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c27-Date Palm

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SERVICES

- Duct Cleaning / Refreshing

- Leveling & Foundation Repair

- Permanent Foundation (433a)

- Plumbing Repairs & Re-Pipes

- Flooring, Paneling & Trim

- Doors & Windows

- Painting

- Roofs & Skylights

- Heating, A/C & Swamp Coolers

- Kitchen & Bathroom Remodels

- Decks & Steps

- Awnings & Patio Enclosures

- Siding, Skirting & Subfloor Repairs 855.906.6077

thedpcccourier@gmail.com

Here’s a few things that you may not KNOW, REMEMBER, UNDERSTAND or need an update on: Date Palm C.C. Organizations, Clubs and Fun Stuff.

• The DPCA ( Date Palm Community Association) is not an HOA in legal terms. Our DPCA service organization is a social group for the entire community and does ask for membership. This group is open to all residents and charges $25 per person or $45 per couple per year. There is an elected Executive Board made up of President, Vice President, Secretary, Treasurer, plus Directors and Committees. The Directors serve specific areas of the community and the committees are: Action Committee, Sunshine Committee, Social Committee and others as needed. The Courier is paid for by the DPCA. The DPCA meets the first Thursday of the Month during the Season (October thru April) at 6pm in the Clubhouse. Come and check it out, always a good time (cake & coffee).

• C.O.P. (Citizens On Patrol) Volunteers from our community. They patrol the streets day and night in Golf Carts or their cars. Also, COP will do “Vacation Checks” on the perimeters of homes while people are away. COP asks for an approval request form to be completed for these home patrols. Our COP meets monthly in the COP office at Satellite 2 at 3p the first Thursday throughout the year. COP also assists the local first responders as required and offers “emergency equipment” and home safety items for sale. In addition, COP offers American Flags for sale and collects/retires old American Flags. COP answers their office phone 24/7, (760)328-3556.

• “BINGO”, the fun happens every Wednesday during the Season October thru May. BINGO is held in the clubhouse Wednesdays door’s open at 6pm, games 7 to 9pm. (PLEASE NO ALCOHOL)

• BUNCO, is a group that meets once a month during the season in Sat. 1 at 6pm on the first Monday of the Month. For information call Kathi Parkhurst 760-285-1262.

• GOLF Club that welcomes memberships during the season. These golfers do play all year around, Men: Tuesday and Friday.

• WATER AEROBICS, open to everyone in the large Clubhouse Pool, 8 am Monday thru Saturday.

• POKER, every Thursday evening at 6pm in Satellite 1.

• BIBLE STUDY, in Satellite 1 at 10am every Wednesday during the season October thru May 7. For more information call Becky 760-318-4840,

• COFFEE & DONUTS, FRIDAYS in the Clubhouse provided by our community Management. Come out and meet friends and neighbors, along with our managers 9 to 10 am every Friday.

• FRIENDSHIP POTLUCK, 3rd Friday of every month in the Clubhouse at 5:00pm, everyone welcome.

• DATE PALM CC DESERT BLUE GRASS/FOLK/JAM, 2pm to 4pm in the Clubhouse the 2nd Sunday of every month during the season, October thru May.

• PICKLE BALL, Check Flyer for times, on the pickleball court Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

• CANASTA or Mexican Train is played every Tuesday at 1pm in Satellite 1.

• Friends Of Dorothy is held the First Friday of every Month in the Clubhouse 6pm to 9:30pm.

• All Facilities are locked at 10pm by Security within 30minutes, clubhouse pool too, restrooms locked. It used to be open 24 hours, too many transient issues, if seen call the Police.

• 1995 Oldsmobile Aurora.

FYI, YOU CAN TEXT 911 ANYTIME YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TALK

Please email your events/information in PDF/WORD/JPEG/GIF or Similar Format so that it can be copied/edited if required to place in the “Appropriate Page or portions of a Page”, by the 12th or sooner of the month before publication. Plus be sure to send Calendar items that might need to be updated or added to this publication.

“SNOWBIRDS” send your email to the editor if you would like the COURIER emailed to you while you are away. thedpcccourier@gmail.com

1. Change your driving pattern when leaving and driving: Returning to your home and/or leaving. Drive around the block and always look for cars that might be following you.

2. If you are followed drive to a friend or the P.D..

3. *Keep your car key fob with alarm next to your bed.

4. ***Audible alarms and wheel boots work for Golf Carts and BIKES.

