Mindfull Collaborations Issue #1 - Dissociative Disorders + Wellness

Issue # 1 :Dissociative Disorders + Wellness

content warning * The art featured in this publication includes detailed personal experiences, some pieces may be potential triggers. Topics covered include: mental illness, trauma, abuse, sexual assault, rape, drug use and self-harm. Take care of yourself while reading, take breaks as needed; remember to put your own comfort and wellbeing first.

AFTER IT ALL SETTLES : ELLIE YANAGISAWA

CONTENTS: 2. Content Warning

16. Missing Components Quinn Smith

After it all settles Ellie Yanagisawa / @its.me.nellie.p

Tensed Kate Twiss

4. Introduction

17. Squeamish Emily Jones

6. Navigating Trauma, Feeling Weird, Thinking I’m Dead,(and learning to be okay, mostly) Anonymous

18. Fear is the sorcerer that prowls Chad 19. Human Tar Pit Colin Evans

9. Definitions: Dissociative Disorders

Disintegrated Angels Serena Maeve Frazee

Ruins Anonymous

20. To not feel your body Leah Haake

Family / Strangers Jeremy Ray

21. What you can’t see Anonymous

10. Definitions: Dissociative Amnesia

22. Outline of Leaving E. Flores

Untitled Karri Vaughn

23. Dissociation to a Degree Elizabeth Robley

11. Definitions: Dissociative Identity Disorder

5:23 am Eli Smith

Two Versions That Can’t Kate Twiss

24. A Primary Thought Disorder Fishspit

12. Fog Leah Haake

25. evening Caitlin Shea

13. Forgetting Things I Don’t Remember Levi Puig

26. Coping and Healing

Crowhead Heather Rothnie

27. Grounding Activity V Cal Ridley

14. Out Anonymous

28. Self Care: Yoga Illustrations Rebeka Ryvola

15. Untitled Heap of Ruins

30. Moving Forward

Dissolve - After Egon Schiele Vivian Tong [SketchBeetleArt]

Cover art: Do u see what eye c ? (Episode 1) Samantha Brekosky 3

hello!

Thank you for picking up a copy and taking the time to read our first publication.

You are extraordinary!

What started out as conversations between three friends who were passionate about social justice and wanted to create safer and respectful places in our community, transformed into MindFull Collaborations: a collective that creates zines, organizes events and establishes community support about mental health.

Individually, we had been looking for ways to share, make sense of and strengthen our abilities to cope, grow and heal. This is difficult when mental illness is often viewed as a strange weakness. We want to resist this learned, inherited and internalized shame, change our expectations of mental illness (including challenging stereotypes and myths), and normalize mental illness so that it becomes more comfortable to talk about.

Our inaugural issue - the zine resting in your hands in this very moment deals with a spectrum of Dissociative Disorders: Depersonalization (DP), Derealization (DR), Dissociative Amnesia, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. Each is marked by experiences of detachment from one’s environment, people, physical body, emotions and/or memory. The experience is described at times as a shift in perception of reality, out of body, as if watching a movie, or a passenger in your own body.

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Dissociative Disorders are a common response to trauma. We understand that trauma is complex, and affects everyone differently.

Our intention for this zine is to provide a safe space to think collectively about how we can: - learn about the range of (dissociative) experiences - understand and care for ourselves kindly and unapologetically - find tools to cope that work for us - live as our authentic selves - listen, be supportive and present for each other.

These contributions express real accounts of DP/DR and also serve as markers along a spectrum of mental health issues that so many of us relate to. The role of artistic expression in this context is twofold: first, the act of creating in itself is a therapeutic, empowering act, and second, the concrete existence of each is a representation of unique and varied experiences of DP/DR. It is our hope that by bringing these art works together into one cohesive publication, we might contribute to a perpetually growing and shifting map of DP/DR experiences.

Thank you endlessly to the artists who have contributed their work and inspired us. You have to be brave to be yourself.

This is for those of us who experience DP/DR. For anyone holding feelings of shame, pain, confusion or fear, we’re with you.

