ANDREA BYRNE Andrea talks frankly about infertility

“Infertility... is often about death and grief” I wanted to write a slightly different column for this issue. My hope is that it might help people to seek support on their fertility journey and realise that it’s important to reach out when you are experiencing the challenging emotions which are common to so many couples trying to start a family. You are not alone.

Our daughter, Jemima, has just turned one. It’s a milestone for any family. But for me and Lee, it means so much more than it will ever be possible to put into words. Most of our marriage has been spent navigating the emotional and physical challenges of trying to have a baby. And failing. We were told by several doctors, on numerous occasions, that due to complications with a defective womb lining, it was unlikely I would ever be able to carry a pregnancy. So, to have Jemima’s beautiful smile light up our days is nothing short of incredible. And proof that fertility science still has so much to learn because, in the end, she defied the odds and was conceived naturally.

As we went through repeated treatments, operations and investigations month after month, THE INFERTILITY TABOO As Mother’s Day approaches ANDREA BYRNE writes about the isolation of trying for a baby

36 I CARDIFF LIFE I www.mediaclash.co.uk and year after year, we only felt able to disclose it to a trusted and small circle of family, friends and colleagues. The physical strain of endless pills, injections and procedures is one thing. The mental and emotional anguish within your relationship, is quite another. With each cycle, came another stinging loss or disappointment to cope with and it became harder to raise our hopes, to follow our dream. The last thing we needed was the added pressure of everyone politely asking at the office watercooler how it was all going.

As anyone living with infertility will understand, the emotions were raw and it was easier, instead, to shut down and try to stop it defining us. During those years, hard as it was, it was important that I still went to work, read the news, filmed documentaries and tried to maintain a different version of me, away from our private heartbreak. Lee would say the same about playing rugby. As I write this, Jemima is napping in her nursery. Her little coat is hanging in the hallway. I’m looking at a photograph of the three of us on the mantelpiece. Our dream, realised. Yet we still both find what we went through to get here, really difficult to talk about. Why? Because infertility is awkward. It’s often about death and grief – two more big taboos; it’s about mental health – which society is only just starting to talk about; it’s about sex and intimacy – which we’ve never been good at talking about; and it involves a complicated science which is individual to each and every couple – which nobody wants to talk about because it’s, well, complicated.

So it’s not surprising that we’d all rather talk about almost anything else. When it’s discussed in the press, infertility headlines are often about the number of cycles couples endure or the amount of money they’ve spent. This is relevant, of course, because it does touch every part of life and the longer it goes on, the more it affects finances, relationships, careers and mental and physical well-being. Everything is put on hold as a consequence of repeated treatments.

However, it’s important to remember that every couple who experiences any kind of infertility has a unique journey, which is much more complex and personal to them than these basic numbers. Polycystic ovaries is infertility. Low sperm count is infertility. Miscarriage is infertility. Cancer could be infertility. It comes in so many different guises and affects men and women alike. My message to everyone is this. Yes, infertility is awkward. Yes, it is complicated. There are still many parts of our journey that remain very private to us. But, trust me, couples going through this will feel isolated, intensely

opposite page: Andrea tried for years to have a baby; this page, clockwise from above: Andrea and Lee celebrate Jemima’s first birthday; Andrea holding the baby she and Lee had tried so hard to have; Lee with Jemima on her first holiday abroad

frustrated, deeply sad and probably exhausted and they will be unspeakably grateful for every bit of support they are shown. When they are ready to, they will want to talk. They will want people to understand their specific medical experience, however complicated it is. They will want people to know how much it hurts emotionally; that it makes them feel a failure as a man or a woman; that they feel a sense of guilt for not being able to give their partner a child. They will want to tell you that they can’t see an end to the process, but don’t feel able to give up, because the next time might be their time, and their ‘miracle’.

So, if you think someone might be going through a fertility struggle, simply ask them if they are okay. And if they do decide they can open up to you, keep the conversation going. That might mean over months and sometimes over years. Keep asking how they are. Keep talking.

Thank you to everyone who reached out to us and for the unwavering support behind the scenes from ITV, which was invaluable on so many levels. Since our experience, I try to reach out to as many people as I can, who I think might be affected by fertility issues and I try to keep the lines of communication open, on their terms. I also pioneered the introduction of Mental Health First Aiders in our ITV newsrooms, which I hope might give people another avenue to talk about their fertility problems through the workplace.

Follow Andrea on Twitter at @byrney15 and on Instagram @andreabyrnetv for all the latest Baby Byrne updates

Iregularly receive questions from employers that are worried about falling foul of the laws relating to maternity leave, and also from disgruntled employees who do not feel they have been treated fairly throughout their maternity leave or upon their return. In this article I answer some of those frequently asked questions in an effort to help navigate both employers and employees through this heavily legislated area.

Does an employee have the right to return to the same job after her maternity leave? The answer to this will depend on the length of the employee’s maternity leave. Where it lasts 26 weeks or less (Ordinary Maternity Leave), she will have the right to return to exactly the same job, with the same terms and conditions.

Alternatively, where an employee takes more than 26 weeks maternity leave (Additional Maternity Leave) or has taken a period of at least four weeks' parental leave on top of her Ordinary Maternity Leave and it is not reasonably practicable for her to return to the same job, (for example, if there has been a reorganisation) she can be offered a similar job. In this scenario, the new role must be offered on terms no less favourable than the terms which applied to her previous role. This means that, for example, it would be unlawful to reduce her salary or remove a contractual benefit such as a company car.

What happens if a redundancy situation arises during an employee’s maternity leave? The main difference in the redundancy process when a business is dealing with an employee on maternity leave relates to the stage in the process when alternative employment must be considered. If there is a suitable alternative role, it must be offered to an employee on maternity leave before any other employee, without the need for an application process.

If no suitable alternative role is available within the business, a woman on maternity leave can lawfully be made redundant provided that the reason for the redundancy is not connected to her pregnancy or maternity leave. Sarah Alford

Does an employer have to consider an employee for promotion if she is on maternity leave?

Yes. A failure to do so could potentially amount to maternity discrimination. ■

If you would like more information about any of the issues raised in this article or any other aspect of employment law, please do not hesitate to contact at 029 2034 5511 or employment@berrysmith.com.