5. *Light up the exterior of your home. Use as many solar lights as possible around the exterior. And Motion Lights work well too.

6. Put lights on timers and TV/Radio on timers inside your home.

7. Get to know your neighbors, and COP members.

8. Proudly fly a lighted American Flag 24/7.

9. Do Not announce on social media travel plans.

10. The community does not allow solicitors. Never let a stranger in your home or give them information. Call the Police, the Office and/or COP if you encounter a solicitor.

• SEALED DIAPER PKG. (Don’t need to re- turn)

• WHEEL CHAIRS

• WALKERS/SEATS

• WALKERS

• WALKERS W/O WHEELS

• LRG. SHOWER CHAIR

• SML. SHOWER CHAIR

• POTTY CHAIRS

• EASY RIDE

• ELEVATED TOILET SEAT

• REGULAR CANES

• QUAD CANES

• CANES WITH SEATS

• 1 WHEEL CHAIR RAMP

• KNEE WHEELER

• CRUTCHES

• BLOOD PRESSURE MONITOR

• FOAM KNEE SPLINTS

• BED RAILS

• 6 FOLDING CHAIRS

• 2 6’ RECT. TABLE

11. If you are going away for an extended time, sign up with the COP for house checks (forms at Clubhouse, COP Garage Sat.2 & Admin. Office).

12. Be Vigilant, Be Observant, Be a Good Witness, Be Caring without interfering.

13. Don’t be paranoid, Don’t pass rumors, Don’t blame others for your lack of preparation. Never be afraid to call the Police.

14. REMEMBER WHEN CALLING FROM A CELL-PHONE to give your EXACT LOCATION AND ADDRESS.

COP OFFICE 760-328-3556 (24/7) CCPD Non 911760770-0300 + 1

Local Incidents, Calls and concerns

From your C.O.P., during the month. THIS is why we answer the phone 24/7, not a problem just a place to help where we can!

DAILY CALLS/ACTIVITIES

2/13 Trespasser selling car repair. Looked for and posted on bugle, call PD please. Could not find.

2/15 Received call from resident concerned about power outage in home after servicing thermostat. I was able to find circuit main shutoff and I turned in on. We able to have resident get new thermostat from our Ruben.

2/16 Call about children playing on the 12th green. Dispatched golf marshal and texted GM.

2/19 Received call about young woman on drugs sitting in front of Sat1 pool. I talked to the young lady, grand daughter of resident not on drugs, on phone sitting in shade. Very nice young lady, wished well and invited to donuts tomorrow.

2/20 Call from resident concerned about water leak. Not sure hers or parks. Advised to call the office and they would send maintenance bye to check either way.

2/23&24 New residents called about a theft on their property. Police report taken and it appears someone came on patio and took boxes begore they could be moved into the house. Unfortunately this happened and I shared some information about security and more.

2/24 Front gate called about resident told him looking like drug person on hole 8. I advised I am not available to call police.

2/25 Resident called to borrow walker. MEC delivered.

2/27 Call from resident to exchange borrowed shower chair. MEC handled.

3/1 Associate COP reported back gate issue at 6a. Notified GM 6:15am.

3/2 Resident called about gunshot and police in front of home. Police involved in domestic disturbance, police handled situation. I assisted for a couple of hours with resident crime scene blocking.

3/3 Received call to return Medical equipment. MEC handled.

3/3 Received call about participation in yard sale & dpca membership. I advised to refer to DPCA numbers and mentioned the meeting on 3/5.

3/4 Received call requesting electrician. Gave number of handyman I use. And to check the Courier for numbers.

3/4 Resident called about trespasser at home on Andorra, they were unable to get him to leave. I responded and was unable to locate, however I did call the CCPD to do a

check. I called resident reporting back, no answer.

3/4 6:21 PM resident called about construction noise at neighbors house. Advised that the noise ordinance I 7pm. We can call pd if it is necessary after 7, they said not to do that. All ok…

3/4 9:30pm resident call about scooted on the golf course near hole 10711. Responded immediately didn’t locate anyone.

3/6 Resident call about WFA,tank top, shorts no shoes smoking at the back gate. Dispatched COP unable to locate.

3/8 Call to assist with call to gate for family entrance later in the day. I called for the resident.

3/10 resident called requesting table for the yard sale, says called me from flyer. No must have found COP equipment from Courier. Finally connected on 3/11.

