First published in Australia in 2013 by Creative Wink PO Box 1015 Coolangatta, Q 4225 Copyright ÂŠ Creative Wink 2009, 2013 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover or ebook or PDF other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Melanie Brockwell firstname.lastname@example.org www.creative-wink.com www.livingintwoworlds.com
lux ferre palm wax candles
Only you can light the way to true and total self-acceptance. May you find the clearest path to setting your fire free, embracing the gifts that dwell within through love, joy & creativity.
Learn to claim those traits of shame with the light of acceptance, transformation and sacred flame.
Melanie â?€ Creative Wink
Am I Doing It Right?
The Problem of Perfection We are either told there is no such thing as ‘perfection’ because we are flawed human beings destined to make mistakes, or that we are perfect just as we are. Which is it? Surely we cannot be both flawless and faulty? Perfection is a judgement that requires we compare who or what we are to something we are not and to make an assessment of the differences. Imperfection assumes that we are either less than or equal to something we might achieve under specific conditions. Can you see the problem here? We are either sizing ourselves next to, or working to attain, some standard of ‘being’ that has nothing to do with who we are inherently. That is, who we are along the way, or who we need to be in order to have the experiences that show us who we want to be. The person we are when we suffer a great loss or experience a gravity-heavy reality check, when what matters in our life comes into stark focus. Moments of clarity that remove us from the games we play can tap us into our naked truth, our lovable, quirky, unfiltered, creative self. The problem with perfection is that it takes the focus away from the experience of life and points our attention to the ideals and outcomes. This ignores all the work we do along the way, all the single steps we take to make sense of the world and our place in it. Then it tells us that our experience is worthwhile only as long as it reflects some consistent level of purity and calm. A life without bumps and scrapes or emotional challenges of any kind. That any detour from the even tempered path must be justified and otherwise cleansed in penance for falling from our humble throne of pure intention. Bollocks! We are embodied souls having a human experience because it’s the fastest way to learn, not because we are less than or lower than any other presence in the universe.
Being in the Moment According to the ‘perfection’ experience, as well as representing ourselves as hallowed and self-controlled, we are also required to live in the now. To be present and in awe of everyday miracles on the path. This involves some level of honesty, right? We must honour the feelings and experiences in the moment rather than pay homage to any ideological expectations (including moral or political laws) to ensure we remain true to the heart’s interpretation of life. Otherwise we are living a lie. But if we are living up to our higher self and being in the moment, then how do we know when we have stumbled? How do we know which emotions to feed and which to starve? How do we know when to be kind and when to be assertive? When to act and when to wait patiently for what we want to manifest itself out of all our good intentions?
“It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself.” Byron
Laying Solid Foundations Before we can step into ‘knowing’ which approach to use, we need to get clear on our intentions, our style, and our needs. These three basic starting points make it easier to follow the inner guidance we all have access to in the moment. Our intentions are what sit below the surface and influence our priorities in life by shaping the goals and pieces of the pixel we need to accomplish them. Our style is the combination of unique inherent and learned ways of operating in the world. Our needs are the toolkit, raw materials, and staff we call on to live the life we think we deserve.
Intentions Intentions are often in state of flux. We may want to operate from ‘love’ or make the world a wiser place in the morning then switch into living a healthy lifestyle or supporting our partner by afternoon tea. Getting clear about all of these visions and ideals is a great place to start. Keeping a journal of all of our intentions is highly recommended. Feelings, thoughts, projects, lifestyles, and larger community outcomes are all part of our driving force, helping us make decisions about the direction of our lives. The more aware we are of these powerful motives, the better sense we can make of ourselves (especially our reactions to the outside world and other people’s actions or inaction).
Our Style Who we are is not just what drives us to act. It is a combination of traits we are born with, emotional triggers we pick up along the way, and lessons we have learnt on how to get what we want. We are multi-dimensional personalities with much to discover about what makes us tick. If we want to avoid the cycle of self-loathing and being unworthy, then we need to become aware of the layers that make us who we are. Similar to what we would look like as a flat pack. All our bits laid out on the floor waiting to be identified. Placing our desires, traits, and tricks into categories can be an insightful process. We learn how to link, for example, the way we despise ‘girly’ girls with several incidents in our lives that created an emotional trigger strong enough to affect our reaction to a particular image or representation.
