Fake IDs become harder to recognize as production moves overseas
friends had their frst year as fimsy, with the lamination often peeling of.
A few years ago, fake ID production in Oxford was isolated to residence hall rooms and of-campus houses. However, trends in fake ID culture have shifted in recent years, moving production overseas and increasing the quality of fake IDs accessible to Miami University students.
Regan Sparks, a senior pathology major, started working as a bouncer at Bar 1868 last October. Sparks said she remembers the fake IDs her
On a busy night, Sparks said she comes across fve to 15 fake IDs in a two-hour shift. Out of all the fakes she comes across, she said she only sees around one low-quality fake ID every other week.
“I rely a lot on just how people carry themselves and what they're acting like,” Sparks said, “but I've noticed that [recognizing fake IDs now] is really challenging.”
These new fake IDs are made with the same materials and machines that the Bureau of Motor Vehicles uses. They have holograms and en-
OLIVER
HAHN THE MIAMI STUDENT COLUMN
OxVegas Chicken may seem, at a glance, to be just another chicken place, but at its core, it’s a model of Miami University graduate success.
Located at 48 E. Park Place Ave., the business was opened by Miami graduates on Jan. 20, 2024.
OxVegas set out to create a restaurant that would become an Oxford staple. Through carefully conducted surveys and interviews with Miami students, founders Jackson Trester and Tyler Storer, both former Miami students, settled on the idea of selling chicken.
Through dedication to their business idea, they secured the necessary funding from investors that allowed them to live their dream of opening this restaurant.
KETHAN BABU SPORTS EDITOR
Seven Miami University men’s basketball players announced their return to the RedHawks next season on X from March 20-27, while three players – redshirt sophomore wing Kam Craft, sophomore guard Mekhi Cooper and sophomore center Reece Potter – entered the transfer portal.
The RedHawks are coming of a historic 25-9 season that brought them to the Mid-American Conference (MAC) championship for the frst time since 2007, but they fell short against the University of Akron Zips. Miami brought in more than 20 wins for the frst time since 1998-99.
Miami’s roster consisted of just one graduating player: Dan Luers. The remaining players included four juniors, eight sophomores and three frst years.
The ofcial Miami men’s basketball account announced the returns of junior guard Peter Suder, junior
gravings and are made with polycarbonate; some even work with ID scanners.
*Daniel, a mechanical engineering major, started selling fake IDs in October because it was an easy way for him to make good money fast. Daniel said the company he gets the fake IDs from online is based in China. The company charges around $35 per ID, which he then resold through word of mouth for $80 – turning a large proft.
Daniel said in the last fve months, he’s sold roughly 60 to 70 fakes. Now, because he has been such a consistent, reliable customer of the Chinese
company, he gets the IDs for free. This is a common marketing tactic companies use to push out a product faster. “I don't really work for [the company],” Daniel said. “It's like a resale thing, so I get it for free. If I want one, I can just ask for one.”
When it comes to bars trying to mitigate underage
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH SENIOR CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
Gov. Mike DeWine signed Ohio Senate Bill 1 (S.B. 1) on March 28, efectively putting it into law. The repercussions have already made their way to Miami University. However, S.B. 1 ofcially takes efect at the end of June, according to University Communications.
While the bill was making its way to DeWine’s desk, the Ofce of Liberal Education announced a name change over email to the Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) category in the course list, Degree Audit and Bannerweb.
The Miami Plan Perspectives Area of DEI is being renamed Ethical Citizenship & Leadership (ECL).
“This is a name change only,” the email stated. “It does not add any new requirements or impact your graduation hours.”
However, in an email chain given to The Miami Student, one professor argued that it’s not simply a renaming. He wrote that the ECL designation carries a new set of student learning objectives which were created so courses with the old DEI designation would ft the new ECL designation. The ECL will be applicable to certain courses that wouldn’t have met the requirements for the old DEI designation.
“I think [the name change] makes sense for what the bill proposes, but I do think it's kind of undermining the purpose,” Ta-Niyah Darden, a junior biochemistry major, said.
Kali Barcroft, a frst-year political science major, said she had a similar sentiment.
“If that's their way of hiding it, then fne, as long as we're still representing those core values that DEI stands for and that Miami stands for,” Barcroft said. “If it's just the name change, then so be it.”
This story is one of great success for two Miami grads. Trester and Storer were both students of the Farmer School of Business. Trester majored in fnance, while Storer was a supply chain operations and management major. Both of these degrees were critical to their success in the business world.
On its website, the Farmer School of Business said that it has a 99.6% post-graduation success rate for Oxford degree recipients in 2022-2023. Many people see a fact like this and think it’s impressive, but they don’t think much more about it. The success of OxVegas serves as a real life example of this post-graduation success rate.
Storer and Trester happened to meet at a Farmer event, which allowed students to experience the diferent steps of creating a startup business. However, for Storer and Trester, it did much more than that. It helped set these two students at
the time on a path that would change their lives.
Over 40 or more businesses have been started by Miami students even before they graduated, including OxVegas, as Storer was a senior when the business was launched.
OxVegas stands as a testament to the impact of the education that we receive at Miami. It shows that our college is truly a place for growth, learning and new experiences. Through events like these in any department, students are able to meet other like-minded people who can become life-long friends and create ideas that can become a successful business like this one.
Storer and Trester’s journey demonstrates the potential that Miami students have. As long as Miami’s commitment remains fulflled to its students, there will be countless examples of success that follow.
oliverhahn427@gmail.com
OLIVIA PATEL EDITOR-IN-CHIEF KETHAN BABU SPORTS EDITOR
On March 26, Miami University announced its partnership with the Cincinnati Bengals NFL team in an educational collaboration for internships, job shadowing, on-campus speakers and other opportunities.
President Gregory Crawford met with Mike Brown, the owner of the Bengals, to complete the agreement at Paycor Stadium in Cincinnati, making Miami the “ofcial university” of the Bengals.
forward Antwone Woolfolk, sophomore wing Eian Elmer, sophomore guard Evan Ipsaro, sophomore forward Jackson Kotecki, frst-year guard Luke Skaljac and redshirt frstyear wing Brant Byers for the 202526 season. Each player shared a similar reasoning for his return: fnishing the job by winning a MAC championship.
“I think it goes back to that same thing: We just want to win that MAC championship, and we like it here,” Byers said. “How close we got without getting the result – I mean, we couldn’t have been any closer – that was a big draw for a couple of us to come back because we want to win that MAC championship.” Suder and Woolfolk arrived in Oxford last season as incoming transfers from Bellarmine University and Rutgers University, respectively. In his frst season with the RedHawks, Suder emerged as the team’s top scorer, averaging 13.7 points per game and leading the roster with
94 free throws on 121 attempts. He scored 20 or more points during six games this season, including a career-high 42 points against Air Force Academy on Dec. 2, 2024. Despite playing his frst year with Miami, Suder held more experience than most of the RedHawks in 202425. After his time in Oxford so far, he couldn’t see himself playing anywhere else next year.
“I don’t know why you would want to leave, in my opinion,” Suder said. “I get that you could go in the portal and make a ton of money somewhere, but [like] a lot of people say, the grass isn’t greener at a lot of places. I’m super happy here at Miami. I’m obviously coming back, and the guys that are coming back are really excited as well for the next season.”
Woolfolk averaged 7.7 points per game, and he proved to be a key component to the Miami defense that allowed 72.7 points per game, the third-lowest in the MAC.
“This partnership is an excellent way to honor the legacy of Paul Brown, a legacy that has united the Cincinnati Bengals and Miami University for years,” Crawford said in the campus announcement on Wednesday. “We are extremely excited for Miami students to beneft from this unique relationship, and for them to add value to a frst-rate NFL organization like the Bengals.” Paul Brown, the founder and original namesake for the Bengals’ stadium, graduated from Miami in 1930 and is an original member of the Cradle of Coaches.
Brown played quarterback for the RedHawks football team until he graduated. He returned to collegiate football as a coach for The Ohio State University Buckeyes in 1940, before leading them to their frst national championship the following year.
He jumped to professional football as the frst head coach of the newly-created Cleveland Browns in 1946. After an argument with Browns owner Art Modell in 1962, he left and formed the Cincinnati Bengals, who originally played in Paul Brown Stadium, in 1967. By the end of his coaching career, Brown accumulated 338 wins, 127 losses and 15 ties.
Miami’s new partnership with the Bengals reconnects the original owner with his alma mater.
CHLOE MCKINNEY
EDITOR AT LARGE
OLIVIA PATEL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
SARAH FROSCH
ANNA REIER
MANAGING EDITOR
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITOR
KETHAN BABU
SPORTS EDITOR
TAYLOR POWERS
OPINION EDITOR
STELLA POWERS
CULTURE EDITOR
CONNOR OVIATT
HUMOR EDITOR
SARAH KENNEL
GREENHAWKS EDITOR
KISER YOUNG
SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR
AUSTIN SMITH
BUSINESS MANAGER
DIGITAL MEDIA EDITOR
OLIVIA MICHELSEN
DESIGN EDITOR
MADELINE BUECKER
ASST. DESIGN EDITOR
LAUREN AURIANA
PHOTO EDITOR
SHANNON MAHONEY
PARKER GREEN
ASST. CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITORS
JEFFREY MIDDLETON
ASST. SPORTS EDITOR
FRED REEDER JR.
FACULTY ADVISER
SACHA BELLMAN
BUSINESS ADVISER
AIM MEDIA MIDWEST PRINTER Advertising information: smith854@miamioh.edu Send us a letter: eic.miamistudent@gmail.com
Our Awards
2023 and 2024 Corbin Gwaltney Award
Best All-Around Student Newspaper in the large school category
2023 Ohio Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) Best Journalism Contest
First Place in the Best College Newspaper category
2024 Ohio Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) Best Journalism Contest
Second Place in the Best College Newspaper category
2024 Ohio News Media Association Awards
First Place in Collegiate Opinion Writing
2024 Ohio News Media Association Awards
First Place in Collegiate Sports Coverage in the large school category
Miami named official university of the Cincinnati Bengals
Ande Durojaiye, Miami’s vice president for strategy and partnerships, said the root of this project came from Miami’s goal to build a stronger partnership with the city of Cincinnati, and by extension, the Bengals.
By growing the university’s connection with the city, Miami creates a direct channel between the large alumni base living in Cincinnati and Miami’s current students, a relationship that Durojaiye said he thinks needs to continue to be built upon.
“We want to make sure that our city continues to grow,” Durojaiye said.
“We think … no, we know that a partnership with [Cincinnati] always
grants that efort, and with that, we’re really committed to building talent pipelines for our students.”
Durojaiye said that the project is still in its early planning stages, and students will likely not begin to see its efects for the next few months. However, when the project reaches its fnal stages of development, it will become visible to students through organized platforms for students to connect with the Bengals for jobs, internships and more.
Melissa Chase, the chair of the Department of Sports Leadership and Management, said that these opportunities included working directly with the Bengals for internships and projects, as well as having Bengals employees speaking to students
about their career.
“It’s such a high quality organization,” Chase said. “Our students are prepared to do actually all aspects of game day operations, communication, management and analytics. We think it’s a great opportunity for the Bengals to have some high quality students volunteer and work with them, but also it’s so important for our students to have the opportunity to do internships and to prepare for the careers that they’re looking for.”
From this partnership, Miami will also be featured on the team’s website and app, as well as within Paycor Stadium through sideline LED corner signage, red zone sponsorship and on the more than 1,600 TVs positioned throughout the stadium, according to
the campus announcement.
“When the Bengals enter the red zone, there’s an overlay on the video board that says, ‘Miami University,’ and the red zone is colored red,” said Nate Jorgensen, the senior director of marketing. “I actually went to one of the frst games that our stuf was at last year, and I heard people saying, ‘Wow, look, Miami University is up there.’”
The university will also have radio and TV advertisements. During the Cincinnati radio broadcast, fans will hear broadcasters Dan Hoard and Dave Lapham announce that the Bengals have “entered the Miami University Redzone.”
The partnership also gives Miami the ability to use Paycor Stadium for
university events, social media post sponsorship, brand alignment opportunities and more.
Five months remain until the start of the NFL season, but the university will stay hard at work to prepare all marketing materials and iron out the details of the student opportunities.
“We worked really hard and have a lot of hard-working people who are really dedicated to the university,” Jorgensen said.
“We’ll look and try to make everything as good as it can be by the time that frst preseason game comes along.”
patelou@miamioh.edu
babukc2@miamioh.edu
ASG debates student concern about Plan B in vending machines
GRACE GROVER STAFF WRITER
Miami University’s Associated Student Government (ASG) heard student concerns about Plan B, student organization funding for spring break and an inaccessible crosswalk on campus during its April 1 meeting. Student Body President Will Brinley, Secretary of Safety and Wellness Jack Isphording and Assistant Vice President for Health and Wellness Stephen Large gave a Stress Less Week presentation.
Senator Jacob Van Riper presented a student concern about the availability of Plan B on campus. After entering debate, the motion did not reach the majority vote needed to commit the concern.
Van Riper wrote in the ASG concern form that Miami providing Plan B in a vending machine is highly controversial and ofensive to students and organizations on campus, specifcally religious groups.
“I wanted to speak on behalf of the many Catholic students who are very much opposed to this,” Van Riper said. “My voice and these students’ voices should have equal representation in the student body.”
