I would go through and who I would become.

But that’s my favorite thing about tarot: it doesn’t have to be about prediction. When you read tarot for yourself, there is no One True Reading. Instead, each spread is a different story that you tell yourself about your life. You can be many different people; one day the Fool and the next day the Queen of Swords. The self becomes a mutable, flexible thing. And if you don’t like the options and need to recontextualize, you can always draw another card. ■

The Sound of 608

Your invitation to the local music scene of Madison, Wisconsin

Written

Iapproached a big yellow house, “the Mustard Mansion,” on Lathrop Street, feeling electric guitar vibrate through the stairs and into my feet. At this point, I realized I was walking into a house of five unfamiliar men armed with only a laptop, the voice memos app and a half dozen interview questions.

Luckily, The Five Dollar Cover Band graciously welcomed me, even offering me a warm Hamm’s. Perhaps this reflected the nature of the Madison band scene: friendly, welcoming and willing to share a beer with you.

From indie rock to folk to hip hop, I spoke with five different bands from the Madison area, determined to distill the sound of Madison, Wisconsin. While the smaller nature of the Madison music scene is lacking representation in some areas, the scene’s size also allows for a collaborative, welcoming and sometimes just eccentric community. Here’s your invitation to sample the unique sounds and perspectives of Madison bands. Come celebrate the Madison music scene’s character and complexities.

Collaboration in a smaller scene

Madison’s music scene is smaller than some larger music cities, like Nashville or Portland. This smaller size promotes community and collaboration, but can lack representation. The smaller size

of the scene also allows for an eclectic variety of sounds. While some cities foster a specific overpowering genre, Madison has a bunch of different sounds, vocalist and guitarist of the Porch Flowers Evan Fernandez said.

“It’s all over the place,” Fernandez said, describing what the Madison music scene looks and sounds like.

The Porch Flowers is an electric folk rock jam band and consists of an ever-changing lineup including Evan Fernandez, Max Loescher, Tommy Zalewski, Sam Favour, Preston Carr, Marin Danz, Zoe Bockhorst, James Grenier, Charlie Palm and Gunnar Schmitz (@ theporchflowers on Instagram).

Because the scene is smaller, Madison gives musicians the chance to form relationships with each other, vocalist and guitarist of the Spine Stealers Emma O’Shea said. Kate Ruland, also a vocalist and guitarist of the Spine Stealers, agreed, describing the Madison music scene’s size as a middle-ground. It is small enough to make connections, yet big enough that musicians aren’t fighting for gigs, she said. O’Shea and Ruland are the duo behind Spine Stealers, a spooky, melancholic folk band (@ spinestealers on Instagram).

The smaller scene ensures that collaboration across genres is possible.

D’Funk and the Grease Monkeys, a hip hop band with members Dimitrius Olver, Maggie Cousin, Andy Gray, Aden Stier, Stephon Marshall and Cheldyn Nelson (@greasemonkeys9229 on Instagram), have played alongside bands of all different genres. The band has stayed in contact with some of these groups and has continued playing shows alongside them.

“Being in Madison, everything is close together,” said Aden Stier, bassist for D’Funk and the Grease Monkeys. “The borders between different types of music, the different scenes and cliques are very small. They’re not really existing. You can freely cross the lines, and it’s not weird.”

Barriers to certain genres and groups

There is a divide between the hip hop scene and other genres, D’Funk and the Grease Monkeys’s rapper and vocalist Dimitrius Olver said. However, the band is trying to bridge this divide by dipping into additional genres. Within the hip hop scene, circles can be small and insulated, as groups appeal to a specific audience rather than looking beyond their genre, said Maggie Cousin, saxophonist for D’Funk and the Grease Monkeys.

“I think where it really stems from is Madison being as white as it is, it has distanced itself from the hip hop scene,

by Laine Bottemiller

Emma O'Shea and Kate Ruland photographed by Jessica Tenenbaum

so it kind of forces these small circles,” Olver said. “And then within some of these small circles, you have some huge egos, so it totally creates these barriers, where people think hip hop artists aren’t good to work with because they have had bad experiences with throwing hip hop events, but then at the same time, you have some really fucking dope artists.”