In other words, we see where our prejudice against ‘girly’ girls began. Our reaction makes sense when we understand that somewhere in the past we had an unpleasant experience that involved ‘girly’ girls or something that represents their kind. The colour pink, dolls, dresses, frills, perfume, make-up, hairspray, nail polish, handbags, shiny jewellery, waxed bodies, high heels, and going out to lunch. Doing anything for you? It made my face crinkle up like I’d just swallowed a cranky old demon from Monkey Magic until I figured out why the collection of images, smells, sounds, and behaviour patterns shot straight into my heart. You can find out more about my lessons by signing up for the ‘Permission to Be (Powerful)’ Lifestyle Upgrade series by visiting www.livingintwoworlds.com or emailing me directly email@example.com. We also become aware of the fact that our ‘preconceptions’ about girly-girls are often unfounded either because we adopted them before we had an opportunity to make an informed decision or because we made a general decision about all girly-girls based on a small sample. In other words we build up this picture of what it means to be a girly-girl without enough evidence about the whole tribe (scary thought, a tribe of girly-girls). This second realization is an important example of creative thinking or mindfulness. If we can remain open to other possible explanations from this point, the world is transformed from a space where we work to live, into a magical playground!
Do Mindsets Make Life Easier? Okay, bear with me just a little longer. It will all make sense in the end*. We will come back to the ‘needs’ discussion after a short detour into the power of perspective. For the longest time I have proposed that ‘love’ is a verb. It is something we do, not something we say or want. To love is to accept, seek to understand, support, inspire, respect, and recognise another person and all of their layers. But how often do we ask this of ourselves? When we view our own traits as ‘issues’ or ‘deficiencies,’ we are not acting with love. When we dismiss our intentions as unworthy or juvenile, we are shutting down a direct link to our soul. When we accept our triggers as ‘just who I am,’ we miss an opportunity to know the world from a place of wonder. Being able to recognise, question, and ultimately drop our triggers is a lifelong process. We build new ones along the way and rarely come to a point when we are free of nearsighted or limited preconceptions. The goal is not to aim for perfection but to become self-aware through a creative practice that allows us to be in the moment tilting gently between human experience and higher self. To be unwavering is to be ascended and even the masters admit that being solid or ‘embodied’ is the fastest way to learn!
*And if it doesn’t then we need to hook you up with a different language model. See the website www.creative-wink.com or contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Imagine you have never known the life you are living. Now, take a fresh look at yourself from a child’s eyes. How would you explain why you do the things you do each day? What would you tell them about ‘work’ and ‘time’? What might they ask you if they saw the gap between your dreams and your reality? Write them down and think about how your life might be different if you could rearrange the situation. What would you like to change most? How would it be different on a practical daily basis? What are the benefits and potential challenges of making such a change? Draw pictures, think, ponder, and make room for the kinds of things your heart really wants.
I break these down in my intuitive work as the ‘five keys’ - resources, trust, creativity, freedom, and joy. Unlike therapies, selfhelp guides, and life coaching practices, the method I use is not designed to 'fix' us because I do not believe that we are broken! In my experience, the 'problem' is not something we are doing wrong. It is about resources, trust, creativity, freedom, and/or joy. These five basic things account for most of our success in life whether it be around love, money, happiness, or health. They are the key to living as we always intended and they are able to be integrated into our everyday experience.
Our Needs THE FIVE KEYS
Each of us taps into the five key areas in different ways. Some of us need psychology and physics, others feel or dream their wisdom. In my therapeutic practices, I facilitate this so that you can take full advantage of this simple process. Here I will briefly explain the five keys to give you an idea of how that might work.
1. Resources We all know what resources are. They are the stuff we need to get things done. Our skills, relationships, knowledge, access, methods, and systems of approach. Once we have defined what it is we want, we can begin to nominate the resources required to bring that reality into focus. There are no impossible dreams, some visions just require a longer to-do list than others.
