Lid is Off for a fee

The Lid is Off!

By Janet Crenshaw Smith © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

1

FORWARD It took me longer than I had planned to complete this book. But not for the typical reasons. I’m not a writer’s block kind of person – when it’s time to write I do it. Nothing like that. This kept getting delayed because I was afraid it would be misunderstood, misused or that I would be unfairly judged. A recent conversation with Gary Sr. and Alex didn’t help. They told me the book should be for family consumption only. Probably not even for close friends. OMG. I have spent the majority of my life focused on removing systemic inequities, righting wrongs, and building and implementing strategies that will create opportunities. I have focused on institutions, corporations and organizations. So now I write a book that says, “Hey there, the opportunity is there for you. Just jump!” Am I now saying that inequitable outcomes are a result of people simply not trying hard enough? I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT SAYING THAT. Also, the more I have listened to people’s stories, the more I have come to understand the tremendous injustices and circumstances that some people must withstand on a daily basis. I’ve always been told not to compare my trials and tribulations to those of others. But dang. Some people are really going through. So I started to think to myself, “How can I tell people to get up and jump when I have not been as knocked down as beat upon as abused as I know many others have?” Yet I also know that I have indeed encountered my share of lids – barriers and walls - some that have been almost impossible to break through. And without them, I could have done more sooner.

So I write this book with an appreciation and an understanding that I have not lived your life. I have only lived mine. Yet I do know that our enemies and haters win when we fall, and do not get back up. They win when we stay down, when we don’t attempt to overcome, when we don’t try just one more time.

So at the same time that we are continuing to address injustices, reveal inequities, and to reverse wrongs, we also have the opportunity to keep trying even as we operate in environments that are unfair and unjust.

This books acknowledges BOTH AND. This is both acknowledging the wrongs and overcoming them by continuing to try. For those of you that wish to take advantage of this paradox by blaming victims, shame on you.

For everyone else, the majority of you, who realize the “both and” of it all, please join me in taking off lids, and jumping high when THE LID IS OFF. ---- Janet Crenshaw Smith, December 2023

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

2

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

3

THE JUMPING FROGS EXPERIMENT I couldn’t take my mind off the frog experiment. I was a freshman at John Marshall Harlan High school on Chicago’s South side sitting in Ms. Hortense Ellis’ Biology class. I’m not talking about the experiment where a frog was boiled to death rather than jump out to save itself if you placed it in cold water and then turned the heat up slowly to a boiling temperature. I thought that experiment was plain ole cruel. I’m talking about the other experiment. The experiment with the jumping frogs.

Several frogs were placed into individual glass jars, and then covered with a lid so they couldn’t escape. A few holes were nailed into each lid so the frogs received adequate oxygen. Food and water were regularly provided to them. At first, the frogs kept jumping trying to escape. But each time they jumped, they would hit their heads on the lid. This went on for hours, for days.

But eventually the frogs stopped jumping. After 30 days, the lids were removed from the jars.

Despite the fact that the lids were no longer there, the frogs never jumped out of the jars. Even though they could have easily done so. (Add source footnote) It’s been decades since I first encountered the jumping frog experiment. But it still stays on my mind. After the lids were removed, what kept the frogs from jumping out of the jars? Did they even realize that the lids had been removed?

So often we spend time thinking about, what we can’t do and why we can’t do it. This book exists to examine the opposite view. What we can do, and why we can do it. It doesn’t ignore the barriers. Instead it provides the roadmap for removing them. The frogs in the experiment learned over a 30 day period what they could not do. My hope, my desire, is that after reading this book and thinking about your realities, that you will learn the myriad of possibilities for you, your family, friends, and community.

As you read this book you will begin to experience the exhilarating feeling of opportunity unleashed! The feeling you get when you realize that the lid is off.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

4

FOOD, AIR AND WATER WERE PROVIDED TO THEM The frogs in the experiment had the basics.

But they did not have freedom. The frogs were actually rewarded for staying put. They had food, air and water. That’s not a bad life for a frog. Particularly when compared to jumping, banging their heads against the lid, and suffering a migraine.

Many folks believe that our society has started to reward mediocrity. This argument is offered frequently when we consider how Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964) raised their children, who are now Millennials (born 1981-1996) and Generation X (born 19651980). (footnote: demographers disagree on the dates) These are the kids who are described as playing “competitive” sports where even the losing teams got trophies! That’s right. The winning team got a big trophy. Second place got a medium sized trophy. And every team, even the team that came in last place, got something – perhaps a participation ribbon. The caring parents and caregivers of the children who came in last place gave them a great big hug and in essence rewarded them for losing. A reward for mediocrity. Not a bad life for a kid who didn’t run fast enough, learn the rules of the game well enough, endure the pain of the competition long enough, to actually win.

