September 2023

Catherine & Taylor Sledge

On social media, kids, and boundaries

● Robert St. John celebrates 40 years of sobriety

● How to dress to boost your mood

PUBLISHER

MS Christian Living, Inc.

EDITOR

Katie Eubanks

katie@mschristianliving.com

ART/GRAPHIC DESIGN

Sandra Goff

SALES

Ginger Gober, Teresa Howell

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Chris Bates, Chris Fields, Shay Greenwood, Sergio Gutierrez, Dr. Siyuan Chen Kennedy, Dr. Shane Stanford, Dr. LaTesha W. Thomas

COVER PHOTOGRAPHY

Stegall Imagery

DISTRIBUTION ASSISTANTS

Rachel and Nettie Schulte, Jerri and Sammy Strickland, Rachel and Bob Whatley

Mississippi Christian Living

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Mississippi Christian Living is committed to encouraging individuals in their daily lives by presenting the faith stories of others and by providing information that will point every person, at every stage of life, to a deeper, authentic, personal, and life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ. Views expressed in Mississippi Christian Living do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the Mississippi Christian Living staff to insure accuracy of the publication contents. However, we do not guarantee the accuracy of all information nor the absence of errors and omissions; hence, no responsibility can be or is assumed. All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2023 by MS Christian Living, Inc.

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Dr. Shane Stanford (pictured with his wife, Pokey) has

and Hepatitis C

Read what his

taught him about faith on page 14.

STEGALL IMAGERY

39 years,

Yes, God cares about your mental health

Iwas watching an episode of “The Crown” * the other night, and at one point I was struck by how closely Queen Elizabeth’s aides were following her.

In the scene, the queen receives a shocking revelation over the phone from the prime minister — news involving not only the British government but a close member of her family. She tells the prime minister, “Leave it with me,” hangs up the phone, and starts walking up a staircase back toward a friend with whom she’s been visiting. Elizabeth is doubtless trying to process what she’s just heard. In a moment, she’ll have to tell her friend their visit is over.

And there are her aides, walking so closely behind her they could trip on her shoes.

I wouldn’t have been surprised if Olivia Colman, the Oscar-winning actress portraying Elizabeth that season, had turned around and said, “Could you two please give me some space?!” I would’ve wanted to — whether I was the real queen or the Netflix version.

Even extroverts (and I don’t think Elizabeth was one) need time to themselves. On the other hand, even introverts need time around other people. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says there is “a time for every matter under heaven,” and I believe that includes time alone and time in fellowship.

Since Stephen and I are introverts, we try to set aside regular time for ourselves individually, though often under the same roof. This gives us some breathing room in the

midst of a lot of togetherness, which we’re still getting used to as newlyweds.

We’re also learning how to balance work and rest. He’s getting a little more sleep than when he was single, since he has a reason not to work late. I’ve been planning and organizing my time better, thanks to his influence.

I’m glad to be taking on some of Stephen’s proactive tendencies. I feel better on a Sunday afternoon when I’ve taken time to jot down my work goals for the week. However, I have overdone it a couple times. Instead of spending the weekend in laziness, my pendulum swings to the other extreme, and I feel obligated to fill the weekend with tasks. By Sunday afternoon, I’m crying in the closet and begging God to let me off the hook.

Fortunately, I stop long enough to ask myself: Is God the one who put me on the hook? Often the answer is no.

This is a small example of how God cares about our mental health more than we do. Certainly, He calls us to lay down our lives when we follow Him, and we’ll endure hard seasons that test our mental fortitude as believers. But He also calls us to Sabbath. He calls us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves — and if we aren’t taking care of ourselves, how can we expect to care for our neighbor? He calls us to His yoke, not our own; He tells us His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30).

Sometimes God calls me to do something

hard, and I have to remember: His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. His aim isn’t to make me miserable. This calling is ultimately good for me.

Sometimes He calls me to rest, and I have to remember: His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. I shouldn’t pick up things that He hasn’t asked me to carry today.

I know the little work-vs.-rest struggle I’ve described above is petty compared to what some of you are wrestling with. Maybe you’re in a place that feels hopeless, you can’t figure out your next move, and you feel like God is acting intentionally mysterious about it all. I’ve been there.

Please know that your heavenly Father has tender compassion for you; He loves you; He is for you; and He will show you the next step if you will trust Him. Sometimes it’s through scripture, a sermon, a loved one, a friend, a small group, or a Christian counselor — and sometimes, it takes longer than we think it should — but don’t give up. Don’t quit asking Him for help. He will not fail you. Y

*While “The Crown” seems mostly tame (I’m on season 3 of 5), viewer discretion is advised, especially for season 2. I’d recommend looking up a summary of each episode’s content before watching.

Katie Eubanks Ginn katie@mschristianliving.com

STEGALL IMAGERY

Interviewing Taylor and Catherine Sledge about kids, social media and mental health.

Woodcarvings

Ceiling Medallions

Cabinet Doors and Hardware

Cabinet Posts and Legs

Dovetail Drawer Boxes

The bear within

While I have not stood close to a grizzly bear, I have encountered them in a couple of different settings. Needless to say, they are to be feared and respected. They have natural instincts that are dominant and can be ruthless by design.