Beyond just past experiences with artists, there are conscious efforts not to have hip hop music in Madison, added Cousin. For example, there are venues that will not book hip hop artists.

While drummer Stephon Marshall described D’Funk and the Grease Monkeys’s music as “original jazzy hip hop,” venues have categorized the band as neo-soul, R&B and indie pop.

“That goes back to us talking about the genres that people will label us as because sometimes it feels like they don’t want to say we’re a hip hop band because of all the baggage that [hip hop] has here in Madison specifically,” Olver said.

The Spine Stealers, a two-girl duo, noted the lack of women in the Madison music scene when trying to find women to play instruments on their upcoming album. While being an all-girl group gives the duo a unique aspect compared to other Madison bands, it shouldn’t be rare in the scene, O’Shea said.

“It would be inspiring to be around more women that are making music in Madison because I think there’s a lot of different and similar experiences that you can talk about creatively,” O’Shea said.

Built on community

“[The Madison music scene] is weirdly friendly,” said vocalist and guitarist of Combat Naps, Ivette Colón.

Neal Jochmann, vocalist and bassist of Combat Naps, agreed. Originally, he said he was apprehensive about reaching out to some bigger bands, but after doing so, found that these bands he admired were still welcoming. Jochmann has never admired a band that hasn’t wanted to be friends and support each other.

“We bootstrapped a little scene out of our friends,” said Colón, describing how the band created an audience out of their friends.

Combat Naps is an indie rock band with members Ivette Colón, Neal Jochmann, Ilych Meza and Marley Van Raalte (@ combatnaps on Instagram).

Audiences full of friends can make new venues feel familiar. Even when playing at Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall in Milwaukee, The Five Dollar Cover Band’s first venue outside a house show, the audience was still full of the band’s friends and family, lead singer Reed Weston said.

The eccentricity of the Madison music scene

Cousin told a story about someone offering D’Funk and the Grease Monkeys a steak during a show. Unfortunately, the steak-gifter was kicked out of the venue, not for bringing the steak, but for bringing a bottle of Southern Comfort to the concert. This is just one of the stories as evidence of the unique experience of being a part of the Madison music scene.

“I think Madison’s cool. It’s different. There’s some unique stuff here. There’s this dude who shows up to a lot of our shows with a hula hoop, and that’s all he does,” Cousin said. “And that’s some Madison shit.” ■

In response to the question: “How would you describe your music?” The Five Dollar Cover band bassist Will Kelley said that “we play songs that our friends like.”

The Five Dollar Cover band is an indie rock band playing mostly covers— hence the name. The band consists of Reed Weston, Zach Janotha, Jack Zangl, Jake Macdonald and Will Kelley (@ thefivedollarcoverband on Instagram).

Music for everyone

Music in Madison presents an opportunity for community. Sam Favour, bassist of the Porch Flowers, described one of the band’s followers, a 50-year-old woman named Valerie who first followed the band on Facebook after hearing that the band played Grateful Dead covers.

After attending one of the Porch Flowers’s house shows, she explained she had lost her husband and attended the house show to get out and socialize. She was nervous about being seen as weird for being older than the rest of the crowd. Fortunately, the opposite was true—the crowd loved her.

“There’s a welcoming vibe that’s unique to Madison,” Preston Carr, drummer of the Porch Flowers, said.

While the typical audience for the Five Dollar Cover band is college students, rhythm guitarist Jake Macdonald said, the band also played at a Habitat for Humanity fundraiser. The older audience was split between support and uncertainty.

“The grandmas kind of liked us, though,” lead guitarist Zach Janotha said.

“The grandmas kind of liked us, though,” lead guitarist Zach Janotha said.

The Decline of Third Places

What is killing the third place?

Written by Tessa Devine Illustrated by Haley Wolff

Afew months ago, a friend of mine shared a dream he had. In it, our friend group had a common meeting place where we could connect throughout the day.