I’m being too tough, too harsh? I think it’s harsher to reward people for staying put. Perhaps you are dating a good person for you, but not a great person for you. Or perhaps you have a good job, but not a great job. You have a reasonable salary with reasonable benefits. But deep down you know that you can do better. But going for the better job requires stretching yourself. Let’s consider Phil.

Phil is a customer support representative in a technology company. He is a smart, hardworking man with a wife and two young children. He has worked as a customer support representative for 3 years. He makes a good salary, not a great salary. His income plus his wife’s income are just enough to pay the bills. But they haven’t made enough money to save for a down payment for their dream home, or to start a college fund for their children. In other words, they want more.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

5

Phil gets frustrated at work as he observes the sales representatives. They make salary plus commissions that get them to six figures! They live in nice homes, drive nice cars, and walk around the office with a swagger of confidence. Many of them don’t even know the products as well as he does. In fact, they come to him with their questions.

One day he sat down with one of sales reps, John, to ask him what he thought about Phil moving from his current job in customer support to sales. John looked surprised that Phil was interested in the job saying, “I figured you weren’t a risk taking kind of guy Phil. When you move to this sales job, your salary is cut to 60%. Then you get commissions on top of that. If that’s the life you’re ready for, I say go for it.”

Phil’s current job gave him a salary that met his needs. But it was not a salary that would support his dreams. He knew that he was as good as the other marketing reps. But he wasn’t sure if he should jump. The lid was off.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

6

THEY WERE COVERED WITH A LID SO THEY COULDN’T ESCAPE. What keeps you from escaping?  

Lids Not jumping

What are the lids? The lids are the things that ARE PLACED IN YOUR WAY BY AN EXTERNAL FORCE THAT keep you from achieving your dreams. In the frog experiment the lids could only be removed from the jars by someone on the outside. FOR NOW LET’S STICK WITH THAT ASSUMPTION. But the lids are not always the same things that keep you from jumping. The things that keep you from jumping are similar to cement shoes. They weigh you down. They make it much more difficult or sometimes even impossible to jump.

For some people the cement shoes are people who you expect to care about you such as your parents, guardians, friends, family members, partners, spouses, and communities. For others it might be their bosses, co-workers, media messages, or even themselves. These people will tell you that the lid is on the jar even after it has been lifted. Why would someone who loves you tell you that the lid is on? Maybe they are not being evil, mean and malicious. Maybe they actually believe that your lid is on: 1. Because their own lid has been on for so long.

The sad truth is that way too many people are miserable. And they have been miserable for a very long time. They had desires, hopes and dreams. They made a few attempts to achieve them. But they lost several battles. The enemy beat them down. They haven’t tried to jump in years! So they assume that everyone is in their same situation too.

[Insert illustration of different frogs in jars, with blind spots, unable to see the main frog. Some looking pooped. Other frogs outside the jar minding their own business or celebrating their own freedom.] © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

7

2. r from where they are sitting (their perspective) they can’t see that your lid is off.

The frog laid there, too pooped to pop from jumping and jumping with no success. The frog was laid out at the bottom of the jar, and therefore could not see when the lid was finally removed.

Many of the frogs in other jars couldn’t see either. They were also tired themselves from jumping without success. Still other frogs in nearby jars were too distracted with their own issues to notice. What about frogs on the outside, who had escaped? Did they know that the frog’s lid was off? Maybe they were also busy. Perhaps trying to move away from being recaptured in a jar. There are many reasons why people who actually care about you don’t see that your lid is off.

3. Or they want to protect you from bumping your head because they know how much it hurts.

Perhaps the most dangerous person who will tell you not to jump is the person who loves you the most. They have jumped all of their lives, and endured pain that they can describe in detail.

They have banged their heads so many times that a concussion has become their friend. They want a better life for you. So they encourage you to sit your butt down and be happy at the bottom of the jar with food, water and air. Because they don’t want you to go through what they did.

The cement shoes that discourage you from jumping could also be bosses, co-workers, and other colleagues. They are not your loved ones, but that doesn’t mean they are out to get you.

They may have low expectations of you. Perhaps because of something about you or even something about themselves. Your boss doesn’t know anyone similar to you who has achieved what you could achieve if only you had the opportunity. Your co-workers have tried to jump at opportunity in the past, and they weren’t successful. Consider Iman.