For someone who has never heard of DP/DR. For everyone we love. x MindFull

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Navigating Navigating Trauma, Trauma, Feeling Feeling Weird, Weird, Thinking Thinking I’m I’m Dead Dead (and (and learning learning to to be be okay, okay, mostly) mostly)

EPISODE 1 : SAMANTHA BREKOSKY

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DP/DR is confusing. It is a response to trauma. It’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you- but the problem comes when you dissociate and there’s no immediate danger. Dissociative Disorders are often accompanied by anxiety and depression. They exacerbate each other. My earliest memorable dissociative episode was brought on by smoking synthetic “spice”, followed by periodic triggering from marijuana use and other substances. When it first happened, I was frightened and didn’t understand the way I was feeling, but I could at least chalk it up to being under the influence. It was easy to come up with excuses to explain away the confusion until I was sexually assaulted in a friend’s home, in a place I had felt safe. I had been asleep when it started. I was filled with helplessness and anger for the following days, but I felt like there was too much to get done to let it consume my life. The experience was compartmentalized, I put it away, suppressed the feelings and moved on. Or at least tried to suppress the anxiety and feelings of vulnerabilitybut something in me had changed. I began to feel a greater distance between myself and my perceived “reality”. At first, DP/DR episodes were short, I just felt “wrong”. I would zone-out while driving and once I came-to everything was disorienting. I thought, “If I can’t remember how I got here, how can I know that it really happened?

Am I real? …Am I dead?” I would slap my face, pinch my arm; try to use physical sensation to affirm my existence. I could FEEL it, yet- nothing FELT real. I couldn’t be convinced of it. I didn’t understand where these moments of disconnect between my mind and my body were coming from. I couldn’t explain it to anyone else… I couldn’t even explain it to myself.

Months passed, weeks of anxiety and depression crawled by, and then one day in a matter of moments I felt like I had left my body and a part of me never made it back. After what felt like a very real brush with death, I was terrified. I felt like my soul had been stained. Dread lingered, it was as if my brain was enveloped in a thick dirty fog. Episodes then became more severe and frequent. Now, I could be triggered by patterns, crowds, certain sounds, flashing lights, alcohol, intimate situations; seemingly anything… As episodes occurred randomly I became more afraid of how long they would last. Although I had a supportive group of friends in my life, I still felt isolated, I had no context for what I was experiencing. In time, I was lucky enough to find resources that reassured me I was not alone. I was able to see how over the years my perception of reality had distorted and warped through psychological and physical trauma and periods of depression, anxiety, and high stress.

Living with DP/DR means having the constant subconscious worry that you might have an episode in public and be forced to pretend it’s not happening for fear of people not understanding. For me, a DP/DR episode can be different each time; but the common thread is always that surreal feeling that nothing is truly “real”. I often have the sensation that everything I’m seeing is being projected around me; straight out through my eyes, and the world is nothing more than images flattened on a screen. Other times it feels as if the world is just an elaborate stage inside a box suspended in blackness. It feels like that box is surrounded by something vast and 7

empty yet ominous. I feel so alone and that really scares me. In crowds of people I get this sinking feeling of separation, like my body has been cut out of a picture and repasted on slightly askew. Sometimes it feels as if people are holograms. I’ve felt that way about bands on a stage and even loved ones sitting across from me at a table. Sometimes I think I don’t know them; sometimes I look in a mirror and think I don’t know myself.

COPE (SERIES) : SAMANTHA BREKOSKY

DP/DR episodes have driven me to the point of absolute fear and paranoia, but what pulls me through it is the knowledge that although it may be difficult, grounding yourself is not impossible. Articulating an episode is never an easy task, however I feel it is important to get it out there. Sometimes the only way I can get through an episode is by confiding in someone or writing it down. Separating myself from the experience with words allows me to manifest my feelings in a new space instead of dwelling in silence and allowing them to perpetuate. Being open with others has also allowed me to connect with people who share similar experiences with DP/DR, thus strengthening a network of support. Practicing yoga, placing emphasis on the breath and being present in my body has proven to be very helpful.

I am by no means an expert, but you don’t have to be. I have found that just learning to control your breathing facilitates the connection between your body and mind.