“Like Central Perk in Friends,” he described it as.

The idea of this serendipitous social connection excited us. So, we (rather jokingly) decided that our Central Perk would be a cafe on campus; a place we would go during lulls in our day. After this conversation, we ran into each other a few times at the cafe, but the excitement quickly faded as we pulled out our laptops and re-immersed ourselves in our school work, side-by-side.

We didn’t know it, but this was our attempt to establish a third place.

A third place is the space we have in our lives that is not home (‘first’ place) or work (‘second’ place).1 It’s a community gathering space for people to relax and socialize in public. While some use churches or parks, others use coffee shops or gyms to escape from places one and two.

The concept of “The Third Place” was originally coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg.2 He argued that third places not only foster community, but also provide a foundation for a functioning democracy.3 They are meant to be places that promote social equity and provide a space for the transmission of knowledge and support for one another.4 Third places are integral to a city’s fabric and an individual’s sense of belonging, and while third places do still exist, they are not accessible to many different groups of people. These spaces, for many reasons, are fading.

1 Stuart M Butler and Carmen Diaz, “‘Third Places’ as Community Builders,” Brookings (Brookings, August 22, 2017).

2 “Ray Oldenburg.” RSS.

3 360 Magazine. “Q + A With Ray Oldenburg.” Steelcase, January 14, 2023.

4 “Ray Oldenburg.” RSS.

As technology becomes more prominent in our society, third places are being abandoned for virtual spaces, such as group chats and social media apps.5 Especially coming out of the Covid-19 pandemic, online connections have been amplified. Despite being, arguably, more connected than ever, it’s an illusion that virtual socialization can completely replace in-person connection.6 When a person connects with others online, they’re often doing so within their home—their first place, which is why it cannot be considered a replacement for third places.

While a coffee shop is technically a third place, being surrounded by others bent over laptops and notebooks is not necessarily conducive to conversation. Productivity is so idolized in our culture that we sometimes opt to work while we socialize. For example, studying with a friend while sipping coffee across the table from each other. And while, yes, any social time is better than no social time, a sense of community can be just as important as work and home life.

Additionally, it oftentimes seems like we have to spend money in order to socialize and meet people. Our capitalistic society makes it more difficult to 5 Burgess, Jake. “How Has Technology Affected Social Interaction?” Sogolytics Blog, March 21, 2023.

6 360 Magazine. “Q + A With Ray Oldenburg.”

find third spaces that are free to use, and escalating real estate prices make it difficult for businesses to maintain a free or low-cost place for their patrons.

It’s important to note that despite their importance, third places are not distributed equally across the country.7 Researchers at Syracuse University found that there is “...less availability of third places per capita in neighborhoods with larger shares of non-Hispanic Black people and Hispanics and larger shares of residents in poverty.”8 It is crucial to recognize that these historically marginalized groups lack the spaces to facilitate well-being and support in communities.

We need a mental distance between our home lives and our work lives—no matter how much we love the comfort of our home or how much we love our job. Community and connection are critical parts of feeling good, and our generation, particularly in lower-class areas, lacks accessible third places in which we can foster these essential connections and mental breaks.

Our nation is in a loneliness epidemic; we are exiting a period of social distancing and meeting friends less in public places.9 Many of the third places we do have access to are either interlinked with work and school, or have a financial obligation tied to them.

Although it shouldn’t be, having access to a third place is a privilege—so if you do have that privilege, utilize it! Whatever that space may be for you: a barber shop, a skate park or a rec center, the next time you find yourself struggling with your mental health and resorting to isolation, if you are able to, go to a third place and see how much better you feel. ■

7 Rhubart, Daniella. “Sociospatial Disparities in Third Places.” Sage Journals. Accessed April 2, 2023.

8 Yue Sun, “Social Infrastructure (‘Third Places’) Is Not Distributed Equally across the U.S.,” Maxwell School (Syracuse University).

