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Presidential Search ProGess Begins Shirley McFee and Nellie Varner to the Board ,of Regents, these tasks Rackham Graduate School; and the coordinate the overal search process. second) for students only. was.from 6 include "e~visioning the University's The review process will no doubt p.m.. to 8 p.m. in the Kuenzel Room of needs over the nen decade, detin.i:p.g involve an examination ofcandidates' the MichiganUDion. Michigan Stu'; the qualities.the next president must character, a task that the regents say, dentAssembly(MSA)Presi- . they will "approach .,. with the Uni· .dent Flint Wainess and fied resolve to find the bcist person for Vice-President for Student the most importantleadarsl),jprole, a JUraUs Maureen.Hartford person in the tradition.mostrecentIy co-ehaifed the student fo. defined by 'Harlanllatcher, Robben rum" Tbi~ event. marked a Fleming, Harold Shapiro, and J ames ·unique opportunity (or students - and only students J)udemadt." . . . . .", ·- to voice their opinions . As well 8!3.encouraging people to ' attend th~ public forums, the regents . and concerns regarding this welcome input and gui,d ancevia letprocess to officials repre. ter, fax, and electronic mail. While senting the University. -clarity and commUnity" are two imThe Board , of Regents portant principles held by the regents, h8$given responsibilities to · however, they nonetheless still hold ProvoStJ. Bernard Machen, "the ultimate authority to select the ·Vice-President Walter The regents wilt decide who will occupy this house. Harrison, and ' Secretary president'- Many affiliated with the . Roberta Palmer that extend beyond University hope that the regents will have, and advising us on the best arranging for the public forums. Acprocess for conducting a search." In . ' exercise this authority only after considering the opinions of others. l\R cording to the statement issued by : . addition, the Board appointed Regents

BY TOM JOLLIFFE

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UE TO JAMES J. DUDERstadt's announced intention to resign from his position as' president olthe University of Micbi- . gan, the U-M now faces t~e impol'tantresponsibilityofselectingitsnext . president. His announcement last September has raised questions about how to conduct the search for his . successor, as the Sta te Supreme Court . ruled in 1993 that the ,1987-88 privatesearchfor a Universitypresident violated state law. Given the controVer$y surrounding this past search - which ultimately resulted in. the selection of Duderstadtto head the Universitymany today are calling on the regents to ensure that the. present selection process is.more, open to suggestions. Theregentsbave taken these requests into account, and have assured that e current proces., will differ from that of 1987~8. According to a state'''; . ' ".ment issued recently by the Board of Regents, -(The Regents) are clear that severfllstUdent ~rganizations. These .Choir of H~lem (on January 14 at our .goal is to find the best possible BY GENE 'KRAss groups includetbe Black Student Hill . Auditorium) and an -Evening presid ent for our great University; we also firmly believe that we need to Union, the Native American Student With Yolanda Adams," to be held at N J ANUARY 15, MARTIN consult qtensively within the. Uni- '. AsSociation, Alianza, the Black Un-' ' the Power Center. The latter includeS Lu~er .King, J~. ~ay, ~e varsity community before undertaka performance by the Uniyersity of Umvennty of Michigan' will . dergraduate Law Association, and the ing the search." United Asian American OrganizaMichigan Gospel Chorale ~ In addihold its annual University-widesymMonday, December 4, marked the tions. tion, there will be an M.L.K. Unity positam on Dr. King and hiS message. . ColeQ18ll-Jones states that ~,which Will begin at noon on start of a mon~ong series of public This year's sympOSium is .entitled; forums.in w~ch tile Board ofRegents •Affirmation through Action: The while all·of the topics alreadyhtlve January 15 on. South University (b&will gather opinion from faculty,8tu~ , Chall~ Continues." There wU1 be been selected, the speakers have Yet tween Forest and Washtenaw),and dents, staff, alum.n.i, and the public . no classes, and students will have the to be·ffualized.The keYnote speaker vario;US community service projects regarding the choice of Duderstadt's at the symposium will.be former Surin Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti. opportunity to attend ,.a number of geon General. Dr. Joycelyn Elders, The aforementioned eventS, acsuccessor. Th~ fortmls. as reported in . speeches, panelS, and presentations the Detroit Free PreSti, will be held at who will deliver an M.L.K. Memorial . cordingto Coleman-Jones, have been deal.in.g with Kitig, his ideas, and convarious locations throughout the state, teuiporaryissuesrelevanttothe slain . Lecture at Hill Auditorium. Two pan~ . organized by the planning co~mittee civil rights leader. '. . including Grand Rapids, the metroel$ have been scheduled: one on affir- '. oilly. Several schools anddepartmen.ts . politan Detroit -area, and. on the . mative action and one on the afterwill be sponsoring their oWn events in COOrdinated by Mich8.elJonesDearborn and Flint c!ampuses of the Coleman, who wot'ksat the Office of ", math ofthe recent Million ManMaich. addition to the major ones. A comUniveriity of Michigan. There Will be a discussion of King'splete schedule of events wiU be availthe Vice-Provost for .Academic and Two forums ori. ,the Ann Arbor writings, and .a showing olthe,um ableafterDeeemberllatthe Ofticeof · Multicultural Affairs and the Office campus occurred on December 4: the Almd's Rainbow. Academic Multicultural Initiatives, ofAcademic Multicultural Initiative8, first, for faculty and deans,waa held the symposium is.being sPOnsored by Also scheduled are two musical located OIl thetiI¢floor ofthe Fleming from 2:30 p.ni. to 4:30 p.m. iti the . a planninJ cpmIilittee comprised of Administration Bulldilig. Ml events: a J)6.rformance .by the Boys'

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THE MICIlIGAN REvIEw'

2

December 6, 1995

o SERPENT'S TOOTH:"

THE MICHIGAN REVIE\V The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan "Because, thaI's why." - Maureen Hartford

It was reported recently that the Defense Department used the services of up to six psychics, paid with tax money, in military and covert operations . The project, code- named "Stargate," was used to try to determine the location of Libyan dictator Col. Khadafi, and the whereabouts of an American general kidnapped in 1981. The program also involved training psychics to sharpen various extrasensory skills. Stargate was considered a success because the psychics were right "about 15% of the time: which supposed.lyjustified the amount of funding poured into the project. Well, I suppose they have a better BUccesS rate than President Clinton. Continuing on the topic of military advances, Serpent's Tooth has learned that the military is developing a $5 billion dollar, 100,000 pound laser for use in destroying enemy missiles within three seconds oflaunch, causing the wreckage to fall back down on the enemy launch site. No word on whether the new laser will be eft'ee-

tive in zapping large, wasteful government projects.

why the regents don't take the MSA and student opinion seriously .. .

Recently, Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole called for a boycott of the movie Money Train (and while Serpent's Tooth tends to agree that people should avoid this movie, it also believes that it shouldn't be for the same reasons as Dole's) because of an attempted robbery of a token-taker's booth that the movie apparently inspired. Well, Serpent's Tooth is officially calling for a boycott of the 1982 movie Reds, because we wouldn't want anyone to imitate the 1917 Communist revolution in Russia, and also Ace Ventura, because, hell, nobody should be imitatinghim!

TOP SIX REASONS TO GET INVOLVED IN STUDENTISSUES AND VOTE IN THE NEXT MSA ELECTION 6. Two words: The Code 5. It makes Vice-President for Student Affairs Maureen Hartford (a.k.a. the -cod~) really, really mad. 4. TostopMSAfrom implementing moronic. costly, unneeded mandatory health care plans. 3. Because dammit, deep down the regents enJoy a good protest ID81'dl taking over their meetiDp. 2. Protests give DPS something to do besides aearching dorm

Recently, the U-M regents approved the new version of the Code. Speaking against the Code as the student representative to the'Board of Regents wa~ MSA President Flint Wainess, who spoke, wjthout nOtes or preparation, off the top of his head in a rambling, confusing manner. And we wOllder

rooms for beer. 1. Simple formula: Low MBA voter tumout • Flint Wainess elec:ted prelideDt. ,, '- "

DROVING PHOTOGRAPHER

by Lisa Wagner

How would you like to seethe 'U :decorate for the season?

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Gene Krass Senior, LSA "Life-size statues of KISS in their 1970s prime breathing fire, spitting blood, etc.»

Ben Kepple Sophomore, LSA "It doesn't really matter unless the Code and the MSA Compiled Code burn, and burn in a massive inferno of pain and suffering. »

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: James A. Roberta, II ASSOCIATE PUB USHER: Benjamin Kepple MANAGING EDITOR: Mohan KrIshnan CAMPUS AFFAIRS EDITOR: Gene Kran ASSISTANT EDITOR: Geoff Brown COPY EDITOAS: Anthony Wen, Tom Jaliffe COMPUTER CONSULTANT: Mark West MUSIC EDITOR: Drew Peters FILM CRIT1C: Ryan Polly UTERARY CAme: BIM Ahrens PHOTOGRAPHER: Usa Wigner STAFF: DevorahAdler, Scott Bickmore, Shone Brooka, Matt Bucldey, Patrlc:iII Dark, Paul DeF\orIo,Sherban DruIea, Molly EIgen, Pat Eakew, Jennifer Feria, Calvin Hwang, Mark Johnson, Anthony KaldelIIa, UU Kalish, Bryan Lauer, Laura I.ee-lun, Ben Lerol, Stave Musto, i Dave Pa....a, Rodeen Rahbar, Davidde Stalia Mary Jane Wagg, IIlchaeI Whelton. We need ataff!lrl. Call 662-1909 or atop by. EDITOR EMERITUS: Nate JamIson PUBLISHERS EIlERm: Eric Laraon, Aaron Sleeiman

The Michigan Review is an independent, now monthly student-run joumaI ol classical liberal and II>ertarIan 0pinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the University of Michigan, and have no respect for anyone that does, especially MSA President FHnt Wainess. We're considering having an oIfice pool to see how long it takes for the Code to get struck down il QOIJrt, In other unrelated news, it has been ;, IilccMndIhat AsaodIIePubllaharBer¥amln Kepple /I il fact a ~ ReptilIIcM who aecreIIy \'OIes ~ I cratic. Contributions to the Michigan Review are IaxdeduQabIe under Seaion 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Rey. enue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or university political group. UnsIgned editOOaIs represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, they are correct, and should be accepted as fact and the one and only truth. If you don't like it, write us a nasty letter that we can print, eventually embarrassing you and making you wish you were never born. Signed articles and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily those of the advertisers or 01 the University of Michigan (really). We welcome letters and articles and encourage comments about the journal. Please address as subsaiptioo inquiries to: Publisher, rio the Michigan RevIew. AU advertising inquiries should be directed to: Publisher clo the MIchigan Review. Editorial And Businea 0ffIcea: SUite One 911 N. University Avenue Ann Arbor, III 48109-1265 EMAIL: MREVOumlch.edu Til (313) 662-1909 Fax (313)936-2S05 CQprrigN 0 1t85.11J llIelilcblglA AlIItID ___ 1IIwIIw,Inc.

