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POSTPONED

Curtin Rioting Trial to Begin This Month

Minority Intervention Causes Year-long Delay Affirmative Action Lawsuits Against U-M

By GEOFF HANSON

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N SEPTEMBER 27, SCHOOL of Education Graduate Student Jessica Marley Currin faces trial on the charge of inciting a riot. The charges stem from the role Ms. Curtin, a noted student activist and leader of the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action by Any Means Necessary (BAMN ), played in a May, 1998 protest against a rally being held by the Ku Klux Klan in Ann Arbor that day. Ms. Curtin was arrested outside city hall on Monday, Ju ly 6, 1998 , as she was about to attend a city council meeting. She and seven others were arres ted for rior, and Ms. Curtin was additionally charged with "ma liciou s destruction of property," namely damage to a protective fencing police had set up to separate the protestors from the Klansmen. that surrounded the rally and ciry hall.

Curtin Copies Away

Student Money F.M.

OSLICK

URING THE WINTER 1999 school term, the Michigan Stud~nt Assembly (MSA) exceeded ItS copying budget by an estimated $700, according to an e-mail sem Out by MSA VP Andy Coulouris. In tOtal, MSA spent $1,961 in printing 63,883 copies. Of this, MSA committees printed slightly under half the copies, with the remainder produced as informational packets, LSA Student Government, internal financial documents and similar pursuits. While the Assembly had

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See COPieS, Paoe 8

2

Serpent's Tooth

Serpent's Tooth is tanned, well-rested, and ready to pounce - check out the funniest Serpents of the year!

s. SCHWARTZ

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LMOST TWO YEARS AGO, the Center for Individu al Rights (CIR) , a public interest law firm in Washington , DC, filed two class-action lawsuits against. the U niversity of Michigan. They claimed that the University's admissions policies were unconstitutional because they rook race inro account. violating the 14th Amendment's Equ al Prorection clause and Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The first lawsuit, filed in Ocrober 1997. was directed aga inst the College of Literature , Science, and the Arts (LSA), and the second , filed in December of the same year, was directed aga in st the Law School. The case against the Law School was scheduled to go ro trial on August 30 of

this year. and the case ;igainst LSA was to begin sometime this fall. But due to several activist groups and individuals who recentl y managed to become " intervenors," the cases ha ve now been postponed until July or August of next year. The intervenors include minority stu-

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dents at the University and local high schools, as well as several student groups, such as the Coalition ro Defend Affirmative Actio n By Any Means Necessa ry (BAMN). Several organizations lended their support, such as the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, American Civil Liberties Union, and Mexican American Legal Defense Fund. In February and March of 1998, they charged that U-M cou ld not adequately represent their interests. According to the Law School moti on ro intervene, "Applicants are the perso ns whose rights, skills, acquis ition, aspi rations and lives - prese nt and fUlUre - will be indelib ly changed by whether or nor efforts to equalize educat ional access an d op pOrtU-

See POSTPONED, Page 5

UAC Spending Raises Questions

See RIOT, Page 9

BY JACOB

BY MATTHEW

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BY LEE BOCKHORN

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HE N STUDENTS THINK of what their tuition pays for. classes, professors' salaries. and perpetual campus constructi on al l come to mind. But most students wouldn't imagine that meir tuition also pays for fe llow students to eat free at fine Italian restaurants, attend workshops at plush hotel s. and buy birthday gifts for University secretaries. Yet this happ ens frequently at the University Activities Center (UAC), a U-M student organization mat sponsors a variety of activities for me U-M community. Accord ing to UAC's Student Organization Accounts Service (SOAS) statement, UAC has spent its internal funds - which come directly from student tuition - on all of these things. UAC annually sponsors fall and spring retreats for its execurive board and committee

chairs. According [0 former UAC Coordinator of Finance John Anronini, these retreats are better characterized as "training sessions" which inform UAC members "how to tap into some resources at the Universiry, (and] how to go about things that they need in their jobs as committee chairs or execurive board members." While the spring retreats are always held at a campus sight like me Michiga n Union , the fall retreats are often held at off-campus facilities such as hotel conference centers, and include an overnight stay. UAC members feel that the faIl retreats must be held off-campus "so we can have the undivided attention of all the comminee chairs fo r a certain length of time without people coming and going." said Antonini. It appears that UAC places a high prioriry on achieving this "undivided attention. " Last October, UAC spent a total of$3,691.49 on meals and room rentals to hold the fall retreat

4 Suite From One

6 Columnists Review

We speak outon the minority intervention in U-M lawsuits; and talk about the Detroit teachers strike.

JakeOslick shows you which kinds of classes to avoid; Matt Schwartz tries to rid the campus of cynicism.

10

at the Hyan Regency hotel in Dearborn, according to \..lAC's SOAS accouO[ statemenL The yea r before. the retreat was held at the plush Novi Hilton. Despite harsh words from campus critics. UAC is curren tly planning a similar retreat this Fall. A recent interview with the new UAC Executive Chairperson. Abby Adair, revealed that UAC intends on taling a trip, "if yo u can even call it that," [() Walden Woods. Ms. Adair

See UAC, Page 11 This year marks the Rell jew's return to a biweekly publishing schedule, an increase in frequency from the triweekly schedule of yesteryear. We hope you enjoy your extra doses of Review.' - The Editors

News & Views

We discuss U-M's new lifesciences institute; and our News Editor will quell your worries about Bush and coke.

14

Living Culture

Former Arts Editor Julie bids you adieu, our new arts editor slams Blair Witch, and we offer you two wine reviews!

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THE MICRIPAN . REVIEW ~;: r:

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September 8. 1999

SERPENr'S TOOTH

George W. Bush is the hands-down frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination. Wouldn't that be an ironic commentary on Clinton's presidency - 8 years of Clinton, surrounded by Bush. Top 5 T-Shirts Seen by Review Correspondents in Jerusalem this Summer: 5. Don't drink kosher wine while driving - the wine might spill. 4. Shabbat: Just Do It (with a big Nike Swoosh) 3. Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity 2. Native American C hief to Israeli Prime Minister: "Barak, let me tell you about trading land for peace." 1. I got stoned ... in Gaza. In a summer Daily story, staff writer Seva Gunitskiy quoted MSA Rep. Joseph Tarviano. The only problem is that no such person exists . We can only assume she meant MSA Rep. Josh Trapani. The Review extends its hearty thanks to th e .Daily for once again proving to be the #1 reas.on people read the Re1Jiew. Between September 8-11, the Clare Area of Commerce is holding a "Halfway to St. Patrick's Day Celebration. " In commemoration of the event, Serpent's Tooth plans to get half-drunk and act half-stupid. We also plan to plant car bombs in half of the cars in Ann Arbor. Recently, Serpent's Tooth was perusIng the X.500 user directory, and came

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across some interesting affliations of our campus's esteemed leaders. It seems for instance, thatMSA President Bram Elias owns the e-mail group ass@umich.edu, described as "the best damn ass you'll see all summer." Mr. Elias was also discovered to be a me~ber of "silly boys" (described as "those guys the naughry girls deem silly"), "half wits," and, along with much of his Blue Party, "asscrun·ch." Other interesting findings: Camille Noe, who owns "sapac cords," an e-mail group for SAPAC's volunteer coordinators, also owns "houseofsin" and "realsinners." Shannon Callahan, a SAPAC peer educator, was also discovered to . be a member of both groups. Perhaps the most scary revelation: Jessica Curtin also belongs to ass@umich.edu. Serpent's Tooth is relieved that it never got to test Elias's claim that his group represents "the best damn ass you'll see all summer."

Speaking of Ms. Curtin , our research through her police report turned up the following note: Curtin defines her ethniciry as "OTHER. " We also found it odd that she noted her gender as "OTHER," her species as "OTHER," and her personality as "NONE." She further listed her father as "All-Mighty and Glorious Satan" and her mother as "random concumbine." Although we at first thought this was a poor attempt at humour, recent evidence has turned up to suggest a possible connection (see accomp a ning mug shot). Police spokesmen recommend on-Iooker~ not

The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan stare directly at the hair in the photograph, for this might cause spontaneous transformation to stone.

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Matthew S. Schwartz Editor-in-Chief

Publisher, Managing EdilOr \'

R. Colin Painter

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News Editor

Dave Guipe Fearures Editor

Dror Baron Associate Publisher

Jessica Curtin ...

Alleged FeIGn

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In a related story, BAMN recently announced a new crusade targeting the American Pork Council for its slogan "Pork: The Other White Meat. " A press release put out by the organization asks, "Why must only whites eat pork? Why can't people of all colors and religions enjoy pork?"

KING OF THE REVIEW: ARTS EDITOR: ART DIRECTOR: ASST. EDITORS:

In another related story, the Panhellenic Association, representing 17 national sororities, has aalso announced plans to sue the American Pork Council. The Association claims it coined the slogan, originally phrased as "Sorority Girls: T he Other White Meat."

, I N -G •

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Thesday,9/14 @ 7:00 p.m. Michigan League - 3rd Floor Roome

Geoff Hanson Will Wetmore Astrid PbiUips Scott Bebnan James Yeb Jeona Hirschman Michael Rosen Rabeh Soofi Julie Jeschke

COpy EDITOR: ONLINE STAFF: CORRESPONDENT: (LONDON)

STAFF WRITERS: John Bach, Brian Cook. Jay Figurski, Dan Keebler, Arnol Parulekar, Curt Robertson, Adam Spindler, Ann Yeager ALUMNI ADVISER: EDITORS EMERITI:

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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'Weill think Bisexual Asian Studies should get its own building.'

Jacob F .M. Oslick

Qoctorc(]

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The Michigan Review is looking for talented writers. artists, business staffers, computer wizards, and any other hard-working people. If you enjoy theR-view and think you might want to be a part of it, come to a fall mass meeting! There you will learn what it takes to be a Review staffer...