2. Trust In order to get anything done we need to have faith in our abilities to make change happen. Learning to listen to our instincts and trust we have everything we need
requires a particular mindset. We have to believe that we deserve a joyful life and that the ideal we seek is a real possibility. This is not a mind trick. Getting to the core of what we need to succeed, internally and externally is the key here. Making concrete plans and getting to work sculpting our dreams into the everyday requires trust in our skills and abilities as well as the laws of the universe. When we begin a project we have an intention to finish it knowing that there is space, time, and opportunity for it to succeed. This is our process and we need to own it!
3. Creativity Whether we're into business, parenting, crafting, or exploring on some other level, we all recognise the value of efficacy. Efficacy is just a fancy way of combining efficiency and productivity which are not quite the same thing. The first is about time and the second requires quality assurance. Together they foster a process where we choose the quickest route to the desired outcome rather than the fastest way to build a piece of crap. Being efficient is one thing but doing it well within the big picture is even more effective. Creativity is about being open to the best way we can achieve our goals and live a joyful life without compromising the essentials. There are plenty of tricks and tips to help us through but in the end we are learning how to be dynamic, flexible, and authentic. So much of our energy is wasted trying to be something other than the magnificent human being we are when we allow ourselves to be free.
4. Freedom It takes courage to be ourselves but if it's a choice between being brave and being tired, cranky, unsatisfied, and disconnected, then chances are we'll start taking risks. Liberate the self from obligations to other people's sensitivities, from the way it always has been, from life's uncomfortable silences, from soul destroying jobs, and life sucking personalities. This part of my work is really exciting. When people begin to rattle off their ‘problems’ and I keep bringing them back to the most empowered space to operate from, initially they get frustrated. Then, when they start to introduce these new ideas into their real life with real people and kids and in-laws and the whole shebang, it dawns on them that all that effort they put into trying to make everyone happy or denying their dreams, can just fall away. It really doesn't have to be so complicated, so choose a simpler life!
5. Joy Most of our problems could be lifted if we focused on having more fun! The drama of life is where we invest all of our heart energy. The heart is the key to happy brain chemicals, a strong immune system, and clarity of mind. If you wish to know more about the science behind this, please sign-up for my ‘Permission to Be (Powerful)’ Lifestyle Upgrade series by visiting www.livingintwoworlds.com. When we learn to be in the moment, to breathe in the lustre of childhood awe, then the clouds shadowing our existence with ‘obligation’ begin to disperse. In their place a more carefree experience of even the stinkiest jobs can be enjoyed. We do this by looking for opportunities to give thanks, sing, dance, lighten the mood, and connect with the people or place. There are lots of tricks and tips to staying in the moment with gratitude in the Lifestyle Upgrade series visit www.livingintwoworlds.com.
Joy can be the most difficult step because it means abandoning our seriousness and dissolving the lines we create between professional and personal self. Some of us are heavily invested in the serious adult responsibility that we have created for ourselves. All the people depending on us and the to-do lists we write to keep ourselves overworked and unacknowledged. Letting go of this can be disappointing after all the effort we put in. If staying where we are is more comfortable than moving into an opportunity for a life of miracles and wonder, then do nothing. If not, then go. It really is that simple. This stuff is not as cryptic or metaphoric as it first appears. Those who have adopted the wisdom of a simple life know full well the benefits of making the effort to transform old habits. It takes energy and time, less than it takes to sustain a life of boring, unfulfilled dreams. Although these ideas are not new, we are not offered this kind of information and support in the corporate or wage world. They are not supported by a world squarely focused upon mortgages and school fees. Even so, I assure you the choice we make is not between being realistic and ignoring the world around us. It is between living more fully and chasing a tomorrow that never comes. A tomorrow where money will make us happy, where beauty is the key to love, and experts know our bodies better than we do. Does that work for you?
Believe it or not Why do I believe this works? Because I studied sociology to better understand the nature of desire, consumerism, psychology, medicine, health, culture, and human behaviour only to discover that the way I was naturally driven to think about the world was a way of simplifying all that academic knowledge into a daily practice. Lifestyle Upgrade! I believe in it because I sit calmly through storms by tuning in to what matters, because I can look back on past experiences knowing it has always worked. But most of all, because when I sit with someone ready and willing to change, for a better experience, this stuff sets them free.