John Mack Sophomore, Engineering "Lots of Jesii.»

Mohan Krishnan Junior, Engineering "Three Wise Men, because we don't have any on campus. »

Love us or hate us, write us .

Letters to the Editor 911 N. University Ave. Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109 or email with subject "Letters to the Editor": mrev@umich.edu

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December 6, 1995

3

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o THE INSENSITIVE PONYTAILED GUY

Some New Year's Resolutions ~ ~ .~~

BY GENE

KRAss

T

HE LAST TIME I MADE A list of New Year's resolutions was in second grade. The teacher introduced us to the tradition and told everyone in the class to make Ii list of what we would do in the coming year. She then had us read our lists to the class, which embarrassed the piss out of me, be<:ause I had only emigrated from Russia one year before, and my English was quite incomprehensible. Recently, however, I got to thinking that it might not be such a bad idea to actually set a goal or two. While I never resolved, in second grade, to be<:ome a pessimistic, cynical, socio-politically inclined idealist, such is the case, and that's part of the reason I'm making these resolutions. So here they are - all to be forgotten come January 2: I resolve to spark as much political, social, philosophical, and theological debate as possible in the one semester of college I will have left next year before I graduate. I never expected college to be the panty-raiding, pocket-protecting, 24-7 kegger, nerd-jock dichotomy it was in Revenge of the Nerds. but I did expect it to be virtually overflowing with discussion on important issues that do not include who's gonna win "the game," how superior IBMs are to Macs, and how cute the guys are at Tappa Kegga Brew. I therefore resolve to raise my voice significantly when discussing politics or religion on the bus or in the cafeteria \' and to ask strangers sitting near me if they have anything to add. If anyone asks me to be quiet or looks at me funny, I resolve to ask that person what I should talk about instead, and, after getting no answer, I resolve to tell that person that this is college and not high school, an that ifhe is not engaged in conversation of his own then he should just listen and maybe learn. something. Likewise, I resolve to watch CNN or Headline News on Saturdays while drinking beer and eating chips. Anytime something interesting happens in the news (i.e. a bloodthirsty dictator gets assassinated, or a law I agree with is passed), I resolve to run out of my dorm room, up and down my hall, and up and down Central and North Campuses, screaming, "WHOOOO! YEAH, BABYYYY!!" the way everyone else does whenever the Wolver-. ines score a couple of points. If someone asks me what happened, I resolve Gene Krass is sick and tired of everything. He wants to flee to the Yukon and live as a fur trapper.

to tell them. As soon as they utter a weak, emotionless "oh" and ask me why the hell I'm interested in something as boring as politics, I resolve to go medieval on their asses. Before I do that, however, I resolve to tell them that a law criminalizing a behavior I like to engage in, or the taxes I'll have to pay when I'm finally in the "real world," or any other soci<r-political issue, will have more of an impact on my life than if some tall guys who happen to go to Michigan throw a round orange thing through a metal hoop more times than the tall guys who happen to attend another school. To prove my point, I resolve to refuse to buy for anyone without an accompanying discussion of the unquestioning societal acceptance of a drinking age. Speaking of the real world, I, a future lawyer (as of now), resolve to get used to wearing a suit and tie. Smce my generation does not seem to ... be any differentfi-om the ones before .â&#x20AC;˘ who vowed never to wear a suit and tie and, after wearing them for a few months, claim that cit's not that bad," I'll have to reluctantly resolve to sell out just like the sell-outs before me who equate skill.with attire. The suit I have now, however, which my parents claim looks great, feels like Ginsu knives in my armpits, and is so tight on my back that I'm afraid if I take a deep enough breath I'll tear it. I therefore resolve to find one just like in the movies in which the sleek, "wellgroomed" hero can run and fight apparently as easily as in a t-shirt and a pair of sneakers. I have noticed that the severity, and even the presence, of a hangover depends on the taste of the beer the night before. Therefore, I resolve: no more Schlitz Ice, Natural Light, Old Milwaukee, Milwaukee's Best, Pabst Blue Ribbon, or any variety ofStroh's, Colt 45, or Busch - unless, of course, I'm not paying for it. In place of these, I resolve: expensive wine, champagne, brandy, and cognac - they'll go along with the suit and tie, which, in the '"real world," I understand I'll have to wear to parties as well as work. I resolve never again to read the Clift's Notes version of a book. I graduate next May, so this is a resolution I might actually be able to keep starting in June. As far as I know, they don't make a Clift's version of obscure court cases for law schools, but if they do, scratch the previous resolution. I resolve to stop spending hours on Netscape. They call it the "information" Superhighway, and claim that you can find anything and every-

tive incompetency and arrogance which has made my college experience (if not the education) less exciting than what it would have been just ten years ago; despite the fact that if I ever decide to smoke ajoint, and get caught, a convicted rapist walks to make room for me; despite the fact that I can no longer argue for less government without being compared to one of those right-wing, whitesupremacist militia wackos -despite all of this and more, I resolve to look at life more optimistically. Yes, despite everything that's wrong with the world, and, let's be¡honest, the people that made it that way, I resolve to look more on the bright side - i.e. at least the 45% I'll have to pay in taxes is less than the 70% in Sweden. Yeah, the bright side. I've never been slapped with a bogus sexual harassment lawsuit, so why waste my time and energy giving a damn about those who have, right? Yup, I resolve to lighten up, put on a smiley face, and pretend that everything's peachy keen and that nothing's wrong. Umm ... no one actually has to keep their resolutions, do they? Mt

thing on it. Well, those Church of Satan, "alt. cesium, " and "Wines of Slovenia" pages are certainly tempting - and a waste of time. Of course, if I don't want to spend hours on the computer at night, I'll have to resolve to stop procrastinating, which is one of those resolutions no one keeps.

Gene rants at everything and everyone.

Besides, what's the alternative? Hours and hours ofretris or Solitaire breaks? Naah, scratch this resolution, and hello "AI's Library Humor and Peruvian Taxidermy Page." (I made the last one up; the other three I mentioned are, indeed, real web pages.) Finally, despite the inexcusable student apathy, stifling political correctness, and frightening administra~.

Subscribe to the Michigan Review and receive the most insightful commentary on campus. The Michigan Review is the Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan. It offers opinions concerning the relevant issues of today, from a classical liberallcivil libertarian perspective. For a tax-deductible contribution of $20 or more, you will receive a one-year subscription that includes eight issues and the 1996 Summer Orientation Issue.

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Please make check or money order payable to: THE MICHIGAN REVIEW 911 North University, Suite One, Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265

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4

THE MICHIGAN REvIEW

December 6, 1995

o FROM SUITE ONE '.:

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EING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MICIDGAN is a big responsibility. It is the duty of the president to establish directions and goals for the U-M. It is also the duty of the president to create cohesion among faculty and administration and to ensure that the University provides students with the dynamic, powerful education that they deserve and pay for. This is all above and beyond the most basic duties of preserving and increasing private financial support and improving the infrastructure of the University. There is an even bigger duty, however, that falls upon the shoulders of the regents. That is the duty they have to find the best person to replace President Duderstadt when he leaves office, the person most capable ofleadingthe U-M to its place among the greatest institutions of learning in the future. It is the gravity of this responsibility, the greatness of this task, which naturally leads to the conclusion that the regents must open their search process further, allowing outsiders, both among students, faculty, and even among the press and the citizens of Michigan, to observe the process and see that the regents do not fail the U- M in this matter. As students at the University, and in many of cases, as citizens of this state, we have the right to hold the regents accountable, not only for their eventual choice, but also for the very process by which they make this choice. The fiasco that brought about the placing ofDuderstadt in his current position, and later brought about scandalous investigations by the media, shows that the unthinkable can happen, and that, as good as their intentions seem, the regents might not choose the next president for the benefit oft~ students, the facultY, and the state. Furthermore, the recent allegations by Governor Engler, stating that several regents brought about the resignation ofPre~ident Duderstadt due to personal disagreements, show that the regents are clearly not objective messengers of the citizenry's wishes. If candidates are overlooked, when they are logically better' choices; because of a difference in politics or in opinion, we have a right to know. The regents comprise an elected body, and as such, they make all of their actions on behalfof the citizens of Michigan. Ifthey make unwise decisions to protect their political future or their party, the citizens have a right to know and a duty to see that they do not return to their offices after the next election. Furthermore, even an open search process, with open media access, but no input from those outside the circle of regents, gives the people an indirect voice in the matter. With the rapid spread of news, thanks to electronic media and other modern conveniences, an open search process would guarantee that the press - both the student press and the private press - would offer instant feedback to de~ions made by the regents, and because the regents are elected officials, hopes of re-election would then force them to heed the voice of the public during the search process, in order to avoid dealing with the public at election time. Because of this , not only does an open search process ensure that the regents are accountable for, their eventual selection - it also goes a considerable distance in making their eventual decision meet the needs of the public, and preventing them from damaging the University with a poor choice. Many students would like to believe that the choice of president does not concern them, but they are wrong. Many of the facilities students take for granted now, such 'as the new North Campus buildings and the renovated and expanded buildings on Central Campus, came to their current state through the work of the president. Admissions processes changed as a result of Duderstadt's Michigan Mandate. As many realize, even the ranking of the University is a very subjective matter that has little to do with the quality ofits education and yet is a strong influence upon many students who consider attending it. This ranking too, is highly influenced by the programs and initiatives ofthe president, much as sports rankings are affected by respect (or disrespect) for coaches. An active president is seen as an active university, and an active university is seen as a competitive one. In the end, the person who replaces Duderstadt will not change one's knowledge of calculus or of European History, but that person will have a profound effect upon the recognition of the name, "University of Michigan," upon the value of a U-M diploma, and upon the future atmosphere of this campus. If this effect is adverse, the regents must clearly be held accountable. If this effect is positive, it should be because the president of the University is the person who is deemed the best choice by the people of Michigan and the students of the U-M, and not by the regents in their closed-sessions. The regents of this University are public servants, elected for the purpose of representative democracy, and it is time thaUhey begin to.act in that way.Mt _

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"IRVING'S JOB IS CONSIDERED ESSENTlAL . • • HE WORKS AT THE BUREAU OF FlNGER· POltmNG AND SPIN-CONTROL·

,0 ;

