June 2013
Postpartum romance {Page 34}
Owl City’s Steve Goold {Page 42}
Great gifts for dad {Page 14}
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lEt’s talk aBout (PostPartuM) sEX
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36 SuRvIvIng SuMMeR STReSS Keeping them occupied, and keeping your sanity By Julie Kendrick
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New body, new hormones, and a taxing new nighttime routine can play havoc
Minnesota Parent June 2013
Departments 6 Editor’s Note Birds, bees, bed By Kathleen Stoehr 8 BaBy on board Working parents/successful childcare By Shannon Keough 10 Ask the pediatrician
MN Landmarks MNP 0812 H6.indd 2
Answering your questions about health and wellness
7/13/12 3:18 PM
Collaborative. Welcoming. Conscientious. Open-minded. Interactive. Attentive. Fun. Progressive.
By Dr. Peter Dehnel 12 Tween scene Here comes the sun By Joy Riggs
14 Hot stuff Father’s Day gifts By Kathleen Stoehr
16 Grows on trees Saving for college By Kara McGuire 18 Book shelf Summer skill sharpening By Kathleen Stoehr 20 Relationships Early to bed, early to rise By Sean Toren 42 Real life Real dad Steve Goold
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By Kathleen Stoehr
June 2013 5
From the editor
GYMNASTICS TUMBLING TRAMPOLINE
Birds, bees, bed
S
Gleason’s Gymnastics School Strengthening children in mind and body through successful gymnastics experiences
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it down. We’re going to have a little talk. Being we are finally in the season of birds and bees, I don’t think there’s a better time than now. To begin, if there is one thing I hope you take away from our little chat today, it’s that our own standards related to sexuality and intimate expression should not change once we have children. You should absolutely not modify who you are because you have kids. Leave the nipple ring in, wear pajamas only if you have always done so, and for the love of pete, get a lock for your bedroom door. But here’s something I’d like to address that a lot of women seem to struggle with. There is a time, after a long day of mothering, or working and then mothering, or working, mothering, cooking, nursing—whatever the case may be, that a woman reaches a point of saturation where she just needs her body for herself…just for a minute. But unfortunately, those “me times” are fleeting. So you go from this to that to the other thing…and then it’s time for bed and it almost seems like one more task to fulfill…to have sex, too. I will allow that kind of thinking now and again. It’s legitimate to feel that way. I hereby validate your need for alone time and wide berth in the “no touch” zone. Unfortunately, the one with the lower sex drive often controls sexy time, while also expecting monogamy and acceptance of these terms. Often, this becomes a deal breaker. What to do? First, teach your children a little self-reliance once they get to the stage that they can be self-reliant. You do not need to hover, fetch, watch Yo Gabba Gabba, or entertain every moment. You do not have to sit and read the same book over and over to little Goliath until your entire evening has devolved in a haze of Goodnight Moon. Let the little one make up his own words after the second read, go pour yourself a half glass of wine (not too much, or drowsiness will overcome), and take a breath. Understand this, too: as much as time to calm your brain and body is important, there is nothing more powerful than touch. Treasure the person you have chosen to spend your life with and respect them for the remarkable person they are. You could have chosen anyone, but here you are. Because once the nest is empty, your significant other will still be by your side—at least, as long as you both have kept that nest well feathered.
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vol. 28, Issue 6 Co-Publishers Janis Hall jhall@mnpubs.com Terry Gahan tgahan@mnpubs.com general Manager Chris Damlo 612-436-4376 • cdamlo@mnpubs.com editor Kathleen Stoehr kstoehr@mnpubs.com Contributing Writers/Photographers Dr. Peter Dehnel Julie Kendrick Shannon Keough Kara McGuire Joy Riggs Sean Toren Jen Wittes Production Manager Dana Croatt dcroatt@mnpubs.com
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5/22/13 2013 1:59 PM7 June
Shannon
Keough
Working
Parents Childcare
Successful
W
hen my daughter was born, I was ambivalent about returning to work. I’d spent three years as a writer for a big corporation and while I enjoyed my job, I wasn’t so sure about going back. My manager, who I loved, had exited the company shortly before I left on maternity leave, and my future at work seemed dicey. Who would be my new boss? Would he or she “get” the whole parenting thing? How would I manage a stressful job when I was chronically exhausted? “I think most women are ambivalent about returning to work,” says Marisa Thalberg, founder of Executive Moms, an organization that offers support and networking opportunities for working mothers. “While they may look forward to the validation that their careers provide and may enjoy a break from changing diapers, they are often distressed about leaving their babies for
8 June 2013
extended periods of time and worry about what life back in the office will bring.”
Changing gears In my case, I ultimately decided to resign from my position so I could attempt to make a living as a freelance writer. The work was a little slow to come at first, but soon enough I was juggling several projects while simultaneously caring for a baby who was about five months old. I was happy to get the work and excited about completing it from home on my own schedule. But I quickly discovered that the “flexibility” I’d been idealizing was significantly less often than what I’d expected, primarily because I didn’t initially see the need for childcare. “I’ll just work when she sleeps!” I told myself.
Inevitably, I’d accept a rush job assignment on a day when my daughter decided naps were unnecessary, and I’d end up cranking out the work late at night when she was finally asleep. Other parents have faced similar challenges. “Once I brought my son to work when he was sick because another employee offered to watch him while I saw clients,” says Jenny, a therapist in Minneapolis. “Apparently, that was a novice mistake, and I was scolded by my otherwise extremely supportive—and a mom herself—boss. I feel like what people say is true—that in cases like this you’re doing everything halfway instead of one thing well.”
Tips for working parents Eventually it became clear to me that while I might be saving money on childcare, I was making myself exhausted and potentially shortchanging my clients by doing my work in fits and starts throughout the day. I started hiring a babysitter for a few hours several times a week and worked like crazy at a local coffee shop. I was amazed to discover how much more productive I could be when I had some uninterrupted time to work, instead of the pockets of quiet time doled out by my unpredictable infant. “Finding—and keeping—good childcare is one of the hardest, most critical, least understood components to working parenthood. You simply cannot go to work, or do a good job once you’re there— without it,” says Leslie Morgan Steiner, a work-life columnist for the Washington Post. But how do you find
this elusive good childcare? And what can parents do to make the transition back to work easier? “Start looking for childcare early— ideally, right after you find out you’re pregnant,” says Sarah, a project manager from St. Paul. “I didn’t start looking until after my first child was born, and I was scrambling to find care when it was time to go back to work.” Many parents I spoke with repeated this advice—start the childcare search early, and check out many options. Consider all the possibilities, like in-home childcare, a daycare center, or a nanny or nanny-share arrangement. And if you settle on an arrangement early on, be sure to revisit that choice later in the pregnancy and after your baby is born. “I was so proud of myself for reserving our place in daycare during my second trimester,” says Emily, a graphic designer from Minneapolis. “I didn’t go back for another visit until after our daughter was born…then I realized I had misgivings about the place. I couldn’t leave her there! We had to find a nanny at the last minute.” Once you’ve settled on a childcare provider and it’s time to make the transition back to work, many parents suggest building some flexibility into a schedule the first few weeks. If possible, ease your child into the new arrangement with shorter days at the beginning. Make sure your employer understands the situation and that you might need leave work early occasionally to pick up your child. One of the most common themes that came up in my conversations, however, was the importance of letting go of any guilt you might have about using childcare. “Studies show that quality care helps children bond with other caring adults and children in productive, healthy ways that strengthen a child’s self-esteem and self-reliance. Teaching your child to trust others—and himself—is part of good parenting,” says Steiner. Shannon Keough lives in south Minneapolis with her husband, Nick, and daughter, Lydia. She can be reached at mnga@mnpubs.com.
Learning begins at
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12/17/12 1:04 PM9 June 2013
Peter
Dehnel, MD
Q
Should I apply SPF lotion to my baby and if so, what number should I apply?