I want to be able to give people their power back! Some way for us to see how simple it really is to transform our own lives, and those of our loved ones, community, planet. Plus, I confess, it gets me high! Whether you work with me, read my books, play with the kits and candles, or simply take this insight and run with it, makes little difference. Ultimately I would publish an encyclopedia of all the fantastic information I have collected over the years connecting the dots between physics, psychology, health, society, culture, religion, et cetera, but for now I will share the bits and pieces I can fit into digestible bites and send it out into the world with love. My intention in writing this ebook is to communicate unfiltered into areas that we are taught to label ‘inappropriate’ or ‘negative’. Not only are these ideas culturally constructed, they are often unhelpful and sometimes damaging. Hopefully reading this
ebook will help us all to feel more accepting of ourselves as we are and more confident in our abilities to prosper and grow. I am motivated by the desire to make nothing sacred when remaining silent means that someone suffers the feeling that they are unworthy, unloveable and need to change something about themselves in order to fit in, be successful, or find peace. That’s where the ‘lux ferre’ range came from. I make cheeky hand poured votives each with a theme to help us embrace the aspects of self we are taught to hide from the world. With every candle comes an accusational tag explaining how we might begin to do this. By transforming the way we see our traits and learning to welcome the unique gifts that they bring, I hope to inspire a simple means of building confidence so that we can all shine. I made these candles as part of my work with self-acceptance and empowerment. This ebook includes all of the tags and more about the philosophy behind embracing rather than rejecting or denying the self.
About the Author Melanie Brockwell was first published in the local paper while still in primary school. Although she has composed much work since then, this will be her first ebook. Melanie has written stories and supported people with her unique intuitive connection since realizing those around her benefited from her creative counsel. Melanie has been a universal channel from birth, capable of seeing and knowing things most of us leave to the afterlife. Although she does not tie her gift to any particular title her work with people can best be described as intuitive therapy with a twist. From 2009 Melanie started working professionally through her business Creative Wink, teaching skills such as candle making, cosmetics classes, safe cleaning products, paper and fabric crafts, as well as mentoring, intuitive healing, and guide channelling. Those who have had the fortune of stumbling upon her crafty sessions cannot help but walk away feeling freshly watered and ready for powerful change. Every person she meets gets a frequency tune-up whether they came for it or not, it is just the way her energy expresses itself in the world. Her friendship with Louise Moriarty has been the major turning point for stepping into the role of energy worker professionally. Louise and Melanie share a radio show ‘Miracles and Wonder DownUnder: Lifestyle Upgrade’ with segments for Teachers, Healers, Entrepreneurs, and Out-of-the-Box Kids! Free to transform the world these two catalytic empaths have set about carving a path for a global frequency shift. Through their one-onone sessions, workshops, and other programs, these spiritually gifted women are looking to empower those ready for a life of joy, simplicity, and meaningful reward. Melanie lives on the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia working on a new book to be published along with the ‘Permission to Be (Powerful)’ Lifestyle Upgrade series as a prelude to the complete program available in 2015 - for those who wish to enrol in a comprehensive ‘immersion’ method to activate their soul spark! Check out their very first radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/creatingcalmnetwork1/2013/09/03/miracles-and-wonderdown-under--lifestyle-upgrade
Why lux ferre? Rediscovering Shadows Cast Lux meaning ‘light’ and ferre meaning ‘to carry’, refers to the original latin use of the word aka lucifer (prior to the Christian use as another name for the devil) or bearer of the light, a being whose lantern allows us to become aware of our own shadow. It is an old name that has been used since to refer to planets and demons, but lux ferre is nothing more than a mode of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Celebration is the Key! When we understand who we are from a friendly point of view, we are less likely to waste energy wondering whether we are doing the ‘right’ thing and more likely to do what we can with what we’ve got. Life is no longer a series of mistakes leading toward perfection, but a string of opportunities to explore the world around us as we simultaneously explore our unique identity. Once we focus on the benefits of our personality traits and find ways to make them work for us, we spend less time punishing ourselves or trying to suppress aspects of ourselves because they are ‘negative’ or ‘unhealthy’. Lux ferre candles are designed to inspire self-acceptance in a light-hearted way. They are based on the philosophy that a ‘naughty’ child is more responsive to direction than punishment. Tell an unruly character what you want them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do, and chances are you’ll redirect all that energy into something less destructive. Our own traits respond to the same method. Redefine the trait in a way that makes it a productive member of the team by giving it a job to do. It really is that simple!