Iman lives with her parents and four younger siblings in a crowded 2-bedroom apartment in an affordable housing community. Two years ago she beat the odds and graduated from high school – of her incoming freshman class of 650, only 150 graduated. She landed a decent job at a big box store. She takes two buses and a train to get to work, but she doesn’t care. She likes © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

8

the company she works for, and she is committed to making something out of her life. In only 20 months she has been promoted from a warehouse order picker to an associate inventory handler. Her supervisor likes her and her co-workers are fun to work with. Today she spotted a notice on the bulletin board in the break room. It was advertising a company-sponsored program for emerging leaders. The program included special classes, job rotations, and coaching. She took one of the flyers and sat down at a table to read the details about how to apply to the program. One of her co-workers, Shula, joined her and asked her what she was looking at.

Iman said, “I’m thinking about applying to this emerging leaders program. The special classes are after our shift so I’d get home pretty late, and the job rotations would have me taking trains way across town, but it sure does sound like the opportunity of a lifetime.”

Shula responded, “Girl don’t even waste your time applying. You know Bettye? She applied for something like a few years ago and truly embarrassed herself. They didn’t take anyone from the operations department. Meanwhile she had to get two recommendation letters. As if our supervisor would take the time to do that. And are you really trying to take yet another train? I was so proud of you for getting that promotion last year – quicker than I’ve ever seen anyone around here do that girl. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to do too much too soon anyway.”

Iman still wanted to go for it. She was willing to try but Shula’s words of caution made her pause. Iman wasn’t sure if she should jump at the opportunity to apply for the program. The lid was off.

Media messages, consumed over time, dwelling in your unconscious brain, can also impact your ability and willingness to jump on opportunities.

The Surgeon Riddle There’s a story that you may have heard called the surgeon riddle. It goes like this. A young boy and his father are on their way home from soccer practice when a distracted driver crosses the center line and hits their vehicle head-on. The father dies at the scene of this horrible car accident, but the boy is still alive when the paramedics arrive. The injured boy is transported in an ambulance to the hospital, where he is immediately taken into surgery.

Just as the boy is about to go under the knife, the surgeon says, “I can’t operate on this boy. He’s my son!” © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

9

Explain.

Did you guess that the surgeon is the boy’s mother?

If not, you are part of a surprising majority. Even though, after pausing to think about it, of course there are plenty of female surgeons.

The results are similar for an alternate version of the riddle: a mother is killed, her daughter is rushed to the hospital, and a nurse declines to attend to the patient because “that girl is my daughter.”

Few people guessed that the nurse might be the child’s father. Even though of course, there are plenty of male nurses.

What made imagining a surgeon mom or a nurse father so difficult? Unconscious bias fueled by media messages? After all, how many surgeons do you know? Most people don’t know many.

So their perception of what a surgeon looks like, and can be, is often shaped by external messages such as television, movies, or print and online media.

If you hesitate to jump because people “like you” don’t do X, Y or Z, consider where you learned that message.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

10

AFTER 30 DAYS, THE LIDS WERE REMOVED FROM THE JARS. What’s your time limit to stop jumping for your dream?

Thomas Alva Edison is one of the best-known American inventors in history. He holds 1,093 US patents, created the motion picture camera, the phonograph, and most notably the electric light bulb. There are several differing answers on how many times Thomas Edison failed before he successfully invented the light bulb. Some sources say 10,000, while others say it was 1,000.

Another source says he tried 3,000 times. But it’s safe to say that he tried more than 1,000 times. Edison is quoted as saying, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

I know what you’re thinking. Do you expect me to try something 1,000 times? Are you crazy?! At some point maybe I’ve gotta understand that my particular lid is NOT off right? Fair enough. But here’s my question:

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Thomas Edison, 1877

From Telegraph to Light Bulb with Thomas Edison (2007) by Deborah Hedstrom, p. 22) [add footnote]

What’s your number?

In my early twenties I started my first business, publishing a magazine called Yes We Deliver!

I didn’t enjoy the work. It required that I make sales calls on small retail businesses. I soon discovered that I simply did not enjoy it. And I didn’t make any money. A few years later I tried a different business. It was a pickup and delivery dry cleaners called Convenient Cleaners. It was a pretty good business. I made some money, not a lot, and I didn’t like that business either.

Failure #2. Then I started a consulting firm called Ivy Planning Group. It worked. My husband and I grew Ivy into the multi-million-dollar company of my dreams. So was I playing, “three strikes then you’re out Janet?” Was three my magic number? In this case it happened to be.

But I sometimes wonder what if I had stopped at my second business failure?