Protecting all children and teens from excessive sun exposure and the damaging effects of ultraviolet light is an important effort to make as a parent. Starting early in life and continuing throughout childhood and adolescent years will go a long way to help reduce the rising rates of a number of preventable skin cancers, including the most aggressive cancer— malignant melanoma. For infants, it is generally recommended to wait until six months of age before applying much sunscreen/SPF lotion. This is because infants under six months have more “permeable” skin than older infants and children, allowing for more of the chemical from the lotion to be absorbed through their skin. There are products designed for older infants and
10 June 2013
lake or outdoor pool begins to increase as the final snow banks are melting away. Swim lessons can start at an early age, but it is important to consider what you hope the lessons will do for your child. Parent-infant and parent-toddler classes typically can start at six to nine months. Getting comfortable with being in the water and learning basic swimming strokes can start as early as three years of age. Classes are available through a variety of community groups and are also available through private organizations and fitness clubs. However, parents should remember this important “heads up” if they choose to put their children in swimming lessons at an early age: this does not replace the basic safety measures you should take with children being around the water. Parents or caregivers should closely supervise children when near water, even if a young child can jump from the side of a pool into the “deep end” or off of a diving board. Also, lake swimming is a different experience from pool swimming and care needs to be exercised with this change. A gradual sloping pool bottom with clear water has few surprises, whereas lakes have cloudier water and frequently have sudden drop offs.
toddlers who have more sensitive skin. Generally, a SPF level of 30 or higher is recommended if they are going to have a lot of direct sun exposure. However, it is important for parents to note that keeping children out of direct exposure is always a good idea, even if they have SPF lotion applied.
How early can I begin swim lessons for my child? Swimming is a great recreational activity. It is one that you can involve your children in at a very young age, and most generally like the sport. In an area of the country like Minnesota where the outdoor swimming season is fairly limited, anticipation for swimming in the
Parents or caregivers should closely supervise children when near water, even if a young child can jump from the side of a pool into the “deep end” or off of a diving board.
What can I do with the precious time I have left with my son before he leaves for college? This transition can be very challenging for parents and students alike. Parents are “sending off” their students to campuses near and far and even if it is only a handful of miles away, a family unit will no longer be as closely connected. You may view this as a transition that only you are feeling uneasy about, but this is often a very challenging transition for the student as well, as he or she will have the sudden responsibility to be an independent “adult.” Additionally, the student has to acclimate to a new environment, often with one or more roommates that he or she has never met before. Acknowledging these transitions ahead of time, along with the challenges that they may include, is an excellent first step. A short list of “lessons that I wish I had shared with you” is an acceptable approach for you to take. Your son may accept it very reluctantly, but will likely appreciate it after he has had some time away from home. Some talk about “keys to success in life” is also a good discussion to have before he leaves for college. Finally, remember that this is just the start of a new phase in the relationship between you and your son. It will take some learning and some time figuring out how to conduct it, but you both will learn. And, this may surprise you, considering how little your son has probably listened to you over the years: you will always be seen as a source of advice and support regardless of what your son eventually does with his life. Best wishes to the both of you. This column is intended to provide general information and guidance only and not specific medical advice. If you have specific questions about your child, please consult your health care professional. Dr. Peter Dehnel is a board certified pediatrician and medical director with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota. Have a question for Dr. Dehnel? Email mnga@mnpubs.com.
June 2013 11
teens protect themselves effectively from the sun, and less than half use sunscreen. Fortunately, most skin cancers can be prevented if young people take practical steps to protect themselves from sun damage.
Joy
Riggs
What to avoid Dr. Lynn Glesne, a Minneapolis dermatologist, says avoiding tanning booths is a huge protective factor because tanning is harmful to the skin, and tanning in an indoor booth is worse than tanning outside. “We’ve had some recent, really good epidemiological studies showing the strong link between going to a tanning booth and the increasing incidence of melanoma, especially among young women,” Glesne says. One study released in April 2012 showed that indoor tanners were 74 percent more likely to develop melanoma than those who had never tanned indoors, and those who tanned indoors just four times a year increased their risk of developing melanoma by 11 percent. That’s why groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Dermatology support laws prohibiting youth under age 18 from going to tanning booths. Glesne says another main protective • One blistering sunburn in childhood factor is to avoid sunburn. There’s a good more than doubles a person’s chances of correlation between even one sunburn in developing melanoma—the deadliest form childhood and the development of skin of skin cancer—later in life. cancer 20 to 30 years later. Although some • Even a mild to moderate increase in people believe that getting a base tan sun exposure, with or without a resulting helps protect them sunburn, can from burning, significantly spur the Glesne says that’s a growth of pigmented There’s a good correlation myth; a tan is not moles in children, between even one protective for which greatly sunburn in childhood and sunburn. increases their risk of “I travel a lot to skin cancer. the development of skin sunny places, and • Melanoma rates cancer 20 to 30 years later. I’m constantly in the U.S. have been amazed that people rising for at least 30 are proud that they got a sunburn. I years, and melanoma is one of the more think, ‘What’s wrong with you—this is an common cancers in young adults. injury to your skin!’” The statistics also confirm what I Avoiding the sun completely is not easy suspected, as the mom of two teenagers or practical for Minnesota kids who look and a tween: less than one-third of U.S.
Sun
M
y son Sebastian received a nasty sunburn last summer after a spending a day at the pool. The tender pink blotches spread across his shoulders and across the back of his neck, emanating heat like a built-in furnace. Ouch. Although he had applied sunscreen before leaving home, he forgot to reapply it after the first few hours of swimming. It’s the sort of thing that can slip the mind of a 14-yearold boy without a parental reminder. I hope to avoid that scenario this summer. My concern for Sebastian and my two other kids goes beyond their short-term discomfort; as a fair-skinned person who’s had a few problem moles removed as an adult, I worry about the long-term risks of sun exposure—and with good reason, considering these statistics from the Skin Cancer Foundation: 12 June 2013
forward all year to outdoor summer activities. If possible, they should limit those activities between 10:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m., when the sun is strongest. If they must be outside, covering up with a broad-brimmed hat and protective clothing is recommended. Companies like the Minneapolis-based Coolibar make specialty clothing that has built-in SPF protection. Regular clothing can also provide protection if it’s densely woven or worn in layers (if you hold the clothing up to the light and can see through it, the sun will also get through). If youth can’t avoid the sun and can’t cover up, they should use a broad-spectrum sunscreen. Make sure it has an SPF of 15 or higher that blocks both UVA and UVB rays, and realize that it takes an ounce of product to cover the whole body. Apply the sunscreen at least half an hour before exposure to the sun (not 10 seconds before jumping into the pool), and reapply it at least every two hours. It’s also helpful to teach kids the slogan Australians created to counter an alarming increase in melanoma in that country. “Slip! Slop! Slap! Wrap!” reminds people to slip on a protective shirt, slop on sunscreen, slap on a hat and wrap on sunglasses. And recognize that actions speak louder than words. If we want our kids to take sun protection seriously, even when we’re not at the pool to remind them, we adults must practice those healthful behaviors, too.
Resources American Academy of Pediatrics Teens and Sun tinyurl.com/cu6ylva American Melanoma Foundation Protective Clothing tinyurl.com/bmalvd3 Skin Cancer Foundation Quick Facts about Teen Tanning tinyurl.com/d5r6klj Coolibar Sun Protective Clothing The Coolibar Blog blog.coolibar.com
June 2013 13
Mix it
’s r e h t a F Day
This Father’s Day, your man will be the king of the bar with essential stainless steel bar tools to fuel his craft cocktail fascination, from Martha Stewart’s Gala collection at Macy’s. tinyurl.com/c8y85jq; about $35 when on sale
We dig our dads, so make sure you don’t forget them on Sunday, June 16. By Kathleen Stoehr
Pack it Some call it the beefcake of backpacks, while others simply call it the Pelican ProGear Urban Elite U100 Laptop backpack. Made of ballistic nylon, it is virtually indestructible and seamlessly houses a crushproof, dust proof, and water resistant Pelican case to protect pop’s computer up to 17 inches across. Easy open push button latch; will last under three feet of water for 30 minutes. tinyurl.com/cddrc4u; about $300
Shave it On the go? Here’s a sleek, lightweight travel shaver that gives dads a convenient USB charging option. Save space and also the aggravation of finding a free electrical outlet—he can even charge it in his car. A single full charge holds for 30 minutes of shaving. shavetech.com; about $40
Drill it Have him get handy with the Craftsman C3 19.2-Volt Heavy Duty Drill with XCP to tackle those DIY chores. Featuring a half-inch singlesleeve all-metal chuck for extreme durability, it delivers up to 465 pounds of torque. This two-speed drill includes a 24-position clutch, built-in LED light, forward/reverse switch, micro-texture grip, and onboard bit storage. The XCP battery delivers up to 10 percent more torque and 35 percent more run time compared to a Ni-Cd battery. tinyurl.com/botdru9; about $100
14 June 2013
Tote it The Daddy Diaper Pack is the ultimate go-to diaper bag for dads. The side pockets are great for water bottles, baby bottles, and sippy cups. There’s a big pouch for diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes (and of course a small one for the “dirty stuff”). The front organizer pocket is designed for the essentials like keys, money, cell phone, pacifier, and small toys. The insulated cooler pocket is great for snacks. The skater straps allow hooking everything from sand pails, to beach towels, to flip flops, hats, and even wet clothes.
