14 minute read
The 6 H.A.B.I.T.S. of Powerful People
Amy Chambers
Before starting my business in 2021, I spent 15 years in corporate leadership. I started my leadership journey as a Bank Manager, then led in a variety of Regional Director roles, before finishing my banking career as a Chief Operating Officer. Even before becoming a leader, I was obsessed with leadership. I was desperate to understand exactly what separated truly exceptional leaders from the rest. I wasn’t interested in what they occasionally did to make the difference, but rather, what they repeatedly did. I wanted to build a model for success. That’s because I wanted the ability to replicate success. Building out my own framework leadership success became my life’s work.
I then spent nearly 20 years observing the behaviors of outstanding leaders who touched the lives of everyone they met. I also observed the abysmal ones who created chaos and drama everywhere they went. I also observed everyone in between. After years of research, I narrowed the differentiating behaviors down to just seven and built them into a framework that I call V.I.R.T.U.E.S. My first book, the 7 V.I.R.T.U.E.S. of Exceptional Leaders, launched earlier this year, and became a #1 International bestseller on Amazon. If you’re interested learning more about that book, or buying a copy, you can do so here: www.amymchambers.com
Readers of this book have told me this framework for professional leadership has been invaluable, and they’ve asked me if I have a similar framework for creating success in our personal lives. I do. These questions have been timely because I’ve recently finished compiling my framework for personal success into my second book, which is set to drop before the end of the year.
This framework is called the 6 H.A.B.I.T.S. of Powerful People (Becoming a Happy Human Who Has It All), and it includes 6 consistent practices (or habits) that happy, successful, powerful people all share. My research on personal happiness, fulfillment, and success started eight years ago, in a most unusual way. In 2015, I was abruptly dumped in an airport. Most of us have experienced loss, so many can probably relate to the feelings of utter heartbreak I experienced in the months that followed. However, that traumatic breakup ended up being the springboard that catapulted me into a whole new way of thinking, believing, and living. As I had done years prior, with leadership, I became obsessed with discovering what it was that repeatedly (not occasionally) led some people to be exceptionally happy and successful in all areas of their life, while others consistently struggled.
Over the last eight years, I’ve compiled my observations and research into another framework; the 6 H.A.B.I.T.S. of Powerful People. The book launches in a couple months, but I’d like to share a sneak peek to what you’ll find in this transformational framework that I’m so proud to have written. As I’ve studied intrapersonal power and happiness at a variety of levels, I’ve found that these six habits are the ones that lead to sustainable and lasting success. If you’d like to learn more about the book (or buy a signed copy), you can do so here: www.amymchambers.com
Going forward, I’ll refer to “Powerful, Successful, Happy People” as “ PSH People”.
6 H.A.B.I.T.S.
1. HAVE HONEST HUMILITY.
Many of us like feeling competent. We like feeling we have it all figured out. We prefer ease and comfort to struggle and challenge. Modern-day society coaxes us that life should be easy. Many have begun to act entitled or “soft”. We fall into a trap of wanting great results without having to work too hard for them.
Life isn’t about perfection, but rather, progress.
When things go wrong, those who are humble and honest with themselves tend to look inward for solutions, not outward. They’re accountable and take ownership. Instead of casting blame and pointing fingers, they find ways to make the problem or the situation “their fault”. Contrary to popular opinion, this act doesn’t take power away from them, but restores it to them. When we remain focused on how things are our responsibility or fault, we’re able to improve things. It’s only when we decide that something is not within our sphere of responsibility or control, that we become powerless over it, and end up waiting for something or someone else to change.
PSH people aren’t overly concerned with their egos, so they have no problem looking for solutions internally, instead of externally. Time isn’t infinite, and each minute we devote towards one thing (or one way of thinking) is a minute we can’t devote towards another. PSH people don’t waste time playing the victim or feeling sorry for themselves, because they know that time is better directed towards things they can control. They use that time thinking about how they can grow and evolve as humans, upskill themselves, and get stronger. Because of this mindset and approach to life, they’re constantly getting better in every way, and that leads to a considerable amount of happiness and success.