During the process of assigning the concern to a committee, senators called for division, meaning there was not unanimous approval. Speaker of the Senate Shelby Alford
opened the foor for debate.
Senator Charles Amara said committing the concern would be like opening a can of worms. He said it could escalate into deeper conversations about access to condoms and tampons.
Senator James Li echoed the sentiment. He said ASG should not commit the concern because of its controversial nature and strays from ASG’s intention to remain nonpartisan.
Senator Wade Warren said the concern should not be committed because access to Plan B is a minor part of students’ lives.
“There’s a diference between something being forced upon a student and something just being a slot in a vending machine,” Warren said.
Secretary of On-Campus Afairs and Student Body President-elect
Danny Martin said the concern should be committed because it allows room to hear what the students are saying, though action may or may not occur.
The topic then moved to discussing Super Bowl champion A.J. Brown participating in a Q&A at 8 p.m., April 7 at the Armstrong Pavilion as a part of Stress Less Week.
Large said he wanted to make sure events were of interest to all students. Tickets are free for students –750 are available.
Brinley said Brown was the perfect choice because he has been open
with his mental health struggles and just won a Super Bowl with the Philadelphia Eagles.
“One of the big goals [during my campaign] was to engage someone [who struggled] with mental health that would get people to talk about mental health who otherwise might not,” Brinley said.
Isphording said there are other events of Stress Less Week like dog therapy, aromatherapy and a musical.
Warren said there was a student concern about a crosswalk near Farmer School of Business and Dorsey Hall. Warren said the button to cross is too high on the pole and that students in wheelchairs may not be able to reach it. The concern was assigned to the Safety and Wellness Committee.
A student submitted a concern about access to ASG funding for spring trips for their organization, Alternative Spring Break. ASG bylaws prevent funding trips during breaks.
Advisor to ASG Scott Walter said the bylaws were put in place because organizations were requesting money to go to popular spring break destinations like Daytona and Miami, Florida.
ASG’s next meeting is at 6 p.m. on April 8 in the Joslin Senate Chamber.
grovergc@miamioh.edu
Oxford police respond to reports of theft, vandalism
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
Between March 24 and March 30, Oxford police responded to seven different incidents, according to Oxford Police Department (OPD) reports.
On March 24 at 3:35 p.m., ofcers met with subjects in the OPD lobby to discuss a threatening phone call. A report was taken, and the investigation is ongoing.
Later that day, at 6:11 p.m., in the 5000 block of Bonham Road, ofcers investigated a report of vandalism. Multiple areas of the park were found to have been vandalized with spray paint. A report was taken, but there are currently no suspects.
On March 25 at 7:29 p.m., in the o block of Day Circle, a domestic vi-
olence incident occurred between a mother and daughter. The daughter was transported to the hospital, and the mother was arrested for domestic violence.
On March 29 at 9:32 a.m., in the 5000 block of College Corner Pike, ofcers responded to an attempted vehicle theft. One vehicle was found to have damage consistent with an attempted theft. A report was taken, and the investigation is ongoing.
On March 30 at 6:39 p.m., in the 5000 block of College Corner Pike, a business reported that a group of three shoplifted a total of $194.99 worth of merchandise from a local retail store. One individual was identifed by staf.
stumbata@miamioh.edu
GRAPHIC BY MACY CHAMBERLIN
SPEAKER
CAMPUS & COMMUNITY
Local Oxford newspaper returns, welcomed with open arms
SYDNEY MULFORD STAFF WRITER
Sean Scott wakes up each morning to his alarm at 7:30 a.m. in his apartment in Oxford. After getting ready for the day, he makes sure to spend time with his cats Ghost and Nymeria. Next, at 8:30 a.m., he walks to his ofce at College at Elm already thinking about his articles, interviews and meetings for the day.
Once he arrives at College at Elm, he begins his job as the editor of the Oxford Free Press.
In June 2024, three retired Miami University professors founded the Free Press. The Free Press is an independent, nonproft newspaper that serves the Oxford community, surrounding townships and Talawanda School District.
Previously, Oxford had The Oxford Press, which started in the 1930s. Once Cox Enterprises bought it, it was changed to a four-page insert in the Journal News in November 2014. Eventually, it was disbanded all together after the last print in January 2024, leaving Oxford with only The Miami Student and the Oxford Observer, a student-reported online news source.
“What people have been telling [the founders of the Free Press] is that they felt that they were living here in this small, semi-rural town in a news blackout,” said James Rubenstein, president of the Free Press’s board of directors. “The big city papers, the TV and radio stations were not providing coverage of Oxford anymore.”
Rubenstein said the Student and the Observer are informative publications, but they have limitations: they can only run during the school year. This leaves Oxford stranded for the summer and winter months, when students are home for break. The two outlets are also dominantly online, whereas Rubenstein said Oxford citizens prefer printed news.
“Oxford’s a print town,” Rubenstein said. “There’s 8,000 non-students living in Oxford, and of the 8,000 non-students, 2,000 are over the age of 65, so it’s an older town … they love the print version of the newspaper.”
The Free Press was started by Richard Campbell, the frst chair of the Media, Journalism and Film (MJF) department at Miami, John Skillings, former dean of the College of Arts and Science and Rubenstein. Their goals were to address the Oxford community, write what the community wanted to read and keep the
community informed through print news.
“Having community news means the community can have a better sense of what’s happening in the town’s borders,” said Free Press board member and MJF Department Chair Rosemary Pennington. “It’s vital to the livelihood of any town, small or large, to have a local news outlet devoted just to what’s happening there.”
Sean Scott, a Miami class of 2024 alumnus, was hired in May 2024 to be editor of the paper. He came into the role after serving as The Student’s editor-in-chief the year prior and establishing connections to the community.
“I really learned the vast majority of what skills I use today from being involved in [The Student]. I would not at all be where I am at without having done [The Student],” Scott said. “I think that it was by far the biggest and best learning experience that I’ve ever had.”
Now, Scott reports for, edits and manages the Oxford Press. Each Wednesday, he begins to plan the content for the following week. He reviews calendars of local govern-
ments to plan out diferent meetings and events to cover – the majority are from Oxford, but he does occasionally cover College Corner or local townships.
He also said he reviews state legislation for things that could impact Oxford and reaches out to columnists and other writers to make sure he has 16 pages worth of content.
“I’m happy with the kind of balance we have in terms of longer form pieces, more breaking news and focusing on the stories that are most likely to have an impact on our readers,” Scott said.
Along with Scott, the Free Press hires two student interns each semester, which includes two student reporter scholarships. In total, fve students have worked at the local paper so far.
In addition to Scott and the student reporters, a board of directors oversees the fnancial aspects of the newspaper. They decide who gets hired, raise funds and work with Scott on big-picture items. However, Pennington said they do not have a say in what stories are printed.
“The only reason the Oxford Free Press can exist is because of the sup-
port of the community,” Pennington said. “We have a lot of donations [and] local businesses are starting to advertise pretty regularly. There are diferent organizations who when they [want to] get word out about something, they come to the [Free Press].”
It also relies on community volunteers. Every Friday morning, a group gathers to circulate the 1,500 newspapers to a few dozen newsstands.
Snavely is one of the volunteers. He and Skillings take turns each week dropping of papers. He takes a few bundles of papers to Kroger, then heads to Moon Co-Op and fnally drives to Darrtown’s Don’s Carry Out and Eric’s Pizza. Typically, he said there are no papers left for him to pick up the following week.
“Everybody is so happy to have a paper again,” Snavely said. “[The community has] been very friendly, excited and upbeat, and people are now talking about it.”
While the response to the Free Press has been great, there are plans to grow in the future. The Free Press hopes to hire a full-time reporter and business manager.
“Having another person on staf,
once the fnancial situation allows for that, will let us dig into more coverage areas,” Scott said. “I particularly want more agricultural and religious coverage. Those are important aspects of people’s lives that [journalists as a whole] don’t look into very much.” However, the Free Press is small and will continue to stay small to best support Oxford.
“[The Free Press] should remain as independent as it is,” Snavely said. “My goals for it are for people in the community to feel like they can fnd out what’s going on.”
Snavely said the response to the Free Press has been positive. The community has enjoyed having a small, local print newspaper again and will often go to Scott with story ideas and thoughts to include. In January, the Free Press hosted an event celebrating six months where more than 100 people attended.
“I’m most proud of being able to work with this team to create the product that is bringing people together in a way that the community is really vocally engaged with,” Scott said.
mulfordsj@miamioh.edu
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
Daniel (Danny) Martin and Kirsten Osteboe celebrated their new roles as Student Body President and Vice President respectively over spring break this year.
The pair won in the March election against Gracie Grady and Nya Hodge in the closest race in a decade, having just an 83-point diference between the two.
Martin, a junior diplomacy and global politics and history double major, said his frst reaction to winning was excitement with a touch of heartache, because his win meant close friends and opponents Grady and Hodge lost.
“When we won, it was this kind of surreal experience, because you run and you kind of brace yourself for the worst,” Martin said. “You don’t let yourself get too caught up in it. You don’t want to give yourself false hope ... So [the win] was happy and exciting, and then also, like, just a tinge of heartfeltness.”
Osteboe, a junior diplomacy and global politics major, said she agreed with Martin’s sentiments saying she was overwhelmed at frst, but it slowly turned into giddiness.
“I was proud of myself, and I was tired,” Osteboe said. “Immediately after [winning] all the adrenaline from the past three weeks had just kind of caught up to me, and I was kind of in a state of I knew we could do this, and then to have actually accomplished it, it was rewarding.”
Martin said when May rolls around and their term ofcially starts, their frst goal is to organize RedHawk Day of Service, an initiative originated by his predecessor, Nyah Smith, and former Vice President Jules Jeferson in 2023.
“I think it’s a great way to kind of connect the Oxford and Miami communities,” Martin said. “I would also love for it to [become a] precedent that the student body president and vice president every year works as like their frst mini initiative to get
this plan started, and work with Nyah to make it happen.”
The pair also plans on implementing their four pillars as they transfer into ofce. Osteboe said their frst pillar is civic engagement, which involves collaborations with Oxford City Council and the mayor. Pillar two is community building. Osteboe highlighted their philanthropy fest planned for spring of 2026 and their newsletter, which is part of pillar three: transparency. Their fnal pillar is leading from behind, which Osteboe said was their main value when running.
“We’ve already been able to meet with a lot of diferent students and it’s kind of just experiencing all the people on campus,” Osteboe said.
“And, you know, it’s random because someone will come up to me and be like you’re the vice president [which is rewarding].”
But up until their start date, the pair intends on continuing the transition period and learning as much as possible from outgoing President Will Brinley and Vice President Babs Dwyer.
“It’s a lot of transition stuf with Will and Babs, kind of looking at where their initiatives are at and how we can pick those up and support them in completing those in the coming year,” Osteboe said, “and then also really fguring out how to start progressing forward. There’s a lot of changes coming to campus next year, and we really know that we can make sure that every student feels heard in those changes.”
Overall, Martin said he’s grateful for the opportunity the Miami community gave him, and that their door is always open.
“Miami has given us this chance to lead and be a leader, but also do what we said in our campaign and be that friend, right, and support everyone, be that listening ear and that support system that a good friend would be. Know that we care deeply about each and every student,” Martin said. “That’s something that we’re really excited to implement.”
stumbata@miamioh.edu
Fake IDs are ‘challenging’ to recognize as production moves overseas
FRONT
CONTINUED FROM
However, Oxford Police Chief John Jones said these commercial scanners are not a surefre way to rule out if an ID is real or not, and Daniel confrmed that his fake IDs work on commercial scanners.
“The quality of IDs have improved over time, and there’s always going to be new technology to overcome whatever steps we’re taking,” Jones said. “In anything, you have to keep up with it, and with those companies that make the scanners, that’s part of their software updates, is looking at the security features that are built into each state’s ID cards and trying to overcome that.”
In the last couple of months, the company Daniel orders IDs from has started ofering fake IDs made with polycarbonate, the same material used for real IDs.
“The place I go through they [offer] the polycarbonate to the most popular states,” Daniel said. “You can’t get polycarbonate in, like, Indiana, but you can get polycarbonate in Florida and California, the most popular states nationwide.”
Sparks said that it’s best for her and the bar to turn away anyone with an ID she suspects is fake and avoid liability. She even almost accidentally turned away someone
with a real ID, but didn’t when they showed alternative proof that they were above 21.
“It’s probably better to be on the safe side than sorry, right?” Sparks said. “So [the owner] reinforces, especially when you’re frst starting, asking a manager, but it’s honestly just kind of your best judgment.”
Jones said the only true way to know for sure if an ID is real or not is by running its information through the state’s database. Still, he said it’s good for bars to use scanners.
“I believe it’s a good part of a comprehensive plan that you have to improve safety in your establishment,” Jones said. “We’re using technology more in the police world, but you’ve got to combine that with good police work and good employees who know how to ask the right questions and how to react to the right thing. So it can’t just be the technology alone.” Daniel said that business has been slowing down recently, but he expects things to pick up again next semester when the class of ’29 arrives on campus.
