Grounding in the Body

Finding Gravity

The downward force of gravity tends to balance the stimulating, upward movement of attention in conversations.

Sit comfortably. Start by taking a few moments to orient to your surroundings, looking around the room. Gently close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to help you settle in. Feel any sensations of weight or heaviness in your body. You might notice your body’s contact with the chair, any hardness or give in the surface you’re sitting on. You might feel the sense of your whole body sitting, its mass, or warmth. Let your attention rest with these sensations of weight. Can you feel the downward force of gravity? When you notice your attention has wandered, gently let go and bring it back to the feeling of weight or heaviness in your body. Anchor your awareness there.

The Centerline

The centerline can bring a sense of inner strength and clarity.

Bring your attention to your upper body. Sense how your torso rises up from your waist and pelvis. Can you feel your back, shoulders, and neck? See if you can sense the midline or centerline of your upper body. Try feeling your spine, running from your tailbone, through your back, up to the base of your head. Rock forward and backward slightly, and side to side, until you feel the balance point in the middle. See if you can rest your attention here, on the centerline of your body. Can you feel how your body is upright?

Touch Points

Touch points can dissipate the intensity of emotions.

Explore specific areas in your body that tend to be rich in sensation. First, put all your attention in your hands. Feel any sensations there: warmth or coolness; tingling, pulsing, or heaviness; maybe moisture or dryness. Now shift your attention to your feet, feeling any sensations there: temperature, weight, texture, the contact with the floor, the pressure of your shoes. You can try this with any other part of your body that has strong sensations, such as your lips, tongue, or eyes. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to one of these places.

hear. This could be a friend you feel comfortable enough with to help you discern your core needs.

You can also use mindfulness to help sort through your feelings to get at what matters most to you in the situation. Thinking about what you want to say, gently bring awareness to any emotion you feel, asking yourself, “What matters about this to me?” Then, “If I had that, what would I have?”

2.

Investigating what’s at stake helps us recognize the most important aspects of a complicated or intense situation and can inform our choices about how to proceed. What do you want from the conversation? Understanding? Resolution? Are you entering with a range of ideas that might work for both people? What specific requests can you make to move forward? Pay attention to any blame or judgments that you hold.

Try to discern what parts of the conversation for you are logistical and which parts are relational. For example, is your upset about the addition to your already full to-do list, or do you feel frustrated that the person hasn’t clearly communicated with you or doesn’t seem to respect your time?

Finally, consider if your goals are realistic. Do you have the capacity to have the conversation in the way you’d like? Does the other person? Is this the right time to have the conversation or even the right person with whom to talk? Are you asking someone to resolve something that they don’t have the power to do?

3.

Humanizing the other person requires the humility and empathy to step outside of your own story and consider other perspectives. If you can put yourself in their shoes and imagine, even for a moment, what might be going on for them, it can →