Mental Realness Zine

ZINE

Who Are We? A badass collective of black femme creatives.

A safe space.

A community.

A publication for black femmes navigating mental health.

Who Are Femmes?

As a publication that prides itself on inclusivity, we use femme as a way to include all feminine people regardless of gender.

We hope by doing this we remain a haven for the embracing of feminine energies and identities without the fear of broadly mislabeling others under the umbrella term of ‘women’. The only identity not included within our definition of femme is that of cishet men who are welcome to read our publication but not to submit to it.

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Listen To Black Womxn!!

“When i read the book about Black womxn, i felt the spirits of those sisters feeding me, making me stronger. Black womxn have been struggling and helping each other to survive the blows of life since the beginning of time.”

-Assata Shakur

“My grandmother knew when I was down. She knew what to do She would encourage me to engage in “self-care” and would do all manner of therapeutic things for me Sometimes, our ForeMothers knew how to spot mental illness and help us!

She would mix some oils and ask me to breathe in and out... or boil some herbs and ask me to bask in the steam She would send me to work in the field - because the closer we are to the EARTH the grounded we become She would sing for me - and then pray” - Malebo Sephodi

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The kinks and coils wrap around and in between his fingers, entangling him I know, entangling us I hope 4C can stand for many things Care, caresses, calls in the middle of the night, commitment?

Maybe it stands for less than I thought

As time goes on, I tire of his kinks and he tires of my coils My skin, like his disposition, is too dark My crown turned to thorns Excerpt from Lisa Holden IG:@lisawithnoelle

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Photography by Yasmine Allen IG:@sincerely.yasmine

On a Wednesday Afternoon.

By Neffetari Edmond

IG:@nefforwhatever/ Twitter:@nefforwatevr

It’s 2 PM, you’ve smoked the rest of the weed you could scrounge into the bowl – your eyes are hazy, bloodshot red, your body feels groggy, your mouth dry.

“How did I get here?” You ask.

You’ve quit your job, again – or maybe you were fired, one too many call outs, and a no call no show, “Who cares?” you shrug, you hated working there anyway.

You place two feet on the ground, and your body halts, the feeling of needles flow up your leg – your foot’s asleep – of course, sitting crisscrossed on the bed with your right foot under your ass isn’t the best choice for long-termed relaxation.

Placing two hands on the bed you hoist yourself up in an attempt to walk over your dresser you scream, “Fuck!” you bend down, and under your barefoot you find the earring that you haven’t seen in weeks.

You discard it, throwing it into a pile of dirty clothes you’ve been meaning to wash, or a pile of clean ones you been meaning to fold.

You walk over to the dresser and grab the bottle of Klonopin, you aren’t feeling anxious – yet, but you want (see: need), to feel calm – to feel more normal. You down the pill in one gulp, feverishly finishing a glass of water that you got from the kitchen two hours ago.

You sink back into your bed – which hasn’t been made in days, (at least you’ve washed the sheets this weekend right? Small victories.) You look around your room and grab the remote turning the TV on and off before settling on watching Regular Show – (or at least having it play in the background so you can feel less alone while mindlessly scrolling through apps on your phone). You switch from Twitter, to Snapchat to Instagram and back to Twitter – you even stumble upon the Kim Kardashian game that you said you were going to delete – you decide to play. The sounds of Mordecai and Rigby’s antics fill the room while you meticulously dress your avatar to get the most stars on jobs – A list baby!

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Support Black Art!!

Artwork by Rodni Hicks IG:@artsyjawn

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Photography by Rodni Hicks IG:@ajsnaps/@artsyjawn

Model: Spencer Hamilton IG:@createspence

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The Last Thing I’ll Ever Write About You

By Dyandra Harrison IG:@grlwonder_

Oh I should have known you would do this to me!

So why does it feel impossible to cope?

My words feel like a sharp omen, my expressed desire caused you to leave.

I cry, scrub reaaaal good with Florida Water soap, But fuck this.

Why caress me like I was meant for your touch?

You caught me, like a hunter does a rabbit, with one kiss.

I lit a flame but I guess the smoke, for you, was too much.