*Name changed to protect source from legal or employment ramifcations.
mckinn15@miamioh.edu
MAYOR BILL SNAVELY VOLUNTEERS TO DISTRIBUTE OXFORD FREE PRESS PAPERS ONE FRIDAY MORNING. PHOTO PROVIDED BY SEAN SCOTT
Miami University Student Foundation resurrects bike race, hosts fundraisers
knowing what to do in this new wave of having to stay home and not be able to be together as an organization.”
The Miami University Student Foundation (MUSF) is a student-run, philanthropic organization dedicated to providing scholarships to Miami students.
The organization sponsors many events across campus including fundraising and networking events, as well as interacting with Miami University Alumni from around the world.
In recent years, MUSF has seen a great deal of change. Former President Caroline Rowell said the organization was badly afected by the COVID-19 pandemic, causing membership to wane. She said meetings and events couldn’t be held in person, which made carrying out the foundation’s goal of helping students’ well-being very difcult.
“Student organizations all over campus were kind of struggling
Rowell joined in 2021, along with a group of frst years who said they were dedicated to bringing it back to what it was prior to COVID.
During the 2022 school year, when Rowell was a sophomore and the marketing chair for the club, she, along with other members, carried out a very successful social media marketing campaign that worked to “spread the word and get our name put back out there.”
This went on to win MUSF a SEAL Award for “Best Social Media Campaign.” Rowell also said it increased the club’s membership by 45 people that year.
The Student Foundation is built on three pillars: raising funds for student scholarships, maintaining alumni relations and celebrating Miami traditions, according to its website.
Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine signs bill
upending higher ed
Later in the month, on March 31, University Communications sent out an email to all students with an update on S.B.1.
“As we navigate these changes to comply with the law, we will be guided by our core values of Love and Honor and our enduring commitment to providing a supportive community where all students, faculty and staf can thrive,” the email stated. Revisions at Miami will include faculty workload, evaluations and reviews, striking, courses, syllabi, institutional costs, intellectual diversity, DEI and ensuring equal treatment, institutional relationships with China and more.
Barcroft led the S.B. 1 protest on March 19 before spring break with the Ohio Student Association and said she felt like the work they had done all semester was for nothing.
“It was actually heartbreaking [when I heard it was passed],” Barcroft said. “It’s scary. I’m not even gonna say like as a woman or like as someone in an underrepresented feld. It’s just scary as a student in higher education, what this is going to do to our universities across the state.”
At the University Senate meeting on March 31, four people addressed the senate regarding S.B. 1, and many of the senators interjected their own thoughts during the meeting.
The Vice President for Research and Innovation, Susan McDowell, who is also a research fellow with the Association for Public and Land Grant Universities, updated the senate on changes in grant funding that have been coming through federal agencies across the country.
She said overall there isn’t going to be a large impact on Miami’s
grants. The greatest threat would be to individual cases of opposing S.B. 1. McDowell said the approach so far is to not breach the current agreements with federal agencies, either through direct award dollars coming in from the National Science Foundation or National Institutes of Health, or as sub-recipients.
“About half of our federal funding comes into Miami through partnerships that we have, for example, with researchers at Yale,” McDowell said.
“So we’re a sub-recipient of an award that Yale received directly ... And if we have not been told directly, explicitly, to stop doing that work, then we continue to do the work as long as there were award dollars there, because otherwise we’d be in breach of those agreements.
Media, Journalism and Film Department Chair Rosemary Pennington also expressed concerns with the passing into law of S.B. 1.
“The law attempts to regulate class discussions, according to the Ohio Capital Journal, and will force faculty evals and syllabi in some form, to be placed online,” Pennington said. “As someone who has faced death threats for the work they do, and who has been attacked by white supremacists, I do not feel safe in this environment, and I know many [others] don’t feel safe. I hope that our institution and institutions across Ohio are working to ensure that their faculty and staf are safe to do the work they’ve been hired to do, and that their students get the educational safe haven.”
More information about specifc changes will be shared with impacted divisions later this semester through a soon-to-be-established legislative information page on Miami’s website, according to the University Communications email. stumbata@miamioh.edu
Current President of MUSF David Pultz, a junior at Miami, described how in past years, the organization has passed out chapstick on Valentine’s Day with a card for Miami that students could sign. The foundation did a similar pass-out event on Charter Day, where they handed out hot chocolate and information about the history of Charter Day.
During homecoming, MUSF organizes events to celebrate, including “painting the town red,” where students go Uptown and paint windows red and decorate the president’s house, Lewis Place, for the festivities.
Pultz said in order to provide 10 annual $2,500 scholarships to students in need, the foundation sponsors and hosts a variety of events throughout the academic year. For every ofcial break Miami has, MUSF sponsors bus trips back to Chicago, Columbus and Cleveland.
The foundation also hosts a silent
auction during family weekend every fall semester. Pultz said donated items are auctioned of to visiting families, and all funds collected go directly into the MUSF scholarship endowment.
The biggest event they sponsor is the resurrected bike race. MUSF has historically held this bike race in the fall semester every year. Pultz said it began in 1974 and continued for decades until being discontinued in the early 2000s. However, in 2021, MUSF decided to bring the bike race back.
This year, MUSF moved the race to the spring semester. It will be held on April 26 on Chestnut Track, behind SDS Pizza. Teams of four will compete in a 10-mile, relay-style bike race.
Pultz said MUSF encourages anyone to form a team; no experience is necessary to participate. Entry fees are $20 per team, and MUSF will also
provide bikes for anyone who doesn’t own one.
The event will also have a DJ, multiple food truck options and other activities available.
Rowell discussed how MUSF provides tours to alumni family and friends. Along with tours, MUSF also hosts alumni meet-ups in Chicago, Cleveland, Cincinnati and Columbus. One of their most recent ones was in 2023 before they celebrated their 50th anniversary.
“Just to see it really shift from a slow, COVID-impacted organization that didn’t have a ton of members or a ton of engagement to an event where we had people from all fve decades coming back and interacting with us giving speeches,” Rowell said. “It was incredible to witness that transformation.”
gollispd@miamioh.edu
University senate affirms commitment to student education, changes honors requirements
SHANNON MAHONEY
ASST. CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
Miami University’s Senate held discussions on Senate Bill 1 (S.B. 1) and cuts to the Department of Education at its meeting Monday afternoon. Additionally, the senate passed a proposal to change GPA requirements in the Honors College. Many senators and other faculty addressed S.B. 1 in comments throughout the meeting and questioned how they would be able to teach efectively without talking about things like politics and climate change, which have both been banned by S.B. 1.
“I just don’t know how we can say anything that is not political,” one senator said.
S.B. 1 is set to take efect in 90 days, however, as President Trump works to dismantle the Department of Education, educators across the state are left with questions about funding and policy.
“I don’t know what higher ed is going to look like after all this, but I do know no one is coming to save us,” said Rosemary Pennington, chair of the Department of Media, Journalism and Film. “It’s up to us to protect what we can, to protect each other, to protect our felds and our values.” One senator voiced concerns about Miami’s practice of including professors’ contact information and ofce location on syllabi, since it would be easier to harass professors if that information is public. Provost Elizabeth Mullenix said Miami is still waiting on instructions from its legal council before it makes any decisions on policy revisions. Susan McDowell, vice president for research and innovation, said Miami will continue to run all of its current programs until told otherwise. She added that many of the grants that Miami receives are not in jeopardy. Half of Miami’s federal funding comes from being a sub-recipient with another college (mean-
ing Miami has partnerships with other universities and will continue to receive funding so long as those universities do not forfeit the funds). McDowell said changes from S.B. 1 will likely not be sweeping adjustments to departments, but instead will target individuals, and she stressed that faculty need to communicate with one another and with their department heads.
“I think it’s going to take individual decisions,” McDowell said, “and it’s going to take a lot of communication.”
The senate also passed a proposal changing the GPA required to graduate with honors from 3.5 to 3.25. The proposal would additionally clarify that Honors College students are required to complete an honors senior project to earn this notation on their diploma.
The senate’s next meeting is at 3:30 p.m. on April 14 in 111 Harrison Hall.
mahones5@miamioh.edu
PAUL GOLLIS THE MIAMI STUDENT
THE BIKE RACE WAS RESURRECTED IN 2021 AFTER DECADES OF IT BEING DISCONTINUED. PHOTO PROVIDED BY THE MUSF WEBSITE
ference (NCHC) since I arrived at Miami University in 2022, but the RedHawks’ below-average results go back further than that.
The
Former players, coaches and students consistently talk about the glory days of Miami hockey. The tents outside hours before game time, the
-
packed Goggin Ice Center with thousands of fans screaming obscene chants at the opposing goaltender and the arm-in-arm gathering during the fght song following a win were just a glimpse into the life of a Miami hockey fan in the 2000s. But those days have not returned
to the large, rink-flled building on the south side of campus in a long time. When Anthony Noreen took over for former head coach Chris Bergeron following the 2023-24 season, there was a sense of hope across diferent social media platforms and within the Goggin Club Lounge, where his frst press conference was held. A fresh, motivated voice who has been successful across the United States Hockey League (USHL) landscape preached and guaranteed a vision that returned the RedHawks to the college hockey promised land.
However, after a season that saw the RedHawks win only three games, the last in October, and zero conference games, many were outraged that the results remained the same.
The team certainly played some frustrating games throughout the season, giving credence to complaints.
Miami lost 5-1 at home to a Robert Morris University team that won only 10 games through 2024-25. Then, the RedHawks lost the second game of that home-and-home series 4-1 with Miami alum and former Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger in the house.
The RedHawks scored only one goal away at the University of Omaha, Nebraska, while allowing 11 before returning home the following weekend and blowing a three-goal lead to the No. 16 University of North Dakota Fighting Hawks in the third period.
Other performances throughout the season frustrated the RedHawks’ faithful, and the Western Michigan University Broncos’ sweeping Miami for the second time in 2024-25 (this time at home) to cap of the year felt like par for the course.
However, despite these results, I’m here to preach patience.
Noreen and his staf’s goal heading into season one was to change the culture frst, and results don’t always show that. However, along with growth on the ice regarding the player’s understanding of Noreen’s desires in his system, the coaches feel confdent in the team’s growth in culture thanks to a relentless group
of senior players. “This group of seniors is going to look back on this three, four, fve or ten years from now and know they were the start of something,” Noreen said in his fnal postgame press conference. “The fact that they never quit, we need to keep that. We need to build on that and push that to another level.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean more work isn’t necessary, but with a small group of returners picked out who learned from those seniors and represented the team culture best over the season’s 34 games (and everything in between), they’ll know exactly how to lead the large group of incoming players.
One of the most essential reasons I preach patience to RedHawks hockey fans is said group of incoming players. Noreen and his staf got “their guys,” including two of the top scorers in the USHL, a consistent point-per-game scorer in the Canadian Hockey League and a top goaltender in the USHL, just to name a few. While last season’s results were unsatisfactory for everyone in or around the program, the roster will look almost entirely diferent for the 2025-26 season. Despite Noreen not having any recruits of his own on the roster last season (outside of those he brought in from the transfer portal), the system his team played matched up well with programs across the NCHC. It was just a matter of talent diference and spurts of mistakes. I don’t want to leave Miami in May of next year without seeing a winning season, but if it means I can come back to see Goggin with even more noise, more people and more rally towels (and maybe even a return to the Frozen Four), I’ll be more than satisfed.
Patience is a virtue, folks, and it’s hard to keep practicing after such a long time without a winning season. But rebuilds take time, and it doesn’t hurt to practice patience for just a little longer to see where Noreen and his staf can lead this program.
middleje@miamioh.edu
Miami hockey’s 2025-26 roster shapes up due to large recruiting class
JEFFREY MIDDLETON ASST. SPORTS EDITOR
The Miami University RedHawks hockey team fnished with a 3-28-3 record (0-23-1 in-conference) in the frst year of Anthony Noreen’s tenure as head coach.
The result was an underwhelming start to a college coaching career, but a program that has not fnished with a record above .500 since 201415 can’t be fxed with a magic wand. Instead, it takes rigorous amounts of research, adaptability, consistency, persuasion and a little bit of luck.
The Miami hockey program looks to restore itself to its former glory with an infux of players who meet the new standard, which includes the 15 members signed in the 2025-26 class.
“We’ve seen what the formula is for the winning teams,” Noreen said. “Now it’s on us to go out and sell our product and make sure that we fll our room with that pedigree of players while also not cutting corners on character and culture.”
A mass exodus of players from the previous year’s roster to the transfer
portal or because of signing on with a professional team leaves plenty of spots for the recruits to fght for heading into 2025-26. This gives the returning players a chance to show what is expected of everyone who dons the jersey and walks through the Goggin Ice Center doors.
“I think the strength is the returning group,” Noreen said. “Although it’s small, I think those are the right people we want leading Miami hockey. Those guys live to a T what we want Miami hockey to be about. When the new guys walk in, they’re going to look at those guys and go, ‘OK, that’s what Miami hockey is.’” For assistant coach and recruiting coordinator David Nies, the incoming class has a good mix of player archetypes. The group contains players from all across the United States Hockey League (USHL) and a couple from the Canadian Hockey League (CHL) who play many diferent roles and score at diferent rates.
Artemi Nizameyev (Tri-City Storm, USHL) and Kocha Delic (Sudbury Wolves, Ontario Hockey League) are the two players with the best scoring track records in the class.
