May 2013
Q&a
BaBY On BOaRD
Craig and Connie Minowa of Cloud Cult
Introducing your baby to solid foods {page 10}
{page 50}
BOOk SHeLF
Minnesota authors {page 22}
Staying Safe Snap(chat) Behind judgements the badge Will you be safe or sorry? {page 38}
The emotional burdens of a career in law enforcement {page 40}
Diet dilemma Is it safe to put your child on a diet? {page 44}
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May 2013 3
contents
Minnesota Parent May
Features
Departments 6 eDITOR’S nOTe By Kathleen Stoehr 8 CHaTTeR A little bit of news and information for your quiet time reading By Kathleen Stoehr 10 BaBY On BOaRD Bon Appetit! By Shannon Keough 12 aSk THe PeDIaTRICIan Answering your questions about dieting and ebooks By Dr. Peter Dehnel
40
14 In THe kITCHen Avocado goodness
BeHInD THe BaDGe
By Kathleen Stoehr
The two worlds of parents in law enforcement
16 TWeen SCene
By Patricia Carlson
An ounce of alcohol prevention By Joy Riggs 18 HOT STUFF Safe stuff By Kathleen Stoehr 20 GROWS On TReeS Making the move By Kara McGuire 22 BOOk SHeLF Minnesota authors By Kathleen Stoehr
44 DIeT DILeMMa
38
What to do when you think your child needs to lose a bit of weight
SnaP(CHaT) JUDGeMenT
By Julie Kendrick
Rewards and risks of new messaging app, Snapchat By Carolyn Jobs
24 ReLaTIOnSHIPS My lifeguard By Sean Toren 50 ReaL LIFe Real parents Craig and Connie Minowa By Kathleen Stoehr
Calendar 26 MaY aT a GLanCe
4 May 2013
28 PaRenT PICkS
29 OUT & aBOUT
From the editor
Safety measures
T
Mississippi Market MNP 0513 12.indd 1
4/15/13 8:28 AM
Breastfeeding? Now or in the future? Newly-observed toxins that can cause
autism or childhood cancer
See www.breastfeedingprosandcons.info
Pollution Action MNP 0313 12.indd 1
1/15/13 5:35 PM
here are times when I wish I could turn back the clock, and look at my beautiful daughter as a baby again, or a toddler. Hold her in my arms, have her lean against me, and coo over her unmarred skin. I’d love to be able to look at her as she was then, and see how she is now, and marvel in the changes time has brought. I can trace the mishaps, accidents, and life events I have by the trail of scars across my body and the occasional aches within my limbs. I don’t worry much about any of them, but the first time my toddler fell on a sidewalk in Uptown and skinned her knee—it really affected me. Her perfect skin, so unblemished, was now bleeding mightily. That was the first of many mishaps and accidents she’d have in her life and in fact, her scars have surpassed mine in spades. That kid has a knack for being in the wrong place at the right time. Keeping children safe takes many forms; we all know that. When I was a kid we had a foldable fire ladder in our second story upstairs closet, ready for use should the house become engulfed. We learned about Mr. Yuk, and what happens when your friend falls through your basement window or when your brother steps on a nail. But the one thing I learned from my parents, and took to heart as a parent myself, is that remaining calm is key to any emergency. You may scream inwardly all you wish, but you will delay reaction time, muddle your judgment—and frighten those around you if you wig out. So first, detach yourself emotionally from the emergency at hand. This is the toughest step, but the most crucial, as it will help you to remain calm and rational. It will help you decide what you need to do next. Know where your emergency numbers are, keep a first aid kit handy, stay calm, be decisive, use a dark towel if there is a lot of blood, and don’t let on how bad something is unless you know for sure you can fix it. There’s always going to be a mishap or accident when you have children. Enjoy their beautiful skin when they are babies, because as with anything in this life, mishaps are inevitable.
Helping Clothe the Twin Cities’ Newborns in Need Collects new and gently used baby clothes for distribution to disadvantaged infants and new moms.
Facebook.com/LovedTwiceTwinCities Call or email Jennifer with questions 952-920-8111 • lovedtwicemn@gmail.com
6 May 2013 Loved Twice MNP 2011 12 filler.indd 1
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Kathleen Stoehr Editor
Vol. 28, Issue 5 co-Publishers Janis Hall jhall@mnpubs.com Terry Gahan tgahan@mnpubs.com General Manager Chris Damlo 612-436-4376 • cdamlo@mnpubs.com editor Kathleen Stoehr kstoehr@mnpubs.com contributing Writers/Photographers Patricia Carlson Dr. Peter Dehnel Carolyn Jobs Julie Kendrick Shannon Keough Kara McGuire Joy Riggs Sean Toren Production Manager Dana Croatt dcroatt@mnpubs.com senior Graphic designer Valerie Moe Graphic designer Amanda Wadeson sales Manager Melissa Ungerman Levy 612-436-4382 • mungermanlevy@mnpubs.com sales administrator Kate Manson 612-436-5085 • kmanson@mnpubs.com circulation Marlo Johnson 612-436-4388 • distribution@mnpubs.com classified advertising 612-825-9205 • sales@mnpubs.com Printing Brown Printing
60,000 copies of Minnesota Parent printed monthly, available at news stands statewide. Get Minnesota Parent mailed to your home for just $12 a year. Call 612-825-9205 for more information. Minnesota Parent (ISSN 0740 3437) is published monthly by Minnesota Premier Publications. POSTMASTER send address changes to: MINNESOTA PARENT, 1115 Hennepin Avenue S. Minneapolis, MN 55403. Minnesota Parent is copyright 2013 by Minnesota Premier Publications. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or part without written permission is prohibited. Address all material to address above.
Adoption Resource MNP 0513 H6.indd 1
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Are you currently pregnant or had a baby during the previous month and interested in participating in a telephone-based health and wellness program? The University of Minnesota is seeking women who are currently pregnant or less than 6 weeks postpartum to participate in a research study examining the effect of exercise and wellness on mood following childbirth • Participants receive a motivational exercise program or a health and wellness program, which begins after the birth of your baby (participants can sign up for the program during pregnancy) • Program delivered to you via the mail and phone • Must be 18 years of age or older; must not currently exercise regularly • Must not take antidepressants • Must have a history of depression • You will receive $100 for your time
Call 612-625-9753 or email mompro@umn.edu to see if you qualify for this research study U of M - Kinesiology Dept MNP 1212 S3.indd 1
11/15/12 2:37 PM7 May 2013
MInneSOTa PaRenT LIkeS
Ponytail Pals Cuddly stuffed animal? Ponytail holder? Actually, both. We love this new line of little girl chic hair accessories for age infant (if your baby is lucky enough to have hair) to about age 12. (Though we confess, the adults have tried them out as well.) Something about tiny stuffed animals just makes us feel all happy inside. Available locally at Pacifier or online at ponytailpals.com; about $9
In brief Ruum american kid’s Wear recently opened at the Mall of America with clothing and accessories for babies up to girls/boys size 14. The store features trendy looks like retro funk and ultra girl.
May is national Bike Month—a month to raise awareness about cycling and safe riding techniques—and a good time for parents to remind their kids about safety. An important part of bicycle safety is correctly fitting a helmet. Nutcase, the creator of fun and safe helmets has a few tips: • Ensure the helmet fits snugly so it does not rock side to side. • The front of the helmet should cover the forehead. • Have about one finger’s width between chin and chin strap. Look for a back spin-dial, which enables the helmet to be fine-tuned to the rider’s exact head shape and size. Jay Johnson, who coaches boys and girls for the Stillwater area Hockey associa8 May 2013
tion, won Positive Coaching Alliance’s coveted Double-Goal Coach Award presented by Liberty Mutual Insurance for his positive impact on youth athletes. The award—named for coaches who strive to win while pursuing the more important goal of teaching life lessons through sports—carries a $250 prize, a trophy and mention within the websites and newsletters of Positive Coaching Alliance and more.
with all-star protection. One day it’s decorated with peace signs and flowers; the next day it’s all attitude with skulland-crossbones and shooting stars (or even a shameless plug for this magazine). Wipeout Dry erase Helmets are available at amazon.com for about $30.
Here’s a helmet they will wear! “Creativity meets Safety” with an innovative concept that lets kids create custom helmet designs which can be drawn over and over again to ensure extended play value
Wipeout Dry erase Helmets
Win it for Mom “Like” Minnesota Parent on Facebook (Facebook.com/MNParentMag) or follow us on Twitter (@MNParentMag) by May 10 for your chance to win a pair of Silpada Design earrings for the lady in your life. Made of .925 Sterling Silver, compressed stabilized turquoise and magnesite, she’ll be stylin’ with the season’s hottest hues of blue and green. Didn’t win? You can find a pair just like them online at silpada.com; about $69
PRO Martial arts opened on April 20 in Minnetonka, with a mission “to help children develop their potential and learn to protect themselves,” says owner Susan Kruger. PRO Martial Arts is located in the Glen Lake Shopping Center at 14705 Excelsior Blvd. and offers training programs for kids ages four to 17.
Join Ramsey County Children’s Mental Health Collaborative at its Family Resource Fair on May 13 from 4:30 to 7:30 p.m. at Wilder Center in St. Paul. Free pizza and ice cream will be provided for families as they learn about various resources such as case management connections, mental health screenings, and other help. Call 651-2935951 or email Wendy Goodman at family@rccmhc.org. Challenge for Children’s fifth annual
charity event has been scheduled for May 19 to benefit Children’s Hospitals of Minnesota. Go to challengeforchildrens. com for more details on the event.
May 2013 9
Shannon
Keough
Bon Appetit! Introducing your baby to solid foods
“S
tarting solids” is one of the bigger milestones during your baby’s first year. After months of only breast- or bottle-feeding your little one, the day will finally arrive when you pop her into a high chair and introduce her to an exciting new world of mashed bananas and puréed sweet potatoes. The transition to solid foods can be both fun and frustrating. Some days you’ll be inspired, whipping up well-balanced offerings that are graciously accepted by your baby. Other days you’ll be exhausted, cracking open yet another puréed food pouch you once vowed you’d never buy. Whether you steam and purée everything yourself or buy jars by the case, or if you eschew the idea of “baby food” altogether in favor of baby-led weaning, there are numerous approaches to the introduction
Resources wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com raisehealthyeaters.com ellynsatterinstitute.com thefeedingdoctor.com
Parent-tested cookbooks Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron The Best Homemade Baby Food on the Planet by Karin Knight and Tina Ruggiero The Baby-Led Weaning Cookbook by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett
10 May 2013
of solid foods. (And there’s not room to talk about them all here; see the resources sidebar below for more information.) I was not particularly revolutionary when it came to introducing my daughter Lydia to solid foods. The handout from my pediatrician suggested that six months was a good time to start. I started her out with some mashed-up banana, and she seemed vaguely interested. In the weeks that followed I offered her different foods—puréed sweet potatoes, green beans, carrots— and generally followed the “four-day rule” (waiting four days to introduce a new food to check for food sensitivities). She would eat a little, but in general she just didn’t seem very
excited about solid foods. “I don’t really like these guidelines about how long to breastfeed or when to start solid foods, because they don’t take into account the cues provided by the baby,” says Ellyn Satter, registered dietician, family therapist and author of Child of Mine, one of the leading books about infant feeding and childhood nutrition. “Some babies are ready for solid foods at four or five months—others aren’t until seven or eight.” So it seemed to be with Lydia, who didn’t really “hit her stride” with solid foods until around eight months or so. And with all the focus I found myself placing on what she was eating (“Why does she like bananas so much? How can I get her to start liking kale?”), it was easy to lose track of why we were offering her these new foods in the first place. “The reason for introducing solid food is developmental, not nutritional,” says Satter. “What’s important is the learning that’s taking place.” In other words, the baby is learning about the physical and social worlds of eating—for example, sitting down at the table with others, picking up pieces of food, and holding a spoon. Despite my familiarity
with Satter’s philosophy, I sometimes found myself getting a bit worked up about how much (or how little) my daughter was eating—almost as if her food consumption was somehow a reflection of the quality of my parenting.