On a fly fishing trip in Alaska, we were flying low in a 1969 Beaver floatplane heading to a section of the Agulukpak River when we came over an open meadow less than a mile from our planned landing spot. In the meadow, a massive male grizzly was standing over a mule deer carcass. The pilot/guide was not comfortable with us landing to fish that area because of that active bear, so we diverted to an area a number of miles upriver.

Years later, my wife and I were on a wildlife viewing venture outside of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Near the end of the outing, we drove into a large valley when the guide suddenly stopped the truck and told us to grab the spotting scope. Less than 200 yards away, we watched a mother grizzly supervising her two cubs feeding themselves on the remains of an adult cow elk. Among the many other species we watched that day, that scene stuck out to us as both awe- and fear-inspiring.

The vast majority of us do not have to encounter a grizzly bear in the wild. A good many of us do, though, encounter our own predatory beasts in life. Addiction is one of those. Alcoholism and addiction are not exclusive to certain populations, ages, or gender. Addiction is stealthy, determined, and ruthless.

It is unapologetic, and it makes prisoners of those around the person that it impacts.

I watched one of my grandfathers go from community leader and bank president to unable to hold a job, and back again. He struggled in and out of sobriety, putting together almost eight good years of recovery before his other mental health challenges became too much. My other grandfather more subtly increased his drinking to the point that we were no longer allowed to spend time with him fishing and in the outdoors as we had when I was young. I treasure volumes of memories with both of these great men, but I also witnessed the quiet monster of addiction bring them to their ends.

Perhaps due to that genetic string, that same monster became part of my story. From ages 14 to 23, my own world became entangled with this relentless disease. Despite the love and support of a great family and a life filled with opportunities, friends, and amazing people, a hole developed inside of me that could only be filled by numbing out. Lostness and brokenness began to define me. Slowly but surely, that predator settled in with external consequences, but more importantly, tore away at my insides at a soul level without me having realized it. I had good intentions and boundless abilities but could no longer connect those to success.

Through grace and the efforts of my family, I was taken to a treatment program and began to find a new life. Once introduced to recovery, I was able to get the help that I did not even realize I needed so badly. Most importantly, the

relationship with my Creator that I had blocked myself from began to be restored and grow. I learned from so many before me that there was a spiritual solution. New chapters in my story began to be written that allowed me to follow the path that others laid out for me into a true relationship with God.

Jesus reminds us in John 12:24, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” While addiction is without mercy if not arrested, there is great hope in recovery from it. Christ paints the ultimate picture of hope. A life that moves with help from denial and damage into sobriety and solution is filled with grace, hope, and usefulness.

Make no mistake — for those who have found recovery, that bear is still there. It sleeps quietly but is no less dangerous if disturbed. God’s grace, recovery, and the opportunity to pull the next man into the lifeboat can keep that bear at bay. May those who most need it find that path and then share it. Y

Chris Bates is CEO and co-founder of AgoraEversole a full-service marketing agency in Jackson, and can be reached at Chris@AgoraEversole.com. He and his wife, Stacy, and their children live in Madison.

SECRETS THAT KILL A story of resilience through recovery

As a child, I had “secrets” with friends and siblings. Sneaking off to the store, hanging out, and sharing stories of first loves and first kisses. Those were the secrets that made friendships and relationships fun; however, some secrets are not good to keep. Instead of smiles, they bring destruction into the lives of those who keep them.

Growing up, I witnessed how addiction ravaged through our family, burned through relationships, and degraded the wholesome Southern family values we were taught. I’ve also witnessed how a family can press through the issues of addiction with resiliency and walk into recovery. Resiliency is not easy to attain, but it can be done just as recovery can. Resiliency isn’t something bestowed upon you once. It is a muscle that can be strengthened by the forces that break down the family fabric, i.e., lies, stealing, mental health issues, homelessness, domestic violence, and a whole plethora of social ills.

Addiction is not solely an individual or family issue; it is also a societal issue that requires a holistic approach that involves more than one system to be a solid foundation for recovery. Once an individual is ready to confront addiction, families can learn how to process their feelings and establish real boundaries that support the individual rather

than enabling the addictive behaviors — in essence, families can rebuild, reestablish and restore familial bonds.

I can testify that individuals and families are resilient and can recover from addiction. I witnessed many of my family members disintegrate from fun-loving individuals into a shell of themselves, creating a sense of anxiety around us. I also witnessed the power of God to restore them to wholeness and sobriety. With that, God restored our relationships with one another and our faith in Him. So if you happen to be reading this article today, I would like to think that it’s not by chance and that God is in the midst and wants you to know that as far as possibilities go, everything is possible to the person who BELIEVES (Mark 9:23). Y

Dr. LaTesha W. Thomas is owner and operator of PACE Synervations LLC, which is a private counseling, Christian life coaching and consulting practice; and she works as a full-time social worker with the Mississippi State Department of Health. LaTesha can be found at facebook.com/latesha.thomas.9; on her business Facebook page, PACE Synervations Counseling, Coaching & Consulting; and on YouTube and Instagram as LaTesha W. Thomas. You may also email her at info@pacesynervations.com.

Don’t just ‘receive’ — repent!

As Christians, when we come to Christ, we say we have “received salvation,” as if there aren’t any more actions or steps we need to take. But repentance isn’t just a confession: It’s a conscious action. In 1 Corinthians 1:18, Paul says that for “us who are being saved,” the message of the cross is the wisdom of God. We have to choose to live in that wisdom.