So what’s the right number of attempts? Consider Jessica, a single woman, who would like to be married to the right partner.

Jessica is a good woman with a good heart. She has been in a few relationships, but never with the right guy. She has found success in other areas of her life, but feels unlucky in love. If you were to ask Jessica how she is going about her search for the “right guy” she would tell you that she has tried everything. © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

11

Knowing that she likes men who are physically fit, last month she joined a local gym. But she hasn’t met anyone there yet. She told a few friends who know her well to introduce her to guys they think she’d like to date. She even subscribed to an online dating site, and has been on a few dates. Jessica feels like she has struck out and is ready to give up.

Jessica deserves kudos for trying. But when you look at Jessica’s situation quantitatively, she’s actually scoring low. She has told a few friends, been on a few dates, and tried the gym scene for less than one month.

In 1960, Dr. Maxwell Maltz published research about behavior change in a book called PsychoCybernetics. He found that it takes at least 21 days to form a habit. [add footnote] Phillippa Lally, a health psychology researcher at University College London, published research in the European Journal of Social Psychology, that it takes an average of 66 days to form a habit. [add footnote] So does it take 3-9 weeks to unlearn one? It ends up that’s the wrong approach. Don’t spend your time focused on NOT jumping. Spend 3-9 weeks focused on jumping. What’s the difference? Researcher___ found that if you tell people not to think about a pink elephant but instead to think about a purple elephant, __% still think about a pink elephant. They think about the purple elephant too, but their thinking time is split between both the pink one and the purple one. However if you tell people to think about the purple elephant, then 100% of their time is spent on that.

So spend time focused on the new habit. Forget about the time when you were “not jumping,” when you went on a bad date, when the bank denied the loan, when you didn’t get called for an interview, when you fell off the wagon, when the diet didn’t work, ….

Let it go. Hakuna Matata. You gotta put the past behind you.

What’s the new behavior – the jumping for your dream? Spend 30 days exhibiting that behavior to make it your new habit. Then decide what your time limit is for practicing your new behavior. 90 days? 6 months? What’s your number?

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

12

[Write for permission to use this cartoon. Or have illustrator do something similar.]

The lost opportunity of not jumping – You’re almost there Oprah Winfrey interviewed ______. When asked what their greatest fear is, they responded, “If God were to show me everything that I could have been if only I had tried.” That’s a sobering thought.

Imagine watching the video, “What your life was intended to be.” Imagine a series of opportunities – fabulous people, experiences, places, feelings, and things – that were planned for you, set aside for you. All you had to do was reach out for them. In many cases you were ever so close. But each time you stopped just before claiming them.

You were really close, but you stopped trying. You had a list of 20 job prospects, and stopped at 17. Little did you know that the perfect offer was coming on #18.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE LIDS WERE NOT THERE ANYMORE, THE FROGS NEVER JUMPED OUT OF THE JARS. EVEN THOUGH THEY COULD HAVE EASILY DONE SO. The frogs jumped and hit their heads. Some stopped jumping after only 10 days. Some stopped jumping after only 20 days. But by day 30, they had all stopped jumping. They didn’t know that the lid was off on Day 30.

WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF ONE FROG HAD JUMPED AFTER THE 30 DAYS? © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

13

I wonder what would have happened if just one frog had jumped. Imagine this. It is day 34. The last time Froggie Fred jumped was 14 days ago. 20 days of head bumping was enough for him.

But something felt different today. A full moon. Who knows? After a good meal, Fred thinks to himself, “Oh heck, why not?” And he jumps. And OMG he’s out!!!!!!

What does Fred think?

What do the other frogs who are still in their jars think?

The POWER OF KNOWING THE LID IS OFF. There is scientific proof of the power of knowing that a lid is off.

For decades it was believed that the human body was unable to run a mile in less than five minutes. Then in the 1940’s a runner ran a mile in 4:01 minutes. But no one broke that record for about a decade. Remarkably on May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running the distance in 3:59.4. He said that the key to his success was to visualize with certainty that he could do it.

But what fascinates me most is that a year later, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes!

Then several more runners did it. So today it’s not even a big deal to do it! . [need a footnote] There is power in knowing what is possible. Being certain of it.

It starts with a dream. I’m going to get a job that I love. I’m going to buy a new home. I’m going to start my own business. I’m going to stay clean. I’m going to get my degree. I’m going to meet someone who treats me well and loves me dearly. I’m going to disrupt a toxic pattern in my family. I’m going to. I will.

Yes, I’m talking about the little train that could.