9 Sweet, Jacob. “The Loneliness Pandemic.” Harvard Magazine, July 5, 2021.

Not Like Other Girls

My personal demonization of femininity and embracing my feminine side

Written by Sophie Corsaro

Illustrated by Haley Wolff

One of my only memories from kindergarten was announcing to my entire class that my favorite color was blue. In the crowd made up of female pink and purple lovers, I was oddly proud of my unique choice. I had no reason to think I was better than the other girls in my class because of this opinion—but I did. As I got older, there were many other little things I did to fulfill the tomboy label I had decided to give myself. I told my mom I hated wearing dresses and never wanted her to purchase them for me, only to secretly try them on in my room. During recess when we played “house,” I always wanted to be the breadwinner or hunter of the family, never the helpless baby or the housekeeping mother.

I didn’t realize why I so badly wanted to be different from my friends, why I wanted to appear more stereotypically masculine, even though I wasn’t being my authentic self.

Some of this can probably be chalked up to the media I consumed like Disney Channel and Nickelodeon shows. They constantly pushed the “not-like-othergirls” rhetoric. In High School Musical the highly feminine character is the mean, vain villain, whereas the smart and more understated girl was everyone’s favorite. Because I watched the Disney Channel original movie Princess Protection Program on repeat, Selena Gomez’s character’s initial disdain or anything girly really resonated with me. Even though throughout the movie she starts to embrace her feminine side, I thought that her unbothered and simple presentation made her different from the other girls in the show. I thought that to stand out and be noticed, I had to be different than all my friends and that putting on an act would make me seem tougher and make people respect me more. Because in these shows and movies, the girls who wore dresses and did their makeup were always the villains.

This idea persisted into my teenage years. Anytime I talked about sports, I claimed I loved watching the games.

Every year during the Super Bowl, my family joked that my mom and sister were only there for the commercials, but my dad and I were excited for the game. This wasn’t really the truth though, as I usually went to the bathroom during the game instead of commercials. In gym class, I was always a “try-hard,” because I would have much rather embarrassed myself by returning to class out of breath than be picked last for a team in kickball. I wasn’t a natural athlete, but being someone who was never passed to in soccer was never an option. When I went shopping, I always whined and complained about how much time we spent at the mall because movies had always told me that girls who liked shopping were materialistic and full of themselves. Even though I spent hours in my room designing fake clothing lines, I pretended that I would l enjoy literally anything else more than browsing at the mall.

The biggest change in my mindset came from a video essay titled “i’m not like other girls.”1 In this essay, the creator discusses internalized misogyny and how the main issue with people’s fixation on the “not like other girls” trope isn’t that the characters do have genuinely unique interests, but because they judge and look down on girls who enjoy more feminine things. Even if it’s just internally, putting people down isn’t productive.

The creator of the video essay also discusses how society doesn’t respect or trust people who look overly feminine, which is a big reason I was scared to tap into that side of myself.2 Watching this video helped me pinpoint longheld ideas of mine that were perpetuated by internalized misogyny and that my mindset was adhering to society’s 1 Theresa, Jordan, director. “I’m Not like the Other Girls”. YouTube, 12 Nov. 2020, 2 Ibid.

view that women were weak. Just because I enjoy rom-coms, boy bands or ‘basic’ fashion—which most men (and tomboys) deem silly—doesn’t mean my opinions on things were stupid or that I was any less competent.

This isn’t to say some of my need to be different isn’t still ingrained in me (I mean, I did still wear a suit to prom). However, I have realized that being feminine doesn’t mean I have to be weak or docile in a way that the society has portrayed it for so long.

By now, I have decided that I do things to stand out because I want to express myself in a way that is truest to my actual character, which is a perfect mix of the masculine things I have enjoyed since I was young and the feminine interests that I have recently embraced. I now wear skirts on a random day to class because I no longer care if people think I’m overdressed, and I can confidently say that the only reason I watch football on TV is to spend time with my dad.