When we repent, we recognize the unfavorable outcomes of our actions (such as spiritual death, the wages of sin); we accept the fact that our actions (sin) are the root cause of our adversity (spiritual death); and we repent of (turn from) those actions. Repentance, however, isn’t a one-time action but an ongoing process, because as believers, we still have to learn the right actions and then act accordingly — and we can only learn over time as we understand God’s Word and His requirements and put them into practice.

As believers, we are called to put this repentance process on loop in every aspect of our lives, for the rest of our lives. Eventually we grow enough to where we can run this cycle prior to an action (stop sin before it starts), as we achieve greater levels of wisdom and foresight.

But as long as we continue to embark on the same action, we won’t be saved from the adverse outcome(s). Let’s take our health, for instance. We eat what we want when we want it, and however much of it we want. We gain weight; then we stress. We fail to be physically active. We gain more weight, and we stress some more. Then we don’t eat regularly and take ourselves through long periods of fasting, and we lose weight

for a month or so, then our body adjusts and begins to conserve what we do eat to keep us energized. Now we begin to gain more weight and don’t know what to do, so we start stressing again.

Now our internal systems begin to malfunction, our energy levels are extremely low, and we begin urinating a lot. Our eyesight starts blurring and we become extremely thirsty. We begin to experience episodes of delirium. We start experiencing episodic feelings of pressure in our chest. Then we pass out and wake up in the hospital. We find out we’ve experienced a heart attack, diabetes complications or a stroke, and we had never been diagnosed with diabetes or knew we were susceptible to a heart attack or stroke.

We pray for God’s healing, and immediately God grants salvation in this form: The doctor gives you a prescription regimen and refers you to a healthcare team to empower you with correct information on the steps you need to take and the life you need to live to avoid this lifethreatening event in the future. Here are some of the steps they are trained to teach you: Healthy Eating, Active Living (HEAL). Will you accept God’s salvation? Y

Chris Fields is the founder and executive director of H.E.A.L. Mississippi and a graduate in kinesiology with advance studies in nutrition. He serves as a clinical exercise physiologist/CPT and is credentialed in Exercise Is Medicine through American College of Sports Medicine.

Move Better.

Empowering the diverse abilities of students through an individualized approach to education in a supportive, innovative and transformative environment.

Small Student-to-Teacher Ratio | Workforce Development Program | On-Site Support Services

Accredited and approved by the Mississippi Department of Education to accept students receiving dyslexia therapy scholarships and Education Scholarship Account (ESA) funds.

The race for our lives

As a person living with HIV and AIDS, my entire life has been a race. A race against illness and disease, against fear and uncertainty, against discrimination and prejudice. A race against time. Sure, the race has been difficult, with many twists and turns — from growing up a hemophiliac to discovering my HIV and Hep-C status at 16 to watching how the secrecy of my HIV status affected the emotional life of our family and relationships.

It is a journey with spiritual struggles and tension — from watching my denomination struggle over whether to ordain me to being rejected by the first church to which I was appointed as pastor.

And certainly, it is a race with great loss and disillusionment — from the loss of dear friends to the disease, to the loss of others due to the fear surrounding it.

No, it has not been easy. It has pushed me to trust beyond what I can see and understand — even, at times, pressing the limits of my faith, not necessarily as much for God as for God’s people.

Certainly, this is not a path I would have

chosen. But oddly enough, so many miles into the journey, I would not trade it with anyone.

You see, my illnesses have afforded me an incredible glimpse of what God offers in this world and the best for what God’s people can become. This journey informs me about God’s call for each to respond faithfully as God’s children and teaches all of us who call ourselves “Christian” important lessons that potentially can change our world.

Lessons about time. Because of my illness, I am reminded each day that time is a privilege given to us by God, a luxury afforded to us with the possibility that each of us can make a difference in this world.

Lessons about relationships. I am blessed with a beautiful wife, three wonderful daughters, two amazing sons-in-law, and countless family and friends who remind me that the most important things we do in this world are not done alone.

Lessons about simplicity. More, bigger, and nicer pale in comparison to simple things like sunsets with those you love and the laughter of children at play.

And most important, lessons about real faith.

Personally, my illnesses remind me every day that, with God’s grace, what I need, I have — and what I have is sufficient. Sufficient to confront the struggles of my health and the uncertainties of tomorrow. Sufficient to meet the needs of others if we, the body of Christ (when we truly live like it) with all its imperfections, holds as the hope of the world this gospel that says God passionately loves the unlovable, the marginalized, and the forgotten.

Illness, struggle, or suffering are not easy for any of us. But it is a journey with real lessons for each step along the path, and if we listen carefully, it can teach us much about loving God and each other.

So, friends, I keep running this race so that one day I can take hold of that which God has planned for me from the start. Press on, Paul says — victory is in sight. Y

Dr. Shane Stanford is the Executive Director/CEO of The Moore-West Center for Applied Theology and President of JourneyWise.Network. An author of 19 books, Shane is an ordained Methodist minister with 30 years of pastoral experience.

If you aren’t sure whether you have a relationship with God or where you’ll go when you die, please don’t put this magazine down until you’ve read the following:

✝ THE PROBLEM

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death … – Romans 6:23a

The natural result and consequence of our sin is eternal death, or hell (Revelation 20:15), separated from God. This is because God is completely perfect and holy (Matthew 5:48), and His justice demands that sin be punished (Proverbs 11:21).