3/10 Resident called about WMA walking front 9 looking in houses, looks bad. I didn’t located immediately. Received call from office, WMA sitting on curb in front of office, called PD officer and I arrived same time. Transient was removed, had been visiting “friend” and got lost, very much under the influence, no warrants, so escorted off the property. Good call Thank You Residents and Office.

3/10 810pm Resident told of homeless camp return in the wash by hoe 10. 3/12 7:00 am called Officer Novy PD homeless liaison he will have removed as soon as can get in there.

3/10 Several cars were tagged with Parking Warnings that had been requested by the GM. These are parked in the main parking lot near the Flag. Please do not park there over night or long term without management approval. COP

3/11 7:30am, COP walker found hole in the Dog Walk fence, referred pictures and location to Maintenance Supervisor and GM. Supervisor Jaime completed today.

3/12 Received call to borrow table for the yard sale. Unable to fill request, tables already reserved.

3/13 8:30pm received call from resident about car outside of his home blocking the walk way and driveway. I am unable to respond. Worried EMS would not be able to access him if needed. I advised if fire needs to get in, they will move the car. I called the neighbor to have car moved, LMSG. Resident not satisfied, advised me, “I will take this to next level”.

2025 Citizens On Patrol Executive Board

President: Bill Kelly, (909) 915-7907 desertcop18@gmail.com

Vice President: Steve Young Treasurer: Carolyn Udovich

Recording Secretary: Sara Cardella

Correspondence Secretary: Bill Klaben

Sgt. At Arms: Scott Michaels

Medical Equipment Commissioner: Cherie Young

Golf Cart/Equipment Commissioner: John Udovich

If you are interested in joining your Citizens On Patrol Volunteer Organization please come to a meeting the First Thursday of Each Month in the Sat. 2 COP Office 760-328-3556 or call 909-915-7907.

COP IS NOT A CLUB OR ASSOCIATED WITH ANY OTHER GROUP IN DPCC, WE SUPPORT ALL CLUBS, GROUPS,RESIDENTS, FIRST RESPONDERS AND ELS.

Thank you all who attended this years FORTY SEVENTH ANNUAL Citizens On Patrol Pancake Breakfast fund raiser on Saturday, March 14th. It was a great success, with a HUGE crowd, many donations and great food. A very special Thank You to our Team of volunteers who once again, decorated, hauled grilles, purchased food, cooked, served our community, friends and families. The money raised goes towards: maintaining COP Patrol Golf Carts, Neighborhood Watch Signs, Special Handout Signs and more for all resiThank You Date Palm Country Club, Bill Kelly COP President

Fun

ANSWERS SOMEWHERE IN THIS COURIER

Install this “My Cathedral City” App on your phones to report issues directly to Cathedral City, for appropriate follow up.

Google Cathedral City

Familiarize yourself with our AED’s, very easy to use. (Call 911 First)

FIRST MONDAY NIGHT EVERY MOHTH CLUB CART FOR SALE

We are looking for more players to our regular group. We play the first Monday of the month at 6pm in Satellite 1 card room.

Cost $10 and we ask you to bring an appetizer for 4, either sweet or sour to share. Please call Margaret Costa 925-357-0999 to add your name to the regular list or if interested in being on our sub list.

Date Palm Country Club

Desert Bluegrass/Folk Jam!

Next Jam Session: Sunday, April 12, 2026

Time: 2:00pm – 5:00pm

Main Clubhouse

The music you play is immeasurably valuable. Immeasurable. Because it's real. It's live. Authentic. And yes, it's flawed. Unsteady. Shifting. Beautiful.

(I love repeating this line because it’s so true.)

Pickers and Grinners are all welcome.

Singing is not required, but is always encouraged.

If you wish to jam, please RSVP TO: Denise (Dede) Ondishko email: dmondishko@MSN.com Phone:757-277-5376. Any other questions or concerns, call Mary Linhart 925.785.3100.

COME ON DOWN!

And if you want more…

WEDNESDAY NIGHT: Open Mic at Shadow Mountain at 6:30PM (73800 Ironwood Rd, Palm Desert). Come play your originals. Come play that favorite cover you've been laboring over! Or sing and Dede will accompany you on the Steinway.

FRIDAY NIGHT: Traditional Irish Session at Shadow Mountain Golf Course 6:30PM (73800 Ironwood Rd, Palm Desert) Have dinner and get your Irish on!