I

c.J. Carnacchio Lee Bockhorn Benjamin Kepple

The Michifian Review is the independent, student-run jour. nal of conservati ve and libenarian opinio n at the University of Michi gan . We neithe r solicit nor accept monetary dona· tions fro m the U- M . Contributions to the Michillrln Review are tax-deducti ble under Section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or uni versi ty political group. Unsigned editorials represent the opinio n of the editorial board. Ergo, the y are unequivocall y correct and just. Signed articles, leners. and canoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessari ly those of the Review. The Serpent's Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous contributors to the Review. and should not necessarily be taken as representa tive of the Review's editorial stance. The opinions prese nted in this publicatio n are not necessarily those of the advenisers or of the University of Michigan. We wetcome leners, articles, and conm1ents about the journal .

• Just kidding. Mostly.

Please address all advertising. subscription inquiries, and issue payments to Publisher clo the Michifian Review. Edit orial and Business O ffices:

The Michigan Review 911 N. Unl.ersity A.enue,SulteOne

Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 E-mail: iellers@michiganreview.cotn Web: hUI.:I/www.michiganrevit.w.com Tel. (734) 647-8438 Fax (734) 936-2505

Can't make the mass meeting? No problem! Just come to one of our weekly staff meetings, held on Tuesdays at 7 p.m. on the 3rd floor of the League.

Copyright 0 1999 'The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights 'The MichilI"" R••ltw is • member

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The Michigan Review Letters to the Editor 911 N. University Ave. Suite One Ann Arbor, MI4Bl09 or email with subject "Letters to the Editor": mrev@umich.edu

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Battle Against Evil "Femminists" A Crazy Reader Writes the Review

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HE FEMMINISTS (sic.) HAVE MONOPOLIZED THE GRADUATE LIBRARY AND THE SHIPERO (sic.) LIBRARY (2ND)FLOOR AND SEEM TO BE FILTERING OR SCREENING OUT MALE PATRON NON-STUDENTS WHO HAVE ANTI-FEMMINIST (sic.) VIEWS! THEY ALSO HAVE A POLITICAL MONOPOLY ON THE ANN ARBOR LIBRARY. THE FEMALE STAFF AT THE GRADUATE HAVE DENIED MY ACCESS TO AN EDUCATION THERE. I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU AN EXPOSE THESE FEMMINISTS (sic.) INTENTIONS WHO ARE HIDING BEHIND THERE (sic.) UNIVERSITY TITLES AT THE LIBRARY, THERE (sic.) VERY DISHONEST, RUDE, CRUDE, VERY STEALTHY EVIL-DOERS, #%~#%%* ETC! SIGNED: THE WARRIOR OF TRUTH WHO WILL DO BATTLE AGAINST THE EVIL FEMMINISTS (sic.) +SIR EDWARD WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU THE FACTS! This was a rea! letter we received. We cordially request all our sane, civil readers to write, not just the lunatics. -Ed.

Randian Froths at Mouth When I initially saw the title of C. J. Carnacchio's editorial ("Libertarians: The Enemy Within," 21 ApriL 1999), I was at first intrigued. The Libertarian Party and its eclectic, free-for-all approach to defending liberty certainly deserve criticism. However, after reading the column, I was disappointed to find that what Mr. Carnacchio is criticizing is definitely not Libertarianism. Worse yet, Mr. Carnacchio makes use of many old arguments which have already backfired against the advancement of conservatism and pro-liberty ideas in general. What Mr. Carnacchio seems to be attacking is not the ideas of Murray Rothbard and the Libertarian Party, but something altogether different. He is attacking the idea that rationality and individualism alone can serve as the foundations of a society. As an admirer of Ayn Rand's ideas, I have to disagree. The goal of this letter, however, is not to persuade Mr. Carnacchio to give up his style of conservatism and convert to Objectivism; rather, it is to demonstrate how his arguments play directly into the hands of the political left. "Conservatism ... is the negation of ideology,"

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Mr. Carnacchio writes. It is also, I might add, the negation of any real success in the political arena. Throughout the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, the left has developed lofty moral ar~ments for its agenda of egalitarianism and redistribution of wealth, as well as sweeping economic theories of how that agenda should be put into practice. The right, in the style of Mr. Carnacchio, has offered stale rhetoric defending faith and tradition, along with a few timid arguments for the social usefulness of the free market. Instead of developing theories to defend the morality and practicality of limited government, the conservatives decided to do away with theories altogether. The outcome of this battle (if you can call it that) is clear: The left has seen the vast majority of its political agenda enacted during this century, while the right has been confined to slowing down the onslaught or undoing a small part of the damage. While the right congratulates itself for its modest successes regarding welfare, affirmative action, and budget deficits, these gains are paltry in light of the fact that the New Deal and Great Society remain overwhelmingly intact. Mr. Carnacchio also makes a major concession to the left through his exaltation of society over the individual, and through his use of mystical, contentless jargon such as "community of souls" and "great primeval contract." Surely Mr. Carnacchio does not need to be reminded that virtually all of the follies and horrors committed by governments in the twentieth century were done in allegiance to an inf1ated, exalted, and supernaturalized concept of "Society." If he had more of a respect for fundamental ideas (i.e. theories and abstractions), he might have realized that the su premacy of society - even when advocated by a conservative - is utterly incompatible with individual liberty. As human beings, we have no choice over whether we make use of concepts and abstractions; this is an unalterable property of the human mind. It is also our greatest strength, if we use it properly. If conservatives try to oppose the agenda of the left without replacing the left's collectivist ideology with something better, or by turning anti-intellectual, they will lose by default. The left will continue to attract people with academic interests and ability, while the right will attract rednecks. The left will continue to push for the ever-expanding power of government, while the right will waste its time on such issues as flag burning, creationism, and Internet smut. During my four years at the University, I always enjoyed reading the Michi-

responses to the the insanity of campus liberalism. That rationality is a strength, not a weakness. I certainly hope that the writers of the Review keep this in mind when writing future articles.

Andrew Dalton University Alumnus College ofEngineering (J 998)

and leading conservative intellectual), and Clifford Taylor (chief justice of Michigan Supreme Court) to campus. There have been several others; these are just three. All the events have been very well attended and the Federalists, in the interest of free debate, will often prevent both sides of an argument. I can't speak for the other groups, but the Federalist Society has done its part to enhance ideological diversity.

Federalist Society "Has Done Its Part"

Mike Michmerhuizen Member, Federalist Society University of Michigan Law School

I like your paper, and find it amusing as well as aligned politically with my belifs. I agree with the article you just ran about the lack of ideological diversity in a school that prides itself so much on "other" kinds of diversity. I, however, have to take issue with your listing the Law School chapter of the Federalist Society as not bringing conservative speakers to campus. To name three in the last year, we have had James Buckley (former senator, federal court of appeals judge, brother of William), Richard Epstein (U of Chicago law professor,

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Minority Intervention Doesn't Change the Facts

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IN THE LEAD STORY IN THIS ISSUE, A THREE-JUDGE panel of the U.S . Court of Appeals has permitted a BAMN-affiliated group of 17 minority individuals to function as "interveners" in the on-going legal batrle against the University of Michigan's admissions policies. This ruling, which summarily reverses decisions reached by cwo lower couns, permits the interveners to argue not just how the case'could negatively impact Michigan professionally, but how it would impact them personally as well. In addition, this development throws a new wrinkle into the case, for the interveners plan to detail the U-M 's previous discriminatory policies. Despite these factors, however, we do not feel the intervention creates a substantive change in the nature of the lawsuit. As Kirk Kolbo, lead counsel for the C enter for Individual Rights (the organization representing Jennifer Gratz and the other plaintiffs against the U-M) stated, "We do not foresee that including additional parties will alter the basic legal question in this case, which is whether the University's presen t use of racial preferences is constitutional. " Although the intervention might put a more personable, human face on affirmative action by showcasing people who might not get admitted without preferential treatment, it cannot change the fact that these applicants probably do not deserve

As the lead counsel/or CIR stated, "We do not foresee that including additional parties wil' alter the basic legal question in this case ... whether the University's present use o/racial preferences is constitutional." admission , at the expense of the more-qualified Ms. Gratz. The CIR has never argued that affirmative action brings no benefit to selected minority students. Rather, they have argued that any benefit given to one group must ergo be stricken from another. Accordingly, merit and merit alone should entitle one to admission at a first-rate University such as U-M. Even with the intervention, the CIR will clearly be able to show that granting 20 admissions points to wealthy minorities (more points then those earned from SATs, essay, and community service combined) is a moral affront to merit-based educational standards. The current intervention smacks of 19th century store owners whining about all the good Protestants they'd have to fire to make room for betterqualified Irish and Italian laborers. Similarly, the intervention's attempt to paint affirmative discrimination as a just response to U-M's admissions policies fifty years previous is inconsequential to the case's core. At issue is not whether the University unconstitutionally discriminated against minorities in the past - even the CIR quite willingly admits that. Rather, the suit revolves around the question of whether U-M continu~s to discriminate - in favor of African-Americans, Latinos, and Nati~e Americans - and hence, against wellqualified whites, Jews. Indians and Asians. Speaking of which. it strikes us as ironic that the formal quotas which excluded Jews. Asians, and "whites" from Southern and Eastern Europe fifty years ago have been replaced by an informal quota system which accomplishes the same task. In arguing that affirmative action is necessary to "correct" past discrimination, the interveners carelessly ignore that the numerous above groups were once victims of this very discrimination. When faced with the brunt of this indisputable evidence, we are confident the courts will correct the University's unconstitutional admissions policies. For, although the interveners place a face on affirmative action's victors, Ms. Gratz 路equally symbol, izes the losers. Likewise, while the interveners may mention some unpleasant aspects 路, of Michigan's history, they themselves serve as living proof of a distasteful present time. For no intervention can Steer a court away from the impeccable, undeniable truth: discrimination is discrimination, and affirmative action equates to state-sponsored racism. Pdt