Also having a small object such as a stone to carry, touch and hold can also bring a sense of solace. I know that when I feel out of touch with myself it can be super hard to want to get back into hobbies that I once enjoyed. I encourage anyone struggling with DP/DR to stay engaged with their passions and find creative outlets. Most importantly, make time for unapologetic self-care. When I take the time to practice self-care and moderate stress levels in my day-to-day life I find that overall I am less prone to having episodes. The main thing I try to remind myself is that things DO get better. Maybe I’ll never stop dissociating- but I do believe that as I grow, gain knowledge and perspective I will find ways to prevent it from controlling the quality of my life.

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DEFINITIONS: There are three types of dissociative disorders defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). They are conditions that involve disruptions or disconnection between thoughts, identity, consciousness and memory.

RUINS : ANONYMOUS

Dissociation is an caused by trauma.

involuntary defense mechanism primarily

DEPERSONALIZATION DEPER S ODEREALIZATION N A L I Z A T I O N(DP/DR) AND AND DEREALIZATION (DP/DR) This disorder involves ongoing feelings of detachment from actions, feelings, thoughts and sensations as if they are an actor ina play or living in a dream-state ~ (depersonalization). Sometimes people may feel like things in the world around them are unreal ~ (derealization).

A person may experience one or both of these conditions.

Symptoms can last for any ammount of time ranging from moments to hours, and can resurface periodically over the years.

FAMILY / STRANGERS : JEREMY RAY

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although this zine explores DP/DR more explicitly, there is also:

DISSOCIATIVE DISSOCIATIVE AM AN MENSEISAI A

KARRI VAUGHN

“The main symptom is difficulty remembering important information about one’s self. Dissociative amnesia may surround a particular event, such as combat or abuse, or more rarely, information about identity and life history.

The onset for an amnesic episode is usually sudden, and an episode can last minutes, hours, days, or, rarely, months or years.” * “Dissociative Disorders,” National Alliance on Mental Illness, accessed December 15th, 2016, http://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders.

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“Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder is characterized by alternating between multiple identities. A person may feel like one or more voices are trying to take control in their head. Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices.

People with DID will experience gaps in memory of every day events, personal information and trauma.

Only a healthcare professional can make this diagnosis.” 1

D IS SO CIA TI V E IDENTITY D ISDISORDER SO CIA TI V E IDENTITY DISORDER

TWO VERSIONS THAT CAN’T : KATE TWISS

* “Dissociative Disorders,” National Alliance on Mental Illness, accessed December 15th, 2016, http://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders.

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What would it feel like to be awake To think full thoughts

To see clearly To remember

To feel my body

To say what i mean To share my self

To hold my power To be soft and

Unrelentingly strong

PHOTOGRAPH & WORDS : LEAH HAAKE

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Forgetting Things I Don’t Remember I am in this city so far from home that the only time I really think about my past is to compare it to my present. Trivial things. Weather, central air, grocery bags.

Everything is so different. I’m learning how to live all over again. I have no time to think about what makes me sad in the middle of the night. What shape the hole in my soul looks like today. I’m thinking, how do I say, “Let me know if I’m taking up too much space...” in this language. Do people say that in this language? Is this something to say on the subway? Use simple sentences. Yes, No, Please, Thank you are your best friends. I miss my best friends.

I don’t think I was actually sitting on the train when it happened. It felt more like I fell in front of it as it arrived at the platform, but there I was. Sitting across from a family that seemed to be just as foreign to this place as I was, but still belonged. They’d been here longer. They were the type of diverse that was meant to be here. Known to be here. I’m the other kind. The kind you’re allowed to ask, what are you doing here, and it not be rude. Privileged. Western, maybe.

But out of place. Not exactly right, not exactly white.

To think, this is where you will learn more about yourself. Yeah, sure. I will learn to be independent. No, you will put things in order. You will find and fit some of the missing pieces that swirl from your heart to your head and put them together.

I found the piece that fits into the corner piece. I’ve finished the border, but the inside parts are the hardest. Get to the point.