I THINK I CAN. Because I saw another little train do it.

What helps? Finding someone else who did it. Read biographies of others who have overcome. Talk to people who have accomplished big and little things. Some people will not volunteer their success stories or winning approaches because they don’t want to brag. Or because they don’t think anyone cares. But if asked, they may freely share with you. Ask them what they did, and also how they felt when they were doing it. © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

14

Ask about their fears, insecurities, and challenges. There is power in talking to, and understanding the stories of, people who accomplished what you wish to. Role models matter.

And don’t worry that their situation was very different from your own. Find the common thread in their story and your own. Let that inspire you. They did it. You can too.

THE CRUEL GAME OF SOMETIMES OFF, SOMETIMES ON The lid is not always off. Sometimes the lid is on.

For example, during the experiment – sometimes the researcher would take the lid off.

Different times of day. For a few minutes or even for an hour. The frog was asleep, not paying attention.

In fact it is the sometimes on, and sometimes off thing that makes this experience more difficult. Things that have been placed in your way by an external force that keep you from achieving your dreams, are sometimes temporarily removed, randomly removed, even though MOST of the time they are in place.

Is that a good or bad thing? In some ways might it be better if the lid were always on?

NO. I don’t mean that. But it would help if there were a pattern. Here’s the issue.

Imagine that on day 21, at 1:30 pm, the scientist took the lid off for 30 minutes. The frog had been jumping and hitting its head all morning. Nonstop jumping since 6:00 a.m. The frog was taking a short break and didn’t know of course that the scientist had taken off the lid.

During the time that the lid was off, observers who had heard about the awful frogs locked up situation passed by, and thought, “Dang what a lazy frog. The lid is off. All they need to do is jump. What is that frog’s problem?!”

And that’s the problem with the scientist sometimes, every once in a while, removing the barrier. Versus taking it off and leaving it off.

It makes the frog look lazy or crazy. It’s cruel. Perhaps done by design? It’s a big part of the problem for frogs.

Does that mean, “Don’t sleep!”?

No, it means that we acknowledge that we are operating in a system that is often unfair.

Perhaps by design. And that since timing is everything, sometimes it’s worth another try. The time could be right.

Remember…it’s BOTH AND. There’s still work to be done on permanently removing lids.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

15

PREPARATION FOR JUMPING    

Self awareness Find a buddy or support team Let and faith or spirituality fuel you Consider the lost opportunity of not jumping

Awareness of self is the first step in emotional intelligence. It requires a deep interrogation of assumptions about yourself. It means recognizing and understanding your own behavioral patterns. Slow down and start to notice your “self-talk.” Are you telling yourself “I don’t think I can jump high enough.” “What will people think about me if I jump and fail?” “What will people think about me if I jump and succeed?”

Identify a buddy or team who will support you in caring way with honest feedback. Feedback is a gift. Ask them to notice your behavioral patterns, and to share what they observe. Thank them for their feedback and insights.

WHAT IF ANOTHER FROG HAD COME ALONG? Exclusion, Disenfranchisement, and isolation - the impact I wonder how another frog would have reacted to the scene. You approach the jar and see the frog laying there, looking distraught. But as far as you can tell, there’s nothing keeping the frog in their situation. No lid. Nothing in the way of getting out.

“Why the heck are you in that jar? Get the heck out of there! You are supposed to be out here with me.”

Or “What a dumb ass frog.”

I guess your reaction could depend on whether you have ever been locked up in a jar for 30 days.

Having a cheering squad that encourages you to jump is definitely a positive enabler in the jumping game. Someone to tell you to try again, jump higher, you can do this, I got you.

Find that person. Build your encouragement team.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

16

THINK ABOUT DAYS 1-29.

On the first day, the frog jumped and hit its head. “Ouch.” It spent all day jumping. All week it jumped although less frequently. “Dang!” By week three, it hurt even more to jump because the frog’s head was sore from all the head bumping. On Day 29, it looked up at the lid. Then it took a deep breath, bent its legs deeper, and jumped. And it hit its head again. Exhausted from jumping, it laid down and took a nap.

Learn from Babies Babies who are learning to walk fall and get up, fall and fall, and get up and get up, until they walk. Somehow babies know that falling and getting up is just part of the process of walking. Falling isn't the end. Walking is the end. And in fact, walking becomes such a given after a little while that she takes walking for granted.

She can just do it. Then the destination becomes the new thing.

FAITH AND SPIRITUALITY (a message for those who believe what I do) A lot people know I’m confident. They think I’m courageous because they see me jump, and not give up. If they don’t know me, they assume it’s because of something about me. But it’s actually a result of my faith. Belief in a higher power helps many people to jump.