COMMENTARY

On Student Apathy

W

RITING A COMMENTARY ON STUDENT APATHY CAN ONLY be matched in tediousness by reading one. There is very little that has not been said on this issue. This is precisely the problem: the trend of student apathy has been ~al~ extensively from En'ery,conceivable angle, and yet today's universities - once hotbeds ofideaa - continue to move more and more towards a state of complete apathy. Since the very words student apathy seem to have that effect on readers, let us focus on its opposite: student activism. Many people have come to the conclusion that student activism is not, in fact, dead, but has rather changed forms. Gone are the sit-ins, rallies, and other forms of activism associated with the turbulent 1960s. In their place, people claim, has slowly emerged a more intellectual form of activism, including student forums, meetings between students and administrations, and other "more civilized" means of protest. This type of activism, they maintain, is more successful because it stresses discussion rather than confrontation, and does not alienate those in power the way, for instance, taking over a building would. To be blunt, these people are wrong. Student activism today is either dead or comatose. This business-like armchair intellectualizing passed offas activism has simply not been successful. For instance, examine the Code. After much discussion and attempts to appeal to the administration, a group of students last year organized a march, rally, and sit-in at the Fleming Administration Building in opposition to this blatantly illegal policy. About 200 people attended. The U-M Board of Regents acted, although they ordered that the Code be rewritten rather than abolishing it entirely. What if 2000 showed up? This university has 36,000 students; if only two out of every thirty-six had cared enough to take a couple of hours out of their day and voice their opposition, we might not have had a Code at all. Instead, the "new and improved" Code is essentially the same as the first - and, say many experts, even worse. If more people showed up that day to protest, the Regents would have acted accordingly. Instead, their gesture for a new Code was nothing more than a smokescreen to keep the Code while appeasing what they saw as just a few troublemakers that interrupted their trains of thought. What ifthere was no protest at all? The answer to that is quite obvious. All the begging, debating, and editorializing - which, in fact, was going on for quite some time - amounted to nothing. It is clear that something drastic had to be done to wake up the administration. So, how bad do things have to get before students realize that our problems cannot be wished or ignored away? And yes, the Code, the still-effective Diag policy, just to name a few issues, are indeed problems. True, not very many people are affected directly, but how many have to be before students wake up and act - if not out of a desire to do for others, then at least to protect themselves? I am not calling for another Kent State tragedy or 1968 Democratic Convention, just a little more involvement. l\R -Gene Krass

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December 6, 1995

5

THE MICHIGAN REvIEW

o FROM THE BRANCH OFFICE

, -,!

u.s. Troops in Bosnia?

I

N ORDER TO HELP ENFORCE THE NEWLY- AGREED UPON PEACE plan in Bosnia, President Clinton has authorized 17,000 U.S. troops to be deployed there. Unfortunately, this action can only prove to hold negative repercussions for the United States. The United States has virtually no strategic interest in Bosnia, or in any of the countries surrounding it. With the demise of the Soviet Union, Yugoslavia is not nearly as strategically important as it once was. Even economically, the warring parties have little significance to the United States, making either of these reasons invalid for supporting the United States' involvement in the NATO occupation of Bosnia. While the President Clinton states that occupying Bosnia will enhance America's role as a world leader, this is questionable in itself. The United States has already shown itself to be the only party seriously involved in bringing the warring parties to agree to a peace, and this by far outstrips any contributions made by America's European allies. Furthermore, it signifies that the United States may be the only nation left in the world that is foolish enough to get involved in a conflict that the Western Europel1ll nations, for the most part, have intelligently ignored militarily. il-l£. ~\" ~Q6ET· C~I~~iAA'~ ~EtK The situation that America is going to enter makes the operations in Haiti and Somalia look rather tame. The president plans to send 17,000 American troops to the city ofTuzla, one of the so-called "UN safe zones." This is a part of the demilitarized zone. In fact, one example of danger is that there are an estimated 6 million live land mines - about 300 per U.S. solider. This alone .- could be the cause of many U.S. casualties. Additionally, it is becoming winter ... in Bosnia, and this fact, coupled with an unfamiliar country and terrain, could also cause a great deal of casualties. The mission in Bosnia calls for the U.S. to ensure that three separate armies, all of which are heavily armed, cease all hostilities and maintain peace. This situation is extremely uncertain! and could also contribute to the loss of life. What ·i s ironic about this entire situation is that this initiative, which will provide little or no tangible advantage to the U.S. whatsoever, is going to cost ORA MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT WE WERE IN REAL TROUBLE American lives and American money. This is a rather high cost for a mission with this government shutdown. Then it happens and I am so that is fraught with as many uncertainties as this one. disappointed. Headlines of a government shutdown on every major When the United Nations sent in its "peacekeeping" army, the warring newspaper just made small-government conservatives like myself smile, but factions simply used these soldiers as human shields and hostages, and the nothing really seemed to happen because of this shutdown. UNs attempt to stop hostilities failed miserably. Its failures caused a great deal I understand now that I succumbed to rhetoric, I listened to the politicians, of hostility towards "peace" efforts by the West in this region, especially on the and I figured the worst. I actually thought that a government shutdown would part of Bosnians (whom the UN was supposed to protect), many of whom made be a catastrophic event on par with earthquakes, floods, and the Ebola virus. the fatal mistake of trusting the UN to be capable of doing anything at all to I pictured mob riots of people demanding governmental services and hunting successfully stop their suffering. down the GOP lea4ership. There is no reason for the U.S. to assume that it will not be treated in this However, the Blore one learns about the situation, the more one truly same fashion by all sides. What is to prevent American soldiers from becoming understands that this shutdown was more bluff than actual substance. Our hostages, from sufferingnyury or even death? In fact, the Pentagon is preparing government was not nearly "shut down," as so many have described it. The effects of the shut down were slim to none, and a showdown of months would . for a hostile situation in which many casualties may occur. This is certainly not a situation that invites American involvement. have had negligible effect as well. To be honest, given all the coverage of this, What the president fails to take into account is that this is not simply a I was surprised how bloody insignificant a "shutdown" really is. minor civil war. This is a major outbreak of hatred that has been burning ever The first lesson of our government shutdown is that the priorities of the since the Battle of Kosovo in 1389, when the Ottoman Turks crushed the Serbs government are rather strange. Apparently, the government has itselfclassified in a hard fought battle (and many Serbs still feel this battle was the.shot that into "essential" and "nonessential" services - the essential services continued started the war). A peace accord will not simply end these hatreds, nor will it to run during the shutdown, while the nonessential services were stopped. As permanently stop the fighting among the Serbs, Croats, and Bosnians. As soon noted by the British weekly The Economist, the CIA and foreign diplomats were as American troops disengage from the region, one side will most likely begin considered essential. No offense, but how essential are these guys? The Economist also noted that with his staff slashed from 430 to 90 people, Clinton its offensive again, rendering America's efforts worthless. seemed to be doing just fine. Here's to a smaller government. Furthermore, from a practical standpoint, Bosnia is simply not worth that . kind ofcommitment. One must remember that this is not America's fight. While The entire budget process raises serious questions. The eventual compromise the United States and the world should certainly encourage and facilitate did not answer any real questions, except for the question ofbudgetscorekeeping. peace, the current initiative to send in 60,000 NATO troops including 17,000 If the American public is going to be deceived by rhetoric and slick accounting, American men and women is wrong-headed. This initiative sends American one would hope there is at least some purpose. However, it is obvious that for troops to enforce a peace that is uncertain, to dodge bullets from angry soldiers both parties, when opinion polls started rolling in, caving was inevitable. on all sides, and to do a job that they should not have to do in the first place. As is so often the case in politics, looks are deceiving. After listening to the While American occupation may be good for humanitarian reasons, there is no participants, one would think two parties were irrevocably committed to their reason why the United States should send its troops to die in a small, positions, with the financial stake of the country, ifnot the world, at stake. The strategically insignificant part of the world. more one studies the real issues, though, it seems obvious that two sets of professional politicians were interested both in exagerrating political risks in For America's attempt at peace, while admirable, simply will not work in the long run. It will not work until all three armies are truly willing to lay down order to try and push their policies, and also in caving at the first sign of pressure. The crisis shown through the budget crisis may not be the economic their weapons and end their destructive war; and in the meantime, there is no reason for our troops to die for nothing. The president should give our soldiers problems of the country, but the political crisis of Washington. 1m. a nice.holiday present, and keep them home. 1m. -Matt Buckley

o COMMENTARY

Budget Situation ~aises Serious Questions

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6

o CAMPUS AFFAIRS .

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

December 6, 1995

Searching for the Next President BY NATB JAMISON

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and he recently gave his support to its new draft, which the regents approved on November 17. Despite the regents' adoption of the Code, the debate surrounding it is far from over. The regents also voted . to review the Code in 1998. There is also the distinct possibility that the Code will be challenged in court and, in all likelihood, be declared unconstitutional, as was an earlier version of the Code, the Policy on Discrimination and Discriminatory Harassment by Students in the University Environment, in 1989. One of the biggest issues facing the new president of the University of Michigan will be the Code of Student Conduct. Entrusted with the task of selecting the next president will be the presidential search committee, comprised of the Board of Regents. The committee will be co-chaired by 1"'~egents Nellie Varner and ,Shlrley McFee. The committee will hold a number of publie forums to gaUrer community input on the selection. This is a good first step aimed at ensuring that the person eventually chosen to lead Michigan into the 21st century will be up to the task. Traditionally, the preliminary list of candidates for the job of president of a large university has included people from a variety offields, including politics, academe, and business. Retired Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and one-time possible presidential candidate Colin Powell has been mentioned as a Possible candidate. The search committee must re-

HEN U-M PRESIDENT James Duderstadt announced in September that he would resign as the president of the University of Michigan, many people were caught by 8UlPriBe. Almost immediately, speculation began as to the real reasons behind his abrupt departure. Governor John Engler criticized the Board ofRegents, claiming that some of its members forced Duderstadt to quit. The regents claim that they did no such thing and that while they sometimes disagreed with his policies, they always supported him as president. Though the debate about the true circumstances that surround his surprising announcement continues, one thing remains abundantly clear: the regents must select a successor to Duderstadt, one who will adequately perform the difficult task of leading the University of Michigan for years to come and ensuring that it remains one of the pre-eminent institutions of higher education. James Duderstadt accomplished many things - both good and bad since becoming president of the University in 1988. The amount of federal research funding awarded to Michigan has grown rapidly in the past few years. New construction and renovation of existing buildings also have increased dramatically. With this growth, however, has also come an enlargement of the University bureaucracy and aa annual increase in tuition. ' During his tenure, Duderstadt also initiated several programs, such as the Michigan Agenda for Women and the Michigan Mandate, aimed at increasing as the participation of most women and minorities in several areas of the University. Also during Duderstadt's reign, the University undertook the $1 billion Campaign for Michigan sist the temptation to select an inexfundraising drive. perienced public figure, such as Powell, and choose someone who One of the most significant developments durin&, Duderstadt's time in would do the best job of running a office, and one with which his succeslarge public university. sor will undoubtedly have to deal, has According to the November 21 been the creation and implementaissue ofThe University Record, George tion of a non-academic code of conBrewer, Chairman of the Senate Adduct, the so--allled 路Speech Code." visory Committee for University Mfairs (SACUA), issued an ultimatum Duderstadt has been a proponent of to the Board of Regents, stating that the Code since becoming president, the next president must be selected Nate Jamison is a senior in atmofrom academe and that the initial list spheric science and editor-at-large of of candidates be presented by a facthe Review. ulty advisor committee or else. While

such an ultimatum will likely amount to little more than useless chestthumping, Brewer does make a very valid point; the next presi~ent must be someone who has the solid support of the entire University community

from the outset. Running a major university is an extremely demanding job, and for the regents to select someone who does not have the full support of the faculty, students, administration, and public would be an egregious error, and would likely make itimpossibleforthatpersontoaccomplish anything substantial. Such a situation would be a major setback to the progress of the University. One mSjor issue that the next president will have to address will be the ongoing decline in federal and state money going to the University. AB government funding decreases, the University is going to have to find ways to reduce expenses and to increase the amount of money coming from other sources, such as private donations, while maintaining or improving the quality of education. Given the difficulty of meeting the financial needs of the University without dramatically raising tuition, it would be wise for the regents to consider someone who has a background in business or finance, just as Michigan State University did when it chose Peter MacPherson, a former banker, to become president. An alternative would be to select someone with experience running a large private university, where providing a quality education at a reasonable cost has always been an important consid-