Being feminine and a woman is fun and powerful, and expressing that part of myself doesn’t make me any less capable. In fact, maybe in honor of my next exam I will walk into the testing room wearing my favorite pink dress while listening to Taylor Swift because in all honesty, I am just like other girls, and that doesn’t make me any less capable of getting an A. ■

Breaking The Stigma

Embracing our challenges and striving for the future

Written by Alexandra Malatesta

Entering into the new year, and now a new season, it’s natural to reflect on our past and contemplate our future. For me, this new year has consisted of lots of self-reflection and a lot of changes. If you were to inform the version of myself from spring 2022 about how my life looks this spring, it would probably leave her in a state of shock and disbelief. She longed for a new scene and new experiences—but she struggled with change.

Unfortunately, for her—me—change was pretty much all I experienced this past year. This time of reflection and introspection in my life has been crucial for me, especially when it comes to mental health. My mental health is something that I now prioritize and work every day to maintain—which I do by surrounding myself with good people. Whether they are just a friend I met in class, someone I’ve known my whole life, or someone with a shoulder to cry on, it took me a long time to feel comfortable about sharing my feelings and emotional struggles. I realized that I needed to rebuild not only myself, but my confidence—and learn that there is no timeline for my healing.

In the past, I have become far too familiar with feelings of anxiety and sadness, and over time these emotions only seemed to grow more intense. Looking back, I now realize that being a child provided me with a certain shield from the harsh realities of the world, and as my world started to become bigger, I really started to feel real emotions.

As a freshman this year, the sensation of being “the new face” on campus is a familiar one to me. I moved cities before my freshman year of high school, and it definitely was as scary as it sounds. I lived in an area where friendships had already been established and previous cliques had been made. Moving to a new place can be an exhilarating adventure, but entering my freshman year of high school made my anxiety flare up more than ever before.

I wore my heart on my sleeve as I embarked on a rollercoaster ride of navigating the unfamiliar terrain of high

school boys, a novel social scene, new friendships and a transformative journey of self-discovery to unearth the essence of me as a person—“Alex." Fast forward four years and I’ve found myself in a similar situation, this time entering college with a newfound sense of understanding and a whole new set of challenges.

My whole life has shifted this year. Familiar faces are now distant—and I had to learn to accept that. However scary this new era felt, it has forced me to embark on a new journey of self-discovery and self-love.

Letting go of the past can feel like trying to escape from quicksand—every time you try to move on, it feels like you’re getting sucked right back into the same old patterns and pain. As I began to realize, breaking up with your past can be a challenging process, but it is also an important step towards healing and growth. It’s not an easy process, but I have found that it’s worth the effort.

One of the most important things that I learned throughout this process was that closure can only come from within. It’s easy to fall into the trap of waiting for someone else to give you closure, but the truth is that you’re the only one who has the power to truly move forward.

As I continued to pick up the pieces of my life and heal from the pain of the past, I came to the realization that there is no set formula for achieving happiness or self-fulfillment. There were truly no magical checklists or quick fixes—just a day-by-day effort to make my life a little bit brighter and a little bit better.

And slowly but surely, the clouds began to lift. My days started to become a little bit more exciting and a little bit less gloomy. I found myself looking forward to the future with a sense of hope and excitement, knowing that I had the strength and resilience to overcome whatever challenges lay ahead.

At the start of this year, I made sure I took in every moment and appreciated the people and opportunities I

had around me. It’s like a small spark of hope that flickers inside of me, reminding me that there is still so much to look forward to. I am so proud of myself.

It is okay to struggle sometimes, whether it is due to family issues, friendships, work or just the complexities of life itself. It is essential to remember that these struggles are valid and that we should never be ashamed or scared of them. Breaking the stigma surrounding mental health is crucial in creating a supportive environment where individuals feel comfortable seeking help when they need it. It’s important not to dismiss struggles just because they don’t fit into a certain mold.

My journey of self love is not complete, and I believe that it will be forever ongoing. Life doesn’t stand still for anyone, including myself, and I am finally at a place where I can embrace that.

I’m a different person than I was last year, and I’ll be a different person in a week. It’s okay to change, and as scary as it seems, it is a good thing—it means you are successfully moving in the right direction.