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Clueless Detroit Teachers

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AST YEAR , MEMBERS OF THE GRADUATE EMPLOYEES Organization (GEO) , the U-M Graduate Student Instructors' union, staged a 36-hour walkout on March 10 and 11 . In our March edition of last year, we ran an editorial warning against strikes or walkouts, such as the GEO 's, which inhibit students' educational opportunities. Now, over 180,000 Detroit children are paying with their education because their teachers are repeating the GEO's mistake. Detroit teachers, blatantly ignoring a 1996 Michigan law which expressly forbids public school teachers from striking, went on strike last week citing bad pay, gross overcrowding of classrooms, and unfairness. They claim that the strike is necessary to draw awareness to Detroit's crumbling school district and to improve conditions. However, upon closer inspection, most of their demands seem petty and baseless. According to recent studies, Michigan ranks in the top five states for highest teacher salaries. Indeed, a recent Detroit Fru Press survey ranked Detroit as having the 11 th highest median salary of the country's 100 largest school districts. Detroit teachers with bachelor's degrees make an average salary of $50,978. For a teacher with a master's degree, the median jumps to $58.494. In comparison, teachers at private . Catholic schools often make less than $25,000 a year, or less than half what Detroit teachers make. Yet students in private schools consistently have higher test scores than their public school counterparts. This begs the question: What is that extra $25,000 in salary paying for? Furthermore, why should public school teachers receive higher salaries for poorer student performance? As for overcrowding and poor teaching environments, many of the teachers' complaints are grounded in truth. However, Detroit's problems are not unique; inner city schools in Chicago, New York, and Baltimore are just as run down and overcrowded. A proposal to remedy the situation, merit pay and bonuses based upon improving test scores and good teaching, are resisted strongly by the teachers' union . They claim that making teachers compete is unfair. However, they are offering no other acceptable solutions to improving the Detroit school system's extremely poor quality. Do the teachers think that by walking out on the first day of school, they will somehow make overcrowding disappear or schools magically renovate themselves? Detroit teachers often use paid sick days like personal days, calling in whenever it suits them. Many veteran teachers nearing retirement use their accumulated sick days and take entire weeks or even months off. John Elliott. president of the Detroit Federation of Teachers. acknowledged that many teachers abuse the system; the average Detroit teacher uses a whopping 10 paid sick days per year. If Derroit teachers are supposedly so concerned about their schools. why don't they evaluate the consequences of their own behavior? We've raised many questions, but there is a very simple answer: instead of raising teachers' salaries. Detroit should implement a system of merit bonuses, so teachers at schools with rising test scores and improved teaching. quality will be rewarded with bonuses. Instead of spending taxpayer money for across the board salary increases like those demanded by the union, Detroit should instead invest in more co.mputtrs, better school-maintenance. and new text books. Detroi~ $c~ools will n~verequal 'those of Bloomfield Hills or Grosse Pointe, but if reachers would concern themSdves more with teaching and less with leaching money out 路of ., deolying S)'$cem, ~rhaps a few more students would be given a chance in life. Ptfl , , ' . , .. . .


Postponed Continued from Page 1 nity are maintained. They are the ones who will be most affected by the outcome of this litigation." The proposed intervenors claimed that "the outcome of this case will affect the environment at the Law School and other parts of the University and significantly contribute to determining whether that environment is conducive to the education of black, other minority, and women students, or whether it is riddled with racial and· sexual prejudice and hostility. " They cited a number of different reasons why the University would not be able to accurately represent the applicants' interests. First, although the University has a "strong stake" in maintaining its current admissions policy, "the University is accountable to, and subject to pressure from, a broad spectrum of students, parents, alumni and state legislators, includ-

ing some who do not support affirmative action." Also, claimed the proposed intervenors, the University would fail to raise defenses which bring into question their own past and present discriminatory practices, such as "the Law School's continued use of LSAT scores as a factor in determining admissions, when the discriminatory impact of such use has been documented." Judge Patrick Duggan denied the motion to intervene in the LSA case, stating: "While proposed intervenors are certainly interested in assuring that the University does not eliminate or modifY the existing policies in a way that will adversely affect minorities, such interest does not, in this Court's opinion, rise to the level of a 'significantly protectable interest'," which the intervenors needed to show in order for intervention to be granted. Judge Bernard Friedman, presiding over the motion to intervene in the Law School, assumed that the proposed inter-

venors had a "significant legal interest," but denied intervention because "the proposed intervenors have manifestly failed to demonstrate that the existing defendants will fail adequately to protect the intervenors' interest." However, the proposed intervenors appealed the rulings.> and in an unexpected 2-1 decision on August 10, the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals gave them the right to interevene as co-defendants in the two lawsuits. "There is little room for doubt that access to the university for African-American and Latino/a students will be impaired to some extent and that a substantial decline in the enrollment of these students may well result if the university is precluded from considering race as a factor in admissions," the majority wrote. Jessica Curtin, leader of the U-M BAMN faction and a student intervenor, said in response to the ruling that "the new civil rights movement against resegregation that has been built at the University of Michigan and in colleges and

SERPENT'S SPECIAL:

Pencak Silat

MICHIGAN GoTHIC

Setf-De fense

As this issue goes to print, the school year has not yet begun. As such, the Michigan Daily hasn't printed any issues, the Michigan Student ASSembly hasn't called its chambers to order, and BAMN hasn't pulled any fire alarms. Accordingly, we have run out of news to print and student organizations to criticize. Therefore, we decided to return to the old classics: the Prom King and Queen of White Liberal Guilt, Jessica Curtin and her biatch, Luke "Needs a Haircut" Massie. We will now entreat you to a piece of Mindless Satire thought up in the 10 minutes before we drove the issue to the printer. We promise not to pull a stunt like this more than three more times this semester. Enjoy! - The Editors

high schools across the country is now at the center of the legal defense of affirmative action. We will be heard and we will prevail!" Kirk Kolbo, lead counsel for CIR, stated, "Although we believe both trial court judges correctly decided this issue, we do not foresee that including additional parties will alter the basic legal question in this case, which is whether the University's present use of racial preferences is constitutional. We look forward to going to trial on that question." Curtin disagreed. "This is a major setback for the right-wing, racist and sexist attack against affirmative action and equality in education," she said. Jennifer Gratz, one of the plaintiffs in the suit against LSA, has already graduated from U-M Dearborn with a degree in math. Co-plaintiff Patrick Hammacher was seeking admission to U-M, but is now a junior at Michigan State <lnd will have graduated by the time the case is decided. Ml

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THE ROAD FROM SERFDOM

Jake's Foulest of Fall OR THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS, rape) or certain other noted personalities, . "Students will read and interpret trial the Review has critiqued numerous seek out a more balanced instructor- records, diaries, sermons, and modern aspects of University policy: from Af- which shouldn't be too hard. popular and scholarly works, from the fiffirmative Action , to wasted finances, to the teenth-century Hammer of Witches to The notorious Theme Semesters. Yet, most of Rule #3: If a course is cross-listed with Wizard of 02" No particular bias here, just these cases bare only a distinct resonance one of the ethnic ghetto departments (Af- general idiocy. If the University considers with current Sturican-American Srudies, Women's Studies the Wizard of Oz a popular and scholarly dents. For instance, etc.) please examine your qtlalifications work then its idea of serious education has those admitted to (skin colour, existing genitalia etc.) before the University are signing up. Otherwise you might find youreither beneficiaries self made the classic example of an oppressor non-victim s of Ing pig. the Affirmative Action lottery. LikeRule #4: Check the reading list. If it inwise, if one wishes, cludes works written primarily by transthey can simply igvestite-bisexual-Latino-prostitutes with denore any Theme Segrees in Maoist Anthropology, run away. mester event, or sowandered down the wrong end of the yelJacob EM. Be very afraid. cialist ac tion day. low brick road. Just another example of a Oslick Howeve r, for those And now, let the countdown begin . For general dumbing' down of liberal educaof us in LSA, there the record, anything in quotation mJ.rks tion- perhaps next semeste r Penthouse is one University poli cy nearly impossible records an actu al, unabridged statement Forum will get taught as great Kafkaesque, for students to avoid: the sheer multitude from Out glorious course guide. Also, one romantic literature. Rumor has it that Jesof decrepit classes. Most of these exist in of these course descriptions is a joke, can sica Curtin is protesting the course's exstealth form-appearing interesting from you guess which one? (Answer in next col- clusive focus on European witches, while the start, only to get ruined via inept teach- umn ... ) ignoring the substantial contribution of ing and horrendous textbook. Yet, a select H aitian Voodo Priestesses, and American few are quite easy to spot on the outset. 11. African-American Studies 458.001: cauldron· stirrers such as Gloria Steinam Some stink of a nefarious political correct- The Life and Times of Muhammed Ali a nd the aforementioned Catherine ness, and exist only to rally srudents against "Muhammad Ali has been named by McKinnon to this field of study. white, capitalist, males of European ances- many as the greatest athlete of the 20,h try. Others have no discernible political Cenrury. His life reflects the transforma- 9. History 397.004: African Americans and the Politics of Culture motive, but remain exceedingly silly none- tion of race and gender which occurred in This is a violation of Rule #3, detheless. What follows are a few simple rules, 20th Century United States." The first statero guide the informed student away from ment is debatable, the · second dangerous. manding student read the illustrious works the most egregious excesses of this afore- Does the instructor really think the image of Angela Davis (the same Angela Davis menrioned miseducation, followed by a of a Goliath-like black guy beating up a who serves as namesake to a lounge in count down to the Water Buffalo Award, bunch of people constitutes the culmina- Markley). For the informed, Ms. Davis is a long time member of the American Communist Party, now reveled to serve as little more then Moscow's puppet. Oh, and did I mention she's also an accused murderer?

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cial and economic development. The principal objective of this course is to lead students through lectures, discussions and demonstrations to explore the social/psychological causes of the relative contemporary underdevelopment of Africa." Translating from academic babble, this essentially reads "Africa is underdeveloped be-

This course will instruct students to "examine how capitalism, racism, imperialism, and heterosexism affect women's lives."