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5/16/132013 8:48 AM June 15
Kara
McGuire
Saving for co lleg e
F
or many parents, setting money aside for higher education begins before they select a daycare or preschool. It’s no wonder: College is expensive. Whether we’re talking about state schools or Ivy Leagues, a calculator once told me I’d have to save an amount nearly double our mortgage to cover tuition for my young kids (late night pizzas and whatever passes for a textbook in 2023 sold separately). We have a few thousand bucks in a college account to split between the three kids. Before I’m labeled a terrible parent, let me state my case. The simple truth is that most parents with young kids haven’t addressed more pressing financial needs such as building a cash cushion for emergencies, purchasing life and disability insurance, and paying off any credit card debt. Paying down debt 16 June 2013
at 18 percent is wiser than setting aside cash in a conservative college fund earning six percent. Then there’s the matter of retirement. Parents are used to putting their kids’ needs in front of their own. A 2011 study conducted by Allianz Life found nearly half the parents questioned said college and retirement are equally important goals. Most financial advisers don’t see it that way. Despite retirement being further away than college for most parents, it’s easier to borrow for college than it is to borrow for retirement. What about crushing student debt? That’s definitely a concern. No parent wants a college-bound teen to have to borrow too much. But what many parents forget is that they will be able to help pay for college with cash flow. Just
think about the high cost of childcare and extracurricular activities, or keeping enough food in the fridge to feed a hungry high school athlete. Those costs will ebb and the money can be used to help with college.
Saving up Say paying for college is a core value of yours and you feel strongly that you need to start planning today, even if it means being less prepared for emergencies or retirement. Then consider one of these three accounts. Maxing out a Roth IRA is my first choice and how we are planning for college at this time. You can only save $5,500 annually if you are under 50 and an extra $1,000 beyond that if you’re 50 or older. This account is designed for retirement savings, but has flexible rules
that let you take the money you contribute out at any time, for any reason. If you need the cash when the first college bill comes, you can tap the account. If you don’t need the funds, use them in retirement or pass the funds to your heirs. A 529 college savings plan is a simple way to save as little or as much as you want for college. It’s important to note that money in a 529 plan must be used for qualified college expenses. The nice thing about a 529 plan is that grandparents and other relatives can contribute to a 529 plan for your child, which makes for a nice alternative to yet another Lego set. As for selecting a 529 plan, that’s for another column. But in a nutshell, make sure the fees are low and that there are a good set of fund choices. You don’t need a financial adviser to open and purchase a 529 plan. Visit savingforcollege.com for more info. Consider the Private College 529 plan if you have your heart set on sending your progeny to a small, liberal arts college. The idea behind the plan is that you lock in today’s tuition prices at about 270 colleges nationwide, including seven liberal arts schools in Minnesota. If your child does not end up attending a participating college, the money can be rolled into a traditional 529 plan, or refunded. Like with the traditional 529 plan it’s important to note that this is only a good savings vehicle for the child who is very certain they will end up in college. For more info, visit privatecollege529.com. Kara McGuire is a St. Paul mom of three who spends her days studying how people spend and save their money. Send questions or comments to: kara@karamcguire.com.
Resources Seven Minnesota colleges participate in the Private College 529. They are: Augsburg, Carleton, Concordia, Gustavus Adolphus, Hamline, Macalester, and St. Olaf.
You can get there. We can help.
Visit www.MN529today.com or call 1-877-338-4646
MN College Savings Plan MNP 0313 2-3page.indd 1
2/11/132013 9:26 AM June 17
Summer skill sharpening These books are so fun your child will be hoodwinked into keeping school skills sharp over the summer months. By Kathleen Stoehr
Math + Fashion = Fun This colorful spiral bound book has fun math puzzles, games, secret number codes, and mathematical mazes. Learn how to spot a “good deal” by putting fractions and percentages to work; organize “earrings” Sudokustyle; figure out the exact change when buying something with a $20 bill, and more. For ages 8 and up By aubre andrus american Girl; $12.95
10 Minutes a Day Math Young students learn best when activities last five to 10 minutes, before they drift off-task. This series for grades K to 5 (one book per grade) takes this research to heart, providing quick math exercises for children ages 3 to 11 years. This is a great “do this 10 minute exercise and then you can go to soccer practice” kind of book. Ten minute timer is included, too. For ages 3 to 11 By deborah lock dk; $10.99
Success in Preschool Workbook This comprehensive workbook provides parents with activities to do with their children that extend appropriate foundational skills for home learning. Activities focus on fine motor and gross motor development. Oh, and did we mention there are stickers? Kids will work with colors, shapes, patterns, pre-writing skills, and beginning writing. For ages 3 and up Mead; $12.99
Daily Summer Activities Practice basic skills in reading comprehension, vocabulary, grammar, math, spelling, and geography in this colorful activity book. Do two pages a day for 10 weeks; weekly parent sign-off sheet included. Stories, math problems, and ideas for writing make this a fun daily practice. For between grades 3 and 4 (other grade levels also available) By Martha cheney Evan-Moor; $12.99
18 June 2013
I Love Reading Phonics books A new reading series, these books offer beginning readers a structured literacy program that combines illustrated fiction with phonics learning. Six different levels build upon each other to increase skill. For example, Level 1 represents all 26 alphabet sounds and pairs of letters representing one alphabet sound; Level 4 offers alternative spellings of consonant sounds; and Level 6 shows letters that represent more than one sound. Pronunciation sound guide included in each book. Various authors octopus Books; $3.99 each
Puzzle Words Okay, it’s not a book but we like this anyway! Put the puzzles together, then write the word below it on the dry erase board. Helps young learners practice letter recognition, spelling, reasoning, writing, and creative expression. Each box contains 24 word puzzles, board, and marker. For ages 4 and up Mead; $12.99 MELSA MNP 0613 2-3page.indd 1
5/20/132013 9:36 AM June 19
Sean
Toren
Early to bed,
closing window between exhausted ablutions and passing out. Who has energy for snatching, Indiana Jones-like, some…well, you know what I’m getting at. I can’t say I hadn’t been warned. Since the dawn of time, or at least since Twitter, friends have told child-bearing friends that things would get rough before they could get out the rough riders. But I didn’t believe how hard it would be to compete with the insanely cute and much more cuddly suitor who moved into the house with us—our son, Ed, Jr. Add to Ed, Jr. a beloved dog and two dog-like cats, then the death of the dog, Edna’s burgeoning private psychotherapy practice, the complications of daycare, and things got downright heavy. I realized that we’d gotten sucked into a sexual black hole, our time and space warped by the gravity of our son. To get out of the mess I grabbed a napkin and worked out my own little theory of relativity involving time and space—and gratitude.