✝ THE SOLUTION

… but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:23b

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8

Jesus Christ died in our place on the cross and took on the punishment for all our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then God raised Him from the dead (John 20)!

HOW TO RECEIVE SALVATION

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. – Romans 10:9

Trust in what Jesus has done for you — His death for your sins and His resurrection — and trust Him as Lord.

IS IT FOR ANYONE?

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – Romans 10:13

THE RESULTS

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 5:1

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39

WHAT TO DO NEXT

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. – Romans 10:17

If you decided to trust in Jesus, grow in your faith by reading more of God’s Word in the Bible. We recommend the gospel of John (it comes just after Luke) as a good starting point — or Romans!

Finding a church close to you that teaches faith in Christ is another important step. It’s crucial to spend time with other believers so we can encourage each other in our faith.

If you have questions about anything on this page, please contact us at 601.896.1432, or send us a message on Facebook @MSChristianLiving, Instagram @mschristianmag or Twitter @MSChristLiving.

Osprey takes flight to free kids from social media

Kids + social media*

● 2 hours a day linked to sleep problems.

● 2 hours a day linked to suicide / depressive symptoms among adolescent girls.

● More than 2 hours a week negatively correlates with self-reported happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem.

● More screen use can lead to more anxiety, depression, and self-harm; “induced ADHD” (poor concentration/focus, impulsivity); and problems with language, executive function, and reading (lower test scores in these areas).

Let one fact be clear: Catherine and Taylor Sledge are not anti-social media. They’ve been using it since the early 2000s, when Taylor’s screen name on AOL Instant Messenger was Hammer2003. (“Thank you so much for sharing that,” Taylor deadpans to Catherine.)

Like billions of others, the Sledges use Facebook and Instagram to share about causes that are important to them, as well as their work and personal lives. Catherine might post a photo of Taylor and one of their boys fishing. Taylor might share a picture of a frog he captured in their swimming pool.

But the Sledges know two things: 1. They were just fine before social media entered their lives, and 2. Their kids can thrive without social media, too, especially while they’re young and vulnerable to its pitfalls.

On August 1, Catherine and Taylor, along with Mississippians Ben and Erin Napier of HGTV’s “Home Town,” launched Osprey, a nonprofit movement for parents who want to keep their children free of social media through high school. Osprey is based around “nests,” local groups of likeminded parents and families who can create community so their kids don’t feel like “the only one.”

But Osprey isn’t just about keeping kids away from something: It’s also an acronym that stands for Old School Parents Raising Engaged Youth. “We want to encourage kids toward something,” Catherine says. “We’re trying to foster social lives without social media.”

From chat rooms to Snapchat

Right around the time Taylor was attending freshman convocation at The University of Mississippi in 2003, Harvard undergraduate Mark Zuckerberg was working on an algorithm for what would become Facebook.

After some initial hesitation — “I’m not getting on that dumb thing,” Taylor recalls

* Statistics presented by Dr. Adriana Stacey at Osprey launch on August 1, 2023.

PHOTOS BY STEGALL IMAGERY

thinking — he followed his friends onto the platform. “It was a fun, interesting thing to increase our connection,” he says. “I definitely considered (social media a) mostly healthy experience when it first began.”

The current dangers lurking on social media are nothing new. Anybody remember child predators in chat rooms? Unfortunately, those dangers have only multiplied over the last 20 years, Catherine says.

“Social media is not bad. It’s a tool (that) can be used in good ways or bad ways.”

Even if nobody was preying on children via Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and other social media, these apps could bring about other problems if used in excess — and not just for kids.

“(With) the general self-focus (of social media),” Taylor says, “we’ve lost a realm of self-awareness.”

In short: “It’s gotten weird.”

Social media and children

The Sledges asked that their three boys not appear on the cover of this magazine, a request MCL happily granted.

“We’ve always been aware of the privacy of

our children,” Catherine says. “(And) we don’t post too many pictures of them (on social media). I know enough to know how much I don’t know. … There’s a healthy fear.”

What she and Taylor do know is pretty scary. When kids use social media, they can be “exposed to big-people situations” long before they’re ready, Catherine says. “Their frontal lobe isn’t developed until 23 to 25 years old.”

More specifically, “(Too much screen time) can literally change the size of a child’s brain,”

Catherine says. “If they are so focused on this one little square in front of their face, they’re not having as many experiences as they’re meant to have as children, and their brain will not grow as much.”

Numerous studies have shown that the more time children spend on social media, the more likely they are to experience anxiety, depression, anorexia, and other mental health problems, she says.

When the Sledges and the Napiers launched Osprey in Oxford, Mississippi, psychiatrist Dr. Adriana Stacey joined them onstage at the Ford Center and shared numerous statistics about social media use in children (see box on previous page).

Part of the problem is the sheer amount of information that kids consume on social media, Taylor says:

“If you’re a young person interacting with millions, maybe billions of people, it makes you feel insignificant and concerned. When you’re 7, you’re not supposed to be that worried.”

Dr. Stacey compared social media use to taking ibuprofen, Catherine says: “If a child takes an adult dosage, it could kill them.” (Even many of us adults would admit we often “overdose” ourselves.)