... Required course materials will include prison security camera footage showing what happened to Iron Mike after he dropped the soap in the shower. ...

given to the class decried the Foulest of Fall '99 . Rule # 1: Read the course descriptions before you take the class. If it includes phrases such as "capitalist exploitation", "issues of race, class, and gender", or "heterosexual speciesism", chances are this course belongs at Kim II Sung University in North Korea, not the U-M. Rule #2: Steer clear from certain professors . If your clas s is taught by Eric Lormand (Editor of the Agenda, which recently recommended bombing Washington and Tel-Aviv), Catherine McKinnon (who, to paraphrase, once declared that all sex is

tion of 20,h Century racial relations? This marks only one of several examples in the African-American studies department where statements intended as a symbol of black pride bare an eerie similarity to those emanating from the mouth of David Duke. Perhaps next semester the University will continue this theme, focusing on the Life and Times of Mike Tyson, from his career as a heavy weight champ, to his later occupations as professional rapist and ear surgeon . Required course materials will include prison security camera footage showing what happened to Iron Mike after he dropped the soap in the shower. 10. History 396.002: Witchcraft in Europe

cause people feel bad. n This course is to economics what medieval alchemy is to particle physics. In addition, it creates a fatal historical error: minimizing the effects of di sastrous totalitarian rules . Africa is underdevelouped not due to an inadequate supply of Prozac, but rather because rules such as Zaire's kleptocratic Mobutu Sese Seko threw out all the Europeans (stealing their property), inflated money exponentially, and built dozens of palaces for themselves while the peasants starved beneath them. 6. American Culture 222: Elementary Ojibwa "This course is designed to give the conversational and cultural skills necessaty to enable students to use Ojibwa in real life situations." While studying dead or nearly dead languages (Sanskrit, Latin , Yiddish etc.) for historical or literary merit makes sen se, I was disturbed by this course's focus . Note to instructor: when there aren't enough native Ojibwa speakers to fill a baseball team, or to finish off a keg, perhaps you shouldn't stress "real life situations."

8. Lloyd Hall Scholars 125.002: Educational Roads: How I got to College and What I'm Going To Do Now That 5. Great Books 171 : Sexual Imagery in I'm Here? This course seeks to answer life most 20th Century Physics Theory This course "gives critical reading to pertinent questions, such as "What did your high school English curriculum contain and the fields of relativity and Big Bang theory, how useful a curriculum was it?" A cynic closely examining the texts for revelation might argue that if someone gets into U- of their author's sexual preference. " For M not knowing what one studied in high ' example, "might Einstein's suggestion that school, they probably don't deserve an an- time is relative imply a positive opinion swer to the above enigma. As for the latter towards pedophiliac love?" Similarly, the half of the course's title, isn't that what course asks "Could the Big Bang theoty be Michigan pays its academic advisors too postulated in a non-phallocentric society?" Methinks they'll also study works of pomuch for? etry such as , "There once was a couple named Bright, who could make love much 7. African-American Studies 458.002: Social Psychology of Socioeconomic De- faster then light. They started one day in the relative way, and climaxed the previvelopment of Africa "Unfortunately, when economists dis- ous night." cuss the development of Africa, they often See FOULEST on Page 15 forget the psychological tomponent of so-

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PICTURES AT AN EXHIBITION

Don't Let Cynicism Ruin U-M

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ECALL YOUR SENIOR YEAR IN high school. For some, that might be many years in the past; for orhers, just a few months ago. But no matter what year you are now, try to remember the day you got your University of Michigan accepta nce letter in the mail. For many, it was one of the best days of your high school career, for that was th e day your worries about the futu re were silenced. As soon as yo u saw the U of M Matthew in s ignia and the Schwartz thick envel o pe,

your four years of - - - - - - - striving and dreaming came to a happy conclusion. True , a few months of high school still remained, but upon being guar-anteed admission into the best public university in the country, high school seemed already behind you. Jump ahead a few months . .. to Orientation . You made some good friends, eagerly chose classes, and loved the feel of the college town . Recall the first time you saw Angell Hall, and were stunned by its magnificence. Every time you passed by Angell, you would stop and admire it. When you returned home from Orientation, you couldn't stop telling your friends and family how excited you were to attend Michigan! At this point, you the reader are thinking one of three things: 1) "You're right, Matt, the day I gOt my acceptance letter was the best day of my senior year. And I love Angell Hall - I . still stop and admire the columns every time I pass it. My hard work, perseverance, and determination paid off, and I am really happy to be here." 2) "Getting into U of M was nice, but come on, it's just a college. U of M, MSU, it doesn't matter where you go they're all similar." 3) "Matt, you overly sentimental woman! Stop sounding like a goddamn Dai(y--columnist and start commentating on issues that actually mean something to the student body. Yeah, Michigan's okay, but you make it sound like getting accepted was the pinnacle of my life. 'I studied really hard! I made it! I'm a dork!' Jesus , Matt, do you still avoid the "M" on the Diag? Hell, I've been tap-dancing on that "M" every day for the past four years. And by the way: Angell Hall sucks. Seriously, have you ever stepped foot into that monstrosity of a computing site? Freakin' iMacs

everywhere you go, it takes an hour to find a free computer, and when you finally do, that damn blinking question mark pops up. I'm counting the days 'till graduation. " If you fall into the first category, you are probably a wet-behind-the-ears, stillsun bu rned -from-you r-ft rst -college-foorballgame freshman . If you fall into the second category, chances are you have done the whole move-in thing a couple times before; and are smart enough to put on sun screen before trekking to the Big H ouse. And if you are in the third category, it means you have studied here for way too long. You have beco me jaundiced by the whole damn college experience. In general , you are a very bitter, cynical person. I pity you. M ost people at U of M fall into categories 2 or 3. You wake up, go to classes, study, eat pizza, and sleep. Perhaps you're in a club. Maybe you party. The specifics don't ma[[er; only your perspective on college life. Although falling into group 2 is usual after some time here , it is group 3 that concerns me. Everywhere you go, you see problems, liberal conspiracies, and administrative incompetence. When given the choice between seeing the good and seeing the bad, the bad prevails every time. Perhaps you have been reading the Michigan Review a little too c1osesly. Many people remark to me that the

skin? It makes you question the mental stability of the committee that designed such a scoring system!) Most troubling, I saw that while Michigan prides itself on hav- . ing an ethnically diverse student body, it spares no effort in stifling intellectual diversity. I had envisioned college as a forum for questiqning the system and challenging the establishment; yet I found tra-

While I still can't stand the intolerance of this University, I now see that intolerance is commonplace basically everywhere. In short, there's not much I can do about it. Review is an extremely "negative" paper. They label our con~ent "sensational yellow journalism written by muckrakers." True, we inform students of the U-M's many unflattering facets. Quite often it's necessary - no other student publication has the tenacity to throw political correctness to the wind and print what's really going on here, Just remember, our occasional silence on the positive aspects of the Michigan doesn't prove their absence! Unfortunately, you group 3ers seem to have forgotten that. I forgot it myself, for a time. I saw left-wing administrators trying to use classes as a p.ulpit to spread their political ideology (idiotology) to unwitting students (see "jake's Foulest ofFall, "page 6). I saw the University's blatant racism in the form of race-based affirmative action. (Come on, granting 12 points toward admissions for getting a perfect 1600 on your SATs, and 20 points just for having brown

ditional avenues of discourse (discussion sections, symposia, special speakers and debaters brought in by the University) to be extremely closed minded and mindnumbingly liberal. The result: a virtual impossibility of any meaningful debate over the University's sacred cows. Indeed, the Review was the only group I found that allowed me to question my surroundings, to truly mature intellectually. But in joining, and in spending my waking hours digging up dirt on the University and its student groups, I saw so much clandestine political dogma and corruption and intolerance, that I morphed into a group 3er. No longer did I love the University, to which I was granted admission, and for which I passed up other universities just so I could tell everyone that I went to the great U of M. I made a fatal error: I f, 'led to keep everything in perspective. What I didn't see

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was that a liberal agenda does not exist solely at U-M ; alas, it seems to control almost every institution of higher learning across the country. Every week, the Review receives copies of its sister-papers throughout the U.S., and every week, we see that U-M is not alone in pursuing its narrow-minded liberalism. It has taken me a while, but I now realize that this is not just a local problem; it is a universal problem. And now U of M looks a lot better to me. While I still can't stand the intolerance of this University, I now see that intolerance is commonplace basically everywhere. In short, there's not much 1 can do about it. Sure, I can whine and complain in my column, and make sure students know what's going on, reducing their susceptibility to cleverly disguised liberal tripe masquerading as "discussion sections" and "symposia." Still, I have to be sure my obstinate caveats don't sour me on all the awesome things U of M has to offer. Try to remember that while there are plenty of classes to avoid at all costs, there are also plenty of classes that won't try to convert you into a mini-Bollinger, and will actually challenge you intellecrually. They are few and far-between, but such classes do exist. Remember that we at the U-M have fantastic resources available to us, from the numerous libraries to all the high technology allowing us unfettered access to expensive programs, the Internet, LexisNexis .. . the list goes on and on. Remember that the computing site at Angell Hall is the largest non-military computing site in North America; most schools don't have

See PICTURES on Page 15

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existing records), berween February 4 at April 15, 1999,-less then fifty days, tJ P&] printed 15,954 copies. This qua tity nearly equals the amount authoriz. by every other MSA committee cor bined. To a lesser degree, the P&] al: continued this practice during the sun mer months, bringing its total copy u since Ms. Curtin's installation as cha to 17,566. While no records exist as to wh , specifically these copies contained, mar speculate that Ms. Curtin used her cop: ing privileges to subsidize the variol campus organizations to which she b, longs. For example, by having a BAM] rally co-sponsored by her P&], she coul then authorize copies of publicity flyeJ for the event on rhe MSA copier. Whil such a procedure might be legal, it effe( tively granted her activist organizatio more student resources then authorize, in the MSA budget. Ms. Curtin , for he part , declined to comment on this aile gation. In total, P&] copying expense amounted to $489.74, more then half 0 the over-budgeting. Had these copie been produced on the private marke (which most student groups use, lackint access to the MSA copier), the cost: would have reached at least $558.60, ac· cording to an estimate provided by Accu· Copy, known as the least expensive 01 the local copiers. Even this figure mighl

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previously quiet Peace and Justice Commission (P&J) , newly chaired by Jessica Curtin, leader of the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action By Any Means Necessary (BAMN) . Specifically, although the pre-Curtin P&J autho-

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between August 28, 1998 rized the precisely zero copies and Fall 1998 MSA election s, Ms. Curtin quickly expanded the com· missions reach, and hence, t====~==:::l ~~:::=::::1 its copying duties. Although t;;;;::;;;;;~;;3~~ no information is available I for the first 2 1/2 months of her tenure as P&] Chair "This Is my sociopolltlcal·femlnlst commentary on the rotten , (due to the installation of a kkkonsumer·oriented paternalism of this Institution."