I really was inside the train, across from this little girl. Maybe seven? She was super cute, a bright cloud of pink and glitter. She sat with her father. No, grandfather. No, father. Step-father? Uncle? I’m not sure. Cis-men have a first family and then move on and make another or sometimes more than one at the same time. I don’t know.

Men’s age doesn’t mean anything to a relationship. They created the rule, they get to break it. Let’s say fatherly figure. Family. Relations relative. The train was crowded and I was reading. It helps ease the tension. I don’t like making eye contact on the train and with a book you’re a fly on the wall. People don’t stare because you are harmless and occupied or the attention you direct to the book influences others to do the same.

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Don’t look at me. Don’t clock me. Don’t look at my missing pieces. The sound broke my concentration. Slap. I looked up from my book, seeing the young girl on the crowded train sitting on the lap of fatherly figure. She was hitting him. Slap. He feigns pain. Knees flinch up and the girl bounces. Laughs. Its grating. I can’t read. Another hit, another ride on the knee pony. Sharp Laughs. Its too much to handle. I hate all of it. What are you doing?! Why am I physically uncomfortable. Slap. I hate that sound. I love that sound. Why is he allowing this? Is this how fetishes are created, childhood memories buried in our minds until they can be projected later? Played with in a different context? Nothing is innocent or is it the other way around? Everything is innocent, but I’m not. What happened to me?

I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I do know. If this doesn’t solidify it for me. Fatherly figure, but I always hated pink. I didn’t need to be surrounded by glitter. Its still the same feeling. You’re not making any sense.

So, he probably did do that thing you can’t remember. Can’t put your finger on. Why would you suspect that of happening? I don’t know. Its just that the feeling is the same. You know, like when you know its going to rain or you walk outside and smell fall before it gets here? It’s the same feeling. I’m back there and I remember why its so much better to be an adult. I don’t remember. I don’t need to.

WORDS : LEVI PUIG // ART : CROWHEAD BY HEATHER ROTHNIE

OUT : ANONYMOUS

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All this body All this body

And no one in it And no one in it Like a wet pink trash bag Like a wet pink trash bag Or layers on layers of grime Or layers on layers of grime Forming a mold Forming a mold Turning into a fossil Turning into a fossil When they crack me open When they crack me open What will they find?

What will they find?

ELJ YUHASZ

DISSOLVE - AFTER EGON SCHIELE : VIVIAN TONG

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WORDS : QUINN SMITH // ART :

TENSED BY KATE TWISS

Missing Components Components Missing It feels like we're slowly going down a path into madness. You're here with me, right now, you know what this is. The world -our world- is a constant state of confusion, you lose track of it all and can't recall why you're doing this, how you're doing this, any of this. I could be referring to going to work or just the simple act of breathing. Then you begin to question your existence, opening and closing clammy hands. Counting breaths, trying to feel your eyelashes flutter. And then you remember that you're going down a winding road at 60 mph and try to understand how you've been alive for so long.

Like you, I find myself doing that a lot. I'm just staring quietly, oblivious to everything, lost in thought, unable to recall what I was even muddling over. I'm just lost. Or I'll find myself sweeping in the same corner at work, 20 minutes have gone by. I spoke to someone. My coworkers have similar heights and hair lengths. It confuses me and I have to work my brain: Was I talking to Emma or Joan? Is her name Joan? What did they say? What did I reply with? Did they know that I wasn't with them? I just desperately try to get those 20 minutes back, attempting to keep my face neutral, lest anyone think

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that I'm crazy. Or have they already figured that out? Zoning out in general must be my one superpower. The amount of times that I've lost track of days and months...and words‌and thoughts...and I find myself slowing down, analyzing and reassessing what I wrote, where I'm heading. As I look back I can't even tell where this is going. It's worse when I'm conversing. They'll speak and I'll be lost in my head.

I'll probably know how to respond but whatever component that helps send thoughts and turn them into speech for me must be in need of repairs. My mouth dries, I choke, it re-waters and I gag, my first word is a st-st-stutter, after 3 tries I finally set off with my sentence. The words fly out in a form of rapid mumbles before becoming a train wreck once again. Everyone must think I'm stupid, their eyes bulge a little and dart but they try to keep their eyebrows at a neutral location. I'm sure that they didn't understand so I try again but it feels worse so I quickly brush if off with a smile and shuffle a little.