It’s essential to acknowledge the challenges we face and understand the strength we possess to overcome them. Whether you are currently in the midst of a difficult situation or have successfully navigated through one, it is vital to recognize and celebrate your worth and resilience.

Break the stigma. Remember, you are valid, and you are capable of achieving great things. ■

Alexandra Malatesta, Emily Rosenthal and Emily Fisher photographed by Emma Spaciel

Hypochondria by the Bootstraps

The false alarm cycle that feeds itself

Written by Kara Conrad

Illustrated by Isabel McClain

What came first: the chicken or the egg? That’s how I typically reflect on how my hypochondria began. Did the anxiety come first or did the symptom come on its own?

For quite some time, I have been infinitely circling through the cycle I know of all too well: dread, fear and false alarm. A cycle that is so overwhelming that classes are missed, meals are skipped and physical symptoms of stress appear. The anxiety that develops about uncontrollable health issues manifests physically, which continues to feed the cycle itself. Like bootstrapping, with no external push.I begin to catastrophize about my new made-up diagnosis—my hypochondria is a parasite of the mind.

I have never been severely ill, but a few events when I was younger have left me in fear. When I was in the fourth grade, my brother fainted into his dinner plate. I don’t remember what I did last weekend or what I ate for breakfast, but I do remember the precise look on my brother’s face when my dad lifted him up.

It was 10 p.m. on a Friday. We had just arrived at our hotel for the weekend. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head, skin five shades lighter than usual. I learned then that out of Fight, Flight or Freeze stress responses, I am the flight type. I ran out of the hotel restaurant shaking. My brother, Lucas, was okay, but I woke up the next morning with a stomach ache that proceeded to last for the next three months. Then it was chest pain for another two, dizziness for the next and a tightening throat until mid-summer.

I was hypertuned into my body; never not on edge, waiting to throw up, have a heart attack, faint or stop breathing; but at every doctor visit, I was told I was a perfectly healthy child. I felt like the boy who cried wolf over and over again.

A running joke in my family is, ‘how fast will Kara go through the health insurance deductible this year?’ with all the doctor visits I tend to schedule. Any symptom in my body that feels slightly off is put into a Google query to help me find a possible diagnosis— confirmation bias is a horrible method of proof. My bookmarked sites are Park Nicollet and UWHealth because of how frequently I navigate them.

While some hypochondriacs avoid doctors and tests at all costs,1 I seek reassurance in them—a blessing and a curse that I have access to such visits. I have a list on my phone of various health tests and exams I want done, just to be sure. My brain is an endless reel of thoughts like “once I get my cortisol levels tested I can relax, once I get a cardiac stress test I will know I am healthy.” But there is always something else, and I am never satisfied.

This dog chasing its tail mindset is certainly not feasible to live by. I cannot run to the doctor for answers every time something feels wrong. These ‘peace of mind’ scans and tests are like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. The bigger, underlying problem is my obsession with having control and understanding everything.

I have always had an issue with digesting changes that are out of my con-

trol—whether it’s moving out of the country or the bus being 5 minutes late. If I cannot be in control of something as simple as myself, what can I really control?

I have not overcome health anxiety, but the long term exhaustion that comes from panicking about rare illnesses I cannot control has been eye opening. A health anxiety workbook I completed a couple years ago had a quote that started altering my relationship with control and my body: “our bodies are like old cars—sometimes they run well, sometimes they run a little rough, but for the most part they just keep on running, so long as we add fuel and get the occasional tune-up.”2

It’s impossible to know if everything is working 100%, so at some point I need to just let go.

In times where I have been spiraling, my dad also likes to remind me that correlation does not mean causation. Just like the infamous statistics example, "eating ice cream does not cause shark attacks,"3 an extreme illness is likely not the cause of the headache or whatever other sensation I may feel.

The more okay I can be with not having full control or understanding of my physical health, the slower the cycle will spin and hopefully one day it will halt. ■

2 “Module 2.” Essay. In Helping Health Anxiety. Centre for Clinical Interventions, November 5th, 2019.