Nizameyev is a 19-year-old Russian who played under Noreen in his frst year at Tri-City. He hit the 50-point plateau for the frst time in his junior career in 2024-25 with an even split between goals and assists. He completed the task in 49 games.
But Nizameyev’s scoring ability does not shy him away from fghting for every puck and making the hard plays, making him the perfect player for Noreen’s incoming group.
On the other hand, Delic was a late addition to the signing class, but after rule changes made CHL players eligible for the NCAA, he was the frst player from that pool to join the RedHawks.
Over the four full seasons Delic played with the Wolves, he averaged over a point per game in threestraight years, including a 30-goal season in 2023-24. This past season, his 54 points in 46 games ranked ffth on the team, sitting behind four drafted players as the highest undrafted player in that category.
“You look at a guy like Kocha, and he’s played a lot of games in major junior, and he’s had a lot of success,” Nies said. “But what we love about him is that he’s a 200-foot forward,
too. He’s responsible, but he also can make you pay on the power-play.”
The 2025-26 class includes other names like David Deputy, who Nies described as a leader in many different fashions, whether scoring or shutting down teams’ top lines. The class also has players like Michael Phelan and Brad Walker, who have made huge improvements since Miami frst began scouting them and became impact players.
All 15 players may not make the roster depending on what happens with the transfer portal. For a 16-year-old player like Ilya Morozov, who ofcially signed and is technically part of the class, he will undoubtedly go back to juniors for the next couple of seasons.
Still, the future will be built on the backs of the outgoing group and incoming class.
The RedHawks coaching staf also plans to use the transfer portal to supplement the roster and add more veteran players with experience, just as Noreen did last summer after being hired.
“We’re looking to supplement with some transfers and add them to our roster,” Nies said. “It’s going
to be guys who are going to help our culture and continue to push that along, but also have a little bit of experience to help some of our younger guys and frst-years who will have to go through things frst-years go through.”
Last ofseason, Noreen brought in Colby Ambrosio, Miami’s Hobey Baker nominee from this season, from Boston College as well as Christophe Fillion, a national champion with Quinnipiac University, and Matt Choupani from Northeastern University to spearhead a group of veteran transfers, and they fulflled their duties.
Suppose the RedHawks can come away with a transfer portal like that as names continue to roll in from diferent programs. In that case, next season’s roster may look almost entirely diferent. Still, it is closer to where the coaching staf wants it to be to compete for the National Collegiate Hockey Conference trophy.
middleje@miamioh.edu
JEFFREY MIDDLETON,
ASST. SPORTS EDITOR COLUMN
Miami University hockey team has been at the bottom of the National Collegiate Hockey Con
Miami football starts spring practice ahead
KETHAN BABU, SPORTS EDITOR
The Miami University RedHawks football team began spring practice on March 15 in preparation for the 2025 season.
With nearly a third of the roster consisting of new faces, head coach Chuck Martin has his work set out for him before the season-opener on Aug. 28.
“We lost 11 starters on ofense, lost over half our defense: [It’s] a lot,” Martin said. “25 of our 80 kids out here weren’t even here at the bowl game. Welcome to the portal era.”
The team displayed several key notes about the RedHawks early on.
New quarterback room
Miami recruited 14 players in the transfer portal, including Baylor University quarterback Dequan Finn, who played one season with the Bears in 2024 after spending fve years with the University of Toledo Rockets.
Through his frst three games last season, Finn threw 307 yards, three touchdowns and two interceptions. In the third game against Texas Tech University, Finn exited the game with an injury. Backup quarterback Sawyer Robertson replaced him for the game and started the rest of the season.
Now as a RedHawk, Finn looks to fll the role left behind by Brett Gabbert, who brought Miami to three Mid-American Conference (MAC) championship appearances and fve bowl games.
Finn is no stranger to Martin or
the 2025 regular season
the MAC. During his fve seasons with Toledo, he brought the team to back-to-back MAC championships, winning the 2022 title against the Ohio University Bobcats by throwing 154 yards and one touchdown.
The Rockets returned to the MAC championship in 2023 against Miami. During the regular season, Finn won the Vern Smith Leadership Award, making him the conference’s most valuable player. However, the RedHawks took the conference title, and Finn fnished the game with 273 passing yards, one touchdown and one interception.
After a year away from the MAC, Finn returns to the conference with his former rival. Martin said his determination and work ethic has already shown that the RedHawks can build their ofense around him.
“[Finn] wants to come in and learn the ofense,” Martin said. “[He’s] always trying to spend extra time, so right away, he fts in here because all our guys do extra. We’re learning him just as much as he’s learning us because we’re going to piece this thing together around whoever our quarterback is.”
Beyond his passing talents, Finn has proven to be talented on the ground. He rushed for 1,840 yards and 25 touchdowns as a Rocket. In 2023, he rushed for seven touchdowns, the 10th-most in the MAC.
Miami plays without Gabbert for the frst time since 2019, but with Finn’s experience in the MAC, and having already played against Martin twice in 2023, he feels that he fts right in.
“You see the hunger for sure within everybody,” Finn said. “You can just sense that everyone has something to prove here. That’s one thing I love about this team, that everyone is hungry and everyone is not complacent.”
The quarterback-receiver connection
Along with a new quarterback, Miami’s roster features eight new wide receivers, fve of whom arriving as transfers.
All fve of the transfers arrived in Oxford after playing at a Power Five program: Deion Colzie from the University of Notre Dame, Keith Reynolds from the University of Washington, Cordale Russell from the University of Colorado, Brady Simmons from Indiana University and Darion Williamson from Florida State University.
Colzie and Williamson saw the most action at their programs, with Colzie catching 345 yards and three touchdowns after four years with the Fighting Irish and Williamson catching 454 yards and one touchdown after fve years with the Seminoles.
Three frst-year receivers will start their collegiate careers at Miami next August: Wilson Roberts, Paulo Papalia and Antwon Thomas.
Finn won’t just be throwing to new RedHawk receivers. Miami returns six players from last season, including Kam Perry and Cole Weaver, who combined for 204 yards and one touchdown in 2024.
For Martin, getting the quarterback and receivers to work well
together is difcult early in spring practice.
“It’s hard getting on the same page,” Martin said. “The timing is everything in the pass game. You got a new quarterback [and] new receivers, [so] the timing is a disaster. It takes a ton of reps, and they just got to stay with it, and we got to be patient.”
Defensive returners
Miami felded one of the best defenses in the conference in 2024. The RedHawks allowed opponents to score 18.8 points per game, the third-lowest in the MAC. They also boasted four players in the top 20 for picks, with Corban Hondru’s three interceptions leading the roster.
Next season, the RedHawks will be missing over half of their defensive starters from 2024. Notably, defensive back Raion Strader transferred to Texas Tech, and defensive linemen Savio Frazier, Corey Suttle and Brian Ugwu all graduated, along with linebackers Matt Salopek and Ty Wise.
However, Miami still retains key pieces to its dominant defense. Redshirt senior linebacker Corban Hondru, redshirt junior linebacker Adam Trick and redshirt senior defensive back Silas Walters will all don the Red and White once again.
Hondru intercepted the ball three times last season, while Trick caught one pick against the Colorado State University Rams in the Arizona Bowl. Walters ranked second on the team with 95 tackles, including 43 solo tackles and 2.5 tackles for losses, as well as 12 breakups and two fumble recoveries.
points total. While his fnal destination remains undetermined, Craft’s presence in the transfer portal will likely attract the eyes of Power Four programs.
For Martin, losing his starters on defense opens a window for the young players to get more involved, especially the ones who played in Tucson.
“We got a bunch of young [defensive backs] that we like,” Martin said. “They played in the bowl game, [and] they did really well. We got a slew of linebackers [that] are all battling. We lost our two starting backers, so there’s a lot of reps to go there. We lost a bunch of guys up front. We have a little more experience on defense, but it’s pretty much a new group.”
Coaching changes
In addition to roster changes for the players, Martin announced an updated coaching staf on April 1.
Johnny Aylward will fll the role of special teams coordinator after Kyle Blocker joined Kennesaw State University in December. Aylward previously served as an ofensive line graduate assistant for the RedHawks in 2023 and coached wide receivers at Merrimack College before returning to Oxford. Martin brought in other Miami graduates in Chris Hudson and Zane Ries to coach running backs and safeties, respectively. Pat Welsh also moved from coaching running backs to coaching tight ends and will remain as ofensive coordinator. Andy Cruse will move from coaching tight ends to coaching wide receivers. The RedHawks will keep James Patton as the ofensive lineman coach and Bill Brechin as defensive coordinator.
Similar to last season, Martin emphasized the importance of coaching with a high turnover in players.
“I told our [coaches]: ‘If you like to coach, 2025 is a good time to be coaching because you’re gonna have turnover every year,” Martin said. “You have new faces. You’re gonna have to start [over] and teach them your program, your system [and] how you do things.”
Looking ahead
The RedHawks practice 11 more times and will hold a spring showcase on April 26. With less than fve months until the start of the season, Martin is working now to push his players to the next level and get them ready for back-to-back Big Ten opponents.
“This group has been awesome since January,” Martin said. “There’s a lot of energy and a lot of work ethic. We’re going to push the envelope and try to get them to understand the sense of urgency. We go Big Ten right out of the chute. We can go in there not prepared and get our brains kicked in, or we can really work hard and get ready to go compete.”
babukc2@miamioh.edu
With three missing pieces, the RedHawks have an opportunity to search the transfer portal for any current players. However, Miami has already recruited fve high school players.
CONTINUED FROM FRONT
The 6-foot-9 forward led the roster with 182 rebounds and 29 blocks, and he fnished the season with 37 steals, the ffth-most on the team.
The other returners include sophomores Elmer, Ipsaro and Kotecki, who played their second seasons under head coach Travis Steele in 202425. During his frst year at Miami, Elmer averaged seven points per game and fnished with 139 rebounds, 31 steals and 20 blocks. For his sophomore outing, he improved in nearly every category, averaging 11 points per game as a starter while leading the team with 137 defensive rebounds and 50 steals.
Ipsaro saw a similar improvement in multiple facets. He particularly impacted the game during conference play, where he brought in double-fgure points seven times, including a 14-point performance in the frst round of the MAC tournament against Eastern Michigan University on March 13. Byers and Skaljac will also return for their sophomore seasons after playing their frst year with the RedHawks. Skaljac proved to be a distance-threat last season after sinking
31 triples, the ffth-most on the roster, on 70 attempts, making him one of the most accurate RedHawks from behind the arc (.443). A slow start to the non-conference slate preceded multiple dominant performances from Byers in MAC play. The 6-foot-8 wing averaged 10.8 points per game against conference opponents and put up a season-high 22 points against Northern Illinois University on Feb. 25. His performance during the season earned him the MAC Freshman of the Year award on March 12.
“As a frst-year collegiate player, I’d say [the season] went really well,” Byers said. “It defnitely exceeded my expectations, that’s for sure. Obviously we didn’t get the result we wanted, but to get to the championship game and be in the position that we were in, I would say is where we want to be. We just have to fnish it of next year.”
In an era where many players enter the transfer portal looking to jump from a Group of Five to a Power Five school, Byers chose to stay with Miami, citing the coaching staf and his familiarity with the roster as his primary reasons.
“Obviously the coaching staf, I’m already comfortable with them,” Byers said. “I’m comfortable with all the guys, I’m friends with all the guys.
I want to win the MAC championship, and getting as close as we did, that made it hurt all the more, but that makes us want it 20 times more.”
Miami returns several vital players to its strong ofense, but the RedHawks may play without one of their most important players next season, Craft, as well as two sophomores of the “Fab Five” class, Cooper and Potter. Following Miami’s loss to the University of Akron Zips in the MAC championship, Craft entered the transfer portal on March 18 according to 247sports.com.
Craft transferred to Miami ahead of 2024-25 to reunite with Steele after playing two seasons at Xavier University. He instantly became one of the best scorers for the RedHawks, putting up 20 or more points in seven matchups and averaging 13.6 points per game. Craft led the MAC with 97 3-pointers and shot 43.1% from behind the arc, positioning him as the 14th-most accurate 3-point shooter in the country.
During Miami’s victory over the University of Toledo Rockets on Feb. 11, Craft joined Suder as the only other RedHawk to have a 40-point game this season. He sank nine triples on 14 attempts and contributed 40
Cooper and Potter joined Craft in the transfer portal at the end of March. Both sophomores played two full seasons at Miami along with fellow sophomores Elmer, Kotecki and Ipsaro. Cooper started in all 34 games and averaged 5.8 points per game during the 2024-25 season. He shot 64-171 (.374) from the feld and ranked third on the roster with 42 steals.
The RedHawks may also be without their tallest player in Potter. The 7-foot-1 center scored 15 points against Eastern Michigan in the MAC tournament and caught 110 rebounds on the season while blocking the ball 21 times.
The current players weigh their opinions on the coaching staf’s recruits, but Suder said the team has full confdence in Steele and the other coaches in steering the program in the right direction.
“A lot of the guys that came here on visits [are] great dudes,” Suder said. “I’m excited for them to come. But whenever we come in the summer, those guys better be ready, because we got a lot of experienced guys coming back, and we’re going to be competing from June all the way until hopefully April.”
babukc2@miamioh.edu
Disney’s ‘Snow White’ is magical
STELLA POWERS CULTURE EDITOR COLUMN
From a very young age, I dreamed of being a Disney princess. Ballgowns and princess dresses fooded my costume chests, and the Disney version of Pretty Pretty Princess was by far my favorite game.