I'm glad that I have you, my friend, only you understand me. I formed you to understand me.

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fear fear is is the the sorcerer sorcerer that that prowls prowls people chat amongst themselves. corners occupied by plants, human-made. ring marks on tables. mouths programmed to open and close. i don't think they know i'm here. i study their insecurities. they think they're good at hiding them. they think nobody is able to detect them. maybe they're right. maybe i'm mad. one guy who calls himself johnny thunder belches loudly and laughs. marianne laughs too. she has a crush on johnny because johnny is loud and crude and plays guitar in an indie rock band. my mind averts. i lite a cigaret and stare out the window. the nite appears dark & calm. a bouquet of flowers dances under the bare moon lite. the world is alive elsewhere. inside this room all is safe and systemized. we act as they expect us to act and we react just the same. when one acts or reacts outside the boundaries of expectedness a separate portal opens. a deep ripple erupts in the air. bones weaken. individuality is exposed. they start pointing fingers, laughing menacingly, vigorously, like a symphony of boiling clams. i walk outside to breathe. a purple cat approaches. rubs against my ankle. starts singing. this magnificent warmness overtakes me and suddenly i feel glad to be alive. if only for a moment. johnny thunder prances out. he lites a cigaret. his eyes are brutal. cold. i stomp my cigaret out on my shoe and lite another. we don't speak a word to one another. there's nothing we could possibly say. nothing at all. i return inside. loneliness embeds me. i feel tired. i crack open another can of stale beer. i pour the beautiful liquid down my throat. then i find my corner and watch. i watch all the way til sunrise, staring madly into the red beating eyes of those who have never starved, who have never loved, who have never suffered. a hopeless solemnity exists in humankind. we are the aftermath of failure. we don't buy guns to protect. we buy them to shoot. we are not good to people and they are not good to us. we are the failed result. everyone sleeps except me. i stay awake all night thinking. i think about marianne. i think about her eyes, hungry and glowing. i think about her smile. never present. i think i love her, but i think a lot of things. everyone is asleep. no one is awake. besides the purple cat. i rub behind her ears as she purrs.

CHAD

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Human Tar Pit Today you are tired. You are tired every day.

The thick sludge

from your brain has begun to drip down into your body and coats your joints.

Your limbs are stiff. Despite being very much alive, it feels as if

rigor mortis has begun to set in. Your stomach but you remain in

has been rumbling,

bed. You can’t remember if you’ve eaten today.

EXCERPT : COLIN EVANS

I am in hell, and above me is an untouchable world, where there is color and life and love.

My body is the hooded figure, numb and heavy, a dead weight.

My mind is the ethereal figure floating away, but tethered to the anchor of my body.

My mind is empty, it doesn't know it exists.

DISINTIGRATED ANGELS : SERENA MAEVE FRAZEE

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My dreams are vivid, rich in detail, in color I wake up with clouds in my eyes some days I can feel my skin, but lately I lose feeling, my hands numb, I drift from my body and look for stars

TO NOT FEEL YOUR BODY : LEAH HAAKE

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After my body was taken from me, I learned to detach, numb, and leave the body that no longer felt like my own.

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Outline of Leaving

Some form of a body minds

the softer jaggeds

lining the East coast, seeps through unkempt forests, hand-me-down book stores, sanitized-white hospitals,

takes photographs of the chemo-

children who

remind it of you.

Black hair slips down a boardwalk

crowd, a part of, or from,

something greater:

congregations of strangers

disperse into

unplanned constellations. Other forms mention they’ve seen mine the shoreline stones,

stepping along sifting

the spit out shells

of the mid-Atlantic, or by the lighthouse spiral, you can nestle yourself here,

by the beachgrass,

stationary with all the rest against the shore.

Imagine

the underwater churches the sea-glass once filled windows of, there now is left only a room,

or just simply

room,

escaping the weeks, their days,

whose colors escape

you. Here’s left

a black-and-white world made up

unevenly of spaces:

a body, for myself, this time, WORDS : E FLORES // PHOTOGRAPH :

I created.

