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Volume 49, Issue 23

Page 1

The Independent Student Newspaper of the University of Toronto Mississauga since 1974

Issue 96 Volume 69

April 1 2023

themedium.ca

I

❤ JOE BIDEN

FACULTY FEATURE

I

❤ PITBULL

I spent the entirety of my weekend poring over chapters and chapters of fanfiction, anything I could find! From the filthiest smut to the most beautiful love stories, it didn’t matter—whatever I read just made me adore my Joey-boy even more.

“The chemicals manipulate the environment for political and economic gain,” Jones said, adjusting the spaghetti strainer on top of his head.“Chemtrails are part of a secret government initiative that controls the weather,” he added.

The sensual looks through his Aviator sunglasses, his mostly black-tie wardrobe, and his jaw-dropping hip thrusts, which put his all-female backup dancers to shame, Pitbull is the prince-charming that women across the globe dream of.

>> read more on page 05

>> read more on page 06

>> read more on page 07

NEWS

UTM Campus Crime Report—a campus rife with petty crime Emily Rogers Associate News Editor

Stolen stationery and books from the UTM Bookstore A failure in the anti-theft system at the University of Toronto Mississauga (UTM) Bookstore has resulted in a peculiar shoplifting incident. The bookstore—which sells apparel, electronics, Jellycats, and of course, overpriced reading materials—relies on its anti-theft system to protect its valuable merchandise. >> CRIME REPORT continues on page 02

TOWFIQU BARBHUIYA/UNSPLASH

FEATURES

Class of 2023 manifests their dreams Prisha (Maneka) Nuckchady Features Editor

I

t’s time for the Class of 2023 to graduate—finally some welldeserved freedom after years of hard work. As students get ready to leave the University of Toronto Mississauga (UTM), The Medium sat down with three soon-to-be U of T graduates to talk about their exciting bright futures.

Aye Tryed, fifth-year, philosophy Aye Tryed reminisces over class discussions about completely fictitious and impractical theories. She recalls bonding with her classmates over their “shared love for these abstract concepts, which we will definitely use religiously throughout everyday life as baristas and service workers.” However, Tryed acknowledges that when people hear that she’s majoring in philosophy, they immediately respond: “Oh wow! That’s so interesting! What job does that get you?” Admittedly, Tryed currently has no foreseeable career plans. “Unfortunately, I haven’t had the best of luck applying for jobs. Who would have thought so few employers would be looking for philosophy majors,” she remarks. That said, Tryed is looking forward to unemployment. She views it as some “well-deserved time-off ” after studying assiduously for her 2.95 cGPA. Luckily, these rejections revealed her true dream: to be a philosopher. She now plans on travelling to Greece, where some of

her favourite philosophers, like Plato and Aristotle, are from. She hopes to visit Socrates’ Academy in Athens. Tryed is passionate about Plato’s myth of the metals—the idea that individuals are infused with gold, silver, and bronze based on their intellectual abilities, which then determines their societal role. She hopes to spread awareness on the matter as a philosopher someday—she is confident that the myth is heavily applicable to modern life. “For example, I’m clearly infused with gold because I got an 83 on a paper that one time, which makes me inherently better than most people,” confesses Tryed. Although she knows that living up to these philosophers’ standards will be hard, Tryed remains hopeful that she’ll succeed if she tries hard enough.

Saim Ol, ninth-year, commerce Finally rounding up his ninth year at UTM, Saim Ol is academically more than ready to be done. “It feels like a lifetime has passed since I joined UTM,” shares Ol. But having spent almost a decade at UTM, the idea of leaving triggers sadness in Ol. “I’ll never get tired of the same old routine and I wish I could stay longer,” he admits. What Ol loves most about UTM is the abundance of opportunities to find love. Each semester, new students join the campus. “So, there are always new people coming in—there are always new opportunities to mingle,” he explains. Each year, Ol would enroll in at least one first-year course “to get a feel for the market,” he says. “I think that first-year classes are the best places to find someone, as they’re more exciting and

open to trying new things,” he explains. His favourite classes tend to be those from the Department of English and Drama, as he finds these women to be more to his taste. “They’re usually more naïve and willing to please—so you can get them to fit your needs and secret desires,” he elaborates. “Besides, they’re younger and fresher.” Now graduating, Ol is finally ready to settle down. “I honestly never thought this would happen—it caught me by such surprise,” he shares. He thanks his management class presentations for giving him the confidence to speak to women and express his needs. “[These classes] really gave me the courage to bring up some of my desires to my partner—we’re now happily in an open relationship and I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Ol explains. “She won’t be dating other guys alone, but she’s totally on board with me doing so.” “I think that first-year classes are the best places to find someone, as they’re more exciting and open to trying new thing.,” As for his future plans, Ol hopes to explore new places where both he and his girlfriend might find a third partner.

Dadee Smonie, fourth-year, political science Over the last four years, Dadee Smonie spent most of his days immersed in his outdated politics textbooks. Smonie confesses that although he found his classes deeply simulating, he thinks current politicians are overlooked in the curriculum, despite being more inspirational than their predecessors. >> CLASS OF 2023 continues on page 06


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