The next president must uphold Michigan's reputation one of the prestigious institutions of higher .learning in the nation.

eration. Another important issue will be the continuing debate about the Code of Student Conduct. President Duderstadt has always been in favor of a comprehensive code, despite the opposition of the faculty and the students. Student concerns never appeared to be a high priority to Duderstadt when decisions that directly affected them were being made. The next president must be someone willing to listen to and act on student input. The primary function of any university should be to provide students with a quality education in a liberal academic environment where all ideas, no matter how offensive, can be introduced and debated on their merits. Too often, Duderstadt and others in the administration have sought to stifle speech they deemed offensive in order to ensure a "safe" academic environment. In the process, the rights of students were neglected. Duderstadt's successor must understand the need to preserve the rights of all in order to maintain a .,"' tiberal atmosphere where true learning can take place. To achieve such an environment, the regents should select a candidate who will work towards eliminating the Code, or least will truly listen to student concerns in drafting a minimal code which does not abridge the free speech rights of the students. Lastly, the ideal candidate to become the next president of the University of Michigan should be someone familiar with the Michigan tradition, someone who will uphold Michigan's reputation as one of the most prestigious institutions ofhigher learning in the nation. It must be someonewhounderstandstheimportance of providing a top-notch undergraduate education, and can balance ' that against the need to continue the research activities of the University. Most importantly, it must be someone who will work with all members of the University community - students, faculty, staff, and administration - to ensure that all decisions are made with the best interests of the entire University in mind. Ideally, the next president would be someone who is the first choice of all interested parties. Unfortunately, that is not likely to happen. It is extremely important, therefore, that the Board of Regents consider the opinions and interests of all groups when choosing the next president. Only then will the best candidate be chosen to lead Michigan into the 21st century. Ml


December 6 1 1995

o CAMPUS AFFAIRS

7

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

The Search for Modern Housing BY ANTHONY WEN

R

ECENTLY, I SPENT SOME time browsing through old Mtchiganensians. You'd expect things to be different from the way they are now, and you'd be right. Campus buildings have been raised and razed; University presidents and conduct policies have come and gone. Looking through old yearbooks is like track.inc the progress of different trends throughout the years. All the guys are wearing suits to class in the 19008; poodle skirts and "Junior Hop路 dances dominate the 1950s; and big hair, bell-bottoms, and roller skates are all the rage in the early 19808. Gothic and classical an:hitecture was favored early in the Universitys history, while buildings like the old Ugli were built in the 19508. Societal attitudes also have changed quite a bit. Nowadays, no one bats an eye if males and females room together oft'-campus; it's just not a big deal. But get this: as recently as the early 19608, there was a Dean of Men and a Dean of Women. Their main responsibilities were to make

sure that their subjects (a.k.a. students) lived where and did what the University mandated them to do. The men had at least some choice; they could live in a dorm (South Quad, East Quad, or West Quad), a fraternity house, or oft'-campus housing. The women, on the other hand, were restricted to the remaining dorms or University "approved路 boarding houses. So all of the Hill dorms were once completely female with University organized activities on Palmer Field. From what I gathered, WOlDen were pretty much sheltered by the University from many outside influences. Talk about taking in. loco parentis a little too far. Unlike the bad old Dean of Men! Women days, we can now live wherever we want, notwithstanding budgetary and location limitations. It seems like the search for housing starts earlier and earlier every year. Landlords bug,)!..s to tell them if we want to renew our lease. It's somer times hard to decide if you want to live in a place for another 20 months after living there for only four. Unfortunately, looking for housing also

brings side effects; occasionally, roommates don't want to live together the next year, causing tension for the rest of the current year. The search usually begins when dorm people decide they want out and the rest of us want a better place to live. For those of us already living offcampus, we have the option to renew our lease, which would be the easiest thing to do. No new security deposit or cleaning fees, and no need to move our stuff. But ifwe want to live elsewhere, the sean:h process begins. The most obvious place to start is the classifieds in the Michigan Daily. Many landlords and agencies place ads for their properties. Many ads just state, "We have apartments," and list their number and leave it at that. If you're lucky, the ad will tell you the . going rent and the location. The per' feet ad would be size, rent, and location of a property. But usually all we get in the classifieds is "Great location'路, "Best selection'路, or "Modem, Clean, Spacious, Large rooms." Perhaps the worst description is the use of the word "modern"; landlords classlly anything after 1908 as "modern:." .

Seeking listings of places and scheduling appointments to see places (most of which are probably holes anyway) is another option. The listings don't always help much more than the ads in the paper though. For some reason, many listings don't tell you the rent on a property, which is often one of the most important factors in the decision. When you visit a ' place, you'll spend about 15 minutes looking at each place that you could potentially live in for a whole year. Try to ignore the current residents' living arrangements (i.e., the dishes piled up in the sink and the mess in everyone's bedroom -- c'mon, admit it). Instead, attempt to imagine all your stuff in the room of your choice. Living oft'-campus is more enjoyable than living in the dorms. Some people say the price difference isn't much after food and utilities and they may be right. But the gain in living space is invaluable. Watch out: Student renters should observe a motto similar to caveat emptor. Remember that landlords are out to make a buck. That's one thing that hasn't changed '-through the years. Mt

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8

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o CURRENT EvENTS

December 6, 1995

The Limits of Welfare Reform drug treatment in exchange for their monthly AFDC check. Those who signed the contract would be given child care while they were away from home, and those who found paid work would be allowed to keep $200 of their monthly earnings without any deduction from their welfare payment. In the fall of 1994 Engler instituted a "work first" policy designed to build on the successes of the earlier reforms. The social contract became mandatory and focused on moving welfare recipients into paid work. Job training remained an alternative, but it was not to be a Great Society boondoggle. Instead, welfare recipients were trained in job-{inding skills how to read the want ads, how to contact employers, and how to present themselves during an interview. Those who refused to work or look for work after two or three months could lose up to half of their combined food stamp and AF~ grant. If they still , refused . after two years, they could. lose the grant altogether. Under the gOvernor's latest proposals, which have passed the state House and currently are under con-

BY DAVID DoDBNHOFII'

I

NRECENTYEARS,MICHIGAN Governor John Engler has become somewhat of a hero within the conservative movement. Without flash or polish, he has cut taxes 14 times, taken on the edw:ation establishment by setting up a system of charter schools, abolished state general assistance for the able-bodied poor, privatized the state's $250 million Accident Fund, maintained a balanced budget, and presided over robust economic growth. Perhaps most notably, while Republicans and Democrats in Congress have squabbled over the details of yet another plan to reform the nation's main welfare program, Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC), Engler has launched a number ofwelfare innovations on his own. The governor's reform plans began rather modestly. In October of 1992 he instituted a voluntary "social contract- whereby welfare recipients would agree to undertake 20 hours a week of paid work., volunteer work, school enrollment, job training, or

Sign the Reverse Pledge Join other students, alumni, and parents and sign the Reverse Pledge. The Reverse Pledge states that you will not give money to 1v1Pact, the Senior Pledge, or any other University-sponsored funding drive until the Statement of Student Rights and Responsibilities (the Code) is abolished. Apparently, student disapproval of the Code is not important to the U-M , so we must deny the University what it cares most about - money.

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I To sign, e-mail the Michigan Review at mrev@umich.edu or mail this : with your signature and name to the Michigan Review at:

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Reverse Pledge

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911 N. University, Ste. 1 Ann Arbor, MI 48109

!rcr more information or for a petition of the Reverse Pledge, contact the Review.!

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sideration in the Senate, welfare mothers would be given 60 days after joining the AFDC rolls to begin lookingfor work or actually to begin working in the private sector or in a community service job. Failure to comply would mean a 10s8 ofthe welfare grant. The reforms since 1992, along with the new proposals, have earned the state's welfare system a reputation as one of the "toughest" in the nation. But does tough necessarily mean effective? The govemor and his aides certainly think so, and they martial some impressive numbers in support of their case. Thirty percent of the state's welfare recipients now work in either private sector or community service jobs. That number is three times the national average and double the number working when Engler becamegovemor.Becauseincreasing bumbers of welfare recipients have some earned income, the State Department of Social Services says it is spending $100 million less on welfare than it would without the work-reinforcing reforms. Some state officials als,o claim that the stricter work requirements have kept potential recipients off welfare in the first place, contributing to the smallest welfare load the state has seen in 21 years. Critics and skeptics of the governor's reforms abound, of course. They contend that employment gains among AFDC recipients have much less to do with welfare policy than with the state's 4.4 percent unemployment rate, the lowest since officials began keeping such statistics in 1970. Naturally, they worry about what will beCome of newly-employed welfare recipients when the economy sours. Others point out that welfare caseloads have declined in 44 states during the current economic recovery, many of which have not undertaken work,...related reforms. Still others argue that by downplaying human capital investments in favor of work, Michigan's welfare system consigns recipients to low-paying, deadend jobs and perpetual dependence on the state for wage subsidies (for the state plan does not impose a time limit on welfare recipiency). Despite these criticisms, it is fair to say that the AFDC program in Michigan has met the governor's objectives - moving a substantial proportion of the welfare population into the work culture, if not into full-time work and off pUlJlic assistance. One cannot help, however, but find even these results unsatisfying. Michigan's AFDC program, like welfare programs everywhere, fails to ask a basic question: "Who deserves government

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help?" Though no one deliberately chooses poverty, a great many people make choices that relegate them to poverty or fail to embrace those behaviors that would help them avoid it. What are we to do about such people? What, for example, are we to do about the young woman who never completed high school or college, failed to attach herself to the workforce, and then gave birth to a child she could not afford by a father she did not intend to marry (such women constitute about half of the national AFDC caseload)? To me it is indefensible to say , "All that is behind you now we'll provide you with health care, child care, and a wage supplement if you'll agree to work 20 hours a week in ajob we'll help you find." Subsidizing dysfunctional behavior in this way makes for morally-empty policy. But how are we to decide which welfare mothers deserve government assistance and which do not? And what is to beCome of the children of those whom the state does not help? I cannot offer specific criteria in answer to the first question, but I know .we can make such decisions. The second question is more difficult. Orphanages deprive children of a relationship with both fathers and mothers, which to me seems disastrous social policy. A more palatable alternative might be child care in which the children of poor single mothers would be provided nutritious food, close supervision, and constructive play and educational activity. With the children in day/night care, their mothers would befree-infact, would be required - to seek and accept fulltime work, and to do so without the cushion of food stamps and a cash subsidy from the state. At the end of a day working or searching for work they could pick up their children. Unfortunately, even a dramatic policy departure of this sort would do nothing to change the culture that creates poor femal&-headed households in the first place - a culture in which illegitimate births are commonplace, marriages are disposable, and husbands ar~ dispensable. Ifwe want a world in which fewer children have to grow up poor and fewer women have to rely on the state for the basic necessities, we need to reestablish norms ofbehavior under which young men and women refrain from reckless sexual behavior, illegitimacy invites social sanctions, the two--parent family is not just a norm but an ideal. Of course, the state can have only a minimal role in recreating and enforcing such norms. AB long as that is true, welfare reform will be a failure. Ml.