Consider the prophet Ezekiel and the story of dry bones, God brought them alive.

You may have buried your dreams. Dreams from your childhood. God put the dreams in your heart. Now you need to believe, no matter how old those dreams are, regardless of the situations that made you bury your dreams.

And he said, “Take the arrows,” and he took them. And he said to the king of Israel, “Strike the ground with them.” And he struck three times and stopped. Then the man of God was angry with him and said, “You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck down Syria until you had made an end of it, but now you will strike down Syria only three times.” Holy Bible, 2 Kings 13:18-19

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

17

The unfaithfulness of man limits the goodness of God. Realize that some people have had more help than others.

Some frogs had a ladder inside their jar. So they didn't have to jump as high. All challenges are not created equal. Maybe you’ve had challenges before, but had a great support system. You were stuck in a jar for a few days, then along came your family with a ladder and a pep squad to cheer you on, and you climbed right out of that jar. Not so bad.

Imagine that was your experience. So now you walk up to the jar, look at the frog, and say, “Hey it’s not that high. Just jump."

Don't be an asshole. Go find a ladder, and a pep squad for them too!

I had to jump high so you should too.

Researcher ____ found that when it came to reviewing resumes for hiring, the toughest critics of female applicants were other women. [Provide more detail and include footnote. ] Sometimes people who have had a challenging road to success take on the role of making it just as hard for those coming behind them, often because they think that which does not kill you will make you stronger.

NOOOOO!!!

Here’s a memo to anyone and everyone who has had to suffer, fight and claw your way out of a situation.

MEMO Re: your role I know that your journey was tough. I know that you didn’t have help. I know that you’re tempted to think that because you had to jump high, others should too. But why? Why can’t you make it easier for the next person? I know that you don’t want to weaken them.

Please help to make it easier, and better for others.

Signed, Froggie

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

18

THE LOST OPPORTUNITY OF NOT JUMPING – PART TWO (you’re clogging up the pipeline) When you don’t jump, you are impacting more than yourself. You are also impacting others. When you are not taking the spot that you should, you are often taking someone else’s spot.

Think back to Phil, the tech company customer support rep who hesitated to take the sales job. He was qualified to do the sales job. And deep down he wanted to do the job and reap the lucrative compensation. But instead he played it safe. Meanwhile Kelli an administrative assistant in Phil’s office really wanted his customer support rep position. The customer support rep job would be a stretch for her, but she was up for the task. Her boss was supportive but there were no job openings for that role.

Phil didn’t know it, but he was blocking Kelli’s opportunity.

1 Lid can take out 2 Frogs.

One of the unfortunate truths about lids is that one lid can take out two frogs.

If you don’t go for that dream that is actually well within your reach: 1. You don’t free up a spot for the person in line behind you.

2. You don’t show others what’s possible. You do not become the role model for someone else.

WHEN YOU ARE TALENTED BUT NOT TAKING THE TOP SPOT, even though it will require prying off a lid, you are clogging up the pipeline.

Jump for yourself and for the person behind you!

If that’s not enough pressure for you, consider this. When you take off a lid you are sometimes taking off the lid for multiple generations. You may be disrupting a generational pattern for your family. Would you be the first one to go to college and finish? The first to be in a respectful, healthy and committed long-term relationship? The first to own a home? The first to own a business?

Perhaps barriers to greatness have been put on your ancestors for centuries and that pattern is in your bones. (Reference book) . When you disrupt the pattern, your descendants are learning a new way. All because you jumped. Your little cousins watched you when you were down and out. They will also watch you when you jump, so they know what is possible.

Jump for yourself and for the generations behind you! © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

19

IN ORDER TO MAKE THAT JUMP, YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IF YOU’RE READY FOR CHANGE. When doing change management work with corporate clients, I use something called the Beckhard change model. [footnote Dick Beckhard] I have found that it works well with individuals too when I’m doing executive coaching or working through any scenario where people want to progress from where they are to a better place.

The model says that change will happen if and only if there are four elements: 1. Dissatisfaction with how things are now 2. A vision of what is possible 3. First, concrete steps that can be taken toward that vision 4. Support, such as knowledge, tools, and resources And These four elements much be greater than the resistance to change.

Without all four elements – dissatisfaction, vision, support, and first steps – change cannot happen.