Disney princess DVDs lined my shelves and the Disney FastPlay advertisement constantly replayed in my head. Princesses were my favorite.
When I heard they were making a live action “Snow White” flm, I was skeptical. Excited, but skeptical nonetheless. When Rachel Zegler was announced as the star, my excitement grew.
I have been a fan of Zegler since middle school — my best friend and I would watch her YouTube covers together, always blown away by her vocal talent. My personal favorite was her cover of Lady Gaga’s “Shallow.”
This was long before Zegler was even cast in her Golden Globe-winning performance as Maria in “West Side Story” in 2021.
Despite being thrilled about her casting as the live-action Disney princess, I quickly found out many people did not feel the same. The casting was controversial for a few reasons. For starters, some fans of the original flm were upset by the fact that she wasn’t white, despite that being completely
irrelevant to the flm. Also, she spoke publicly about creating a modern-day Snow White who wasn’t looking to be saved by the prince.
Many were also upset that the “magical creatures” (formerly known as the seven dwarfs) were created using CGI. The original flm is very dated, and these characters played a prominent role in it that couldn’t just be erased. It’s a difcult situation as a whole, and regardless of what direction they took with these characters, there would have been controversy no matter what.
Aside from that, the only real problem I had with the flm was the casting of Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen. Though there were certainly some highlights, her performance was weak and next to Zegler, her singing was unbelievably unremarkable.
Gadot was, by far, one of the weakest parts of the flm, but the incredible performances by the rest of the cast made up for it.
Zegler, to no surprise, delivered a phenomenal performance and truly became Snow White. Only, this Snow White was more modern and, as Zegler stated, wasn’t looking for a prince. Instead, she wanted to become the leader her father had always hoped she would be, inspiring the incredible song “Waiting on a Wish.”
A lot of people were upset that Zegler belts in the movie, as opposed to how the character sings more soprano in the original. However, it works. The flm is supposed to be more mod-
ern and appeal to this generation of children as opposed to the children of 1937.
The flm honors the original while also making it work better for a modern-day audience, which is perfect. It’s exactly what we need right now — a fun blast-from-the-past that’s engaging for today’s audiences. For adults who grew up with the original, it’s a beautiful throwback. For kids today, it serves as an introduction to a wonderful story.
The movie gets a lot of hate it doesn’t deserve. Sure, it isn’t perfect, but nothing is. As far as live action Disney flms go, this one turned out pretty great. Rachel Zegler is a star and the perfect Snow White, and I’m so glad this generation of children gets to grow up loving Snow White and Disney princesses in the way I did.
When I saw the movie opening weekend, the theater was pretty packed. A few rows behind me sat a young girl. During the flm, there’s a scene where Snow White says, “Hello.” The little girl loudly replied, “Hi!” It was such a wholesome, innocent moment that made the flm a million times better.
This is who the movie is for.
Rating: 7/10
powers40@miamioh.edu
What to read next
SHANNON MAHONEY
ASST. CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR COLUMN
As we head into the second half of spring semester, I’m flled with the urge to procrastinate on all my work and take some time to read a book for fun instead. Here I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite books for you to read when you really should be working on your fnal essays.
‘They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us’ — Hanif Abdurraqib
This collection of essays explores music, pop culture and race in America, all while remaining engaging and deeply empathetic. The author, Hanif Abdurraqib, is originally from Columbus, Ohio, and many of his essays address what it’s like to grow up in the Midwest.
Abdurraqib touches on themes of loss, grief and love. Each of his essays presents a new take on how our experiences shape us. I think this book should be mandatory reading for any kid who grew up in the Midwest and appreciates listening to music.
‘Hello Beautiful’ —
Ann Napolitano
I’m a huge fan of Ann Napolitano, who also wrote “Dear Edward” and “Within Arm’s Reach,” but “Hello Beautiful” remains my favorite book of hers. This coming-of-age story follows a group of sisters from an Italian Catholic family as they learn to navigate personal relationships and familial responsibilities.
“Hello Beautiful” also depicts struggles with mental health in a way that feels compelling and real. Despite these difcult topics, the book manages to convey overall positive messages about family and friendship.
‘Dismantling Mass Incarceration: A Handbook For Change’ — Premal Dharia, James Forman Jr. and Maria Hawilo
Is this something you would probably be given to read in a criminal justice class? Yes. Is it still weirdly interesting? Also yes. This book, published in 2024, is an up-to-date, comprehensive analysis of how the American justice system is riddled with injustice. The book walks through every aspect of criminal proceedings, from prosecutors and public defenders, to guards
and wardens.
The book also uses examples from real cases, and it makes it easier for readers to understand the complex nuances that can result in unfair sentencing. Although these issues can be demoralizing to read about, the authors provide ideas on how to afect change and provide examples of ways in which organizations have already made positive impacts.
‘Glass Castle’ — Jeannette Walls
This incredible memoir by Jeanette Walls that will have you on the edge of your seat waiting to see what happens next. The frst time I read this book, I had to turn to Google to make sure it was a true story.
Walls writes about her journey from the poverty of her youth to college and eventually success in her professional life. Walls refects on her dysfunctional and often idiosyncratic family as she struggles to reconcile her feeling of love with her frustration at the way their actions constantly derail her plans for the future.
mahones5@miamioh.edu
GRAPHIC BY STELLA POWERS.
CULTURE
Duolingo’s “iconic” marketing strategy
About a week ago, my editor sent me a video of Duolingo doing Sabrina Carpenter’s Juno pose from her Paris show. Sure, it was funny, but how was watching Duolingo folded into the “Eifel Tower” going to make me more inclined to complete my Duolingo math lesson for the day?
Fun fact: it was not successful.
Even though I am not always into what Duolingo is doing, what they have accomplished with their marketing strategy is truly impressive. Duolingo knows how to perfectly market to Generation Z. When they killed of the bird with a Cybertruck, everyone was talking about it on social media for weeks. In my social media rhetoric class, we continuously bring up Duolingo.
Duolingo has taken over social media because the company knows how to target diferent audiences on each platform. It targets TikTok and Instagram users with short and funny videos, and it uses the comment feature to post snarky, yet hilarious, messages.
For example, when the company created “Duolingo on Ice” as an April Fools prank last year, it posted a short video of Duolingo and other characters skating to the song “History Maker” from “Yuri on Ice.” When a user commented “OMG DUO ARE YOU FR (not that I would come),” Duolingo responded with “OMG YEAH (I bet your streak is zero).” That reply alone received
JOSIE
ZIMMERMAN STAFF WRITER COLUMN
over 93,000 likes. Similarly, Duolingo targeted millennial and Generation X users on Facebook with this same marketing ploy. It posted a “Duolingo on Ice” song called “Spanish or Vanish” encouraging users to purchase tickets to the show. Even though it was all an April Fools Joke, the site to buy tickets was hilarious.
Finally, Duolingo wrapped everything together with a trailer for their musical on YouTube. The video received over 3.5 million views, 106,000 likes and close to 7,000 comments. Many fans noted they would not be against attending this four-hour musical with no intermission where “the fun never stops.”
Duolingo continuously commits to its marketing strategy across all platforms, and it works. It gets people talking face-to-face and users posting about it online. And every time you think it has done it all, it comes out of left feld with something new – this year’s April Fools prank featured a new Duolingo-themed cruise.
However, even with the unmatched creative marketing, I still get lost with how users feel inclined to complete their lessons. “Duolingo on Ice” may be extremely creative and fun, but how does it push users to complete their lessons and stay on top of learning a new language?
Killing of Duolingo may have been the cherry on top, but what happens after users “revive” Duolingo? Will they still feel inclined to complete their lessons? mulfordsj@miamioh.edu
Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation provides new study on the LGBTQ+ community’s relationship with online spaces
AYLA PEDEN ASST. CULTURE EDITOR
Earlier this year, Hopelab partnered with the Born This Way Foundation to conduct a study examining how LGBTQ+ young adults connect with their peers online to explore their identities, fnd support and build meaningful relationships.
The Born This Way Foundation is a nonproft organization founded by pop star Lady Gaga and her mother, Cynthia Germanotta. The foundation works to inspire young people to build a kinder world that supports their mental health and well-being. The foundation uses research, programs and grants to connect people with accessible mental health resources.
Much like Gaga herself, the foundation serves as a dedicated advocate and supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and hopes to provide a safe space as platform policies and legislation afect the safety of this community, both in-person and online.
“There are a lot of discussions and debates happening right now about online spaces and young people, specifcally LGBTQ+ young people,” said Claudia-Santi F. Fernandes, director of research and evaluation at Born This Way Foundation. “Unfortunately, far too few include their voices and actionable recommendations for how to improve these spaces to support them better.”
On March 12, the organizations released a report titled “‘Without It, I Wouldn’t Be Here Today’: LGBTQ+ Young People’s Experiences in Online Spaces,” which highlights what the researchers found in their study: partnerships between young people and trusted adults can create understanding and open environments
that enhance the well-being and reduce depression in LGBTQ+ young adults.
Through these online spaces, people in this community are given a place to express themselves and explore ideas around sexual and gender identities. They are able to seek refuge in a place that typically accepts them for their identity much more than in their real life.
These sentiments align with the report’s key fndings: 80% of people who identify as nonbinary or transgender are more comfortable being out online. This number decreases by half when asked if they would be comfortable being out in the real world.
Approximately half of LGBTQ+ young adults feel safer expressing their identities online than in person (44% vs. 9%).
Around 60% reported that people were very kind regarding their LGBTQ+ identities online, compared to just 23% for in-person spaces. Online and in-person friends are rated as more supportive than family among LGBTQ+ young people. Additionally, these in-person spaces who were supportive of LGBTQ+ identities are associated with lower rates of depression.
However, there will always be some negativity online; this is the nature of the internet. The report observes said negativity and aims to show how LGBTQ+ young people handle threats and bullies while still holding onto their safety. With these observations, the researchers offered strategies for platform administrators and adults to protect this community of young people without limiting their voices.
Along with examining these spaces, researchers spoke directly with LGBTQ+ people about their ex-
periences in online spaces and their insights on the matter.
“Our research engages young people every step of the way, from designing the survey to interpreting the fndings — ensuring their perspectives and solutions are at the center of this conversation,” Fernandes said.
Additionally, the research captured insights from 1,200 LGBTQ+ young people, ages 15-24. They all came from diverse backgrounds: 50% identifed as BIPOC, 29% resided in rural towns and 20% identifed as struggling or unable to meet basic expenses.
Many community members recounted why they loved having this online space and what it has contributed to their lives.
“I’ve gotten so much validation and acceptance from my online friends for years, that I sometimes haven’t gotten in person from others,” said a white, young adult woman in the survey. “They truly helped save my life and remind me I’m not alone. I often wish the ‘real world’ was as accepting as my online friends are.”
Other responses in the survey echoed this recount.
“I feel like I can be my truest self [online] instead of having to hide like I have to do in my daily life because I live with transphobic parents and family and experience transphobia almost daily,” a Black nonbinary young adult said.
The people in this study are not the only ones who feel this way. Many LGBTQ+ people around the country, including here on Miami University’s campus, seek community with those who accept them online and in-person.
pedenae@miamioh.edu
Junk journaling: the origins and its rise in popularity today
TikTok has a way of reinventing ideas as the “new” trend, bringing longtime practices to light, and junk journaling is no exception.
I discovered the concept of junk journaling two months ago when I looked up ‘journal’ on TikTok. I expected ASMR videos of writing journal entries to pop up, but I found creators sharing the content of the pictures, drawings, stickers, wrapping paper and more in ‘junk journals.’
I love scrapbooking, so what struck me about this practice?
TikTok is a platform that heavily focuses on creative expression, DIY content and repurposing materials. Over a year ago, Karli Predieri, a senior education major, found people doing it on TikTok and decided to make one of her own.
“Junk journaling is basically just taking, anytime you go somewhere – on a trip or something – you take little pieces. I do a lot of receipts and coasters,” Predieri said. “Whatever I’m doing, I keep stuf. It’s a way to look back on all the things I’ve done throughout the year.”
Junk journaling has deep historical roots. According to Justine Jenkins, historians claim that journals and diaries existed as far back as the Middle Ages. During this period, the ability to read and write was reserved for the upper class of society.
The practice dates back to the 19th-century tradition of scrapbooking, where families recorded their lives and events through mementos. This was done to capture signifcant life events, such as weddings, funerals
and childbirth. Around this time, printing companies emerged, and beautiful art and designs became more accessible in cards, postcards and even advertisements. The invention of the camera in the 1820s only further encouraged the documentation of everyday life.
By the end of the 1800s, families were gathering and sticking their items into any book they had, including ledgers or blank books. Flash forward to the 20th century — stores committed to scrapbooking began cropping up in the 1990s and 2000s.
TikTok user Johannaclough described junk journaling through her junk journals in the last 10 years.
“Traditionally a book [is] made out of various papers (originating from ‘junk,’ which is where it gets its name, but can be a mix of anything you want),” the caption read.
Often when people think of journaling, they think of keeping a diary. Predieri shared what makes junk journaling unique: it uses things that would otherwise be thrown away.
