Metior Magazine - Orientation Week Edition

Murdoch university

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INSIDERS HANDBOOK

“TO ALL THINGS MURDOCH”

MURDOCH’S EVIL PRESIDENT / THE SCENE / BEST OF CONFESSIONS / INSIDER’S GUIDE AND MAP

About

Metior is a student run publication at Murdoch that has been around since the 70s. Metior has been a place for journalist students and creatives alike. Or so you may think… Metior has been a flailing publication for many years and now the guild has taken over, yes that’s right the government has control of the Media, something something 1984. Anyway, we don’t have much time, this bootleg issue of the Metior was done without any parental supervision, and as far as we are aware, no thought control but, it won’t be long until they realise that we have gone rogue and we need your help. Get in touch with the Metior today to contribute.

EDITOR Jarrad Bouckaert SUB-EDITORS Alex Drane Caris Horton Harry Cunningham Jonathan Davidson Conrad Maclean Kathleen Comacho Cortes CREATIVE DIRECTOR Harry Cunningham

Paid Position Avialable!

We need a NEW EDITOR (Jarrad sucks). Did I mention it’s paid? University publications have long been used by students to get their foot into the journalism industry.

Check out the back of the handbook for more info.

Is Louis Williams...

Murdoch’s EVIL President?

Murdoch’s blissful sweeping greens with flora and fauna a plenty have been violated recently. Violated by our ineptitude as a student population to engage with our student politics. We, Murdoch Universities student cohort, have elected a Young Liberal, and not just any

YL but a devoted Trump supporter who has decorated his office with pictures and idols of Milo Yiannopoulos. Metior is warning all Murdoch student’s that this man is planning to push free speech and open public discourse onto all that step onto political battleground that is the Murdoch campus.

The Scene

Roe 8 In Murdoch’s backyard is a beautiful sprawling wetland home to black cockatoos. These creatures need our help, our most unconditional devoWhat’s really going ontake at one Murdoch? tion. This is because if you were to objective look the only word that would come to mind is pest. Once you find your car cover with the Roe 8 sap of a tree stripped by these vermin you will immediately gain respect There is a fair chunk of a wetland just at our backyard that is getting for the tree tent hippies that gladly live among them. And nevermore ripped It issoa bad piece of public infrastructure help the wouldn’tout. sound if those things woke you up that everywill morning.

flow of east-west freight traffic in the southern suburbs. It is also destroying an area that is home to so many native flora and fauna and is important the people indigenous to our land.

Uni vs. Unionto #shamemurdoch So, the adults on campus are having a little spat. When things are going so well andUnion management want to change things around loud obnoxious Uni vs. #Shamemurdochshame picketing protestors willso appear outmanagement of thin, I fucking seen that it. The With Murdoch going poorly decided it unions would have run a smear campaign on their employers in hope of better pay shake things up and out of the blue renegotiate the teacher’s conwhile out to student bodies that if they are not supported then tracts.crying The teacher’s unions responded by running a smear camteaching will have to become slaves, and you don’t want that. paign on their employers in hope of better pay. These are the people

we are paying to educate us.

Bottom 5 completion rate Bottom 5 completion Things are going so well yourate heard me say? Didn’t you read the promoThings are going wellhalf youthe heard me say?

Didn’t youdon’t readgraduthe protional poster?

Moresothan students on this campus motional poster? I’m sure they didn’t leave it out. More than half the ate.

students on this campus don’t graduate.

Tavern closed?

I’ve heard most first years these days are already 18, so here’s the cripTavern closed? pling news: while Murdoch its way a kitchen I’ve heard most first years fumbles these days are around alreadybuilding 18, so here’s the in the tavern (finally), the tavern will be closed.

But alas, the back room crippling news: while Murdoch fumbles its way around building a of the tavinwill temporary fridges and to alas, be serving $5has kitchen thehave tavern, the tavern will berumoured closed. But Metior tinnies. proposed temporary fridges and it’s rumoured we’ll serve $5 tinnies.

Alright, so after reading all that you may have already applied to CurAlright, so after reading all that you may have already applied to tin but stop. Murdoch is actually a great place, while it is an introverts Curtin, stop. is aagreat place, it’s an find introvert’s paradise paradise but if you are Murdoch willing to dig little deeper you’ll that this place and if much you are to dig a little you’llatfind that thispowerplace has so to willing offer. It just might not deeper come staring a lecturer’s has so much to offer. It just might not come staring at a lecturer’s point.

powerpoint.

Best of CONFESSIONS AT MURDOCH Murdoch confessions were anonymity allows for hate speech against arts students, campus food and the guild. Welcome...

Submit yours: https://www.facebook.com/metiormagazine/

1103 #Rant “Takes me 5 minutes to log into the LMS. What is this? Dial up?”

10931 #Education, #Library Bringing a powerboard to the library at uni is the equivalent of bringing a pack of gum to high school.

11165 #Rant, #Thanks How about Murdoch takes my uni fees and upgrades their fucking servers? Every semester, during class sign up the thing crashes because it can’t cope with the amount of people signing up.

11100 #exams Hour 7 of my study break. I now know more

11054 #commit #Guild Need a keg set up at the top of ECL stairs with a beer boy handing out pints when you reach the top. If that’s not a hard earned thirst I don’t know

1114 Can the Library crank aircon properly for once!! And fix the internet...and get more power points. im sure the ‘scam master class’ fees will cover the aircon and internet fees upgrade.

11072 “great...we are going to have a fuckboy emo prick for guild president next year...

about hippos than I ever have so there you go

11157 #Rant “Heres the deal murdoch, if i have to get up, pretend to go to the toilet during an exam in the gym only to strip off and then pat myself dry with paper towels and then redress in my sweaty clothes so i don’t collapse from the heat in the gym ITS TO TRICKING HOT AND THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN WRITE DECENT ESSAYS #exams in the gym Ps. All the shower stalls in the womens change rooms were wet. I wasnt the only one”

INSIDERS GUIDE

(Our picks)

Food: Look, tbh, we got no idea. The cafeteria is closed and there is now a pop-up food court with a heap of food trucks. Metior will be bringing you a comprehensive review of each of them as soon as semester begins.

Coffee: There is a clear winner on campus and it’s Bang Bang!

Down the southern end of the ECL buildings is our favourite espresso on campus. The next best is the guild coffee shop at café kadj, thankfully you are spared aroma coffee.

Hangs: Bush court is always the hub of activity any day of the week but if you ever need to find some space there are always a few places to find. The pavilion near the humanities building and Banksia Court down past ECL are nice little refuges on a sunny day and are also places you could sneak a dart.

Parking: Capitalism has won, there is no leniency regarding parking anymore and the exponential rate of increase for parking permit means that you should try riding a bike.

Alternatively, hunt around the suburb of Winthrop north of campus and you should find something.

Watering Hole: The good ol’ Tav. The best place on campus for a cold pint and maybe even a Chicken parmy, when it opens up again.

CAMPUS MAP

Murdoch University

is HIRING Apply at metior.editor@student. the-guild.com.au Positions available: Editor - Paid position Public Relations Officer - Internship -

Metior Magazine is supported by the Murdoch Student Guild.