LEAH HAAKE

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5:23 5:23AM AM right now, i am absolutely empty engulfed in bed sheets or rather trapped since i feel it’s impossible to stand up. the world lacks saturation and voices sound like buzzing but in moments when my feet feel cinderblocks and my mind is merely static, i think about days ago that feel like years ago when the sky was every color and the only pain i felt was from smiling so much, now i’ve grown familiar with the tiles on the bathroom floor, and there is pain all over but the sun will rise, and maybe i’ll feel less numb than i do today ELI SMITH

DISSOCIATION TO A DEGREE : ELIZABETH ROBLEY

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A Primary Primary Thought Thought A DisorDisorder der

Dr. Kasanin calls it a “word salad” . . .

Neologisms to make up a ballad.

Farawollopy friend of the Swelper . . .

Catatonia curled up in a fwoppy sweater.

Calcomineum went false begonia . . .

I’m in love with Sylvia Plath and not Estralonia.

Kablishmalipy described in hospital practice . . .

I take liberty of calling this case a Wallyacactus.

Syntactical speech I beseech and phalolopy screech.

Flannery O’connor was as southern as a (Georgian?) peach.

Five group analysis; Fip wop tullibury!

Impairment in thinking, I swear, I side-scratched a wallaby.

Fantastic elaboration peanut gestation archaic omnipotence.

Bally Baggle, persecutatorious, will he lend me fifteen pence?

Attempting neurotic solutions of a basic maladjustment . . .

Godsqueelology, pissing chrystals, planting little Maupassants.

In these cases the prognosis is not necessarily fatal.

Well whoop whoop bingaling, spit on you colatal!

Shock therapy, insulin shock, came out as a martian.

All you fucking doctors can go shit in your flabartian.

“Undoubtedly something does happen.”

Said Dr. Kasanin, and he needs a good thwappin!

FISHSPIT

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COPING & HEALING:

EVENING : CAITLIN SHEA

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Coping strategies are essential tools to help yourself in moments of dissociation, stress, and for long-term wellness.

These are a few tips that have helped me feel grounded.

Identify what causes stress and triggers dissociation for you Investigate your version of self care – physically, and emotionally. what feels good, positive and realistic?

Sleeping, eating, movement, taking time every day for something I enjoy – creative project, reading a graphic novel, nature, going to a show, being around loved ones (&animals).

Make yourself a cup of tea. Chamomile, gingko biloba and tulsi are calming.

Every day may be drastically different (balance) – adapting to the moment, observing emotions that come up, noticing patterns or habits, being patient with yourself and practicing non-judgment are important in healing.

Be active in whatever ways you like – What can you do that makes you feel more energized? How can you incorporate these things into your day-to-day schedule without feeling overwhelmed?

Soak in a healing bath. Combine epsom salt and lavender essential oil (or dried lavender flowers).

Go to a place that makes you feel happy and safe – What are a few places you most enjoy spending time? Are they indoors or out? Can you go once a week, month, year?

Make yourself a cup of tea. Chamomile, gingko biloba and tulsi are calming.

Create something – What are some supplies you have available to you? What are some projects you would like to finish, or new ideas you’d like to try?

If feeling overwhelmed – Bring your awareness to your environment.

This could involve taking three long breaths, going for a walk, focusing on your senses: touching your feet to the ground or an object noting the texture and temperature. Writing can help process what you are feeling.

WORDS : LEAH HAAKE & SAMANTHA BREKOSKY // PHOTOGRAPH : LEAH HAAKE

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Grounding Grounding Activity Activity VV I’m sitting in a field on a woven blanket I’ve had since I was eleven. It is mid-summer at dawn and I smell like burning wood, vodka, and sweat.

I am waiting for the sun to rise.

There is morning dew and my toes are cold.

I am covered in cat hair.

What are the separations between intimacy and love?

WORDS : CAL RIDLEY // PHOTOGRAPH : LEAH HAAKE // WATERCOLOR : NICOLE RINGEL

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Here are 4 yoga poses to try during moments of quiet, or stress. Focusing on each inhale and exhale will help you feel secure and a connection of your mind and body.