3 Mount, George, “Chapter 4. Correlation and Regression,” Essay. In Advancing into Analytics: From Excel to Python and R. O’Reilly Media, Inc, 2021.

1 Jennifer H. French and Sajid Hameed, “Illness Anxiety Disorder,” StatPearls Publishing.

Superbloom

A reflection of womanhood, forgiveness and growing up

Written and photographed by Dani Csaszar

Outside it is warm and blue and April

If I could talk to my 18 year old self, they would be proud of how far I’ve come regarding academic accomplishment and personal achievement. The difference between freshman year through senior year in college is one that needs to be discussed more, especially when it comes to personal growth. It has been a lengthy amount of time since I’ve sat down to write something just for me; a piece that means more than just investigation and reporting but analyzing personal truth—this is that piece.

One of the people I have to thank for my growth over the past four years is my mother. Entering adulthood, I started to view my mother more as the woman she is—she is her own individual entity, separate from strangers I come across daily. Forgiving my mother allowed me to forgive myself and for the ways I used to perceive women.

Forgiveness has provided me a gateway to remind me that our parents are simply just people. The criticisms I used to hold onto so fondly have been picked away by learning to take care of myself in ways that heal me and push me to grow. Taking time to let myself feel, to journal and express thoughts and move my body in ways of release has been the pinnacle of healing and growth throughout my journey.

In our society, women are built to be in competition with other women. This has done no good for me. Breaking away from the misogynistic programming that has encapsulated our everyday lives has allowed me to see femininity for what it truly is and embrace it in myself, which has been reflected in my outside world. There is simply no time to villainize the other woman.

Madison has opened me up to connections I never thought I was worthy of, but being grounded and supported by the friends I have made here has healed me in more ways than one. These relationships, though only platonic, have

connected me in ways that can only be described as otherworldly; trust and interconnectedness that have blossomed from my friendships.

I used to absolutely despise living in Wisconsin—all I wanted was a life in a big city, taken away by the turbulence of constant commotion and commercial wonderlands. My hometown has a whopping population of 2,000, which in turn restricted me from exploring the in-depth parts of myself.

I now recognize the infinite potential that precedes my educational journey and all the stepping stones that have placed me here. Now, I wish for stillness in the night; to graze through rolling green hills and meander through hikes in deep forest lands. To river bathe and breathe in the life of summer. I now appreciate the simple beauty that midwestern nature provides. It was not until recently that I sat back and made peace with my home that is Wisconsin.

Nostalgia has been the one emotion that has haunted me into my dreams—a feeling I am unable to recover from because times have simply changed with no point in return. The internet has forced me to feel so old so young and I used to think that I let life slip through my fingertips. Everyone has felt this feeling at some point; the same, innate experience of knowing life goes on whether you want it to or not. It seems that as a child, the farthest I could imagine myself was attending college—what could possibly come after the educational system you have been instilled into your whole life ends?

Life used to be as simple as fearing the summer storm, but now it is much more. With the upcoming renewal of spring, I feel a sense of regeneration. With the change of the seasons, the warmth is allowing me a new perspective; post-graduation is an opportunity for me to rediscover myself. This is not a time of ending but merely a beginning. ■

- Sylvia Plath

Entering adulthood, I started to view my mother more as the woman she is; she is her own individual entity, separate from strangers I come across daily. Forgiving my mother allowed me to forgive myself and for the ways I used to perceive women.

The Moda team photographed by Emma Spaciel and Jessica Tenenbaum, also shown on back cover

The Stories issue is a celebration of the hard work that Moda members have put in these past four months to make sure Moda is a space where people feel a sense of community, friendship and growth. Cheers, the spread for our spring print, is meant to capture Modies this semester who shared their stories and reflected on our organization’s practices. These photos depict our team as it is now—a team that is continuously looking to grow, learn and listen. Cheers to the Moda team—what a joy it is to create with you.

With love, Elise Jeanne