Makin’ time
I
early to rise
f you’re a parent of young kids and you’re like me (that is an overworked, under-exercised, time-robbed zombie of the new millennium), you’ve been through the wringer and seen it all, so I’ll cut right to the chase: have you and your partner been busy lately? If your answer is ‘no’ or simply ‘not enough,’ then read on, my friend, and find out how you can stack the deck in your favor! After my partner Edna’s pregnancy and then the ineluctable birth of our son, after the years of breastfeeding and co-sleeping, 20 June 2013
after the hectic life of two working parents and one very busy boy, we finally discovered that something was missing (no, not just the remote): Sex! It snuck up on us like a pan of water on two proverbial, brain-dead frogs, except the water was cooling down instead of heating up. ‘Suddenly’ there was no more morning sex. No more Sunday sex. No more accidental “Hey, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter” sex. Perhaps you know of what I speak? Sex gets relegated to a very narrow, ever-
You have to make time to make love, as my Irish Nana used to say. We all get 24 hours in a day, right? 1,440 minutes to get some action. So how can it be that there’s not enough time for sex—the very thing that got us all into this full catastrophe in the first place? Here’s the secret: Sex is 99 percent mental. So put in a good word for the good deed early in the day. You know: plant the figurative seed. If there’s a silly slap-and-tickle in the kitchen that in the pre-child past might have turned into more, don’t drop the ball. Use a ridiculous euphemism to suggest that maybe there could be more to come when the kids are conked out. Heck, you might even say something as straightforward and brash as, “Maybe we should, you know, tonight?” (While saying this, be sure to look your partner in the eye so he or she knows you don’t mean staying up too late watching Netflix.) The hardest part for most of us is getting to bed in time, and this means that if you want to rut you’ll have to avoid old
ATTENTION WOMEN 21-33: Would you like to be an egg donor? ruts. If the night starts to slip like so many others, getting late before lunches are made and the wash is done (even if it’s ‘his’ or ‘her’ job), then don’t just sit there! Help out, get things done! Who said everything was going to be fair?! Life’s not fair! Over time, everything rebalances and redistributes, so get to work. Early to bed, early to rise, if you know what I mean.
Space: The final frontier Is your child (dare I say, children?) often sleeping in your bed? If it’s time for the change, then begin transitioning them out. If there’s still some co-sleeping to be done, then you just might need to establish, like some feral animals, a new locale for your trysts. Think old-school couch-time, like back when you started dating. Got a garage? Drop those minivan seats! Why not the laundry room (bonus if the washer is running). Or, heck, turn the tables and sneak back into your kid’s room. Just find that place where you can be private, and concentrate on one another exclusively.
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3/20/13 12:07 PM
Gratitude is an attitude Finally, there’s no sex if there’s resentment. That frustration over who cleaned the fridge last has to be cleared up before connection can begin. I’m talking about sharing gratitude—and chores. Here are a few suggestions (and their likely results) to try on your own: A heartfelt “Thank you, sweetie, I know you worked harder than I did today,” can turn those boots that were made for walkin’, into boots that were made for knockin’. “Let me do that, hey?” can turn into a roll in the hay. Cutting each other some slack can turn into making the beast with two… …well, I think you’ve got the knack! Good luck gettin’ lucky! Sean Toren loves living the full catastrophe in Minneapolis with his wife and son. He can be contacted at mnga@mnpubs.com with thoughts or suggestions.
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Family Day at the MIA
Grand Old Day on 40 blocks along St. Paul’s Grand Avenue
Flint Hills International Children’s Festival
Edina art fair
SpotLight Showcase @ The Orpheum
toddler tuesdays @ Moa
4
10 11 ———————— arty Pants: your tuesday Playdate ———————— @ walker art center, ———————— Minneapolis ———————— ————————
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“June makes the bay look bright and new
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Out About
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flag day
donut day
Fri
Stone Arch Bridge
13 14 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
5 6 Day! ———————— Opening Gorilla ———————— Forest @ Como ———————— Park ———————— Zoo ———————— ————————
— June is Bustin’ Out All Over, from Carousel
Sails gleamin’ bright on sunlit blue!”
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs
June Stone Arch Bridge Festival
15
Wind & Weather @ The Bakken
frEE admission: it’s Great outdoors day
flint hills international children’s festival, st. Paul
WaterFest 2013 @ Lake Phalen Park, St. Paul
Edina art fair 50th and france, Edina
8
1
Sat
Pull out and save!
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Stone Arch Bridge Festival
Free 3rd Sundays at the Minnesota Children’s Museum
happy father’s day!
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5/15/13 10:35 AM
frEE concert the Bazillions @ the shops at west End arcade area, st. louis Park
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Festival Weekend
22 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
28 29 27 ———————— ———————— ———————— Saturday Live! Dazzling Dave, ———————— disney’s aladdin Yo-Yo Master Jr. opens @ St. Paul Public ———————— @ stages theatre Library, Central company Library ————————
20 21 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— opening day: Maya: hidden ———————— worlds revealed @ science ———————— Museum, st. Paul
———————— ———————— 18 19 frEE concert ———————— the splatter ———————— sisters @ the shops at ———————— west End arcade ———————— area, st. louis Park ———————— ————————
25 24 Toddler ———————— Tuesdays: Kiddie ———————— Karnival @ Mall of ———————— America, Rotunda ———————— ———————— ————————
17 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
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Out About Parent pick
Flint Hills International Children’s Festival
••
During the Family Weekend, downtown Saint Paul comes alive with family-friendly events! The parks around the Ordway fill with free arts activities, art exhibits and performances! The Ordway proudly presents a vast array of performances on the Festival’s two outdoor stages—the World Stage and Landmark Stage—and in the surrounding parks…all for free. Indoor performances are $5. When: 1st and 2nd, 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: The Ordway area, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: ordway.org/festival/weekend/
Parent pick
War Horse
••
The powerful story of young Albert’s beloved horse, Joey, who was conscripted to fight for the English in World War I. Albert, not old enough to enlist, embarks on a treacherous mission to find his horse and bring him home. At the heart of the show are life-sized puppets which bring breathing, galloping, charging horses and other animals to thrilling life on stage. When: 12th to 23rd Where: Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis Cost: Ticket prices start at $39 Info: 800-982-2787 or hennepintheatretrust.org
24 June 2013
ongoIng Millie and Tillie
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A perennial favorite, the Silly Sisters start a normal day as flowers smell like being tickled and bicycles are ridden indoors. Interrupted by a phone call, the sisters are suddenly packing for a picnic, but things don’t always go as planned and one silly mishap after another leads to a hysterical misadventure! Full of silly games, puppet surprises, and ice cream cones for all, it’s the perfect summer fare for families! when: 28th through July 21 where: Open Eye Figure Theatre, Minneapolis cost: Adults $10; Children $5 info: openeyetheatre.org or 612-874-6338
art In nature geocache
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Explore Saint Paul’s regional parks through geocaching. Natural Resources staff hides caches monthly through October with activities designed to encourage learning and exploration of regional parks. Participants who successfully navigate to the provided GPS coordinates, find the cache, and complete the activity described inside are entered in a monthly prize drawing. when: Through October 31 location: Saint Paul’s Regional Parks cost: FREE info: tinyurl.com/43ava97 or 651-632-2455
Then now Wow
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Dedicated entirely to Minnesota history, Then Now Wow is the largest exhibit ever created by the Minnesota History Center. Designed primarily for children, visitors of all ages will enjoy exploring Minnesota’s distinctive places from the prairies and forests to the cities, along the way they’ll meet the people who have made their homes here. when: Ongoing where: Minnesota History Center cost: $6–$11; FREE ages five and under info: mnhs.org or 651-259-3000
DON’T MISS THIS DISNEY FAVORITE JUNE 28 - AUG. 4
Take a magical carpet ride with Stages Theatre Company this summer when Princess Jasmine, Genie and Aladdin embark on an adventure filled with magic and mayhem. The Academy award-winning score includes favorite songs like “A Whole New World,” “One Jump Ahead” and “A Friend Like Me.” Come discover the lavish journey that awaits your favorite characters. For all ages.