TREE POSE A standing and balancing pose: grounding, peaceful, empowering - Stand with your arms by your sides.

- Shift your weight into the right foot, equally in all parts of your foot.

- Lift your left leg off the floor and place the sole of your foot against your inner right ankle, calf or thigh.

- Making sure your foot is either above or below your knee. Press your foot firmly into your thigh.

- Feel the strength in your legs and the connection of your right foot rooted into the ground.

- Bring your palms together in front of your chest. Gaze softly in front of you. Then switch sides.

CHILD’S POSE A resting, calming pose

- Kneel on the floor with your knees as wide as your hips - Touch your big toes together and sit on your heels - Lean forward toward the floor and lay your torso down between your thighs, touching your forehead to the floor option 1: Reach your arms in front of you, pressing your palms into the floor or option 2: Lay your arms on the floor along the sides of your torso, resting your hands on your ankles 28

PIGEON A hip opener. Warm up with stretches or other poses beforehand. Emotions can rest in our hips. This pose can at times feel intense, physically and emotionally.

- Come to all fours - Place your right knee down to touch your right wrist - Extend your left leg straight behind you and lower both hips toward the floor - Lift your torso up and keep your hips square - Lengthen forward over your leg. Walk your arms forward in front of you and rest your forehead on the floor. Release and switch sides

BRIDGE A grounding and strengthening backbend.

- Laying on your back, bend your knees, with your feet on the floor (close to your hips, so you can touch your ankles) - Press the bottom of your feet and arms into the floor - Lift your butt off the floor. Keeping your thighs parallel - Push and tuck your shoulders together into the floor - Release rolling the spine slowly down onto the floor POSE CUE’S : YOGA JOURNAL // YOGA ILLUSTRATIONS : REBEKA RYVOLA

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MOVING FORWARD: Experiencing any form of mental illness is an intensely personal thing. Oftentimes the very prospect of finding a way to communicate to others how we are feeling is debilitating.

Complicating this situation even further is the guilt-inducing, problematic language used to define our experiences. Words like “disorder” and “disease,” or even labeling an experience as “dissociation” can leave us feeling alone, categorized and alienated by the cold and sterile label we are given to describe our very real experiences.

If we take a step back to look at the cultural conditions in which we operate, the picture becomes increasingly complicated.

Our culture perpetuates a very specific form of success and wellbeing fueled solely by economic viability and adherence to the status quo. To understand and establish mental health for ourselves — and each other — in the midst of this very narrow picture of what it means to be “mentally healthy” or “normal” is difficult to say the least.

As we continue to operate in a culture and even health industry that fears, stigmatizes, and alienates those deemed to “suffer from mental illness,” it is imperative to find ways to foster community and dialogue to promote alternative - and more helpful - ways of approaching our mental health.

Our aim is to not only normalize discussions about mental health, but also to reconfigure the way that we view and support each other. Having the courage to be vulnerable with each other is an ongoing challenge we are committed to support with MindFull time and resources.

It is our hope that we may continue to develop this picture of what it means to live with DP/DR, so that we may more clearly understand ourselves and each other — to make community in this strange time and place, to support each other, share our stories, and to find solace in mutual understanding.

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We invite and encourage each of our readers to continue to make — in any and every media, as we move forward. We look forward to continuing our commitment to facilitating this dialogue through future publications and invite you to reach out to us with potential ideas, projects, insights, or thoughts.

Your experience, expression, and voice are incredibly significant.

<3 MindFull

mission statement: MindFull Collaborations is a collective formed with the intention of bringing wellness into peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s daily lives through making contributor-based zine publications, organizing events, and utilizing art to create a dialogue about mental health.

Our goal is to raise awareness and support for people struggling with depersonalization, derealization, dissociation, and a spectrum of mental health challenges. We encourage the act of creating in any form because we believe expression is both an effective coping strategy and an important tool in sharing our unique experiences and connecting with others. Ultimately, MindFull Collaborations is a platform that brings individuals together through creative expression in order to establish a sustainable community of support, encouragement, and empowerment.

ART : NICOLE RINGEL

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