Despite experiencing the anxiety caused by excessive social media use, kids often fight their parents when they try to enforce boundaries around it.

“(Dr. Stacey’s) practice has become much more focused on adolescents with screen addictions,” Catherine says.

Story continues on page 20

“We want to encourage kids toward something,” Catherine says. “We’re trying to foster social lives without social media.”

From left: Ben and Erin Napier, stars of HGTV’s Laurel-based “Home Town,” and Catherine and Taylor Sledge. The Napiers and the Sledges partnered to launch Osprey.

“ We want there to be a world where children can interact with technology without being under strange social obligations.”

– Taylor Sledge

PHOTO BY STEGALL IMAGERY

Forming an Osprey nest Exhibit A for why social media isn’t inherently bad: It’s how the Sledges and the Napiers became friends. The two couples attended Ole Miss at the same time but didn’t connect until later, when Erin replied to one of Taylor’s Instagram stories.

By the time Erin wanted to launch Osprey, her Instagram chat with Taylor had led to a dear friendship between the Napiers and the Sledges. So Erin reached out to Catherine.

“(She) said, ‘You’ve got the logistics and detail side of the brain … Will you do this with me?’” Catherine recalls. “And I said, ‘Yes!’”

Catherine is president of Osprey; Erin is CEO; and Ashley Meena, the wife of C Spire CEO Hu Meena, is vice president.

So how does Osprey work? Simple: Go to OspreyKids.com, click Join, and enter your email address. You’ll receive an Osprey Guidebook and all the necessary info to start your own nest and get the support you need. “There’s nothing top-down about this,” Catherine says.

“Find a group of like-minded parents and families in your area, ideally at your same school. Grow your nest. Get ahead of it. You can support one another. You’re making decisions as a group so kids have friends and won’t feel like they’re the only one (without social media).”

The idea is for nests to meet periodically, Catherine says. And Osprey will email more resources from time to time.

That all sounds well and good — but what

about the parents of, say, a 14-year-old who’s already been allowed on social media for a year or two?

The Sledges admit that scenario is tougher. “(Social media is) something we’ve never really introduced (to our boys),” Taylor says.

However, regardless of your child’s age or prior social media use, “I really think the best way to (free them from social media) is to decide what you believe, find someone else you trust … and begin to create that consensus for that child,” Taylor says.

“We try to replace all the indoor distractions with a lot of outdoor ones,” Taylor says of his family’s adventures, including this one at the Rio Grande at Big Bend National Park in Texas.

The Sledges’ middle son, Amos, in the family garden in Ridgeland.

“ Everybody’s two handshakes away (in Mississippi). ... We can get things done fast, build relationships. (Ben and Erin Napier) could’ve asked for Carnegie Hall (to launch Osprey, but they chose Oxford). I cannot stress enough how much of a blessing it is to be able to live here and start things here.”

Taylor Sledge

“A 14-year-old is a headstrong person. But if there is a way for them to have one friend, two friends with the same beliefs … ”

Osprey isn’t the only resource, Catherine says. “There’s an organization called ScreenStrong. (They’re) developing a curriculum for kids. (And) it’s not necessarily about going completely cold turkey (but maybe) replacing (social media) with something — some way they can communicate with their friends.”

Finding other activities can also help, she says. “Instead of spending four hours on TikTok or Instagram, why not work on your ballet? Or basketball?”

For their part, the Sledges replace “indoor distractions” with outdoor ones, Taylor says. Road trips, hunting and fishing often fill up the family calendar.

Again, none of that is easy, especially if you’re raising a stubborn child who’s gotten acclimated to scrolling for hours. Taylor acknowledges that parenting is “one of the biggest challenges you can take on,” and that every household is “a custom situation.” The last thing Osprey wants to do is put parents on a guilt trip for letting their kids watch TikTok.

“We know it’s easy to use social media to cut the noise,” he says. “And there are a lot of parents who have raised kids with love and intention in their heart, and they have guilt or shame (over their kids’ social media use). What I would say to that parent is, if you’re trying … kudos to you. We’ve got to start somewhere.”

Connecting and protecting

By the time you read this article, the Sledges hope to have held the first meeting of their Osprey nest with several other couples. The Sledges have explained to their two older boys why they don’t have social media, though the oldest might get a cell phone with limited capabilities (not social media) before too long.

C Spire has helped make those restrictions “stickier,” Taylor says, via the Connect & Protect phone plan for kids, which allows parents to track their child’s location, restrict content, limit screen time, and set boundaries for social media.

It isn’t just Mississippi parents and companies wanting to restrict kids’ social media use: Celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence and Pink have gone public as telling their children, essentially, “Show me scientific evidence that social media is good for you, and I’ll let you on it.”

The Osprey launch included a personal video message from actress Drew Barrymore, who noted that her experience growing up in the spotlight was a rare one at the time — an experience that wasn’t always positive. Due to social media, Drew said, growing up “in front of everybody” today is not a unique experience at all.

Catherine is glad contemporary social media didn’t exist when she was a teen, so she couldn’t publicly document her every move. “I think of things I did at 12 years old, or even 19 years old … ”

At the same time, “As millennials … we grew up without (social media), but we grew up with it as it grew up,” she says. They saw how it evolved.

“(The past 20 years have) been just long enough for older millennials to have kids and raise them to an age of concern,” Taylor says. “We’re in a position to say, ‘Wait a minute, this was great in its origin, for a 20-year-old — because that’s who (created) it.’”