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Out About
Alice in Wonderland
Alice in Wonderland
••
The classic tale of rabbit holes and wonder. For grades K+ When: Through June 15 Where: Children’s Theatre Company, Minneapolis Cost: Prices vary depending upon seat selected Info: childrenstheatre.org or 612-874-0400
Minnesota & the Civil War
••
The Civil War holds a pivotal place in the history of the United States. Citizens of the new state of Minnesota were a major part of the national story, from being the first state to offer troops through their dramatic role at Gettysburg to Appomattox and beyond. When: Through Sept. 8; closed Mondays except for holidays Where: Minnesota History Center Cost: $5 and under FREE; 6 to 17, $6; seniors and college students, $9; adults, $11 Info: minnesotahistorycenter.org or 651-259-3000
26 June 2013
Nature Valley Bicycle Festival
••
Kids fun races, family festival, live music, world class pro racing. When: Various dates in June Where: Various locations (St. Paul, Minneapolis, Stillwater, etc.) Cost: Spectating is FREE Info: naturevalleybicyclefestival.com
Dora and Diego— Let’s Explore!
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The exhibit features beloved characters Dora and Diego from Nickelodeon’s hit preschool series Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego, Go!, along with their friends Boots, Map, Backpack, Isa, Tico, and Swiper, now in their own exhibit for your preschooler to explore as they learn and play along. The exhibit gives children and their families the opportunity to engage in problem-solving and active play. When: Through September 22 Where: Minnesota Children’s Museum, St. Paul
Cost: $9.50 ages 1 to 101 Info: mcm.org or 651-225-6000
Disney’s Aladdin Jr.
••
Take a magical carpet ride this summer when Princess Jasmine, Genie and Aladdin embark on an adventure filled with magic and mayhem. When: 28th through August 4 Where: Stages Theatre Company, Hopkins Cost: Admission fee Info: stagestheatre.org or 952-979-1111
The Bremen Town Musicians
••
This high-spirited adventure tells of four animals who escape the clutches of their mean owners and set out to start new lives as musicians. On their journey to Bremen Town, the four use their combined talents to outwit a gang of robbers and discover what the word “family” really means. When: 18th through August 3 Where: Old Log Theater, Greenwood
Out About
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Cost: Admission fee Info: oldlog.com or 952-474-5951
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
••
It all starts innocently enough: a boy and his cookie. Along comes a mouse who unleashes a whirlwind of crumbs, dust bunnies, unfortunate choices and utter chaos. Capturing the sheer joy of the much-loved picture book, it’s a celebration of true friendship and a whole mess of fun. When: 21st through July 21 Where: Children’s Theatre Company, Minneapolis Cost: Admission fee Info: childrenstheatre.org or 612-874-0400
Preschool Playdate
••
Each Tuesday, the Science Museum
offers preschool appropriate activities that will keep little hands busy and little minds buzzing. A Preschool Playdates ticket includes admission to the exhibit galleries, take-home science experiment, Science Live performances and science demonstrations, and various discounts. When: 10:00 a.m. to noon Where: Science Museum of Minnesota, St. Paul Cost: Under five, FREE; $13 for adults Info: smm.org/playdates or 651-221-9444
Wee Wednesdays
••
Wee Wednesdays have plenty to see and do for toddlers and their families. Free, educational programming geared toward children five and under; also features hands-on activities and more. When: Every Wednesday beginning at 10:30 a.m.
Where: Midtown Global Market, Mpls Cost: FREE Info: midtownglobalmarket.org or 612-872-4041
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
••
A secular version of the powerful and beloved story of Joseph, favorite son of Jacob, who is given a splendid coat of many colors. With 22 major production numbers filled with colorful costuming, creative staging, upbeat music and exuberant choreography. When: Through Fall 2013 Where: Chanhassen Dinner Theatres, Chanhassen Cost: Prices vary depending upon seat and date selected Info: 952-934-1525 or chanhassentheatres.com
June 2013 27
Out About Family Night at the Global Market
••
Free live music, a children’s play area, and free balloons for the first 50 children. Businesses will validate your parking (for up to three hours) with purchase if you park in the 10th Avenue parking ramp. When: Every Friday from 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. Where: Midtown Global Market, Mpls Cost: FREE Info: midtownglobalmarket.org or 612-872-4041
Run! Jump! Fly! Adventures in Action
••
Run! Jump! Fly! Adventures in Action motivates children to be more active by experiencing the fun in physical activity. It features four adventure scenes, an action star training center, and a toddler pyramid. Each adventure scene provides an imaginative setting in which kids can try out a high appeal physical activity. When: May 25 to September 8 Where: Minnesota Children’s Museum, St. Paul Cost: $9.50 ages 1 to 101 Info: mcm.org or 651-225-6000
HOBT Puppet Show
••
Every Saturday, different artists perform engaging puppet shows—a great alternative to television! Families can also attend hands-on Make-n-Take puppet workshops based on that day’s puppet theme. When: Shows at 10:00 a.m. and noon; Make-n-take at 11:00 a.m. Where: Heart of the Beast theatre, Minneapolis Cost: Suggested donation for show between $2 and $4; Make-n-take admission $5/child, $3 adult Info: hobt.org or 612-721-2535
Run! Jump! Fly! Adventures in Action
1 Saturday Edina Art Fair
••
It’s Edina Art Fair weekend, the first official art fair of the year and the second largest in Minnesota, featuring over 340 fine artists and crafters. Highlights include
28 June 2013
Out About live music and lifestyle demos, a Kids Art Zone, food vendors, fashion shows, cooking demos, and more. When: 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Where: 50th and France, Edina Cost: FREE Info: 50thandfrance.com or 952-922-1524
Flint Hills International Children’s Festival
Free First Saturday: At Home in the City
••
Many species call the garden home— animals, plants, and humans! Come to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden to help kick-off Foraging Circle, a new project by artist Fritz Haeg, and consider ways that we share the land through a range of activities. When: 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (family activities until 3:00) Where: Walker Art Center, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: walkerart.org or 612-375-7600
Saturday Live! Bill the Juggler
••
Join us for a special program with library favorite, Bill the Juggler. Be amazed as Bill juggles things that just shouldn’t be juggled, like baseball bats and bowling balls! When: 11:15 a.m. to noon Where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
Free Family Flicks: Fly Away Home
••
Enjoy a free movie. First-come, firstserved to theater capacity. When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
Flint Hills International Children’s Festival
••
During the Family Weekend, downtown St. Paul comes alive with events! The parks around the Ordway fill with free arts
activities, art exhibits, and performances on the Festival’s two outdoor stages and in the surrounding parks…all for free. Indoor performances are $5. When: 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: The Ordway area, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: ordway.org/festival/weekend/
WaterFest 2013
••
Families from around the Twin Cities are invited to a day of lakeside fun at WaterFest 2013, a celebration of our clean lakes and offers an opportunity for outdoors, hands-on learning about the water quality, wildlife, and special ecological features. When: 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Where: Lake Phalen Park, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: rwmwd.org or 651-647-6816
June 2013 29
Out About 2 Sunday Edina Art Fair
••
See description, Saturday, May 1 When: 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Flint Hills International Children’s Festival
••
See description, Friday the 1st When: 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
10,000 Lakes Concours d’Elegence
••
A gathering of rare and impeccably preserved automobiles displayed along the shores of Lake Minnetonka. From the pre-1924 Brass Era to pre-1974 foreign cars; treasured classics and popular collectables from the ’20s, ’30s and ’40s to American production cars from the ’50s, ’60s and early ’70s; more than 100 collectible autos will grace the Excelsior Commons. Car parade, food, music, and more. When: 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Where: Excelsior Commons at the intersection of Water Street and Lake Street, Excelsior Cost: $20 in advance; $25 day of event; active military and under 12, FREE Info: 10000lakesconcours.com
Grand Old Day
••
On its 40th anniversary, the annual parade theme is “Through the Decades,” honoring the four decades this event has spanned since 1973. Also, live music, delicious food, and entertainment for all ages; hot dog eating contest, children’s petting zoo, and more. When: 8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Where: 40 blocks along St. Paul’s Grand Avenue Cost: FREE Info: grandave.com
3 Monday SpotLight Showcase
••
The SpotLight Showcase is Hennepin Theatre Trust’s annual celebration of musical theater students and musicals from among 56 Minnesota high schools.
