that I’ve seen countless times. She wants me to lower my voice, to not cause a scene. “That’s psychotic,” I say in a slightly quieter voice. “You need a restraining order.” She laughs, agreeing that the whole situation is ridiculous. But she finds his purchase sweet, almost endearing. I think it’s creepy. “No,” I say. I’m not laughing. “We need to move immediately. You know who he reminds me of?” “Oh gosh, doll … who?” “Brett Kavanaugh. I couldn’t stop thinking of Sam when I watched the hearing last week.” “Really, doll? Oh, Brett’s scummy,” she says. My mom doesn’t pay much attention to the news, but I always try to keep her up to date, calling her often with the scoop on important things like this. I tell her that she needs to watch it, that she’s going to freak out. “Oh, you’ve got to show me,” she says. We head back to my house. *** We lie side-by-side in the full-sized bed in my small bedroom. I put my computer on my lap and search “Brett Kavanaugh hearing highlights,” hoping that she’ll see it, too.
My mom gasps and shakes her head throughout the six-minute video. “No,” she whispers repeatedly as she watches Kavanaugh try to defend himself against sexual assault allegations before the Senate. At one point, a senator asks Kavanaugh if his drinking has ever resulted in memory loss. “You’re asking me about blackout. I don’t know, have you?” he responds. “Oh my god. That’s Sam,” my mom said out loud. “Look how angry he is — that’s so Sam.” She laughs, but she’s not kidding. “Just wait until you see the SNL skit,” I tell her. She can’t stop laughing during the cold open starring Matt Damon as Kavanaugh. Damon exaggerates Kavanaugh’s unappealing mannerisms, slamming his hands down on the table, sniffing over and over again and yelling at the cast that resembles the Senate. My mom claps her hands together and folds over laughing. She swings her head back up and hits it against my headboard with a bang. But she still can’t stop laughing. The video comes to an end. “Gosh, doll, that’s scary. He’s Sam. Oh, I’ve got to get out of this.” She’s said this countless times before, but at least I’ve convinced her for the moment.
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THE MIAMI STUDENT MAGAZINE, FALL 2018
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