THE DAVIS ENTERPRISE
Couples fight turned workplace gossip Dear Annie: How much is appropriate to share in the workplace when it comes to personal matters? In general, my husband and I get along fine. Recently, we ended up in some disagreement over not-so-important matters. Words were said that would have been better left unsaid. We were both angry. I was not proud of it. Later, I apologized. He took our personal pickle and openly discussed it with his staff in the office. Days later, he told me how everyone at work agreed with him. He is the boss. He says he trusts these people. I do not. The same folks bring all kinds of juicy gossip to the office from their community. That explains to me their level of trustworthiness. My experience in life is that people who gossip will be happy to share any story with all their socalled best friends. Our problem likely did not stay at work. I am a private person. I really hate being in the local gossip mill. I would never think of taking a personal conflict and discussing it in the workplace, putting my husband — or any person who is important to me — down like that. Earlier this summer, I
Legals@DavisEnterprise.net WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2022 B5 had asked him not to take a different family matter and discuss it with his staff, but he did. My husband is quite a talker. He says things that come to his mind and maybe thinks about them later. I am just the opposite. Many things come to my mind but only to think about. Later, he apologized. For the life of me, I cannot believe he threw me under the bus like that. The trust is gone, and I feel really hurt. We are working on rebuilding it with some help. I often stay in the garden, working on little things and crying. I have a difficult time forgetting and forgiving. I keep our discussions only on safe topics to avoid more trouble. Am I overly sensitive feeling this way? Is there a right or wrong in our situation? — Feeling Hurt Dear Feeling: It does not make you overly sensitive to feel betrayed, hurt and uncomfortable. Your husband violated your trust and exposed your private
matters to his colleagues. Aside from upsetting you, this is also highly inappropriate and unprofessional as a leader. Arrange for the two of you to speak in the presence of a couples counselor. This is not the first time your husband has turned chatty amidst a tiff at home, and it’s time to break the pattern. A third party might help you feel more comfortable articulating your thoughts to him without feeling like you’re causing “more trouble.” It will also give him the space to talk these things out with the right people, keeping your personal matters between the two of you and out of the office. ———
Dear Annie: Last year, during the pandemic, my very first boyfriend of a year and a half, “Joey,” admitted he wanted to end it because he had been talking to another girl during the period we were in quarantine. He said it was a girl I didn’t know. During this time, our state was in a strict lockdown. I was crushed but decided he wasn’t for me if he would do that. My best and closest friend of seven years, “Pam,” consoled me. Pam admitted then that he had shown interest in her around that time, but Pam said she told him off immediately. She always thought he was annoying and said she didn’t respond to him at all except to tell him off. Pam has never had a boyfriend but always wanted one. Her parents wanted her to wait until she was a bit older. She seemed a bit jealous of the time I spent with Joey, so I always made it a point to spend alone time with her as well. Joey was a part of
our larger friend group at school but was alienated after he and I broke it off. Everyone thought he was an idiot to cheat on me like that. Last week, a mutual friend said Pam told her she was the reason Joey and I broke up last year. I confronted Pam today, and she admitted that she was the other girl. She was very upset and sorry. She said Joey had called her and professed how much he liked her and she, during this hourlong phone call, entertained the idea of liking him as well. She said it was no more than that before she came to her senses and refused his idea. Pam says she had wanted to tell me but just couldn’t, and it has been eating at her for the past year. What should I do? Forgive Pam, who has never done anything like that before, or stop being her friend? — Jilted Teen Dear Jilted Teen: What Joey did to you was hurtful. Talking to another girl behind your back was
betrayal enough, but doing it with your best friend was especially nasty of him. And surely the fact that Pam “entertained the idea of liking him” only rubbed salt in the wound. But after taking a minute to process, it seems that Pam did everything right. Despite her jealousy that you had a boyfriend, she “came to her senses and refused his idea.” Our actions define us, and Pam’s actions prove that she cares about your friendship more than a new fling. Joey’s actions, on the other hand, already ruined one relationship; don’t let them damage another. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com. To SUBSCRIBE, visit davisenterprise.com/ subscribe For LEGAL NOTICES, email legals@davisenterprise.net or call 530-747-8061. For CLASSIFIEDS, email classads@ davis enterprise.net