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be a·. significant understatement, as AccuCopy charges a segmented rate for each type of copy, with the first 100 and 500 of eacluype of copy more expensive (presumably, ·the P&J did not make 17,566 copies of the same flyer). However, Ms. Curtin's P&J will not get the same privileges this semester, un-

Riot Continued from Page 1 According to Sergeanr Logghe, direc[o r of media relations for the Ann Arbor Po lice Department , and witness to the ~venrs in question, "The protestors began :0 ... of course I don't know what their in°e nt was, bur they were tearing down the 'ence, and were throwing rocks and botdes tnd thin gs of that nature at city hall. When hey couldn't get in the front of city hall , hey then began to go to the back, and that's vhen they threw a bunch of ... they broke hrough one fence and began throwing ocks and bottles and things like that lestructing some of the lights at city hall nd breaking out a lot of the windows. " Because of this alleged assault on City -jail, the State requested an unusual stipu-

der reforms being implemented by new MSA President Bram Elias. Previously, including last semester, MSA Committees could make unlimited copies, without the cost coming out of each committee's respective budget. Now, due largely to the P&J's actions, MSA will start taking copying charges out of each committee's budthere's no precedent at all. " Thus, he is essenrially planning a rwotiered defense: Ms. Curtin didn't incite a riot or destroy properry, but even if she did, the State should not prosecure this type of protest. When asked about police photos that seem to show Ms. Curtin and her followers leading the anti-Klan demonstrators and storming the fence , Mr. Washington replied that the charges are "political, " and pointed out that "insofar as the fence, Judge Mattson has already dismissed the charge, because the police destroyed the evidence. So nothing plus nothing equals nothing." He also argues that "leading the demonstration is a perfectly legal activity, protected by the first amendment. " Furthermore, despite the Klan's rights to free speech and associated, Mr. Washington argues that "the idea that allowing them to hold an organizing rally so that they could recreate Jasper, Texas or Los Angeles, California in Ann Arbor is

get. Although this policy change was decided months ago, MSA's Summer recess delayed its implementation, giving Ms. Curtin a few extra months of copying freedom. In addition, MSA is considering instituting a ceiling on the number of copies a committee may authorize. Still, as the P&J's actions were consis-

Jessica Curtin ...

tent with MSA policy, and no technical violations took place, Mr. Elias stresses, "No one did anything wrong. The blame lies on MSA for not implementing this policy in the past." The new policy, Mr. Elias comments, "leaves responsibility up to the committee chair if they want to pay for it [the copies]." Mt

Alleged Felon Mug shot courtesy of MPD

"I don't know what their intent was, but they were tearing down the fence, and were throwing 'locks and bottles and things of that nature at city hall." - Sergeant Logghe, AAPD tion on Ms. Curtin's $2.500 bail-- preMs. Curtin from entering the rounds or buildings of City Hall until )mpletion of the preliminary examination. his stipulation, granted by the Court, ced sharp criticism from Ms. Curtin's :torney, George B. Washin gton. ccord ing to a brief filed by Mr. WashIgton, an attorney at the Detroit Law firm ~ Scheff & Washington, "The bail condiDn banning the defendant from entering le grounds or building at the seat of the ty government unlawfully deprives her of ~r Constitutional rights to free speech and ee association." A lawyer with the Deoit law firm Scheff & Washington, Washgton maintained through six local and na)nal precedents ranging from the Supreme ourt to Wayne County Circuit Court that unin could not legally be denied entty to ty hall. Mr. Washington, as part of his defense Curtin also critizes the State for bringg charges in the first place. "First of all, e didn't do anything. Second of all, the ) t charges are absurd. This is the first ne this statute has been used in 30 years; far as we can see, there's no precedent Michigan for using this against a kind demonstration agairtst the Ku Klux Klan; ~nting

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somehow protecting the first amendment seems to ought to be ridiculous." Patricia Peters, an Assistant Prosecutor for Washtenaw Country, disputes this claim. "[Ms. Curtin and her attorney] are trying to confuse the issues with first amendmem rights; that's not what this is all about. I find it ironic how these people are clouding the issue with their first amendment rights, when they were the ones trampling the rights of another group." When asked whether she faces the trial with confidence, she said, ''I'm going to put on (he best trial I can." Putting on the best trial possible may be somewhat difficult than usual, due to a series of minor .setbacks the prosecution has faced recently. In the past few months, ten people charged with misdemenors for their role in the protest were aquitted. In addition, on July 29th, Ms. Curtin's defense put forth a motion to quash (i.e. drop) the riot charge, a felony with a possible penalty of 10 years andlor $10,000. The Outcome is still pending, as Judge Shelton is currently writing his opinion. Thus, it seems quite possible that Ms. Curtin may escape conviction. Either way, the Review will continue to follow this story.MR ';,,;,'"

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CAJIPVS An'AIRB

U-M's $300M Project Life-Sciences Institute is Top Priority for Bollinger of an educational and research capacity in this area - a commitment that has the NTHEYEAR 1999,ASTHEAUTO potential to yield great benefits for stuindustry reigns supreme in Michigan, dents and citizens." To emphasize the few people associate the state with University of Michigan's commitment to cutting_edge biomedical research. But if these goals, an ambitious plan has been recent initiatives at both state and local put into effect to ensute its future promilevels are any indication of what is to nence in the life sciences, not only through come, the Wolverine State may be posiactive participation in the life sciences tioning itself for a rise to national promicorridor, but also as a world-class bionence in biotechnology research and desciences research institution in its own velopment. right. Following the recommendations of This past July, Governor John Engler a report made by President Bollinger's 19enacted legislation that will provide $50 member Life Sciences Commission, the million annually to cre~te a "life sciences Board of Regents voted unanimously in corridor" across southern Michigan. The May of 1999 to create the Institute for total amount of this funding, estimated at the Study of Biological Complexity and around $1 billion over the next twO deHuman Values. cades, will come from Michigan's share Estimates predict that the Institute of several states' multi-billion-dollar settlewill be opening its doors to students within ment with the tobacco industry. This ini3 years at a cost of $200-300 million. This tiative will create research partnerships time frame is conspicuous as it roughly among the University of Michigan, Michicoincides with the estimated completion gan State Universiry, Wayne State Univerdate of the Human Genome Project, siry, and the Van Andel Institute of Grand which may succeed in m.apping an entire Rapids. The "research corridor" theory set of human chromosomes by 2002. Acholds that such collaboration will yield c;ording to the original Life Sciences Comgreater success at attaining funding and > mittee Plan, the purpose of the Institute will lead to faster scientific breakthroughs shall be to, "enhance education, basic reand more efficient sharing of knowledge search and translational research in the among all of the institutions involved. life sciences." It will boast its own curGovernor Engler has stated his belief riculum and faculty appointments, an Unthat an emphasis upon state-of-the-art redergraduate Life Sciences Center, and the search in Michigan may persuade biotechlatest in research technology and equipnology companies to move or establish ment. Following much the same theory themselves in the state. "The development as the statewide Life Sciences Corridor, of important life-saving technology will namely "the more the merrier," the Instimake Michigan a major focus in the biotute will facilitate interdisciplinary collabotechnology industry. From cancer research ration as the basis and ultimate goal of its to the treatment of cardiovascular disease, efforts. Diverse fields such as the social the potential of biotechnology applicatiqns sciences, humanities, pharmacy, dentistry, is staggering. " and others will presumably be connected This plan has the potential to usher through collaborative research .efforts. in, not only scientific discovery, but also This new approach, the administration state-wide economic development. Simibelieves, will inspire investigators to ask lar "research corridors" - including the new questions and tackle problems to"Technology Centre" in New Jersey and gether that would have been beyond their the famous "Research Triangle" of North individual scopes. However, until the Carolina - have met with great success. Institute's organizational structure is set However, Michigan's own campaign has down, the fate of research funding for nonyet to fulfill its promise. Recent adverInstitute-related projects is unclear. With tisements in New York touted Michigan this new venture, the University may run as an excellent location for developing ~he risk of placing too much emphasis on biotech firms, but major companies have collaborative biomedical research while yet to relocate here. neglecting other areas of study. Despite the relatively small gains to But much work remains to be done date, U-M President Lee C. Bollinger has before the administration's plans for the thrown his suppOrt solidly behind strengthLife Sciences Institute bear fruit. The ening Michigan's research reputation . Board of Regents took the next critical "The research universities in Michigan step on July 15th. Venturi, Scott Brown, all recognize that the life sciences are enand Associates, Inc. , the firm that is detering an eta of significant transformation. veloping the "Master Plan" for the The state has shown great wisdom in comUniversity's current renovations presented mitting these resources to the development a proposal for the Life Sciences Institute's BY ANN YEAGER

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facilities. The plans include parking facilities on Palmer Drive across from Palmer Field, an academic building, and a 7 -story laboratory building, to be located between Zina Pitcher Place and Glen Avenue. The goal is to position the Institute on campus so as to provide greater interaction, and therefore collaboration, between the Medical Campus and the basic sciences (chemistry, biology) headquartered on Central Campus. Further details of the construction will be clarified later this falL During the next year, the administration hopes to make further progress toward opening the Institute to students by defining its organizational structure

and, most importantly, recruiting a dynamic individual to serve as its director. Ambitious plans at both the state and local levels hope to make Michigan a household name in the biotechnology industry, and Governor Engler agrees with President Bollinger that the collaborative approach is their best bet. With a successful Life Sciences Institute and a state government committed to nurturing research interests in the state, Michigan may some day be mentioned in the same context as Silicon Valley; the U placed in the same research bracket with Harvard. For the moment, however, both institutions. have a Lot of work to do. M:t

Want to write fluff stories about how students study more during finals?