WEDNESDAY

APRIL 8TH THE LAST FOR THE SEASON

April 2026

1 WATER AEROBICS 8a

PICKLE BALL 730

BIBLE STDY. 10a BINGO 6PM 2 WATER AEROBICS 8a

MTG 3p

6P

6PM

6P

730

1p

COFFEE & DONUTS

WATER AEROBICS 8a PICKLE BALL 730

1p

1p

WATER AEROBICS 8a PICKLE BALL 730

BIBLE STDY. 10a BINGO 6PM last one 4

COFFEE & DONUTS 11 WATER AEROBICS 8a PICKLE BALL 730

730

1p

WATER

8a

BALL 730

STDY. 10a

WATER AEROBICS 8a

BALL 730 BIBLE STDY. 10a

WATER AEROBICS 8a POKER 6P AEROBICS 8a

COFFEE & DONUTS

PICKLE BALL 730

25 WATER AEROBICS 8a

PICKLE BALL 730

8a POKER 6P

BALL 730

1p

1p

BALL 730

6P

16 WATER AEROBICS 8a PICKLE BALL 730

8a

1p

6P

STDY. 10a

WATER AEROBICS 8a

& DONUTS 23 WATER AEROBICS 8a PICKLE BALL 730

WATER AEROBICS 8a PICKLE BALL 730

& DONUTS

DATE PALM COMMUNITY RESIDENT TELEPHONE/ADDRESS

LIST

If you want to participate, please send your name(s) Last, First, Address, Phone Number (or any combination, with or without Name, Phone or Address). Send to: thedpcccourier@gmail.com or text to 909-915-7907) NAME