When things go wrong, those who are humble and honest with themselves tend to look inward for solutions, not outward.
2. ACT.
When it comes to increasing our happiness, success, and personal power, taking action is critical. Many of us talk a big game about how we’d “like” to do X or have Y, but relatively few of us actually get into motion and take action. Sometimes, we fail to act because our end-goal looks too overwhelming and the road to success looks long. So, it’s important we have a great deal of faith when we begin to act, especially when our actions are the first in a long sequence of other actions that will later follow. In my first book, I quoted Martin Luther King Jr. who famously said, “faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
When it comes to making a major shift in our lives, the road to success can be long. We won’t always see continual and visible signs of progress, especially in the beginning. During those early days, it’s imperative we trust the process, practice patience, and focus more on lead measures than lag measures. Lead measures are influenceable and predictable. They’re a measurement of our behaviors and level of effort; not our results. Many of us get too wrapped up (and too quickly), in the number on the scale or the lack of visible change after only a small amount of time. PSH people know how to find joy not only in the destination, but also the journey. They learn how to celebrate small wins along the way, which keeps their morale high.
I quoted Martin Luther King Jr. who famously said, “faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” When it comes to making a major shift in our lives, the road to success can be long. We won’t always see continual and visible signs of progress, especially in the beginning.
They also plan their time. They know what matters most to them. Through a process of selfreflection, they figure out what their most important priorities are, and they give those things a space to live and breathe on their calendars. They work hard to align their time (and how they spend it), what they say is important. In other words, they don’t just “take action”, they take the right actions.
3. BEFRIEND YOUR BRAIN
So, you’ve recognized that creating high levels of ongoing success, happiness, and personal power is going to be hard. You’ve committed to take the right action towards your goals. Now, it’s time to recognize how much your brain will try to sabotage you (even if unintentionally).
Our brains have both a subconscious and conscious component. Essentially, our subconscious minds do two things for us. First, our subconscious mind protects us. Second, it runs old programs. Since our subconscious mind runs the programs we’ve taught it on autopilot, it operates incredibly quickly compared to our conscious mind. Research shows our subconscious minds can operate at a rate that is 500,000 times faster than our conscious minds! When we stop short at a red light, drive somewhere without even thinking about it, or pull away from a hot surface, that’s our subconscious mind at work. It’s where our flight-or-fight response system is hardwired.
While our subconscious mind does a lot to keep us safe, it can also be very dangerous if left unchecked. Because its primary functions are to keep us safe and run old programs, our subconscious mind craves comfort, order, and familiarity.
While the subconscious mind operates extremely quickly, and that makes it powerful in some ways, it’s far from invincible. One shortcoming of the subconscious mind is it can’t make decisions for us. The way to ensure the subconscious brain isn’t unilaterally running the show is to slow our response times down. In Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl wrote: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space, is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” This concept is a major underpinning in my book.
PSH people lengthen the space between stimuli and responses. During that time, they enlist their conscious mind to weigh in on what’s really going on and what the best response might be. People who slow their response time so their conscious mind can have a seat at the table are more powerful than their counterparts. That’s because they are better equipped to ensure their decisions are the right ones. Instead of spending their days simply reacting to what’s going on around them, they intentionally and deliberately choose their responses. My book talks about how to do this well (and why we must).
4. INSPIRE YOURSELF
This habit is a critical one. We’ve talked about how challenging it can be to have humility, act, and override our subconscious minds when necessary. So, it’s easy to see how quickly our motivation can wane. Often, we look for others to motivate us. People regularly tell me that they need others around them to work out or they’re not feeling “inspired” to make major life changes. PSH people approach motivation and inspiration differently. They don’t wait for others and external sources to inspire them. Rather, they inspire themselves, internally.
Inspiring ourselves is a choice. We must choose to do it daily. It’s a practice. PSH people are mindful about what they allow themselves to consume. What we think about grows.
The more we surround ourselves with negative energy and thoughts, the more we’ll think and feel negatively. The more we surround ourselves with positive energy and thoughts, the more we’ll think and feel positively. What we consume on the internet and television matters. If we never watch, read, or consume uplifting messages of positivity from role models we admire, then we’re not very likely to feel empowered and inspired.