Learning begins at
Divide and conquer “Feeding demands a division of responsibility,” says Satter. The “Division of Responsibility” philosophy holds that the caregiver is responsible for the when, the where, and the what when it comes to food. In other words, you can control the food options your baby has, and the time and place of feeding. Your baby’s responsibility is the eating—that is, your baby decides how much he eats. This approach is a departure from the idea of portion control and requires that you trust your baby’s ability to eat when he’s hungry and to stop when he’s full. In my case, in the early days of solid foods Lydia was generally getting full after just a few bites. I didn’t push the issue, putting the food away and taking her out of her chair. But secretly, part of me wanted her to get a little more psyched about “real” food. “It’s important not to get caught up in an agenda about feeding,” says Satter, citing parents who are obsessed with getting their babies to like certain foods or to stick to strict eating schedules. “This breeds conflict.” And indeed, this seems to play out in real life. Out at a restaurant one weekend, I witnessed a frazzled mother trying to entice her toddler son with “just one more bite” of soup. Tight-lipped he refused. She pressed on with the spoon, until the whole thing devolved into a vale of tears. Maybe it’s just because I have a fear of conflict, but I like the Division of Responsibility philosophy. What a relief to simply focus on providing good food in a pleasant atmosphere without the pressure to force-feed a certain amount of broccoli or to “join the clean plate club.” Shannon Keough lives in south Minneapolis with her husband, Nick, and daughter, Lydia. She can be reached at mnga@mnpubs.com.
birth.
ECFE works to strengthen families and encourages parents to provide the best possible environment for the healthy development of their children.
Parent-Child Classes • Birth – 5 Years Old • www.ECFE.info
Early Childhood Family Education This ad was made possible by the generosity of the Minnesota College Savings Plan. For more information, please visit www.MN529today.com ECFE MNP NR2 2-3page.indd 1
12/17/12 1:04 PM May 2013 11
Children and teens who have higher BMI elevations (above the 97th percentile) may need a weight loss plan incorporated into their goal to achieve a healthier weight.
Peter
Dehnel, MD
Q
I have not vaccinated my son. He’s now two and he’s been just fine. If all of the other children have been vaccinated, why should I concern myself about vaccinating mine?
Unfortunately, there is a lot of misinformation about vaccinations that parents can easily find. There is also an excessive fear by some parents that vaccines will somehow injure or permanently damage their child. The association between vaccines and childhood injury—especially autism—has been extensively studied and shown not to exist. The diseases that these vaccines prevent are very real and with our global society, a case of measles from Russia, Africa, or China can easily be brought home to Minnesota during its incubation phase. Getting vaccinated is one of the most important steps that parents can take to keep themselves and their children healthy. It is also an important way to not be a source of disease to others in your community, especially who have weakened immune systems from cancer treatments or other 12 May 2013
medical conditions. You have been fortunate that your child has not had one of these “vaccine-preventable illnesses,” but they do happen. Many children and adults in Minnesota have been ill with infections that could have been otherwise prevented. The reality is that some of these infections have been very severe and the children will never fully recover. Please be sure to discuss this with your pediatrician, who best knows your son.
There were some teenagers recently highlighted on the show Biggest Loser. I am wondering what is safe for dieting for children or teenagers who are overweight? Having and maintaining a healthy weight is extremely important for children and teens.
There are both immediate and long-term medical and psychological implications for kids that are in the “overweight” or in a higher weight category. As a parent, assisting them to get to a healthier point is a great goal, but really needs to be a longterm project; quick weight loss may actually be a bad solution in the long run. If you have a child or younger teen with a body mass index (BMI) in the 85th percentile or higher, they are likely to be at a point where they can literally grow into their weight if they make behavior changes. A combination of increase in daily physical activity (moderate level or higher), choosing more healthy food selections, less sugarsweetened beverages and a decrease in “screen time” will likely be very successful if the change becomes a consistent part of their life. This is part of the “5-2-1-0” strategy, which you may have heard from your clinic or clinician. This stands for 5 servings of fruits and vegetables, no more than 2 hours of screen time, at least 1 hour of physical activity and 0 sugar-sweetened beverages daily. Children and teens who have higher BMI elevations (above the 97th percentile) may need a weight loss plan incorporated into their goal to achieve a healthier weight. This should ideally be done with informed assistance and supervision because their growth can be affected if their calorie reduction leads to an imbalance in nutritional intake. In this situation, as well, combining dietary changes with an increase in physical activity/exercise levels will be essential in healthy weight reduction. It is the case that some kids have been very successful with primarily increasing their aerobic activity levels with few dietary changes.
What age is a good age to start reading to my child? What about electronic books for children? Reading to children should start very young age, even in their first year of life. It is important to remember that for infants and young toddlers reading is very much a multi-sensory experience—seeing the book’s pictures and bright colors, hearing words and speech patterns, touching the book by turning the pages, and so on. The more durable “first-reader” books tend to be the best because they will get handled roughly, usually including a fair amount of chewing. Electronic books can be started fairly early—as young as toddlers and preschoolers. Some devices designed for preschoolers include interactive components. While the types of devices will be continually changing and evolving, one critical aspect of early childhood reading is in the interaction with parents and other caregivers during reading time. Ideally, an intentional and interactive reading time should start early and happen on a daily basis. This should continue after your child starts elementary school. This routine will put your child in the best place of school readiness and increase their success in school as they grow up. Finally, as your child gets older, he or she will be able to handle the electronic book devices quite well. Since many of these have direct access to the Internet, as a parent, you still need to protect your child and teen for age-inappropriate material. Hopefully that is a standard consideration for you because of the prevalence of devices that can easily get information— text, photos and videos—from the Internet. This column is intended to provide general information and guidance only and not specific medical advice. If you have specific questions about your child, please consult your health care professional. Dr. Peter Dehnel is a board certified pediatrician and medical director with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota. Have a question for Dr. Dehnel? Email mnga@mnpubs.com.
Park Nicollet Health Services MNP 0513 2-3 page.indd 1
4/10/132013 4:23 PM May 13
ReCIP
e
Chunky Guacamole 2 perfectly ripe California avocados (they should “give” a little when you squeeze them gently) 1 small vine ripe tomato 1 small red onion, finely chopped 1 T chopped fresh cilantro ¼ lime, juiced pinch of salt 1. Dice the tomato and onion as small as you wish them to be. 2. Cut the avocado in half, remove the seed, then cut it in criss-cross dice while still in the skin. Scoop out the avocado with a large spoon into your bowl or Molcajete. 3. add the veggies and cilantro, squeeze your lime over the top, add a bit of salt to your liking, and eat immediately, or let sit for an hour, covered, so flavors mingle.
Avocados—going fast A recent article in The Wall Street Journal brought sad news. Many avocado trees are being pulled from the ground in California’s San Diego County, in favor of plants that require less water to grow. According to the WSJ, the amount of water needed to tend to this luscious fruit is five times greater than what grapes need. On a 15-acre property, for example, that saves thousands of dollars annually. San Diego County has long been the nation’s top avocado-producing region and is home to one of the U.S.’s biggest avocado festivals held in October every year, Avofest in Carpinteria. Let’s support the plucky farmers who continue to bring us this green delight, encased in its perfectly portable shell. This quick recipe should get you started. —Kathleen Stoehr
14 May 2013
Vegan Tortilla Soup 4 cups vegetable broth 2 avocados Fresh cilantro 2 14-ounce cans diced tomatoes (or diced tomatoes with chilies) Lime juice Salt & pepper 2 cups onion 4 cloves garlic Tortilla chips 1. Toss veggie broth, diced tomatoes, lime juice, onion and garlic into blender and blend well. 2. Pour purÊed soup into small pot on stovetop and bring to a low boil, adding salt and pepper. Transfer soup to bowls. 3. Slice avocado horizontally and vertically, removing stone. Scoop out with a spoon and add to soup. 4. Chop or tear cilantro and add to soup. — More recipes from Nicole Navratil can be found on pepperoniisnotavegetable.com MInneSOTa PaRenT TeSTeD
Molcajete The Molcajete is a mortar and pestle carved from natural volcanic lava rock, large enough to mix up a party-sized batch of guacamole and serve it in the same bowl. One caveat: this is not an easy product to lift. With the pestle, it weighs about 11 pounds! Macys.com; about $40 on sale
May 2013 15
Joy
Riggs
An ounce of
alcohol prevention
M
y husband and I reached another parenting milestone this spring when we allowed our 17-year-old daughter to stay home overnight by herself. We left her with the family dog, important phone numbers, and this admonition: “no liquor parties.” We were mostly joking because we knew that having friends over to drink was about the furthest thing from her mind; fortunately, her idea of a fun night at home involves Netflix—not law breaking. But it was impossible to banish all worry from my mind as I considered how those situations always unfold in the movies—as word gets out, teenagers gather at an unsupervised home to raid the liquor cabinet, and before long the place is trashed and surrounded by police cars with flashing lights. Youth and alcohol have never been a good mix; according to a 2003 report by 16 May 2013
the National Research Council’s Institute of Medicine, underage drinking costs the United States at least $53 billion a year, mostly because of traffic deaths and violent crime. Although parents of tweens might think they have a few years before they need to worry about this issue, statistics say otherwise. The 2010 Minnesota Student Survey indicates that youth report experimenting with alcohol—beyond a few sips—as early as
age 10. Of the state’s sixth graders who took the 2010 survey, 19 percent of boys and 13 percent of girls reported that they first had more than a few sips of alcohol at age 13 or younger. Despite the laws that prohibit people under age 21 from buying and consuming alcohol, and that prohibit adults from providing alcohol to minors, teens with determination and opportunity have continued to find ways to gather and drink. But thanks to the work of law enforcement officials, elected officials, and concerned parents, many Minnesota communities now have a new tool to use in the effort to curb underage drinking: social host ordinances.