December 6, 1995

9

THE MIcmGAN REVIEW

o CURRENT EVENTS

Hull Denounces Neopuritanism BY

GENE KRAss

O

N NOVEMBER 28, DR . Gary Hull of the Ayn Rand Institute (AR!), an organization devoted to studying and spreading Rand's philosophy of Objectivism throughout academia, presented a talk entitled, "The New Puritanism: PC's Assault on Sex and Pleasure." The talk was sponsored by ARI and the U-M Students of Objectivism. Hull began the talk by presenting two views of sex: the Biblical view, which states that sex is sinful; and the view of the "neopuritans" (feminists, environmentalists, etc.), which states that sex is degrading and oppressive. These views, according to Hull, are essentially the same, and the latter is a logical continuation of the former. Political correctness, he said, is currently attacking all forms of pleasure, whatever they may be: coffee (it's carcinogenic), children's toys (they're made of synthetic products), sports cars (they're antisocial gas-guzzlers that damage the environment), and even laughing (it offends people). Fashion and makeup are especially under attack because they often are made from synthetic products and "objectify women." Hull continued by saying, "If the '60s were the sexual revolution, then today can be viewed as the 'antisexual revolution.'" Writer Andrea Dworkin has referred to women who have had sex with men as "genitally enslaved." Politically correct feminists lionized Lorena Bobbitt, who, according to Hull, attack~d a defenseless man while he slept. The same way that Catholicism has stressed celibacy for centuries, so, too, does political correctness, which urges the government to regulate sex just as the Catholic Church has done throughout history. Both religious and neopuritan views hold .that the human mind is inherently evil and that some degree ofgovernment (or church) control is necessary to keep that evil nature in check. Hull then elaborated further on the philosophical and historic views ofsex. Plato, he said, considered sexual urges base and low, and "called for sexual appetites to be checked by fear, law, and true discourse" (i.e., regulation of sexual behavior by the state). According to Plato, "sex is not essential to man; since it is of the flesh, it is not necessary for philosophical discussion. It is just an afterthought of Gene Krass is a senior in English and psychology and campus affairs editor of the Review.

procreation." The need to explain the story of a Pomona College student mankind's Platonic existence (one whose degree almost was rescinded without sex), said Hull, is what led to because of a rape charge filed against the idea of a virgin birth - the propahim two and a half years after the gation of the human race without sex. rape allegedly took place. Many interpreted Plato's assertion Also present on some college camthat the body becomes pure only after puses are dating codes - the most death by saying, "Well, I'll enjoy myself now, and worrY about being pure in the afterlife"; this, said Hull, is where Christianity came in, which is a philosophy built on guilt and fear oflapsing into sin. At least the early Christians had some sort of an ideal, claimed Hull. They had the notion that there is something in the individual worth saving - that you must kill one part (body) to save another (soul). The neopuritans, however, take Christianity (and Plato) to its final conclusion. They might not be orThe ~puritans frown on such behavior. ganized like the Vatican, but equally are dedicated in their cause of famous being the "ask first" policy at wiping out sex. .Antioch College in Ohio. The man Hull proceeded'by elaborating on . • needs to give verbal consent for every three of the neopuritans' tactics: new part to be touched, and the fesexual harassment<lawsuits, rape male must give verbal consent as well charges, and dating codes. "Charges (and verbal only - a nod or moan or of sexual harassment," he said, "cregrunt is not good enough) for the conate a chill in the air." According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), harassment is defmed as any action or speech (italics added) that creates a hostile or offensive environment. It must be judged on a case-by-case basis, as it is impossible to know in advance if something constitutes harassment. Accordingto our own Catharine MacKinnon, any expression of a sexual or dehumanizing nature should be made illegal. The Canadian government, Hull said, took her words seriously in order to justify police raids on certain book and video stores. Actions which have led to charges of sexual harassment have included hanging mistletoe, having a picture of a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader on one's desk (the cheerleader being the cousin of the one accused), reading Playboy, and other everyday examples - all of which, Hull stated, show that this is not a remote issue. Rape (defined as physical coercion into having sex), of course, is a hideous crime, and Hull said that there is indeed legitimate concern about this issue. However, the neopuritans are also trying to pass off verbal coercion as rape. This idea is omnipresent on college campuses, where the idea that one out of every three women (according to the FBI) will be sexually assaulted sometime during their stay on campus. The problem, according to Hull, is that the FBI has no such statistics. Hull went into

tact to not be considered rape. Such policies take all the romance out of sex and dating, said Hull, and make students feel uneasy and confused about sex. According to Plato and Christianity, sex is bad and causes suffering, and therefore one should not engage in such activities. Neopuritanism is worse, according to Hull, because it states that you should have sex precisely because it causes suffering. Nowhere in feminist writing is there a specific prohibition of sex, which is all the more insidious because feminists and other neopuritans attempt in any way possible to give sex an aura of frustration and misery. The neopuritan movement is based on subjectivism (the notion of the mind shaping reality) and altruism (the notion that doing good for others is an end in itself and that anything done for the selfis evil). The cure for all of this, according to Hull? We should read the Objectivist writings of Ayn Rand, Leonard Peikoff, and other Objectivist authors; bear in mind the virtues of selfishness; and believe in one's right to happiness. l\R

Too busy \Vith exalllS to keep up \Vith events on call1pus? Unsure of\Vhat is going on around you?

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10

o SATIRE

December 6, 1995

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

Survey Says;. Opinion Polls Stink BY BBNJAION' KawLa

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VERY DAY ON THE NEWS,

a barrBle of numbers floods into the living rooms of America. These percenta,es and polls purport to tell ua UI8ful information, bytellinaua wbatpercentage at people think Bill Clinton is a criminal, how many think Bob Dole is an unsuitable senator, much leu president, and of course, this burning question: just who should we 1>lame" for shutting down the federal government anyway. I have aeriOUl problems with these polls, however. A poll taken at 1,054 Registered American Voters is not representative of 270 million people; the pol1in1 methods are questionable in themselvee, and more often than not the questions are either loaded or just stupid. And nonetheless. many people are swayed by these poUs, and some even believe that they are actually representative of the country's feeling on an issue. Polls are once Blain back in force as the Liberal Media (I finally got to use that phrase) attempt to salvage what is left of our Fearless Leader's reputation, even as he now embarks on his damn-fool idealistic crusade to impose peace on the nation of Bosnia, not that I am cynical in any way. By diverting the public's attention with scads of meaningless polls on the Government Shutting Down (gee, that's too bad), they are somewhat able to counter his current blunder. This is n~tjustidle ranting on my part. Look at the opinion polls coming out with the question, "Who do you blame for shutting down the Government?'" Survey says: the GOP. "Who should compromise more?" Survey says: the GOP. Observe those Clinton ratings: Survey says over 50% approve(d) of his stance. That might be a first for our current president. However, there was also a question asked that didn'tappearon the nightly news but did get on a few other programs: "Are you happy the government is shut down?"Theanswer came back with around 60% saying "Yes" or variants of Yes. Gosh. Survey says damn. Have you ever noticed that these public opinion polls never tell you from where the devil they get these 1,054 Registered American Voters? Does anyone out there really know how or where they gather the data? In all reality, what is to stop them from Benjamin Kepple is a sophomore in LSA and associate publisher of the Review.

going to, say, Yale University and national scene. If I remember cordoing the survey there, passing it off rectly, they have a whopping eight as a Cross Section Of America? When electoral votes combined. you consider how the media were 1;0When Buchanan obtained 38 pertally incapable of realizing that the cent ofthe vote in 1992 against George 1994 congressional GOPlandslidewas Bush in New Hampshire, people evloing to happen, it really makes you erywhere gasped and proceeded to wonder. Many news organizations have an obvious bias (you see, they subscribe to The " . Big Lie: Anyone who is not :' f).~t".... ; explicitly left-winl is in fact, Eeeeevil, a racist, or sexist, ,/'1; j; ~ I ., nativist, trigger-happy, or W~ ~,; worse), and they also conduct ,"'" ,' l ,' 'II"'". ''',,: many at these polls and as ,,:M '~~/~ ! ~ such they should be inherently 't 'i, ,';, ,.. '" ' suspect. The same goes for any major news or political orgaIi 1\ I "(1' 1 ! ', ,II I ., I ': I W, I" nization. Ifthe Christian CoaI ',., I I, W/' 'I, : . : : . " .' iIi:"., ';11 lition releases a poll that is :,"/1 ' , ' 1\, , 1 ~., z Vi L ' ,;; ':, \1 , :~ \ :, :,'/ /I f ~ r. suspicious, you know very well ~ , 4,.1 t -\' 1.,1..it is probably biased in some ;~ , ; .'f'~f way because it is an avowed conservativ,l institution. Why wOuld you think this man represents you? News polls are no different, because Qllyone who watches the draw wild, unfounded conclusions. In nightly news programs carefully can a month's time Buchanan fell apart. instantly S66 political leanings, reJesus Christ could have run for the nomination and that 38% of the. V()t~·' gardless of one's political affiliation. ers would still have voted against These same programs are the ones Him. Just because Candidate Beavis conducting the polls. What's to preloses (or wins) in New Hampshire vent them from doctoring that infordoes not stop him from winning well mation? If these programs had high (or losing miserably) on Super Tuesjournalistic integrity (which I someday, or in California, and yet the potimes doubt, especially from watchliticos and pollsters and spin docters ing"Crazy Dan" Rather on CBS), they have this god-awful smug certainty wouldn't bias their newscasts, so I about how Everything Can Be Predon't think they would have any probdicted and that This is How It Will Be. lem altering polls, loading questions, This has a tendency to spill out or otherwise slanting the polls to satamong the public as well, as it decides isfy their needs. for whom to vote - in New HampWhat may be more disturbing, shire, Iowa, and other places. "Gosh. however, is that many people look at I would vote for Steve Forbes, but it these polls as a Reliable Source of would be wasting my vote because Facts concerning issues and politics. he'll never win the nomination, so I'll Some worthless, non-binding straw vote for Bob Dole, even if he is the poll consisting ofRepublican delegates Republican Bill Clinton and only essentially bought by the candidates, wants to keep the status quo." How that takes place down in Florida is many times have you heard this, Instantly Hailed, by the news and thought this, or even done this: "I others, as some kind of Divine Sign would vote for X, but he can't win, so that Bob Dole is going to be the next fll vote for Y instead." It prevents the GOP presidential candidate because best person from winning in a major he got 33 percent of the vote compared way. What should be done is to keep to Gramm's 26 percent. the primary results - polls in themTo make an inference from this is selves - secret until the convention, crazy, because it does not take into so that the candidates won't all drop consideration other serious candiout after that really important Iowa dates that were ignored by the straw caucus vote. In presidential elections poll (like Steve Forbes). It makes even there is a reason why Pacific TV staless sense than every politico in the tions do not show poll results until nation taking the New Hampshire after the polls close for this very reaprimaries and the Iowa caucuses to son. Public opinion polls and primary represent how everyone in America polls have the S8.D,le problem. will vote. While these numbers can be These polls really do affect people's indicators, you see just how many judgment (if those people let them). people fall apart finding out that these It's the "If nine people in a room get two states are insignificant on the ,