“You’re taking a lot of what you have and a lot of stuf that you would typically throw away, and you’re making it into a keepsake and something to refect on,” Predieri said. “I add pictures also, which helps me remember the event.”
Since learning about junk journaling, I have incorporated it into my own journal life by decorating my diaries, Bible and recently my frst junk journal. Gathering stickers, saving cards and papers, and making use of scraps puts my body at ease.
Something about it feels freeing –there are no hard and fast rules about junk journaling. People can just paste whatever they want onto a piece of paper and make it pretty without per-
fection as the main goal.
So why junk journaling? Why do the TikTok girls gravitate towards the practice of immortalizing trinkets and scraps that would otherwise be thrown away? Predieri has a love-hate relationship with today’s world transitioning everything to technology.
“I really like that junk journaling is like a tangible thing, because I have something to look back on,” Predieri
zimmer82@miamioh.edu
GRAPHIC BY STELLA POWERS.
GRAPHIC BY SYDNEY MULFORD.
SYDNEY MULFORD THE MIAMI STUDENT COLUMN
GRAPHIC BY STELLA POWERS.
BY KAY LOCKRIDGE, ’61 (BA, GOVERNMENT) GUEST COLUMNIST
Miami University was in my DNA long before I was born. My mother, who attended – and graduated from – Indiana University (IU), traveled over to Oxford from Bloomington, Indiana, in the ’20s to visit friends and look at the campus. She said she fell in love with Miami University, but she also had fallen for my father, who attended and graduated from IU, so she stayed there. Yet, she never got over Miami, and I heard about it early on. In fact, I visited Oxford, too, during my junior year in high school in Illinois.
The deal was sealed when the managing editor of the Chicago Tribune, for whom I worked as a suburban correspondent while in high school in the 1950s, urged me to attend a small liberal arts school with a student newspaper, of which I could become editor.
I’ll never forget W. D. Maxwell’s words: “If you, a girl, attend a large university,” – I had applied to and been accepted at the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern and the J-school at Indiana University – “you can take all the journalism classes they ofer, but they will never let you be editor [of] the student newspaper, and you need that experience.”
Maxwell was an old-school journalist who didn’t believe in journalism education anyway, but he loved all forms of newspapers.
“Instead,” he said, “go to a good, small liberal arts college … major in history, economics or political science, and begin working on the student paper immediately. You can make a diference.”
And, I did just that: After arriving in Oxford on a hot, humid late-August day in 1957, I went to The Miami Student ofce in the new student center the frst full day I was on campus. I was there every day until four years later, and I served as editor of The Student my senior year and majored in what both Miami and Harvard University at the time called government (not political science, because “politics comprise an art, not a science”).
From Miami, I immediately en-
rolled at Syracuse University for the master’s program in journalism.
With a fellowship from the New York State Society of Newspaper Editors (NYSSNE), for whom I worked for the two years in graduate school, I gained the master’s that I knew I would need at some point later on to teach journalism at the university level.
The experience and connections I gained through the NYSSNE led me to The Associated Press (AP) in Bufalo, New York, which in two years paved the way to the Albany, New York, bureau. It had been my immediate goal to cover New York state legislature and then move on to Washington, D.C.
After four years covering state government (and former Gov. Nelson Rockefeller), I decided that Washington would be only more of the same … lots more. I changed direction, fulflling the plan to teach journalism at the college level. Michigan State University, which had and has a topnotch J-School, appreciated both my experience and master’s degree.
Four years later, in 1973, I was on my way to the Big Apple - New York City, the borough of Manhattan. While in Lansing, Michigan, I freelanced for the local paper – The Lansing State Journal – as well as national magazines. With those credentials in hand, I built a 24-year career in freelancing, including for AP Newsfeatures, and adjunct teaching at the city’s various colleges and universities.
Santa Fe, New Mexico, beckoned in the early ’90s, and my partner, Roslyn Pulitzer, a native New Yorker who had an established psychotherapy practice, and I fnally pulled up stakes and moved to the City Diferent in 1997. Once established, I began writing news features regularly for The Santa Fe New Mexican, the oldest newspaper west of the Rockies.
Roslyn, who had long had an interest in photography – she had been a night-club photographer in Manhattan in the 1940s and ’50s as a young adult – decided to pursue fne art photography, resulting in several shows in Santa Fe galleries and the cover of a book of photography, “Visions of Santa Fe,” edited by Baron Wolman, Rolling Stone’s frst photographer.
TAYLOR STUMBAUGH
SENIOR CAMPUS & COMMUNITY
EDITOR
When someone loses weight, what is your frst assumption?
It can be a range of things, but I bet your mind frst goes to Ozempic or some other GLP-1 drug – I know mine does. But somewhere along the way, I think we’ve lost the plot, because where does weight loss end and an eating disorder begin? What are GLP-1 drugs?
Glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1) agonists are medications initially created to treat Type 2 diabetes. However, it was found that higher-dose versions of the same medications can be used for weight loss, according to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA). GLP-1 drugs impact the GI tract, pancreas, liver, heart, thyroid and brain. For those with Type 2 diabetes and other health concerns like cardiovascular disease, they can lead to improved glucose control, lower HbA1c, decreased risk of heart attack or stroke and decreased cardiovascular mortality. At the same time, these medica-
With long-held appreciation for Miami, I began annual contributions to the university upon graduation in 1961. When Roslyn died in 2020 (the frst person to die of COVID in Santa Fe and noted by the Washington Post), I began thinking about not just where I had been but about what I might leave behind that would make a diference. Thus was born the idea of legacy.
Working with Miami’s gift-planning team, we put together a bequest that would both endure and honor both my experience as well as Roslyn’s. That legacy will strengthen The Miami Student (no matter what form it takes), ensuring that it remains a thriving, independent training ground for young journalists. It will create hands-on learning experiences, allowing students to step beyond the classroom and campus into the real world of reporting. It also will establish scholarships within the College of Arts and Sciences, with a special focus on journalism students. This scholarship will bear the name of Roslyn K. Pulitzer, honoring the woman who shared almost half of my life, my passion and my unwavering belief in the power of storytelling.
Beyond an investment in journalism, it honors truth and the courage to seek it by the future reporters who will go on to challenge, inform and inspire. I chose to honor the institution that set me on this path and, in doing so, I hope to ensure that countless other students will have a chance to fnd their own way, and make a difference.
About Kay Lockridge
ters
tions can also reduce feelings of hunger and motivation to eat. According to NEDA, in 60-70% of people taking these medications, signifcant and sometimes rapid weight loss occurs.
This is of particular concern to anyone with an active eating disorder, a history of one or individuals with a high susceptibility of developing one. My connection I’ve seen frst-hand from my own family members the efects of a GLP1 drug. My mom is healthier, happier and way more confdent after using Zepbound, an FDA-approved weight loss medication. However, the number of times she casually mentioned she only ate a clementine that day or forgot about lunch is astronomical. This worries me and increases my suspicion that drugs like Ozempic are no diferent from an eating disorder and can even lead to triggering one, or worse.
I brought it up to her and, surprisingly enough, she agreed with me that what she does is not very diferent from partially starving herself. She argued that she’s legitimately just not hungry and it’s not on purpose, which I believe.
GABRIEL SLARK THE MIAMI STUDENT
Since the beginning of spring break, I haven’t been on Instagram, but that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about it. When I recently got a notifcation that somebody I know posted on the platform, my frst thought was, “Oh, another thirst trap.”
And then it hit me – why do we treat a friend posting a firty selfe for validation diferently than a sex worker posting the same thing for money? Why is one seen as self-expression and one deemed shameful?
One of the greatest contributors to my embarrassing screentime of seven hours per day is Instagram reels (I scroll a lot, OK?). And, every once in a while, without fail, I’ll check the comments only to fnd countless replies saying “OnlyFans detected, opinion rejected,” somehow amassing thousands of likes. I challenge this assumption that there is a great diference between your neighbor or roommate posting for attention and the ensuing validation, and a sex worker posting the same exact content, but for money.
As a society, we don’t detest the action – the reward is what makes the ofense punishable. Puzzling enough, our culture deeply values money. Walk into the Farmer School of Business and ask anyone there what their goal in life is, and they will tell you they want to be the next Elon Musk … But I’ll hedge a bet they don’t intend to accumulate that wealth by also being the next Breckie Hill. Very contradictory.
We, as college students, use followers and like counts as social currency. Nobody spends hours on Instagram curating an online presence for the love of the game. Oftentimes, seemingly high-end and aesthetic photos are used to garner the perceived meaningfulness and pleasure of feeling connected through involvement.
But it seems the most appalling hypocrisies go unnoticed. In the quest for followers and views, many college students, who will blatantly disrespect and disregard the opinions of a sex worker in a comment section, just so happen to mimic the same social media habits of sex workers.
So, is this all by coincidence? No. Sex appeal is highly marketable, and the clout is quite easy to see. This tells us that society is comfortable with the act, but not the transaction. The diference between an OnlyFans creator and your friend is that you see your friend as an individual
with complex emotions and a life. A sex worker has an untraditional line of income, which confuses the boundaries between occupation and personhood, thereby making it easier for us to reduce them down to a level of impersonalization.
The danger in this unconscious process is great and insidious. When we reduce someone to their occupation – whether that be sex work or anything else – we forget their humanity and begin to dehumanize them.
The vilifcation of sex workers is exactly what happens to other marginalized communities and, by expanding this principle, makes those same vulnerable groups even more susceptible to public disdain and mistreatment in the future. Such an immense unwarranted lack of respect becomes so normalized that it shifts our perception of what we may consider disparaging or hurtful.
So many of us view sex work as a threat to ourselves, to our way of life. I’m here to tell you it’s not that deep. It feels amazing to feel outraged, to get upset at something that is not a threat and harmless. The vitriol we feed to others serves as another function of social media. For the same reasons, we check the comment sections without the intention of ofering our own commentary but to check the opinions of others. To feel connected as a part of something larger than ourselves, we collectively complain and fll ourselves with undying rage towards the lifestyles of people we don’t know.
Sex work should not be feared. Sex work is work, and sex workers are people.
To the readers: I implore you to question your own biases and how they may be contributing negatively to your community, and maybe log out of Instagram for a week.
slarkgj@miamioh.edu
But, how many other people are taking drugs like this who suppress their diet on purpose?
It makes me think about how we see food and eating disorders. When I skip lunch or don’t eat as much as I should, whether on purpose or not, people get worried and ask if I’m OK because that’s unhealthy behavior. However, when it’s because of a prescription, people don’t bat an eye.
If anything, it’s glorifed like in mainstream media when celebrities walk the red carpet or make an appearance somewhere and they’ve lost weight. A lot of people post in the comments things like “Ozempic face” or speculate on how they lost the weight. I don’t want celebrities to unknowingly (or knowingly) promote these medications for cosmetic reasons, further perpetuating the ideal of “thinness” and that you should be evaluated based on how you look.
I just worry that people are going to become attached to the way they look and feel while on the medication and not change their eating habits once of the drug. Our culture could combat this
stumbata@miamioh.edu
GRAPHIC BY SYDNEY MULFORD (FROM
JAMIE GOWANS
THE MIAMI STUDENT
I’ve lived on both sides of campus and have frequently visited both MacCracken and Scoreboard markets.
It is very rare for me to get a chance to eat dinner before the dining halls close at 8 p.m., so I mostly get my meals from one of the few late-night meal swipe options. This includes Market Street at MacCracken in South Quad, Bell Tower in Academic Quad and Scoreboard in North Quad.
Scoreboard and MacCracken are supposed to be equal with their meal swipe options and grill. However, simply walking into the market, you can see the major diferences between the two markets.
MacCracken Market is bigger, and better, than Scoreboard. It has more room for diferent options. It also ofers customisable smoothies, while Scoreboard only ofers the Tractor Beverages.
While both grills ofer the same options for meal swipes, one still has a better quality of food. When I receive my food from Scoreboard, the fries are only partially cooked or my burger is burnt. I have gotten the chicken tenders from Scoreboard only once, and they tasted undercooked when I got them.
While MacCracken is not perfect either, I have had fewer issues with under or overcooked food from there. There was only one time that I can remember when my burger was not grilled properly. The chicken tenders and fries were always a solid option that are almost always cooked cor-
rectly. When I lived in South Quad last semester, I had MacCracken almost every night for dinner, despite the long waits. Now that I live in East Quad, I visit MacCracken a lot less because of the distance, and I have started going to Scoreboard for a burger and fries. The frst time I went to Scoreboard, I was shocked at how small it was.
The diferences between MacCracken and Scoreboard should not be this drastic. Students on all sides of campus should have adequate latenight meal options, without having to walk all the way across campus.
MacCracken’s long wait time could be solved by improving the quality of Scoreboard, as well as adding similar markets to each quad.
MacCracken Market is just better than Scoreboard, and students need more options like it for late-night meal swipe options that are near their dorms.
gowansj@miamioh.edu
LANDON MORRISON
THE MIAMI STUDENT
When I hear the career fair is coming up, my chest begins to fll with dread. Flashbacks of past fairs, when I have sweated through my collared shirt all while having a forced conversation with a recruiter who checked out three students ago, swirl around in my mind.
I am not alone in this feeling; many College of Creative Arts students across Miami University share the same sentiment. Every year, I experience the same thoughts and hear the same dreaded phrases when I talk to recruiters.