Host gets hit the most A social host ordinance makes it unlawful for someone to provide an environment where underage drinking takes place, regardless of who provides the alcohol. Family members of the property owner who are at the event are considered a host, regardless of their age. Violating the ordinance is a misdemeanor offense that carries a maximum penalty of 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine. Kandiyohi County passed Minnesota’s first social host ordinance in 2007, followed by the city of Chaska. Six years later, social host ordinances are in effect in 22 counties and 97 cities. Like any ordinance, they are enforceable only within the boundaries of the city or county that adopted them. Gordy Pehrson, youth traffic safety and alcohol coordinator with the Minnesota Department of Public Safety, says social host ordinances are not the only solution to the problem; rather, by holding people accountable for hosting parties where underage drinking occurs, they complement other existing laws and strategies. “These ordinances, and other laws, are not there to get people in trouble, they’re there to prevent people from getting injured, and to keep kids and communities healthy,” he says. Educating the public and policymakers about social host ordinances is
Newest Mini Golf Course Near Minneapolis
ResouRces Minnesotans for Safe Driving tinyurl.com/bvaz3jb Mothers against Drunk Driving tinyurl.com/ay9ysly Rice County Chemical Health Coalition tinyurl.com/b2fbvdk Substance Use in Minnesota sumn.org
important because some people have misconceptions about them, Pehrson says. For example, if parents allow their own child to drink wine at a family dinner in the home, they are exempted from the ordinance, but that would not be the case if they allowed someone else’s child to drink in their home. Also, he notes, parents would not be held responsible under the ordinance if their 17-year-old has a party in their home while they are gone, provided the parents didn’t know that underage drinking was going to occur. Since Rice County adopted a social host ordinance two years ago, four people have been prosecuted for violating it. Sheriff Troy Dunn says the ordinance has helped deter people—not only high school students, but also college students—from hosting parties where underage guests bring their own alcohol. “It wasn’t our goal to see how many people we could bust with it; we wanted to educate the community, and say, ‘If you choose to do this, you’re going to be held accountable.’” Dunn recommends that parents talk to their kids early and often about their expectations regarding underage drinking and its consequences. If parents, school personnel, law enforcement officials, and other community members all reinforce the same, consistent message, young people will be more likely to take it seriously. “It has to be a team effort; we can’t just do it alone,” he says.
Malt Shop!
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4/17/132013 5:06 PM May 17
Shield it
Safe Stuff What’s our priority? Safety, of course! By Kathleen Stoehr
Children’s sunglasses are not fashion accessories, but necessities that protect the eyes from serious damage, even irreversible vision loss or blindness. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that children are at increased risk for permanent eye damage from sunlight until they are at least 10 years old, because their eyes are highly sensitive and still developing. The Real Kids Shades line of protective infant and children sunglasses provide 100% UVA and UVB ray protection and are made of impactresistant, shatterproof polycarbonate frames and lenses. realkidsshades.com; about $15 and up
Cover it Keep baby comfortable during bath time with the help of Moby the whale. Textured material keeps baby from slipping and sliding, while a bit of cushion offers comfort as baby plays. Suction cups keep the mat securely in place as your little one splishes and splashes. skiphop.com; about $15
Tat it Boost it Designed specifically for children ages three and up who have outgrown the traditional high chair, the BabyBjörn Booster Chair is small and portable and helps a child sit at the correct table height. The seat is equipped with a two-stage safety lock to prevent a child from releasing the Booster when it is strapped to a chair. It also features a non-slip strap and mini pads and is equipped with a practical handle, making it ideal to take along when traveling or to restaurants. babybjorn.com; about $80
SafetyTats are temporary tattoos that read ‘If Lost, Please Call’ and list a parent or guardian’s mobile phone number. Designed to be worn on a child’s arm or hand, SafetyTats are easy to apply and are good for amusement parks or other crowded surroundings. Also available is a waterless ‘Quick Stick’ tattoo, allowing immediate, on-the-go safety. The inspiration behind SafetyTat was born of necessity when a mom quickly wrote her mobile phone number on her children’s arms at an amusement park—in case they got lost. safetytat.com; about $10
18 May 2013
House it With a simple open and close mechanism, the Flipper toothbrush holder opens and closes with the stroke of the toothbrush. More hygienic than throwing in a drawer or housing with others in a sink top holder, the Flipper meets every guideline for toothbrush care established by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) and the American Dental Association (ADA) and protects the brush, too.
a Fun-For-all at Break-neck Speed World Class Pro Racing • Family Festival • Kids Fun Races
natureValleyBicycleFestival.com
myflipperusa. com; about $7.00
Light it Blackout Buddy from the American Red Cross is an emergency LED blackout flashlight that doubles as a nightlight. When the power goes out, the Blackout Buddy automatically turns on. Just leave it in the wall socket. When you need it, fold in the prongs and you have a super bright flashlight. When fully charged, it lasts up to four hours. dailygrommet.com or etoncorp.com; about $13
June 2013 MInneSota FIXed Gear claSSIc
Benefiting:
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rIde lIke tHe proS For cHarItY
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Experience the Menomonie hills like the pros while all proceeds go to Children’s Lighthouse of Minnesota. Join us for fun rides ranging from 8 miles for families to 100 miles for serious cyclists.
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Sponsors:
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4/15/132013 2:11 PM May 19
cash, so we know the money is there if we need it, no matter what the market does. Since Roth IRAs are funded with after-tax dollars, we can take out any money we contributed tax and penalty free.
Kara
McGuire
Check credit reports for surprises. Every
Making the
Move W
four months, we visit annualcreditreport. com and request a free credit report from one of the three credit bureaus—you’re entitled to one free credit report from each bureau annually. If you space them out as we do, it’s the equivalent of a credit monitoring service. Give it a once over and follow the rules for correcting any mistakes you see. We also estimated our credit score using myfico.com (and then click on “check my fico score”). If you have concerns about your score and wish to purchase the real deal before pre-approval, talk to your lender about which credit score they use (yes, there’s more than one).
Start saving for that down payment.
Get pre-approved. Figure out your financing before serious house hunting begins. That way, you’re ready to pounce when the right house comes along. With inventory low, multiple bids are common these days. Even post-financial crisis, I think lenders are too generous. We were pre-approved above and beyond our comfort zone. We set a ceiling of how much we’d be willing to spend to fall back on if emotions take over.
hat do you get when you add rising home prices, still-low interest rates and insufficient inventory? Blooming consumer confidence and a growing interest in buying and selling homes, that’s what. Breathless news stories about the housing recovery certainly catch my attention. We’ve been considering a move for years. But there are so many factors that go into deciding whether to buy or sell a house. And it’s important to keep emotions in check. With that in mind, I’m sharing how my family is preparing for a possible move.
When we bought our first home in 2002, we figured we’d stay a few years, wait for our equity to explode, and easily move to a forever house that would better suit our growing family. Then the housing bubble burst and our easy-peasy trade-up scheme popped too. If we sell, our equity will not equal a double-digit down payment. Lending standards are tighter now. While low down payment options are still out there, having a decent down payment will make it easier to buy. In addition to setting some extra savings aside each month for this purpose in a separate account (otherwise, down payment money looks like “let’s go out to dinner money”), we also moved some money in our Roth IRA retirement accounts from stocks to 20 May 2013
Make a list of what we can and can’t live without. We’ve learned a lot about what we
do and don’t like as owners of our starter home. Now we have a pretty good idea of what we’d really like our next house and neighborhood to be like, from the shape and size of the windows to the proximity to schools. If you’re shopping for a house with someone else, have those conversations. Visit open houses. Spend a lot of time prioritizing amenities and talking through the reasons why they are important to your partner. I’ve lost track of the number of times we’ve had such conversations. They can be tedious, but we know where we stand as a family. Our bigger problem is finding a house that actually fulfills our
stringent requirements, or coming to terms with the fact that our dream house comes with a price tag outside our comfort zone. Don’t wait to get your house in order. If
you have a house to sell, have a professional come through your house with suggestions for improvements, touch ups, and staging. I knew we’d have a fair amount to accomplish but the list was pages long, and with three kids and a full time job, it takes time to re-grout tile, clear out toy clutter, and paint walls neutral colors. Moving is stressful enough without pulling all-nighters to get the house in tiptop shape. If you’re thinking about renting out your place, be sure to do the legwork to understand the rules and regulations. It may be more work than you anticipate. Find a Realtor. You might wonder why a Realtor is even that important anymore, since sophisticated real estate websites and apps make it easy to virtually tour homes before speaking to a professional. With so many new regulations to navigate, buying a home is more complicated than ever. Having someone to guide you through the process is invaluable. Even more important, in my opinion, is finding an agent who is plugged into the neighborhoods you’d like to move into. It’s not uncommon in this low-interest environment for houses to sell before they make it to the multiple listing service (MLS). Remember the lawn mower. And the cost
of utilities. And money for assessments. And cash set aside for home repairs. Homeowners need to factor in the monthly cost of running the house, in addition to the repairs and improvements and unexpected expenses that will come up as the years pass. It’s not just about the down payment and the monthly mortgage. We’ve calculated the number on a couple of older, larger homes, and it’s been eye-opening. This is one reason why we’re not 100 percent convinced we’ll sell our not-so-big-house.
You can get there. We can help.
Visit www.MN529today.com or call 1-877-338-4646
Kara McGuire is a St. Paul financial writer and mom of three. Send questions or comments to kara@karamcguire.com. MN College Savings Plan MNP 0513 2-3page.indd 1
4/16/132013 4:25 PM May 21
Minnesota authors Celebrating books written here in our great state! By Kathleen Stoehr
Song of Sampo Lake For 15-year-old Matt and his family, Finnish immigrants in Minnesota in 1900, starting a new life in America is both a hardship and an opportunity. After a tragic mining accident kills their beloved uncle, the family moves away from the iron mines and instead homesteads in the wilderness. Originally printed in 2002, it has been recently reprinted. For ages 8 and up By William Durbin University of Minnesota Press; $11.95
Nighttime Ninja Late at night, when all is quiet and everyone is asleep, a ninja silently creeps through the house in search of treasure. Soon he reaches his ultimate goal…and gets a big surprise. A fun, adventure-filled story about the power of play and imagination. Picture book
The Monster of White Bear Lake
It’s summertime in Minnesota and 10 year-old Spinner and his best friend, Bobber, are spending their days biking, swimming, and fishing around White Bear Lake. The boys are puzzled about some missing ducklings—and then a sunfish they have caught gets taken right off Bobber’s line! Is there a monster lucking below the water? If your child likes to fish, this book has lots of info about fish and tackle. For elementary school age children By Mike Holliday Fishing kids; $5.99
By Barbara DaCosta Little, Brown and Company; $16.99
T is for Twin Cities: A Minneapolis/St. Paul Alphabet The Twin Cities region of Minnesota has long been recognized as a hub of history, culture, commerce, and education. Now you can visit the celebrated state capitol building in St. Paul, meet cartoonist Charles Schultz of Peanuts fame, and learn why Minneapolis is called the “City of the Lakes.” Kids of all ages can explore the treasures of the Twin Cities; the little ones through large drawings and alphabet-style learning; and the older ones through the adjoining in-depth sidebar text. By nancy Carlson and Helen Wilbur; Sleeping Bear Press; $16.95
22 May 2013
Minnesota Bug Hunt
Insects are everywhere and easy to find— if you know where to look. Minnesota Bug Hunt puts you on the trail for insects big and small, fierce and friendly. Explore habitats as near as your own backyard; use your senses to discover the bugs who share our world. Close up photos by Bill Johnson show how beautiful—and how otherworldly, these bugs look. For ages 4 to 8 By Bruce Giebink Minnesota Historical Society Press; $16.95
One Frozen Lake
Seven hours pass. Not one fish. Has anyone seen a fish? One Frozen Lake tells the story of a grandfather and grandchild on several ice fishing adventures. Will they ever catch a fish? Perhaps that’s beside the point. Picture book By Deborah Jo Larson Minnesota Historical Society Press; $16.95
May 2013 23
Sean
Toren
My lifeguard There seems to be no simple five-step plan to being emotionally present for your partner, no bullet list to make sure you have created a safe place for them (and yourself) to be vulnerable.