For example, Kim said that she wanted to take better care of her health by exercising more and eating a healthier diet to lose weight. But over time it became clear that she was actually satisfied with where she is now. Sure she complained about her current state, but the resistance – her love of fatty foods, no urgent health problems, and no complaints about her weight from her partner – was greater than her dissatisfaction. She was not dissatisfied enough to do what it takes to make a change – in other words to JUMP. In the experiment, the frogs were given the necessities: food, air and water. They had the basics. The resistance – 30 days of head bumping – was greater than their dissatisfaction with being in that jar. And because they didn’t have a clear enough vision of what was possible, or the support to get out. They stayed where they were. © 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

20

SOMETIMES WE DON’T RECOGNIZE THAT A LID CAME OFF. Sometimes we don’t know what to do, after the lid has been removed. Because… it wasn’t exactly what we had in mind.

Betty is a working mother with 3 young children who are in elementary school. She envied the moms who volunteered as room mothers at the school. By spending time at the school, the room mothers got to know the teachers, school administrators, and their children’s friends.

But Betty couldn’t volunteer at the school because her job was located far from the school, and she couldn’t get time off from work. That was her lid. “I can’t spend time volunteering at my kids’ school. How I wish I could.”

Then Betty got downsized from her job. She was devastated. Another lid! “I’m unemployed!”

She is looking for a new job, a better job. She is networking with people in her field and even outside her field. She is taking some online classes to acquire some new skills. She’s working on getting that new lid off. But guess what? Betty still is NOT volunteering at her kids’ school. Why not? After all, now she does have some time to do it. Although her new job search is certainly intense, it doesn’t keep her busy all day. So why isn’t Betty volunteering to be a room mother now? Because she hasn’t even thought about the fact that the lid, I can’t spend time volunteering at my kids’ school, is off now!

Even when the lid comes off for the “wrong reason” don’t forget to jump.

No more getting ready. No more “fickin’ to jump.”

A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action.

If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.

Tony Robbins

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

21

ACTION ITEMS Question Your Assumptions. What assumptions am I making about my possibilities?

Be Quantitative. Decide now how many times you are willing to jump. Pick a number. Monitor your progress. Hold yourself accountable.

Participate in your own rescue. 80% of success is showing up. You didn’t even get out of the bed! You didn’t keep getting rejected. You didn’t even ask. Eat Pray Love. Story about someone who every day would go in front of the statue and beg can I please win the lottery. Finally the statue came alive and said, please buy a lottery ticket.

Get a Lid is Off Buddy. Align yourself with people who will cheer you on to jump.

Learn what you need to know about making that jump. You can learn how to do almost anything on YouTube. Find others who have already taken your jump to understand how they did it, and to encourage yourself to go for it too.

Prepare how you will respond to folks who are discouraging.

“Thank you for helping me know why it won’t work. Things that could get in my way. NOW tell me why it WILL work. Things that could REMOVE the barriers.”

“Do you know anyone who tried and it didn’t work? What did they try to do? When did they try? What can I learn from their failure? Please help me by completing this sentence, I think if they had tried ____ it might have worked.”

“Have you ever tried to do this? What was your experience? What did you learn from the experience that will help me to learn, so that I might be successful?”

“Who do you know who has succeeded, or has come close to succeeding, at this?”

Learn the trigger words that discourage you. Then learn to become numb to them. What specifically do people say to you that stops you from going for your dream? For example, “You’re stupid.” “You’re ugly.” “People like us don’t do that.” “Know your place.” “More opportunity means more problems.” Researcher ___ showed that when you come face to face with the words that block you, those phrases start to lose their power over you. But you must become conscious of the words. So you have to endure the pain of becoming conscious of those words. That’s right – hitting your head on the lid can wake you up!

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

22

Act like you don’t know the lid is on. People who were never told that the lid is ON are sometimes more successful than others. Because they jump. Unfortunately they also tend to over-react when they bump their heads on the lid. But that’s OK. I’m whispering in your ear now. The lid is off. Act as if.

Create your Lid is Off Action Plan.

Keep me updated on your progress and your wins.

Janet Crenshaw Smith

THE LID IS OFF will soon be self-help and group-help initiative. People will write in what lid they are trying to get off. They will be asked to complete an application. They must commit that after we help them get their lid off, they will become part of a group to help others get their lids off too.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

23

APPENDIX

Quotes, music and words that may inspire you to jump.

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

24

Fall 7.

Rise 8.

Japanese proverb

The man of God was angry with him and said, "You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you would have defeated Aram and completely destroyed it. But now you will defeat it only three times."

2 Kings 13:19 NIV

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

25

Several songs from The Sounds of Blackness Unity album have inspired me to jump.