Figuring out that I could inspire myself has been one of the most empowering discoveries of my life. One way to do it is to carefully watch our language and how we talk to (and about) ourselves. When we say things to ourselves like, “Gosh, I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I messed that up”, we’re not likely to feel very inspired. Choosing to talk to ourselves in supportive, loving, kind ways that serve us is another imperative practice and daily discipline.
5. TRUST YOURSELF
This habit builds on the pervious one. PSH people aren’t afraid to set boundaries and say “no”. They recognize that every time they say “yes” to one thing, they’re saying “no” to something else, so they’re careful with what (and who) they let into their lives. PSH people are choosy with the company they keep. This habit references the “average of five”, a concept coined in Jack Canfield’s 2005 book, Success Principles. In short, you’re the average of the top five people you associate with. It’s amazing how many negative, unmotivated people don’t notice that their closest friends and family are also negative and unmotivated.
When we don’t trust or listen to ourselves, we billow in the wind and are easily swayed by popular opinion.
Another key part of trusting ourselves is defining what success is (for ourselves). Society and those around us are quick to tell us what it is. PSH People and those who truly trust themselves draw their own conclusions about success. For some, success is simply trying (even when it seems we’re failing). For others, success is simply doing our best. Sometimes, success is letting go of something or someone and simply walking away. That’s up to each of us to decide, given the situation. When we don’t trust or listen to ourselves, we billow in the wind and are easily swayed by popular opinion. PSH people don’t do this.
PSH people are also open to thinking about their thinking, and rethinking their former beliefs and values when they notice their previously held ones no longer serve them. This was a key concept in Adam Grant’s book, Think Again. People who deeply trust themselves reserve the right to change their minds (and themselves). Because they’re willing to do this regularly, they’re adaptable and malleable, which are key components that lead to success, happiness, and personal power.
People who deeply trust themselves reserve the right to change their minds.
6. STAY SECURE AND STRONG
I wish everyone pursuing greatness was surrounded by endlessly supportive fans and cheerleaders. Sadly, that’s not the case. If you have big dreams and lofty goals, others may not always rush to offer you encouragement. There’s a multitude of reasons for this. First, others may be intimidated or envious of your success. Or, others might be burdened by their own subconscious minds, and are genuinely trying to keep you safe and out of harm’s way. These people might encourage you to hold back on yourself or your dreams because they’re afraid of what could happen. This habit is all about staying strong, committed, and true to yourself, even in the face of opposition, resentment, or pushback. Changing the status quo (even if it’s just yourself you’re changing) isn’t always easy.
To do this effectively, it’s important we recognize that everything in life is a choice. While we often can’t control what happens to us, we can always control our response. Much of our suffering in life is a choice. Most of the mental and emotional pain we feel is a choice. When we feel angry or afraid, we’re also making a choice. PSH people choose to stay secure and strong as they make these choices. As Michelle Obama said, “You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.”
It might be tempting to assume our favorite sports heroes and celebrities had it easy. We often conclude life was somehow simpler for them. This is often not the case. My book makes mention of the numerous troubles that some of our favorite idols like Tony Robbins, Oprah, and David Goggins overcame. Recognizing that you, too, can overcome great adversity and struggle (no matter what) is the hallmark of these habits.
Changing the status quo (even if it’s just yourself you’re changing) isn’t always easy.
It’s important to note that PSH people don’t just practice one or two of these habits. The PSH People I’ve studied practice them all. I put these habits together intentionally. As a set, these habits are a surefire way to radically transform your mindset, and thus, your entire life. The beautiful thing about them is how they can be practiced by anyone, anywhere, and at any time.
They work for children, adolescents, and adults. They work for people in any type of profession. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor. It doesn’t matter if you’re attached or single. I promise that employing these six habits is an immediate way to improve your life. I wish you the best as you go on your way.
If you’d like to read what people are saying about Amy’s first book, the 7 V.I.R.T.U.E.S. of Exceptional Leaders, you can do so here: https://amymchambers.com/book-reviews/