M
an, do I have advice about personal safety. For biking, climbing, and tornado aversion protocol—I’m your guy. Take water, for example. My wife Edna’s family has a cabin on the St. Croix river not far from our city home. They’re right on the water, with lots of shady tree cover and Ruby Throated hummingbirds and canoe fishing right out the back door. The river is beautiful and serene— and it scares the bejeezus out of me. 24 May 2013
I grew up swimming in the Atlantic Ocean, at Margate beach, New Jersey. My friends and I learned to crack clams for the seagulls and snap a wicked wet towel, as well as less practical things like how to tread water forever, or how to swim parallel to the beach to escape the dreaded undertow. Of course, we were really able to feel secure because there was always someone there who had our respective, scrawny backs. The lifeguards, sitting high up on their white stands, noses covered in zinc oxide, were always watching to make sure
we were safe (and that we weren’t getting too vicious with our towel snapping). Nowadays, I know that you can drown in any body of water, from the ocean to a three-inch puddle of Minnesota snow melt. But to me rivers feel the most dangerous. A river’s smooth surface often hides a deep chaos of currents, and the St. Croix in particular has such high tannin content that you can’t see your feet while standing in knee-deep water. Objects like sunglasses disappear immediately from view only to bump along the bottom with twigs and turtles and invasive Big Head carp. Sunglasses (or—my annual fear—a four- or five- or six-yearold) don’t stand a chance. I tried to prepare for the dangers by starting my son, Ed, Jr., in swim classes at the YMCA when he was only a year old (with Papa in tow, of course, standing half-naked in nippledeep water singing Wheels on the Bus with other half-naked parents). Ed, Jr. is now a ‘trout,’ as denoted by the Y’s fish-based swim ability rating system, and he’s a strong enough swimmer that he could survive some childish mistakes. The hope, of course, is that he’ll also learn enough from his mistakes to develop some common sense. Until that day comes, he’ll have to adhere to some serious kid rules at the cabin. Younger kids like Ed, Jr. aren’t allowed near the water alone. And older kids aren’t allowed to swim on their own until they can swim all the way to Wisconsin without a life vest.
Another kind of safety But all that is just physical safety. There’s another kind of safety that matters just as much: emotional safety—especially for our partners. Here, in spite of my normal rules and protocol, I have no advice. There seems to be no simple five-step plan to being emotionally present for your partner, no
bullet list to make sure you have created a safe place for them (and yourself) to be vulnerable. You have to have an open heart (with limited scarring so it can be put to use) plus a head that doesn’t get in the way of it. And sometimes you just need to get lucky. For example, I jumped into the deep end of the dating pool early and often—beginning at age 12. Those early ‘practice’ relationships were a little like swimming with arm floaties, though I had my fair share of near-drownings and gasping, soggy recoveries. By the time I was out of high school I was synchronized swimming with someone I’d stay with for over 12 years. My wife, Edna, on the other hand, didn’t dive into the dating pool until college. She didn’t have those floaties of youth—but then she also started the process stronger and with less traumatic experience behind her. Somehow we came together in calm water (with only a little splashing) our experience and damage miraculously cancelling each other out—or maybe even bouying each other a bit. And though we didn’t ever follow multiple-point plans for how to create safety for each other, I think we leaned on some old standbys handed down to us by our parents. Common sense things like how there’s always a reason for your partner’s actions (even when the actions seem insane) and it’s your job to try to understand it. Never kick a person when they are down. Always give the benefit of the doubt. This is where I have to say (previous, columns complaining about being ‘not-mom’ and missed birthdays and other ‘small stuff’ to the contrary) that on this biggest of stuff—out crossing deep water where the safety of my own heart desperately matters—Edna’s truly my lifeguard. And I get to be hers—and our kid’s. Not that I wouldn’t snap either of them with a wicked, wet towel, you know, just as they’re trying to get out of the water. I just feel lucky that they’d do the same for me.
MN Landmarks MNP 0812 H6.indd 2
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Sean Toren loves living the full catastrophe in Minneapolis with his wife and son. He can be contacted at mnga@mnpubs.com with thoughts or suggestions.
May 2013 25
12
Love your mama! Mother’s Day
HOBT’s MayDay Parade and Festival
5
Be safe on your bikes! It’s National Bike Month
13 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
14 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
6 7 ———————— Toddler Tuesdays: ———————— The Zinghoppers @ MOA ———————— national ———————— Teacher Day ———————— ————————
15 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
It’s no Socks Day!
8
1 Happy May Day! ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
Fri
Humane Society’s Walk for animals
Sat
art-a-Whirl begins in
TC Kids Cross Country Fun Run @
Rock the Barn Farm Festival @ Dodge nature Center
Raffi in Concert @ State Theatre
18
10 11 Garden Party ———————— @ The Bakken ———————— Opening Day: ———————— Valleyfair ———————— Harvest ———————— Shepherd’s Festival in Lake elmo ———————— 16 17 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
9 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
2 3 4 ———————— ———————— of Nations ———————— Festival @ RiverCentre ———————— opens to the public ———————— Free to Be…You and Me opens ———————— at YPCo
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs
May out about
PuLL out and saVe!
University of St Thomas MNP 0513 4.71x3.59.indd 1
Voicemail is confidential; Feel free to leave your contact information
4/17/13 4:07 PM
University of St. Thomas, Department of Psychology • ajessee@stthomas.edu • 651-962-5035
If interested, please contact: Allison Jessee, Ph.D.
$40 gift card provided as payment for a 1 ½ to 2 hour visit at the University of St. Thomas. Fun games for your child included!
Study on preschool children’s social understanding; Starting in June
Como Park
3/15/13 11:57 AM
24 25 Wet & Wild Fun ———————— at Reading Frenzy ———————— Bookshop, Zimmerman night to see ———————— Last Cinder Edna @ Stages Theatre ———————— Run! Jump! Fly! ———————— Adventures in Action opens at MN ———————— Children’s Museum
northeast Mpls
31 30 ———————— Opening day! Edina Art Fair ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
23 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
TPT MNP 0413 4.71x3.59.indd 1
29 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
28 27 ———————— ———————— Toddler Tuesdays: ———————— Camp Ice Age @ MOA ———————— ———————— ————————
Memorial Day
22 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
20 21 ———————— ———————— Arty Pants: Your ———————— Tuesday Playdate @ Walker Art ———————— Center ———————— ————————
Looking for moms and their 3-5 year old children!
26 ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
Free 3rd Sundays at the Minnesota Children’s Museum
Dandelion Day Celebration @ Historic ard Godfrey House, Minneapolis
19
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Out About
Parent pick
Festival of Nations
Parent pick
MayDay Parade and Festival ••
Every year, thousands of people gather together to welcome the return of spring to Minnesota at this event, a dazzling spectacle parade of puppets organized by In the Heart of the Beast Theatre. When: 5th from 1:00 to 7:00 p.m. Where: 1:00 p.m. parade begins at intersection of Bloomington Ave. and 26th St. in Minneapolis and travels south down Bloomington Ave.; 3:30 p.m. (approx.) is the Tree of Life Ceremony in Powderhorn Park; 1:00 to 7:00 p.m.: Festival in Powderhorn Park Cost: FREE Info: hobt.org or 612-721-2535
28 May 2013
••
During the three public days, Festival of Nations invites people of all ages to Think Global, Discover Local with their friends and family. The festival brings together people from a vast array of backgrounds to celebrate their ethnic heritage, learn about other cultures, and enjoy great food. Through exhibits, food, music, dance, and personal connections, Festival of Nations provides a look into the traditions, history, and journey of over 90 ethnic groups, and sheds light on how each one contributes to the American cultural landscape. When: 3rd through 5th Where: St. Paul RiverCentre Cost: $13.50 for adults and $8 for children Info: festivalofnations.com or 612-308-5785
ONGOING Zen Shorts
••
Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth received the distinct Caldecott Honor in 2006. Especially for young children ages three to seven, this extraordinary story features three siblings who view the world differently when a giant panda, Stillwater, moves into the neighborhood and tells each of them an amazing tale. When: Through May 5 Where: Stages Theatre, Hopkins Cost: Prices vary, see website for more info Info: stagestheatre.org or 952-979-1111
Free to Be…You and Me
••
Free to Be...You and Me is 41-yearsold (does it seem that long?), and it’s still as fresh and fun as ever. The show features life-enhancing themes, blended with music and humor, all encouraging kids to invent their own futures without limitation, while dispelling some old constraints and worn-out conventions in the process. Free to Be… has something for the free spirit in every adult and wise soul in every child. When: 3rd through 19th Where: Youth Performance Company, Minneapolis Cost: $12 adults; $10 children/seniors Info: youthperformanceco.org or 612-822-0824
Then Now Wow
••
Dedicated entirely to Minnesota history, Then Now Wow is the largest exhibit ever created by the Minnesota History Center. Designed primarily for children, visitors of all ages will enjoy exploring Minnesota’s distinctive places from the prairies and forests to the cities, along the way they’ll meet the people who have made their homes here. When: Ongoing Where: Minnesota History Center Cost: $6–$11; FREE ages five and under Info: mnhs.org or 651-259-3000
Minnesota & the Civil War
••
The Civil War holds a pivotal
A Fairy Tale With a Twist
Ends May 25
Famous Cinderella and spunky Cinder Edna are neighbors who have the same problem: two stepsisters and a stepmother. In this clever story, follow two very different girls -- one uses a fairy godmother, one uses the bus -- as Prince Randolph and Prince Rupert try to find the owners of a glass slipper and…a loafer. Who will get their happily ever after and what does that even mean? For all ages.