Abatangelo, Randy 184 Orontes Way 760-218-9421

Abney, Bruce 189 Orontes Way 760-641-6657

Aguilar, Ben 226 Calle Leandro 970-376-0747

Aguilar, John 189 Orontes Way 760-285-6906

Aldrich, Patricia ** 520 Calle Madrigal 619-322-6611

Allen, Richard Jay ** 526 Calle Madrigal 760-902-0976

Altreide, Loren 314 Via Don Benito 760-668-8776

Becerra, Valerie 94 Paseo Laredo No 707-362-1663

Block, Judy 393 Paseo Laredo So 503-780-9339

Block, Stephen 393 Paseo Laredo So 503-970-6504

Bohos, Mark 70 Paseo Laredo No 209-480-0291

Bonventure, Howard 168 Ave Orontes 205-592-9059

Bonventure, Peter 168 Ave Orontes 205-234-4723

Cain, Robert & Janice 481 Calle Madrigal 760-770-3572

Cardella, Sara * 420 Paseo Lareo So 760-702-2006

Carril, Roland 381 Andorra 951-243-4405

Collett, Paul 314 Via Don Benito 415-319-3990

Corral, Anita ** 76 Via Minorca 619-200-1666

Costa, Maragaret 416 Paseo Laredo So 925-357-0999

DeMerit, Abe 223 Calle Leandro 760-992-4558

DeMerit, Roberta 223 Calle Leandro 760-992-4878

Denzer, Lenni & Jim 164 Av Orontes 951-500-6370

Dowling, Michael 363 Av. Andorra 951-532-2196

Evans, Alan 80 Via Minorca 760-898-9429

Evans, Glenn * 177 Av Orontes 760-321-4334

Ferm, Rita 96 Paseo Laredo No 909-754-4294

Ferm, Stan 96 Paseo Laredo No 909-754-4463

Flareau, Dana 424 Paseo Laredo So 760-534-8187

Flareau, Les 424 Paseo Laredo So 760-673-5706

Fournier, Michael 430 Calle Madrigal 760-567-1353

Hale, Robert ** 93 Paseo Laredo No 760-968-1600

Harju, Bill & Peggy 368 Ave Andorra 360-621-9083

Henderson, Pearl ** 135 Via Estrada 951-312-7281

Johnson, Elaine 81 Via Minorca 760-321-1374

Gadbois, Shirley 445 Paseo Perdido 760-202-3411

Gardner, Marty (Martha) 128 Via Estrada 707-484-8799

Gros, Betty 23 Via Val Verde 760-324-6335

Kelly, Bill * 515 Cerritos Way 909-915-7907

Kelly, Mary * 515 Cerritos Way 909-915-7934

Kiger, Chris 417 Paseo Laredo So 949-375-2159

King, Mike 48 Paseo Laredo No 847-650-2050

Klaben, Bill * 537 Cerritos Way 408-3752027

Klaben, Kate 537 Cerritos Way 408-375-0226

Knecht, Jackie ** 355 Andorra Way 775-335-7326

Koppert, Ron * 225 Calle Leandro 612-836-3000

Krogstad, Randall 235 Marisma Way 602-690-9279

Laguna, Frank 355 Andorra Way 775-335-7326

Lewis, Lisa 450 Paseo Perdido 818-402-2730

Lyckman, Sher 125 Via Valverde 760-272-9680

Linhart, M. Mary ** 332 Via Don Benito 925-785-3100

Lopez, Gregory 70 Paseo Laredo No 209-480-4734

Maag, Phillip 420 Paseo Laredo So 760-835-9114

Marks, Scott 48 Paseo Laredo No 847-650-0300

Meehan, John 184 Orontes Way 760-218-4910

Mobley, Dan 212 Marisma Way 760-408-8081

Mobley, Deb 212 Marisma Way 310-753-2493

Monte, James * 230 Marisma Way 707-291-7356

Mortis, Jeanne 419 Paseo Laredo So 760-423-3171

Obrien, Peter 39 Paseo Laredo No 760-507-6599

Orozco, Henry 204 Ave. Orontes 310-261-0228

Ortega, Barb 380 Av. Andorra 760-285-7845

Paine, Gene 386 Av, Andorra 425-241-7317

Paine, Linda 386 Av. Andorra 760-338-1849

Parkhurst, Kathi * 393 Paseo Laredo So 760-285-1262

Ponce, Joe 381 Andorra 951-243-4531

Rockwell, Sheryl 499 Paseo Perdido 760-413-9554

Sasman, Barbara 494 Calle Madrigal 760-898-8536

Schmitt, David 97 Paseo Laredo No 760-835-0444

Sharp, Joy 41 Paseo Laredo No 980-829-9613

Spratley, Genie 440 Calle Madrigal 909-331-7620

Spratley, John * 440 Calle Madrigal 760-699-7124

Steen, Mike * 232 Marisma Way 310-925-9514

Stallman, Charles 313 Via Don Benito 760-408-8467

Steinberg, Kayde 495 Calle Madrigal 760-699-8359

Stevenson, Walter 80 Via Minorca 760-883-0148

St. John, Phyllis * 226 Calle Leandro 818-274-2060

Stowell, David 97 Paseo Laredo No 760-835-1333

Sullivan, Kaaren 276 Ave Andorra 520-906-4122

Swager, Hadrian * 383 Av Andorra 442-434-8169

Swager, Terri 383 Av Andorra 442-307-9874

Tenner, Dori 503 Cerritos Way 503-646-5866

Thomas, Jeff 428 Calle Madrigal 912-996-5021

Thomas, Susan 428 Calle Madrigal 912-996-3648

Tucholke, Kevin 235 Marisma Way 602-402-2526

Udovich, Carolyn * 115 Via Val Verde 925-783-2866

Udovich, John * 115 Via Val Verde 925-628-3377

Warnecke, Gene ** 229 Calle Leandro 786-440-4685

Warnecke, Maria ** 229 Calle Leandro 858-518-6187

Williams, Tom 93 Paseo Laredo No 760-406-1600

Woosley, Sharon 130 Via Estrada 360-910-3075

Yonchik, Jim 421 Paseo Laredo So 562-972-1460

Young, Cherie * 99 Paseo Laredo No. 310-613–7031

Young, Steve * 99 Paseo Laredo No. 213-309-0905

Puzzles and Word Games you

Paul Revere Southern Flower

Adams Belfry

Boston

British

By land

By sea Church

Concord

Dawes

Firing

Grenadiers

Hancock

Horse Lantern Lexington March Midnight North end Patriot Paul Platoon Revere Revolution Ride Signal Silversmith Troops

Warren

Across

1.Computer memory units

5.High school class

8.Need for fishermen

9.Regrets

11.Jason’s ship

12.“Cogito, ___ sum”

13.It isn’t silver or gold

15.Long, long time

16.Some baby toys

21.Cosmetic additive

22.Hokkaido people

24.Poet Angelou

25.___ tide

26.Battle of Britain grp.