30 June 2013
Students will be honored for their amazing work and perform highlights from awardwinning shows they have presented during the past year. When: 7:00 p.m. Where: Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis Cost: $15 Info: hennepintheatretrust.org or 800-982-2787
4 Tuesday Toddler Tuesdays: The Smurfs 2
••
Come meet the Smurfs, participate in fun Smurfy activities, and receive advance screening passes, while supplies last. Wear your favorite blue outfit and receive a free movie poster. When: Shows at 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. Where: Mall of America, Rotunda Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
6 Thursday Gorilla Forest
••
It’s opening day of Como Park Zoo’s Gorilla Forest showcasing an $11 million exhibit redesign and overhail, featuring seven gorillas, six of who are new to the zoo. When: 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Where: Como Park Zoo & Conservatory, St. Paul Cost: FREE (voluntary donations appreciated) Info: comozooconservatory.org or 651-487-8200
7 Friday The Amazing Cow Boat
••
Charlie has been outside playing all day and needs a bath. He loads all his favorite toys into the tub and creates an adventure all for himself. His cow toy magically turns into a boat that is part cow, part boat, and PART AMAZING. When: 7:00 p.m. Where: Open Eye Figure Theatre, Minneapolis Cost: By donation Info: openeyetheatre.org or 612-874-6338
8 Saturday Northern Spark
••
Northern Spark is an active celebration of the creativity of artists and the creative programming of cultural organizations. Last year, there were 118 artist projects in 28 venues in Minneapolis. This year, Lowertown area in St. Paul gets the bragging rights. When: From sunset on the 8th to sunrise on the 9th Where: Lowertown, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: northernspark.org
Great Outdoors Day
••
More than 2,000 national parks, national forests, national wildlife refuges, and other federal lands offer free entrance admittance to the public on this day. When: All day Where: Throughout the U.S. Cost: FREE Info: nps.gov/findapark/feefreeparks. htm or 202-208-6843
Wind & Weather @ The Bakken
••
Fabulous science-related programming and plenty of fun for no charge every second Saturday of the month. When: 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Where: The Bakken Museum, Mpls Cost: FREE Info: thebakken.org/Saturday or 612-926-3878
Saturday Live! Brodini Comedy Magic Show
••
Scarves, coins, cards, balls, ropes, and ordinary items become animate objects of wonder and curiosity in Brodini’s hands, but never without some help from children and adults in the audience. When: 11:15 a.m. to noon Where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
Looking for moms and their 3-5 year old children! Study on preschool children’s social understanding; Starting in June
Free Family Flicks: TMNT
••
Enjoy a free movie. First-come, firstserved to theater capacity.
$40 gift card provided as payment for a 1 ½ to 2 hour visit at the University of St. Thomas. Fun games for your child included!
When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
If interested, please contact: Allison Jessee, Ph.D. University of St. Thomas, Department of Psychology
ajessee@stthomas.edu • 651-962-5035
Voicemail is confidential; Feel free to leave your contact information
The Amazing Cow Boat
••
See description, Friday the 7th
University of St Thomas MNP 0613 H6.indd 1
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When: 11:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.
9 Sunday Family Day at the MIA: In Detail
••
Focus on delightful details at this free family event. Practice pointillism or make a mandala. Zoom in on your favorite works of art in the MIA’s collection. When: 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: Minneapolis Institute of Arts Cost: FREE Info: 612-870-3000 or artsmia.org
11 Tuesday Toddler Tuesdays: Monsters University
••
Prepare your little monsters for college. Fill your report card with stars by completing all the activity stations and receive your very own diploma. When: 10:00 a.m. to noon Where: Mall of America, Rotunda Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
Visit our Factory Store for savings on 365—our new line of indoor/outdoor grill cookware
Arty Pants: Your Tuesday Playdate
••
Features activities for adults and youngsters ages three to five. Art projects, films, gallery activities, and story time. When: 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Where: Walker Art Center, Minneapolis Cost: FREE with gallery admission; Walker members and kids ages 12 and under are always free. Info: walkerart.org or 612-375-7600
Chicken Leg Griller & Jalapeño Roaster
Hours: Monday – Saturday 10:00 am – 5:00 pm
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Beer Can Chicken Roaster
Grill ‘n Shake Basket
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Out About 14 Friday Stone Arch Bridge Festival
••
Three days of art, music on three performance stages and activities right on the beautiful Minneapolis riverfront. Family arts area, Father’s Day car show. When: 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. Where: Northeast Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: stonearchbridgefestival.com
Tucker’s Robot
••
Tucker is an adventurer with an unstoppable imagination. When he discovers an old robot in the garbage, of course he has to take it home. Tucker’s usually ready for anything but can’t believe it when this robot travels through time and takes him along! When: 7:00 p.m. Where: Open Eye Figure Theatre, Mpls Cost: By donation Info: openeyetheatre.org or 612-874-6338
15 Saturday
Free Family Flicks: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
••
Enjoy a free movie. First-come, firstserved to theater capacity. When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
16 Sunday Stone Arch Bridge Festival
••
See description, Friday, June 14 When: 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Free 3rd Sundays at the MN Children’s Museum
••
Grab the kids and roam the museum free of charge every third Sunday of each month. When: 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: Minnesota Children’s Museum Cost: FREE Info: mcm.org or 651-225-6000
Stone Arch Bridge Festival
••
See description, Friday, June 14 When: 11:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.
Tucker’s Robot
••
See description, Friday the 14th When: 11:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.
Saturday Live! Splashy, Flashy Frogs
••
Dive into the fascinating (and sometimes noisy) world of frogs! Participate in a frog “chorus,” and then live animal visitors will help children learn the difference between frogs and toads. When: 11:15 a.m. to noon Where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
32 June 2013
18 Tuesday Toddler Tuesdays: Clifford
••
Join us for stories about our favorite big, red, furry friend and enjoy a fun craft project. When: Storytime at 10:30 and 11:30 a.m.; meet Clifford at 10:00 and 11:00 Where: Mall of America, Rotunda Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
19 Wednesday The Splatter Sisters
••
Enjoy a lunch time concert sponsored by Creative Kidstuff. When: 11:00 a.m. to noon Where: The Shops at West End Arcade area, St. Louis Park Cost: FREE Info: theshopsatwestend.com
20 Thursday Third Thursdays at the MIA: Get Local
••
Hear local band, Strange Names; draw local connections to the MIA’s global collection; create your own MNcentric screenprint with a local artist. When: 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. Where: Minneapolis Institute of Arts Cost: FREE; refreshments for sale Info: artsmia.org or 888-642-2787
21 Friday Opening Day: Maya: Hidden Worlds Revealed
••
It’s the world premiere of Maya: Hidden Worlds Revealed, a brand-new, original exhibition that sheds light on this mysterious and majestic ancient culture. When: End date TBD Where: Science Museum of Minnesota, St. Paul Cost: Admission fee Info: smm.org/maya or 651-224-9444
Molly and the Magic Boot
••
Molly grew up in the city and is excited to spend a whole week at her Grandma’s farm! Grandma tells her to play outside, but only gives her one old boot for her
About the Calendar Minnesota Parent welcomes information about events for families throughout the state of Minnesota. Calendar listings are FREE and can be submitted online at mnpubs.com; click on Events > Submit an event. You can submit a listing at any time, but the deadline for possible inclusion in the print publication is six weeks prior to the month of publication. (For example, June 15 for the August issue.) All events are subject to change. Be certain to check with the event sponsor either by visiting the website or calling, to ensure the featured event is still viable. Events taking place for more than one weekend in length will be listed in our “Ongoing” area, space permitting.
Out About to wear. Her boot magically leads her to discover all the fun of the country. when: 7:00 p.m. where: Open Eye Figure Theatre, Mpls cost: By donation info: openeyetheatre.org or 612-874-6338
25 TueSDaY Toddler Tuesdays: Kiddie Karnival
•
It’s time for games galore and much more. Join us for a morning filled with games, treats, and fun prizes. when: 10:00 a.m. to noon where: Mall of America, Rotunda cost: FREE info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
22 SaTuRDaY The great Race/ Back to the ’50s Show
•
The start date of the Great Race, which begins in St. Paul and ends on the 30th in Mobile, Alabama. The Great Race is a collector car competitive controlled-speed endurance road rally on public highways. This is also “Back to the ’50s” car show weekend at the fairgrounds.