DON’T MISS THIS DISNEY FAVORITE JUNE 28 - AUG. 4
Take a magical carpet ride with Stages Theatre Company this summer when Princess Jasmine, Genie and Aladdin embark on an adventure filled with magic and mayhem. The Academy award-winning score includes favorite songs like “A Whole New World,”“One Jump Ahead” and “A Friend Like Me.” Come discover the lavish journey that awaits your favorite characters. For all ages.
WWW.STAGESTHEATRE.ORG BOX OFFICE: (952) 979-1111 May 2013 29
Out About Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
••
A secular version of the powerful and beloved story of Joseph, favorite son of Jacob, who is given a splendid coat of many colors. With 22 major production numbers filled with colorful costuming, creative staging, upbeat music, and exuberant choreography. When: Through Fall 2013 Where: Chanhassen Dinner Theatres, Chanhassen Cost: Prices vary depending upon seat and date selected Info: chanhassentheatres.com or 952-934-1525
Buds Burst
••
May brings an ever-changing array of colorful spring flowers to the arboretum and marks the return of migrant birds and butterflies. Experience the season’s delights, plant your own spring flower to take home, and create a journal to record what’s in bloom.
Alice in Wonderland
place in the history of the United States. Citizens of the new state of Minnesota were a major part of the national story, from being the first state to offer troops through their dramatic role at Gettysburg to Appomattox and beyond. When: Through Sept. 8; closed Mondays except for holidays Where: Minnesota History Center Cost: $5 and under FREE; 6 to 17, $6; seniors and college students, $9; adults, $11 Info: minnesotahistorycenter.org or 651-259-3000
Alice in Wonderland
••
The classic tale of rabbit holes and wonder. For grades K+ When: Through June 15 Where: Children’s Theatre Company, Minneapolis Cost: Prices vary depending upon seat selected Info: childrenstheatre.org or 612-874-0400
30 May 2013
Dora and Diego—Let’s Explore!
••
The exhibit features beloved characters Dora and Diego from Nickelodeon’s hit preschool series Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego, Go!, along with their friends Boots, Map, Backpack, Isa, Tico, and of course Swiper, now in their own exhibit for your preschooler to explore as they learn and play along. Dora the Explorer follows the adventures of the seven-year-old Latina heroine Dora and her friends in an imaginative, tropical world. Go, Diego, Go! stars Dora’s eight-year-old cousin Diego, a bilingual animal rescuer who protects animals and their environment. The exhibit gives children and their families the opportunity to go into the worlds of Dora and Diego to engage in problem-solving and active play. When: Through September 22 Where: Minnesota Children’s Museum, St. Paul Cost: $9.50 ages 1 to 101 Info: mcm.org or 651-225-6000
When: Every Saturday and Sunday, Noon to 4:00 p.m. Where: Minnesota Landscape Arboretum, Chanhassen Cost: $12 for adults and ages 13 & older, FREE for ages 12 and younger and always free for members Info: arboretum.umn.edu or 952-442-1400
Cinder Edna
••
Famous Cinderella and spunky Cinder Edna are neighbors who have the same problem: two stepsisters and a stepmother. In this clever story, follow two very different girls—one uses a fairy godmother, one uses the bus—as Prince Randolph and Prince Rupert try to find the owners of a glass slipper and…a loafer. Who will get their happily ever after and what does that even mean? For all ages When: Through May 25 Where: Stages Theatre, Hopkins Cost: Prices vary depending upon date and seat selected Info: stagestheatre.org or 952-979-1111
ATTENTION WOMEN 21-33: Would you like to be an egg donor? Run! Jump! Fly! adventures in action
•
Run! Jump! Fly! Adventures in Action motivates children to be more active by experiencing the fun in physical activity. It features four adventure scenes, an action star training center, and a toddler pyramid. Each adventure scene provides an imaginative setting in which kids can try out a high appeal physical activity. The adventure scenes include surfing/ snowboarding, kung fu, a climbing canyon, and flycycles (flying bicycles). Each area highlights a specific physical challenge of balance, strength, coordination, or cardiovascular endurance. When: May 25 to September 8 Where: Minnesota Children’s Museum, St. Paul Cost: $9.50 ages 1 to 101 Info: mcm.org or 651-225-6000
The Center for Reproductive Medicine is seeking women between 21 and 33 years of age to donate eggs for couples who cannot otherwise achieve pregnancy. You will be compensated for your time and inconvenience.
NEW nline
o easylication app
For more detailed information call
612-863-5390
Share the gift of life
or fill out an application online at www.ivfminnesota.com
ALL ETHNICITIES NEEDED 2828 Chicago Ave. #400 Minneapolis, MN 55407 Accredited by: Diplomats of the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technologies, American College of OB/GYNs and Association for Reproductive Medicine.
Center for Reproductive Medicine MNP 0413 H6.indd 4
Escape to the Lakes
3/20/13 12:07 PM
wheelfunrentals.com ********************** PURCHASE $10 RECEIVE 50% OFF ANNUAL PASS EVERY RIDE **********************
Preschool Playdate
•
Each Tuesday, the Science Museum offers preschool appropriate activities that will keep little hands busy and little minds buzzing. A Preschool Playdates ticket includes admission to the exhibit galleries, take-home science experiment, preschool perfect Science Live performances and science demonstrations, and various discounts. When: 10:00 a.m. to noon Where: Science Museum of Minnesota, St. Paul Cost: Under five, FREE; $13 for adults Info: smm.org/playdates or 651-221-9444
als Rent Bike 2660 2-729alls: 61 9-1127 F a h a Minneh omis: 612-72 -1180 ok 18-722 2 : k r a Lake N lP – Cana 6-0005 Duluth 651-77 : n le a h Lake P Wheel Fun Rentals MNP 0513 H4.indd 1
entals Water R 23-5765 n: 612-9 u o lh a C 2-9226 Lake t: 612-92 ie r r a 127 H e Lak 12-729-1 komis: 6 o 5 N 0 0 e 0 k a 6 L -77 alen: 651 Lake Ph 4/9/13 2:11 PM
Wee Wednesdays
•
Wee Wednesdays have plenty to see and do for toddlers and their families. Free, educational programming geared toward children five and under; also features hands-on activities and more. When: Every Wednesday beginning at 10:30 a.m. Where: Midtown Global Market, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: midtownglobalmarket.org or 612-872-4041
Ordway Center MNP 0513 H4.indd 1
4/17/13 10:40 AM May 2013 31
Out About Family Night at the Global Market
••
Free live music, a children’s play area, and free balloons for the first 50 children. Businesses will validate your parking (for up to three hours) with purchase if you park in the 10th Avenue parking ramp. When: Every Friday from 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. Where: Midtown Global Market, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: midtownglobalmarket.org or 612-872-4041
HOBT Puppet Show
••
Every Saturday, different artists perform engaging puppet shows—a great alternative to television! Families can also attend hands-on Make-n-Take puppet workshops based on that day’s puppet theme. When: Shows at 10:00 a.m. and noon; Make-n-take at 11:00 a.m. Where: Heart of the Beast theatre, Minneapolis Cost: Suggested donation for show between $2 and $4; Make-n-take admission $5/child, $3 adult Info: hobt.org or 612-721-2535
3 Friday Festival of Nations
••
During the three public days, Festival of Nations invites people of all ages to Think Global, Discover Local with their friends and family. The festival brings together people from a vast array of backgrounds to celebrate their ethnic heritage, learn about other cultures, and enjoy great food. Through exhibits, food, music, dance, and personal connections, Festival of Nations provides a look into the traditions, history and journey of over 90 ethnic groups, and sheds light on how each one contributes to the American cultural landscape. When: 4:00 to 10:30 p.m. Where: St. Paul RiverCentre Cost: $13.50 for adults and $8 for children Info: festivalofnations.com or 612-308-5785
32 May 2013
Walk for Animals
4 Saturday Free First Saturday: Some Assembly Required
••
Families will build structures using a variety of found materials and everyday objects. Get together for gallery adventures and experience a variety of artists’ projects throughout the day. When: 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (family activities until 3:00) Where: Walker Art Center, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: walkerart.org or 612-375-7600
Festival of Nations
••
See description, Friday, May 2 When: 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.
Saturday Live! The Little Mermaid
••
Join Schiffelly Puppets and Ariel, King Triton and other underwater friends as they try and teach the evil Ursula a lesson about bullying. Enjoy this family friendly parody of the classic Hans Christian Andersen tale filled with humor and plenty of audience participation.
When: 11:15 a.m. to noon Where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
Free Family Flicks: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
••
Enjoy a free movie. First-come, firstserved to theater capacity. When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
Walk for Animals
••
Enjoy delicious food, a multitude of vendors, family friendly entertainment, and games for children of all species! Walk begins at 10:00 a.m. When: 8:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. Where: Animal Humane Society, Golden Valley Cost: Fundraise or suggested donation of $25 Info: animalhumanesociety.org/walk
Out About 5 Sunday
7 Tuesday
MayDay Parade and Festival
Arty Pants: Your Tuesday Playdate
••
Every year, thousands of people gather together to welcome the return of spring to Minnesota at this event, a dazzling spectacle parade of puppets organized by In the Heart of the Beast Theatre. When: 1:00 to 7:00 p.m. Where: 1:00 p.m. parade begins at intersection of Bloomington Ave. and 26th St. in Minneapolis and travels south down Bloomington Ave.; 3:30 p.m. (approx.) is the Tree of Life Ceremony in Powderhorn Park; 1:00 to 7:00 p.m.: Festival in Powderhorn Park Cost: FREE Info: hobt.org or 612-721-2535
Festival of Nations
••
See description, Friday, May 2 When: 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
••
Features activities for adults and youngsters ages three to five. Art projects, films, gallery activities, and story time. When: 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Where: Walker Art Center, Minneapolis Cost: FREE with gallery admission; Walker members and kids ages 12 and under are always free. Info: walkerart.org or 612-375-7600
Toddler Tuesdays: The Zinghoppers
••
The Zinghoppers, named “Nashville’s #1 Kids Entertainers” by Parent magazine, are a preschool pop band, influenced by hip-hop and electro dance music. The band has one simple mission: to rock the whole globe!
Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
9 Thursday Listen To Your Mother
••
Listen To Your Mother is a national series of live readings by local writers in celebration of Mother’s Day directed, produced, and performed by local communities for local communities. This first Twin Cities production promises to take you on a journey with 14 local writers reading original works that validate and celebrate motherhood. Come laugh, cry, reminisce, and nod in recognition of the stories of motherhood we all share. When: 7:00 p.m. Where: The Riverview Theater, Minneapolis Cost: $15 in advance; $18 at door Info: listentoyourmothershow.com/ twincities/ or 651-269-7441
When: Shows at 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. Where: Mall of America, Rotunda
May 2013 33
Out About 10 Friday Friends School of MN Plant Sale
••
This annual fundraising event offers nearly 2,300 varieties of plants to benefit the Friends School of Minnesota, a kindergarten through 8th grade Quaker school in St. Paul’s Midway neighborhood committed to making sure it is financially accessible to any family, regardless of need. This ginormous sale is held in the 66,000 square foot Grandstand building. Additionally, shrubs, trees, roses, and native plants are outside the building in an additional 30,000 or so square feet. When: 9:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Where: State Fairgrounds Grandstand building Cost: FREE admission Info: friendsschoolplantsale.com or 651-621-8930
11 Saturday Garden Party @ The Bakken
••
Fabulous science-related programming and plenty of fun for no charge every second Saturday of the month. When: 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Where: The Bakken Museum, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: thebakken.org/Saturday or 612-926-3878
Saturday Live! Musician Ross Sutter
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Enjoy children’s music from America and Northern Europe with accompaniment on the guitar, accordion, dulcimer, and Irish drum. Sing and dance along in this interactive program. When: 11:15 a.m. to noon Where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
Free Family Flicks: Kung Fu Panda
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Enjoy a free movie. First-come,
34 May 2013
first-served to theater capacity. When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
Opening Day: Valleyfair
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Featuring over 75 rides and attractions including eight rollercoasters like Renegade and Wild Thing, new live entertainment, Soak City Waterpark, Planet Snoopy with the Peanuts gang and the all-new Dinosaurs Alive. When: Through Labor Day, September 2, then weekends only through October Where: Valleyfair, Shakopee Cost: $35.99 for a daily ticket Info: Valleyfair.com or 952-445-7600
Friends School of MN Plant Sale
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See description, Friday, May 10 When: 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
Shepherd’s Harvest Festival
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The fairgrounds are filled with music, food, artisans and animals. Events include Minnesota’s largest fleece competition, sheep shearing, fleece skirting demos, book-signings and more. Families always enjoy the dog-herding demonstration, the sheep and goats in the barn and this year there will be story-telling and children’s demos in Building D. There’s lot’s of room to picnic—weather permitting! When: 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: Washington County Fairgrounds, Lake Elmo Cost: FREE Info: shepherdsharvestfestival.org
12 Sunday Shepherd’s Harvest Festival
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See description, Saturday, May 11. When: 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
Friends School of MN Plant Sale
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See description, Friday, May 10. All plants are one-third off their listed price today. When: 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.
13 Monday Four Raptors Plus Eagle
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The Raptor Center raptors and staff provide a unique educational experience. Our hour-long programs are packed with age-appropriate information that is both educational and entertaining. All outreach programs include a raptor education specialist, three live raptors plus an eagle, and a variety of hands-on props and activities that make this program a complete educational experience. When: 2:00 p.m. Where: Wescott Library, Eagan Cost: FREE Info: 651-454-4318
14 Tuesday Toddler Tuesdays: Diego’s Rainforest Fiesta
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Calling all animal rescuers! Make your own wild animal mask, meet and greet with Diego and stick around for an animal jam dance party. When: Shows at 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. Where: Mall of America, Rotunda Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
17 Friday Art-a-Whirl
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Art-A-Whirl is the largest open studio tour in the country. It’s a great opportunity to tour private artist studios and galleries, connect with the artists, and purchase original artwork. Tour more than 50 locations throughout Northeast Minneapolis, including studio buildings, art galleries, homes, storefronts, businesses, and restaurants. When: 5:00 to 10:00 p.m. Where: Studios in Northeast Minneapolis
Cost: FREE In fo: nemaa.org/art-a-whirl or 612-788-1679
Juggle Jam 15
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Juggle Jam is the pinnacle performance for JUGHEADS Youth Juggling Company and is the only show that features the entire cast of over 140 jugglers! The energy and talent seen here leaves audiences inspired and amazed. The routines of JJ15 will showcase the entire company, each weekly club, and small group and solo acts. When: 7:00 p.m. Where: Hopkins High School Auditorium, Minnetonka Cost: $5 to $15 Info: jugheads.com or 612-229-3348
18 Saturday Raffi in Concert
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See this renowned children’s entertainer, whose string of gold and platinum-selling recordings in North America includes his classic song, Baby Beluga. When: 1:00 p.m. Where: State Theatre, Minneapolis Cost: $29 to $39 Info: tinyurl.com/d5xnk3n
Rock the Barn Farm Festival
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Traditionally, Farm Festival and Rock the Barn have been two separate events. Farm Festival celebrates many things, most especially our farm babies. Rock the Barn is the “end of school year” celebration for the Dodge Nature Preschool families. For the second year Dodge will be combining events! Live entertainment, pond dipping, bake ale, wagon rides, barn visits and more. When: 3:00 to 8:00 p.m. Where: Dodge Nature Center, West St. Paul Cost: Cost varies depending upon age and time of purchase, see website or call Info: dodgenaturecenter.org or 651-455-4531
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Out About Saturday Live! Circus Manduhai
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The amazing Mongolian family circus returns to the Central Library with acrobatics, juggling, balancing, hula hoops and more! When: 11:15 a.m. to noon Where: St. Paul Public Library, Central Library Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/bulsmwh or 651-266-7034
Free Family Flicks: Kung Fu Panda 2
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Enjoy a free movie. First-come, first-served to theater capacity. When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
TC Kids Cross Country Fun Run
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Half, one and two mile races. Medal and t-shirt for all participants; meet mascots Harry and Shelly; Radio Disney; free picnic lunch for all participants. Parents are welcome to register and run with their children. When: 9:00 a.m. Where: Como Park, St. Paul Cost: $10 per runner; $16 on race day Info: Register at tcmevents.org
tpt Family Fun Day
EcoArts Fest
Costumed character appearances, celebrity readers, and more!
The 6th Annual EcoArts Fest is a free, family-friendly event that educates and inspires the next generation of stewards for our earth through the arts. Focusing on healthy waters as the origin of all life, this festival honors the many facets of diversity.
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When: 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Where: Como Town and Como Zoo, St. Paul Cost: $15 pre-sale unlimited ride wristbands Info: tpt.org/fun or 651-229-1330
Golden Valley Days Art & Music Festival
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9:30 a.m. parade starting at Ridgeway and Western; art fair, games for children, music, food vendors; vintage car show, farmers market; 9:30 p.m. fireworks display. When: 9:30 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. Where: Brookfield Park, Golden Valley Cost: Festival is FREE with a non-perishable food item Info: gvcfoundation.org or 763-521-2604
Art-a-Whirl
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See description, Friday, May 17 When: Noon to 8:00 p.m.
Juggle Jam 15
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See description, Friday, May 17 When: 7:00 p.m.
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When: 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: Harriet Island Grounds & Pavillion, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: artstart.org or 651-698-2787
19 Sunday Free 3rd Sundays at the Minnesota Children’s Museum
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Grab the kids and roam the museum free of charge every third Sunday of each month. When: 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Where: Minnesota Children’s Museum Cost: FREE Info: mcm.org or 651-225-6000
Dandelion Day Celebration
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Learn how to make dandelion necklaces, bracelets, and crowns; tour the Ard Godfrey house with hostesses dressed in 1850s costumes; have a dandelion painted on your cheek or chin—or get a temporary tattoo! When: 1:00 to 4:00 p.m. Where: Historic Ard Godfrey House, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: ardgodfreyhouse.org or 612-813-5300
Art-a-Whirl
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See description, Friday, May 17 When: Noon to 5:00 p.m.
Spice & Slice of Asian America: Taiko Drumming
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Free Family Flicks: Kung Fu Panda 2
Learn about taiko’s historical and cultural background. You will have a chance to try simple taiko rhythms after the performance. When: 2:00 p.m.
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Out About Edina Art Fair
28 Tuesday Toddler Tuesdays: Camp Ice Age
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Meet and greet Sid in the Rotunda, visit Camp Ice Age and make a fun craft. Admission fee to Camp Ice Age will be waived during this event. When: 10:00 to noon Where: Mall of America, Rotunda Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
31 Friday Edina Art Fair
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Where: Ridgedale Library, Minnetonka Cost: FREE Info: hclib.org/pub/events/ or 612-543-8800
21 Tuesday Arty Pants: Your Tuesday Playdate
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Features activities for adults and youngsters ages three to five. Art projects, films, gallery activities, and story time. When: 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Where: Walker Art Center, Minneapolis Cost: FREE with gallery admission; Walker members and kids ages 12 and under are always free. Info: walkerart.org or 612-375-7600
Toddler Tuesdays: Wonder Pets Circus Party
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Watch the Wonder Pets’ “Join the Circus” special, play a game in the circus tent parachute and meet Linny, Ming-Ming and Tuck. When: 10:00 to noon Where: Mall of America, Rotunda Cost: FREE Info: tinyurl.com/3vbfhly
25 Saturday Free Family Flicks: Big Time Movie
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Enjoy a free movie. First-come, firstserved to theater capacity. When: 10:00 a.m. Where: Theatres at Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: FREE Info: theatresmoa.com
Wet & Wild Fun at Reading Frenzy Bookshop
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Join children’s book authors Stephanie Wallingford & Dawn Rynders at Zimmerman’s Wild West Days. Stop in to Reading Frenzy Bookshop between 1:00 and 4:00 p.m. to play games, create crafts, meet the authors, and get your copy of the colorful, rhyming book A Day at the Lake. When: 1:00 to 4:00 p.m. Where: Reading Frenzy Bookshop, 12530 Fremont Ave, Zimmerman Cost: FREE Info: facebook.com/ events/170480293104342/ or 763-856-3736
It’s the first day of the Edina Art Fair, the first official art fair of the year and the second largest in Minnesota, featuring over 340 fine artists and crafters from around Minnesota, the U.S., and Canada. Highlights include live music and lifestyle demos, a Kids Art Zone, food vendors, fashion shows, cooking demos and more. When: 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. Where: 50th and France, Edina Cost: FREE Info: 50thandfrance.com or 952-922-1524
Upper Minnetonka Sailing School Open House
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The general public is invited to enjoy free sailboat rides with the school’s instructors at the helm. The Upper Minnetonka Sailing School will offer rides on its 23-foot teaching boat, “Sailing School,” along with several other sailboats. The Open House includes knot-tying demonstrations and a chance to meet racers and instructors of the Upper Minnetonka Yacht Club and Upper Minnetonka Sailing School. Sailboat rides are free, on a first-come, first-registered basis. When: 4:00 to 8:00 p.m. Where: The Yacht Club on Lake Minnetonka, Spring Park Cost: FREE Info: Pre-register at 612-871-8101 •
May 2013 37
Snap(chat) judgements Rewards and risks of messaging app, Snapchat By Carolyn Jabs
By now, most parents have heard of Snapchat, the phenomenally popular messaging app that allows users to annotate and send photos and very short videos to their friends. Unlike other messages, Snapchats are purported to disappear in 10 seconds. Kids who are tired of having their lives searched and analyzed on Facebook love that kind of spontaneity. As one college blogger put it, Snapchat is fun “without the terrifying permanence of the rest of our technology.” In one way, this is good news for parents who have been trying to convince kids to be discrete about what they post 38 May 2013
on Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites. Most young people are keenly aware that everyone from romantic partners to college admissions officers, employers, and law enforcement can review Facebook. Timeline made it even more obvious that Facebook is a biographical record, and many people, including teens, have begun using it for what Jenna Wortham of the New York Times calls “success theater,” a cautious, curated version of their lives. As everyone knows, real life is messier than that, especially in adolescence. Snapchat is appealing in part because it
allows kids to share their ever-changing moods without having to worry that a fleeting moment will be held against them. Of course, any alert parent can see where this is going. One: part of what prompts all those moods is the awakening of sexual feelings, and two, you can never assume anything digital is truly gone. Most of the five million messages being sent each day on Snapchat are not sexual. Instead, they are quirky, momentary impressions of things the sender finds goofy, funny, or touching. Sharing these tidbits with friends does deepen relationships. The youthful founders of Snapchat (four Stanford University college students) seem wise beyond their years when they write: “There is value in the ephemeral. Great conversations are magical… because they are shared, enjoyed, but not saved.” The same thing could be said about romance and even sex. And that’s why Snapchat creates concerns for adults who can easily imagine an impulsive teen using the service to send provocative or even obscene pictures. This is where parents need to take a deep breath. Despite media attention to the subject, sexting is not rampant among teenagers. The most authoritative research study from the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire found that, among children ages 10 to 17, only one percent had shared explicit images of themselves or others and only seven percent had received such an image.
