The Advice Doctor

Aguy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey b-b-b-bartenddder, gi-gimme a b-beer.” The bartender says, “One b-b-beer cu-cu-coming r-r-right up.” The guy says, “Hey, are are....you...ma-making f-f-fun of the w-way I t-t-talk?”

“N-n-no,” says the bartender. “I stuh-stuhstuh-stutter, t-too.”

A few minutes later another guy walks in and says with a booming, resonant voice, “Hey bartender, gimme a beer.” In an equally booming deep voice, the bartender says “One beer coming right up.”

The stutterer stands up and leans over the bar, “H-hey. I th-th-thought you s-s-said you w-w-weren’t m-making fun of the w-w-way I t-t-talk.”

“I’m n-not,” said the bartender quietly to the guy. “I’m m-m-making f-f-fun of hi-hi-him.”

A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce and a truck filled with quinoa crashed in front of the local charcuterie shop.

When asked by reporters what happened, an eyewitness replied, “Well, it’s hard to say...”

“That’s not necessary,” he said.

“But we always pray before we eat at home,” she replied.

“Yeah,” the husband said, “but this chef probably knows what he’s doing.”

Sir Isaac Newton, Steve Jobs, Adam and Eve, Snow White, and William Tell are having dinner together in a restaurant

A waiter approaches their table and asks: “Did someone order an apple?”

Moe: How’s your new girlfriend?

Joe: Ok, I guess.

Moe: You’re not sure?

Joe: Well, I invited her to meet me at the gym the other day and she never showed up. So I was thinking maybe we’re not going to workout.

Moe: What is literally the absolute worst thing there is in the whole world?

Joe: Exaggeration.

Moe: What do you call a sleepy feminist?

Joe: Snoozin’ B. Anthony.