26 WeDneSDaY The Bazillions
•
Enjoy a lunch time concert sponsored by Creative Kidstuff. when: 11:00 a.m. to noon where: The Shops at West End Arcade area, St. Louis Park cost: FREE info: theshopsatwestend.com
when: 10:30 official start time where: Minnesota State fairgrounds, St. Paul cost: FREE for spectators info: thegreatrace.com or 1-800-989-7223
Saturday live! Musician Paul Spring
•
Join Paul for music that is interactive, upbeat and promotes reading and stories among young audiences.
29 SaTuRDaY Saturday live! Dazzling Dave, Yo-Yo Master
•
See description, Friday the 21st when: 11:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.
free family flicks: Ice age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
•
Enjoy a free movie. First-come, first-served to theater capacity. when: 10:00 a.m. where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington cost: FREE info: theatresmoa.com
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•
Enjoy incredible whirling tricks and tips, all designed to entertain and educate.
when: 11:15 a.m. to noon where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library cost: FREE info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
Molly and the Magic Boot
Amma Parenting Center is the top resource for new and expecting parents. Childbirth classes, breastfeeding help, new parent classes, and the best baby boutique in town! Trusted by hospitals and families since 2009.
when: 11:15 a.m. to noon where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library cost: FREE info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
free family flicks: Ice age 4: Continental Drift
•
Enjoy a free movie. First-come, first-served to theater capacity. when: 10:00 a.m. where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington cost: FREE info: theatresmoa.com
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Supporting organizations that provide all aspects of support, resources, opportunities and outreach programs to children and families. 95% of all proceeds go to charities we support
Go online to donate jimandjudefoundation.com Join us at our annual events:
Vintage Vegas Casino Night – February Golf Event – August We are proud to support Children’s Cancer Research Fund®
June 2013 33 Jim & Jude MNP 2012 Filler V6.indd 1
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It Let’s talk about (postpartum)
[
sex
is, after all, how you got into this mess in the first place. An evening walk, a talk until sunrise, a glass of wine, and that song on the jukebox. Infatuation, love, commitment, sex. This is how it happens. Romance, relationship, and the physical expression of both is what—essentially—brings about parenthood and yet, those very things often seem alien and unattainable after a baby’s birth. On one hand, couples often enjoy a new level of closeness after the birth of a child. Finally, you are a family. You share a common set of worries, a mission, and a previously unimaginable capacity for love and compassion. Running alongside this new current of camaraderie, like a twisted barbed wire fence, is the feeling that while in many ways you and your partner are closer than ever, you are also quite changed— instantly—and therefore somewhat foreign and fumbling. Before baby, you were Hot Lips. After? Mama—an actual new identity to add to a new body, new hormones, and a taxing new nighttime routine. This is what doulas refer to when they describe “the new normal,” however, to the postpartum parent, the slew of new feels anything but.
A new body, new
hormones, and a taxing new nighttime routine can play havoc By Jen Wittes
34 June 2013
Body image Katrina, a St. Paul adoptive mother of two and first time birth mother was surprised by the emotional side effects brought on by the physical changes of pregnancy. “I didn’t expect to feel so physically vulnerable,” she says, admitting that although she didn’t actually fear her husband, she felt frightened when he ran his hands over her C-section scars and residual sagging stomach. Their first intimate experience actually went quite well, with both achieving orgasm, however Katrina felt as if she were “having sex while in someone else’s body.” The body image issue is almost universally problematic for new parents.
“New parents should never forget that they are in this together and that any unaddressed concerns will only fester and grow.” Most mothers focus on the extra baby weight, but express other concerns as well: stretch marks, incision scars, sagging breasts, varicose veins, swollen feet, a traumatized perineum, and leaking nipples. Yep. You could write a book on society’s influence and just what women are up against when—while nursing a newborn— they are faced with a Victoria’s Secret commercial. They are reminded— constantly—of what is supposedly considered desirable. The message that the general hum of pop culture sends is so deafening that a new mother can’t even hear when her partner tells her that she is beautiful. Says Lisa Erbes, Minneapolis-based lactation counselor, childbirth educator, and doula, “Mom needs to talk about her body changes with her partner and be willing to hear and believe that her partner still finds her sexy and beautiful. Partners are often quite turned on by the changes and curves that come with pregnancy and motherhood and women don’t even consider that! When a partner says they find Mom sexy…it’s true!” Partners, friends, practitioners, and neighbors could and should drown out the media shove of unrealistic and unhealthy physical standards by complimenting new mothers on the very things that make them unique. We may be a long way from praising stretch marks; however, we can view them as proof of a strong woman and we can compliment that woman on how lovely she looks with a baby in her arms. We can choose to glorify the right kind of beauty.
Reconciling change Occasionally, a partner will be put off by the transition to motherhood, but rarely for the reasons a woman might suspect. Sometimes witnessing traumatic birth might make the other parent feel hesitant around the woman’s body, having seen it
go through so much. Of course, sometimes it simply takes a while to reconcile the pure and noble idea of a “mother” with the irresistible “lover.” The postpartum mother herself often has a hard time blending her new physicality with her sexual self. Says L, a San Francisco executive assistant; “I remember being in a lovely post-coital snuggle and then hearing my son on the baby monitor, demanding to be fed. It was so strange and confusing to shift from sexuality to breastfeeding.” The bottom line with physical changes and body issues is that all fears and feelings are valid, should be communicated respectfully, and met with an effort to understand where the other parent is coming from. New parents should never forget that they are in this together and that any unaddressed concerns will only fester and grow. It must be OK to feel shy about a postbirth body. It must be OK for a partner to feel conflicted about their mate’s shift to motherhood, at least temporarily. You talk about it, you practice great patience, and appreciate that these lean and mean “baby days” are fleeting— wonderful, miserable, hard, and fleeting.
In the bedroom OK. Say you’ve talked about the wild changes and misgivings, have perhaps even addressed some minor jealousy over the bond between your partner and your child; everyone involved has accepted the idea that moms—whoa—can be sexy, and yet, those once radiant embers still remain cold and grey. Exhaustion, anyone? No matter what evidence-based sleep training program you diligently adhere to, no matter if the two parents develop an elaborate schedule of naps and shifts, and even when you receive overnight assistance from a family member, a nanny, or a doula,
the new parent will always—without fail— suffer from sleep deprivation. Nothing, save an innuendo-dropping great-grandmother, kills the libido faster than exhaustion. Both parents are tired and to make matters worse, they fight about it! Who gets more sleep? Who has the harder life? Who cares? Go to bed! Yes, bed. That once familiar place that now sits near a bassinet, a baby monitor, and a Diaper Genie. What used to be “where the magic happens” is now where the breast milk flows. For new parents, the use of the bedroom for anything other than sleep can seem daunting. In theory, you want to have sex, but you don’t have the energy. Again, patience is a must. Try baby steps toward intimacy. Too tired and touched out from baby-care to even think about making love? Try a gentle back rub or a simple cuddle instead. Carve out time for a date or even a less-ambitious walk around the block. Establish early on that foreplay need not play out by the end of the night. It might take days to embrace the spark started by a tender good night kiss. This takes time, and in the beginning, time is scarce. Most couples wait at least two months postpartum to have intercourse and for many it takes quite a bit longer. The first sexual experience as new parents is often quite like the first time ever. Love, attraction, and excitement mixed with anxiety, awkwardness, and shyness. Furthermore, contrary to vulgar myth, the woman is not usually “loosened” by childbirth—it’s quite the opposite. Stitching and healing combined with a low-estrogen induced lack of lubrication conspire to make a woman feel virginal. Often, the first time hurts. But it gets better. Candid conversation, a focus on the positive, and prioritizing the clichéd but crucial “date night” help smooth this bumpy, lumpy, tired transition into a new life as parents. Yes, parents who—believe it or not—have sex. Jen Wittes is a St. Paul based mother of two and freelance writer. She also works as a postpartum doula with Welcome Baby Care in Edina.