The Accusations selfish This can so easily be transmuted into self-care. Take the principle of tending to ones own ends and extend it to include a more holistic definition of ‘need’. When we first tend to our own needs, we are better equipped to serve - in whatever way our life purpose sees fit…
termagant: bitch Being able to say what you mean is a rare and beautiful thing to be celebrated. Transform this speaking of harsh truths into your greatest asset. Live without the need to save people’s feelings and welcome a circle of friends who know when to accept what you have to say as wisdom and when to tell you you’re being a bitch.
hermit If you find it difficult to be around people, you are not alone. It is the ability to be alone that is less common. Use your time alone to truly understand and celebrate who you are and what brings you the most joy.
impetuous Acting on intuition requires we act on instinct. Some things need not be agonised over or considered logically. How else do great things that seem unreasonable get done?! Go with your gut when that inner wisdom tells you the time is ripe...
obsessive You can take the spirit of single mindedness and turn it to your advantage. Take great care in everything you do - eat, clean, work, and relax from a place of great contemplation and honour. Be in tune at every moment. Do one thing at a time, do it with grace, and move on.
petulant Why not celebrate the fact that at least we know what we want ~ the first step to making our dreams come true. Being passionate about our ideals and driven to succeed can be a blessing when we learn to dance with divine timing. Be in the moment and true to your heart’s experience (letting others worry about consistency and appearances). Give yourself permission to share your genuine self with the world and life will reward you with true connection.
impotent We often find ourselves in situations where we feel powerless. In truth, we can only make peace with how we feel about the world rather than exert any influence over it. Embrace the freedom that this brings and focus on finding joy no matter what. Look for something to be grateful for in every moment of every day.
eschew Knowing when to object and when to be silent comes with great wisdom. Fear not the urge to be removed or without words, but rather hone the skill and be grateful for the opportunity to walk your own path. Sometimes it’s okay to be the observer or the passenger instead of the centre of attention. Awaken the wisdom of this aspect of self by giving it a special job to do e.g., keeping you away from real danger.
defiant Life is not about making everybody happy, itâ€™s about following your heart into the wilderness to experience the raw joy of the moment. Respect for the ideas and wants of others is a tightrope walk between desire and duty. Feed your strength with lots of chores to keep it from stepping over the edge into unsafe territory. Use your defiance in service of others who lack the ability or opportunity to set clear, respectful boundaries. Stand up for those who have no voice and simultaneously celebrate your own empowerment. We need your gifts now more than ever!
recalcitrant: stubborn Doing things in your own way and on your own terms need not cause havoc. Learn to work around the system. Make your style an advantage by promoting yourself as unique and valuable. Transform a stubborn streak into tenacity and get things done because you stick with it. See your strength as an opportunity to stay the course, knowing exactly who you are despite the shifting and turmoil that surrounds you.
vain Our projections onto the world are our welcome gift to others. We are more than our bodies, our positions, and our possessions. Taking pride and care in all that we do is most desirable. How we stand, the words we choose, and friends we keep are all as important as every other aspect of our lives. Vanity need not be a sin when we transform it into mindfulness. Pay attention to all the little things you do and become a true master. Breathe with intention, walk in purpose, eat for life, and celebrate every moment of consciousness you have.
capricious: moody Sudden changes of behaviour or mood without reason. Ha! There is always a reason and the sooner we accept that we are part of a larger system of influences, the better we can cope with the subtleties of life. Make friends with idiosyncrasies by being mindful of the cycles of life and their impact on our mind, body and soul, as well as the environment we rely on to survive!
miscreant: naughty Self-acceptance brings us closer to joy. Why not consider the past as a lesson in finding purpose. Often it is in the guilt and shame we learn to release that our path is revealed. Remember, we cannot serve if we dwell in self-pity or regret; it is joy which lights us up as beacons of higher purpose. Embrace your lessons and find something to be grateful for in every moment you are granted life. Choose self-acceptance!
indulgent: giving Who could say a bad word about true generosity? If there is something to be enjoyed then why not share it with as many people as possible! You are well aware of the line between enabling and supporting someone. Set your own boundaries and take responsibility for your own choices. In this is empowerment and total independence.
facetious: joker There are those who would have us take life way too seriously. Be generous with joy and allow others to be responsible for their own responses. Seeing humour in the human condition can make life fruity and fragrant. Plus, smiling releases brain chemicals such as oxytocin keeping us young and healthy.