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coffee, and only coffee and tea is available" what will person 10 get?" principle. Most likely coffee. If a person has a view that polls show to be extremely unpopular (such as supportinl the Code), they will most likely moderate that view or even change it. If someone relied on polls for all his opinions, he might end up believing such nonsense as say, University of Michigan students really want amandatory student health care program (another damn-fool idealistic crusade that has been basically condemned by MSA's Health Issues Commission, but I digress). Or they might think that the Code is a good thing. Obviously, this is fiction, because any poll that said the Code was good, or that mandatory health insurance would save us all, would be so biased the sample would consist of 17 students chosen for the purpose of taking the poll. Putting stock in insignificantelection results to make choices for the future and relying on public opinion polls that are slanted, change like crazy, and are essentially worthless, is generally a bad idea. All right, I think it is a horrible idea. It's almost as bad as relying on 60 Minutes as a news source and it is even worse than voting for Bob "Senator Do-Nothing" Dole. When you really look at the polls you can see that they really aren't all that meaningful. If they were, this country would probably be very different. So what is the solution to all this? Easy. Ban public opinion polls. Don't even think about what your neighbor Joe or Larry down the street or your cousin Harriet think and certainly don't even consider about what 1,054 Registered American Voters you don't even know have to say on the issue, especially when the info is coming to you via an organization ,that has an interest in skewering those opinions. Act for yourself and throw offthe yoke of CBS and the New York Times and the Gallup polls and ignore the polls completely. Ignore primary results when you make a choice for the candidate. It just isn't worth doing it. And hey; the news might even be more interesting. Oh, here is just one more poll, hot off of the presses.

ACCORDING TO A MICHIGAN REVIEW STAFFERS POLL: -32% DISAGREE -28% THINK IT IS VINDICTNE -17% HATED THE ESSAY -12% GOT MAD WHILE COPY EDITING -11 % CALLED IT "BWODY STUPID» See what I mean? It's a biased .sample! Mt· '. ' .-

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11

THE MICHIGAN REvIEW

December 6, 1995

o SATIRE

The Definitive.<Guide to Finals BY GBOII'P BROWN

I

T'S THAT TIME AGAIN, A TIME we all dread, a time we have had nightmares about for weeks. No, not the one where MSA President Flint Wainess runa naked through the Diag, smartasa - the otMr onel Finals!! They're here again, back and loolllini before us like, I don't know, something that looms, or something. Oh, your professon downplay them; they're not that bad, they say. Yeah, well, that's because they don't have to take them. It's like Bill 'Trying So Hard to Be Competent, But ... " Clinton, who decided not to go overseas and fight in the military when his president called on him, trying to convince military personnel - just befo~ the holidays, mind you - that it is a good idea for tMm to go oveneas when he says so. But I digress. Finals are upon us, and I decided that I should give y'all a few pointen. Granted, this is like having Bob Packwood lecture on the finer points of gender equality, but just sit back and read it. So here it is, my Step-byStep Guide to Preparing for Finals: Step One: Gather your notes (you know, those pizza-stained pieces of paper with random blobs of ink smeared on them?) and arrange them in order. Step Two: Look over the chapten in the textbook and those books you've been putting off since Halloween and meant to "catch up on over Thanksgiving." Step Three: Carefully study your notes and chapters, being sure to note key information. Step Four: Take out a sheet of paper and, using the information you have gathered, formulate a list ofpossible exam questions. Step Five: Take the list and tear it into tiny bits, mix it .in with some leftovers, and feed it to a pack of stray dogs. There is no way in hell that you can accurately predict exam questions, so don't bother. Just pray a lot and hope you have good B.S. skills, or, for multiple choice tests, use the ABBACADABBA method of selecting answers. No matter how obvious the exam question choices should be, it always seems as though the professors receive their exam questions directly from the Central Command on Planet Zweedorn. For example, if you took a course entitled "Franklin D. Roosevelt's New Deal, and Its Effects on American Society During World War II," and all the professor ever droned on about was the NeW' ,Deal

and "how it affected society," you would expect exam questions something like this: "Explain how the New Deal affected politics and everyday life in American society during World War

II." However, for reasons known only to your professor this is not the kind of question that will appear on this hypothetic,al exam. The actual exam will look something more like this: "Question 1 (20 Minutes) "Over 100,000 [OR WHATEVERed.} people died during the Battle of

"Question 3 (20 Minutes) "Translate Chapten 3, 4, and 5 of Franklin D. Roosevelt's biography into Norwegian from memory." And so on for about five more questions ... As you can see, you have your work cut out for you. If you start now, you may be able to learn everything that has ever been written about the subjects that your finals cover. Not that this will help you on your exam, but it might be interesting. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to contact Franklin D. Roosevelt for my final term paper project. Mt

the Bulge during World War II. "(a) Name them. "(b) How do you think the New Deal affected them? Explain, using specific examples for each person." "Question 2 (20 Minutes) "U sing the current methods of spirit channeling, contact Franklin D. Roosevelt in the afterlife and ask him to explain his thoughts on the meaning of life. Write down as much as you can. In order to receive full credit, you must be able to supply the "code phrase" he provides you when you make contact.路

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12

THE MIcHIGAN REvIEW

December 6, 1995

j; SPORTSCENE

A Critique BY PAT

ESKEW

of:.~'Players'

Joe Roberson decided Coach Carr was the man for the job. Primary among his reasons for hiring Carr was the rapport he had forged with the players and the alumni. Because of the Gary Moeller fiasco this summer, no one expected the Wolverines to dominate this season; there were reasons for this team to lose. Before Roberson announced his decision, speculation was high regardingthe prospect that a new face might lead the Wolverines into the next century. Gary Barnett, Northwestern's soon to be named National Coach of the Year, is not considering any other jobs. According to Sports Illustrated, no job in the country got him thinking about leaving Evanston; however, if Michigan had offered him the top spot, he would have thought twice. Top flight coaches' names were being, bounced around the rumor mill~ throughout the fall. Anew coach might have brought a style unseen in MicJrigan footbaJ).4"or the first time since 1969. • Keeping ~ coach because he relates well with the players is a noble, if not. romantic idea. The players

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HENLLOYDCARROFFIdally was named head coach of the University of Michigan football team after the Purdue game, most people agreed that it was the right decision. Everybody knows that the players love Carr, and he's good with the alumni. He can give a pep talk with the best of them. Defensive lineman William Carr broke down when he heard the news. Coach Carr had made him a man, he said. Unfortunately, those things don't necessarily guarantee a Big Ten championship. This ~ason the Wolverines floundered to finish fourth in the Big Ten race. Following the Ohio State win, the players hoisted Carr on their shoulders. Perhaps they were chanting "'We're number four!" or "'We're going to the Alamo Bowl to play the loser of Texas vs. Texas A&Ml'" This season marked yet another lackluster performance by a tremendously talented group of athletes. In this year's games that were close in the end, the Wolverines finished 3-3. Des'Oite this, U-M Athletic Director

Coaches"

need to respect the man in charge. But the sign of a good coach is the way his team plays on the field, and if this year is any indication, Carr is going to have to work on discipline. Penalties, in large part offsides and other mental errors, continually plagued the Wolverine's chances for victory. The consummate "players' coach" was all but too close to home for Roberson to ignore. Wayne Fontes, the current head man for the Detroit Lions, has been on the brink of being fired every week for the past three years. Why? Well, Fontes may just have the most potential in the entire National Football League. Yet his teams have not been winners. So why isn't Wayne Fontes a former Detroit Lions employee? The answer is that the players love him. Consider coaches who have known success. Nobody has ever accused Joe Paterno or Bobby Knight of being lovable. Bill Walsh was not exactly the definition ofcharisma in San Francisco. Pat Riley plays only seven players while the rest sit for the season. These coaches may not be attractive, but they have BomethinJr in commOn;,d.

championships. Then again, being a jerk does not immediately translate into success. Take Barnett as an example. Here is a young coach, full of optimism, with both the admiration and love of his players, and a plane ticket for each of them to Pasadena after Christmas. That description could apply to Carr. All of this is not to say Michigan will never win with Carr. The decision made by Joe Roberson and applauded by so many since may in fact be a wise one. Looking on the bright side, this year's defense was strong almost every game. Also, an inexperienced play caller led the offense. Lloyd Carr is not a phony. It is clear that he is intent on giving everything possible to see Michigan rebound to glory. Meanwhile, football people all over the country continue to support his football sense. Throughout it all, the players lavish praise on their leader. Maybe the coach could ask his players to show their love in ways other than carrying him off the field on their shoulders in the future. A trip to Pasadena next year might be nice.l\R

Write for Sportscene! The Michigan Review's own Sports Section. \

If you are interested in sports Club Sports, NCAA, ProfeSSional, or otherwise. Call us at 662-1909 and leave a message for Pat. Or, if you have ideas, comments, or complaints, we always welcome them. You can also contact the Review over email at MREV@umich.edu - Put "Sportscene" in the subject -