For better or worse, social media isn’t going anywhere, and the adult Sledges use it. “We have to work hard to find boundaries (for our own social media use),” Taylor says.

Taylor enjoys documenting his family’s adventures online, and he likes the fact that social media can help long-distance friendships survive. “We never go anywhere (on a trip) without eating with someone (we know),” he says, even if they haven’t seen them in person in years.

Ultimately, “(our) relationship with the Lord deeply impacts everything we do,” Catherine says. “Having that conversation with Him (about how to use social media) is important.

“We want to encourage others, uplift, and connect in ways that are positive.” Y

ROBERT ST. JOHN

40 years of faith, family, friends, food, and fun

Restaurateur Robert St. John owns six eateries in Hattiesburg and metro Jackson; writes columns and cookbooks; travels to Europe for work and play; produces documentaries on notable Mississippians like Walter Anderson and Eudora Welty; and recently co-founded the Institute for Southern Storytelling at Mississippi College. He is also founder of the nonprofit Extra Table, which supplies healthy food to Mississippi food pantries and soup kitchens. He and his wife, Jill, have two children and live in Hattiesburg.

He’s been able to achieve and enjoy all this, by the grace of God, largely because he hasn’t tasted a drop of alcohol in 40 years. In honor of National Recovery Month, Robert shared his story with MCL.

KG: When would you say your addiction became “active”?

RSJ: I can pinpoint a time when my drinking career went from having the world by the tail and being the fun guy, to (a place where) I started paying consequences ... It was a coupleof-month period.

You know, I took my first drink when I was 14. I thought it would be cool. I was hanging out with older kids.

(Later) I had friends (who) drank and partied as much as I did — but they could get up and go to class, and make a 3.5 (grade point average), and hold down two jobs. There was no way I could do that. Once I started drinking, I couldn’t stop. There’s a whole mental obsession that kicks in (with addiction). The only way to cure that is complete and total abstinence.

It never made sense to me when someone would say, ‘Let’s go out for a beer.’ A beer? I’m gonna have a case!

KG: You flunked out of college, your mom kicked you out of the house, you got a DUI at 21, and you went to rehab. Then you experienced your first bit of ‘sober fun’ while roller skating with

others from rehab. Had you had any restaurant experience by then?

RSJ: So I flunked out of school at 19, started working in restaurants, loved it, and that was a year and a half or two years before my DUI.

They told me in treatment, don’t work in a restaurant for a year. They didn’t want me to be around alcohol, which was a good idea. So I worked for a stereo store in Jackson (after rehab).

I moved to Jackson after treatment because Hattiesburg in the fall of ’83 — today, it’s a great recovery community — but back then, there were (only) seven 12-step meetings a week, and two people my age at those meetings. When I moved to Jackson, I made friends and we went to the movies, went bowling and things like that.

KG: How did getting sober change your spiritual life? Did it change how you saw Jesus?

RSJ: I grew up in the Methodist church. When the doors were open, I was there. I’m still a member of that church, Main Street United Methodist Church here in Hattiesburg. I had a great youth pastor that I connected with. (That) probably saved me from going deeper (into addiction) quicker.

“ I can pinpoint a time when my drinking career went from having the world by the tail and being the fun guy, to (a place where) I started paying consequences. … There’s a whole mental obsession that kicks in (with addiction). The only way to cure that is complete and total abstinence.”

The St. John family on their Christmas vacation last year. From left: Harrison, Jill, Holleman, and Robert.

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“I grew up in the Methodist church. When the doors were open, I was there. (I) had a great youth pastor that I connected with. (That) probably saved me from going deeper (into addiction) quicker,” Robert says.

I was saved at a James Robinson Crusade at Hattiesburg High football field in 1973 — but I never had any kind of spiritual relationship. I just saw it as this thing you do. I was into church more for the community than the message.

It was only through 12-step recovery that I developed a deeper spiritual life. I just call it getting ‘spiritually fit.’ And that is praying and meditating and giving credit where credit’s due (to God).

I’ll just tell you, when it says, ‘O ye of little faith,’ that’s me. It’s a struggle sometimes. But when I can look at the big picture from a bird’s-eye view … I can see God in my life really with just His hand on me the whole time.

KG: It seems like most of the fun stuff in your life has come after sobriety.

RSJ: I haven’t missed a thing!

I wish someone in that halfway house in Omaha, Nebraska, in 1983 had said, Robert, get out a piece of paper, and write down what you think your best life could be going forward without alcohol or drugs.

I wish I would have that paper today (because) I would’ve so undershot what a life in sobriety has given me — and not the monetary and material things. It’s the spiritual and relational things.

KG: What are your ‘five Fs,’ and when did you come up with them?

RSJ: Faith, family, friends, food, and fun, in

that order. I probably came up with them around the time my daughter was born.

I realized that when I put faith first, then my family, then my friends, then food — and food is biblical, when you think about the loaves and fishes and the last supper — food is this connection — when you look back at the best times in your life, (they involve) food — then the fun part just comes.

Sunday lunch at my grandmother’s house, which I still write about, had such an impact on me. (There was) faith, family was there, friends were always invited, there was excellent food, and the fun.

KG: Why has it been important for your recovery to involve other people, and being open with others?

