I. September 8, 1999
FOULEST Continued from Page 6 4. African-American Studies 104: Black Multiculturalism "Is the music of Wyclef Jean and/or Lauryn Hill African-American or is it Caribbean? Are the portrayals of Caribbean Blacks in How Stella Got Her Groove Back stereotypical?" The answer: who cares? Along with Dishonories 11, 10, 8 this course makes the now ro common mistake of equating popular culture with academic discipline. Yes, I know students desire easy classes, bur isn't it the role of a University to teach students what they don't know, rather then masquerading Top 40 music and bad movies as serious studies. 3. Linguistics 211: Introduction to Language Hmm ... Linguistics you say. Doesn't sound so bad .... at first. However, a quick beliefs. All we know is that they are "young filmmakers" who daringly try to negotiate their way through what appears to be quite a monstrous state park for the sake of their art. On and on the film rambles, day after exasperating day, as odd things begin to happen and the filmmakers question each other's motivations. Is the documentary really this important? Wiu they even escape the state park alive? Do I care? Nope. When will this end? Please soon. Oh no, another day scene! Ahhhhhh! So then the map (really, you need a map!) is lost in the most ad hoc and senseless manner and all seems lost as the kids rapidly begin to lose the plot, both their own and the film's. The famous sticks tied together hanging from trees turn up, there is an unexplained disappearance and blah blah blah. The rest can be sorted out itself. Suspense and sympathy for those likely doomed are the elements that make horror movies work. There exists a morbid thrill in imagining oneself in the same dire situation as the characters, in feeling the' grim emotions of possibly losing one's own life or the lives of people you care about. Unfortunately, Blair Witch contains neither of these elements, and none of the wit or lightness of the horror approach of Scream. The inevitable conclusion is bland, ordinary, and drawn out, and none of the three "method filmmakers" do anything in the way of convincing the audience that they don't deserve their fate. Spontaneity can be tremendous, except in the form of gratuitous swearing or awkward, implausible plot development. Then it's merely unnecessary, annoying, and just plain stupid. Toward the end, the film becomes somewhat interesting: the "eccentric one's" notable upward flashlight monologue does lend a tiny bit of authentic emotional character; the attempt to make the beginning stories of the Blair Witch legend make some coherent, plot-like sense, just before the
;TllBIIICBlGARRBVIBW-:-WBQVJT.pagelS J the three of these. Women's Studies 240.001 violates Rule #1 by instructing students ro "examine how capitalism, racism, imperialism, and heterosexism affect women's lives." The later two cover nearly identical disciplines: feminist theories about the "social construction" of gender. In the case of Women's Studies 341, students "will consider a variety of ways in which gender is constructed socially." The final declares as part of its mission statement "We will ask: how is gender constructed?" Both these courses suffer from an identical flaw-the assumption that gender needs ro be "constructed," and ergo ignoring the not insignificant influence of X and Y chromosomes.
glance at the course description reads that this seminar seeks to conduct "discussion of current dialects of English such as Black English," asking the question: "What is Standard English and is it better than dialects of English?" Well, without raking my 3 credits, let me have a guess: standard English is the language spoken by educated, articulate and successful society. So-called Black English (in reality quite an insulting term- the majority of African-Americans I know speak with amazing grace and comprehension of the English language) is an ignorant derivative enl,lnciated largely by kill-whitey rappers, crack-heads, and crackwhores. Remember boys and girls, the commandment translates from Hebrew as "Do not commit adultery," or, in higher English, "Thou shalt not commit adultery. " It does not read intelligently as "Don't be cheatin' on yo' bitch."
And now, for the winner... 1. African-American Studies 203: Issues in Afro-American Development Most University courses attempt to hide their politics behind obscure academic theories~ authors , and political philoso-
2. Tie- Women's Studies 240.001, Women's Studies 341, Soc. 447 Couldn't really differentiate between
versity that has been around longer than the state of Michigan, and almost as long as the United States itself. Perhaps most important: we all must realize that the college experience is what you make of it. One benefit of knowing all the negative aspects of the University is knowing that you need not - cannot blindly accept everything diversity-crazed administrators and professors tell you. Question elJerythinJ(. Don't hurriedly agree with everything your GSI "teaches" you in discussion section, just to make sure that you stay on his good side; GSIs are not allowed to dock youLgrade withour a reason, and a general dislike of your combative attitude is not sufficient reason. (Fear not: the law backs you on this one. If they do dock you, you can fight it and win.) Take one more 400-level course. Engage in afterhours debate about politics or philosophy with your roommate. Go out of your way to challenge yourself. Our goal here is to recapture the feel-
PICTURES Continued From Page 7 that many computers in their entire campus, let alone at one site! We can rejoice in the fact thar we have a fantastic athletic program, complete with "the best college march ever written" (according to John Phillips Sousa), and that we actually saw a 12-0 season JUSt two years ago, topped off with a Rose Bowl victory and a national championship. Remember that U of M offers you opportunities that you would never have otherwise, and that even with all its faults, the Michigan is still one damn fine school. In shorr, remember what it was like to be in Group 1. A group ler sees everything in a different light. A group 1er is able to appreciate the tradition of the place, to realize that we are members of a Unii
inevitable demise of the cast. Such sparks of flavor are, however, not enough to forgive the utterly bland preceding hour, and they fall embarrassingly short of fulfilling the boundless potential of the film's premise and style. All in all, the Blair Witch Project is a shocking disappointment that will inevitably result in sequels and unfortunately a few pathetic film cults. It is my desperate hope that such things will not result, but in witnessing the fallout so far, I have no reason to be optimistic. ~
Will wetmore is the only member of the Review staff who voluntarily attended Hash
Bash last year. His hobbies include: gardening, British music, and fine wine. When not tracking down some "really righteous herbs for my garden, Âť he also happens to be arts editor of the Review.
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phers. Not so for African American Studies 203. Rather, it states quite clearly, "The objective is ro begin the process of cogent action and to develop the language to articulate affirmative action as a right and not a benefit." This course represents the foulest intrusion of liberal politics on the public dollar I've ever encountered. Imagine the leftist outcry if the University funded a course that declared "The objective is to begin the process.... ro articulate the inalienable right of an unborn child to life , not simply life contingent upon the whim (i.e. "choice") of its mother." It sickens me that the tax dollars of moderate and conservative working people in this state goes ro fund this collection of intellectual tripe they oppose fundamentally. Rather then instructing students in liberal arts, this course stresses only liberal politics, with a particular focus on serving as an apologetica for the University's legal defense of its horrendous admission policies." l\R Send your letters to mrev@umich.edu ings we felt when we first got here. You want to once again see the University as something special, an intellectual oasis filled with history and tradition. When the bells of Burton tower sound throughout the entire campus, stop what you're doing and just listen. Let the sound bring with it the memory of what attracted you to U-M in the first place. In our time here at the University, we tend to become used to things, to not give a passing thought to things which once captured our attention and our imagination. So when you walk down State Street and pass Angell Hall, behold its mag-
nificence once more. And to all you freshmen out there: the enthusiasm you're feeling right now won't last very long. So make use of it before the inevitable cynicism gets to you. The next time you pass Angell Hall, your feelings of awe and humility will still be truly genuine. Stop and embrace them, for it will be a long time - if ever - before you're able to feel that way again. l\R
Be Fair: Recycle the Daily. After all, they recycle the Ann Arbor News and Detroit Free Press
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