Jotu tbt iBatlp. Want to write hard-hitting investigative reports that will have the administration shaking in their boots? . Then join the Michigan Review, the campus affairs journal of the University of Michigan. For the past 18 years, the Review has been delivering high quality news, commentary, and satire to the U-M community. We have spaces available for reporters, editorial writers, photographers, graphic artists, online editors, and business staff. Interested in journalism? Politics? Government? Law? National affairs? Campus life? Arts?

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Iseptember 8, 1999

UAC Continued from Page 1 made it clear that the projected costs of this retreat would be "only half the cost" of previous [fips to the Dearborn Hyatt Regency and other swanky establishments. Antonini stated that such expenses are justified. "Speaking on behalf of the entire Executive Board, I know that with the amount of programming UAC does every year, and the number of people that we mobilize and manage, those sorts of expenses are administrative ones that we really cannot do without. Without things like that the programming would not happen. " According to Antonini, the retreats "serve as a way to develop our leaders and give them the resources they need to program more effectively ' " Internal development is essential in our organization, as in all organizations, to motivate people and improve our programming. " Most students are probably also unaware that, unlike most other student leaders at UM , UAC's Executive Board and Committee C hairs receive payment for their se rvice. Executive Board members can receive as much as $ 300 per term, and committee-chairs up to

TBB IIICB1GAl1 RBVDnr - CAIIPD8 AnAlllB ' : department or area would do, and I feel like that's a pretty legitimate son of activiry that occurs elsewhere.» UAC also traditionally holds a year-end banquet for the outgoing Executive Board and committee chairs. The 98'-99' school year dinner was held on April 16 at Palio, an upscale Italian restaurant in Ann Arbor. Antonini said that UAC spent "maybe $1 0 a person" on this meal, which "maybe thirty people" attended. In addition, the SOAS statement shows that $100.69 was spent on April I of this year on a dinner for UAC's new ' Executive Board. Antonini defended these expenses, saying "The majoriry of our Executive Board and committee chair members put in endless hours - some, I would guess, in excess of twenry to thirry hours per week above and beyond their academic load." "The sons of things that we do -like the uaining sessions at the beginning of the year, the end of the year dinner as a sort of 'thank you' even t - I think are, especially compared to the amount of programming that we do throughout the University, fairly justified in that they are such a small percentage of our total revenue. " When asked whether there would be an end of the year banquet this year, Ms. Adair responded that there will probably be a yearend "bash," though it would be "more like a

"The sorts of things that we do ... are fairly justified in that they are such a small percentage of our total revenue." Former UAC Coordinator of Finance John Antonini $150 per term . According to Antonini, "So many of [the committee chairs] put hours and hours into this sort of thing, that it's really a minimal stipend for the sort of hours and time that they're doing." UAC's stipends are unique in that they are preformance-based, said Antonini. "There are a lot of committee chairs who will walk away with almost none of their stipend at the end of the year if they have not performed to how we felt was most accountable to the student body. We closely tie it into that, so it's not like they can just sign up and walk away with some SOrt of financial benefit at the end. It's a way for us to improve our programming by using that as a performance evaluation method." UAC members are also willing to spend UAC funds on items which arguably could be paid for with their own personal money. For example, the UAC SOAS statement shows that $76.99 was spent on March II oflast school year to buy a birthday gift for Mary Kisor, UAC's paid secretary. Why was it necessary to use UAC money for this purchase, instead of contributions ftom UAC members' own funds? "One reason is that UAC is governed like a U niversiry department as opposed to a student organization, in the sense that we're allocated the money every term;" said Antonini. "In that respect we are allowed to exercise freedom in terms of how we - for instance, in that situation we have a staff member that we have to take care of, just like any other University

barbeque, " and not a dinner at an expensive restaurant like Palio. She also made it very clear that the cost of any social affairs or office gifts for UAC this year would be very negligible, much less than the costly expenses incurred in years past. Although UAC spends money which ultimately comes from student tuition , they choose not to release a detailed breakdown of that spending to students. The only figure made public is the amount of the total allocation released annually to UAC by the the University. Antonini said this is not because UAC is trying to withold information. "If someone inquires, we answer their questions. We receive very few to no inquiries each year aboU( our programming -and non-programming spending," he noted. To ensure fiscal accountabiliry, SOAS audits UAC annually. Kim Showsh, Director of SOAS in '98 , monitors UAC's financial integriry on a daily basis. Additionally, Frank Cianciola, Associate Dean of Students, and Susan Wilson, Director of Student Activities and Leadership, oversee UAC's operations. Antonini reiterated that "the student body has voiced no concern about the use of their UAC fees." This response, however, seems to beg the question: if students did know more details about UAC's spending practices, would they be more concerned? It may help to draw a comparison with another student organization which obtains its money from student fees: the Michigan Student

Page

111

Your tuition helped contribute to a great night's sleep in the lavish suites of the Hyatt Regency. Assembly (MSA). Like UAC, MSA's members put in long hours serving U -M students. However, no MSA representatives receive monetary compensation. The president and vice-president each receive only a blue pass parking permit, which lasts until the end of their term in o ffIce . Also, MSA does not use its internal funds to sponsor any type of annual retreat for its members. In past years , small groups ofMSA represematives have participated in studem leadership retreats sponsored by other groups; for example, last year seven MSA representatives were taken to Camp Michigania for a student leadership retreat run by the Student Alumni Council. Any other retreats afe paid for out of pocket, but expenses are usually minimal. For instance, last year new MSA representatives were welcomed to the government with free chips and soda, paid for entirely by then-MSA presidem Trent Thompson. Finally, MSA does not sponsor year-end "thank you" dinners or banquets for its members. One key difference between these two Court"" d 1"< VS8IC E~

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organizations is that UAC's board members and co mmittee chairs are not elected by students. Antonini does not feel this lessens UAC's accountabiliry to students. "UAC members are focused on being accountable to the student body finan cially. Over the past two years, our executive board has worked to find a balance between program and non-program spending that benefits the organization and the campus," he stated. Yet groups such as MSA, which are also funded by student money, apparently do not feel that this type of internal spending is necessary for their groups to have a positive impact on campus. Why does UAC's leadership believe this type of spending is justifiable for their group? " Out of UAC's $150 ,000 annual budget, less than $10,000 is spem 011 retreats and stipellds," Antonini said. "If you do the math, this comes out to less than seven percent of the budget. For an organization of our size, I don't think you will find this out ofline." l\R

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Past Drug Use Doesn't Matter Bush Will Pull Through to Win the Presidency BY

R.

COUN PAINTER

OR SEVERAL YEARS NOW I have monitored the American polidcal arena with great interest. Sometimes I laughed (Bill Clinron's election), $ometimes I cried (Bill Clinton's REelection). But right now, I am just plain confused. George W. Bush, Jr., Governor of Texas and GOP presidential front runner, has publidy stated that he could pass any drug test reaching back to 1974, when he was just 28 years old. However, when asked if he ever used drugs prior to that

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Indeed, Bush has actually scUd that if the public . isn't satisfied with his silence on the matter, they can "go our and find someone else to vote for." In contrast, both Al Gore and Bill Bradley, the fWO rivals for the Democratic Presidential ticket, have clearly stated that they did use marijuana in the mid 70s, as did Newt Gingrich and numerous members of Congress. And when spin-meister extraordinaire Slick Willy was a presidential hopeful, he not only admitted to smoking (though not inhaling) marijuana, but also to cheating on his wife on several different occasions!

How can mistakes made before he was 28 years old, and several years before this commentator was even born, possibly inhibit his ability to govern the nation? period, he declines to answer. In light of the "gutter-grade" quality of American political morals, Bush's decision to keep mum is very perplexing. These days, in wake of the countless debaucheries and orgies of lustful self-indulgence perpetrated by Bill "Slick Willy" Clinton, it makes no sense for a politician to cover up past drug use, especially when it happened at such an early and inconsequential age, i.e. before age 28. Furthermore, any damage caused by distant, youthful indiscretions is far less serious than the besmirchment of character that must necessarily follow a drawn out debacle of media interrogation and public wariness. Let us briefly skip back in time to the early 70s. As the Watergate scandal heated up, Nixon fought to cover-up any personal involvement in the affair. In the end, facing certain impeachment, he resigned . However, his rear crime was obstruction of justice: his flawed attempts to lie, cover-up, and mislead the investigation. As Bob Woodward (of Woodward and Bernstein fame) aptly pointed out in his new book, Shadow, modern politicians live in the shadow of Watergate, and can no longer afford to withhold any information or personal history which even remotely resembles crime or scandal. The distance and respect the press used to give to politicians disappeared after Watergate. and gave rise to the new Beltway pastime of character destruction. To survive, modern politician~ must get the truth OUt with their own spin on it, thereby trumping the far le$S-forgiving media. Instead of heeding Woodward's advice, Bush has pursed his lip and flatly stated he will say nothing more about it.