RSJ: At first, in rehab, you’ve got people to guide you through a whole new way of life. It’s a literal 180. At 21 years old, I (was) illequipped to deal with normal life problems, because my solution was just to get loaded, which just makes the problem worse. So I had no life skills. None. So rehab is important for that. And it’s important to physically keep you away (from alcohol and drugs).

Then (after rehab), that’s why I moved to Jackson, because there were people in community — young and having fun (without alcohol or drugs). That’s why that’s important. Community in every aspect is important.

KG: What do you think your calling is, as a Christian restaurant owner, and what helps you live that out?

RSJ: I tell you what I enjoy: I enjoy creating opportunities for people and growing. Jared Patterson, who’s my partner at Enzo (in Ridgeland), he started with me as a server 15 years ago, and now he owns 50 percent of the

Robert out of control (top) during active addiction; and posing for a photo at the halfway house where he lived in Omaha, Nebraska, after getting treatment.

business. At Tabella, Steve and Stacey Andrews, he started as a prep cook in 1987 at the Purple Parrot, she was a hostess, they met, they married, they got into management, and now they own a third of Tabella.

We have 500 people or so who work for the company now, between here (in Hattiesburg) and the Jackson area. So I love that.

But Extra Table is really, I think, what I was put here to do. Sometimes I’ve said, do I want to be the guy that fed people filet mignon, or the guy that fed people canned tuna? And it’s an easy answer: canned tuna. I need to feed (people) filet mignon to pay the bills and get the kids through college, but I’m supposed to be doing the other. Y

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HOPE

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, a mental health or substance use problem, or any other kind of emotional challenge, there’s help available.

For more information about services and supports near you, call the Mississippi Department of Mental Health Helpline at 1-877-210-8513.

Harbor House does not accept insurance; however, thanks to partial funding by the MS Department of Mental Health, no one will be denied help solely due to their inability to pay for services.

How to dress to boost your mood

How you dress from day to day can impact your mental health. A study found that 96 percent of those surveyed felt their emotional state changed depending on what clothes they picked out to wear. Here are some ways to think about your wardrobe in order to boost your mood.

▶ Embrace simplicity and contentment.

So often, you think you don’t have enough clothes when really your closet is such a hot mess that you can’t see the items you love. I’m a living witness. The best way I can boost my mood when my closet feels overwhelming is to simplify it. Ask yourself: What do I love and wear repeatedly? Keep it. What feels easy and comfortable to wear? Keep it. Everything else doesn’t need to be there. Of course, this is easier said than done.

Then, we need to practice being content. I have to practice being content when I simplify so I don’t feel the need to go find more items to add to my closet. Otherwise, the clutter starts again. Philippians 4:11 reminds us, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” The Lord has to constantly help me with this.

▶ Express yourself.

Who are you? What’s your personal style? How do you want to represent who you are in Christ? Dressing in a way that reflects your personal style and values can boost your confidence. If you’re dressing like others just because it’s trendy, it may not be your own style or fit your values. It’s important to evaluate how you want to express yourself by putting blinders on to what everyone else is doing. It’s OK not to follow trends. It’s OK to follow how the Lord wants you to dress.

▶ Get a mood boost from color.

If you’re like me, you might find it difficult to wear something other than black, white, tan or brown. But if you need an instant mood boost, try adding a brighter color to your outfit. What are some colors that make you feel joyful? How can you add them to your wardrobe? If you feel uncomfortable wearing an outfit in that color, what about an accessory?

▶ Be mindful of what you put on and how you feel. Planning your outfit ahead of time can have a positive impact on your day. Think about where you’re going and what you’ll be doing. Does your outfit match that? It will put you in a better mood knowing your outfit fits the occasion. Dressing appropriately for professional, social or casual occasions can give you a sense of preparedness and assurance. This can help alleviate anxiety and allow you to focus on the present.

Which one of these suggestions will you implement? Which one do you think will boost your mood immediately? Let me hear from you.

Shay is a style coach with a mission to help women look and feel their best! Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @shaygreenwood.

What no one wants to discuss but many are thinking about

She’s 35. She is a wife, a mom, and PTO president. Her life looks incredible to everyone, but when things are quiet, her mind races. She isn’t sure she wants to live. What she is sure of is this: “No one feels the way I do. No one would understand.” She’s wrong.

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. In 2021, more than 48,000 Americans died by suicide, and there were an estimated 1.7 million attempts. On average, there are 132 suicides per day.

Suicide is one of the most important but least talked-about subjects in modern society, especially in Christian communities. Shame and guilt often prevent people of faith from confiding in others, and many potential helpers are not sure what to do if someone does confide in them. Because we care about saving lives as well as saving souls, we must better equip ourselves.

For those who have survived a suicide attempt, we all experience hopelessness and helplessness at some point. At varying levels, we can all relate emotionally with each other. You

don’t have to struggle alone. We all need God’s grace, mercy, hope, forgiveness, and joy every day. We are all broken and sinful but can be adopted into God’s family. And what does a family do when a member is hurting? Family comes together. So, consider telling someone you trust about your struggle so you can have help in your journey.