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December 6, 1995

13

THE MICHIGAN REVIEw

:t SPORTSCENE

Big Ten Should Join Alliance llyBBNLDoI

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BOUT TEN YEARS AGO, it was a foregone conclU8ion that there was no way to crown i true national champion in college bothall. Conferences had so many )reset bowl game agreements that here was little probable chance that he number one and number two ;earns in the nation would ever meet ~ach other on New Year's Day. ThU8, ifthe two top-ranked teams lach won their respective bowl game, he team ranked number one would Umost automatically be given the lational championship, creating con;roversy and leaving the ultimate luestion unanswered: which one was 'Wily the better team? Many were mhappy with this predicament. To help correct this unsatisfacory situation, the Bowl Alliance was ormed. It consists of three bowls: the nange, the Fiesta, and the Sugar. rhese bowls are able to pick from the ive conference champions, plus one It-large team, that are elilPble, and i8ch year one of the bowls must pit he top two teams eligible for the

alliance against each other. crowning a national champion. The only trick to this system is It is time for the Big Ten and the that not all teams are eligible, due to Rose Bowl tojoin the Bowl Alliance. If conference contracts with other bowls. Ohio State had not faltered here in Here are the teams that are eligible Ann Arbor over Thanksgiving weekfor the alliance: champions oftheACC, end, it probably would have retained Big East, Big Eight, SEC, and SWC its number two ranking and undeconferences, plus Notre Dame if it is feated season. However, it would not ranked in the top ten at the end of the have had the option to play Nebraska season. If the Irish are not in the top for the national title. Instead, it would ten, then the sixth alliance squad have met a disappointing Southern taken is the highest-ranked remainCal team that went 8-2-1 this seaing team, excluding the Big Ten and son, and the Buckeyes would have Pac Ten champions due to prior comhad no chance of winning the champimitment to the Rose Bowl. onship unless Nebraska lost in the As you can see, the chances that Fiesta Bowl. the number one and two teams in the The Rose Bowl would not be the nation will play head-to-head for the first bowl to break strict conference championship is improved greatly. ties to join the alliance. The Sugar This year, it appears that it will work Bowl previously hosted the SEC conperfectly, with top-ranked, undeference champion against an at-large feated Nebraska taking on number team, and the Orange Bowl used to two, and also undefeated, Florida. pit" the Big Eight conference chamUnfortunately, this happeniRg is pion against an at-large opponent as still rare with the current alliance . well. This year, number one Nebraska system. The Big' 1'00 and Pac Ten â&#x20AC;˘ and number two Florida will face each conferences are perennially two ofthe other in the Fiesta Bowl. This would strongest foothall Conferences. The have been an impossibility ifthe Sugar omission ofthese two conferences from and Orange bowls had not joined the the alliance decreases the chance of alliance. Nebraska would have been

bound to play in the Orange Bowl, and Florida, the Sugar Bowl. The Rose Bowl mU8t follow the example of the Sugar and Orange Bowls and expand the alliance field to four bowl games and eight alliance teams from which to choose. This would reduce the chance that the number one and two teams in the nation would not meet each other on New Year's to almost nil, because there are no other mfijor conferences or strong independent teams left. Money is not a factor in this decision. Though the Rose Bowl hauls in an immense amount of money, the alliance bowls are expected to equal that profit. The only compelling reason for the Rose Bowl not to join the Bowl Alliance is tradition. The Big Ten and Pac Ten conferences have sent their champions to "the granddaddy of them all" for many, many years, but the greater good of . college football must outweigh this quaint, outdated tradition. Without the Rose Bowl, the Bowl Alliance has no guarantee of crowning a national champion, and that is what everyone would like to see. Mt

Big Ten Should Rej ect Alliance IY JAMBS A. RoBB1lT8, II

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HILE THE NEARLY 117year history of Michigan football has a great numer of victorious mo~ents, the season f 1901 is one of the,most significant. 'hough the program was still in its I)rmative stages, a young coach I8.med Fielding Yost led the WolverIles to their domination of college )otball. Not only did the Maize and llue win each of its games; it suceeded, amazingly, in completing the eason without surrendering a single oint to its opponents. . Though this feat is a remarkable ne, most people remember the legacy fthe 1901 season for what occurred fter the completion of the regular eason. A dominant foothall team of o.e West Coast, Stanford challenged o.e Wolverines to a post-season con~st that would coincide with Southrn California's annual Tournament f Roses festival. Yost accepted this b.al1enge and led a small group of his ~0lverine8 on the long train ride to :alifornia. On January 1, 1902,Michian defeated Stanford 49-0, in what iter was dubbed the "Rose Bowl.The Rose Bowl later became an nnual event in 1916. Due to the Big 'en'B institution Jlf luule forbidding .

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deciding the best teams on the field. post-season play, however, Michigan ing that the best teams will face each It is true that college football has did not return to Pasadena until 1948, other in these games. In other words, a year after the Big Ten and Pacific become a business, and some claim. it claims to decide the national chamthat a Big Ten membership in the Ten conferences officially contracted pionship "on the field of play." A dealliance would help the conference with the Rose Bowl. This kept the tailed look at the agreements surfinancially. Indeed, the payofffor partradition of the Rose Bowl intact, rerounding this alliance reveals that it turning the game to its origin - the ticipation in this year's Fiesta Bowl, does nothing of the sort, for it favors the "national championship game; is Big Ten champ versus the best of the not those teams who are successful on Pac Ten. $13 million, according to the Detroit the field in a given season, but rather Free Press. The payoffs for the Orange Since its rather modest origins, those teams that can draw the most and Sugar Bowls are $7.8 million and the Rose Bowl has become one of the fans and generate the most revenue. $6.2 million, respectively. The Rose greatest events in all of sport. It is the A perfect example of this is the Bowl's payoff, at $8.4 million, is original of the collegiate bowl games, situation surrounding Notre Dame, a the "granddaddy of them a11.- Lik~ greater than these two alliance bowls. team that possesses a large fan base. One might cite the Fiesta's payoff as wise, it has also become one of the Apart from the five conference chamgreatest traditions of Michigan foota reason to join the alliance, for it pions, the alliance may select one atball, as each year's team plays to exceeds that of the Rose Bowl. Amemlarge bid, a team that has a high return to the game that the early bership, however, does not guarantee ranking but failed to win its respecWolverines founded. a selection to the top alliance bowl, so tive conference, or an independent Though Michigan and the entire this money is not certain. With the team. Notre Dame holds an agreeBig Ten conference certainly have . ment with the alliance, guaranteeing current agreement with the Rose profited - both monetarily and tradiBowl, the Big Ten is guaranteed the it an invitation ifit finishes the regutionally - from their association with payoff, for a Big Ten team will particilar season in the top 10 of either poll. the Rose Bowl, some now want to end pate each year. The Big Ten would be It did so this season and thus will play this tradition by joining the newlyfoolish to tum down this money, for in an alliance game. However, there formed Bowl Alliance. This is a colare three teams ranked higher than the alternative is apt to be less. laboration of three games - the FiThe bowl alliance holds neither Notre Dame - including Ohio State esta, Sugar, and Orange Bowls (who defeated the Fighting Irish earthe historical significance nor the traalong with five conferences and one lier this year), Colorado, and Tennesdition of the Rose Bowl. Also, it does at-large bid. The Big Ten is currently not guarantee any additional revenue see - that did not win their confernot a member of the alliance, and this ences and could be eligible for the at- . than what the Big Ten already earns. is from where this controversy arises. For these reasons, the day upon which large bid. The only reason that they The alliance claims to serve the Michigan fans throw tortillas instead are not is because of Notre Dame's . . fans of.co11ege football by guarantee:- .contractual agreement. SO .:Qluch for of roses would be a sad one.. MJ. .

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December 6, 1995

~Poetry My life pauses at the aoond of a voice, Pemaps addressing me. It it floats towards another, caresses another, I do not pay attention m1hose. I do sometimes wonder where people hide themselves Blank faces all, they are certainly never there. Trudging through gaavays charted long ago, Trod by many feet, Iwish Icould meet 'Mth one person, equaIy Irinportant, Not lismayed by the infiniteness of possiblity, And smile and say, 'Hefb.l*'" -laura Lee-lun Wandering. Searching, no hunting, through the dim forest. No, Stalking, stalking through the dark wastes, Preying (is that what it is?) upon innocent creatures, no, ignorant beasts, maybe succulent flesh, is a pastime not a pastime but employment, better than employment is duty instead of duty it is desire less desire more longing, could actually be a need, to satiate. or fulfill? Best yet, to survive. (although sometimes to enjoy _) -Mohan Krishnan

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The stiR water glitters like a pane of glass, Shows us another world that lies Directiy behind ours, and in COf'fl)8rison No fairer, more lovely one exists. The dark sky twinkles with moon and stars, Challenges us, cats us, and taunts us, Speaking whispers of another place, That dims our lives and shadows our homes. The horizon that shines in the distance. Drives US forward at frightening speed And as far into the future as we push, No compromise does it make. That memory that burns wittin our hearts Reminds us, warns us, alarms us Impressing upon us bright, ~ng dreams That show oriy the things we've already lost These fff8S that we see the world with Have milds and motives of their own Nways showing us whatlis behind us, No matter which way we tum. --Mohan Krishnan

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I have dreams of meeting an old soul, Steadfast in spirit, quiet in aspect, Thoughtful in deliberation. I imagine they exist, or once existed, Like ancient hill folk who have long retreated. Sometimes, I think. I see a promise Hidden in deep-rooted ey~. But it is only and always A turn of light and desire. In the aQ1,lamarine haze of insecurities The world is peopled with puppies And snakes and tigerlilies. All striving in their way. To gain on each other. Still, I look for the elders, the eagles, Who guard our secrets; I look for the calm I have never lived. Into the mediocre blue, The glare of glassy reflection, I want to see the light of centuries And feel the cool wisdom of ages. -Laura Lee-Lun

The Change of Time Again. the famll1ar1ty of your voice and

The sound of your laughter. Again we share the space that

The closest of friends do. But time has changed you: The secrecy of our eternal friendship Is not written on your face as it was before The way we read each other's thoughts...

Interview: A battle scar, the half-eentury removed, weathered now, and tired. Through his body, coursing, is life; nearly one full cycle.

I don't know you anymore I want to go back to the simpler days When you and I were one. The growth between us knows no boundaries Our seperate worlds have closed us tn.

A heart throbbing and relaxed, and eighty-six years repeated, except when it fluttered, three years back.

Just hold our memories close to your heart and always'know That I will never forget you. --Jennifer Feria

A heart throb nearby, soul tide, bound forever, left once, many times, and returned to. finding by the journey a thing undefined; love.