Magic eraser? Some people worry that Snapchat will make such behavior more tempting because it promises to erase all evidence. Although parents may long to shove this genie back into its bottle, that’s not possible. Facebook has already introduced its own self-destruct program called Poke and there are other imitators in the works. A better strategy is to help children think through the rewards and risks of Snapchat and its competitors. Here are some suggestions. Ask. Don’t assume your child is using Snapchat to send or receive provocative pictures. Download the program so you understand how it works. Then ask your child about his or her experiences. Are the kids at school using the app? What kind of
photos does your child like to send? What kind of images has he or she received? Is the self-destruct feature good or annoying? encourage. There are many creative and constructive ways to use Snapchat. In fact, the vision described on the Snapchat website is wholesome: “We believe in sharing authentic moments with friends. It’s not all about fancy vacations, sushi dinners, or beautiful sunsets. Sometimes it’s an inside joke, a silly face, or greetings from a pet fish. Sharing those moments should be fun. Communication is more entertaining when it’s with the people who know us best. And we know that no one is better at making us laugh than our friends.” This could be a prompt for dinner table conversation or a quote that hangs on the refrigerator. Inform. Be sure your child understands that anything digital can be replicated. Although Snapchat reduces the likelihood that a photo will be distributed without permission, it doesn’t eliminate it completely. The recipient of a message can always grab the screen shot. Yes, the sender will be notified if this happens but, if the image is compromising, the damage will be done. Recipients can also use another camera to surreptitiously capture a titillating image. The bottom line is that sending another person a photo of private parts is always ill-advised. There simply is no such thing as “safe sext.” enforce. If you didn’t make rules when you gave your child a cellphone, now is a good time to be very clear about acceptable and unacceptable use. A sample contract is available at tinyurl.com/2au7l22. Modify it as needed to reflect your family’s values and your child’s level of maturity. These conversations will go better if parents tune into the underlying appeal of Snapchat. Today’s kids intuitively understand that every photo doesn’t need to be saved. Every whim doesn’t need to be scrutinized. Every thought doesn’t deserve a permanent record. At the same time, as every happily married couple knows, sharing these transitory moments really can strengthen a relationship. As is so often the case, parents need to provide the information and structure that will allow children to harness the potential of Snapchat without stumbling into its pitfalls.
Keep your child safe.
More than 60,000 young children end up in emergency rooms every year because they got into medicines while their parent or caregiver was not looking. Always put every medicine and vitamin up and away every time you use it. Also, program your poison control center’s number in your phone: 800.222.1222.
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submitted photo
Eden Prairic Police Officer Travis Serafin, his wife Sheri and his daughters.
Behind the
Badge By Patricia Carlson
A law enforcement career comes with a unique set of emotional burdens for a parent
40 May 2013
“Daddy, did you bust any bad guys today?” That’s not the routine greeting an average parent hears when walking through the door after a day of work. But if you are in law enforcement, nothing is routine or average about your career—or your lifestyle. “My daughters know I catch bad guys, but I don’t bring my work home for my wife and kids’ sakes,” says Travis Serafin, a patrol officer with the Eden Prairie Police Department and father of two. “Mostly my girls want to know if the person did anything wrong, if anyone was hurt, and if I needed to help someone.”
Officer dad The life of a parent in law enforcement is split into two worlds, which sometimes also means two personalities. At work, cops are required to be methodical, authoritative, emotionally detached, and doubtful or questioning of what is said by potential perpetrators. At home however, they need to offer the same attention and unconditional love to their children that every parent needs to provide. If anyone should understand this challenge, it’s Jesse Grabow, a father of three boys and third generation Minnesota state trooper. His family is the first in the state’s history where being a trooper passed from father to son and father to son. Grabow’s territory is expansive; he covers about
one-third of the state from the northwest to west central and he is on-call as a public information officer. However, it’s the open line of communication he keeps with his wife, Shari, that is key to making the Grabow household click. Growing up, Grabow knew the demands of being a trooper and saw the effect it had on his family. This might make many kids shy away from wanting that kind of career and family life, but Grabow saw it as an opportunity to make a difference and become an even better parent. “Being in law enforcement made me want to have kids even more than I already did. Sure, I knew the dangers in this world,” he says, adding, “But being a good dad has made me a better trooper and being a good trooper has made me a better dad. I wanted to contribute something good to this world. Even in the tough times of this type of work.”
Shift work Serafin, who was voted Officer of the Year in 2011 by his fellow officers, is also a secondgeneration cop and says maintaining that dual identity is crucial to staying sharp on the job and being an engaged parent. However, the shift work that often comes with a law enforcement career makes it particularly difficult. “I knew about the strain of shift work from watching my dad,” says Serafin. “Growing up, sports wise, sometimes he’d make it [to my games], sometimes he wouldn’t;
“S
omeone once said that the decision to have children is like taking your heart out and letting it wander around. I see what they are saying. This kind of work has taught me that there are a lot of dangers out there, intentional and unintentional. But I always choose to become better, not bitter. I carry this over into my parenting.
—Officer Jesse Grabow
May 2013 41
sometimes he’d show up in uniform. Sometimes I didn’t even know he’d been gone overnight if he was called out. I’d just see a pile of clothes outside the laundry room door.” So when Serafin decided to propose to his college sweetheart, who, like Grabow’s wife is named Shari, his parents invited her to hear what living a law enforcement life is really like. They talked about the tough schedule, police personalities, the emotional toll cop work can take, and the increased demands having children would put on their relationship. “The nice thing is that my parents had been married for 50 years at that point so they really knew the ups and downs and had good advice for both of us,” says Serafin. “Shari had an idea of what our life would be like but this allowed us all to talk about it together.” The Serafins have two daughters; Isabella and Olivia. “Isabella is quiet, reserved, and takes it all in before she jumps,” says Serafin. “Olivia is headfirst all the way. She’s go, go, go, and a talker!” Both children are in school or daycare and Shari works full time outside the
home. That’s hard enough to juggle without adding Serafin’s afternoon/evening shift schedule into the mix. He works from 2:00 to 10:45 p.m. for five days straight and then gets three days off. That means that Shari is solely responsible for their daughters’ after school and nighttime routine for the majority of the week. It’s worse when Serafin is on a later shift or involved in a special assignment. “To this day, it’s tough,” he says of balancing work and home life. “Because, technically, Shari is like a single parent. Our relationship sacrifices a little bit. But on my days off, and especially if my days off are during the typical work week, I do everything I can to help her out.” Most officers, especially those who work patrol, are required to work in shifts that can last anywhere from three months to a year at a time. The timing of shifts varies per department but there is often a day, afternoon, evening, and night shift. And this doesn’t mean that an officers’ job is done when his or her shift times out, however. For instance, if there is an altercation five minutes before they’re supposed to clock out, they won’t be
leaving work on time and their families have no choice but to adjust. Ethan Read, a police officer with the Prairie Island Police Department in Welch, says these types of situations have created the hardest challenge for finding balance. Read and his fiancée, Nicole, have a 13-month-old son, Brayden, “who gets into everything!” Read works mostly 12-hour overnight shifts so he is forced to sacrifice time with his son and divide it between working and sleeping to stay alert and safe on the job during his patrol days. Brayden suffers separation anxiety when Read leaves for work and Nicole “ends up putting him to bed most days because he cries.” Knowing the toll this takes on his family, Read spends as much time as possible with his son when he’s not in uniform. “On my days off Nicole, Brayden, and I usually spend time watching TV, playing with his toys, reading his books, and on nice days we like to go for walks to the park,” says Read. “I also look forward to taking him swimming and playing catch with him.”
Gun Safety 101 Most officers get it right Moorhead police officer Nicole Reno says her two children both understand that she’s a cop, which means she gets to drive a police car, help people, and arrest “bad guys.” She also carries a gun, Taser, and other dangerous items on her duty belt that she wears home after each shift. Instead of ignoring that
42 May 2013
aspect of her uniform, Reno has taught Thomas and Lillian about each object, what it does, and why they aren’t allowed to touch it. “I believe that honesty is best,” she says. “They know my flashlight has tons of germs on it and that a gun and Taser are dangerous.” She also puts her duty belt
in a safe place where her children can’t access it. Betsy Brantner Smith, a former police sergeant in Naperville, Illinois and nationally renowned police educator, says all law enforcement professionals have a responsibility to practice proper gun safety at home. “The biggest challenge in getting police officers to practice gun safety in the home is getting them to understand why it’s so important,” she states emphatically. “We develop an ‘It’s not
going to happen to me mentality.’”