June 2013 35
Surviving
summer
stress By Julie Kendrick
36 June 2013
Boredom, rising tensions, and sibling issues make for a long three months
N
ancy Pratt is, to put it mildly, something of a planner. Interviewed for this article in mid-March, she had already enrolled her two boys, ages five and nine, in every one of the day camps they’d be attending this summer. “I keep a copy of last year’s schedule in my designated
‘summer’ folder,” she says, “and then I refer to it to plan for the next year.” Do you even have to wonder if this highly organized woman owns a label maker?
(She does.) But, even as prepared as she is for the onslaught of summer planning, she acknowledges that it’s challenging to have summer camp enrollment deadlines arriving earlier each year. “When I enrolled my oldest in Humane Society summer camp last Valentine’s Day, I thought, ‘this is just too early.’”
Endless summer drives (not the good kind) The Golden Valley resident admits that, no matter how hard she tries, summer usually throws her a few curveballs. The former advertising executive and current stay-at-home mom says that her greatest source of summertime stress is driving: “Because of my kids’ four-year age span, they are almost always enrolled in two different activities. So by the time I drop them both off in the morning, it seems as if it’s time to pull out of the driveway and do pickups for the afternoon. By September, I feel as if I’ve spent my whole summer driving in a loop around Golden Valley.” She also has learned from hard experience that all those fun day camps seem to dry up around August, and even the community pool closes early to accommodate college students’ schedules. “I always make sure to save some of our favorite activities, like a visit to the Science Museum, for August,” she says. Pratt aims, she says, for a balanced mix of activities and downtimes, and says that the boys are usually enrolled in a structured activity for half the summer—
or, the way she figures it, about two weeks out of every four. “If they have three weeks of activities in a row, they get too tired, but after two weeks of just hanging around together, they start to argue more,” she observes.
Why summer can be challenging Increased arguments between siblings can be one of the many signs of increased summer stress, says Natalie Kendrick [no relation to the author], the Family Focused Program Supervisor at Washburn Center for Children, and a licensed marriage and family therapist. Herself the parent of two girls, ages four and eight, Kendrick says that both working and stay-at-home parents can face challenges in what is typically considered an “easier” time of year for families. “Kids are usually super excited for summer and parents are usually less so,” she says. “The parents I talk with tell me about feeling as if they have three full months to deal with issues like boredom, rising tensions, and sibling issues. Often, when kids experience unpredictability in their schedules, they can become
June 2013 37 Radio Disney MNP 0112 V6.indd 1
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anxious or irritable.” One of the biggest behavioral impacts can stem from a change of regular sleep schedules. Parents often relax bedtime rules once school is out, and then find themselves—and their kids—feeling overly tired when morning rolls around and everyone needs to leave the house for work or day camp.
Keeping busy Many parents try to keep kids busy. Kristin Rinker Kowler, of southwest Minneapolis, says, “As soon as our kids were seven years old, they started sleep-away camp. Last year, Emmet, who is now 17, was away most of the summer working at Camp Menogyn or on trail. When the kids were younger, I had a flexible schedule at work, but summer planning still required me to create a spreadsheet and rely on many car pool buddies. Both boys were taught to ride their bikes and take the bus safely to their activities. Summer was challenging, but 38 June 2013
they also learned so much, did cool stuff, and learned to be independent, too.” Elizabeth Mayotte, who lives in Hopkins, says she learned the hard way that she needed to schedule her kids’ activities in advance. “When our oldest, Robert, was in second grade, we scoffed at signing him up for summer activities, believing that he could have fun with the neighborhood kids in the summer, as we had done growing up. It turned out to be a horrible and lonely summer for him, since all the other kids were signed up straight through the summer and no one was around to play. From then on, we started scheduling summer activities as early as February and March, so that he wouldn’t have another summer like that one. Still, it’s sad to think that those relaxed, unscheduled summers of my youth have disappeared.”
Fight boredom with chores and reading “We hear a lot from parents about how
much kids complain about boredom. I suggest that parents begin the summer by engaging children in helping out around the house. There should be a daily chore list for everyone, and tasks should be completed before privileges like screen time are allowed,” Mayotte says. While the activities will vary by age and ability, she suggests they include chores like making beds, helping with meal preparation, or weeding in the garden. Summer can also be a great time to learn something new. “Consider teaching your child a craft or skill over the summer. If grandma knows how to knit, ask her to teach your kids. Or ask every child to make a photo album of their summer activities,” she says. She also suggests that kids keep their brains sharp—and allow their bodies time to relax—with a mandatory period of daily reading. “I’d suggest starting with about 20 minutes for second graders, and moving up from there.”
•
BeSt Summer ever Make a list. Before the last day of school, ask your kids to make a list of all the things they’d like to do over the summer. It can be as simple as “Have a lemonade stand,” or a personal goal such as “learn to ride my bike without training wheels.” Keep the list in a prominent place and be sure to check off activities as they’re completed. (Come September, tuck the list in a scrapbook or photo album.) the gift of boredom. You don’t necessarily have to rush in to amuse your child the minute you hear that first “I’m bored” complaint of the summer. Give your kids some time to feel bored, and you might be surprised at the creative activities they can devise for themselves. listen to your child. Everyone needs the right balance between activity and downtime. As a parent, you can help your child achieve that. “If your child says, ‘I’m too tired for soccer practice’ every night, you might consider dialing down the activity level a bit,” Kendrick says. communicate the plan. Keep a family calendar that shows the dates of planned camps, family trips, and weekends at the cabin. Kendrick says she makes sure to include pre-arranged “nothing” days for her family, in which no activities are scheduled, and she marks those on the summer schedule. consistency can help. If your child becomes anxious when there is no set schedule, consider keeping things a little more tightly structured this summer. Consistent bedtimes, mealtimes, and chore times can help kids feel more secure.
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“I have many hopes for my daughters. I hope they learn to put others first. I hope they avoid the pitfalls of materialism. I hope they don’t struggle with a poor self-image the way so many young girls in our culture do.”
PHOTO BY KAREN HEITZMAN
rEal dad
Steve Goold His “day job” is jazz percussion instructor at Bethel University, he directs and drums for the kid’s band, Go Fish, and, oh yes…he also hits the road, drumming for platinum-selling pop artist (and Owatonna native), Owl City. —Kathleen Stoehr Q&a tell us about Go fish. is it still an active part of your life?
Yes, I am still part of Go Fish, in the role of drummer and musical director. I love that project. And having children of my own has definitely changed my perspective on kid’s music. Watching my daughters [Betty and Suzy] rock out to Go Fish DVDs and albums is such a cool thing, and watching the thousands of 42 June 2013
families that attend our shows is equally cool. I joined that band two years ago, so both my daughters were on the scene at that point. In fact, my older daughter knew Go Fish’s music from church camp, so she was REALLY impressed with me when I told her about the gig. how is your faith being presented to your daughters? is a religious education
organic, non-traditional route, letting them choose their own path?
This is an interesting question, and I bet the answer is simpler than most people would think. As a father, I want to pass along to my kids those things that over the course of my life I’ve come to believe to be true: being honest might be hard but it will pay off in the end...eating sugar will be fun for a moment and then make you feel sick. These are axioms that many in our society don’t live by, but I for one believe them to be true. I want my daughters to know that, in my life, and in their mother’s life, Jesus isn’t just a historical figure. He represents forgiveness, and loving someone so much that you give your very self for them. I get excited about that! And my kids, while living in my home, are going to see that excitement and they’re going to ask questions and I’m going to answer them according to my experiences and convictions. I’m pretty sure it’s my prerogative (and responsibility, really) as their dad to share with them what I have learned. Will they have experiences in life that call into question the things they’ve learned from me? Of course. We all make our own decisions eventually. I have many hopes for my daughters. I hope they learn to put others first. I hope they avoid the pitfalls of materialism. I hope they don’t struggle with a poor self-image the way so many young girls in our culture do. And of course, I also hope they don’t marry Packer fans. talk to me about the relationship you have with your parents.
My mom and dad are the two people in this world that I most respect and admire. They live about 15 minutes from us, and we see them regularly. My mom watches our daughters after school two days a week, and we always spend family birthdays and holidays together. I’m really thankful for the way my parents raised me, and they are a good source of advice now that I have a family of my own.
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