The legacy of Watergate has proven Bush's decision to be unwise, and as a Republican he still has the moral high ground over his toked-out Democratic rivals AI Gore and Bill Bradley. Is Bush keeping $ilent because he faces a close challenge from within his own parry for the Presidential nomination, and this issue could make or b~eak him? Not likely. Recent Gallup poles from USA Today show Bush would win 59 percent of his party's vote for the nomination, with Elizabeth Dole. Dan Quayle, and Steve Forbes receiving only 8, 6, and 6 percent, respectively. Furthermore, it is quite possible that Lizzy Dole's rather suspicious love for regula-

tion and big gov-II'l'J1'·~·:·i ."/..... i''''''' ~ ' ernment will prove her to be the closet liberal she is; and Dan Quayle is portrayed and

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perceived as an idiot! Steve Forbes lacks character and can't blink, and John McCain lacks big name recognition. That leaves Bush at the

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head of the pack. c~-=~~_si;;;;;O;;;;:;;;iii:5::::::o:1iii!!~_=:::t:~.g"'iI:IJiiii~~?' With no major rivals. and the lessons tator was even am. POss! Iy in i it is of history diametrically opposed to his ability to govern the nation? He did a wonderful job as governor of Texas, and he own course of action, the whole mess can bridge the gap to the new Spanish seems to beg the question, "Why won't speaking minorities of the Southwest (he he answer and be done with it?" Quite likely, because Bush is an honorable perspeaks fluent Spanish). son. He stated that he wanted to end the In light of all these facts, I pass judg"gotcha" game, and he was sick of the way ment as follows: George W. Bush, Jr. is a "people float rumors and gossip, [and] it decent human being with all the qualities and flaws given him by God. He made works its way into the mainstream press and they try to make [you] prove a negasome mistakes as a youth, though certainly tive." Accordingly, he refuses to legitimize nothing as bad as Slick Willy's tamest esthe very ' tabloid-journalist methods he capades of sin and debasement . despises. Furthermore, though it was a public relaLike his father before him, George tions mistake to create an issue out of W. Bush, Jr. is not a natural denizen of such an innocuous point, I respect Bush's the Beltway, and he hates the choice to stick to his ethical guns, something very rare in our spineless liberal backstabbing, cowardly attacks on character flaws on which so many other wasteland, a.k.a. the federal government. Perhaps in the long run, Bush's dedicapoliticos seem to thrive. He says he has tion to his principles will be the one thing not used any drugs since 1974, and even that wins him the Presidency. ~ if he used them before then, so what? How can mistakes made before he was 28, and EMAIL MREV@UMICH.EDU several years before this commenHI,

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A 2 Has Something for Everyone Even Losers Like You! POR EL SENOR GUtPE

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HANCES are that if you're reading this column, you are, in fact, a freshman. How can I tell? Because only someone who is new to the U-M community would waste their time reading several hundred words that only made it into this otherwise high-quality publication because Faz Pizza canceled their ad. Yes, I imagine quite a few of our young freshpersons will pick up their first copy of the Michigan Review, looking for something with which to entertain themselves, since they still don't have any friends at the Big, Scary University. If you're one of them, here's my advice to you: You're a moron! What are you doing sitting inside on a Friday night reading my stupid column? You should be out having fun, making friends, laughing at panhandlers, etc. Right now you're probably thinking, "But Dave, I've never been a social giant. Drinking myself into a coma at a frat party just isn't my cup of tea. What should I do?" Well , I'm glad you

asked. There are plenty of things to do in the beautiful town of Ann Arbor (or, "Ann Aaaahbaaah," for you Bostonians out there), even for dorks like you and me. One of my own personal favorite Friday night hangouts is in the friendly neighborhood Meijer. For those of you from other, less cool parts of the country, Meijer is a "superstore," which means that. you can get just about anything there. Except lawn gnomes. Meijer does not sell lawn gnomes. I was very upset about that. But they do sell lots and lots of other things. Their selection of clothing is ideal for the frugal shopper. Why, most of my own per. sonal wardrobe came from Meijer, including various shires (each with a cool horizontal stripe running across it!), my shoes, and my nifty Meijer cap! Okay, so maybe spending Friday night in Meijer just isn't your idea of a good time. Maybe you're the kind of person who has to be doing something energetic to have fun, the type of person who has to be the center of attention. If this is the case, then Karaoke is for you! Yes, Karaoke, what better way to spend a Friday night then by making a complete fool of yourself in front of tens of people by

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singing some of your favorite songs, such as Shania Twain's own "Man! I Feel Like a Woman." I am personally a self proclaimed Karaoke junkie. My Karaoke group and I would grace the stage every weekend last semester performing such hits as, "We Didn't Start the Fire," "Whip It!" and the entire "Grease" soundtrack. It's a lot of fun, and a great way to meet members of the opposite sex gender that you are sexually attracted to!* Oh, who am I kidding. Come on, who would go out with some loser who spends Friday night doing Karaoke? All righ t, so maybe Karaoke doesn't float your boat either. Perhaps you're the shy type. In that case, I recommend that you spend an incredibly social evening online. Yes, the online world is a great place to meet new and interesting people, especially if you are socially inept, unattractive, morbidly obese, etc. I mean, what other place can you go and just happen to run into several different people who each claim to be Miss Florida 1997? (Don't worry about not being able to gain access to the Net; the University, aware of the fact that you are all a bunch of losers, has equipped each dorm room with Ethernet!)

Do people lie about themselves online? Absolutely. But with the use of a little tool known as your "imagination," you can make a night in front of the computer screen more fun than a barrel of monkeys! By the way, did you ever stop and wonder what kind of a society would use the term "barrel of monkeys" as its reference point for fun? I mean, just exactly how much fun is a barrel of monkeys? I suppose they could be fun if they scream a lot and don't spread diseases .. . But that's not the point. The point is, just because Miss Florida 1997 is actually some forry year old guy named Calhoun who lives in his parents' basement doesn't mean that you can't pretend that it's the actual Miss Florida 1997. And, unlike a real woman, Calhoun won't cost you a dime! So, as you can see, there is no excuse for your boredom. Now come on, get up and do something! As for me, I'm on my way to a party filled with real women. ~ â&#x20AC;˘ Sptcial thanks to the LGBT Offict for making this tdit nmssary.

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TIIB IIICB1GAl1 REVIEW - UVING COI,2VRB

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September 8,

19991

Americans Just Don't Get It; British Music Has it All BY JULIE JESCHKE

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INCE THE DAY I ARRIVED AT the University of Michigan, my CD collection has swelled with modernday classics (just ask Spin magazine), but believe-you-me, I didn't always have stich good taste in music. It pains me to admit it, but I too listened to Green Day and Alanis Morissette in high school. It wasn't until three years ago, when I stumbled upon a band called Oasis, that a seed which had been planted long ago began to germinate. Davy Jones was that seed. Every last branch of my anglophilia can be traced back to the crush I had on the sexiest Monkee (the English one), way back in second grade at the tender age of eight (like Drew Barrymore, I started young). This predisposed me to have a "thing" for accents and the British sound. When I heard Oasis, I became a fanatic, devouring anything I could find about British culture. I wanted to live abroad, work abroad, study abroad - be where this amazing history and concentration of talent was located. Well this little daydream believer is finally

getting her wish! Royal Holloway, much more. It's the only pop music worth University of London: here I come! writing about -even their music I will now defend my "honour," as I've magazines could kick Rolling Stone's arse. taken a lot of flak for my belief in the Unfortunately, it's been a rather sad superiority of British music. Well pardon summer, as The Verve split up and both the me for saying this, but the stuff currently rhythm guitarist and bassist (Bonehead and spewing forth from the U.S. is "shite." In Guigsy) left Oasis, but I will be positive fact, the last time the Colonies had any because it's my farewell article. And I will real positive impact on the music scene, happily tell any reader who's reading that I grunge was born (rap fans, no bomb threats, stumbled across three new bands, all of please). Everything since then has just been whom I'll be seeing in concert next month: more grunge, and its only gotten grungier. the Beta Band, the Manic Street Preachers, This is due to the Yanks' terrible habit of and Gomez. following trends rather than setting new And now, it is with a heavy heart that ones; jumping on the bandwagon 路is easier I say "Cheerio!" to the Review for a year, and often more lucrative than being a as I embark on this pilgrimage to a land pIOneer. Enter the Brits and Irish. There must be something in the water across the pond, because from two small islands came The Beatles, Eric Clapton, U2, The Who, and nearly my entire CD collection. Modern British artists break new ground and baffle American critics daily, and they don't stop reinventing themselves, trying to one-up Y WILLIAM WETMORE their competition. Rock'n roll feuds OORAY! THE VERDICT abound. It's just rock 'n rollllllllll, and so from the coffeehouses and The Fleetwood is in! Film has finally been liberated from ollywood's tyrannical staples: the reenplay, character development, likable A . ympathetic characters, a coherent BY eaningful story, beautiful photography, WITH DA WETMORE :elling strife, significant pathos, even fun N I ELK EEBLER d entertainment value. Who, might you k, has accomplished such a coup? Well, am quite certain that due to the recent Penninsula Cellars omitous force-feeding by every available Gewiirztraminer edia vehicle, you should be achingly aware 1998 - Michigan hat I am referring to the directors, roducers, and "writers" of the summer ACKING IN THE SWEETNESS mash sensation, The Blair Witch Project. and complexity that mark quality This little "project" attracted daunting Gewiirztraminers, this local ines that even turned semi-violent in the number hailing from Traverse City is pening week, and has been hailed as truly disappointingly reminiscent of salad 路evolutionary. The film has been widely dressing and the produce section of raised by critics for its lack of a budget, Zingerman's with extra pesticides. A perfect pecial effects, or a well known attractive accompaniment to meals at Raja Rhani ast, and especially for its juxtaposition of before their new management took charge. .cleo and 16mm film in which the cast We typically recommend Liszt with erformed the camerawork themselves, Gewiirztraminer, but this particul.ar ften spontaneously. Much anticipated concoction is best suited to performers in .ecause of its ingenious "grassroots" hyping Northern Michigan coffeehouses, or an n the Internet and Sci-Fi Channel, and impressive accompaniment to a Pizza ystifying premise which many poor souls House extra-large. Best suited to the weary including myself) mistook for a palate, i.e. the fourth bottle of the evening. ocumentary of actual events, Blair Witch This wine strikes us as a substandard aminated film chatter this summer. Chardon nay masquerading as a Yet, we must ask the inevitable Gewiirztraminer. As if some mischievous uestion that I fear has unfortunately vineyard elf squirted lemon juice into the caped many critics and moviegoers: "Is bottle, then added water. Beware of the Blair Witch Project actually a good film, unusually attractive label and seductive r simply a remarkably innovative gimmick aroma of the cork. Not recommended for hat effectively spoiled any attempts by those over 18 years of age. ~

where I'll be able to listen to the radio and hear songs I love, and be chuffed because my CD collection is no different from any other authentic British youths; where I'll be able to say "chuffed" and other slang and not be looked at strangely. Hip hip hurrah! I leave the position of Arts Editor in the capable hands of Mr. William Wetmore: he is perhaps even a bigger anglophile than myself, and will be sure to fight for our cause. To paraphrase the lyrics written by a bit of an embarrassment to the British music scene, "Yo, tell u what you want, what you really really want!" God save the Queen. l\R