27.Opens a door

Down

1.CEO’s degree

2.Make, as money

3.Garbage in, garbage out

4.Unhearing

5.Largest island in the world

6.Circular domed

dwelling

7.Prefix with phone

10.Costa del ___

14.Jersey call

16.Battering device

17.Winged

18.Spanish painter

19.In ___ of

20.A breeze

23.Bull markets

How to solve sudoku puzzles

April Sudoku

No math is required to solve a sudoku. You only need logic and patience.

Simply make sure that each 3x3 square region has only one instance of the numbers 1-9. Similarly, each number can only

appear once in a column or row in the larger grid. The difficulty on this puzzle is easy.

The headline is a clue to the answer in the diagonal.

TRIVIA TEASER

I Feel Like a Number

1.What actor was offered the role of 007 for The Living Daylights, but lost out due to his contractual obligations for the TV series Remington Steele? a-Colin Firth, b-Tom Selleck, c-Pierce Brosnan, d-Stellan Skarsgard.

2.What number was assigned to the captive title character on TV's The Prisoner? a-2, b-3, c-5, d-6.

3.Zero, Plato and Killer are friends of the title character of what comic strip? a-"Beetle Bailey," b-"Betty Boop," c-"Little Iodine," d-"Zippy the Pinhead."

4.Who played the former Borg, Seven of Nine, on Star Trek: Voyager? a-Jeri Ryan, b-Roxann Dawson, c-Jennifer Lien, d-Suzie Plakson.

5.Who played Number Two, the head henchman of Dr. Evil, in the Austin Powers movies? a-Will Patton, b-Bill Campbell, c-Robert Wagner, d-Samuel L. Jackson.

6.What rock band had a 1980 hit with the song "Hey 19?" a-Blood, Sweat & Tears, b-Steely Dan, c-The Edgar Winter Group, d-ZZ Top.

7.In 1963, Charles Schulz added a new kid to the "Peanuts" neighborhood whose name consisted of what number? a-3, b-4, c-5, d-7.

8.Zero Mostel won a Tony Award for his performance as the title character in which Broadway musical? a-Jesus Christ: Superstar, b-The Music Man, c-Pal Joey, d-Fiddler on the Roof.

9.Which title TV character had a best friend named Six? a-Hannah Montana, bBlossom, c-Punky Brewster, d-Moesha.

10.Maxwell Smart was Agent 86 on TV's Get Smart. What was the number assigned to his partner-wife, played by Barbara Feldon? a-13, b-24, c-36, d-99.

QUOTES

All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.

Martin Buber

No idea is final.

Taika Waititi

I would unite with anybody to do right; and with nobody to do wrong.

Frederick Douglass

I feel that we're all lighthouses, and my job is to shine my light as brightly as I can to the darkness.

Jim Carrey

Happiness is a simple, frugal heart.

Nikos Kazantzakis

In a dark time, the eye begins to see.

Theodore Roethke

Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier.

Sri Chinmoy

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.

George Harrison

The point is not to pay back kindness but to pass it on.

Julia Alvarez

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

Carl Sandburg

For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.

Carl Sagan

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.

Richard Bach

The lighter side

Psychiatry seminar

Psychiatry students were attending their first seminar. It was on emotional extremes. The professor wanted to establish some parameters, so he asked what they would say was the opposite of joy.

"Sadness," replied Mr. Nichols.

Ms. Biggs defined the opposite of depression as elation.

"And Mr. Martin, what is the opposite of woe?"

Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddyup!"

The speeder

A man is stopped by police for speeding and the officer asks him for his license.

"I don't have one," the man says. "It was taken away for drunk driving."

So the officer asks for the man's vehicle registration.

"I don't have one," the man says. "This car is stolen and I've murdered the owner and stuck him in the trunk."

At this point, the officer calls for backup and in no time 10 police cars surround the stopped speeder.

The sergeant on the scene approaches the car and orders the man to open his trunk. He does and it is empty. The sergeant then asks for the man's driver's license. The man pulls out a valid license and vehicle registration.

"I don't get it," the sergeant says, "My officer here says you told him you had no license or registration and that you stole this car."

The man shakes his head and says, "I bet that liar told you I was speeding too."

Answer to 'I Feel Like a Number'

1-c, Pierce Brosnan 2-d, 6

3-a, "Beetle Bailey" 4-a, Jeri Ryan

5-c, Robert Wagner

6-b, Steely Dan 7-c, 5 8-d, Fiddler on the Roof 9-b, Blossom 10-d, 99

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