I miss you, you infect my dreams I hate you, you represent buried traumas of the past In reality, I guess I knew it wasn’t completely as it seems Nothing made for now can forever last.

But rest assured, this is the final word I will say on you That my love, you can guarantee is true

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anxiety

By Anairis Vasquez IG:@ana_xiris

I want to be alone But alone is what I fear I want to be able to talk out loud without this racing heart Racing thoughts of other people opinions Did I say something wrong ?

Did I stutter again ?

God damn, why can’t this feeling end.

Why are hellos so hard But goodbyes so easy Why this easy when I am alone No I’m not trying to be a bitch I want to talk I want get to know you Really I do But I’m scared I’m always scared anxiety has a way of making the simplest task seem so much harder Like speaking to someone new Or in public Or when someone is standing too close my mind seems to be a circus of unfiltered thoughts. anxiety has me second guessing.... ever interaction I have with people Has me reading between the line when there nothing to read. anxiety has me second guessing... who I am. anxiety is a pill I am still learning how to swallow.

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Respect Black Femmes

Love Black Femmes

Support Black Femmes Photography by Seth Caplan IG:@seth_caplan

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Model: Melonee Rembert IG:@mmmelonee

An Interview With Maya Indigo

Filmmaker and Director IG:@mayaindigo

Are You Working On Anything Right Now?

I don’t have anything I’m working on now. I’ve been seeing a lot about right now our brains are in survival mode, so it’s okay if we’re not in our full creative capacity. So that’s kind of where I’m at. I did start writing some notes for an experimental video where I assemble little stories that have made up my life.

Does Your Mental Health Have Any Effect On Your Creative Process Or The Direction Of Your Work?

Yes, because I haven’t been working creatively but I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently. Digging, figuring out who I am, why I think the way I do, and I why I feel the way I feel. So when I’m sad, most of my films are about heartbreak or something, so it’s easy for me to get into that creative space and make something beautiful out of it. I have nothing romantic going on right now so I don’t really have that space to pull from, but I’m trying to write about other things and connect to that. I think something’s

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brewing, I don’t have anything instant like I would if I was heartbroken, but I think something’s coming up.

So Do You Have Muses? Or Do You Believe In Using Muses For Your Work?

So, I do. I do believe in muses, but I do think because my work was about a specific person for so long or about specific people that it’s easy to get caught up in the world of something else. So, yes and no. I think I’ve been my own muse lately. Trying to unpack my mental health and unpack everything- thinking about why I’m even here in the first place.

So, I’m this, I’m okay with being this, and this is okay to be first of all.

How Does Being A Black Womxn Inform Your Creative Process And Your Work?

So, right now, I’m in the process of a major self-acceptance thing. I’m really trying my hardest to do it. It’s not something I talk about often, but my whole life I haven’t accepted myself. It’s really something I’m trying to do now mostly because I work with men who love to vocalize ‘I like this type of woman’ or ‘I don’t like that’ or ‘black women are this’ or ‘black women do this’. I’m someone who can absorb what I’m around so being around that I have to do a lot to combat it. I think right now that’s what being a black woman is to me and shaping my creative process. Those two things are going together right now because my creative process is about trying to be okay with who I am. It’s more about trying to reclaim myself because I used to get my self esteem around what other people said.

Any Words Of Advice For Creatives Or People Who Are Also Going Through This Journey Of Self Acceptance?

I would say one day it occurred to me that I’m looking at something and comparing myself to it like I wish I looked like that or had that, and, it occurred to me, that I was the person looking at this thing and wanting to be it- I’m already something. So, I think just separating that desire to be somebody else, or be with somebody else, or do this, or have this, or change anything by just like dealing with what is. I compare myself so much to different things because I want to be something else, but if I was okay with what I am then I wouldn’t have to do that. So, I’m this, I’m okay with being this, and this is okay to be first of all. Just being okay with not being what I thought I needed to be. So, I think anybody trying to do that should just accept what they have.

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Thank You! A huge thank you to all of our contributors, supporters, and readers. We couldn’t do this without you, and we appreciate you.

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For Black Femmes By Black Femmes mentalrealnessmag.com