“So marketing?” No, that’s not what I do. “Oh that sounds cool, but I don’t think we have anything like that.” OK, next table. “We don’t have a design team.” Great. “Check our website.” Why did I come here, again? Why can’t Miami do a better job of helping creative students?
As someone majoring in emerging technology in business and design, I’ve had a difcult time navigating who I want to be in the professional world. I often feel the intense pressure of the 99% job placement rate preached by Miami that infuenced my college decision.
Because of this, I took an internship in the summer of my junior year that wasn’t as creative as I wished. But, my time as a Chipotle summer intern was nothing short of excellent.
It taught me how corporate America works; The meetings, the desks and the jargon. All a stark contrast of the classrooms I spent learning color theory, human centered design and research principles.
I don’t regret my decision to pursue an internship outside of my course training. I learned to fnd projects that were creative while I was there, such as designing our slide decks and newsletters. I learned how to talk to all business departments, understanding business goals and motivations. I learned my calling is to be a writer and designer.
I was fortunate to attend my frst Creative Career Fair March 3 as an aspiring creative. I felt for once my major choice wasn’t a mistake, but I just didn’t have the proper resources.
I attended the meet and greet session of the day’s programming. Students were wrapped around the third foor of the student center, eagerly awaiting a potential employer. As we entered the room, my expectations of a dreaded career fair were soon shattered.
I walked up to each table of the employers and prepared my normal career fair pitch, but this time I was able to have conversations that felt organic. I didn’t have back sweat (maybe just a little) and the employer actually understood my skills and background.
There was a large presence of
nonproft organizations which I had desperately wanted to fnd at the general career fair I attended nearly two weeks earlier. I learned about careers I didn’t even know were possible such as art curation and museum directing. It was a breath of fresh air, to say the least.
As I prepare for my graduation in the spring, I still have no idea what I am doing. One thing I do know is the job hunt isn’t a narrow path; it’s one full of curves, setbacks and moments where you want to turn around to start over.
And you know what? I’m OK with that. Every back step gets you one step closer to your dream job.
morri390@miamioh.edu
Life at Miami University can be a struggle for students studying foreign languages.
The career fair has very few employers looking for our skill set. The State Department is no longer funding scholarships like the Fulbright, Gilman or Critical Language scholarships, which are vital opportunities for students studying foreign languages. Miami’s Department of German, Russian, Asian and Middle Eastern Languages and Cultures (GRAMELAC) and Department of French, Italian and Classical Studies are no longer ofering their individual language majors for new students.
When I learned that my major, Russian, Eastern European and Eurasian Studies, would no longer be ofered to incoming students, I was upset. I set out to write an article about how I was watching Miami’s foreign language education crumble around me.
Instead, I found a diferent story. Despite a lack of support from the government, administration and American culture in general, Miami’s humanities professors continue to provide students a quality education.
Professor Mila Ganeva, the department chair of GRAMELAC, explained how the department plans to move forward while supporting students who want to study foreign languages and cultures. She said the majors were being cut because of low enrollment, but the department is committed to allowing current ma-
jors to complete their degrees. Moving forward, GRAMELAC has merged with the Department of French, Italian and Classical Studies to ofer a new major: World Languages and Cultures. While the major is still pending approval, it is likely to begin admitting students in the fall.
“[The degree] will accommodate a wide range of students,” Ganeva said. “Those who are interested in immersive language learning, as well as those who are more interested in the study of the culture, history and comparative view of the cultures associated with the languages we offer.”
Ganeva said designing a new major requires a huge amount of work.
“It took us about a year of very hard work to put a shape to this new project … a lot of serious thinking went into that,” Ganeva said. “We are not mechanically combining all of the languages; we are trying to create something actually future-proof, that has a future and will continue to create value for the students that are coming to Miami.”
As Ganeva explained the process of developing this course, she kept coming back to the faculty’s involvement.
“It’s exciting for some of our faculty to develop the new intro courses for this major,” Ganeva said. “The capstone for this major, and generally to contribute to the curricular innovation that happens within this new major, within the available resources and the expertise of the faculty we have.”
This was the moment I realized that Miami’s foreign language education wasn’t crumbling around me; it was surviving because of the work of its faculty and staf. In a climate where higher education is being increasingly scrutinized, universities must prove their worth. Majors with low enrollment aren’t proftable, so they are cut. Foreign language programs are an especially vulnerable target, not just at Miami, but nationwide as well.
GRAMELAC and the Department of French, Italian and Classical Studies recognized this trend and adapted to keep their programs alive at Miami. This shift isn’t just about professors keeping their jobs; it’s about allowing students to study foreign languages and cultures at Miami, and allowing them to learn from professors who love teaching these subjects.
sullivei@miamioh.edu
OLIVIA PATEL EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Hello, Miami University!
My name is Livi Patel, and I have taken over as The Miami Student’s new editor-in-chief. In other words, I will be working to lead a newspaper that best serves the student body, faculty, administration, alumni and other avid readers of our paper. Essentially, I will be leading a newspaper that serves you. What pressing issues would you like to see covered? What voices on campus are going unheard? What are you most interested in reading about?
Here at The Student, we have upheld a long tradition of excellence by reporting on breaking news on campus, conducting in-depth investigations to uncover the truth, writing profles highlighting the amazing people at Miami and more. However, that representation only comes from knowing what is important to our readership and the students we represent here on campus.
We are in an age where college newspaper readership is at an all-time low. Students are less inclined to pick up our paper, or go to our website for news frst, because they are turning to
social media as their main source of news. As editor-in-chief, it is my goal and responsibility to re-center our paper around the one population we are growing further and further away from: students. After all, we are The Miami STUDENT newspaper. So, please use the email below to keep us in the loop. Reach out about your student organization’s event or a rumor you’ve heard and want to see investigated. We have award-winning reporting skills and an enthusiastic editorial staf, but our readers are our eyes and ears. As editor-in-chief,
ELIZA SULLIVAN STAFF WRITER
Warbler birds hit travel troubles in Oxford
KETHAN BABU SPORTS EDITOR
Every day in the spring, Miami University students walk around campus and see various migrating birds. These birds migrate long distances across two continents each year, stopping along the way in places like Oxford before continuing their journey. Among these birds are the yellow-throated and cerulean warblers, which can be seen behind the Farmer School of Business and the Garden Dining Commons starting in late April.
However, billions of birds have died over the past 30 years, with migratory birds like warblers getting hit particularly hard. The cerulean warbler is considered vulnerable by the
Hueston
SAM NORTON
International Union for Conservation of Nature.
Matt Valiga, a doctor of philosophy student in the biology program, studies these warblers and other neotropical migrants. His research found that although the focus so far has been on preserving their habitats, these birds often end up dying due to lack of food stocks during migration.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re spending all this money to conserve their breeding grounds if the only reason they’re dying out is because they’re dying during the migration,” Valiga said. “There’s a whole slew of issues that make this more complex than just trying to conserve the chickadees that live in your backyard all year round.”
Warblers breed in northern North America and spend their winters in
South and Central America. These birds spend half their lives migrating, and by crossing continents, their preservation becomes even more difcult.
One difculty lies in their sources of food. During the spring, warblers eat arthropods, primarily caterpillars. However, declining insect populations in places like Hueston Woods are restricting the energy sources these birds need to continue their migration.
“You’re talking about a bird that weighs as much as a Cheeto doing a longer distance fight than most of us would do on a plane,” Valiga said. “They need to survive that journey. It’s like if you drive a diesel truck on your cross country road trip, [and] you keep coming upon gas stations that don’t sell diesel.”
The National Audubon Society, a non-proft organization dedicated to bird conservation, recognizes Hueston Woods as an important bird area (IBA). It’s designated as a stopover site for migrating birds.
Dave Russell, an associate teaching professor in biology at Miami, created a bird banding station at Hueston Woods in 2004. However, despite it being an IBA, Hueston Woods is also a state park, meaning it has a dual purpose.
“They have multiple responsibilities,” Russell said. “It is public lands for people to do what people want to do. It’s not a preserve where only animals can live there. It’s someplace
you go to fsh, to hunt, to hike, to ride bikes. People have a lot of diferent recreation needs, some of them being in confict with what a preserve would do.”
Russell runs bucket traps in the preserved areas of Hueston Woods to survey moths. While warblers eat caterpillars, caterpillars are difcult to survey, so he and Valiga count moth populations and species to fnd a trend over time.
While the project dates back several years, Valiga joined with an important asset that Russell missed before: the ability to communicate scientifc information to the general public.
“One of the areas that we failed as researchers and scientists is [taking] the valuable information that we have learned and communicating it efectively to the general population,” Russell said. “Matt has that capability of spanning the academia world and the general public. [He] picked up the moth survey with a component on, ‘How then do you communicate this best with the public.’”
Despite the decline in migratory bird populations, Valiga noticed that many people simply didn’t know these birds were vulnerable or endangered. Instead, attention is focused on elephants, tigers and rhinos among other species.
Valiga said he believes these animals receive more attention than others for multiple reasons, including which exhibits have higher turnouts
at zoos.
“If you were to go to a zoo right now, most people would go to the bears,” Valiga said. “They would go to the girafes, they would go to the elephants … The [most popular animals] are always large, charismatic mammals. There’s a lot of grandeur that comes from those species in general.” Russel also said it is important for the public to understand how one species endangerment – such as warblers – can shake up entire ecosystems.
“We have made particular species ambassadors for loss,” Russell said. “I fnd that unfortunate. I understand [that] tigers are cool, polar bears are cool. But I think what it fails to convey is the importance of the ecosystem that they’re living in.”
As Valiga and Russell continue their research on insect populations and the migration patterns of warblers, they understand the importance of not only having the data, but communicating it efectively.
“I’m really interested in what it takes to educate people about this in order to prompt a response,” Valiga said. “[The] data that I’m gathering is not only important just for data’s sake but also important in prompting. I don’t want my science to just be numbers. I want it to also be curating and creating responses within the public.”
babukc2@miamioh.edu
Woods State Park remains a natural sanctuary amid pressure on public lands
EDITOR AT LARGE
The frst few months of President Donald Trump’s second term have come a furry of government workforce layofs, agency downsizing and federal grant slashings. One of the most hard hit areas of the government has been recreation and conservation, with agencies such as the National Park Service and Forest Service experiencing layofs and budget cuts.
While Miami University is not very close to federal lands, the local state park Hueston Woods is a popular recreation spot, and it has so far avoided the pressure on similar land across the country.
Although it is a state park, Hueston Woods uses federal grants to aid its operation costs. Grants have become a target of government spending decreases, particularly for environmental organizations. Kathryn Conner, the manager of Hueston Woods, said that the changes hitting other public lands has led to unease at the park.
“There has defnitely been some concerns with everything going on,” Conner said. “. . .There’s a lot of un-
certainty.”
However, Hueston Woods has so far avoided any federal grants being cancelled. In fact, so have all state parks in Ohio. Karina Cheung, a media and outreach specialist for the Ohio Department of Natural Resources (ODNR), indicated in an email to The Miami Student that no Ohio state parks have had federal grants impacted since the new administration.
While Ohio public lands have so far avoided pressures from the federal level, they face potential disruptions from new state laws. Under Ohio House Bill 308, state lands are now open to companies who wish to frack on them for up to fve years of contract. Fracking can disrupt natural environments by clearing vegetation for infrastructure, destabilizing the ground from drilling and polluting surrounding areas with waste water. Companies are allowed to bid on land, which goes up for approval from the Oil and Gas Land Management Commission.
According to the Save Ohio Parks website, which reproduces data on fracking from the ODNR website, of the 43 parcels of land owned by ODNR or the Ohio Department
of Transportation that have been opened to bidding from private companies, 26 have been approved for leasing. Among the rest, 11 bids have been denied, two have been with
drawn and fve are still pending.
Save Ohio Parks tracks these nominations and publishes them for public view alongside ODNR. Once bids are approved, the process becomes private between ODNR and the com
pany, and public records requests are needed to view them.
Cathy Becker, who works for Save Ohio Parks, indicated in an email to The Student that fracking has begun in Valley Run Wildlife Area, which was the frst wildlife area that went up for bidding. Also, notably, hundreds of acres were opened up in the Salt Fork State Park in late 2024.
However, Hueston Woods has also not seen any changes in regards to fracking. Conner said that no companies have reached out to them to inquire about leasing land, meaning that Miami’s local state park has remained relatively unscathed in a time where many public lands, both on the state and national level, are facing change.
She said she believes this is likely
because eastern Ohio is not rich in oil, and she hopes that some of the unique aspects of Hueston Woods help keep it natural and enjoyable for guests. It has a nature preserve within the park, containing one of the few remaining beech maple stands in the state, and is also one of only seven state parks that are free to enter. Conner wants to use their positive situation to teach people the importance of conservation and draw in even more visitors.
“We’re trying to lead by being stewards of the land,” Conner said. Hueston Woods is used by Miami-
students, such as the rowing club and those participating in trips with the Outdoor Pursuit Center. Conner said she hopes the park will continue to offer that service. Despite all the changes and uncertainty surrounding public land across the state and country, Miami’s closest park remains a place for recreation and spending time in nature.
“We hope the community knows we are a resource for them,” Conner said.