Here are some tips to keep your family safe: Think like a kid: What is
eye-level to you isn’t for your toddler. What you think is a tricky hiding spot is exactly where a teenager would look. Instead of trying to outsmart your child, you need to think like one. “Kids are naturally curious so I recommend climbing on chairs and getting on your hands and knees to see what they see,” says Brantner Smith. She adds that testing gunlocks and gun safes
the worst of the worst Being a police officer comes with a unique set of emotional burdens for a parent. Just ask Nicole Reno, a patrol officer with the Moorhead Police Department and mother of two. On any given day, her caseload can include notifying a family that a loved one has died, responding to a call about child abuse or neglect, or assisting in a search warrant of a suspected drug dealer. Reno says seeing the dark parts of society have definitely affected how she parents. She’s more cautious of who watches her children, Thomas and Lillian, where they go, what they do, and whom they befriend. “I know I am more protective than some parents,” she says. Police work has also made her more appreciative of the stable family life she and her Clay County correctional officer husband, Craig, provide. “I come home and appreciate what I have and love my children more for it,” says Reno. “I have two beautiful, healthy children who are well-behaved and a pure joy to be around. I don’t believe I have let my profession stifle what my children have been able to experience.”
should also be part of your routine. Finally, set rules and use language that your children can understand. Your gun is not a tool:
Police officers need to remember that a gun is a powerful firearm, says Brantner Smith. “It’s designed to kill. It’s designed to do incredible damage to the human body. But for some reason, some cops begin to think of it as just another tool on their belt.” Brantner Smith says all cops need to develop
If anything, says Ethan Read, police officer parents have experiences that can help, more than hinder, their children’s development into positive, productive people. Read intends to be honest with his son about his work and the types of people and situations he runs into. He hopes this creates an open line of communication where they have mutual trust and respect for one another. “I think it will also be important to share safety tips to him (as I have to my fiancée) to help ensure our safety in the home and in public,” sums up Read. Fifteen-year state patrol veteran Grabow agrees that law enforcement work is emotionally, physically, and psychologically draining. He maintains that, even in the face of dealing with the worst of the worst, the men and women who wear badges must choose to be good parents. “Someone once said that the decision to have children is like taking your heart out and letting it wander around. I see what they are saying,” says Grabow. “This kind of work has taught me that there are a lot of dangers out there, intentional and unintentional. But I always choose to
become better, not bitter. I carry this over into my parenting.”
behind every great officer… There is no doubt that each one of these cops—Grabow, Reno, Read, Serafin—are great parents. But they all have a secret weapon—and it’s not a Glock. “My wife is the most understanding person I know,” says Grabow. “She has most certainly sacrificed more by having to do a lot on her own without me.” If Grabow responds to a multi-vehicle pileup during rush hour, Shari is solely responsible for the family’s evening routine. When Reno gets a 4:00 a.m. call about an armed robbery, her husband knows he’ll be handling the kids’ morning schedule himself. And when Serafin returns home after helping a mom and dad say good-bye to their teenager who died unexpectedly, his wife is there to offer a comforting hug and words of support. “I just tell her I need to give the girls a hug and a kiss because I’ve had a tough one,” he says. “She always understands.” •
a safety routine at home—this means unloading the gun and locking it up. Be the teacher in your family: Brantner Smith
teaches her clients to be their family’s own firearms instructor. “Hiding your gun only makes your kids more curious and your spouse more afraid,” she says. A better alternative is to take the mystery out of it and tell your kids how it works, what it does to the human body, and why it should never be touched.
May 2013 43
diet dilemma Is it safe to put your child on a diet? By Julie Kendrick
44 May 2013
During
an annual visit to the pediatrician, the doctor reports that your child’s body mass index is way too high. “The diet starts today,” you declare on the drive home, and immediately set to work ridding your house of chips, candy, and processed foods. For weeks, family dinners are low-fat, high-vegetable affairs, and desserts are a thing of the past. There are arguments, tears, and power struggles, but you hold firm. Still, you notice that your child does not seem to be losing weight, and, it seems, might even be getting heavier. Then, one day, as you’re searching for a lost library book, you glance under your child’s bed and find a stash of candy wrappers, chip bags, and empty pop bottles. What now?
The struggle over childhood eating habits and body size is an increasing source of conflict for many families. Worried parents are aware of the health implications of obesity for children and adolescents, which can include risk for diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, asthma, and sleep disorders. Yet parents continue to struggle to find workable ways to help their children find healthful ways to eat, move, and live. Many are turning to a growing body of expert opinion that restriction-based diets not only won’t work for children—they might even make things worse.
Everyone has an opinion Last year, Dara-Lynn Weiss published a widely discussed essay in Vogue, chronicling her experiences in putting her then-obese seven-year-old daughter, Bea, on a diet. She has since published a book, The Heavy: A Mother, a Daughter, a Diet, which has generated strong reactions on both sides, with opinions ranging from harsh criticism to fulsome praise. Christine Carter, author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, reacted to the book this way: “Have you ever been ‘that mother’? You know, the one who others criticize or question? If so, then you know what
incredible courage and daring it can take to raise a child in a way that doesn’t always meet other people’s expectations.” Many others came down hard on Weiss’ parenting choices, fueled by the harsh judgment that surrounds women on issues of motherhood, food, and body size.
Binge-eating two-year-olds Katja Rowell, M.D., is a St. Paul-based family doctor turned childhood feeding specialist. She is also the author of Love Me, Feed Me: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Ending the Worry about Weight, Picky Eating, Power Struggles and More. Dr. Rowell reports that she observes “weight worry” in parents with children as young as infants, often starting with concern over “fat baby” comments, and escalating from there. She currently works with children as young as two- or three-years-old who are food-obsessed and eating as much as they can, whenever they can. “Restricting food can set off a cycle of anxiety and overconsumption even in adults, but especially in children,” she says. “Trying to get kids to eat less, whether it’s a diet, portion control, or only allowing ‘green light’ goods, often heightens a child’s interest in food and disrupts normal development. It buries inborn skills
May 2013 45
of being able to listen to cues of hunger and fullness coming from the body.”
one mom’s perspective
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One of Dr. Rowell’s clients, who asked not to be named, has struggled, and succeeded, in helping her daughter and family have a healthier approach to eating. In infancy, her daughter gained her birth weight back in her first four days of life, and was always an eager eater. A lactation consultant warned the mom against her every-twohour feedings, saying the baby was “not a newborn anymore!” She says that after that incident, “I became very conscious of how much food my child was eating, and was sensitive to people’s comments about how ‘big’ she was. When she was fouryears-old, I sought out Dr. Rowell, who helped me realize my child was getting all the nutrients she needed through an excellent diet, and in the perfect amounts that she needed.” Still, the process has not always been easy. “Learning to trust my daughter completely at meal times was difficult. Eventually, I was able to let go of my worries. Now we prepare the meal and 11:13 AM she can eat as much of whatever she likes on the table, no questions asked. We developed a system, like saying ‘the kitchen is closed,’ in between meals. We are a happy family sitting at the table now. Our meal times are all about enjoying the time as a family, being mindful of that present moment and grateful for sharing a delicious meal.” She reports that her daughter, who had typically been in the 80 to 90 percent range for weight, is now in the normal range. And as she reflects on what she’s discovered, she
says, “My path began with learning to trust myself as a mother. I learned that if parents provide kids with a balanced and nutritional diet, there should be no concern.”
Focus on behavior There are many experts who support an approach to helping kids grow up with a healthy relationship toward food. Jillian Lampert is the Senior Director of Business and Community Development for the Emily Program, which offers treatment for eating disorders in residential and outpatient settings in the Twin Cities, Duluth, and Seattle. “The biggest worry I hear from
“If you think your child has a weight issue, remember that what you’re trying to change is a behavior. Body size is not a behavior, but eating and moving are. Don’t focus on the weight; just stay focused on the behavior.” — Jillian Lampert
46 May 2013
parents is ‘I don’t want my child to be fat.’ I never hear, ‘I’m concerned about their arteries.’ In our culture, being fat carries a huge stigma, and parents want their children to avoid that. “If you think your child has a weight issue, remember that what you’re trying to change is a behavior. Body size is not a behavior, but eating and moving are. Don’t focus on the weight,” Lampert advises, “just stay focused on the behavior.” Lampert says that parents must help kids understand the concept of “eating until you’re satisfied, and then stopping, because you know you’ll be able to eat again soon. When we restrict kids from having certain foods, that’s when they’ll do something like go to a friend’s house and gorge on cookies, because they think they’ll never see another cookie ever again.” She also stresses the importance of activity. “Get yourself and your kid outside, moving and having fun—play kickball, play tag, go swimming.”
No more candy wrappers under the bed “It’s important to get rid of the guilt and
Competent eating Dr. Rowell offers the following strategies for raising a competent eater:
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Divide responsibilities: The parent decides what food will be served, when, and where. The child decides how much to eat. Enjoy family meals at the table: For kids under five, have a sit-down, distractionfree meal or snack every two to three hours, and every three to four hours for older kids. Breakfast matters: Make time for it, every day.
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shame that are often associated with food,” says Dr. Rowell. “If you’re finding candy wrappers under your child’s bed, then bring those foods out from under the mattress and into the light of day. Sit down, have a cup of milk and enjoy that food, together.” •
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Real Life Craig, I heard that you had a somewhat
I write lyrics with my own kids in mind, thinking, “When I pass on, what message do I want to leave behind for my kids?”
recent medical crisis. How did this affect your relationships?
Craig: Connie and I met when we were pretty young, so over the course of being together for nearly 20 years, we’ve had a lot of odd reminders of the preciousness of life. Our two-year-old son unexpectedly passed away a few years back, and that has made us acutely alert of how short and special our time here is. It also gave us a pretty deep connection to the Grand Mystery of Life, love, and the hereafter, and everyone’s calling to do something positive with their every day. Connie was good about reminding me of those important truths when I had unexpected heart problems. Despite all of the mysterious challenges life tends to throw our way, I am thankful our relationship is stronger for it. Talk about touring with your children.
photo bY CodY YoRK
ReaL PaRenTS
Craig and Connie Minowa Musicians and parents of two children, Craig and Connie Minowa of the band, Cloud Cult are currently on tour for — Kathleen Stoehr their new album, Love.
Craig: We try to have touring be a full family adventure, although it doesn’t work out for every show. If one of the kids is sick, Connie stays back, or if there are shows requiring flights, it can be too expensive for the whole family to go. But we really try to set up our tours to have reasonable driving schedules and be something the whole family can do. It’s a lot of hard work and very difficult to juggle parenting, managing a band, and performing, along with the rigors of travel, but we bring a friend who nannies for us when we’re both on stage, and the joy of sharing the memories of touring adventures together is very precious.
Q&a Your music appeals to all ages. Is this
Connie, can you speak to our readers
something you work toward when you
about that?
I’ve read that you were going to pack
compose or is it just a happy accident?
Connie: Every show can feel like I don’t want it to end. I am so in the moment. I have also had those shows where my mind and heart are stuck and I struggle through the set. Often I am with the kids up until show time, and then I have to make a relatively quick shift into show mode. I am still learning how to do that effectively. Many of my paintings have dealt with family/parenthood issues. [My children] are always with me (in my heart and mind) when I am creating.
it all in and not make music anymore.
Craig: I’m very conscious about making the albums’ lyrics family-friendly. Having a one-year-old and three-year-old of our own, we want people to feel comfortable playing our music anywhere and at anytime. I also write lyrics with my own kids in mind, thinking, “When I pass on, what message do I want to leave behind for my kids?” The incorporation of art creation during your live performances is really lovely.
50 May 2013
Has that thought passed, especially now with the release of your very beautiful album, Love?
Craig: I think there was a misquote in the press a while back. I had told a journalist that due to having kids, we would only tour as long as it was healthy for the family. But there’s always more music to be made, despite whether it’s done live or not. For now, we are full steam ahead on both fronts.
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