For those who have lost someone to suicide, we surely find no evidence that their salvation has been taken away by simply committing the action itself. Their decision was made in a moment of desperation when they could see no other viable alternatives. As painful as your loss may be, try to lean into demonstrating love, acceptance, understanding, and respect. As someone “left behind,” you may experience trauma, grief, and loss afterward. Those complicated feelings of numbness, anger, guilt, sadness, confusion, loss of direction, helplessness, and hopelessness need to be appropriately addressed. It’s wise to seek professional therapy, a support group, and/or pastoral counsel during the healing process.

If you have never been touched by suicide, you still have a role to play. Prevention is the key within the community, church, family, and social circles. We are living in a digital world full of virtual connections from the internet, yet we are increasingly lonely and isolated from each other. A heartfelt “How are you doing?” can make a huge difference! Imagine if we truly cared for each other’s well-being and listened to each other’s struggles. How much better might the world become? Y

If you need immediate support, please call the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or text the word HOME to 741741 to receive help via the Crisis Text Line. Both services are free.

Dr. Siyuan Chen Kennedy, also known as Dr. Karen, is a licensed professional counselor (LPC) at The Center for Hope and Healing in Madison. She does individual, couple, and family counseling for all ages, including neurodivergent populations. She has a multicultural background and can speak Cantonese, Mandarin Chinese, English, and Japanese.

The empowering science of well-being

Richard Davidson is a professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison and founder and chair of the university’s Center for Healthy Minds. He and other scientists have done a lot of research and made the assertion that well-being is a skill. There are four neurological circuits, scientifically validated, that provide the foundation for enduring change and well-being. These circuits have elasticity, meaning they strengthen with practice.1

One of these skills for well-being is resilience, the ability to recover from setbacks. People who tend toward depression and anxiety have low connectivity in those parts of

Outlook is the ability to see the positive. An easy training for improving outlook is to write down, three times a day for a week, something positive about ourselves and something positive about someone we regularly interact with. We can also arrange to say thank you or provide a compliment and record those events to give our brain time to linger in those positive memories. Most people will notice an uptick in their outlook by the end of the week.

Another constituent is attention. A study on attention and well-being demonstrated that when participants in the study’s minds wandered, they tended to be less happy. It also found that 47 percent of the time, most of us don’t have our minds on what we are doing. The ability to be fully engaged, including listening deeply to loved ones, adds richness to our lives. There are various forms of mindfulness practices that develop attentional skills.

Finally, generosity is a well-researched behavior that fosters well-being. People who have a strong sense of altruism and concern for the well-being of others are happier. The research indicates that when people engage in acts of altruism and generosity, several circuitries in the brain are activated, which are more enduring than those achieved by other kinds of positive incentives.

The takeaway from the research is that wellbeing is a practiced skill. We are responsible for our minds, and we can shape our brains to affect our happiness. Y

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the brain responsible for resilience. Having the ability to observe how our minds move from one thought to the next after a setback, and being able to pull our mind in a different direction, is the key to resilience. Rumination, the tendency to think continuously about negative thoughts, saps joy and increases depression and anxiety. Mindfulness is one way to modulate those circuits.

There are many different types of mindfulness practices. One practice involves visualizing someone who might be suffering, imagining taking on their suffering, and extending compassion toward that person. Just 30 minutes of compassion training for seven days showed an impact and predicted future prosocial behavior. Cognitive re-appraisal therapy, learning to reframe adverse events in order to see them as not so enduring or drastic, also helps.

1 For further information on this topic, please see “The Emotional Life of Your Brain” by Richard Davidson, PhD, with Sharon Begley.

Sergio Gutierrez is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) with over 25 years of clinical experience. He is a clinical therapist with Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services’ outpatient department. Gutierrez is also a board-certified behavior analyst (BCBA) with specialty training in autism.

Located in Hattiesburg, Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services is one of the nation’s most comprehensive treatment campuses. Pine Grove’s worldrenowned programs treat gender-specific chemical addiction, including specialized tracks for co-occurring eating disorders, compulsive behaviors, trauma, and mental health. For more information, please visit pinegrovetreatment.com or call 1-888-574-HOPE (4673).

ATTY JOE RAGLAND, J.D., LL.M., LL.D.

No other set of books, except the Bible, will prepare the reader for an abundant life NOW and for a glorious ETERNITY better than Hallelujah, Love & War and The Sound of Glorious Marriage Music. These books can be reviewed and purchased at amazon.com. Select Books and type in “by Joe Ragland.”

“ An easy training for improving outlook is to write down, three times a day for a week, something positive about ourselves and something positive about someone we regularly interact with. We can also arrange to say thank you or provide a compliment and record those events to give our brain time to linger in those positive memories. ”

CUT OUT THE SCRIPTURES AND QUOTES AND PLACE THEM AROUND YOUR HOME FOR DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT!

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

~ ISAIAH 41:10, ESV

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

~ PHILIPPIANS 4:8, ESV

For (Christ’s) sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.

~ PHILIPPIANS 3:8B-9, ESV

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

~ PSALM 121:1-2, ESV

And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.

~ MATTHEW 8:26, KJV

The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart.

~ PSALM 51:17, HCSB

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

~ JAMES 5:16, KJV

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

~ PSALM 42:11, ESV

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

~ PROVERBS 15:1, ESV

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

~ JOHN 16:33, ESV

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

~ EPHESIANS 4:29, KJV

For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

~ 2 CORINTHIANS 1:5, ESV

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

~ 2 TIMOTHY 1:7, KJV

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