Gardeners prep for April showers and May flowers
SEAN SCOTT EDITOR OF THE OXFORD FREE PRESS
It’s fnally spring in Oxford. While the days are growing longer and the weather is fnally heating up, local gardeners and landscapers have been preparing for the season since there was snow on the ground.
For Kevin Wilson, the garden center manager at Shademakers, planning for spring planting began a full year ago. The business begins making its initialorders nine months to a year in advance and adjusts as the season approaches. By December, Wilson said they normally have their inventory fnalized.
“Right about the last part of February, that’s when the beginning of the arrivals come to us,” Wilson said. Each year brings new favorites and shifting demand, especially for diferent fower colors, Wilson said. Most recently, boxwoods have gotten
less popular because of temperature issues and blight, and a plant called “Mr. Bowling Ball Arborvitae” has flled the gap. Green giant arborvitae and other plants in the cedar family have also grown in popularity because deer don’t like to eat them.
Another change in recent years has been the increased demand for native plants, Wilson said. While some types of grass lawn alternatives like clover lawns come with drawbacks, planting a mix of greens can help support local wildlife without causing extra maintenance, especially if people are open to less traditional lawn looks.
“We will be potting up a good supply of natives,” Wilson said. “So for people who are into the native material from short to tall, whether they’re doing a little tiny thing or something that’s a whole six acres, we have a plant for it.”
Since 2021, Oxford Lane Library has also ofered a free seed library for local gardeners. The staf introduced
a secondary native seed library this year, said branch manager Rebecca Smith, and it’s been hard to meet the demand.
The native seed library was launched with support from Three Valley Conservation Trust and Wild Ones during an early March visit from Doug Tallamy, a noted leader of the rewilding movement. Since then, more than 120 people have taken native seed packets, and Smith said she hopes they’ll be able to restock with support from Friends of the Oxford Lane Library. The library holds regular events related to gardening every winter and spring, including a March 23 event on planning pollinator gardens that attracted more than 70 guests.
“There were so many people that showed up, and that was again when the native seeds were really picked over and taken, which is great,” Smith said.
Library visitors can take fve seed packets per visit up to four times per season. The packets include vegetables, fruits, herbs and fowers, and Smith said two local businesses donated seed packets at the end of the season last year which have helped support the seed library this spring.
“The idea of the seed library is that you take some, and then at the end of the season, you donate seeds back,” Smith said. “The seed library is very successful, so now we can kind of turn our attention to walk people through that process again.” The seed library includes pamphlets that explain how
to harvest seeds.
Sue Mavis, co-president of Des Fleurs Garden Club in Oxford, comes from a long line of gardeners, including her mother, grandmother and in-laws. She retired last April and is looking forward to devoting more time to her own yard this season.
Mavis starts planning her garden in January, looking through seed catalogs and websites to decide which vegetables and fowers to grow. She normally starts with tomatoes and peppers indoors under grow lights in March before moving them outdoors around Mother’s Day.
“The visual aspect of gardening appeals to me,” Mavis said. “... A gardener can see the potential in a plant, be it a seed, be it a plant, be it a tree. We plant for the future, not just for how it’s going to look today.”
Des Fleurs was founded in 1959 and brings together local gardeners in the area to focus on beautifcation, environmental awareness and horticulture. The club maintains the grounds at Inlows Park and the Oxford Community Arts Center (OCAC), as well as the fower baskets Uptown.
On May 1, Des Fleurs will hold its annual plant sale and auction at OCAC. The event will start with an 8 a.m. quick sale of plant cuttings, which Mavis said typically go fast. The organization will then hold a silent auction at 10 a.m., and visitors can pick up literature on gardening throughout the event.
Beyond maintaining local gardens and holding events, Mavis said Des
Fleurs ofers a sense of community for people who share her interest.
“I can share my experiences in gardening and I can also gain a lot of experience and knowledge and insight from many of the experts in the garden club,” Mavis said. “We have a shared interest in making sure that the city is beautiful.”
Business at Shademakers typically picks up in late March and early April, but people also buy seeds to start vegetable plants and herbs indoors earlier. According to Urban Farmer Seeds, the typical last overnight frost of the season falls on April 19 in Cincinnati and April 22 in Dayton.
Ohio State University’s gardening calendar recommends planting early spring vegetables like peas, radish, spinach and onions after March 15. Some more popular vegetables like cucumbers, squash, tomatoes and peppers shouldn’t be planted until after May 15.
Wilson said demand for fowers picks up in mid-April, and Shademakers just got a new load of trees in this week. For people looking to start gardening for the frst time, he said Shademakers staf responds to calls and online messages, but the best option is to come in-person to see the variety of plants available and learn more about them.
This article was originally published by the Oxford Free Press. Read more at http://www.oxfreepress. com.
YELLOW-THROATED WARBLER CHIRPS
WOODS. PHOTO PROVIDED BY DAVE RUSSELL
SHANNON MAHONEY
ASST. CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY EDITOR
Most people go to Florida for spring break – I got called to jury duty. While I was sitting there, flling out a long form with a lot of information I’m pretty sure they could’ve looked up, I was busy thinking about all the ways I could have convinced the government I’m too much of a risk to put on a jury. I’ve compiled a helpful little guide so you can avoid that unfortunate fate.
The Sovereign Citizen
Of course, the No. 1 way to get out of jury duty is to simply give an opinion that will immediately bar you from serving on a jury. One such statement is: “I’m a sovereign citizen; I follow my own rule of law!”
Although you may get a lecture and some weird looks, make sure to stick by your story and you’ll be dismissed super quickly.
For full plausibility, I also suggest wearing an anarchist symbol on your clothes, or, if you really want to commit, get a tattoo!
The U-Haul Another important facet of jury duty is that you can only serve in the county where you live. Luckily for you, this presents the perfect loop-
CONNOR
OVIATT HUMOR EDITOR
As some of you may have fgured out by the recent decline in humor article quality, our brave, intelligent and humble leader, Teddy Johnson, has forcefully been removed from his post by Father Time. While I still cry myself to sleep every night in an attempt to accept reality, the unfortunate truth is I know I have to be a man and take the reins. However, I wanted to start my tenure by doing a proper send-of for my predecessor. In order to do so, I wanted to quickly share three of my favorite Teddy stories for your reading pleasure.
Dumping chocolate sauce all over my nice jacket
Towards the end of last semester, I had the pleasure of visiting my hero’s former boss’s place of residence to partake in an evening of leisure. During this evening, we partook in sharing mint favored beverages, with which chocolate syrup was mixed in. Teddy, believing I was incapable of handling the chocolate sauce, decided to pour the sauce directly into
hole. If you get called for jury duty, just go rent a U-Haul truck and hit the road! After that, make sure to call the number on your summons to let ofcials know you no longer reside in the county. Unfortunately, this will require you to move houses every couple of years, but think of all the great travel stories you’ll be able to tell!
The Philosopher
Ever seen the Studio C skit where some guys try to rob a bank vault, only to be stopped by a security guard who makes them question their beliefs?
This is basically a real-life application. You can employ this tactic by simply asking the most obnoxiously pretentious questions you can think of during your questioning. These should be things like: ‘Well who are we to create laws and force people to obey,’ and ‘you know, to serve on a jury implies a sort of surrender wherein we lower ourselves beneath the court.’
Make sure all your responses last approximately fve minutes and contain vocabulary that sounds like it’s been plucked straight from the Edwardian era. Everybody will be so annoyed, you’ll surely be dismissed (nobody likes a nerd).
The Speeding Tickets
You can be dismissed from jury
my gullet. Unfortunately for me, his aim was a bit of, resulting in me getting doused in brown liquid.
Luckily for me, I was wearing my bougie coat, so my $20 fannel was spared the disaster of being stained. However, Teddy, in his infnite wisdom, washed my jacket (with his special down-specifc detergent no less) and further crisis was avoided. Fortunately for me, the sauce landed on the front of my jeans, so I didn’t look like I had soiled myself when I approached some baddies at the bar later. Thanks to Teddy’s quick thinking, a crisis was averted.
Leadership during the humor editor transition
Following my appointment as humor editor, Teddy took all of the steps to make sure I was ready to go on day one. He signed me up for one of the four pieces of software The Student uses (how thoughtful), showed me where the newsroom was (I hadn’t been in almost two years) and even introduced me to all of the editors I would need to know (Livi Patel).
And, like the great mentor he is, he even stayed for about half an hour after I arrived for my frst print, before dashing to work on a class video
duty if you have had run-ins with the law before. Although you can still be called to serve, even if you’ve had lawsuits brought against you before, I fnd it difcult to believe you would be allowed on a jury if you were a part of an active case.
I suggest consistently racking up speeding tickets as the perfect alternative. As long as you have a couple of speeding charges against you at all times, you’ll probably never have to actually sit for a case! A fair bit of warning, this option can get pretty pricey, but on the plus side, at least you can shave some time of your daily commute. The Fake ID
This is exactly what it sounds like: get a fake ID. The twist is, get one that says you’re 17. Obviously you can’t serve on a jury if you aren’t a legal adult!
I know what you’re thinking: it seems like a pretty bad idea to use a fake ID in a government building, but that’s the beauty of this plan. If you do get caught, you probably will be in deep trouble with the law, which means you defnitely won’t have to sit through someone else’s trial (though, you may end up with one of your own).
mahones5@miamioh.edu
project two hours before it was due. It was refreshing to see that the bar was set incredibly high for my tenure.
Saving 55 orphans from a burning building
Most people don’t know this about Teddy (because of his humility), but he is a 6-foot-4, 215-pound man of steel who single-handedly saved 55 orphans from a burning building last summer.
Take note, ladies. Not only is that beautiful face you see on the graphic a complete stunner, he’s also incredibly selfess and willing to risk his life for the beneft of others. Luckily, Teddy escaped with the last child (a little boy named Bruce Wayne) right as a steel beam fell to the ground, triggering the building’s collapse. Like the gentleman he is, Teddy returned to his simple life as TMS’s humor editor. What a hero.
I know all of us at TMS will miss Teddy’s great work ethic, punctuality and dedication to the organization (no sarcasm whatsoever). So, cheers to Teddy, and happy retirement old man.
oviattcc@miamioh.edu
ELIZA SULLIVAN STAFF WRITER
Students across campus were bamboozled by the university’s proposal to tear down Millett Hall and build a new arena on Cook Field. It seems like an obviously poor decision to tear down a perfectly functional building and eliminate such a beloved green space. There are, however, many incredible benefts to this proposal, but most students have been brainwashed and can’t see what’s good for them. Let me explain why this is the greatest idea ever.
Solves Miami’s parking issue
First, this new arena will fx one of Miami’s biggest problems: too much parking. Millett has large parking lots right around the building, which is too convenient. Now, those attending events at the arena will have to park all over Miami’s campus, eliminating the terrible surplus of parking space Miami has sufered from for years.
Plus, Miami will rake in billions from parking permits and tickets, meaning the arena is basically free.
Promotes walking By building the arena on Cook Field, Miami is promoting healthy lifestyles. Basketball fans will have to walk half a mile from their cars to the arena. Students who currently take the convenient shortcut across Cook Field will now walk around its perimeter. These changes are estimated to increase the average step count of Miami students by 2,000 steps per day. Drives the economy The arena will also draw increased trafc around Cook Field. The Patter-
son-Spring intersection, just south of the feld, is known for being too efcient for vehicles and pedestrians alike. I know personally, I really appreciate waiting 15 minutes to drive half a mile. With the increased vehicular and pedestrian trafc around the area, this intersection will be even more congested, alleviating worries that it wasn’t hard enough to navigate in the frst place. This will boost the Oxford economy, as the extra half a tank of gas you go through across campus will draw sales to our local gas stations
Increases construction scenery
The biggest contribution that this new arena will have to Miami’s campus is construction. In a survey conducted during the fall semester, 105% of the student body said there simply isn’t enough construction on campus. Our campus isn’t known for being picturesque because of the brick buildings, but rather because of the large red fences and constant jackhammer noise. We came to Miami
Another regularly scheduled headline dump
MICHAEL PATTEE STAFF WRITER
Gym attendance wanes after spring break Instagram beach posts go up
OPINION: We have April Fool’s Day, we should have an April Smart People’s Day
Ambitious female psychology student claims that the annual March Madness “could probably be solved with therapy”
President Crawford becomes the QB with the highest completion percentage in Paycor stadium after recent Instagram reel
Former White House press secretary Karine JeanPierre coming to Miami, College Republicans trying to arrange for Peter Doocy to write questions for her
STUDY: Farmer students’ feelings of superiority up 33% after posting LinkedIn job update of securing internships at their father’s workplace
In an inspiring act of unity, fraternities make pledges give presentations backwards and in Arabic about dangers of hazing
Florida projects 15% drop in alcohol sales now that spring break has ended
Tornado stated it didn’t hit Oxford because it wanted to “do its part” to preserve Cook Field
University of Cincinnati to announce partnership with the Cleveland Browns after being rejected by the Bengals
40% of documented attacks on Tesla’s Cybertrucks are from 80-year-olds who claim they were previously abducted by aliens
New expression emerges in response to Trump’s trade policy: “If Tar-ifs and Tar-buts were raisins and nuts, no one would ever go hungry” patteemj@miamioh.edu
GRAPHIC BY CAITLIN CURRAN
GRAPHIC