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Graduate Of a fine small high school In a snug suburb, Dreamer of great dreams, Writer of fine prose, Holder of a sterling academic record ... but with no course work in Physics... That's what brought him to this spot, Walking in front of our city bus; Caught in the headlights Like a deer on a country road, That heart-stopping moment When we COUldn't stop, His eyes and mouth in silent o's Before we hit him and he sailed, Arms,and legs splayed, Up into the cold Michigan night air. -S.K. Wieland

You have read poetry. You've experienced poetry from the outside, the beauty of a vacant seashell that washes onto the shore. Now experience poetry from the inside: living, breathing, changing, a growing forest of ideas. You have watched the art long enough; now it is time you take your place at the canvas.

Lead off into the distance now, and passing through the field, he never once looks back. He is always, moving onward. -Pat Eskew

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On Not Studying Physics

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MICHIGAN REVIEW LIVING CULTURE

December 6, 1995

@ :Firm

15

Nadja the Vampiress

BY TOM JOLLIFFE

V

AMPIRE FILMS ARE NOTED for their dark perspectives and carnal appeal. Movies like Interview with the Vampire andBram Stoker's Dracula have made us all too familiar with the lusty, yet brooding world of the undead, where the quest

Nadja Directed by Michael Almereyda. Featuring Alina Lowensohn. Jared Harris. Peter Fonda.

for eternal love slaves is eclipsed only by the search for fresh plasma. If there is fear that the Dracula motif has been exhausted of fresh turns, these concerns are, for now, unfounded. Enter the recent Michael Almereyda film Nadja, a vampire drama that, while re-hashing some old ground, explores territory new to the genre. Elina Lowensohn plays the sensual, melancholic title role vampiress, who, along with her twin brother, Edgar (Jared Harris), seeks

Price 2XL 2000 (Pixelvision) take the refuge in modern-day New York City audience into the hallucinatory menfrom her father's killer, Dr. Van Helsing (Peter Fonda). Complicating 路 tal landscape of Nadja and her nocturnal brethren. The look is hazy and the situation is Nadja's new-found raw, and suggests the primal instincts romance (can you say "erotic"?) with Lucy (Galaxy Craze, given name), of the nosferatu. The influence of executive producer David Lynch is eviwhose husband, Jim (Martin Donovan), has been enlisted in the dent in the cinematography: that intense urban claustrophobia in hunt for the vampire twins by Van Helsing, who is his uncle. Eraserhead and The Elephant Man is This, compounded with the affechere accompanied by slow, silent tion that Jim's half-sister Cassandra zooming and panning shots. The black has for the ailing Edgar, makes for a and white film also makes for a sense of perpetual night, an appropriate vicious, humorous cycle of devotions and obligations. It's sort of a twisted effect, given the subject. But for all its sensual, visual apstudy of dysfunctional families and inter-marital conflicts, in which resopeal, what makes Nadja most enterlutions to familial dilemmas are taining is its comedy. Fonda's enerachieved not with counselors and getic performance as the vampireobsessed geek Van Helsing lends a therapy, but with wooden stakes and mallets. Nadja's world is a dark mirnutty edge to an introspective story. ror image of our own; her kind receive Vap. Helsing's sleuth-like devotion to "psychic facts" with the casual habit d~yingthevampiresiblingsmakes that we receive e-mail, and the fanhim more out of touch with reality tastic and the common coincide. _.t han his prey. "Here, look in the glasses," he insists, trying to convince Filmed in ri~black and white 35 mm and Pixelvision, Nadja is a visual .. Jim that his wife makes no reflection, trip. Sequences shot .w ith the Fisher although she is most obviously still

human. As for Jim and Lucy, they're like a silent film duo: Jim's bumbling willingness to help his uncle while looking after Lucy's mute zombiism is of high comic value. The tongue-incheek quality of Nadja, however, is most apparent in Nadja herself. She speaks of "the pain of fleeting joy," while the comer jukebox cranks out her song, and we can't help but laugh at this self-conscious shtick. Nonetheless, Lowensohn effectively conveys the soul ofNadja, searching for a new independence that will give her relieffrom herfather-dominated past. Nadja's musical soundtrack is consistent with and complements the visual variety of the film. Beside a haunting classical score (Simon Fisher Turner), Portishead provides some moody and funked~ut tracks that suggest the spiritual roller coaster of the vampire experience. As for the Nadja experience, it is both mysterious and familiar, amusing and dramatic; the filming, the soundtrack, and the words -like our own experience. Mt

Bashu: The Little Stranger realism, his camerawork remaining simple but aesthetic. The jump-cutting is kept to a minimum, and the wide-angle lens is used with frequency. A market scene, in which Naii brings her children into the city to set up a stall, plays out like a National Geographic special on Iranian commerce, but it doesn't lose the interest of the audience. There is an underlying tension to this scene (as there is in much of this film) that culminates in Bashu's disappearance amongst the crowd; the boy's sense of being ethnically different is made apparent in his separation. However, we see him return that afternoon, having forged friendships with the local kids, and Benzai conveys the potential for ethnic and racial harmony. Although the film's tone is by no means lighthearted, the comic relief of Naii and Bashu's attempt to bridge the language barrier (Arabic vs. Iranian) is neither contrived or gratuitous. The two maintain a flow and rhythm that is natural and appealing. With a simple plot and spare dialogue, this film bears no Hollywood pretensions: it is about common people with real conflicts. Naii's sudden sickness causes Bashu to assume her responsibilities and maintain a new maturity. He becomes a needed

BY TOM JOLLIFFE

I

RANIAN CINEMA: GOOD STUFF. Bahram Beizai's 1992 film Bashu: The Little Stranger isn't a middle-eastern rendering of Pulp Fiction (maybe that's a good thing), nor, for that matteI', is it like any other domestic film I've seen. One of several University sponsored movies shown at various locations about campus (it is provided by the Center for Middle East and North African Studies), Bashu is a fascinating foray into Persian culture and a fresh turn on cinematic storytelling. S~tduringthe time of the Iran-Iratt war, Bashu details the stir created in a rural Iranian community when an independent mother of two takes a warscarred homeless orphan under her wing. The efforts of the woman, N aii, to assimilate her young Arabian charge into an inflexible society suggests cultural diversity and female empowennent. N aiiis a strong woman with a deep committment to family, and her strong constitution becomes ingrained in Bashu by film's end. The extraordinary Iranian mountain rice-paddy scenery combined with extended takes of everyday community life reinforces the authentic spirit ofBashu. Beizai films with stark

figure on the farm. Although Bashu's culture is far removed from our technologically~riented society, his dilemma in making friends and accepting responsibility strikes a universally human chord. Yet, there exists also a certain hypnotic and dream-like quality that compliments the realism of Bashu, something that goes beyond the trite "charm" that Americans seem to appreciate in foreign movies. Besides a mysterious, rhythmic singing in the opening and closing credits, the film is void of musical soundtrack, which makes for a special intensity in the character's relations. Suddenly, every sound and gesture and facial expression bears greater meaning and intimacy. The anti-war motif is evident in Bashu's startling delusions of his real mother, who was killed in a bombing in the film's first scene. She appears out of nowhere, standing silently in the fields, a phantom of the

war. While not involving a high-speed chase or a sunset lit romantic embrace, the final sequence of Bashu a portraying Bashu's natural and heartfelt reception of Naii's husband after his months-long job search, is a most satisfying and emotional conclusion. The final shot of father, mother, and Bashu chasing a boar across the fields (you'd have to see it, I guess) suggest the purging of interracial misunderstanding and is an inspiring sense of closure. IfBashu: the Little Stranger is an adequate representative of the qualityofUniversitysponsoredfilms, then they are worth your while. You probably won't find any big-name stars or any Tarantino-type dialogue here. (Try subtitles) A movie like Bashu is of a more human and personal nature, a respite from much of the obnoxious American drivel that they keep churning out. In addition, admission was free. Mt

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(/:]J r.Book§

The Development of War

BY BILL A:mmNs

"A

CCURST BE HE THAT fintinvented war." While some might find this statement la~hable ifviewed. from a strictly literal standpoint, one may prove that ithas quite a bit ofvalidity . "War is indeed an invention - an institution that arose due to very speR/dtof~e~ndH~

man - The Birth and Death

of War Robert O'Connell Oxford University Press cific historical circumstances." It is not a series of inevitable events, but rather a sinisterly calculated device which can be used to achieve particular goals. Thie is the premise of Robert O'Connell's .Ride of tIN Second HonellKUa-7'1N BirlA GndDealA of Wear (O%(ord UmvenUy Pre••, 306 PGIJf!.).

O'Connell defines war in rigid terms. It is a mec:h.anism that serves

to achieve group rather than individual goals. These goals are either political 01' economical in nature, with the results intended to be lasting. Finally, there is some direction by a governmental structure. Therefore, the general brutality that one can observe in the animal kingdom simply does not fit these provisions, and the human race has the dubious distinction of being the only intelligent species known to inflict such harm upon itself. One can observe some ants actually wage war against other colonies, even going so far as to take prisoners and enslave their enemies, but their actions are based purely on genetics and the primal urge that drives the acquisition of limited resources. One may

The author of this book of analysis, a senior intelligence analyst with the National Ground Intelligence Centel', traces the development of society throughout recorded. history, specifically focusing on particular cultures

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certainly argue that this is not the case for humans. We arenot limited bYJJrepurely instinctive drive oflower animals, but nevertheless we continue to ~gage in senseless campaigns ofdestruction, often with questionable aims and justifications.

Why do WI fight each other? that advanced the "art" of warfare. Classical civilizations, beginning in the Middle East (Sumeria, Egypt, Assyria) and extending to the East (China) and West (colonization of the New World) serve as examples of ~~'"

evolution of war. The reasons that various societies waged. war are presented as being as divene as the people: simple aggression, retaliation, overpopulation of allocated land, defense, egotistical aims, and othen. Through the use of scientific research from the fields of both anthropology and archeology, O'Connell extrapolates the methods and goals of different cultures in warfare, thus bringing a great deal of scientific legitimacy to his arguments. Consequently, his descriptions are at the same time interesting and disturbing. O'Connell does, however, see hope that we may be moving away from our violent tendencies. As he points out, it cannot be denied that the past decade has seen a great shift away from the escalation toward war and a movement toward what appears to be a lasting peace. Among other things, the establishment of well-.defined political states and the increased cost of warfare (both in human lives and in monetary funding) has ensured that war, in the future, will not be generally viewed. as the most viable option in the resolution of conflicts. Mt

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The Michigan Review is the Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan. We examine campus, regional, national, and world events, Jrom a libertarian. classically liberal, or conse!Xative viewpoint,

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Don't want to see our soldiers die for -political gain?

If you think there is something wrong, you should examine it. If you know how to fix it, you should tell the world.

Join us! Learn how to make a real difference. We meet every Tuesday at 7:00 PM in our office (Srd Floor of the Michi:gan League.) Come out and meet us, or call us at 662-1909. Whether you believe in sit-ins and protests, or in provoking, rational dialogue, there's room for you on the Review. .\


vol_14_no_6