Here are two of them: Try and I Believe

TRY Lyrics: How many times have you told yourself / And now many times have you been told by someone else that / You don't have what it takes / Deep down within / You're just not good enough and you'll never win // You've heard those words for so long / That you believe it even though you know it's wrong / Cause you're the one that's holding you back / Even if you've been mistreated you won't be defeated when you try / Chorus: TRY / There ain't nothing you can't do / JUST TRY / The world belongs to you / TRY / I know that it's true / You will make it when you try // Now is the time / Life's too short to wait / So make up your mind / Tomorrow might be too late / To do the things you know you wanna do / I'm not trying to run your life / the choice is up to you // You can have the desires of your heart / Just believe it and you can make a brand new start / You can be anything you wanna be / Give it everything you've got / And don't stop / 'Till you reach the top // Chorus: If at first you don't succeed, Try and try again / You've got everything you need / To make it in the end / So don't be afraid / Once you start / You've got it made / People let me tell ya / Nothing beats failure but a try //

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

26

I BELIEVE lyrics I believe in the power and I never, ever doubt Every minute, every hour I believe I believe in myself 'cause I know I'll get my help From the power in the sky I believe No need askin' where I've been, just ask me where I'm goin' 'Cause I won't be ashamed to tell ya I live my life knowin' all the roads ahead of me Are filled with peace and love Every step so heavenly, you'll fall and bounce right up All miracles and dreams are realized for me through faith Nothing seems impossible if you believe I believe in the power and I never ever doubt Every minute, every hour I believe I believe in myself 'cause I know I'll get my help From the power in the sky I believe Lookin' in the mirror I can see my eyes are glowing Living testimony that the spirit keeps me goin' Oh, I'm feeling so good, got to raise my hands an rejoice Say a few words to praise Him, every time I lift my voice All miracles and dreams realized for me through faith Nothin' seems impossible if you believe I believe in the power and I never ever doubt Every minute, every hour I believe I believe in myself 'cause I know I'll get my help From the power in the sky I believe

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

27

India Arie also inspires me to jump with There’s Hope Back when I had a little I thought that I needed a lot A little was over rated But a lot was a little too complicated You see, zero didn't satisfy me A million didn't make me happy That's when I learned the lesson That it's all about your perceptions Hey, are you a pauper or a superstar?

So you act, so you feel, so you are It ain't about the size of your car It's about the size of the faith in your heart There's hope It doesn't cost a thing to smile You don't have to pay to laugh You better thank God for that There's hope It doesn't cost a thing to smile You don't have to pay to laugh You better thank God for that There's hope Off in the back country of Brazil A met a young brother that made me feel That I could accomplish anything (You see, just like me, he wanted to sing) (He had) no windows and no doors He lived a simple life and was extremely poor On top of all of that, he had no eyesight (But that didn't keep him from seein' the light) (He said) what's it like in the USA? And all I did was complain (He said) living here is paradise He taught me paradise is in your mind; you know that...

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

There's hope It doesn't cost a thing to smile You don't have to pay to laugh You better thank God for that There's hope Every time I turn on the T.V. (There's hope) Somebody's acting crazy (There's hope) If you let it, it'll drive you crazy (There's hope) But I'm takin' back my power today (There's hope) Gas prices - they just keep on rising (There's hope) The government - they keep on lying But we gotta keep on surviving Keep living our truth and do the best we can do 'Cause there's hope It doesn't cost a thing to smile You don't have to pay to laugh You better thank God for that, yeah, yeah There's hope It doesn't cost a thing to smile You don't have to pay to laugh You better thank God for that There's hope Stand up for your rights Keep shining your light And show the world your smile Stand up for your rights Keep shining your light And show the world your smile You don't have to pay to laugh You better thank God for that There's hope

28

It is His will that every need be supplied.

"I Need You To Survive" Hezekiah Walker

We fall down, but we get up.

We Fall Down Donnie McClurkin

I pray that your soul will be blessed.

Be Blessed Yolanda Adams

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough Diana Ross

In the 2006 movie, The Pursuit of Happyness, starring Will Smith as Chris Gardner:  12 minutes in, Will Smith says he wants to be a stockbroker.

His wife doesn't believe in him.  19 minutes in - showed him with Dean Witter sign  25 minutes in - shared a taxi ride  46 minutes in – was in jail, finally released, then interviewed looking like a bum. AND he got the internship .  It’s not always easy!  55 minutes - on basketball court. Don't let somebody tell you that you can't do something .

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

29

JUMP!

© 2023 Janet Crenshaw Smith All Rights Reserved

30