THE WEDDING DRESS AND OTHER RELICS: Lessons on baggage allowance from Britain’s most remote island. Target publication: New York Times- Modern Love The wedding dress lies across the bed: a sea of white agitated by waves of tulle and appliqué roses crashing into each other. They issue from the heart-shaped neckline, moving across the bodice, onto the skirt. Around the hips, the organza sinks in chiffon, engulfing and dissolving like sea foam. It is the type of dress that has its own shape, without someone wearing it. The fabric lifts on the perky bust, caresses the waist and stretches around the hips of a body that was curvaceous, voluptuous, made of white cloth and polyester filling, headless. I shut the door in horror. “Drink up, lass!” exclaims Jimmy Stout, my neighbour, inundating my glass with Oxford Landing Shiraz. He has an amused smile on his face. Jimmy had prompted me to open the door, which it turned out was to Tommy Hyndman’s bedroom. Skerryholm, Jimmy’s croft, adjoins Auld Haa, a traditional cottage that Hyndman had turned into a guesthouse when he moved here from Saratoga, New York, 14 years ago. Both houses are battered by gusts in the south harbour of Fair Isle, Britain’s most remote island, which can only be reached by a 4 hour bumpy ride in a boat with seatbelts. “See, Tommy and I are neighbours, in an island with less than 40 residents, you are brought together by circumstances more than affinity. We play cards together. I don’t love cards, as he claims. It just frees me from really having to talk to him. Too many things he does don’t make sense to me. Take this dress thing”. Jimmy proceeds to tell me the story of the dress, now pillow dummy. The wedding dress landed in Fair Isle on a foggy September day, in the arms of its original owner, an English bride-to-be, who never became one. When her fiancé broke off their engagement, the young lady, as the 79-year-old Jimmy refers to her, or Bride Z, if you prefer Tommy’s alias, booked a one-night stay at the Auld Haa. Bride Z was determined to get her pictures taken in a “lonely landscape” in the most remote place she could reach during a pandemic, and a quick Google search pointed her to Fair Isle. She needed a makeup artist and a photographer, so Tommy, like all resourceful islanders, volunteered his skills. Bride Z had paid good money for the dress, and she wanted to wear it. Tommy, who is the less appreciated of the two island artists, portrayed Bride Z in a series of shots: standing on a cliff, her foam-like dress ruffled by the wind, her roughly lined eyes squinting as she gazed into the mist; dragging her dress’ train through the island’s dirty road; peering out of the church’s window, waving. The lack of artistic quality could not diminish the photoshoot’s cathartic value, culminating in a V sign portrait. Her palm facing inward to send an unequivocal message to her ex-lover, but the index and middle fingers parted to signify victory, and peace. The wedding dress laying in the bedroom had its happy day, regardless of the circumstances.