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future filmmakers to use the film's techniques to their full potential?" My answer, as you may have already suspected, is the latter. The actual content of Blair Witch is a murky and choppy collage of tedious rambling that leaves the viewer so exhausted and nauseated that even its remote token of payoff at the end falls shamefully flat. More importantly - being that this is a horror film - it is simply not at all frightening. In fact, I was more scared contemplating its premise whilst waiting in line than at any point sitting in the stuffy State Theater. So I just sat jittering, miserable, trying not to look at the screen, as the hour long "lost in the woods" portion stumbled on incomprehensibly. I tried not to look at the aggravating, senseless day scenes in which "scary" piles of rocks would appear, or the utterly boring and laughable night scenes when some spooky unseen evil would ridiculously shake the tent, or some faint, almost inaudible noise would be heard and everyone would rush out with their cameras . The film begins with a series of mildly amusing interviews with the locals of the Maryland town nearest to the woods in which most of the film takes place. The simple folk offer several stories about the infamous Blair Witch, who many say haunts the nearby woods. From this somewhat intriguing beginning, the film begins to come loose at its invisible seams. We are told that the filmmakers want to film a "graveyard" (really just a few piles of rocks) somewhere within the woods. We are not, by the way, told why the filmmakers are making the film, how old they are, or anything about their family background or


I. September 8, 1999

FOULEST Continued from Page 6 4. African-American Studies 104: Black Multiculturalism "Is the music of Wyclef Jean and/or Lauryn Hill African-American or is it Caribbean? Are the portrayals of Caribbean Blacks in How Stella Got Her Groove Back stereotypical?" The answer: who cares? Along with Dishonories 11, 10, 8 this course makes the now ro common mistake of equating popular culture with academic discipline. Yes, I know students desire easy classes, bur isn't it the role of a University to teach students what they don't know, rather then masquerading Top 40 music and bad movies as serious studies. 3. Linguistics 211: Introduction to Language Hmm ... Linguistics you say. Doesn't sound so bad .... at first. However, a quick beliefs. All we know is that they are "young filmmakers" who daringly try to negotiate their way through what appears to be quite a monstrous state park for the sake of their art. On and on the film rambles, day after exasperating day, as odd things begin to happen and the filmmakers question each other's motivations. Is the documentary really this important? Wiu they even escape the state park alive? Do I care? Nope. When will this end? Please soon. Oh no, another day scene! Ahhhhhh! So then the map (really, you need a map!) is lost in the most ad hoc and senseless manner and all seems lost as the kids rapidly begin to lose the plot, both their own and the film's. The famous sticks tied together hanging from trees turn up, there is an unexplained disappearance and blah blah blah. The rest can be sorted out itself. Suspense and sympathy for those likely doomed are the elements that make horror movies work. There exists a morbid thrill in imagining oneself in the same dire situation as the characters, in feeling the' grim emotions of possibly losing one's own life or the lives of people you care about. Unfortunately, Blair Witch contains neither of these elements, and none of the wit or lightness of the horror approach of Scream. The inevitable conclusion is bland, ordinary, and drawn out, and none of the three "method filmmakers" do anything in the way of convincing the audience that they don't deserve their fate. Spontaneity can be tremendous, except in the form of gratuitous swearing or awkward, implausible plot development. Then it's merely unnecessary, annoying, and just plain stupid. Toward the end, the film becomes somewhat interesting: the "eccentric one's" notable upward flashlight monologue does lend a tiny bit of authentic emotional character; the attempt to make the beginning stories of the Blair Witch legend make some coherent, plot-like sense, just before the

;TllBIIICBlGARRBVIBW-:-WBQVJT.pagelS J the three of these. Women's Studies 240.001 violates Rule #1 by instructing students ro "examine how capitalism, racism, imperialism, and heterosexism affect women's lives." The later two cover nearly identical disciplines: feminist theories about the "social construction" of gender. In the case of Women's Studies 341, students "will consider a variety of ways in which gender is constructed socially." The final declares as part of its mission statement "We will ask: how is gender constructed?" Both these courses suffer from an identical flaw-the assumption that gender needs ro be "constructed," and ergo ignoring the not insignificant influence of X and Y chromosomes.

glance at the course description reads that this seminar seeks to conduct "discussion of current dialects of English such as Black English," asking the question: "What is Standard English and is it better than dialects of English?" Well, without raking my 3 credits, let me have a guess: standard English is the language spoken by educated, articulate and successful society. So-called Black English (in reality quite an insulting term- the majority of African-Americans I know speak with amazing grace and comprehension of the English language) is an ignorant derivative enl,lnciated largely by kill-whitey rappers, crack-heads, and crackwhores. Remember boys and girls, the commandment translates from Hebrew as "Do not commit adultery," or, in higher English, "Thou shalt not commit adultery. " It does not read intelligently as "Don't be cheatin' on yo' bitch."

And now, for the winner... 1. African-American Studies 203: Issues in Afro-American Development Most University courses attempt to hide their politics behind obscure academic theories~ authors , and political philoso-

2. Tie- Women's Studies 240.001, Women's Studies 341, Soc. 447 Couldn't really differentiate between

versity that has been around longer than the state of Michigan, and almost as long as the United States itself. Perhaps most important: we all must realize that the college experience is what you make of it. One benefit of knowing all the negative aspects of the University is knowing that you need not - cannot blindly accept everything diversity-crazed administrators and professors tell you. Question elJerythinJ(. Don't hurriedly agree with everything your GSI "teaches" you in discussion section, just to make sure that you stay on his good side; GSIs are not allowed to dock youLgrade withour a reason, and a general dislike of your combative attitude is not sufficient reason. (Fear not: the law backs you on this one. If they do dock you, you can fight it and win.) Take one more 400-level course. Engage in afterhours debate about politics or philosophy with your roommate. Go out of your way to challenge yourself. Our goal here is to recapture the feel-

PICTURES Continued From Page 7 that many computers in their entire campus, let alone at one site! We can rejoice in the fact thar we have a fantastic athletic program, complete with "the best college march ever written" (according to John Phillips Sousa), and that we actually saw a 12-0 season JUSt two years ago, topped off with a Rose Bowl victory and a national championship. Remember that U of M offers you opportunities that you would never have otherwise, and that even with all its faults, the Michigan is still one damn fine school. In shorr, remember what it was like to be in Group 1. A group ler sees everything in a different light. A group 1er is able to appreciate the tradition of the place, to realize that we are members of a Unii

inevitable demise of the cast. Such sparks of flavor are, however, not enough to forgive the utterly bland preceding hour, and they fall embarrassingly short of fulfilling the boundless potential of the film's premise and style. All in all, the Blair Witch Project is a shocking disappointment that will inevitably result in sequels and unfortunately a few pathetic film cults. It is my desperate hope that such things will not result, but in witnessing the fallout so far, I have no reason to be optimistic. ~

Will wetmore is the only member of the Review staff who voluntarily attended Hash

Bash last year. His hobbies include: gardening, British music, and fine wine. When not tracking down some "really righteous herbs for my garden, Âť he also happens to be arts editor of the Review.

pa----------------., Classifieds

phers. Not so for African American Studies 203. Rather, it states quite clearly, "The objective is ro begin the process of cogent action and to develop the language to articulate affirmative action as a right and not a benefit." This course represents the foulest intrusion of liberal politics on the public dollar I've ever encountered. Imagine the leftist outcry if the University funded a course that declared "The objective is to begin the process.... ro articulate the inalienable right of an unborn child to life , not simply life contingent upon the whim (i.e. "choice") of its mother." It sickens me that the tax dollars of moderate and conservative working people in this state goes ro fund this collection of intellectual tripe they oppose fundamentally. Rather then instructing students in liberal arts, this course stresses only liberal politics, with a particular focus on serving as an apologetica for the University's legal defense of its horrendous admission policies." l\R Send your letters to mrev@umich.edu ings we felt when we first got here. You want to once again see the University as something special, an intellectual oasis filled with history and tradition. When the bells of Burton tower sound throughout the entire campus, stop what you're doing and just listen. Let the sound bring with it the memory of what attracted you to U-M in the first place. In our time here at the University, we tend to become used to things, to not give a passing thought to things which once captured our attention and our imagination. So when you walk down State Street and pass Angell Hall, behold its mag-

nificence once more. And to all you freshmen out there: the enthusiasm you're feeling right now won't last very long. So make use of it before the inevitable cynicism gets to you. The next time you pass Angell Hall, your feelings of awe and humility will still be truly genuine. Stop and embrace them, for it will be a long time - if ever - before you're able to feel that way again. l\R

Be Fair: Recycle the Daily. After all, they recycle the Ann Arbor News and Detroit Free Press

Caffe International and Natural Heali ing are hiring. Call 662-1136 or 214-5888, respectively, for more info. Need top quality web design at an affordable price? Call (248) 212-6288, or visit www.schwartzimaging.com for info! Are you a gorgeous super-model looking for a sex-slave this Saturday night? Call 647-8438. Rates range from $50-$500 per hour. The Review is now accepting applications for "Serpent's Girl." Send digitized headshot to mrev@umich.edu.

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