Machiavellian: sneaky A great skill to have when planning a surprise party! Why not turn this into an everyday ability to bring unexpected joy and laughter into the world. We could all use a little random kindness, our happiness depends on it.
salacious: sexual To express sexual energy is to be in tune with your base chakra and all that engenders. Tap into this physical and creative source in everything you do. Use it to drive your ‘to-do list’ as well as to find new ways to approach old problems. See yourself as a steady flame in a colour that represents wisdom, and burn bright! With an excess of sexual energy funneled into practical pursuits, there really is no stopping you.
knave: cheeky monkey There is only who we are and what we are here to do. Transform a penchant for lies into a wealthy imagination. Creativity surfaces in many forms. Sometimes we need to stand on our heads to recognise its true shape. Storytellers are our saviours!
bellicose: aggressive Take on causes to fight for. Join the toastmasters or a debate team. Become a comedian! There are lots of fabulous things you can turn a soft spot for conflict to. Just remember that it’s a tool to be used rather than to be controlled by. Take the reigns and rule your throne of passionate loyalty with wit, style and a pinch of grace. Defend the downtrodden and argue in favour of a world replete with love, compassion, and other shared languages.
avaricious: greedy Greed is good. Well, at least it can be. The desire for luxury and opulent wealth can be part of a grander vision for the means to make good things happen. Why not dedicate that hunger for zeros to your local arts organisation and make the world a richer place by doing what makes you happy in service to others. Be greedy by knowing that settling for less than the best for the community is not an option. With your sights high we all prosper.
patronizing: snooty Treating others with contempt is one thing but feeling a sense of ‘patronage’ for those less informed or in-touch than ourselves is another. Being supportive and encouraging is all good. Be the bigger man (or woman) and share your wisdom when it serves to make the world a better place; when it encourages others to be empowered and to feel worthy.
ascetic: diet junkie The ability to resist gratification of any kind is hardly something to be ashamed of. Put this discipline to good use by giving it full reign over your self-care. Create balance in life by devoting equal amounts of time and effort to your health, work, creativity, rest, socialising, and community service. Allow your self-discipline to be your best friend rather than your enemy.
domineering: bossy Be grateful for the skill you have - power over other people. Give it a position of responsibility and use it to guide your interactions with others in a subtle and focused way. Learn the tricks of reflective listening, and keep your motives driven by how this can make the world a better place. Rather than wasting it on petty gains, commandeer the art for your higher purpose and celebrate it as part of your creative cache of unique tools.
indecisive Having trouble making a choice? Life is full of them, so what you can do with this fabulous trait - embrace it by accepting that you can have both. You deserve all you desire and need only decide when you know which way to go. Trust your intuition to make all those choices that have to be made, and enjoy the prosperity of not having to choose the rest of the time.
This is only the beginning! I have made many more lux ferre candle accusations for all the traits I come across in my work with clients looking for insight about themselves and their projects. I hope you enjoyed this introduction to self-acceptance and invite you to embark on your own journey to know thyself from a friendlier perspective. Contact me for consultations and enrol in the â€˜Permission To Be (Powerful) Lifestyle Upgradeâ€™ series now! www.creative-wink.com www.livingintwoworlds.com email@example.com
This PDF is a first draft which has now been re-written, renamed, and repurposed to include other stages of self-acceptance as an individual journey. If you would like to access the new version, please contact me or visit the website(s) for details. I am always grateful for feedback and welcome the opportunity to work with you to open up new paths to your soul spark! Louise and I are also embarking on our series of Lifestyle Upgrade workshops which you can access as an online program (including Skype sessions if you are not fortunate enough to live close to us here on the Gold Coast QLD in Australia). For more information on this option please email me with a description of what you would like to focus on and we will book you in as soon as possible :) Love & Light Melanie
Published on Mar 14, 2014
Back in 2011 I offered cosmetics and candle-making classes to people who wanted all their questions answered (not learn everything the tutor...